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IN MY LIFE: THE LAND DOWN UNDER WGA Registry: 1785990 By Brett Lovell Silver Brad Drama Winner for “Ride” in the 2010 Golden Brad Screenplay Awards. The Land Down Under: A tribute to some of the greatest Australian entertainers and sportsman in Australia’s short history. A reminder of the remaining heart breaking trauma of those who fought for their country and sacrificed not only their lives but all hope for any future life. An insight to the repercussions of the unjust treatment of those whose country was taken from them without remorse and continues to be the case. An uplifting tale for all that live in poverty and loneliness. This story is dedicated to you all.

Cast:

This is only a cast list for story visualization purposes although many pivotal cast members have already committed to the story.

Lead Actors:

Art(U.S.A): Terminally ill from his time in the Vietnam War, living each moment as if it is his last.David Hasselhoff, Tim Allen, Steve Guttenberg, Judge Reinhold, Tony Danza

Clive(U.S.A): Battle-scared and holding on to the last good thing in his life, Art.Carl Weathers, Danny Glover, Samuel L Jackson

Charlie(U.S.A): Art’s son and best friend along with Clive. Max Records(Actor) or Mathew Grunwald(Entertainer,and Comedian)

Supporting Cast:

Dingo: Ernie Dingo(Actor and Comedian)Chook: Billy Birmingham (Comedian and Voice Impersonator)Rodney: Rodney Rude(Actor and Comedian) Billy Barker: Warwick Capper(AFL Legend and Comedian)Wombat: Jay Laga’aia(Actor), Brendan Fevola(Sportsman and Comedian) or Billy Brownless(Sportsman and Comedian)Pam: Kerry Armstrong(Actress)Vic: George Smilovici(Comedian)Shazza: Denise Drysdale(Actress and Comedian)Aussie(Austello): Joe Dolce(Singer, Writer and Comedian)Blind Freddie: Billy Field(Singer and Song Writer) Mack Barker: Caleb McClure(Actor)Kenworth Barker: Kane Johnson(Actor)Rock: Nathan Cox(Actor and Comedian)Dazza: Simon Thompson(Actor)Vietnam War Art: (U.S.A) Best resemblance to older Art Vietnam War Clive: (U.S.A) Best resemblance to older Clive Vietnam War Charlie: (U.S.A) Opportunity for an aspiring

actorNuang: Not facially identifiedYoung Dingo: Opportunity for a young Aboriginal actorYoung Dingo’s Grand Mother: Opportunity for an elderly Aboriginal actressAboriginal Driver and Passenger; in the derelict ute: Geoffrey Jurrumul Yunupingu(Aboriginal Musician) and Michael Long(Aboriginal Leader)The Summernats Angry Gate Keeper: Angry Anderson(Musician and Actor)Boonie: David Boon(Sportsman)Swerving Mervin: Merv Hughes(Sportsman)The Car Yard Salesman: Glenn Shorrock(Singer-Song Writer) The Tow Truck Driver: Graham “Buzz” Bidstrup(Drummer from The Angels, Film Score Producer, Chief Executive Officer of The Jimmy Little Foundation)The Summernats Announcer: Tony Barber(Entertainer) or Larry Emdur(Entertainer)Musicians: John Schumman(Musician), Paul Kelly(Musician), Neil Finn(Musician), Glenn Shorrock, Beeb Birtles and Graeham Goble(Original members of The Little River Band), Billy Field(Musician), Graham “Buzz” Bidstrup(Drummer, Producer)Stunt Driver: Victor Bray(Victor Bray Racing)

Comedic routines to be licensed from:

Rodney RudeGeorge SmiloviciBilly Birmingham Joe Dolce

Montage sound tracks to be licensed:

INTRO: “The Land Down Under” by Men At Work“Djarimirri” by Geoffrey Jurrumul Yunupingu“This Time” by Dragon “I Was Only Nineteen” by Redgum“You Weren’t In Love With Me” by Billy Field“Leaps And Bounds” by Paul Kelly“Where Will We Be In 50 Years” by The Uncanny X-MenEND TITLES: “It’s A Long Way There” by The Little River Band

Actual live performances at the Holden Town Hotel Open Mic night:

“Shuttup A Ya Face” written and performed by Joe Dolce “I Was Only Nineteen” written by John Schumman of Redgum, performed by John Schumman“Leaps And Bounds” written by Paul Kelly, performed by Paul Kelly and Neil Finn.“It’s A Long Way There” performed by Glenn Shorrock, Beeb Birtles and Graeham Goble

Holden Town Hotel extras wish list:

Ray Martin(Journalist)

2.

Dick Johnson(Racing Icon)Molly Meldrum(Musical Icon)Bob Hawke(Former Prime Minister)Members of the Berrigan Amateur Theatre and Choir

TV footage to be licensed:

NITVThe Marngrook Football ShowActual AFL footage

Possible corporate sponsors:

Carlton United Breweries(Or the highest bidding Australian brewery)HoldenStreet Machine MagazineChiko Roll - Simplot Australia Pty LtdVegemite - Mondelez InternationalCheezels - Snack Brands Australia

Props and Sets already acquired:

The Summernats: This production is the first and only production ever to be given permission to film a movie at the Summernats. Victor Bray’s drag carThe Terminus Hotel in TocumwalThe Royal Hotel BerriganTown Beach in TocumwalCity Beach in BerrugaOpen roads and highwaysMore than fifty classic immaculate Holdens have already been volunteered from Tocumwal, Berrigan, Cobram and the surrounding areas.Restored classic HR Holden hearse(only two in existence)Billy Barker’s house in BerriganThe Tocumwal Fish and Chip shopThe Tocumwal service stationThe Bundalong store/service stationSpeed boats have already been sourced locally and also all sorts of vintage Holden artifactsSignage to be provided and installed by Ayers SignsAustralian flag branded board-shorts, beer coolers, bikinis, T-shirts and anything possible.Many of the actual locations can be viewed at www.packofgalahs.com

Atmosphere songs:

If needed could come from a variety of great Australian music including Midnight Oil, Australian Crawl, Icehouse, INXS, Mondo Rock, Billy Thorpe, Rose Tattoo, Air Supply, The Angels, Real Life, Cold Chisel and many more classice Australian bands.

3.

Volunteer crew if desired:

Directors: Brett Lovell, Grant Saunders, Brad Diebert, Doug BayneProducers: Brett Lovell and Grant SaundersDirector Of Photography: Brad Diebert2nd Assistant Director: Tania MarinoSound-track: Graham Bidstrup and Billy Field Production and Logistics Manager: Rod RichardsCamera 1: Brad DiebertCamera 2: Sam HunterCamera 3: Barry McGrathCamera 4: Grant SaundersSound and grips: Tania Marino and Barry McGrathEditors: Brett Lovell, Grant Saunders, Brad Diebert, Doug BayneLighting: Grant SaundersCasting, Props and Locations: Brett LovellDriver and Comic relief: Mark Copeland

#Note: Whilst this appears to be a small crew it is all very creative, multi tasking, works well together, and have a great chemistry. It is necessary to keep costs and logistics down as this story has been designed to look like a big budget film but on a tiny budget, and filmed in the very short time of two weeks. All sets are actual locations, most props and locations are free of charge or have been donated at the owners expense. Our thanks go out to those have chosen to assist and also to the gracious cast that want to be involved without any discussion of financial reward until required. All cast will be on set for the absolute minimum time, and apart from those that specifically require it share houses will be rented in Yarrawonga for the Tocumwal shoot accommodation, and alas it will have to be tents at the Summernats as that’s all that’s possible.

FADE IN:

EXT. CLEAR BLUE SKY. DAYA Qantas airplane is making its way from America to Australia.

INT. AIRPLANE. DAY

Art(60-64), Art’s son Charlie(20), and Art’s friend Clive(60-64), have smiles on their faces as they look through their travel brochures, eagerly anticipating their first visit to The Land Down Under.

ARTNot long now, and we’ll be touching down in The Land Down Under!

4.

CHARLIEI hope we see some kangaroos!

ARTOf course we will! There are more kangaroos in Australia than there are people!

CHARLIESeriously?!

ARTFor real!

CHARLIEThat’s awesome!

CLIVEI want to see a wombat.

ARTWhat’s a wombat?

CLIVEIt’s a marsupial.

ARTWhat’s a marsupial?

CLIVEA kangaroo’s a marsupial.

ARTSo, a wombat’s a kangaroo?

CLIVENo, they’re both marsupials!

ARTWhat’s he talking about, Charlie?

CHARLIEDon’t ask me, I’m only studying the language, Cobber!

ARTWhat’s a Cobber?

CHARLIEYou are!

ARTYou’re both crazy!

5.

In the seats across the aisle from Art, Charlie and Clive are two rugged Australians, Boonie(59), a short chubby guy with a moustache, and Swerving Mervin(55), a tall chubby guy with a moustache. As Boonie guzzles his beer down from the beer can, Swerving Mervin cheers him on.

SWERVING MERVIN Boonie! Boonie! Boonie! Yeah! Nice one, Boonie!!!

Boonie finishes the can off and crushes it as he burps and quickly opens another can.

SWERVING MERVIN (CONT'D)Come on, mate! You need to pick up the pace! Only thirty four to go.

Art, Charlie and Clive watch on with intrigue at this mystical past time.

ARTExcuse me, are you guys Aussies?

SWERVING MERVINTrue blue, mate! I’m from Victoria.

ARTWhere’s Victoria?

SWERVING MERVIN Australia!

BOONIE (Objecting)

I’m not from Victoria! I’m from Tasmania!

ARTWhere’s Tasmania?

SWERVING MERVIN AND BOONIEAustralia!!

Art nods his head in surprise as he had no idea of these places.

SWERVING MERVIN This is Boonie! He’s a world famous cricketer.

ART Really?

6.

BOONIE Swerving Mervin here is a famous cricketer also!

ARTI don’t know much about cricket, I hear it’s like baseball?

SWERVING MERVIN AND BOONIETurn it up!!

SWERVING MERVINMate, if you’re going all the way to The Land Down Under, you can’t go home without playing a game of cricket!

ARTOkay! I will, if I get a chance. My name’s Art.

SWERVING MERVINNice to meet you, Art.

ARTLikewise. This is my son, Charlie. And my friend Clive.

A brief greeting commences.

SWERVING MERVIN You know, Boonie here also holds the record for the most beers drunk on one flight, fifty one! We’d better stop slowing him down, he’s on his next mission from God!

BOONIE That was fifty two! My fat, furry, friend! From Calcutta to Hobart.

ARTWhere’s Hobart?

SWERVING MERVIN AND BOONIE (Annoyed)

Australia!!

FADE TO:

BEGIN TITLE MONTAGE

Intro Song:”The Land Down Under” by Men At Work.

7.

EXT. SYDNEY AIRPORT. DAY

The Qantas airplane flies over the beautiful blue ocean as it comes in to land at the Sydney airport.

CUT TO:

A SHORT TIME LATER

EXT. THE AIRPORT TERMINAL EXIT. DAY

Art, Charlie and Clive make their way outside of the airport terminal with their luggage in tow.

CUT TO:

A SHORT TIME LATER

EXT. THE CAR YARD. DAY

Art, Charlie and Clive are in their beaten-up rented 4X4. The 4X4 comes out of the car yard entrance and makes its way off up the road.

CUT TO:

A SHORT TIME LATER

EXT. BONDI BEACH. DAY

The 4X4 makes its way along the scenic Bondi Beach, the beach is crowded with sunbathing Australians. Life guards are keeping a watchful eye in their skull caps and budgie smugglers. Out in the ocean surfers are catching waves.

CUT TO:

A SHORT TIME LATER

EXT. SYDNEY HARBOUR BRIDGE. DAY

The 4X4 makes its way across the Sydney Harbour Bridge, the Sydney Opera House and the harbour make an amazing picture perfect postcard.

CUT TO:

8.

A SHORT TIME LATER

EXT. THE FREEWAY OUT OF TOWN. DAY

The 4X4 makes its way along the freeway out of Sydney.

CUT TO:

A SHORT TIME LATER

EXT. THE BLUE MOUNTAINS LOOKOUT. DAY

Art, Charlie and Clive have stopped to absorb the incredible Blue Mountains that are located west from Sydney. Art, Charlie and Clive all look out over the spectacular scenery

CUT TO:

A SHORT TIME LATER

EXT. EMU FARM. DAY

As Art, Charlie and Clive drive through the dry and arid landscape they go past an emu farm, the emus run along the fence-line at an incredible speed as the 4X4 slowly catches them.

INT. THE 4X4. DAY

Art, Clive and Charlie all look out in amazement at the huge birds that are running at incredible speed along the fence-line.

CUT TO:

A SHORT TIME LATER

EXT. OUTBACK AUSTRALIA. DAY

Kangaroos are bouncing through the dry outback.

9.

INT. THE 4X4. DAY

The smiling faces of Art, Clive and Charlie show their exuberance as they appear to be seeing all of the sights they were expecting to see from their tourist brochures.

CUT TO:

A SHORT TIME LATER

EXT. DESOLATE COUNTRY ROAD. DAY

As Art, Charlie and Clive drive along the country road, they pull over near some giant termite mounds, they get out of the 4X4 and go over to inspect the impressive sight. Art and Charlie stand next to the termite mound as Clive takes a photograph for them.

CUT TO:

A SHORT TIME LATER

INT. THE 4X4. DAY

As Art, Charlie and Clive drive through the barren landscape a huge road-train comes towards them. The huge truck goes rumbling past them and the 4X4 shakes furiously, they look at each other and smile at the foreign experience.

CUT TO:

A SHORT TIME LATER

EXT. THE ROAD TO HOLDEN TOWN. AFTERNOON

The 4X4 drives along the gum-tree lined road past a beware of kangaroos sign and off into the distance.

CUT TO:

The 4x4 starts slowing down as it approaches the town sign for Holden Town. The 4X4 goes past the town sign and continues off towards the township in the distance. Below the town name the sign says “Population 308(a reference to the size of a Holden engine).”

FADE OUT INTRO MUSIC AND CUT

TO:

10.

EXT. HOLDEN TOWN. AFTERNOON

The 4X4 as it makes its way slowly along the main street of Holden Town.

ARTSo, here we are in Holden Town.

Art smiles as Clive looks at his map.

CLIVEI can’t see a Holden Town anywhere on this map.

ARTI’m not worried if it’s on the map or not, all I want to know is if it has a Macca’s!

CHARLIEMe too!

A SHORT TIME LATER

INT. THE 4X4. AFTERNOON

As the 4X4 makes its way along the street, Clive, Art and Charlie are busy looking for any sign of a McDonald’s restaurant.

ART Can you see a McDonald’s anywhere, Charlie?

CHARLIE(Disbelief)

No, I can’t see one anywhere!

ART(Shocked)

There’s got to be one here somewhere?!

CLIVELet’s pull into this gas station! Surely the locals must know where it is?

CUT TO:

11.

EXT. THE SERVICE STATION. AFTERNOON

The 4X4 comes pulling into the service station, Clive, Art and Charlie climb out of the 4X4 and whilst Clive goes to wash the front 4X4 window, Art and Charlie go inside to speak to Billy Barker(46) who works at the service station and is a well know former Australian Rules football player.

INT. THE SERVICE STATION OFFICE. AFTERNOON

Art and Charlie enter the less than modern service station, Art makes his way towards the counter as Charlie looks around the foreign surroundings. Billy has his usual attire on, a pair of tiny shorts and his Holden Town Saints football jersey that he wears every day.

BILLY Hi, mates! You’re lucky you caught me! I was just about to shut up, it’s Happy Hour!

ART(Overjoyed)

That’s McDonald’s talk if ever I heard it! I don’t suppose you could tell us where the nearest one is?

BILLY You mean, where the nearest one’s are, mate!

ARTThere’s more than one?! Awesome! You hear that, Charlie?

CHARLIE (As Charlie looks at the foreign ice-creams in the ice-cream freezer)

Awesome!

ARTSo, where’s the closest one to here?

BILLY Well, Athol McDonald lives just down the street past the post office slash news agent.

ARTNo, I’m not looking for Athol McDonald.

12.

(MORE)

I’m looking for Ronald McDonald! The one with the fuzzy, red hair and the red nose.

BILLYWell, there’s a Rod McDonald!! He’s got a red nose and fuzzy red hair, but he calls it strawberry blonde. What a laugh! Ranga’s, mate! Living in denial.

ARTRanga’s?

BILLYYeah! You know! Red knobs!

ART(Confused)

Sorry, you’ve lost me.

CHARLIE (V.O.)Hey, Dad! Check out this ice-cream!

Art turns towards Charlie and sees him smiling and holding up an ice-cream.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)It’s called a Golden Gay Time!

Charlie smiles with glee.

ART That’s awesome! Let’s get a photo!

Charlie nods in agreement.

ART (CONT'D)(To Billy)

Can you take a photo of us with the ice-cream.

BILLYSure! If you want? Gaytimes are Aussie icons!

#Gay-times are an actual Australian ice-cream.

Art and Charlie smile as Billy proceeds to take a photo for them.

A SHORT TIME LATER

13.

ART (CONT'D)


Art and Charlie arrive back at the 4X4 where Clive is waiting patiently. Art and Charlie proceed to get back in the 4X4.

INT. THE 4X4. DAY

CLIVESo, how did you go?

ARTThe Land Down Under! What a crazy place this is! No McDonald’s, only ranga’s and red knobs.

CLIVEWhat’s a ranga?! And a red knob?!

ART(Confused)

No idea!


Clive starts the engine and the 4X4 slowly makes its way out of the driveway and drives off into the distance.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE HOLDEN TOWN MAIN STREET. AFTERNOON

The 4x4 travels along the quiet antiquated street.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE FISH AND CHIP SHOP. AFTERNOON

The 4X4 pulls into a car space out front of the busy fish and chip shop, all of the car spaces are filled with immaculate classic Holden cars. Art, Charlie and Clive all get out and make their way towards the front entrance of the fish and chip shop. They have never seen such a gathering of immaculate classic cars.

ARTCheck out these cars!

CHARLIEThey’re awesome!

14.

CLIVESo, this place is called Holden Town, and all of these cars are Holdens?

ARTWhat is a Holden? Is it some type of Ford?

CLIVE(Confused)

I have no idea? Must be?

INT. FISH AND CHIP SHOP. DAY

Vic(60) and his wife Shazza(60) own and run the fish and chip shop, there are a few waiting customers as Vic fries up a storm over at the grill. Art, Clive and Charlie enter, they all look up at the menu board and peruse the foreign delicacies. Behind the counter Vic has an order ready and no time to waste.

VIC Two Chiko Rolls! Two battered savs! Two flake! And the minimum chips!

Kevin(55) goes to collect his order.

KEVINThanks, Vic!

VICNo worries, Big Kev! Be sure to say hello to Judy for me!

KEVINWill do, mate!

Kevin takes his fish and chips and leaves the store.

SHAZZA Why do you always tell him to say hi to Judy?! As if he’s going to!

VICI’m just being neighborly.

SHAZZA They live next door, it’s not like we never see them!

Vic notices that Art, Clive and Charlie are still perusing the menu.

15.

JIM These guys are waiting to order!

Art, Clive and Charlie are busy trying to understand the menu board. Vic goes back to cooking and Shazza lingers to see if they’re ready to order.

SHAZZA Hey there, handsome strangers!

In the background Vic looks around to see who Shazza is talking to.

ARTHi.

SHAZZA So, what can I get you?

ARTWhat are Chiko Rolls?

SHAZZAWell, Chiko Rolls are like spring rolls, but bigger and better.

VIC No, they’re not! They’re nothing like a spring roll! Chiko Rolls are deep fried Aussie icons! There’s one, right there!

In the background Vic points to the poster on the wall and they all look at it.

VIC (CONT'D)Except they’re not quite that big!

The Chiko Roll poster in the store has a scantily clad girl straddling a motor bike.

ARTAnd what’s flake?

SHAZZA It’s shark, dipped in batter and deep fried.

ART Okay, I’ll try the shark, and one of those chicken roll things.

VIC (V.O.)It’s a Chiko Roll!

16.

SHAZZAHow about your friends?

ART Charlie! What do you want?

CHARLIEYeah, I’ll try the shark.

VIC (V.O.)It’s Flake!

CLIVEI might try the shark as well.

VIC (V.O.)It’s called Flake!!

Vic just shakes his head in disbelief over at the grill.

ARTAnd you’d better give us some fries with that.

CHARLIEAnd can we get some ketchup on the fries, please?

VIC (V.O.)(Progressively getting more annoyed)

You mean you want dead horse on the chips!

CHARLIEI might try a chicken roll as well.

VIC (V.O.)It’s a Chiko Roll!!

Clive and Charlie step away from the counter and wait with the other waiting customers as Art remains at the counter waiting to pay. Shazza calculates the amount owing, she looks up and smiles.

SHAZZAThat will be thirty dollars exactly thanks, darling?

Vic looks around with a less than pleased expression on his face as he shakes his head in annoyance. Art gathers the thirty dollars from his wallet and hands it to Shazza who deposits it in the cash register.

17.

SHAZZA (CONT'D)Thanks very much. It’ll be ready in a jiffy.

ART Okay? Any chance you could direct us to the nearest hotel?

SHAZZA Sure! The Holden Town Hotel is just up this road here, you can’t miss it. Just go straight through the round-about.

ARTThanks.

SHARONYou’re welcome, hon.

Art makes his way over to Charlie and Clive.

ART She said there’s a hotel just up the street.

SHAZZA(Interrupting)

Sharon! That’s what Sharon said!

Art turns and acknowledges that he now knows Sharon’s name.

ARTThanks, Sharon.

(To Charlie and Clive)That’s what Sharon said.

SHAZZABut you can call me Shazza!

CUT TO:

EXT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL. AFTERNOON#Actual Location: The historic Terminus Hotel in Tocumwal.

The 4x4 comes slowly driving towards the hotel with its headlights on.

SHORTLY AFTER

The 4x4 comes pulling into an empty space amongst the masses of classic Holdens. Art, Clive and Charlie get out of the 4X4 and soak up the foreign surroundings, they can’t help but notice the beautiful cars surrounding them.

18.

ARTWhere do they get these cars? They’re everywhere.

CLIVEIt’s like we’re on another planet.

ARTYeah, it’s weird! Holden Town. But I like it! I want a Holden!

CLIVEMe too!

CHARLIESo, what did you guys think of the shark?

ARTI thought it was good.

CLIVENot bad at all.

In the distance the sound of roaring engines can be heard, Art, Clive and Charlie all look up as a convoy of classic Holdens approaches from the distance.

ART They sound awesome?!

CLIVEThey sure do!

As Art, Clive and Charlie watch on the convoy of classic Holdens pull into the car spaces one after another. As the owners, Billy Barker(from the service station)and his two sons Kenworth(20) and Mack(15), Rodney(Age not important, just most suitable comedian), Wombat(38-48), Dazza(23) and Rock(23) get out of their respective cars, smiles are prevalent as they contemplate yet another cheap beer during Happy Hour. As Billy exits his car he sees Art, Clive and Charlie at the back of their 4X4.

BILLYHey, fella’s! Just in time for Happy Hour! That means cheap beer!

ARTReally? That was lucky!

BILLYWho’s your friend?

19.

ARTThis is Clive.

BILLYNice to meet you, Clive! Welcome to Holden Town!

CLIVEThanks.

BILLYI’m the one and only Billy Barker. You might have heard of me?

WOMBATBilly’s a legend, mate! One hundred and three goals in a single season. And mark of the year in the same season!

CLIVE(Confused)

Really?!

WOMBATYep! He’s an Aussie icon!

BILLYWombat here is my step-ladder to the heavens.

WOMBATTurn it up!

BILLYAnd that’s Rodney the Back Pocket Rocket over there.

Rodney greets them.

BILLY (CONT'D)These are my sons, Kenworth and Mack. And these two larrikins are Dazza and Rock.

Rock and Dazza say hello also.

BILLY (CONT'D)Come inside and meet the rest of the Holdenites!

ARTWhat is a Holden? Is it some type of Ford?

20.

BILLYMate! You can’t be throwing around the F word in Holden Town.Come on, it’s Happy Hour! And it’s Wombat’s shout!

WOMBATPigs arse it is! It’s always my shout!

BILLYCheers, mate!

ARTOkay, we’ll see you in there.

BILLYNo worries mate! We’ll be waiting for you.

Billy and his friends make their way through the front door of the hotel. Billy holds the door open as Rodney, Wombat, Dazza, Rock, Mack and Kenworth enter the hotel. Billy looks around for any stragglers but of course there are none. Billy waves to Art, Clive and Charlie and releases the door as he enters inside.

ART Did anyone understand any of that?

Clive and Charlie both shake their heads and smile.

INT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL BAR. DAY

Billy enters through the bar door and the entire jovial crowd notice him and the scream of “Barkerrrrr!” echoes throughout the hotel. Billy smiles and shakes hands with some of the locals as he makes his way towards the bar where Rodney and Wombat are waiting for him. Billy arrives at the bar where, Dingo(63 and Aboriginal), the barman is in his usual fun loving mood.

DINGOBilly! How are you, mate?!

BILLYGood, mate!

DINGOThe usual?

BILLYSure, why not?

Dingo grabs a glass and prepares to pour Billy a beer.

21.

DINGOHow about you, Wombat?

WOMBATOkay. You’ve twisted my arm.

Wombat’s words are blocked out by the sound of froth spluttering out of the apparently empty beer tap.

DINGOSorry, mate! What did you say?

WOMBAT I said, okay! You’ve twisted my arm!

Again Wombat’s words are blocked out by the froth spluttering.

DINGO Ha, ha, ha. Sorry about that! I missed it again! I’m guessing that was a no?

WOMBATNo, mate! I said, you’ve twisted my arm!

Again Wombat’s words are blocked out by the froth spluttering. Billy, Dingo and Rodney all smile at Wombat’s misfortune.

WOMBAT (CONT'D)Forget it! I’ll get one from Pam!

(To Pam)Pam!!

Pam(50-60) the lingerie barmaid, that is busy chatting to other patrons, turns her attention to Wombat.

PAMComing, sweetie!

Pam makes her way to Wombat.

PAM (CONT'D)What is it, darling?

WOMBATI’d like a beer thanks.

PAMSure!

(To Dingo)One scooner, Dingo.

22.

Pam’s words are also blocked out by Dingo pouring froth from the empty tap as Billy, Dingo and Rodney all smile with glee.

DINGOYou’ll get one! Relax, mate! It’s Happy Hour!

WOMBATI guess that explains why there’s no beer!

BILLY That reminds me of the time that me and Dipper went head to head in Lou Richards’ hand-ball competition.

WOMBATI wonder who won?

BILLYDipper, of course! I’d never hand-balled in my life.

WOMBAT, RODNEY, PAM AND DINGOWeeee know!

Chook(69), the incredible impersonator, approaches with his bucket full of coins and a raffle book in hand.

CHOOK(Impersonating Richie Benaud)

Chook raffle, fellas! Last few tickets! It’s only two for twooo!

RODNEYIt’s always the last few tickets, Chook.

CHOOK And it’s always two for twooo! Was that the Dipper story I could hear?

BILLYYeah, mate! Everyone loves the Dipper story!

WOMBAT(Objecting)

It’s okay! But it’s not in the same league as the Wombat story! That gets the whole bar in stitches!

23.

CHOOK(Impersonating Tony Greg)

Yesss! But it’s getting a bit old, the Wombat story.

WOMBATNo chance, mate! Give it a go!


No, not tonight. Unless you buy some raffle tickets. It’s two for twooo!

BILLY(Excitedly)

I’ll do it! I still get a bit of a chuckle out of it!

CHOOK(Impersonating Tony Greg)

Thanks, Billy. You just cost the club two dollars. That’s coming out of your wages.

BILLYSorry, mate! Just one more, for old times sake.

Billy turns to the crowded bar.

BILLY (CONT'D)Does anyone know why Wombat is called Wombat?!

CROWD(All shouting out Wombat’s catch phrase)

Because he eats! Roots! And leaves!

Wombat does the actions of eating, having sex, and points to the door as the crowd scream out his hilarious catch phrase. The entire crowd in the bar laugh and smile at the hilarity of the Wombat joke, even though they hear it almost every day.

BILLYAnd does anyone know why Chook is called Panda?!

RODNEY(Confused)

Why would Chook be called Panda?

24.

BILLY Because he eats! Shoots! And leaves!

Billy smiles with glee at his joke but only the sound of a cricket chirping can be heard from outside the silent bar.

EXT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL. AFTERNOON

Art, Clive and Charlie are carrying their backpacks as they make their way through the ornate stained glass front door of the historical pub.

INT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL. AFTERNOON

Art, Clive and Charlie carry their backpacks into the quiet side of the bar. Dingo is quick to notice Art, Clive and Charlie arrive, he makes his way to the other side of the bar to welcome them as the jovial crowd continue to chatter away in the background.

DINGO G’day, mates!

ARTHi.

DINGOWhat can I get for you’s?

ART We’re on our way to the Big Shrimp, and we were hoping that you might have some accommodation available.

BILLYIt’s not a shrimp! It’s a yabby!!

Art sees Billy smiling from across the other side of the bar. Art smiles back towards Billy.

BILLY (CONT'D)Dingo, find these fellas a room, mate! They’re mates of mine. That’s Art, Charlie and Clive.

DINGOI’m not sure if we’ve got anything. It’s Australia Day tomorrow.

WOMBATThey can stay at my place!

25.

DINGOThat’s good, Wombat! So you don’t need your room here tonight, and Chook might have to stay at his place tonight as well.

CHOOKIt’s all good, I’ll crash at Rodney’s!

RODNEYWill you now?

WOMBATYou can both crash at my place! We can split a cab.

Dingo returns his attention to Art, Clive and Charlie.

DINGOI’ll just get Austello to take care of the bar and we’ll get you settled in, so you can make it back down here for Happy Hour.

ARTFantastic! Thanks very much.

DINGODon’t mention it.

(To Austello the Assistant barman)

Oi, Aussie!

ENTIRE CROWDAussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!

Austello(65) turns his attention towards the bar, for some reason Austello has a piano accordion strapped to his chest.

AUSTELLO(In an Italian accent)

Si!

Austello plays a note on his accordion.

DINGOThis is getting ridiculous! You’re only getting called Austello from now on, this Aussie stuff has gotten out of control!

ENTIRE CROWDAussie! Oi! Aussie! Oi! Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!!

26.


Are you not a happy my friend?

Austello plays a note on his accordion.

DINGODo you want to come over here and do some work?

#The following piece of dialect needs to be licensed from Billy Birmingham, in the event that comedy by Billy Birmingham cannot be obtained it will be replaced with comedy by Joe Dolce.


Sure, my friend! Will Wolla-be there?

DINGO(Not interested)

No!


What about a Nulla?


No!


Well that’s a good! Because Nulla-bores a me to tears.


Yessss, not only you.


You need a me to sing a you a song my friend, to cheer a you up!

Austello lifts the small casette player that is for some reason dangling from his belt.

AUSTELLO (CONT'D)(In an Italian accent)

I have a my back up musicians a ready just a for you!

DINGOMust you?

27.

AUSTELLO (In an Italian accent)

I must a my friend. To cheer a you up!

Austello presses the play button and his back up music for “Suttup A Ya Face” starts to play as Austello begins to play his accordion.

AUSTELLO (CONT'D)(Singing with an Italian accent)

When I was a boy, just about the eighth a grade. Mama used to say don’t a stay out a late......

SHORTLY AFTER

INT. THE HOTEL STAIRCASE. DAY

Art, Charlie and Clive follow Dingo up the stairs as the crowd and Austello can be heard singing “Shuttup A Ya Face” from the bar.

INT. THE HOTEL HALLWAY. DAY

Art, Charlie and Clive follow Dingo along the hallway towards the room doors. They get to room five and Dingo proceeds to unlock and open the door, the singing can still be heard from down stairs.

DINGO(To Art)

This is Chook’s room, you and the young fella should be fine in here.

ARTThanks very much, Dingo. That’s a catchy song they’re singing.

DINGOYeah, the first time you hear it. If you need the dunny it’s at the end of the hall.

CHARLIEThe dunny’s the toilet!

ARTAhh.

DINGOIn you go! Make yourselves at home.

28.

Art and Charlie enter the room as Dingo pulls the key from the door.

DINGO (CONT'D)Don’t forget your key!

Dingo throws the key on the bed and makes his way to the next door. Dingo unlocks and opens the neighboring door and Clive looks past him and into the room.

DINGO (CONT'D)This room is where Wombat parks his carcass most nights.

CLIVEAre you sure he doesn’t mind?

DINGONo, mate! In you go! I’ll see you downstairs.

CLIVEThanks very much, Dingo.

DINGONo worries, mate.

Dingo vanishes back down the hallway as Clive enters the room.

INT. WOMBAT’S ROOM. DAY

As the muffled music can be heard from downstairs Clive looks around at the myriad of football team photos of the Holden Town Saints that cover the walls, there is even a poster of Billy personally signed to Wombat. There is also a wedding photo of Wombat and his now ex-wife, it seems that Wombat has a broken heart. Clive looks at the foreign artifacts not expecting to get such a glimpse into another’s life. The crowd sing the final chorus of Suttup A Ya Face from downstairs before laughter resonates from the bar.

CUT TO:SHORTLY AFTER

INT. THE HOTEL HALLWAY. AFTERNOON

Art, Clive and Charlie smile and chat as they make their way along the hallway as the sounds of the rowdy bar can be heard from below.

29.

INT. THE HOTEL STAIRCASE. AFTERNOON

Art, Clive and Charlie make their way down the stairs as the sound of the bar becomes increasingly louder.

INT. THE HOTEL BAR. AFTERNOON

Art, Clive and Charlie make their way into the quiet side of the double sided bar where Austello is waiting for them.


Bonjiorno! What a can I get a you fellas?!

ARTThree beers thanks!

AUSTEN(In an Italian accent)

Pots or a scooners?

ARTJust glasses thanks.


They are a glasses! Big or a small?

ARTI’ll have a big one, thanks!

CLIVEMe too!

ARTHow about you Charlie?

CHARLIEI think I might go for a walk.

ARTAre you sure?! You know you’re old enough to drink a beer in The Land Down Under.

CHARLIEYeah, I know. I just want to take a look around.

ART Okay. We’ll be here if you need us.

30.

CHARLIEOkay. I won’t be too long.

Charlie makes his way towards the doorway as Art and Clive look around at the jovial atmosphere. Austello is busy pouring a beer but can’t help but inquire about the strangers in town.


You know much about a The Land a Down Under?

ARTNot really. But we’re starting to catch on.


Goooood! So a you should a have no problems understanding this a little story.

ARTOkay?

#The following piece of dialect needs to be licensed from Billy Birmingham, in the event that it cannot be obtain it will removed.


So, Billy said he was having a few mates around for a barbi!

ARTOkay?


He said he might a cook-a-burra or two. I said, “Sounds a great, will a wolla-be there?” He said a, “Yeah, and a Vegi-might a come a too.” So, I said a to the wife, “You want to go-Anna?” She said a to me, “I’ll a go if a Ding-goes.”

Austello points at Dingo and smiles as he tells the joke, Dingo turns around and doesn’t look amused as Austello continues his well rehearsed comedy routine and Art and Clive appear totally confused.

31.

AUSTELLO (CONT'D)(In an Italian accent)

We got a to a the barbi at about a two, I went a to the kitchen to put a some booze in the fridge and a you wouldn’t a believe it! But there’s a Boomer’s wife, Wara, sitting there trying to a plat-her-puss. I was a shocked! I mean a how much a can a koala bear?! So, I grabbed a my beer, flashed a my Wanger-at-her and headed out a to join a the party. This Indian girl, Marsu, turns up, dying a to go a to the toilet! But she couldn’t a find it! I said a to my mate, Al, “Where a can a Marsu-pee-Al?” And he said a to me, “She can a go out a back with the fellas! She’s probably seen a cock-a-too.”

The entire bar join in on yelling out the final punch-line as they appear to have heard it many times. The entire crowd in the bar burst out laughing and smiling as they all resume drinking their beers.

ARTThat was very good!


Grazie, Grazie!

ARTI didn’t understand any of it, but it sounded like a good story.


Grazie, Grazie! I like a you, you have a nice a smile.

ARTThank you.

CLIVE (V.O.) Look at the size of these fish!

Clive is busy looking up at the giant fish heads mounted above the bar, Art’s attention is also drawn to the huge fish heads mounted on the wall that Art is busy looking at. Pam just happens to be lingering on that side of the bar and can’t help but pass on some local knowledge.

32.

PAMThey’re Murray cod!

Clive turns and sees Pam the lingerie barmaid, he is immediately mesmerized.

CLIVEAre they fresh water fish?

PAMYeah, but you can only catch them in the Mighty Murray.

CLIVEIs that a lake?

PAMNo, it’s a river. The mighty Murray river.

CLIVEAhh. Sounds impressive.

PAMYes, it’s mighty impressive!

CLIVEI’m Clive, nice to meet you.

PAMI’m Pamela, but just call me Pam.

CLIVEOkay, Pam.

PAMI should keep going, I am working, but it was nice to meet you, Clive.

CLIVELikewise, Pam.

Pam heads off but looks back and smiles to Clive who still hasn’t taken his eyes of her.

WOMBAT(Interjecting from behind)

That was Pam! I think she likes you.

CLIVEI doubt it, she must have every man in town chasing her.

33.

WOMBATNa, mate! She’s been single forever. Waiting for her prince charming that never appears. Maybe it’s you?

CLIVEI’m no prince, I’m just a war beaten porper.

WOMBATNot here you’re not. We’ve been waiting for you.

CLIVEWhat do you mean?

WOMBATJust cheering you up,mate! That’s what the wombat does.

Clive smiles at the thought of being appreciated and of the illusive idea of love that has eluded him for a lifetime.

CLIVEThanks Wombat.

WOMBATMy pleasure.

Suddenly there is an almighty roar from the crowd watching the Australian Rules football on the bar TV.

CLIVE What happened?

Wombat looks up at the TV screen.

WOMBATI’m guessing someone just took a screamer!

CLIVEWhere did he take her?!

WOMBATNot her, mate! Watch the replay.

They look up at the TV. The vision on the TV is showing a replay of an Australian Rules football player leaping over another player to take a spectacular Australian Rules Football catch.

WOMBAT (CONT'D)That’s a screamer! And a mighty fine one at that.

34.

CLIVE(Continuing to look at the screen)

What is this strange sport?

WOMBATIt’s Aussie Rules! Our national sport.

CLIVEAhh! Do you play?

WOMBATOf course, mate! This is the home of the mighty Holden Town Saints.

NEARBY CROWD (V.O.)Go the mighty Saints!

CLIVE Why do they call you Wombat?

NEARBY CROWD (V.O.)(Shouting Wombat’s catch phrase)

Because he eats! Roots! And leaves!

All the locals in the vicinity laugh at the Wombat joke but Art and Clive are not entirely sure that they understand.

WOMBATDo you get it? I eat.

Wombat shoves some peanuts from the bar in his mouth and chews ferociously.

WOMBAT (CONT'D)I root.

Wombat gestures that he’s having sexual intercourse.

WOMBAT (CONT'D)And I leave!

Wombat points to the door and everyone in the pub laughs again as if they’ve never heard it before.

BILLY(From across the bar to Art and Clive)

Hey, fellas! Do you know why they call Dingo, Panda?!

Everyone seems clueless about Billy’s joke.

35.

BILLY (CONT'D)Because he eats! Shoots! And leaves!

Dingo shakes his head in disbelief that Billy tried his lame joke a second time.

AUSTELLO(Spoken in an Italian accent)

And I forgot ah to tell ah you! We were going to have a hit of ah cricket, so, I said ah let ah Wom-bat!

Austello points at Wombat and smiles with glee. In the background Rodney and Chook can’t help but get in on the act with some of their own well used comedy that hasn’t seen a fresh audience in many a year. Dingo remains baffled at the bar as he has heard it all a million times.

CUT TO:

INT. THE POOL TABLE ROOM. DAY

In the pool room, Dazza, Rock, Kenworth and Mack are busy playing Kelly pool when Charlie enters.

DAZZAHey, Charlie! Do you want to play Kelly-pool with us?!

CHARLIESure! What’s Kelly-pool?

DAZZAWe’ll show you! Lets start a new game. Show us your balls fellas! But just the Kelly-pool balls thanks, Pippy!

#Note: A pippy is a small shell that looks like the knob of a penis and therefore pippy refers to someone with a small penis.

ROCKYou’re the pippy, Pippy! Or Kenworth is!

KENWORTHYou’re the pippy!

ROCKMack’s the pippy!

36.

MACKI’m not the pippy! You are!

DAZZAThe balls gentlemen! And we all know that Rock’s the pippy.

ROCKWhatever!

Charlie doesn’t understand a single thing that is being said.

CUT TO:LATER

EXT. THE HOTEL. SUNSET

Art, Clive, Billy, Rodney, Wombat, Chook and Austello are all outside the hotel inspecting Billy’s impressive Holden that has the hood up to expose its mighty engine.

CLIVEYes, it sure is an impressive car.

BILLYHolden, mate! It’s an impressive Holden!

WOMBATNot as impressive as Dingo’s!

RODNEYOr mine!

CHOOKOr mine!

ARTThey’re all impressive!

BILLYThis is the only Peter Brock Special in town!

CHOOK, WOMBAT, AUSTELLO AND RODNEYBrockyyy!!!

WOMBATI’m going to have a replica Peter Brock Special one day.

BILLYIn your dreams, mate!

37.

CHOOKKick it in the guts, mate! Let’s see what it’s got!

BILLYOkay! Although it’s running a bit rough at the moment.

Billy goes and jumps in the driver’s seat of his car, he starts the engine and there is a mighty roar. Wombat appears to be saying something to Art and Clive but he can’t be heard over the roaring engine. Billy takes his foot off the accelerator and sticks his head outside.

BILLY (CONT'D)What was that, Wombat?

WOMBATI was just telling Art and Clive that...

Billy slams his foot on the accelerator again and again Wombat can’t be heard as he repeats what he was just saying to Art and Clive. A smiling Billy turns off the mighty engine and gets out of the car.

BILLY(To Art and Clive)

What are you fellas up to tomorrow? You should come down to the Mighty Murray for Australia Day.

RODNEYYeah, you should! We’re going to play beach cricket.

ART(Intrigued)

Cricket, hey?

WOMBAT I bags batting first!

#The following piece of dialect needs to be licensed from Billy Birmingham, in the event that comedy by Billy Birmingham cannot be obtained it will be removed.

AUSTELLO(Interjecting to add some more comedy)

So, a few of ah the guys decided to play a game of ah cricket!

38.

(MORE)

So, I said ah to them “Let ah Wom-bat?” I said ah “Lets go-Anna!” And ah she said ah to me, “No, I’m ah staying here until ah Gum-leaves.” “And besides I don’t ah want to leave ah Jack-a-round-da party on his own. Have a you seen ah him?! I think he’s ah trying to crack on ah Too-Woomba. And he’s already ah tried a to Mount ah Bulla.”

FADE TO NIGHT SKY:

CUT TO:

INT. ART’S HOTEL ROOM. NIGHT

It’s late at night, the moonlight is the only source of light as Art and Charlie sleep soundly.

ART (V.O.)(Screaming)

Charlie!! Charlieee!!!

Charlie wakes up in a panic.

CHARLIE Dad! Wake up!

ART What is it? Is something wrong?

CHARLIE No. You were just dreaming about Charlie again.

ART Sorry, Son.

CHARLIE It’s okay, go back to sleep.

ART Could you do me a favor, and grab me my medicine, I’m not feeling very well.

CHARLIE Sure, close your eyes, I’ll switch on the light.

39.

AUSTELLO (CONT'D)

INT. CLIVE’S HOTEL ROOM. NIGHT

Clive is laying in bed with his bedside lamp on, he is reading an Australian tourism book but seems to have lost focus as hear hears the commotion coming from the next room. Clive lifts his dog-tags from his chest and holds them tightly as he recollects his time in Vietnam, he closes his book and places it on the bedside table before turning off the bedside lamp.

FADE TO:1969

EXT. VIETNAM JUNGLE. DAY

The deafening flash and sound of an exploding bomb.

Bombs have just blown up all around Art, Clive and Charlie’s platoon in the Vietnamese jungle, it’s hard to see for the dense smoke. Art(23) slowly picks himself up from the long grass where he was blown by the blast.

ART(Fretting)

Clive! Charlie!..Sarge! Are you guys alright?!..Bones?!

Art hears Clive’s voice through the smoke.

CLIVE(V.O.)Art! Is that you?!

ARTYeah, it’s me!

CLIVE(V.O.)I’ve been hit!

ART I’m coming! Where are you?!

CLIVE(V.O.)I’m over here!

CHARLIE(V.O.)Clive!..Art!..Is that you guys?!

ARTYeah, it’s us! Where are you?

CHARLIE(V.O.)I’m here! Where are you!?

40.

Art disappears into the thick smoke.

ART (V.O.)I’m here!..But I’m looking for Clive.

CHARLIE(V.O.)Where is he?!

CLIVE(V.O.)I’m here!

Art makes his way through the smoke and in front of him Clive(24) is leaning up against a tree with blood soaked army pants. Art looks on in disbelief at his friends predicament.

ARTAre you alright?!

CLIVEThose were our planes!

CHARLIE(V.O.)Have you got Clive?!

ARTYep!..But he’s hurt! Have you found the others?!

CHARLIE(V.O.)Yeah. They won’t be coming with us.

Art and Clive look at each other and are clearly shaken by Charlie’s news.

ART(To Clive)

We need to strap you up!

Art gets a bandage out of his pack and starts to wrap a bandage around Clive’s leg.

CLIVE(Curious)

Why is that bandage white? You would think it would be green! To match our uniforms?!

ARTYou would think so, wouldn’t you? You should be a fashion designer.

CLIVEThat’s not a bad idea you know! Maybe I will!

41.

Art hears a distant noise in the jungle.

ARTCharlie, was that you?

CHARLIE (V.O.)(From the opposite direction)

I’m coming!

Charlie(23) makes his way through the dissipating smoke to where Art is standing near Clive. Art is still looking off into the distance.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)What are you looking at, Art?

ART There was a noise?!

CHARLIEWhat noise?!

Art picks up his rifle and scours the jungle through the slowly dissipating smoke. Charlie and Clive also looks off into the jungle with concerned looks on their faces.

CUT TO:

EXT. THICK VIETNAM JUNGLE. DAY

Nuang(23), the camouflaged Vietcong sniper looks out through the dense jungle towards the clearing where Art, Clive and Charlie are.

Art, Clive and Charlie are in the distance through the trees as they look towards Nuang who is in-turn watching them through his own rifle scope. Nuang loads a bullet into his bolt action rifle.

ARTYou must have heard that?!

Art turns his rifle towards where the sound emanated from. Through Art’s scope he sees Nuang pointing his rifle straight at him. The thunderous sound of a bullet being fired can be heard as a bullet goes pounding through Art’s shoulder. As Art crashes to the ground, Charlie returns fire and then drops to the ground also.

CHARLIE Art! Are you okay?!

ART (V.O.)Damn! That’s my bowling arm! So much for Art The Dart!

42.

CHARLIE Stay down!

Everything goes quiet as Charlie, Clive and Art remain still on the ground amongst the long grass.

ART (V.O.)I think I’m bleeding pretty bad over here.

CHARLIE (To Clive)

We need to gethim out of here!

CLIVEHow are we going to do that?!

CHARLIEI’m going to stay here and cover you. You need to get him to those trees.

CLIVEYou’re going to follow, right?

CHARLIE Yeah, I’ll be right behind you.

ARTI don’t know, I’m not real happy with this plan.

CHARLIE Sorry, Clive. It’s time for you guys to leave. I’ll be right behind you.

As Clive shakes his head in disbelief Charlie pulls the pin from a hand-grenade. Charlie bobs from the long grass and throws the hand-grenade hard as the sound of another gunshot pounds into the trees behind him. The grenade sails through the air for what seems like an eternity then explodes amongst the jungle foliage.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)(Screaming to Clive)

Go!!!

Charlie bobs up from the long grass and starts spraying the jungle with bullets as a bullet takes a chunk out of the tree just next to him but he continues to fire his rifle with any disregard for his own safety. Clive frantically helps Art to his feet and they flee towards the nearby treeline. Charlie continues to fire his weapon as bullets shatter the foliage around him. Just as Art and Clive are about to disappear into the trees some bullets narrowly miss them and shatter the nearby trees.

43.

Charlie can see the flashes coming from Nuang’s rifle, he peppers the area with bullets and everything goes deathly silent as he takes cover behind a bullet riddled tree.

As Charlie hides behind the bullet damaged tree and he can hear Art yelling for him to run for it as well.

ART (V.O.)Charlie! Come on! Come with us! Charlieeeee!!

Art and Clive can be seen disappearing out of sight through the trees, Charlie watches them vanish from sight knowing that the likelihood of him ever seeing them again is very slim as another bullet slams into the tree-trunk he is resting against.

CUT TO:

PRESENT DAY

INT. CLIVE’S HOTEL ROOM. MORNING

The alarm clock radio next to Clive’s bed turns on and the boring banter of sheep and cattle prices on the local radio station breaks the morning silence. Clive wakes up and reaches over and turns off the alarm clock, as he lays there in silence he can hear the sound of Art coughing furiously from the nearby bathroom. Clive gets out of bed, his scarred body is a horrific sight, he puts on his clothes and makes his way towards the door.

INT. THE HOTEL HALLWAY. MORNING

As Clive exits his room and closes the door Charlie also emerges from the neighboring door, Charlie looks at Clive with a concerned look on his face.

CLIVEHe’s getting worse.

CHARLIEYes.

CLIVEI’d better go and check on him.

CHARLIELet me.

CLIVEOkay.

44.

Clive heads off towards the balcony as Charlie heads off in the other direction to check on his father. As Clive reaches the open door he looks back and can see Charlie outside the bathroom door.

CHARLIEAre you alright?

ART(V.O.)Yeah! I’m just reading the newspaper. I might be in here for a while.

CHARLIEOkay.

ART(V.O.)They’ve got one of those Chicken Roll posters in here!

CHARLIEYeah, I saw it.

ART(V.O.)It’s a different one!

CHARLIEYeah, I saw.

ART(V.O.)She’s cute!

CHARLIEYeah.

Clive smiles and turns his attention to the balcony and heads outside.

EXT. THE HOTEL BALCONY. MORNING

Outside on the balcony it’s deathly quiet apart from the sound of squawking galahs as they rest in the nearby gum-trees. Clive leans over the balcony and looks off into the distance. Charlie appears from inside and walks over to Clive and leans on the balcony also. From the distance the sound of some enormous engines can be heard and Clive and Charlie look off towards the horizon.

CLIVEIt sounds like some Holdens are coming this way.

CUT TO:

45.

EXT. THE ROAD TO HOLDEN TOWN. MORNING

The marauding convoy of Holdens thunder past the town sign for Holden Town.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE HOTEL BALCONY. MORNING

Clive and Charlie wait patiently as the roar of the convoy becomes deafening. Billy, Chook, Wombat, Dazza, Rock and Rodney’s roaring Holdens come around the bend and come thundering along the road towards the hotel. Rock’s amazing Holden ute has an inflated tractor tube resting inside its tray and is towing an amazing speedboat called “Brocky.” Clive and Charlie watch as the Holdens sound their horns and proceed to pull-up outside the hotel.

BILLY(From out his window)

Morning fellas!

CLIVE AND CHARLIEGood morning.

BILLYSo, are you coming down to the Mighty Murray?!

CLIVENo, I think we’re heading off to see The Big Shrimp.

BILLYOkay! If you change your mind we’ll be at the beach.

CLIVEOkay.

BILLYEnjoy the yabby!

CLIVEThanks. Maybe we’ll drop in on the way back.

BILLYWe’ll be waiting for you!

Billy smiles and sounds his custom horn that yells out “Barkerrr!” Everyone waves to Clive and Charlie as they rumble off up the street revving their mighty engines and sounding their horns as they depart.

46.

CLIVEWas that Pam the barmaid in Chook’s car?

CHARLIEWho’s Pam the barmaid?

CLIVE(Retracting)

It’s not important.

CHARLIEWhat’s The Mighty Murray?

CLIVEIt’s a river.

CHARLIEDo you want to check it out?!

Clive looks off to the departing Holdens and smiles at the thought of seeing Pam again.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BEACH, TOCUMWAL. MORNING

The convoy of classic Holdens come rumbling along the dirt road towards the beach, actual locations can be seen at www.packofgalahs.com

SHORTLY AFTER

The Holdens pull up one after another at the open dirt expanse at the edge of the beach, everyone climbs out of their respective cars and they all start unloading their Eskys and beach chairs. Pam the lingerie barmaid is wearing her Australian branded bikini top with a pair of jean shorts, just the enticement Clive needed.

CUT TO:SHORTLY AFTER

The picnic area is all set up and is adorned with chairs, Eskys, beach umbrellas, Billy’s sun-bed, a barbecue and a fold out picnic table which are all adorned with Australian flags. After all this is Australia Day, and being Australian is the best place to be, and the locals make sure that every possible object represents their Aussie pride.

Chook and Pam are preparing the barbecue, Billy and Rodney are down at the beach opening their nice cold cans of beer that reside in their Australia branded can holders. Billy is wearing his skin tight leopard spotted mini shorts that expose every part of his body that no-one wants to see.

47.

Dazza, Rock, Kenworth and Mack are also down at the beach where Dazza, Kenworth and Rock are pulling the tractor tyre by a rope across the sand to create their beach cricket pitch. Mack is sitting on the tube weighing it down to assist the tube to flatten out a semi-usable surface. Over the portable transistor radio the cricket commentators are sharing their thoughts on the cricket test that is currently taking place between Australia and England and of course Australia is winning.

As everyone is going about their business the sound of a horn turns their attention to the area where the cars are parked, they turn to see the 4X4 of their new American friends pulling up. The 4x4 pulls up amongst the immaculate Holdens but there only appears to be Clive and Charlie inside, there is no sign of Art anywhere. Wombat is still in the car parking area next to his amazing Holden, he is busy pumping up his Australian flag emblazoned thong air mattress with a foot pump.

WOMBATWhat are you guys doing here? I thought you were heading off to the Big Yabby?!

CLIVEWe were, but Art’s catching up on some sleep. So we thought we’d come down and check out The Mighty Murray.

WOMBATWell, there it is, mate! Head on over and get involved! It’s Australia Day!

CUT TO:


Outside Art’s hotel room Dingo comes walking up the stairs, he approaches Art’s room and quietly knocks on the door.

DINGOArt, It’s Dingo. Are you awake?

ART (V.O.)(Muffled and sleepy)

Coming.

Art arrives at the door and opens it, he looks terrible and in no shape to go anywhere.

DINGOI just thought I’d see if you want any brekkie before we start cleaning up?

48.

ART I’m good thanks, Dingo.

DINGOYou had a bit of a rough night, did you?

ARTSorry about that, I have bad dreams sometimes.

DINGOYeah, me too.

ART What do you dream about, Dingo?

DINGODo you want to hear the story of how the dingo got fuzzy hair?

ARTSure.

DINGO Okay. So, once upon a time there was a young Dingo, and he had the most amazing hair anyone had ever seen, he was a good looking young fella too! And very popular with the ladies! So, one day young Dingo headed out to the forbidden land, where he was told to never go, but he often did....

FADE IN MUSIC:

Montage music: “Djarimirri” by Geoffrey Jurrumul Yunupingu

FADE TO:

EXT. ABORIGINAL SHANTY TOWN. DAY

EXT. DINGO’S DECREPID FAMILY HOME. DAY

Dingo(14) emerges from his decrepid family home, he removes his school bag from his shoulder and leaves it at the side of his house before walking off up the dirt road that is sporadically lined with other equally impoverished houses. Dingo’s hair is well manicured and long, with only the slightest waves through it.

49.

Dingo makes his way past other residents of the township that all seem to be struggling to survive, there are faint smiles from the other locals but all seem to be just waiting for another day of waiting for hope to pass. Dingo walks off up the dirt road and into the distance.

EXT. THE INTERSECTION ONTO THE PAVED ROAD. DAY

Dingo has made his way to the paved road that must surely lead somewhere special, he walks along the desolate road with his thumb out hoping to hitch a ride with some generous driver but it seems cars are few and far between and any that do go past have no intention of stopping. As Dingo continues to walk off into the baron country a beaten up old ute pulls up in front of him, Dingo runs towards the ute with a smile on his face, residing in the back of the ute is an excited mangy dog that Dingo proceeds to pat on his way to greet the driver and passenger. Dingo smiles when he sees the two familiar faces from his own township, the driver gestures for Dingo to climb in the back tray which Dingo doesn’t hesitate to do. The beaten up ute drives off into the distance with Dingo resting in the back. Dingo looks off into the distance, he smiles and feels alive even through the most oppressive of circumstances. The ute continues to drive across the baron landscape. As the ute travels over the horizon a thriving metropolis appears in the distance but the ute doesn’t continue on, instead it pulls over and Dingo proceeds to get out. Dingo waves goodbye as the ute drives off into the distance, he turns and starts walking off on a perpendicular dirt road.

EXT. THE DIRT ROAD TO THE LOCAL GARBAGE DUMP. DAY

Dingo, comes walking up the dirt road towards the local garbage dump.

SHORTLY AFTER

Dingo arrives at the garbage dump and starts looking over some of the relics left behind, there seems to be an entire history in this rarely explored wasteland.

SHORTLY AFTER

After Dingo finds a few interesting but useless objects he comes across something that could make his journey all worth while, an electric fan, he dusts off the fan and looks at it with glee, he knows that this is the ideal gift for his aging grandmother that is currently resting in her third world hovel with no way of escaping the searing heat.

50.

SHORTLY AFTER

Dingo has his new fan in hand as he walks back along the dirt road towards the paved road.

SHORTLY AFTER

Dingo is out on the paved road walking home with his thumb out hoping to find another kind soul to aid him on his journey. The occasional car drives by but none pull over. Dingo hears a horn sound, he turns around and sees the very same kind people that aided him on his first part of the journey. Dingo smiles with glee as the ute pulls up in front of him, he runs to the rear of the beaten and rusty old ute, he jumps up into the tray of the ute with the always excited mangy dog. The rusty old ute drives off into the distance with Dingo sitting in the back looking out at the bustling town in the distance. Dingo looks out at the bustling metropolis and can only dream of having the chances of those that live in such a prosperous society. The ute travels off towards the horizon.

CUT TO:

EXT. DECREPID ABORIGINAL SHANTY TOWN. DAY

The ute pulls up and Dingo proceeds to get out and thank the kind people for aiding him.


Dingo retrieves his school bag from the side of the house and enters through the wide open door of the derelict abode.

FADE OUT MUSIC:

INT. DINGO’S DECREPID FAMILY HOME. DAY

Dingo comes walking inside his third world home where his grand mother(75) is sleeping on an old mattress that appears baron of any type of bedding. Dingo puts down his school bag and places the fan on a worn out old chair and places the chair near his grandmother.

DINGO’S GRAND MOTHER(Slowly opening her eyes and observing Dingo)

What have you got there?

51.

DINGOIt’s am electric fan! I thought it might help keep you cool.

DINGO’S GRAND MOTHERYou’re always worrying about me. I’m the one that should be worrying about you. You didn’t go to school again, did you?

DINGONot today. I’ll go tomorrow.

Dingo takes the cord from the fan to one of the extension cords that is currently running an old black and white TV that is showing footage of the Laura Dance Festival(Needs to be licensed from NITV). Dingo pulls out the cord and the TV goes dead, he places a double adaptor in the extension cord and the TV springs back to life as he plugs it back in.

DINGO (CONT'D)(Smiling)

Here we go!

Dingo goes to plug the fan into the double adaptor but the instant the two cords meet there is an almighty explosion.

EXT. DECREPID ABORIGINAL SHANTY TOWN. DAY

Simultaneously as Dingo plugs in the cord from the fan the power cords all explode throughout the shanty town.


Smoke pours out the door of Dingo’s house as Dingo’s grandmother can be heard.

DINGO’S GRAND MOTHER (V.O.)Dingo?! Are you okay?!

Dingo?!

DINGO (V.O.)Yeah, I’m okay!

Dingo emerges from the smoke filled house, he waves the smoke away from his face, unaware that his previous almost straight hair is now frizzy and has smoke pouring from it.

DINGO’S GRAND MOTHER (V.O.)I can smell burnt hair! Where’s puss cat?!

52.

FADE OUT AND CUT TO:


DINGOSo, there you go, mate! That’s the story of how the dingo got fuzzy hair.

ARTThat was a funny story, Dingo! Thanks very much.

DINGOThat’s a true story, mate! Except for maybe the ending.

Dingo smiles.

DINGO (CONT'D)How about you come downstairs for some Vegemite on toast?

ART What’s Vegemite?

DINGOIt’s an Aussie icon! You can’t go home without trying Vegemite on toast. But it’s got to be hot toast, not even warm toast is any good. And the butter has to be fully soaked in, you can’t have any residual butter or it’s no good either.

ARTThat sounds very complicated. Okay, I’ll give it a try! Just give me a second to get dressed.

DINGOSure! No worries, take your time.

Art goes over to his bed and takes off his dressing-gown, he still has his boxer shorts on as he reaches for his T-shirt. As Dingo accidently looks inside Art’s room he can see the torn up scarring on Art’s body, it’s a horrendous sight.

DINGO (CONT'D)That’s a nasty scar you’ve got there.

53.

ARTThat’s my souvenir from Vietnam.

DINGOWhat regiment were you in?

ARTCharlie Company, First Battalion. And yourself?

DINGOD Company.

ARTI’m sorry to hear that. I heard Long Tan was pretty rough for you guys.

DINGOYes, it was. On both sides.

Dingo seems reluctant to talk about Long Tan, which is not surprising considering 108 of his comrades lost their lives there.

DINGO (CONT'D)I’ll have to meet you downstairs, I need to drain the lizard.

ART(Confused)

Okay? Don’t hurt the little guy!

As Dingo makes his way down the hallway he can only smile at Art’s lack of knowledge of Australian slang.

CUT TO:

INT. THE UPSTAIRS HOTEL BATHROOM. DAY

Dingo enters the bathroom, he enters the cubicle and closes the door, he can be heard urinating and then flushes the toilet.

INT. INSIDE THE CUBICLE. DAY

Dingo turns to open the door and notices what appears to be spots of blood on the Chiko Roll poster that is proudly displayed on the inside of the cubicle door.

DINGOWhat’s that?

54.

Dingo rolls off some toilet paper and wipes the spots on the poster, he looks at the toilet paper and can see that it’s fresh blood, he looks concerned and unsure as to where the blood has come from.

SHORTLY AFTER

Dingo exits the cubicle and goes to the garbage bin near the mirror, he throws the bloodied toilet paper in the bin and he notices a folded up newspaper residing inside it.

DINGO (CONT'D)Is that today’s paper?

Dingo reaches into the bin and pulls out the newspaper, he unfolds the it and drops it with a startled gasp.

SHOT OF THE UNFOLDED NEWSPAPER ON THE GROUND THAT IS COVERED IN SPLATTERS OF BLOOD

Dingo looks down at the newspaper, unsure of what to think.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BEACH. DAY

Mack is showing Clive how to kick the Australian Rules football on the sand with Billy and Wombat, who are waiting eagerly down the other end.

MACKThis is how you have to hold it. Do you want to have a try?

CLIVEI’d love to, but I’ve got a bung leg.

MACKwhat happened?

CLIVEIt’s a long story.

BILLY Hey, Mack! Put it up, mate! I’ll show Clive some Air Barker.

WOMBATYou mean Air Wombat!

BILLYRemember who’s coach, mate.

55.

WOMBAT(Disappointed)

I remember.

BILLYOkay! Put it up, Mack!

MACK (V.O.)Okay!

Mack kicks the ball down towards Billy and Wombat and in what is obviously a well rehearsed spectacle, Wombat crouches as Billy comes running up his back and leaps towards the heavens.

Billy catches the ball and screams out “BARKERRRR!!!” Clive claps and smiles at the amazing spectacle.

CLIVEThat was incredible, Billy!

BILLYThat’s Air Barker! At his finest!

WOMBATMy turn!

BILLYDream on, mate!

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BARBECUE AREA. DAY

Over at the barbecue Chook is frying up sausages with the assistance of Pam the lingerie barmaid. Rodney is in his chair listening to the cricket commentary televising the Australia Day test between Australia and England and it seems that something exciting just happened.

RODNEYBoonie’s just hit another six!

WOMBATWhat’s the score?!

RODNEYTwo for three hundred and eighty odd!

CHOOK (V.O.)(From the barbecue)

Snags are up!

Billy smiles with glee at the thought of yet another free meal.

56.

BILLY (To Mack)

Lets go and eat, mate! (To Clive)

Are you coming for a snag, Clive?

CLIVESure! They smell fantastic!

RODNEY (V.O.)Boonie’s hit another six!

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BOAT RAMP. DAY

Charlie and Kenworth are watching as Dazza gives directions to Rock as he moves his ute in to position to reverse his speedboat, “Brocky,” down the ramp.

DAZZAOkay! Keep it straight!

Rock begins to reverse the speedboat down the ramp towards the water, the speedboat reaches the water and starts to become buoyant.

DAZZA (CONT'D)A bit more!

Rock has his head out the window watching Dazza as he reverses back.

DAZZA (CONT'D)Yep! That will do!

Rock turns off the ignition and exits the ute to go and help Dazza release the speedboat into the water. Rock jumps up into the speedboat, he stands at the controls and puts his key in the ignition switch as Dazza starts unwinding the winch to lower the boat off its trailer.

ROCK Keep going!

Dazza continues to unwind the winch as the speedboat floats away from its trailer. Rock turns the ignition key and the mighty engine starts to roar as the water churns behind it.

SHOT OF THE WATER CHURNING AS THE ENGINE STARTS ROARING

Dazza comes out in to the water and unlatches the boat which begins to float away.

57.

ROCK (CONT'D)Mate! Can you park the you beaut Holden ute? I’m going to take Charlie and Kenworth for a quick spin in “Brocky!”

DAZZA AND KENWORTHBrockyyy!

Charlie smiles at the thought of his first speedboat ride as he and Kenworth wade their way out into the water and climb up into the boat.

DAZZA Okay, I’ll park the you beaut Holden ute.

ROCKThanks parrot.

DAZZAYou’re the parrot, Parrot!

ROCKIt’s time to cut “Brocky” lose!

DAZZA AND KENWORTHBrockyyyyy!!!

Rock revs the engine and the water around the boat begins to churn ferociously. Rock revs it again as he begins to reverse back into the river. Dazza goes and jumps in the driver’s seat of Rock’s ute, he starts the mighty engine and begins to pull the trailer out from the water, as the trailer is being towed from the water Rock throttles the speedboat and it takes off up the river.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE MURRAY RIVER. DAY

The river seems deathly quiet when the distant sound of a speedboat approaching can be heard. Rock’s speedboat, “Brocky,” comes roaring around a bend with Rock, Charlie and Kenworth’s hair blowing furiously in the wind as they thunder past.

INT. ROCK’S SPEEDBOAT. DAY

As the speedboat rounds the next bend another beach comes into view, there are tents and caravans scattered about throughout the trees and on the beach are a group of beautiful girls sunbathing in Australian flag branded bikinis, their oil covered brown skin glistening in the sun. Rock slows the speedboat as they cruise past.

58.

Rock, Kenworth and Charlie all stare at the beautiful glistening bodies of the girls as they slowly continue off upstream.

SHORTLY AFTER


From around the opposite bend Rock’s speedboat appears again. Rock, Charlie and Kenworth again watch the girls as they speed back to meet Dazza and tell him the good news, but now they are all wearing black sunglasses just to emphasize how cool they are as they lounge about like veteran speedboat owners, their heads turning to look at the girls as they go past.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BEACH. DAY

Dazza is busy eating a sausage wrapped in a slice of bread with everyone else when the sound of Rock’s speedboat approaching can be heard. Rock’s speedboat comes roaring around the bend and Rock kills the engine as the boat drifts up onto the sandy beach embankment.

ROCK(Shouting out to Dazza)

Hey, Dazza! There are some honeys up at the next beach! Lets get the tube into action!

Dazza pulls his black sunglasses from his pocket and puts them on as he shoves the rest of his sausage in his mouth in one go.

DAZZA(With a mouth full of sausage and bread)

Kenny! Give me a hand with the tube, mate!

KENWORTHComing!

Kenworth jumps out of the boat and into the water as Dazza races towards the inflated tractor tube that is residing on the beach, not far from the water. There seems to be a sense of urgency.

CUT TO:

59.

EXT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL. DAY

Dingo’s amazing classic Holden is the only car out front of the Holden Town Hotel. Art is looking under the bonnet of Dingo’s Holden as Dingo sits in the driver’s seat ready to start the ignition. Dingo inserts his key with its Aboriginal flag key-chain and the engine starts with the most almighty roar. Dingo revs the engine until it sounds like it’s going to explode, Art blocks his ears and smiles as the wind from the engine blows his hair back. Dingo releases the throttle momentarily.

DINGONow that’s an engine, mate! Best in show, two years in a row!

Art smiles as Dingo again revs the engine to its maximum.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE SPEEDBOAT ON THE BEACH. DAY

Dazza and Kenworth are tying a tractor tube to the back of the speedboat as Charlie watches on from the beach and Rock remains at the steering wheel of the speedboat.

ROCKSounds like Dingo’s up and about.

KENWORTHThat’s a sick engine!

ROCKAlmost as good as mine!

KENWORTHTurn it up!

DAZZA(Referring to his own Holden)

The EH ain’t far behind it?

KENWORTHTurn it up!

DAZZAOh, Turn it up!!

ROCK, DAZZA AND KENWORTHTurn it up!!!!!

Dazza checks the rope tying the tube to the speedboat is secure.

60.

DAZZA I reckon that looks right to go?

ROCKYeah, mate! Let’s test it out! Charlie, jump on the tube, mate! We’ll take you for a spin.

CHARLIEOkay!

Dazza pushes the speedboat back into the water and jumps aboard with Rock and Kenworth. Charlie goes and sits on the tube that’s resting on the sand with the length of rope tied to it.

SHORTLY AFTER

Dazza, Rock and Kenworth are all standing in the speedboat, with Rock at the controls. Rock reverses the boat back and then swings its nose around ready to jet off up the river.

ROCK(Turning to Charlie)

Are you ready, Charlie?

CHARLIEI sure am!

ROCKOkay! Here we go!

Rock throttles the accelerator and the speedboat takes off like a racing boat. As the rope gets taut the tractor tube goes flying out from under Charlie, throwing him onto the sand as the tube goes bouncing off behind the speedboat which slowly comes to a halt and starts floating back towards him. Rock, Kenworth and Dazza all smile with glee as Charlie gets himself up from the sand and walks into the water to wash himself off.

DAZZA(Laughing at Charlie)

You need to get on it when it’s in the water!

CHARLIEAhh.

KENWORTHDon’t worry, Charlie! They did that to me the first time as well.

DAZZAOf course, mate!

61.

Dazza and Kenworth jump out of the speedboat and into the water and start swimming back towards the tractor tube, they reach the tube and climb aboard as Charlie swims over towards it also. They all climb up onto the tube and take their positions as Rock looks back at them to see if they are ready.

ROCKHere we go!

DAZZAOkay, mate!

ROCKLets just hope we’re not too late!

Rock pushes the throttle forward and the speedboat goes rumbling off upstream with Dazza, Kenworth and Charlie in tow behind.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BEACH. DAY

As Billy sunbathes on his sun-bed, Clive, Rodney, Chook, Pam, Mack and Wombat are all sitting in picnic chairs as they listen to the thrilling cricket commentary.

RADIO COMMENTATOR (V.O.)And that’s the drinks break called by umpire Baylash, at the southern end of the MCG.

WOMBATDrinks break! Let’s have a bash?!

RODNEYOkay!

WOMBATI bagsed batting first! Remember?!

CHOOKIt’s ladies first, Wombat!

WOMBATThen I bags bowling!

Everyone prepares to make their way to the beach as in the distance from somewhere behind the trees there is a mighty roar.

62.

AUSTELLO (V.O.)(From the distance and in an Italian accent)

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!

THE ENTIRE SURROUNDING COMMUNITY (V.O.)

Oi, Oi, Oi!

AUSTELLO (V.O.)(In an Italian accent)

Grazie, Grazie!

MACK(To Billy)

Are you going to play, Dad?

BILLYNo, mate. I don’t play cricket! You know that! I play footy! Barkerrrr!


Aussie!

BILLYBarkerrr!


Aussie!

ANGRY WOMAN IN NEARBY CARAVAN (V.O.)Shut up!!!

SHOT OF THE NEARBY CARAVAN AS THE CURTAIN CLOSES


Grazie, Grazie!

CUT TO:


Rock is standing at the controls of the speedboat as it comes around a bend with Dazza, Kenworth and Charlie on the tractor tube in tow behind it.

63.

EXT. THE BEACH WITH THE SUN-BATHING BEAUTIES. DAY

The speedboat goes slowly past the group of sunbathing girls, one of the girls looks up and sees the boys staring at her and her sunbathing friends.

GIRL(To her friends)

Isn’t that the same boat that keeps going past?

One of the other girls looks up.

SECOND GIRLWhat’s a “Brocky?”

The other girls lift their heads to look, they see Rock, Dazza, Kenworth and Charlie all looking in their direction and wearing their black sunglasses. The girls return their attention to the sand and quickly rest their heads on their towels again. Rock slowly pushes the throttle and the boat starts to make its way off as they all take off their sunglasses after seeing that the girls were less than enthusiastic.


The speedboat continues off upstream as Dazza, Rock, Kenworth and Charlie enjoy the scenery, it’s a foreign world to Charlie as he peruses the giant gum-trees that line the rivers edge.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BEACH. DAY

Pam is standing in front of the beer carton cricket stumps with the cricket bat in hand, she seems to have no idea about what she is doing but that won’t save her from Wombat’s competitive nature. Rodney is playing wicket-keeper and Mack and Clive are standing on the beach in fielding positions. Chook is sitting in his fold-out chair in the umpire’s position and Wombat is preparing himself to bowl.

WOMBATAre you ready, Pam?

PAMYep!

WOMBATOkay, this one’s my Thommo!

64.

Wombat comes charging in to bowl, he reaches the bowling crease and hurls the tennis ball as fast as he can, the ball clean bowls Pam, knocking the beer carton over in the process.

WOMBAT (CONT'D)(Screaming with joy)

How’s thaaaaat!!!

Wombat celebrates his first wicket of the day as he raises his finger in to the air.

CHOOKTake it easy, mate! She’s a lady, remember?!

WOMBATSorry, Pam!...Wombaaat!!!

BILLY (V.O.)Barkerrrr!


Aussie!


Oi!



Grazie, Grazie!


Rodney retrieves the ball and throws it back towards Wombat who catches it. Rodney places the beer carton upright again and they all wait as Wombat makes his way back to the starting point for his run up.

WOMBAT Okay Pam, here I come!

PAMNot too fast!

WOMBATDon’t worry! This one’s my Warnie.

65.

RODNEYIs that young Warnie? Or old Warnie?

WOMBATYoung Warnie, of course! Or is that old Warnie now?

Wombat scratches his head in confusion. Wombat comes in to bowl, it’s a nice slow ball and Pam awkwardly makes contact and the ball sails up in the air before slowly sailing back down to Earth and slapping down on Billy’s stomach as he sunbathes on his sun-bed in his tiny leopard spotted budgie smugglers.

WOMBAT (CONT'D)How’s that!!!!!

Wombat celebrates as Billy lifts the ball up off his stomach.

BILLYBarkerrrrr!!!

WOMBATWombaaat!!

AUSTELLO(From the distance)

Aussie!


Oi!



Grazie, Grazie!



What a catch! What a catch! Marvelous catch that by Barker.

Billy gets up from his sun-bed, he throws the ball back to Wombat and dusts the sand off his stomach, then heads off towards the river.

BILLYAir Barker at his finest!

66.

SHORTLY AFTER

WOMBATThis one’s my Lillee!

CHOOKNot too fast!

WOMBATAs if, it’s my Lillee!

Wombat comes charging in, he reaches the bowling crease and hurls the ball as fast as he can, the ball clean bowls Pam and knocking the beer carton over again.

WOMBAT (CONT'D)How’s thaaaat!!! A hat-trick for the wombat!

CHOOKThat’s it, Wombat! You’re off to the outfield!

WOMBAT(Dejected)

Oh nooo! I’ve been sin-binned.

RODNEYMack! You have a bowl, mate!

MACK(Excited)

Okay!

Rodney collects the tennis ball and throws it to Mack before setting the beer carton upright again.

PAMHere, Clive! You have a bat!

CLIVEAre you sure? What do I do?

PAMI’ll show you.

Clive walks towards Pam who hands him the cricket bat.

PAM (CONT'D)You just turn around here and look towards the bowler, and when Mack bowls the ball you hit it.

CLIVEOkay, I’ll try.

67.

Wombat wades out into the river as Clive takes his place in front of the cricket stumps, in the background Billy has made his way into the water and starts to dog paddle around, being careful not to get his hair wet. Mack takes the ball and prepares to bowl to Clive who is now preparing himself.

MACK Are you ready, Clive?

CLIVEAs ready as I’ll ever be.

Mack comes in and bowls a nice gentle ball that Clive proceeds to swing at, the ball goes sailing off the side of the cricket bat and goes flying out towards Wombat who is waiting eagerly for it in the water.

WOMBAT (Calling out)

I’ve got it!

Wombat waits patiently for the ball to come down, with his can of beer in one hand. The ball starts dropping down towards Wombat, down it comes, faster and faster. As the ball is about to reach Wombat, suddenly out of the water from behind him Billy lifts himself onto Wombat’s shoulders.

BILLY(Exuberantly)

Barkerrrrrrr!!!

Billy catches the tennis ball as Wombat crashes into the water under his weight. As Billy basks in his glory Wombat comes up from the water, with his can of beer still in hand.

WOMBAT (Not pleased)

Good one, mate! You’ve ruined my beer!

BILLYAir Barker, mate! At his finest!

CUT TO:


Rock’s speedboat comes around yet another bend in the river.

68.

INT. ROCK’S SPEEDBOAT. DAY

As Rock steers the speedboat he sees another beach ahead, there is another group of girls, this time frolicking in the water with an Australian branded beach ball.

EXT. THE BEACH ON THE MURRAY RIVER. DAY

The speedboat makes its way towards the girls, with Dazza, Kenworth and Charlie sitting on the tube in tow behind it. The girls, who are all wearing Australian flag branded bikinis, turn their attention to the boys as Rock slows the speedboat to a crawl.

ROCKHi, ladies!

GIRLHi! That’s a nice speedboat!

ROCKThank you! This is Brocky! Say hello, Brocky!

Rock revs the tremendous engine and the girls giggle and smile.

DAZZAIf you think this is good, you should see my EH! It’s a sixty four Special!

KENWORTHAnd my dad’s Billy Barker!

GIRL(Interested)

Really?!

KENWORTHYep! And Charlie here is from America!

GIRLReally?!

CHARLIEI sure am!

DAZZAHe’s not lying! Can you hear his accent?! He sounds funny, doesn’t he?!

69.

GIRLI think he sounds cute.

Charlie smiles.

ROCKDo you girls want to go for a spin in Brocky?!

GIRLOkay!

ROCK, DAZZA AND KENWORTHSiiiick!!

SHORTLY AFTER

Rock’s speedboat is rocking up and down near the beach as Rock helps the first girl aboard. As Rock concentrates on helping the girl aboard from behind him Dazza pulls down Rock’s shorts exposing his naked body to the other girls.

DAZZADacked!!

The girls laugh and blush as Rock pulls up his shorts.

ROCK(Annoyed)

Good one!

DAZZA We could see your pippy!

ROCK(Annoyed)

You’ve got the pippy, Pippy! It was cold in the water.

KENWORTHYou haven’t been in yet!

ROCKWhatever!

CUT TO:

70.

EXT. THE BEACH. DAY

Wombat enters the picnic area on the beach, he puts his ruined can of beer in the carton that’s already filled with other empty cans, he goes over to the Esky to get himself a new can of beer and as he goes to open it the current classic Australian song playing on the radio finishes and an announcement comes over that the cricket players are returning from their drinks break.

WOMBATDrinks break is over!

CHOOKAll right! We’re coming!

WOMBATOne last bowl for the Wombat?!

CHOOK As long as you don’t do anything stupid!

WOMBATAs if!

MACKHere you go, Wombat!

Mack throws the ball to Wombat who catches it.

WOMBAT It’s Wombat off the super long run up! This one’s my Rodney Hogg!

Wombat comes charging in to bowl off his super long run up, he finally reaches the bowling crease and hurls the tennis ball as hard as he can, the ball clean bowls Clive and knocks over the beer carton stumps in the process.

WOMBAT (CONT'D)How’s thaaaaaat!!!

Wombat runs around like a mad man as he celebrates yet another impressive delivery. As everyone begins to make their way back towards the radio the sound of an enormous engine can be heard approaching and Dingo’s amazing Holden comes rumbling along the dirt road and into the clearing behind the beach, Art can be seen smiling from the window as the car pulls up and both he and Dingo proceed to get out.

DINGOHey, fellas! Happy not Australia Day!

71.

EVERYONEHappy Australia Day!

WOMBAT Hey, Art! Do you want to play a game of cricket?

ARTSure! I’ll give it a try.

WOMBATI bags bowling! Can I get a fielder anywhere?

Wombat looks around for any potential volunteers and as he does so the sound of Rock’s speedboat approaching can be heard from the river, everyone turns and watches as Rock’s speedboat comes around the corner with Rock, Dazza, Kenworth and Charlie spread out amongst the cute girls in the speedboat and also on the tractor tube. Charlie is sitting on the tube with his potential new girlfriend and smiling with glee as he notices Art walking down the beach with Wombat and a cricket bat.

CHARLIEHappy Australia Day, Dad!

ARTYeah! Happy Australia Day, Charlie!

Art smiles and waves as he watches the speedboat continue off down the river.

FADE TO:

LATER THAT AFTERNOON

EXT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL. SUNSET

The convoy of Holdens can be heard approaching the Holden Town Hotel, they appear on the horizon and make their way towards the hotel. One after another the Holdens pull into the parking spaces that are scattered amongst the other already parked Holdens. Everyone proceeds to get out of their respective cars and make their way towards the front entrance, smiles abound after a great day at the beach. The sounds of Paul Kelly and Neil Finn preparing to play can be heard emanating from inside the hotel.

DINGO(To Art and Clive)

You fellas are going to love this! It’s Open Mic night!

72.

WOMBATEvery night’s Open Mic Night!

DINGOThat’s true.

BILLYI might even get up and sing my number one hit “I Only Take What’s Mine!”

WOMBATThat title doesn’t make any sense?! How can you only take what’s yours? If it’s yours why would you need to take it in the first place?

BILLYCome on Wombat, I’ll shout you a scooner.

Billy smiles with glee as they all proceed to file inside the front door of the hotel.

INT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL. SUNSET

As they all enter they see the entire audience looking towards the stage as Paul and Neil prepare to play “Leaps And Bounds” by Paul Kelly.

Clive and Art smile and feel totally accepted by these foreign people, Billy passes them both a free beer and smiles as Paul and Neil start to play the opening chords to “Leaps And Bounds”

#”Leaps And Bounds” needs to be licensed from Paul Kelly.

Paul and neil break into song it seems as that the entire crowd is familiar with the lyrics as they sing along also. Art and Clive smile as they soak up the foreign experience.

INT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL POOL ROOM. SUNSET

Inside the pool room Dazza is racking up the pool balls as he, Rock, Kenworth and Mack also sing along with the song. Charlie watches on and smiles.


The crowd of familiar faces continue to sing the up beat anthem as smiles abound throughout the bar. Clive and Art can only smile as they absorb the local culture.

73.

Billy, Wombat, Rodney, and Chook watch on from their prime position at the bar and Pam remains beside Clive smiling as she sees Clive and Art loving their time in Holden Town.

INT. THE POOL ROOM. SUNSET

Dazza, Rock, Kenworth, Mack and Charlie are gathered in the pool room playing Kelly-pool as the crowd singing can be heard in the background.

DAZZASo, when are you heading off to the Big Yabby?

CHARLIEI think we’re going there tomorrow, via The Big Potato.

ROCKI can’t say that I’ve ever been to The Big Potato, or The Big Yabby.

KENWORTHBut you have been to The Little Pippy!

ROCKAhh! Now you’re getting in on the act, Pippy!

DAZZA Lets go do some blockies, I need to get the EH warmed up for tomorrow.

CHARLIEWhat’s on tomorrow?

DAZZAThe Summernats!

ROCKYou could have come if you weren’t leaving.

CHARLIEWhat’s the Summernats?

ROCKThe Summernats are sick!! Aren’t they, Kenny?!

KENNYThey’re mad, sick! Aren’t they, Mack?

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MACKYeah, they’re okay.

CHARLIEWhat are blockies?

DAZZA, KENWORTH AND ROCKBlockiesss!!

CUT TO:

EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOTEL. SUNSET

The sound of the music rings out into the still night air as the front door to the hotel opens and Dazza, Rock, Kenworth and Charlie exit out the front door.

ROCKI bags the front seat!

DAZZAWhere’s Mack?

KENWORTHHe’s gone to harass my dad for a bag of Cheezels.

CHARLIEWhat are Cheezels?

DAZZACheezels are Aussie icons, mate!

ROCKYou can’t go home without trying a Cheezel! Wait for me! I’ll go and get a bag!

Rock runs back inside as Kenworth and Charlie wait for Dazza to get in his car and unlock the doors for them.

KENWORTHIt looks like Rock’s in the back!

Dazza unlocks the doors and they all climb in.

INT. DAZZA’S CAR. SUNSET

Dazza starts the engine with a mighty roar and revs the engine to its maximum, the car shakes from its mighty power. The radio immediately turns on and somehow seems to be playing exactly the same song as Paul and Neil are singing inside, even the timing is exactly the same, the only difference is that the radio version is the original studio recording.

75.

CHARLIEIsn’t that the same song they are singing now?

DAZZAIt sure is! Pot luck, hey!

Dazza, Kenworth and Charlie all smile at the immense power of Dazza’s engine as it is revved to almost explode. Dazza puts the car in reverse and begins to reverse out onto the street.

CHARLIE Aren’t we waiting for Rock?

DAZZAYeah, of course we are!

Dazza and Kenworth both smile.

EXT. THE ROAD PAST THE HOTEL. SUNSET

Dazza’s car reaches the middle of the road and stops reversing as Rock emerges from the hotel door with a bag of Cheezels in his hand, the crowd can still be heard singing inside.

DAZZA Come on, Rock!

ROCKHey! I bagsed the front!

KENWORTHBut you didn’t get in!

ROCKWhatever!

Rock walks towards the car as Dazza revs the engine. Rock is almost at the rear door of Dazza’s car when Dazza slams down the accelerator and his car goes roaring off up the road before pulling up one hundred metres away from Rock.

ROCK (CONT'D)Veeery funny!

DAZZACome on, mate!

Rock begins to walk towards the car again and as he gets closer again Dazza flattens the accelerator and his car roars a bit further up the road.

76.

INT. DAZZA’S CAR. SUNSET

Inside the car Dazza, Kenworth and Charlie are all smiles. They all wait and smile as Rock finally gets in the car, he reluctantly smiles as they all smile at him. Dazza puts the car in gear and revs its mighty engine.

DAZZA Hold on tight back there!

CHARLIEWhere are the seat belts?

DAZZAThere are none!

EXT. THE ROAD PAST THE HOTEL. SUNSET

Dazza’s car roars off up the street as the crowd continue to sing inside the hotel.


The music cut is identical timing but to the live version from Paul and Neil. The crowd all seem familiar with the song as they sing along with gusto. As the song finishes the crowd clap and cheer as Paul and Neil rest their guitars against the wall for the next performers to use. As Paul and Neil leave the stage the crowd returns to their previous conversations.

BILLY(To Art)

Mate! If you think Dazza’s car makes some noise, wait until you hear Vic’s!

ARTWho’s Vic?

WOMBATThat’s Vic!

Wombat points across the bar to Vic who is sitting with his wife Shazza.

WOMBAT (CONT'D)Hey, Vic! Say hi to our new mates! They’re from America!

VICYeah, I know.

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ARTI remember him! That’s the guy that sells the chicken rolls.

VICThey’re Chiko Rolls!

ARTAnd the shark.

VICIt’s called Flake!

ARTHe’s the angry guy.

VICI’m not angry! I’m tough!

CROWD(Shouting out Vic’s catch phrase)

How tough are you?!

#The following comedy routine is written and licensed from George Smilivichi.

VICI’m so tough that when I get a flat tyre, I don’t use a jack. I take my clothes off, I get under the car and I read Playboy.I’m tough!

CROWD(Shouting out Vic’s catch phrase)

How tough are you?!

CONTINUED...

A SHORT TIME LATER

George finishes his comedy routine and the crowd all laugh and clap. Art smiles and claps also.

ARTThat was very funny, Vic!

VICIt wasn’t funny! It was tough!

CROWDHow tough was it?!

78.

VIC(Not interested in continuing)

Alright, I’m done for tonight.

The crowd all seem disappointed as they return to their previous conversations.

VIC (CONT'D)(To Art)

So, how are you enjoying The Land Down Under?

ARTI love it!

VICThat’s good to hear.

CUT TO:

Not far away Clive is at the bar chatting with Pam.

CLIVEThat was very funny.

PAMYeah, the first time you hear it.

CLIVESo, have you got any plans for tomorrow?

PAMYeah, I’m off to the Summernats.

CLIVEWhat’s the Summernats?

PAMIt’s hard to explain.

ART (V.O.)(In the background)

Hey, Clive! Vic’s invited us to something called the Summernats! Do you want to go?

Pam smiles at Clive who smiles back.

CLIVESure! But what about The Big Shrimp?

BILLY (V.O.)It’s a yabby!

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ARTApparently there’s a big fish and a big strawberry nearby! We can’t go anywhere until we see those, can we?!

CLIVE(Happy)

It’s up to you, it’s your holiday!

The sound of a guitar can be heard from the Open Mic area and John Schumman steps up to the microphone and begins to strum the opening chords for “I Was Only Nineteen.”

#”I Was Only Nineteen” needs to be licensed from John Schumman and Redgum.

CLIVE (CONT'D)(Quietly to Pam)

Why’s everyone going quiet?

PAM(Softly spoken)

Because they all know what John’s going to sing. They’ll be noisy again soon enough.

Clive looks on curiously as John begins to sing his harrowing tale of the Vietnam War.

CUT TO:

INT. DAZZA’S HOLDEN. SUNSET

The exact same song is just beginning on Dazza’s radio, only the radio version. Dazza, Rock and Kenworth remain solemn as Charlie soaks up the meaning of the lyrics.

CHARLIEI’m glad my father and Clive can’t hear this song, it would bring back a world of pain for them both. Especially Clive.

DAZZAI’m sorry to hear that.

CUT TO:


The song continues in the live format as the crowd all sing along.

80.

Clive stares off in the distance as the harrowing lyrics bring back some horrific memories of his time in Vietnam.

FADE TO:

1969

EXT. VIETNAM JUNGLE. DAY

Clive’s army clothes are covered in blood as he limps his way through the thick Vietnamese jungle with his rifle ready to fire, he cautiously arrives back at where he and Art left Charlie behind, the tree Charlie was hiding behind has been shredded by bullets. Clive can see indentations in the grass from where Charlie was positioned, there is blood splattered grass and tracks through the grass where it looks like someone has dragged Charlie away. Clive reaches into the grass and lifts up Charlie’s blood splattered rifle, now he knows Charlie is definitely in big trouble, he raises his rifle and starts to follow the trail off through the grass.

EXT. VIETNAM ALMOST DRY STREAM. DAY

Clive arrives at an almost dry stream, he looks at the markings and drops of blood streaked across the silt. A fresh drop of blood drops next to the bloodied silt, it’s Clive’s leg bleeding through the blood soaked bandage. Clive looks off into the distance apparently unconcerned for his own life but very concerned for Charlie.

Clive continues to make his way along the river as he follows the markings in the silt, he hears a rifle pin load in the distance, he looks up and sees Nuang in the distance pointing his rifle directly at him and with an apparently lifeless Charlie at his feet. The deafening sound of a rifle echoes out as a bullet goes pounding through Clive’s chest. Clive crashes to the ground and appears close to death as blood flows from his gasping mouth as he tries to breath. Nuang puts his gun over his shoulder and begins to drag Charlie away with him as Clive continues to try to cling to life but knows this is most likely where his journey ends.

FADE OUT MUSIC AND FADE TO:

PRESENT DAY; THE NEXT MORNING

EXT. HOLDEN TOWN. MORNING

It’s sunrise and the country roads around Holden Town are deserted, only the sounds of screeching galahs can be heard as they frolic in the gum trees. The sound of a mighty engine can be heard approaching and Wombat’s mighty Holden

81.

comes in to sight in the distance, as it gets closer and closer it appears to be towing something. Wombat’s car goes roaring past with its cargo which looks like his X-wife’s Volvo on his car trailer in tow behind it. Wombat’s car and trailer go thundering off into the distance.

CUT TO:

EXT. BILLY’S HOUSE. MORNING

Billy is on his verandah cooking on the barbecue and holding a beer in his other hand. Mack, Rock, Kenworth and Dazza are in the yard kicking the football to each other and Rodney and Chook are sitting on Billy’s verandah in fold-out chairs with beers in their hands. All of their immaculate Holdens are lined up and ready to head off to the Summernats. The sound of a roaring engine approaching can be heard in the distance.

RODNEYThat sounds like Wombat!

CHOOKIt’s not like him to miss the ceremonial first beers?

BILLY(Concerned)

Something must be up?!

Wombat’s engine gets louder and louder as it approaches and then pulls off the road and into Billy’s driveway. As Wombat’s Holden comes along the driveway they can all see that it is towing the Volvo behind it.

BILLY (CONT'D)(Shocked)

What’s he doing with that thing?!

Wombat sounds his horn as he pulls up, he turns off the ignition and gets out.

WOMBATMorning fella’s!

BILLYShe’s making you deliver it, is she?

Wombat begins walking towards the house.

WOMBATNo, mate. She’ll take the farm, but she won’t take this piece of junk. Cost me more than my Holden to buy her this.

82.

(MORE)

Look at it, and look at my Holden. Yet I was the crazy one.

RODNEYWhat are you going to do with it? It’s worthless.

WOMBATLike me apparently. I’m getting rid of it. I never want to see it again.

CHOOKLets put it in the dam? We can catch yabbies off it.

WOMBATI’ve got something better in mind.

CHOOKLike what?

WOMBATYou’ll have to wait and see. In any case I’d better get going, I was just dropping in to let you fellas know that I’ll meet you there.

RODNEYDo you want a beer before you go?

WOMBATYeah, okay. But just the one.

Rodney reaches into the Esky and pulls out a beer that he hands to Wombat.

RODNEYHere you go, mate!

WOMBATCheers.

Wombat opens the can of beer.

BILLYDo you want a snag to go with that?

WOMBATThanks, mate.

BILLYCheer up, mate! You’ve still got us?!

83.

WOMBAT (CONT'D)

WOMBAT(Lamenting)

Thanks, mate. But that doesn’t make it any easier, we were together for almost six years.

BILLYYeah, you certainly had a pretty good innings!

Wombat sits down in one of the fold-out chairs and relaxes momentarily, he seems in a distant world as everyone tries to return to normal. Billy looks concerned for his mate as he turns the already charred sausages. Wombat pulls out his sunglasses and puts them on. Kenworth, Mack, Rock and Dazza are kicking the football not far away and each of them seems to know that Wombat is not himself. Wombat looks at the decrepid Volvo amongst these immaculate Holden show cars, yet the Volvo is the only car he can see.

FADE IN MUSIC:

BEGIN MUSIC MONTAGE

#Music: ”You Weren’t In Love With Me” needs to be licensed Billy Field.

FADE TO:

7 YEARS PRIOR

EXT. THE HOLDEN TOWN CAR YARD. DAY

Wombat’s beaten up old Holden ute pulls up outside the Holden Town car yard. Wombat, who seems to have had big hair at the time, smiles as he exits his decrepid ute, he makes his way towards the plethora of amazing Holden’s that all seem to be at a reasonable price. Wombat looks over the replica Peter Brock Torana that is soon to become the pride and joy of Billy Barker in the near future.

A SHORT TIME LATER

Wombat is looking at another amazing Holden, it is so beautiful as he marvels at it’s perfect and pristine finish, little would he know that this would become Dingo’s pride and joy this very afternoon.Wombat looks out to the road where he sees a beautiful Holden pull up, the door opens and Wombat’s wife(30) proceeds to get out, Wombat looks on, uncertain to who owns this mystery holden. The Holden does a burn out as it roars off up the road. Wombat’s wife approaches him with a smile

84.

to greet Wombat’s uncertainty.

A SHORT TIME LATER

Wombat and his wife are inspecting the amazing Holdens but his wife seems less than impressed with all of the beautiful cars that Wombat has his eye on.Wombat’s wife’s eyes light up when she spots the ridiculously priced and even more ridiculously ugly Volvo hiding at the end of the lot, she runs to the Volvo and jumps for joy as Wombat’s enthusiasm for a new car quickly dissipates.

A SHORT TIME LATER

Wombat signs a check for the more than happy car yard dealer who in return hands Wombat the keys to his less than marvelous Volvo. Wombat tries to smile as he hands the keys to his wife who excitedly jumps in the Volvo and tries to start the ignition but it seems that the Volvo isn’t keen on even starting, Wombat does his best to hide his disappointment.

A SHORT TIME LATER

Wombat’s wife is at the steering wheel as Wombat pushes the Volvo out of the car yard. As Wombat pushes the car out of the yard Billy comes walking towards him, sporting a mullet even superior than the one he currently sports. Billy stops momentarily to look at Wombat’s new purchase, he shakes his head in disbelief before entering the car yard.

A SHORT TIME LATER

A tow truck is pulling up in front of Wombat’s Volvo as Wombat and his wife wait patiently, Dingo makes his way along the footpath towards the car yard, he looks confused but waves with a smile to Wombat, who looks less than pleased. Dingo who also seems to have an extraordinarily large Afro makes his way to the entrance of the car yard just in time to see Billy driving his new Peter Brock replica Torana out the gate, Dingo’s eyes light up with excitement as Billy sounds the horn for him before driving on to the road and roaring off past a forlorn Wombat who reluctantly waves as Billy sounds his horn as he thunders past.

A SHORT TIME LATER

Wombat’s wife is still smiling and sitting in her new Volvo as it is winched up onto the back of the tow truck, Wombat watches on solemnly as the sound of a horn gets his attention, he turns to see Dingo driving his soon to be prize winning Holden out of the car yard. Dingo waves as he thunders off up the street, Wombat does his best to wave back but he is clearly losing all will to live.

85.

CUT TO:A SHORT TIME LATER

EXT. BLIND FREDDIE’S GARAGE. DAY

The tow truck pulls in to the driveway of Blind Freddie’s garage, Freddie(70) appears at the door with his dark glasses on and his cane to guide him. Wombat’s beaten up Holden ute pulls up also and Wombat exits and makes his way towards Blind Freddie.

A SHORT TIME LATER

INT. BLIND FREDDIE’S GARAGE. DAY

Wombat and the tow truck driver push the Volvo, with Wombat’s wife still inside, onto the hoist.

A SHORT TIME LATER

Wombat is toiling away in the engine bay of the Volvo, he hears the sound of a horn a turns to see his wife standing at the door waving to the same mysterious Holden as it thunders off up the road, Wombat looks concerned as the montage song “You Weren’t In Love With Me” hits its crescendo.

BLIND FREDDIE(Singing and playing the piano)

So now I’m standing on the outside, I don’t know where I’m going to.

But I do know just one thing, and that is it’s over with you.

(Getting progressively louder)

Blind Freddie knew that! Yes he did, yes he did!

Blind men could see! Yes they could, yes they could!

I was in love with you, but you weren’t in love with me.

Blind Freddie knew that! Yes he did, yes he did!

Blind men could see! Yes they could, yes they could!

86.

WOMBAT(Interjecting)

Do you mind, Freddie?!

The music abruptly stops as Freddie stops playing the piano and turns to Wombat.

FREDDIESorry, Wombat. I’ll leave you to it, I’m heading off to the pub.

WOMBATIf you wait a minute I’ll give you a lift in the Volvo.

Freddie gets up from the piano stool, he collects his cane as the sound of a horn can be heard from outside.

FREDDIEI’m good, Billy’s giving me a lift in his new Holden, I hear it’s a Peter Brock Special.

WOMBATReplica!

FREDDIEYou can lock up, I’ll see you at the pub.

WOMBAT’S WIFE(Emerging at the door)

I’m going to get a lift with Billy as well! Come on Freddie, I’ll help you.

The sound of Billy’s roaring engine can be heard revving from outside.

FREDDIEIt sounds impressive!

WOMBAT’S WIFEIt is! And it was soooo cheap!

FREDDIESee you at the pub, Wombat!

WOMBAT(Dejected)

Okay.

Wombat looks dejected as he watches them both leave and walk down the drive towards the road.

87.

BILLY (V.O.)Freddie! You reckon you can do something about this horn?!

FREDDIEWhat’s wrong with it?

CUT TO:

PRESENT DAY

EXT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL. MORNING

The galahs are screeching in the distance and the Holden Town Hotel seems quiet and peaceful.

INT. CLIVE’S HOTEL ROOM. MORNING

Clive lays in his bed as he listens to Art coughing from the room next-door, he holds onto his dog-tags as he looks solemnly up to the heavens. The sound of a convoy of roaring engines approaching draws his attention towards the window. Clive gets out of bed and makes his way to the window, his severe scarring casting its shadow over his once smooth skin. As Clive opens the window a cacophony of screeching galahs can be heard outside.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE HOTEL FRONT ENTRANCE. MORNING

Clive and Charlie exit out the Holden Town Hotel front door, they watch as around the bend comes a convoy of classic Holdens. The cars pull up one after another out front of the Hotel, they all sit there stationary as their drivers pump their accelerators. Clive immediately notices that Pam is alone in her classic Holden, he waves and smiles to her and she reciprocates.

BILLYWhere’s Art?!

CLIVEHe’s still asleep, he’ll catch a lift with Dingo.

BILLYLets hit the road then! You guys can come with me!

RODNEYDon’t do it, Clive! Billy always gets lost!

88.

BILLYTwice is not always!

ROCKCharlie! You can come in the you beaut Holden ute with me, if you want?

CHARLIEOkay!

Charlie heads off to jump in Rock’s ute as Clive looks lovingly in Pam’s direction.

CUT TO:

INT. PAM’S HOLDEN. DAY

Pam’s passenger side door opens and she sees a smiling Clive peering in.

PAMHello!

CLIVEHi!

Pam smiles seductively.

PAMGet in!

CLIVEOkay!

Clive smiles with glee as he climbs in and closes the door.

EXT. THE HOTEL FRONT ENTRANCE. MORNING

All of the cars are ready to go as they rev their mighty engines to a deafening roar and one after another they go thundering off up the road.

CUT TO:

BEGIN MUSIC MONTAGE

#Music: ”This Time” needs to be licensed from Dragon.

89.

EXT. THE HOLDEN TOWN SIGN. MORNING

The cars are all following each other as they approach the Holden Town sign. Rock’s ute is leading the way with the others following close behind. In the distance in front of them they can see the sign where the speed limit changes to one hundred. Feet are pushed flat to their accelerators as the cars go past the speed change and roar off in to the distance.

Rock is leading the way with Charlie in the seat next to him. Rock looks in his mirror and sees Rodney’s Holden quickly approaching. Rock and Charlie wave as Rodney’s car goes flying past with Chook smiling out the window with a beer in his hand. Rock looks in his mirror again and coming up fast is Dazza’s car. Dazza’s car goes flying past with Kenworth waving from the passengers seat. Rock looks in his mirror and sees that Pam’s car is roaring towards him with Clive in the passengers seat. Pam’s car goes flying past with Clive waving as they go past and Rock and Charlie wave back. Rock looks in his mirror and see Billy’s car is roaring towards him with Mack in the passengers seat. Billy’s car roars past and off up the road. Billy and Mack smile to Charlie and Rock as they thunder past. Rock looks at his speedometer, it says he’s doing one hundred and fifty kilometers an hour, what speeds could these other amazing cars possibly be doing as they disappear off up the road?

SCENERY SHOTS AS THE VARIOUS CARS PASS INTERESTING LANDMARKS AND SCENERY ON THEIR WAY TO THE SUMMERNATS

SHOT AS THE CARS GO OVER THE MURRAY RIVER AT SWAN HILL OR ECHUCA. DOWN ON THE RIVER THE OLD PADDLE STEAMERS ARE CRUISING ALONG THE RIVER

VARIOUS CAR PASSING SHOTS TO ACCENTUATE THE SPEED OF THESE IMMACULATE VINTAGE CARS, AND THE POWER OF THEIR MIGHTY ENGINES

VARIOUS CLOSE UPS OF THE CARS TO SHOW THE ORNATE CRAFTSMANSHIP THAT WENT INTO CREATING THESE MASTERPIECES

SHOT OF EVERYONE INSIDE THEIR RESPECTIVE CARS HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES AS SMILES AND LAUGHTER FILL THEIR FACES

SOMEHOW BILLY HAS MANAGED TO GET HIS HOLDEN TO THE FRONT, THE OTHER HOLDENS SEEM TO BE TRYING TO PASS HIM BUT EVERY TIME ONE PULLS OUT TO PASS, BILLY MOVES HIS CAR OVER TO THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD

90.

AS BILLY APPROACHES A FORK IN THE ROAD HE GOES THUNDERING OFF IN THE WRONG DIRECTION

BILLY THUNDERS OFF ALONE ON THE WRONG ROAD AS THE REST OF THE HOLDENS CONTINUE OFF ON THE CORRECT ROAD

EVERYONE IN THEIR RESPECTIVE CARS CAN’T HELP BUT SMILE AND LAUGH AT BILLY’S MISFORTUNE AS THEY WATCH HIM DRIVE OFF INTO THE DISTANCE AND THEN SEE HIS BREAK LIGHTS GO ON

THE CARS ROAR PAST THE CAMERA TOWARDS THE SUMMERNATS ENTRANCE IN THE DISTANCE, THEY ALL BEGIN TO SLOW DOWN AND GROUP UP, BUT BILLY’S CAR IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN

EXT. THE FRONT ENTRANCE TO THE SUMMERNATS. DAY

THE CARS ALL SLOW TO A CRAWL AND JOIN THE LINE OF OTHER MUSCLE CARS THAT ARE WAITING PATIENTLY TO ENTER

FADE OUT MUSIC AND CUT TO:

In the distance the sound of Billy’s huge engine can be heard, he approaches the other waiting cars but doesn’t seem to be slowing down. Billy’s car rumbles past the stationary cars as he drives down the wrong side of the entrance road. From inside their respective car everyone watches on and smiles as Billy and Mack smile and wave as they go past their waiting friends. Billy sounds his custom horn as he drives past.

BILLY’S CUSTOM HORNBarkerrrrr!

As Billy pulls up at the gate he sounds his custom horn yet again to sound out any potential single mums out there.

BILLY’S CUSTOM HORN (CONT'D)Barkerrrrr!

Outside the gates a clearly annoyed man approaches Billy’s car.

ANGRY GATE ATTENDEEWhat do you think you’re doing, mate?! Can’t you see that there’s a line?!

BILLYRelax, mate! It’s me! Billy Barker!

91.

Again Billy sounds the horn.

BILLY’S CUSTOM HORN Barkerrrrr!

ANGRY GATE ATTENDEEAs if!

BILLYIt is! It’s really me! Listen to the horn, mate!

BILLY’S CUSTOM HORN Barkerrrrr!

ANGRY GATE ATTENDEE(Surprised)

It really is you! I wouldn’t have recognized you! You’ve changed!

BILLY I’m not the one that’s changed, mate! You’re the one that’s changed!

ANGRY GATE ATTENDEEThrough you go, I need to clear this lane. This is the exit.

BILLYCheers, mate! Do you want an autograph?

ANGRY GATE ATTENDEENooo. Not right now.

BILLYNo worries, mate. I’ll wander back and sign you one later.

ANGRY GATE ATTENDEE(Not interested)

I don’t think I’ll be here later.

BILLYYou never know your luck!

Billy puts his car into gear and starts to rumble forward, but not before he lets out one more roar.

BILLY’S CUSTOM HORNBarkerrrrr!!!! Ba! Ba! Barkerrrrr!!!

(As Billy presses the horn repeatedly )

92.

Billy and Mack smile and wave to their friends as Billy’s car rumbles off into what looks like some sort of crazy new world filled with girls in Australian flag branded bikini tops and Daisy Duke jean shorts, classic muscle cars and roaring engines abound. Tents and camping areas are filled with party loving Australians letting other Australians know that they are proud Australians.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE SUMMERNATS GROUNDS. DAY

As the convoy of cars rumble through the Summernats streets the adoring fans wave and cheer their mighty cars, to which engines are revved one after another. There does seem to be an unusual amount of sexy women wearing Australian branded bikini tops with Daisy Duke jean shorts, I just thought I might re-iterate that.

VARIOUS SHOTS WITH SEXY LADIES IN THE FOREGROUND AS THE CARS GO PAST

CUT TO:

EXT. THE SUMMERNATS CAMPING AREA. DAY

#The actual camping area will be on a farm at Berrigan, not at the Summernats.

The cars all pull into a vacant area where they will erect their temporary outpost for the night. Tents and Eskys are being carried from the cars, as well as fold-out chairs and the infamous barbecue. Smiles’s abound as everyone enjoys this yearly tradition. The sound of a mighty engine can be heard approaching and shortly after Dingo appears in his amazing car with Art sitting next to him. Dingo pulls in next to Rodney, who is busy unloading folding chairs from his car.

RODNEY(To Dingo through the window)

You fellas were quick!

DINGOWhat are you talking about, mate?! We pulled over at the Big Fish, so Art could get a few photos.

ARTAnd the Big Strawberry!

93.

RODNEYYou didn’t happen to pass Wombat on your way?

DINGONo, should have we?

RODNEYJust checking.

Rodney looks off into the distance for any sign of Wombat.

FADE TO:

LATER THAT NIGHT

EXT. THE SUMMERNATS CAMPING AREA. NIGHT

There is a fire going and everyone is gathered around enjoying each others company. The tents are set up in a circle to give privacy from the many rowdy adjoining campers. There is a mighty rumble as Wombat’s Holden pulls up next to the campsite, everyone looks as Wombat turns off his ignition and exits his impressive Holden, his Peter Brock T-shirt is covered with red splatters of paint.

CHOOKWhat happened, mate?! Are you okay!?

WOMBATYeah, I’m fine.

BILLYIs that blood?! Did you hurt yourself?!

WOMBATNo, mate. It’s just paint.

BILLYWhat have you been painting?

WOMBATNothing special.

BILLYHmmm. Sounds suspicious to me.

#Comedy Routine: ”Do You Know What I Hate” needs to be licensed from Rodney Rude.

RODNEY(Singing and playing his guitar)

94.

(MORE)

Now Wombat, you know we love you.We love you, you’re our mate.And I had to spend all last week in hospital, I had to get circumcised, is anyone looking for a fan-belt?.....

#EXACT ROUTINE TO BE CONFIRMED WITH COMEDIAN RODNEY RUDE. APPROXIMATE LENGTH THREE-FOUR MINUTES.

As Rodney performs his hilarious song it brings a smile to Wombat’s face and Billy puts his hand on his good friends shoulder, Wombat looks at Billy and Billy smiles towards him to let him know that he is not alone on his difficult journey.

FADE TO:

THE NEXT MORNING

EXT. THE SUMMERNATS CAMPING AREA. MORNING

People are beginning to wake up and engines are ticking over with a roar.

INT. ART, CLIVE AND CHARLIE’S TENT. MORNING

Charlie is awoken by the sounds of the huge engines being started and revved, he looks over to where Art should be but there is only a vacant sleeping bag. Charlie sits up and looks over to Clive who appears to be sleeping soundly. Charlie quietly makes his way to the zipped-up fly mesh door, he gently opens the fly mesh zipper and exits. Clive opens his eyes and watches Charlie leave, preferring not to have the conversation about Art’s whereabouts.

EXT. THE SUMMERNATS CAMPING AREA. MORNING

Charlie exits his tent and as he does so he sees Rock stretching and yawning outside his and Dazza’s tent.

ROCKMorning, mate!

CHARLIEMorning.

“BRRRT!” The sound of Dazza breaking wind can be heard coming from inside the tent.

ROCKYou sleep well?

95.

RODNEY (CONT'D)

CHARLIEYeah, I did.

ROCK Lucky you weren’t in our tent, Dazza’s the methane pippy.

DAZZA (V.O.)You are!

ROCKIt’s time you got up, Pippy.

DAZZA (V.O.)It’s time you got up, Pippy!

ROCKI am up!

DAZZA (V.O.)So am I!

ROCKWhatever!

DAZZA (V.O.)Whatever!

KENWORTH (V.O.)(From inside his tent)

You’re both pippies!

DAZZA (V.O.)Here we go! Now Kenny’s getting in on the action.

CHARLIEHave you seen my dad anywhere?

ROCKNo, mate. Maybe he’s gone for a walk?

CHARLIEYeah, maybe?

Charlie looks around but all he can see is other campsites slowly coming to life.

CUT TO:

96.

INT. THE SUMMERNATS BEST IN SHOW SHOWROOM. DAY

“The Best In Show” showroom is filled with immaculate cars, Art enters and he sees Dingo off in the distance polishing his beautiful Holden. As Dingo polishes his car he hears a voice from behind.

ART (V.O.)Looking good, Dingo!

Dingo turns around and sees Art smiling his way.

DINGOThanks, mate! It’s looking like I’ve got some pretty tough competition this year. Look at all these imports!

ARTYeah! There’s a nice Chevy over there!

DINGOTurn it up, mate!

CUT TO:

EXT. THE SUMMERNATS ULTIMATE MUSCLE COMPETITION. DAY

Billy is tinkering away in his engine-bay as Chook and Rodney sit inside his car.

BILLYTry it again, mate!

Chook turns the key and the engine roars to life.

BILLY (CONT'D)Okay, give it a bit!

Chook revs the car.

BILLY (CONT'D)I don’t suppose anyone has seen Wombat today?

Chook revs the car too loud for Billy to be heard.

CHOOKWhat was that, mate?!

BILLYI said, I don’t suppose anyone has seen Wombat today?!

97.

Again Chook revs the engine so Billy can’t be heard.

BILLY (CONT'D)Okay, shut it off!

CHOOKSorry, mate! What was that?!

BILLYI said, shut it off!!!

Again Chook revs the car so Billy can’t be heard.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE SUMMERNATS CAMPING AREA. DAY

Mack comes strolling into the camping area, the only people there are Pam and Clive as they rest in some fold-out chairs.

MACKWhere is everyone?

PAMThey’re all off at their events.

MACK Well, Vic’s getting ready to start his car! Do you want to come and watch?!

PAMCome on, Clive! Wait until you hear Vic’s car!

CLIVEWhat are we waiting for? Let’s go!

Clive and Pam get up out of their nice relaxing chairs and follow an excited Mack as he leads them off towards where they will surely find Vic and his magnificent car.


EXT. THE SUMMERNATS STREETS. DAY

Clive and Pam follow Mack along the bustling paved road that has amazing muscle cars residing both left and right, the sound of enormous engines makes it almost impossible to hear.

CUT TO:

98.

EXT. VICTOR BRAY RACING TENT. DAY

Clive, Pam and Mack arrive at a tent that has an amazing drag car residing next to it, both the car and the tent are adorned with the name, Victor Bray. The very same Vic that runs the fish and chip shop. The cover is off the drag car and its mighty engine is exposed. Vic is busy working on the engine, he is decked out in his racing suit that’s adorned with various sponsors’ patches including our Brewery Sponsor, Chiko Roll, Vegemite, Holden and all of The Land Down Under sponsors. Vic looks up from his engine and sees Mack, Pam and Clive approaching.

VICHey! What are you guys doing here?!

MACKWe came to see your car!

VICWell, you’re just in time! I’m just about to warm it up.

Mack smiles with glee as Vic climbs inside the drag car and prepares to start its massive engine.

VIC (CONT'D)You might want to cover your ears!

Vic starts the engine with the mightiest roar of all time and revs the engine and it’s absolutely deafening. Mack immediately covers his ears and looks at Clive and Pam who are both smiling as their hair is blown back by the power of the mighty engine. Vic holds his foot on the accelerator as the engine makes an even more deafening roar for what seems to go on for an eternity. All the people in the area stop and look on in amazement as the roar echoes out over the entire Summernats area.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE SUMMERNATS CAR PREPARATION AREA. DAY

Rock’s ute has its bonnet up, and Dazza, Kenworth and Charlie are watching on as Rock tinkers away in the engine-bay. The sound of Vic’s engine echoes out even from this distance.

DAZZAIt sounds like Vic is going for a spin!

99.

KENWORTHSiiick!

ROCKLets go and watch!

DAZZA Come on, Charlie! Lets go!

CHARLIEWhere are we going?

ROCKTo watch Vic!

CHARLIEThe Chicken Roll guy?

ROCKThey’re Chiko Rolls, mate!

Dazza, Rock, Kenworth and Charlie all scamper off as others are also running off towards the burnout tarmac.


EXT. THE NARROW CAR FILLED SUMMERNATS STREETS. DAY

Vic’s drag car now has its fiberglass shell back on and is making its way along the narrow Summernats streets. Vic revs the drag car periodically to the cheers of the onlooking fans that line the streets. In front of the drag car is a ute painted in the same colors as the drag car which also has Vic’s name and our sponsors emblazoned all over it. Mack, Pam and Clive are all standing up in the back of the ute absorbing the atmosphere of the excited fans as the ute leads the thundering drag car. Inside the ute Vic’s wife, Shazza, is at the steering wheel wearing a racing suit the same as Vic’s, she smiles out and waves to the adoring fans. The brake lights of Shazza’s ute go on and the drag car stops also as Shazza sees Billy, Chook, and Rodney amongst the crowd.

SHOT OF BILLY, CHOOK, AND RODNEY AMONGST THE CROWD

SHAZZADo you guys need a lift?

BILLYI know I could do with one! I’m getting swamped by fans out here.

Billy, Chook and Rodney all climb up into the back of the ute with Clive, Pam and Mack.

100.

Vic revs his car to its maximum and the crowd all scream and cheer as Shazza begins to drive the ute off along the crowded street. Dingo and Art are also watching amongst the waiting fans as the thundering drag car draws near. As the ute drives through the fans it stops again.

SHAZZADingo! Handsome! Are you guys coming?!

DINGOLets go Art!

Art and Dingo make their way to the back and climb up into the tray of the increasingly crowded ute. Everyone smiles and high fives abound as Vic revs his engine to a deafening level and everyone just looks on in amazement as again the surrounding crowd scream and cheer.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BURNOUT TARMAC. DAY

As Charlie, Rock, Dazza and Kenworth wait amongst the fans beside the burnout tarmac, the sound of Vic’s enormous engine getting closer and closer can be heard. Vic’s drag car appears through the crowd and heads towards the burnout tarmac as it follows Shazza’s ute. The ute pulls aside as Vic’s car makes its way towards the starting line. The crowd continue to flock around the burnout tarmac as Vic’s drag car continues to splutter and roar. Vic’s car sits stationary on the starting line as its engine rumbles.

SHOTS OF EVERYONE WAITING WITH BAITED BREATH

Suddenly Vic revs his car to a deafening level and the rear wheels of the drag car start spinning furiously as smoke plumes begin to emanate from them. Vic’s drag car slowly makes its way down the tarmac as its rear wheels spin furiously, the smoke clouds just get bigger and denser as the crowd cheer from the stands. As the drag car begins to gain speed Vic spins it one hundred and eighty degrees and the revs die off. The engine roars again and again the wheels spin furiously as the smoke begins to stream out once more, Vic spins the car through another one eighty degrees and then slowly makes his way towards the end of the tarmac as the wheels continue to spew out smoke and rubber. Smoke engulfs the entire cheering crowd as the drag car reaches the end of the tarmac where Vic spins it into another one eighty degree turn and then quickly puts his foot on the accelerator and starts doing donut after donut as smoke continues to engulf the crowd who all scream and cheer. Finally Vic’s car comes to a halt and the crowd all cheer and clap as the smoke begins to dissipate and Vic waves out of his window to the adoring crowd.

101.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)Let’s all give it up for the one and only, Vic!!

The crowd all clap and cheer as Vic continues to wave to them.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)(CONT'D)Would all competitors in the Burnout competition please report to the marshal.

CUT TO:

EXT. TRACKSIDE. DAY

Rock listens intently as the announcement comes over the loud speaker.

ROCKLooks like it’s time for me to burn some rubber too.

Rock begins to walk off.

DAZZAGood luck, mate!

ROCKNo worries, mate! This one’s for Brocky!

DAZZA AND KENWORTHFor Brockyyyyy!!!!!

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BURNOUT COMPETITION PREPARATION AREA. DAY

In the burnout preparation area the drivers are all attending their cars, some are starting their engines with some of the most deafening engines ever heard.

Rock arrives at his ute, he opens the door and gets in the driver’s seat and leans over and takes his picture of Brocky out of his glove-box, he looks at his signed picture of Brocky and returns it to the glove-box before picking up his helmet that has air brushed pictures of Brocky and a big 05 on its sides. Rock puts on his beloved helmet and then puts his key in the ignition and the engine starts with a tremendous roar. Rock closes his door, he puts his ute in gear and slowly follows some of the other competitors that are also on the move.

CUT TO:

102.

EXT. THE BURNOUT TARMAC FENCE. DAY

Art, Clive, Pam, Rodney, Chook, Billy and Mack all arrive at the burnout track fence where Dazza, Kenworth and Charlie are waiting, there are smiles, high fives and hugs as they all congregate. There is the sound of an almighty engine revving and they see all that Rock is approaching the starting line. Everyone waits with baited breath for Rock’s impending performance.

CUT TO:


Rock arrives at the starting line and revs his engine furiously as everyone waits in anticipation. The starter gives the all clear, Rock’s engine roars and the tyres start spewing out smoke as Rock’s ute spins its way off the starting line. Rock is wearing his Brocky helmet and has one arm outside the window showing off his one handed driving prowess. As Rock’s ute smokes its way down the tarmac it gains traction and Rock spins it into a three sixty degree burn out. Rock continues to burn rubber towards the end of the tarmac as smoke engulfs the entire crowd. Clive looks like he is in a world of his own as the dense smoke surrounds him. The smoke is getting denser and denser as it engulfs Clive, but he continues to look off into the distance until he is no longer visible.

FADE TO:1969

EXT. THE VIETNAM JUNGLE. DAY

Clive lays on the foreign soil, blood splutters from his mouth as he tries to breath, he can only look up to the clouds as the rays of light appear magnified unlike any he has seen before, surely this is heaven opening its gates for him. A chopper descends through the rays of sunshine and begins to make its way down towards Earth. Clive’s eyes begin to grow weary as his body starts to accept its final fate.

FADE TO:

PRESENT DAY


Pam is busy waving her hand in front of Clive’s face as he stares off into space.

103.

PAMHello?

Clive returns to the present and sees Pam in front of him, he smiles and then looks towards Art who smiles to reassure Clive that he knows what Clive is thinking about.

Rock’s ute continues to burn rubber in the background. It’s almost impossible for anyone to see each other through the dense smoke but they all manage to smile with glee as the sound of Rock’s roaring engine drowns out any other sound.

Rock spins out a series of donuts that just make even more smoke, his wheels are screaming furiously, it’s a sight to behold. Finally Rock spins the wheels on the spot and after what seems like an eternity the tyres blow out and Rock’s ute remains lifeless in a cloud of smoke. The crowd all scream and give the thumbs up as Rock gets out of his ute and takes off his helmet, he jumps up on the tray of his ute and pumps his helmet in the air to the cheers of the crowd.

FADE TO:

EXT. THE CAMPING AREA. AFTERNOON

Everyone is sitting around at the camp fire, there are smiles everywhere as they reminisce about what a great day they have had and it seems there are three trophies being handed around that they are all admiring. Not so random comedy is being utilized to fresh ears for possibly the last time. As they are all enjoying the well rehearsed comedy the sound of a mighty engine can be heard starting in the distance.

RODNEY That sounds like Vic! It must almost be time for the Lap Of Honour! Lets get up front!

BILLYWhat about Wombat?

DINGOThere’s nothing we can do, mate! He’s MIA.

BILLYI’m worried about the wombat.

CHOOKWe all are, mate.

Everyone slowly gets to their feet and begin to head off towards their mighty Holdens as Billy looks off into the distance for any sign of Wombat.

104.

ARTWhere are we going?

DINGOTo do the Lap Of Honour!

ARTReally?!

DINGOYeah! It’s time to celebrate, mate!

ART(To Clive)

You hear that Clive?! We get to be in a lap of honour. For doing nothing!

Art smiles.

CUT TO:

SHORTLY AFTER

EXT: OUTSIDE THE SPEEDWAY ENTRANCE. MIGHT

The Holdens are all waiting patiently behind Vic for the start of The Lap Of Honour, everyone is gathered around their cars, chatting and laughing. From the distance the sound of a horn screaming out “Barkerrr!” can be faintly heard. The same catchy name keeps ringing out as it gets louder and louder and then Billy’s headlights come into view. Billy proceeds to drive past all of the waiting cars until he pulls up next to Vic’s car, approximately one inch from the gate that opens up onto the speedway. Billy smiles as he gets out of his car to join his friends.

BILLY Still no sign of Wombat?

RODNEYNo.

As Billy looks around for Wombat there is an announcement over the loud speaker.

ANNOUNCEMENT (V.O.)Ladies and gentlemen! We have a special event for you tonight, before The Lap of Honour.

BILLYThat’s good! It will give Wombat a bit of time to get here.

105.

RODNEYWhere could he possibly be? He loves The Lap of Honour.

ANNOUNCEMENT (V.O.)Tonight for your entertainment the one and only “Air Wombat” is going to attempt to jump eleven cars, just for your entertainment!

Are you ready for it?!

Lets give it up for AIIIIIIR Wommmmbattttt!!!!

Wombat’s X-wife’s Volvo drives out onto the speedway and comes driving toward a ramp that has the line-up of wrecked cars waiting for some dare-devil to attempt to jump over them. Wombat’s X-wife’s Volvo no-longer looks the same though, it has a Peter Brock paint work and an 05 painted on the side, with “Air Wombat” plastered across the top of the windscreen.

BILLY(In shock)

What’s he doing?!

DINGOHe’s moving on, mate.

BILLYBut he could die!...Who would play Center Half Back?

ARTIt’s not always easy to let go of the past, Billy.

BILLYI could go a battered sav right about now! Has anyone got any spare change?

Billy holds his hand out and smiles.

EXT. THE SPEEDWAY. NIGHT

Wombat pulls up next to the announcer and proceeds to get out of the Volvo.

ANNOUNCER I don’t suppose anyone out there knows why Wombat is called Wombat?!

106.

THE ENTIRE CROWDBecause he eats! Roots! And leaves!!

Wombat does the actions of eating, making love and leaving as the crowd recite his catch phrase.

ANNOUNCERThat’s right ladies and gentlemen!

The crowd all laugh and cheer as Wombat smiles with glee and waves to the adoring crowd. Wombat and the announcer shake hands and Wombat goes and jumps in the Volvo, he starts the ignition and proceeds to do some donuts, the dirt churns up into the sky as the crowd cheer him on. Wombat takes his foot off the accelerator and then proceeds to drive off to his starting position as the crowd go quiet.

Billy, Chook, Rodney, Dingo, Kenworth, Mack, Dazza, Pam, Clive, Art and Charlie all watch on with concerned looks on their faces as Wombat begins to rev his engine from his starting position.

Wombat continues to rev his engine and then he flattens his accelerator. The Volvo begins picking up speed as it heads towards the ramp and as the Volvo roars up the ramp a series of explosions go off either side of the ramp to signify the spectacle to come. The Volvo goes roaring off the end of the ramp and sails into the air, twisting and rolling as it does so, before smashing full speed into the waiting wrecked cars a short distance from the ramp. The crowd all scream and cheer as the Volvo lays upside down in a crumpled mess amongst the carnage it has created. Smoke streams from the Volvo as a fire-truck and ambulance come racing out to douse the flames and retrieve Wombat who it seems there is no sign of. The fire-truck arrives and the firemen quickly exit and spray the car with fire retardant as the crowd all anxiously wait for any sign of Wombat.

Billy, Chook, Rodney, Dingo, Kenworth, Mack, Dazza, Pam, Clive, Art and Charlie all watch on fearing for Wombat’s life as one of the firemen manages to pull Wombat out through the front glassless window. Wombat gets to his feet as smoke plumes from his suit, he takes off his helmet and throws it in the air as the crowd scream with excitement. The announcer approaches Wombat with a huge smile, waiting to interview the hero of the day.

ANNOUNCER (CONT'D)Here he is ladies and gentlemen! The one and only “Aiiiir Wombatttt!!”

107.

The crowd start cheering out “Wombat! Wombat! Wombat!” Billy, Chook, Rodney, Dingo, Kenworth, Mack, Dazza, Rock, Pam, Clive, Art and Charlie all look on and smile with relief to see that their good friend is still alive and happier than ever.

FADE TO:

BEGIN MUSIC MONTAGE

#Music: ”50 Years” by The Uncanny X-Men needs to be licensed from Mushroom Records.

EXT. THE SPEEDWAY. NIGHT

The speedway grandstand and the entire circumference of the speedway is filled with excited car fans waiting to see the cavalcade of the competitors cars which will then be followed by the fireworks display that signifies the end of the Summernats. The crowd scream and cheer as Billy’s Holden leads the convoy of amazing cars onto the speedway. Billy’s car, with Billy and Mack inside, is followed by Vic in his drag car, followed by Shazza’s ute, with Clive, Pam and Wombat waving from the rear tray. Rock’s ute is next, with Dazza, Kenworth and Charlie waving from the rear tray. Following Rock’s ute is Dingo’s amazing car with Dingo and Art inside. And finally is Rodney and Chook waving from the windows of Rodney’s amazing Holden. Everyone is all smiles as they wave to the adoring crowd as the cars make their way around the circuit. Inside their respective cars everyone’s faces are lit up with joy, this must surely be the best day ever. “50 Years” is playing over the speedway speakers and all of the crowd seem to be familiar with it as they sing along. After completing their first lap of the speedway the announcement comes over the loud speaker that the cars are beginning their final lap of honour. The cars continue to make their way around the speedway soaking up the cheers from the adoring fans as they all wave and sing along with the sound-track.

CUT TO:

EXT. OUTSIDE THE SPEEDWAY ENTRANCE. NIGHT

From outside the exit to the speedway the procession of amazing cars slowly begin to exit, they each drive into the open expanse next to the speedway and proceed to park and get out of their cars, they all gather together and await the impending fireworks extravaganza. The sound of a firework alerts them all to take notice as a solitary firework sizzles up into the air before exploding, it’s then quickly followed by a string of fireworks all heading up into the sky.

108.

As they all watch the spectacular fireworks their smiling faces are lit up by the sparkling colours.

VARIOUS SHOTS OF ALL THE MAIN CHARACTERS SMILING FACES BEING LIT UP BY THE FIREWORKS

Clive reaches out and holds Pam’s hand, they smile lovingly towards each other as the fireworks continue to stream up into the night sky.

FADE TO:

EXT. THE DESOLATE ROAD BACK TO HOLDEN TOWN. NIGHT

The convoy of Holdens makes its way back towards Holden Town, although nobody seems to be in a rush as they slowly meander along the desolate road.

INT. INSIDE THE VARIOUS CARS. NIGHT

Inside their respective cars faces are only lit by the dashboard lights as everyone contemplate life. It is unfortunately ironic that Art, Clive and Charlie have spent the entire day apart in what would soon become the last day of Art’s life. Although this time alone allows them the chance to reflect on the experiences that they have all shared together, including their time with their new friends.

FADE OUT MUSIC AND FADE TO:

THE NEXT DAY

EXT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL. MORNING

Outside the Holden Town Hotel it’s a beautiful morning, the sun is shinning and the galahs are screeching towards the heavens.


The sound of the galahs screeching can be heard outside as Clive emerges from his room, he goes to the next room and knocks on Art and Charlie’s door.

CHARLIE (V.O.)Coming!

Clive waits as a sleepy Charlie opens the door.

109.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)Morning!

CLIVEGood morning. Are we heading off today? Because I’ve sort of made some plans with Pam.

CHARLIE I don’t know? I’ll have to ask Art.

CLIVE Is he still asleep?

CHARLIENo, he’s not here. I thought he must have been with you?

Clive looks concerned and heads off towards the bathroom.

EXT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL BATHROOM. MORNING

Clive arrives outside the bathroom and reluctantly knocks on the door.

CLIVE(Softly spoken)

Art?! Are you in there?

There is no reply from inside. Clive slowly opens the door and enters as the door closes behind him. Charlie continues to wait outside the door but there doesn’t appear to be any sign of Art or Clive.

CHARLIEIs he in there?

Charlie waits for a reply but there are none forthcoming.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)Clive! Is he in there?!

Charlie slowly opens the door but all he can see is Clive leaning over Art’s lifeless body, and pools of blood nearby. Charlie looks distraught as tears well up in his eyes.

SLOW FADE TO:

EXT. DESOLATE COUNTRY ROAD. DAY

The heat waves shimmer over the desolate country road, a few trees appear to be the only things in sight.

110.

The only sound that can be heard are the galahs screeching in the distance. From the horizon a rumbling sound can be heard, the rumbling gets louder and louder and then on the horizon a black speck appears. As the rumbling sound gets increasingly louder it sounds like some enormous engines are approaching and as the black speck gets closer and closer it appears to be a car of some kind. As the black car gets closer it becomes apparent that it is an amazing classic Holden hearse that gets closer and closer and it doesn’t appear to be alone, it appears that there is a convoy of classic Holdens following it. As the cars approach, the sounds of their enormous engines echoe out over the entire landscape. The hearse goes rumbling past, followed by the procession of familiar Holdens. The convoy of Holdens goes rumbling off into the distance.

FADE TO:

EXT. THE HOLDEN TOWN CEMETERY. DAY

The cars are all parked alongside the hearse and in the distance Clive, Charlie, Dingo, Billy, Rodney, Wombat, Mack, Kenworth, Dazza, Rock, Pam, Shazza, Vic, Austello and Chook can be seen standing around Art’s coffin which is covered with an American flag. All of the Holden Town locals attending are wearing their Holden Town Saints colours in some shape or form, it is a montage of red, black and white apart from Clive and Charlie. Dingo has his medals from the Vietnam War pinned to his Holden Town Saints jacket.

DINGOIn my culture our spirit never dies, we say that it goes back to the spirit pool to be reborn. Like myself Art was only a Private in Vietnam, but we’re making him a Captain here in Holden Town.

Dingo takes a Holden Town Saints football jersey with the number one on its back, he goes and places the jersey on Art’s coffin before stepping aside as Clive approaches Art’s coffin.

CLIVE Thanks, Dingo. I think it’s only fitting that I tell you all, including Charlie, a bit about the man that Art was. Not only was he everyone’s friend, but he was much more.

FADE TO:

111.

1969

EXT. THE VIETNAM JUNGLE. DAY

Clive lays on the foreign soil, blood splutters from his mouth as he tries to breath, he can only look up to the clouds as the rays of light appear magnified unlike any he has seen before, surely this is heaven opening its gates for him. The chopper descends through the rays of sunshine and begins to make its way towards Earth. Clive’s eyes begin to grow weary as his body starts to accept its final fate.

SHOT OF THE BLURRY CHOPPER COMING INTO LAND THROUGH THE RAYS OF LIGHT, IT’S A HEAVENLY SIGHT

A BLURRY VISION OF ART APPEARS BEFORE CLIVE’S WILTING EYES

ART (V.O.)He’s here! And he’s still alive! Help him! And find Charlie!!

Clive grabs hold of Art’s arm and holds onto him with the last strength in his dying body as blood runs down his face. Art smiles at Clive as the rays of sun behind Art make it almost impossible to see him, it’s an angelic sight.

ART (V.O.) (CONT'D)Don’t worry, Clive! I’m here.

SLOW FADE TO:PRESENT DAY

Everyone is slowly making their way back to their cars from Art’s grave, the men are solemn as Pam and Shazza wipe tears from their eyes. Billy makes his way towards Art’s coffin where Clive and Charlie are still standing.

BILLYArt was telling me how much he would love his own Holden, so we got him a Monaro. It’s not a Peter Brock Special but it’s still a mighty fine car.

CLIVEThanks Billy, I’m sure he would have loved it.

112.

Billy goes and places a replica classic Holden Monaro on Art’s coffin before slowly following the others back towards their cars. As Clive and Charlie stand by Art’s grave a cacophony of roaring engines echoes out.

CUT TO:

INT. CLIVE’S HOTEL ROOM. DAY

Clive is busy packing his bag, his shirtless scarred body a reminder of his past as his dog-tags dangle from his neck. The sounds of instruments and laughter can be heard emanating from the bar below as Clive puts on his army T-shirt for the first time in recent history. In the corner of the room Pam watches on solemnly knowing that Clive is leaving her.

INT. ART AND CHARLIE’S HOTEL ROOM. DAY

Charlie is packing Art’s final objects into his bag. Amongst Art’s possessions Charlie finds Art’s dog-tags, he picks them up and looks at them with sorrow before placing them over his head and having them dangle on his chest.

INT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL STAIR CASE. DAY

Clive, Pam and Charlie make their way down the stairs and into the raucous bar.

INT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL BAR. DAY

Clive, Pam and Charlie enter the bar where their friends are all waiting as they drink their beers, over at the stage Glenn Shorrock, Beeb Birtles and Graeham Goble are getting ready to play and it appears that Blind Freddie is going to accompany them on keyboard. Neil Finn, Paul Kelly and John Schumman all have guitars ready to play and Graham Bidstrup is at the drums, even Austello has a violin at the ready and the Holden Town choir are also in formation, it appears that there is going to be a epic sending off at Art’s wake. Apart from Clive and Charlie the entire bar is a sea of black, red and white and all outfits are adorned with their Holden Town Saints logos.

DINGOHere they are! Welcome back!

CLIVEWow, this looks amazing! I’d love to stay and listen, but it’s time for me and Charlie to go back to our real lives. We’ve still got a long journey ahead of us.

113.

DINGOYou sure do. We’ll miss you guys.


As Clive and Charlie exit the hotel front door they are followed by their Holden Town friends. Clive and Charlie farewell their new friends before finally it is time for Clive to say goodbye to Pam. They reluctantly smile before Clive takes a hold of her hands.

CLIVEWell, here I go, back to nothing.

PAMYou have Charlie, he needs you more than ever.

CLIVEAre you sure you don’t want to come with me?

PAMI wish I could, but it’s impossible for me to leave here. But I’ll be here waiting for you.

Clive already knew the answer and nods in acknowledgement. Clive and Pam gently kiss and hold each other for the last time.

INT. THE HOLDEN TOWN HOTEL. DAY

#Music: ”It’s A Long Way There” needs to be licensed from The Little River Band.

Inside the hotel the entire Holden Town band is ready to play, Austello starts the intro violin accompanied by Blind Freddie on the keyboard, the initial vocal intro is angelic and empowering as the choir and everyone else joins in to sing with Glenn Shorrock.

SONG LYRICSHeyyy everybodyyyy, yeahhh. Don’t feel that there’s something?


As the song can still be heard from outside, Clive reluctantly lets go of Pam and reluctantly makes his way towards the 4X4. Clive and Charlie both throw their bags inside the 4X4 and then get in. Clive starts the engine as he stares sorrowfully towards Pam, he puts the 4X4 in gear and it slowly reverses onto the street before pausing.

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Clive belatedly smiles at Pam who does her best to smile also and then the 4X4 slowly makes its way off into the distance as Pam with tears in her eyes and the rest of the Holden Town gang wave goodbye. The 4X4 drives off towards the horizon as everyone outside the hotel stands and watches as the music can be heard belting out from inside the bar.

INT. THE 4X4. DAY

Clive and Charlie drive along the road out of Holden Town, Clive turns on the radio and “It’s A Long Way There” is playing.

CLIVE Isn’t this the same song that they were playing at the Holden Town Hotel?

CHARLIEYep, that’s it.

CLIVEWhat are the odds?

CHARLIE I’d say they were pretty good.

Clive looks curious to Charlie’s response having no idea that the same experience has already happened to Charlie.

CUT TO:


The Holden Town musicians continue to sing up a storm.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE HOLDEN TOWN CEMETARY. DAY

As Clive waits next to the 4X4 “It’s A Long Way There” continues to play through the 4X4 radio. Charlie is in the distance saying his last goodbye to Art. Charlie takes Art’s dog-tags off and holds them over Art’s grave before letting them slip through his fingers. Art’s dog-tags fall amongst the freshly turned over soil that now covers his coffin.

CUT TO:

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CUT TO:

EXT. THE HOLDEN TOWN SIGN. DAY

The 4X4 with only Clive and Charlie inside drives past the town sign for Holden Town which used to read “Population 308,” but the sign now reads “Population 309.”

CUT TO:




As all of Clive and Charlie’s friends stand out front of the Holden Town Hotel the sound of “It’s A Long Way There” reverberates from inside the hotel. A classic Holden Monaro exactly the same as the model Billy placed on Art’s grave comes rumbling along the street. The Monaro pulls in amongst the other Holdens as the Holden Town gang all smile with glee.

SHOT OF THE REAR OF THE MONARO WITH THE MONARO BADGE CLEAR TO SEE

The drivers door of the Monaro opens, a pair of army boots step out and Dingo steps forward with a smile on his face.

DINGOHere he is! Welcome back! You’re just in time for Happy Hour!

BILLYAnd it’s Wombat’s shout!

WOMBATPig’s arse it is!!

It appears that whoever this mystery man is wearing a Holden Town Saints jersey with the number one on its back.

CUT TO:

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FADE TO:

EXT. THE DISTANT RED SUNSET OF THE SUNBURNT LAND DOWN UNDER. DAY

INT. THE 4X4. DAY

Clive and Charlie are speechless as they stare off towards the never ending horizon, the radio version of “It’s A Long Way There” reaches its crescendo and then starts to crackle as the radio begins to lose reception. Before too long there is nothing but static and Clive reaches over and turns off the radio, then there is only the sound of tyres being churned up on the rugged bitumen beneath as Clive and Charlie continue to stare off in to the distance.

EXT. THE DISTANT RED SUNSET OF THE SUNBURNT LAND DOWN UNDER. DAY

The 4X4 drives off towards the seemingly endless red horizon.

FADE OUT:

THE END

Thanks for taking the time to read IN MY LIFE: THE LAND DOWN UNDER. Feel free to see how Art, Clive and Charlie came to be here in the first place, and what transpired after, and learn about the lives of the other crazy and eclectic characters that together tell the lives of many of us at www.phyclonestudios.com

IN MY LIFE: WHEN THE WAR IS OVERTop 16 in the 2011 Creative World Writing Awards.Top 30 comedies in the 2010 Golden Brad Screenplay Awards.

IN MY LIFE: THE WHOLE OF THE MOON

IN MY LIFE: BLUE DAYTop 40 Comedies in the 2010 Golden Brad Screenplay Awards.

IN MY LIFE: SUMMER BREEZE

IN MY LIFE: I’VE GOT A NAME

IN MY LIFE: IT’S A WIDE OPEN ROAD

IN MY LIFE: THE LAND DOWN UNDER

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#The Holden Town gang were not forgotten and have their own series called Holden Town that can be read at www.holdentown.com

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the land down under script land down under production versio… · the angels, film score producer,...

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