understanding grief & loss emily allaire, lmsw grief counselor p| 319-272-2002...
TRANSCRIPT
Our personal experiences shape our understanding
• What do I know about grief?• What have my own experiences with grief
been?• What have I learned?
Grief vs Mourning
• Grief: Internal thoughts and feelings
• Mourning: Outward expression of grief
Worden’s Tasks of Mourning
1) Accept the reality of the loss2) Process the pain and grief3) Adjust to life without the deceased4) Maintain a connection to deceased while
exploring a new life
Symptoms of grief• Physical
– Sleep disturbance– Shortness of breath– Tightness in throat– Physical distress– Weight change
• Emotional– Sadness– Anger– Guilt– Anxiety– Loneliness
• Behavioral– Forgetfulness– Searching for deceased– Wandering aimlessly– Worrying more about others,
wanting to make them feel comfortable
– Needing to retell the story of the loved one’s death
– “Suicidal” talk
Disenfranchised grief
“Unspeakable” deaths
Suicide/HomicideSuddenPet loss
AIDS
Traumatic deaths
• Grief is different• Painful• Struggle to help• Struggle to understand
Calendar dates
• Holidays• Birthdays• Anniversaries• Date of death• Tuesday
Healing vs Curing
• Grief is ongoing• Processing• Nothing to “get over”• Must move through• Avoiding prolongs the process
What NOT to say
• I understand• I know• You will survive• He/She is better off• Why are you still sad?• It’s been a year• At least you have another
child
• How can I help?• What do you need?• You need counseling• Get over it• Have you started dating?• At least you’re young• This will pass• Everything happens for a
reason
How to be supportiveSAY
• I care• Tell me about him/her• What’s your favorite
memory?• You are in my thoughts• Want to do lunch?• It’s ok to cry• How are you doing
today/right now?
DO• Listen• Practice patience• Acknowledge dates• Acknowledge deceased• Bring over a meal• Share memories• Accept “no” for an answer