The$Minecra+$Times$ 2/4/2013$

Zany$Zombie$Army$A9acks$Village$$$RRRRRR!!!$That’s$the$sound$of$a$zillion$zombies$a9acking$a$village.$All$Steves$know$what$happens$when$zombies$are$with$villagers.$BAM!!!$Lots$of$zombie$villagers.$This$is$bad.$We$have$interviewed$a$villager$whose$friends$have$been$a9acked.$$$Steve:$Hello.$My$name$is$Steve$from$The$Minecra+$Times.$How$do$you$feel$about$your$fellow$villagers$being$turned$into$zombies?$$$Villager$offers$Steve$a$book.$$$$Steve:$Uh,$thanks,$but$I$am$not$giving$up$emeralds$for$that.$

A$scary$a9ack$of$the$zany$zombies,$also$know$as$a$siege.$

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Ask$Steve$

Dear$Steve,$

How$come$we$can’t$just$be$friends$with$creepers?$

Steve$from$Creepland$

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Dear$Steve,$

Well,$creepers$I$guess$are$just$mean$and$feisty,$and$no$one$wants$to$befriend$a$creature$that$explodes$in$your$face.$I$remember$one$night$I$met$this$creeper,$his$name$was$TNT.$We$became$friends,$and$then$he$blew$up$in$my$face.$So$I$had$to$eat$a$lot$of$watermelon$to$make$up$for$all$the$hearts$I$lost.$No$wonder$he$had$that$name.$Well,$most$Steves$have$that$kind$of$experience$with$creepers.$I$recommend$not$trying$to$befriend$them.$$

Your$friend,$$

Steve$

Giving$you$news$of$the$world$of$Steves.$

Why$You$Should$Visit$The$Nether$World$and$

The$End$Are$you$ever$]red$of$Steveland$and$its$Steves?$Well,$you$should$go$to$the$Nether$World$or$the$End.$In$the$Nether$World$there$are$great$hotels$run$by$these$really$nice$zombie$pigmen$who$enjoy$bathing$you$in$lava$and$almost$(not)$killing$you$with$their$really$lame$golden$swords.$Well,$if$you$go$there,$I$recommend$killing$these$zombie$pigmen$because$all$they$really$want$to$do$it$eat$your$brains,$carrots,$and$ride$your$minecart.$The$advantages$of$this$are$that$you$get$gold$stuff$that$is$sort$of$good$to$make$clocks$and$cheap$armor.$Actually$(I$am$sure$you$are$very$surprised),$those$are$not$really$advantages.$The$advantages$are$that$you$get$TONS$of$experience$points,$which$you$can$use$to$enchant$stuff.$Now,$I$think$you$should$visit$the$End$to$slay$an$Ender$Dragon$or$two$and$go$to$the$lovely$hotels$that$the$Endermen$own.$And$as$long$as$you$don’t$look$at$their$faces$(you$will$die),$you$will$enjoy$your$visit.$$$

Travel:$Great$Places$to$Relax$$

So$far,$millions$of$monsters$dead$with$tons$of$diamonds$retrieved.$Miner,$Steve$(as$in$the$picture$above),$has$reached$a$million$diamonds$mined$so$far,$so$we$posed$him$in$this$cool$picture.$Lots$of$elements$have$been$found,$including$dirt,$which$most$disapprove$of.$If$you$want$to$become$a$miner,$call$555cBEAcMINR.$Start$mining$today!$

The$Mining$Profits$

Business$

Zombie$Pigmen$Toothpaste$

A$Recap$of$Last$Night’s$Steveball$Game$

Steve$catches$the$ball,$throws$it$to$Steve,$but$Steve$fumbles$it,$and$it$goes$to$Steve,$and$Steve$throws$it,$and$he$scores!!$Interview$of$Steve$$Steve:$Are$you$enjoying$your$]me$playing?$Steve:$What$game$again$are$we$playing?$

Steve$

Buy$Your$Zombie$Pigmen$Toothpaste$Today!$It$has$refreshing$zombie$pigmen$flavor$straight$from$the$Nether!$

Do$you$feel$]red$of$killing$creepers$and$zombies$EVERY$]me$you$mine?$Well,$go$to$Steve’s$Easy$Mine$to$mine$without$the$worry$of$monsters!$

Sports$

The$Villager$King$Doesn’t$Approve$of$The$Hal+ime$Show$

The$hal+ime$show$was$great,$with$firework$stars,$creeper$taming$and$everything$else.$But,$by$the$look$on$his$face,$the$villager$king$did$not$enjoy$it.$A+er$all,$when$I$offered$to$trade$my$emeralds$(which$he$has$been$wan]ng$SO$much$lately)$for$whatever$he$had,$all$he$offered$was$some$lame$watermelon,$which$I$have$a$MILLION$of.$If$you$weren’t$there$(which$I$doubt,$everyone$was$there,$even$a$few$creepers)$this$is$what$they$looked$like.$It$was$amazing.$I$mean,$why$not$like$it?$But$I$guess$all$the$villagers$there$had$that$crazed$look$on$their$face.$So$I$am$just$not$going$to$be$offended.$Though$I$am$sure$the$villager$king$totally$missed$the$giant$statue$of$the$creeper.$$

All$the$Steves$enjoyed$the$hal+ime$show,$but$apparently$not$the$Villager$King.$

World$News$

Survival$$

Today$we$talk$about$The$Ghast,$a$monster$which$shoots$fire$at$you$and,$if$you$kill$it,$will$drop$gunpowder$or$a$ghast$tear.$It$shoots$fire$at$the$player$and$you$should$use$the$above$example$to$survive$being$a9acked$by$one.$Some$problems$are$that$when$it$drops$the$ghast$tear,$since$it$flies,$it$may$drop$into$lava$or$somewhere$unreachable.$Also$if$you$are$at$this$level,$you$probably$have$a$lot$of$gunpowder$from$killing$creepers,$so$gegng$gunpowder$from$a$ghast$would$be$unnecessary.$

Next$Issue:$Squids$Living$

Why$You$Should$Ditch$Leather$Armor$and$Go$to$The$Good$Stuff$$

I$know$tons$of$Steves$who$go$for$the$cool$colors$of$leather$armor$any$day$rather$than$armor$like$iron.$Millions$of$Steves$have$a$lot$of$iron,$but$instead$use$leather$armor.$Leather$$armor$is$a$first$step$though$should$not$con]nue$to$be$used$when$you$get$iron.$Iron$armor$protects$much$be9er$than$leather,$gold,$and$chain$armor.$So$if$you$have$it,$you$should$use$it$correctly.$Leather$armor$is$not$for$everyday$use.$Instead$it$should$be$handed$out$to$the$needy$who$have$no$iron.$$With$so$many$colors,$leather$armor$may$look$cool,$but$it$is$not.$Leather$comes$from$a$live$animal$who$could$become$very$rare$if$we$keep$taking$materials$from$it.$

$Slaughtering$cows$for$this$purpose$is$mean$and$harmful.$$$Leather$armor$is$very$cool,$I$must$admit,$but$doesn’t$have$$many$uses.$Iron$and$diamond$armor$are$worth$more$points$$and$are$a$lot$nicer$to$look$at.$Instead$of$killing$cows$only$for$$their$leather,$how$about$the$Steves$just$use$other$armor?$

Opinion:$

The$Herobrine$Tracker$

I$am$sure$you$are$all$wondering;$Where$is$$Herobrine$so$I$can$avoid$him$and$his$house?$Well,$we$now$have$the$answer.$He$is$located$in$the$woods$of$Los$Stevos,$the$capital$of$Steveland.$I$doubt$anyone$knows$why$his$house$is$right$in$the$center.$Public$officials$are$marking$it.$So$if$you$see$a$DANGER$sign$in$the$woods,$don’t$go$any$farther.$Herobrine$will$kill$you$if$he$sees$you.$And$especially$don’t$ever$sleep$in$his$house!$

Picture$Contest$Winners$

Diamond:$Monster$Party$ Gold:$Abbey$Road$Mob$ Iron:$Squid$in$water$

Steve$Was$a$miner,$hunter,$and$zombie$slayer.$$His$best$friend,$the$creeper,$is$next$to$him$in$this$picture.$We$hope$Steve$respawns.$

Creeper$See$the$creeper$in$the$picture?$Well,$that’s$the$one$we$are$talking$about.$He$exploded$and$killed$Steve.$$

Villager$and$his$10$other$friends$

He$was$a$great$farmer$and$he$won$tons$of$$staring$contests.$

Steve$Steve$Steve$Steve$Zombie$Steve$Steve$Steve$Steve$Steve$Enderman$$Steve$Steve$Steve$Steve$Steve$Steve$Steve$Steve$Zombie$Zombie$Zombie$Zombie$Zombie$Zombie$Pigman$Zombie$Zombie$Zombie$Pig$Zombie$Zombie$Zombie$Zombie$Zombie$Zombie$Creeper$(Boom)$Zombie$Zombie$Zombie$Steve$Zombie$

The$Obituaries$

This$chart$shows$what$is$used$to$make$what$in$Minecra+.$

Note:$All$combicna]ons$are$regardless$of$how$much$of$an$item$are$needed.$

Public$No]ce$

Movies:$

Creeper’s$Revenge$This$horror$movie$is$about$creepers$gegng$their$revenge$on$Steve.$It$is$the$gory$follow$up$to$A9ack$of$The$Creepers.$$

Rainbow$Sheep$the$Movie$This$family$friendly$movie$is$about$these$cuddly,$talking$sheep$who$go$on$monstercfree$adventures.$You$can$purchase$a$sheep$of$your$color$choice$at$your$local$Rainbow$Sheep$Shop!!!$

The$Movie$