the bounce back guide for people ready to throw in the towel
TRANSCRIPT
The Bounce Back Guide for People
Ready to Throw in the Towel
JACKIE CAPERS-BROWN
The Bounce Back Guide for People Ready to Throw in the Towel
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How to Use The Bounce Back Guide for
People Ready to Throw in the Towel
The Bounce Back Guide for People Ready to Throw in the Towel is a free eBook
designed to provide readers with a comprehensive excerpt of key insights from Jackie
Capers-Brown’s book, Get Unstuck Now.
This guide provides reading selections from Get Unstuck Now and offers insightful
transformational truths to help you get unstuck and bounce back stronger, wiser and
better from heartache, disappointments and adversity. After reading and completing the
exercises in this guide, I think you’ll agree- you are smarter than you give yourself credit,
stronger than you believe and well able to bounce back and thrive in life.
Step 1: Redefine Your Possible
Step 2: Acknowledge the Truth of Your Reality
Step 3: Understand the Power and Meaning of Your Stories
Step 4: Be All In
Step 5 Power Moves to Mind Your Gap
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Introduction
Oprah writes, “What I know for sure is that no matter where you stand right now - on a
hilltop, in a gutter, at a crossroads, in a rut – you need to give yourself the best you have
to offer in this moment. This is it. Rather than depleting yourself with judgments about
what you haven’t done who you could have become, why you haven’t moved faster, or
what should have changed, redirect this energy toward the next big push – the one that
takes you from enough to better. The one that takes you from adequate to extraordinary.
The one that helps you rise up from a low moment and reach for your personal best.”
From my personal and professional experience, I know that nothing changes in our lives
without a change in our inner-game. Also, without initiating corresponding actions
relevant to a desired change, we will continue to miss our desired aim. This leads to
frustration and disappointment. And if we don’t muster up the determination necessary
to try again, we will begin to accept the status quo as the best we can experience. This
my friend can lead us to living in a state of learned helplessness and accepting the
notion that we are powerless to create the change we desire.
The actions in this guide debunks the notion that you aren’t capable of bouncing back
from difficulty better, stronger and wiser. You are smart enough. You are strong enough.
In the midst of this difficulty, there is a seed of an equivalent advantage. A fresh
perspective will help you see that you have what it takes to bounce back and thrive
during and after a difficulty.
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Opposition is a natural part of life. Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition-such as lifting weights we
develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity.
~Stephen R. Covey~
Everyday millions of people are faced with disappointments, heartache and adversity.
They say things like, “This is just too much for me to handle.”
“What’s the use, nothing I do seems to work?”
“My life will never be the same.”
“Why do I keep getting the short end of the stick?”
“It’s taking me forever to get my life back on track.”
My friend, life is a smorgasbord of experiences. Some of them we love and some
of them, not so much. When we experience disappointments, obstacles and setbacks the
‘word in our heart’ plays a crucial role in our ability to bounce back from adverse
circumstances. The ‘word in our heart’ is a reflection of the beliefs, assumptions and
emotional interpretations we attribute to the meaning of an experience.
In his book, Learned Optimism, Dr. Martin Seligman Ph.D. writes, “Your way of
explaining events to yourself determines how helpless you become, or how energized
when you encounter the everyday setbacks as well as momentous defeats…your
explanatory style reflects the ‘word in your heart’.” When you choose to look at a
challenging situation from an empowering perspective, this perspective increases the
likelihood that the story you tell yourself empowers you to believe in your ability to
bounce back and thrive versus telling yourself a story that diminishes your faith and
trust in yourself which causes you to wallow in self-pity and a state of learned
helplessness.
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Steve Pavlina writes, “Events are neutral. What causes you to feel a certain way is how
you interpret an event, how you think about it. The same event (even one as serious as
the death of someone close to you) will be interpreted differently by different people.
You were taught to interpret certain events to yourself as tragic while other people on
the planet were taught to celebrate these same events. The event itself has no meaning,
but the meaning you assign to it (whether done consciously or unconsciously) is what
causes you to feel a certain way.”
For many people Pavlina’s statement is viewed as heresy because it goes against what
they have been conditioned to believe. However, after experiencing several deaths of
family members, including my parents and son, I believe with no uncertainty that the
reason I was able to move beyond the emotional pain of these experiences and bounce
back from them better, stronger and wiser came down to God’s grace and my ability to
transform the meaning I’d attributed to each experience.
So often, when we are facing difficulty, the experience discolors our perspective. We
begin to focus our attention and emotional energy ONLY on the not-so-good experience
allowing it define who we are, what we can do and what is possible in our lives. This way
of thinking leads to a limiting perspective of ourselves and what’s possible in our lives. It
diminishes our hope for experiencing better and reduces the emotional energy we
desperately need to rise above the circumstance.
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Some of the things you believe were never true. They were someone else's fears.
Give yourself a chance to examine your thoughts Change those that are
negative. You are deserving.
~Louise Hay~
Step 1: Redefine Your Possible
Because we have a tendency to believe everything we think, we have to be willing to
examine our thoughts and challenge those that are not in alignment with our desired
experience. Otherwise, when our thoughts go unexamined, especially during difficult
times, our lives can be hijacked by emotional reasoning which can derail our efforts to
getting back on track.
In the Art of Possibility, Rosamond Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander writes, “…many
of the circumstances that seem to block us in our daily lives may only appear to do so
base on a framework of assumptions we carry with us. Every story you tell yourself is
based on a network of assumptions.” The Zander’s point out, “Draw a different frame
around the same set of circumstances and new pathways come into view.” When you
begin to examine the ‘word in your heart’ and start to challenge limiting beliefs about
yourself and what’s possible in a situation-you open yourself up to experience new
possibilities.
This possibility has within it the power to blow many of the limiting beliefs and
misconceptions you have about yourself and your experience to smithereens. Many
breakthroughs come from simply believing a new idea has validity. Admitting the
existence of a new possibility sets in motion the probability that you could perceive and
approach your situation from a more empowering perspective.
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When you rely solely on your own understanding during a challenging experience,
especially one which you have no experience or have had a lousy track record for
success, you suffer from a shortage of data. Increasing your level of success requires that
you develop a fresh perspective on the situation which will help you cultivate a spiritual
and mental fortitude that fuels your emotional energy. Your bounce back success and
ability to thrive during and after a difficulty comes down to developing mental and
emotional fortitude and exercising effective self-leadership habits.
Always seek out the seed of triumph in every adversity.
~ Og Mandino ~
Step 2: Acknowledge the Truth of Your Reality
Self-awareness is the starting point for creating change. A sure fire way of getting and
remaining stuck in a disempowering cycle of beliefs and behavior is the denial of the
truth about how your feel and the circumstances that led to experiencing your present
reality. Whether you had a hand at directly creating the situation or not, getting on track
and moving forward from where you are starts with acknowledging your truth.
It’s important to understand that your perception of the truth is your perception.
Your perception of most experiences depends largely on the meaning you attach to
them. It is possible for others involved in the situation to have a different perception of
it. That’s okay. This step is not about being right or wrong. It’s simply about ending any
denial or suppression on your part about what you truthfully feel and think about the
situation. Instead of numbing yourself, acknowledging your truth helps you to get real
and tune-in to the thoughts and emotions shaping your perception of the situation. You
can’t change what you refuse to acknowledge.
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Do This: Show yourself some tender loving kindness with a judgment free zone (this
means that you accept the fact that you have every right to feel and think the way that
you do). Get out a few blank pieces of paper or your journal and begin to write down
your true feelings and thoughts about the situation. Write until you feel you’ve put the
core of what you feel and think about the situation on paper. Remember, this is a
judgment free zone. It’s your truth.
Step 3: Understand the Power and Meaning of Your Stories
In his book, The Law of Agreements, Tony Burroughs points out, “Your agreement is
your point of power, and you can add to or weaken any idea or commonly held belief
simply by making a choice. We have within us, in each moment of our lives, the ability to
discern- to decide whether something is working for us or not – and to choose to agree
with it and make it stronger, or to say “Hey, I don’t think this is working for my highest
good.” In order for you to exercise this power, you have to first, develop an awareness of
your inner-states and second, take personal control of your life.
Your beliefs about your situation reflect agreements you’ve made unconsciously or
consciously about it. Today is just as good as any to end your allegiance to beliefs and
assumptions that limit your power to take the purpose-driven actions necessary for you
to pull up your stakes and move forward.
Now that you’ve acknowledged the truth about what you feel and think about the
situation. The following reflective exercise will help you tune-in to the story you are
telling yourself about why you feel and think you can’t bounce back from this difficulty.
1. What are the agreements (the beliefs and ideas you have bought into) that are
influencing your lack of progress in this situation?
2. What factual evidence do you have that proves your beliefs and assumptions about
what isn’t possible are true?
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3. What are the emotional interpretations (the meaning you’ve attached to the
experience) driving the beliefs and assumptions you have about what isn’t possible
in the situation?
4. In what ways have this meaning (the story you are telling yourself about the
situation) diminished your ability to bounce back and thrive in the face of this
difficulty?
5. In what ways have this meaning (the story you are telling yourself about the
situation) supported your ability to bounce back and thrive in the face of this
difficulty?
Acknowledging the truth of how you feel and think about your circumstance and
answering the above questions provide you with a level of self-awareness that has within
it the power to help you see how your perception (your beliefs, assumptions and
emotional interpretations) is shaping what you feel and how you are responding to your
situation. Identifying the meaning you’ve attached to an experience provides an
opportunity for you to gain an objective perspective of your perception. This is essential
to recognizing how a disempowering perspective of yourself and a situation limits you
from accessing the fullness of your power to reframe your perception, break free of
invisible mental and emotional chains and move forward.
Step 4: Be All In
Adopting an empowering perspective about who you are and what you’re capable of doing
enables you to harness your power and be proactive toward what you decide to believe
and do to experience better in the situation.
Stop overthinking. It fuels self-doubt and leads to procrastination and stagnation.
Creating momentum in your situation requires that you get off the fence. You’ve got to
be more than just interested in bouncing back and thriving in the face of this difficulty.
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You’ve got to be committed. The difference between interest and commitment is
reflected in the energy of the actions you exhibit toward the change you say you want.
When interest becomes commitment it fuels a passionate determination within your
soul that ignites your faith and provokes the strength of your spirit. The courage
dwelling in you will be stirred up as you seek to find ways to make what may seem as
impossible possible. Exhibiting this level of desire towards the change you want to
experience has within it the power to create a new reality.
You may be saying to yourself, “Jackie, I’ve done all that I can do, and nothing has
changed.” If this is the case, then you’re probably feeling frustrated and angry. I would
be as well. This is perfectly normal. The first hurdle you’ve got to get over toward
creating a new reality in this situation is yourself. It’s up to you to learn how to manage
your thoughts and emotions so that they are not a hindrance to your progress. Private
victories always precede public victories.
What I’m challenging you to consider is this: what you feel is important; however, what
you believe and do is just as important. And in this step, you need to demand more from
yourself. You’ve got to rise above any negative emotional reasoning about your situation
and dig deeper then you’ve done in the past to tap into the reservoir of strength in your
spirit. You have what it takes to accomplish the actions necessary to manifest the
breakthrough you desire. Realizing a new possibility requires radical faith and a
willingness to take radical actions which can release the untapped potential dwelling in
you to manifest your vision of possibility.
Step 5: Power Moves to Mind Your Gap
In this last step, closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be
involves developing and exhibiting effective self-leadership habits.
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You can have in life what you are willing to be. One of the most effective ways I know
how to develop the mindset and habits essential to achieving any goal is the adoption of
identity-based beliefs and actions. Identifying the personal attributes of the person
capable of manifesting a particular aim will help you develop the mindset and habits
essential to your breakthrough. When your actions are aligned with the change you
desire to experience, you will increase your chance of making your desire a reality.
The following self-leadership habits will empower you to create and maintain
congruency between what you say you want and what you desire to experience.
1. Tune-In to Your Strong Moments. There have been moments in your life when
you were faced with challenging situations and instead of floundering under the
pressure from them you reacted to them from a place of strength that you didn’t
know that you had in you. You were energized by them and perceptive enough to
identity what it would take to move forward. Remembering to remember your
strong moments enables you to galvanize your strengths and identify what works
and what doesn’t work for you to reach a successful outcome in a challenging
situation.
2. Identify Your Compelling Why. You possess the power to utilize your
imagination to create new realities. This power is activated by a clear vision of what
you desire and a compelling reason that stirs your soul as to why you must make this
vision a reality in your life. When your desire is attached to a compelling why that
incites a sense of purpose and passion within you, you’ll begin to stir up the gifts
within you by initiating bold moves towards what you want to experience. And these
bold moves will enable you to step into your authentic power.
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3. Cultivate a Growth Mindset. Unless you do something beyond what you have
already mastered you will never grow. In her book, Mindset, Carol Dweck, Ph.D.
explains that individuals with a growth mindset approach life with a curiosity to
learn. They believe their intelligence and talents are dynamic and adaptable.
Whereas, individuals with a fixed mindset approach life wanting to look smart. They
believe their intelligence and talents are static. Adopting a growth mindset which
nurtures you to believe that you can learn more, be more and do more and
experience more in life enlarges your capacity to become the person that can
manifest your desired reality.
4. Be a Person of Excellence. Nothing speaks more about what you believe than the
quality of the actions you exhibit on a daily basis toward the change you desire.
Being a person of excellence is not about striving for perfection. It is a commitment
on your part to show up on a consistent basis exhibiting your A-game in the arena.
It’s stretching yourself beyond preconceived limits. It’s increasing your knowledge
and sharpening your skills and talents so that you put forth your personal best.
5. Develop Resilient Relationships. Robert Brooks Ph.D. and Sam Goldstein
Ph.D., co-authors of The Power of Resilience write, “Regardless of our age or how
secure and confident we feel, if we are to strengthen and maintain our optimism and
resilience, it is essential that we interact with people who accept us and from whom
we gather strength.” They go on to say, “If we are to nurture and maintain
meaningful, emotionally satisfying connections and lead a resilient lifestyle, it is
equally important for us to serve and be in the company of …someone we gather
strength from on an ongoing basis.” The people we spend the most time with
influence our capacity to be resilient and sense of belonging. Resilient relationships
involves a mutual give and take, high levels of trust, caring and openness, and a
sense of security and safety.
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6. Embrace Gratitude. Mihaly Csikszentimihaly states, “People who learn how to
control their inner experiences will be able to determine the quality of their lives,
which is as close as any of us of can come to being happy.” When you’re going
through a difficulty, you need all the emotional energy you can summon to take steps
towards creating the change you desire. Your energy follows your thoughts. Develop
the practice of gratitude by making it a priority on a daily basis to acknowledge at
least three things that went well during the day. This practice helps to prevent you
from allowing a temporary condition overshadow all that is good in your life. In the
midst of difficulty, use the energy of gratitude to anchor your emotions and focus
your attention and energy towards executing your next steps to move forward.
In Conclusion
Although the challenge you face may have you feeling as if you are in the eye of a storm,
believe in the strength residing in your spirit. You are full of “can do” power. Remember
to remember your strong moments as they are a reminder of what you have overcome
and what you’re capable of.
You are in the right place at the right time to learn the lessons necessary for your
spiritual, emotional, and psychological development. The wisdom and insights gained
from this experience helps to cultivate mental, emotional and spiritual fortitude which
will serve as an advantage for you, now and in the future.
The thoughts, beliefs, perceptions and assumptions that make up the stories you tell
yourself about how smart and strong you are and what you’re capable of handling in life
and what you’re worthy of experiencing have a huge impact on the course of your life. In
Find Your Courage Margie Warrell writes, “Given that our actions are based on the
realities we define regarding whom we are and what we are capable of achieving, our
lives are either limited or expanded by the stories we have devised.”
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You’ve no doubt heard the saying, “If you keep doing what you’ve been doing, you’ll keep
getting what you have been getting.” The challenge that you face cannot be solved by
telling yourself disempowering stories that diminish your hope, faith and courage. As
you demonstrate self-acceptance, practice radical self-love and transform limiting
beliefs about what’s possible in your circumstance, you will begin to develop a fresh
perspective towards yourself and your situation and be more apt to initiate the actions
necessary to bring about the change you desire.
Understand this, any time you initiate actions that challenge the status quo, you will
experience resistance within yourself and from those accustomed to you being a certain
way. Expect it. Do not get upset about it. It is a normal part of any transition process. It's
important to manage your thoughts and emotions so that you remain committed to
taking action everyday towards what you desire. Before lending your agreement to any
belief, ask yourself, “Will this belief add to my well-being?” Get in agreement with
beliefs that inspire you to improve the quality of your life. They will help fuel your
consistent execution of purpose-driven actions necessary for manifesting a new
possibility.
Be mindful of how your emotional armor can inhibit you from living wholeheartedly. In
Daring Greatly, Brené Brown writes, “As children we found ways to protect ourselves
from vulnerability, from being hurt, diminished and disappointed. We put on armor, we
used our thoughts, emotions and behaviors as weapons; and we learned how to make
ourselves scarce, even to disappear. Now as adults, we realize that to live with courage,
purpose and connection – to be the person whom we long to be- we must again be
vulnerable. We must take off the armor, put down the weapon, show up, and let
ourselves be seen.”
Daring to be brave requires that you embrace vulnerability. This may feel to be scary,
and I would be remiss if I didn’t agree with you. Nevertheless, the truth about reality is,
as long as you live, you will be vulnerable. It’s not a matter of whether you are
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vulnerable. It’s a matter of whether you will be proactive and be vulnerable in ways that
expand your capacity to express your authentic power!
Thank you for taking time to complete The Bounce Back Guide for People Ready to
Throw in the Towel. After reading “excerpts” from my book Get Unstuck Now, you
may feel a need to take a deeper dive into transforming negative self-talk and sabotaging
behavior so that you can unleash a greater measure of your potential towards creating a
life you love living.
You can purchase
Get Unstuck Now
visit www.amazon.com