wedding invitation wording and etiquette guide
TRANSCRIPT
Written by Amanda Cookson, Be My Guest
Amanda Cookson | Be My Guest - Invitations for Special Occasionswww.bemyguest.co.nz | [email protected] | 021 146 3379 | fb.com/bemyguestNZ
The Be My Guest Guide to
Written by Amanda Cookson, Be My Guest
Wedding Invitations: Wording &
Etiquette
Written by Amanda Cookson, Be My Guest
Amanda Cookson | Be My Guest - Invitations for Special Occasionswww.bemyguest.co.nz | [email protected] | 021 146 3379 | fb.com/bemyguestNZ
First things first: The “when” of it all...So when do I have to do everything then?
Twelve to Six Months Out• Yoursavethedatesshouldgooutsixtotwelvemonthsbeforethewedding.Savethedatesareimportantifyouareplanningaweddingoutoftown,oroveraholidayweekend.
• Researchthetypeandstyleofinvitationyouwant:consideryourcolours,theme,andvenue.
• Compileyourguestlist!Thiswayyouknowhowmanyinvitestoorder(andrememberit’soneinviteperhousehold,notperperson).Thepriceofyourinvitationswillvarydependingonhowmanyyouneed.Also,alwaysorderextra.Seriously.Orderinganother15lateronwillcostyouabomb.
Six to Four Months OutThefunbit!Design!• Themoreinformationyouprovide(collatedfromyourresearch),thesmootherthedesignstagewillgo.
• Stickwithastandardsizeinvitationtosaveyourselfmoneyonpostage.ClickthebuttonontherighttodownloadtheBeMyGuestPostageGuide.Printthishelpfulresourcetocheckwhatsizeyourinviteswillneedtobepostedas.
• Makesureyouhaveacoupleofpeoplechecktheinvitesbeforeyougiveyourdesignerthefinalgo-ahead.These“fresheyes”willhelpyoufindanytypos!Havesomeoneringanyphonenumbers,oremailanyemails,listedontheinvites-thatwouldbedisastrous!
Twelve to Six Weeks Out Assemble,addressandmailthoseinvitations!• IfyousentSavetheDates,youcansendthemoutmuchlaterthanthosecoupleswhodidn’topttosendone.
• Sendanyearlierandyouriskthe“I’llgettoitlater”curse.ThishappensasmanycoupleswanttogettheirRSVP’snaileddownassoonaspossible.
• It’sbesttosetyourRSVPdatefortwotothreeweeksoutfromthewedding.Thiswayyou’vegotenoughtimetogiveaheadcounttothecater,tofinaliseyourseatingchart,andhavetimetochaseupstragglers.IfyouhaveanearlyRSVPdate,youriskhavingguestshavingtocontactyoutochangetheirplans.
Let’sstartattheverybeginning,averygoodplacetostart...
Hot Tip
Post Guide
Written by Amanda Cookson, Be My Guest
Amanda Cookson | Be My Guest - Invitations for Special Occasionswww.bemyguest.co.nz | [email protected] | 021 146 3379 | fb.com/bemyguestNZ
You’ve got a colour scheme, sussed out a guest list, and have
decided on when & where. Now let’s get to the nitty gritty: how do you actually say to your guests: “come to our wedding”?!Yourinvitationscommunicateimportantinformationto
yourguests-notjusttheall-importantwho,when&where,butthetypeofweddingtheycanexpecttoattend.
Does your invite say cocktail dresses and a fancy up-do, or does it say dress jeans and a messy top knot?
Aproperlydesignedinvitationconveysthetone,style,themeandsetsthesceneforyourguests.Youhaveyourperfectdayinyourimagination-yourinvitationisyour
firstchancetoexpressthisvisiontoyourguests.
Knowingtheapplicablerulesandetiquette,andthereasonsbehindthem,meansyou’llmakemoreinformeddecisionsonthewordingofyourinvites,andwillbelesslikelytocommitanyetiquetteno-nosthat’llgetgrandmainaspin.
Onceyouknowtherules-youcanbreakthem!Attheendoftheday,it’syourwedding,yourrules.
Youdon’tgetasecondchanceforafirstimpression
Written by Amanda Cookson, Be My Guest
Amanda Cookson | Be My Guest - Invitations for Special Occasionswww.bemyguest.co.nz | [email protected] | 021 146 3379 | fb.com/bemyguestNZ
Mr and Mrs Daviesand
Mr and Mrs McKenzieinvite you to share in the joy of the marriage of
to be held on
November the eighthtwo thousand and fi fteen
at two o’clock in the afternoon
St Andrew’s Presbyterian Church, Hamilton
followed by a reception at Hamilton City Oaks Hotel, Hamilton
Elizabeth Daviesand
Henry McKenzie
Whoeverishostingthewedding(read:payingfor!)isusuallylistedontheinvitation.Inthisexample,bothsetsofparentsarehosting.Ifitwasonlyonesetofparentspaying,theothersetwouldbelistedafterthebride&groom’snames.However,thesedaysmostpeoplelistbothsetsofparents,regardlessofwhoisdoingthepaying-orlistamoregeneric“togetherwiththeirfamilies”
Traditionally,thebride’snamegoesfirst.Thereasonsbehindthisareold-fashionedandabitsexist-thebridewasbecomingthegroom’sproperty.Ifyouareasame-sexcouple,youcangoanyorderyouwant!Ifyouhaveyourparent’snamesontheinvitetoo,makesurethetwosetsofparentsarelistedinthesameorderyou’vechosenforyourselves.
Itiscustomtospellnumbersout-includingtheyearandtime.
Listkeyinformationonly-toomuchmakesithardtoreadandwon’tlookaselegant.Ifitisnecessaryinformation,includeitonaseparateenclosurecard,oronaweddingwebsite.
A“request”linefollowsthehostnames.
Ifbothsetsofparentsarehosting,thebride’sparentsgofirst.That’sbecausethebride’snamegoesfirst.Ifyouswappedthemround(brideparents/groomparents,thengroom/bride)itappearsthatthegroom’sparentsarethebrides,andviceversa.
Linebreaksareconsideredpunctuation,socommasandfullstopsarenotrequired.
TheGuidelines:Whatwordsgowhere?
Hot Tip
More Examples
Formorewordinginspiration,clickbelow:
Written by Amanda Cookson, Be My Guest
Amanda Cookson | Be My Guest - Invitations for Special Occasionswww.bemyguest.co.nz | [email protected] | 021 146 3379 | fb.com/bemyguestNZ
Introduction Line Request Line Details
We’vedecidedonforever,andforeverbeginswhenwe,(couple’snames)uniteinmarriage
requestthehonourofyourpresenceattheirmarriage on(date)at(time)(venue)
Becauseyouhavesharedinourlivesbyyourfriendshipandlove,we(couple’snames)
inviteyoutosharethebeginningofournewlifetogetherwhenweexchangemarriagevows
on(date)at(time)(venue).Cocktails,dinneranddancingimmediatelyfollowing
Togetherwiththeirparents,(couple’snames) Youareinvitedtoshareintheirjoyastheyexchangemarriagevows
on(date)at(time)(venue).Receptiontofollowat(time)(venue)
(Bride’sname)daughterof(Bride’sparents)and(Groom’sname)sonof(Groom’sparents)requestthehonourofyourpresenceastheyareunitedintheSacramentofHolyMatrimony
Weinviteyoutobewithusaswebeginournewlifetogether
on(date)at(time)(venue).Receptionimmediatelyfollowingceremony
Thepleasureofyourcompanyisrequestedatthemarriageof(couple’snames)
joyfullyinviteyoutoshareintheirhappinessastheyuniteinmarriage
on(date)at(time)(venue).Receptiontofollowat(time)(venue)
(Bride’sparents)and(Groom’sparents)inviteyoutoshareinthejoyofthemarriageunitingtheirchildren(couple’snames)
inviteyoutocelebrateourweddingday on(date)at(time)(venue).Followedbydinner,drinksanddancingat(time)(venue)
Thefamiliesof(couple’snames)inviteyoutojoininthecelebrationoftheirmarriage
requestyourcompanytocelebrateourweddingday
(date)(time)(venue).Drinks,canapesandreceptiontofollow
SomeExamplesMixandmatchbetweentheintroductionlineand/orrequesttherequestlinecolumn,andpickonefromthedetailscolumntofindyourperfectfit.Remembertheseareguidelines,nothard-and-fastrules.Ifyouwanttowordyourinvitationaparticular
way,justdoit!Theseguidelinesareagreatstartingpointthough.
More Examples
Formorewordinginspiration:
Written by Amanda Cookson, Be My Guest
Amanda Cookson | Be My Guest - Invitations for Special Occasionswww.bemyguest.co.nz | [email protected] | 021 146 3379 | fb.com/bemyguestNZ
Some Manners, PleaseThe RSVP date is the magical day where you’ll have all your important wedding-related numbers and names sussed, right? Ah, no...
A word on the wordRSVP,or“répondezs’ilvousplaît”islooselytranslatedasPleaseRespond.Soifyousay“PleaseRSVPby...”,youarerepeatingyourself.Dropthe“please”,please.
Setting the DateDon’tsettheRSVPmonthsoutfromthewedding.Ifyouaresendingoutyourinvitationstherecommendedtwelvetosixweeksprior,youshouldbesettingtheRSVPdateaboutamonthbeforethedo.Why?• Youneedasenseofurgency,whicharealisticdatedoes(“ohgeez,that’s2weeksaway”),oryourfriendsandfamilythatyouwanttobethereonyourweddingdaywillnevergetaroundtoRSVPinginthefirstplace!
• Youwillfindthatnothingeverstaysthesame.Ifyoudecidetoinvitepeople’spartners,youcouldfindthattheyarenottogetherbythetimeyourweddingdaycomesaround.Peoplethatworkonshiftswillneverbeabletotellmorethanfourweeks–iftheyarelucky–beforehandwhetherornottheyarefree.RSVPsmakeeverythingthatlittlebitmorecomplicated.
• Yourcatererdoesnotneedtwomonthsinordertoperfectthemenu.
Rounding up RSVPsNothingisworsethangettingtotheRSVPdateandrealisinghalfoftheguestlisthasn’tbotheredtoRSVP.Astemptingasitistospitefullyleavethemofftheseatingplanandpointedlymentiontheydidn’tsaytheywerecoming….don’t.Here’showtohandlethestragglers:• RemembertheygenuinelymayhaveRSVPed–andthecardislostinthemail(bad)orlostinyourhouse(worse!).Keepingthisinmindshouldhelpwithanybitterresentmentseepingout.
• Divideandconquer.Ifthere’salotofthem,considerenlistingyourMum,yourotherhalf,andmaybeyourweddingpartytochasethemup.
• Givethemacall.“HeyAuntyHelen!Can’tbelievethebigdayisintwoweeks!Areyouabletomakeit?”.
• Followup.Ifyouhadtoleaveamessage,ortheyhadtogetbacktoyou–chasethemup.Ifyouaretoobusyforaphonecall,sendoutablanketemail(usetheBCCfunction)andremindthemfirmlythatyouneednumberstokeepthecaterershappy.Itisperfectlyacceptabletosayatthispoint“IfIhaven’theardfromyoubyMonday,I’llhavetoassumeyoucan’tmakeit.Lookingforwardtocatchingupatalaterdate”.Ifthisishandledwell,itsavesbothpartiesembarrassmentanditgivesyousomecertainty.
RSVPDates
Written by Amanda Cookson, Be My Guest
Amanda Cookson | Be My Guest - Invitations for Special Occasionswww.bemyguest.co.nz | [email protected] | 021 146 3379 | fb.com/bemyguestNZ
Some Manners, Please
Everyone is always secretly excited about the wedding registry. After all, every item on your list is one of the building blocks for your new life together (or some more credit towards that dream honeymoon)...
Don’t ask!Traditionallythereshouldbenomentionofgiftsorweddingregistriesoninvitations.Itusedtobeseenasabitcheapandtacky–afterall,youareinvitingyourfriendsandfamilytowitnessthejoiningtogetheroftwopeople,notdemandingthattheygiveyoumoney.However,ontheotherhand,itcanbeuncomfortableorinconvenientforpeopletoaskthehappycouplewhattheywouldlike,especiallyassomanypeoplewouldwanttohelpthemsetuphome.Sowhatdoyoudecidetodo?
But do tell...Itisnowcommonforthecoupletoincludealittlenoteaboutagiftregistry,sodon’tfeelanxiousaboutit.Manypeopleadditintotheinvitationasaseparatecard,sothataftertheweddingitcanbethrownawaywithouthavingtogiveupthebeautifulinvitation.ThisisthecourseofactionIrecommend.Ifyoudecidethatyouwanttogoold-school,andnotincludeitatall,thatisofcourseabsolutelyfine–theworstthatcanhappenisthatnoonegetsyouanygifts.Attheendoftheday,aslongastheyattendyourweddingday,thatisthebestandmostwonderfulgiftthattheycouldpossiblygiveyouanyway:theirpresenceratherthantheirpresents!
How to tell?Communicatingyourrequestforaparticulargiftorcoldhardcashcanbealittletricky.I’vecollatedafewlight-heartedpoems,andotherwordingexamplesonmywebsite.Clickthebuttontotherighttoview:
Presentsplease!
GiftExamples
Written by Amanda Cookson, Be My Guest
Amanda Cookson | Be My Guest - Invitations for Special Occasionswww.bemyguest.co.nz | [email protected] | 021 146 3379 | fb.com/bemyguestNZ
Some Manners, PleaseYour wedding day is the most formal event you’ll organise in your life - and with formality comes rules. Since weddings are typically once-in-a-lifetime event, you can’t expect to know all the p’s and q’s. Don’t worry! I have some etiquette tips to share:
Transferable InvitationsYikes.It’saninvitation,notaticket-shamesomeguestsdon’tunderstandthis!Invitationsarenontransferablewhenpeopleareinvitedbyname.Personalisingyourinvitationswithyourguestsnameclarifieswhoisactuallyinvited,butalsoimplicitlystatestheinvitationisnontransferable.Ifafriendbreaksupwithaboyfriend,shecan’tbringalonganotherperson–orifafriend’swifecan’tmakeit,hecan’tbringhisdrinkingbuddy.IfaguestRSVP’sfortheweddingforsomeonewhoyoudidnotintendtoattend,thenasimplephonecalltoexplainthattheweddingislimitedtoclosefriendsandfamilyonlyshouldsuffice.Don’temail.It’llcausedrama.
Dress CodeYourinvitationsconveysomeinformationonthetoneofyourwedding:formalandtraditionalinvitesconveyaformalaffair,whileabright,funinvitationdemonstratesyourweddingisamorerelaxedaffair.Ifyouareconcernedtherewillbemisunderstandings,includeadresscode-“black-tie”,“cocktail”,“casual”-onyourinvitations.
Plus OneIfaguestisnotinaseriousrelationship,itisacceptabletoinvitethemwithouta“plusone”.Mostguestswillunderstandthatwithout“andpartner”ontheinvitationmeanstheyareinvitedalone.Howeverifthebulkofyourguestswillbewithpartners,andyouhaveveryfewsinglefriends,itmightbeaniceideatoextendaplusoneinvitation.Ifitdoubt,considerhowyouwouldfeelattendingaweddingalone,andwhetheryourguestwillbefriendlywithenoughoftheothergueststoenjoythemselvesandbecomfortable.
Adults OnlyThebestwaytoaddressthisisbypersonalisingeachindividualinvitationbyname–guestsshouldunderstandthattheinviteismeantforonlythosementioned.Ifyoufindthatguestsrespondwiththeirchildren’snamesadded,givethemacallandexplainyouarehavinganadults-onlyweddingandyouhopetheycanstillattend.
Ashortlineonaseparateenclosurestatingthatchildrenarewelcomefortheceremony(ifthisisthecase)mayalsoreiteratetheadults-onlystatusoftheday.Orifyouarefeelinghelpful,perhapsincludeinformationonlocalbaby-sittingservices.
Etiquette101
Written by Amanda Cookson, Be My Guest
Amanda Cookson | Be My Guest - Invitations for Special Occasionswww.bemyguest.co.nz | [email protected] | 021 146 3379 | fb.com/bemyguestNZ
After the Big DayThank you!Yourguestshavedressedup,spentadaycelebratingyouandprobablygivenyouagift,sotheleastyoucandoiswriteaThankYounote.Keepyourguest’saddresseshandyfromsendingtheinvitesanditshouldmakeitrelativelystress-free.
Aimtohaveyourthankyoucardsoutbythreemonthsofthewedding.Thatgivesyouenoughtimetoacclimatisetoyourmarriedlife,andyourfriendsandfamilydon’tworrythatyou’veforgottenthem!
Dealing with No-ShowsItisincrediblyupsettingtohavepeopleRSVPyestoyourwedding–andthenfailtoshowontheday.Howeverdon’tassumetheyjustcouldn’tbebothered:• Aguestmaynotwanttostressyououtorupsetyouontheweddingdaybypullingoutatthelastminute.I’msureyoudon’twanttobesittingatthehairdressersandgettingtextmessagesfrompeopleflakingout!
• EnsureyouhaveasensibleRSVPdateonyourinvitations–nofurtherthanamonthbefore–sothatpeopledon’tforget,orhavetheirplanschange.
The post-wedding bluesYourbigdayhasbeen,yougothitched,andnow…well…Onceuponatime,you’dbemovingintogether,andsettlingintoyournewhome.Buttimeshavemovedandit’sincrediblyraretofindcoupleswhodon’tlivetogetherpriortomarriage.Sowhenyouactuallygetmarried,inreality,notalotchanges.Addtothat,ifyourweddingdaywasn’tthedreamyouimagined(andlet’sbehonest,there’salwaysissues),oritwentjusttoofast…youmightfindyourselfatabitofaloss.
Weddingdreamingandplanningtakesupalotoftime.Mytoptipforcopingwiththosepost-weddingblues–findsomethingelsetodreamandplanabout.I’mnotsuggestinggooutandgetpregnant(unlessthat’swhatyouwant!)buthowaboutplanningyourhoneymoonorahouserenovation.Pickanewgoal–runamarathonorraisemoneyforaworthycharity.
Reliveyourweddingdaybyputtingtogetheraweddingalbum,gettingcraftyandcreatingsomeweddingshadowboxesorattendtopost-weddingadminbygettingyourdressdrycleaned.
MoreManners
Written by Amanda Cookson, Be My Guest
Amanda Cookson | Be My Guest - Invitations for Special Occasionswww.bemyguest.co.nz | [email protected] | 021 146 3379 | fb.com/bemyguestNZ
You need to know all the bits and pieces below before you can get started on your invitations. Use this as a checklist to help you keep track of what you need to finalise:
BrideName:
GroomName:
Firstnameonly/Fullname?First/Full
Parentsnamesontheinvitation?Yes/No
IfYes,Parentsnames:
Areyougoingtoincludeguestnamesontheinvitation?Yes/No(by handwriting them on, or having them printed on the invitation)
Dateofwedding:(write it out how you want it on your invite - traditional (spelt) or modern (using numbers)
Ceremonytime:(if doing the date traditionally, time will be written “(time) in the afternoon” rather than PM)
Ceremonylocation:(don’t include post code)
Receptiontime:(not required if ceremony & reception at the same place - say “reception follows” or similar)
Receptionlocation:(not required if ceremony & reception are in the same place. Don’t include post code)
RSVPdate:
RSVPmethod:Phone/Text/e-mail/post/smokesignal
WeddingInvitationWordingWorksheetandChecklist
Written by Amanda Cookson, Be My Guest
Amanda Cookson | Be My Guest - Invitations for Special Occasionswww.bemyguest.co.nz | [email protected] | 021 146 3379 | fb.com/bemyguestNZ
I hope this guide has been helpful on your wedding planning journey!
Ifyouneedanyassistancewithyourweddinginvitations,Iwouldbehappytohelp.Mycontactdetailsare:
AmandaCooksonBeMyGuestDesignbemyguest@vodafone.co.nzwww.bemyguest.co.nz0211463379
If you’re socially-inclined, visit me online:
www.bemyguest.co.nz
Congratulations & all the best for your big day!
Allsorted?!You’ll be fine (Deep breaths).