this is me and my two familiesby m. d. evans

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This Is Me and My Two Families by M. D. Evans Family Relations, Vol. 36, No. 3 (Jul., 1987), p. 343 Published by: National Council on Family Relations Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/583553 . Accessed: 12/06/2014 20:28 Your use of the JSTOR archive indicates your acceptance of the Terms & Conditions of Use, available at . http://www.jstor.org/page/info/about/policies/terms.jsp . JSTOR is a not-for-profit service that helps scholars, researchers, and students discover, use, and build upon a wide range of content in a trusted digital archive. We use information technology and tools to increase productivity and facilitate new forms of scholarship. For more information about JSTOR, please contact [email protected]. . National Council on Family Relations is collaborating with JSTOR to digitize, preserve and extend access to Family Relations. http://www.jstor.org This content downloaded from 185.44.78.113 on Thu, 12 Jun 2014 20:28:48 PM All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions

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Page 1: This Is Me and My Two Familiesby M. D. Evans

This Is Me and My Two Families by M. D. EvansFamily Relations, Vol. 36, No. 3 (Jul., 1987), p. 343Published by: National Council on Family RelationsStable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/583553 .

Accessed: 12/06/2014 20:28

Your use of the JSTOR archive indicates your acceptance of the Terms & Conditions of Use, available at .http://www.jstor.org/page/info/about/policies/terms.jsp

.JSTOR is a not-for-profit service that helps scholars, researchers, and students discover, use, and build upon a wide range ofcontent in a trusted digital archive. We use information technology and tools to increase productivity and facilitate new formsof scholarship. For more information about JSTOR, please contact [email protected].

.

National Council on Family Relations is collaborating with JSTOR to digitize, preserve and extend access toFamily Relations.

http://www.jstor.org

This content downloaded from 185.44.78.113 on Thu, 12 Jun 2014 20:28:48 PMAll use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions

Page 2: This Is Me and My Two Familiesby M. D. Evans

therapeutic implications of the media- tion process; he compares the process of mediation with counseling. Finally, Marilyn Henderson presents a cost- effective model to create a mediation service, either private or public. The mediation guidelines for California Lawyer Mediators are presented in the appendix.

"Key Issues in Family Mediation Training and Practice" (MQ13) focuses on training of mediators, the role of children, financial matters, and other issues in this collection of 10 articles. Jean Fargo proposes an academic graduate curriculum for training family mediators that is different from family therapy or law. Linda Girdner dis- cusses the needed development of theory and practice distinct from fami- ly therapy or law. She sees a balance between the two and seeks a synthesis of needed knowledge for mediation practice. John Haynes examines the need for supervision of mediators working to resolve child custody disputes. He presents a model for case selection and discusses supervision of beginning mediators and graduate students. Roger Volkema looks at em- powerment in mediation and the need to train disputants at all stages in the mediation process. Data is presented from a survey of 53 dispute-resolution centers in the United States and Canada. Sara Childs Grebe compares strategic family therapy with family mediation, including how the mediator can adapt therapy techniques to the mediation process. George Ferrick challenges the boundaries of family mediation. Illustrating his belief that mandatory mediation is empowerment, he demonstrates how this can be used with abused women who agree to me- diation. Bob Helm and Sharon Scott state their case that a third neutral par- ty can be used as an advocate for an ab- sent child or other significant party to permit balance within the mediation process. Morna Barsky presents case studies to illustrate the ranges of child support, property division, and spousal support as awarded by the courts and the emotional impact of these deci- sions. Lenard Marlow explores how a mediator can use a budget for living apart with a divorcing couple. And Joel Edelman expounds on the premature attempts to draft standards for family mediators and states a case for not limiting the development of family mediation too soon.

Evans, M. D. (1986). This is Me and My Two Families. Omaha, NE: P.O. Box 31342, Saddle Creek Station (68131), 87 pp., $9.95 (paper).

A self-awareness scrapbook/jour- nal for children living with two families, this was written by a stepparent frus- trated with the lack of useful materials to guide her and her family through this new and confusing life style. This book is designed as a communication tool for children to work on with their parent, stepparent, foster or adoptive parent, or other caretaker. Useful for children not in their biological homes, therapists and teachers will also find this a helpful tool in helping children and their families sort out their feel- ings about their home situation.

The book is organized by categories: This is Me, Myself, One of My Families (repeated for the child's other family), and Other Things About Me. Each category has a place for a photograph or drawing reflecting the child's visual perspective. Sentences are offered with blanks to fill in to draw out the child's feelings, opinions, and factual data. Instructions are included in an unobtrusive way to guide the child. Attempts have been made to in- clude requests for information about all possible family members, including biological and non-biological relation- ships. Evans suggests that instruction pages and pages that are not relevant for a particular child be removed from the book, and she cautions that there are not right or wrong answers. A re- quest for an evaluation of the book is included at the end.

The open and non-judgmental for- mat of the book permits a great deal of self-expression. The issues and con- cepts presented are important ones in adjusting to a new family form. An adult who works with a child through this medium will certainly learn a great deal about how the child views her or his world. A descriptive word guide helps the readers find ways to express their feelings. In the categories of Me and Myself, places are included for fac- tual data about the child. Boxes are provided for the child to draw "what I look like when I'm happy" or sad, or a blank for the child to add his or her own feeling. This is followed by sentence starters, such as "I laugh the most when ", or "If I had a magic potion, I'd ." Subsequent cate- gories are organized similarly, begin- ning with spaces for drawings or photographs, factual data (where ap- propriate), and sentence starters rang- ing from non-threatening information to highly charged emotional areas. The

organization offers the child fun while helping him or her talk about feelings. Two identical categories focus on fami- ly, allowing the child to look at each of two families. Each one includes sec- tions on adults in the family, siblings, and grandparents. In each case, the range of relationships is offered, such as grandparents, stepgrandparents, and grandadults, allowing the child to relate to every conceivable possibility.

I n the final category, Other Things About Me, a myriad of topics are of- fered including holidays, school, teacher, sports/games, friends, talking, thinking/daydreaming, scary things, books, television, movies, being sick, things to do, dreaming when asleep, happenings, and talents. A certificate on the last page of the book symbol- izes the significance and effort of com- pleting the content.

This can be used in very different ways and with different paces. Be- cause of the recognition that much of the literature for children focuses upon intact family situations, those from two families often do not have role models with whom they can identify. This book fills this gap very nicely. Evans' train- ing as an educator is evident in the structure of This Is Me and My Two Families. It has sections that would be useful for children in only one family as well, although the language is geared for two families consistently. It would seem to be geared for school-aged children, but with help some younger children might find parts useful, and the sentence starters are challenging enough for some adolescents.

Brown, Laurene Krasny, & Brown, Marc. (1986). Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide for Changing Families. Bos- ton: Atlantic Monthly Press, 32 pp., $13.95 (cloth).

Written for children, this pic- ture/story book creatively deals with divorce from the perspective of young children. Capitalizing on the current popularity of dinosaurs among young children, the book talks about how dinosaur families cope with divorce. The contents include divorce words and what they mean, why parents divorce, what about you?, after the divorce, living with one parent, visiting your parent, having two homes, cele- brating holidays and special occa- sions, telling your friends, meeting parents' new friends, living with step- parents, and having stepsisters and stepbrothers. In each section, illustra- tions of personified dinosaur family members accompany a simple, to-the-

July 1987 FM FAMILY RELATIONS 343

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