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    iilii.]iffiil{[iiill.lIliljI,

    l. Born a glrl to gender-clanged'l' lrerllr l ' l 'hcber'bcconttnboy rged ien end r0ld In tlrv0ry lo ligyDt. In l14l) lt(l I om-b$rked or Punl tr Aflltu, hy nolvn lron8 yonfg nrln,2. We'd barely landed when this changedand I found myselffcmale onceagain, nor was I someandrogynousyoung child't'cclilg unsafeamongstmy lusty former crewmates escapedinto lhc jungle, almost without incident.

    3. For weeks wandered aimless, iving off the forest' stum-bling at last upon the ancient land of Kor, in what is nowUgandr. Thre, within a greal sky-blasted rater, discovereda peculiar pool.

    4. Bathing in its lapid, iquid flames,emergingstrangelyvital-ised, noticed old namesand a maP caned at its edge. I didnot cane my name here til millennia ater,during the upstartAyesha's ule.)

    7. In llium, as Troy wss then called, n ll84 BC, I lirst kncwwar, a conflict instig atd by the gods o cull their hybrid by-blows, the increasingly alarming, often psychologicallyunstable ace of heroes. hose met were pitiable, or elsehatc-

    ftrl: Ajar a confused brute; Achilles a smaniac; Odysseusa shifty little swine. EvAphrodite and Anchises, whom I escapedperfect.

    8. Oh, I loved him well enough.Everyone did. Son ofthe LoveGoddess, eneaswas rresistible,breaking hearts eve4ryhere,like poor Quen Dido's when, headed for Italy after Troy'sdownfall, we put brielly into Carthage.

    9. Tragedy hauntd Aeneas's amily. Livingfor eighty years as oyal, ageless ion, I lingreat-grandson Brutus banished for accidfather. and electd o travel with him.

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    6. After the King departed I remained, becoming over to thelloyal Mother of the Wst, as the goddesswas known. She'dgained immortality by copulating three thousand mcn todeath,and our passionswere urious.

    7. Gods are exhausting,even o immortals,travelling back to Italy under my new' Latwhich alsomeans life.'Unbelievably,'d centuries, ime passingdifferently amongstd|, Born lemlh In 1260 lc with my sire Tiresias's endency orchltrgllg gcndcr, I hnd emerged mmortal from an Africanpool. lrnd fotrght flt'Iroy as Bion, comrade ofAeneas. Now itwtrr ll00 llc, rnd, with Aeneas's great-grandson, young

    Brutus, I'd reached he northern island where a vision hadtold Brutus he would found a mighty nation. Disappointingly,it w as already populatedby a grotesque ace of giants,

    ll. Two millennia later, I heard that the ruthless Ugandanimmortal Ayesha, finding her self incarnated in China andlacking a power-base, ad somehowcontrived to both kill andreplaceHsi Wang Mu, ruling there on K'un Lun, now called

    Hes or F ire Mountain, in my lover's stead.the fact with shame, hat is one ight I shouldness. owever, eturning o my own ale.... Thesewere subduedwhenBrutus's bestwrestlerthrew theirchicftain (a monstrositycalled Gogmagog, r possiblyGogma-goot)over a cliff. Within ten yearswe'd almost wiped out theentire giant raceupon that rain-swept sle.

    3. Obviously, some suryived, yengefullyplaguing Brutain (asBrutus named the land) for centuries,By then, though, oncemore femalc and weary of Brutain's capital New Troy (orTroy-Novantum), 'd moved on for pasturesgreenen

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    'TRUMP12 T

    l. Mldc dusl-gandcrcdnd mmortalby astounding uirksoIlirtc, I w0r 560 yc0rs old when, in 700 BC, I enlisiei in theurmy of lluhylon's Queen and founder Semuramis, then

    2, Decadesater,Semuramisseduced er own son and succes-sor, allegedly becoming divine upon her death. Aftr that Imoved on, fighting for Persia againstGreeceat Marathon in490 BC, afteruards wandering he region.

    Shortly afterAlexander's death becameVita again,spend-the next two hundred and fifty years reading my wayhrough the grat library at Alexandria, with Ptolcmaicfabulousalthough ncestuous ulture spreadaround mc

    6. Male once more, retnrned to Rome n 70its founders now forgotten, Embroited iescaped unishmetrtby simply declaring..I'elseapparently being named"Spartacus."

    8, Eleven years thereafterback in Rome, Cassassinated, becamea soldier of Marc Aalfair with radiant (albeit pungent) Cleopadisastrousbattle with Augustus,at Actium.

    (ilI!tr8(d ln coilquering ndia. As manly Vito, veteranofTroy, I

    routedenemywar elephants, ecominghe eueen.s oremoslmilitary advisor,houghneverher bedfellow ince he endedlto execute hese he following morning. presumably, Iher better alive.

    z ffi

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    {TRU

    6. In 410 Rome withdrew, empire collapsingand I watched noble Uther's Cornish kingdForty years ater, with Merli nus in his eightilous eyentsestablished new monarch name

    i1. mm0il$l $ltd tr{llri*fu{1, tstlve hundred years old by thellrut c{illuf} ltlir l'd *lir.tl tume'r emperorscomeand go. n 30AD, illfitr, *hlld'rtt$h*thg 'l'iberius was succeededby ther{thl$rf; {||lthotl$h uildtnl$bly sfl e) Caligula.

    5. Returning there, enjoying the new myth-soaked atmo-sphere, n 376 AD I was seduced,embarrassingly, by a mostcharismatic thirteen-year-old boy. Irresistibly persuasivc,nllegedlyson o the Devil, his name was AmbrosiusMcrlinus.2. Stuttering, skulking Claudins followed, who, n 43 ADmore inyaded Britain, this time successfully.Seninghim asVito, I found Britain a depressing lace, ransfeningNapleswith Nero's succession.

    { 7. Ah, Arthurian Britain, quite as wonderful as s supposed,I rnd vet within two decades oundered dismalltr with Merlinto volcano-free ands near the Black Seawhere, n 100 AD, Ii cntomnea by a sorceress,Arturus slain in battle with hisbecameapprentice o great Appolonius of Tyana, and then tof wronged child Mordred on Salisbury Plain. I knew them all:the charlatan snake-cultist,Alexander of Abonoteichus.

    knew sweet Guenevere;half-witted Percivamonstrously ugly Lancelot. Male once againalongside hem in that final battle (from whisalvagedArthur's sword).3. In 79 AD I sailed rom Napl eswith the famed scribe Pliny'sexpedition o Pompeii, ts citizens ecently killed by an erup-tion ofvolcanic gas.Fearing urther outburstso stayedaboard$hip, thus narrowly escapingPliny's fate. Shaken, relocated

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    TRUMF 26 TR

    l. Oyer 1700years old and temporarily mate, 490AD foundne et Brothgar's court in Denmark, where I encountered$rendel, a rampaging monster,and thereafter Beowulf. I,mstlll not entirelysure what Beowulfwas, exactly.

    2.4 decade ater, n 500AD, I accompaniedhe hero Siegfried,who, excpt or being suicidallybrave, had no other perional-ity traits whatsoeven t wds hrough him, however, hat Iglimpsedhigher,ethereal ealms.

    Now a Saracen,with Roland mispronouncd Orlando', inI met the Caliph Haroun Al Raschi d and his beguil-concubine Scheharezade,More devastatingly, also metloveof my protracted ife, a mariner named Sindbad.

    I roamed with Caliph Vathek as he was more lately known,him build thepalaceAlkoremi in Samarah and accom-his trip up the Fakreddin Valley to the hushedblackof Ishtakar, the genii-haunted catacombs beneath

    7. Nearthirty blissfulyearswe were ogetheeighth voyage from which he never wouldalmost a century in Baghdad, until HaroWathik Be'llah bec&meCaliph,

    3. These territories, that modern sciencemight term otherdimensions orderingours, whi lst stricrlyspiaking outsideTlme, nevrtheless ave historiesand conflicti as umultuousf,s hoseofthis material world. In the terrestrial veir 56gAD.

    for instance, beheld the end of the Teutonic gods at Rag-narok, a cataclysmmirrored in the Earthly realm by a coli-sion with a weighty meteoric ock, its dust veiling the heavensfor threevears.

    them. Here I witnessedVathek bargain withfor a vision of Hell's treasures,whereaftereternally. This seemedunfair, since franklywere rather,.,suburban.

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    IRUMP loctober19s3

    iI{

    I

    Soon afteruards, thc Doctor was approached by a prcco-thirteen-year-old nobleman from Italy, seeking occultction. Faust being otherwise engagedust then, I accom-I the roy back to Milan. His nam was Prospero,

    7. Duk Prospero'scompanion during youthin 1558 o England, where he was made Conewly-crowned Glorima, England's Quebrutal Henry VIII and faerie half-breed NanL Dcspl lc urvlvhg !,450 ycurs already,ma n and woman.som(tlmsd four*d thnl thosebcastlyMiddle Agessimplywouldx"t *fld, lh0n ll0bln Hood'sMerry Men, encounterednI l!|? ol t'gtttrfihI from the Crusades, eemedmiserable,

    3, Crlture-starued, by 1450 AD I had settled n Constanti-nople, hrone oflearning, where made my living as a dancer,studyingby day.Unfortunately, only threeyears ater the Byz-ntrlinecapital fell to thegloweringOttoman hordesofMehmei

    2. Mainland Europe was no improvement. In 1307,once againand becomeWilliam Tell'sassistantwhile hehis apple rick on tour, we wer eyerywherebesetbymonsters. rolls and Dire-Wolves.

    the Second, nding Byzantium'sempire after a mere hyears.Along with othr scholars, fld west to Italy,alongas many books and manuscriptsas could carry,

    Charged by prescient Gloriana to inaugurate a mightyafter her death,Prospero esided n Mortlake under theSuttle, with wife Doll Common and fellow alchemistFace.Meanwhile I languished,bored, n London,

    9. When his wife died, grieving Prospero toranda to an sland, not to return until 1610,wGloriana's prophecied'League.' This incluChristian. whom we rescued rom a madhou

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    TRUMP 10Odobtrl953 m

    iiil l i

    Having aided Percy Blakeney during France's reyolution,ne century'send frequently accompanied im, MargueriteI Fanny on the rio's annual sojourns hrough erotic Europe,:hour weeks pent n twilit Horselbergbeing mostmemorable.

    6. With the remarkably etderly Gulliver's deleagueoncemore disintegratd. spentmuchcentury n France ascompanion o either supFortunio, or ambiguousMademoisellede Mal. Alnost 3,000 earsold by 1696AD and currently aman, I,daakenup with an engagingcrew of misfits, as originally pro-posod by England's faerie monarch Glori&na prior to herdetth ln 1603. accompaniedheir last adventure, errying an

    ailing Prospero back to the spectral Arctic .Blazing Worldwhere he ook leaveofus forevenHis lastwords. at theof thal shimmeringmirage,were Followme.'

    2. SinceGloriana's deathand subsequentKingJacob,s viciouspurgesofthe faerie ace,enchantmenthad beenscarce n Brit-ain. Fairyland withdrew contact entirely in 1616, he sameyear that noted biographersShakespeare nd Ceruantesdied.

    3. With Prospero gone and our leaguedisbanded, Enseemed ull. I roamed he world, even evisitingKor in Iand its magic pool, this time caning my namc on the

    1906 ound me emale, ravellingin Tibet where, at the mon-)ry So Sa Ling, I was captured by Bon sorcerers,who useddreadfully, but didn't make me into ointment, as hey didmn.8. Escaping, reached he azureMount Karablazoned hangri-La,where was earninging lama when intrrupted by an English undertaking expeditions n the area.

    therebeside t: 'Orlando.'

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    InUMP 17odober1953 'IR

    l Ancient and of varying gender, contribtrted enthusiasti-cally to Willrelmina's 20th century tam. n 1910,male again,I strived alongsideher, Allan, the thief Raffles and occultistCarnacki to avert disasterat King George'scoronation.

    lly 1939, of course , the dictator Adenoid Hynkel hadthe world into a new and evenmore destructivc war.n to keep abreastof changing imes, I masteredaeronau-and enlisted n the RoyalAir Force, lying with aces nch2. n 1913,assisting he team againstFrench counterpartsHommesMysterieux, nearly died battling the albino, Z(in pounding rain a top the ParisOpera. Clearly, his newtury wasasdangerous san yothcr.

    Now t is 1943.My tale s almostover,while outside he air-continues. know that Allan and Mina are aliye some-enough to see Agincourt's phantom bowmen aidingEnglish. One ghost claimed to recogniseme, hough I d and expect hat I shall se hem,sooner or later.think that I was evn 41Agincourt. Who knows? PerhI was.

    as Bigglesworth, Hebblethwaite,and yisitinseemed, rankly, bonkers).Shot down overback to Blighty to find my comradesmissiheadquarters deserted.

    8. As for myself, was three housand wo hyearsold lastweek, and endure. saw Londwith Trojan blades,and now see t flattenedbdiary devices.3. It was certainly as warlike. Having some military experi-etce, I fought for Britain in World War One, as did mycolleague, penitent bandit A. J. Raffls, who'd lose his lifeduring the conflict, At the Battle of Mons, I was lucky