THE EFFECTS OF THE EFFECTS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCEDOMESTIC VIOLENCE

THE EFFECTS OF THE EFFECTS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCEDOMESTIC VIOLENCE

ON CHILDRENON CHILDREN

THIS CHILD

God gave this child to you, to guide To love, to walk through life beside.

A little child so full of charmsTo fill a pair of loving arms

God picked you out Because He knewHow safe His childWould be with you.

-Unknown

If the family household is a nightmare for abused women,

it is even more of a nightmare

for the children.

• For any child living in violence the basic need for a safe, secure home goes unmet.

• Children of battered women are victims, regardless of whether or not they are direct recipients of violent acts.

• Between 50% and 75% of male batterers also abuse their children.

• 40% of suspected child abuse also includes a history of domestic violence.

• 25% of victims of domestic violence are pregnant women.

• 70% of children in domestic violence shelters are neglected or abused.

• 80% of runaways come from homes where domestic violence occurs

• 63% of boys, ages 11 to 20, arrested for homicide, have been arrested for killing their mother’s abuser.

• 70% of men in court-ordered treatment for domestic violence witnessed it as a child

For Girls• Girls from homes with domestic

violence are 6.5 times more likely to be sexually assaulted

• more likely to become pregnant as a teen

• More likely to have adult abusive relationships

FOR BOYS

• 4 times more likely to abuse in dating relationships

• 25 times more likely to commit rape as an adult

• 6 times more likely to commit suicide• have a 74% greater chance of

committing crimes against others• 1,000 times more likely to commit

violent acts against an adult partner or their own children

TO DIVORCE OR NOT DIVORCE ….WHAT HAPPENS TO THE

CHILDREN

• You only have to visit a domestic violence shelter to know that even children who are afraid of their abusive fathers miss them terribly.

• Separation anxiety for any child is traumatic. For children in abusive households it brings unique challenges and pain.

Reports by battered women indicate that 87 % of children witness the abuse. Events can be witnessed in many ways:

• hearing mother’s screams or crying• hearing the batterer’s threats• hearing glass breaking or wood

splintering• seeing torn clothing or injuries on the

mother• seeing broken furniture• seeing wounded animals• seeing the actual abuse

Children who witness abuse suffer

extreme emotional trauma and react

with shock, fear, and guilt.

Children’s lives are frequently disrupted by moves to escape

domestic violence. • lose time at school• leave home without taking books,

money, or clothing and favorite toys• Live in Shelter with strangers• Constantly moving between family

members• Live in Homeless Shelters

HOW CHILDREN LIVING IN VIOLENT HOMES FEEL

• POWERLESS, because they can’t stop the violence.

• CONFUSED, because it doesn’t make sense• ANGRY, because it shouldn’t be happening.• GUILTY, because they think they’ve done

something wrong.• SAD, because it’s a loss.• AFRAID, because they may be hurt, they may

lose someone they love, others may find out.

• ALONE, because they think it’s only happening to them.

CHARACTERISTICS OF CHILDRENLIVING IN VIOLENT HOMES

Children raised in violent homes learn many lessons:

• they learn how to keep family secrets• they learn how to get what they want

through aggression and manipulation• they learn that people who love you, hurt

you• they learn that violence, although painful, is

an acceptable part of life

• Children’s responses to living with violence will vary according to their age, gender, stage of development, and role in the family. Many other factors play a part as well:– extent of the violence– frequency of the violence– repeated separations and moves– socioeconomic status– special needs of the children

GENERAL CHARACTERISTICS • Regardless of the age, children

living with domestic violence tend to have a strong sense of isolation and helplessness.

• Their initial method of solving

problems is by hitting.

• They suffer from an extremely high level of anxiety and tend to have developmental delays.

• As the children mature, their sympathy for the mother may be replaced by overt hostility.

Normally, the family plays a crucial role in protecting children from traumatization and assisting in recovery when necessary . . .

.Children of violent families, however, are traumatized because of the family environment.

SIGNS

• PRE-NATAL- increased miscarriages due to

increased beatings and/orMother’s stress

- poor health due to mother’s stress and lack of proper nutrition

INFANTS

- crying and irritability- sleep disturbances- digestive problems

Toddlers/Pre-School• more aggressive than other children, or• more withdrawn than other children• impaired cognitive abilities• delays in verbal development• poor motor abilities• general fearfulness, anxiety• stomach aches• nightmares• lack of bowel/bladder control over 3

years old• lack of confidence to begin new tasks

School Age

• poor grades, or in special classes (SLD, EH)

• failure of one or more grade levels• poor social skills• low self-esteem• general aggressiveness• violent outbursts of anger• bullying, or withdrawn, dependent• bed wetting• nightmares• digestive problems, ulcers• headaches (not related to eye

strain/sinus)

Teens

• poor grades, failure in school• low self-esteem• refuses to bring friends home• stays away from home, or• feels responsible for taking care of

mother/siblings• Runaway/truancy• violent outbursts of anger, destroying property• poor judgement, irresponsible decision making• unable to communicate feelings

• withdrawn, few friends• nightmares• ulcers, digestive problems• bedwetting• headaches• severe acne• males hitting their girlfriends• females being hit by their boyfriends• joining in on beatings of mother• early sexual acting out• attempted or completed suicide

INFANTS

• An infant who is raised in a violent family has the basic need for attachment to the mother seriously disrupted. Routines around sleeping and feeding may be anything but normal.

• The abused mother may not be able to handle the stressful demands of her infant. This distancing is recognized by the child and causes serious separation anxiety.

• Many victims are forced to be negligent in taking care of the child’s needs due to the demands of the abuser, depression, etc.

POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER IN CHILDREN

MANY CHILDREN TREATED FOR ADHD

MAY IN FACT HAVE PTSD FROM LIVING WITH ABUSE

OTHER WAYS ABUSERS ABUSE

• Children used as instruments of revenge are a tragic reality in abusive relationships.

• In most states, divorce and custody issues do not take into account the psychological, emotional or verbal abuse of children.

• Unless there has been documented physical abuse of a child (and sometimes not even then), the perpetrator will receive at least partial custody of his children, regardless of documented reports of violence perpetrated against his partner.

OPTIONS FOR VICTIMS

• Divorce, in which case the abuser will have partial custody of the children. This sets up a situation where she by law must let the abuser have the children, possibly putting them in danger, and keeps the mother in a constant state of fear while they are with him.

• Stay with the abuser, take the abuse, and try to protect her children as best she can.

• Custody transfers also offer the possibility of further abuse of the victim, either verbally, physically or both ….in the presence of the children.

• Many abusers use the children as weapons against their former partners. Children are not picked up or returned at previously set times. Often the abuser threatens to take them away permanently by simply disappearing with the children or by legal means.

• According to one study, 5% of abusive fathers threaten during visitation to kill the mother, 34% threaten to kidnap their children, and 25% threaten to hurt their children.

• Despite the perception that mothers always win custody cases, studies show that fathers who contest custody win sole or joint custody in 40% – 70% of cases.

Why?

• The man usually has more funds to amass lengthy legal/custody battles

• (the victim may not have worked for some time or is in a lower paying job and simply cannot afford the expense of representation or time off work to combat the legal attack.)

Children used as instruments of revenge are a tragic reality in abusive relationships.

Why don’t abused women report abuse of their children by

their partners? • Retaliation from abuser• Under the current system, the

mothers will also be blamed for “failure to protect” and are in danger of losing their children

• Not enough physical evidence to convince that can’t be explained away

“What about abused women who then turn their abuse on their own

children?”

• Some mothers will take over the physical discipline of their children to protect them from “more severe” punishment by the abuser.

• Many of these women grew up in homes where they were “physically punished” and do not consider it wrong.

• Some abused women become abusive to their children as a result of a direct order from the abuser to avoid violent behavior or prove their loyalty to him as their primary concern.

• Frustration from lack of coping skills with relationship violence.

• When you live in violence you learn violence.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

• Emotional abuse is commonly defined as a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with a child’s positive emotional development.

“Emotional abuse is an assault on the child’s

psyche, just as physical abuse is an assault on the

child’s body.”

• Constant rejection of a child• Terrorizing• Refusal to provide basic nurturance• Refusal to get help for a child’s

psychological problems• Failure to provide the physical or

mental stimulation that a child needs to grow

• Exposing a child to corruption including criminal behavior, drug abuse, etc.

• Because of the difficulty in defining emotional abuse, we must be very careful not to lump all negative parental attitudes and/or actions under the category of emotional maltreatment.

• Even the best of parents have occasions when they have “lost control” and said hurtful things to their children, ignored them during a time when attention needs were critical, or unintentionally scared them.

IMPORTANT NUMBERS

LEGAL DEPARTMENT – LEE MEMORIAL

239-334-5382

ABUSE COUNSELING AND TREATMENT, INC. (ACT)

239-939-3112

The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

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