NEWSBOY CAPS

There are far more dignified ways to keep a balding pate protected from the elements, or draw attention to your sense of style. Unless you’re the clubhouse manager at a 200+ year old golf course, leave it on the rack.

ANYTHING MESH (OUTSIDE THE GYM)

We really don’t feel that any more explanation than the picture provided should be necessary.

ANY PIECE OF SPORTSWEAR FROM A SCHOOL YOU DID NOT ATTEND

Don’t dishonor the proud alumni of Biglerville High School (Home of the Canners) with your poor performance at your co-ed kickball game, no matter how great the logo is or how cheap it was at Goodwill.

SWEATER VESTS

“I need something that keeps exactly 1/6th of my body warm”, said no one, ever.

CROCS

The new socks with sandals, now in one convenient package. Nobody cares how comfortable they are—after an hour of wear they smell like a YMCA shower curtain.

HAWAIIAN SHIRTS

You’ve heard of plaid, right?

ASCOT

Unless you’re going to wear a frock coat and Homburg as well. Do it right or don’t do it at all.