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7 ALL MIXED UP

8 news AND STUFF

9 word find

11 lala’s love letters

12 ask the wino

13 horoscope

14 are you smarter than chester

16 fight card xtra

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20 BARTENDER OF THE MONTH

25�28 bar directory

29 tattle tales

30 THROTTLEFEST CHICAGO

The name What’s Up Xtra Magazine is a registered trade name, and use of this name is strictly prohibited. The contents of this publication are copyrighted What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine -2012

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keith romackpublisher

Lisa romackSales Director

Robert ChristiansenColumn Writer

jon oberteditor

Suzi LichnerContributingjokester

lauren streccontributingwriter

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Golf Cart Accident EtiquetteOne day Jack accidentally overturned his golf Cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, are you okay, what's your name?"

"It’s Jack, and I’m Okay thanks," he replied.

"Jack, forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," he answered, but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive...and Jack was weak.

"Well okay, “he fi nally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, Jack thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."

"Don't be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Under the cart!" he replied.

have a Happy & safe 4th of July

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JUly ALL MIXED UP by Lisa Romack

Tread lightly here. This light, sparkling cocktail will whisk your mind away to a tropical paradise. It bal-ances the sweetness of Chambord (a French black raspberry liqueur) and Tuaca (an Italian liqueur with notes of vanilla and orange) with the dry efferves-cence of Prosecco and tart lemon oils. Simple el-egance.

Ingredients1 oz TuacaJuice from 2 Fresh Lemon Wedges ½ tsp White Granulated Sugar1 oz Water¼ oz Chambord1 oz Prosecco

DirectionsCombine the fi rst 4 ingredients, shake vigorously, and strain cocktail into a chilled martini glass. Drop ¼ oz Chambord through the center of the cocktail glass and then fl oat 1 oz of Prosecco on top. Garnish with a fresh lemon twist.

Watching your waistline? Use lower-proof vodka, like Skinny Girl. You may think drinking vodka instead of darker liquors is a low-calorie alternative; and you’d be right. But did you know that the higher the proof, the more calories the vodka carries? The reasoning is simple: It contains more alcohol!

Ingredients 1 ½ oz Grey Goose® Le Citron Vodka ½ oz Agave Nectar ½ oz Lime Juice 1 tsp Kaffi r Lime Leaves, thinly sliced 1 tsp Lemongrass, thinly sliced2 oz Tonic Water

DirectionsIn a cocktail shaker, place the lemongrass and kaffi r lime leaves, muddle well. Add ice and remaining ingredients and shake vigorously. Strain into a glass fi lled with fresh ice and garnish with fresh mint.

Miami Vice The ParadisioIt is said that the mixture of sweet, sour and tart

tastes eerily similar to the candy, Smarties. The Miami Vice Cocktail Drink can be prepared by layering both mixed drinks, either side-by-side or on top of each other.

IngredientsStrawberry Daiquiri Mix1 ¼ oz Bacardi Silver 1 ¼ oz Strawberry Puree ½ cup Ice ½ oz Lime Juice Piña Colada Mix1 ¼ oz Bacardi Silver 2 oz Coconut Cream 2 oz Pineapple Juice ½ cup Ice

Directions Blend the Strawberry Daiquiri Mix and set aside. Blend the Piña Colada Mix and set aside. Either simultaneously pour both mixtures into a Collins glass, or layer one on top of the other. Garnish with some fresh whipped cream and a fresh strawberry.

Le Citron Lemongrass

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Tavern

Since 1884Since 1884

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JUly ALL MIXED UP by Lisa Romack

Tread lightly here. This light, sparkling cocktail will whisk your mind away to a tropical paradise. It bal-ances the sweetness of Chambord (a French black raspberry liqueur) and Tuaca (an Italian liqueur with notes of vanilla and orange) with the dry efferves-cence of Prosecco and tart lemon oils. Simple el-egance.

Ingredients1 oz TuacaJuice from 2 Fresh Lemon Wedges ½ tsp White Granulated Sugar1 oz Water¼ oz Chambord1 oz Prosecco

DirectionsCombine the fi rst 4 ingredients, shake vigorously, and strain cocktail into a chilled martini glass. Drop ¼ oz Chambord through the center of the cocktail glass and then fl oat 1 oz of Prosecco on top. Garnish with a fresh lemon twist.

Watching your waistline? Use lower-proof vodka, like Skinny Girl. You may think drinking vodka instead of darker liquors is a low-calorie alternative; and you’d be right. But did you know that the higher the proof, the more calories the vodka carries? The reasoning is simple: It contains more alcohol!

Ingredients 1 ½ oz Grey Goose® Le Citron Vodka ½ oz Agave Nectar ½ oz Lime Juice 1 tsp Kaffi r Lime Leaves, thinly sliced 1 tsp Lemongrass, thinly sliced2 oz Tonic Water

DirectionsIn a cocktail shaker, place the lemongrass and kaffi r lime leaves, muddle well. Add ice and remaining ingredients and shake vigorously. Strain into a glass fi lled with fresh ice and garnish with fresh mint.

Miami Vice The ParadisioIt is said that the mixture of sweet, sour and tart

tastes eerily similar to the candy, Smarties. The Miami Vice Cocktail Drink can be prepared by layering both mixed drinks, either side-by-side or on top of each other.

IngredientsStrawberry Daiquiri Mix1 ¼ oz Bacardi Silver 1 ¼ oz Strawberry Puree ½ cup Ice ½ oz Lime Juice Piña Colada Mix1 ¼ oz Bacardi Silver 2 oz Coconut Cream 2 oz Pineapple Juice ½ cup Ice

Directions Blend the Strawberry Daiquiri Mix and set aside. Blend the Piña Colada Mix and set aside. Either simultaneously pour both mixtures into a Collins glass, or layer one on top of the other. Garnish with some fresh whipped cream and a fresh strawberry.

Le Citron Lemongrass


News & Stuff

On the 4th, if you and your family are gathered around a picnic table, and if you're feeling a little patriotic, here are some ideas for a toast.

One of the Founding Fathers, John Adams, made a toast on July 4, 1826, on his deathbed. He proclaimed: Independence Forever! This feisty saying is perfect for an old revolutionary like Adams and it sounds mighty smart after the fi reworks, too.

The Declaration of Independence gives us another suggestion for a cheerful toast on the 4th of July. How about this: Pursue Happiness.

According to the Declaration, the Creator gave every person the gift of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. These gifts are for all people, the Declaration says, and can't be taken away by a king or even a politician.

So on the 4th raise your glass: Pursue Happiness! It's your God-given right.

50 Years Since Nicklaus Won His First Green JacketJack Nicklaus says he doesn't remember much about his fi rst

Master's win, except that the third round taught him tenacity. The rain was pouring down and the course was pretty soggy. He was playing with Mike Souchak, who was leading by one.

At the 18th green, Jack looked at the leader board and saw a lot of ones and twos. Jack's color blind, so he asked his caddy, Willie Pe-terson, how many were in red.

The caddy replied, "Just you, boss."

Active MLB Players with the Most Hit-By-PitchesAccording to USA Today researchers, through May 5, 2013:

1. Jason Giambi 175

2. Alex Rodriguez 167

3. Derek Jeter 163

4. Chase Utley 151

Company Softball Teams Never Make History but They Can Be Fun with RulesWhen the big softball game is between Kitchen Maid Sons of Pitchers versus Blood Bath & Beyond, what can you really ex-pect to see?

Not history in the making.

Yet, company softball lives on because it is a culture in itself and there are rules.

Remember one thing that makes company softball fun, or at least mildly amusing, is that anyone can play.

Yes, anyone. Yes, even the person who has never played a sport before, even the fellow who dominated pony league as a youth. But according to the Wall Street Journal's Jason Gay, the excep-tion to that rule is the boss. "Many bosses are turned off by soft-ball due to the lack of helicopter parking," Gay writes. But if the boss does want to play, Gay recommends reminding him that it costs $750 per person to play, in advance per inning. And, there are two innings…Only two innings.

Now once the roster, which is everybody, is established, next there are a few unwritten rules of play.1. No one cares how much time it took to get that washboard on your gut. Wear a shirt. This goes for girls and boys. This isn't a swimming pool.

2. The pitcher must throw strikes. Right over the plate, big and slow.

3. Bunting sucks, just don't do it!

4. If your only job is to make screeching sounds in the name of being a cheerleader, then you are buying drinks. Just remember that!


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LogicAn old Irishman was asked, "At your ripe old age, which would you prefer to get, Parkinson’s or Alzheimer's?"

The Irishman replied, “Bejesus, defi nitely Parkinson’s! Better to spill half an ounce of whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!"

Girl Groups of the 1950’s

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Bad DogA guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch.

The bartender, a little worried, asks him if he's okay. "No, I'm not," the guy replies.

"I just caught my wife in bed with my

best friend."

"Well," asks the bartender, "what

did you say to your wife?"

"Nothing! I'm not speaking to that tramp anymore."

"Well, what did you say to your best friend?"

"Bad dog! Bad dog!"

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Management lessonA crow was sitting on a tree doing nothing all day. A rabbit saw him and asked, "Can I sit like you and do nothing all day?" The crow said he could.

So, the rabbit sat below the crow and rested. Suddenly, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

The lesson? To be sitting and doing nothing, you have to be very high up. Anonymous

La La’s Love Letters

By Lauren Strec

Lauren is a spokesmodel for tv, radio, live events, blogging, and social media. Connect at Facebook.com/LaurenStrec for tidbits, news, and fun photos.

Dear LaLa: I have recently moved into a townhouse. It is lovely except for my next door neighbors. He has annoying behaviors such as walking to the mailbox in his silk box-ers and she cleans her place in the nude with the lights on? The other neighbors have ad-justed to this pair’s limit bending. I seem to be the neighbor most affected by their behaviors. Is there anything I can do? I'm about ready to

lose my mind, it really makes me uncomfortable!Jumping JennyDear Jenny, I don’t know why this obvious answer is so non-existent in today’s society—COMMUNICATE! Drop off a letter in their mailbox, asking when would be a good time for you to stop by and talk, or have them over for coffee. When you have your meeting, spill the beans in a non-attacking manner. Tell them that what they do in their own home is their business, but it makes you uncomfortable because you it is indeed projected outside of their walls. Tell them that you want to fi nd a compromise. Maybe the nudie can keep the lights off or close the blinds. Maybe “silky butt” can throw on a robe. Either they will get defensive, and you will just have to invest in drapes of your own, or maybe they had no idea that they were causing discomfort, and will totally cooperate. Point is, you gotta talk to fi nd out and attempt to make progress.

Dear LaLa: I've known this guy for about 6 months and he's my best friend. We have a lot of things in common and we just seem to click. There is one problem though; my friend who introduced us has liked him for 4 years. He pretty much ignores her and spends time with me. I don't know what to tell her. We are at-tracted to each other and we keep sneaking around so she won't see us in town. I told her that I like him and she was upset. Any advice on how to proceed?Sneaky SaraDear Sara, Obviously, whichever decision you make, will result in losing one of the people as a companion. So, the fi rst step is to analyze about how much these two different friendships mean to you. How long have you been friends with your girlfriend, and how much have you two gone through together? If you have a solid friendship with history, it might not be worth losing it over a guy that you have only known a half year. If she’s just an casual friend, then I would say go for the guy; he sounds hot. Your girlfriend should know by now, that after 4 years, she shouldn’t be investing her time in someone that doesn’t reciprocate. If you determine that you want to save your friendship with the broad, defi nitely work with her to get over him. Who knows— maybe after some time passes, she’ll get over him and you can keep both. But not likely.

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DAILY SPECIALS $1.75 PABST BLUE RIBBON $11 DOMESTIC BUCKETS $13 IMPORT BUCKETS

MONDAY: INDUSTRY NIGHT $1 OFF WELL & DOMESTICS $3 Blue Moon & $3 Harp

TUESDAY: $3 SMIRNOFF FLAVORED VODKA

WEDNESDAY: $2 MILLER LITE BOTTLES & $3 MARGARITAS

THURSDAY: $3 GUINNESS PINTS & $3 JAMESON SHOTS

FRIDAY: $4 BOMBS

SATURDAY: $3.50 BLOODY MARY OR MARIA

SUNDAY: $3 MIMOSAS

The Clever WifeThe other night Lisa was invited out for a night with the "girls." She told her husband that she would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 am, a bit loaded, Lisa headed for home. Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing her husband would probably wake up, she cuck-

ooed another 9 times. She was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible confl ict with him. Even totally smashed, 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuck-oos equals 12 cuckoos which equals Midnight!

The next morning her husband asked Lisa what time she got in and she replied “Midnight!” He didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, she was very relieved she got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock." When she asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘Oh shit’, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

JULY HOROSCOPEARIES: You're known to be practical, reliable and a good team player. Your self-confi dence leads you on, making you a true fi re sign. But take care not to wear yourself out.

TAURUS: Being the leader is the role you like best. But sometimes you have diffi culty getting started, especially true about home projects. Get help and lead there too.

GEMINI: Don't be surprised if the wanderlust creeps back into your life this month. With the Fourth of July break and upcoming vacations, it's the perfect time for it.

CANCER: The stars predict that a budget, either at work or at home, will draw your attention this month. A team ef-fort may be required, so have a diplomatic approach.

LEO: Upcoming developments will make you motivated and excited about the future. It could be a time when you'll have the opportunity to make good things happen.

VIRGO: Your creativity is stirring again and could lead you to a breakthrough in one or more areas of your life. You will develop a new perspective and benefi t from it.

LIBRA: With all these summer barbecues and get get-togethers, it's brings opportunities for a sociable person like you to add to the fun and to help others enjoy it.

SCORPIO: Watch your tendencies to be strong willed and opinionated. In matters of love and romance, they could be a turn off. Focus on empathy and love for now.

SAGITTARIUS: Because you are considerate of your colleagues and fellow workers, you are able to bring out their energy and courage in work matters. Don't change now.

CAPRICORN: It's a bummer to have a health problem when you want to enjoy the summer. Follow your doc-tor's advice and get better. There's plenty of sunshine left.

AQUARIUS: Rather than wearing yourself out traipsing around the country, consider taking a vacation at home. Do anything you want to do, rest and get happy.

PISCES: Your water sign is calling, be it for a cruise or time at a lake or river, you'll be revitalized upon your re-turn. Take your partner and go.

ASK A WINO...About Aging Gracefully

WINO: Willie Mason AGE: 62 LIKES: black licorice and back rubs DISLIKES: cats and car alarms DRINK OF CHOICE: Popov (100 proof) SMELLS LIKE: your Grandmother…if she just farted

James, a Rancher from Lake View asks: I heard that about 1 in 10 men will have a problem with impotence sometime in their lives. Those odd aren’t that bad, are they?

WINO: Tell that to my pecker! Back in the day, that thing would get as hard as a diamond if I caught a whiff of a dog’s ass! Nowadays, I couldn’t con-jure up a big rubbery one if Sophia Loren farted in my mouth!

Rick, a Funeral Director from Lincoln Park asks: Everyone always talks about the bad stuff associated with growing old. There has to be some fun parts, right?

WINO: Well…last week at the Shell station, I nearly blew my asshole out passing one of them kidney stones! Shit! That son of a bitch was like a squirrel tryin’ to fi ght it’s way out of a Crown Royal bag!

Jessica, a Stripper asks: My mom recently told me that she lost her fi gure after she gave birth to me. Should I be worried about everything “going South” after I have my son this Fall?

WINO: Get outta my face with that shit! This morning, during my fi rst-cigarette-dump, I had to fi shhook my bean-bag out of a fresh bowl of mud-guppies with my damn pinky!


Mon, Tue 9a - 2a / Wed, Thur, Fri, Sun 11a - 4a / Sat 11a - 5a Carol’s Kitchen serves Hot Sandwiches Late!

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JULY HOROSCOPEARIES: You're known to be practical, reliable and a good team player. Your self-confi dence leads you on, making you a true fi re sign. But take care not to wear yourself out.

TAURUS: Being the leader is the role you like best. But sometimes you have diffi culty getting started, especially true about home projects. Get help and lead there too.

GEMINI: Don't be surprised if the wanderlust creeps back into your life this month. With the Fourth of July break and upcoming vacations, it's the perfect time for it.

CANCER: The stars predict that a budget, either at work or at home, will draw your attention this month. A team ef-fort may be required, so have a diplomatic approach.

LEO: Upcoming developments will make you motivated and excited about the future. It could be a time when you'll have the opportunity to make good things happen.

VIRGO: Your creativity is stirring again and could lead you to a breakthrough in one or more areas of your life. You will develop a new perspective and benefi t from it.

LIBRA: With all these summer barbecues and get get-togethers, it's brings opportunities for a sociable person like you to add to the fun and to help others enjoy it.

SCORPIO: Watch your tendencies to be strong willed and opinionated. In matters of love and romance, they could be a turn off. Focus on empathy and love for now.

SAGITTARIUS: Because you are considerate of your colleagues and fellow workers, you are able to bring out their energy and courage in work matters. Don't change now.

CAPRICORN: It's a bummer to have a health problem when you want to enjoy the summer. Follow your doc-tor's advice and get better. There's plenty of sunshine left.

AQUARIUS: Rather than wearing yourself out traipsing around the country, consider taking a vacation at home. Do anything you want to do, rest and get happy.

PISCES: Your water sign is calling, be it for a cruise or time at a lake or river, you'll be revitalized upon your re-turn. Take your partner and go.


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The HousekeeperMy mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper. One evening my dad walked into the kitchen and teased her, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel."

Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Yes, darling, I know. That's why I married a college graduate."

The Big BankA young college boy came running in tears to his father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible fi nancial advice! You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state."

"I don't think so," he sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insuffi cient Funds'."

The BridgeA man was walking along a California beach, deep in prayer. Suddenly the Lord appeared to him and said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive there."The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. I can do it, but it's hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor me."The man thought about it and fi nally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife and know how she feels inside, why she gives me the silent treatment, what she means when she says "nothing's wrong," and how I can make a woman truly happy."The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

Hippopotamus, New YorkA woman called to make reservations from Chicago to Hippo-potamus, New York. After some searching, the agent said "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code and can't fi nd a Hippopotamus anywhere."

She retorted, "Oh don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map and fi nally asked if she meant Buffalo. "That's it!" she said, "I knew it was a big animal."

THE LIGHTER SIDE

HELP WANTEDNO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY

PART TIME AND FULL TIMEEXTRA INCOME

CALL FOR DETAILS773.213.4597

Are You Smarter Than CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”?

Answers

1. The month of July is named after...a-The Julian Calendar b-Pope Julius VI c-Julius Caesar d-Juno, the Roman god of pleasure

2. Which transportation "fi rst" occurred on July 24th, 1814?a-The fi rst steam locomotive debuted b-The fi rst coast-to-coast rail-road opened c-The fi rst female balloon pilot was licensed d-The fi rst steamship crossed the Pacifi c

3. Which U.S. governmental service was established in July

of 1865?a-The Federal Bureau of Investigation b-The Central Intelligence Agency c-The Secret Service d-The Internal Revenue Service

4. The British Parliament passed an Act in July, 1867, that did

what?a-Offi cially ended the Revolutionary War b-Established the Crown Colony of Hong Kong c-Established the Dominion of Canada d-Required all Commonwealth coins to have a portrait of the King

5. What was the big news in Washington D.C. on July 2th, 1881?a-Aaron Burr killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel b-President Gar-fi eld was assassinated c-The Spanish/American War ended d-The fi rst female U.S. Ambassador was appointed

6. Which signifi cant event took place on July 4th, 1903?a-Adolf Hitler was born b-The world's fi rst subway opened c-The fi rst Pacifi c cable was laid from San Francisco and Manila d-The fi rst ice cream cone was sold

7. On July 5th, 1946, engineer Louis Reard's most famous in-vention made its debut. What was it?a-The Hydrogen Bomb b-Color Television c-Gatorade d-The "Walk/Don't Walk" Sign e-The Bikini

8. Which aerospace achievement took place in July 20th, 1969?a-The fi rst female orbited the Earth b-The fi rst U.S.-U.S.S.R. space capsule docking c-Man fi rst walked on the moon d-Cape Canaveral was offi cially renamed Cape Kennedy

9. In July of 1971, the United States passed the 26th Amend-ment. What did it do?A-Guaranteed equal rights for women b-Set the minimum voting age in the United States at 18 c-Set the minimum drinking age in the United States at 21 d-Set the minimum age for the offi ce of President at 40

10. A very special day is celebrated on July 15th every year. Is it...a-The longest day of the year b-Eat More Mushrooms Day c-Polka Preservation Day d-National Turn-Your-Mattress-Over Day e-Cow Appreciation Day

1. a 2. a 3. c 4. c 5. b

6. c 7. e 8. c 9. b 10. e


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dedAre You Smarter Than

CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”?

Answers

1. The month of July is named after...a-The Julian Calendar b-Pope Julius VI c-Julius Caesar d-Juno, the Roman god of pleasure

2. Which transportation "fi rst" occurred on July 24th, 1814?a-The fi rst steam locomotive debuted b-The fi rst coast-to-coast rail-road opened c-The fi rst female balloon pilot was licensed d-The fi rst steamship crossed the Pacifi c

3. Which U.S. governmental service was established in July

of 1865?a-The Federal Bureau of Investigation b-The Central Intelligence Agency c-The Secret Service d-The Internal Revenue Service

4. The British Parliament passed an Act in July, 1867, that did

what?a-Offi cially ended the Revolutionary War b-Established the Crown Colony of Hong Kong c-Established the Dominion of Canada d-Required all Commonwealth coins to have a portrait of the King

5. What was the big news in Washington D.C. on July 2th, 1881?a-Aaron Burr killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel b-President Gar-fi eld was assassinated c-The Spanish/American War ended d-The fi rst female U.S. Ambassador was appointed

6. Which signifi cant event took place on July 4th, 1903?a-Adolf Hitler was born b-The world's fi rst subway opened c-The fi rst Pacifi c cable was laid from San Francisco and Manila d-The fi rst ice cream cone was sold

7. On July 5th, 1946, engineer Louis Reard's most famous in-vention made its debut. What was it?a-The Hydrogen Bomb b-Color Television c-Gatorade d-The "Walk/Don't Walk" Sign e-The Bikini

8. Which aerospace achievement took place in July 20th, 1969?a-The fi rst female orbited the Earth b-The fi rst U.S.-U.S.S.R. space capsule docking c-Man fi rst walked on the moon d-Cape Canaveral was offi cially renamed Cape Kennedy

9. In July of 1971, the United States passed the 26th Amend-ment. What did it do?A-Guaranteed equal rights for women b-Set the minimum voting age in the United States at 18 c-Set the minimum drinking age in the United States at 21 d-Set the minimum age for the offi ce of President at 40

10. A very special day is celebrated on July 15th every year. Is it...a-The longest day of the year b-Eat More Mushrooms Day c-Polka Preservation Day d-National Turn-Your-Mattress-Over Day e-Cow Appreciation Day

1. a 2. a 3. c 4. c 5. b

6. c 7. e 8. c 9. b 10. e


Want to Compete?Contact Nilo @ 312.369.4180

www.FightCard.net

Email [email protected] GIRL INQUIRY?


FIGHTCARD50: RELOADED 2013 will hit Cicero Stadium on Saturday, July 20th and promises to be the hottest MMA event this summer. "(FIGHTCARD) is going bigger with our 50th event. Big fi ghts, bigger cage & bigger production." CEO Brian Angelo. RELOADED will bring the best in the Midwest for pros and amateur fi ghters to meet to prove who the best is and move one step closer to championship status. Fireworks kick off on July 20th at Cicero Stadium.

One of the greatest undefeated Champions of FightCard Entertainment will return to where it all began with the organization that put him on the map. FightCard’s 1st ever Lightweight Champi-on Guillermo Serment steps in against Indiana’s Lightweight powerhouse Terry House.

After 2 years, this match will fi nally take place...Former FIGHTCARD Champion Danny Morales Vs. the original #1 Contender Maurice Jackson on July 20th

-Look who’s coming home? Former FIGHTCARD Bantamweight Champion Pedro Velasco returns against FIGHTCARD’s veteran superstar Lance Surma. “2 fi ghters that never say die, always brings out a great fi ght” Tickets available


3906 N. Cicero Ave 773-736-2644DAILY DRINK AND FOOD SPECIALS!

KARAOKE EVERY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY 8PMCUBS GAME DAY BURGER W/ FRIES $2.50*

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NEED A SPORT SPONSOR? GIVE US A CALL

LIQUOR/CONVENIENCE STORE ON PREMISESSTORE HOURS: MON - FRI: 7AM- 2AM

SAT: 7AM - 3AM / SUN: 11AM - 2AM

PUB & EATERY

The WORDOKU Game Can Keep You FitTo solve a wordoku, you only need logic and patience.Simply make sure that each 3x3 square region has a letter that occurs once.Each column and row of the large grid must have only one in-stance of the letter. The diffi culty rating on this puzzle is easy.The title is a clue to the word in the shaded area.

Full of Hot AirA woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am." The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am", replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is techni-cally correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more." The man below responded, "You must be in management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems?”


www.FightCard.net

Email [email protected] GIRL INQUIRY?


FIGHTCARD50: RELOADED 2013 will hit Cicero Stadium on Saturday, July 20th and promises to be the hottest MMA event this summer. "(FIGHTCARD) is going bigger with our 50th event. Big fi ghts, bigger cage & bigger production." CEO Brian Angelo. RELOADED will bring the best in the Midwest for pros and amateur fi ghters to meet to prove who the best is and move one step closer to championship status. Fireworks kick off on July 20th at Cicero Stadium.

One of the greatest undefeated Champions of FightCard Entertainment will return to where it all began with the organization that put him on the map. FightCard’s 1st ever Lightweight Champi-on Guillermo Serment steps in against Indiana’s Lightweight powerhouse Terry House.

After 2 years, this match will fi nally take place...Former FIGHTCARD Champion Danny Morales Vs. the original #1 Contender Maurice Jackson on July 20th

-Look who’s coming home? Former FIGHTCARD Bantamweight Champion Pedro Velasco returns against FIGHTCARD’s veteran superstar Lance Surma. “2 fi ghters that never say die, always brings out a great fi ght” Tickets available


Whats Up xtra.com

1 FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE 773.288-9400traWX WHATS UP XTRA

JUNE 2012

FREE

traWX

SOUTH WEST xtraWhats Up

‘

“LIKE US” FACEBOOKWHATS UP XTRA MAGAZINE

MAGAZINE ONLINE DO YOUR WANT MORE AZZES IN THE SEATS?DOES ADVERTISING WORK?IT JUST DID - PRINT & CALL 773.213.4597 MAGAZINE / ONLINE

Hot Trends in Alcohol Sales for 2013Onsite Barrel Aged CocktailsEmphasis on locally made spirits is all the rage for 2013. For cen-turies spirits were stored in barrels, out of necessity, for storage and transportation. Today, the resurgence of barrel aging liquor, began in London. Aging mixed drinks in wooden barrels imparts unique fl avors, depending on the wood used.

Culinary CocktailsA hot, hot trend for 2013 are cocktails made with complicated recipes, mixing traditional spirits with freshly squeezed juice, nectars, whole fruits and vegetables and herbs. For example, a bartender (aka Mixologist) may dress up a traditional mojito by adding fresh lemongrass, to create a whole new taste.

Traditional CocktailsTried and true, the Martini, Manhattan, Old Fashion – have a simplicity and elegance that will no doubt keep them on the bar menu long after above mentioned muddled lemon grass mojito hits 2013 Yesterday’s News.

Text your answers to: 773-288-9400 or e-mail: [email protected]

Leave your name, e-mail, and telelphone number. All correct answers go into drawing.

RiRiRiRiRiRiRiRiRiRiRiRiRiRiRiddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Monthddle of the Month Answer to Last Months Riddle

Answer: TWinner: Lisa Martin

WIN A

$25 GIFT

CERTIFICATE

Determine what letter should replace the ? at the end: M M L J A R C C G E P C ?

For some I go fast, for others I'm slow. To most people, I'm an obsession relying on me is a well-practiced lesson.

The Straw Stripper is a safe, effi cient and sanitary method of providing a drinking straw and maximizing customer service.

The unit quickly strips the bottom portion of pa-per away from a drinking straw, leaving the paper-tipped end ready to be placed into a beverage. It’s simple, yet it speaks volumes when showing consumers that you truly care.

Customizable, easy and effi cient, the Straw Strip-per will revolutionize your beverage service!

BOOZE NEWS


CLUB BELMONT

The Booze is Cheap & The Entertainment is Free!!!

Sick and Wrong!!!

LANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUBLANDMARK PUB

BIKES, BABES

& BOOZE

7844 W. Belmont773.589.2808 5135 N. Oriole

Harwood Heights 708.867.6533

Big John’s

Patio and BeerPatio and BeerGardensGardens

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Glascott’s 2158 N. Halsted Lincoln Park El Jardin 3335 N Clark St WrigleyvilleFour Farthings 2060 N. Cleveland Lincoln ParkSlugger’s 3540 N. Clark St WrigleyvilleMo Daily’s 6070 N. Northwest Hwy Norwood ParkAugie’s 1721 W. Wrightwood Lincoln ParkKelly’s Pub 949 W Webster Liincoln Park


who’s your

favorite

bartender?

JUNE BARTENDER OF THE MONTH IS...

Rules: All service employees are eligible to win. The service employee who receives the most votes in the month wins. You can submit your vote by texting (773) 288-9400 or go to facebook.com/whatsupxtramagazine “like” our page and vote under the bartender’s photo or go to www.whatsupxtra.comOnly one vote is counted per person and voting polls close on July 20th. *The Pub Crawl will begin at the employee of the months bar and the limo bus will accommodate 24 passengers. Gratuity not included and must be paid prior to service

CONGRATULATIONS

MattParrots Bar 745 Wellington

“Your not drunk if you can lie on the fl oor without holding on.”

traWXVOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE

JULY BARTENDER Go to

facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine ‘Like’ the page and ‘Like’ or comment on the bartenders

photo or text 773.288.9400 or vote @ www.whatsupxta.com

The winner will receive a 4 hour limo bus from LIMOSALIVE.NET for 24 of their friends.

The PeekInn

SUNDAY: Summer Shandy- Ice cold traditional Weiss Beer with Lemon - in a frosted glass $3.00MONDAY: Working Man’s Deal - Bucket of 5 Iced Domestic Bottles and a Tombstone Pizza - $15TUESDAY: J&J Blasters Shot of Jameson or Jager - $3.25WEDNESDAY: Heinken, Corona or Amstel Light - $3.25THURSDAY: THIRSTY THURSDAY - 16oz Aluminum Cans of Miller Lite, Bud Light or Coors Light - $3.00FRIDAY: Pabst Blue Ribbon, Schlitz or Bud Light - $2.50SATURDAY: Tall Frosted Glass of Absolut Vodka and Lemonade or Ice Tea - $3.25

July EntertainmentKARAOKE FRIDAY 9PM

BEST SINGER WINS $25BAR TAB WINNER PICKED BY

CUSTOMER APPLAUSEJULY 5TH 90’S NIGHT

JULY 19TH 70’S NIGHT

SATURDAY NIGHTS GO GO GET DOWN

DJ EDWINSAT 7/13 & 7/2727TH IS 80’S NIGHT

2825 W. Irving Park Rd 773.267.5197 Peek Inn “like us” on Facebook

FREE POOL EVERYDAY ALL DAYEVERY SATURDAY AFTER 10PM FREE JUKE BOXAsk Bartender about our Board Games

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS

Bartender: CourtneyWhere to Find Her: Newport Bar & Grill 334 W Newport Ave, ChicagoSignature Drink: Dragon LimeadeIngredients: Bacardi Silver, Bacardi Dragon Berry, Monster Zero Ultra, Fresh Lime Juice, GrenadineWords of Wisdom: "I spell liver...L-I-Q-U-O-R."

Bartender: BrandyWhere to Find Her: Justin's3358 N Southport Ave, ChicagoSignature Drink: Justin's Bloody MaryIngredients: Vodka, House Bloody Mary Mix, Guinness, House-made Beef Jerky, Pickled JalapenoWords of Wisdom: "Never play leap frog with a unicorn!"

Bartender: CharlieWhere to Find Her: Belmont Pour House 1113 W Belmont Ave, ChicagoSignature Drink: Tripel Karmeliet (Craft Beer)Ingredients: Belgium/Belgian Style, 8.4%, Buggehout, Fruity 3 Grain (Wheat/Oak/Barley)Words of Wisdom: "The hoppier the ale, the happier the patron."


3724-26 N Clark Street ChicagoOffered at $2,900,000Many new things going on that will ONLY increase business!-NWU Football, Baseball & LaCrosse Games-More Concerts-More Night Games & Friday afternoon 3pm Games-Wrigley Renovations, Hotel, Shops, Etc.

Once in a generation chance to own a bar/grill building in Wrigleyville 1/2 block from Wrigley Field. Building on 50 foot lot on Clark. Large horseshoe bar & full kitchen. Wonderful opportunity for the good operator. Four 2-bedroom apartments, tenants pay all utilities, CFA & CA. Many improvements to the building, in excellent condition.!

All measurements and fi gures are approximate. Source of information is deemed reliable, but not verifi ed.

John ErakovichConlon: A Real Estate Company

Offi ce: (312)733-7201

Cell (773)860-7960

Fax: (312)733-6865

[email protected] West RoscoeChicago, IL 60618

The PeekInn

SUNDAY: Summer Shandy- Ice cold traditional Weiss Beer with Lemon - in a frosted glass $3.00MONDAY: Working Man’s Deal - Bucket of 5 Iced Domestic Bottles and a Tombstone Pizza - $15TUESDAY: J&J Blasters Shot of Jameson or Jager - $3.25WEDNESDAY: Heinken, Corona or Amstel Light - $3.25THURSDAY: THIRSTY THURSDAY - 16oz Aluminum Cans of Miller Lite, Bud Light or Coors Light - $3.00FRIDAY: Pabst Blue Ribbon, Schlitz or Bud Light - $2.50SATURDAY: Tall Frosted Glass of Absolut Vodka and Lemonade or Ice Tea - $3.25

TUESDAY:

WEDNESDAY:

THURSDAY of Miller Lite, Bud Light or Coors Light - $3.00FRIDAY:FRIDAY:

SATURDA Lemonade or Ice Tea - $3.25 Lemonade or Ice Tea - $3.25 Lemonade or Ice Tea - $3.25

July EntertainmentKARAOKE FRIDAY 9PM

BEST SINGER WINS $25BAR TAB WINNER PICKED BY

CUSTOMER APPLAUSEJULY 5TH 90’S NIGHT

JULY 19TH 70’S NIGHT

SATURDAY NIGHTS GO GO GET DOWN

DJ EDWINSAT 7/13 & 7/2727TH IS 80’S NIGHT

2825 W. Irving Park Rd 773.267.5197 Peek Inn “like us” on Facebook

FREE POOL EVERYDAY ALL DAYEVERY SATURDAY AFTER 10PM FREE JUKE BOXAsk Bartender about our Board Games

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS


Out & About

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It Pays to Behave

One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. How-ever, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

A little pissed off; the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a

chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"

Just as she fi nishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?"

There isn't a person in the world who isn't capable of doing more than he thinks he can.

Henry Ford, American Industrialist

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Out & About

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BAR DIRECTORYWhere are you going tonight?:

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BAR DIRECTORYWhere are you going tonight?:

Lakeview East - Wrigleyville - Southport

Bar Celona 3474 N. Clark 773-244-8000

Bendan’s Pub 3169 N. Broadway 773-929-2929

Bernie’s 3664 N Clark 773-525-1898

Big City 1010 W. Belmot 773-935-1138

Blarney Stone 3424 N. Sheffi eld 773-348-1078

Brew & View 3145 N. Sheffi eld 773-929-7150

Buck’s Saloon 3439 N. Halsted 773-525-1125

Clark Street Bar 3040 N. Clark 773-281-6690

Coobah 3423 N. Southport 773-528-2220

Cubby Bear 1059 W Addison 773-327-1662

Cullen’s Bar 3741 N. Southport 773-975-0600

Dram Shop 3040 N. Broadway 773-549-4401

Fiesta Cantina 3407 N. Clark 773-975-5980

Friar Tucks 3010 N. Broadway 773-327-5101

Full Shilling 3724 N. Clark 773-248-3330

Goose Island 3535 N. Clark 773-832-9040

Higgins Tavern 3259 N. Racine 773-281-7637

Holiday Club 4000 N. Sheridan 773-348-9600

Irish Oak 3511 N. Clark

Jack’s Bar 2856 N Southport 773-404-8400

Jacklyn’s Bar 3400 N. Broadway 773-404-5149

Jake’s Pub 2932 N Clark 773-248-3318

Joe’s On Broadway 3563 N Broadway 773-528-1054

John Barleycorns 3524 N. Clark 773-549-6000

Justin’s 3358 N Southport 773-929-4844

Kit Kat Lounge 3700 N Halsted 773-525-1111

L&L Tavern 3207 N. Clark 773-528-1303

Little Jim’s 3501 N. Halsted 773-871-6116

Lucky’s 3 472 N. Clark 773-549-0665

Mad River 2909 N. Sheffi eld 773-935-7500

Matilda 3101 N Sheffi eld 773-883-4400

Matisse 674 W. Diversey 773-528-6670

Merkles 3516 N Clark 773-244-1025

Metro Smart Bar 3730 N Clark 773-549-4140

Monsignor Murphys 3019 N. Broadway 773-348-7285

Mullen’s 3527 N Clark 773-325-2319

Murphys Bleachers 3655 N. Sheffi eld 773-281-5356

Mystic Celt 3443 N. Southport 773-529-8550

Newport Bar 1344 W Newport 773-325-9111

Nick’s Uptown 4015 N Sheridan 773-975-1155

North End 3733 N Halsted 7 73-477-7999

Paddy Long’s 1028 W Diversey 773-348-9711

Parrots Bar 754 W Wellington 773-281-7878

Piano Bar 3801 N. Clark 773-528-4033

Raw Bar & Grill 3720 N Clark St 773-348-7291

Rebel Bar 3462 N. Clark 773-348-9084

Redmond’s 3358 N Sheffi eld 773-404-2151

Roadhouse 66 3330 N. Clark 773-525-8166

Rockit Bar 3700 N.Clark 773-645-4400

Rocks 3463 N. Broadway 773-472-0493

Roscoe’s 3356 N. Halsted 773-281-3355

Schoolyard 3258 N Southport 773-528-8226

Schubas Tavern 3159 N Southport 773-525-2508

Sheffi eld’s 3258 N Sheffi eld 773-281-4989

Sidetracks 3349 N. Halsted 773-477-9189

Sluggers 3540 N Clark 773-248-0055

Smart Bar 3730 N Clark 773-549-4140

Sopo 3418 N. Southport 773-348-0100

Southport Lanes 3325 N. Southport 773-472-6600

Sports Corner 952 W. Addison 773-929-1441

Take 5 Bar 3747. Southport 773-871-5555

Toon’s 3857 N. Southport 773-935-1919

Town Hall Pub 3340 N Halsted 773-472-4405

Trace 3714 N. Clark 773-477-3400

Trader Todd’s 3216 N Sheffi eld 773-348-3250

Vaughans Pub 2917 N. Sheffi eld 773-281-8188

Vines 3554 N. Clark 773-327-8572

Wrigleyville North 3900 N Sheridan 773-929-9543

Yak-Zies Bar 3710 N Clark 773-525-9200

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McGinny's Tap 313 W. North 773-943-5228

Mickey's 2450 N. Clark 773-435-0007

O' Brien's 1528 N. Wells 312-787-3131

Old Town Ale 219 W. North 773-944-7020

Old Town Pub 1339 N. Wells 773-266-6789

O'Malley's West 2249 N. Lincoln 773-935-2719

Orso's 1401 N. Wells 773-787-6604

Ravens 2326 N. Clark 773-348-1774

River Shannon 425 W. Armitage 773-944-5087

Rocks 1301 W. Schubert 773-472-7728

Saluki Bar 1208 N. Wells 773-274-1824

Suite Lounge 1446 N. Wells 773-787-6106

The Apartment 2251 N. Lincoln 773-348-5100

The Local Option 1102 W. Webster 773-348-2008

The Other Side 2436 N. Clark 773-525-8238

Tin Lizzie 2483 N. Clark 773-549-1132

Tonic Room 2447 N. Halsted 773-248-8400

Weeds 1555 N. Dayton 312-943-7815

Wellingtons 1300 W. Wellington 773-528-0654

Wise Fools Pub 2270 N. Lincoln 773-929-1300

Witts 2913 N. Lincoln 773-528-7032

Wrightwood Tap 1059 W. Wrightwood 773-459-4949

BAR DIRECTORY Where are you going tonight?:

Lincoln Park & Old TownAugie's 1721 W. Wrightwood 773-296-0018

Bird's Nest 2500 N. Southport 773-472-1502

Blue's 2519 N. Halsted 773-525-8317

Burton's Place 1447 N. Wells 773-664-4699

Burwood Tap 7242 W. Wrightwood 773-525-2593

Clybar 2 417 N. Clybourn 773-388-1877

Corcoran's 1615 N. Wells 773-440-0885

Delilah's 2771 N. Lincoln 773-472-2771

Duffy's 422 W. Diversey 773-549-9090

Durkin's 810 W. Diversey 773-525-2515

Elbo Room 2817 N. Lincoln 773-549-5549

Field House Pub 2455 N. Clark 773-348-6489

Four Farthings 2060 N. Cleveland 773-935-2060

Frank's 2503 N. Clark 773-549-2700

Galway Arms 2442 N. Clark 773-472-5555

Gamekeepers 345 W. Armitage 773-549-0400

Glascott's 2158 N. Halsted 773-281-1205

Goose Island 1800 N. Clybourn 773-915-0071

Halligan's Pub 2274 N. Lincoln 773-472-7940

Halsted Harp 2138 N. Halsted 773-348-3665

Hidden Shamrock 2732 N. Lincoln 773-883-0304

Irish Eyes 2519 N. Lincoln 773-348-9548

Joe's Sports Bar 940 W. Weed 773-337-3486

John Barleycorn 2300 N. Lincoln 773-348-8899

John's Place 1200 W. Webster 773-525-6670

Kelly's Pub 949 W. Webster 773-281-0656

Kendall's Pub 2263 N. Lincoln 773-348-7200

Kincade's 950 W. Armitage 773-348-0010

Kingston Mines 2548 N. Halsted 773-477-4646

Lincoln Station 2432 N. Lincoln 773-472-8100

Lincoln Tap 3010 N. Lincoln 773-868-0060

Lion Head Pub 2251 N. Lincoln 773-348-5100

Max Bar 2247 N. Lincoln 773-549-5884

McGee's 950 W. Webster 773-549-8200

Smarty PantsA young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whis-pers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the cus-tomer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”


BAR DIRECTORYWhere are you going tonight?:BAR DIRECTORY Where are you going tonight?:

Lincoln Park & Old Town NorthwestPaddy Macks 4157 N. Pulaski 773-279-9300

Rabbits 4945 W Foster 773-736-5766

Roman’s 6448 N. Milwaukee 773-467-9827

Sidekicks 4424 W Montrose 773-545-6212

Six Penny Bit 5800 W. Montrose 773-545-2033

Thatch Pub 5707 N. Milwaukee 773-763-8179

Three Counties 5856 N. Milwaukee 773-631-3351

Tommy’s 6954 W Higgins 773-631-4451

Trinity Pub 5943 N. Northwest 773-763-0095

Vaughan’s Pub 5485 Northwest 773-631-9206

Windsor Tavern 4530 N. Milwaukee 773-736-3400

Zachary’s 5368 N Milwaukee 773-792-0933

Babe’s 4416 N. Milwaukee 773-545-3137

Bill’s Pub 4104 N. Pulaski 773-202-0020

Brigadoon 5748 W Lawrence 773.777.2403

Cabaret Lounge 6101 W. Montrose 773-736-2337

Casual Tap 5924 W Montrose 773-283-9490

Charlotte’s Bar 6000 W Gunnison 773-775-3616

Club Belmont 7844 W. Belmont 773-598-2808

Di’s Den 5100 W Irving Park 773-736-7170

Dugan’s 6051 N. Milwaukee 773-467-5555

Edison Park Inn 6713 N. Olmsted 773-775-1404

Emerald Isle Pub 2537 W Peterson 773-561-6674

Fantasy Lounge 4400 N Elston 773-685-8083

Filonek’s 6213 N. Milwaukee 773-775-5010

Galvin’s Public 5901 W Lawrence 773-205-0570

Gladstone’s 5734 N. Milwaukee 773-763-3385

Ham Tree Inn 5333 N. Milwaukee 773-792-2072

Harry’s On Elston 5943 N. Elston 773-774-4166

Harwood Bar 6438 W. Montrose 708-867-7781

Hops N Barley 4359 N Milwaukee 773-286-7415

Jet’s Public Hou 6148 N. Milwaukee 773-775-7587

Jimmy Macks 5581 N. Northwest 773-631-1466

Joe E’s Lounge 4206 W Irving Park 773-283-3422

Landmark Pub 5135 N. Oriole 773-867-6533

Lasko’s 5525 N Milwaukee 773-774-9800

Lizard Lounge 3058 W. Irving Park 773-463-7599

Margaret’s 5134 W. Irving Park 773-685-4493

Mary’s Place 6300 N. Milwaukee 773-775-7587

MCM Pub 3906 N. Cicero 773-736-2644

McNamaras 4328 W Irving Park 773-725-1800

Mo Dailey’s 6070 N. Northwest Hwy 773-774-6121

Moretti’s 6727 N. Olmsted 773-631-1223

Mrs. O’Leary’s 4368 N. Milwaukee 773-427-7300

Mug Shots 7718 W. Addison 773-625-8466

Murrays 5522 N Elston 773-774-3466

Night Caps 5007 W Irving Park 773-282-8654

Nil’s Tap 5734 N. Elston 773-594-1288

Can I Get a Push?A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the ho-meowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."

28 WHATS UP XTRA WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COMtratratraWX

BAR DIRECTORY Where are you going tonight?:

Lakeview West/ Roscoe Village / North-Center / Lincoln Square / Albany Park / Ravenswood Andersonvile

240 Lounge 3948 W. Lawrence 773-267-0474

42 Latitude 3341 N Western 773-910-1473

Abbey Pub 3420 W. Grace 773-478-4408

Atlantic Bar 5062 N. Lincoln 773-506-7090

Bad Dog 4535 N. Lincoln 773-334-4040

Big Joe’s 1818 W Foster 773-784-8755

Black Rock 3614 N. Damen 773-348-4044

Brendan’s Too 3135 W. Montrose 773-463-2771

Brownstone 3937 N. Lincoln 773-528-3700

Carol’s Pub 4659 N Clark 773-334-2402

Celtic Crown 4301 N. Western 773-588-1110

Chicago Joe's 2256 W. Irving 773-478-7000

Chief O'Neills 3471 N. Elston 773-583-3066

Christina's Place 3759 N. Kedzie 773-463-1768

Claddagh Ring 2306 W. Foster 773-271-4794

Cody's Public House 1658 W. Barry 773-528-4050

Daily's Bar 4560 N. Lincoln 773-561-6198

Farraguts 5240 N Clark 773-728-4903

Finley Dunnes 3458 N. Lincoln 773-477-7311

Fizz 3220 N. Lincoln 773-348-6000

Foley's 1841 W. Irving 773-929-1210

Four Moon 1847 W. Roscoe 773-929-6666

Four Shadows 2758 N. Ashland 773-248-9160

Four Trey's Pub 3333 N. Damen 773-549-8845

Fuller's Pub 3203 W. Irving 773-478-8060

Gio’s 4857 N. Damen 773-334-0345

Hidden Cove 5336 N. Lincoln 773-275-3955

Hidden Cove 5338 N. Lincoln 773-275-6711

Horseshoe 4115 N. Lincoln 773-248-1366

Huetten Bar 4721 N. Lincoln 773-561-2507

Jury's 4337 N. Lincoln 773-935-2255

Katerina's 1902 W. Irving 773-348-7592

Keenan O' Reilly's 3916 N. Ashland 773-857-3800

Leadway Bar 5233 N. Damen 773-728-2663

Long Room 1612 W. Irving 773-665-4500

Margie's Pub 4145 N. Lincoln 773-477-1644

Mulligan's 2000 W. Roscoe 773-549-4225

Mutiny 2428 N. Western 773-486-7774

Oakwood 83 1969 W. Montrose 773-327-2785

O'Donovan's 2100 W. Irving 773-478-2100

O'Lanagan 2335 W. Montrose 773-583-2252

Peek Inn 2825 W. Irving Park 773-267-5197

Rail Bar 4709 N Damen 773-878-9400

Richochet's 4644 N. Lincoln 773-271-3127

Riverview 1958 W. Roscoe 773-871-1200

Roscoe Villiage Pub 2159 W. Addison 773-472-6160

Save More Lounge 4060 N. Lincoln 773-281-1444

Side Street 1456 W. George 773-327-1127

Silvie's 1902 W. Irving 773-871-6239

Small Bar 2956 N. Albany 773-509-9888

Stadium West 3188 N. Elston 773-866-2450

Ten Cat Tavern 3931 N. Ashland 773-935-5377

The Temple 3001 N. Ashland 773-248-0990

Uptown Lounge 1136 W. Lawrence 773-878-1136

Villiage Tap 2055 W. Roscoe 773-883-0817

Waterhouse 3407 N. Paulina 773-871-1200

Wild Goose 4265 N. Lincoln 773-281-7112

Windy City Inn 2257 W. Irving 773-588-7088


TAT T L E TA L E S

By Rob Christiansen

I Laughed Until I CriedYou don’t have to pay rent because you live in my heart, you with one brother, one syndrome and one strife. You pulled up to the store in your F-150, walked in and said you wanted a ukulele to accompany yourself on “I’ve got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts.” You described, for my edifi cation, a place in French Lick you’d visited, called Tourette’s, where the tourists had Tourette’s. Duhdutduhduhduh-duhdut. I rolled my eyes because Charlie heard you say duhdutduhduh-duhduhdut. You’d spent the morning

pitching fi rewood you’d cut into your trailer in the backyard and have never been to French Lick.

“I don’t want to hear that music in my house,” Charlie said over crack-ers we ate over upturned barrels while you were outside sawing a tree felled by a storm. Charlie thinks clichés are antiques and he sells them as knickknacks. No one is the boss of you. Derek played with Orange the security cat and I wondered if we had a ukulele.

I eventually realized your duhdutduhduhduhduhdut is “I Dream of Jeannie.” Derek’s rat Ashley scurried along a bookshelf as plecosto-mus Sgt. Schultz and splatter coy Big Bob and their friends watched us from their eclectic fi sh tank. You had me high-fi ve you. You ad-mitted that you usually confuse “Jeannie” with its companion piece, “Bewitched.” You generously sampled each for my benefi t and then emphatically wagged a fi nger at Sgt. Schultz and told him that he “heard nothing.”

You launched full scale, your nose almost touching the glass, into dahdotdotdotdahdahdah / dahdotdotdotdahdahdah / dahdotdotdot-dahdahdah / dahdotdotdahdahdot / dahdotdahdah. The number, un-like your others, originates down in your diaphragm, and it could be the extended version of “Jeannie”…or “Bewitched.” I can only guess. It could be “Hogan’s Heroes” for all I know.

You wrote my Christmas card, Valentine and birthday card in fl uent handwriting although you signed your DL with a lightning bolt and you sign your rent check with waves like those across the bottom of Charlie Brown’s shirt. You wear a Yugioh shirt. You say it’s creative. Derek insists it’s gay, even when you’re walking to Casey’s to buy his Yugioh cards. You reply that the shirt could be both, it could be either, or it could be neither. “There’s no ‘if so facto’,” you tell him. You have a social conscience even though you go through life virtu-ally unconscious.

Vicky told me tonight that you told her that “Flipper” is a bottomless pit of gay references, like taking a drink every time David Caruso kneels at a body and takes off his glasses or someone says or al-ludes to a curse word. She said that you watch Me TV at her house, and she spoke dispassionately of drinking games as though she

were announcing the end of a moving walkway at the airport. A man-hole cover had replaced her chest. I visualized “Superman” mole men climbing from her heart where she channels Samantha Stevens and Jeannie Jeannie, the sources of your repertoire and your alleged Tourette’s. I pictured you walking home across the road in a line as crooked as your DL signature.

Our living quarters upstairs in Charlie’s farmhouse need no whoopee cushions to make me happy. I’m Carol Brady…or Marcia, although your duhdutduhduhduhduhdut conjures up images of a genie…or witch. You fi re off notes here and then emit soft tones that hint at the larger theme as I leave a room or when Derek announces that one of his four rats is missing. It’s music to my ears that you, without ukulele, provide, keeping me sane. Seldom does anything you say follow what you had been saying, but you know there’s a word for that, and I wonder if you do it intentionally. You probably don’t have Tourette’s and you just long to be French. Duhdutduhduhduhduhdut. Now I’m doing it.

Vicky said “Flipper” is the gayest program ever. “Borderline pedo-philia so in-your-face that I thought something was twisted in me for noticing that topless prepubescents soaking in skin-tight jean shorts dripping sea foam from the fringe was provocative,” she said. She’s 44 with sons these brothers’ characters ages and found herself doing spit-takes when they confessed to “having an uncomfortable feel-ing.” “You can’t miss noticing that they emerge from the sea wearing daringly phallic snorkel gear in their mouths,” she said.

Vicky said that you told her you would never poison yourself with alcohol because although you’d pass out, you know you’d wake up in time to endure unbearable pain before dying. It isn’t worth it. She said that it isn’t plausible that her oldest son, who doesn’t drink any-more, is considered an alcoholic, and you aren’t. It occurred to me that T-Rex had Tourette’s, and Shakespeare died in Stratford upon Avon, and Avon, one of his mistresses, was the best he ever had. Duhdutduhduhduhduhdut. I laughed until I cried.

I’d wish I were a fi sh but Sgt. Schultz and Big Bob are watching us and I’m sure that they feel something. Derek says he needs Yugioh cards and your shirt isn’t gay. He has the most hilarious, protec-tive, handsome, smart-mouthed, wild, barbaric, hard-working and thoughtful brother. Vicky doubts you’d drink while riding your 1985 Honda XL600R. Pardon my French, but she’s on my s**t list. The law protects her but lawmakers have Tourette’s. Duhdutduhduhduhduh-dut. No offense, just in case you have it. You do exhibit other signs. You never worry. Like you say, “I’m not here for a long time; I’m here for a good time.” You should be a stuntman. At least you’d have life insurance. Duhdutduhduhduhduhdut. You call me your strife, strife, strife, strife, strife, strife as though you have Tourette’s, although you only do that when I ask you for the rent for Charlie.

I’ll ask Charlie to waive your rent this month, although I need a good excuse as to why he should.

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Chicagoland came out in full force to welcome the cast and crew from the Full Throttle Saloon June 20th-23rd at Toyota Park in Bridgeview for the very fi rst Throttlefest Chicago!

Full Throttle Saloon is an American reality television series airing on the truTV network. The series provides an inside look at the world's largest biker bar located in Sturgis, South Dakota. Owner Mike Ballard and a full cast of characters race against the clock to serve huge crowds at the Full Throttle Saloon during the annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally the fi rst full week of August. More than 300,000 people visit the Full Throttle during the annual event, where Ballard and his team face the many pressures catering to the huge Sturgis infl ux of bikers, all while providing patrons an experience they will not forget!

Michael Ballard, owner of the Full Throttle Saloon, purchased the 30-acre property in 1999 and turned it into the world's largest biker bar. Complete with dreadlocks and a motorcycle of his own, Ballard has made a career out of running a bar that is only open 10 days out of the year during the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally.

Angie Carlson is Ballard's wife, and a dancer at the saloon. She also has her own section of the Throttle known as "Angieland" where visitors can get their picture taken with Carlson's rear end, believed to be the most photographed butt on the planet. She also helps Ballard run the Full Throttle and oversees calculating nightly earnings for the bar.

Jesse James Dupree is the lead singer of the rock band Jackyl and is Ballard's business partner. He oversees all of the entertainment at the Full Throttle Saloon and is also a series Executive Producer. Fans of the show can’t help but stay tuned to check out what crazy stunt Jesse is planning each season to upstage himself from the prior year, driving Michael and Angie crazy in the process.

Gregg "The Goat" Cook of Rapid City, South Dakota is the offi cial voice of the Full Throttle Saloon. He has been employed by Michael Ballard for 12 years, from the fi rst day they broke ground. Cook is an emcee, DJ and a trained Chef.

ANGIE & MICHAEL BALLARD

GoatJessieDupree

Vince Neil

The Flaunt Girls


1721 W. Wrightwood 773.296.0018

booze & schmooze

ON-PREMISE SAND VOLLEYBALL HERE!!!

We Sponsor any & all Sports TeamsFull Kitchen & Menu 11am - 11pmBook Parties Now! Great Drink Packages Available

Outdoor Cafe Opendrink specials, volleyball & More

Augie’s 5th Annual Golf Outing Mon Sept 9th

Benefi tting Make a Wishcall for more info 773-296-0018

Augie’s Hawaiian PartySat Aug 3rd

Pig & Lamb RoastBenefi tting Misericordia

Go to MODAILEYS.COM or MO DAILEY’S on FACEBOOK

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Metra station and right on Northwest Hwy773 -774-6121

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The “DOUBLE D”! Mo Dailey’s original DEEP FRIED BURGER!!!

All-U-Can-Eat Sunday Brunch

11am-2pm

NEW POOL TABLE... SIGN UP FOR A LEAGUE TODAY!

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Chicagoland came out in full force to welcome the cast and crew from the Full Throttle Saloon June 20th-23rd at Toyota Park in Bridgeview for the very fi rst Throttlefest Chicago!

Full Throttle Saloon is an American reality television series airing on the truTV network. The series provides an inside look at the world's largest biker bar located in Sturgis, South Dakota. Owner Mike Ballard and a full cast of characters race against the clock to serve huge crowds at the Full Throttle Saloon during the annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally the fi rst full week of August. More than 300,000 people visit the Full Throttle during the annual event, where Ballard and his team face the many pressures catering to the huge Sturgis infl ux of bikers, all while providing patrons an experience they will not forget!

Michael Ballard, owner of the Full Throttle Saloon, purchased the 30-acre property in 1999 and turned it into the world's largest biker bar. Complete with dreadlocks and a motorcycle of his own, Ballard has made a career out of running a bar that is only open 10 days out of the year during the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally.

Angie Carlson is Ballard's wife, and a dancer at the saloon. She also has her own section of the Throttle known as "Angieland" where visitors can get their picture taken with Carlson's rear end, believed to be the most photographed butt on the planet. She also helps Ballard run the Full Throttle and oversees calculating nightly earnings for the bar.

Jesse James Dupree is the lead singer of the rock band Jackyl and is Ballard's business partner. He oversees all of the entertainment at the Full Throttle Saloon and is also a series Executive Producer. Fans of the show can’t help but stay tuned to check out what crazy stunt Jesse is planning each season to upstage himself from the prior year, driving Michael and Angie crazy in the process.

Gregg "The Goat" Cook of Rapid City, South Dakota is the offi cial voice of the Full Throttle Saloon. He has been employed by Michael Ballard for 12 years, from the fi rst day they broke ground. Cook is an emcee, DJ and a trained Chef.

ANGIE & MICHAEL BALLARD

GoatJessieDupree

Vince Neil

The Flaunt Girls

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