The44The Newspaper of the Science Undergraduate Society

Volume 3, Number 4

THE NEWSPAPER FOR SCIENCE STUDENTS

October 18 1989

SUS ELECTION S

What Goes Up Must Come DownThe Problem of Acid Rai n

by Elizabeth-Anne BrownOn September 16, 1989, seventhousand people showed for thefirst annual Walk For the Envi -ronment. The organizers hadhoped for a turn-out of ten thou -sand, but it rained. Ironically, therainwater that fell on Vancouverthat day had a pH of 4 .7. Rain-water with a pH of 5 .5 is consid-ered normal .

What's the big deal? Simplyput, the rain that fell was acidic .

Item: The phenomena of acid rain andacid fog occurs as a result of atmos-pheric cleansing processes . The chemi-cal reactions responsible take place inthe troposphere - the bottom 15 km ofthe atmosphere . The process is initiatedwhen a photon of light reacts with amolecule of ozone (03). The moleculesplits into an oxygen atom (02) and avery reactive oxygen atom . The oxygenatom reacts with water to produce twohydroxyl radicals (HO) . It is these hy-droxyl radicals that react with nitroge ndioxide and sulphur dioxide tp produc enitric acid and sulphuric acid .

SUS HiresSecurityGuard

When the droplets are dilutedby water and fall to the earth asacid rain, they have both direc tand indirect effects on the soi land plant life below. The raisedconcentrations of H+ can dam-age the protoplasm of root cells .The unusually high amounts ofacid influences the availabilityof nutrients and concentrationof toxins on the soil .

In a province where most ofthe economy rests on the envi-ronment, acid rain could spel ldisaster. Forests can be attackedfrom above by acid rain. Coni-fers are especially susceptible :the ozone molecule can destroychlorophyll and degrades thewaxy coating on the treesneedles . This weakening of thetree's natural defences open sthe door for acid rain or cloudwater to soak into needle tissueand leach out nutrients .

The damaging effects of acidrain can destroy B .C.'s fishstocks. An increased acid con-centration in a lake directl yupsets the enzyme activity andion balance of the organisms

that live there . Acid rain also in -creases concentrations of heavymetals. These combined effectsdeteriorates the entireecosystem .

The amount of naturally pro-duced hydroxyl radicals is notthe determining factor of acidrain; as one might expect, we arethe cause. What is it that we do?We burn fossil fuels .

Why is rain in Vancouveracidic? The answer lies in partwith large industrial plants in thecity, but by far the biggest men-ace is the standard automobile.Cars burn 50% of the world' sfossil fuels; cars are responsiblefor 40% of the nitric acidsspewed into the atmosphere .

Many thought that the answerto the automobile pollutio nproblem was unleaded gasolineand improved fuel emissionstandards . Yet even though thesmall econo boxes of today aretwice as efficient as the prehis-toric dinosaurs from the past, th esheer number of cars over-

continued on page 3

Rankel :Voter

TurnoutSucks

by Aaron DrakeElections Commissioner Catherine

Rankel is disappointed with the lowvoter turnout for this year's depart -mental and year rep elections. "Only102 students voted," Rankel stated ."The turnout really sucked . "

Rankel, who also serves as InternalVice President on the SUS council didadd that while the turnout was low,she was pleased with the number ofpositions filled this year. "Last yearwe had nine seats filled . This year, wehave 19 ."

The election, on October 11, washeld with few problems . Rankeladmitted that she was a little worrie dthat there wouldn't be enoug hpollsters to man the booths, but thos edoubts proved unfounded.

Derek Miller (SUS D irector ofFinance), when questioned about thevoter turnout, which made up only3.9% of all eligible voters, said h ewasn't surprised. "It's a good thingwe didn't have to make quorum," h ejoked.

The main problem, Miller believes ,is that students don't feel informe denough about the SUS . They don' tsee how a rep could help them . "Why

continued on page 3

PLEASE RECYCL E

THIS PAPE R

The 432, the Newspaper of the Science UndergraduateSociety. Circulation 3600. The 432 c/o Dean of Science,

Room 1507, Biosciences Bldg., University of BritishColumbia, B.C. V6r 1W5 2284235 .

Highlights

New Shoots off again, after a brief vacation :Page 5

Devan Fauste believes that every per -son should be able to build a nuclea r

bomb for home defense :The Terrorist Handboo k

Page 6

0 1989

The 432

Bowing to pressure from specialinterest groups, the ScienceCouncil on Oct 4, voted to hire apermanent security guard forChem 160. Antonia Rozario,External Vice President willhandle the task of filling the posi-tion. "Of course, we need the righ tapplicant, because the SUS willbe placing all of Chem 160 intohis or her hands . "

SUS President Ari Giligsondenies that the decision to hiresecurity personnel was sparkedby the recent AUS office break -ins. "It was a council decision thatwas sparked by a few individuals

continued on page 3

Need hints on the perfec tresume ?Page 8

- The 432

1

October 18, 1789

Editor'sComment

Ultimately, editors must be heldaccountable for whatever appears intheir paper. If an article appears thatis incorrect or misleading, the editorshares the blame with the author . Inthe same light, editors must be heldaccountable for libellous reporting .

A few people asked about the432's liability for the commentsmade by Devan Fauste about Mor-gan Burke (Vo13 Iss3, Letters to theEditor) . Morgan gave us permissionto print the letter - therefore, we arerelieved of our reponsibility . Con-sent is an absolute defense - thelibelled can take no action againstus .

Next: I've been asked to submitsome questions to the new Dean .Here they are :

I've heard of stores that accept allmajor credit cards . How come therearen't stores that accept minor credi tcards? What the heck is a minorcredit card anyway? A card thatyou've only had for nineteen days?

And those little flaps in the front ofmen's underwear. What are theyfor? Who ever uses them? I don' t(when I wear underwear) .

Have you ever run out of ink in apen, anyway? No! You lose it first o rit explodes . So why do they give u sso much ink? Is this a confidence

trick? We'll never write that much.I mean, have you ever seen a Bickpen that was empty of ink?

Why does n always go to infin-ity? What's there? Our missingsocks?

What is Martenizing?Why does i ttake an hour? Who is Marten? Whatis he doing to my clothes? Is itlegal?

Ever try to adjust the brightnesscontrol on your TV? The peopl edon't get any smarter.

Nipples . Men don't need nipples.Nobody asked for them . Why arethey there? There are other ways t ofind out how cold it is .

On the news, why are we alway stold that someone was fatally slain ?Can you be slain without it beingfatal ?

Why can't the engineers remem-ber who they are, anyway? Listen :you are, you are, you are the engi-neers. Now leave us the heck alone.

Are Ken and Barbie married? Ifnot, what are we doing to the moralsof children everywhere? All ofBarbie's beds are double beds !Remember when you first put Kenon top of Barbie? Boy, they betternot be living in sin? What are thei rlast names?

Why is Jughead called Jughead?Why doesn't he like women? Howcan a burger replace sex? Is he gay?Why won't he admit it?

Why do they want disabled acces sto the dance floor of the Pit? Thinkabout it . . .

Why do we say that clocks g oclockwise? Is there any other way it

goes? From the clock's point ofview, it goes counterclockwise .What about digital clocks? When allclocks become digital how will thefuture generations know which wayto turn the screwdrivers? Willscrewdrivers cease to exist?

Feminine protection. There's onefor you. What's masculine protec-tion? A jockstrap?

Why do we say our alarm wentoff? It didn't, for crying out loud :the alarm went ON.

Why do they call it air condition-ing? Is the air out of shape? Whatkind of calisthenics does air do ,anyway?

Have you ever seen a bab ypigeon? You haven't? You knowwhy? Because pigeons are alienrobots. . .

Who brings baby storks?Why do you have to clean fish?

They've been in water all their lives .How about "Kills Bugs Dead"? Is

there any other way?Why do we call them flashlights ?

Flashlights don't flash .What use is a car alarm on a Pinto ?Why is it that we can't say BEER,

but we can say BZZR? What ha severyone got against the letter E? I sit because its the first letter in Engi-neering?

Continental breakfasts aren't thatbig. . .

What's the little dip between yournose and lip? Is it a funnel for snot?Who asked for this anyway?

Why do they chain up pens in th ebank? Who wants to steal a pen thatdoesn't work?

Would the campus cowboys towa wheelchair?

Jumbo shrimp. Give me a break .Why do we have parking lights ?

Nobody uses them? Why do theycome on when we're driving?

Why are they called Big Macs ?Why aren't there Little Macs?What kind of animal is Grimace?Why don't they prosecute the Ham-burglar? What is in the specialsauce? Crankcase oil? And can yo uorder a smile to go?

How come no, one was a down-trodden peasant in their past life?Why was everybody Ceasar or Je-sus or someone famous?

Why do they have car bras? Dotheir headlights sag? Do peopl ewith learner's licences have to pu ton training bras? What about malecars?

Salmon don't run . They swim . Imean, really . . .

We eat heart, tongue, liver, kid-ney, brain, stomch, intestines . . .whydon't we eat pleen ?

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Dear sir,re "Resignations Plagu e

SUS", Vo13 Iss2, I found your com-ment : "Still reeling from the suddenresignation of Science Week Coordina -tor Phen Huang.. ." rather ambiguous.Miss Huang was told that she woul dhave to forfeit her ex-officio positionbecause she had transferred to adifferent faculty . Luckily, Miss Huanghas offered to remain on this year'sScience Week Committee . Phen Huangstill remains extremely active i nassisting and organizing events andcontinues to be an asset to the SUS .For this reason, I felt obliged to writeso that this matter could be clarified.Antonia RozarioSUS-External Vice President

Dear sir,I greatly enjoyed the las t

issue of the 432 (Vo13, Iss2) . I alsothought that the previous issue (Vol3 ,Iss2) was great. I can't wait for thenext issue (Vo13, Iss2?) .Martin FrauendorfComp. Sci. 4

Dear sir,I seem to have received two

copies of Volume 3, Issue 2 of th e432! Naturally, this was very distress -ing . I hope you will promptly correctyour files and credit my accoun taccordingly .Mark AndersonComp. Sci. 4

Dear sir,I have discovered a trul y

remarkable phenomenon which provesthe existence of a parallel universe toours. This universe exists parallel inspace but two weeks behind in time .How did I discover this? Why, the 432,of course! I picked up a copy of Vo13 ,Iss2 dated Sept 20, 1989, and jus ttoday, a copy of Vo13, Iss2 dated Oct 4fell from the parallel universe into myhands . So there you have it positiveand irrefutable proof that there exists aparallel universe two weeks behind u sin time .Vincent LimComp. Sci 4

Thank God for CompSci! - ed

of c® to all Departments an dSconce Club

While the SUS finds it understandable for any club to wish to be adistinct society, it wishes to remind all club executive (one club i nparticular) that the express policy of the Science Undergraduat eSociety is to nA endorse a Meech Lake - like compromise .

In that light, any wishes to succeed from the Faculty of Scienc eare met with strong reservations on behalf of the Science Execu-tive. More important, the SUS recognizes its responsibility, to th eScience students, to keep all clubs under one flag .Therefore, be it known that any attempts at autonomy will be met

with strong opposition . The SUS will make exactly clear thedefinition of "strong opposition" forthwith :

Any signs of succession by any club may result in declaration of

Martial Law in that club, including the detention ofmembers by theBlack Hand Militia . The Executive of that offending club will b eplaced under immediate arrest. The penalty, if these exec are foun dguilty, is immediate death : all execs will be kissed by Tammy FayeBaker . Finally, the confiscation ofall valuable materials will follow.All beer and snacks are forfeit to the executive council of the SUS,without chance for appeal.

Thus, any signs of an uprising from club thugs will be met in aGrenada-like fashion, reducing the club, its exec, and its posses-sions to a smouldering molten slag, that will act as a funeral pyrefor the dying children and their cries of desperation and tormentwill echo in the ears of the foolish elders for generations to come .

Have a nice day .

The 432

2

October 18, 1789

EYE To:Martin From :jI'heBig poss - Who is thisAnthony guy'? Have him Killed! EY E

AMS Heats UpACID RAINcontinued from page 1

whelms any significant reductionin emission.

Many believe that the acid rainproblem in Canada is on th emend. Canada plans to half itssulphur dioxide emissions in theEastern United States will bereduced., reducing the crisis on themaple forests of Eastern Canada .Many large cities (Los Angelesfor example-where the smog is asacidic as lemon juice) are order-ing commuters into car pools .

The problem has been recog-nized by the governments, but thesteps taken to help remedy th esituation aren't enough. Drasti cchanges in how industry andtransportation is fueled as well a sa change in the attitude of th epeople is necessary to prevent th edestruction of our forests and fishstock. In Eastern Canada, imme-diate action is required in order tosave the national symbol, themaple leaf, from almost certaindeath. Here's a small thought forall of you who still don't fell theimmediacy of the problem: howmuch are you willing to pay for abottle of pure, Canadian Maple

Syrup?

SUS Securitycontinued from page 1

that voiced their concerns," hesaid. "We need to protect ourcomputers ."

When further questioned abou tthe demands of the position,Rozario admitted that the securit yguard would take up residence inthe SUS office. "He'll have hi sown little hut, right beside the 432Editor's desk.

"In addition, Rozario added, th eguard would carry weapons at al ltimes. "Heavennnnnssssss. Hewould have big teeth, of course ,and could bite any would-be bur-glar."

SUS hired, on the spot, Cujo theGerbil . He can be found in hi sliitle aquarium, on Antonia' sdesk, when he isn't being used fo rcruel and sadistic animal experi-ments .

"Human science is an uncertainguess"

Sir David Bester

A quick account of the AMSmeeting for Oct 1 1

The Wednesday Oct 11 meet-ing of the AMS council prove danything but boring.

The motion to accept theresults of the referendum as theywere reported was debated atlength. Much concern wa sexpressed over what quorumexactly was. Sarah Mahr, AMSVice-President, admitted thatquorum might actually belowered . If such a case were so ,then the NO votes would haveachieved quorum and theRecFac proposal would therebybe defeated.

The controversy center saround how many studentsactually make quorum. Ten percent of the regular day student sis the number that quorum i sfixed at . However, Sarah Mahrfound, there were approximately650 students that were away on

Biology/Aquaculture :ChemistryComputer Science/Math :Mathematics:Microbiology :Pharmacology:Physics :Physiology :Psychology:

4th year rep :

Barry McBride, Microbiologyhead, was named Dean ofScience, effective Jan . 1, 1990.The appointment was approvedby the Board of Governors onSept 28, on the recommendationof U.B.C. President DavidStrangway .

Dr. McBride replaces RobertMiller, who resigned as Dean to

practicums or working at VGH,and therefore could not be clas-sified as day students .

In light of these develop-ments, the council voted not toaccept the results as they were.

If that wasn't enough, emo-tions rose when Director ofExternal Affairs Vanessa Gearyintroduced a motion to have theAMS officially endorse Na-tional Choice Day, therebysupporting pro-choice . Thecouncil was violently split, andargued for an hour . The ques-tion was: did the AMS have theright to an opinion on such amoral issue? After an hour ofdebate, the council voted that

no, such was not the case .Meanwhile, back at the

rand. . .

Lloyd JeffsSylvia ChoYvonne LeeMira BajicAdrian AbdoolPhil EdoraCaireen HanertPam SprouleJoseph Wu

Trent hammer

accept the position of Vice -President, Research, over a yearago.The Science Undergraduate

warmly welcomes Dr . McBrideand looks forward to workin gwith him.Dr. McBride was chosen after

an extensive internationalsearch for a new Dean ofScience .

Quote of the Wee kSubmitted by Loveleen Lohia

"That equation I just erased waswrong. There should have been adV, not just V "

"Oh, there was a dV there? "

"If I think I've made a mistakewhen I haven't, is that a doublenegative? "

"Can I run for Biochem Dept Reptoo? "

Dr. Burnell, Chem 20 1

3rd year reps :

ELECTIONS : continued from page 1

should they vote if they don't think it matters for anything?"While the returns aren't in yet for the elections, nine department re p

and four year rep positions are in by acclamation :

Louisa Dickinso nTodd Donnelly

Tim Lo

Science has new Dean

CommentAri water can flow, can take the shapeof its container and can be replen -ished by its source.

What's that ? You say youdon't like my ideas? You say theyare a load of what? Well it' sobvious to me you have a mindlike a brick .

See Y'all later.

by Orvin Lau(Flashback to August)I've received my Telereg package, my sign-up date has arrived ,

and I'm all set to go. Or so I think. I begin by reading the StandardTimetable booklet; and I find out it says, "Beginning AUGUST 1 ,you must register in all courses in your program one course at atime." Bummer. And I thought it was going to be easy .

Now by this time, all my friends have signed up. They told mehow easy it was to sign up with an STT. They all have earlier sign-up dates than me . They also have higher GPAs than me. So I figurethis: the lower your GPA (ie . the stupider you are), the later you signup. So, all the smart guys get to sign up with one number, and al lus not-so-smart people have to search through the Telereg bookletfor all the catalog numbers for our courses . Shouldn't it be the otherway around? (Or is this natural selection? )

After hours of busy signals, flipping pages, swearing, cursing,and sheer hell, I finally finished . Mission accomplished.

(Now that I've got that gripe off my mind, back to the present . )For those of us who are well informed, we often hear about th e

bookstore lineups . In fact, in one of the Telereg booklets, it warn sthat you should get your books early, and so I did . Boy, was I in fora shock .

Someone out there is getting very wealthy . Very, very wealthy .Sickeningly wealthy . These textbooks aren't expensive, they'r eoutrageous. $71 .95 fora Physics 110 textbook! Not only that, sometextbooks come with equally exorbitant study guides . (After look-ing through the study guide, I think I need a study guide to the studyguide.) They are also very heavy, counteracting the weight lost bymy wallet. Thank goodness there is no tax on books . (MichaelWilson, get out of the country! )

One thing I fear is that the prof will change the textbook he use snext year . Then I can't unload my books on some poor sucke—, er ,I mean, frosh next year . And the poor frosh next year will have tobuy new, even more expensive textbooks .

I noticed an unusual phenomenon at the bookstore . Price tendsto be inversely proportional to size . In other words, the smaller thebook, the more it costs . I think this is to pay for cramming the sameamount of crap into a smaller space .

Remember I mentioned get your books early? Ha . I found outthat my English instructor did not give the bookstore a booklist. Infact, she never gave the bookstore a booklist. What a pain! It endsup that I had to go back to the bookstore some time later to weake nmy financial status further, and I got the chance to think about it ina nice, long lineup .

0ry

ma _: . . . ::.. . xt L~u. .may.orv. n

The Back Row

Frosh Bumblings

by Ari GiligsonAaron: So, Ari when are yougoing to submit that article .Ari : Oh yeah sure umm, I havesomething. .um..right here.So, our topic for today is. . . howhow to how to win friendsand- no that's no good. Ok thetopic is how to think. Yes that' sright, you thought you have bee ndoing this all the time. Well yes ,you have been thinking all thistime but how have you beenthinking? How have you ap-proached the problem? Have youthought about thinking? Well ,indulge me in this bit of hypocrisyand read about my thoughts onthinking.

Whenever we approach aproblem we must deal with factsthat we must manipulate to fit thecontext of the problem andprovide us with a novel re-ar-rangement of the facts. This re-arrangement, if it satisfies us, w ecall a solution. By "problem" Idon't mean the questions you getin Math 100 I mean any complexset of conditions in life thatrequire a decision to be made oraction to be taken .

There are two sets o ffacts, of data, that we may solve aproblem with .One set is the external ; varyingfrom situation to situation andoriginating in the outside world .The other set is the internal ; a setof preconceived notions that wehave about the outside world . Onename applied to these internal datais "common sense", which En- -stein aptly defined as a set o fprejudices set down before the ageof 18 .

When we get down to theactual mechanics of solving theproblem these two data elementsare freely merged. If during thecourse of the solving of the prob-lem and obvious error occurs inthe external data then we usuallythrow out the erroneous data andreplace it with data that is moreconsistent with the solution thatseems to be emerging . But, w ewould rather throw out externaldata than internal data (our pre -conceived notions), because weare more familiar with our interna ldata and have spent more timeapplying it to problems and it hasserved us well enough.

The solution to our prob-lem is now more likely to betailored to fit our preconceivednotions . In fact it we are happier toget a poorly correlated solutionthat fits with internal data than awell correlated solution that fitswith the external. This tendency tostick with our internal ideas forsolutions becomes even morepronounced when our peers share

similar internal data. In otherwords : not only are we happierwhen a solution is found thatagrees with our notions but we arehappy that everyone else is happythat the solution agrees with theirnotions .

By now most of you havegiven up on this article as a boorishattempt at a pedantic illustration o fthe way that the research establish-ment works . Wrongo, this pedanticillustration applies to life ingeneral ; our ideas about how theworld works, our moral philoso-phies, etc.

So what's new you ask?What's new is I want you to trysomething.Take a week to disbelieve inthings . I mean start with anythingsimple like say an event fromhistory . Ask: why do I believe this;what sort of hard evidence, if any ,is involved ; is there a possibilitythat this is simply a prejudice laiddown in my last 18 years. Most im-portantly ask yourself: What wouldit take to convince me that thi sthing that I believe is true is not?For instance if your math profannounced that 2+2=5 would youtake that as being the new truth; i fnot, then what would convince youthat 2+2=5?

When you have hadenough practice disbelievingsimple things - like the stuff profstell you in lecture - move on tothings that you thought were tru efor more years of your life ; workup to philosophies, goals etc . thatyour parents taught you - these arethe tough ones (I am NOT sayingrenounce them. I am saying askyourself WHY, for what goo dreason, do you believe in them)

Perhaps you wonder why Iwrote this . In my wild adventure shere at UBC in student and facult ypolitics (well okay, not that wildbut interesting anyway) I have runinto a lot of people that were verystubborn and set in their ways ,seemingly for no good reason .And, no, they weren't all older.Certainly the older we become themore we are considered set in ou rways but some people just refuseto tune in to the outside world .They are perfectly happy with theway things were and perfectlyhappy to see that they continue tha tway .

The world changes even asyou read this. Popular ideas ofwhat is true today will not be thos eof tomorrow. Learn to live with thechange and learn to be influence bythe world around you . The Zenhave a philosophy that one shoul ddevelop a mind like water-able toflow from one circumstance toanother and reside there just a s

The 432

4

October 18, 1789

0b

o 4a,o CAMPUSWe were supposed to study Engineers in thi s

issue, but it was very hard to find on e

moving, let alone coherent . From observation

we took, it seems that Engineers mate wit h

beer .

What They Say

Do you have a second?

Do you have a few minutes?

I don't understand the question .

I understand.

Did you do the assignment?

I'm in unclassified studies .

I'm shooting for a first class .

I didn't like the prof.

The course was very boring .

I don't like structured studies.

Einstein didn't do well inschool .

What They Mean

Do you have a few minutes?

Do you have a few hours?

I didn't look at the question .

Tanking, by the way, is a rite developed f o

purely functional purposes ., Without tanking s

Engineers would never bathe .

t''

I'm shooting for a pass .

I failed .

I failed .

I fail a lot of courses.

I fail a lot of courses, but I can't

The following is a list of famous Engineers :

think of a good excuse.

>1^

I didn't make it into Med School .0

0

e o ,~ .• C

I don't understand

Can I copy off of you .O

0

t

We did manage to capture one Engineer in a

reasonable state (not comatose) . To stud y

him, we placed him in a cage with a number o f

blocks and a banana hanging from the ceiling .

The Engineer promptly made a cairn out of the

blocks, then sat in the corner singing "The

5+M Man . "

New Shoots SEMANTICS 'by David W. New

Several weeks back, in th emiddle of an even lengthier thanusual AMS meeting, a motion cam eforward suggesting, in strict bureau-cratese, that the bulky AMS Cod eand Bylaws contained sexist lan-guage; the motion proposed tochange it . It passed, unanimously, a sI recall, replacing "he" by "she/he, ""him" by "her/him," "his " by "her/his," and "himself' by "herself/him-self' throughout the document . Anamendment proposing that "she/he," "him/her," "her/his," and "him-self/herself' be used instead, failed .

Some of you will call theentire episode trivial . Some of youwill call it semantic but mean trivial ,displaying your greatly culturedbackground and utter lack of knowl -edge of what the word means . Andsome of you will applaud it fero-ciously .

To be honest, I personallyfind it hard to really care . I'm as-sured that if I were female, I woul dfeel somehow threatened every tim eI heard the male pronoun used torefer to both genders — and maybeI would . I'm willing to surrender th edoubt, and not caring either 'way i snot the same as resisting change . Butfor centuries (centuries of a male-dominated society, true), the Eng-lish language has evolved to whereits only proper gender-indiscrimi-nate pronoun, "it," has become to-tally unacceptable to human sensi-bilities, necessitating bulky mul-

tiple-gender slashed or hyphenatedpronouns that jar the ear. As a cul-ture, though, we're getting used to it .No one ever said "pterodactyl" wasa beauty to hear, either.

All of which leads to agrudging acceptance of such termsin written and spoken English, andwhich brings me to the notion o forder. "His/her" is the usual order —and I agree, if this does anything, i t

propagates the accused male domi-nation of the language. But does"she/he" do any better? It only re -places the one, historically docu-mented oppression with a pedanti-cally obvious and completely artifi-cial new one . The fate of KenArmstrong's amendment to theAMS motion, going wholly misun-derstood and failing majestically ,illustrates the degree to which 'pro-gressive' Western cultures are de-termined to pander to the histori-cally oppressed .

People have used this sameargument to argue against French-Canadian or native rights. I don' thold with that. It's not an argumentagainst the granting of rights to a setof individuals, but rather, an argu-ment against prohibitively generou sbenificence, the granting of replace -ment rights instead of or in additionto the ones which everyone de -serves, Equality is not superiority;elimination of wrongdoing is not re -venge .

Society cannot progres sbefore it accepts equality, not as

something to be striven for, but as abasic tenet to be taken for granted .Until no rights are accorded eithergender separately — and accorde dby opinion, not by law — until it' sregarded as normal for a man to weara dress or a woman to own a house ,for a man to change diapers or for awoman to go topless, true equality issome ways off. (Yes, it is unusual fo ra woman to own a house, if I'm tobelieve a friend of mine in PrinceGeorge, who's female, 20, owner ofa house, and never believed whenshe says so . )

Language is as powerful aweapon as any nuclear missile, bu twho thinks of glowing tulips whilesaying, "light bulb," and who thinksonly of one gender while saying ,"manslaughter?" Yet perfectly ordi-nary words, which most speakers donot associate with their componentparts, are what is being challenged .It's not that the language doesn' tneed change : languages always do ,and tend to adapt automatically tochanges in their prevalent society .But the change doesn't need to beforced and overbearing, and cer-tainly not creative of a female domi-nation equal to the current male.

An episode of the BritishTV series, Red Dwarf, features thecharacters (three of them, all male)entering an alternate universewherein all genders are reversed .They meet their own counterparts ,and dialogue ensues in which th ewomen are extraordinarily patroniz-

ing, unforgiving, and presumptuousto the men. The script at first seem sphony -- and then one begins toimagine the words coming from aman's mouth. I was horrified to dis-cover how normal they sounded .

And in Samuel R . Delany' sexperimental novel, Stars in MyPocket Like Grains of Sand, the pro -noun "she" is used for all characters ,regardless of gender, and "he" re-stricted to those for whom the speake rfeels a sexual attraction . It soundsweird only for the first fifty pages .Strangely, one eventually accepts –expects -- it.

Yes, the language must bechanged. And maybe banteringaround with "mailman," "mankind, "and whether "she/he" is better than"he/she" is the way to start. But blunt-ing the weapon never mollified thefighter. Change the attitudes, and thelanguage will take care of itself.

The 432

October 18, 1789

That's Trivial !by Tanya Rose

Hi again! Halloween is creepingup on us. Maybe we should dosomething on monsters .

A psychology student, after readingmy last article, has informed me that I aman obsessive compulsive. I have an al -most "psychotic preoccupation with ac-tivists and their conduct." How aboutthat? I'm a fanatic about fanatics. Anactivist against activists . I'm a terroristterrorizing terrorists. She prescribedmedication and I'm much better now .

Being psychotically preoccupied forthe past few years, I've amassed a lot ofinformation and ideas, especially aboutnuclear warfare . After being analyzedby this frosh, I decided that it would b ebetter to inform than to rail . So, with thehelp of Aaron Drake, I came up with thispiece ;

A Handyman's Guide to Building a nAtomic Bomb for Home Defense orFishing .

Part 1: Acquisition-Finding the Fis-sionable Material

First of all, let me point out that eventhough the government can producenuclear explosives, it is still a very diffi -cult task. The biggest drawback, o fcourse is capital, capital, capital. Youneed money for explosives, lab equip-ment, vehicles, and so on .

For the sake of argument, let's asum eyou have access to unlimited funds .Terrorists usually have money - all theyhave to do is knock over a bank or kidnapsomeone. It would be a good idea to buil dyour bomb with the aid of your localterrorist chapter . With their support, notonly do you get money, but you havevaluable manpower. You have valuablefanatical manpower, which is much bet-ter . Terrorists will do almost anything i fyou convince them it's for their cause .They won't mind dying in shootouts orfrom radiation sickness . In fact, they' dfeel honoured .

Now that you've got money and men ,all you need is the fissionable material .You want plutonium or uranium - Pu -239, U235 . Knocking over a lot of Phys-ics 115 labs won't help you : they usedepleted plutonium and uranium. All thefissionable material is taken out, an dwe're left with Pu-240 or U-238 . Neitherof these will make nuclear bombs, in an yamount. And while plutonium is usedwidely in pacemakers, it is Pu-238 that isused. It won't help to systematicallyknock off our senior citizens .

Where do you get fissionable material?You could steal a ready-made bombfrom the government, of course, but tha tjust defeats the spirit of the project ,doesn't it? It's like buying a fish insteadof catching it-the reward is in the toil, andnot in the final product. Besides, nuclearweapons caches tend to be heavilyguarded with real armies and real guns .Terrorists don't like shooting at anythingbut helpless civilians (Terrorist Rule #1) .Keep this in mind, though-we'll comeback to it eventually.

Other than in nuclear bombs, you'llfmd the fissionable material in nuclear

power plants. If you backtrack, you'l lfmd the uranium and plutonium in nu-clear reprocessing plants, and in refiningplants. You'll find uranium in the millsand as far back as in the mines . Uraniu mmines aren't guarded at all, so why no tsteal enough pitchblende to refine ou tthe U-235?

In natural uranium, U-235 makes up.7%. You want to refine the uranium to93% U-235, and have about 35kg of it.To do this with pitchblende, you'd hav eto steal at least 250 000 kg of ore. Abetter guess would be to take 500 000 k gto account for error, inefficiency of yourequipment, etc. With the small-scalerefining operation that you would have

You could steal aready-made bom bfrom the government ,but that just defeatsthe spirit of theproject

to conduct, it would take eight years tomake enough fissionable material . Ter-rorists are not patient (Terrorist Rule#2). They tend to think short-term .Eight years is not on the agenda.

And just how inconspicous will aconvoy of dumptrucks carrying all thi sore be anyway?

We're left with stealing from a nuclearfacility - a power plant, a refming plant,whatever . It can't be smuggled out-thedetectors can find as little as a gram ofuranium on you . Therefore, a full scaleassault is called for, involving dozens ofmen with assault rifles and grenades .

What kind of plant should you attack?A Candu is not a good idea. Candus usenatural grade uranium, and you wouldneed to steal the entire reactor core tomake refine out enough U-235. Whilethis could all be carried away on oneflatbed, a large tractor trailer sticks outlike a zit on your nose if you try an dsneak it past a roadblock. Perhaps youcould fool the police if you painted a no -nukes sign on the hood. Tractor trailersladen with 25 000 kg do not make idea lgetawy vehicles, unless you are goin gdownhill.

As as a matter of fact, stealing uraniumfrom any reactor or enrichment plantwould involve a tractor trailer and larg evolumes of the nuclear materials.What's left? How about a breeder reac-tor-one that uses plutonium? The rods inbreeeder reactors, when fresh, areenriched to 70% Pu-239 . You wouldhave to steal considerably less materia lfrom the core. A large pickup would beable to carry it away . Don't forget tosteal neutron inhibitors, like water orcadmium rods, to keep the plutonium in .Without these poisons to capture neu-

trons, the rods would heat up and meltthrough the bed of the truck. The terror-sist would look rather silly finding tha tthe plutonium had left a molten trailalong the highway all the way to hishideout .

Time is of essence here . You have tobreak into the reactor, kill the guards, ge tinto the core, load the plutonium andinhibitors, the get the heck out of therebefore the wrath of every enforcemen tagency in the state (yes, state- there areno breeeder reactors in Canada) de-scends upon you . Give yourself less thantwenty minutes . In that time you have tomake a getaway .

Breaking into a reactor requires theprecision and discipline of a crack com-mando force. A band of terrorists shout-ing "Allah!" running higgledy piggled yall over the place just won't cut it . Break-ing into a reactor is right out.

That leaves the interception of a ship-ment of materials between enrichmentplants and the nuclear power plants . Atfirst this sounds like the ideal line ofattack . Yet the truck carrying the materi -als is guarded with an elite troup ofcomandos (remember my remarks ear-lier about higgledy piggledy fanatics? )in constant radio contact with a remot etracker .Also, the quantities deliveredper shipment, as well as time and route o fthe shipments are all classified informa -tion . You won't find a schedule in the

pages of the ProvinceBut let's leave the trivial problems of

inventory for now . Say that you ge tenough uranium through an inheritanceor something . Now what? Obviously thepolice will be staging the biggest manhunt at this point for you, your uranium ,and your merry band of terrorists . Wheredo you hide? Not your basement . Air-borne surveillance will detect the pluto-nium right away, unless you encase it i na tenth of a meter or so of lead. Yourbasement would be too small anyway.What you need is something out of theway from people, yet large enough foryour refining operation and living quar -ters . An abandoned mine does the tricknicely . In central BC there is an aban-doned mine at Hedley BC, called Nicke lPlate . It's isolated enogh -at the top of ahigh mountain - but at the same time it' snear enough town for regular inconspi -cous runs for food and other supplies .That leaves you with a shipment o fstolen uranium at the bottom of a mine inthe interior of B .C . What do you do now?Refine, of course! But you'll just have towait until the next issue of the 432 to learn how to do that.

Good luck !

Theme: Halloween and Horror

1-10: Easy1. Where does Linus go everyHalloween ?2. How many witches appeare din Hamlet?3. Who Killed Ichabod Crane ?4. What was Dr. Frankenstein' sfirst name ?5. What plants are werewolvesallergic to ?6. What is the world's onlypalindromic monster?7. Who first starred as Franken-stein?8. Who killed Dr. Jeckyl?9. Who wrote the horror epic ,The Pit and the Pendulum ?10. What is generally believedto be the occupation of Jack theRipper?

11-15 :Medium11. What modern day sorcererwas nicknamed The Beast?12.What do Brits celebrateinstead of Halloween ?13. What Christian holida ycomes right after Halloween?14.What sort of beast wasMedusa?15.How many movies feature dFrankenstein?

16-20:Hard16. Congenital porphyrra isbelieved to be responsible forwhat legendary monster?17. What are Scotland's twomost famous monsters?18.What is the name of the se amonster allegedly residing inGeorgia Strait?19.What year did Vancouvercelebrate Halloween on Oct 30?20. What Celtic Holiday isHalloween based upon?

Bonus Question :A precursor to Halloweenadition, Druids would leave

these vegetables on the door-steps of certain people, oncertain Druidic holidays. Whatvegetable is it and what was th e

purpose of this vegetable?

answers on page 8

by Derek K. MillerA few Sundays ago I went

with a couple of my friends to alecture by James Burke . If youknow who he is you watch PBS ,most likely, and you probabl yhave seen at least one episode ofhis series Connections and TheDay the Universe Changed.They are definitive examples i ndocumentary' television, whichexplain complex historical an dscientific ideas clearly and relatethem to one another in new an ddifferent ways. Now, since TheUbyssey already published anarticle about Burke and his ideas ,I'd like to take a somewhat dif-ferent tack. What is it that makesthis man so interesting?

This is not a trivial question .The way Burke relates informa-tion has something to do with en -tertainment and a lot to do wit hteaching - which is what this in-stitution is about, after all. Thethings he talks about in lecture sand on television - the inventio nof the printing press, the reason sfor the great blackout of NewYork in the 1960's, how what w eknow influences how we per-ceive the Universe, and dozen sof others - are not necessarily in -teresting; they have been ad-dressed by other people withamazingly boring results . I know

people who abhor history with apassion, but will watch a Burkeshow raptly .

Some of his effectiveness liesin the fact that he is most oftenseen on television on showswhere the budget allows him todo things no teacher could do,such as discussing the merits o fthe Venetian trading empirewhile in Venice, then steppingoff the screen to discuss howthey related to events in Englandat the time - now talking fromTrafalgar Square . The visualinterest and editing games heplays keep us interested despiteourselves, just to see what hedoes next. Nevertheless, if hewere, say, Ralph Nader, all o fthis trickery would still result ina less interesting program .

The fact is that James Burke isa fundamentally interestin gspeaker. I walked into the Or-pheum and saw the simple po-dium placed onstage . I realizedthat I was not about to see a liveepisode ofConnections. I fearedthat without all the visual effects ,historical reconstructions, an ddramatic music, Burke wouldturn out to be just another humanbeing. Well, he is, and that's agood thing. He presented hi sideas on how information in it -

self can generate change withclarity and wit . Yes, it's true : he'sfunny in real life too. He alsoknows that people don't likecompletely abstract ideas, and i scareful to use concrete example sor analogies to clarify what he i ssaying.

For example, when discussingFirst World-Third World rela-tions, rather than saying "Weshouldn't force irrelevant tech-nology on people who don't needit," he used a more specific ex-ample, along the lines of " Whatwe are saying to them is `O fcourse you need all this industryand smokestacks and factories soyou can build . . .oh . . .name anylarge iron object .' We say `Youcan have a supercharger!' Theysay, `For my bicycle?"' It gets thepoint across .

Perhaps what you should getout of this article (which mustseem like it's nothing but a wayfor me to say how great Jame sBurke is) is that teaching, to begood, needs to be not merely in -formative, but also entertainingand relevant. Getting all three ofthese elements together is diffi-cult, which might explain whythere are not very many goodteachers around. Another reasoncame to me when I was readingthe Burke biography that came inthe lecture program. This man,who has become famous for ex-plaining scientific history topeople, has a degree in Englis hLiterature . He was not trained asa scientist. In my opinion, scien -

tific training, particularly thespecialized type we get at uni-versities like this one, does notteach us to teach others, or torelate information to anyone no tin our close circle of colleagues.One of the things that Burketalked about was the overspe-cialization of our society, and th eproblems it will cause .

We are now beginning to real-ize just how important the inter -connectedness of things is to us.The environmental issues whic hhave arisen in the past year ortwo depend on an understandingof global systems, not biochem-istry or politics or weather pat -terns individually . Those of usgraduating with BSc's at UB Cwill, in many cases, know verylittle about anything outside ourdegree. Universities were origi-nally created to produce well -rounded, intelligent people.Now, we may be intelligent, or atleast knowledgeable, but are wewell-rounded enough to dealwith the increasingly intercon-nected world around us? If not,what do we do ?

Think about it.

Derek Miller edited th e'32 last year - you shoul ddrop by and have a look ait . Because he was chiefl yreponsible for getting methis cursed I mean won-

derful position, I give hi ma cool box . Note the

bubbles. Derek doesn' tknow it yet, but it is hi s

regular column - title an dall . Derek Miller, ourAMS rep, cannot spel l

ttram.444*431

yssoc Presents :

The UmpteenthAnnual

IHIALLowri

11''Am,Tz,,,Oct 27, Hebb 1 2

ac.

"Learning teaches how tocarry things in suspense,without prejudice, till you

resolve. "Francis Bacon

All lea SIIS A YAM OF ILJIFE0 PLEASE:

Practice safe sex again an dagain and again and againand again and again an d

again and again and againand again and again an d

again and again and againand again and again an d

again and again and againand again and agai n

The 432

October 18, 1789

Departmental Joke of the Wee kSubmitted by Dave New

for the MathematicsDepartment

-1'1o.twtnJGt . Feen

-t a—

-Prvet4 ais To B-Lor -

Resume Tips, Part 1People to List as Char-

acer References

1. Mother Theresa.

2. God.

3. Mikhail Gorbachev .

Resume Tip

Part 2-Do not list the Prison Farm as

work experience

Office Rm: SUB 63

People Not to List asCharacter References .

1. Mom.

2. Dead People.

3. General Noriega.

Answers to THAT' STRIVIAL, from page 6

1 .The pumpkin patch.2. None.3. The Headless Horseman .4. Victor.5. Belladonna and Wo-lvesbane.6. Ogopogo.7. Boris Karloff.8. Dr. Jeckyl .9. Edgar Allen Poe .10. Surgeon .

11. Alistair Crowley .12. Guy Fawkes Day .13. All Saints Day .14. Gorgon .15. 25.16. Werewolves .17. Nessie, Morag.18. Sea Hag.19. 1971 .20. Samhain .

BQ. Pumpkins marked thatthe resident of that house hadbeen chosen as the nex thuman sacrifice .

SCORING1-10: 1 point11-15: 2 points16-20: 3 points

>32 pts - Expert24-31 pts - Know-it-al l14-23 - Joe Average<13 pts Special

What do you get if you cross an elephant with agrape?Zero - they're parallel .

What do you get if you cross an elephant with amountain climber?

You can't - a mountain climber is a scaler .

ClassifiedsWANTED

Scientific waterbath, in reasonablecondition . In reasonable price range. 875-

4588, 263-6255 evenings. David.

For Sale

Raleigh Campus Rampar 5-speedwomen's bicycle. 16 inch frame . Com-pletely functional . $50. Reply to Box 112,this paper .

A damn good time! The 60's Hallowe'enCostume Dance, at the Arlington Cabaret,1236 West Broadway, October 30, 1989, 8pm . Tickets $4 in advance (Chem 160 or434-5092) or $5 at the door. Be thereor. ..well, just be there !

Help Wanted

Easy C-note to some smart kid that wantsto carry this box across town to Luigi. No,you don ' t want to open the box. ContactMario, Box 106, this paper .

Drunk Telemarketers to phone wron gnumbers at three in the morning . Submi tresume, liver biopsy to Box 107, this paper .

Lost

Has anybody seen my turtle? Snugglesran away last weekend . I opened the doorand - fw0000sh - he was out like a streak.Box 109 this paper.

My sanity, somewhere near Hennings. I'mkidding . I never had it. Mwaaa hahahaha-hahaaaa. Reply to "Any Engineer", Box108, this paper .

My identity, somewhere near Hennings .I'm kidding . I never had it . Reply to "AnyEngineer", Box 110, this paper.

Messages

PreMed Presents Medical Admissions, alecture by Dr. Carter, Oct 17 . Contact thePre Med Society for more information.

A damn good time! See the "For Sale "section. Come watch your AMS rep make

an idiot of himself on stage !

OFFICIAL OPENING WEEK OF THE :

AMS STUDENT ENVIRONMEN T

CENTER

Oct 16-20SUB ConcourseSee what you can do! SEC

AMS

I.W. STEIN is Cc, ye.e 4 /Cc,. u, rsyroductios vitloutwrittss yersississ trout! miaow, Ran Otter, will result is Ni sskim, your cat .

CHILDREN

OF GENETICISTS

The 432

8

October 18, 1789