whitmore/stevenson: strategies for engineering communication 1 of 40 revising sentences for order ...

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 1 of 40

Revising Sentences for Order

Weak Endings Embedded Phrases Weak Sentence Openers Passive Voice


Understanding Emphasis

Therefore, the project manager hired six new engineers


Weak Endings

The information provided in the report suggesting the cause

of the crash was due to mechanical failure is not

persuasive for the most part.


Weak Endings

For the most part, the information provided in the report

suggesting the cause of the crash was due to mechanical

failure is not persuasive.


Weak Endings

An explanation of atmospheric stability and a detailed

evaluation of its application to this air quality evaluation is

contained in Appendix A.


Weak Endings

Appendix A contains an explanation of atmospheric stability

and a detailed evaluation of its application to this air quality

evaluation.


Weak Endings

The department had made a series of requests in their

letters of 15 February, 20 February, and 27 February 1999.

The departmental requests may be listed as follows:


Weak Endings

In their letters of 15, 20, and 27 February 1999, the

department made a series of requests:


Embedded Phrases

Engineers, because they inadvertently write in ways that,

all too often, use technical jargon, lengthy noun strings, and

the passive voice, have difficulty communicating with non-

specialists.


Embedded Phrases

Because they inadvertently write in ways that often use

technical jargon, lengthy noun strings, and the passive

voice, engineers have difficulty communicating with non-

specialists.


Embedded Phrases

This practice, while satisfying the client on whose project

we are working, leads to several of our other clients’ needs

not being met.


Embedded Phrases

While satisfying the client on whose project we are working,

this practice leads to several of our other clients’ needs not

being met.


Embedded Phrases

The bipolar junction transistor, a three terminal solid state

device, which is often referred to simply as "the transistor,"

is widely used in discrete circuits as well as in integrated

circuits, both analog and digital, since the device's

performance is remarkably predictable and quite insensitive

to variations in device parameters.


Embedded Phrases

The bipolar junction transition is a three-terminal solid-state

device which is often referred to simply as "the transistor."

As its performance is remarkably predictable and quite

insensitive to variations in device parameters, this transistor

is widely used in discrete and integrated circuits, both

analog and digital.


Embedded Phrases

For inversion cases, the dispersion models [Figure 3 and

Figure 4 were placed here] do not incorporate mixing height

into E and F stability (e.g., inversion) ambient air quality

predictions.


Embedded Phrases

[Place Figure 3 and Figure 4 here] For inversion cases, the

dispersion models do not incorporate mixing height into E

and F stability (e.g., inversion) ambient air quality

predictions.


Weak Sentence Openers

There are many aspects of the problem that have not yet

been considered.



Many aspects of the problem have not yet been

considered.



There are several problems that are caused by the slow

response.



Several problems are caused by the slow response.

Or better yet

The slow response causes several problems.



It is considered that implementation of a range of measures

should lead to a reduction of the emissions.



Implementation of a range of measures should lead to a

reduction of the emissions.

Or better yet

Implementing a range of measures should reduce

emissions.



It is clear that the kiln contributes to the problem.

It is probable that we should measure the wind

characteristics at the site.



Clearly, the kiln contributes to the problem.

Probably, we should measure the wind characteristics at

the site.



It is our understanding that the clarifier does not form a

direct part of the treatment system.



We understand that the clarifier does not form a direct part

of the treatment system.



There is a trust among peers and a growing trust with

management. This encourages open communication and

productivity.



The trust among peers and the growing trust with

management encourages open communication and

productivity.



It is true that there is now widespread acceptance that

there is a solid market for our company’s goods, but there

is now increased competition for our products.



People generally agree our company has a solid market for

its goods, but we also face more competition.


Passive Voice

AGENT ACTION GOAL

ACTIVE: Some engineers design bridges.

PASSIVE: Bridges are designed by some engineers.

GOAL ACTION AGENT


Passive Voice

Uses of Passive Voice Abuses of Passive Voice

Changing the emphasis of a sentence Creating a false sense of objectivity

Omitting unknown or unneeded agents Using habitually

Avoiding blaming someone Avoiding responsibility

Communicating objectivity Obscuring meaning


Passive Voice

The terms of reference for this study have been provided

by the agency.


Passive Voice

The agency has provided the terms of reference for this

study.


Passive Voice

Therefore, the regional wind speed and direction patterns

are considered in this air quality evaluation.


Passive Voice

Therefore, this air quality evaluation considers the regional

wind speed and direction patterns.


Passive Voice

Kirchhoff’s Voltage Law was confirmed by directly

measuring the voltages in the circuit.


Passive Voice

We confirmed Kirchhoff’s Voltage Law by directly

measuring the voltages in the circuit.


Passive Voice

As part of the analysis of roadway improvements, the

review of signal progression along Cambie Street will be

required.


Passive Voice

Analyzing roadway improvements requires reviewing signal

progression along Cambie Street.

whitmore/stevenson: strategies for engineering communication 1 of 40 revising sentences for order ...

Documents

engineering communication

weak endings appendix

embedded phrases engineers

understanding emphasis

detailed evaluation

air quality evaluation

series of requests

lengthy noun strings