We cannot go to church today,

Sighed George and Marilyn McFay

It’s a case of oxen in the ditch.

Our kid’s coach made a schedule switch

The game’s to be at three o’clock. The boy has but one clean sock,

And my dryer is on the fritz.

To the clothesline the sock must hitch.

But the Sun’s not out.

I heard the neighbor shout.

No way will it be ready,

So our church goin’ can’t be steady.

What’s that, the coach called the game off?

Now, my son’s got a bad cough.

Better stay home today.

Not sinned this week anyway.

Besides, it might go past twelve

And preachin’ might be on hell.

That’s not the place for me.

I’m givin’ ten bucks a week you see.

Only those who come past eleven

Will fail to enter heaven.

Now, it’s too late to be on time

The fridge needs cleanin’ out the slime

And what if Uncle Amos drops in

Missin’ him for church would be a sin.

The Lord says family comes first.

Soon Old Unck will need a hearse.

Suppose, I should get him to church,

But what if he sees Aunt Emma first.

They never ever got along.

She sits in front for the songs.

That would be a horrible sight.

Amos and Emma in a fist fight.

The members of the deacon board

Would be shoutin’ prayers to the Lord,

In their most devout non-fiction

For no killin’ till the benediction.

What, what’s that you say? “Today is Saturday!” Thank God, of course, I’ll be in church Sunday.