things i wish i’d known when i was younger - lifehack

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s I wish Id known when I was younger - lifehack.org

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Things I wish Id known when I was younger

Most people learn over time, but often learning comes too late to be fully useful. There are certainlymany things that I know now that would have been extremely useful to me earlier in my life; things that

could have saved me from many of the mistakes and hurts I suffered over the yearsand most of thosethat I inflicted on others too.

I dont buy the romantic notion that my life has been somehow richer or more interesting because of all thetimes I screwed up; nor that the mistakes were put there to help me learn. I made them myselfthroughignorance, fear, and a dumb wish to have everyone like meand life and work would have been less stressfuland more enjoyable (and certainly more successful) without them. So here are some of the things I wish I had learned long ago. I hope they may help a few of you avoid the mistakes that I made back then.

Most of it doesnt matter . So much of what I got excited about, anxious about, or wasted my time and energy on, turned out not to matter. There are only a few things that truly count for a happy life. I wish I


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had known to concentrate on those and ignore the rest.The greatest source of misery and hatred in this world is clinging to past hurts . Look at all theterrorists and militant groups that hark back to some event long gone, or base their justification for killing on claims of some supposed historical right to a bit of land, or redress for a wrong done hundredsof years ago.Waiting to do something until you can be sure of doing it exactly right means waiting for ever . Oneof the greatest advantages anyone can have is the willingness to make a fool of themselves publicly and often. Theres no better way to learn and develop. Heck, its fun too.Following the latest fashion, in work or in life, is spiritual and intellectual suicide . You can be acheap imitation of the ideal of the moment; or you can be a unique individual. The choice is yours.Religion isnt the opiate of the masses, fashion is.If people complain that youre too fond of going your own way and arent fitting in, you must beon the right track . Who wants to live life as a herd animal? The guys in power dont want you to fit infor your own sake; they want you to stop causing them problems and follow their orders. You cant havethe freedom to be yourself and meekly fit in at the same time.If you make your work your life, youre making your life into hard work . Like most people, Iconfused myself by looking at people like artists and musicians whose lifes work fills their time. Thatisnt work. Its who they are. Unless you have some overwhelming passion that also happens to allowyou to earn a living doing it, always remember that work should be a means to an end: living an

enjoyable life. Spend as little time on the means as possible consistent with achieving the end. Onlyidiots live to work.The quickest and simplest way to wreck any relationship is to lis ten to gossip . The worst way tospend your time is spreading more. People who spread gossip are the plague-carriers of our day.Cockroaches are clean, kindly creatures in comparison.Trying to please other people is largely a futile activity . Everyone will be mad at you sometime. Mostof the people you deal with will dislike, disparage, belittle, or ignore what you say or do most of thetime. Besides, you can never really know what others do want, so a good deal of whatever you do in thatregard will go to waste. Be comforted. Those who love you will probably love you regardless, and theyare the ones whose opinions are worth caring about. The rest arent worth five minutes of thought

between them.

Every winner is destined to be a loser in due course . Its great to be up on the winners podium. Justdont imagine you can stay there for ever. Worst of all is being determined to do so, by any meansavailable.You can rarely, if ever, please, placate, change, or mollify an asshole . The best thing you can do isstay away from every one you encounter. Being an asshole is a contagious disease. The more time youspend around one, the more likely you are to catch it and become one too.Everything takes twice as long as you plan for and produces results about half as good as youhoped. Theres no reason to be downhearted about this. Just allow for it and move on.People are oddly consistent . Liars usually tell lies. Cheaters cheat whenever it suits them. A personwho confides in you has usually confided in several others firstbut not got the response they wanted.A loyal friend will stay loyal under enormous amounts of thoughtless abuse.

However hard you try, you cant avoid being yourself . Who else could you be? You can act and pretend, but the person acting and pretending is still you. And if you wont accept yourselfand do the best you can with what you havewho then has any obligation to accept you?When it comes to blatant lies, there are none more egregious than budget figures . Time spentagonizing over them is time wasted. Even if (miracle of miracles!) yours are honest and accurate, no oneelse will have been so foolish.The loudest noise in the world is the sound of people whining . Dont add to it.

Adrian Savage is a writer, an Englishman, and a retired business executive, in that order, who now lives inTucson, Arizona. You can read his other articles at Slow Leadership , the site for everyone who wants to build acivilized place to work and bring back the taste, zest and satisfaction to leadership and life. Recent articles


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there on similar topics include Chickens, eggs, and happiness and Why perfection isnt a viable goal . His latest book, Slow Leadership: Civilizing The Organization , is now available at all good bookstores.

Author: Adrian SavagePosted: Monday, July 23rd, 2007 at 9:00 amTags: experience , lifehack , lifestyle , mistake , work Bookmark or Share this with a friend!

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Omar Dixon: Me, My Life and I. Things I wish Id know when I was younger 7.isso to tipicamente eu Blog Archive the loudest sound in the world is the sound of people whining8.

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Kevin says on:July 23rd, 2007 at 10:25 am

The title should be known not know

1.

Matt says on:July 23rd, 2007 at 11:17 am

This is downright depressing. How about a little optimism! This one in particular struck me as extremelydefeatist:

Everything takes twice as long as you plan for and produces results about half as good as you hoped.Theres no reason to be downhearted about this. Just allow for it and move on.

Ive found this to be the case only if things are not well-planned and thought out ahead of time. How

2.


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about some tips for that?!

Damian says on:July 23rd, 2007 at 11:26 am

Damn, the world sounds like a sad place indeed good bye cruel world!

3.

Reginald Adkins says on:

July 23rd, 2007 at 3:33 pm

Most of it doesnt matter Man, I hope your wrong about that.

4.

Nicola Larosa says on:July 23rd, 2007 at 5:23 pm

Ehi, *great* list! I agree with every single you said, I cant believe it.

Well, I am glad that being in my forties apparently brings some understanding of life.

This would be useful reading, understanding and discussing for many young, and not so young, people.

5.

me says on:July 23rd, 2007 at 6:27 pm

Most of it doesnt matter.this is definitely true.

I started to think: what will happen if I fail? -> well: you dont know -> probably nothing what youwont be able to handle.

friends and family are important. the rest can be a bonus.

6.

Jimmy says on:July 23rd, 2007 at 6:30 pm

Look at all the terrorists, you mean Americans? What past, many past for you but for most the world itis present! last time I remember you country is still supporting their puppets, their latest favorite isBusharaff! Obviously before you open you mouth try researching your topic other wise you advise onsound good to idiots like you!

7.

Alex Makita says on:July 23rd, 2007 at 10:30 pm

Jimmy..please stfu..are you not understanding USA mores.hmm ASSimilate my man..You are inAmerica.Been older i can more appreciate this writing..pensive peacefulonly so many heartbeats.

8.

John says on:July 23rd, 2007 at 10:36 pm

Unfortunately the guy who wrote this wasnt successful with women, his job, or anything else in life.The bitterness just oozes through his writing.

9.

Dan says on:July 23rd, 2007 at 10:51 pm

10.


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The greatest source of misery and hatred in this world is clinging to past hurts. Look at all the terroristsand militant groups that hark back to some event long gone, or base their justification for killing onclaims of some supposed historical right to a bit of land, or redress for a wrong done hundreds of yearsago.

I do agree here but why is it ok to ignore terrorists on this but not native aboriginals? The situationregarding land and past acts are exactly the same one has just resorted to violence because for somereason they dont get the same sympathetic ear as aboriginals do.

I use the word aboriginal in its true sense, not only describing Australian aboriginals.

Chriss Pagani says on:July 23rd, 2007 at 11:01 pm

Most of these points are half-true at best.Most of it doesnt matter - maybe, but also the smallest things that you THOUGHT werent importantat the time are the ones that come back to bite you.

The greatest source of miseryclinging to past hurts. No, it would be CURRENT hurts, actually.Palestinians are being oppressed and killed *today* ..these things arent in the past. One has to let go of the past at some point, but the example is incorrect.

Waiting to do somethingmeans waiting for ever. Going off half-cocked is an expression that comesto mind. Our problems arent usually caused by people waiting to get things right but by people whodive into stuff without knowing what the hell they are doing.

Following the latest fashion It depends on what you do in life. If you are a model or an artist or acritic or an interior decorator, failing to follow the latest fashion will mean the end of your career.

If people complain that youre too fond of going your own wayyou must be on the right track. Itsalways possible that you are thinking outside the box and creativelyit is also possible that you are

mentally deranged. Who knows? For that reason alone, this statement is dangerously inaccurate.If you make your work your life, youre making your life into hard work. Um, tell that to Picasso or Rembrandt! For some things, to be great, you MUST absorb your life into your work. Of course, if youwork at McDonalds then this statement is correct.

The quickest and simplest way to wreck any relationship is to listen to gossip. One poor woman Iknew several years ago believed this. Her friends told her that her husband was up to really bad things.She knew she shouldnt listen to gossip, and she should trust him instead. Now shes dead and hes in

prison. She should have listened.

Everything takes twice as long as you plan for and produces results about half as good as you hoped.Thats just one possible outcome. What about when you do a project just for fun and it turns out that youwin an award for it? The opposite outcome also has some probability of being true.

When it comes to blatant lies, there are none more egregious than budget figures. Well, that is justnonsense. Facts and figures are the MOST trustworthy things, IF they are properly done. If they arewrong, it is either because of incompetence or fraud.

..just setting the record straight.

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Andrew says on:July 23rd, 2007 at 11:53 pm

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Reading the comments to this (what i think should be self-evident) list I felt strangely compelled to rebutevery ignorant rebuttal that Mr. Chriss Pagani. By ignorant in this case I do not mean stupid, justill-considered and having missed the fact that for every counter-argument he offers there are manycounter-counter-arguments waiting to be made. I however cannot be bothered to make them because theywill not do Mr. Pagani any good as he clearly has little in the way of a faculty for reasoning, and as aresult will be a waste of my time.

I would, however, very much like to congratulate you on your list. The world would be a much better, if

less technologically advanced, place if everyone made good use of it.

Dave says on:July 24th, 2007 at 12:01 am

So much of this feedback knocks Adrian for being such a downer. Maybe one or two of you will actuallytrade false hope for real wisdom. The collective experience of pretty much everyone I know can besummarized thusly:

Its all about the money.

Real money comes from marketing yourself as something people will pay for.

Its basically a zero sum game synergy is just another marketing tool.

Boy that stuff about twice as long and half as good is on the mark! If you have any goals youd better have an acute sense of urgency.

Guys want sex and women want a family (and someone to pay the bills)Fatherhood will be great for a few years. After that every single father Ive ever met is frustated,weighted down and way undersexed.

Paradoxically, If you can really internalize all of this, its liberating. You dont have to become a bad person or fall into dispair. Just embrace clarity and make something happen, I did.

13.

D. Coit says on:July 24th, 2007 at 12:05 am

I wrote a short ebook on the very same subject but with 30 items.

http://www.ebookmall.com/ebook.....ebooks.htm

PeaceD. Coit

14.

Vinay says on:July 24th, 2007 at 12:30 am

very thoughtful. I like the one liner Waiting to do something until you can be sure of doing it exactlyright means waiting for ever.

15.

jim says on:July 24th, 2007 at 2:24 am

Matt:

16.


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Youve never done any engineering, have you?

There is an engineering truism you may want to familiarize yourself with. The first 90% of the prototype takes the first 90% of the time and money. The final 10% of the prototype takes the SECOND90% of the time and money.

I dont give a damn how well you plan. The Law of Unintended Consequences is going to bite you onthe ass, either way.

Idiot.

Robert says on:July 24th, 2007 at 2:44 am

One of my thoughts for many years has beenthat if you gave out $100 dollar bills on a street corner, someone would b*tch that they werent brand new bills. You can never please 100% of the people 100% of the time-trying to do so will make you verymiserable in life.

17.

Will says on:July 24th, 2007 at 3:49 am

I always find I worry about things, but once Ive done them I feel stupid for bothering to worry. I hope Igrow out of it soon because it causes so much unneeded stress!

18.

Nidis says on:July 24th, 2007 at 5:23 am

I must concur u_u while its true that itd help if we were taught such things early on, realistically,theres a reason why thats impossible to be effective. Because the lessons outlined are ones that haveto be realised through copious amounts of firsthand experience. It takes about 100 instances of seeingstupid people argue about unimportant matters before it really washes over you, and you think jesus,it IS pointless. Any old idiot can complain, it takes solid well composed input to really make a point.

19.

Dxpert says on:July 24th, 2007 at 8:04 am

If you make your work your life, youre making your life into hard work. Like most people, I confused myself by looking at people like artists and musicians whose lifes work fills their time. That isntwork. Its who they are. Unless you have some overwhelming passion that also happens to allow you toearn a living doing it, always remember that work should be a means to an end: living an enjoyable life.Spend as little time on the means as possible consistent with achieving the end. Only idiots live to work.

You spend most of your time working or sleeping, I sure hope that I find a job that I love.

20.

Dave says on:July 24th, 2007 at 8:14 am

Great article. The secret to understanding the article is to read the points with a positive perspective. Yes,the article points out a lot of things *not* to do. Why? Because that is the point. If you are going to livelife as a unique person with unique talents, you cannot work from a list of someone elses positive todo itemsinstead, all you need to do is avoid these things identified on the negative list.

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My attempt at some positive tips:

As young as possible, figure out what you are good at, what you like to do, then find a way to do it.

Evaluate which friends and family are helping you do what you are good at. Spend more time with them.

Live as cheaply as possible and share your money, time, and talents with the poor.

Learn to listen to other people. Learn to hear what they are saying and feeling. Learn to talk with them.

In summary, people matter.

ray says on:July 24th, 2007 at 8:31 am

What a load of condescending twaddle.

22.

Steve Bildermann says on:July 24th, 2007 at 8:41 am

and of course each one plagiarized from Arthur James Balfour, 1st Earl of Balfour.Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all

etc

23.

jim says on:July 24th, 2007 at 8:50 am

You forgot one:

Always remove replies I dont like so others are not able to read them. This makes me feel good.

24.

CM says on:July 24th, 2007 at 9:20 am

Good stuff, but I dont agree.If you knew all this when you were young, then you would be complaining about something else today.When you come to the realization that there is no difference between a terrorist and the victims or

between a wealthy and a poor person, then you will find happiness.Solve the paradox and you will see the truth.CM

25.

Alex says on:July 24th, 2007 at 9:22 am

but often learning comes too late to be fully useful

For someone giving advice to other people. That is an awfully stupid remark.

Learning NEVER comes too late. In fact it is always on time.

26.

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