Task: Please write a paragraph about the best birthday present that you ever

received.

So… WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO WRITE ABOUT?What was the present?

Describe it briefly. Why

was it the best?

The Best Birthday Present

by Evelyn Ono Vineberg

Sweater

Color

dusty rose, pink

color goes with

everything

Warm

From Auntie Mickey

look pretty in it

often wear to school

fell apart in high school

Topic SentenceMy best birthday present was a pink mohair sweater.

Body – Support/Details

1. beautiful color - I looked good in it – went withall other clothes…

2. brand new – not hand me down

3. from my favorite aunt

4. warm and practical

Concluding sentence –

My dusty rose wool sweater was the best birthday present ever.

My best birthday present was a pink mohair sweater. I loved it from the moment I saw it because it was such a beautiful color. It was dusty rose. When I put the sweater on, I looked pretty in it. I often wore hand-me-down clothes, and this sweater was brand new. I really appreciated this gift as it came from my Auntie Mickey, and she was my favorite aunt. The sweater was also warm and practical. The color went with all of my other clothes. I often wore this sweater, so it finally fell apart in high school. My dusty rose wool sweater was the best birthday present ever. (9 sentences)

REWRITE MEANS

RETHINK!

My best birthday present was a pink mohair sweater. I loved it from the moment I saw it because it was such a beautiful color. It was dusty rose. It was the perfect color. When I put the sweater on, I looked pretty in it, and it went with all of my other clothes. [I often wore hand-me-down clothes, and this sweater was brand new. I really appreciated this gift as] Another reason it was so special is that it came from my Auntie Mickey, and she was my favorite aunt. Finally, the sweater was warm and practical but not too heavy[.], so [The color went with all of my other clothes.] I often wore [this sweater.] it to school. , so it finally fell apart in high school. My dusty rose wool sweater was the best birthday present ever.

8 sentencesSimple = 5Compound = 1 Complex = 1Compound-complex = 1Vocabulary = varietyOther…