unfriendly fire: a mother's memoir (singular lives)
TRANSCRIPT
title: UnfriendlyFire:AMother'sMemoirSingularLives
author: Mullen,Peg.publisher: UniversityofIowaPress
isbn10|asin: 0877455074printisbn13: 9780877455073ebookisbn13: 9781587291616
language: English
subject
VietnameseConflict,1961-1975--Protestmovements--UnitedStates,VietnameseConflict,1961-1975--Casualties,Mullen,Peg,--1917-,Mullen,MichaelEugene,--1944-1970.
publicationdate: 1995
lcc: DS559.5.M841995ebddc: 959.704/3373
subject:
VietnameseConflict,1961-1975--Protestmovements--UnitedStates,VietnameseConflict,1961-1975--Casualties,Mullen,Peg,--1917-,Mullen,MichaelEugene,--1944-1970.
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UnfriendlyFire
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SingularLives:TheIowaSeriesinNorthAmericanAutobiographyAlbertE.Stone,SeriesEditor
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UnfriendlyFireAMother'sMemoir
PegMullen
ForewordbyAlbertE.Stone
UNIVERSITYOFIOWAPRESSIOWACITY
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UniversityofIowaPress,IowaCity52242Copyright©1995bytheUniversityofIowaPressAllrightsreservedPrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica
DesignbyRichardHendel
Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedorusedinanyformorbyanymeans,electronicormechanical,includingphotocopyingandrecording,withoutpermissioninwritingfromthepublisher.
Printedonacid-freepaper
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataMullen,Peg,1917-Unfriendlyfire:amother'smemoir/PegMullen;forewordbyAlbertE.Stone.p.cm.(Singularlives)ISBN0-87745-506-6,ISBN0-87745-507-4(pbk.)1.VietnameseConflict,19611975ProtestmovementsUnitedStates.2.VietnameseConflict,19611975Casualties(Statistics,etc.).3.Mullen,Peg,1917-.4.Mullen,MichaelEugene,19441970.I.Title.II.Series.DS559.5.M841995959-704'3373dC2094-48108CIP
01009998979695C5432101009998979695P54321
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ThisbookisdedicatedtothevictimsoftheVietnamWarofallcolorsthemillionsofyoungmenandwomenwhoselives,limbs,andmindsweredestroyedbyasuccessionofunscrupulousmeninpower.
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Whenthewarhasendedandtheroadisopenagain,Thesamestarswillcoursethroughtheheavens.ThenwillIweepforthewhitebonesheapedTogetherindesolategravesOfthosewhosoughtmilitaryhonorsfortheirLeaders.FromthediaryofanunknownNorthVietnamesesoldier,1965
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Contents
ForewordbyAlbertE.Stone
xi
Introduction xvii
Acknowledgments xix
ChapterOne:October16,1989 1
ChapterTwo:Michael 6
ChapterThree:YourSonIsDead 18
ChapterFour:TheHomecoming 25
ChapterFive:ASilentMessage 31
ChapterSix:TheMarines 44
ChapterSeven:WBZ 55
ChapterEight:PrivateEdHall 64
ChapterNine:IGotoSeethePresident 72
ChapterTen:TheDraft 79
ChapterEleven:MothersandVeterans 90
ChapterTwelve:FriendlyFire 100
ChapterThirteen:Gene 113
ChapterFourteen:ANewWar 123
Epilogue:Michael'sLettersHome 139
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ForewordbyAlbertE.Stone
UnfriendlyFireissurelyasingularcontributiontothediscussion,flourishingnowformorethantwodecades,ofthemeaningsoftheVietnamWarforAmericanculture.Asamother'smemoir,PegMullen'sautobiographychallengesandcomplementsnearlyallothervoicesandviewpointsinthiswide-rangingdebate.Neitheranapologistforthegovernmentandmilitarynorareturnedveteran,neitheranovelistnoraNewJournalist,PegMullentellsherstorysimplyandpassionatelyasaspecialwitnessfromthehomefront.Buthersisnotonlyamother'svoicemutedasthesehaveoftenbeenkeeningoverthelossofnearly58,000Americanlives.Herparticularfatehasbeentobethemotherofasoldierkilledbyfriendlyfire,deadinhissleepfromanartilleryshellostensiblyfiredinsupportoftheinfantryunitofwhich,onFebruary18,1970,MichaelE.Mullenwasanactingplatoonsergeant.Thoughvictimsoffriendlyfirewerebutonesegmentofthemorethan10,000nonhostilecasualties,theirnumberwasneversmall.Governmentalpolicyandmilitarycensorshipkeptthisgrislyfeatureoftheconflictasconfidentialaspossible.Inparttoexposesuchsubterfugesinlanguageandaction,butalsoonbehalfofthethousandsofAmericanfamiliesafflictedbythisironiccalamityand,aboveall,toexpressherownandherhusband'smystifiedoutrage,PegMullenhaswrittenthiseloquentaccountofoneIowafamily'ssufferingandsacrifice.Hertitledeliberatelyunmasksoneofhercountry'smoreegregiouseuphemismsofmodernwarfare.
Asthetextinsistentlydocuments,PegMullennotonlyclaimsaplaceintheburgeoningliteratureoftheVietnamWarbutalsoremindsyoungerreadersthathernameandactivitiesthoughlesspublicized
thanthoseofJaneFondaandJoanBaez,nottomentionDr.Spock,AbbieHoffman,ortheBerriganbrothershavebeenknownforaquartercentury.Firstasastateandregionalantiwaractivist,thenin1976astheprotagonistinC.D.B.Bryan'sFriendlyFire,herfameextendedfromherfarmnearLaPorteCity,BlackHawkCounty,Iowa,totherestofthenation.EvenmoreAmericansencounteredherresolutepersonalityastranslatedin1979fromlifetobooktoTVscreenintheprize-winningdocudramaFriendlyFire,starringCarolBurnettasPegMullen.
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GivensuchstrategiclocationwithinAmericanpopularcultureandappearingintheafterglowofDesertStorm,UnfriendlyFirecommandsattentiontotheongoingtaskofunderstandinganincreasinglyremoteanddivisivewar.PegMulleninsists,furthermore,upontheneedtomakepersonal,moral,andemotionalsenseratherthanarticulatemorecerebralassessmentsofhistorical,political,andsociologicalcausesandconsequences.Hervaluingpersonalandfamilialsufferingandresistancemakesplainthisboolesautobiographicaltheme.Forheridentitybecomesoursharedlossanddisillusionamidthemysteriesandmeaningsofone"accidental"deathinafar-offwarandtheaccompanyingcivilianconflictsathome.TheirconfluenceturnedPegandGeneMullenintoconfirmedcriticsofwarandthePentagon,ofPresidentNixonandColonelNormanSchwarzkopf,MichaelMullen'sbattalioncommanderinthehillsnearChuLai.
Theireldestsonwasinfactandisinmemorytheappleofhisparents'eyes.AttheMullens'story'score,therefore,isPeg'srefusaltoacceptherson'sdeath.Herworksstructurereflectsthetriangularwebofrelationshipsamongmother,father,son.Michaelsmall,intense,caring,obedient,hardworkingcombinedhisparents'qualitiestobecomeanexemplaryIowafarmchild,4-Hmember,Catholichighschoolandcollegestudent,reluctantbutdutifuldraftee.HislettersfromVietnamappearasthecodatothisfamilynarrative.Inunderstatedprose,thesoldierrepeatsthefeelings,concerns,andlanguageofothergruntspresentanddyinginmoreartfulaccountslikeMichaelHerr'sorTimO'Brien's.Likethem,herecordsgrowingbitterness,weariness,andasenseoffutilityoverthesearchanddestroytactics,thevillageburnings,theboobytraps,andthecallousbodycountpreoccupationofhissuperiors.Gene'ssecretlettertohisdeadsonaspoignantasanypassageintheotherVietnamnarrativesdramatizesthesilentsufferingthisfatherenduredashe
grievedhiswaytowardacceptanceofhisson'sdeath.
Inbetweenandembracingbothdeadmales'words(forGene'sdeathcamein1986,beforePegbeganwritingherautobiography)standsthestubbornlyhonestauthor-mother-wife.Whatneithertheson'snorthefather'sletterscanrevealisthe"truth"ofMichaelMullen'skillingasamicrocosmoftheVietnamWar.Thisquestforwidermeaninganimatedthegrievingparents'livesfromFebruary1970on.ReadersofPegMullen'sstorywillrecognizethatthewidow,
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nowretiredtoamodesthomeinBrownsville,Texas,stillpursuesthe''truth''behindherson's"accidental"killing.Thisquestbecomesinextricablyentangledwiththemysteries,evasions,obsessions,andtheconflictingexplanationsandblamingssurroundinganddefiningthewar.Forbothparents,thecauseofMichaelMullen'sdeathmustbeapersonal"Who?"ratherthansomeimpersonalconcatenationofgeographyandhistory,strategyandtactics,mechanicalaccidentorhumanerror.TheMullens'privatetragedyandpublicactionschallengetheofficialjustifications,thenandlater,summarizedbyAndrewMartininReceptionsofWar:VietnaminAmericanCulture.Thechiefoneswerethefollowing:asa"quagmire,"Vietnamistobeblamedonnoone;the"mystery"thatsimplyhappenedinafarawayplaceandtime,therefore,defiescomprehension;becauseitbecameastruggleamong"victims,"Vietnam"wasawarnoonewon";andfinallythe(tosomehollow)claimremainsthattheAmericanmilitarywasneveractuallydefeatedonthebattlefieldsofSoutheastAsia.
PegMullentreatssuchhistoricalexplanationssimplyasexcusesrenderedsuspectorinvalidbythetestimonyinherson'slettersandreturnedsoldiers'phonecalls,letters,andvisitstothefarm.Herownpreoccupationthroughoutiswithmilitaryinjusticeandpoliticalduplicity.Whatshefirmlybelievesisaconspiracybeganthedayanofficerandherlocalpriestcametothefarmtoannounce,butnothonestlyexplain,Michael'sdeathbyfriendlyfire.Herresistancepersiststothepresent.Ifoundmyselfdespisingeveryoneinmilitaryuniform,"shesaysofhercampaignwagedthroughmarchesanddemonstrations,interviewsandpanelsonradio,TV,andinthepress,andinreluctantparticipationinBryan'swritingofFriendlyFireandevenmorereluctantacquiescencetoABC'smovieversionofherexperiences.Thefinalactofremembranceandrebellion,sofaratleast,isthisautobiography.
Whatisanadequateresponsetotheenormitiesofthisdoublewarthe
oneinVietnamandtheotheronthestreetsofplaceslikeDesMoinesandWashington?PegMullen'sstruggletoconfrontthischallengeleadstoabitterculturaldiagnosis:theUnitedStateshasbecomeathoroughgoingwarculture.Further,anyonewhodarestodeclarethis"truth"openlyriskstreatmentasanenemy.ThisthreatbecamerealityforherduringNixon'svisittoDesMoinesin1971andherownmaulingthereatthehandsofaplainclothespoliceofficer.
"Idesperatelyneedtobelievethatmyson'slifewasnotwasted,
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thathediedforsomehighideal."ThesewordswerespokenbyPegMullenintestimonybeforeacongressionalcommittee.Whennosuchidealemerges,whenitbecomesclearthat,asGeneputit,theirson"diedfornocauseinthisconflictwithnodefinition,"Peg'scrusadeconcentratesonColonel(now,ofcourse,General)Schwarzkopf.DesertStormsimplyfuelsthefiresofherrighteousindignation.InalaterspeechattheUniversityofIowa,"Iventedtwentyyearsofdislikeforamanwho,inmyeyes,stoodonlyforwar,amanwhowouldwinpromotionandadvancementbecauseofhisabilitytowagewar."Latersherethoughtthesewords."AttimesIhavequestionedmyownfeelings,"shestates;''thecolonelwasmerelyfollowingordersinhismindlesspursuitofbodycountinVietnam,butIwon'tforgivehishavingallowedthesacrifice."WhentheGulfWar,initsinitialstage,producedelevenmarineskilledbyfriendlyfire,sheagainfeltjustified.InaninterviewonNBC,shedeclaredthat"youdon'tevercometogripswiththelossofalovedone...oreverforgetoreverbelievetherewasareason.''
PegMullen'srecognitionoftheabsenceofmeaninginherson'sandcountry'sfatesinSoutheastAsiaisbuttressedbytestimonyfromthewebofrelationshipsestablishedwithreturnedveteransandtheirfamilies,aswellasinthepersonalliteratureaboutVietnam.InARumorofWar,forexample,PhilipCaputocontrasts"TheNam"and"TheWorld.""Onthatalienplanet,"heobserves,"nosuchcomfortingregularitieswerediscernible.Asonesoldiercommented,'Itwasnoorderlycampaign,asinEurope,butawarwagedinawildernesswithoutrulesorlaws....Chance.Purechance.Theonetruegodofmodernwarisblindchance.'"Broughtup,likemostoftherestofthe"silentmajority,"tomeasureissueslikewar'smoralityandrationalcircumstancebytheyardstickofWorldWarII,the"ParadigmWar,"theMullenswerebitter,confused,yearnedfiercelyformeaning.UnfriendlyFiredocumentssuchculturalandpersonaldespairwith
convincingclarityandforce.
Formanyknowledgeablereaders,PegMullen'sheroic,intensestruggletoimposemeaningonason'sdeathandadisastrouswarreinforcesinsightsalreadyreceivedthroughotherchannels.Thisbook'stitleandnarrativefocusinevitablyrecallBryan'sFriendlyFire.Thecontrastbetweenaninsideautobiographicalnarrativeandapresumably"objective"oroutsideaccountisinstructiveinmanyways,manyofwhicharetoointricatetobedisentangledhere.Whatis
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clearfromPegMullen'sversionisherutterrelianceuponpersonalexperienceandbelief.TheNewYorkerwriter'sstory,however,assertsthat,while"truth"mayneverbeforthcominginMichaelMullen'scase,itcanbeapproachedbycuriosity,care,andsympatheticweighingofvariousviewsandpersonalinvestmentsinavailablefactsandexplanations.WhenPegandGeneMullenbecamedisenchantedwithFriendlyFire,itwasonlypartlybecausethewriterfromdowninIowaCityhadlistenedcarefullytomanyversionsofMichaelMullen'skillingincludingatsomelengthColonelSchwarzkopf's.Morebasicstillwastheirconvictionthat"duringthefiveyearsheworkedonourstory,itsimplybecamehisstory,andwedefinitelydidnotlikehisversion."AsGeneMullenremarkedtoBryan,"Youwantedthestory,andwewantedthetruth.''TowhichBryanadded,''Theywereright."Assemblingandassessingthefactsaboutthepastcouldnotproduce"truth"untilthestorywaspossessedmade,thatis,meaningfulbybothactorsandtheteller.
UnfriendlyFireimplicitlyaffirmsthisconflictbetween"tellingthetruth"and"tellingastory."Nonetheless,PegMullenremainstruetoherselfabrave,determined,honest,deeplyscarredmother.Writingherson'sstoryasadvocateandwitnessre-establishes,indeed,creates,herautobiographicalidentity.ItbecomesawayoutofgriefwhilekeepingMichaelMullenaliveinmemoryandimagination.ThesonwhodiedneedlesslyinVietnamkeepswhisperingtoher,"Don'tgiveup.Protestthiswar."
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IntroductionIn1968mysonMichaelwasdraftedandoneyearlaterhewassenttoVietnam.HewaskilledinFebruary1970inoneofthelongestmilitaryengagementsinthehistoryofourcountry.TheUnitedStatesbecameinvolvedintheconflictbetweenNorthandSouthVietnamaftertheFrenchlostthewarin1954.Earlier,PresidentTrumanhadsentfinancialaidtoSouthVietnamtostemCommunism.In1955PresidentEisenhowerintroducedmilitarypersonneltohelptraintheSouthVietnamesearmy,followedbythedeploymentofAmericantroopsduringtheKennedyyears.In1964,afterKennedy'sassassination,PresidentJohnsonpresentedtheU.S.SenatewiththeGulfofTonkinresolution,enablinghimtoexpandourinvolvementintoafull-fledgedmilitaryaction.Onlytwosenatorsvotedagainsttheamendment,ErnestGrueningofAlaskaandWayneMorseofOregon.By1969wehad540,000troopsfightinganddyinginacountry10,000milesfromourshores.
PresidentNixoncampaignedinthe1968electiononaplatformtoendthewar,anissuethatheputasideimmediatelyfollowinghiselection.Withtheaidofhissecretaryofstate,HenryKissinger,whotalkedaboutanegotiatedpeaceforfiveyears,theU.S.finallyreachedanagreementinMarch1973withtheNorthVietnamese.Ourtroopswerewithdrawnindisgraceanddefeat.Thewarcontinueduntil1975,whenSaigonfelltotheCommunistsfromthenorth.
Duringtheseyearsmyhusband,Gene,andIlivedonasmallfarminBlackHawkCounty,Iowa.Thefarmdidn'tproduceenoughincometosupportourfamilyoffour,soGeneworkedoffthefarmattheJohnDeereTractorWorksinnearbyWaterloo.Thejobenabledustoforgeaheadinimprovingthefarm,sendourchildrentoaprivatecollege-prephighschool,thentocollegeandgraduateschool.
OnFebruary18,1970,MichaelwaskilledinVietnambyfriendlyfire.WhenIlearnedofhisdeathtwodayslater,Ihadnotimetogrieve.Bythetimehisbodyarrivedhome,Ihadwagedanine-daybattlewiththemilitaryestablishment,andafterhisburialImadeadecisiontocontinuethestruggle.IembarkedonacampaignthatlasteduntiltheVietnamWarfinallyendedfiveyearslater.
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MyfrenziedactivitiesduringthoseyearsweredocumentedinMarch1976byauthorC.D.B.BryaninthreeissuesoftheNewYorkerandreleasedinbookformbyPutnamPublishersthatApril,entitledFriendlyFire.InApril1979amovieofthesamename,basedonthebook,wasproducedbyMarbleArchProductionsandairedonABC-TVwithCarolBurnettplayingtheleadrole.TheproductionwonsixEmmys.Itdocumentedmyfighttolearnthetruthaboutmyson'sdeathbyfriendlyfire,resultinginmypersonalstruggletobringtheVietnamWartoanend.
Forthepasttwenty-fouryearsIhavelivedwiththeterm"friendlyfire."IfirstbecameawareofitwhenamilitaryofficerhandedmeatelegramtellingmethatmysonhaddiedinVietnamasaresultoffriendlyfire.Myreactionwasimmediate:angeranddisbelief.ThenIaskedquestionsandlearnedthetermwasusedtodescribemilitarycasualtiescausedby"friends."
Thetermcontinuestohauntme.Howcanmilitarymenandwomenondutyinawarzonehavetheirdeathsdescribedasfriendly?Thetermhasgrownmorepopularaswecontinuetobecomeinvolvedinwarafterwar,eachofthemproducingmorefriendlyfiredeathsthanthelast.SomescholarsarenowwritingthatallU.S.casualtiesintherecentGulfWarwerefromfriendlyfire.
Itistimetoeliminatethistermfromourmilitarylinguistics.Amilitarydeathduringawarisawarcasualtynotafriendlyaffair.
Themagazinearticles,thebook,themovie,ourantiwaradandseveralyearsofnewsitemsintheDesMoinesRegister,andpersonalappearancesbymecombinedtoproduceacascadeofmail.Letterscamefromwarvictimswhosuddenlywerespeakingout:theveteransthemselves;bereavedmothers,fathers,sisters,andbrothers;childrendeprivedoftheirfathers;andbewilderedgrandparents.
TheseoftenpoeticcommunicationscontaintheonlytrueaccountofthosedarkyearsandthehavocourmilitaryinflictedonhouseholdsacrosstheUnitedStates.TheyconvincedmethatIneededtotellourstory,asthatofonlyonefamilyoftheforgottenpeopleintheVietnamWar.Ihavequotedfromonlyafewoftheletters,butallhavebeenpreservedintheWomen'sArchivesattheUniversityofIowaLibraries,IowaCity,Iowa.
Iwanttothankthewonderfulpeoplewhocaredandwhotookafewmomentstoletmyfamilyknow.
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One:October16,1969ItwasaquietnightonmystreetinBrownsville,Texas.Thewindowsanddoorswereopentoletinthegulfbreeze.Threeyearshadpassedsincemyhusband'sdeathandmydecisiontogoitaloneinTexas.
IwasstretchedoutinaLa-Z-BoychairenjoyingthesecondgameoftheWorldSeriesbetweentheOaklandA'sandtheSanFranciscoGiants.Suddenlythetelephonerang.Allbellsandalarmsinourhomehadalwaysbeenloudbecauseofmyhusband'sdeafness.Ihadgrownusedtothem.ThephonerangtwicebeforeIreachedit.
"Hello,"Isaid.
Severalsecondselapsedwithoutaresponse.Notwantingtomissamomentoftheseries,Isaid,"What'syourproblem?"
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Thecallerstammered,thenaskedtospeaktoGeneMullen.Iexplainedthathehaddiedin1986.HeaskedforPeg.
Iidentifiedmyself,andwithoutfurtherhesitationheblurtedout,"I'mthemanwhokilledyoursoninVietnamnineteenyearsago."
IwasstunnedthiswasthecallIhadwaitedforsince1970.IthoughtofGeneandthankedGodhewasnotsittinginhischairhecouldn'thavehandledanymoregrief.
Thenmyconcernturnedtotheanguishedmanonthephone:"Whyareyoucallingmeatthislatedate?Andhowdidyougetmytelephonenumber?"
Regaininghiscomposure,hereplied,"I'vealwaysknownwhereyouwere.MybuddywhowaswithmeinVietnamthatnightwasfromIowaandlivedonlyaboutfortymilesnorthofyourfarm."
ItoldhimI'dknownformanyyearsoftheexistenceofhisfriend.Rick,aVietnamveteranwhohadgonetohighschoolwithsomeofmychildren,cametoseemeonemorningseveralmonthsafterMichael'sdeath.HewantedtotellmeaboutdrinkingbeerinataverninWaterlootheeveningbeforewithaveteranwhohadservedintheartilleryunitresponsibleforourson'sdeath.Rickdidnotlearnhisnameandneversawthemanagain.Itwouldhavebeendifficultforustolocatetheveteran;weunderstoodwhyhehadnotcontactedus,sowemadenoefforttofindhim.
"I'mcallingformanyreasons,"hecontinued."Firstyoumustknowthatthemeninthe14thArtillerywerenotdrinkingasshowninFriendlyFire.We'dbeenasleepforseveralhourswhenwewereawakenedshortlyafter2A.M.byourlieutenantwithorderstofiretheguns."
Whenaninfantryunitwasonamissioninthejungle,farfromits
homebase,itwastheresponsibilityoftheartillerytoprovidecoverincaseofenemyattack.Assoonastheinfantryduginforthenight,anartilleryofficer(forwardobserver)whotraveledwiththemradioedtheirlocationbacktohisheadquarters.Meticulouscalculationsweremadebetweentheforwardobserverandtheofficerinchargeofthe105-mmhowitzers.Wheneveryoneinvolvedwassatisfiedthatthecoordinateswereperfect,themenwhowouldfiretheguns,ifnecessary,wereinformedofthethreenumbersthatwouldbepunchedinatthegunsight.
Mycallercontinued:"ExactlocationofCharlieCompanyhadbeendeterminedearlierintheevening,thecoordinateswereset,and
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everythingwasreadyincasetheinfantrycameunderattack.Weweretoldthetestroundshadbeencancelledandwecouldgotobed."
Foryearswetriedtofindoutwhosedecisionitwastocallintheartillerycoverat2:30A.M.whennoenemyactionhadbeenreportedandthemenwereasleepintheirfoxholes.SeveralGIswhohadbeentheretoldmeitwasastandingordertoawakenthemenwhentheartillerywouldgoovertheirposition.
Hehesitatedforamoment,thencontinued:"Aslipofpaperonwhichthreenumbershadbeenhandwrittenwashandedtomebytheartilleryofficerwhowokeusupthenumberswerethecoordinatesthathadbeensetintothegunearlierintheevening.AsmybuddyandIapproachedthehowitzer,bothofusweregroggy.Ilookedcloselyatthenoteinmyhandandwithouthesitationpunchedthethreenumbersintotheartillerypiece.Now,fullyawake,Iknewthethirdnumberwaswrong."
Thetragicerrorresultedinthewoundingofsixmenbyshrapnel,theinstantdeathofmysonMichael,whenasmallpieceofsteelpiercedhisheart,andthedeathofayoungmanfromWestVirginiawhodiedtwenty-fourhourslater.
"Mrs.Mullen,bothofusburiedtheincidentdeepinourmindsneitherofuswantedtofacethehavocandterrorwemusthavecaused.Itwasnotuntilthebookwaspublishedthatweknewrealpeoplediedthatnight.Mrs.Mullen,Ican'tkeepthissecretanylonger.Iflashbacknightafternight.MybuddyfromIowaoftencomestoseeme,andforyearswe'vewantedtocallyou."
Itmusthavetakenagreatdealofcourageforthecallertotellmehisstory.Afteryearsofconversationswithveterans,Iunderstoodwhyhehadn'tcalledsooner.Mostofthemfirsthadtohealemotionally,andittookyears.AtthismomentIfeltitwasnecessaryformetoeasehis
hurt.
"Maybeitwillhelpyoutoknow,"Isaid,"thatmanyyearsagoweheardthatanofficerintheartilleryhadbeenreprimanded,infacthadbeencourt-martialed.WehavenoproofbecausetheDefenseDepartmenthasrefusedfornineteenyearstoreleasetheinvestigationofMichael'sdeath.Youwerenotguilty,norwasyourfriend.Sonowmaybelifewillbeeasierforyou."
ThepassageinFriendlyFireaccusingthemeninthe14thArtilleryofdrunkennesswasnotourstory.ItcamefromColonelNormanSchwarzkopf,commandingofficerofCharlieCompanyofthe198th
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Battalion.Atthetimeofthemisfirehewasasleeponthehillwiththeartillery.Whencheckinghisunitthenextmorning,hewasquicktotellthemthathesawemptybeercansstackedinfrontofthehowitzers.NoneofthemenwhocamebackalivefromhiscompanyunderstoodwhytheCOtoldthemthisstory;theywereconsumedwithangerwhichdidn'tneedtobereenforced.
Ithankedtheveteranforcalling.Ididn'taskhisnamebutassuredhimthatIbelievedhisstory.Iwishedhimpeaceofmindandhungup.
Nineteenyearsofletters,phonecalls,andvisitsfromVietnamveteranshadinsulatedme.Ihadlearnedtolivewith"friendlyfire"thebook,themovie,andthecolonel.Icouldnotforgetthatperiodinmylife,butgrievingwasinthepast.Imademyselfacupofcoffeeandreturnedtotheworldofbaseball.
ThenextmorningIfeltimpelledtocallCourtyBryan,theauthorofFriendlyFire,andtellhimthatpartofthemysteryofMichael'sdeathhadbeenmadeclearatlast.IaddedthatIbelievedthecaller'sversionofwhathappened,butthereremainedtoomanyunansweredquestions.
"Whocalledintheartillerywithoutalertingthesleepingmenintheirfoxholes?"Iasked."Itwasthedutyoftheforwardobservertodoso;hehadn'tfailedtheminthepastwhythatnight?Andwhywasitcalledinwhentherewasnoenemyactivityinthearea?"Bryanlistenedpolitelybutdidn'tseeminterestedinthenews.Heaskedaboutmyhealthandthankedmeforcalling.
GeneandIneverbelievedColonelSchwarzkopf'sstorythatthemisfirewastheresultofthemenbeingdrunk;wedidn'tbelieveBryan'sconclusionthattheartilleryhadfailedtotaketheheightofthetreesintoconsideration.Genehadcometotheconclusionthatsomeonefailedtoloadthepropernumberofcanistersintothegun,
causingashortfall,i.e.,thetrajectorydidnotreachtheheightorlengthtoavoidthesleepingmenontheground.
InFebruary1991,twenty-oneyearsafterMichael'sdeath,Ifoundmyselfcaughtupinanewwar,DesertStorm,andanotherincidentoffriendlyfireinvolvingtroopsunderthecommandofthesameVietnamcolonel,nowwearingfourstarsandknownas"Stormin'Norman"Schwarzkopf.
Thegeneralhadorderedtwelvemarinesunderhiscommandintothedeserttoengageenemytanks.Thiswasdonebeforethehigh
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commandhadissuedordersforthestartofgroundwarfare.Themarinesweremistakenfortheenemybythegeneral'sownairpower,andelevendiedwhentheywerebombed.
ForyearsIhadattemptedtoobtainacopyoftheofficialinvestigationofMichael'sdeath,andinthefallof1990ItriedonceagainthroughtheFreedomofInformationAct.IwasreferredtodepartmentafterdepartmentinthePentagon.Finally,IheardthelastwordfromtheNationalArchives.Michael'sfilehadreachedthem,minustheinvestigationreport.TheyexplainedthatveryfewinvestigationreportsaccompaniedtherecordsofVietnamcasualtiesthatthearchivesreceivedfromthearmy.
Theremusthavebeenthousandsofdeathssubjecttoinvestigationduringourcountry'sten-yearinvolvementinVietnam.Statisticspublishedyearslaterindicatedthatmorethan10,000casualtieswerecausedbyaccidents,murder,friendlyfire,drugoverdose,andotherunexplainedcauses,alllabelednonhostiledeaths.
Forcenturiesithasbeennecessarytosanitizeallwarsandtheirrecords.
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Two:MichaelWhenMichaelMullenwaskilledhewasknownonlytohisfamilyandaclosecircleoffriends.AsayoungadulthehadnotventuredveryfarfromIowaonlytoRockhurstCollegeinKansasCityandtheUniversityofMissouriinColumbia.HisflightonatroopcarriertoVietnammusthavetraumatizedhisverysoul.
Becausehisfatherandmother,withtheassistanceofC.D.B.Bryan,madehisdeathbyfriendlyfireacrusadetoawakenallfathersandmotherstotheinsanityofwar,heisrememberedbyanation.
Michaelwasforcedintomanhoodasalittleboybecauseofthecircumstancesinwhichhegrewup.HisfatherreturnedfromWorld
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WarIIandboughtthefamilyfarmnearLaPorteCity,Iowa.FollowinghisserviceintheMexicanWar,Michael'sgreat-great-grandfather,JohnDobshire,purchasedthefarmin1854fromthefederalgovernment.Asitpassedfromonegenerationtoanother,ithadbeenallowedtodeteriorate.Thefarmconsistedof120acres,110acresforcrops(cornandsoybeans)and10acresofgrasslandforgrazingcattle.Ourfirstcropharvestedin1946yieldedonly35bushelsofcornperacre,comparedto175bushelstoday.Generealizeditwouldnotsupportourfamily,sohewenttoworkoffthefarm.ForeighteenyearshefarmedandalsoworkedeighthoursadayattheRathPackingCompany,thentheJohnDeereTractorWorks,bothinWaterloo.Michaelwasafidgetyyoungsterneversittingstillanaturalfordoinglightweightfarmchoresassoonashecouldgripthehandleofasmallpail.
MichaelwasbornSeptember11,1944,inDesMoines,Iowa,andlearnedtowalkatFortLogan,Colorado,wherehisfatherwasstationed.AtthattimethearmybasewasanoasisatthefootoftheRockiesitwascalledthecountrycluboftheU.S.Army.Genewasinchargeofthemesshall,andallthecooksandbakerswereGermanprisoners.
Iwentregularlytothemesshalltoeatand,whilethere,wouldallowolderprisonersfathersandgrandfatherstoplaywithMichael.Itwasagainstmilitarycode,butIdidn'tcare.InthesafetyofthestoreroomoneelderlymanwouldtossMichaelintotheairandnearlyhugthelifeoutofhim.Anotherwouldholdtheyear-oldbabyclosetohisshoulderandcroonaGermanlullaby.Myheartwentouttothesesoldiers,whomIsawasvictimsofHitlerandhisgovernment.
AfterwemovedtothefarmnearLaPorteCityinthespringof1946,Michaelhadtheprivilegeofspendinghisthirdandfourthyearswithagrandfatherwhocametolivewithus.Ihadbeenlivingwithmy
father,ClairGoodyear,inDesMoineswhenMichaelwasborn,sothetwoweremeetingagain.Unfortunately,Michael'sfatherhadlittletimetospare.Aslongashisgrandfatherlived,MichaelcalledhimDadandhisfatherGene.
EveryeveningduringthesummermonthsGrandfatherGoodyear,followedbyhisgrandson,walkedahalfmiledowntheroadtothepasturetobringbackthecowstobemilkedbyGenewhenhecamehome.Mikey,emulatinghisgrandfathereverystepoftheway,
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OurfarmhomenearLaPorteCity,Iowa,August1978,withourdog,Sandy.ThelandhadbeeninGene'sfamilysincethe1850s,andwemovedtothefarmin1946.Genedrewtheplansforthehouse,which
webuiltin1961.
carriedastickasbigashimself,chasedthecowsinandoutoftheditches,guidedthemintothebarn,andfinishedthejobbystandingonhistoesandreachinghightolatchthebarndoor.WhenGrandpacameinfordinnerintheevening,helovedtorecounteventsoftheirtriptothepastureandback.
MichaelwasalmostsixwhenhestartedschoolinSeptember1950,gettingontheschoolbusattheearlyhourof7:30.HeattendedthepublicschoolinLaPorteCity,atownofabouttwothousandatthattime.Thetownhaditsbeginningsinthe1850sandovertheyearsbecameathrivingcommunity.Itsoldeverycommodityafarmingcommunityneededandatonetimehadthelargestcanningfactoryinthestate,canningsweetcorn.Ithadarailroad,theRockIsland,
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andacommutertrolley,theWCFN,whichraneveryhour,carryingfarmchildrentohighschoolinWaterlooandlaborerstoworkattheRathPackingCompanyandtheJohnDeereTractorWorks.SooncitybusesservedthepublicinCedarFallsandWaterloo,motorcarsreplacedthehorseandbuggy,andthetrolleywasabandoned.BusinessesbegantofadewiththeGreatDepression,andLaPortebecameabedroomtown.
Michaelwassmallwhenhestartedschool,butthatdidn'tkeephimfromgettingintotroubleontheplaygroundduringthefirstcoupleofweeks.Hisonlypreschoolfriend,ameanlittlekid,wastwicehissize,soMichaellearnedearlytodefendhimself.Ontheplayground,hewaspushedandshovedaroundbythebiggerboys,whoweredelightedwhenheresponded.Hecamehomewithbuttonsoffandkneesoutofnewjeans.
OnedayIadmonishedhimtostopfighting.Hepromisedtobehave,thengotofftheschoolbusthenextafternoonwithascratchonhischeekandatornshirtcollar.BeforeIcouldsayawordhelookedatmewide-eyedandsaid,''Mom,Ikeptmypromise,Istoppedfightingbuttheydidn't.''
LaPorteCityGradeSchoolhadanexcellentartsandcraftsshoweachyearforallclasses,andthecompetitionamongstudentswasintense.Michael,inthefirstgrade,hadworkedhardonasculptureofababypigmoldedoutofPlay-Dohhewaspositivehehadawinner.Whenthestudentsweretakentothegymnasiumtoviewtheexhibitandcheckoutthewinners,hewasincensedtolearnthathedidnotreceivethebestinhisclass.Heimmediatelyapproachedaneighborandaskedwhojudgedthecontest.WhenBeverlyrepliedthatshehad,heremarkedindisgust,"NowonderIdidn'twinjustabunchoffarmwivesasjudges."Thecompetitivespiritshownbytheundersizedseven-year-oldstayedwithhimashegrewtoadulthood.Hethrived
oncompetition;however,helearnedtoacceptdefeatgraciously.
WhenMichaelturnedeight,Iwasabouttohavemyfourthchildinfiveyears.Hehadbeenanonlychildforalmostfouryears.Naturallyhewasupset.Oneeveningwesatonthedavenportandtalkedaboutit.
"Mom,whyareyouhavingbabiesallthetime?"heasked."Wedon'thaveroomforanother.Wedon'thaveanymoney.WhatI'mtryingtosayisthatmothersofmyfriendsontheschoolbusdon't
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Ourchildrenin1955.Clockwisefromleft:Michael,eleven;Patricia,eight;John,three;andMary,five.
havebabieseveryyear."Thisastutelittleeight-year-oldthoughtforamomentandadded,"Whydon'tyouaskDr.Paigeaboutit.I'msuretheremustbeapillhecouldgiveyou."Yearslater,whilestudyingbiochemistryingraduateschool,helaughedandsaid,"Mom,ateightIknewthepillwasthemostperfectdrugeverdiscovered.''
Smallanduncoordinated,Michaelwasnotgoodatsports,butthatdidn'tdampenhisenthusiasm.Attwelve,heandhisfriendJackerectedabasketballbackboardinthebackyard.Theyuseddiscarded
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telephonepoles,purchasedforonedollareach;somehowtheseyoungboyswereabletogetthemintotheground,standingstraightandsturdy.Thebackboardwasregulationsize,andtheheightofthehoopwasperfect.Theirfathersonceaskedthemhowlongtheythoughtitwouldstand.IndisgustJackreplied,"Youwaitandsee."Itstood,withanewpaintjobwhenneeded,forthirty-fiveyears.Hoursandhoursofone-on-onebasketballwereplayedwhileMichaelandJohn,hisbrother,weregrowingup.
MichaellovedtoplaygolfandstartedassoonashewasoldenoughtodrivetothegolfcoursenearLaPorteCity.Johnjoinedhimwhenhewastenandintwoorthreeyearswasabletobeathisolderbrother.Eventually,Michaelplayedbasketballinjuniorhighandhighschoolbutcouldn'tdobetterthanthesecondteam.Hehappilysettledforalessglamorousroleandplayedwithspirit.
FromayoungageMichaelknewhewouldgotocollege.Ashegrewup,heworkedwheneverhecouldtoearnhisway.Onhisfirstjob,atageeleven,hecutasparagusonafarmtwomilesaway.Hegotupat5A.M.,pedaledhisbiketothefarm,andcutfortwohoursbeforeschool.Thenhewouldhurryhometoeatbreakfastandcatchtheschoolbus.Heearnedaboutfortydollarseachspringandbankedeverypennyofit.Workerswerepaidbytheweightofeachbasketpicked,andthroughthismethodofpaymenthewasintroducedtodishonestyonthejobforthefirsttimeinhislife.Oneoftheyoungpickersbraggedaboutputtingsandinhisbasket,thencoveringitwithasparagus.Michaelwassoupsethetalkedaboutthiseverymorningforquitesometime.
4-Hclubswerewonderfuloutletsforfarmboysandgirls,enablingthemtoreachouttonewfriendsandeasingtheirisolation.Theyhadgoalseverysummerandprojectsthatwereabsorbing.Eachoftheboysgroomedananimaltoshowatthecountyfair;somegirlsalso
optedforanimalsotherspreparedclothingandbakedgoods.
Oneoftheactivitiesofeachlocaltownshipgroupwastotourthefarmstoinspecttheanimalsbeingreadiedforthecountyfair.Whilepreparingforoneoftheannualtours,Michaelspenttheeveningscrubbinghissteerandgroomingitforthenextday'svisitors.Hetieditinthebarnsoitwouldstayintip-topcondition.
Whenitcametimetobringthesteeroutintothefarmlotsothevisitorscouldviewit,itwouldn'tbudge.Michaelhadtheleadropearoundtheanimal'sneck,pullingwithallhisstrength,withonefoot
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Michaelatageeleven,withoneofhis4-Hprojects.
bracedagainsttheopenbarndoor.Hisbuddywasontheotherend,twistingthecritter'stailandpushing.AphotographerwiththeWaterlooCouriersnappedapictureatjusttherightmoment.TheAssociatedPresspickeditupanddistributeditnationwide,bearingthetitle,"Something'sgottogive."
WhenMichaeldiedhewasrememberedbyConnieBarker,afriendfrom4-HdaysandnowanattorneyinSacramento,California:
MichaelandImetinhighschoolwhenwewerebothdelegatestothe4-Hleadershipcamp.Hishighschoolgraduationpictureisonthefirstpageofmyphotoalbum....Hewroteontheback,"Connie,thinknotthattimeisanendless,vastcreation,forwhatwedonowwillsettheroadforthefuture.Besurethatyousetyourroadhighandstraightwithnodiversionsofpurposeinit.Ifyoucan'tmakeheadsortailsoftheabove,don'tworry,Ican'teither"solikeMichael.
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Thisphotographoftwelve-year-oldMichaeltryingtodraghissteeroutofthebarn,whichfirstappearedinalocalnewspaper,waspickedupbytheAssociatedPressanddistributednationallywiththecaption,"Something's
gottogive."
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Phyllis,aneighborwhohadstartedschoolwithMichael,sittingonthebuswithhimthroughgradeschool,sentasympathycardandenclosedahandwrittennote:IthinkIhadacrushonhimfromthedaywestartedkindergarten."
OnefoggynightduringMichael'sfourteenthsummer,wewereawakenedbythesoundofvoicesapproachingthehouse.Soontherewasaknockatourbackdoor,andwhenIopeneditIfoundamanlyingontheporch,coveredwithblood.IcalledforGeneandMichael.
MichaeltookchargeandaskedmefortowelsandalltheiceIcouldfindinthefreezer.Hethenpackedtheinjuredman'sfacewithice,handingmethebloodytowelstorinseincoldwater.Meanwhile,Iwastryingtopersuadethelocaldoctortocome.Hereferredtoourvictimas"justanotherdrunk"andtoldmetocalltheHighwayPatrol.Healsoinformedmethatpeopledidn'tdiefromlossofbloodasaresultoffacialcuts.
Afterfifteenminutesoftryingtostemthebleeding,theinjuredmanspokeout:"Don'tyouknowmeMike,I'mDon."Anotherquickcalltothedoctortotellhimtheinjuredmanwasourclosefriendandneighbor.Thistimeheresponded,"I'llbethereintenminuteswithanambulance."
Thedoctorcalledusthenextdaytosaythatithadtakentwodoctorssixhourstoputin350stitches.HeaddedthattheywouldhavebeenunabletomaketherepairsifMichaelhadn'tpackedDon'sfaceinice.
TwodaysafterMichael'sdeathwasannouncedwereceivedaletterfromtheinjuredneighbor,scrawledontabletpaper.
Gene,Pegandfamily:
Itisn'tthatIcouldn'taffordacardIcouldn'tfindonethatwouldexpressmyfeelings....
YouwerealwaysthebestneighborswehadEvelynandIIdon'tintendtoforgetit.Gene,ifyouneedapallbearerIwillbeavailable.Justcall,myboysRickandDanwouldbegratefultohelpout.Weoweyousomuch.
Yourstruly,DonElliottandfamily
Michaellovedschoolspenthoursstudyingashegrewolder.FromthefirstIowaBasicSkillstestsinthirdgradeitbecameapparenthewasdestinedforadifferentlifethanthefarmoffered.Weag-
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onizedaboutwheretosendhimforhighschool.Ourlocalschoolsystem,atthattime,didnotpushcollegeanddidlittletoobtainscholarshipsforworthystudents.Scholarships,however,weretobecomeimportantinMichael'sfuture.WewereexcitedwhenwelearnedthattheDubuqueCatholicDioceseplannedtobuildacentralhighschoolinourarea.DonBoscoHighSchool,inGilbertville,hadbeenoperatingsixorsevenyearswhenMichaelenteredasafreshman,takingthecollegeprepcourseitoffered.
Hegraduatedinthetop5percentofhisclassandwasawardedascholarshiptoRockhurstCollegeinKansasCity,Missouri.HeoriginallyplannedtostudylawbutwasencouragedbyDr.OscarWrighttostudybiochemistry.However,Michael'sfirstlovewashistory,andwiththepermissionofhischemistryprofessorandthecollegeboard,hewasallowedtocarryadoublemajor,thesecond,thestudyofhistory.
ThesummerprecedinghissenioryearincollegeMichaelboughthisfirstcarausedoneandpaid$500forit.Whenathome,hespenteveryfreemomentpolishingthisprize.WeparkeditinthebackyardwhenheleftforVietnam.Itsatthereforalmostayearafterhisdeath.Noonehadthehearttosellit.Oneday,whilealone,Icalledafriendwhohadatowtruckandaskedhimtocomeandgetit.
UpongraduatingfromRockhurstCollegewithhonors,Michaelwasofferedthreefellowships:onetotheUniversityofMinnesota,onetotheUniversityofOklahoma,andonetotheUniversityofMissouri.HesettledontheUniversityofMissouribecausehehadbeeninthestateduringthepreviousfouryearsandlikedit.
Manytimesduringthepasttwenty-fouryearsI'vewonderedwhatwouldhavehappenedtohimifhehadchosenoneoftheothercolleges.TheheadofhisdepartmentatMissouriservedonvolunteercommitteesatthepersonalrequestofPresidentNixonandsupported
thewar.
Michaelhadbeeningraduateschoolaboutsixweekswhenhecalledhomeonenight,depressedandworriedaboutnotmakingthegrade.Icounseledhimtoputthebooksasideforanevening,buyasix-packofbeer,anddrinkallsixcans.WhenIleftthephone,Iturnedaroundtofacesixteen-year-oldJohn,wholaughinglysaid,"Mom,I'llbetyou'retheonlymotherinthestatetoadvisehersontodrinkasix-packofbeer."Michaelfollowedmyadviceanditworked.Heconqueredorganicchemistry.
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TheentirefamilylookedforwardtoMichael'svisitshomeduringtheholidays.Healwaysbroughtsomeonehomewithhim;todaytheseyoungmenareallmyadoptedsons.Ourdaughters,PatriciaandMary,whowereinhighschoolatDonBosco,welcomedthemalevisitors.SinceMichael'sfriendswerefromthecity,itwasatreatforthemtovisitafarmandhelpwiththecattleandhogchores.Genewasstillworkingoffthefarm,sowhenMichaelleftforcollege,John,attheageoftwelve,hadtofillhisbrother'sshoes.
Michael'senthusiasmforlifeneverlefthim,andwespenthourstalkingduringthesevisits.Hisdadusedtoremark,"HowcanyouandMichaeltalkallnightdon'tyoueverrunoutofwords?"Conversationaroundthedinnertablewasalwayslivelyandquiteoftenheated.Politicalissueswerealwaysamaintopic,andduringtheturbulentyearsofthesixtiestheprosandconsofeverycandidatewerediscussedrepeatedly.
WewerestunnedwhenPresidentJohnsonannouncedhewouldnotrunforanotherterm.TherehadbeenrumorshewasonthevergeofmakingpeacewithNorthVietnam.However,wewerepositivethepublicwoulddemandthatanewpresidentbringaquickhalttothecarnageinVietnam.AlthoughwewerestrongDemocratsinaRepublicancommunityandstate,IwasunhappywithSenatorHubertHumphrey'srunforthepresidencyin1968.ButallofusweresickenedwhenwelearnedthatRichardNixonwouldbehisopponent.AtonepointMichaelremarkedthattheonlymaninthecountrywhowouldgetusoutofthewarwasSenatorBarryGoldwater.
Michaelhadtoregisterforthedraftduringhissenioryearinhighschool.Heobtainedadefermenttoattendcollege,andforthenextfiveyearsthedraftboardwasaconstantpresenceinhislife.Itwasnecessarytorenewhisdefermentyearafteryear,butwhenheobtainedpermissiontoattendgraduateschoolhebegantorelax.He
feltbiochemistrywasavitalfield,andhegambledthatachangeofpresidentwouldbringthewartoanend.He'dhadnodraftcounselinganddidn'thavetheupbringingtorunaway.
InSeptemberof1968theBlackHawkCountyDraftBoardrefusedtorenewMichael'sdeferment.Heaskedforanextensionsohecouldpresenthiscompletedthesisforamaster'sdegree,buthisrequestwasrefused.HetriedtoenlistintheAirForceandpassedallthetests,buttherewerenoopeningsforthreemonths.Againthedraftboardrefusedastay.
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MichaelwassenttoFortPolk,Louisiana,totrainintheinfantry.Almostimmediatelythearmyputpressureonhimtogotoofficer'strainingschool.Herefusedseveraltimesandwastoldhewouldbesenttothejungleattheendofhisbasictraining.Tostalltheseordersheappliedfornoncommissionedofficer'straining.HewasacceptedandspentthenextsixmonthsatFortBenning,Georgia,graduatingwiththerankofsergeant.Attheendofthespecializedtrainingheknewhehadlostthegamble.Nixonhadbeenelectedpresident,andinafewshortdayshe'dforgottenhispromisetoendthewar.Michaelalsorealizedthathisyearsofschoolingmeantnothingtotheinfantryanditsofficers.
WhenMichaeldied,Dr.Wright,thechemistryprofessorwhohadbecomehisclosefriend,wrotefromacollegeinLouisianatothechairofthehistorydepartmentatRockhurstCollege,tellinghowdeeplyhefelttheloss.Heincludedasubstantialcheckandarequestthatthedepartmentpurchasereferencebooksinhistoryandhavetheminscribed:"InmemoryofMikeMullen,killedinactioninVietnam,February18,1970,achemistrymajorwho,inthetrueliberalartstradition,wasveryfondofhistory."
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Three:YourSonisDeadSaturdaymorning,February21,1970;abeautiful,crispdayinIowa.Alayeroffreshsnowcoveredtheeyesoresofwinteronthefarm.Ourhome,builtin1961andpaintedred-brown,stoodoutinstarkcontrast.Thedozensofevergreentrees,scatteredaroundthehomestead,addedtoitsbeauty.Iawokeearly,feelingstrangelyrefreshed.Icouldn'tunderstandmyserenity.Thetwopreviousdayshadbeenspentinutterturmoil.
MichaelhadbeeninVietnamalmostsixmonths,assignedtotheAmericalDivisionbasedatChuLai,ahamletlocatedinICorps.TheU.S.militarycommandhaddividedVietnamintofourcorpsforidentification.ICorpsborderedtheenemyterritoryonthenorth.Michaelhadspentallbutsixdaysincountry,"humping"through
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thejungledayandnight.Humpingwasaslangtermusedbythefootsoldierwhowalkedonamission,carryingeverythingheneededonhisback.TheAmericalDivisionwasnotaneliteunit,soitrarelyhadhelicoptersavailable.
Michael'scommandingofficerscleartothetopcommander,GeneralCreightonAbrams,wereobsessedwiththeneedtoincrease''bodycount,"adesignationrepresentingthenumberofenemykilledonanymission.ItwasapolicyinstigatedbyGeneralWilliamWest-morelandwhenhewasincommandoftheVietnamtheater.Thestrategybecamethemajorcriteriontoevaluatetheperformanceofacommandingofficer,andittookitstollontheordinaryfootsoldier.
ThelasttimeI'dtalkedtomysonhadbeenbyshortwavefromVietnamaweekearlier.Thephonehadrunglateatnight.IpickedupthereceiverandwaselatedwhentheoperatoraskedifIwouldacceptacallfromMichael.HetoldmehehadcomedownfromhisfirebasetopickupanewlieutenantinChuLai.He'dhadtheopportunitytogetahaircutandmentionedthathehadgonetoheadquarterstowithdrawhissavingsandsendithome.Icalledhisbrothertothetelephone,andwhenJohnhandeditbacktomeIheard:"Mom,itissostickyhere,sobadhere.Good-bye."
OnThursdayIhadawakenedwithadreadfulforeboding,andasthedayworeonitbecameworse.Icouldn'tunderstandwhatwaswrong.I'dworkedatmysewingmachineallday,tryingtoovercomethefeelingthatthebottomwasdroppingoutofmyworld.IcriedincessantlyeachnewstitchofthedrapesIwasmakingwasbathedwithatear.
Fridayprovedtobeevengloomier.Mytearshadgivenwaytoanger.Iwasconfusedandviolentlyupset.Ifoughtwithmyhusbanduntilheleftforhisjob,workingsecondshiftattheJohnDeereTractorWorksinWaterloo.Shortlyafterhe'dleftthehouse,Idecidedtodriveto
CedarFallstovisitaclosefriend.MarywassomeonewithwhomIhadworkedtenyearsearlier.Webothhatedthewar,andshewasfacedwiththeworryofayoungsonapproachingdraftage.Ididn'ttellherwhyIhadcome.Theafternoonwasspentingoodconversationandmusic.Marywasanaccomplishedorganistwhoalwayswelcomedanaudience.
Arrivinghomebeforedark,Ilookedaroundthehouseandcompulsivelyputitinorder.Iscrubbed,dusted,ranthevacuum.The10P.M.newswasbad.Irememberdistinctlytheaccountofanaccidental
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shellingbytheARVN(ArmyoftheRepublicofVietnam,anallyoftheUnitedStates)onBienHoa,withmanyAmericanskilledandwounded.Ididn'twaitupforGene.IfellasleepwiththestrangethoughtthatmyhousewasinorderandIwasreadyforwhatIdidnotknow.
NowitwasSaturdaymorning.AfterbreakfastGenewentouttothehoghousetospendthedayasafarmer.Helovedfarmingandeverydayregrettedthatitwasapart-timeoccupation.Iwenttothebasementhideawayoffthefamilyroomandsatdowntomysewingmachinetofinishthedraperies.ThiswasthespotwhereIfoundcontentmentinanydifficultsituation.Mytearsandangerhadvanished.
Suddenlythebackdoorcrashedopen,andIheardmyhusband'sanguishedcry.
''It'sMikey!It'sMikey!He'sdead!"
AtthatmomentIknewwhathadbeenwrongwithmyThursdayandFriday.IreachedforasmallbottlenearmytypewriterandswallowedaValium.MydearcountrydoctorhadinsistedthatIkeepthemnearmewhileMichaelwasinVietnam,"justincase."IremainedcalmasIwalkedupstairstofaceayoungmarinesergeantandourlocalpriest.
ThetwomenstoodbyanddidnothingasGeneventedhisrage,beatingthewalls,accusingthepriestofnotspeakingoutagainsttheevilsofthiswar.Hepickedupachair,andforamomentIthoughthewouldbreakthelargepicturewindowthatoverlookedhistreasuredacres.Instead,hewiltedingrief.Hesatatthekitchentable,hisshouldersheavingwithsobs,hiswhiteheadcradledinhisfoldedarms.
IturnedtothesergeantI'llneverforgethiseyes.WastheagonyreflectedinthemforGeneandme,orwasittheculminationofhaving
deliveredonetoomanydeathmessages?Iaskedtoseethetelegraminhishand.Iread:"GeneralWingateregretstoinformyouthatMichaelMullindiedasaresultoffriendlyfireat2:30A.M.February18,1970,nearTamKyCity,Vietnam."Mullenhadbeenmisspelled.Thiswasthefirstofmanyinsultsweexperiencedinthecomingdays.
"GoodGod,youdidn'tevenallowhimthedecencyofdyingatthehandsoftheenemy,"Isaid.Ourson'slifehadbeentakenfornoreasoninawarwithoutdefinition.
IrememberedMichael'stelephonecallinSeptemberof1968from
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draftheadquartersinDesMoines.WhilewaitingforthefogtoliftbeforeflyingontoFortPolk,he'dspenttwodaysintheofficeworkingonfiles.Therehe'dreadwithamazementhoweasilyhecouldhaveevadedthedraft.
"Mom,don'tstopfightingthiswar,"he'dsaid."YouknowIdon'tneedtobehere.Ididn'tneedtobedrafted."
LivingonafarminaconservativecommunityintheheartlandofAmerica,wewerealmostcompletelyuntouchedbytheantiwarmovementalongtheEastandWestcoasts.MyactivitiesagainstthewarconsistedmostlyoffloodingCongressandtheWhiteHousewithpleastoendthewar.IwasactiveintheDemocraticPartyatthecountyandstatelevels,followingcampaignsofthosewhoexpressedtheirdislikeoftheVietnamWar.Wehadheatedargumentsduringthe1968campaign;thechildrenandIwereforSenatorEugeneMcCarthyGenefavoredSenatorHubertHumphrey.WedespairedattheelectionofNixon.
Iaskedthesergeanttoexplainthephrase"friendlyfire"andwhytheword"accidental"wasnotinthemessage.
"Becauseitwasnotaccidental,"hesaid.HetalkedabouttheshellingofBienHoaandhowheassumedMichaelhadbeenkilledthere.Iimmediatelyknewhehadnoinformation(onlywhathe,too,hadheardonthenews)andwouldbeunabletotellmeanything.
WhenIinformedhimthatMichaelhadbeenstationedfivehundredmilesnorthofBienHoa,hebegantotalkaboutotherunitsthathadbeenhitthatnightbyARVNtroops.Fivemonthslater,afterwedemandedaninvestigationofMichael'sdeath,thesergeant,whenquestionedbytheDefenseDepartment,deniedthathehaddiscussedanyotherfriendlyfires.
IaskedthesergeanthowmuchtimeIhadbeforethenewsof
Michael'sdeathwouldbereleasedtothemedia."Twohours,"hesaid,"nomorethantwohours."
Itwasmyturntorage.InangerIdemandedhegivemeatleastsixhours.Iexplainedthatwehadonedaughterincollegeout-of-stateandanotherattheUniversityofIowa,andthatIwouldnotallowthemtohearitfirstontelevisionorradio.
"I'msorry,"hesaidwithdetachment,"butmyordersfromtheDefenseDepartmentallowmeonlytwohours."
AsIapproachedthetelephone,hestoppedme."Whatareyougoingtodo?"
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"I'mgoingtocallSenatorHaroldHughesinWashington.Hecanarrangetodelaythisannouncement."
Thesergeantrelentedandsaidhewouldseewhathecoulddo.TheDefenseDepartmentdiddelaythemessagetheydelayeditsolong,infact,thatitbecamenecessaryforustocontactthelocalnewsmediaourselvesthirty-sixhourslater.
Thepriestdiscussedfuneralarrangements.Imadetwoimportantrequests:awhitefuneral,whichhadbecomecommon,andvocalmusic.WeexpectedJohn'sseniorclassofonehundredfromDonBoscoHighSchooltoattend.Fathercalledseveraldayslatertotellmethathehadtohavespecialpermissionforawhitefuneralandthathewasnotgoingtomaketherequest;hedidn'tapproveofmusicatafuneral;andtherewouldn'tberoomtoseatJohn'sclass.Wedidn'tfeelourrequestswereoutofline,butwerealizedhewasincharge.WefelttheanimositywastheresultofrefusingamilitaryfuneralFatherwasatwenty-yearmilitaryretiree.
Asthetwomenleftthehouseandgotintothemilitaryvehicle,oursonJohncameoutofthebarn.Hetoldmelaterthatwhenhesawthecarhe'dwonderedifhewasinsomesortoftroublewiththedraftboard.Hehadregisteredthepreviousweekafterturningeighteen.
Heopenedthebackdoorandwalkedintothelanding.Istoodatthetopofthestairsandcalmlysaid,"John,it'sMichael.He'sgone.He'sdead."
Thishulkofayoungman,whowasjustundersixfeettallandweighedmorethantwohundredpounds,slowlycollapsedtothefloor.Istoodfrozenashegottohisfeetandwenttohisbedroom,closingthedoorbehindhim.
Mymindraced.WhatdoIdonow?WhommustInotify?HowwasIgoingtoreachourdaughtersandbringthemhome?Ilookedatmy
husband,stillsobbingwithhisheadinhisarms,andrealizedthathecouldn'thelpme.
Iwentbacktomybasementroom,tookoutmybookoftelephonenumbers,andstarteddialing.IcalledmysisterLouiseinDesMoinesandaskedhertosendMike,herson-in-law,toKansasCitytopickupMary,ournineteen-year-old,atcollege.Iphonedherschool,RockhurstCollege,andtalkedtothebusinessmanager,whomIknewbecauseMichaelhadattendedthesameschool,andaskedhimtoprepareMaryfortheridehome.Maryspentthose
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heartbreakinghourswaitingforherridetoarriveconsolingthegentlemanwhobroughtherthesadnews.
IcalledLeona,aclosefriendinLaPorteCity,andaskedhertodrivetoIowaCitytotellourotherdaughter,Patricia,andbringherhome.Whenshereachedherroominghouse,shelearnedPatriciawasinDubuquefortheweekend,soshedroveanothertwohourstopickherup.Patriciareactedinmuchthesamemannerasherfatherhad.Shewasoutofcontrolforalongtime,beatingthewallsandscreaming,whilehercollegefriendsstoodby.
NextIcalledmyyoungestbrother,Howard,anengineerwithAlcoainPittsburgh.Hehadalwaysbeenclosetoourfamily.ThissensitivemanhadbeenaWorldWarIIradiooperatoronaB-29andhadneverforgottenhiswarexperiences.ReturningfromabombingrunonnorthernJapan,hehadflownoverthedevastationofHiroshimamerehoursafteritsannihilation.WhenItoldHowardthenewshesaidnothingjusthungupwithamoan.Becausehelivedalone,IcalledhimthreetimesthatdayuntilIwassatisfiedhewasincontrol.
ToreachmyolderbrotherinLakeCity,Iowa,IcalledhisbankandwastoldhewasattheairportinOmaha.HehadjustputhiswifeonaplanetoflytoSpokane,wheretheirdaughterwasexpectingherthirdchild.Notlongafter,Billreturnedmycallandsaidhewoulddrivetoourfarmimmediately.
Myyoungestsister,IsobelStrathman,livedwithherfamilyinPocahontas,Iowa.She,too,hadadistressfuldayonThursdayandhadfoundsolaceinchurch,prayingtherosary.ItwasshewhohadaccompaniedmetothehospitalthemorningMichaelwasbornandhadhelpedcareforhimthefirstsixmonthsofhislife.Shesaidtheywouldcomethatafternoon.
IaskedFatherRobertHirsch,superintendentofDonBoscoHigh
School,todriveashortdistancetoDewar,Iowa,togivethesadnewstoaneighty-year-oldcouple.ThesepeoplehadbeenfriendsofGene'sfamilyforfiftyyears,andMichaelhadplayedtheroleofagrandsonintheirlives.
ImadeonefinalcalltofriendsinLaPorteCity.TheyoungestoftheirfoursonshadbeenkilledrecentlyinVietnam.Onlyafewshortmonthsbefore,Ihadtriedtoconsolethemotherwhentheyreceivedthedeathmessage.ShehadturnedonmeinangerwhenItoldher,"Yoursondiedforhiscountry."Later,Iapologizedtothemfor
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reopeningwounds.Theysaidwithmuffledvoices,"Nowsomeoneinthiscommunityknowshowwehurt."
WhileIwasmakingmycalls,GenehadgottenupfromthetabletoconsoleJohn.Hefoundhimlyingflatonhisbed;helookedupathisfatherandsaid,"Dad,Mikehasitmade,it'salloverforhimhe'sinheaven."AtthistimeGeneremovedalockedfishingtackleboxfromtheclosetshelf.ThelastnightathomeMichaelhadtoldhisfatheraboutitandaskedhimnottoopenit.Genebrokethelock,tofindalonglistofnamesandaddresses:"Theimportantpeopleinmylife."Pallbearerswerechosenfromthislist.
Asecondnoteconcernedhisarmylifeinsurance,a$10,000policy.Heleft$2,500tohisfather,$2,500tome,$2,500toastudentinhisclasswhenhetaughtingraduateschoolaspecialrequesttoenabletheyoungwomantoattendmedicalschoolandtheremaining$2,500toDonBoscoHighSchooltobespentonthepurchaseoflabequipmentforthechemistrydepartment.Michael'sentirelifehadbeenorganized,eventotheend.GeneandIweresaddenedaswespeculatedonourson'sstateofmindwhenhewrotethesefinalnotesbeforeleavinghome.
OnlywhenIhadfinishednotifyingthepeopleclosesttoourfamilydidIsurrendertoarushoffeelingsthecrumblingofcastles,theverydestructionofourhopes,thelossofourbrillianttwenty-five-year-oldson.
Ateighteen,hisgoalhadbeentofindnewfoodstowipeoutstarvationthroughouttheworld.Whilehomeforaweekendduringhiscollegedays,hestoodatoureastliving-roomwindowoverlookingacornfieldandremarked,"Mom,bytheyear2000starvationintheworldwillbesowidespreadwewon'tbeabletouseourcornandbeanstofattenlivestock."WhileinVietnam,hehadmadeplanstoreturntotheUniversityofMissouriatColumbiatocompletehis
studiesforadoctorateinbiochemistry.Noticeofhisacceptancetotheuniversityhadreachedhimoneweekbeforehisdeath.
Hehadnodesiretokillanything.Hislifeanddreamswerenowgone,theresultofonefatalmistakebyhisownartilleryduringamilitaryactioninaconflictthatnooneinpowerknewhowtobringtoanend.
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Four:TheHomecomingDuringournine-daywaitforMichael'sbody,ImadetelephonecallstothePentagon.Iwasoftentreatedwithinsensitivitybymilitarypersonnelandsoonbecameirritatedovertheirconsistentfailuretomakegoodonpromises.NowthatI'vehadmorethantwentyyearstoreflectonthatweek'sevents,IrealizethatmanyofthedemandsImaderepresentedfirstsformenwhoseemedunabletomakeindependentdecisionsorthinkontheirfeet.Itwasobviouslynotpartoftheirtraining.
Weweretoldbyourserviceofficer,CaptainMcDougal,thatthebodywouldbeescortedhomebyamilitarymanofourchoosingandthathewouldreturnthenextdaytopickupthenameoftheperson
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weselected.ReferringtoMichael'slistoffriends,wegavehimthenameofTomHurley,stationedatBienHoa.He'dbeeninMichael'schemistryclassatRockhurst.TheDefenseDepartmentignoredourselectionandwiredusthenameofatotalstrangerservingonaburialdetailintheStates.
WedidnotacceptthePentagon'schoiceandrepeatedouroriginalrequesttoCaptainMcDougal.ItwasgrantedonlybecauseitwasdemandedbyIowaSenatorHaroldHughes,apowerfulmemberoftheSenateArmedServicesCommittee.Later,throughcorrespondencefromfamilieswholostsons,welearnedthatrarelydidtheyhaveanescortoftheirchoice.Manyfamiliesconsideredtheofferofspecialescortsasjustanothermilitarytactic,asalvetosoothetheawfulhurtwhendeliveringthedeathmessage.
UnitedFlight201approachedtheWaterlooairportandtouchedgroundabout7:00P.M.,March1,1970.Afterdischargingpassengersandluggageatthemaingate,ittaxiedslowlytoadarkenedcorneroftheairport.ThealuminumcasketcontainingMichael'sremainswascarefullyremovedandtransferredtotheawaitinghearse.GeneandMarystoodnearby,tearfullywatching,accompaniedbyTomHurley'sfatherandmother,whohaddrivenupfromMissouritospendthefewhourswiththeirson.ThecasketwastakendirectlytothefuneralhomeinWaterlooforthenight,whereitwasopenedbytheundertaker.GeneandMaryviewedthebodyandconfirmedthatitwasMichael's.Hedidn'tappeartohaveamarkonhim.I'dsecretlyhopedhisbodywouldshowsomedamage,atestamentthathe'ddiedinwar.Itwouldhavebeeneasiertopartwitharavagedbodythangiveupasonwhoappearedtobeasleep.
ThedecisiontobringMichaelhometothefarmthenextdaywasspontaneous,amanifestationofourIrishheritage.Wewantedhimwithus,notabandonedinamortuary.Isataloneonthedavenportall
night,neitherprayingnorthinking,wrappedinnumbness.Iwantedtoprolongmylasthourswithmyson,restingnearby.Fromtimetotime,JohnStaggs,hisclosestcollegefriend,wouldappearwithacupofcoffee,givemeahug,andthenretreattothekitchen.SometimeduringthenightPatriciadroppedasealedenvelopeintothecasket.GenecameintosnipalockofMichael'shair.
Morningcamelikeanyothermorningonthefarm,exceptfortheneighbors.Thewomencametopreparebreakfast,mentohandlethe
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Michael'shighschoolgraduationphoto.
chores.Familymembersdressedforthefuneral.Theundertakerfussedaroundthecasket,arrangingthemassofflowers,makingroomforthekneelingbenchforourpastor'sconvenience.
Finally,itwasnearingtimeforthelastprayerandblessingbeforesealingthecasket.Aswegatheredinthelivingroom,Isuddenlynoticedthatourpriestwasnotthere.ItwashardenoughbeingaCatholicfamilyinaProtestantcommunity.Nowwehadtoendureanaffront.
TheproblemswithourpriesthadbeenendlesssincethedayhecamewiththemilitaryofficertotellusofMichael'sdeath.HevisitedusonlyonceduringtheninedaysofwaitinghefailedtoinvitetwoformerparishpriestswhowereclosetoMichaeltothefuneral.
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ArubbingofMichael'snamefromtheVietnamVeteransMemorialinWashington,D.C.
TheDonBoscoteachingstaffwasignoredourrequestsformusicandawhitefuneralweredenied.Wewerenotsurprisedthathedidn'tcomeforthefinalprayers.
PaulHochstetter,whohadsoldusKnightsofColumbusinsuranceforourchildren,eventuallycameintothelivingroomandwhisperedtomethathewasadeaconinthechurch.Paulsaidtheprayers.
WiththehelpoffacultyfriendsfromDonBosco,John'sclasscametotheserviceatthechurch,andtheschoolchoirsangloudandclear.Ourpastoracceptedaninvitationtodinewithusaftertheservice,butnoneofuseversawhimagain.Thecasketwasadornedwiththeflag,onlybecauseMichael'sfatherinsistedIwasreadytoburnit.Thechurchwaspackedtooverflowing.
MichaelwasburiedintheMullenfamilyplotinacountrychurchyardatEagleCenter,Iowa.Tosavespacehewasinterredontopofthegravesiteofoursecondson,Daniel,bornonMay22,1947,whodiedonMay24.TheboysarethefifthgenerationofMullenstobeburiedthere.
TheGoldStarscustomarilyawardedtofamiliesoffallensoldierswereneverpresentedtous.GenemighthaverefusedthemanywayIdidn'task,andhedidn'tdiscussit.ThePentagonofficialswithwhomIdealtmusthavebeenaskingeachother,"Whyisn'tthiswomanbehavinglikeagrievingmother'ssupposedto?"
TheyoungsoldierwhoescortedMichael'sbodytoourhomehadbeeninVietnamonlyashorttime.Afteraccompanyinghisfriend'sflag-
drapedcaskettoitsfinalrestingplace,Tomhadtoreturntothecarnage.Aswesaidourthanksandgood-byes,heputhisarmsaroundme."Please,Mrs.Mullen,"hesaid,"don'tgiveup.Protestthiswar."
AnumberofourProtestantfriendssentcashmemorialstousafterMichael'sfuneral.Insearchingforanappropriatememorial,wedecidedonascholarshipinourparishfortwostudentstoattendtheruralCatholichighschoolwhereourchildrenhadgone.Beforefinalizingthisdecision,wediscussedourplanwiththegenerous
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donors.However,Fatherdidn'tacknowledgeourrequest,andthescholarshipswerenothonored.
AtonepointduringmywaitforMichael'sbody,IhadaskedCaptainMcDougalifIcouldhavethenamesoffamilieswholostsonsinthesamefriendlyfireincidentthatkilledmyboy.Weweretoldthatsuchinformationwasconsideredclassifiedandwouldnotbeavailabletous.Almostfourmonthslater,however,aletterfromaWestVirginiamotherreachedourruralmailbox.Shehadheardfromthearmythatwehadwantedhertocontactus,sincehersondiedinthesameincident.''Weknownowhoweveryonefeelswhohadasonkilledoverthere,"shewrote."Itjustisn'thomehereanymore."Eventhoughshehadsevenotherchildren,shetoldofhowlonesomeshefeltafterthedeathofherson."Idon'tknowwhattowritesinceIneverwrotetoyoubefore,''sheconcluded,"butIhopewecanbegoodfriendsasoursonandyoursonwas."
Thisletterledtoafriendshipthroughthemail,andtwoyearslaterwhilevacationingintheEastwepaidavisittothefamily.TheroadtotheirfarmwasnarrowandwoundthroughtheAppalachians.Ournewfriendswereinthebarnmilkingcowswhenwedroveup,anditwasseveralminutesbeforetheyventuredoutside.Theyapproachedourcarhesitantlyafterall,wewerestrangersfromanotherworld.
Westayedfortwodays,soakingupthequiet.AcalmnesssettledoverusforthefirsttimesinceMichaeldied.Wesatontheporchswingoftheirweather-beatenhome,gettingacquaintedandlisteningtothesoundsofthemountains.Lulumissedhersonthey'dspentmanyhappydaystrampingupanddownthemountainshuntingdeer.Shetoldofgoingoutalonenowthathewasgoneandhowmuchithelpedherbearthegrief.
Oneafternoonourhostsaskedifwewouldaccompanythemtotheirson'sgrave.Wetraveledashortdistanceupthemountaintoawell-
keptcemetery.Thegravewascoveredwithflowers,anditwasobviousthemotherwasaregularvisitor.AswelookedaroundshepointedoutthreemoreVietnamsoldiers'graves,andIwasremindedagainofwhowasdoingallthefightinganddyingovertheretheboysfromthemountains,theghettos,andthefarms.
GeneandIreturnedtoWestVirginiainAugust1974.Werelaxed,atetoomuch,andlaughed.Weleftthetopofthemountainwithhugsforeveryone.AsweheadedsouthtoWheeling,WestVirginia,
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weturnedonthecarradio.Againstthepeaceofthissetting,wesuddenlyheardRichardNixon'sfarewelladdress.Hewasannouncinghisresignationaspresident.
GeneandIdidn'tutteraword.Ourhealingtwo-dayvacationendedabruptlyasmymindrecalledthe30,000menwhoseliveshadbeensnuffedoutduringNixon'stenure.Thepoliticianwhohadcampaignedin1968tobringtheboyshomewasleavingindisgraceaftersixyears.Ibitterlyrememberedhisboastfulstatementswhenhereferredtohissupportbythe"silentmajority."IthoughtofaJanuary1969articleonthebackpageoftheDesMoinesRegisterwhichquotedSecretaryofStateHenryKissinger:"Mr.President,don'tworryabouttheVietnamWarputitonthebackburnerandI'lltakecareofit."
InthedaysimmediatelyfollowingMichael'sfuneral,Ifoundmyselfconsumedwithanewpurpose.IdesperatelyneededavehiclethroughwhichIcouldworkoutmygrief,soIdecidedtohelpbringanendtotheVietnamWar.ItneveroccurredtomethatanIowafarmwifecouldn'taccomplishwhathadeludedthreepresidents.
Ofcourse,thenewsmediawereavailable,alwaysonthelookoutforsomeonetospeakout.Theyfoundinmeawillingsubject,andImadethemostofmyopportunitiestobeheard.Awar-wearyAmericanpublicwasnowinthemoodtolisten,andastheletterspouredin,Idiscoveredanetworkofactiviststhatstretchedacrossthecountry.
EvenifwehadwantedtoclosethefileonMichael'sdeath,itwouldhavebeenimpossibletodoso.
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Five:ASilentMessageSeveralweeksafterMichael'sdeathwereceivedafinancialpaymentforhishavinggivenhislifeintheserviceofhiscountry.Thecheckrepresentedsixmonths'gratuitypayintheamountof$1844.40.Itlayuncashedonourkitchentableforawhile.AtleastonceadayeitherGeneorIwouldsay,"What'llwedowiththedamnthing?"
GenewasstillworkingsecondshiftatJohnDeereandgothomeaftermidnight.Ialwayswaitedupforhimtoshareanhourofintenseconversationovercoffeeandasnack.I'mnotsurewhoseideaitwastospendthecheckonanantiwaradintheDesMoinesRegister,butthedecisionwasreachedearlyonemorninginMarchof1970.
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Later,IcalledtheRegisterandaskedfortheadvertisingmanager.Idescribedwhatwewantedtodoandaskedhowmuchspacewecouldhavefor$1844.40.Hegavemehalfapageinaprimelocation,thebottomhalfofpagethreeinthefirstsectionoftheSundayedition.
Thenexteveningwhilediscussingconceptsforthead,GenecameupwiththeideaofdisplayingablackcrossforeachIowaboywhohaddiedinVietnam.Torepresentallthevictimsproperly,weneededtoascertainwhetheranyofthemhadbeenJewish.IcalledafriendonthestaffoftheRegisterandaskedhimtoresearchthisdilemmaandgetustheactualcountofthedead.Hediscoveredthat114moremenfromIowahadlosttheirlivesinVietnamthanhadbeenincludedintheweeklytotalsreleasedbythePentagon.IthadlongbeenrumoredthatthedeathcountwasbeingdeliberatelyjuggledtoconformtoPresidentNixon'sdemandthatnomorethanonehundredU.S.casualtiesbereportedeachweek.
Withthetruecount,Isatdowntoseveralhoursofwriting,tossingpaperafterpaperintothewastebasketanddrinkingcoffee.BythetimeGenedroveinfromworkthatnightIhadputouradtogether:
ASILENTmessagetofathersandmothersofIowa:Wehavebeendyingfornine,long,miserableyearsinVietnaminanundeclaredwar...howmanymorelivesdoyouwishtosacrificebecauseofyourSILENCE?Sgt.MichaelE.Mullenkilledbyfriendlyfire.
Andnext,weplacedafieldofstarkblackcrossesfollowedbyanothershortmessage:
These714crossesrepresentthe714IowanswhohavediedinVietnamInmemoriamtoVietnamWarDeadwhomoursonjoinedonFebruary18,1970...andtothoseawaitingtheacceptablesacrificein1970...
SponsoredbyMr.andMrs.GeneMullen,LaPorteCity,Iowa
OurmessageappearedintheDesMoinesSundayRegisteronApril12,1970.Theresponsewasoverwhelming.WewerecontactedthatdaybypracticallyeverymajornewspaperintheUnitedStatesandbyseveraltelevisionnetworks.Manyofthecallerswantedtoknowwhatadvertisingagencyhadpreparedthead.TheyfoundithardtobelievethatithadbeentheworkofanIowafarmcouple.We
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OurSilentMessage,whichappearedasahalf-pageadintheDesMoinesRegisteronSunday,April12,1970.ThenewspaperinadvertentlyusedthewrongdeathdateinsteadoftheactualdateofFebruary18.Onehundredand
thirty-eightIowansdiedinVietnamafterthisadappeared.
hadhopedtoappealtothe"silentmajority,"specificallytofathersandmothers,pleadingforthemtojoinusinourcrusadeforpeace.Theyheardus,loudandclear.Lettersfilledourmailbox,somedaysinbundles.
"DearMr.andMrs.Mullen,"wroteJamesHearstofCedarFalls,Iowa,aforemostpoetintheMidwestandareveredteacherattheUniversityofNorthernIowa:
YoursilentmessageintheSundayissueoftheDesMoinesRegistermadeadeepimpressiononme.Itsgraphicexpressiongaveakindofdramaticreleasetothefrustrationandsenseofinjusticewefindalmostunbearable.Thankyouforyourcourageousaction.Ishallputthe"message"onmybulletinboardformystudentstosee.
Afatherwrotethathissonhadbeendraftedoutofgraduateschool:
Ifwecontinueourpresentpolicyofinterventioninallforeignconflicts...thenineachgeneration,everymother'ssonmust
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facethepossibilityofdeathonthebattlefieldinwarswhicharetotallyunrelatedtoourowndefense...
Yourmessageisveryforcefullyconveyedtothoseofuswhohavebeensilent.
Respectfullyyours,Oneofthesilentmajority
"Iwanttothankyouinthenameofallparents,"wroteamanfromDesMoines:
Asthefatheroffoursonsthatwillbecaughtinthegristmillofthisuselessgenocide,andasamanthatservedinbothWWIIandthepoliceactioninKorea,restassuredthatIwilljoinyouinthevocalprotestbyeverymeansthatIcancommand.Ihavetakencopiesofyouradandplacedtheminthecarwindows,atmyplaceofbusinessandathome.
"WehaveasonwhohasbeenservinginVietnamsincethefirstofJanuary,"wroteparentsfromHillsboro,Iowa."Wehopeandprayeachdaythatwedon'treceiveamessagesuchasyoudid.Wewon'tremainsilentanylonger.Pleaseincludeusinyourplans.Youhaveatleastmadesomesortofstart."
AcouplefromClearLake,Iowa,wrote:
DearMrs.Mullen:
OursonwasluckytocomehomeinFebruary.Hetoldusthesamethingsyoursonwrotetoyou.Wehavefeltthesamewayaboutthiswarforalongtime...andwouldbewillingtohelpyouinanycampaignyouthinkwouldfocusattentiononthewar.Itisbeingpushedmoreandmoreintothebackgroundandthepublicisbecomingaccustomedtoit.Onlytheoneswhohaveboysthereorhavebeenthereseemtobeinterested.
Oursonwaspulledoutinatroopwithdrawalafterbeingthere8mo.Hehasoneyearleftintheserviceandnowhehasbeenassignedtogobackfor8moremonths.Hedidnotvolunteer!Thisourgovernmentdon'ttell!...
Wearehopingtheyoungpeopletaketothestreetsagainthisnext"Peace"dayApril15Thatseemstobetheonlywaytheygetanyattention....
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FromIllinoisinAprilof1970amotherwrote:
DearMrs.Mullen:
WordscannotexpressthesympathyIhaveinmyheartforyouandyourhusbandoverthelossofyourson.
IhavebeenopposedtotheVietnamwarandthedraftforsolong.I,too,joinedtheSilentMajoritywhenourpresidentsorequested,togivehimachancetofindasolution.ButIfeelwehavebeensilentlongenough.It'stimethemothersunite.
AmotherwhohadlostasoninVietnamwrote:
DearMr.andMrs.Mullen:
IwishtocommendyouonyouractionofplacinganadinanIowanewspaperyesterday.Ifeelitwasacourageous,amoral,apatrioticthingtodo.
MysonwaskilledinVietnamNov.24.Thirty-ninemoreAmericanboyswerekilledyesterday.Whatcanwedo?ThiscountryhaselectedtwopresidentsbythedemocraticprocessbecausetheypromisedtoendorgetusoutofthewarinVietnam.Weshouldneverhavegottenintoit.AndyetthiscountryisstilldraftingandstillkillingyoungAmericansthere.
Itisnotnecessaryformetosaythatthetragic,senselessdeathofafinepromisingyoungsonleavesscarsthatcanneverbeerased.
OnemothercalledonSundayafterreadingourmessageinthepaperandfollowedupwithaletter.ShehadlostasoninVietnam:
PeopletellmeyouhavewonderfulmemoriesandthisIrealize,buttheonetragedysurelyovershadowsallthosememories,andIkeepwonderingwhythegoodboyspaysuchadearprice....
SinceoursonwaskilledIawakenatabout2:45everymorningandoh,Mrs.Mullen,howIache.Onlysomeonelikeyoucanunderstand.SympathyissomethingIdon'twant,butwouldn'titbenicetohaveunderstanding.
Weheardfromonecouplewhosesonhaddiedin1944duringWorldWarII.Inofferingtheircondolences,theysaidthat"thesorrowandlossremainforaneternity."
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InApril1970amotherinIowawrotethatshewouldbesendingcopiesofouradtothepresidentandtoherrepresentativesinCongress.Twoofthecrossesinourmessagerepresentedthelostlivesoftwosheknewwell,shesaid.Oneofthoseboysplannedtoreturnandmarryherdaughter.
"MyhusbandwrotesuchstrongletterstoourcongressmanthatsometimesIexpectedtheymightsendinvestigatorstoseeus,"wrotethemotherofMichael'sroommatehissenioryearatRockhurst.HersonhadbeentoVietnamandback.
"I'menclosingthe$200.00Ipromised,"aDr.Longwrote."Howeveronthebasisofhavinglivedinthisoldworldfor60years,spendingmostofthattimeattemptingtofigureouthowthingshappen,andwhyweactaswedo,Isubmitthefollowingobservationsforwhatevertheymaybeworth."Hewroteanentirepageonhowtogoaboutapeacecampaign,howtohandlethepress,andhowtouseavailablehelpsotheloadwouldn'toverwhelm.Heconcluded:
Ihaveobservedthatanyinvestigationofthewarappearstodiebythewaysideoriswhite-washed.Ispeculatethatpressureisappliedsomehow.Itwillbeinterestingtoseeifthispressureisappliedtoyou.
Ononeoccasiontherewasadramaticchangeofheart.TheMondayfollowingSunday'spublication,IturnedonPaulHarvey'snoonradioshow,whichairedfromWGNinChicago.IntheChicagoareaitalsoappearedonlocalTV.TheSilentMessageadwasthebackdroponhisprogramthatday,andheannouncedthatthemessagehaddoneittohim.Nolongerwouldhebea"hawk"ontheVietnamWar.
Then,therewerefamiliestormentedbeyondendurance.Theirsonsandbrothersweregonethat'salltheyknew:"Wehavelivedinalimboofanguishforthreeandone-halfyearsinourhomewaitingtohearifoursonisaliveordead.Iknowhowyourhearthurts."
WhenmothersofPOWswrote,Ifounditdifficulttorespondbuttriedtopersuadethemtojoinallofuswhoweredesperatelytryingtobringtheconflicttoanend.Onlythenwouldtheirsonscomehome.
Beforelong,Ifoundmyselfdespisingeveryoneinmilitaryuniform.Lettersfromofficersinthefield,chaplains,andmeninthePentagonallincensedme.Icouldn'tunderstandhoweducatedmen,particularlymenofGod,couldparticipateinawarwithouta
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purpose.Manyoftheirlettersduplicatedeachother.Phraseswererote;datesandsignatureswererubber-stamped.
Soonreallettersbegantoarriveletterswrittenfromtheheart,filledwithcompassionandlove.Butmostofalltheyspokethetruth.Theseletterscamefromthegrunts,themenwhohadfoughtthewarenlistedmen,draftees,andfriendsandacquaintancesofMichael'sinVietnam.WhenIsuggestedtotheeditoroftheRegisterthatMichael'slettershomewouldmakegoodreading,hewasexcitedtogetthematerial,andheprintedtheminfullonSunday,March29,1970.Atthatmoment,ithadn'toccurredtomethattheywouldreachMichael'splatooninVietnam.Theirlettersechoedthesentimentshevoicedwhenwritingtous.Theyweresurprisedtodiscoverthattheir"straight"sergeantwaswritingthetruthaboutthewar.
TheirletterscontaineddifferentversionsoftheaccidentthatkilledMichael.SomeofthemenacceptedtheirCO'scontentionthattheartilleryhadbeendrinking.Othersbelievedthegunwasfaulty.Many,however,didn'tbelieveanythingtheyweretold.
Whenthefirstmanfromtheunitwhoreturnedstatesidepaidusavisit,welearnedthatsixtyGIshadsignedalettertousinwhichthey'daskedforhelpandcomplainedaboutconditionswiththe198th,thenunderthecommandofColonelNormanSchwarzkopf.Theletterhadbeenintercepted,andthesoldierswerethreatenedwithcourt-martialiftheycontinuedtocorrespondwiththeMullens.Somehow,we'dbecometheenemy.
Oneyoungsoldier,M.L.C.,defiedthethreatandcontinuedtocorrespondinhopesofbeingpulledoutofcombat.ItpaidoffhespentthefinalmonthsofhistourincomparativesafetyasaclerkintheAmericalheadquartersinChuLai.There,helearnedfirsthandaboutbodycountandothermeansemployedbyofficerstoassureadvancementfollowingtheirsix-monthtour.
Beforehetransferredoutofthefield,hewroteusthiswarning:
DearMrs.Mullen:
Todaywe'reinformedofrightsinthearmy.Ifanypeoplewritetoyou,theirfutureisinjeopardyifyoupublishanyofthemail.Fortheycanbecourt-martialedformutinyandunderminingthearmy.Don'tpublishanyarticlesbecauseitcouldbringharmtopeopleandtheirfuture.Ifthereareanyquestionsyouwant
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answeredhavethecongressmanwriteandaskthem.Hecanregisterthemandnoonecanbeprosecuted.Thepeopleherewouldlikeacopyofanylettersentyoufromhere.
Anythingsenttoyoucanbecensoredasweareinawarzone.Sopleasehaveyourcongressmanaskthequestions.
Sincerely,M.L.C.
Thisletterhadbeenopenedandwordsblackedout.ItwastheonlyonefromVietnamthathadbeencensored,althoughmailcontinuedtoreachusfromalloverthewarzone.
GeneandIbecamemoreandmoreinterestedinlocatingColonelSchwarzkopf.WewantedtohearhisversionofwhathappenedthenightMichaelwaskilled.Eventually,welearnedthatthecolonelwasintheD.C.area,soduringatriptothecapitalinlatesummerof1971,wevisitedhimatWalterReedArmyHospital.Wefoundhimconfinedtoahospitalbedinafullbodycast,aftersurgeryforaspinalinjury.WhenIaskedifhishospitalizationwasconnectedtohisserviceinthewar,hesmiledandreplied,"Hell,no!ThiswastheresultofanoldfootballinjurywhileplayingtoomanyyearsoffootballatWestPoint."NineteenyearslaterwereadintheSeptember10,1990,issueofNewsweekastoryofthemedalsSchwarzkopfearnedfor"woundsreceivedinVietnam(notincludingthespinalsurgeryheneededtorepairthedamagedonebyparachuting)."
GeneandthecoloneltalkedatlengthaboutthenightMichaelwaskilled.Schwarzkopfdescribedhowangryhe'dbeenwhenhelearnedoftheaccidentandnoticedapileofemptybeercansneartheguns.ThecoloneltoldGenehe'dwantedtokilltheartilleryCO;headdedthathismenwerenotallowedtodrinkbeerwhileonamission.(DeclassifiedmaterialthatIlaterreceivedfromtheinvestigationoftheincidentstatedthatthebeercanswerenotrelevanttotheissue.)
Afterweleftthehospital,IwenttoapublicpaytelephoneanddialedColonelPogoloff,theformerartilleryCO,athishome.ItoldhimwhoIwasandaccusedhimofallowinghismentodrinkbeeronduty.ColonelPogoloffbecamehostile:"DidSchwarzkopftellyouthat?Well,I'lltakecareofNormoneofthesedays."
Wecontinuedtohearstoriesofthe198th,andIrememberonethatnoneofthemeninCharlieCompanyforgot.Theyweretohave
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astand-down,athree-dayrestatbaseheadquarters,inJanuary1970.WhentheyarrivedbackatChuLai,theyfoundtheirbeerlockedupuntiltwoo'clockintheafternoon.They'dsentmoneybacktothebasetobesureitwouldbeicedandwaitingforthem.Expectingtorelax,theywereorderedinsteadtopolicethebaseandcleanuplitterscatteredbytheregulararmystationedthere.Thisabusepoureduponmenwhohadcomeintobaseaftersixtydaysoftrampingthroughthemuckofthejungle.Totopitoff,theGislaterhadtositonbleachersinthehotsunwhilethecommandingofficerlecturedthemontheartofjunglewarfare.Thesemenhadlivedjunglewarfaretwenty-fourhoursadayforthepasttwomonths.Iftheyneededalecture,itshould'veaddressedhowtosurviveatourofdutywiththeAmericalDivision.
WhenIheardabouttheharassmentenduredbyCharlieCompany,Iwantedanexplanationfromthebattalioncommander.IwrotetoSchwarzkopfinmidAprilandsoonreceivedhisresponse.Hisletternotedthatmostofthetimestand-downswereusedtoprovidesoldiersanopportunitytorelax.Trainingactivitiesduringstand-downs,however,werealsonecessaryinordertomaintainthesoldiers'skills.Becauseofthehighrateofturnoverduetotheone-yeartourofdutyinVietnam,hisletterstated,thesetrainingactivitieswereespeciallyimportant.Theletterwassigned,''Sincerely,H.NormanSchwarzkoff.''
Inoticedthathedidn'tmentionturnoverduetodeathandinjury.Atthetime,Ibelievedthecolonelhadactuallywrittenandsignedtheletterhimself.NowIamamusedtonotethathisnamewasmisspelled.Afterreadingit,Iunderstoodmyson'sfrustrationandangerIonlywonderedwhytheman'sentireunithadn'trebelled.
YearslaterwegotaphonecallfromamanwhoidentifiedhimselfasformerCaptainRobertDuguid,thechaplainwhowasontheground
withMichael'scompanythenighthewaskilled.HesaidhewasintheMidwestonvacationandwantedtovisitus.WewerepleasedtowelcomeanyonewhohadbeenwithMichaelintheservice,soweurgedhimtostopby.AswewaitedforhimwerecalledCharlieCompany'sstoriesaboutthechaplain.He'dbeenconsideredabadomen,andthemenwerealwaysunhappywhenheaccompaniedthemonamission.Itseemedthatsomethingneverfailedtogowrongwhenhewasalong.
Hearrivedseveralhourslater,anotherveteranwhohadn't
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exorcisedthedemonsofVietnam.Hepacedourliving-roomflooranddescribedtheexperienceofstrappingonaholsterandguntoaccompanythecolonelintothejungletoshoot"gooks."Icringedwhenhedescribedtheenemyas"gooks"aderogatorytermusedbythegruntinthefield.MyopinionoftheVietnamarmychaplaindroppedseveralnotches.AtonepointGeneinterruptedhimtoaskifhewasfamiliarwiththeInternationalCodeofWar,whichprohibitedchaplainsfrombearingarms.Heignoredthequestion.
We'dlookedforwardtohisvisit,butheleftusoutraged.Hedidn'tresemblepadreswe'dmetinWorldWarII,buthecertainlyfittheimageofanAmericalofficer.IhaveoccasionallyfeltremorseoversomeofthebitterlettersIwrotefollowingMichael'sdeath,butnevertheonesIwrotetothechaplain.
WhenMichaelwasleavingforVietnam,ItoldhimthatifhewasassignedtotheAmericalDivision,Ididn'twanttoknowaboutit.Unfortunately,whenhisfirstletterarrivedhome,itborethereturn,"TheAmericalDivision,198th."We'ddiscussedtheAmericalevenbeforeMichaelwasdraftedin1968.OneofhishighschoolclassmateshadreturnedfromVietnamandhaddescribedhisexperiencesservingintheinfamousdivision.Initiallymadeupofathousandmen,Americalhadbeensentintocombatin1967.Allmembersofthistroubledunitwereeducated,rangingfromjuniorcollegecreditstodoctoratedegrees,andallhadrefusedtoundergoofficer'straining.Inspiteoftheirintelligence,theircasualtyratewasenormous;morethantwo-thirdsoftheoriginalonethousandmenwereeitherkilledorwounded.
TheAmericalwasplaguedwithproblemsthroughoutitscampaigninICorps,thenorthernmostoffourmilitarysectorsinVietnam.MyaversiontothisdivisionandfearforMichael'ssafetywithinitgrewdaily.IcontinuedtoreadeverythingIcouldabouttheunit.Bylate
November,wewerebeginningtogetreportsofanincidentatMyLai,ahamletlocatedintheareaundertheAmericalcommand.Aplatoonundertheleadershipofayounglieutenanthadactuallywipedoutanentirehamletmen,women,andchildren.ThemassivekillingoftheseVietnameseoccurredinMarch1968,buttheAmericalheadquartersmanagedtocoveruptheincident,anditdidn'treachthenewsmediauntilthefallof1969.IclippedthenewspaperitemandencloseditwithmynextlettertoMichael.Hewroteback:"You'vegottorememberthisisanareathatisstrongly
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VCandeventodaythe11thDivisionoperatingthereisconstantlyrunningintoboobytraps,etc.Youwillfindthatthethingwasballoonedalloutofproportionastowhatactuallyhappened."
Ididn'tagreewithhim.IfeltthetroopsinICorpswerebeingtoldsomethingotherthanwhatweweregettingfromthemediaathome.I'dreadaformerAmericalcolonel'scharacterizationofthemenunderhiscommandas"dumbdogfaces."ThefirstAmericaltroopssenttoVietnamwereprobablybettereducatedthanmostoftheofficers.Combatdutyinthejunglewasanordealforeveryone,butitmusthavebeenparticularlyirritatingforthementobetakingordersfromofficerslikethecolonel.
InanotherletterMichaelhadmadeapassingreferencetotheAmerical'sofficers'preoccupationwithbodycount."Havetolaughatthem,"hesaid,"fortheyliveinadreamworld.Theyhavetohavefigures(bodycount)andnobodyknowswhatisaVCoraplainignorantvillager,atleastinthisarea."
Shortlyafteritsdeployment,theAmericalhadadoptedasitsbasictacticarefinedsearch-and-destroymethodknowninformallyasthescorched-earthpolicy.Michael'sletterofOctober22,1969,describedburningtwovillagesduringoneofthesearch-and-destroymissionsthepresidenthadpromisedtodiscontinue.
ThatsameyearEsquirepublishedastorybyRobertA.GrossaboutfollowingordersinVietnam.Initayoungsoldiertalkedabouthisexperience."Iwas21,"hesaid."Iwasreallyscared."Hewentontosaythathehadeasedhimselfintotheuseoftorture:"Ittookawhiletogetusedtousingbrutality;youdidn'tknowwhattheeffectswouldbe.Ididn'tparticularlyliketheideaoftorturebutIwasn'tgoingtopreventit.Ipreferredthefriendlyapproachofgivingprisonerscigarettestogaintheirfriendship.WhetherornotIgotbrutaldependedonhowcooperativetheywere.ButIdon'tthinkIwas
sadisticatall."
Headmittedtohavingusedclubs,riflebutts,pistols,andknivesonprisonersinterrogatedatHill28,basecampofthe1stBattalionofthe1stCavalry,AmericalDivision.Hesaidhiscaptaintoldhimhecoulduse"anytechniqueIcouldthinkof"butcautionedagainstbeatingprisonersinthepresenceofoutsiders,"likeavisitingofficerorperhapstheRedCross."
ThesoldiersawARVNpersonnelkickingaprisonertodeathandtriedinvaintostopthem.Afterthemandied,theAmerical
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captainhadhimplacedintwofive-hundred-poundricesacksandtakenintothejungletobedumped.Thevictimwasthenaddedtothebodycount.
ImmediatelyafterthepublicationofMichael'sletters,IheardfromanIowawomanwhoseoldestson,alsonamedMichael,hadbeendraftedoutofcollegeandwasnowservingwiththeAmericalDivisionatChuLai."Yourson'sletterscouldalmostbeours,"shesaid."Myhusbandreadexcerptsfromeach,andyoucouldsaytheywereclosetothesameplaceatthesamedate.Veryclose."
Wereceivedanotherletterfromherthreemonthslater.Bringingusup-to-date,shetoldusherMikehadtakenRandRinHawaii,thenreturnedtoChuLai,wherehewentoutonpatrolalmostimmediately.Shortlyafterward,thefamilyhadreceivedaphonecall:
MikewasinahospitalinJapan,hurtbutalive.Hiswordstouswere,"MypartofthisGod-forsakenwarisover!I'mcominghome."Hewouldn'ttalkaboutwhathappened,butsaidhispartswereallstillwithhim,thathewasburned.Hehadbeentoldthatwehadbeennotified,butwehadn'tbeen.
ItseemstomethattheboysfromtheAmericalaretakinghelltheselastseveralmonths,andit'shardtothinkofthesebeautifulyoungmensacrificingsomuchforacausetheyvirtuallydespise.
AMassachusettsveteranwhohadservedwiththe196thLightInfantryBrigadeinVietnamcontactedusin1978afterreadingFriendlyFire.Hesaidthebook'saccountofMichael'sdeathledhimtobelievethatthiswasverycommonintheAmericalDivision.Duringhistourofduty,hewrote,therehadbeennumerousinstancesofGIsbeingkilledinasimilarfashion.HerecountedanincidentonFebruary2,1968,wheneightmenwerekilledandfourteenwoundedinhisplatoonwhentheyweremortaredbyacompanyfromthe198th.Itwascommonknowledge,hesaid,thatthe198thwasasdangerousastheNorthVietnamesearmy.
OurgovernmenthadwagedwarinICorpsforalmostfiveyears,sufferinghorrendouslossesincombatandaninordinatenumberofdeathsbyfriendlyfire.Theyhadgainednoterritoryinallthoseyears.OnApril30,1970,IwrotethefollowingtoFrankReynoldsofABCfollowinganeveningbroadcastthatupsetme.
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DearMr.Reynolds:
OnyournewsthiseveningyoutoldtheAmericanpublicthat94youngmenhaddiedincombatinVietnamlastweek.Whycan'tyoutellusinhonestfigureshowmanyreallydiedinVietnamlastweek?
Asthemotherofayoungmanwhodiedonanightdefensiveambush,whoisnotconsideredawarcasualtybecausehewaskilledbyfriendlyfire,IfinditmostdifficulteachThursdayeveningtoswallowthefigureputoutbythePentagon.Manyofusbelieveone-thirdwhodieeachweekarenotreportedontheweeklytoll.
Justhadtobeheard!
Sincerely,PegMullen
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Six:TheMarinesThespringafterMichael'sdeath,IbecamefascinatedwithaseriesofarticlesintheDesMoinesRegisteraboutfivemarineswhowerefacingcourt-martialinICorps.AccordingtotheRegister,thesemenhadbeenonpatrolthenightofFebruary18,hadbeenfiredon,andhadreturnedfire.Thenextdayanumberofdeadvillagerswerefound,amongthemwomenandchildren.
OursonhadbeenkilledFebruary18.WeoriginallyhadbeentoldbyourserviceofficerthathisdeathwasbyactionoftheARVNoneoffivesimilarambushesthatnight.
Thenewspaperlistedthemarines'namesandtheirhometowns.IdecidedtotrytoreacheachfamilyandforwardcopiesofthestoriesI'dclipped.
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OnApril12,1970,Iwrotetothesefamilies,simplyaddressingeach,"Tofamilyof[marine'sname],cityandstate."IaddedanotationtoeachenvelopeaskingthePostalServicetopleasedeliver,asthisyoungmanwasintroubleinVietnamandIhadimportantinformationforhisfamily.Atthistime,Iwasreceivingmailwithlittlemoreaddressthan"Peg,Iowa,"soIhadfaiththattheletterswouldsomehowbedelivered.
Dear:
OnFebruary21wereceivedwordfromtheArmythatoursonwaskilledwhileonanightdefensiveambush,theresultoffriendlyartilleryfire.
Wedemandedtoknowfromthemilitaryofficerwhatwasmeantby"friendlyfire."HetoldusoursonwaskilledbyfirefromtheSouthVietnameseArmyandthatitwasnotaccidental.HethenproceededtotellusthatoursonwasavictimofoneoffivedeliberateshellingsinVietnamonFebruary18bytheSouthVietnamese.HeexplainedthattheARVNhadbeeninfiltratedbytheVietcong.IncheckingbackthroughthenewspaperswefindthattherewasadeliberateshellingatBienHoathatnight.ThenonalatenewsprogramontheradioSunday,February22,weheardofaMarineunitnearDanangthatwasattackedbyaunitoftheARVNandinthereturnfirethefiveMarineskilledVietnameseciviliansandwereconfinedtothebrig.
Weintendtopursueaninvestigationofourson'sdeaththroughtheofficeofSenatorHaroldHughes,andwearewonderingifyouwouldcaretotellustheoutcomeofyourson'sstory.Ifyoudecidenottocorrespond,we'llunderstand.
Sincerely,PegMullen
Thefirstresponsecamebytelephone.Mrs.JamesSchwarzofWeirton,WestVirginia,nearPittsburgh,wasanangrywoman,refusingtobelievethatherdecoratedmarinesonwasintrouble.Sheandherfamilywerestrongbackersofthemilitary,raisedtheflag
everyday,andwereproudoftheirmarine.
Mrs.SchwarzfolloweduphercallwithaletteronApril23,offeringusherdeepestsympathyonthedeathofourson"inthissenseless,uselesswar."Shehadreceivedonlytwolettersfromherson.Hetoldofbeingonanightpatrolwhentheywerefireduponbyasmall
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child.Allbutfiveoftheirpatrolwerekilled,andthesurvivorswereorderedtoreturnfire.
Afterthefamilyreceivedthesecondletter,theywereunabletofindoutanythingmoreaboutwhatwasgoingon.EventhoughthelocalmarineofficerinPittsburghdeniedit,Mrs.Schwarzwasconvincedthathersonwasnotreceivingtheirletters,norwerehisbeingdeliveredtoherortohiswife.Shesuspectedthatthemilitaryfearedhislettersmightrevealwhatwasreallygoingon.SheclosedbyaskingmetoletherknowifIfoundoutanythingaboutwhathappenedthatnight,andsheofferedtohelpinanywayshecould.
Mrs.Schwarzsentalongcopiesoflettersthathadcometoherandherdaughter-in-law(MichealSchwarz'swife)fromofficersinthemarinecommandinVietnam.Thefirst,addressedtothemarine'swife,camefromSchwarz'scompanycommander,FirstLieutenantL.R.Ambort.HeprovidedthefamilywithanaccountofwhathappenedduringthenightofFebruary19,1970.HetoldMrs.Schwarzthatherhusbandhadvolunteeredforafive-mannightcombatpatrol.Shortlyafterthepatrollefttheirnightdefensivepositiontheywerehitbyenemyfire,andtheyreturnedfire.
HewentontosaythatthenextdayafriendlypatrolfoundthebodiesofsixteenwomenandchildrenintheareawhereSchwarz'spatrolhadmadeenemycontactthenightbefore.Hetoldofapreliminaryinvestigationbeingheld,whichwasfollowedbythearrestofthefivemarines.Pretrialinvestigationswereunderwaytodetermineifcourt-martialswouldbefiled.LieutenantAmbortexpressedhisownopinion,standingbehindthefiveyoungmen,declaringtheminnocent,andassuringthefamilytheirsonandhusbandwouldhaveadequatelegaldefense.
AnotherletteraddressedtotheparentscamefromCaptainDanielH.LeGear,alawyerwiththe1stMarineDivisionwhowasappointedto
representMichealSchwarz.LeGearintroducedhimselfandpromisedtodoallhecouldtohelptheirson.
Mrs.Schwarzhadcomplainedthat,afterreceivinghisfirstletter,shewrotetoLeGeartentimesbeforeheanswered.Whenhefinallydid,heassuredherthathewasdoingeverythinghecouldtoassistherMike.Hetoldofbeinginthemiddleofaformalinvestigationandaddedthatheexpectedthecasetobereferredtoageneralcourtmartial,allegingsomeformofunlawfulkilling.HesuggestedthatthefamilyobtaincharacterstatementsinMike'sbehalf,andwithhis
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letterheenclosedguidelinesforobtainingsuitablestatementsandaskedthattheybesentdirectlytohim.
IwrotetoMrs.SchwarzagainonApril27,afterIhadbeenintouchwithanotherofthemarines'families,theJosephKrichtensofHanover,Pennsylvania.Thisletterrepresentedanattemptonmyparttobringthesefamiliestogether.
LaPorteCity,IowaApril27,1970
DearMrs.Schwarz:
Wereceivedyourlettertoday.Now,IwilltellyouwhatIhavereadandlearnedbywritingletters.OurboywaskilledonFebruary18about2A.M.whileonanightdefensiveambushnearTamKy,betweenChuLaiandDanang.AtthattimeweweretoldbythemilitaryservicemanwhocametoourhousethatfiveunitsofAmericanshadbeenattackedatthattimebytheSouthVietnamese.Wewereinterestedinreadingthestoryaboutyourboybecauseithappenedataboutthesametimeandinthesamearea.
ThereweretwostoriesinourDesMoinesRegisterconcerningit,andtworadiostories.Wedon'tknowthenameofthestationbecauseitwassomethingmysonJohnandafriendofhisheardlateatnight.ThestorieswerealongthethemethattheMarineshadbeenattackedbytheSouthVietnamesewhowerepatrollingwiththem.However,Ididn'thearthebroadcastssocan'tgiveyouthefacts.
WhenIwrotetothefamiliesofthefiveMarineswhosenameswerelistedintheDesMoinesRegister,Iprayedthey'drespond.OnApril26,IheardfromMrs.JosephE.Krichten,419ThirdSt.,Hanover,Pennsylvania,andIthinkshewouldbecloseenoughforyoutocontactinperson.ShegavemetheaddressofMrs.WilliamBoyd,109MarySt.,Evansville,Indiana.I'velocatedfamiliesofthreeofthefiveMarinesinvolved.TheotherboyslistedwereRandellHerrod,Calvin,Oklahoma,andSamuelGreen,Cleveland.WestillmighthearfromOklahoma,butourlettertoClevelandcamebackforlackofaddress.IfyouknowanyoneinCleveland,theymightbeabletolocateMrs.Greenforyou.
OnApril26IsentMrs.KrichteninHanoverthetwoclippingsfromourpapersoyoucancontacthertogetcopies.
I'menclosingacopyofMrs.Krichten'sletter,andifIwereyou,IwouldsuggestthatyougotoaleadingnewspaperinPitts-
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burghandtellthemyourstory.Yousimplyhavetohavehelpfromthepublic.
Pleaseletmehearfromyou.
Sincerely,PegMullen
WhenIheardfromMrs.Schwarzagain,sheexpressedfrustrationoverherdealingswiththegovernmentandthenewsmedia.OnePittsburghnewspapertoldherthattheywouldnothaveanythingtodowithherson'scase,andalocaltelevisionstationwasnotallowedeventodiscussit.Onlyherlocalnewspaperofferedtohelp,sayingtheywouldcontactSenatorRobertByrdofWestVirginia.
Mrs.SchwarzsentustheresponsesshehadgottenfromSenatorHughScottofPennsylvania,whichshedidnotfindveryhelpful,andshesaiditwasclearthatshewouldnothearfromhimagain.Sheenclosedalistofthepeopleshehadwrittentowithoutreceivingreplies:SenatorByrdofWestVirginia,SenatorMorganofWestVirginia,andSenatorSchweikerofPennsylvania.She'dwrittenfourletterstoPresidentNixon.
Mrs.SchwarzhadheardfromMrs.Krichten,whowasnotgettinganymorehelpthanshewas.Shehadalsocontactedhersister,anuninCleveland,totrytofindtheaddressofMrs.Green.Sheletusknowthatshewouldstayintouch.
OnMay6,1970,IhadatearfulcallfromMrs.Schwarz.Shehadreceivedaletterfromherson'scommandingofficer.Hewastryingtogettheboysoutofthebrigandreturnthemtotheircompanyuntiltimefortheirtrials.Shewasfrightenedactuallyafraidthathersonwouldbeshotinthebackbyhisowntroops.Thecallpromptedmetowritetothefivefamiliesonceagain.Bythistime,Ihadobtainedhomeaddressesofallthemarines.IwantedtotellthemaboutMrs.
Schwarz'sfearandgiveeveryoneinvolvedthecompletelistofaddresses:
LaPorteCity,IowaMay9,1970
Dearfriends:
BecauseIkeepstumblingonnewsconcerningyoursons,Ihavemoreinformationtogiveyou.
BymakingacalltothenewspaperinCalvin,Oklahoma,IwasabletolearnthatthegrandfatherofRandellHerrodhadalreadymadeatriptoVietnaminbehalfofhisgrandson.Therestofyou
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mightwanttocontacthiminanefforttolearnwhatwastheoutcome.IcalledthePlainDealernewspaperinClevelandandfoundareporterwhohadmuchinformationonSamuelGreen.
Heismailingallthematerialthatwasprintedintheirpaper,andhealsogavemethehomeaddressoftheboy.
WhenIcalledthehomeofRandellHerrodIlearnedhisgrandfather,AlvinSelf,wasnothome.ItalkedtoRandell'steenagebrotherandhetoldmetheirgrandfatherhadbeeninVietnam.
IwouldsuggestthatallofyoutogethercouldgetsomehelpinWashington.IfeelMrs.SchwarzhasarealreasontofearthefactthattheirlastletterfromVietnamsaidaneffortwasbeingmadetoreturntheboystodutybeforetheirtrial.Iftheircommandingofficeristhemanwhopreferredcharges,IknowthatIcouldn'tleaveathingunturnedatthispointtosavethemfromreturningtodutyinthesamecommand.
WheninformationcomesfromthereporterinCleveland,Ishallsenditontoyou.
Sincerely,PegMullen
OnJune23,thedayafterIlearnedMichealSchwarzhadbeensentencedtolifeimprisonment,IwrotetoSenatorHughScott.HeremainedoneofthestrongestsupportersoftheVietnamWarrightuptothebitterend.IalludedtoavisitmadetohisofficeearlierinthemonthinwhichIhaddiscussed,withthesenator'saide,themarines'situationandthecoincidentaldeathofmyson.
IadvisedSenatorScottthat,althoughoneoftheyoungmenwasaPennsylvaniaresidentandanotherlivedjustacrosstheborder,theirstoryhadnotbeencoveredbyradio,television,ornewspapersinthatstate.TomBoyd,RandellHerrod,andSamGreen,Iwrote:
werefinanciallyabletoobtaincivilianlegalcounsel,andallthreehadextensiveaidfromtheircongressmenandsenators.OnlyMrs.Krichten
andMrs.Schwarzhadnomoneytogetciviliancounsel,andonlythesetwowererefusedhelpfromtheirgovernmentrepresentatives.
MichaelKrichtenwasgivenimmunitybecausehesaidthingstheMarineCorpswantedhimtosay.MichealSchwarzwasmadeanexampleforalltoseehereceivedalifesentence.TomBoydwasacquittedtoday,becausehehadanattorneyfromEvansville,
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Ind.,whocametohisdefense.SamGreenandRandellHerrodshouldstandachanceastheyhaveciviliandefenseattorneys.
Inclosing,ItoldSenatorScottthatIunderstoodthebitternessMrs.Schwarzfeltoverherson'slifesentence.''I,too,believethatthegreat,massivestructurecalledthePentagonhasmadeamockeryoftheflaganduniform,''Isaid."IalsobelievetherewillbeaspecialhellforthemenwhohavedrivenourboysinuniforminVietnamtotheirdeathsanddisgrace,allinthenameofpatriotism."
Onthesameday,June23,IwrotetoMrs.Schwarz:
AftervisitingwithyouonMondayIwasleftwiththeawesomethoughtthatnoonecaresanymore;thatthepoorhavenoplacetoturnforhelpasfarasourgovernmentisconcerned;thatourgovernmentwithitspresidentisconcernedonlywithwarandkill...kill...kill.Ouryoungsonsandtheirfutureshavenomeaningwearetocontinuetobreedboybabiesjusttokeepthewarmachinefunctioning.
MondayeveningIdroveabout40milestovisitawidowwhowastoburyherhandsome23-year-oldson.HehadthegreathonorofbeingthefirstIowantodieinCambodia.Iwasfrightenedtofindthatshe,too,feltthePentagonhadmadeamockeryoutoftheflagandpatriotism.Shewasreadytokillanyoneinuniformwhoapproachedherhomenoflagwilleverflyagainatthishome.
AfterItalkedtoyou,IcalledMr.StipeinOklahoma,theattorneywhoisrepresentingRandellHerrod.HissecretarytoldmehehadgonetoDanangtodefendRandyandwouldsitinonremainingtrialsas"friendofcourt."Shesaidshe'dhavehimcallmeorwritewhenhereturned.Shefeltthewholethingwasaframe-upandwasn'tsurehowtherestofthetrialswouldgothentodaywehearthatTomBoydwasacquitted.
I'mgivingyouStipe'stelephonenumberandifyoudon'tfeelliketalkingtohimhavesomeoneelsecallforyou.HeisakindmanandI'msurehehasMicheal'sinterestatheart,inlightofthefacthedidmakethetriptoDanangtobethereforhistrial.
IwassogladtohearthatyouhadgoneonTV,lettingyourangershowthrough.Ididn'tseeitbutmydaughterdidandcalledme.Don'tgiveuptellyourMiketherearemillionswhodocare.
Sincerely,PegMullen
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ThesamedayIhadacallfromafriendinPittsburghwhosuggestedthatItuneinABCNewsthatevening.IdidsoandwatchedtheSchwarzfamilysetfiretotheflagpoleandflag.Thisactionin1970didn'tseemtodisturbthepresidentortheCongress.
InlateJuly1970twoPittsburghattorneysannouncedthattheyhadenoughevidenceforanappealonbehalfofMichealSchwarz.AboutthemiddleofDecember,attorneyJamesMcLaughlinwasnotifiedthatMajorGeneralC.EWiddecke,commandinggeneralofthe1stMarineDivision,hadorderedthesentencereduced.Thesentencewascommutedfromlifetoadishonorabledischargeandoneyearathardlabor.Inhisrulingthemajorgeneralstated:"ThegreatinconsistencyisthefactSchwarz'splatoonleader,whogavetheorderwhichSchwarzfollowed,wasacquittedandisnowattendingcollege."Schwarz'sattorneysaidhewouldcontinuetoseekfullexonerationforthemarine.
Micheal'sone-yearsentence,whichheservedatthePortsmouthNavalDisciplinaryCommandprison,wasreducedbyseventy-sevendaysforgoodconduct.Hisattorneyannouncedthatanotherappealonnewevidencewouldbefiled.
MylastletterfromMrs.Schwarzcameduringthe1970Christmasseason,anditcontainednogoodnews.Sheopenedwithanapologyfornothavingwrittensoonerandtheninformedmethatshehadjustbroughtherhusbandhomefromthehospitalfollowingacompletenervousbreakdown.Shedescribedhertriptovisitherson,whomshewasabletoseeforlessthananhourafteratripoffivedays.Hiswifeandbabydidnotaccompanyherbecausethebabywassick.ButMrs.Schwarzthoughtthismayhavebeenjustaswell,sincethetimespentwithhersonwassoshort.Infact,shefearedhervisitmadeitevenworseforherson.
ThelawyerhadpromisedthathersonwouldbehomeforChristmas.
Sincehewasnot,theywerestillwaitingtocelebratetheholidays.Mrs.Greenhadphonedherat4A.M.onChristmasday,becauseshealsohadbeenpromisedthathersonwouldbehomeintimeforChristmas.ThislettermarkedthefirsttimeMrs.SchwarzaddressedmeasPegandsignedherletterwithHelen.
AnotherofmyoriginalfiveletterswassenttothefamilyofThomasR.BoydofEvansville,Indiana.Theletterwasnotreturned,norwasitanswered.Severalweekslater,HelenSchwarzinformedmethat
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she'dmanagedtogetBoyd'saddressfromthemarineheadquartersinPittsburgh.IthenwrotetoBoyd'smother.Onceagain,therewasnoreply.
OnMay1,1970,IphonedMrs.Boyd.ShetoldmethefamilyhadhiredanattorneywhowasplanningtogotoVietnamalongwithinvestigatorsfromWashington,D.C.ShealsosaidtheirfamilyhadobtainedthousandsofsignaturesfromtheirareaonpetitionsinsupportofThomas.
OnMay8IcalledheragaintorelaytheinformationMrs.Schwarzhadgivenmeabouttheirson'scommandingofficer.Hehadtriedtohavethefivemarinesputbackondutywiththeplatoon,pendingtheirtrials.Mrs.Boydthankedmefortheinformationandsaidshewouldpassitonimmediatelytoherattorney.
AccordingtoaccountsintheDesMoinesRegister,Boyd'strialfollowedthatofMichealSchwarz.Hiscivilianattorneysatinwiththemilitaryattorney,andtheypetitionedthecourtfortrialbymilitaryjudgeandnotbyafullcourt-martial.Thispetitionwasgranted.Boydwasfoundnotguilty.Hehadtestifiedinhisowndefense,tellingthejudgethat,beforehewenttoVietnam,hispastorremindedhimthatoneoflife'smostimportantruleswas"Thoushaltnotkill."Membersofhisplatoontestifiedthattheyhadneverseenhimkillanyoneincombat.
Asheleftthecourtroom,tearswerestreamingdownhisface.PrivateSamuelGreen,himselfawaitingtrial,threwhisarmsaroundBoydandhisattorney.
Thefourthletter,addressedtoGreen'sfamilyinCleveland,wastheonlyonetobereturned.Ithadbeenincorrectlyaddressed.(Isentitwithouthousenumberorstreetname.)
IhadnoluckintracingtheGreenfamily,soIcalledtheCleveland
paperandlocatedareporterwhowasfamiliarwiththestory.Hepromisedtosendmeanitemonthemarine,togetherwithMrs.Green'saddress.Thereporter,DickFeager,followedthroughandsentmeanarticlehehadwrittenonJune5,1970,undertheheading,"CityMarineAccusedofKillinginWarSuestheU.S.Military."
Green'sattorney,JamesChiara,tookanunusualapproachinthedefenseofhisclient.HehiredaWashington-basedlawfirmandfiledsuitinfederalcourtinthecapital.Thethemeofhisdefensechal-
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lengedthecourtstoruleon:"Whenasoldierkills,whenisitdutyandwhenisitmurder?"Hissuitalsoaskedthatthecourt-martialbedropped,thatGreenbereleasedfromthestockade,thathebereinstatedintheMarineCorps,andthatallchargesofwrongdoingbethrownout.DuringaninterviewwiththepressChiarasaid:"TheVietnamWarisascrewywar.Itisn'tfoughttoclaimland.Itisfoughttokillpeople."
TheattorneycontendedthatGreenwasmerelydoinghisdutyhewasassignedtoa"killerteam"andsentouttokill.ThisincidentfollowedcloselythedisclosureoftheMyLairampage,andourmilitarywasinnopositiontosweepthisoneundertherug.
InclosedhearingsbeforeGreenwasformallycharged,officersintheunittoldofVietnamesewomenandchildrenservingincombatremindingthejudgethatthenightbeforeallbutfiveoftheunithadbeenkilledbyambushandthatthesurvivorsweresentoutto"getsomeofthebastards."Talkingtothepress,Green'smotherremarked:"Mysondidn'tleavethecountrytogetthrownintothepen.Nowonderthoseboysdon'twanttogointoserviceiftheycan'tdefendthemselves."
AfterreceivingMrs.Green'saddressandtelephonenumber,IcalledherandtoldherwhatIknewabouttheotherfamilies.Ifoundherinthesameemotionalstateastheothermothers:angryandconfusedaboutthemilitary'sroleinVietnam.ShewaseagertotellmethatRepresentativeCarlStokes,fromherdistrict,wasbeinghelpfulandthatthefamilyhadhiredagoodattorneywhoplannedtositinonthetrialinDanangwiththemarinecounsel.
OnAugust15and16thenewspapersreportedthatSamuelGreenhadbeenfoundguiltyofpremeditatedmurderandsentencedtofiveyears'imprisonment.Oneunnamedmemberofthe"killerteam"hadtestifiedduringtheone-daytrialthathehadnotseenGreenkillanyone,and
thegovernment'switness,MichaelKrichten,alsotestifiedthathehadnotseenGreenkilltheVietnamese.Afterthetrial,Greencommentedthathisautomaticappealprobablywouldgethimoff.
ThestoryofRandellHerrod,thefifthmarineindictedformurderinDanang,hadasuddenandhappyending.MyletterofApril12totheyoungman'sfamilyhadbeendelivered.
Aftercontactingthefamiliesoftheotherfour,Idecidedtocall
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thenewspaperinCalvin,Oklahoma.TheeditorgavemethenameofAlvinSelf,thegrandfatherwhohadrearedtheboy,togetherwithhisaddressandtelephonenumber.
IputinacallforMr.SelfandtalkedtoateenagebrotherofPrivateHerrod.HesaidtheirgrandfatherwasinVietnam.Ibecameintriguedwiththiselderlygentlemanfromaruralcommunityof350peoplewhohadactuallygonetoVietnam.
OnMay22,1970,IhadacallfromGeneStipe,apracticingattorneyinMcAlester,Oklahoma.HerepresentedthefamilyofRandyHerrod.HetoldmethatMr.Selfhadcometohisofficethatdaywithaletterfromme,whichhefoundwaitingforhimonhisreturnfromVietnam.StipeaskedwhereIhadgottenmyinformationandwouldIpleasesendhimeverythingIhadinmypossession.
ThefollowingdayImailedtheattorneythematerialshehadrequested,togetherwithaletteraskingthathereturnsomeofthedocuments,astheywereoriginals.Ialsotoldhimofmycontactswiththemarines'familiesthusfar.
TwomonthslatertheDesMoinesRegistercarriedastoryaboutGeneStipegoingtoVietnamindefenseofRandellHerrod.He'dattemptedtochallengetheU.S.CourtofMilitaryAppeals,askingthatHerrodbegrantedachangeofvenueandpostponementofhistrialonchargesofpremeditatedmurder.Herrod'smarinelawyershadalsochallengedthecourt-martialsystem.Thesechallengesweredenied.
Therewerenodevelopmentsinthiscaseforweeks.OnAugust31,whileentertainingguestsfromNewYorkCity,weheardanewsbulletinovertheradioannouncingthatHerrodhadbeenacquitted.ThenewsitemscomingfromthepressonthesceneinVietnamtoldthatwhenHerrodheardtheverdict,hepickeduphismilitarydefensecounselandcarriedhimbodilyfromthecourtroom.Nexthestrapped
onapistoltoescortattorneyStipetotheairportforhisreturntoOklahoma.
Herrod,whopriortothisincidenthadbeenscheduledtoreceivetheSilverStarforheroisminaction,remarkedthathehadbeenpreparedfortheworstthemaximumpenaltycouldhavebeendeath.Histrialformurder,withthelifeordeathofayoungmarinehanginginthebalance,hadlastedasingleten-hourday,andthejurywasoutforascantthreehours.Militaryjusticeisswiftifnotalwaysfair.
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Seven:WBZInthemonthsfollowingmyson'sdeath,IrefusedtosignablankpayvoucherforhislasteighteendaysinVietnam.Whentheserviceofficer,CaptainMcDougal,cametomewiththeblankvoucher,ItoldhimIwouldn'tsignituntiltheamountofpayearnedwasshown.HelookedatmeindisgustandrepliedthatIwasprobablythefirstmother(orfather)duringalltheyearsofthewartorefuse.Myrefusaltosignthevoucherwasneitherextraordinarynorsymbolic,merelygoodbusiness.Yetitseemedtoupsetnearlyeveryoneinthemilitary,fromthegeneralatFortBenjaminHarrison(financecenterfortheU.S.Army)toouryoungserviceofficeratthelocallevel.
EventuallyIwasgiventhefiguresthearmyhadcalculated,but
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theydidnotagreewiththefiguresMichaelhadsenthomeeachmonth.Hewouldsendmehispayvoucher,coveredwithnotationsaskingmetobecomefamiliarwiththeformandtokeeptheminmyfiles.Heseemedobsessedwiththefearthatthearmywouldmakemoneyoffofhisservice.Thepayofferedwaslessthan$100foreighteendays,andmyrecordsindicatedhisbasicpaywas$254.70minusdeductionsofasavingbondanda$60allotment.
Finally,Iaskedforanaudit,makingmyrequesttoacolonelintheArmyFinanceCenter.HeaskedmetoexplainwhatImeantbyanaudit.ItoldhimthatIwasnotacertifiedpublicaccountantnorwasIanofficerinthefinancedivisionofthearmy,butIcertainlycouldexplainanaudittohim.Therequestedinformationcameinthemailseveraldayslater,andIlearnedthatthediscrepancywasduetoMichael'sbeingchargedforelevendaysofunearnedleave,elevendaysofsalary,elevendaysoffoodandclothingrations,andelevendaysofSocialSecurity,includingtheSocialSecuritypaidbythePentagon.
Despitemanytelephoneconversationsbetweentheofficersandme,thematterwentunresolved.AtonepointtheygaveMichaelapromotioninrank,butIrefusedtoacceptthecompensationtheyoffered.Aftermonthsofwrangling,IconcludedthattheDefenseDepartmentneededthemoneyworsethanIdid.
MyangerpeakedwhenIlearnedthat,hadMichaelsurvivedVietnamandreturnedhome,allofhisunpaidleavewouldhavebeenforgiven.WhenIthoughtofthemillionsofdollarsflowingintoPentagoncoffersfromthisoperation,Ibecameenraged.EffortsintheSenatein1970torepealthatprovisionofthelawwereunsuccessful,soitisstillonthebooks.
IreceivedaletterwrittenonNovember21,1970,fromawomaninWisconsin.Shewasdisturbedbecausehersonhadbeenwoundedin
Vietnam;thenthedeathnoticecamelabelinghisdeathasnon-hostile.ShewasengagedinastrugglewiththePentagonandCongresstolearnthetruth.ThestoryofmybattlewiththeArmyFinanceCenterhadbeenfeaturedintheDesMoinesRegister.Shewantedtotellmethathersonhadalsopaidbackexcessleaveof271/2days,explainingthatthedoubleFICAdeductionwastaxthatMichaelwouldhavepaidandalsothatportionpaidbythegovernment.Shewentontoremarkthatthearmywasverythoroughingettingevery
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centfromtheoneswhodied,wonderingwhytheydidn'tsavelivesasefficientlyastheysavedpennies.
ForthePentagontocollectfor271/2daysofexcessleave,itwouldhavetobepaidbythefamilyunlessthedeceasedhadextramoniesonhandinthemilitary.Iobservedthissituationrepeatedlyovertheyears,andI'mstillatalosstounderstandwhyanyparentshouldbesubjectedtosuchanindignitywhenhisorherfamilyhasalreadymadethesupremesacrifice.
FromthemomentweburiedMichaelourcorrespondencewiththeDefenseDepartment,intheirefforttoanswerourquestions,continuedtoamazeus.ContrarytomailcomingfromdivisionofficersinVietnamallwrittenbyoneofficerbutsignedbyvariousofficersthemailfromthePentagonwasnotcoordinated.Eachdepartmentheadexpressedhisowntheory,withlittleregardtowhatthemannextdoorwastellingus.
Weweredeterminedtotelltheworldwhatwealreadyknew.SowhenacallcamelateoneafternooninJuneof1970fromJerryWilliams,whohostedaradiotalkshowfromstationWBZinBoston,IreadilyacceptedhisinvitationtojoinapaneloffourwomenwhowereopposedtotheVietnamWar.Theshowwouldairthatnightfromeighttomidnight.Oneofthepanelistshadaskedhimtocontactme.IremindedhimthatIlivedonafarmandthatourtelephonewasapartyline,sharedbyfourhouseholds.Iagreedtocontactmyneighbors.IfitwasOKwiththem,Iwouldvisitwithhispanelandcallersfromtentomidnight.
Itwasastimulatingtwohours,withcallscomingfrommanysectionsoftheEast.IwelcomedthisfirstopportunitytosendmymessagebeyondtheMidwest.Williamsalsoarrangedformetotalkwiththepanelists,fourwomenwhowouldeventuallyformthenucleusofapowerfulpeaceorganizationinBostonandthroughoutthestate.At
onepointduringtheprogramIwasaskedwhatthewomencoulddoaboutthesituationinVietnam.
"March,"Ireplied.
JerryWilliamshostedtheoldesttalkshowonradio,anditcoveredtheentireEastCoastfromFloridaintoCanada.IcouldhardlycomprehendtheterritoryIhadreachedthenumbersofpeoplewhohadlistenedtomymessage.Weremindschanged?
TheonlylettersIreceivedasaresultofmyparticipationcame
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fromthepaneliststhemselves.Oneofthem,ShirlieGoldman,provedtobeaprolificcorrespondent.Inherfirstletter,writtenthemorningaftertheprogram,shesaidthepanelistshadagreedthereshouldbeaMother'sMarchonWashingtonsometimeintheverynearfuture."Wearebeginningtomakeourplans,andIwillkeepyouinformed,"shepromised.
AhastilyscrawledpostcarddatedJune9arrivedinthemail:
TheEveningStarWashington,D.C.
DearPeg:
Righton,deargirl.Alotofpeoplethinkyourideaaboutthewomenmarchingisthelastbesthope.
Shalom,MaryMcGrory
Truetoherword,Shirliekeptmeinformedoftheireveryactivity.Withinafewweeksofthebroadcast,theyhadorganizedamarch."Ithoughtyoumightbeinterestedinourplans,"shesaidinaJune27letter:
IfyouknowanyladiesinIowawhowouldliketojoinus,pleasepassontheinformation.Evenfivewouldbegreat!
Perhapswe'llgetsomepublicity.Mostofuswereformerlythe"SilentMajority,"andwehopethiswillbeanimportantwedgefor"SilentMothers"inotherstatestoalsovisitWashington.
Shirliesentalongastatementaddressedtoconcernedfriends,mothers,andgrandmothers.IttoldofplanstogotoWashington,D.C.,July16and17.There,theywouldmeetwithlegislatorstoexpresstheircompleteandunalterableoppositiontotheIndochinaWarandtopressforimmediateactionbyelectedofficialstoendit.Theyurgedmothersacrossthenationtoorganize.
OnJuly10shewrotetosaythatthemothers'delegation,whichnownumberedthirty,wouldbeleavingthefollowingweekforWashington.TheyplannedtoholdmeetingswithvariousofficialsandapeacefulvigilinfrontoftheWhiteHouse.
ThesuccessoftheWBZtalkshowpointedouttomehowimportantitwastoreachoutacrossthecountry.Iresolvedfromthenontoaccepteverychancetogopublic.ShortlybeforeMichaeldied,IhadwrittentoagroupcalledAnotherMotherforPeace,basedin
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BeverlyHills,California.Ireceivedareplytwodaysafterlearningofmyson'sdeathandjoinedtheorganizationimmediately.
InMarch1971GeneandIwerecontactedbyDorothyJones,cochairofthegroup.Sheaskedifwewouldtakepartintheproductionofahalf-hourfilmtobeshownonpublictelevisionandaroundthecountrybypeacegroups.Weagreed,andthefilmmakers,headedbyDonaldMacDonald,cametoourhome.
Thecrewstayedwithusforfourdaysandnights.Itwasanenjoyabletime.Mostdayswerespentfilming;weatedinnerlate,thenspenthoursaroundthetabledrinkingGene'shomemadewineandexchangingstories.Itwasgoodtolaughagainafterayearwithsolittlehumorinourlives.Thetwoyoungmenwerebeardedandlong-haired,theloneyoungwomanwasafreespirit.ThewarprotestshadbeenborninCaliforniatheytoldofmarching,singing,beingarrestedinfrontoffederalbuildings,andburningdraftcards.Beinganovice,Idevouredeveryword.
OnJune16thefilmpremieredintheSenateTheaterinWashington,D.C.Wehadbeensentplanetickets,soweleftfromCedarRapidsonthe15thandcheckedintotheCongressionalHotel.ThenextmorningweweregreetedbyactressandfellowIowanDonnaReed,acochairofAnotherMotherforPeace.Afterbreakfastandlunchwithourcharminghostess,weattendedtheafternoonscreening.
Inoticedinlookingovertheassemblythatvirtuallynoneofthesenatorsandrepresentatives,allofwhomhadreceivedspecialinvitations,werepresent.Theyhadcontroloverthelivesofourcountry'syoungmenyetdidn'twanttolookatwhattheirprotractedwarwasdoingtotheAmericanfamily.Twosenatorsdidattend,SenatorHughesofIowa,theonlysenatorontheArmedServicesCommitteetodissent,andSenatorGrueningofAlaska,oneoftwosenatorswhohadvotedagainstPresidentJohnson'sGulfofTonkin
resolution.
Thethirty-minutefilmtouchedonthelivesoffivefamilieswhohadbeenaffectedbythewarindifferentways.WerepresentedafamilywhosesonhadbeenkilledinVietnam.Inthefilm,wesitatthekitchentableandtalk.Genedescribeslookingdownfromtheroofofthehousewherehewasrepairingtheantennaandseeingamarinesergeantandourparishpriestgettingoutofamilitarycar.Hetellsofaskingthreetimes:"Ismysondead?"Threetimesnooneanswered.Therearescenesatthegravesiteallsilent.BackatthetableGenewondershowsomemen,withthepassageoftime,put
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thewarasidewhentheyleaveit,whileotherscarryitontoreliveitwithakindofenjoymentwhentheirsonsgrowtomaturityandhavetofighttheirgeneration'swar.
Next,inEastCovina,California,JohnWillyhasbeenkilledandhisyoungerbrotherhasdecidednottofaceinduction,breakinghisfamily'straditionofmilitaryservice.
ThefilmthengoestoActon,Massachusetts,whereayoungmannamedMarkrefusestoanswerhisdraftcallandentersafederalprison.HeisthesonofQuakers,hisparentsprisonersoftheirownproudconsciences,supportinghimtearlesslyuntilitistimetosaygood-bye.
InClearwater,Florida,wefindaschoolteacherwhosesonisaprisonerinHanoi.ShehasbeenremovedfromateachingunitinvolvingSoutheastAsiabecauseshecannolongerbeimpartial.
ThefifthfamilyinvolvedlivesinCollegeStation,Texas.Theyounghusbandlosthislegwhileservingwiththemarinesinawarhedidn'tsupport.HewondershowitisthathewastoldtodomanythingswhichtheChurchofChristhadsaidwerewrong.
OnelaststatementfromtheteacherinFlorida:''HowcanthisbeagovernmentofthepeoplewhenIdon'tknowanyoneinthecountrywhoisinfavorofwhatourgovernmentisdoing?''
WhenthefilmendedwewereapproachedbyBessMyerson,alsoamemberofthepeacegroup.Shegavemeamessagefromayoungveteraninthebackofthetheater.GeneandIwenttotalktohim.
Paulwasdressedinfatiguesandamilitaryberet.Leaningagainsttheseatbesidehimwasapairofcrutches.HewasnearlyovercomewithemotionbutfinallymanagedtoexplaintousthatoursonhadbeenhisfriendforseveralweeksinVietnam.PaulhadtrainedMichaelin
junglewarfare.
AboutamonthbeforeMichaelwaskilled,Paulhadhitalandmine.HewasinthehospitalinJapanwhenCharlieCompanywashitbyfriendlyfire.Becauseofthefilm,he'drealizedforthefirsttimethathisfriendwasdead.HetoldushecouldalwaysbefoundattheofficeoftheVietnamVeteransAgainsttheWar(VVAW)inCambridge,Massachusetts.
In1973wedroveouttoCambridgeandaskedforhimattheVVAW.Hewasnotin,butwemadearrangementstotakehimtodinnerthenextday.TosatisfymyownmindthatthisyoungmanhadreallyknownMichael,Iaskedhimseveralquestionsoverdinner.
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IremarkedthattherewereprobablyseveralMichaelMullensinVietnam.Helookedup,gesturedtowardablack-and-whiteframedabstractphotoonthewall,andsaid:"Seethatpicture?Hishairwasthatcolor."Michael'shairhadbeguntograyatseventeenoreighteen.
WeneverheardfromPaulagain,buthegaveusoneofhisetchingsofVietnamscenes.Itdepictsacombatveterandroppinghisrifle,withthecaption,"Please,nomore."WhenIlookattheetchingIthinkofPaul.He'ddescribedhisexperiencesinandoutofveteranshospitalsintheNortheast.Asdoctorspreparedtoamputatehisleg,he'dclimbedoutofbed,calledataxi,andleft.Becausehe'drefusedthesurgery,hecouldnotreceivegovernmentmedicalbenefits.HewaspreparedtodieandI'msurehedid.
Overayearlater,aletterarrivedfromMinnieLeeGartley,motherofthePOWinthefilm.Herson,Mark,wasinthefirstgroupofprisonerstobereleasedbyHanoi.WehadrecognizedhisnameashesteppedfromtheplanebringingthefirstPOWsbacktotheirfamilies,sowewrotetoher.Wewantedhertoknowwehadn'tforgottenherandhowhappywewereforMarkandhisfamilywhenwesawhimstepoutoftheplane.
ThefilmhadanimpactthroughoutthestateofIowa,especiallyamongprivatecollegesandsmall-townpeacegroups.Iwasofteninvitedtoshowthefilm,followingitupwithmypleatoworkforpeace.Afteronescreening,wereceivedaletterfromawomaninCedarFalls,Iowa,whotoldusthatpeopleinhercommunityhadbeendeeplymoved.Shewasconvincedthatthosewhosawthefilmwouldtakestepstobringanendtothissenselesswar.
TheBostonwomenfromtheWBZradioshowandIstayedintouch.InJuly1971IwrotetoShirlieandtoldherwewereplanningavacationintheEastandwouldstoptomeetherfamily.Whenweknockedontheirdoortwoweekslater,wewerewelcomedwithopen
arms.Wesatatthekitchentabledrinkinggallonsofcoffeewhileanendlessstreamofneighborsflowedinandoutthebackdoor.ThehospitalitywefeltintheirkitchenwasnodifferentfromthatfoundinthefarmhousekitchensbackinIowa.Wedidn'tgotoamotel,andwewoundupstayingaweek.
WhenI'dparticipatedinthecall-inprogramonWBZfromourhomeinIowa,JerryWilliamshadinvitedmetogoliveonhisshowifIevercametoBoston.MyhostsnotifiedhimthatIwasintown,
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andapaneldiscussionwasscheduled.WerecruitedtwomotherswhohadlostsonsinthewartositonthepanelwithGeneandme.Thewomenwerenervousthey'dneverbeenonatalkshow.Iassuredthemthatonehostileresponsefromacallerwouldcuretheiruneasiness.ThiswasalsoGene'sfirsttime,butheshowednoconcern.OurWBZhostwasaseasonedprofessionalandgottheshowofftoabriskstart.Thecallspouredinforfourhours.
Themilitaryanditssupporterswererelentless.Theyrepeatedlyaccusedusofdishonoringourfallensonsandactinglikecrybabies.Afterall,theyargued,thousandsofothermothershadlostsons,andtheyweren'tgoingontalkshowstocriticizeourgovernmentanditspolicies.
AtonepointIfoundmyselfunabletoansweraparticularlyangrycaller.Genesmiledandhandedmeanenvelope.Onit,hehadscribbledthewordsofanepitaphonamonumentatLexingtondedicatedtoBritishsoldierswho'ddiedthereintheRevolutionaryWar.We'dvisitedthereearlierintheday.
Theycame3000milesanddiedTokeepthepastuponitsthrone.Unheard,beyondtheoceantideTheirEnglishmothermadehermoan.
April19,1775
Thisheart-rendingverseworkedmagic,andthecallslostmuchoftheirheat.
Whenwereturnedhome,wefoundanotherletterfromShirlie.
DearPegandGene:
Ican'tbegintotellyouhowempty93WendellParkseemedafteryoudroveoffdon'tthinkI'mjustsayingthattobeniceDavidandItalkedforalongtimeafterwardaboutyouandhowgreatitwastomeetcomparative
strangers,exchangeideas,livetogether,eventhoughforaveryshorttime,andfeelasthoughwehadbeenfriendsforyears.Sobeforeyouwritetothankus,wewanttothankyoubothsomuchforstayingwithusduringyourbriefstayinBoston.
PleasebesureandletusknowwhenthearticleisgoingtoappearintheNewYorkerbecauseIwillwanttobuyseveralcopies.
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IamgoingtocallJerryWilliamsthisafternoonandseeiftheywillsendyouatapeofthebroadcast.
So,mydears,onceagainthankyouforyourvisit.
Shalomandlove,Shirlie
TheWBZbroadcastresultedinmoreletters.Somepleadedforhelpinsituationsthatrequiredmiracles.Theseweredifficultforus.Anyadvicehadtobegivencarefully,butIalwaysurgedthesepeopletoberelentlessintheirdealingswithlegislatorsnottogiveupuntiltheyhadgottensatisfaction.Militaryofficials,Itoldthem,werecarefulhowtheydealtwiththoseinCongresswhocontrolledtheirannualallotments.Ialwaysremindedthemthattheirsonbelongedtothem,nottothemilitary.
OnelettercamefromaninmateatasouthernMichiganprisonwhowrotepoetry.Hewasanex-soldierwhohadservedafive-yearsentenceforrefusingtofightinKoreaandwho'dsubsequentlyembarkedonalifeofcrime.HeadmonishedmetocontinueinwhatIwasdoingandnottogiveupashehad.Hewentontosaythatoursonmusthavebeenveryproudofhisparentsandthatheonlywishedthathehadsuchafatherandmother.Heexpressedhissorrowoverthelossofoursonbutaddedthatwehadgainedmanysonswholovedusverymuch.
IntheyearsfollowingMichael'sdeathIhadaskedmyselfmanytimeswhetherIshouldcontinuetryingtoconvincepeoplethatthewarwaswrong.ThisletteransweredwhateverdoubtIhad.
AlsointheradioaudiencethatnightwasayoungveteranlivinginMassachusettswhowrotetotellmethatthousandsoflistenerslikehimselfweregreatlymovedbywhatallofushadtosay.He,too,pleadedwithustokeeponwithourwarprotestandtonevergiveup,
addingthatallAmericanswereenlightenedbecauseofwhatweweredoing.
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Eight:PrivateEdHallEarlyonesummerdayourdoorbellrang.Ilookedoutthefrontwindowandsawanunfamiliarcarinthedriveway.Iopenedthedoortoatall,handsomeyoungmanwhoaskedifhecouldcomein.WhenIhesitated,heblurtedout,"ButJohnMcCormallysaidyou'dtalktome."JohnwassomeoneI'dmetintheantiwarmovement.HewastheeditoroftheBurlingtonHawkeyeandamanIadmiredandrespected.Iextendedmyhandtotheyoungman,invitedhimin,andaskedifhe'dshareacupofcoffeewithme.
Itwasstillmorning,soIpreparedhimbreakfast.Assoonashe'deatenwetookourcupsofcoffeetothelivingroomabeautifulroomwithlargepicturewindowsontheeastandsouthwallsandanunobstructedviewformilesineitherdirection.Tom(nothisreal
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name)satonanold-fashionedsewingrockeranheirloom.Hestaredoutthesouthwindowandrockedincessantly.Iwaited,andfinallyhebegantotalk.
HewasaVietnamveteranandagraduateofGrinnellCollege.Whenhereturnedfromthewarzone,hesaid,hefelthehadagoalapurpose.Asheputit,"Theremustbepeace."Hisplanwastocontactotherpeace-seekingpeopleallovertheUnitedStates.Hewantedtocharteranairlinerandflytothecapitalsoftheworld'snationstomeetwiththeirleaders.Hehadnodoubthewouldsucceed.Unfortunately,herestatedhisplansoverandoverforaboutthreehoursalmostasifhehadbeenprogrammed.Icouldn'tdecidewhetherhewasmentallyillorsimplyhighondrugs.
Genehadsleptlatethatmorning,afterworkingfourhours'overtimethedaybefore.Whenheawoke,IinvitedTomtojoinusinthekitchenforlunch.ThetwovisiteduntilitwastimeforGenetoleaveforwork.IthentoldTomthathewouldhavetogo.(Iwasafraidtobealonewithhim.)Hethankedmeandpromisedtokeepintouch.
Thoughtsoftheyoungvisitorlingeredtherestoftheday.Whenthephonerangthatevening,Iwasn'tsurprisedthatthecallwasaboutTom.ThecallerwasDr.JosephWall,deanatGrinnellCollege.HewantedtoknowifTomhadbeentoourhouse.Apparently,he'dsneakedawayfromhomewhileonleavefromtheVeteransHospital.Whenhismotherdiscoveredhersonwasmissing,shedrovetoGrinnellinsearchofhim.IpromisedDr.WallthatI'dcontacthimimmediatelyifIheardfromTomagain.
Atabout8P.M.thephonerangagainitwasTom."Please,Mrs.Mullen,"hesaid,"IneedyouandGene.PleasecomeandpickmeupattheHolidayInninCedarRapids."IexplainedIwouldhavetodrivefifteenmilestoWaterlootopickupGeneandthenanotherseventy-fivemilestoCedarRapids.''Willyoupromisetostaythere?"Iasked.
Hepromised,andIbelievedhim.
IphonedGrinnellCollegeandrelayedtheinformationtothedean.Tom'smother,accompaniedbysomefriends,drovetoCedarRapidsandpickedupherson.Dr.Wallphonedlatertosaythattheyoungmanwasonhiswayhomebutwouldprobablybespendingtherestofhislifeinaninstitution.Tom,hetoldme,hadbeenabrilliantstudentwhograduatedwithhonors.
OneeveningrecentlyIdecidedtoseeifIcouldlearnhowthepasttwentyyearshadtreatedTom.IfoundDr.Wallinretirementatthe
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college.HewaspleasedtotellmethatTomhadregainedhishealth,isveryhappy,andworksasalegalaideinalargelawfirm.Iwonderifheremembershis"dream"plan.
AfterspendingthefewhourswithTomandlearningfirsthandhowthewarwasdestroyinggreatminds,Ibecamemoredeterminedthanevertocometotheaidofreturnedveterans.WefirstlearnedofPrivateEdHallwhenmenofMichael'sunitbegantowriteanddropbyforvisitswhentheyreturnedstateside.Atthattime,theprivatewasservingatwo-and-a-half-yearsentenceasaresultofhisbehaviorfollowingtheincidentthatkilledMichael.
WegotinvolvedinEd'scasewiththeconvictionthatwewouldrightanotherwrong.WewrotetohimatFortLeavenworth,Kansas,thenmadearrangementstoseehimwhileonatriptoKansasCitytovisitourchildren,MaryandJohn,atRockhurstCollege.
Wecalledaheadtoconfirmourvisitforteno'clockSaturdaymorning.Arrivingearly,wespentthirtyminutesdrivingaroundthefort.Thegroundswerebeautiful,eventhoughtheWarCollegefortheArmywaslocatednexttothefederalprison.Thehomesoftheofficerswerebuiltofredbrick,andthestreetswerelinedwithmassiveoaktrees.Thefortwasestablishedasanearlywesternmilitaryoutpostin1827andnamedafteritsfirstcommander,ColonelHenryLeavenworth.
Asweenteredthereceptionhall,anofficertoldusthattheyoungsoldierwecametoseehadbeenputinsolitaryconfinementthedaybeforeandwouldnotbeallowedvisitors.GeneandIhadgonemanymilesoutofourway.Themeninchargehadplentyoftimetonotifyusofthischange.WetoldtheofficerthatweintendedtoseeHall,thenwedroppedthenameofourfavoritesenator,HaroldHughes,whowasservingontheArmedServicesCommittee.Theofficerrelented.
BeforemeetingPrivateHallweaskedtoseeapsychiatristfamiliarwithhiscase.JohnandMaryhadcomealong,Johnwithabeardandlonghair,Marywithplate-sizedsunglasses.Thedoctorkeptreferringto"today'syoungpeople"andhowdifficulttheyweretohandleandunderstand,whilecastingsuspiciousglancesatouroffspring.Iassuredhimthatwelikedyoungpeoplefoundthemintelligent,informed,andwellbehaved.WetriedtoconvincehimthatEdHallneededcounseling,notimprisonment,andaskedwhynoonewas
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helpinghim.Unfortunately,thetimewespentwiththepsychiatristwasatotalwaste.
Wedidn'thaveanytroubleunderstandingHallorhisattitude.He'dgrownupinatoughneighborhoodinDetroitandhadmanagedtocompletethreeyearsofhighschoolbeforegettingajobwithGeneralMotors.HedeeplyresentedbeingdraftedandsenttoVietnam.Manyblacksfacedthesameproblemsinuniformastheyhadintheoutsideworld.
Hallhadmadenoefforttoadjusttothemud,theleeches,theslime,ortohumpingeverythingeverywhere,insteadofgoingbyhelicoptersashesawotherunitsgo.Hewassmall,andhispackwasalwaystooheavy.
DuringourmanyvisitstoEdHallwespentmostofthetimetalkingabouttheincidentthatkilledMichaelandputHallinjail.TheFebruary17missionbeganearlyinthemorning,andmuchofthetimethesoldierswadedthroughwaist-deepricepaddiesinfestedwithleeches.Theywereforcedtohumpextraammofortheartillery.Hallseemedtoslipandfallmorethantheothermen,andwithhisextraloadhehadtobehelpedup.
PrivateHallfelloncetoooftenandhadenduredallthederisionhecould.Helostcontrol,threwhispackdown,andrefusedhisofficer'scommandtomove.HetoldushowMichael,hisonlywhitefriendinCharlieCompany,steppedbetweenhimandtheangryofficer,putHall'sextrapackonhisownback,andcontinuedtoshieldtheerrantprivateuntiltheyduginforthenight.
WhenHallawoketothecarnageoffallingshrapnel,hefoundhislonefrienddyingandthemanonhisothersidescreaminginagony.Heleanedagainstatreeandretched.Uponlearningafewminuteslaterthattheirownartilleryhadshelledthem,hehadtoberestrainedfrom
harmingtheforwardobserver.
Hetoldushowhebroodedfordays;theonlysoldierwhocouldhavehelpedhimwasdead.Hedidn'tknowhewentberserkuntilhewokeupseveraldayslater,inahospitalbedandunderarrest.TheytoldhimthathehadfiredonVietnamesericefarmers,thrownhandgrenades,pulledagunonthesergeantwhohadreplacedMichael,andstruckanofficer.Helearnedthatithadtakenseveralmentosubduehim,andindoingsohehadbeenoversedated,causinghishearttostop.
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Hallhadacopyofhiscourt-martial,whichhegavetomeononeofourvisits.Itookithomeandporedoveritfordays.Ireadthatthepretrialinvestigationhadtakenonlyonedayandthatthetrialitselflastedlessthanfourhours.Theincidentthatkilledtwoandwoundedtenmenwasnotmentionedduringthetrial.WehadalreadyaskedforaninvestigationofMichael'sdeathbeforeHallcametotrialandfeltthatthisinfluencedtheoutcome.GeneandIenlistedthehelpofMichiganSenatorPhilipHart,andHallwasgivenanewmilitaryattorneytoinvestigatewhythefirstlawyerhadnotprobedintothecauseofHall'serraticbehavior.
Hallwaseventuallydischarged.TwoorthreeyearslaterhecalledusfromNewOrleans.Hesaidhewasintroublewithhiswifeshe'dlefthimandhewantedtocometoIowaandstaywithus.HewasstilllivingwithproblemsthatfollowedhimfromVietnam,sowetoldhimnottocome.Wehadspenthourstryingtocounseldisturbedveteranswhomadetheirwaytoourhome.Someresponded,butmanydidn'tseemtobenefitfromthesevisits.WeknewwecouldnotdealwithEdHall.
PrivateHallhadbeenagreatstoryteller.Duringourvisitstotheprisonwespentourtimeinthecourtyard,acomfortablerecreationgroundfurnishedwithpicnictablesandbenches.Visitorsgatheredtherefromallpartsofthecountry.Whitesalwaysseemedtobeintheminority,greatlyoutnumberedbyblacks.OneSundayafternoon,alargepartyofblacksenjoyedapicnic.Pealsoflaughterfilledtheair,andthemoodwasveryupbeat.EdtoldushappilythattheoldermaninthegrouphadcometoLeavenworthinhisprivatejettotakehissonhome.ThefatherwasaprominentcriminalattorneyinSt.Louis.Hissonhadbeencourt-martialedinVietnamforrapingthemadamofawhorehouseinSaigon.Thesentencewasthreeyearsofhardlabor,butithadtakenthefatheronlyafewweekstofreehisson.
Whileweateourlunch,Hallpointedtoacellwindowoffinthedistance."Seethatsoldierinthebarredwindow,"hesaid."Hehasquiteapast."
AsanAirForcemajor,theprisonerhadbeencommandpilotforEllsworthBunker,U.S.ambassadortoVietnam.He'dbeenapprehendedatTanSonNhutAirBaseoutsideSaigonwith$8millionworthofheroininhisaircraftand$25,000incash.Atthattime,Halltoldus,Bunker'swifewastheAmericanambassadortoThai-
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land.Becausethepilotflewthereweekends,itwasveryconvenientforhiscrewtocarryonlucrativedrugoperations.
ThemenatLeavenworthparticularlyenjoyedthestoryofthemajor,asitreinforcedtheirbeliefthattheentirestructureofthewarhadbeencorrupted.(IlaterlearnedthatBunker'swife,CarolC.Laise,wasactuallyU.S.ambassadortoNepal.)Everyveteranhadhisownspecialstoryofcorruption.Manytoldofbeingintroducedtomarijuanaforthefirsttimebytheirofficers.Otherstoldhowtheirlockerswerelootedatbasecampwhilethegruntswereinthefield.Theblackmarketflourished.
Aswelefttheprisononeafternoon,wenoticedayoungwomanwaitingforacitybus.Shewassobbingquietly.Iapproachedherandaskedifwecouldbeofhelp.Shesaidshewaswaitingforthebusintotown,soweofferedheraridetohermotel.BetweensobsMariatoldusherstory.
Herhusband,Richard,hadbeenintheserviceforfouryears,mostofitspentinGermanywhereheworkedasachaplain'sassistant.Mariahadlivedwithhimthere.TheyoungcouplewaspreparingtoreturntotheStatesfordischarge.OneeveningRichardfounditnecessarytogotohisofficeonbusiness.Onhiswayhepassedthroughthebarracksandencounteredagroupofsoldiers.Suddenly,MPsrushedinandarrestedthestartledyoungmanwhiletheentiregroupofsoldiersescapedoutthewindows.
Richardwasaccusedofdealingdrugsandafterashortcourt-martialproceedingwassentencedtothreeyearsofhardlabor.Thechaplainhadtriedtohelphisformerassistantbuthadbeenthwartedateveryturn.HewastransferredtotheStatesbeforehecouldtestifyinRichard'sbehalf.
Mariainsistedherhusbandwasinnocent.Shehadriddenabusfrom
NewYorkCityandwasexhausted.Wesuggestedsheridehomewithus,restforafewdays,andcontinueonhertriptoNewYork.ShewantedtoacceptourinvitationbutsaidshehadtoreturntotheprisonSundayandwouldletusknowatthattime.Thenextdaywetookherbacktotheprisontomeetherhusband.Theysatatatableacrossthecourtyard;helookedoveratusandnoddedhisassent.
WeleftSundayeveningforthefive-hourridehome.DuringthetripshetoldusaboutherlifeasaPuertoRicangrowingupinaNewYorkCityghetto.SheandRichardfellinloveasteenagersandmarriedyoung.Theywerebothambitious.Beforehewentintothearmy
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hewastheownerofasuccessfulhouse-paintingbusiness.Neitherofthemhadeverbeenintrouble.They'dbeendevastatedbytheaccusationsleadingtothecourt-martial.Shesaidtheonlyconclusionherhusbandcoulddrawwasthathemayhaveunwittinglyuncoveredadrugringledbyhiscommandingofficer.
WhenwegottothefarmIsuggestedtoMariathatshetakeahotbathwhileIfixedhersomethingtoeat.Ilaterputhertobedwithacupofhotchocolate.SherestedalldayMonday.OnTuesdaywetookhertoWaterlooandputheronthebusforNewYorkandtheBronx.Sayinggood-byewaslikesendingoneofourowndaughtersofftoschool.
Victimsofmilitaryjusticeenteredourlivesregularlymanyforonlyafewbriefmoments,andthentheywerelostforever.OnMay18Iwroteherashortletter:
DearMaria:
Wewatchedtheclockthismorningandheavedasighofreliefwhenitwas11A.M.,yourtime12noon,andrealizedyouwerebackinthecity.
TodayItalkedtoanaideinSenatorHart'soffice,andtheyassuredmetheywouldbeabletohelpEdHall.Itoldthemwewouldhireanattorney,ifnecessaryhisaideurgedusnottoandreassuredmetheywouldtakecareofeverything.
AftertalkingtoHart'sofficeandfindingthemreceptivetomyrequesttohelpEdHall,IbegantothinkaboutyourRichard.I'dsuggestyouwritetoSenatorJacobJavits,evenifhecouldgetafewweeksoffthethree-yearsentence,itwouldenableyoutostartworkingforanHonorableDischarge.
Today,IdroppedapostcardtoyourRichard,tellinghimthatwehadputyouonthebustoreturnhome.
Itwasnicemeetingyou,andmaybethenexttimewemeetyourlifeandworldwillbebacktonormal.
PegMullen
OnMay21wereceivedafinalwordfromMaria:
DearMrs.Mullen:
Imustapologizeformydelay.Pleasedon'tthinkI'mungratefulorforgetful.It'sjustthatI'vebeensoverybusyfromtheminuteIarrivedinN.Y.AsyourememberIamstayingwithRichard's
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sister.Anyway,IcalledhomeassoonasIarrivedandlearnedthatherbabyhadbeenbornanhourafterIleftforKansasCity.
Thetripwasn'ttoobadandIfoundaniceladywhomadethetripwithme.It'shardbecauseI'mconstantlythinkingofRichardandImisshimmorethanever.I'vereallyneverbeenabletobelieveoracceptwhathashappened.It'sjustabadnightmareandIhaven'tawakened.Iliveinafantasyworld.ItrytofaceuptomyproblemsasbestasIcan.
Iseethatyou'vegonetoworkforMr.Hall.I'mgladandI'msurehewillalwaysbegratefultoyouandMr.Mullen.It'sreallyawonderthattherearepeoplelikeyou.
AsformydilemmaIwilljustsitandwait.IfbyAugusttheyhaven'tdoneanythingforRichardthenIwillgetintouchwithyou,andwe'llseewhatcanbedone.Idon'twanttostirthingsupunlessIhavenochoice.I'vewaitedthislongsomightaswellholdonalittlewhilelonger.I'msureyouwillagree.
Onceagainthankyouforyourhelpandunderstanding.ItwasawonderfulexperiencemeetingyouandIhopewecanmeetagain.
Sincerely,Maria
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Nine:IGotoSeethePresidentInlateFebruary1971,whenanannouncementcamefromtheWhiteHousethatPresidentNixonwouldattendafarmconferenceinDesMoinesandaddressthelegislature,IowaaRepublicanstateintheBibleBeltwasalreadyinastateofanger.MostIowans,indeedmostmidwesterners,hadtheirfillofsixyearsofbrokenpromisesfromtheirpresident.Farmerswereunhappywiththefarmpolicy,andlaborwastiredofitsbashingatthehandsoftheadministration.MothersenragedovercontinuationofthewarinVietnamwerebackedbythousandsofstudentsmakingtheirvoicesheardoncampusesacrossthestate.
PlanswerelaidbyallthegroupstoamassinDesMoinestoprotestagainstthepresident,amanwhocampaigned,andwon,in
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1968onaplatformtobringanendtotheVietnamWar.Organizedlaborhadtheiragenda,asdidtheFarmer'sUnionfromSouthDakota,NorthDakota,Nebraska,andMinnesota,whosememberscameincharteredbuses.TheFarmer'sUnionwasjoinedbybusloadsoftheNationalFarmer'sOrganizationfromthelowermidwesternstates.TheMothersforPeaceandstudentsacrossthestateofIowacarefullyplannedtheirstrategy.
Ontheeveofthepresident'svisit,IreceivedacallfromayoungstatesenatorwhotoldmethathewasplanningtointerruptNixon'sspeechatthecapitolandattempttopresenthimwithasignedpetitionforanimmediateendtotheVietnamWar.Iaskedhimwhyhehadcalledmeandparticularlywhyhehadexposedhisplanoverthetelephone.HerespondedthatIwastheonlyonehehadcalled.Iquicklytoldhimofoursuspicionsthatourphonewastapped.Withinanhourafterhiscall,theFBImovedinonthesenatorandwarnedhimthatifhemadetheslightestmoveduringthepresident'sspeechhewouldbeforcefullyremovedfromthecapitolchambers.Thiscertainlybolsteredtheclaimthatourtelephonehadbeentapped.Nixon'sparanoiahadreareditsuglyheadintheheartlandoftheUSA.
Formypartintheprotest,Ipreparedasignthatread:''55,000dead,300,000wounded,myson,justone."Aclosefriend,SisterMaryRichard,aNotreDamenunwhotaughtatourlocalparochialschool,camefordinnerthenightbeforeourtriptoDesMoines.Wespenttheeveningworkingonmyposter.Igaveherthewords;shedidtheartwork.Theposterwaslarge,4x6feet,andwouldbeungainlytocarry.Wereinforcedthebackbygluingonseveralhandlesfromsix-packbeercartons.Theextrahandleswouldgivememoresecurity.
Whileweworked,thetwoofusspeculatedaboutwhethertherewouldbeacrowdandrememberedthatonlyoneyearagoMichael'sstilledbodyhadcomehome.TherewerenoSecretServiceagentstoguard
thepreciouscargo,andtherewerenomassesofpeopletogreethisreturn.
EarlyonMondaysixofus,threemothersandthreestudents,leftforDesMoinesbycar.Whenwereachedthestatehouselawn,Iwaselatedandamazedatthenumberofpeoplethatemptiedoutofthebusesandcarstojointheswellingcrowdonthecapitolgrounds.Tome,thecrowdappearedtobemostlymiddle-aged.Therewerefarmersandunionmemberswiththeirspouses.Andthereweremothersofallages,someclosetoseventy-fiveyearsofage.Atlastwehada
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Thisphotographaccompaniedafront-pagestoryonPresidentNixon'svisittoDesMoinesintheUniversityofIowastudentnewspaperonMarch2,1971.PhotobyDianeHypes,reprintedwithpermissionof
theDailyIowan,©1994.
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groupofconcernedfathersandmotherswhowerejoiningtheirsonsanddaughtersinprotest.Withacrowdestimatedatseveralthousand,itwasprobablythelargestprotestofthiskindeverheldinthestate.
Ofcourse,Irealizedthatmanyinthecrowdwerenotthereprimarilytoprotestthewar,buttheirpresencedidgivemeafeelingofsecurity.IfeltitwouldbedifficultforNixon,thepress,andtheSecretServicetoignorethisgray-hairedmassofMiddleAmericans.Almosteveryonecarriedasign.Wehadreadforyearsabouttheobsceneposterscarriedintheantiwarmarches,butthemessagesappearingonthestatehouselawnthatdaywentbeyondanythingapeacegrouphadeverproduced.
Thosecarriedbythelaborgroupwerestronglywordedandinsulting,indicatinganewresentmentofattacksonthembytheRepublicanadministration.Thefarmers'signstoldoftheiryearsofhardshipfromlowmarketprices.AndthentherewerethesignsheldhighovertheirheadsbytheMothersforPeace:''WarIsNotHealthyforChildrenandOtherLivingThings."
Irememberstandingonthestepsatthewestentranceofthecapitol,lookingdownWalnutAvenueasfarasIcouldsee,wonderingwherethepeoplewere...thepeoplethatshouldhavebeenonthestreetstogreetandwelcomethepresident.Therewasonlyascattering.I'msuremanyofthepresident'ssupportersstayedhomebecauseoftheplannedprotest.
TherideforthepresidentfromtheairporttothecapitolfollowedGrandAvenuefromwesttoeastthroughtheDesMoinesbusinessdistrict.Thencameagradualuphillclimbofseveralblockstothecapitolitself,withitsgoldendomeglisteninginthemorningsun.Asthemotorcadeapproacheditsdestination,itmusthavebeenapparenttoNixonandhispartythatthestreetswerenotcrowded.Asthepresidentiallimousinenearedthecapitol,amobofthousandsbeganto
makeitsprotestagainstthewar,singingandshoutingobscenities,surgingtowardthepresident'scar.Itwasnecessaryforthedrivertomakeasuddenchangeindirection.Hespedupanddrovequicklytowardtherearofthebuildingandintotheundergroundparking.
Suddenlytheprotestorsrealizedthatthepresidentwasgoingtobypassthem.Thecrowdpouredaroundthebuildingtotheeastentrance,buthehadalreadyenteredthebuildingandwassafeonthepodium.Thepresident,withhisusualaplomb,raisedhisvoice
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abovethedinoftheshoutingmobanddeliveredhismessagetothestatelegislatureandfriends.
MostofusremembertheVietnamcry:"One,two,three,four!Wedon'twantyourfuckingwar."AsmanytimesasI'dmarched,Icouldnotbringmyselftoutterthefavoritefour-letterwordtodescribethewar.Iwonderedwhethertheremightbeanother,moreacceptable,termthatcouldbeapplied.Butwhenaveryelderlywomannexttometurnedandasked,"Isn'tthisjustterrible?"Iheardmyselfshout,abovethenoiseofthecrowd,"You'refuckingright.''Iattributethatoutbursttomobpsychology.Ineverbecamecomfortablewiththewordanddidnotuseitagain.
AsNixonemergedfromtheeastsideofthecapitol,Ifearedthathewouldgointohisarm-waving"Eisenhowergreeting"andthathemightevenflashthepeacesign,ashe'ddonerecentlyinCalifornia.Whenheraisedhisarminsalute,awaveofprotestrolledacrossthegrounds,fillingtheairforblocksaround.Ikeptaskingmyself:"Isthisactuallyhappening?IsthisthepresidentoftheUnitedStateswhoisbeingbooed?"
Nixonbroughtdownhisrightarmanddroppedtohishaunchesashecarefullymadehiswaydownthesteps,completelycoveredbyhisSecretServicemenuntilhewassafelyinthecar.Thescenewillremainwithmeforever.Asthecarhurriedawayfromthecrowd,itwaspeltedwithsnowballs.Thepresidentlaterdescribedtheincidenttothepressas"allingoodfun."
Mygrouptookitstimeleavingthecapitolgrounds,andwewalkedslowlytoourcarseveralblocksaway.InsteadofdrivingbacktoWaterloo,wedecidedtogodowntowntotheHotelFortDesMoines,wherethefarmconferencewasinsession.Whenwearrivedwefoundtheentireblockfacingthehotelentrancelinedwithpeopleofallages.Itappearedthateachpersonhadhisorherownprivatemessageheld
highonaplacard.
Irememberseeinganambulanceanditscrewstandinginreadinessclosetothehotel,andIwondered,"Whathavewebecomeinthiscountrywhenanambulancehastostandinwaitingwhilethepresidentmakesanappearance?"
Fearingarepeatofthesceneatthecapitol,thelocalpolicehadlinedupcitybuses,nose-to-rear,foroneblockoneithersideofthestreet,sothatNixon'slimousinewasabletodrivethroughthecorridorinsafety.ThecrowdswelledacrossTenthStreetandintothenext
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block.Thechantsechoedandre-echoedand,I'msure,musthavepenetratedthewallsoftheconferenceroominsidethehotel.
TheyoungpeoplewerenotaloneeverywhereIturnedwerefathersandmothers.Themenworeshorthaircuts.Thewomenweregray-haired,andseveralworeblackveilsofmourning.Ivisitedwithtwosturdygrandmothers.
Wewereunlikelyparticipantsinsuchademonstration.Isupposeweshouldhavebeenflatteredthatthepresslaterreportedusastwenty-year-olds.AsIstoodvisitingwithafriend,aprofessor'swifewhohadcomewithmefromCedarFalls,wesuddenlyfoundourselvespushedtothecorneroftheTenthStreetintersection.Wenoticedaflurryofactivityamongthetelevisioncrews,andinstantlytheairwasfilledwithwhiteobjects.Thenithappened.Aflyingwedgeofpolicebegantomoveintotheedgeofthecrowd,andIrememberthinking,"IsthishowitwasatKentState?"
InaninstantImadeplanstoprotectmyself,andasIlookedupIfacedalineofpolicecomingtowardmewithalengthof2x4lumberasawedge,shoutingorderstomoveback.Standingwithastreetbarricadeatmyback,Iwasn'tsurethatIwantedtomove.Iputmysignupbothforprotectionandindefianceandfoundmyselffightingforasquareofcardboardthatsomehowhadbecomeveryprecioustome.
Withoutwarning,Iwasinhand-to-handcombatwithaplain-clothesofficer.Whenherealizedthatnopoweronearthcouldtakethesignfromme,heraisedhisrightarmhighandcamedownacrossmyfacewithhiselbow.Hebeganclubbingmewithhisnightstick,andonlythestreetbarricadebehindmekeptmefromfallingtothepavement.AtonepointduringtheconfrontationInoticedalivemicrophoneheldclosetomyface.Ilookedup,muttering,"Oh,no."Ayoungreporterasked,"AreyouPeg?"andwhenInodded,hewithdrew,tellingmenottoworry.Soontwoyoungstudentmarshalscametohelpmemake
aretreat.Iremembershoutingatthegentlemanwhograppledwithmethatnexttimetherewouldbeathousandmotherswithme,notjustone!Mysigncamehomeintact.
DuringthestruggleIhadn'tbeenoverlyconcernedwiththeman'sflyingfistsandelbows,butthemadnessinhiseyessearedintomymind.Committedtotheprotectionofthepresident,I'msurehecouldhavekilledinthelineofduty.Butiftheofficerhadlostcontrol,IknewthatI,too,hadallowedmyselftoreachhislevel.Thehatethathesawinmyfaceandeyeswasprobablyequaltohis.
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AsIretreatedfromthemelee,Iwatchedacameramanbeingclubbedbytwomen,whileanothersmashedeverypieceofhisequipment.Hisfatherwasanactivistintheantiwarmovementandafriendofmine.IturnedtolookformyfriendfromCedarFallsand,tomyhorror,sawherbeingdraggedbyherlonghairdownthestreetonherback.ThenfourmenrushedoutoftheFirestoneagency,struggledwithherattackers,pickedupthebedraggledwoman,andtookherintotheirbuilding.Shesufferednoinjuries,butherdignitywasbadlybruised.
Itwasalmostanhourbeforetheropesandbarricadeswereremovedsowecouldgotoourcars.Amiddle-agedwomanwascirculatingamongtheangrystudentsandmothers,passingoutliteratureandtellingusthatwemustreturntoGodonlyhecouldrightthewrongs.HerliteraturewarnedabouttheevilsofCommunism.IsuggestedtoherthatperhapsweshouldfightCommunismathome,ratherthaninIndochina,andthatmaybeweshouldstartinthePentagon.Sheregardedmewithapuzzledlook."WhatandwhereisthePentagon?"
Aswewalkedtotheparkinglot,Ifoundmyselfface-to-facewithDanRather,thenassignedtotheWhiteHousebeat,whowaswaitingoutsidetheHotelFortDesMoinesforthepresidenttoemerge.Ilookedathimindisgustandasked,"Howcanyoutravelwiththisman?"
"Lady,doyouthinkIenjoyit?"heresponded.
Thenationalmediaingeneralgavelittlecoveragetothemassiveprotest.Duringtheepisodeonthecapitolgroundsthecorrespondentshadsomehowbeenlockedintheirpressbus.AsIwatchedthembeatingonthewindowswithfists,evenshoes,inanattempttoescape,Idesperatelywishedforacameratorecordthishumoroussceneinaworldofmadnessthatsurroundedthepresident'sappearanceinDesMoines,Iowa,March1,1971.
Onourdrivehome,anolderwomaninourgroupkeptrepeatingthattheconfrontationhadrecalledthenightmareshehadlivedthroughthirtyyearsbeforeinGermany,withtheclub-swingingIowapolicetakingontheimageofHitler'sdreadedSS.Shelatertoldmethatshehadspenttheentirenextdaycryinghysterically.Theyoungpeoplewithusshruggeditoffas"typicalNixon."Indeed,thepresidenthimselfremarkedtothepressthateveningthatithadallbeen"aboutparforthecourse."
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Ten:TheDraft"I'mwritingasonemothertoanother,butwithagreatdifferenceyoursonacceptedhis'duty'anddiedforit.Mysonisrefusingtoacceptit."Thewriterquotedheryoungestson:"Mom,IhavegiventhisconsiderablethoughtbelievemeandIcanonlycometooneconclusion.Iwillhavenothing,Irepeat,nothingtodowithourmilitarysystemasitstandsnow.Ilovemycountry...Iwouldfighttodeathtodefenditifwewereinvaded,buthowcanIpickupagunandshootsomeonewhomeansmenoharm?"Sheendedherletter,"WhatdoIsaytoadraftdodger?WhatcanIasamotherdo?''
EveryletterIreceivedwasansweredinmyownhandwriting.ThoughIdidn'tkeepcopiesofmyreplies,I'venodoubthowIan-
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sweredthistroubledmother.I'mcertainItoldhermyregretfornothavingshownMichaelhowtoevadethedraft.Ihopethatwhenshelooksbackonthewarshestillsupportsherson'sdecisiontodefendhimselffrombeingsacrificed.Becausehemadethatchoice,heisalivetoday.
JohnMahonwritesinhisbookHistoryoftheMilitiaandtheNationalGuard:"EarlyintheUnitedStatesinvolvementinVietnam,PresidentJohnsondecidednottomobilizethereservesandtorelyondrafteestofightinAsia.InmakingthisdecisionheoverruledbothSecretaryMcNamaraandtheJointChiefsofStaffwhowantedtoorderatleast200,000reservistsintofederalservice."
OneofthemajorreasonsforJohnson'sdecisionwastoconcealfromtheAmericanpeoplethehighlevelofmilitarycommitmentthenationwasmakinginadistantland.Mahonstates:"BecausetheNationalGuardwasscarcelyusedinVietnam,itbecamearefugeformenwhosoughttoescapebeingdraftedintothatwar.ThewarinVietnamwasoverforGuardsmenbymid-June1969,fouryearsbeforethelastAmericantroopsleftthearea."
DuringthelongyearsoftheVietnamWarthedraftloomedominouslyforeveryAmericanmaleasheapproachedhiseighteenthbirthday.Itwasalwaysthere,standingsquarelybetweenhimandhisfutureplans.InMichael'scase,thoseplanshadinvolvedagriculturalresearch.Atageeighteen,hebelievedthecountrysoonwouldnolongerbeabletofeeditsstandardgrainstolivestockthatbytheyear2000itwouldbecomenecessarytousethemalltofeedtheworld'sstarvingmasses.
Draftboardsineachcountywereappointed,andinmanycases,theseappointmentswerepolitical.Theboardmembers,usuallymen,oftenfounditdifficulttobetotallyunbiasedmanyweretemptedwithbribesorpleasfromclosefriendswhosesonsweresubjecttothedraft.In1970thechairmanofourcountydraftboard,aprofessoratthe
UniversityofNorthernIowa,hadfourdraft-agesons.Allofthemwereoccupationallydeferredtoteachschool,eventhoughtherewasnoshortageofteachers.Oneofhissonstaughtinourlocalschoolandwasheardtoboastthathedidn'tworryaboutthedraft.
OnMay5,1970,thesister-in-lawofanIowansoldierwroteme:"Myhusband'sbrotherisnowinCambodiawiththe1stAirCavalry.HewasdraftedbyBuchananCounty...afterseveralmonthsofprotestbecauseofhisfather'sheartcondition.Hewasdoingallthe
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farmworkandwasthesolesupportofhisfamily."TheyoungmanhadbeendraftedApril1,1969,andhisfatherdiedthefollowingday.Still,hereceivednodeferment.ThedrafteewaswoundedinNovemberandreturnedtoactiononChristmasDay.OnemonthlateranewsitemappearedintheWaterlooCourier:
FairbankAruralFairbanksoldierservinginCambodiahasbeenkilledinaction,accordingtowordreceivedbyhisfamily.
Mrs.MaryClaytonsaidThursdayshehadreceivedwordthathersonhadbeenfatallywoundedwhenhisarmyunitencounteredenemyoppositionintheCambodiancampaign.
HisfatherdiedApril2,1969,thedayafterhissonwasdrafted.
Spec.Clayton,...agrenadelaunchcarrier,wasa1967JesupHighSchoolgraduateandattendedHawkeyeTechnicalInstituteinWaterloobeforehewasdrafted.HehadbeeninVietnamsincelastSeptemberandwasrecentlysentintoCambodia.
TheBuchananCountydraftboardwastypicalofruralmidwesterndraftboards,whichwereobsessedwithfillingmonthlyquotas.Elsewhereinthecountry,manystatesmadenoattempttofillthem.California,forexample,neversurpassed60percent.Tomakeupforconscriptionshortfallsinthosestates,itwasnecessarytodraftvigorouslyelsewhere,principallyintheFarmBelt,thecityghettos,andAppalachia.ThedeathcountfromthestatesofIowaandWestVirginiastoodingrimtestimonytothisfact.ThefinaldeathcountforIowawas852andforWestVirginia,731.
WhilewaitingforMichael'sbodywedrovetoBuchananCountytovisitamotherwhohadjustlostason.Shewasonwelfareandlivinginstarkpoverty.Therewasnoevidenceoffoodbeingbroughtinbyfriendsandrelatives;incontrast,ourcommunityfedusfortendays.Shehadbeenabandonedinhersorrow.Theboyshewastoburythe
nextdaywasthethirdofhersonstobesenttoVietnam.Astearsstreameddownherface,shetoldofprayingherfirsttwoboyshomesafely.Butwhenherthirdsonwasdrafted,shesaid,shecouldpraynolonger,andthushewasabandonedtodie.Lookingforarayoflightinhershatteredlife,shetoldusthedraftboardchairmanhadcalledtosaytheywouldnotdraftherremainingson.IwassoenragedIhadtoleavethisstrickenmother.
Asthewardraggedonitbecamecommonfordraftboardstobendrulesandoverlookanamehereandthere.Morestatesfellshort
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ofquotas,asitbecameimpossibletoreachthem.Draftcounselingbecameavailableatmostpublicuniversitiesandprivatecampuses.Michael'sundergraduatecollege,aprivateschoolwhichreceivedsupportfromwarindustriesinMissouri,didnotoffercounseling.
By1969,becauseoftheuproarovertheunfairnessofthedraftcomingfromcollegestudentswhocouldnotplanfortheirfutureandthepoorwhocouldn'tescapethedraft,theU.S.governmentchangedtoalotterysystem.Theorderofinductiondependedonthechancedrawingofbirthdates.Thosewithlownumbersweresubjecttoinduction,allowingtheluckyoneswithhighnumberstogoonwiththeirlives.
Oftenyoungmenwhohadbeenreceivingcollegedefermentsweredrafted.Becausethewardraggedonfortenyears,manyofthem,afterfourorfiveyearsofdeferment,foundthemselvesinthelineoffireas1stlieutenantsfacingafour-yearstintintheservice.Manyweremadeplatoonleadersanddiedbythehundreds.Thosewhodeclinedadvancedtrainingweresentimmediatelytothejunglewithnoconsiderationoftheirqualifications.Theirchancesforsurvivalwereslim.
InApril1970adistressedyoungcollegestudentwrotethathewaswellawareofthedraftbecausehehadlosthisstudentdeferment.Hewasnotalone.Hisroommatecamefromafarm,and"hisnumberinthedraftlotterymeanshe'llbegonebyJune...tobecomecannonfodder."Headdedthatmanyotherswouldeventuallysubmit,swallowedupbywordslikeduty,honor,andcountry.Heclosedhisremarkableletterbytellingmethathewasnot"aradical,yippie,hippie,oranyofthoseotherstereotypedphrases.IjustrelishmyrightsandfreedomsGod-givennotNixon-given."
Promotionsforthedrafteebearingthebruntofthewarfarewerealmostnonexistentadvancementsweregiventoenlistedarmy
personnel,manysafeattheirdesksattherear.Thesemenneededtoberewardedsotheywouldcontinuetoserve.Drafteeswereanxioustoputtheirservicebehindthemandcouldn'tbecountedontore-enlist.OnJanuary16,1970,Michaelwrotemethathewasbeingmadeplatoonsergeant.Hewasgrowingbitter."Thebullshitisgettingworse,"hesaid,"almostasbadasstateside."
Whenhedied,Ideterminedfromtheamountofhisfinalpayvoucherthathehadnot,infact,beenpromotedbuthadservedinthecapacityofactingplatoonsergeantforafewweeks,pendingthearrivalofasergeantwithmoreservicetime.Weweresomewhat
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amusedwhen,afterwe'dcomplainedabouttheinadequatecompensationhe'dreceivedforhislasteighteendays,hewasposthumouslypromotedtoplatoonsergeant.
Thereweremanywaystoobtaindeferments.Thecountrywasfullofdoctorswhoconsideredthewarimmoralandwerewillingtofalsifymedicalrecords.InMichael'scase,hewasbesetwithallergieshe'dacquiredfromworkingwithwhiteratsinresearch.Theweekbeforehisinductionphysical,hevisitedthephysicianwhohadtakencareofhimsincehewastwoyearsold.
Thedoctor,whohadworkedataninductioncenterduringWorldWarII,toldhimhe'dhavenoproblems.Withhisnoticeableallergies,noonewouldgivehimacleanbillofhealth.Butthered-rimmedwateryeyesanddrippynosewentunnoticedbytheexaminingdoctorattheinductioncenter,andMichaelhadnowrittenstatementfromhispersonalphysician.
OneyoungmanfromNewJerseywhohaddrawnalownumberinthelotteryhadbetterluckwhenhewentforhisphysical.Accordingtohissister,alocaldoctorhadplacedtheyoungmanonagrapefruitandvitamindiet,andhisweightdroppedfrom140to115pounds.Onhearingthathehadfailedhisphysical,shewrote,thefamilyhadthebiggest,loudest,andmosttearfulcelebrationtheyeverhad.
Someyoungmenwereabletoobtainconscientiousobjectorstatus.Unfortunately,thisstatusdidnotalwayskeepthemfromtherigorsofcombat.Manyofthemservedasmedicsinthefield,performingheroicactsinrescuingwoundedmenunderfire,tendingthedying,andsometimesgivingtheirownlives."Idon'tknowwhyI'mwriting"ayoungmanfromWestVirginiabeganhisletter:
IwasraisedinasmalltownintheindustrialOhioValley...andbelievedthatweshouldbeinVietnamtofightfordemocracy.Then,KentState.
Thenithitme.
IwastoldbythelocaldraftboardthatIdidn'thavetheback-groundtoapplyasaconscientiousobjector,althoughIknewthatIcouldnotkill.
Followinggraduation,Iwasdrafted.Imadealast-minute,thoughsincere,pleaforconscientiousobjectorstatus.Mywillingnesstoperformalternateservicepersuadedmydraftboardtoapprove[it].Itwasnotaneasydecision,norwasthealternateservice
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aneasytask.Oneco-workereventoldmethatmydeskjobwasn'tpunishmentenoughforwhatIhaddone.
AmotherwhohadraisedhersixchildrenasJehovah'sWitnessesintheSmokyMountainsinTennesseewrotemeconcerningheroldestson:
Hecamebeforethedraftboardandgaveascripturalreasonfornotgoingtowar.Hewasnoweakling.Ittookcouragetostandbeforeacourtroomfullofpeopleandmakeadefenseforhislife.HedidnotrunofftoCanada.
HewassentencedtotwoyearsinprisoninTallahassee,Florida.SoifitisanyconsolationoneoftheJehovah'sWitnessesdidnotshootyourson,Michael.
InequitiesintheSelectiveServiceSystemcausedbitternessamongneighbors,friends,andevenfamilies.OnewomanfromCedarRapids,Iowa,wroteusinApril1970complainingofunfairnessintheSelectiveServiceprocess.Shesaidherson,aninfantryman,wasstillhavingnightmaresabouthisVietnamexperience.Meanwhile,severalotherlocalfamilieshadsenttheirsonstocollege,wheretheygotteachingcertificates."Iguessitwouldn'tseemsobadifeveryone'felt'thecostofthewar,"sheadded."OnlytwohousesawaypeoplemaynotknoworcarethatyouhaveasoninVietnam.The'war'doesnottouchthem.Otherswhohavesonsofmilitaryagedon'tevenseemconcernedwehavemanytimesfeltsodesperatelyalone."
Onlyacorruptsystemwouldcountenancesuchinequities.Bytheendofthewar,publicsentimentagainstthedrafthadgrownsostrongthatthegovernmentwasforcedtoseekalternatives.Theresultwasanall-volunteerarmyundertheleadershipofGeneralWilliamWestmoreland.Thefeasibilityofanall-volunteerarmycameunderseriousconsiderationasthecountryfacedunknownoddsinthePersianGulf.Therewasconcernoverourabilitytobackupthe
regularforcesandreservesintheeventofgreatlosses.However,theDefenseDepartmentandWhiteHousewereadamantintheirdecisiontoriskitwithvolunteers.
HadtherebeenadraftinoperationduringthePersianGulfcampaign,Ibelievetherewouldhavebeenamassiveoutcryagainstourinvolvement.Therewouldhavebeenalotlessflag-wavingandpatri-
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oticposturinghadanotherwholegenerationofAmericansbeensuddenlyplacedatrisk.Asithappened,onlyaverysmallnumberofouryoungmenandwomenwereinvolved,and,inmostinstances,ithadbeentheirchoicetogo.Onlyaminutesegmentofourpopulationwasdirectlyaffected.
InMarch1974Imadeapleaforunconditionalamnestyfordraftevaders.Thepreviousmonth,IhadreceivedacallfromIowaCongressmanEdwardMezvinsky,invitingmetotestifyathearingstobeheldMarch6,11,and13byasubcommitteeoftheHouseJudiciaryCommittee.Theinvitationdidn'tsurpriseme.Ihadpubliclyexpressedmyviewsregardingamnestyonseveraloccasions.Iwasflattered,butIpanickedatthethoughtofhavingtositaloneatatableinthehearingroomanddeliverastatementbeforesuchaformidablepanel.Mezvinskywouldn'ttakeno,soIyieldedandbeganmakingplanstogotoWashington.Irejectedhisoffertotravelbyplaneanddecidedonabustrip.Ihadtohavetimetorelaxandpreparemyself.ThiswastobethegreatestchallengeI'dconfrontedsinceMichael'sdeath.
Ineededaprofessionalstatement,soIwenttoC.D.B.Bryan,whowasintheprocessofwritingFriendlyFire,andaskedforhishelp.HephonedmelaterwithremarkswhichItookdowninshorthand.Afterward,BryanwasupsetbecauseIhadnotgivenhimcreditforwritingthepiece.Iremindedhimthateveryoneinpublicoffice,particularlypresidents,employedspeechwriters,andIdidn'tthinkitwaswrongnottotellthepublicthatIhadaskedforhisassistance.Ispentseveralhoursstudyingthestatement,changingawordoccasionallysoitwouldsoundlikePegMullen.IfeltitwouldhavetremendousimpactifIcoulddeliverit.
ThetriptoD.C.tooktwenty-fourhours.Forpartoftheride,IsatwithaBostonfamilywhosesonhadbeenordainedaRomanCatholicpriestthepreviousweekattheUniversityofNotreDame.Theyoung
priestagreedwholeheartedlywithmystandforamnestyandtreatedmetobreakfastat3A.M.inCleveland.Theentirefamilywishedmeluck.
IarrivedinD.C.SundayeveningandwentdirectlytotheCapitolHillHotel,whereIwasgoingtoroomwithPatSimonfromBoston.She,too,hadlostasoninVietnam.(Wehadmetpreviouslyinthepeacemovement.)ShehadtestifiedonFridayandwantedtoshareherexperiencewithme.Shesaidshe'dbeenabasketcasebythetime
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sheapproachedthepanelandsatdowninfrontofthecameras.Shewasaneducatedschoolprincipalbutstillwasfrightened.
PatreturnedtoBostonearlyMonday.Laterthatmorning,IwalkedalonetothenearbyRayburnHouseOfficeBuildingandwentdirectlytothehearingroom.ThereImetFatherJohnSmith,aprofessorfromSt.AmbroseCollegeinDavenport,Iowa.CongressmanMezvinskyhaddecidedIwouldbemorecomfortableifFatherSmithsatwithmewhileItestified.IpickeduptheagendaandfoundtomyhorrorthatFatherandIwouldbethelasttoappear.Wewouldhavealongwait.
Idon'tknowhowIgotthroughthatday.AtlunchwithMezvinskyandFatherSmith,Icouldbarelyswallow.I'dalwayswantedtosampletheCapitol'sfamousbeansoup,butIhadtopushitaside.At4:30Iwasfinallycalledtotestify.IsatdownnexttoFather,comfortedsomehowbyhispresence,andwhisperedtomyself,''Michael,yougotmeintothis,andyoudamnwellbettergetmeoutofit."Thelightswereon,thecamerasrolling.Ilookeduptothepanelandbegan.
"Thankyou.Myson,MichaelMullen,waskilledfouryearsagoinVietnambyourownartillery.Hewaskilled,inmilitaryterminology,byfriendlyfireandwas,therefore,anonhostilecasualtybecauseofanartilleryincidentofficiallyreferredtoasamisadventureinawarthatwasundeclared.Hewastwenty-fiveyearsold."
Ipaused,andfromdirectlybehindmychairIheard:"Listentothisone.It'sgoingtobegreat.She'sgoingtogivethemhell."I'dworriedabouttheaudienceresponseinahearing-roomsetting,butthissmallshowofsupportwasallIneeded.Myfearandpanicmeltedaway.Icontinued.
"Now,weareanordinaryfamily.WearejustsimpleIowafarmers,andwearenothamperedorconfusedbythepoliticalconsiderations,northepoliticalmotivations,norpoliticalexpediencesthatyouare,so
wecanspeakplainly.WeknowandcanacceptwhatyoupoliticiansarestillsimplyunwillingtoadmitandthatisthatthewarinVietnamwhichtookoursonwasasenseless,terrible,tragicblunder,andnowweseethatyouwanttocompoundthismistakebypunishingfurtherthoseyoungmenwhorefusedtobedeludedbyyourwarfromthebeginning.
"Gentlemen,thewholeVietnamWarwasamisadventure.Weareallitsnonbattlecasualties.Onlythosewhohavelostsonsand
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husbandsandbrothersinVietnamcanunderstandthedepthoftheanguishandthebitternessmyson'sdeathmakesmefeel.IwanttobelieveIdesperatelyneedtobelievethatmyson'slifewasnotwasted,thathediedforsomehighideal,butwhatcomforthaveyougivenme?"
Atthispointinthepresentation,Iscannedtheaudiencetotheleftandsawawomanactuallysheddingtears.AndIrealizedthatmyvoicewastheonlysoundintheroom.Itookadeepbreathandcontinued.
"IfCongressisgoingtoinsistonmisinterpretingamnestyasmeaningtopardon,thentheamnestyissuewillremaintooemotionallychargedevertoberesolved.Apardonimpliesguilt,andIwouldnomoreexpectayoungmanwhorefusedtokillinVietnam,whoseprofoundmoralandspiritualoppositiontothatwarlefthimnoalternativebuttoleavethecountry,toadmitthathewasguiltyofacrime,thanIwouldexpectCongress,thanIwouldexpectyou,whosesupportofthatwarpermittedittoendureforsolong,atsodreadfulacostinyounglives,toadmitthatit,too,wasguiltyofacrime.
"Amnesty,initsoriginalGreek,meantforgetfulness.Forgetthattheseyoungmenleftratherthanserved.Forgetthedraftinequitiesthatforcedthemtoleave.ForgettheliesandIrepeattheliestoldyoubythepresidents,thegenerals,thespokesmenfortheStateDepartmentandthePentagon.ForgetallthemoralandphilosophicaldilemmasposedbythewarinVietnamwhichtorethisnationapartforoveradozenyears.Rememberonlythis:theAmericanpeoplehavesufferedenoughbecauseofthiswar,andwewantourchildrenhome.
"Vietnam'sdilemmascannotberesolved,butonlyafoolstillbelieves'Mycountryrightorwrong.'Weallnowunderstandthatifourcountryiswrong,we,ascitizens,haveanobligationtocorrectit.Whoisthemoreloyalcitizen:theonewhoagonizesoverhisnation'spoliciesandattemptstochangethem,orisdocileacceptanceofgovernmental
policynomatterhowimmoralandmisguidedthemostacceptable,thetruermarkofaloyalcitizen?
"Ifitistheformer,thenyoucannotandmustnotpunishthoseyoungAmericancitizenswhoseunwillingnesstotakepartinthewarinVietnamwasbasedonahighsenseofallegianceandresponsibilitytoAmerica'sideals.Ifitisthelatter,ifthemarkofgoodcitizenship
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isdocilesubmissiontogovernmentpolicy,thenallthoseconvictedandimprisonedandexecutedatNurembergforwarcrimesshouldhavebeenfreed.
"In1964theAmericanpeoplevotedforthatpresidentialcandidatewhomtheybelievedwouldmostswiftlybringthatwartoaclose.Sixyears,sixlongyearsbeforemyson'sdeath,anoverwhelmingmajorityoftheAmericanpeopleexpressedbythatvotethattheywishednofurtherinvolvementintheVietnamWar.IfyouinterprettheseyoungmenwhorefusedtoserveinVietnamashavingabandonedAmericainhertimeofneed,thenIaskyoudidyounotyourselves,asthedulyelectedrepresentativessubjecttothewilloftheAmericanpeople,byallowingthatwartogoonandonandon,abandonusinourtimeofneed?Whatdifferenceistherebetweenagovernmentwhichforcesitsdissidentstoseekexileandagovernmentwhichexilesitsdissidents?Today,Canada,Sweden,andEurope,theworldisfilledwithagenerationofyoungAmericanSolzhenitsyns.IfIamtoreceiveanycomfortfrommyson'sdeath,thenletmebelievethathediedsothatsomeothermother'sson,somewhere,mightnowcomehome.
"Thankyou."
Whenmytestimonyended,FatherSmithsmiledandwhisperedinmyear,"Andyoupretendedtobeanamateur!"
Ashortperiodofdiscussionfollowed,duringwhichIaddressedthepanel."Whyhadn'tasenator,acongressman,apresident,oranambassadorlostasoninVietnam?"Iasked."Wheredidtheycomefrom,thesecitizensoldiers?TheycamefromthefarmsintheMidwest,fromtheghettosinthecities,andfromthehillsofWestVirginia."
CongressmanHenrySmithofNewYorksaidhehadnosonstogivebutthatagreatnumberofsenatorsandrepresentativeshadsentsons
tofightinthewar.Iremindedhimthatoveraten-yearperiod,onlytwenty-sixoftheirsonshadservedinVietnam.Heinsistedthatmyfigureswerenotaccuratenorwasmystatementtrue.
WhilelobbyingthatspringinWashingtonforthepassageofS.B.609(abipartisan"EndtheWar"amendmentsponsoredbyfivesenators,includingHaroldHughesofIowa),IhadlearnedthateveryyoungmaninSenatorHughScott'sofficehadaconscientious-objectorrating.ItoldthepanelthattheboysfromthehillsofWestVirginiaandPennsylvaniahadneverheardtheterm"CO."
ScotthadbeenoneofthestrongestsupportersofNixon'sViet-
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nampoliciesrightuptotheend.WhatIhadlearnedfromthePennsylvaniasenator'sstaffstrengthenedmybeliefthatthosewhosupportedNixontothefullestcouldavoidhavingtopaythisterribleprice.
AsthehearingsclosedayoungJesuitpriestemergedfromtheaudience,rantothepodium,anddemandedthatSmithapologizetome.Thecongressmansaidwithasmirk,''Iwasjustshootingfromthehiptomakepointswhileoncamera."
FatherRobertDrinan,acongressmanfromMassachusetts,camedownfromhisplaceonthepanel.Heembracedme,saying,"Blessyou,Mrs.Mullen,forcoming."(IhadmetDrinanandvisitedwithhimatthe1972NationalDemocraticConventioninMiami.)
WhenIgotuptoleavethehearingroom,IwasapproachedbyanABCreporter.HetookmyhandandtoldmehowsorryhewasthatIhadn'ttestifiedearlier.IfIhadbeenonbeforethreeo'clockhisnetworkwouldhavecarriedmyentiretestimony.Itwasnowfiveo'clock,andonlyafractionofitwouldbeshown.However,itappearedontheTVnewsthateveningandwascarriedforacoupleofdaysontheradio.
AsIenteredthehallway,amanidentifiedhimselfasatelevisioncameraman.Tearsstreameddownhisface.Hereachedformyhandandsaid,"Thankyouforcoming,Mrs.Mullen.IlostmyonlysoninVietnam,nevertobeheardfromagain.Andyesterdaymywifepresentedmewithababyboy,twentyyearsafterthebirthofourfirstson."Hewascryingfromboththepainoflosingonesonandthejoyofgaininganother.Icouldsaynothingtohimonlysqueezehishandinunderstanding.
Onlythreeofthepeoplewhotestified(outofforty-five)werequotedinNewsweekandTime,andIwasoneofthem.Ialsogavealeading
collegetextbookpublisherpermissiontoprintthestatement.
In1976PresidentCartergrantedunconditionalamnestytothosewhorefusedtoserve,allowingtheyoungmentoreturntotheirfamilies.
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Eleven:MothersandVeteransThemostpoignantlettersfollowingourprotestsagainstthewarcamefromthefamiliesoffallenservicemen.Theydidn'tspeakoftheirlovedonesinheroicterms,nordidtheyexpressanypridethattheyhaddied10,000milesfromthelandtheyweresworntoprotect.Acommonthemewas"Why?"Theyhadfoundnooneable,orwilling,toprovideananswer.
InPegandGeneMullen,thesebereavedfamiliesfoundkindredspirits.Hereweretwopeoplewhounderstoodwhatitmeanttospendhoursinsilentgrievingoverasonwhoselifewaswastedinawinlesswaramanthatsurvivesinmemoryasasmallboyplaying"copsandrobbers."
MyfuryoverMichael'sneedlesssacrificewasboundless.Ilashed
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outateveryoneandeverything.Iparticipatedinradiotalkshows,madetelevisionappearances,andgavenewspaperinterviewsthroughouttheMidwest.Peoplelistened.
Especiallyheartbreakingwerethestoriesoffamilieswhohadbeenorderednottoopenthesealedcaskets.Mostdidn'trealizethatmorticiansfacedafederalpenaltyof$10,000weretheytobreaktheseal.Ifthefamilieshaddecidedtoopenthecasketthemselves,however,whointheDefenseDepartmentwouldhaveknownaboutit?Whowouldhavereporteditandtowhom?Otherwise,theseparentswouldneverknowforsurewhomtheyhadburied.
Onewomanwrotethatthearmytoldherherfiancéwaskilledinafirefight,thatheshottwoVietCongbeforeanenemybulletexplodedthegrenadeonhisbelt.Aftertwoweeksofbeinglistedasmissing-in-action,hisbodywasreturnedinasealedcasket.Thesurvivorsassistanceofficertoldhisfamilythathismissingmedalswereontheuniformhewasburiedin.Shewouldneverknowifthebodywasthatofherfiancéshebelievedhisuniformwasprobablyabodysack.InbitternesssheremarkedhehadtradedhislifeforaBronzeStarandaPurpleHeart.
AnotherlettercamefromAnnPine,aGoldStarmother:
Mysonwaslistedasmissing(firstliefromtheDefenseDepartment)yes,hediedaherosavinghisbrothersforwhichtheyawardedhimtheBronzeStar.
Whatthearmydidn'ttellmewasonJan.2,1968manyofoursoldiersinthe1stAirCavweresentintoanambush....Theirbodieswerelefttorotinthesunforthreetofourweeks,sayingtheyweresendingoutsearchpartiesandofferingrewards.InoticedinthefilmtheArmysaidtheboywouldhaveanescort,afriendfromVietnam,toaccompanyit.TheyonlyaskedifIwantedhisbodyback,orleftinVietnam.
Ineversawmyson'sbody(aclosedcasket,)excusewasbecauseofthe
blackandbluemarks,nottherotfrombeingleftthereinthejungle.Ididn'treceivehispersonalbelongings.For11yearsnowIhavebeentryingtoseethePresident,triedtotalktotheArmy,senatorsandcongressmenbuthavegottennowhere.IfIcouldonlygetalistofhisbuddiessosomeonecouldtellmewhathappened.
NooneunderstandsI'llneverreallyknowifthatwasmy
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son'sbodyinthecasketorjustrocks!Theyrefusedtoopenthecasket.Now,afternineyearstheytellmeIcouldhaveseenhisbodymorelies.
Pleaseforgivemyscrawl.IthinkIhavemetyouatoneofthedemonstrationsinWashington.IamoneoftheGoldStarmothersthatthrewherson'smedalovertheCapitolwall.TheflagthatcoveredhiscoffinisburiedunderatreeonthemallaroundtheCapitol.
Idon'tremembermeetingAnnwhenwemarchedintheantiwarmoratoriuminApril1971,butshewasveryvisibleinthepublicationcalledtheNewSoldier,apictorialaccountoftheentireweek'seventspreparedandwrittenbyJohnKerryandtheVietnamVeteransAgainsttheWar.WhenImetKerryinD.C.,Iaskedhimtosendmeacopyofthebook.Itcametomewithflysheetsfilledwithautographs.ItisavividandstartlingmemorialtoVietnamveteransandshouldbeinallschoollibraries.LieutenantKerrywasthefirstarmyofficertoreturnfromthewarandaddresstheCongressaboutthecorruptionofthewar,pleadingforitsend.TodayheisaU.S.senatorfromMassachusetts,involvedineffortstolocateallmissingsoldiers.
Mothers,girlfriends,andsisterswrotein,manyofthembelievingthatGeneandIwere"theluckyones."Oursonwaskilled,buthissufferingwasbriefHedidn'tcomehomeastrangerora"Vegetable,"assomewrote,boundtoabedorneedingawheelchairordoomedtospendtherestofhislifeinaninstitution.
Thisthoughthasoccurredtome,particularlywhenI'vetakencallsfromdisturbedveteransatoddhoursofthedayornight.Intheirdesperation,thesementurntostrangersforhelp.Itrytooblige,listeningwhiletheydescribetheirtormentandanguish,theirstruggletomakeitthroughanotherdayatwork.Mylastsuchcallerkeptmeonthephonefrom2to5A.M.Iwasafraidtohanguponhim.Overtheyears,I'veaskedeachofthesetroubledvetstodropmeapostcardsoI'llknowthey'reOK.Butthepostcardsdon'tcome,andI'mhaunted
fordaysaftereachcallwiththethoughtthatthecallerhaschosendeath.
OnceIheardfromawomanwhohadfalleninlovewithaveteran.Shesaidhermanhadsurvivedthewar"statistically,"onlytodietragicallyinanautoaccident"becausehismindwassoentangled
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withthosevividmemoriesofwar.Toovividtoforget."Herman"escapedusingdrugs."Asafriendsaid,"hethoughthecouldfly."
"I'mnotashamedofthefactthatmyhusbandservedinthewar,"wrotethewifeofaformermachinegunner,"butit'snotsomethingIcanfeelgoodabout.Hestillhasnightmares,andhesometimesdrinksheavywhenit'sonhismind,butheisahardworkerandagoodfathertoourson."
AwomanfromTexaswrotethatshe,too,hadasonnamedMichaelwhoservedinVietnam."IfeellikeIknowyou,"shesaid.Hewastheyoungestofherfourchildren,whomshehadraisedbyherself.Shehadtaughthimtofishandhunt,andtheywereveryclose.
Hersonhadreturnedhome,shewrote,butwhenhecamebackhewasaddictedtodrugs."Afterfiveyearsofquitting,thenstartingagain,hegaveupandtookanoverdosetoendthehellwealllivedin....Itwasn'teasytopartwithourMikeywecalledhimMikey,toobutthankGod,Peg,youdidnothavetostandbyforfiveyears,feelingsohelpless,andwatchyoursondestroyhimself."
Thedrugabusethemebecamealltoofamiliar.NolesscommonamongreturningVietnamveteranswerechangesinmoodandpersonality.MentaldistresswasafrequentcarryoverfromtheVietnamexperience,whethermanifestedasdrugaddictionorinaveteran'sbehavior.
Manypeopletoldustheirsonshadbeenreluctantparticipantsinthewar.AnIowaparentwrotethathersondidnotwanttogo.Hehadbeendraftedaheadofmanyotherswhowereolder,whosheclaimedneverevenhadtogoinforaphysical.Nonetheless,hewassenttoVietnam,wherehediedinanambush.
Notalloftheyoungmen,however,wenttoVietnamagainsttheirwill.AnIowawomanwrotethathersonhadbeenwoundedandtherefore
didnothavetoreturntoVietnam.Buthechosetoreturnandwaskilledthreemonthslater.Still,hewentbacktoVietnambelievingthatifhecouldhelpsaveevenonelife,itwouldallbeworthit.Sheknewofotherveteranswhofeltthesameway,andshehopedIwouldfindpeaceofmind.
Thismotherwastrulyblessed.HowmucheasieritwouldhavebeenforustoacceptthedeathofoursoninVietnamifhehadbelievedinthecausethattookhimtohisdeath.
OnewomansentalongaclippingfromtheMasonCity,Iowa,
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GlobeGazette,whichquotedfromherson'slastletterhome,datedChristmas1969,thedaybeforehisdeath.
Wejustgotbackfromtheoperationyesterday.Itwasaprettyroughone.
Thisissupposedtobeacease-firetonight,butwearegoingoutonanambush.Thingsarereallyscrewedupoverhere.Itisraining.Themonsoonseasonissupposedtobegettingoveranytime.(Earlier,hehadwrittenthathehadbeenwet30straightdays.)Wearesupposedtogetahotmealtoday.Therainislettingupalittlesomaybethechopperwillbeabletobringitinafterall.Wewon'tknowhowtoact,eatingsomethingbesidesCRations.(Theyhadn'thadahotmeal,notevenforThanksgiving.)
LookingforwardtohearingwhatunitsthePresidentisgoingtopulloutof'Nam.IfitsoundslikeI'llbeheremyfullyear,IamgoingtotakeRandRwith(wife)NancyinHawaiiaboutJuneorJuly.ItwouldbegreatforNancytodoalittletraveling.
AtnotimehaveIeverregrettedmyactivitiesinoppositiontothewar.IwasalwaysconfidentofGene'ssupport.Michael'spartingpleaformeto"neverstop"protestinghasstayedwithmethroughouttheyears.Thelettersfromveteransalsoofferedsupport.TypicalwasaletterwereceivedfromadisabledveteranfromIllinois:
Idowantyoutoknowthatitispeoplelikeyourselveswhogivemecourageandmakemewanttoliveafulllife.Yougivemehope.
...IhavetodealwiththeguiltIfeelforhavingparticipatedbutknowingthattherearepeoplelikeyouwhohadthecourageIdidn'thavetostandupagainstthathorrendouswardoeshelpme.Theemotionalwoundsareworsethanthephysicalwounds,butwithtime,IhopethatIcaneasetheguilt.I,frankly,willlivewiththeanger.
Theletterscheereduson,assuredusthatthosewhohadexperiencedthewarfirsthandwereonourside.Theirmessagecontrastedwithwhatwewerehearinglocally,wherewestoodaccusedofprofaning
ourson'smemory,ofbringingshametoourfamily,andneglectingourthreecollege-agechildren.Weheldfasttothevets'supportandfoundcomfortinthefactthatsomuchofitseemedtocomefromthosewhohadsufferedthemost.
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ThoughwelostMichael,wegainedahostofadoptedsons.Webecameapartoftheirslowrehabilitationhelpingthemmaketheirwayaroundtheobstaclestheyfacedontheirreturn(often,theseseemedmoredevastatingthanthejunglesofVietnam).Manyneededonlyafewmonthstoreadjusttocivilianlife.Othersfounditmoredifficult,andstillothersfailedmiserablysuccumbingtodrugsorcommittingsuicide.I'vedevelopedadailyhabitofcheckingtheobituarycolumninthelocalpaper,andalltoooftenIreadofuntimelydeathsamongmenofVietnam-eraage.
InspiteofdenialsbytheDefenseDepartment,IbelievemanyveteranstobevictimsofAgentOrangeandotherpowerfuldefoliantsusedbyourtroopsinthejungle.Veryfewwhotrampedthroughthosejungleshaveescapedthedamageinflictedbythedeadlychemicals.OftentheinfantrywasactuallysprayedwithAgentOrangebyconfusedpilotsorthosetryingtodumpunusedchemicalsbeforereturningtobase.
Ashorttimeago,IcontactedhomeownersinmyareaofBrownsvilletocollectsignaturesonapetitioncallingforimprovementstoourstreets.Ayoungmother,withherfoursmallchildrenclingingtoher,endorsedthepetition.Iaskedwhetherherhusbandwouldbeinterestedinsigning."Ihavenohusband,"sheresponded."Iburiedhimlastweek,totallyeatenawayfromcancertheresultofAgentOrange."Onlyafewdaysbeforeherhusband'sdeath,thecourtshadruledagainstaclass-actionsuitfiledbyVietnamveteranswhoclaimedtheyhadbeendamagedbyAgentOrange.
AyoungVietnamesefriend,Hong,livinginBrownsvillerecentlyreturnedtoherhomelandtovisitthefamilyshehadn'tseenforfifteenyears.Shedescribedfindingagreatdealof"dead"soil,apparentlycontaminated,inareasaroundhermother'sfarm.Hongnoticedthatmanyoftheinfantswereafflictedwithopensores,althoughthe
pollutedareashadbeenfencedoff.ShewaspositivethattheskinafflictionswerecausedbyAgentOrange.Thebabiesdidn'tdiebutwereillforatleastayear.Nooneknowswhatthefutureholdsforthesechildren.
Hong,whoasachildsurvivedthebombingoftheMekongDelta,istrulyaveteranoftheVietnamWar.Shesawherfatherandhisanimalskilledbyalow-flyinggunshipasheworkedinhisricefields.ShesoughtshelterinnearbycaveswhileAmericanbombersdroppedclusterbombsontheirsmallfarm,creatinglake-sizecraters.
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Afterthedeathofherfatherandadirectbombinghitoftheirhome,Hongsaid,hermothertooktheyoungfamilytoSaigoninordertosurvive.
OneofthefirstveteranstocontactuswasBobby,ayoungneighborwhohadreturnedhomeafterservingwiththemarines.Heappearedtobewelladjusted,butheneededasympatheticear.Hebegantodropbyinthemornings,drinkmycoffee,andtakeupalotofmytime.Finally,Imadethefollowingsuggestion:''I'lllistentoyouforanhourortwoandyoucangivemeanhourortwoofhelpwiththeyard."Heagreed,andthearrangementprovedadvantageousforthebothofus.Ofcourse,whenIfollowedhimintotheyardtohelpwiththechores,the"talktherapy"continued.
ThroughouthistourinVietnam,I'dregularlyinquiredabouthim.Hismotherhadbeenconfidenthewasn'tindanger,sincehehadwrittenandtoldherhewasadoghandler.SinceneitherhismothernorIwasfamiliarwiththejargonofthewar,wefiguredhe'dbeenassignedtothekennelsatbasecamp.WhenIaskedBobbyaboutthejob,helaughed."Oh,sure,Ihandleddogs,"hesaid,"onedog,whichIledintothejungleaheadofmyplatoonwhileIdependedonthedogtosniffoutanytrouble."These"pointmen"wereexpendable,andthousandsofthemdiedorwerewoundedbytrippingboobytraps.
BobbyandIbecamegoodfriends,andhewentontomakealifeforhimselfinpostwarAmerica.Hemarriedandhadafamilybutpreferredthelife-styleofarebel.Heworehishairlong,cultivatedabeard,andlivedclosetonatureinaruralarea.
EarlyonaJuneSaturdaymorningin1970,wehadavisitfromatallyoungblackman.HewalkedintoourkitchenlikehehadbeentherebeforeandwithouthesitationgreetedusasPegandGene.Hedidn'tneedtotellusthathewastheMartinwhohadbeeninMichael'scompanyandhadwrittentousfromVietnam.Hetoldusabout
Michael'slastdaysinhiscompanyhowtheybecamefriendswhenMichael,learningthathe,too,wasfromIowa,hadsharedhisDesMoinesRegisterwithhim.
AlthoughMartininsistedhewasOK,onehourinhispresencetookitstollonus.Hecouldn'tsitformorethanafewseconds.Hewalkedaroundthekitchentableincessantly,andeveryfewminuteshewentthroughthemotionsofshootinghisenemywithanimagi-
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narymachinegun.Still,wecontinuedtowelcomeMartinbacktothefarmandwerethereforhimashefacedthechallengesofaninterracialmarriage.Genewalkedthebridedowntheaisleinhergroom'schurch,wheretheyweremarriedbyhisfather,aBaptistminister.Afterward,wehostedthereceptionatourfarmhome.
WesupportedthemarriagebutelicitedapromisefromMartintoallowtheirchildrentobebaptizedCatholic,thefaithofthemother.Asthebabiesarrived(fourofthem),theywerepresentedforbaptismaspromised,andsomeonefromtheMullenhouseholdwasalwaysavailabletobeagodparent.
Martinhasdonewellwithhislife,havingattainedanelectricaljourneyman'sunioncard.Hiswife,Terry,hasgraduatedfromcollegewithadegreeineducation,andtheirfirstbornisinhissenioryearinengineeringatIowaStateUniversity.(Martin,thethird,rankedsecondinthenationonhiscollegeentrancetestscoresinthefieldofengineering,andhisschoolinghasbeentotallyfundedthroughvariousscholarships.)
Manyofourcontactswithveteranshavebeenbytelephone.GeneandIusuallysharedthesecalls.Hetriedtounderstandeachcaller'sproblems,butmostleftmeuneasysomeofthedisjointedconversationswillstaywithmeforever.
TenyearsagoIgotacallat2A.M.fromayoungattorneyintheChicagoarea.WhenIaskedifherealizedwhattimeitwas,hereplied,"Ineverknowwhattimeitis,andIdon'thavetheslightestideawhetherit'sdayornight."Hewentontosayhewassorryhehadn'tcalledassoonashereturnedstateside.HehadbeenwithMichael'scompanyinVietnam.TwodayslaterIhadasimilarcallfromaveteraninMinneapolis.Thecallcameduringworkinghours.Hedescribedhimselfasanexecutivewhoworeathree-piecesuitandcarriedanattachécase.Iaskedhimwhyhewascalling."Iforce
myselftocometoworkeachday,"hesaid,''andaftertwohoursonthejobIbegintopanic."
Icanonlylisten,butthereallydisturbedveteranneedsmorethanIcanoffer.Ioftencan'ttellthemwheretogetthehelptheyneed.SomanyhavedescribedbadexperienceswithveteranshospitalsthatI'mhesitanttosendthemthere.
AcallcameonenightinAugustof1991fromamemberoftheU.S.CoastGuard,aformermarinewhohadreturnedhomeafter
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sixmonthsinthePacific.Hecalledduringthenight,disturbedtheconversationlastedthreehours,duringwhichtimehewouldrepeatedlyhangupandcallback.
HeclaimedtobetheyoungestVietnamveteraninthecountryandsaidhehadbeenintheserviceonlyashorttimewhentheU.S.embassyfell.Hesaidthemarinesweretrampledbythemassesofpeopletryingtoescape,resultinginthedeathsoftwo.
TheVietnamsyndromeisaliveandflourishing,althoughtheveteranshavebeenhomefromVietnamforfifteentotwenty-fiveyears.Duringthesummerof1991IwascontactedbyaveteranfromtheBostonareawhowasattendingsummerschoolinIowa.HehadoriginallyphonedmysonJohntofindoutwhereIwasliving.JohntoldhimofmyplanstocometoIowainJuneandassuredhimthatIwouldbehappytovisitwithhim.
I'dbeenhomeaweekwhenhecalledandaskedmetomeethimforlunch.Hewasaboutforty-fivewithgrayinghair,andasweenjoyedourfood,hetoldmehisstory.Hehadbeenhomefromthewarfortwodecadesandhadspentnearlyseventeenofthoseyearsinbarswherehewasdrunk,drugged,andbrawlingorinjailsomewhere.AswetalkedIexpressedmyconcernoverthenumberofsuicidesamongthereturnedveterans.HetoldmethatVietnamveterans'organizationswereresearchingtheproblem,andmanybelievedthatmorethan200,000veteranshadtakentheirownlives.
Finally,hewascontactedbyaveterans'religiousgroup.Hesaidhelistenedtothem,andtheresultwasacompleteturnaround.He'dmarriedandbecomethefatherofabeautifulbabydaughter,andhewasnowpositivethathewouldneveragainlosecontrolofhislife.
Thenhetoldmethereasonhehadlookedmeup.Whileoncombatdutymorethantwentyyearsago,he'dbeendrivingajeepandhita
landmine.Fourmenridingwithhimwerekilled.Now,forthefirsttimesincehisreturn,hefelthehadthestrengthheneededtotalktotheparentsoftheboyswhodiedinhisjeep.OneofthevictimshadbeenanIowaresident.Heaskedformyhelpinlocatingthefamily.
Ispentseveraldaysmakingphonecalls,andeventuallyIlocatedthevictim'sgrandmother.ShelivednearDesMoines,soIdrovetoseeher.BytheendoftheweekIwasabletophonemynewfriendandgivehimalltheinformationhewasseeking.Ihadafeelingthatwhenitcametoactuallymeetingthefamily,however,hewould
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probablybackout.Recently,Iplacedacalltothegrandmotherandlearnedthattheveteranhadindeeddrivenseveralhourstospendadaywiththeparentsofhisdeadcomrade.Theyhadtakenhimtotheirson'sgrave,andtheyappreciatedhisvisit.Theywerenotdisturbedbyhisvisit,assomeinthefamilyhadfeared.
Myfileoflettersfromveteransisatreasuretrove.Intoneandcontenttheyrunthegamutfromdeepsadnessandbitternesstojoyandsatisfactionoverhavingattained''thegoodlife,"througheducation,marriage,andbeautifulchildren.
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Twelve:FriendlyFireInmid-April1976C.D.B.Bryan'sbookFriendlyFirewaspublished.MichaelGartner,editoroftheDesMoinesRegister,calledtotellushewasinterestedinbuyingtherightstopublishthestoryinserialform.Weweresickatthethoughtofhavingourpersonaltragedyrecountedinthisstatewidedailynewspaper,soIpleadedwithGartnertoreconsider.Hewasadamant,concernedthatnotenoughpeoplewouldreadthebook."Itisastorythathastoberead,"heinsisted.Wewaitedinanguishforthefirstissue.
GenewentofftoworkearlyonApril19.WhenhereachedtheJohnDeereplant,hesatdowninthelunchroomforacupofcoffeeandpickeduptheRegister.Thestorywasonthefrontpagealltheheartachesrevisited.Howwashegoingtobearthis?Therewasgreat
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animosityamonghisfellowworkersoverourstandagainstthewar,andGenewashavingtroubledealingwithit.AlargepercentageofJohnDeereworkerswereveteransofWorldWarIItheywereproudoftheirserviceandproudoftheiruniforms.MostweremembersoftheAmericanLegion,andthelegionsupportedthewar.Gene'spositiononthewarwaslikenedtothatofa"scab"duringaunionstrike.
Gene'sjobinvolvedmakingafinalinspectionofthetractorsastheylefttheplantfordeliverytodealers.Thatday,hefounditnecessaryto"red-tag"(rejectbecauseofflaws)agreatnumberoftractors,therebyangeringbothlaborandmanagement.Bythetimehearrivedhome,hewasnotfeelingwell.Heplantedtwofruittreesinthefrontyard,butwhenhecameinfordinnerhewasunabletoeat.IcalledoursonJohn,whosebusinesswasfourmilesaway,andtoldhimIwasafraidhisfatherwasfacingaheartattack.
Johnrushedover,andweleftimmediatelyforSt.FrancisHospitalinWaterloo,thirteenmilesaway.Passingcarsrightandleft,hegotusthereintwentyminutes.Genewasabletowalkintotheemergencyroom.Hewascheckedoverthoroughlyandclearedtogohome.Ontheadviceofanelderlydoctorandfriend,however,hewasplacedinintensivecareforobservation.Aboutanhourlater,Genesufferedaheartattack.Hesurvivedonlybecausewehadrushedhimtothehospital.Theattackwassomassivehewouldhavediedathome.
ThroughoutGene'sstayinthehospital,thenursescooperatedinkeepingtheRegisteroutofhisroom.Ofcourse,publicationofthestorydidnot,initself,causehisheartattackitwastheculminationofsixyears'grievingoverthelossofhisson.DuringthissameperiodfourfathersintheWaterlooareadiedsuddenlyafterlosingtheirsonsintheVietnamWar.
TheRegister'sdailyinstallmentsdrewmailfromfarmwivestosmall-towndoctors,lawyers,andteachers.Thecorrespondentsrangedfrom
thefairlyarticulatetotheunpracticedwriter,butallseemedtoregardGeneandmeastwooftheirown.Becauseofourstory,they'drealizedthattheirstate'scontributioninhumanlivestothewarwasenormousandfaroutofproportiontootherareasofthecountry.Themilitaryhadalwayslikedruralsoldiersbecause,lackingsophistication,theywereobedientandcooperativeandnotlikelytocreateproblems.
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Genespentthreeweeksinthehospitalandwasdismissedwithapoorprognosis.Hisdoctortoldmehemightliveforsixmonths.Idon'tknowwhathetoldmyhusband,butGenehadahabitofturningoffhishearingaidinuncomfortablesituations.Hisbehaviorduringthenexttenyearswascertainlynotthatofamanwithasix-monthlifeexpectancy.
There'snoquestionthat,afterMichael'stragicdeath,IbecamesopreoccupiedwiththeVietnamWarandthepeacemovementthatthosethingsseemedtodominatemylife.NoonerealizeditmorethanI.Butitwasthatverypreoccupationandsenseofpurposethatallowedmetocarryoninspiteofthepain.
TheperiodinmylifechronicledinFriendlyFireactuallyamountedtolittlemorethanoneyearnotthefiveyearsittooktheauthortowritethebook.Mythreesurvivingchildrenwereawayatcollegeduringthosemonths,andIwasneverawareofanestrangementfromanyoneinmyfamilyuntilIreadBryan'sopinioninhisuneditedmanuscriptsenttomeforapproval.I'msureIcouldhavetakenmoretimetolistentomychildren.WediscussedMichaelconstantlybutdidn'ttalkabouthoweachofuswasdealingwithhisdeath.
Nevertheless,weremainedinclosetouch.Inthesummerof1970PatriciaandMaryheldjobsandJohnattendedsummerschoolinIndiana.Patriciamarriedinthefall,andIspentweeksworkingonherwedding.Imadeherweddingdress,alongwithdressesforthebridesmaids,andweheldareceptionatourfarmhomeforseventy-fiveguests.IalsospentseveraldaysinIowaCityhelpingdecoratethenewlyweds'tinyapartment.
Duringthoseyearsofturmoil,whencollegecampusesacrossthecountrywerealivewithdemonstrations,Ikeptclosetabsoneveryone.Morethanonce,afterhearingonthenewsthattherewouldbeaprotestattheUniversityofIowa,Idroveninetymilestoremind
Patriciathatshewasincollegetogetadegree,nottogetarrestedinademonstration.Sheoftenreplied,"Mom,youdoit.Whycan'tI?"
Inthefallof1976GeneandIdecidedtoseekawarmerclimateforthewinter,sowedrovetoBrownsville,Texas,intheRioGrandeValley,afavoriteretirementspotforMidwestfactoryworkersandfarmers.We'dvisitedthereforsixweeksin1971andhadfalleninlovewiththebalmyclimate,theeasywayoflife,theMexicanculture,and,mostofall,theproximitytotheborder.Wemovedtoa
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mobilehomecourtdevelopedbyarealtor,sowewerefortunatetobelivingwithamixedgroupofneighbors.AbouthalfwerewintervisitorsforfivemonthsandtheremainderyoungHispaniccouples.WewereonlyfivemilesfromtheInternationalBridgetakingusintoMexico.
Bryan'sbookwasbeingwidelyread,andthroughthegraciousauspicesofthepostmasterinLaPorteCity,themailitgeneratedfollowedus.Thephonecallsalsoreachedus,andweoftenweresurprisedbytotalstrangerswho'dbeenmovedbyFriendlyFire.
TwoofthemorememorablevisitorsduringourfirstwinterofretirementwereaNewJerseycouple.They'dtraveledtoCorpusChristiandontoSouthPadreIslandforaweek'svacationwithoneideainmindtomeetGeneandPegMullen.AfterreadingFriendlyFire,theyhaddriventoourfarminIowatomeetus.Whenlearningthatwehadmoved,theyplannedatriptoPadreIslandnearBrownsville.Theywantedtotalktotwopeopletheybelievedwouldunderstandandhelpthem.TheironlychildhadreturnedfromVietnam,havingservedintheAmericalDivision,andhadbecomearecluseinthemountainsofsoutheasternPennsylvania.Iftalkingwasthetherapytheyneeded,wesupplieditinabundanceanonstopconversationfortheentireweek.
AnothervisitorwasaVietnamveteranfromIowawhohadlefthishome,family,andjobandtakentotheroad.Genehadreadabouttheyoungman.HisbattletorecoverhishealthandconquerhisaddictiontodrugsafterhisreturnfromcombathadbeenfeaturedinapublicationoftheJohnDeereCompany.Genehadalsoknowntheyoungman'sfather,sohewrotehimalongletterofsupport.TheveteranleftIowaandcametotheRioGrandeValleytosaygood-byetohisparents(whowinteredinthearea)andthencametoseeus.Welistenedtohimallafternoon,sympathizedwithhim,butrefrained
fromgivingadvice.
Whentheveterangotuptoleave,weshookhandsandaskedifhehadanyplans.Helookedup,hiseyesfilledwithsorrow,andsaid,"IhavenoplansIdon'tknowwhereI'mgoing,onlythatI'llnevercomeback."
Duringthewinterof1976/77theJohnDeereCompanyremovedGenefrommedicalleave,placedhimonapermanentmedicalretirement,thenfollowedupwiththepaperworkforhimtogoonMedicalSocialSecurityRetirement.From1976to1979GeneandIspent
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ourwintersinBrownsville,returningtoIowaeachApriltosummeronthefarm.Itwasabusytime,astherewasmuchworktobedonearoundtheplacerepairingandpaintingthebuildings,maintainingalargelawn,andtakingcareofthefruittrees.
Inthefallof1979Johnwasmarriedandcontinuedtoliveathomewithhisbride.Thefollowingwinterheaskedifhecouldbuythehomestead,andwehappilysoldittohim.In1980wespentthesummerinBrownsvilleandfoundthatwecouldtoleratetheclimate,sowemadeitourpermanentresidence.
Wesoonbecameacclimatedtomobilehomeliving.Withonlyasmallyardtomaintain,wedidn'tmisstheacresoflawntomowortheorchardtotrimandspray.Itwaseasytoforgettherigorsoffarmingandworkingoffthefarm:fightingtheelements,shovelingsnow,losingelectricalpowerinablizzard.Wewerefinallyabletorelax.GeneandImissedourlifelongfriendsinIowa,butwedidn'tfeellonelyorisolated.Wecontinuedourdailywalkstothemailboxandpickedupcardsandlettersfromtotalstrangers.
In1981amanwrotetousfromCalifornia:
IreadFriendlyFireaboutayearagoandithastakenmethislongtodecideifIshouldwriteornot.Myfriendshaveadvisedmetodoso.
IwasinVietnamfromJan.23,1969throughJan.17,1970...duringtheentireyearIwasintheFireDirectionCenter(ofWhiskeyBattery,3rdBattalion,11thMarines)figuringdatafor105mmhowitzers.Thereasonforthisletteristoletyouknowthereismyselfand,I'msure,manyotherswhoseethroughthefaultyconclusionspresentedinthebookandtheTVmovie.Theseare:
1.Noonewasatfault.Theerrorwasamiscalculationindata.
2.Youareparentsovercomewithgrief,withlittlejustificationforyouroutrage.
Theauthorobviouslyhadhisownconclusionsinmindbeforeheevenbeganthedamnthing.Letmeexplain.
First,gundataaregivenfromtheFDCtothegunsonlyonce.TheyarecalculatedandrecalculatedintheFDCandgiventothegunswiththegunsrepeatingitbacktoassureaccuracy.
ThereisnocorrectionorchangeindatauntilaforwardobserverhascalledintotheFDC.Forthisreasontherecouldhave
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beennofaultydatagivenorusedbetweenthefirstandsecondoranyotherofthefollowingrounds.Ifthefirstroundmadeit,allthefollowingroundsmustfollow.ParticularlywithDT's(intheMarineCorpswecalledthemH&I's)becausethedataarecalculatedandcheckedbeforehand.
Theonlypossibleproblem,giventheinformationinthebook,musthavetakenplaceontheguns.Therearesevencharges,orpowderbags,usedona105mmhowitzer.Thefirstislargeanddecreaseinsizeuptoseven.Ifthechargewassevenandonlysixwereputin,theroundwouldfallshort.Thiswouldbeextremelyeasytodoifthepeopleonthegunsweredrinking.Thetrajectoryofthegunatanythingbutdirectfiremovesinaveryhigharc.Treesarenotanexcuseforanyoneexceptsomeoneknowingnothingaboutartillery.
Thetrajectoryisalwaysgraduallyupandquicklydown.Mountainsarecalculatedinmountainousareas,butneverhillsandcertainlynottrees.Thisexcuseisasinine!
Second,givenwhatIjustsaid,Ibelieveyouwereandareveryjustifiedinyouranger.Youhaveaskedtherightquestionsandgottenvirtuallynoanswers.
Thismayseemstrangetoyou,Ithinknot.Butafter10yearsIholdclosetomyheartthememoryofmydeadfriends....
IwishIcouldignorethatchapterinmylife,butIamcondemnedtoreliveit,overandover.I'malivenowwithonepurposethatistoseeitdoesnothappenagaintoyourgrandchildren,mychildren,ormychildren'schildren.
Withlove,oneofyourlovingsons
Manyletterslikethisonecametousovertheyears.OneformerWorldWarIIartilleryofficeractuallywrotevolumesonthesubjectformanymonths.Bryanhadwrittenitwasjustanotherunfortunateaccidentexpectedintheheatofbattle.Heexplainedthattheheightofthetreeswherethemissilehithadnotbeenconsideredintheoriginalcalculations.Atnotimedidwethinkitwasjustanotheraccidentin
theheatofbattle;afterall,therehadbeennoactivityinMichael'sunitthatnight.Wegrievedabitwitheachletterbutfeltwecoulddonothing.Wehopedandprayedthatsomeday,someonewouldtellusthetruestory.
MaryCrawford,awriterforMs.magazine,firstcontactedusby
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telephoneinlateMay1976.TwoweekslaterherletterdatedJune10arrived:
I'vebeenthinkingaboutourtelephoneconversationfortwoweeks....
Onethingbothersme:inallthepublicity,allthereviews,allthecommentaryonthebook,yourvoiceisnotbeingheard.Youare,afterall,thecenterofthisstory.Yourlifehasbeenprofoundlychanged.Youractionsshapedthewholesequenceofevents.YettheonlypicturewehaveofyouasapersonisBryan's.AndIhavethefeelingthathedoesn'tknowyouverywell.
Oneobviousexample...ishisconsistent...playingdownyourlifelongpoliticalinvolvement.AnotherishistreatmentofyouasobsessedbyMichael'sdeathinsomevaguelyunhealthyway.Ican'tforgetyourcommentthatheviewsyouasbeing"hatched"thedayMichaeldied....
Icouldn'thelpfeelingdrawntoyouwhenwetalked.Yourlifeprovidesanexampleofenormouscourageandintegrity.YetBryanagreeswithSchwarzkopfwhenhesaysthat"whathappenedtotheMullensisan'evenmoreterriblething'thanMichael'sdeath;theyhavebecomecasualtiesofthewar."
Youdidn'tseemlikeacasualtywhenItalkedtoyou.Onthecontrary,youseemedlikeanarticulatewomanwhocouldhavealottosaytootherwomen.
Iwouldliketoseethemisconceptionsaboutyouandyourfamilycorrected....Wecangiveyouaforumsothatyourvaluesandtheexampleofyourlifecanreachotherwomen,whoseownlivesmaybechangedasaresult.Ihopeyou'llthinkaboutwhatMs.istryingtodo,andreconsideryourrefusal...
HadIonlyreadthebookIwouldhavehadaverydifferentpictureofPegMullen.Asitis,Ifeelprivilegedthatourpathscrossed,howeverbriefly.
Sincerely,MaryCrawford
IeventuallyrelentedCrawfordcametothefarmandspentthedayinterviewingme.HerarticleappearedintheSeptember1976issueofthemagazine.Iactuallyenjoyedhavingmystorypublishedinafeministmagazine.Ihadlessonsonthesubjectfrommymother.
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IntheearlythirtiesshewasPocahontasCounty(Iowa)DemocraticChairwoman,manyyearsbeforewomengenerallyheldthesekindsofpositions.Whenmychildrenwerelittle,theylovedtoremindtheirfatherthathewasmarriedtoa''liberatedwoman,"andinoneofhislettershome,Michaelwrote,"youarebecomingmorelikeGrandmawithyourpolitics."
InJune1976,twomonthsafter`FriendlyFirewaspublished,CourtyBryanmadeaspecialtriptoseeusforthepurposeofobtainingpermissiontodoatelevisionscreenplay.Genewasill,recoveringfromhisrecentheartattack,soIvisitedwithCourtyalone.Itoldhimthatwewouldnotgranthimpermissionatthatoranyothertime.WewerestillangryoverBryan'sportrayalof(then)ColonelNormanSchwarzkopf,andwedidn'tagreewithhishavingendedthestoryourstorywithajustificationoftheVietnamWar.
ButCourtyinsistedhe'dbringthestorytotelevision,evenifitmeantchangingnamesandlocale.Heapproacheduslater,thistimebyphone,butagainwerefused.Thenthereweremorecontactsfromhisagentand,finally,ourfirstcallfromABC-TV.Anetworkofficialaskedustosignarelease.ItriedtomakehimunderstandthatGenehadmadelittlerecoveryfromhisheartattackandthatwecouldn'thandleanotherinvasionofourprivatelives.HetoldmeIwasprobablythemostmiserablewomanhehadeverdealtwith.Ihunguponhim.
Weearnestlywishedtoavoidbecomingthesubjectofanotherpublicexhibition.Butweknewinourheartswewerepowerlesstostopit.Wehadforfeitedourrightswhenwe'dacceptedBryan'soffertowriteourstory.HecametoourhomeinApril1971withcredentialsfromtheNewYorker.Itwastheplanofboththewriterandthemagazinetodoashortstoryaboutus,tobepublishedsoon.Wereadilyagreedwefeltthatthepeoplewhoreadourstorywouldjoinusinourstruggleto
endthewar.
AmonthafterBryancontactedusaboutdoingthescreenplay,wereceivedalongletterfromaveteranwhohadlostalegintheincidentinwhichMichaeldied.HewaspleadingBryan'scase,citingmanyreasonswhyweshouldconsenttothemakingofthefilm.TheveteranwroteatlengthabouthisfriendshipwithMichaelhetoldhowtheyhadtraveledthejungletogetherforoverthreemonthsandaboutthenightMikewaskilled.Hethenputinaspecialpitchfor
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Courty,remindingusthatwecouldn'texpelthepastfromourmindsnomatterhowhardwetried,forthepastshapedourfuture.HementionedthatBryanhadputmanyyearsintobringingourstorytothepublic,andhesincerelyhopedwewouldreconsiderourdecisionandallowthemovietobemade.Ofcourse,weresentedBryan'sattempttomanipulateusthroughaveteranwho'd"beenthere."
InOctoberofthefollowingyearwereceivedaletterfromFayKanin,awell-knownscriptwriter,askingifwewouldcooperatewithherinthepreparationofatelevisionscript.Iinformedherofourposition."WelivedinanguishforfiveyearswhileBryanattemptedtowritethestory,"Isaid,"andwhenthemanuscriptreachedusinSeptemberof1975,wewereappalledatwhatweread.Itisourbeliefthat,duringthefiveyearsheworkedonourstory,itsimplybecamehisstory,andwedefinitelydidnotlikehisversion."
Iexplainedthatsincethebookcameout,juniorofficerswhowereinCharlieCompanywhenmysondiedhadcontactedus(andBryan)tocomplainabouthisversionofthestoryandhistreatmentofthemilitary.IfurtheradvisedherthatBryanhimselfhadadmittedtomebutnotbeforethebookwaspublishedtohavingbeenconnedbySchwarzkopf.
Inshort,Igaveherallthereasonswhywewouldn'tcooperate.ItoldherwewouldsoonbeleavingIowaforthewinterandwouldbeunavailable.IsuggestedthatanyfurthercontactwiththeMullenfamilybemadethroughourdaughterPatricia,anattorneyinMuscatine,Iowa,atthattime.
Theentirefamilyworriedaboutthemovie,whichwasbeingfilmeddespiteourprotests.Wewereconcernedwithwhatitwasgoingtodotoourlives.Finally,PatriciadecidedtofilesuitagainstABC-TVonbehalfofthethreesurvivingchildren,alleginginvasionofprivacy.ABCrespondedbyinvitingthethreeplaintiffstocometoLos
AngelesinSeptember1978andsitinonthefilmingforaweek.JohnandPatriciaflewtoCalifornia(Maryhadayear-oldbabyandwasunabletoaccompanythem)andmetmanyofthepeopleinvolvedwiththefilmingofFriendlyFire.TheywereparticularlycharmedbyCarolBurnettandeventuallydevelopedawarmrelationshipwithFayKanin.AttheurgingofPatriciaandJohn,webecamefriendswithFayandhavecorrespondedovertheyears.
JohnandPatriciareportedthatthestorywasbeinghandledwell
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andsaidtheybelievedthatourfamilywouldnotbeharmed.Theydidinsistonchangesofthesetrepresentingourkitchen.Afterall,wehadbuiltamodernfarmhomein1961,buttheproducershadfollowedBryan'sdescriptionandcreatedasetresemblingahomeoftheearly1900s.Istilldon'tunderstandwhatthataddedtothefilm.
Meanwhile,Patricia'sattorneyinMuscatinefollowedthroughwiththelawsuit.Itwassettledwithapaymentof$45,000,whichwasdividedamongPatricia,Mary,andJohn.ABCwasthoughtfulenoughtoaskwhetherwepreferredthattheproductionbeairedwhilewewereinBrownsvilleorathomeonthefarm.IfshowninlateApril,asproposed,thefalloutinBrownsvillewouldhavebeenminimalallofourwinterfriendswouldhavelefttheRioGrandeValleytospendthesummerathome.WeagreedtoApril22,1979(aSunday),andarrangedtostayinTexas.
AcoupleofhoursbeforeairtimewetalkedtoCarolBurnett.Shewasexcitedtherewasreasontobelieveshe'dwinanEmmyforhereffort.(Theproduction,infact,wonanumberofEmmys,butCarol'swasnotamongthem.)GeneandIdebatedaboutwhethertowatchthefilm(neitherofushadreadthepublishedbook).Personally,IknewIwouldn'tbeableto,butGenewasdeterminedtositthroughit.Iworriedabouthishavinganotherheartattack,buttherewasnothingIcoulddo.
Iretiredtoourbedroomwithabookandreadthroughoutalmosttheentiretelecast.AtonepointIemerged,butaftertwominutesofwatchingthefilmIbegantotrembleandhadtoleavetheroom.Ihavenotattemptedtoviewitsince,althoughIdidrecentlypurchaseacopyofthevideoforeveryoneinthefamily.
ThefloodofphonecallstoourIowafarmhomebeganearly,whilethemoviewasbeingtelevisedontheeasternairways.Johnandhiswife,Jeanne,livinginourhome,weretheretoanswer,havingbeen
preparedforanoutpouringofsupportandsympathy.Thecallsdidn'tstopuntilthefollowingWednesday.TheywerecomputerizedbyBellTelephoneasonecallerhunguptherewasanotherwaitingontheline.
Afewdaysafterthebroadcast,IheardfromamotelkeeperinsouthernIowawhohappenedtohavethesametelephonenumberasours,butwithadifferentareacode.Shewrote:''YoumusthavereceivedhundredsoflettersandphonecallsaftertheshowwithCarol
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BurnettSundaynight.Weespeciallyknowaboutthephonecalls,aswegotaboutthatmany....Wehavebeengetting[your]callsforabouttwoyears,thensinceSundaynighttheyhavebeenconstant.Don'tgetmewrong,wedon'tmind.Ijustthoughtyoumightbeinterested."
WereturnedtothefarminIowaaweeklater.Wewereexpectinglotsofmail,butwehadn'tgivenanythoughttothetouristsdrivingintoourfarmyardtovisitwithusinperson.DuringourfirstweekwehadvisitorsfromNewYork,Texas,andCalifornia.FriendsinLaPorteCitytoldusofmanytouristsaskingdirectionstoMichael'sgrave.Wewerealmostreadytorunaway,butthetrafficsloweddownfinally,andthevisitorsbecamelessofaproblem.Somedayslettersarrivedinbundlesonothers,onlyoneortworeachedus.Allofthemwereanswered,andwecontactedmanyofthewritersbytelephone.
Wedidn'tallowthenewpublicitytodisruptourlives,though.Wetraveledforseveralweeksthatsummer,throughtheBlackHillsandthenontovisitMaryandherfamilyinMontana.Fromthere,wedrovethroughGlacierNationalParkandnorthtoCalgary,Alberta,Canada.WefollowedthebeautifulCanadianHighwaywesttoVancouver.ClosefriendslivedonVancouverIsland,andwespentseveraldaysintheirhomeonthebluffsoverlookingtheGeorgiaStraits.Iwentfishingwithourhostandcaughtthreelargesalmon.ItwasthefirstandonlytimeI'vefishedforsalmon.Afterathree-weektripwereturnedtothefarmuntiltimetomakeourOctobertreksouthtoTexas.Againwefellintoadailyroutineofwalkingtothemailboxat9:30,openingandreadingthemail,andattemptingtoanswerit.
AmotherfromMissouriletusknowthatwewerenotalone:
Iamsureyouspokeformanythousandsoffamilieswhohavethisfeelingofangerandfrustrationwhichdoesn'tseemtogoawaywiththeyears.Wealsohadsomeofthesamequestionsafterourson'sdeath,manynotanswered.We,too,talkedmostofthetimeaboutthewarandourson's
death,andmanypeoplewereturnedoffbywhatweweresaying,byourpreoccupationwiththewar.Mostofthemsaidtheyweretiredofhearingaboutitandseeingitdailyontelevision.Butourboyscouldn'tgetawayfromitbyturningoffTV.Theyhadtodietoleaveit.
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Amotherwhohadlosthersonnineyearsearlierwrote:
IttookCharleyandmeninemonthstomakeChuckwithGod'shelp.IttooktheVietnamWarandtheMarinesjustninemonthstokillhim....IwishhehadgoneAWOLIwishhehaddesertedIwishIhadbrokenhislegwhenhewaslasthome.Welovehimso,andhavetoacceptthis.
AveteranfromNorthCarolinacorrespondedwithusinDecember1978afterreadingthebook:
IwasdraftedinNovemberof1966andwenttoVietnam....But...Icameback.Ididn'twanttobethere.Mymotherpleadedformenottogo.MyfamilyevenofferedtofinanceatriptoCanada.JustsoIwouldn'tgotoVietnam.ButIwastooproud.Boywhatabunchof"Bullshit"thatisnow.
InowammarriedandhaveasonwhowillbefourinDecember.Hisnameis"Michael"!...Ilovehimdearly.IknowthatthismightsoundbadbutshouldanotherVietnamarise,Godforbid,thereisnowayhewillgo.Idon'tknowhowIwillhandleit,butIknowthathewon'tbethere.
FromIowa,anineteen-year-oldwrotetousaboutherbrotherandtheimpacthisdeathhaduponherandherfamily:
Thelastnineyearshavebroughtalotofchangesinourhousehold.Mydadlosthistruckingbusinessin1971becauseafterDennis'deathhelostinterestineverythingandeventherestofthefamily.Itwashardformetounderstandthen,butnowIrealizewhatthedeathofanoldestsoncandotoafather.Theywereveryclose.
ThreemonthsafterthetelecastofFriendlyFire,asupportivelettercamefromawomanfromSanAntonio,Texas.Shewrotethattheshowandthebook"hitatthegutemotionsofVietnamlikenothingelsehasdonesofar."Sheadded:
IwishVietnamneverhadbeen,toleavesomuchhurtanddivisioninourcountry.ItdidhappenandIhopetoGodourcountryneverforgetswhatitdidtoourgenerationwithitspoliticalpoliciesandtheapathyofsomany
Americans....
Thankyoufornotquietlyacceptingyourson'sdeath.
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Manyothersalsowrotetooffersupport,asinaletterfromawomaninCalifornia:"Youhavesavedcountlessyoungboyswhomayfaceasimilarsituationinthefuture.IfthepeoplewhorunthiscountryinWashingtonhavelearnednothingfromtheVietnamexperience,anditisdoubtfultheyhave,themothersandfathersofAmericahavelearnedmuch."Or,asoneveteranwroteus,"Michael,notJohnWayne,issymbolicofAmerica."
Notalltheletterswegotcamefromstrangers.Oneofthem,fromtheyoungwifeofacoworkerofGene'sattheJohnDeereplant,read,"Thepartaboutthemedalbroughttearstomyeyes,andfortherestofthemovie.WefeelespeciallyprivilegedthatyoucaredenoughtosharethatspecialmedalwithusandourlittleSam."
ThemedalshereferredtowasonewhichhadbeenpartofGene'sspirituallifesinceitwasgiventohimin1934byayoungstudentfromChinawhomhehadbefriendedatMarquetteUniversity.GenehadgiventhemedaltoMichaelasheleftforVietnam,anditwasreturnedlaterwithsmallitemsinhisleathershavingkit.TheonlyothertimeGenepartedwithitwaswhenhegaveittotheletter-writer'sfamilytohangonthecradleofSam,theircancer-strickenlittleboy.Again,themedalcamebacktoGenewhenSamdied.
TinaBourjaily,anotherlongtimeacquaintance,wrote,"ItmusthavebeenstrangetoseeyourselfplayedbyCarolBurnett.Anoddbitofcasting,Ithought,untilIsawwhatthecomedienne'ssenseoftimingcoulddotoaserious,dramaticrole."Overtheyears,TinaandIhavekeptintouchbytelephoneandmail.In1992whileattendingclassesattheIowaWriters'Workshop,Itooktimeouttohavelunchwithher.IwantedtodiscusswithherthatIwasworkingonamemoir.WhenIstartedtotalkaboutit,sheinterruptedandasked,"Whyintheworldareyouputtingyourselfthroughtheagonyofanotherstory?"IcouldonlyrestatemybeliefthattherealtruthofVietnamandsomeawful
truthsaboutwaringeneralarecontainedinthemassofcommunicationsthatcametousastheresultofthebookandmovie.
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Thirteen:GeneGene'shealthbegantofailrapidlyinthespringof1986,afterhesufferedthreecardiacarreststhepreviousChristmas.HediedJuly16attheageofseventyinthehospitalinBrownsville.
Genewasbornin1916tosecond-generationIrishparentsinWaterloo,Iowa.TheMullengrandparentscamefromCountyLouthandtheMcDermottsfromCountyCork.Bothgrandfatherswereuneducatedandsignedofficialdocumentsby"makingtheirmark,"buttheydiedwealthylandowners.PatMullenlivedtobeninety-oneinthehousehebuiltin1872,wherehistenchildrengrewtoadulthood.Whenhediedin1926,helefteachchildaneighty-acrefarm.
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Gene'smaternalgrandparents,theMcDermotts,retiredinWaterloocloseenoughtotheirgrandson'shomethatonthewaytoschoolhewouldruninthefrontdoor,grabahandfulofGrandma'scookies,andrunoutthebackdoor.GenehadfondmemoriesofsittingquietlyinthecornerofthekitchenonSundayafternoonswhiletheelderlyimmigrantsintheWaterloocommunitysataroundhisgrandfather'skitchentable,sippedIrishwhiskey,andrefoughtIreland'sBlackandTanuprisinginthe1850s.
Likemostyoungpeoplewhograduatedfromhighschoolinthemidthirties,Genehadlittlemoneytogoontocollege.However,he'dsavedenoughtoenrollinMarquetteUniversityinMilwaukeeandmanagedtostayalmosttwoyearsbeforehehadtodropout.Heworkedoffandonatvariousjobs,workingfortheJohnDeereCompanyduringtheirpeakseasonsuntilWorldWarII.
GeneandImetintheelevatorofthefederalbuildinginWaterloointhespringof1940.HewasafriendofthewomanIworkedfor,andhisbosswasapoliticalfriendofmymother.WewerecaughtinthemiddleoftwomatchmakerswhofeltthattwoIrishCatholicswouldmakeasuitablepair.HewasworkingfortheCensusBureau,andIwasemployedbythedistrictofficeoftheWorksProgressAdministration,commonlyknownastheWPA.WeweremarriedonNovember22,1941,inSacredHeartChurch,Pocahontas,Iowa,twoweeksbeforePearlHarbor.
Draftnoticeswereinthemailearlyin1942,butGenefailedhisphysicalbecauseofdeafness.Thedeafnesswastheresultofaseriousearinfectionattheageofseventeen,beforethetimeofantibiotics.HewasabletoenlistintheIowaNationalGuard,however,andlaterthatyearwasdraftedintothearmyfor"limitedservice"toserveaspermanentpersonnelonstatesidearmyposts.Hespentfiveyearsinuniformasmesssergeant,dividinghistimebetweenCampDodge,
Iowa,aninductioncenter,andFortLogan,Colorado,aseparationcenter.MichaelwasborninDesMoinessixmonthsbeforewemovedtoFortLogan.
Genehadobtainedtherankofmastersergeantatthetimeofhisdischarge,asheadoftheenlistedmen'smesshall.Itwasadifficultassignmentsometimesfeedingtwothousandsoldiersontwoorthreehours'notice.TrooptrainsfromtheWestCoastwouldpullintothefortatanytimeofdayornight,loadedwithsoldierstobedischarged.GeneralJohnMurphy,commanderofthepost,bragged
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GeneatCampDodge,Iowa,1943.
thatSergeantMullenranthebestmessintheservice.WhenGeneralEisenhowerinspectedthepostinthesummerof1945,heelectedtoeatinthegeneralmesswiththeenlistedmen.
ProspectsforemploymentandhouseswerebleakwhenGenelefttheserviceinAprilof1946.Neitherofushadjobswaitingforus.Hismothersuggestedwemovetothefamilyfarm,andwedid.Lifeonthefarmturnedouttobeaterriblestruggle.Thelandhadbeen
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abusedforyearsandwouldnotprovidealivingforGene'sfamily,norforhisparentswhohadnootherincome.DuringthisperiodboththeJohnDeereCompanyandRathPackinginWaterlooofferedworktofarmersduringthewintermonths.ThisprovedtobeaboontothemanyGIsreturningtothefarms.Thesepart-timejobseventuallyledtofull-timepositions,withwonderfulbenefits.ForyearsGenereferredtotheDeereCompanyas"St.JohnDeere."
Full-timeemploymentoffthefarmenabledGenetoforgeaheadinrebuildingthefarm,whichweboughtfromhisfolksin1948.Inmakingthepurchaseheobtainedtitletothefirst120acresinPatMullen'sestate,homesteadedin1852byMullen'sfather-in-law,JohnDobshire.Oftenworkingsixteen-hourdays,hewasrelentlessinmakingimprovements,tothedismayofhiswifeandchildren,whowatchednewoutbuildingsgoupwhilelivinginDobshire'soriginalhouse.In1961Genewasabletobuildanewhome,drawinghisownplans.Itbecameashowplace,builtforparties,andwehadlotsofthem.Genelovedtocookandwasagreathost.
AtthetimeMichaelwaskilledinVietnam,lifehadbecomemucheasierforGene.Thefarmwasattopproductionofcornandsoybeanyields,andheraisedthreehundredheadofhogsperyearandfedtwenty-fiveorthirtyheadofbeefcattle.Therewasmoneyinthebank,andhisfourchildrenwereexcellinginhighschoolandcollege.Theresponsibilityofsupportinghisparentshadendedupontheirdeathsin1960.Heearnedsixweeks'vacationonthejobatDeere,enablingustotravelatleastonemontheachyear.
However,nothinghadpreparedhimforburyinghisson.So,forthemostpart,Genelivedquietlywithhisgrieftherewasnoreleaseuntilthemomenthedied.Hecouldn'ttalkaboutitwithoutfindinghimselfinarageitwasmucheasiertoremainquiet.
IntheearlyseventiesGenerentedhislandonsharesandcutbackhis
cattleandhogoperation.Hefeltthatrentingonshareswastheonlyequitablewaytooperate,enablingtherentertoshareequallywiththeowner,ingoodyearsandbad.Whenheretiredafterhisheartattackin1976,hewasreadytoenjoylife.Hesimplyputoutofmindthedoctor'sprognosisthat,iflucky,hemightliveforthreeorfourmonths.Healwaysfounditconvenienttoturnoffhishearingaidwhenfacingbadnews.HelivedlifetothefullestfortenyearsinBrownsvillespendinghisdaysonaredmoped,wheelinginand
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outofRVparks,meetingpeoplefromalloverthecountry.Atleastonceaweekhebroughtstrangershometodinner,manyofthembecominglastingfriends.Unfortunately,themopedalsogavehimtheopportunitytosneaktheforbiddencigarette.
AmongthelocalHispanics,especiallytheyoungpeople,hewasknownasMr.Amigo.Hewasalwaysreadytopumpupabicycletireor,ifnecessary,putapatchonit.HespenthourswithourMexicanneighborteachinghertospeakEnglishtoenablehertofindajob.AtChristmastimein1983weenjoyedthreeweekswithfriendsattheirhaciendainthemountainssouthofMexicoCity.Hepassedthedaysroamingthroughtheopenmarket,spendingfiveortencentsateachstall.Hedidn'tspeakawordofSpanish,butthatdidn'tpreventhimfromtryingtoteachhisnewMexicanfriendshislanguage.Whenourhostswouldreturnlatertotheirhacienda,thelocalpeoplewouldinquireabout''SeñorGuapo"(Mr.Handsome).HelovedeverythingaboutMexicoandwouldhaveretiredthereifhehadn'thadaheartattack.
InBrownsvillehewasaneasymarkforsomeoneinafinancialbindmanytimesitwasdonewithasignednotefromtheborrower,forothersitwasahandout.Hebelievedallhislifethatahandoutcamebacktwofold.PatriciarecallsthatoneChristmaswhenshewassmall,heannouncedthatfortheMullenfamilyChristmashehadboughtanewheatingstoveforafamilyinLaPorteCitywhohadnoheat.
DuringthewintermonthsoftheseretirementyearswemademanytripstotheinteriorofMexico.ThehighlightofthesetripsforGenewasavisittotheShrineofGuadalupeinMexicoCity.WeattendedmassthereonChristmasEvein1983.DuringthesummermonthswereturnedtoIowatovisitJohnandPatriciaandspenttherestofthesummertraveling.ManytripsweremadetovisitMaryandherfamilyinKalispell,Montana,withstopsinSpokanetovisitaniece.While
eatingdinneroneeveningwithMaryAnnandherfamily,heryoungsonBilllookedupatGeneandsaid:"ThisisthefirsttimeI'veeverseenamanwithanantennainhishead."(Hewas,ofcourse,referringtoGene'shearingaid.)
Genelivedtoseethebirthoffourgrandchildren.Hedidn'tworryabouttheirbirthsorwhetheritwasaboyoragirl,hejustprayedthenamewouldbe"Irish."Everyonecooperatedthefirstfourwere
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Geneinthelivingroomofourfarmhome,1980.
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namedRyan,Megan,Kate,andKellee.PatrickMichaelMullenarrivedayearafterhisgrandfather'sdeath.
GenewasburiedintheoldcemeteryatEagleCenter,Iowa,nexttoMichaelandourinfantson,Daniel,whodiedtwodaysafterbirth.Thecountrychurchwasoverflowing,andthistimewehadnodifficultieswiththearrangements.TheministerfromthenearbyChurchoftheBrethrengraciouslyagreedtosingGene'sfavoritehymns,''AveMaria"and"HowGreatThouArt."AsafinaltributetoamanwhoneverforgothisIrishheritage,thesoloistsangwithgustoanotherfavorite"WhenIrishEyesAreSmiling."Itechoedthroughoutthechurchandcemeteryaseveryonemadetheslow,shortwalktothegravesite.Mysister-in-lawremarkedlater,"Peg,Ididn'tknowwhethertoapplaudortocry."
IntributetoGene'slifelonginterestinAmericanIndianhistory,hisnephewBillsentmeacopyofChiefSeattle'sfamousspeech.Itbegins:
Donotstandatmygraveandweep,Iamnotthere,Idonotsleep.
ThesewordswereengravedonGene'stombstone.
Thefamilyreceivedmanymasscardsandcashmemorials,butonelettertouchedallofus.Ayoungmanwhogrewupasaneighborhadattendedthefuneral,andlaterthateveninghewrote:
Peg,itwasgoodseeingyouandyourfamilyagainafteralltheseyears....
IrememberthehelpGeneandMikegavemein4-H,thoughIwasn'taverygood"4H-er."Patricia'sintelligenceusedtofrustratemetonoendinelementaryschool.Inowappreciateherformakingmetrythatmuchharder....
MomandDadbothtoldmeofyourkindnessandhelpyouandGeneprovidedthemwhentheywerefirstmarried....
Iwillalwaysbeindebtedtoyouforthelargestsingleinfluenceinmylife,myobservanceofyourfamily'sperseveranceinsearchofthetruthfollowingMichael'sdeath.TheblindpatriotismandunquestioningobediencewhichhadcharacterizedthiscountrybeforeVietnamwereputbehindusbecauseoftheeffortsofGeneandyourselfandotherslikeyou.Myownlossofinnocenceandmaturity/growthcameaboutduetoyourefforts....
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Ialsoneedtothankyouforhelpingmere-establishmyrelationshipwithDad.ItwasthroughdiscussionsofyoureffortsthatDadandIonceagainbecamefatherandson....
Genewasagoodmanwhoaccomplishedgreatthings.Hewillbemissedbymany.
InamedmythirdsonMichael.
Love,Rick
InAugustof1989IhadtovacatemyhomeinBrownsvillebecauseofhurricanewarnings.I'dbeengonetwoweeks,andwhenIreturnedIfoundtherehadbeenabreak-in.Whilesittingonthebedroomfloortryingtosortouttheclutter,Icameacrossasealedenvelopemarked"Donotopen"inGene'shandwriting.Ofcourse,Iopenedit.
MichaelE.Mullen,bornSeptember11,1944,killedFebruary18,1970.Hewasmyson,myprojectiontothefuture.Eacheraofhislifewasaperiodofdetermination,eachdayachallenge.
Michael,whenyoung,wassmallinstature,butnevertoosmalltohelphisfatheronthefarm,norhismotherasanextrahand.WhenheservedmassonSundayhischinwaslevelwiththealtarandhisdarkcomplexionprojectedfromthewhitebackgroundofhissurpliceandcossackhewore.
Hehadanicknamesodeartome,"JoeBlow."
Doyouremember,Mike,howdeterminedyouwereinyour4-Hprojects,yourfriendlycompetitionwithyourcompetitors?Youdidwell,Son.
Theninhighschoolyourtimewasconsumedwithbooks,basketballandclassplays;eachyearwasasteppingstonetowardyourgoalinlife.Howproudwereyourmotherandfatherwhenyouwereawardedascholarshiptocollege.
Youneverhadavacation,didyou,Son?Thesummermonthsduringyourcollegedaysyoualwaysworked,andonweekendsyouhelpedonthe
farm.Thelittletimethatyoucalledyourown,yourhandswereatrestbutyourmindwasplanningyourfuture.
Yougraduatedfromcollegewithhonors,wasofferedandyouacceptedaFellowshipinBioChemistry,youreducationalfieldandyourwayoflife.
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YoudidnotfinishyoureducationworkingforyourDoctorate;someone,sosmall,sominute,butwiththeauthorityoflifeanddeath,saidthatyouwoulddomoregoodforyourcountrybykilling,thanbyfeedingthehungry.
Whenyouwerehomethe21daysbeforeleavingforVietnamyoulivedyourwholelifeoveragain.Youworkedateveryconceivabletaskyouhadeverdone.Eventothelastday,itwas10:30atnightwhenyoucameupfromthefields.Youmusthavefiguredthatyourlifeathomewascompleted.Somethingtoldyouthatyouwouldneveragainwalkthelandthatyousoloved.
Theexpression,thelastlookonyourfaceasyoubadeyourfatherandmothergoodbye;theshowofstrengthintellingusthatyouwouldbealrightandyourwishthatwewouldnotstaytosaygoodbyewhenyouboardedtheplane.Michael,Iwilllivewiththistilwemeetagain.
Thelettersyouwrotehometellingyourmothernottoworry,yourpersistentstatementsofthedestruction,corruptionandtheunnecessarytakingofhumanlife,andfinally,theordertofinishthetaskofSearchandDestroyonavillagethattheartilleryhadpoundedfor31\2hoursduringthenight.Whatwasleft,youandyourmenhadtodisposeof.Icouldnotbelievethatthiswasmyson,thatthiswaswhatIhadbroughtyouintotheworldfor.Thetakingofanotherlifewasnotthevoiceofyourconscience,butthedutifulacceptanceinyourroleofasoldier.Itwasnotbecauseyoujustifiedthewarorthepoliticalmeanstoitsend,butbecauseyouwere,Mike,obedientandrespectful,towhatyouweretoldtodo.
Ihaveremainedsilenttilnow,Mike.Yourmother,inherownright,hasgrievedandprotestedyourloss.
I,asyourfathernowask,"Whokilledyou,Mike?"Yes,I'masking"Whokilledyou?"Youneverknewthatnightthatyouandyourbuddyweredestinedtodie,northesevenothercasualties.Howcouldyouknow,Michael,becauseyouwereasleep.Ihavenotandwillnotacceptthemilitarydefinitionofthecausethatkilledyou.Why?Son,becauseyourfriendswhowereleft,toldusinwritingandinconversationwhentheycamehome,ofrumorsofwhathappenedthatnight.Fromtheblackmedic
whosatatyoursideandtried,invain,tohelpyou,fromthesoulbrother
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withwhomyousharedyournewspaper,fromtheGIonguardthatwasnearyou,fromthePlatoonSgt.fromCompanyC.Theyalltoldofrumorsthattheywantanswered.Aretherumorstrue,Mike,onlyyouknownow?WasitnegligenceofcommandbytheofficersinchargeofthesupportingartilleryunitonHill410?Weretheyondutyundertheinfluenceofliquorandisittruethattheartillerypiecethatkilledyouhadarecordofmalfunctionandithadkilledothersbefore?
Ifthisbethetruththenyoudiedfornocauseinthisconflictwithnodefinition.Iftherebejusticeinthemindsofman,thenmanhasnotasyetlivedasman.
Goodnight,Son
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Fourteen:ANewWarEarlyinFebruary1990ayoungreporter,LarryFruhling,calledmefromDesMoinesandaskedifhecouldcometoTexasandwriteafeaturestoryon"WhatPegMullenIsDoingTwentyYearsLater."Isighedandreplied,"Larry,peopleinIowaarehappyIfadedaway,andI'msuretheydon'twanttohearaboutmetoday."Hedisagreed,remarkingthathehadbeentoLaPorteCity,myformerhome,wherehe'dspentsometimewiththetownspeopleandfoundthemreceptivetoastory.HestoppedtoseemysonJohnathisplaceofbusinessandwasassuredthathewouldbewelcomedtomyhomeinTexas.Ashepreparedtodriveaway,Johnsaid,"You'llfindmymotherhaschangedlittle."
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AtmyhomeinBrownsville,Texas,1990.TheDesMoinesRegisterranthisphotowiththeirfeaturearticleonthetwentiethanniversaryofMichael's
death.PhotobyLarryFruhling,reprintedwithpermissionoftheDesMoinesRegister.
Irelented,andLarryFruhlingcameandspentalmostfivedayswithme.Wetalkedandtalked,laughedalot,andhetookpictures.IdrovehimtoMexicotowalkthroughthemarketsagreatexperienceforthereporterwhotoldmethathe'dneverbeeninaforeigncountry.Weategoatroastedonaspit,withtortillasandhotsauce,washeddownwithcoldMexicanbeer.
Larrylatersentmeacopyofhisfeaturestoryonpageoneofthe
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DesMoinesRegister,datedFebruary18,1990,thetwentiethanniversaryofMichael'sdeath.Ilikethestory,anditwasarelieftofindtheaccompanyingphotographflattering.Ithasbeenastandingjokeinmyfamilythatmyfaceruinsallthegrouppictures.
TheRegisterstoryresultedinthefollowingletterprobablythemostbeautifulIreceivedinthetwentyyearsofmailsinceMichael'sdeath.
DearPeg:
Thismorning'swell-writtenRegisterstorypromptsthislongoverdueletterofapologyforsomeparticularlyboorishbehavioronmyparttwentyyearsago.
IwasareporteratKCRG-TVwhenyoulaunchedyourprotests,inMichael'sname,againsttheVietnamwar.IhadreturnedfromVietnaminJuly,1969,andreturnedtoKCRGinJanuaryof1970.IhavereadandseenFriendlyFire.AndifIwasn'tthereporterwhosoinsensitivelyquestionedyourmotives,Imightjustaswellhavebeen.Idon'tremembertheexactdialogue,butitwassomethingontheorderof"Well,lotsofmothersareinyourplace,they'renotdoingwhatyou'redoing."Ialsoseemtorecallmysayingsomethingtotheeffectthat"IhavejustcomebackandIdon'tthinkit'sanunjustwar."
Overtheyears,I'vethoughtabouthowstupid,young,naive,anddownrightdumbIwasnottounderstandthesourceofyourpainandwhyyouwerefightingashardasyoudidagainstthatinanewar.
So,Iseekforgiveness.
IkeeparubbingofMichael'snametakenfromthememorialinWashingtoninfrontofmydeskasaconstantreminderofmyinsensitivity.
Moreimportant,Isuppose,isthefactthathavingreadandseenbothPlatoonandBornontheFourthofJuly,I'vecometorealizehowrightyouwerein1970and,judgingfromthismorning'spaper,howrightyoucontinuetobe.
Ihavecome,intheyearssinceIreturnedfromVietnam,tobeappalledby
thefollyofthatwarinparticular,andotherwarsingeneral.I'vealsodevelopedquitealotofdisgustforthisoranynationthatapplaudswhilepurposefullyturningitsfinestyoungmenintoinhumanebeings.
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IrecallseeingPlatoonandbeingoh,Idon'tknow,disgusted,revolted,appalled,shockedormaybeallofthoseemotionsatonceastheaudiencemostlyyoungsterscheeredcinematicactsofinhumanitymuchastheymighthavecheeredonRambo.Tothem,Platoonwasa"movie."
Tome,inthosepartswhichIwasfamiliarwith,itwasareplayofmymind'smemoriesframebyframe.Therewereseveralofusolderfolks,obviouslyveterans,intheaudiencewhowerestunnedbytheimpactofthefilmonthisyoungergeneration.
Mymothertaughtmethatwords,oncespoken,canneverberecalled.Iwishitwerenotso;IwouldrecallminespokentoyouatyourhomesoliketheoneIgrewupinnearLaPorteCityaswesatinthekitchenandtalked.
PerhapsmybelatedrealizationofmyillbehaviorandthistooinconsequentialattemptatapologywillmakenodifferenceIhavenotyetlearnedhurtbutIthinkofyouoften;Iwill,fortherestofmylife,honorMichael'smemoryandthatofhismother,father(forIrememberGene,too),andhisfamily.
Furthermore,Peg,IamnowofanagewhereI(longaftermostothers,Iexpect)havecometoreally,truly,understandwhatyouweredoing.Myownsonisalmost18;Iexpectthatyourmostlastinglegacywillbethatofrolemodelforthoseofuswhomustnowfacethealltoorealpossibilityoflosingourownsons,too.
We,however,thankstoyou(andthanks,too,IexpecttoOliverStoneandRonKovicandtheothertaletellers)knowhowtofightbeforeit'stoolate.
TheRegisterarticlewaswonderfulandinspiring.Anditgavemeachancetowrite.Thanksforreadingthis;IalsowanttoexpressmyfartoobelatedsympathyaboutGene.
Godblessyou,andpleasekeepupthefight.Itisworthit.
ThestoryintheRegisteralsobroughtatelephonecallfromPegBurkeofthePhysicalEducationDepartment,UniversityofIowa,askingifIwouldspeakataseminarinJulyentitled"WomenLeadersinPeaceandJustice."Iacceptedwithoutmuchthought.
InAprilIreceivedaformalinvitationrequestingacopyofmyspeech.Iwasinformedthattherewouldbeanhonorarium,thatIwouldhavetwohours'time,andthatIwouldbethekeynoteron
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Fridayevening.IcalledPegtosay,''Idonotwritespeeches,Ipaypeopletolistentome."ThenIaskedifshehadgottenthewrongPeg.SheassuredmeIcouldhandleitandthattherehadbeennomistake.Shesaidshewasn'ttooconcernedwithhavingacopyofapreparedspeech,adding,"Weknowyoucantalk!"
IdrovetoIowaforthesummerfrommyhomeinTexas,stoppedinDesMoinestovisitPatriciaforaday,andthenproceededtoIowaCity.Theseminar'sorganizerssentadrivertopickmeupatmyhotel,sinceIdidn'tknowmywayaroundtheuniversity.Whenwereachedthebuildingwheretheseminarwasbeingheld,Iwasmetandgreetedbyseveralwomenwhotreatedmelikeanoldfriend.
Whenitwastimeformetospeak,IapproachedthestagecarefullybecauseIwaswearingheels,broughtoutoftheclosetfortheoccasion.IhadmanagedthreestepstowardtheplatformwhensuddenlyIcaughtaheelandfellflatonmyface.Igotup,approachedthedais,andaddressedtheaudience."MostofyouknowmebecauseofCarolBurnett'sportrayalofPegMullenshehasmadealivingdoingpratfalls,andwhycan'tI?"Kickingoffmyshoes,IbeganbyexplainingwhyIhaddecidedtospeakoutagainafteradecadeofsilence.Thereason,Isaid,wasthatthecommandermostlikelytoleadtheU.S.militaryintothenextwarwassomeonewhofrightenedme.Theman,NormanSchwarzkopf,wasmylateson'scommandingofficerinVietnam.
IspentthirtyminutesrelatingsomeincidentsIhadreadabout,togetherwithtalestoldmebybitterex-GIs.Iventedtwentyyearsofdislikeforamanwho,inmyeyes,stoodonlyforwaramanwhowouldwinpromotionandadvancementbecauseofhisabilitytowagewar."Whatkindofmanisthis?"Iaskedmyaudience."Decisionshemadeascommandingofficerresultedintheslaughterofbeautifulyoungmen,manywithgoalsfarnoblerthanhis.Thousandsofyoung
soldiers,andtheirdreams,weresacrificedinacausetheentireworldnowrecognizeswasunjust.
"Whatkindofmanisthis?"
WhatmyaudienceandIdidnotknowwasthatwithinafewshortmonthsmy"colonel"wouldbeintroducedtotelevisionviewersthroughouttheworldas"Stormin'Norman"Schwarzkopf,thatwe'dhavetoenduremonthsofselling-the-generalbythemedia,orthatwe'dhearhimdescribedasa"teddybear,"alovableindividual
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whoseeyeswouldbrimwithtearsatthemerementionofhisbelovedtroopsandohhowhelovedhisboys.
AttimesIhavequestionedmyownfeelingsaboutSchwarzkopf.CanitbethatI'vemadehimintoamonsterbecauseIneededsomeonetoblameforMichael'sdeath?Ofcourse,IrealizedyearsagothatthecolonelwasmerelyfollowingordersinhismindlesspursuitofbodycountinVietnam,butIwon'tforgivehishavingallowedthesacrificeofsomanyyoungmen,mostofthemdraftees,inacausehehadtohaveknownwasfutile.
WhenIreturnedtoTexasinearlySeptember,IfoundinquiriesfromtheNationandProgressivemagazines,bothwantinginterviews.Thentomyhorror,IlearnedmyJulyspeechinIowaCityhadbeenairedonNationalPublicRadio.
ForthenextfivemonthsIfeltlikeIwasundersiege,andIhadtoleavehometofindalittlepeace.Iinstalledanansweringmachine,and,forthefirsttimeinmylife,Idisconnectedthetelephoneintheevenings.Itseemedeveryreporterwantedtoknowmoreaboutthegeneral.
IwasgratefultohaveclosefriendsinBrownsvillewhowereinagreementwithmethatthewarwastheresultofPresidentBush'spersonalfeudwithSaddamHusseinofIraq.Wewereangry,butthereweretoofewofus.TherewasnodoubtthatDesertStormtookovermylifeduringthosemonths.SeveralofusorganizedtomarcheachSaturdaymorninginfrontoftheBrownsvillepostoffice.Somemorningsonlyfifteencame,andonlyoncedidwedrawasmanyasseventy-five.OurspiritssoaredthefewtimesthatBishopJohnFitzPatrickjoinedus.ThistypeofactivitywasnewtoBrownsville,andtherewaslittleresponsefromthepeoplewhodroveinandoutofthepostofficeparkinglot.Afterseveralweeks,oneyoungwomanjoineduswithasignreading:"Honkifyouagreewithus."The
responsewasimmediatethehonkswereasymphonytoourears,andwecheered.
Iwasaskedtospeakatalocalprivatehighschoolonthesubjectofwar,particularlytheGulfWar.Itwasn'tuntilIarrivedthatIlearnedIwouldbedebatingthecommanderofthelocalVFW.Hewasaveryattractiveforty-five-year-oldHispanic,bedeckedwithmedalsearnedintheVietnamtheaterandaherointheeyesoftheHispanicstudents.HegraciouslysuggestedthatImakethefirststatement,butafteronlyafewwordsintomytalkIrealizedthatI
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wasbeingcastintheroleof''theenemy."WhenIfinished,theveteranroseinrebuttal,andwesparredforahalfhourbeforeopeningthefloorforquestionsandcomments.
Astudentspokeup:"Mrs.Mullen,youarebashingthepresident,andyouhavenorighttodothat."
"AreyoufamiliarwiththeConstitution?"Iaskedhim."Youngman,itismyright,andI'vebeenbashingpresidentssinceIwaseighteen."
Hisresponsechilledme:"Mrs.Mullen,PresidentBushisourleader,andifhecommandsustogotowar,weobey.Andinourculturewomendonothaveopinions,andifbychancetheydohaveopinions,theyremainsilent."
IfeltIwaslosingthebattlebuthadtomakeanothertryatreachingtheirminds.IdiscussedthereasonsBushhadgivenforgoingtowar,remindingthemthatearlyonitwas"toprotectourwayoflife."Iaskedthemtothinkaboutwhosewayoflifewasatstake.
"Isityourwayoflife,withthreecarsinthegarage,yourfatherdrivingaMercedes,yourmotheraLincolnTownCar,whileyoudriveyourownsportscarintotheschoolparkinglot?"Iasked."Orisitthelifeof90percentoftheinhabitantsintheValley,thehomesthatsuppliedthetroopsinthedesert?"Iremindedthemofthepovertyandhungerthatputmanyoftheseyoungmenandwomeninuniform."Theyareintheservice,"Isaid,''tobettertheirownwayoflifenottoprotectthethree-cargarage."Ipulledoutallthestopsandsuggestedthatwhiletheywereeatingdinnerthateveningtheyasktheirparents,"MomandDad,wouldyougiveuponecarforthedurationtosavealifeinthedesert?"
TheteacheroftheclassdroppedovertoseemethenexteveningandtoldmethatIhadleftthestudentsveryangry.Butafewweekslater,afterthewarvotewasactuallytakenintheSenate,hetoldmethatthe
classwaspolledandamajorityofthestudentsnowopposedthewar.
ByDecembertheelderlyMothersforPeacewerecallingeachotherfromeasttowest,northtosouth,allofusappalledthatouryearsofstruggleforpeacehadcometonaught.Mostofuswereoldandtiredandcouldn'tfaceanotherroundofprotestslikethoseofthesixtiesandseventies.
ByJanuaryof1991IwasintouchoncemorewithMaryMcGroryoftheWashingtonPost,acorrespondentwhohadbefriendedme
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backthen.Weneededtodiscussourpersonalfeelingsaboutthemoodofthecountrywebothfounditdifficulttounderstandthewarfeverthatwasapparentlysweepingthecountry,andwewonderedwheretheactivepeacemovementhadfailed.MarywouldencouragemetocometoD.C.andmarch,onlytocallbackafewdayslaterandtellmenottocome.
Meanwhile,Imadeupmymindtogoanyway.IplacedanadintheBrownsvilleHeraldinvitingparticipationandgivingthedateandtimefordepartureofthebusaswellasthecostperpassenger.Itwasupanddownforthenexttendays,butbydeparturetimewehadaloadofthirty-eight.Therewereafewstudents,relativesofsomewhowereservingintheGulfWar,andatleastfourmotherswhohadnevertraveledoutsidetheRioGrandeValley.
WeleftBrownsvilleearlyThursdaymorning.Ourthirty-eight-hourtripthroughthesouthernstateswaslongandtedious,andwewerecontinuallycautionedbythebusdriversnottomentionourdestinationduringanyofourstops.I'msurewewouldhaveprovokedviolencehadwecarriedsignsonthebusordiscussedthefutilityofwarduringamealatoneofthetruckstops.
WearrivedinWashingtonshortlyaftermidnightandknockedonthedooroftheUnitarianchurchintheheartofthecity.ThedoorwasopenedbyMaryMcGrory'ssecretary,Tina,whohadbeenwaitingforus.Shegreeteduswarmlyandapologizedforlackofspaceinthechurchbasement.Shesaidthatbusloadafterbusloadhadshownupandthatnoonehadbeenturnedaway.TinasaiditseemedtoherthattheentirestateofMinnesotahadshoweduptomarchinsupportofnewlyelectedsenatorPaulWellstone,aleadingopponentofthewar.
Thefloorwhereweweretorestwasalreadycoveredwithaseaofbodiesitremindedmeofsardinesinacan,buteachofusmanagedtofindaspacetosleep.Ispreadmycoatandblanketonabarespot
where,exceptforanawarenessofsomeone'sfeetinmyface,Imanagedtosleepforthenextfivehours.
Weweretoldwemustvacatethechurchbasementby8:30inthemorning,becausethestreetpeoplewouldbeinforbreakfast.WeateatanearbyMcDonald'sandboardedourbusforashortridetotheparadestaginggrounds.Weparkedinthestreetandweremetbyapoliceofficerwhotolduswecouldleavethebusthere.AfewdaysbeforeweleftBrownsville,paradeinstructionshadbeenmailedtous
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tellingthebusdriverstoproceedtoRFKStadiumafterunloadingpassengers.Thepoliceofficerbeckonedustogatheraroundwhilehegaveinstructionsforthemarch.Hecautionedustobepeaceful,asordershadbeenissuedtoarrest40,000thatday.AllIcouldthinkofwasthattheparanoiaoftheNixonyearsneverseemedtogoaway.
Themarchwasmassivebutorderly,andtheonlypoliceIsawthatafternoonweretheonesstandingelbow-to-elbowaroundtheWhiteHouse.DanRatherandDianeSawyerdescribedusonthenewsthateveningas"oldhippies"fromthesixtiesandputthenumberofmarchersat40,000.Itwasgreattoseealltheseniors,manyinwheelchairs,whoturnedoutforthemarch.AsIwalkedalongwithmysign,"AbuelasforPeace"(GrandmothersforPeace),IwasapproachedbyatallslendermanintheNewYorkgroupwhosaid,''EveryoneonthestreetwantstoknowifthelittleoldladyfromtheRioGrandeValleygothere."
IshowedhimmysigninSpanish,saying,"I'mnotasoldasMaryMcGrorywroteinhercolumnyesterday.I'mnotthelittleoldladyfromDubuqueintennisshoes,buthereIam,andImustlookninetytoday."Thelanky,elderlyNewYorkertookoffdownthestreet,shouting:"Shegothere,shegothere."Aswewalkedalong,aCBSreporterstartedcomingtowardmeandLupita,whohadaccompaniedmefromtheValley.Isuggestedthatheinterviewmyyoungfriend,asshehadabrotherinthedesert.Hewasn'tinterested,butwhentheCNNreporterapproachedus,hejumpedatthechance.Lupita,abeautifulHispanicwoman,lookeddirectlyintothecameraandsaidinSpanish,"ThisistheonlywayIknowtosavemybrotherfromdeathintheGulf."HerfamilywasoverjoyedwhentheysawandheardheroncableTVthatevening.
Afterthemarchingwasover,welistenedtoanarrayofspeakers,butthepassionoftheanti-VietnamWardaysjustwasn'tthere.Awarhad
started,butnooneinthecountrygaveadamn,except,perhaps,thefamiliesofthosewhoweretofightanddie.
Whenthespeakershadfinishedandthedemonstrationwasover,wewalkedashortdistancetoourbusandclimbedaboardforourreturntripsouth.Thedriversaidheregrettedthatweweren'tstayingoveradaysothathecouldgiveusatourofthecapital.Aswewereleavingthecity,hepointedouteverythingofinterestthatcouldbeseenfromthebus.IhadmyfirstglimpseoftheVietnamVeteransMemorial.
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WedroveintoBrownsvilleearlyMondaymorning,justasmostpeoplewereontheirwaytoworkorschool.ThelittleoldladyfromtheValleywenthome,hunga"DoNotDisturb"signonherfrontdoorknob,andtooktoherbedfortwodays.Later,Itoldmynephew,wholivesnearby,thatIwouldneverengageinanotherantiwarprotest."Oh,Ithinkyouwill,"hereplied."You'llbeinanursinghome,organizingtheoccupants,leadingthemdownthehallsintheirwheelchairs,beatingonbedpansforpeace."
MarchinginWashingtondidnothingtoeasemyanguishovertheGulfWar.Itwasinfullswingitdevourednearlytwenty-fourhoursadayoftelevisionnetworktimeandwasonvirtuallyeverystation.Itwasinescapable,andwewereacaptiveaudience.AtleastonceeachdayweweretreatedtoasegmentonGeneralSchwarzkopfhimself.Therehewas,smiling,inhisdesertfatigues,gettingallmisty-eyedwhilespeakingofhisboys.
DidherememberhisboysfromVietnam,Iwondered.Howaboutallthedead,thelegless,themindless,thedruggies?Didhethinkofthemandtheirseeminglyendlessdaysandnightsofhorrorashepinnedonhisfourstarseachmorning?
Didherecallhisobsessionwithbodycount,theverykeytohisadvancementandpromotionduringandafterthatundeclaredwar?Wastherenottheleastremembranceofthosewhodiedfromfriendlyfire?
FortwentyyearsIhadprayedthatthehorrorofVietnamwouldremainsomuchwithusthatitwould,indeed,meantheendofallwars.ButbombingintheGulfWarbeganontheexactdatechosenmanymonthsinadvancebythepresident,eventhoughthemostinformedpeopleintheU.S.,bothinandoutofgovernmentandthePentagon,testifieddayafterdayforweeksinCongressagainsttheadvisabilityofgoingtowarintheMiddleEast.Beforelong,editorial
cartoonistsandothercriticsweresarcasticallyreferringtotheGulfWarasoneofPresidentBush's"thousandpointsoflight."
MostAmericanscheered,wavedflags,tiedyellowribbonsaroundlampposts,andwatchedthehigh-techwarunfoldfromthecomfortoftheirlivingrooms."We'refinishedwiththeVietnamsyndrome,"seemedtobethemessage."Ourcountryisbackontarget.Patriotismisaliveonceagain.Wecanannihilateanyoneyes,anyonewhodoesn'tagreewithus."
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Thefewofuswhochosetobeintheminorityfoundourselvesalone.Searchingforwaystoprotest,IputallflagpostagestampsupsidedownonthelettersImailedanddisplayedasmallflagupsidedowninmyfrontwindow.EachmorningIwouldtieabatchofgreenribbonbowsandpinthemonmydresswhenIwentshopping.Clerksandcheckoutmenandwomenwerealwayscurious,andIwouldtellthemthegreenbowsstoodforpeaceandwithouthesitationpinoneonthem.
Thesellingofthegeneralcontinued.EveryeveningDanRatherorPeterJenningsappearedliveinthedesertwiththemanwhoappeareddestinedtobecomeanationalhero.
Thenithappened.OnthemorningofFebruary1thetelevisionnetworkswereabuzzwithanewsstory.Newspaperheadlinesannounced:"ElevenMarinesDieinDesertbyFriendlyFire."
TragicmistakesofVietnam,Grenada,andPanamawerebeingrepeated.GeneralSchwarzkopfhadbeensecondincommandintheGrenadainvasionandbecameinvolvedinafriendlyfiresituationwhenonememberofhisheadquarterscompanywaskilledandfifteenwerewounded.Hiscommandpostonthebeach,atthetimeoftheinvasion,hadnotbeenmarkedwithasmokeflarelikeotherareashousingfriendlytroops,resultinginanairattackcalledinbyamarineofficer.
AftertheGulfstorybroke,averysoberGeneralSchwarzkopffacedthecamerasandwasbesiegedbyreporterswantingdetails.Hadn'thebeeninvolvedinsuchanepisodepreviously,someoneasked."Stormin'Norman"bristledandreplied,"I'vebeenunderfriendlyfire,butIhaven'tcomplainedaboutitforyearslikesomehave."AnotherquestionerwantedhimtodiscussanoldthemefromtheVietnamdays,bodycount.Thegeneralsidesteppedthatquestion.Someoneelseaskedwhythemarineshadbeensentintoenemyterritoryeven
thoughthepresidenthadnotyetdeclaredthestartofthegroundwar.WithouthesitationSchwarzkopfsaid,"Wewerejustgoosingtheenemy."
Iwastrembling.Iwaitedinvainforjustonereportertoask,"Whywasitnecessaryto'goose'theenemy?"Theresult:elevenmarinesweredead,thefirstofthe"acceptablecasualties"sogliblyvoicedbytheproponentsofthewar."Howacceptable,"Iaskedmyself,"tothelovedonesleftbehind?"Now,withthenewscastsfullof
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storiesrelatingthemarines'deaths,IthoughtofLupitawhohadmarchedwithmeinD.C.Herbrother,Oscar,wasintheareathathadbeenhit.Forthenexttwenty-fourhoursIagonizedoverthis.
Lateonthedayafterthetragedy,Lupitacametomydoorintears.ShesaidOscarhadcalledhometoreportthathewasthesolesurvivingmarineonhistroopcarrier.Hetoldofthemen'spanicwhentheyspottedtheAmericanbombershowtheyjumpedfromtheirvehicle,throwingeverythingathandintotheairinavainefforttoalertthepilots.ThemarineswerescreamingfortheirlivesastheirownmenswoopeddownonthemwiththatsamedestructivefirepowerthatthePentagonextolledeveryeveningonthenightlynews.There'dbeennolast-minuteefforttoabortthebombing.
"Oscarrememberedrecitingthe23rdPsalm,"Lupitatoldme,andashesaidit,somethingseemedtocoverhimhedescribeditasashroud.Afewsecondslaterhebecameawareofhissurroundingsandlookedaroundtoseetheyoungdriverofhiscarrierminusashoulderandarmdeadbodiesallaround."
Withinafewhoursofthereportofthefriendlyfireincident,IreceivedaninvitationtoappearliveonNBC'sTodayshowthenextmorning.IsaidIwouldappear,butwhentheproducersaskedthatItraveltoSanAntonioorDallas,Isaidtothem,"I'mretiredinBrownsville,andifyouwanttointerviewmeyou'llhavetocomehere."Theyagreed,andlaterthatafternoonIreceivedacallfromagentlemanwantingmyaddressandsaying,"Mrs.Mullen,IhavebeenhiredtocarryyoutotheNBCstudioinBrownsvilleinmylimotomorrowmorning."
IliveaboutamilefromNBC'saffiliatestationinBrownsville,whilethecallerwaslocatedinMcAllen,sixty-fivemilesawayattheotherendoftheValley.Ilaughedanddeclinedhisofferoftransportation,explainingthatIcouldcertainlygetthereonmyown.Hephonedback
twohourslater,saying,"Mrs.Mullen,thisisJosé.PleaseletmepickyouupIhavebeeneatingbeansandriceallwinterandIdesperatelyneedthisjob.""José,"Isaid,"youhavethejob,andIdon'tmindifyoudrivefivehundredmilestopickmeup."
I'msurewhenthelimousinearrived,Joséhadtobackintoournarrow,potholedstreettoreachmymobilehome.WhenJosé,inuniform,openedthedoorforme,Ifoundhealreadyhadapassengerafriendofmine,oneofthefewinthislargelyconservative
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areatojoinmeinspeakingoutagainstthewar."You'renottheonlyonetorideinthislimotoday,"hesaid,laughing.
WhenwearrivedattheNBCstation,weweresomewhatamusedtodiscoverthat,sincethestationproducednolocalnewscasts,therewasnonewssetavailable.Sotheyhadtoimprovise.Iwastositonachairperchedontopofawoodenbox.AsIwasbeingassistedontomy"throne,"IfeltawaveofpanicwhatifIlostmybalanceandtumbledoffduringthelivetelecast?TheinterviewwasconductedbyBryantGumbel,andIwassurprisedtolearnthatCourtyBryanwouldbejoiningusfromastudioinNewHartford,Connecticut.Theprogramwentwell.
"Mrs.Mullen,"Gumbelasked,"doestheinevitabilityoffriendlyfiredeathsinanywayhelpyoucometogripswiththelossofalovedone?"
"Notatall,"Ireplied,"youdon'tevercometogripswiththelossofalovedone.Youdon'tmakethatlong,endlessridetoanairporttopickupaflag-drapedcoffinandeverforgetoreverbelievetherewasareason."
Gumbelcontinued:"Whatdidyouthinkwhenyouheardaboutthelatestfriendlyfiretragedies?"
"Ofcourseit'sgoingtohappen,"Ireflected."ThefiguresweresohighinVietnamprobably10,000outof58,000.ThisisjustthebeginningI'msuretherewillbemassivefriendlyfiresbecauseofmilitaryhardware.We'vesoldourhardwarearoundtheworld,sowe'llbefightingourownguns,tanks,andfighterplanes.Alongwiththesand,confusionwillbecomemassive.Friendlyfireswillbeobscene."
Gumbelwasanxioustocorrectmyfiguresandsaid,"The10,000youmentionedincludedallnonhostiledeaths."HeturnedtoCourtyBryan,"Mr.Bryan,doyouseeanydifferencebetweenVietnamandnow,in
thewaythePentagonhandlesthefriendlyfiredeaths?"
"Themajordifferenceistheopennessinwhichthearmyhandledthis,"Bryansaid."Theycertainlydidn'tdothatwhenPeg'ssondiedinVietnam."
"Whatistheprocedurenowforhandlingthesedeaths?"Gumbelcontinued.
"Pegreallytouchedanenormouschangeinthewaythesedeathswerehandled.Pegwasdeterminedtofindthecauseofherson'sdeath,andsheraisedholyhelluntilthearmytoldher.Itiscoin-
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cidentalthatGeneralSchwarzkopfwasSergeantMullen'scolonelinVietnam.I'msurethishasmadehimsensitivetotheissueoflettingparentsknowhowtheirchildhasdiedinthewar."
"AmericansaresupportingtheGulfWarinoverwhelmingnumbers.Doesthissurpriseyou?"GumbelaskedBryan.
"I'msurprisedandamazed.Let'sstopkiddingourselves.Wearethereforoil.InthebeginningwesupportedtheVietnamWar.Asthewargoeson,howlongwillwesupportit?"
Gumbelturnedtome:"Mrs.Mullen?"
"Ifindithardtobelievethatthesupportisthere.Idon'tknowanyonewhosupportsit.Ibelieveitwasin1968whentheVietnamWarbegantofallapart.Wewerethereforoil,butthegovernmentdidn'ttalkaboutit.Wedidn'twanttheRussianstogetit.WewipedoutVietnamtosaveitnowtheystruggletoexist.Itcouldhappenalloveragain.
"IliketothinkofIwoJima,aneight-square-mileislandbombedforseventy-fourdaysduringWorldWarII.Yetwhenweputourmenonthebeachwelostoversixthousandmarinesandarmy.Lookatthelandtodaytheyareduginwithnoresupply.Itcouldhappenhere."
AsGumbelclosedtheinterviewhesaid:"Wecanonlyhopeyou'rewrong,Mrs.Mullen."
TheTVmonitorwasoffinthestudiowhenafamiliarvoicecameovertheair:"Hello,Peg,thisisMikeGartner."
Atthatmoment,IknewwhyIhadbeenaskedtoappear.MichaelGartnerhadbeeneditoroftheDesMoinesRegisterduringtheVietnamWaryearsandhadtakenastandagainstthewar,whichaffordedmeagreatdealofaccesstohisnewspaper.Now,twodecadeslater,hehadbecomesenioreditoroftheNBCNewsDepartment.
Aswarfevercontinuedtobuildacrossthecountry,Ibegantohavedoubtsaboutmyfeelingsconcerningthegeneral.HadIbecomeparanoid?Wasitanobsessionwithmetotrytodestroythemanbecausemysonhaddiedunderhiscommand?
IdecidedtocontactfourjuniorofficersfromMichael'sunitinVietnam,threeofwhomhadbeenintouchwithGeneandmetwenty-oneyearsago.Ihadtoknowhowtheyfelttoday.Weretheystillbitter?Hadtheymanagedtoexorcisetheirdemons?Iactuallylocatedallbutoneyoungofficer,whoseemedtohavefallenthrough
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thecracks.Ifirstcontactedtwomotherstolearniftheirsonswouldbewillingtovisitwithme.ThefirstwomanIcalledassuredmethathersonwouldbehappytotalktome,andshegavemehisphonenumber.WhenIaskedforhishelpwithmydilemma,theveteranreplied:"Mrs.Mullen,youaresoright.Everythingyouheardandeverythingyoubelieveaboutthegeneral'sbehaviorinVietnamisrightontargetonlyfarworsethanyouknow."
ThesecondmotherIreachedinBostonwasquicktotellmeshewassurethathersonwasstillhavingthesameproblemstodaythathe'dcomehomewithintheseventies.Thebitternessandhatehehadforthegeneralhadneverlefthim,onlyworsenedduringtheGulfWar.Iwrotetohim,butherefusedtoanswermyletter.AnothersentwordthroughafriendtogoeasyonSchwarzkopf,sayingthathehadrecentlywrittenabookonhisownexperiencesservingunderhim,butwhenhelearnedthatSchwarzkopfhadbecomethetopgeneraloftheU.S.Army,hewasafraidtogopublicwithit.
Atthiswriting,ithasbeenmorethanthreeyearssincehostilitieswerebroughttoanabruptendbyPresidentBush.Theoil-wellfireshavebeensmotheredinKuwaitSaddamHusseinremainsinpower.TheU.S.militaryremainsinthedesert,withunitscomingandgoingtogiveprotectiontotheKuwaitigovernment.WewerepromisedthatallourmilitarypersonnelwouldvacatetheMiddleEastbyJuneof1991.PeacecontinuestoeludethepeopleofKuwait.
Forweeksafterthetruce,weheardhorrorstoriesaboutourmilitary'sperformanceinthearea:themassivekillingofciviliansinmisdirectedbombing,thetragicnewsthatabout65percentofourcombatlosseswereduetofriendlyfire(somenowsaythatthefigureiscloserto100percent),andtheEnglishfathersandmotherswantingananswerastowhytheirsonsdiedatthehandsofourmilitaryinmorefriendlyfireincidents.TherewereaccountsofU.S.troopspushingliveanddead
IraqisoldiersintotrenchesandburyingthemasourtanksrumbledoverthetrenchesontheirracetowardBaghdad.Themilitaryobjectiveofthisbarbaricmaneuverwastointimidatetheenemyandexpeditetheirsurrender.ThedistinguishedsyndicatedcolumnistJamesReston,duringaninterviewonCBS'sNightWatch,characterizedtheGulfWarasthecruelestactioneverconductedbytheUnitedStatesgovernment.
Throughouttheyears,IcontinuedtodiscussVietnamandread
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bookafterbookonthesubject(withdifficulty).Ioftenwonderedwhatthenextgenerationwouldmakeofit.ThenIreceivedaletterthateasedmyconcern.
InNovemberof1985acallcamefromPhilStraw,ayoungprofessorattheUniversityofMaryland.HeexplainedthathewasteachinganhonorscourseundertheEnglishDepartmentandthathissubjectwastheVietnamWar.Hewaseagertopointoutthathehimselfwasaveteranofthewarandprobablyoneofthefewwhohadearnedadoctoratedegree.
StrawaskedifIwouldaddresshisclassviatelephone,andIreadilyagreed.Wescheduledthehookupfor10A.M.onNovember11,VeteransDay.Itwasaninterestingsession,duringwhichIattemptedtofieldanumberofquestionsposedbythestudents.Ifeltthehourpassedtooquickly.TeacherslikePhilStrawwillkeeptheVietnamstoryalive.
InOctober1991IheardfromoneofStraw'sstudents,whogavemesomeinsightintohowthecoursehadbeenconducted.Onthefirstdayofclass,Strawdistributedbookmarkstothestudents.Eachbookmarkcontainedthenameofthestudent's"bestfriend"someonewhohaddiedinVietnam.Atthestartofeveryclass,Strawwouldtellthestoryofoneofthe"bestfriends"andhandoutinformationonthatperson.Thestudentswerethenfreetodowhattheywantedwiththismaterial.Theyoungstudentwhowroteme,ofcourse,haddrawnMichaelashis"bestfriend.""HavingporedthroughallthatmaterialIfeltcompelledtowriteyou.Iwantyoutoknowthatyourson,Michael,isremembered."
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Epilogue:Michael'sLettersHomeNearlyallthelettersMichaelwrotefromVietnamhavebeensaved.Reviewingthemnowaftermorethantwentyyears,Ifindthattheyrevealsubtlechangeshisexperienceswroughtoverashortperiodabitterness,weariness,andsenseoffutility.
DuringtheyearsthatCourtyBryanspentinwritingFriendlyFirewehadmanydiscussionsaboutthebehaviorandpersonalityofMichael'scompanycommander.CourtyalwaysdefendedColonelSchwarzkopf,contendingthathedidn'ttakecommandofthe198thuntilDecember1,1969.Morethantwodecadeslater,thesuddenchangeintheactivitiesofMichael'sunitatthattimejumpsoffthe
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pagesatme.Hewritesoftheceaselesshumping,ofalwaysbeingtired,nevergettingtorestordryout,andputtingupwiththe''bullshit"thatwasgrowingworsethanthatbackintheStates.AllofthisoccurredwhenthemajorityofU.S.combatunitsinVietnamwerebeingheldbacktosavelivesandtoforcetheARVNtotakeoverthewar.Indiscussingthisupsurgeofactionwithveteranswhosurvivedthe198th,wecametotheconclusionitwastheresultofthecolonel'sneedforbodycount,theAmerical'srequirementforpromotion.
Editingtheselettershasbeenthemostdifficultpartofthisproject.Onrereadingthem,IcanfeelMichaelsearchingforawayoutofhispredicament,althoughheoccasionallychidedmeforsendinghiminformationonhowothersmanagedtogetoutofcombatdutyinVietnam.
Inoticedthatheclosedhisfinalnotewith"hangloose,"aphraseusedfrequentlybythemeninVietnam.IhadtosmileatthethoughtthatithadtakenMichaelalmostsixmonthstocatchontothephrasesotypicalofhim!Closertotheend,itseems,hetalkedalotaboutcominghome.
Michael'slettershomewerepublishedintheirentiretyintheDesMoinesRegisteronSunday,March29,1970.MydecisiontorepublishthemherewasmadewhenIrealizedthatthemajorityofreadersmayknowlittleabouttheVietnamWar,andmanywillhaveforgottenit.
TheyoungpeopleofthiscountrylivedthroughayearofthePersianGulfWarseeingonlyasanitizedversionontheTVscreen,withcontinualpropagandathatunquestioningpatriotismwasonceagainaliveandwell.
Thereisnoglamourtobefoundintheselettershome.Althoughtheycoverlessthansixmonths,theyactuallyreflectaten-yearperiodof
gainingground,losingground,andlosingthousandsoflivesinalostcause.Iincludethemhereinanattempttoshowwhatwarisreallyallabout.Youngsoldiersinbattledonotthinkoftheflag,patriotism,ortheirgovernmenttheyareconcernedwithsavingtheirownskinandthatoftheirfriends.
September23
Justanotherday.Wehadclassesallmorningwithmorethisafternoon.Theyentailedboobytrapsandratherhairy.
Ifyousendstuff,makesureitisasmallboxandcanbeeasilycar-
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ried...foodlikeM&M'speanutsgogoodhere.WentthroughfinancehereandliterallyscreameachtimeIdoit.Imentionedinmylastletterthatifthebankdidn'tgetthe$60allotmentforJulytokeepinmindthatIamchargedforit.PleasecheckformonthsofJune,July,August,andSeptember.Nowastobonds,a$50and$25shouldcomeeverythreemonths.Keeptrackofthemandiftheydon'tarrive,pleasemakeinquiry.Whyallthebother?BecauseIambilledforthemhereandiftheydon'tarrivethere,theArmysaysithaspaid,soyouknowwhoisshorted.Theytellmethatit'sthebank'sproblem.
Wouldappreciateafrontpageonceinawhiletoread.Youdon'tgetnewshereifyoudon'thavearadioandIdon'twanttodragonearound.Todayishotandsticky.Therearen'tanyrealeasyjobsoverhere...itisa24-hourday,sevendaysaweek.SeethatNixonfinallygotaroundtomovingafewout.Thebayhereisratherbeautiful,largeandblue.
September24
Todaywespentatafirebasereviewingseveralweapons.Thenthetroopsfiredafewrounds...thusthedaywasshort.Ofcourse,alltimeisguardtime.Wetraveledaroundthebaseanditisquitelarge,likeshantytown.Wehaveashortclasstonightonthestarlitescope.Havehaditthreetimesbefore.Ihavefourdaysmoreofclasses.Myunitisabout15milesnorthwestofChuLaiandpullsshortpatrolsandguardstheareanorthofChuLai.Expectlaterwewillbereassignedtoanotherarea.
September28
IamatFirebaseBayonet,whichisjustoutsideChuLai.Willmoveouttomycompanytomorrowaboutnoon.Itisaplatoonwithabout25men,one2ndlieutenantandoneE-5likemyself.TheareawhereIwillbemovingisprobablyoneofthebetterplacesoverhere.Ibelieve
Igotabreakforachangebutknowfullwellnothinghere,evenabasecamp,isagoodhaul.
HavetwoE-5friendsinDCompany,sothingsareprettygood.Needonlyafewthings,(a)leathershoestrings,4pairs,(b)2rollsoffishingline,nylon,noquestions.Needthemforthingsyouwouldn'tunderstand.
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October2
Havereceivedyourpackagewithtwolettersanddad'scomment.Pleasecheckallotments,sendshoelacesandnylonfishinglines.Themonsoonsarehereanditisrainingforaweekstraightnow,sohavebeenwetforaweek.HereiswhatIneed.SomethingthatIcanwearundermyfatiguestokeepwarmanddryitmustbelightweight.
October5
TodayIgotarubberwetsuittheykeepyoudry,butyousweatyourselfwet.Maybenylontightsmightkeepmewarm.Needonlysomethingformylegs.Asforfood,don'tsendanythingthatcan'tbeeateninonesitting.Now,whatamIdoing?Wesetupeachdayinanareacalledadaylogger,putuptentlikehutchestokeepoutofrain.Thenatnightwearegivenplacestocheckoutyoucouldcallthesenightsquadpatrolstoacertainareaandthenmoveout.Now,whatarewereallydoing?Wemoveoutatabout7toanareathatwecheckedintheafternoonandsetupaplatoonperimeterandsitoutthenight.Inthiswayourlieutenantisnotplayingthegamewhenyouhave70gruntsonyourback,itishardtokeepthingsundercontrol.
October8
Sameolestuffamdryingsocksoverapeanutbutterjar.Repeat,Ineedtheshoestringsandfishingline.Don'tsendanymorewashpads.Thingsareuptight.Wegetanywherefromtwotofour'coptersaday,onefor''C"rations,anotherforresupplyofequipmentandmail,maybeoneforahotmealandalwaysonetogetjunkoutofhere.
Theareawe'reiniswhattheycallthesouthernrocketpocketsouthofChuLai.WearetoprotectChuLaifromrocketsbyfindingthem.Thisisthejobofthe16th,whichisjustonebattalioninthe198th.Othersare196thupnorthand11thatDocPhu.Lastnightourplatoon
wentoutandsetupanambushawayfromourdaycamp.ThisgivesusprettygoodsecuritysinceallVCelementshereareofsmallnaturemostofthetime.
AsIsaid,weareresuppliedeveryday,cleanclothesonceaweek.Thehardestpartistofindoutwhatyouneedtocarryanddumpthenon-essentials.RightnowIamundermyponchotenthavemy
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socksdryingoverthepeanutbutterjar.Mom,didyoureceivethemoneyIsenthome?ShouldbeaTreasurycheck,sobuyatimecertificatewithit.
October10
TotheJensens[closefamilyfriends]:Fromreadingyouknowthatmanyofthesepeopleliveinaprimitivewayinthatchedhutswithdirtfloorsandpersonalhygieneisnon-existent,soyoucanimaginetherealtroubleoverhere.Alsoanotherproblem,manyGI's,becauseofbitternessandfrustration,arecruelandinhumanetothesepeople,andthiscausesmuchtrouble.Foroverhereyoudon'tknowwhoyourenemyreallyis,everyVietnamesebecomesasuspectedenemy,andtheGIhasthebelief,bettermealiveandhimdeadinsteadoftakingachance.Itisalltoocomplextoexplaininafewwords.Supposeyouhatetoseewintercomewithallthesnow.Yet,alittlesnowwouldbeappreciatedbyme.Mustbegoingnow.
October16
Onlyhaveaminutetosay"hi."Amgoingtomountainsforaspellandhavetohumpeverything.Amin1stplatoon(198th)andhaveanROTCLt.givingordersbythebookandthebookdoesn'tmeanadamnthinghere.
October22
Justgotoutofthemountains.Willbringyouuptodate.OurareaofoperationsisclosetoChuLaibutsecondaryareaiswestandintomountains.OnSundaytheoperationsmajorsetupasearchanddestroymissionintothevillages[atthistimetheadministrationwastellingusthatourgroundtroopswerenotontheoffensive].Wesweptdownavalleyandthenupamountainandfoundasmallgrenade-minefactory,whichwedestroyed.Continuedupthemountains.Took
allafternoonandintonextmorning.Mycompanyhadoneedgeofmountain,anothercompanyhadtheothersideandARVNinthevalley.
SundaymorningwemovedoutandranintoarearguardofNVA.Ihadoneboyinjured.WekeptgoingandstayedontopImusthavefallenadozentimes.ThenlinkedupwiththeothercompanyandtheARVNleftus.Wesweptintoavalleythathadnotbeen
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clearedabout4:30our'copterdrewfirefoundavillageunderthetreeswithaboutamiletogo.Whileattherivergettingwater,aVCunittriedtohitourrear,butweknockedthemout.
Furtherdownourplatoonkilledthreebuffalowhichthevillagershadturnedloose.Ourplatoonwasfirstinmovementthatdayandmysquadfirst.Wemovedintothevillageabout7P.M.andstayeduntil2A.M.DowntheroadacapturedmomasontoldofahardcoreVCvillage.Wepoundeditforthreehours(middleofnight)withartilleryandthenforabouttwomorehourswitha"Spooky'DC-3withmachineguns.Aboutdawnweburnedoutthevillageburnedtheothervillagealso.
Wewere'copteredoutat8A.M.andarenowfivemilessouthofChuLaiinarocketpocketbacktosafe(?)ambushes.Well,anywayyoucanseethatwecontinuetohavesearchanddestroymissions.
Amgladtoseethatthepresidentishavingsomepressureputonhim,butamsurehewilljustturnaway.Youcanseeheretheyaretryinglikehelltogetalldivisionsuptofullstrength,atleastinourarea,onthewholetheentiremessisajoke.Idon'tbelievetheNVAwantstofight.TheAmericangroundtroopshavesloweduptoo,withlessstressonlongmissions.TheareaIaminhasalotofrice,andthatisimportant.Butitisapipedreamtothinkyoucanbringthesepeopleuptotimeinacoupleofyears.Theyare200yearsbehind.
October25
Todayisasgoodaslastnightwasbad.Yesterdaywemovedoutandweretomeettheplatoonsergeantatarallypoint,forhehadbeenonpatrolallafternoon.Whenwemetwedisagreedastowherewewereandmovedouttoourambushsites.Thenabout9:30anaerialburst,whichiscalledamarkinground,wentoff100meterstoourrear.ThenallhellbrokelooseonourleftfrontandIgotonthehorncallinginandafter21/2hoursoffiguringcametoconclusionwewere1,000
meterstoofareastmovedatmidnight.
Thesearethekindofmistakesyoureadabout.Themapsarenotaccurate,trailsshownonmapwheretherearenotrails,andactualtrailsinbushnotshownonmap.Wewerevictimofatrailthatwasnewandthetrailonourmapwasfurtherwest,anyway,it'satoughballgame.Today,wegotbeer,sodaandhotchow.Amenclosing
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Howard'snote.Getakickoutofthistrans-Pacificmail.Laughedatthepeacethingofthe15th.I'mafraidtheydon'tknowNixonNixoncan'tbepushed.
Anotherdaygoneby.Itrainedlastnightandthismorning.Ithasstoppedbutlookslikeitwillpitter-patterallday.Reallyenjoyedthepapers.Wearesupposedtohavethecoloneloutheresometimethisweek.Havetolaughatthemfortheyliveinadreamworld.Theyhavetohavefigures(bodycount)andnobodyknowswhatisaVCoraplainignorantvillager,atleastinthisarea.Havemytennisshoeson,feelcomfortablebuthaveasoreheel.Usingashoelacetoholduptheponcho.WegobacknorthonThursdayisalittlebetterarea.Sotillater,hangon.
October27
Finishedanotethismorningbutthatwasbeforemailcamein.Receivedyoursofthe22ndonthe27th,usuallyfivetosevendays.AlsogotanotefromPat,letterwithpicturesfromtheJensens.Thelastmonththe198thhasbeenlookingforhiddensuppliesandthismightaccountforthenewsaswefoundsomestuffinthemountainslastweek.
Gotnewspapersandappreciatethem.Gladtoseethatmybondscamethrough.Astomymoneyhere,itstayshere,about$180amonth.Itwastootime-consumingandbothersometomakeoutnewallotmentsandtheytaketwomonthstogointoeffect.Now,theyjustkeeparunninglogofmypayandIdrawout$20amonth.Nointerest,butthennotime,noworryandnomistakes.
IfyouanddadwanttogetmeasmallChristmasgifttryacheapluminousTimexbutmakesureitiswaterprooftheoneIhaveisnotandisalmostuseless.
October31
WecameoutofsouthernareaandbacktoourBasecampBayonetnexttoChuLai.Havehadarealsorefootforaweek,totheextentofbeingableonlytohopalong.Finallygottoafirstaidstationandhaveblistersundercallouses.Amenclosingmypayvoucherreceipt-guardit!Willbeherealldayandwhatapleasuretogetthreehotmealsandacoldbeer.ReallybelieveNixonisinabindifhecomesupshortoncontinuedslowingdownofthewar,thepressurewillbeonagain.Hecertainlycan'tusemoreofthat.
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November1
DearMrs.Jensen:Theweathertodayhastakenaturnforthebest.Thesunhascomeoutandthingsaredryingout.Willworkinthesamegeneralareaforacoupledays,whichmeanslesshumpingthannormal.SeethatpoliticsarewarmingupathomewithVPgettingonTValot.Makesforinterestingreading.
Ifyouhavefollowedthepapers,youwouldhavereadaboutthemessinQuangNagiProvincenearmemurderingavillage,etc.Alotofthepaperstuffwasoverblownandmostlyrumorswerepublished.Butthereweresomeindividualsintheareaoverayearago,thatistrue,butoutoftimeandcircumstancethingstakeonadifferentcomplexion.
November3
Sameolddayhere,rainedlastnight.Infact,startedtoraintheminuteIgotbacktothefield,ifthatmeansanything.WearenorthofChuLai,aboutsixmilesandabouttwomilesfromthecoast.Mostlysmallvillageshere.Landisratherflatwithricepaddies.Wehavetwomoreweeksoutinthefieldbeforewegointoathree-dayrestatbasecamp.Wasbackatthecampforovertwodaysonaccountofblisters;wasawelcomebreak.Don'thaveanymoretosay.JustkeepthesteaksinthefreezerandhaveJohnalignthefrontendofthepurpleFord.
November4
Receivedyournoteofthe20thandhadtolaughat[mother's]impressionofNixonandespeciallyafterlisteningtohisspeechthismorning.Thenheendedwithmorepromises,ififif?IbelieveHughScottandafewoftheotherswhohadmadecommentshavetoswallowalittle,forNixonusedthem.Ibelievehewillbeforcedtoactdon'tthinkMansfieldwillbesokindnow.
Today,rainingasusualandweareinalargeopenvalley,allscrubbushesandnotrees.I'monthegroundonanairmattress.Paperscametoday.Thanks.
November9
TodayisSunday.ReceivedacamerafromHoward.Plannedtocarryit,butourconceptofoperationshasbeenchangedfromnightambushestodaypatrolling,whichmeanswalkingandIhateto
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carryitaroundandgetithunguphereandthere.GotanotefromSgt.Cornu,abuddyfromMcClellan,andheisatPleiku.Havehadnoactionthereinamonth.Theykeepsayingherethatthingswillopensoon,buttheydon'treallyknowwhere,exceptthatthingsnorthwestofSaigonhavepickedup.Nomailtoday!
November11
Gotyournoteofthe5th.Rainingasusual.Willansweryourquestions.Toomuchbothertomakeanotherallotment.Willlose$50$75interestbutitwouldtaketwomonthstotakeeffectandinallhonestywillbehomebyJune.IhavebeenthroughenoughArmyfinancialcenters.
AsforNixon'svietnamizationitwilleventuallyfail,ourfront-linetroopsherehavelittlefaithintheARVN.Inourareathecoastalplainisaboutfivemilesfromtheseatothemountains.RightnowtheVCarecomingdownatnightintothevillagesandtryingtogetthemback,andthereislittlewecando.Thatiswhywearerunningnightambushesandwillstartpatrollingmore.
Astothewristwatch,yes,wearesupposedtogetthembuttheyarelonggonebeforetheygetdowntoourlevel.
Astomorale,hadtolaughatWestmoreland'sstatement.Mostofthetroops(grunts),E-6'sandbelow,arehopingthatthingsgetwilderathome.Theymaynotagreewiththedemonstrations,andmostfeelinourareatheyarewastingtheirtime.Militarily,IkindofagreethatallhellisgoingtobreaklooseafterChristmasandNixonwillbeonatack.
Somuchforthebadstuff.Forthenextthreedayswearetoguardabridge(TamKy)andfillsandbags,whichbeatssleepingontheground.Thenwegoinforathree-dayrestcalledstanddown.You
mustchecktoseehowmuchIhaveinmycheckingaccount.GladtoseethatMr.Saylorisgettinghispayment.Haveusedthecamerawilltakeafewmorewhileonthebridgeandtrysomehowtosendfilmhome.
November17
Haveonlyamomentalliswell.Weareinthirddayofstanddownandmoveouttomorrow.Hasbeenadecenttwodays.RanintoabuddyfromNCOatdivisionheadquarters.HadtogetapairofglassesandranintohimatthePX.GotaletterfromPat,Louiseand
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yourcandyyesterday,soallisuptight.Therainhasletupthelasttwodays,butwecanswimanyway.Mom,writemorethanjustalettertothekid.
November19
Havebeentoobusytohopanotethisweek.Receivedyourletterwithclippingsandonlycommentbeingthatyoumustbethevocalminority,seemslikethesilentmajorityhastheupperhandnow.Weareoffstanddownnow,backoutinthefield.Amgettingnewspapersprettyregularnow.Wewillbepullingnightambushesforawhile.Weatherprettygood.Didn'trainlastnight.
November23
ReceivedyournoteandlaughedagainbecauseAgnewfeltstrongenoughtotakeontheTimesandPost.IshouldthinkNixonwouldbesufferingnow,andasforHaynesworth,theygothimwhereithurts.TheDemocratsdesperatelyneedafighternowtogettheballrolling.Ican'timaginewhythereisn'tsomeonetomoveforward.
SofartheonlybullshithasbeennorthofustowardDanang.Thereistobeabigbattalionoperationintwodays,sowillbeflyingagainsoon.Gotmovedouttwodaysagoasagunshipwasfiredat.Wefoundasmallcomplexandkilledtwoofthem.Wewentinaftertheaerialbombardmentandcheckedoutthefewtunnels.Justanormalday.
November28
Toobusytowritethepastfewdays,althoughthingsareratherquiet.Wishtheywouldstaythatway.WefeelthereisaslightchancethatourbattalionwillbeinthewithdrawalafterChristmas.IfIhavelessthansixmonthswillbesenttoanotherbattalion.
Doinglotsofhumpinglately.WehumpedwiththirdplatoonthisA.M.andaresweepingthevalley.Nowwearesittingontopofahillactingasablockingforce.Receivedyourwatchtoday,thanks.Butdamn,itisnotaluminousdialsonogoodfornightambushes.Amenclosinganothervoucherbesureandfileitaway.AmthankfulthatIamseeingE-5paywhenIseewhatsomeoftheboysarepaid.
Rightnowthey(headquarters)arehavingtheusualconfusionofcoordinatingthreeplatoons.Theywanttohaveafiremission,and
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ofcourse,havetoclearanarea.Itisagreatwonderthisarmymovesaswellasitdoes.
December2
Humpedoutyesterdayasablockingforceandbacklastnight.Thisafternoonwegetresuppliedforathree-daymissionsoyouwon'tbehearingfromme.Couldyousendmesomecannedorangeorgrapefruitjuice?
Astopapers,youaresendingtoomuchdesireonlyfrontsectionandsports;seemsawasteofmoneytosendwantadsattoday'sprices.Rightnowamwaitingforthehotchowbirditislate.Havetogetmybootsbackonnow;reallyappreciatethetennisshoesastheyallowmyshoesandfeettodryout.Iwouldreallylikesome"realgold"orangejuice.
December6or7
Lyingunderponchointhesun.JustheardthatTexasbeatArkansas.Havehadplentyofmailtodayandyesterday.Havebeendoingalotofhumpinglately,butfornextthreedayswillbeinthesamearea.
YoumentionedthemessinQuangNagiProvince.You'vegottorememberthisisanareathatisstronglyVCandeventodaythe11thDivisionoperatingthereisconstantlyrunningintoboobytraps,etc.Youwillfindthatthethingwasballoonedalloutofproportionastowhatactuallyhappened.Inthiscase,Agnewwasright.Ifyoucansendaplasticunbreakablecomb,Iwouldappreciateit,alongwithasmallmirrorforshaving.Onethatwillsurvivelotsofabuse.Amwaitingforfood;hopeitmakesitinonepiece.
December9
Rathercoldtoday.ListenedtoNixonandhispressconference;gladto
seethatmoretroopswillbeleaving.Idon'tthinkitwillbethisbrigade,buttheAmericalwillloseoneunit,mostlikely.Gotyourcookiestoday;rightamountandrightcontainer.Amgladyou'recheckingonmymonthlyallotments,andwouldappreciateitifyoulumpedmysavingsandcheckingaccountsforanothertimecertificate.ThelastcoupleofdayshavebeenlazyandIhopetheystaythatway.Our2ndplatoontookoffintothemountainsonareconsweepandareeventuallyworkingbackthisway.Tomybackarethemountains,abouttwomilesaway.Keepthemailcoming.
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December14
Only11daysofshoppingtilChristmas.Daysaregettinglong;wenowhavetodigineachmorningandthistakesaboutthreehours.TodaymyholeendedattwofeetandtherockswerebiggerthanIam.Thingsinthisareaaregettingchickenshit,tosaytheleast.I'mafraidthingsaregoingtoopenupafterChristmas;thesearetwo-levelintelligencereports.Kindofwonderifthehigh-upswillsayanythingaboutit.
Amtiredrightnow,sittingnexttomyfoxhole,whichisfacingintoahedgerow.Thestupidityofitallsortofmakesmelaughattimes.Westillhavetherainyseasonwithus.Don'thavemoretosay,butwrite!
December16
Gotyournoteofthe8thalongwithnutsandbread;bothwerereallyappreciated.Todayisrainasusual,andwearenowrequiredtodiginduringtheday,afoxholeandasleepingholewhichmakesforamesswithmud,andittakesmoreofthemorning.Wemoveoutat3P.M.toanotherlocationanddiginagain.Rightnowourplatooniswiththemortarplatoon.Theyhavehadtheirammorequirementsraisedandwehavetohumpintheextra.
Gladtoseealliswell,andMom,ImightaddyouarebecomingmorelikeGrandmawithyourpolitics.Asforthe198th,itismadeupofthreebattalions;1-6th,1-52,1-46withthe1-6protectingChuLai,whichmakesuslasttogointhebrigade.NowtheAmericalDivisionismadeupofthreebrigades196thbetweenChuLaiandDanang,198thatChuLaiandthe11thatDocPhu,whichisthebrigadeinwhichMylai,orPinksville,liesandissouthofhere.
Inthisbrigadethe1-52isslatedtoleavefirst.ReadinthepaperwhereFredFriendlycommentedonAgnew'sTVspeechandhe
seemedtothinkitdidhavesomemerit.Wouldappreciateitifyouwouldletmeknowwhatmyaccountamountstonow,andifover$500buycertificates.
December17
Sameplace,samehole6daysofrain.Wedidn'tgetresuppliedyesterdaysoamwaitingforfood.Nobirdsinairtoday,allgrounded.Therolloffilmthatisgoodprobablyshowsadayloggerinthe
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pines,plusafewbirdsandcoupleofhuts.Now,wehavetostayonthegroundanddiginmudandall.Nixonistopullout50,000,hesaidyesterday.Willaffectthisdivisionandthe196th,withthe152togofirst.
Togetresuppliedwehavetodependonthe17thCavalry,andtheirtrackstoday.Amnotcarryingthecamera,toomuchweightandtoohardoncamera.Theareaaroundhereissmall,knoll-typehillswithbrushandricepaddiesinvillage.Havearidgeofmountainstowest.Mylettershavebeenevident,havebeenonthree-daymissionsthelastmonth,nothingbutpatrollinganarea,andnoresupplyduringtheperiod.
December22
SorryIhaven'tbeenabletowrite,butwearemovingallday,digginginatnight,andpullingaheavyguard,solittletimetodoit.ReceivedyourcookiesandMary'spackagetoday.Nutsweregood.Aboutallotments,waittilJan.7andiftheyhavenotcomebythen,sendmenotarizedstatementtotheeffectandIwillmakeatriptofinanceduringstanddownaround1315ofJanuary.DropanotetoMarilynthankingherformyChristmaspackage.AlsothankRosauer'sandSkinneyfortheircards.Myletterswilldependonluckforawhile,itlookslike.Wearerunningcompany-sizesweepsandthatmeanswalking.Can'tsaymuchmoreotherthanChristmasisonlyacoupledaysawayoranotherwayofsayingonlyeightmonthsleftinthishell-hole.
December25
ItisChristmasandalliswell.Weareevengoingtostayput.ThesuncameoutandwehadMass.Thebattalioncommanderwashere,soIguesswerateaboveaverage.Haveacoupleofcardstowritesothiswillbeshort.Expectwinteristhickandheavysnowbynow.
Receivedtheroundcanofcandytoday,sowasagoodpresent.TellPatIdon'thavetimetowritenow,withthishumpinginthedaytime.LookforwardtogettingoutofthisplacebyJune.Thingsareupintheair,nobodyknowsanythingexceptthatactivityisslowlypickingup,andpeoplehavetheirfingerscrossed.Keepthenewspaperscomingreallyenjoythem.ManytimesIdobelievetheyarebetterthanfood.
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December30
Amwell,kickingandsotired.Hasrainedthelastcoupleofdays;wedidstopyesterdaytorest.Havereceivedyourlasttwopackages,fudgeandcookies.Ourareaofoperationshasbeenenlargedandwearehumpingmoreandenjoyingitless.Havejusttwoweekstilourthree-daystanddown.SawwhereIowabeatDrake.
January3
Amtiredandnofreetime.Todaywelookedforadownedplane.Missingtwomonths,andfounditlocatedoverabout80acres.Kindofanxioustoseeifwewillbeaffectedbywithdrawal.Amenclosingpayvoucher.Hopealliswell.
January3
DearJensens:Hopealliswell.Thingshavebeenlongasoflate,longhours,badweather,etc.Wouldtradethingsforalittlesnow.SorryIdon'twritemoreoften,butthelastmonthshavebeenhectic.Begood.
January4
Todayweareresting.LastnightourFirebaseBayonetgothitandmainlybecauseourbattalioncommanderhashiscompaniestoodamnfarout,andasaresultwearebeingairliftedbacktobase,andpullbunkerguardatleastuntilstanddown.Haswinterletupany?Itdoesn'tfeelrighttobelayinginthemudhereandnotcold.Mypapershavenotbeencomingthrough,lastbeingthe16th.Watchtheallotments.
January10
Wearestillonbunkerline,butwemoveofftomorrowforthree-daymissionbeforestanddown.Wehavebeenhereforaweek,whichisa
break.Hadathree-dayreprievefromtherain,butitisrainingagainnow.Gotyourlastpackageyesterdaysoamuptight.Itwasabouttherightsize.Hopewinterislettingupalittle.
Gladtoseetheallotmentsarecatchingup.Don'twanttoloseadimeoverthiswar.Asthingslooknow,theAmericalwillnotbeinvolvedinthenextbigwithdrawal,willbetheBigRedandabrigadeortwofromotherunits.GladtohearthatCecil'sbetter.
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January16
Alliswellaminseconddayofstanddownandallisbullshit.Infact,madeupmymindtoapplyforanearlyout,andtogetoutbyMay25.Amnowaplatoonsergeantthebullshitisgettingworse,almostasbadasstateside.Afterstanddownamgoingonanothercompanyintothehills.HadtolaughaboutthepulloutlooksgoodtobringtheBigRedhome,buttheyaren'tdoingshitnowanyway.FeelnobodyknowsabouttheAmerical.Divisionalthoughitisthelargestin'Nam26,000.
Amrathertiredthisstanddownifallworksout,willhaveonlytwomoretogo.Havelesstimetowritethaneverbefore.Gotyourpopcornpackagetoday.YoumentionedTamKyyesifthefilmturnedout,thebridgepicturedisTamKy,acoastaltownonHighway1.Thedinksarecomingoutofthehillsinsmallgroups.Theyaregettingboldoflate.TwodaysagowewalkedthroughanareawheretheVChadbeenstayingwasarestareaalongtheriverrightinthemiddleofourareaofoperation.
HavebeenfightingasupplyproblemoflateseemsnowthattheARVNhastoppriorityonallitems.Thingsintherearareamess.
January21
Amwell.Havebeenhikingsincestanddownbuthavebeenstayinginthesameplaceatnight.Hikedfourcheckstoday,maybeshort,butthericepaddiesgettoyou.
Atstanddownfinancecameandmadeanoteaboutthe$60.00missing.Icouldn'tgetuptothemainfinancecentertodrawout$453.HavealreadywrittentoDocO'DellatUniversityofMissouri.
TosetthingsstraighttheVCherearesmallseldomseen.LasttimewesawanywasNov.17.Ourcompanylastmadecontact10daysagoonesniper.Theyarehereandsometimeswearejusthoursbehind,like
about10daysago.Butthingsaresubjecttochange.FivefromourplatoondidseeBobHopeatChuLaiflownin.Wehumpupahilltomorrowlookingforcavesarenexttoalargevillagecomplex.Keepthepaperscoming.Gottogo.
January23
WeareonthebunkerlinenowforashortspellduringTet.RecentlywemovedoutoftheNorthernRocketPocket.Weweregonejust
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onehourwhenthedinksthrewninerocketsatChuLai.Wewerepickedupandflownbackhadtosweepahill2ndplatoonranintothreeVCandlosttwo,butwegotthem.Therocketstickswerejustahillbehindourpatrolbase.Myunitcameoutunhurtwalkedin.WillbeheretilmiddleofFebruary.Hopealliswellathome.Papersabouttwoweeksbehindbutthey'reappreciated.HopetohearfromDocO'Dellsoon.
February1
Youwouldneverbelieveit,butithasbeenrathercold.WeareonthebunkerlineatBayonetnearChuLai.Thingsareratherquiet,buttheysaywillpickupbutyouneverknow.Gotpaidyesterdaybut$60correctionhasn'tcaughtupyetandamenclosingvoucher.Rightnowwearesupposedtobebuildingbunkers,butbeingtypicalArmy,havenomaterials,notoolssameoldstory.Bye.
February2
Receivedyournoteofthe27th.Let'sgetonethingstraight,Mom.ForGod'ssake,stoptheworryingbit.Willyou!Ifyouworry,don'twriteaboutit.Asforthosetwochickenshitsitseemsiftheyweren'thappyintheirjobstheycangetoutofthemiftheywantedtobadenough.I'veseentoomanyofthesesoft,smartkidswritinghomecongressmenandsenatorsandMama,too.Ihavenostomachfortheirtype.Themainprobleminthismessisnobodywantstodohisjobanddoitthebesthecan.
NowtotryforanearlyoutshouldnotbehardtodooneE-5inourcompanyhadnotroubleingettingonefornightschool.
Allittookwasaletterofacceptance.Yes,Igotthescotch.Ican'tgettofinanceandIdon'tworryaboutit,notimportant.ThelastcoupleofdayswehavebeenbuildingbunkersontheoutperimeterorBayonet.
Itisaleisurelytypeoflife,worksome,restandsleepand,ofcourse,pullguard.RanintoaboyfromWaterloobynameofCulpepper.Theweatherhereoflatehasbeencoldandwintery,butnotlikehome.
February7
Alliswell,haveadrybed.GotaletterfromO'Dell.AllisO.K.AlsogotaletterfromUniversityofMissouriadmissionoffice.Havesentinmyenrollmentcardshouldbeanacceptanceinaboutthree
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weeks.Wroteacheckfor$410toMissourisocoveritwithsomeofmymoney.Alsoboughtataperecorderfor$234,socoveritalso.Willtakesixtoeightweekstogethome.
February11
Wearestillatbunkerline.Willbehereacouplemoredays.Willmoveoutonasearchmissionforaweek.Theweatherisholdingreasonablywell.LastcardImentionedthatIhadwrittenachecktoMissouriandtheywouldsendmethepapersneeded.NowIhaveboughtasmallrecorderfromthePX,$234itshouldarrivebetween45to60days.Itisafairrecorder,decidednottotakeanRandRasIwilltrytogetoutofherebyJune,andmineisn'tscheduleduntilMayanyway.
February11
Pat:AlliswellgotyourCuttySarkbutitbrokecrossingariversowasn'tabletoindulgeinitcompletely.Seethatwinterhasbeenrathertough.AlsofootballpoliticsinterestingatIowa.HopeIowakeepswinningtheydesperatelyneedawinnerofsomesort.Havetorun.
February11
DearJensens:ReceivedyournoteandgladtoseethattheJensensaresurvivingthecrazywinter.Sortoftakesyoubackto1936,ha!Withluck,willbehomebyJuneI'mtryingforanearlyoutforschool.SincerelyhopeIcangetit.
Thingshavebeenratherquietoflateandhopetheystaythatway.WehavebeenonbunkerguardatBayonet.Nextweekwegobackintothefieldandgotoworkforthenextsixweeks.Tillthen,bewellandhealthy.
February13
Wentdownoffthehill,bunkerline,togetahaircutandcleanup,butendeduphitchingaridetoChuLai.WenttotheMarsstationbychance.Theywereopenandnotbusy,sogotachancetocall.Supposeitwasmidnightathomeandguessyouweresurprised.Wentfromtheretofinanceanddrewout$561andsentithomeviaexpresschecks.Wishyoutoputitinthebank.Willkeepthestubstilchecksreachhome.Willbeonthebunkerabouttwomoredays,
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thenbackintothefield.Gladthatalliswellweatherherehasbeenrathercold.Whenmyrecordercomes,I'llappreciateitnotbeopenedbutstoredawaytilIgethome.Plantobuyabout$250moreequipment.Justaswelldoitnowaslater.HavedecidednottotakeanRandRifIcangetadrop.
Sotillater,hangloose.