the art and science of the conversation
DESCRIPTION
* Conversations can be our best friend or our worst enemy – we each have the power to choose. * There is an art and a science to positive conversations. * You and those in your company can learn to have powerful, effective conversations.TRANSCRIPT
THE ART AND SCIENCE OF THE CONVERSATION
Successfully Navigate HR Challenges March 5, 2014
MARGO BOSTER • More than 30 years of professional experience in senior
leadership primarily in the information technology, health IT, and telecommunications industries
• International Coaching Federation credentialed coach • Center for Credentialing and Education Board Certified
Executive Coach • Georgetown University Certified Leadership Coach • BS in Psychology with emphasis in Organizational Effectiveness,
University of Maryland • Lominger Competency Assessments, MBTI, Organizational
Culture Assessment Instrument (OCAI), CCL Assessments
ENHANCING THE PERFORMANCE OF LEADERS, TEAMS AND ORGANIZATIONS
@ImpaQ_Solutions
Organizational/Team Development
Organizational Culture
Executive/Leadership Coaching
Business Operations Advising
Strategic Planning
Does the amount of talking exceed the
amount of understanding?
SOME TIPS FOR YOU
3 People Who Get On Your Last Nerve!
3 People You Admire
Write the characteristics of each
All conversations are with myself, and sometimes they involve other people
[Susan Scott]
MEET THEM WHERE THEY ARE
Remember there are (at
least) two people in
the conversation.
From where is the other
person coming?
You can only be
one place at a time
– pick your spot
SILENCE
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY!?
Solve The Problem
Burnout happens, not because we’re trying to solve problems but because we try to solve the same problems over and over and over…
TACKLE YOUR CHALLENGE
What is the conversation you have been
putting off; the person whose attitude or
behavior is problematic?
MAKE IT REAL
Come out from behind yourself into the
conversation and make it real
Stop trying to be so careful; be skillful but
not careful
…MORE TIPS FOR YOU
“The secret of good communication is
finding simplicity within complicated
matters.”
INTERROGATE REALITY
How did you go bankrupt?
Gradually, then suddenly.
MINERAL RIGHTS
• If you’re drilling for water, it’s better to drill one 100-foot well than 100 one-foot wells.
• Interrogates reality by mining for increased clarity, improved understanding and impetus for change.
USEFUL QUESTIONS
• What do I need to know when I’m considering you for this position? (interviewing question)
• What questions do you have for me? (after making an announcement)
• What question have I not asked that I should have? (coaching question)
• What do you notice? (when giving feedback / performance review)
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
Accept responsibility
for the emotional
impact of your
actions
JUST (DON’T) DO IT
THE CORPORATE NOD
… count the seconds between time a
question is asked and when the speaker
resumes talking…
NO BUT ABOUT IT…
I like what you’ve done here but these pages need to be changed
-or- I like what you’ve done here and these
pages need to be changed
Sometimes we put so many pillows around a
message that the message gets lost
altogether.
Replace pillows with clear requests
HAVING THE CONVERSATION
• “The Issue” • Evaluation and Coaching • Requests • Confrontation • Effective 1:1s • Feedback
Often when someone says “Let’s talk about this” what they mean is “Let me tell you what I think so you can agree with me.”
DATA What did I see and hear? Facts,
reality, what actually happened (Assertions)
FEELINGS What emotions did I feel?
Happiness? Fear? Anger? Sadness?
(Expressions)
JUDGMENTS What are my interpretations,
beliefs, conclusions? (Assessments)
WHATS What do I want for me, for you,
for our relationship, for the team, etc? (Declarations)
WILLINGNESS What am I willing to do to
help bring about desired outcomes?
(Offers, Requests, etc.) The Issue
Success Profiles
Professional Development
Plan
Job Requirements Corporate Competences
Behavioral Expectations
Mapping
Functional/ Technical Skills
Success Profiles
Assessment Criteria Assessment Tools
Behavioral Expectations
Developmental Areas
Developmental Tools For Your
Improvement (FYI) Card Sort & Placemats
EVALUATION AND COACHING
REQUESTS
1. If no isn’t an option it isn’t a request, it’s a demand
2. Say what you mean “Do you want to get me something to drink
while you’re up?”
APPROPRIATE RESPONSES
• Accept: “Yes” • Decline: “No” • Counteroffer: “No, but I can….” • Commit to commit at a later time: “I’ll get back to you
by…”
“Honey, the dog needs to go out.”
“OK”
CONFRONTATION CONVERSATIONS
1. Make a date to sit down and talk; allows time for you to calm down
2. Identify problem, needs and issues 3. Interpersonal confrontation 4. Listen to the other’s point of view 5. Resolve the problem by agreeing to a specific
course of action 6. Follow up on the resolution by setting a
time/date/location to evaluate how things are going
Lulofs & Cahn, 2000
Ask Per-mission 1 Open
Gently 2 Be Clear
and Direct
3 Ask For Insights 4 As for a
Solution 5 End with
Action Steps
6
FEEDBACK CONVERSATION
COMMON MISTAKES OF 1:1
1. Doing most of the talking 2. Taking the problem away from someone 3. Not inquiring about feelings 4. Delivering unclear messages 5. Canceling the meeting 6. Allowing interruptions 7. Running out of time 8. Assuming your one-on-ones are effective
TIPS IN SUMMARY
• Recognize what you bring to the conversation • Meet them where they are • Be here now • Embrace silence • Interrogate reality • Ask useful questions • Make it real • Take responsibility • NO to the Corporate Nod • NO “But” about it • NO pillows
PARTING THOUGHTS
• Conversations can be our best friend or our worst enemy – we each have the power to choose.
• There is an art and a science to positive conversations. • You and those in your company can learn to have
powerful, effective conversations.
CONTACT US
703.864.8334
www.impaq-solutions.com
@ImpaQ_Solutions
https://www.facebook.com/ImpaQSolutions
www.linkedin.com/in/margoboster
http://www.linkedin.com/company/impaq-solutions-llc/