truman waco - detox

8/10/2019 Truman Waco - Detox

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TRUMAN WACO

(Animated Sitcom)

"Detox"

Written by Rodney Ohebsion

Copyright 2014


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INT. MTV SET - DAY

MORGAN FREEMANHello. Im Morgan Freeman. Andwelcome to a special MTVtelecast. On July 4, 1776, the

Founding Fathers had a littleshindig, and they signed a documentknown as the Declaration ofIndependence. On March 10,1876, Alexander Graham Bell chitchatted for a few minutes withThomas Watson using a new inventioncalled a telephone. On December 17,1903, two white inventors by thename of Wilbur and Orville Wrighttook a plane into some cracker townnamed Kitty Hawk, and they achievedheavier than air flight. On May 29,

1953, Edmund Hillary ate some trailmix at the very top of a mountainknown as Everest. And today willalso go down as the date of one ofmankinds greatesttriumphs. Because today, Dr. Drehas finally released his highlyanticipated last album, Detox. Andhere is the world premiere of thealbums first and only track.

(VIDEO CLIP) INT. ROOM - DAY

DR. DRE(rapping)

Remember me? / The real OG / NWA /Street name, Andre / Still got myAK / This is still Dre Day / Imtaking aim / at one persons brain/ Pop, pop, pop / Im gonna shootthis brother / I got the gun, andyou know I got the butter / Dr. Drewants one man dead / Bullet in hisass and bullet in his head / TrumanWaco --Im talking bout you / Youbest believe, that your life isthrough / I got the gun, and youknow I got the butter / Im comingto your town, you whitemotherfucker.


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INT. MTV SET - DAY

MORGAN FREEMANAnd were back. That was the debutof Dr. Dres new song, TR 187. Itwas just put on YouTube four

seconds ago, and its already themost viewed internet video of alltime. I dont know who Truman Wacois, but I do know that hes a deadwhite motherfucker.

INT. WACO HOME (LIVING ROOM) - DAY

TRUMAN WACO (40) is shirtless and sitting on the sofa usinga laptop computer. He clicks a bookmark that says "YouTube."It loads a page that shows three "Featured Videos" at thevery top: "Dr. Dre - TR 187 - 2.3 billion views" "Dr. Dre on

how hes going to kill white motherfucker Truman Waco - 1.1billion views" and "Man drinks bottle of ketchup in 4seconds - 1.5 billion views." The first two videosthumbnail previews are pictures Truman shirtless. Trumanexamines the YouTube page.

TRUMANHoly crap!

He clicks on the ketchup video.

TRUMANIs he seriously gonna drink all

that ketchup in four seconds?

KETCHUP MAN (V.O.)Im gonna drink all this ketchup infour seconds. ... OK. I drank allthat ketchup in four seconds.

TRUMANWow. He drank all that ketchup infour seconds.

LEGO WACO (male, 10) comes down the stairs to the livingroom.

LEGOUm. Dad. The rapper Dr. Dre justput out a song about how hes gonnakill you.

Truman is now holding a bottle of ketchup.


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TRUMANYeah. I know. I just browsed pastsomething about that on YouTube.OK, Lego. I need you to time medrinking this bottle of ketchup.Ready?! Go!

Truman drinks all of it while Lego looks at his watch.

LEGOUm. Seven seconds. But dad--dontyou want to know more about Dr.Dre?

TRUMANWhy? Is he also a competitiveketchup drinker?

LEGO

No. He threatened to shoot you.

TRUMANRight.

LEGOHow does Dr. Dre even know you?

TRUMANI have no idea. I dont know him.

LEGOWell. Maybe you should find out

more about whats going on.

Truman browses through YouTube on his computer.

TRUMANHoly crap! Theres another guy whodrank a bottle of ketchup in threeseconds.

He runs to the kitchen, and comes back with 12 bottles ofketchup.

TRUMANLego. Time me.

He drinks one bottle.


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INT. ELLEN (TV SHOW) SET - DAY

ELLENOK. My first guest is a Grammyaward winning hip hop producer andartist. His latest album Detox was

downloaded so many times on iTunes,that Apple gave him 20% of thecompany. And hes currently on amission to kill a whitemotherfucker named Truman Waco.Give it up for your homey, myhomey, everyones homey. The oneand only, Dr. Dre.

The crowd cheers as Dr. Dre walks on the the set. He greetsEllen by giving her a variety of hip hop style handshakes,and then holding her and kissing her on the lips.

ELLENAlright. We are thrilled to haveyou on the show, doctor.

DR. DRETruman Waco is a dead man.

ELLEN(playful, joking, smiling)

Whoa! What kind of a doctor areyou? Are you a doctor like Dr.Kevorkian?

DR. DRE(to camera)

Im coming to your town to shootyou, Truman.


Whats your copay, doctor? And areyou down with Obamacare?

DR. DREIm down with murder. 187. TrumanWaco is a dead motherfucker.


Are you a doctor like Dr. Pepper?Are you carbonated? Can I call youBubbles?


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DR. DREYes, Ellen Degeneres--you can callme Bubbles.

(to camera)Truman Waco--your days arenumbered. You best believe that,

dog.


Dog? Do you talk to dogs? Are you adoctor like Dr. Dolittle? Are youDr. Drelittle?

Ellen has a dog in her lap.

ELLENI happen to have a dog right here.Can you hear what hes saying?

DR. DRETruman Waco is a mark assbitch--you know what Im saying?

ELLENWait. Are you saying that, or isthe dog saying it?

DR. DREIm gonna kill Truman Waco--youknow what Im saying?

ELLENI dont know whos saying whatright now--you know what Imsaying?

DR. DRE... Can I pet the puppy?

ELLENSure.

Dr. Dre pets the dog.

AUDIENCE(in a "how cute" / "thatsadorable" tone)

Aaaawwww.

DR. DREWhose dog is this?


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ELLENIts just a stray dog we found onthe street.

DR. DRECan I have this dog?

ELLENYou want to adopt him?

DR. DREAbsolutely.

ELLENWell then hes yours.

The audience applauds and cheers.

ELLENOK. After this commercial break,

Im gonna smoke some medicalmarijuana with the doctor, andshoot some heroin with mygynecologist. And later on theshow, Im gonna chat with Rob Lowe,and then take a bubble bath with myJapanese gardener.

INT. WACO HOME (KITCHEN) - DAY

Truman and CARLA (40) are seated at the kitchen table, andthey each have a hamburger on their plate. Truman walks overto the fridge and looks through it for a few seconds.

TRUMANCarla--how come theres no ketchupin this house?

CARLAI dont know. I bought a 12 pack ofHeinz yesterday. Just use theketchup packets youve beencollecting for the past 20 years.

Truman opens a cabinet, and hundreds of packets pour out ofit. He picks up almost all of them and takes them back tothe table. He opens one and squeezes its contents onto thehamburger. He continues to repeat the process.

CARLATruman--how come youre treatingthis whole Dr. Dre thing sononchalantly?


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TRUMANBecause. I dont know what the wordnonchalantly means.

Lego walks into the kitchen with a boombox thats playingthe Dr. Dre song.

LEGO(singing along)I got the gun, and you know I gotthe butter / Im coming to yourtown, you white motherfucker.

CARLALego. Stop singing songs that areabout killing your father.

TRUMANYeah. There are plenty of goodsongs that arent about killing me.

Like, um,(singing)

"I like to eat, eat, eat...(rapping)

Apples and bananas, you whitemotherfucker."

LEGOIm pretty sure thats not how thatsong goes.

TRUMANOh. Right. Its,

(singing)"I like to eat, eat, eat...

(rapping)Apples and bandanas, you whitemotherfucker."

LEGOThats not it, either. But thepoint is, Im not the only onesinging Dres song. I mean, its onpretty much every radio station inthe world.

Lego turns on his boombox.

DR. DRE (ON RADIO)(rapping)

Truman Waco--Im talking about you.

Lego turns the dial and switches to another station.


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I got the guns, and you know I gotthe butter.



Remember me? / The real OG


SINGER (ON RADIO)I like to eat, eat, eat, apples inHavana



Im coming to your town, you whitemotherfucker.

Lego turns off the radio.

CARLA(to Lego)

Do you think Dr. Dre really wantsto kill your father?

LEGO

Well. Hes been interviewed 37times since the song wasreleased--and in 36 of thoseinterviews, hes mentioned how hesgonna kill you.

TRUMANWell what did he talk about in theother interview?

LEGOSomething about eating trail mix ontop of Mount Everest, and killingMartha Stewart.

TRUMANWell. You know a lot about gangstarap. How should I handle my feudwith Dre?


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LEGOYou gotta put out your own songwhere you talk trash about Dre.

TRUMANOK. ... I think I got a good one."Dr. Dre / Whatya say? / Youre

really gay / Tina Fey / I got theguns, and you know I got the butter/ Im coming to your town, youblack motherfucker."

LEGOYou might want to make a few edits.

TRUMANHow about instead of "Tina Fey," Isay "Doris Day?"

INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY

Truman is holding a stopwatch. He walks up to the ketchupaisle, and times himself drinking a bottle.

TRUMANFive and a half seconds.

He walks up to a BLACK MAN whos putting mayonnaise in hiscart.

TRUMANCan you help me out with some raplyrics?

BLACK MANWhat? You think just cause Imblack, Im some kind of raplyricist?

TRUMANYes. Plus, youre wearing parachutepants like MC Hammer. Can you takea look at my lyrics?

He hands him a slip of paper. The man reads it silently fora few seconds.

BLACK MANIm coming to your town, you blackmother...?

(to Truman)Listen. I know someone who writesrap lyrics for some of the biggest

(MORE)


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BLACK MAN (contd)names in rap. Heres his businesscard.

He hands him a business card that says "Bob / Hip HopGhostwriter / 123 Oak Street / Word to yo mutha."

BLACK MANGo talk to him.

TRUMANThank you, black man.

BLACK MANYoure welcome, cracker.

EXT. BOBS HOME - DAY

Truman rings the doorbell. The door pens to reveal Bob (50,white, thin, wears glasses and unhip clothing.)

TRUMANAre you Bob?

BOBCome in, Truman.

INT. BOBS HOME - DAY

TRUMAN

Youre the guy who writes raplyrics?

BOBIve been in this game since 1981.Ive written for Jay-Z, Run DMC,Ice Cube, Ice T, Ice Tweetle T, RunDM Ice, Ice DMC, Ice DM Run, RunIce DM DM DM Ice Run, Eminem,Ernest Heminemingway, Jermaine D.Salinger, DJ Salad Dressing, DJCrouton, Black Poupon, MC Skittles,Skittly Bop Scattly Boop, SnoopitySnap Diggity Dog, Jibbedy JabberHead For the Hills, Joe Joe theJewish Negro, Puff the MizzagicDrizzagon, Biggie Smalls, LilWeezie, Lil Teapot, Lil Bo PeepShow, Lil Biggie, Young Biggie, OlDirty Bastard, Young Jeezy, MiddleAged Maynard, George N Weezy, Mac

(MORE)


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BOB (contd)N Cheesy, Macaroni, MC Baloney,Your Cousin Tony, Eric B. andRakim, Blossom N Joey, A TribeCalled Quest, A Jibe JalledJest, MC Douchebag, DJ Fendi Bag,Ol Dirty Grocery Bag, One Dollar

Canvas Bag, Kanye West, EastmanKodak, MC Westside, NorthwestShanghai, DJ Compass, MC GPS, LilLost Nigga, DJ Vertigo, Two Chains,Too Short, Tupac, Two Biscuits, TooMuch Hot Sauce, Two Latex Condoms,Three Pete, Repeat, Three Pete--andmost recently, Dr. Dre.

TRUMANWhatya say? / Hes really gay.

BOB

Aint nothing but a gangster party.

TRUMANI dont know what the hell youretalking about.

BOBListen. Those lyrics I wrote forDre--theyre good. Theyre morethan good. Its gonna be tough forme to top them. Im gonna needsomething. The magic ingredient.

TRUMANMarijuana?

BOBAbsolutely not! Marijuana does nothelp you write rap lyrics.

INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY

Jay-Z is smoking marijuana, and the entire room is filledwith his smoke. He gets on the microphone, and raps a song

similar to "99 Problems."

JAY-ZI got my pinkie toe / On Larry andMoe / And Curly in the Stooges / Idont what the luge is / I thinkits an event in the WinterOlympics / Got 99 problems, andnone of them are bitches.


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TRUMANWell if marijuana isnt the magicingredient, then what is?

BOBHoney hickory barbecue sauce.

TRUMANOh. Ive been drinking ketchup.

BOBKetchup does nothing. Its gotta behoney hickory barbecue sauce.

INT. POWER 106 RADIO STUDIO - DAY

A show is being broadcast live. Seated in the studio are BIGBOY, Dr. Dre, and LARRY, MOE, and CURLY of the ThreeStooges.

BIG BOY(into microphone)

Power 106. Big Boys Neighborhood.

MOE(singing)

Big Boy.

LARRY

(sings at a higher note)Big Boy.

CURLYHey Moe!

Moe slaps Curly in the face.

MOEAh--shut up!

BIG BOYI am here with the king of gangstarap, the king of West Coats rap,and the king of all of rap. Noneother than my man Dr. Dre. And hisdog.

Dr. Dre is holding his dog.


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BIG BOYWhat up, dog?

The dog barks.

DR. DRE

Truman Waco is a dead man.

BIG BOYOK. And why exactly do you want tokill Truman Waco?

DR. DREWell. Thats a good question. Imsurprised no one has asked me thatyet. You see, a while back, I wasin some bitch ass city in Arizona.

MOE

(singing)Bitch ass.

LARRY(sings at a higher note)

Bitch ass.

CURLYHey Moe!

Moe slaps Curly in the face.

MOE

Ah--shut up!

DR. DREAnd while I was just chillin there,I saw Truman. And he was acting allannoying. Like he was just standing20 feet from me, and he seemedreally annoying.

Five seconds pass.

BIG BOYAnd?

DR. DREAnd thats it. Im gonna kill hisass.


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INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY

Truman and Bob walk up to the ketchup aisle.

BOBThere it is. Honey hickory barbecue

sauce.

Bob and Truman each grab a bottle of barbecue sauce. Theyclick bottles, and drink up.

INT. CAR / EXT. STREET - DAY

Bob is driving a Volvo, and Truman is in the passenger seat.

BOBAlright. We drank the honeyhickory. Now we need ingredient

two.

TRUMANRoger that.

Truman grabs a bottle of mustard out of nowhere, and beginsdrinking it.

BOBNo--not mustard.

Bob turns on a street and speeds up.

BOBWe have to fight and rob anAfrican-American gang in the middleof the street.

TRUMANWhat?

Bob pulls up in the middle of the street in front of tenGANG MEMBERS. He puts a knife to Trumans throat.

BOBGet out the car, you whitemotherfucker!

Truman gets out, Bob gets out. Bob runs up to a Black GangMember and punches him in the face.

BOBGive me your wallet, you blackmotherfucker!


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Truman and Bob have a WWE style brawl against the ten GangMembers.


Bob and Truman are seated at a table, with quills, ink, andparchment.

BOBOK. That was a good fight.

TRUMANFor shizzle.

BOBNow its time to work on some raplyrics.

TRUMANMy nizzle.

BOBFor shizzle.

TRUMANUm. Do you have any Band-Aids? Igot a scratch on my finger duringthe fight.

BOBTruman--stop being a bitch. You

know. I knocked out seven of thoseguys, and you only knocked outthree. And now you want a Band-Aidfor your finger? What kind of agangster rapper are you?

TRUMANBob. Im not a gangster rapper.

BOBWell now youre in too deep. Youalready drank the honey hickory. Sostop whining about a Band-Aid, andstart dropping some rhymes, homey.

TRUMANOK. By the way--why are we usingquills?


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BOBThats what OGs use.

INT. ROOM - DAY

WONDER MIKE from the Sugarhill Gang is writing with a quill.

WONDER MIKEI said a hip hop / Hippie to thehippie the hip hip a hop / And youdont stop / You white motherfucker

INT. WACO HOME (LIVING ROOM) - NIGHT

Truman is seated on the sofa watching TV, and wearing bluejeans, a white t-shirt, and a platinum chain. Carla and Legoare also there. Dozens of empty ketchup bottles are

scattered throughout the room.

(ON TV) INT. AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

PRESENTERAnd the Grammy Award for Best Albumgoes to...

(opens envelope)Dr. Dre, for Detox.

Dr. Dre walks up to the stage with the dog he got fromEllen. He gives a variety of of hip hop handshakes to the

Presenter, and takes the award.

DR. DRETruman Waco. Why are you such abitch?

The crowd applauds.


TRUMAN(to TV)

Why are you such a bitch, Dr. Dre?


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(ON TV) INT. AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

DR. DREI aint no bitch!

Dr. Dre drops his Grammy, jumps off stage, and attacks the

camera.


CARLATruman. This beef is getting reallyserious.

TRUMANYeah. Im fiin to destroy Dre. Meand Bob are high on the sauce, andmy retaliatory diss is gonna be out

soon. Plus. I got a TV appearancetomorrow, where Im gonna let Dreknow whats what.

CARLAGreat, honey. Did you take out thetrash?

INT. ELLEN (TV SHOW) SET - DAY

ELLENOK. My next guess is the white

motherfucker that Dr. Dre wants tokill. Truman Waco.

Theres light applause for the crowd as Truman walks on thethe set. He greets Ellen by giving her a variety of hip hopstyle handshakes, and then holding her and kissing her onthe lips.

ELLENWelcome to the show, Truman.

TRUMANYoure a lesbian.

ELLENRight. Now, Truman. You have beefwith Dre.

TRUMANRight.


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ELLENAnd Dre has beef with you.

TRUMANThats also correct.

ELLENThe two of you have beef.

TRUMANWe do.

ELLEN(smiling, joking, playful)

What kind of beef do you have? Isit Kung Pao beef? Do you run aChinese restaurant? Or is the beefat Wendys? Wheres the beef?

TRUMANThe beef is between me and Dr. Dre.


Doctor? What kind of doctor is he?Is he a Dr. like Dr. Pepper? Is hecarbonated? Can I call him bubbles?

TRUMANYou can call him bubbles. I callhim bitch.


Bitch? What kind of a bitch is he?Is he a Labrador retriever? Is he aGerman shepherd? German. Jermaine!Tito! Jackson! Jackson 5! Alright.Thanks for dropping by, Truman.

(to camera)My next guest is a true legend inthe music industry. Give it up forthe one and only, Tito Jackson!

The PRODUCER of the Ellen Show walks on stage.

PRODUCERActually, your next guest is BrianRegan.


Can I call him Bubbles?


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BOBOK, Truman. I gave Morgan Freemanyour music video.

TRUMANWe made a music video?

BOBYeah.

TRUMANOh. I thought you were justrecording me while I was singing inthe shower.

BOBMTVs gonna air the video right

now.

Bob turns on a TV.

(ON TV) INT. MTV SET- DAY

MORGAN FREEMAN

Hello. Im Morgan Freeman.Representing the Westside.Anyways, Dr. Dres song "TR 187"has been heard by everyone on the

planet. And now heres the worldpremiere of Truman Wacosretaliatory diss, titled "Its On."

INT. SHOWER - DAY

Truman is showering while rapping.

TRUMANDre, Dre, Dre--yous a ho / Ho, ho,ho--everybody knows / When yousleep with Dre, brother you dontcuddle / Im soaping my chest, lookat at all of these bubbles / Dr.Dre / Whatya say / Youre reallygay / Groundhog Day / Im bowlingstrikes, while youre in the gutter/ Youre eating bread, but where isthe butter? / Butterflies--where dothey flutter? / Look at your

(MORE)


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TRUMAN (contd)basement, theres too much clutter/ Youre minimum wage, Im makingseven figures / I am white, and youare a negro / Im the big boss, Dreyoure the ditch digger / I am a

white man, and you are a non-whiteman / I got the gun, with my fingeron the trigger / You are black, notorange like Tigger / Youre AfricanAmerican, Ill call you a cab / Thejig is up, or shall I say jigger? /Im trying-to-find words, that endin igger / Dre is drained, but Ivegot vigor / Im light skinned, butDre is a noodle / A noodle thatsblack, and served in the ghetto /With marinara sauce / Dr. Dre isnot Caucasian. ... Hes something

other than Caucasian. ... And Imgonna kill him. ... For non-racialreasons.


TRUMANOK. The songs out. So I guessthats gonna take care of Dre. Nowhes not gonna kill me.

BOB

What are you talking about? Nowhes really gonna kill you.

TRUMANWhat?

BOBYeah. Thats how hip hop works.Before, Dre was just offering tohave a feud. He didnt have thelegal ghetto rights to actuallykill you. But now that youveaccepted his offer, that means itson.


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EXT. DR. DRES HOME - DAY

Dr. Dre is holding a machine gun, standing next to hisLamorghini in his driveway.

DR. DREIts on, Truman Waco!

He gets into his car and speeds down a street.

INT. WACO HOME (LIVING ROOM) - DAY

Carla is doing aerobics. There are still empty ketchupbottle everywhere.

Truman walks in.

CARLATruman. Did you take out the trash?

TRUMANYes.

CARLAWhat the hell are you doing here?Word on the street is that Dr. Dreis fiin to kill you, and hesdriving here right now. And hespissed at you for calling him then-word.

TRUMANHey. I did not call him the n-word.I called him black, a negro, anAfrican-American, and a noodle.

CARLAWhatever. Dre is on his way. Youneed to lay low, homey.

TRUMANTell Dre to lay low! Im not layinglow! Im laying high, Carla! Imlaying high!

CARLATruman--I know you didnt take outthe trash! I was just in thekitchen! The trash is full!

Dr. Dre pulls up in the driveway. Truman and Carla look outthe window and see him.


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CARLAThats him!

Dre kicks in the door, and points a machine gun at Truman.

DR. DRE

Its on, Truman Waco!

TRUMANAbsolutely. Now give me a second tostretch.

Truman takes off his shirt and does a hamstring stretch.

DR. DREI heard that that stretch is badfor your knees.

TRUMAN

Really? My friends a trainer, andhe told me that its good for yourknees.

DR. DREAre you done stretching?

TRUMANOne more.

He stretches his glutes.

TRUMAN

This ones for the glutes.

He gets up.

TRUMANOK. Im done.

DR. DREAlright! Its on!

TRUMANI second that! Its on!

Dr. Dre looks around, and notices the empty ketchup bottles.

DR. DREWait a second. Are you acompetitive ketchup drinker?


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TRUMANYeah.

DR. DRE(friendly)

Im a competitive ketchup drinker,

too! Whats your best time?

TRUMANI did a four seven yesterday.

DR. DREFour seven? Thats good. I did afour three back in 2011. How longhave you been Heinzin?

TRUMANI started a few days ago.

DR. DREA few days ago? And youre alreadydown to a four seven? Shoot--yourerookie of the year. You know, I gota 48 pack of Heinz in myLamborghini. You wanna hit that?

TRUMANHell yeah.

As they walk out, Truman asks Dr. Dre:

TRUMAN

Let me ask you something. You knowhow you said "I got the guns, andyou know I got the butter?" Whatthe hell does that mean?

DR. DREGuns and butter, baby.

TRUMANWhat does that mean?

DR. DREI dont know. Bob wrote it.

TRUMANOh yeah. Bob.

THE END

truman waco - detox

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