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What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com WICT: What Happy Working Mothers Know Webinar # 3 Cathy L. Greenberg Barrett S. Avigdor Slide 2 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com to change to your life to change your industry to change your community Happiness is a powerful Rx Slide 3 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com Happiness is a necessity, not a luxury in todays tough economic times Happiness enables performance at work and at home We want to help women learn what took many of us years of trial and error to learn- with less error Why We Wrote This Book Slide 4 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com By investing in your own happiness you can: Find happiness no matter where you are in your life, how overwrought, how overwhelmed, or how unhappy you are. If youre already happy, make that happiness last even when things dont go smoothly. Learn techniques to find happiness in the life you have rather than the life you wish you had. Feel better about yourself at work and at home too! Slide 5 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com G - Good enough U - Undervalued I - Inner Voices (-/+) L - Labeling T - Taking it all on What would you add to this list? The Guilt Game Slide 6 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com GUILT What is it good for? - blocking happiness - pushing us to do things we dont want to do - taking the pleasure out of everything Why Me? Slide 7 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com Am I hurting my kids by going to work Am I pulling my weight at work Am I a good spouse/partner Im stressed and tired Sources of GUILT Slide 8 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com Are you hurting your kids by going to work? No! 1,000 Women in our study rated High Univ. Texas-Austin 2005 showed maternal employment does not impact the development of children Confirmed 1999 results at Univ. of Connecticut Slide 9 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com Where does GUILT come from? - societies expectations - cultural norms - family expectations - self induced Slide 10 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com What is the Rx for GUILT? Remind yourself why you love/need to work Remember that tending to your happiness is the best thing you can do for your family Be clear about your values and prioritize your time and energy accordingly with healthy boundaries. Slide 11 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com Am I pulling my weight at work? Be objective are you getting your job done? Put yourself in the shoes of your boss Apply the same standard you would apply to colleagues not the perfect standard you have for yourself If you are, where is the guilt coming from? If you are not, make changes Slide 12 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com Am I a good spouse/partner, Im just so stressed Treat your energy like a finite resource Learn the art of No Schedule time with your spouse/partner When you take time for a date make it special focus on your relationship vs. kids or household duties Slide 13 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com Guilt Defined: The dictionary defines guilt as the recognition of offending someone, of doing something wrong or breaking the law. Guilt is a waste of energy. I want to align my energy to my values, and guilt is not one of my values Barrett S. Avigdor Slide 14 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com Exercise: Eliminating Guilt: Understanding the Culprit (Page 71) List 3-5 reasons you feel guilty. Where does your guilt come from? Slide 15 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com Exercise: Many Voices (page 66) Rx for Eliminating GUILT Slide 16 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com Key Happiness Tips : Happiness comes from a full, balanced life that includes hard work, time with loves ones and friends, exercise, celebration, and even solitude. Skimp on any one the ingredients and your recipe for happiness falls flat. Slide 17 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com Make a list of voices evoking your guilt Whos voices are they? When did you first hear them? Write down next to each if they are: Enabling = E Disabling = D This will help you identify which voices create which outcome for you when you hear them Eliminate Obstacles To Your Happiness Slide 18 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com Once you identify their impact ask yourself: Should you listen to them? When do they matter? What does it take to eliminate voices that have no value, while you keep the motivating voices that support your success and well-being? Creating Helpful Internal Coaches Slide 19 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com I mmediate steps to enhance your overall effectiveness in life N ew tools to evaluate, enhance and engage your full potential S mart ways to leverage your energy to maximize returns I deas for managing the needs of motherhood and work successfully H ow to align your true values for leadership at home and at work G oal setting using self coaching strategies to achieve your best T ools, tips and innovative personal practices What INSIGHT did you get from today : Slide 20 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com How will you apply this and share it with others to help spread the wealth? Slide 21 What Happy Working Mothers Know All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com QUESTIONS & COMMENTS