Understanding Understanding Intercultural Intercultural Communication Communication Second Second EditionEdition

Chapter 10

What are the Challenges in Developing an Intercultural-Intimate Relationship?

Stella Ting-Toomey & Leeva C. Chung

OXFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS

PowerPoint Slides Designed by Alex Flecky and Noorie Baig

TODAY’S MENUTODAY’S MENU

I. Developing Intercultural-Intimate Relationships: Invisible Challenges

II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Facilitating Factors

III. Intercultural-Intimate Conflict: Obstacles and Stumbling Blocks

IV. Raising Secure Bicultural Children

V. Intercultural Reality Check: Do-Ables

Individualistic Orientation

I-identity relationship expectations

Couple’s privacy, autonomy

Voluntary, personal commitment

Low-context emotional expressions

“Fall in love,” passionate love

Collectivistic Orientation

We-identity, ingroup relationship pressures

Ingroup’s (we) connection, concerns

Structural commitment, family and social reactions

High-context emotional expressions

Value companionate (friendship, loyalty) love

I. Developing Intercultural-I. Developing Intercultural-Intimate Relationships: Invisible Intimate Relationships: Invisible ChallengesChallenges

A. Cultural-Ethnic Membership Values

Media Activity: YouTube Videos

The Meaning of Love 7 Billion Others

Church Bans Interracial Couple

I. Developing Intercultural-I. Developing Intercultural-Intimate Relationships: Invisible Intimate Relationships: Invisible ChallengesChallengesDiscussion Questions:Intercultural-intimate relationships: Have you experienced a relationship of this

type? What were some positive things that you

gained from it? What were some negative things that occurred?

What was most surprising to you about the different love expectations?

Have you experienced the “me–we” dialectical forces in any of your relationships? What happened and how did you feel?

II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsA. Perceived Physical Attractiveness

Physical attractiveness critical to initial attraction; cultural differences regarding what is attractive. • For example, U.S. individuals attracted to: high

energy, enthusiasm.; Korean individuals attracted to: high integrity, concern for others.

B. Perceived Similarity• Similarity–attraction hypothesis: cognitive

consistency • Intergroup–interpersonal attraction: attitudinal

issues

II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsC. Cross-Cultural Self-disclosure

Comparisons• Self-disclosure: intentional process of

revealing exclusive information about ourselves to others that other individuals do not know.

• Social penetration theory: interpersonal information progresses from superficial nonintimate to more deep-layered intimate self-disclosure.• Shrek explains the onion metaphor of social

penetration theory.

II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsC. Cross-Cultural Self-disclosure

Comparisons: Discussion

Check out similarities and differences….• Where did you learn your self-disclosure

tendency?• Do you come from a high-disclosive family or a

low-disclosive family?• What topics do you consider as quite “Public”?• What topics do you consider as quite “Private”?

II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating Factors

C. Cross-Cultural Self-disclosure Comparisons: Johari Window:

II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsMedia Activity: Fools Rush In film clip

Discussion:• Can you relate to this clip? • How do the cultural value dimensions impact

the development of your particular intimate relationship?

• How did Alex and Isabel handle the dialectical tensions of autonomy and connectedness?

• How did they differ in terms of disclosing to their parents about Isabel’s pregnancy?

II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsD. Online Disclosure of Affection

Do you stay in touch with your Facebook friends by “liking” their posts, photos, or statuses?

E. Third-Party Matchmakers: Online and Mobile Dating

Five phases of online dating:1. Attention2. Recognition3. Interaction4. Face-to-face meeting5. Resolution

II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsE. Third-Party Matchmakers: Online and Mobile Dating• Have you tried match.com or

eharmony.com? How about pof.com (plenty of fish.com )?

Take a look at this Indian matrimonial site:• Did you notice that his parents created this

posting? How would you react if your parents did something like this out of concern for you?

• What do you think of his complexion, caste, parents info, diet, and annual income?!

II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsF. Intercultural/Interracial Romantic Relationship Development

Interracial couples’ four stages of “racial” awareness and awakening:

• Racial awareness• Coping• Identity emergence • Relationship maintenance

II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsSome Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Research

• Generation is predictor of interethnic relationships.

• Individuals with assimilated, bicultural, or marginal identities have greater tendency to date outgroup members.

• The “Romeo and Juliet” effect: The more the families are against

relationship, the more the couple wants to rebel against parents, thus finding each other more attractive.

III. Intercultural-Intimate III. Intercultural-Intimate Conflict: Obstacles and Conflict: Obstacles and Stumbling BlocksStumbling BlocksA. The Encounter: Prejudice and Racism

Intercultural-intimate conflict: Antagonistic friction or

disagreement between two romantic partners caused, in part, by cultural or ethnic group membership differences. Have you observed prejudice or racism toward interracial couples? What occurred?

III. Intercultural-Intimate III. Intercultural-Intimate Conflict: Obstacles and Conflict: Obstacles and Stumbling BlocksStumbling BlocksB. Countering Racism and

Prejudice: Coping Strategies:

1. Ignoring or dismissing2. Normalizing3. Withdrawing4. Educating5. Confrontation6. Prayer7. Humor

IV. Raising Secure Bicultural IV. Raising Secure Bicultural ChildrenChildrenA. Bicultural Identity Struggles:

Four identity forms of bicultural children:

1. Majority-group identifiers2. Minority-group identifiers3. Synthesizers4. Dissaffiliates

• Work out identity plan early – communicate with your partner (e.g., religious faith, language,

customs).• Listen to your children’s identity experiences.• Provide cultural enrichment opportunities.• Be truthful about prejudice & racism issues.• Nurture & support different identity facets.• Provide safety net & maturation challenges. Realize

that children will grow up & choose their own identity path….

• Together: DRAW an ideal dream house….

IV. Raising Secure Bicultural IV. Raising Secure Bicultural Children: Children: Some suggestions: Some suggestions:

IV. Raising Secure Bicultural IV. Raising Secure Bicultural ChildrenChildren

B. Cultivating a Secure Multifaceted Identity

To help bicultural individuals:

• Know values and beliefs of each group.• Positive attitude toward both groups.• Confidence that one can live effectively

within both groups without compromising one’s individual identity.

• Be grounded.

In managing diverse intimate relationship issues, here are some helpful do-ables:

• Pay attention to culture-based challenges.• Be mindful that individualists and

collectivists may hold different expectations.

• Be sensitive to your partner’s family reaction issues.

• Be flexible in learning your partner’s communication styles.

V. Intercultural Reality Check: V. Intercultural Reality Check: Do-AblesDo-Ables

Parting Thoughts…Parting Thoughts…

Living on borders and in margins, keeping intact one’s shifting and multiple

identity and integrity,

is like trying to swim in a new element, an “alien” element.

~ Gloria Anzaldua