welcome jack smalley, sphr director, hr learning and development

Welcome

Jack Smalley, SPHRDirector, HR Learning and Development

MANAGING CONFLICTRESOLUTION:

The Buck Stops with HR

INTRODUCTION

All relationships, personal and professional, experience some kind of conflict. This is normal, natural, and sometimes even necessary for growth and development.

Let’s discuss some ways to manage conflict and look at change as a friend.

CONFLICTCONFLICTRESOLUTIONRESOLUTION

MYTHSMYTHS

AND AND TRUTHSTRUTHS

ABOUT CONFLICTABOUT CONFLICT

• Conflict is only at work.

• Conflict is dysfunctional in the workplace.

• Conflict represents communication breakdown.

• If avoided, conflict will eventually go away.

• Conflict always results in a winner and a loser.

MYTHS AND TRUTHS ABOUT CONFLICTMYTHS AND TRUTHS ABOUT CONFLICT

Myths:

Truths:

• Conflict will occur 42% of manager’s time

• Communication is a must Express appreciation Express optimism Don’t stop talking until a solution

is reached

MYTHS AND TRUTHS ABOUT MYTHS AND TRUTHS ABOUT CONFLICTCONFLICT

• Conflict can help build relationships.

• Conflict can be a motivator for change.

• Most conflicts can be managed.Accommodation

AvoidanceCompromise

Collaboration

• Most people deal with conflict by: Fight or Flight Avoid initial aggressive reactions

• Ignoring the situation• Most common response• It will only get worse• Conflict seldom resolves on it’s

own

• Becoming aggressive“In your face”

Manager’s Greatest Mistakes in Conflict Manager’s Greatest Mistakes in Conflict ResolutionResolution

NEGATIVE STYLES OF CONFLICT

• FirecrackerBlow up to sudden angerUsually apologizeYou will know it will happen again

• Cold ShoulderTwo people who take pride in not

communicating w/each otherThey have a contest to see who

can hold out the longest

• BackstabbingPositive to your face/knife in the

back

• Social ZingerThrows verbal darts in front of

othersThe “I was just teasing”

syndrome

• Trivia FightsThose who battle over the little

thingsThey will fight over the detailsThey seldom get to the real

issues

• Having the Last WordThey must have the last remarkThe conflict is seldom over

NEGATIVE STYLES OF NEGATIVE STYLES OF CONFLICTCONFLICT

DiversityDiversity• People who think differently than I doPeople who think differently than I do• Different culturesDifferent cultures• Social Similarity Social Similarity • Admit PrejudicesAdmit Prejudices

DifferencesDifferences• Opinions of b/w issuesOpinions of b/w issues

NeedsNeeds• Ignoring the other party’s needsIgnoring the other party’s needs• Confusing needs and desiresConfusing needs and desires

Ingredients of Ingredients of

ConflictConflict

PerceptionsPerceptions• Self-perceptionsSelf-perceptions• Perceptions of the other partyPerceptions of the other party• Perceptions of threatPerceptions of threat

PowerPower• Wanting to control behaviors in othersWanting to control behaviors in others• InflexibilityInflexibility

GenerationsGenerations

Ingredients of ConflictIngredients of Conflict

The GenerationsThe GenerationsTraditionalist Baby Boomer Gen X Millennial

76M 80M 46M 76M

Why are thereWhy are there

80 million Boomers80 million Boomers

and only and only

46 million Xers46 million Xers

Birth control pill dispenser picBirth control pill dispenser pic

Screaming kids Screaming kids

Historical SignificanceHistorical Significance

First time in Country’s history:First time in Country’s history:

• 4 Generations in the workforce4 Generations in the workforce• Management must learn to compromiseManagement must learn to compromise• Avoid controlAvoid control

No longer treat everyone the sameNo longer treat everyone the same

The GenerationsThe Generations

CensusCensus %%

GenerationGeneration Total Total YearsYears WorkplaceWorkplace

TraditionalistsTraditionalists76 Mil76 Mil 1922-19451922-1945 10%10%

BoomersBoomers 80 Mil80 Mil 1946-19641946-1964 45%45%

Gen XersGen Xers 46 Mil46 Mil 1965-19801965-1980 30%30%

MillennialsMillennials 76 Mil76 Mil 1981-20001981-2000 15%15%

Focus on traditionalists & millennials

The Largest Difference Between The Largest Difference Between GenerationsGenerations

Baby BoomersBaby Boomers

vs.vs.

Generations XersGenerations Xers

Baby Boomers vs. Gen Xers and Y’sBaby Boomers vs. Gen Xers and Y’s


Rode in the back of Rode in the back of pick up truckspick up trucks

Drank out of garden Drank out of garden hoseshoses

““Hand-me-down” Hand-me-down” baby cribs with 12 baby cribs with 12 coats of lead paintcoats of lead paint

Xers and Y’sXers and Y’s

Children remain in car Children remain in car seats till age 21seats till age 21

Flavored life water Flavored life water (high tech bottled (high tech bottled water)water)

Space age crib with 60 Space age crib with 60 moving parts. No moving parts. No blankets. Must sleep blankets. Must sleep on backs. Connecting on backs. Connecting beds.beds.



Started eating table Started eating table food at 3 monthsfood at 3 months

Long trips – put kids Long trips – put kids in back dash of carin back dash of car

Teachers had Teachers had paddles with holespaddles with holes


Baby formula till age Baby formula till age 12, and organic baby 12, and organic baby food till age 16food till age 16

Each child has their Each child has their own van row of seats own van row of seats with separate DVD with separate DVD playersplayers

Parents permission Parents permission required for time outs required for time outs – no hugs– no hugs



Summer jobs Summer jobs beginning at age beginning at age 1010

Only champions Only champions got awards and got awards and trophiestrophies

Always had 10 Always had 10 cents for phone cents for phone callcall


On allowance till 3On allowance till 3rdrd marriagemarriage

Losers get trophiesLosers get trophies

Each child has own Each child has own iPhoneiPhone



1 TV, 3 channels 1 TV, 3 channels with rabbit ears, with rabbit ears, kids were the kids were the remoteremote


TV in every room, 300 TV in every room, 300 channels, kids are only channels, kids are only one who can operate one who can operate remoteremote

Baby Boomer Final ProductBaby Boomer Final Product

GenX Final ProductGenX Final Product

Avoiding personal contactShoutingOthers

Examples of Words and Phrases Examples of Words and Phrases That Let You Know Conflict is That Let You Know Conflict is Going on Among Your PeopleGoing on Among Your People

Passive BehaviorsPassive Behaviors

Writing emails vs. talkingWriting emails vs. talking Withholding needed informationWithholding needed information Not returning messagesNot returning messages Delay giving required supportDelay giving required support

Getting others to take sidesGetting others to take sides ShoutingShouting ThreateningThreatening Undermining other’s reputationUndermining other’s reputation

Aggressive BehaviorsAggressive Behaviors

Unintentional Unintentional BehaviorsBehaviors

Sweaty palmsSweaty palms Nervous gesturesNervous gestures Closed body postureClosed body posture Tense facial expressionsTense facial expressions TearsTears

1. Change

2. Conflicting Goals & Objectives

3. Limited Resources

4. The Domino Effect

Sources Of Organizational Sources Of Organizational ConflictConflict

Emergency situations

Decisive action

Implementing unpopular change

When other methods fail

• Competition

Managing ConflictManaging Conflict

Preserving the relationship vs arguing the issue

When the issue is more important to the other person

When you want others to express their own point of view

When you want others to learn by their own choices

• Accommodation


If others can resolve conflict more effectively

If both parties see the issue as minor

If additional time is required

If both parties need a cooling off period

• Avoidance


To reach agreement when both sides have equal power

To find common ground when both parties have competing goals

To achieve a temporary settlement on a complex issue

To reach a solution due to time pressures

• Compromise


Merging experiences from people who have different backgrounds

Being creative to explore solutions

Looking for solutions where there may not be much conflict

• Collaboration


All conflict is resolved by communication

Utilize the three W’s of communication

• WhoSpeak to the key personDon’t allow yourself excuses for not

speaking to the key person

• WhenDiscuss the issue within 24 hoursThis is not necessarily “the sooner the

better”Prepare your thoughts

• WhereConsider a neutral locationEqual footing

Developing Your Developing Your Communication SkillsCommunication Skills

• Basic Acknowledgements Non verbal responses

• Silence We are better speakers than

listeners

o Use silence to get a response from someone

• Questions It tells the speaker you’re

interested

It says you want “more”

Resolving Conflict Begins Resolving Conflict Begins With “Listening”With “Listening”

It verifies the content

Let the speaker finish speaking first

If the speaker indicates you misunderstood, ask them to repeat

DON’T OVERUSE PARAPHRASING

• Paraphrasing

Resolving Conflict Begins Resolving Conflict Begins With “Listening”With “Listening”

• Usually applied to performance that needs improvement

• Focus on the issue, not the person

• Plan ahead and handle carefully

• Sandwich method

• Performance appraisals

Constructive Criticism

Criticism and ConflictCriticism and Conflict

• Intentionally used

• Causes Conflict

• Attacks the person vs performance or behavior

• Commonly used in politics

• Used aggressively to dominate or “put down”

• Outlook is always negative though not negatively intended

• Usually a result of anger

• Don’t deal with a situation when you are angry

Destructive Criticism

Criticism and ConflictCriticism and Conflict

• Preparation

• Allow time

• Avoid distractions

• Pick a non-threatening place

• Choose carefully initial comments, atmosphere of partnership

• Your turn/My turn

1. Create an effective atmosphere

Eight Steps to Conflict Eight Steps to Conflict ResolutionResolution

Your Turn:• You go first• Disarms the other person• Activate your listening skills• Paraphrase

My Turn• May I give my side of the

story?• Describe problems without

blaming

Eight Steps to Conflict Eight Steps to Conflict Resolution – Your Turn/My Resolution – Your Turn/My TurnTurn

• Is conflict an isolated event or another in a long list?

• Identify what the conflict is about and what it is not about

• Organize the points of the conflict from major to minor

• What misperceptions does the other party have of me and did I contribute to them?

2. Clarify perceptions


• Don’t confuse needs with desires

• Always put yourself in the place of the other party

• Identify areas of common interest

• Focus on the issues, not the personalities

• Mutual planning Brainstorming Negotiating Common ground

3. Focus on individual and shared needs


• Don’t let the past rule your thinking

• Learn from the past – Remind each other of past

positive times Remind each other of past times

of resolving conflict

4. Look to the future, not the past


• Avoid the “hot” buttons Politics Abortion Religion Sexual Preference Ex-spouses

• Practice the Power of Forgiveness

• Prepare some options in advance

• Focus on options that deal with shared needs

• Seek options and common ground from other party

• Value past experiences

5. Generate options


• Pick the low hanging fruit first

• Start with the small steps

• Make sure the do-able is not a temporary or quick fix

• Make sure the do-able is not a delaying tactic

• Do-ables are not ends, only steps

6. Develop “do-ables” and stepping stones


• Establish a partnership on the issue

• Create a new beginning

• Focus on solutions, not blame

7. Strive for mutual benefit agreements


8. Flexibility is the key to successful conflict resolution

Be conciliatory• Apologize• Conceding• Expressing positive feelings for

the other• Initiating a both-gain approach


• Maintain professionalism

• Give equal access to your common ground

• Know when to seek a facilitator or mediator

Agreeing to DisagreeAgreeing to Disagree

welcome jack smalley, sphr director, hr learning and development

Documents

remarkthe conflict

kind of conflict

generations xersbaby

managers time communication

gen xers46 mil1965

baby cribs

communication breakdown

againcold shouldertwo