What’s Love Got to Do With It? TBWECA 2016 1 1

Ken WarrenGreen Acres Baptist ChurchTyler, Texas

Nothing works well if a child's love needs are not met. Only the child who FEELS genuinely loved and cared for can do her best.

A Particular Kind of Love:

“No Matter What”(Unconditional)

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A Love That is Expressed Regardless of:• Behavior• Ability• Achievement• Appearance• My Expectations

If I love them only when they meet my requirements or expectations, they will feel incompetent and will believe it is pointless to do their best, since it is never enough.

Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.Colossians 3:21

The sad truth is that few children feel unconditionally loved and cared for. And yet, it is also true that most

parents deeply love their children. Why this terrible contradiction?

The main reason is that few parents (adults) know HOW to transfer their heartfelt love to the hearts of their

children.

(In a Language You Understand?)

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A Love Language is an ACTION

That Communicates Love

(In a Language You Understand?)

The Five Love Languages of Children:• Physical Touch• Words of Affirmation• Quality Time• Gifts• Acts of Service

(In a Language You Understand?)

Children need ALL FIVE languages of love to keep their emotional tanks

full. Still, most children have a primary love language, one that

speaks to them more loudly than the others.

(In a Language You Understand?)

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Physical touch is the easiest love language to use unconditionally, because parents need no special occasion or excuse to make physical contact.

Physical Touch

The Language of Physical Touch:• With Affection• Intentional • Age-Appropriate• In a Way the Child Understands• (As part of family rituals, traditions, or games)

Physical Touch

In communicating love, words are powerful. Words of affection and endearment, words of praise and

encouragement, words that give positive guidance all say, "I care about you." Such words are like a gentle, warm rain falling on the soil; they nurture the child's inner sense of worth and security. Even though such words are quickly said, they are not soon forgotten. A child reaps the benefits of affirming words for a

lifetime.

Words of Affirmation

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Words of . . . • Affection & Endearment• Praise• Encouragement• Guidance

Words of Affirmation

Quality time is a parent's gift of presence to a child. It conveys this message: "You are important. I like being with you." It makes the child feel that he is the most important person in the world to the parent. He feels truly loved because he has his parent all to himself.

Quality Time

The Language of Quality Time:• Being Together• Focused Attention• Quality Conversation• (Need Not Be a Special Occasion)

Quality Time

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You schedule other people into your calendars – why not your children?

In many homes, children would miss their TV sets more than they would miss their fathers.

Quality Time

The giving and receiving of gifts can be a powerful expression of love, at the time they are given and often

extending into later years. The most meaningful gifts become symbols of

love, and those that truly convey love are part of a love language.

Gifts

The Language of Gifts:• Genuine Expression of Affection• Not a Payment for Services Rendered• Something That is Significant to or Valued

by the Child• Not Dependent Upon Cost• NOT A SUBSTITUTE for Other Love

Languages• (Can lose its meaning when overdone)

Gifts

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Because service to a child is constant for so many years, and

takes place in and around so many other obligations, parents can forget

that the daily and mundane acts they perform are expressions of love

with long-term effects.

Acts of Service

The Language of Service:• Done as an Expression of Love• Age-Appropriate• May be an Ordinary Task Done With

Affection• Are Not Used to Manipulate• Are a Model for the Child as They Mature

Acts of Service

As your child grows, you will begin to see that one of the love languages speaks far more deeply of your love than the others;

also, when that one is used negatively, your child feels very hurt. Remember those two

truths about the five love languages and you will become more effective in expressing your love and less destructive when you feel angry

or frustrated with your child.

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Watching For Signs:• Expression• Requests• Complaints• Reaction• Options• And, When In Doubt . . . ASK

• Ask the child to tell you about a time they felt most loved.

• Ask them about a time they felt love the least.

• Understand Yourself• Choose• Experiment• Communicate• Teach

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Ken WarrenGreen Acres Baptist ChurchTyler, Texas