the 21 crisis.doc_0

8/14/2019 The 21 Crisis.doc_0

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The 21 CrisisA narrative by James Palma Lontoc


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One

21. He is 21 years old. He has been for 364 days. His 21st birthday came as alegal milestone accompanied by proverbial gro!th and mat"rity that e#"atesto more responsibility and the appropriate behavior. $n reality tho"gh% it didn&t

mean m"ch. 'echnically it !as the 21st anniversary of the day his mother&svagina spat him o"t from bet!een her legs thro"gh thr"sts and p"shes soe(cr"ciating she shit her self as he came o"t. )he had act"ally shit herself and insome t!isted *and oddly hilario"s+ !ay his t!in sibling !as h"man e(crement.His mother&s e(crement.

His name is ,harlemagne% b"t he loo-s nothing li-e a ,harlemagne. He&s notrench and doesn&t loo- rench. He has nothing to do !ith rance% save his name!hich !as ta-en from the rench /pic Hero% and his dream to someday visit the/iffel 'o!er and the Lo"ve. Ho!ever% despite not loo-ing li-e a ,harlemagne%,harlemagne is fort"nate eno"gh to loo- li-e something close to being very

aesthetically pleasing. )ome !omen have gone as far as to call him handsome%and some members of his gender !ho are of the homose("al orientation% haveabs"rdly called him s"per se(y and s"per hot and !hat not% accompanied !ithl"sty stares that have constantly and consistently made ,harlemagne immensely"ncomfortable. ,harlemagne has frec-les splashed across his chee- bones 0"st"nderneath his eyes that ma-e his chocolate bro!ns seem to spar-le% thic-caterpillares#"e eyebro!s% ang"lar feat"res and a fashionably chaotic $vyLeag"e hair do complemented by his consistent five o&cloc- st"bble shado!ingthe lo!er half of his oval face. He is five feet and eight inches tall% 6 -ilos ofp"re toned m"scle% yet he seems lan-y d"e to the !ay he laily carries himself.,harlemagne has fair s-in and t!o tattoos.

Albeit ,harlemagne&s capacities to t"rn a head or t!o !hile strolling in the citystreets or the mall% it is not his good loo-s that are most notable. $t is his mind.,harlemagne is an intellect"al% !itho"t p"rposef"lly being one. He% "nli-e all theposers and pse"do intellect"als aro"nd him% is in a constant state of !onder andl"st for life and all its possibilities. ,harlemagne believes that it&s easy to saysomething smart% b"t doing so on a constant basis is an irritating form ofbragging and ma-es yo" a pse"do intellect"al. A real intellect"al thin-s of smartthings to say b"t does not feel the need to r"n his mo"th. A real intellect"al-eeps his insights to himself% and voices them o"t only in private conversations!ith respected fello! intellect"als. And perhaps on the occasion that a given fe!

!o"ld benefit from s"ch insights. 'he times that ,harlemagne has done so canbe co"nted !ith the fingers of one hand. eal intellect"als don&t have to bragabo"t their intellect people !o"ld come to see it for themselves. 'his being said%,harlemagne has abo"t him an air of mystery that adds to his overall charm.People often are c"rio"s of !hat goes on in his head% the !or-ings of his mind%and they marvel at ho! silent and of fe! !ords he can be. $n his case% the mindis really se(y.


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5eing an intellect"al% ,harlemagne has done a lot of contemplating% and hasspent and devoted co"ntless ho"rs of his time on thin-ing. n this partic"laroccasion% ,harlemagne thin-s of crises people enco"nter% and the crises theyenco"nter at partic"lar ages. He -no!s that each individ"al enco"nters apartic"lar crisis at a partic"lar age% and is intri"ged by !hat that crisis co"ld be*and by ho! that individ"al responds to that crisis as !ell+. or e(ample% a middle

aged man enco"nters problems s"ch as a balding head and a larger midriff. Anaging !oman in her late forties or early fifties e(periences hormonal imbalancesca"sed by menopa"se. And so on and so forth. 5eing 21% ,harlemagne decides tofoc"s on the crises he&s enco"ntered in the past 364 days. )ome he notes !ere"ni#"e to himself% yet others% admittedly !ere generic and therefore% boring. Hedecides to concentrate on those "ni#"e to himself. 7oing so% he comes "p !iththe theory that each individ"al% at the age of 21% !ill enco"nter a string of crisescollectively -no!n as the ,hain. /ach "ni#"e crisis that person enco"nters is alin- in the ,hain% and one of these lin-s !ill change that person forever. ne lin-in the chain !ill define that individ"al. 'hat lin- !o"ld be -no!n as the 21 ,risis.

,harlemagne is 21. He has been for 364 days. ,harlemagne is an intellect"al.,harlemagne has had a string of "ni#"e% individ"al crises. ,harlemagne hadfaced his 21 ,risis% and he&s trying to fig"re o"t !hat it !as. As he does so in alittle cafe drin-ing his favorite beverage *8reen 'ea Latte !ith half 9anilla andhalf $rish ,ream+% he randomly *in no partic"lar order+ remembers the events ofthe past 364 days. He is s"re that one of them is his 21 ,risis. He is s"re thatone of them had already changed him.


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Two

The 14th of February. Valentine's Day. 'he day of cheese co"ples onromantic dates% e(changing romantic lines. Lovers giving each other roses and adime a doen poems. ,hocolates are every!here% everyone is serenaded. And of

co"rse% pharmacies ma-e a fort"ne on condoms or other forms of artificialcontraception. 9alentine&s 7ay.

Half an ho"r past si( in the morning% and he sat at the top of the staircase% halfasleep and half thin-ing of !hat to pair !ith his bl"e Levi&s 0eans. He tapped hisright foot to the beat in his head. He shivered and had goose b"mps% partly d"eto the cold and partly beca"se of the atmosphere 9alentine&s 7ay bro"ght. He didnot loo- for!ard to going o"t of the ho"se. He did not loo- for!ard to s"ffocatingin a cro!d of love:l"st craed people. 'his !as not beca"se ,harlemagne did nothave someone to share 9alentine&s 7ay !ith. He !as not 0ealo"s of people andtheir happiness conse#"ent of love. He !as not insec"re of the absence of a

romantic relationship in his life. $n fact% he #"ite en0oyed it. ;hat bothered,harlemagne abo"t the holiday !as the state of cliche it !as in. 5alloons !erecliche. oses !ere cliche. ,hocolates !ere cliche. )erenades !ere cliche. 'hee(tra effort placed into !ooing a lover beca"se of the occasion !as cliche.,harlemagne !as of the conviction that love is a perpet"al state of being andefforts to e(press s"ch a state sho"ld not be profo"ndly e(aggerated on a daydedicated to some patron saint shro"ded in mystery. He !as convinced that!hen a person is deeply and tr"ly in love% every day !o"ld be 9alentine&s day.or him% 9alentine&s day !as over rated and people !ere 0"st after the novelty ofit.

)o there he sat at the top of the staircase in his pair of Levi&s red tab 0eans !ithgooseb"mps all over his s-in. A fe! min"tes later he decided to get a randomshirt% and a faded p"rple shirt !as l"c-y to be !ithin his grasp. eaning% nothing edible !as preparedfor his cons"mption. 'hat !as o-ay. $t !as several min"tes till seven o&cloc- = a

lot of time to spare = and he -ne! ho! to coo-. 5esides% all he had to do !as fry.He too- t!o eggs from the fridge% and bacon. He p"t the s-illet on the stove and!aited for it to heat "p. 'hen he placed strips of bacon on the pan. 'he meat hitthe hot pan and immediately began siling. ,oo-ing in its o!n dancing fat% itsmelled li-e heaven and so"nded li-e fire!or-s. ,harlemagne loved fire!or-s.'he !ay they !or-ed fascinated him and he !as convinced that the person !hoinvented them !as a geni"s. Ho! co"ld something as dangero"s and destr"ctiveas g"npo!der end "p as something bea"tif"l and magnificent in the night s-y.


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He had s"nny side "p eggs% !heat bread and apple 0"ice *!hich he dran- fromthe carton+ !ith his bacon.

He arrived at school slo"ching. $t !o"ld be a very long day% partly beca"se hestarted it at s"ch an early% "nholy ho"r. ,harlemagne !al-ed straight to his org&s9alentine&s 7ay booth% !here they !o"ld sell roses and balloons and !o"ld get

paid to serenade strangers. All that cliche st"ff. He !as delegated to play theg"itar !hile a girl did the singing. He&d have to carry the heavy instr"ment fromroom to room and -noc- on doors and get stared at. 7elightf"l% absol"telydelightf"l. He managed to s"rvive the day tho"gh. 5y 6? pm the booth !asclosed and loaded !ith cash.

,harlemagne !as !al-ing o"t of school !hen he got the phone call. ,ome tothe hospital% he heard% ran- !as in a car crash. ,harlemagne la"ghed. 'hefriend on the other end !as a 0o-er and a notorio"s pran-ster. @o" better not beshitting me Ja-e% he said. ;hy the f"c- !o"ld $ -id abo"t this% yo" dipshit. ran-!as in a car crash and both his parents are dead.


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bodies of "ncle Allan and A"ntie >ay% half covered by a !hite cloth.,harlemagne&s stomach ch"rned. All his meals fo"nd their !ay "p. 5efore him!ere not ran-&s parents b"t po"nds of mangled flesh. 'heir corpses appearedli-e b"tchered meat% all flesh and fat and bone and blood. ,harlemagne ran o"tand spilled his g"ts into a canal. He co"ld see his brea-fast% and this made himvomit even more. )o m"ch for 9alentine&s 7ay.

CooC

,harlemagne !onders if that event co"nts as one of his crises. Probably not%since he !asn&t the one in the accident. 5"t ran- is his friend and he had felt hish"rt. 'hat o"ght to co"nt for something. He ponders for a moment and is finallysatisfied. 'he frea- accident is not a lin- in his ,hain% b"t the sleepless nights andthe nightmares that follo!ed it are. @eah% those nightmares are a lin-.


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Three

;ee-s after ran-&s accident% ,harlemagne started having nightmares. He&ddream of the corpses and the blood% and d"ring "ng"arded moments thro"gho"tthe day the same images !o"ld flash into mind. 'he nightmares !ere vivid and

voices% desperate and helpless% !o"ld ha"nt him. 'hey !o"ld scream in terror%echoing in the recesses of ,harlemagne&s s"bconscio"s. ;hich by the !ay% !as aterrifying thing beca"se the s"bconscio"s mind is 3% times more po!erf"lthan the conscio"s mind. n more than one occasion% he !o"ld 0olt o"t of restlesssleep% and sit "pright !ith every hair on his body standing% as if he had beenstr"c- by lightning. )ometimes he !o"ld fall right off the bed. /very fiber in,harlemagne&s being !as e(ha"sted.

;hen ran- !as conscio"s the ne(t day% ,harlemagne% along !ith a lot of otherpeople% sat by ran-&s bed in the hospital and tried his best to smile. $t hasn&ts"n- in yet% ,harlemagne ran- said% they !o"ldn&t tell me that my parents are

dead. And after a !hile $ 0"st got c"rio"s and as-ed. 'hey told me they didn&tma-e it. $ 0"st stared at them. $ -eep e(pecting my parents to !al- thro"gh thatdoor% b"t $ g"ess they never !ill. ,harlemagne said nothing% his eyes gl"ed tothe floor. $ heard yo" cried for me tho"gh% ran- contin"ed and ,harlemagnesmiled% slightly embarrassed. 'han- yo"% ,harlemagne. 'hat is so gay.

)oon eno"gh ran- !as discharged from the hospital. He !o"ld need to ta-ethings slo!% b"t he !o"ld be fine *at least that&s !hat the doctor said+.,harlemagne !as s"re that ran- !o"ld never be the same. His life !as changedforever. He !as no! the man of the ho"se% the parent to his siblings. 'heaccident that -illed ran-&s parents !as his 21 ,risis. And the thing !as% he

!asn&t even 21 yet. ,harlemagne% on the other hand% !as not. He contin"ed tohave nightmares and sleepless nights. 'he image of ran-&s dead and severelym"tilated parents on the steel tables still tormented him. ,harlemagne !o"ld liea!a-e at night% and in fr"stration he !o"ld cry and scream into his pillo!. He&dbite on it and p"nch his mattress. /vent"ally sleep !o"ld come% b"t !o"ld be#"ic-ly seconded by the nightmares. He !o"ld toss and t"rn. $n the morning%he&d !a-e "p even more tired than the previo"s night. His eyes !o"ld bebloodshot and h"ge blac- bags !o"ld be hanging 0"st "nderneath them.>igraines !ere perpet"al. He started to lose !eight *!ell he tho"ght he did+.,harlemagne felt li-e shit. He !o"ld !al- to the bathroom and let the !ater r"nto !ash his face. $n the middle of it% he&d loo- at the mirror and stare at his

reflection for an ho"r. He&d forget abo"t the open fa"cet and flo!ing !ater% and!ith soap still on his face he&d stare blan-ly at the mirror. 5"t in tr"th% he reallydid not see. He !o"ld not be loo-ing at his reflection at all. He !o"ld 0"st standthere% st"nned and in a trance. A trance infested !ith visions of a van s!ervingoff the road% t"mbling do!n a cliff to a h"ndred yards belo!. 9isions of deadbodies% of flesh and blood.

7isassociative identity disorder. He !as no Psych >a0or b"t the !ay ,harlemagne"nderstood it% it !as a !ay for the mind to cope !ith vario"s stresses. 'he mind


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!o"ld create an escape% s"ch as a brea- from reality. $t !o"ld see- an alternatereality% in !hich one co"ld ass"me an alternate identity. $n s"ch a state% oneco"ld perceive the alternate reality as his reality% tho"gh the alternate reality isin fact a fantasy. Dind of li-e schiophrenia or bipolarism or m"ltiple identitiesand shit. Honestly% there are so many !ays to call a person cray. ,harlemagne!ondered if he had it% and sometimes !ished he did. He&d love to escape from

the reality of the deaths of ran-&s parents. As he tho"ght of it% he co"ld donothing b"t sigh. )oon eno"gh *it co"ld not have been sooner+% as other things%other stim"li% cro!ded his mind% ,harlemagne got over the nightmares. 'hismade him happy. elief !as evident. 'he best part% he didn&t have to lose hismind.

CooC

'hat !hole ordeal is a lin- in the ,hain% b"t at least he no! has other things topreocc"py him. At least he can sleep so"ndly.


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Four

At 4? in the morning% there !as complete absence of nat"ral light. 'he breee!as cold% the air crisp perfect for the big r"n. ,harlemagne slid off his blan-etand sat on the edge of his bed. He did not need an alarm cloc-% he had

disciplined himself and !a-ing "p at da!n !as 0"st part of the ro"tine. 7isciplineis essential for an athlete&s s"ccess and ,harlemagne !anted to s"cceed. Afterr"bbing his eyes he !ent straight into the bathroom and had a cold sho!er. $n min"tes he !as done and standing in the center of his room in his "nder!ear%stretching his m"scles. He started from top to bottom and made s"re he did notneglect any single part of his body. He stretched for at least 12 min"tes thenstarted doing p"sh "ps. Again% discipline.

At a #"arter to ? ,harlemagne left the ho"se in a tan- top% r"nner&s shortsand a pair of illions of choices% each choice having its o!n o"tcome% its o!nconse#"ence it&s o!n possibility. /ven each choice !as a possibility in itself. 'histho"ght fascinated ,harlemagne. $n a macro scale% life itself is a million


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possibilities lin-ed together to form a giant possibility. Life is an infinite cycle ofpossibilities. And one of those possibilities is ending "p alone.

,harlemagne tho"ght of the prospect of a person ending "p alone. 'heoretically%everyone is born alone and a h"ge part of life is finding someone to spend it !ith.And not all people find that someone. )ome end "p all !ithered and tired and

they die. Alone. 'hat scared him. People co"ld arg"e that they co"ld travel the!orld% or do e(citing things% see amaing places and !hat not% b"t then !o"ldn&tit be sad to not have anyone to share those precio"s moments !ithF,harlemagne didn&t !ant to be alone. He !anted to ma-e memories !ith thatsomeone. )omeone !hose life !o"ld be entangled !ith his. ,harlemagne% so tospea- did not !ant to -eep r"nning by his lonesome.'he fear he felt as he tho"ght of it !as almost petrifying. He -ept r"nning andp"shed even harder.

CooC

;ith the millions of possibilities and perhaps even the millions of parallel"niverses% ,harlemagne&s odds of finding that someone *!ho !o"ld r"n !ith him%preferably in yoga pants+ are not bad at all. 5eing alone is definitely not a lin- inthe ,hain and neither is the fear of it. ,harlemagne ref"ses to let it cripple him.He !as theoretically born alone% b"t he !ill not die alone. And !ith that in mindhe sips his coffee and smiles.

At the final h"ndred meters of that marathon% he ran at f"ll speed to!ards thefinish line. His s!eat dripped do!n his forehead and his m"scles !ere tight at!or-. He !as first to finish% and he did it in 2 min"tes li-e he planned to% beatinghis time by 1. >ission accomplished% and the 2% cash prie !asn&t a bad

bon"s at all.


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Five

)he sat on the bench% leaning against the !all. Her feet !ere fidgety% tapping innervo"s chor"s% and she gripped the edge of her seat tightly. )he !as scared%not for herself% b"t for him. 5ehind her% in the room% she heard the b"ing of the

in- machine% stinging her impression on his s-in forever. )he !as scared on hisbehalf.

He sat in front )arah 8a"gler% the artist. He sa! the machine that b"ed% thedevice that etched on his s-in. He !atched in a!e at )arah at !or-% and he co"lds"re as hell feel her talent. Later he !as not as m"ch bothered by the needledigging into his dermis *at the rate of 3% pric-s per min"te+% b"t the firstto"ch% the first blood% !as s"rprising. $t !as li-e being st"ng by the venomo"s tailof a scorpion. $t felt li-e beef hac-ed by a b"tcher&s -nife. Poor beef. nce everyfe! seconds% )arah too- the machine of off his arm and !iped. )he&d sprayalcohol dil"ted in !ater% r"b on petrole"m 0elly and contin"e. He !as "sed to the

to"ch of the device by then% and it felt more li-e the scratching of an angry catinstead. 'han-s to his hormones% the b"ing so"nded li-e a constant h"m.

)he heard him call her name% and vag"ely heard him as- her to sit right ne(t tohim. )he peeped into the room% b"t remained hidden behind the !all. )he sa!him smile at her !hile the tattoo machine engraved the in- onto his rightforearm. He as-ed her to sit inside% close to him b"t she didn&t !ant to. )he didn&t!ant to !atch )arah !or-. )he retreated the so"nd of the machine !as toom"ch for her as it !as. Her heart !as going hay!ire.

He !as pleased !ith himself% -no!ing that she&d been afraid of the pain his pain

as flesh met steel. He smiled to himself% a smile that !as inside and gen"ine =even if she !o"ldn&t hold his hand beca"se she co"ldn&t bear to !atch. 'he artistass"med that he&d done it for her% and he told )arah as m"ch. 5eca"se that !asthe tr"th. 'he tattoo on his arm !as her tattoo. $t !as her permanent crest on hisbody% ma-ing her a literal piece of himself. A tiny piece that carried gargant"an!eight in terms of meaning and significance.

A gaillion tho"ghts passed thro"gh her mind% and the b"ing of the tattoomachine !as distant. A gaillion things that !ere in tr"th 0"st a single tho"ght.;hat !as a straight line presented itself in her mind as labyrinthine. After forever)arah finished. n the inner side of his forearm !as a lovely mermaid in-ed in

blac- and bl"e bea"tif"l% beca"se it had her face. $n reality% it !asn&t that long aprocess. 5"t since that fragment of time !as the first step to permanence = toforever = it seemed li-e an eternity. 5efore she -ne! it he !as standing in front ofher offering an open hand. As she stood and too- it% she tho"ght she might haveloved him too.

CooC


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'hat s"mmer% ,harlemagne got his first tattoo. 'hat s"mmer% he said $ love yo"and meant it. 'hat fatef"l s"mmer% she told him she loved him too.,harlemagne&s heart throbs and he stro-es the mermaid on his arm. He loo-s ather and gives her a bitters!eet% croo-ed smile. A" revoir% )imone.


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Six

Her !ords !ere "nintelligible as she mo"thed !hat seemed to be his name overand over again. Her fingers d"g into his bac-% and her -isses seared his nec- ashe pl"nged deeper into her s-in. )he p"lled him f"rther into her !etness%

opening herself to him% eyes rolling bac- in ecstasy. He himself co"ld not s"rf amin"te longer% !ith her long legs loc-ed aro"nd his !aist and her hips dancing insync !ith the rhythm of his o!n gyrations. Bnderneath their garments he co"ldfeel her perfect breasts% her body and her s!eet perspiration as they cagedthemselves in each other&s presence. Her scent filled his nostrils !ith themordant smell of roses the velvet to"ch of her libertine s-in pric-led his o!nand the taste of her lips lingered% pleasing the deba"ched orifice !hich !as hismo"th.

Her #"ic-% bated breaths t"rned into s!eet moans and feline gro!ls !hilenearing clima(. $nevitably% e(plosively% they celebrated their se(es and the glory

of their oneness. 'hey toasted to their "nimpeachable passion and desire foreach other almost sim"ltaneo"sly = at almost the e(act% same moment. 'heyshed a fe! tears of la"ghter and satisfaction the "ltimate catharsis% as theirbodies spasmed magnanimo"sly in orgasm.

$t !as a !onderf"l moment p"rely sens"al yet highly intellect"al. $t !as adefining time frame in ,harlemagne&s e(istence an "ne(plainable series ofparadigm shifts% baffling his mind% and the intellect he too- pride in. >a-ing loveto )imone !as li-e nothing else = it 0"st got better each time. 'he latest al!aysbesting the last. $t !as primitive% animalistic and driven by instinct. $t !as a ra!and vivid e(perience. $t !as not at all alien = dreamli-e and "nfamiliar. $t !as

l"cid crystalline.

As the moment passed her breathing slo!ed and her chest rashed = the mar- oflove on her immac"late body. Her grip on his sho"lders loosened in e(ha"stionand a smile painted itself on her mo"th. )he !as a satisfied cat? f"ll and !antingnothing else% p"rring s!eetly in delight. And as she lay on him and bantered him!ith heavenly -isses% ,harlemagine !as certain that he !as too.

CooC

'hat time he !hispered in her ear that he loved her. $ love yo" so m"ch

)imone. he&d said and later p"lled o"t a ring from behind her ear. Li-e the !aymagicians p"ll coins or candies from behind a -id&s. $t !as plastic% b"t it !ascolored p"rple !hich !as her favorite color% and in place of a diamond !as thetiny face of an o!l. He as-ed her to marry him and after another ro"nd of tearsand la"ghter and combined tears and la"ghter% she said yes.

,harlemagne handed the !aiter his m"g to be refilled. He had loved her !ith allhis heart% and sometimes he still did% b"t she !as a remnant of his past no!. Allthat remains of her in his life is the tattoo. >aybe she is the defining lin- in his


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,hain? his 21 ,risis. At this point he can&t tell. And this conf"ses him. 'he !aiterarrives !ith his second c"p of coffee and he leans bac-% folding his arms. )om"ch good and so m"ch bad involving )imone had happened% and he isn&t s"re ifthings are over or settled bet!i(t them.


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Seven

,irc"mstances !ere almost hopeless. )he !o-e "p late and !as off to a terriblebeginning. J"mped into the sho!er% sha-en alive by ice cold !ater. 'here !as notime left.


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sobs she&d say she !as sorry% and that she didn&t mean too. Please forgive me.,harlemagne held her tighter and cried harder. @o" cr"shed me% he !ailed.;e !ere s"pposed to love each other. ;e !ere engaged... ,harlemagne&s!ords st"ng her. He !as s"re of it no!. 5eca"se they !ere all tr"e. ,harlemagneno! -no!s that at that very moment )imone !as s"rer than life itself that sheloved him *she even had his name tattooed on her !rist the day after they got

together+% and she co"ldn&t "nderstand !hy she even did !hat she did. He -no!sthat she hated herself for that. He -no!s that she hated herself for brea-ing hisheart. He is a!are that it bro-e her heart that his heart !as bro-en% and shehated herself for being the one that bro-e it. He no! -no!s that she hatedherself for cheating on him% and that she hates herself for not -no!ing !hy shedid. 5"t she did and it !as too late.

)oon )imone fell asleep in his arms% and ,harlemagne bro"ght her bac- to herapartment in her 5"g. 'hen he !ent bac- for his bi-e. He has not seen )imonesince% b"t they have chatted online a fe! times. After that incident% )imone hadtried to -ill her self t!ice. 'he first time she got dr"n-% bro-e a beer bottle and

c"t her !rist !ith the shards. 'he second time she tried to dro!n herself.,harlemagne -no!s that she blamed him% and maybe it !as partly his fa"lt. 5"tthe tr"th is% she !as the one !ho cheated on him. Leaving her !as her fa"lt% andhe -no!s that she -no!s it. 'hen !hy does ,harlemagne feel g"iltyF >aybebeca"se he !asn&t there to save her. r maybe beca"se he thin-s he dealt !iththings the !rong !ay. r maybe% 0"st maybe% it&s beca"se he still loves her.

,harlemagne sha-es his head to brea- a!ay from his tho"ghts% and heads forthe >en&s oom.


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Eight

,harlemagne had al!ays been a fan of motorcycles. His father !as a rider%complete !ith the r"gged leather boots and 0ac-et% and the tattered 0eans andaviator s"nglasses. As a child ,harlemagne !o"ld spend ho"rs !atching his

father !or- on the bi-e. He !o"ld hand his dad tools% as- him #"estions abo"tthe bi-e and !o"ld get ans!ers he really didn&t "nderstand. He&d nod as if he didtho"gh% 0"st to -eep the conversation going. )ometimes his pops !o"ld tell himstories abo"t the places he&d been to on his motorcycle% the people he&d met.)ometimes% his dad !o"ld tell him abo"t his mother% and !hile he tal-ed hishands !o"ld be b"sy. 5y the time they finished% both ,harlemagne and his father!o"ld be covered in grease. ,harlemagne loved those times !ith his father. $t!asn&t the only thing they had in common% b"t it !as the thing they bonded overthe most.

;hen ,harlemagne !as big eno"gh to ride his father&s 9"lcan% his dad ta"ght

him ho! to ride. And since ,harlemagne already -ne! ho! to ride a bi-e anddrive a motorcycle theoretically% it !asn&t so hard to learn. )oon eno"gh% his 7ad!as ta-ing him on road trips !ith him d"ring !ee-ends and on days he had noschool. $t !as e(ha"sting sitting behind his dad on the bi-e b"t it !as a!esome.'raveling from city to city on a Da!asa-i 9"lcan for his dad&s !or- bro"ght himsheer 0oy. 'hey&d stay in hotels and in the morning% his dad !o"ld drop him offsome!here in the city !hile he did his thing.

;hen ,harlemagne t"rned 21 and grad"ated from "niversity% his father told himthat another bi-er friend !as selling his Da!asa-i% and he tho"gh it !o"ld beperfect for him. He told ,harlemagne that he !o"ld pay for half the amo"nt. $t

!as a good deal b"t ,harlemagne didn&t have the other half% so he follo!ed hisdad&s advice and got a 0ob. He didn&t !ant to get a 0ob related to his degree 0"styet% so he too- a gig at the constr"ction site of a ne! mall to be b"ilt. $t !as agood 0ob beca"se they paid !ell% and the heavy labor sc"lpted his body anddeveloped his strength. After a month and several e(tra shifts and overtimes% hehad eno"gh money. He bo"ght the bi-e !ith his dad% and they !or-ed on it !henthey had time. )oon he !as in love !ith his bi-e. $t !as his dream bi-e% only !aycool ca"se it !as real. A 1EG4Da!asa-i 9"lcan in cobalt bl"e. He named herAphrodite% and she !as li-e the ocean&s !aves cr"ising the road.

ne !ee-end% ,harlemagne and his dad planned a road trip to a !hite sand

beach G ho"rs a!ay. 'hey drove fast% had fe! stops and got to the beach in 6ho"rs. nce they got there% ,harlemagne fo"nd o"t that they&d be staying in abeach ho"se o!ned by a mysterio"s friend of his dad. 'he friend !as a !oman%and she !as obvio"sly 0"st a fe! years older than him. He pegged her at 2.ishy. )ince he !as tired% he p"shed his s"spicions to the bac- of his mind andslept. He !o-e "p early the ne(t morning and !ent for a 0og along the beach. 'he!ind !as crisp% and the so"nd of !aves crashing against roc-s !as refreshing. Hehad a good r"n. 5"t a bad s"rprise !hen he !al-ed bac- into the beach ho"se.He !al-ed in on his dad and his mysterio"s friend. He !al-ed in on them ma-ing


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o"t% groping the hell o"t of each other in the -itchen. n the co"nter% !ithpanca-es coo-ing behind them. ;hat. 'he. "c-. ,harlemagne&s mind !ent blan-and he did the only logical thing given the circ"mstances. He ran the hell o"t ofthere.

As it t"rned o"t% Lo" *apparently that !as her name+ and his father !ere getting

married. )he !as 1G years his 0"nior. 'he old man still had it% nabbing a 2G yearold at 46. ;as it his charmsF ;ell% a reg"lar bi-er !as -ind of all"ring. ;as it hismoneyF ,harlemagne&s dad had a small fort"ne. ;as it his loo-sF ,harlemagnehad to admit% his dad !asn&t too shabby. And he loo-ed a lot li-e his dad.egardless% ,harlemagne co"ld not comprehend the !hole scenario. 7id thisma-e his dad a 7..>.F 'hat !as so !rong in so many !ays. And he co"ld nothide his distaste as the t!o of them sat hand in hand across him% smiling intoeach others eyes% e(plaining that they&d be getting married and that Lo" !o"ldbe moving in !ith them. ,harlemagne&s brain !as melting. Lo" !as gorgeo"s.)he !as hot. He co"ld totally imagine having se( !ith her. 5"t it !as his dadhaving se( !ith her% and it grossed him o"t. Add to it that she !as going to be his

step mom. )he started e(plaining ho! she and his dad had met and fell in loveb"t he stopped her. He told both of them that it !as cool !ith him that they !eregetting married and she !as moving in% b"t he didn&t !ant to go thro"gh thead0"stment period living !ith her !o"ld entail. )o he told them he&d move o"t.Lo" tried to reason !ith him b"t his father !as #"iet. ,harlemagne !o"ld notac#"iesce. His father finally stepped in and told Lo" that it !as fine. ,harlemagne!as an ad"lt% he&d finished school% had a 0ob and co"ld ta-e care of himself. Hethan-ed ,harlemagne for respecting his decision to re marry% and said that herespected ,harlemagne&s decision to vent"re o"t on his o!n. 'hey shoo- handsli-e real men do. ,harlemagne h"gged Lo" and !elcomed her to the family.

A !ee- later ,harlemagne moved into his o!n flat in the city. 'he rent !as good%since the b"ilding !as o!ned by the family of a friend from "niversity. He didn&thave m"ch st"ff so he settled #"ic-ly. He !as afraid% b"t thrilled at the sametime. $t felt li-e he !as losing his dad% b"t the complete independence !ase(citing. Living on his o!n !o"ld be a challenge% b"t he !as confident that heco"ld do it. He had his flat% his motorcycle% and his 0ob. His father !o"ld al!aysbe there if he needed him. He had an advent"re ahead of him and he co"ldalmost taste the satisfaction it&d bring.

CooC

,harlemagne ips "p his pants and fl"shes the toilet. 'hen he !ashes his handsand loo-s at himself in the mirror !hile he soaps. He can&t help b"t smile. $t&sbeen 6 months since he moved o"t% and he is not 0"st s"rviving. He is thriving.Life on his o!n !as as hard as hell% and several times he tho"gh of giving "p. Allthose times formed the moving o"t lin- in his ,hain. >oving o"t !as diffic"lt%b"t if he didn&t go thro"gh it% he !o"ldn&t be the person he is today. >aybe this!as it. >aybe moving o"t !as his 21 ,risis. He&d have to thin- abo"t it more. Hegoes bac- to his seat% and smiles as 8ray approaches him% !aving.


19/55


20/55

Nine

8rad"ation 7ay. A s"ccessf"l day. A commemorative day. A day s"ccess iscommemorated. ,harlemagne&s s"ccess. 'he s"ccess of a tho"sand moregrad"ates. $t !as a big day for him and his friends% b"t for some reason he didn&t

feel so. He !asn&t e(cited or nervo"s. $t didn&t feel li-e a big deal. $t never did. )o%,harlemagne never prepared for it. He didn&t s"bscribe to the yearboo-% he didn&tget one of those cheesy photos% he didn&t rent a toga and he didn&t even get as"it. And apparently% his best friend 8ray agreed !ith him completely.

'here they !ere in 8ray&s car on their !ay to their grad"ation% as cas"al as theyco"ld be% !itho"t togas. ,harlemagne&s dad !as in the bac- seat% in a bi-er0ac-et% tattered 0eans and bi-er boots. He hadn&t shaved. He !as of li-e mind ashis son and his god da"ghter. All three of them !ere already bored !ith theceremony% and they !eren&t even half!ay there. 5"t in reality% ,harlemagne&sdad !as pro"d of the both of them. ,harlemagne and 8ray !ere both grad"ating

!ith distinction. 8ray !as )"ma ,"m La"de% and ,harlemagne !as >agna ,"mLa"de right behind her. ;ho !o"ld&ve tho"ght. 8iven that% there !as an o"trage!hen they arrived at the a"ditori"m. /veryone !as dressed to -ill in their s"itsand their go!ns. 'he )"ma came in a #"ir-y% retro bl"e pol-a dot dress andmaroon 9ans snea-ers% and the >agna came in a !hite b"tton do!n% greenpegged chinos and bro!n desert boots. He thre! in a thin blac- tie for a bit offormality. 'he 7epartment Head !as f"rio"s and she threatened to ban themfrom marching. ,harlemagne and 8ray stared at each other then at,harlemagne&s dad. ;hen he 0"st shr"gged and they t"rned to leave% the7epartment Head stopped them. 8r"mbling% she sat them do!n.

'he ceremony !as boring as hell. ,harlemagne !as seated by the aisle and hedoed off several times and !o"ld&ve 0"st slept thro"gh it if the marshall hadn&tshoo- him a!a-e each time. 5efore long% their time came to march "p the stage.;hen their names !ere called they !al-ed "p% and since they !ere the only t!o!ho !eren&t !earing those ridic"lo"s togas% there !as m"rm"ring in the cro!d.'hey co"ld care less. ;hen their names !ere called% ,harlemagne&s dad stoodand clapped. He !as crying. ;hen ,harlemagne !al-ed "p he sho"ted that&smy sonI and !hen 8ray !ent "p he hollered that&s my god da"ghterI He !aspro"d of them and he !as embarrassing them and himself b"t it didn&t matter.;hat mattered !as he !as there for them% s"pporting them% beaming !ith pride.;hyF 5eca"se ,harlemagne never met his mom. )he had died giving birth to

him. $t !as a tragedy. )he had an amniotic fl"id embolism. )he lost 1 liters ofblood% !ent into a coma and !as on life s"pport for 2 months. His dad !ashopef"l she !o"ld !a-e "p% b"t she never did. )he !ent from bad to !orse./vent"ally% !ith her 0a"ndiced s-in the color of margarine and the only thing-eeping her alive a machine% he had to concede. 'hey p"lled the pl"g.,harlemagne&s dad o!ed the hospital a million.

8ray&s story !as different. Her parents !ere friends of ,harlemagne&s dad. He!as her god father. Her dad !as a fello! bi-er !ho got -illed in a bar fight on


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one of his road trips. 8ray !as . )ince then% her mother had to ta-e over. )hetoo- several 0obs and rac-ets at the same time to feed 8ray. /vent"ally% sheclimbed the corporate ladder and became so damn rich. 5eca"se of that hermother !as barely aro"nd% so she stayed !ith ,harlemagne and his dad a lot.Hec-% she practically lived !ith them. 'hat&s !hy the three of them gre! so close.8ray !as practically ,harlemagne&s dad&s da"ghter% and ,harlemagne&s sister.

Her mom !as at !or-% so she co"ldn&t ma-e it to the grad"ation.


22/55

Ten

Hip hop m"sic% that ,harlemagne didn&t really en0oy blasted thro"gho"t theho"se and the bac- yard. 'here !ere abo"t a h"ndred people all over the place%a lot of them he did not -no!. )ome !ere his school mates% some his bloc-

mates% and some !ere family or friends of those he act"ally -ne!. 'here !asla"ghter all aro"nd% and drin-s% and in the living room !as dancing. 'here !erepeople in the pool in their "nder!ear% playing !ater games. ,harlemagne&s dad!as cool !ith having a grad party at his ho"se% so ,harlemagne hoped thatthings didn&t get o"t of hand. He told everyone that he !anted everyone to havea good time% and that he didn&t !ant tro"ble of any -ind or form. Anyone !hobro"ght it or ca"sed it !o"ld be -ic-ed o"t. And he did have to -ic- o"t somepeople !ho !o"ldn&t listen. 'hey&d gone into the garage and too- o"t,harlemagne&s dad&s bi-e. 'hey p"shed it to!ards the pool and !ere 0"st abo"tto drop it in !hen ,harlemagne spotted them and stopped them. He said a fe!!ords to the ring leader *!ho he later fo"nd o"t 0"st crashed the party+ and they

got into a fist fight. ,harlemagne got hit on the mo"th and the side of his leftbro!% b"t !asn&t h"rt badly. 'he other g"y ho!ever% !as hit on the 0a! by,harlemagne&s right hoo-% and he fell into the pool "nconscio"s. 'hat&s !hen hisfriends ganged "p on ,harlemagne. 'hey didn&t stand a chance. $t !as 8ray&sparty and ,harlemagne&s dad&s ho"se so all their friends and all their friends&friends stood "p for him. 'he party crashers ran !ith their tails bet!een theirlegs% a partic"lar one of them being dragged% soa-ing !et. 'he party !as prettycalm after!ards. People !ere cray% b"t they confined their crainess to thenormal level of crainess d"ring parties.

At 11?% ,harlemagne !as already tired of playing host and !as getting sic- of

the dancing and the antics and everything% so he !ent o"t to the front porch andsat on the steps he and 8ray had sat on earlier. He needed time alone% tobreathe and to thin-. As of that afternoon% he !as officially a grad"ate of"niversity. 'he ceremonies !ere "ninteresting and boring% b"t that didn&t changethe fact that it !as tr"e. He&d completed higher ed"cation% and the ne(t step !as"nclear to him. 'his scared him. 'he f"t"re !as filled !ith "ncertainties% and hedidn&t even -no! !hat he !anted to do. He had no idea !hich direction his life!o"ld be heading. As he sat there% he tho"ght of !hat he !o"ld be doing. $t !aseasy to see the immediate things% the short term. 'he ne(t day% he !o"ld sleepin. He&d stay in bed all day% only getting o"t of his room to shit% piss% eat% drin-%and !atch television or play video games. He&d do that for maybe a !ee- or t!o.

'hen he&d go on road trips !ith his dad on his motorcycle% or maybe he&d get hiso!n motorcycle. 'hen there !as 8ray. 'hey&d hang o"t a lot% as "s"al. 'hey&dtravel. >aybe go to the beach and s"rf% go hi-ing% or maybe they&d 0"st hang inthe par- and s-ate all day. r they co"ld al!ays 0"st play ,all of 7"ty. Anything!o"ld be fine% really. ;hat ,harlemagne co"ld not see !as !hat !o"ld comelong term. ;hat !o"ld he do after the )"mmerF ;here !o"ld he beF ;o"ld hehave a 0ob% or !o"ld he be ta-ing f"rther st"diesF ;o"ld he be a b"mF )o many#"estion abo"t the things to come% and he -ne! he !o"ld not be getting ans!ersany time soon. He&d 0"st have to let life go on and live it. ;hen he got there% he&d


23/55

-no! the ans!er to all his #"estions. ,arpe 7iem% seie the day. Live in themoment% and live it lo"d. He sighed. He g"essed there !as no point in thin-ingabo"t the f"t"re at that point. He had 0"st grad"ated% and the ne(t phase of hislife hasn&t even beg"n.

He !as bac- inside% !hen he noticed a commotion in the living room% !here the

ma-eshift dance floor !as. Apparently there !as a dance off% and 8ray !as rightin the middle of it. Ho! "nl"c-y% ,harlemagne tho"ght. 8ray !as a great dancer.she !as a nat"ral% and all the lessons she&s had since her mom got rich and co"ldafford them only made her e(cellent. Ho! "nl"c-y for her opponent !ho !asdefinitely abo"t to get schooled. ,harlemagne made his !ay into the circle% so heco"ld cheer for 8ray. )he !as a!esome of co"rse% popping and snapping andsha-ing. He really en0oyed !atching her move and e(ec"te all those dancemoves one min"te she&s moving completely li-e a robot and the ne(t% it !o"ldseem li-e her anatomy !as made "p entirely of 0elly. ;ith each move she dre!cheers from the cro!d. Her opponent ho!ever% !asn&t phased. )he !as smilingand she&d clap and nod at 8ray&s impressive moves% and !hen her t"rns came

she&d do her o!n moves !hich !ere 0"st as cool as 8ray&s. ,harlemagne !asam"sed and slightly conf"sed. He had never seen anybody !ho co"ld -eep "p!ith 8ray in a dance battle before. And that !as e(actly !hat !as happeningbefore his eyes. 'hat&s !hen he too- a long% hard% good loo- at this girl. )he !asgorgeo"s. )he !as obvio"sly half something% maybe Je!ish. )he !as tall%,harlemagne estimated &6% and she !as c"rvy. )he had an athletic physic% b"tnot li-e those !ho had h"ge m"scles and s"per broad sho"lders and !ere asintimidating as hell to stand face to face !ith. Li-e )erena ;illiams. )he had s-inthat !as so smooth it glistened as she s!eat% and a comple(ion the color ofcreamy caramel. Her hair !as 0et blac- and !avy. 'hey c"rled at the ends% !asc"t to sho"lder length% and bo"nced as she danced. )he had stri-ing gray eyes%

!hich at first ,harlemagne s"spected to be contacts. Her eyebro!s !eremoderate = not so thin and not so thic- = and !ere arched% giving her a sort ofaristocratic glare. n the top of her left ear !as a piercing that !as apart fromher reg"lar earrings. Her nose !as thin and tiny% and he !as s"re that her lips%!hich !ere painted carnation% !o"ld meld perfectly !ith his o!n *at that point healready had tho"ghts of -issing her+. ,harlemagne adored her cleft chin. and heco"ld not -eep his eyes off her body% beca"se of !hat she !as !earing. )he hadon a simple% gray cropped shirt that sho!ed bits of s-in in 0"st the right places.Paired !ith blac- s-inny 0eans tattered at the -nees and the right thigh% !hichemphasied the c"rves of her hips% paired !ith the flyest retro Air Jordan s in>ineral 5l"e a girl co"ld ever !ear. ,harlemagne !as star str"c- by this girl%

and he didn&t notice that the dance battle !as over and 8ray and his ne! cr"sh!ere la"ghing and h"gging li-e they&ve -no!n each other since forever.

'he circle bro-e as people cro!ded bac- onto the dance floor. ,harlemagne 0"ststood there as people started dancing aro"nd him. 8ray !al-ed "p to him andsaid she needed a drin-% b"t he didn&t move or blin-% so she shr"gged and left.'hat !as !hen the mystery girl approached him. Hey% !hat&s "pF )he said% b"t,harlemagne 0"st stared at her. )he !aved her hand in front of his face and thisseemed to snap him o"t of his reverie. He apologied and complemented her. He


24/55

told her she !as a !onderf"l dancer% less a"dibly% that she !as bea"tif"l. )heheard him tho"gh and bl"shed slightly. 5r"shing her hair a!ay from her face% shesmiled said than- yo". $&m )imone. )he said. $&m ,harlemagne. ;o"ld yo" li-ea drin-F

CooC

,harlemagne is alone at his table% !aiting for 8ray !ho !ent inside to order adrin-. He remembers the night of the party% the night he first met )imone. 'heyhad gotten those drin-s and h"ng o"t at the front porch. 'hey tal-ed andla"ghed% and fo"nd o"t that they had a lot they li-ed abo"t each other. 'heys!apped n"mbers and !hen the party bro-e and everyone !as leaving% she-issed him on the chee-. ;ho !o"ld have -no!n that they&d fall in love so fastand so effortlesslyF

,harlemagne p"shes the tho"ght o"t of his head. 8ray is bac- from London andhe has big ne!s. He -no!s that she does too. He r"bs his hand together and taps

his feet in e(citement. He can&t !ait to see the e(pression on her face !hen hetells her.


25/55

Eleven

)im"lacra et )im"lation. )im"lacra are said to be copies that had no meaning tobegin !ith% or no longer have an original. )im"lation is the imitation of theoperation of a real=!orld process or system over time. ,harlemagne !as

!atching 'he >atri(% and he sa!


26/55

'a-e all those identities and p"t them together% and yo" have a large scalehyperreality composed by a net!or- of hyperrealities. 'his hyperreality%incidentally% is !ithin an even larger hyperreality? the internet. 'he danger for anindivid"al is losing himself to his online persona% or hyperreality% at the e(penseof his tr"e identity.

,harlemagne logged onto his aceboo- and noticed that he had tho"sands ofaceboo- friends% most he didn&t even personally -no!. 'ho"sands of images inhis net!or-% in his hyperreality. )o m"ch information. 'he thing !as they !ere allmeaningless. 'here !ere only abo"t 3 people ,harlemagne -ne! in his friendlist% and even less he !anted to have meaning f"ll connections !ith.,harlemagne did not !ant to be cons"med by this hyperreality% so he began tofilter the images and delete all the "seless information. 'his made him feelbetter. He didn&t !ant to be -no!n as an online persona a fa-e a sim"lacra. He!as real% and he !anted people to -no! him and accept him for !ho he tr"ly!as. 'he endless possibilities of the >atri( !ere cool% b"t ,harlemagne !o"ldrather be boring b"t real than a cool sim"lation. He did not !ant the crisis of the

fa-e. After deleting those "seless friends% he stood "p and left the ho"se% o"t tomeet his real friends at a real hango"t to have real coffee and real face to faceconversations.

CooC

8ray ret"rns !ith a grande ;hite ,hoco >ocha. $t has al!ays been her favorite)tarb"c-s beverage. )he tilts her head c"rio"sly as she st"dies ,harlemagne&se(cited e(pression% and he can&t help b"t smile even more. He told her that they!ere leaving. 5"t !e 0"st got here. ,harlemagne la"ghed at her apparentconf"sion. ;e&re leaving the co"ntry% the t!o of "s. And soon. He dropped the

bomb on 8ray% and he did it !hile sipping his second c"p of coffee.


27/55

Twelve

He stood in front of the mirror% holding t!o different shirts in each hand. ne !asa plain gray ro"nd nec- !ith a poc-et on the front and tiny !hite paint stains.'he other !as a plaid flannel b"tton do!n. He co"ld not decide on !hat to !ear

that night !as his first date !ith )imone. After the party% ,harlemagne !aited 2days before te(ting her. >ostly beca"se he slept and played video games thosedays% and partly beca"se he didn&t !ant to appear too interested. )o after 2 dayshe te(ted her% and she replied the ne(t day. Apparently% she !as b"sy% or maybeshe !asn&t m"ch of a te(ter. 'hey started te(ting after that% b"t their replies!ere in bet!een ho"rs. $t !ent that !ay for a !ee-% till ,harlemagne finallydecided to call her. 'heir conversation !as brief. ,harlemagne as-ed ho! she!as doing% and told him she !as o-ay. 'hen after a fe! seconds of a!-!ardsilence% ,harlemagne as-ed her if she&d li-e to go o"t !ith him. $nstantly% )imonesaid yes.

,harlemagne decided on the gray shirt% and he thre! on a tattered bl"e denimvest% !hich "sed to be his dad&s 0ac-ets. 'hen he pic-ed "p his 7ocs and !al-edo"t of the room. 7o!n stairs% his dad !as !atching a bas-etball game on '9. Heloo-ed "p !hen ,harlemagne passed by. $s that ho! -ids dress for first datesno!adaysF ,harlemagne stopped% loo-ed at his dad% then at himself% then bac-at his dad. @o" loo- li-e a homeless delin#"ent from the early E&s. 8ro! am"llet and yo"r loo- !o"ld be perfectI ,harlemagne&s dad roared in la"ghter%and all ,harlemagne co"ld do !as sha-e his head. $&ll be home late% pops. 7on&t!ait "p. ;hen his dad !aved his hand at him% he slipped on his boots !itho"ttying the laces and left. ;hile p"shing his bi-e o"t of the garage% he co"ld notsmile b"t smile at !hat his dad had said. ,harlemagne sa! old pict"res of his

father% and he sa! his dad dressed in the same get "p% and complete !ith them"llet too. $n that photo ,harlemagne&s dad had his arm aro"nd a bea"tif"l!oman. )he had the same eyes as ,harlemagne% the same frec-les% the samemessy hair% the same croo-ed smile and ironic e(pression. )he had the samefeat"res. $t !as his mother. He missed his mom% even if he no memory of his o!nof her% and even if he had never even met her. His mom didn&t even get thechance to hold him and roc- him and cry tears of 0oy after birthing him. 5"t hemissed her e(tremely. ,harlemagne had his mother&s face% and he -ept her dearto his heart. $ love yo" so m"ch% >a. he said as he p"t on his helmet andstarted his bi-e.

He p"lled "p in front of )imone&s apartment b"ilding% and she !as already!aiting on the c"rb. nly she !asn&t alone. )he !as !ith a g"y. A g"y !holoo-ed li-e he co"ld bite ,harlemagne&s head off% and loo-ed li-e he !anted to.8iven ,harlemagne&s physi#"e and stat"re% it !o"ldn&t be easy% b"t it !o"ldn&tbe impossible. ,harlemagne tho"ght that if they had a fight% it !o"ld be aninteresting one. 'his d"de clearly had at least po"nds on him% b"t,harlemagne -ne! ho! to fight. He had eno"gh e(perience "nder his belt. 'heg"y !as 6& flat% and he had the body of a !eight lifter. Bnli-e ,harlemagne !hogot ripped thro"gh his constr"ction 0ob% this g"y had po"ndage that came from


28/55

the gym. ,harlemagne co"ld see that this g"y !as very partic"lar !ith his body.He !as big% b"t not so b"ff li-e those mon-eys in !or-o"t videos or '9 shoppingads. He co"ld pass as a bo(er or mi(ed martial arts fighter. And he had the facefor it too. He had a face that !as hard to read% beca"se of his flat e(pression. Heloo-ed intelligent% in the same !ay as ,harlemagne% silent and calc"lating. Hehad dar- eyes that !ere #"ite scary% very serio"s. His nose !as strong in a

r"gged !ay% li-e it had been po"nded on by fists. $t complemented his fre#"entlyclenching 0a!. ,harlemagne act"ally !ondered in he had '>J. ;hen,harlemagne !al-ed "p to them he nodded at the big g"y !ho 0"st stared athim. )imone introd"ced them. His name !as Deith% and he !as )imone&s olderbrother. @o" gonna let my -id sis ride that thingF he as-ed ,harlemagne%loo-ing at the bi-e. ,harlemagne 0"st shr"gged. ;o"ld yo" rather $ made her!al-F he responded. 'his seemed to ma-e the tensions bet!een them obvio"s.Deith folded his arms and since he !as 0"st !earing a tan-% ,harlemagne noticedho! broad his sho"lders !ere. He did not !ant to see Deith&s bac-. 'o lighten themood% )imone gave her big brother a #"ic- h"g then made fore the bi-e.,harlemagne handed her his helmet and as they !al-ed a!ay% he heard Deith

tell him to !atch his bac-. ,harlemagne mo"nted the bi-e and gave him one lastloo-. He had a feeling Deith !as tro"ble. ;ith )imone&s arms aro"nd his torso%they sped a!ay.

,harlemagne didn&t really have any plans for their date% so he 0"st !ent !ith theflo!. )pontaneity co"ld be a good thing. r so he&s been told. ,harlemagne too-her to the ,lo"d% a boo-store that hosted open mic poetry reading every ridaynight. 'he place !as coy. $t had this cabin in the !oods feel% that constantlymade ,harlemagne pict"re )imone&s lips% !hich !ere coated in some -ind ofbro!n lipstic-. )he didn&t have any other ma-e"p on. 'here !ere a lot ofeccentric people !ho read their poetry in the ,lo"d% b"t that !as o-ay. 'he best

poetry "s"ally come from really strange individ"als. ,harlemagne read a poem%'he oad Less 'a-en by obert rost% beca"se it !as !hat he sa! !hen herandomly opened a boo-. )imone too !as coa(ed into reading% and she choseHo! 7o $ Love 'hee by /liabeth 5arrett 5ro!ning. bvio"sly% the poem meant alot to her. )he read% no she recited it !ith s"ch feeling yo" co"ld feel everyemotion /liabeth 5arrett 5ro!ning m"st have felt !hen she !rote it for herh"sband obert. >id!ay thro"gh the poem she !as crying% and a lot in the cro!dhad !atery eyes. )he finished% bo!ed slightly and the cro!d gave their appla"se.

or dinner% ,harlemagne too- )imone to a 5"lalo place that !as 0"st a min"te!al- from the clo"d. 'hey 0"st !al-ed there. As they did% their fingers to"ched%

and later% their pin-ies t!ined. $t !as 0"st their pin-ies% b"t it felt nice. )imoneloved the 5"lalo% and too- seconds. )he ate more than ,harlemagne did% and heli-ed that. )he !asn&t fragile and pic-y. )he !as advent"ro"s and o"tgoing andnot afraid to eat high fat:calorie food. Later% they got on the bi-e and drove 2min"tes to a secl"ded cafe. 'here they tal-ed for a co"ple of ho"rs. $t !asmidnight and )imone !as getting sleepy% so ,harlemagne too- her home. ntheir !ay to her place% )imone held tightly onto ,harlemagne and leaned herhead on his bac-. /vent"ally she gre! to love that bac-.


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CooC

,harlemagne p"ts the doc"ments in front of 8ray% !hose shoc- t"rns intoe(citement. the more she reads% the bigger her smile gets. After she finishes% shecloses the envelope and !ipes a tear a!ay before it can fall. )he ta-es,harlemagne&s hands and says than- yo". @o"&re handing me my dreams on a

silver platter... ,harlemagne s#"eees her hands.


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Thirteen

,harlemagne had very fe! friends. 8ray !as his best friend% b"t there !as agro"p of friends he&s been close !ith since sophomore year of high school. 'hey!ere in the same class since then% and over the years they bonded and shared a

lot of e(periences together. 8ood and bad% b"t mostly good. 'here !as ran-*!ho !as in the accident+. ran- !as a big g"y. 'all and fat in the strong -ind of!ay. 'hen there !as Ja-e% !ho !as dar- and had big eyes and la"ghed f"nny b"tgot a lot of girls. 'here !as also Linc% !ho loo-ed li-e a Dorean !ith his hairdo.He spo-e Dorean too. After high school% they all too- different paths% b"t theystayed in to"ch. /very other !ee-end they !o"ld meet and 0"st chill. 'hey&d tal-abo"t their lives as "niversity st"dents% and they&d reminisce% la"ghing at all theirbloopers.

,harlemagne stood at the bac- of their old high school in a !ind brea-er and ascarf !rapped aro"nd his nec-. $t !as re"nion night% and they planned to brea-

into their alma matter. He stood in the cold at the dead of night% !aiting for ran-and Linc. Ja-e !as not coming. He !as not invited. 'hey !o"ld be disc"ssing himlater on.

ran- and Lin- arrived together% both !rapped "p in thic- 0ac-ets and scarves.'hey fist b"mped each other and !ent thro"gh the pleasantries. oggy breathcane o"t of their mo"ths as they spo-e% and as "s"al they 0"st had to la"gh abo"tit and -eep breathing o"t. ;hen they got together% they morphed into over sied-ids. After a fe! min"tes of ins"lting each other% they decided it !as time toma-e there !ay in. it gave them a !eird feeling% beca"se bac- !hen they !erest"dents there% they had bro-en o"t *thro"gh doens of methods+ of the school

almost every day. $t !as their first time brea-ing in% and the !alls !ere no!higher than they !ere bac- at their time.

5rea-ing in !o"ld be tric-y. 'hey decided that ran- !o"ld go "p first% since he!as strongest. ;hen he got "p% he !o"ld p"ll them "p. 5"t since he !as also thebiggest% ,harlemagne and Linc had to 0oin forces to get him "p. 'he plan !or-ed.Linc boosted ,harlemagne and ran- ca"ght him and p"lled him "p.,harlemagne 0"mped do!n the other side. Linc then ran "p the !all Par-o"r styleand ran- ca"ght him too. 'hey 0"mped do!n together. nce do!n% Linc lit acigarette that they passed aro"nd. 'he plan !as simple% brea- into the principalsoffice% paint her !alls and get o"t. Linc had the spray paints in his d"ffel bag.

All three of them !ere artistically inclined. Linc and ran- both !ent to art school%and ,harlemagne did some street art and photography of his o!n. 'hey calledthis night peration 5an-sy. nly% they !o"ldn&t be "sing stencils. 'hey&d do theprincipal&s !alls free hand. J"st li-e obo. 'hey !ere in front of the principal&soffice% and of co"rse% it !as loc-ed.


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mastered the piece. 'he tric-y thing !o"ld be the lights% since they might getca"ght if the t"rned them on. ran- bro"ght flood lights for each of them to !or-!ith. ;hen all the paints !ere o"t% the !ent to !or-.

'hey !or-ed methodically and silently% tal-ing only !hen needed. 'hey passedcans of paint aro"nd% got paint on their faces% hands and clothes. $n 3 ho"rs% they

painted on three of the !alls. 'hey&d leave the remaining !all "nto"ched. 'heypac-ed "p as #"ic-ly as they co"ld and !al-ed o"t% loc-ing the door behindthem. 'hey !ere at the !all and climbing over !hen a light flashed on them.'hey !ere ca"ght. A g"ard ble! a !histle and started r"nning to!ard them. 'hey!ere over the !all and r"nning to Linc&s car par-ed behind the ad0acent b"ilding!hen the g"ard reached the !all.

'hey !ere breathing hard !hen they got into the car% and again there !as foggybreath. or a min"te there !as only silence% till ran- la"ghed hard and p"nchedLinc and ,harlemagne on the sho"lders. 'hey !ere in the front seats. 'hat !asthe most f"n $&ve had since the accidentI he said% and the t!o 0oined him in

la"ghter. )ha-ing his head !ith $ smile plastered on his face% Linc started the carand they drove to )mith&s P"b. $t !as 1 in the morning. 'hey sat at their reg"larbooth and ordered a b"c-et of light beers% and an 1G inch


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Fourteen

As soon as Linc&s fist hit Ja-e&s eye% ,harlemagne -ne! that things !o"ldescalate. 'hey had been holding their anger in for a !hile% and Linc obvio"slyco"ld no longer be patient. He landed t!o more p"nches on Ja-e&s face% tipping

glasses and spilling beer as he did it% before ran- co"ld stop him. ,harlemagne0"st sat and !atched indifferently% eating a slice of pia. Ja-e deserved a beatdo!n% and fran-ly% he&d be happy to 0"mp in and help Linc. 'hey had theattention of the !hole p"b then% and )mith as-ed them to ta-e it o"tside. )o,harlemagne left a bill on the table and they all stood and !al-ed o"t. Ja-e and,ristina !ere last to get o"t.

'hey stood o"tside the p"b on the side!al-. Linc !as pacing bac- and forth.ran- follo!ed him !ith his eyes. ,harlemagne leaned on a streetlight !ith hishands in his bac- poc-ets% his eyes gl"ed to the gro"nd as he -ic-ed none(istentpebbles. Ja-e !al-ed o"t of the p"b !ith ,ristina right behind him. )he had a

!orried loo- on her face% and she stro-ed her large belly. @o" p"nch li-e a bitch%Lincoln. Ja-e said% spitting blood onto the pavement. Linc stopped pacing andstared daggers at Ja-e !ho smiled% clearly pleased to be hitting a nerve. ;hendid yo" t"rn into a royal ass hole% Ja-eF ran- as-ed rhetorically. He&s al!aysbeen an ass ran-% ,harlemagne spo-e at last% b"t good point. He&s evolvedinto the royalty of asses. He smiled. ran- act"ally fo"nd that f"nny andsnorted. )h"t "p% yo" little bitch. Ja-e said% giving ,harlemagne the finger.,harlemagne gave him one of his famo"s shr"gs. J"st stating a fact man. Li-ethey said the tr"th h"rts. Ja-e too- an angry step to!ard him b"t ,ristina p"lledon his arm. 7on&t. she said. Linc la"ghed "nh"moro"sly at this. 7on&tF ;hy areyo" stopping him% h"h ,ristinaF )ho"ldn&t yo" be pleased !ith yo"rselfF 'his

!hole mess% after all is all abo"t yo". )ilence.

,ristina "sed to be Linc&s girlfriend. 'hey !ere together for a year% and for somereason "n-no!n to ,harlemagne% they bro-e "p. Linc appeared to handle it !ell.He seemed cool !ith it. Abo"t 2 !ee-s later% Ja-e came to him and as- hisblessing to date ,ristina. He told Linc that he and ,ristina !ere in love. Ja-e% !hoemphasied that they co"ld not date each other&s e(es% as-ed Linc if he co"ld get!ith his e(. $n astonishment Linc 0"st shr"gged. Ja-e too- it as a go signal. )o heand ,aroline started dating% and they&d hang o"t !ith Linc too. Ja-e !o"ld ta-eher !ith him d"ring their re"nion nights% even if they as-ed him not to. 'al-abo"t a!-!ard and insensitive. 'al- abo"t being a do"che. A month later% Ja-e

and ,ristina !ere married% and ,harlemagne% Linc and ran- !ere co"nted o"t ofit. ,aroline !as pregnant.

;hat&s yo"&re problem any!ay% LincF

;hat do yo" thin-F @o"&re my problem Ja-e.$ as-ed for yo"r permissionI @o" said yesI


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;hat else !as $ s"pposed to say% h"hF 5esides% yo" !eren&t even s"pposed toas-. @o" !eren&t even s"pposed to consider it% yo" hypocriteI

;e !ere in loveI

)o m"ch for yo"r f"c-ing 5ro ,ode.

Li-e $ said% !e !ere in love. /ven before yo" t!o bro-e "pI )he !as alreadypregnant !hen yo" bro-e "p.

@o" son of a bitchI

Linc po"nced on Ja-e and beat the lights o"t of him. ight then and there. n theside!al-% in front of )mith&s P"b. ran- and ,harlemagne let him ma-e Ja-ebleed before they stopped him. ,ristina hovered over a half conscio"s Ja-e%crying. 'hat&s all she co"ld do as Ja-e str"ggled to stand% cry. ;al- a!ay%,harlemagne said% yo"&re dead to "s.

CooC

,harlemagne is silent for a co"ple of moments. 8ray had as-ed him abo"t hisfeelings for )imone% and he finds he cannot give her a straight ans!er. Again% hethin-s abo"t her% and this time he is s"rer than he !as 0"st an ho"r ago that sheis the special lin- in his ,hain. He is s"rer than he previo"sly !as that all thathappened !ith )imone is his 21 ,risis. He is s"rer than he previo"sly !as% b"t notat all certain. He shifts in his seat and scratches the bac- of his head. 8ray!atches him patiently.


34/55

Fifteen

Losing good friends is al!ays a painf"l and diffic"lt thing. )ometimes it may benecessary% b"t regardless of !hat the reason may be% that loss !o"ld ta-e its tollat some point. )o% there they sat% 0"st the three of them bac- in their booth at

)mith&s bar. 'he food !as gone% the booe !as gone% and their friendship !ithJa-e !as gone. n the table instead !as a -ettle of tea. ,harlemagne% Linc andran-. $ didn&t e(pect things to end this !ay yo" -no!. Linc said. $ tho"ght!e&d be able to reconcile. ran- added. ;e&ve tal-ed abo"t this before ran-.And $ still feel the same. He made his choice% bro-e his o!n r"les. ,harlemagneresponded. 'here !as silence% and ran- and ,harlemagne !atched as Linc!iped of the blood and paint off his fist !ith a !et !ipe. 'he blood came off% b"tthe paint stains stayed on his s-in. Let&s 0"st forget abo"t him. Linc contin"ed.'al- abo"t something else. $t&s my last night !ith yo" g"ys and $ don&t !ant tor"in it !asting time tal-ing abo"t a !aste of space. Another moment of silence.Linc !as right. $t !as his going a!ay party. 'he brea-ing into their high school%

the graffiti on the principal&s !alls% )mith&s bar = it !as all for him. 'o dosomething big before he left for 'oronto. )omething to be remembered al!ays%something that beat all their past advent"res. ran- spo-e. 7o yo" g"ysremember the time !hen...

or ho"rs they tal-ed abo"t the past% reliving their high school and college lives.'hey la"ghed at the good times% and they la"ghed at the bad times. 'heyla"ghed at everything. All the embarrassing moments li-e the time ,harlemagnefarted in a small internet cafe and everyone b"t him ran o"t beca"se of thestench or the time ran- had a te(t mate girlfriend named 8ab !ho apparentlyhad ,ancer b"t !as act"ally ,harlemagne% !ho&d la"gh his ass off at each te(t

message he sent to and received from ran-. ;hen ran- fo"nd o"t he !asplaying him% he ignored him for a !ee-. 'hey la"ghed at Linc&s first -iss% !hich!as on a s!an boat at the par- la-e. $t !as f"nny beca"se that !as the cheapestand most "nromantic place to have a date% beca"se at night it t"rned into a freeplace to shag. 'o shag "nder the b"shes. 'hen they la"ghed at all their brea-o"tbloopers% and all the lect"res they got from their teachers.

'hey had so m"ch f"n remembering all those precio"s memories% they didn&tnotice that it !as already seven in the morning. $t !as time to go% time to saygoodbye. )o they made a pact% to meet again in five years. 'hey&d strive and!or- to achieve their goals and their dreams% to establish themselves in their

fields. And after five years they !o"ld meet% and they !o"ld tell each other% ;emade it this far. )o they left the bar and they embraced. Linc !o"ld be going to'oronto. ran- and ,harlemagne !o"ld be left behind% b"t no one -ne! for ho!long. 'hey said good bye to Linc% and as he !al-ed do!n the street% they loo-edfor!ard to five years later.

CooC


35/55


36/55

Sixteen

;ith Linc gone% ,harlemagne and ran- h"ng o"t more. $t !as 0"st the t!o ofthem left% so they made s"re to ta-e the time to catch "p. $t !as only logical. Andgiven that it !as 0"st the t!o of them% it !as easier and more comfortable to tal-

abo"t the more personal things that g"ys don&t "s"ally tal- abo"t s"ch asfeelings and emotions. $t !as a !eird% b"t also healthy and cathartic. ddlyeno"gh% they en0oyed s"ch conversations. ne time% ,harlemagne and ran-tal-ed abo"t the accident and the aftermath. ran- told ,harlemagne abo"t thecatheter thy placed in his dic-% and ho! it felt li-e a !oman being raped !henthey p"lled it o"t. ,harlemagne&s e(pression co"ld not be painted. He had a ne!fo"nd respect for the g"y. 'he one thing that str"c- him hard tho"gh !as !hatran- said abo"t himself after the accident. He told ,harlemagne that ran- diedin the accident% and the person he !as no !as entirely different. $t !as tragic% b"t,harlemagne -ne! it !as the tr"th. /ven he co"ld sense as m"ch. And if it!eren&t so% if ran- did not change at all% ,harlemagne !o"ld do"bt his sanity

and h"manity

$n that sense% ,harlemagne !as the only one from their original gang left. ran-!as a bit misty eyed !hen he spo-e to ,harlemagne. He told him abo"t a sort of0o"rnal he started maybe !riting do!n his tho"ghts and his emotions !o"ld helphim. He even let ,harlemagne read a fe! entries. 'hey !ere more li-e poetrythan diary entries. 'hey !ere artistic% yet dar-. 'hey !ere very dar- and,harlemagne !as mildly s"rprised that a g"y li-e ran- co"ld have s"chtho"ghts. 5"t then again% this !asn&t the same ran-. As ,harlemagne read heco"ld feel a fraction of ran-&s pain. nly a fraction b"t it !as eno"gh. ;hen hefinished reading he closed the noteboo- and patted ran- on the bac-. $t&s a

good o"tlet% he said. @o"&re tho"ghts are deep and the noteboo- thing reallys"its this all ne! dar- and goth yo". ,harlemagne gave him a small smile. ran-la"ghed. /no"gh !ith the doom and gloom% let&s grab a bite. 'hey got "p andheaded to the pia place.

CooC

Redirecting all revelations, conspiracies and secrets from the mind, heart andsoul to my hand, which will be embodied with the pen, then all shall become inkand flow through the pages. Maybe then, I can be freed from such torment

I have just reached the breaking point; I'm reduced to rationalie my thoughtsthrough pen. ! step further and I become irrational and take things to thee"treme, taking control of my fate by ending it.

It took a bash to the head that left a horrible scar and a broken body to make merealie that I'm an absolute wreck now, and even before the life changing event. Iwrite for release... for relief... for redemption...


37/55

I can only hope this will help ease my grief rather than sharing it with people whowill pity me and give #assuring words# to comfort me. I'd rather write the wordsthat are painfully scattered in my mind than to add more. I would rather numbenmy heart from all pains I carry than let others bear them with me and burdenmyself even more with the guilt of bringing grief unto others. My mouth is silentand my actions are misleading, but my hand screams and shouts through the

pen and the only one there to hear my torment is this notebook. It echoes withinand through the pages.

$verything written comes from the truth of my mind, my heart and my soul; all ofwhich were enclosed within a shell of pride and covered with a mask of lies. %hatremoved and broke this cage and shroud&

!ll of this began from the awakening and end of a dream.

(rom (rank's notebook

CooC

,harlemagne and 8ray left the cafe and decided to !al- aro"nd the city. $t !asalready half past E and the city lights !ere already t"rned on. 'hey !ere brightand colorf"l% and they lit the s-y li-e psychedelics. $t !as breey b"t no cold% andit !as perfect for a !al-. ;ith their arms lin-ed% they !al-ed at a steady%leis"rely pace. 'elling corny 0o-es% la"ghing at their corny 0o-es% and basically0"st having a good time together. 'hey pointed at ne! stores and bro!sed thegoodies being sold on the streets. 'han-s for tonight% ,harlemagne. 8ray said.$&m really happy yo" chose me to spend tonight !ith. ,harlemagne simplysmiled. 7on&t than- me yet% sis. 'he night is still yo"ng% and !e have 2 and half

ho"rs more till midnight. And yo" -no! !hat happens on midnight.


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Seventeen

,harlemagne had only been to the Bnited )tates once% !hen he spent >arch ofhis 1th year visiting his co"sin ,assie in 7.,. ,harlemagne&s dad&s brother !as,assie&s dad% and they migrated !hen ,assie !as a baby. ,harlemagne !asn&t

even born then. ,assie gre! "p in the )tates% and ,harlemagne !as there for her1Gth birthday. 'hat same )pring she moved o"t and ,harlemagne helped o"tand crashed on her co"ch. $t !as a f"n )"mmer. ,assie to"red him all over thecity% and it gre! on him. ,harlemagne loved it.

;ashington 7.,. $s bet!een 9irginia and >aryland% and the moment,harlemagne stepped in% he co"ld already feel ho! different it !as from hishometo!n. He !as a city boy% and the !ide roads and s-yscrapers !ere nothingne! b"t the atmosphere and the vibe !as alien to him. ,harlemagne !as in a!e.'here are tons of interesting things. Amongst them are the m"se"ms.;ashington is perhaps the only )tate !ith free m"se"ms in the co"ntry% and

,assie too- ,harlemagne to each one in 7.,. 'hey&d spend ho"rs in them"se"ms for a !ee-% amaed and star str"c- by !hat they sa!. ,assie then too-,harlemagne to do!nto!n 7.,. !here the Lincoln >emorial% the ;ashington>on"ment !hich !as referred as the 'oothpic- by locals% and the ;hite Ho"se ofco"rse !ere all located. 'hey !ere amaing sights% and ,harlemagne thoro"ghlyen0oyed each of them. ;hat he li-ed the most tho"gh !as !hen the ,herry5lossoms bloomed right ne(t to the Potomac iver. 'he iver on its o!n !asalready pict"res#"e% and the ,herry 5lossoms 0"st added life to the peacef"lvie!.

'hen of co"rse there !as 8eorgeto!n. @o" co"ldn&t miss 8eorgeto!n% and ,assie

made s"re that ,harlemagne didn&t. )he got him the famo"s 7.,. c"pca-es. 'heyco"ld be bo"ght at a shop !hich !as started by a b"nch of "niversity st"dents.'he shop gained even more pop"larity !hen it got its o!n sho! on 'L,. 8ivenit&s fame% long lines o"tside the shop !as normal and since the c"pca-es !ere todie for no one really complained. /veryone !o"ld stay in line patiently till theygot served freshly ba-ed c"pca-es !hich !ere definitely !orth the !ait.

Li-e


39/55

the chance to e(perience life in a foreign co"ntry made him realie that therereally isn&t any place on /arth li-e home. People say that !or-ing abroad%p"rs"ing the American dream is a golden tic-et to an easy life b"t it isn&t.,harlemagne learned that the hard !ay% staying !ith ,assie. n reg"lar days,assie !o"ld be in "niversity% st"dying. n the !ee-ends *!hich !ere her onlyrest days+% she&d spend her time on part time 0obs. )he&d clean ho"ses% and !or-

as !ait staff d"ring f"nctions in the /mbassy. $n America% yo"&d have to !or-yo"r ass off to s"rvive. 'he good thing abo"t it% ,harlemagne noticed% !as that itbonded the family. /ven if ,assie had already moved o"t% she remained close toher parents beca"se they&d spend their !ee-ends together% !or-ing part time.'his also made ,harlemagne closer to ,assie.

,harlemagne e(perienced a lot of ne! things. He had a lot of f"n% b"t after amonth% he co"ldn&t !ait to get bac- home.

CooC

As they !al-% ,harlemagne tells 8ray abo"t his stay in 7.,. !hen he !as 1. Hetold her abo"t ,assie% and abo"t ho! her life !as li-e abroad. 'hey&d be living ina foreign co"ntry too% soon. ,harlemagne is e(cited% and he is nervo"s beca"sehe -no!s ho! diffic"lt it can be. 8ray feels the same% beca"se to a degree she-no!s too. )he did spend t!o !ee-s in London. 'hey do"ble bac- to the cafe.8ray&s car is par-ed on the c"rb in front of it. $t&s a bl"e >its"bishi A)% and,harlemagne gets on the passenger seat. 8ray starts the car and they drive.7eeper into the night.


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Eighteen

)imone !as bea"tif"l that night. )he had her hair in a haphaard ponytail% shehad no ma-e "p on% her eye bags !ere h"ge and dar-% she !as in a h"ge shirtthat !as signed by her high school friends and !as ripped in places% s!eats that

!ere loose and !ere dragged on the floor !hen she !al-ed% and she had thic-medical boo-s in front of her. )he !as really stressed o"t% b"t there !as a certainglo! abo"t her. A glo! that gave her rosy chee-s and a constant smile. A glo!that co"ld only come from love. ,harlemagne approached her !ith a m"g oncoffee. He laid it on the table% and bent over to -iss her. )he lifted her chin% andtheir lips met. $t !as a long -iss% follo!ed by t!o more c"rt% b"t lo"d pec-s.)imone told him that he co"ld stay over% b"t ,harlemagne ref"sed. or starters%he didn&t !ant to bother her !hile she st"died for her Preliminary e(ams. )he!as in her first year in med school. Also% her older brother% Deith !as going to behome and he had no inclination to spend the night being openly hated by him. )o,harlemagne said good bye and left. He&d see )imone on the !ee-end% !hen her

e(ams ended. 'hey&d ta-e her 5"g and go o"t to celebrate. )he&d !ear a dress%he&d !ear a blaer and maybe even a tie% they&d dine in a fancy resta"rant% andhe&d even let her drive.

n his !ay o"t of the apartment b"ilding he ran into Deith% !ho loo-ed him "pand do!n li-e he al!ays did% and b"mped into ,harlemagne. He did that everysingle time. 'he first fe! times ,harlemagne flinched and r"bbed his sho"lder%b"t by then he !as "sed to it he !as ready for the contact. He !as b"mmed thathe had to see Deith. He left partic"larly early 0"st to totally avoid him% b"t he!asn&t so l"c-y that night. ;hen they passed each other sans the reg"larphysical contact% ,harlemagne !as be!ildered. ;hy !o"ld Deith fail to b"mp

into himF $n fact% Deith ignored him completely. $t !as strange% and ,harlemagnegot a !eird feeling in his g"t. ;as it an omen% a sense of forebodingF >aybe,harlemagne !as thin-ing too m"ch into it% b"t he co"ldn&t sha-e off the feeling.

'he !ee-end came% and he and )imone did go o"t on that date. 'hey !ent to afancy $talian resta"rant do!nto!n. ,harlemagne had 'ortillini in ;hite )a"ce and)imone ordered the specialty Pesto. 'hey shared a Ham and ,heese ,alone%and each had a glass of red !ine. ,harlemagne co"ld not help b"t gae at her!ith stic-y eyes and a daring smile. )imone !as brilliant. )he !ore a blac- boleroover a !hite t"be top paired !ith a pin- mini s-irt and blac- !edges. )he hadc"rled her hair and !ore hints of ma-e "p. Her eye shado! and her lipstic- !ere

the same shade of pin- as her s-irt% and she 0"st added bl"sh to emphasie therosiness of her chee-s. )he !ore little 0e!elry 0"st a silver nec-lace that restedbet!een her collar bones% a thin% blac- #"art !atch% and of co"rse herengagement ring = the p"rple ring !ith the o!l head. He told her that she loo-edst"nning% and she bit her lo!er lip and smiled at him% leaning for!ard on thetable and reaching across to hold his hand. )he had bent over% and ,harlemagneco"ld see the shape and conto"r of her breasts% s#"eeed by the !hite t"be. )hethan-ed him and he -issed her hand% holding her gae. He co"ld loo- into hereyes for a lifetime or t!o% b"t he bro-e a!ay and called for the bill. )imone


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e(c"sed herself and headed for the ladies room. As she !al-ed a!ay from theirtable% ,harlemagne got an eyef"l of her long legs% and shivered as he !atchedthe !ay her hips s!"ng elegantly as she str"tted. He !as so happy to have her.

,harlemagne drove her home in her 5"g he&d get a cab home after. 'he ride!as #"iet. 'hey did not spea-% b"t )imone h"mmed along as /lvis Presley

crooned on the radio. #)h my love, my darling... I hunger for your touch...#hesang. )oon they reached her place and ,harlemagne !al-ed her to her door.)imone than-ed him for the !onderf"l night. )he told him that he had a greattime. 'hen she !rapped her arms aro"nd his nec- and -issed him softly. As they-issed% his arms slo!ly fo"nd their !ay aro"nd her !aist. He co"ld feel her handsr"n thro"gh his hair on the bac- of his head. His o!n hands !or-ed their !ay "pher bac- and he p"lled her closer to him. 'hey h"gged each other and !ith theireyes closed% they -issed. ight there in front of her door. )imone bro-e a!ay%gently b"t abr"ptly. )he said she had something important to tell ,harlemagne.He leaned on the !all% silent b"t loo-ing straight at her. He remembered thestrange feeling he had !hen Deith ignored him earlier that !ee-. He had that

very same feeling right then. )he as-ed him not to frea- o"t% and he told her togo on. 5aby% $&ve missed my period... or a !ee- already.

,harlemagne !as st"nned. )o it !as a sense of foreboding after all. He 0"st -ne!something !as "p. 5"t he never e(pected ne!s li-e that. or a moment he co"ldnot spea-. A million things !ere going thro"gh his mind at that moment% and nota single one of them made sense. He slid against the !all do!n to the floor andhe spo-e. He said something% b"t he co"ld not remember !hat it !as. He !asincoherent. He sat on the floor and )imone -neeled in front of him. )he had a!orried loo- on her face% b"t her !ords !ere calm and reass"ring. )he told herthat nothing !as certain. )he !o"ld ma-e s"re and let him -no!. $t seemed li-e

an eternity b"t ,harlemagne got "p. He told her he had to go and thin- thingsthro"gh. He&d call her. He -issed )imone on the chee- and for the 2nd time that!ee-% he !al-ed a!ay from her home. 'hat time )imone !atched as he left.

He didn&t see )imone at all the ne(t !ee-% b"t he did tal- to her on the phone.)he&d bo"ght t!o pregnancy testers already% b"t she !as too scared to "sethem. ,harlemagne !as scared too.


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He tho"ght of "nise( names% and that it !o"ld be cool if he had a da"ghter andnamed her a boy&s name. 5y midnight he !as decided. 'he name did not matterat that point. ;hat mattered !as that they !o"ld be having a baby. He !asn&tprepared for it% hell he dreaded it% b"t there !as nothing else to do b"t the rightthing. He !o"ld do the right thing.

He pic-ed "p his 5lac-berry and dialed her n"mber. He co"ld hear her phoneringing b"t she didn&t pic- "p. He -ept trying. n his th attempt% her phone !asans!ered b"t it !asn&t )imone !ho spo-e. $t !as Deith on the other end of theline. 'his "pset ,harlemagne very m"ch. He as-ed Deith to p"t )imone on theline% b"t Deith very r"dely ref"sed. )he doesn&t !ant to hear from yo" or tal- toyo"% ass hole. )o get lost. 'he line !ent dead.

CooC

,harlemagne as-s 8ray to drop him off at his place. He has to pic- something "p.8ray !o"ld ta-e him home% and then she&d go home to pic- "p something of her

o!n as !ell. Later they&d meet at a clearing in the !oods 0"st o"tside the city. $t!o"ld be the final part of their night. )he drives to!ards ,harlemagne&s flat%tapping her hands on the steering !heel as they sing along to 5randon 5oyd.

#*ome one, come all into +-. /eah 0,1,+ lights, camera. 2ransaction...#


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Nineteen

or the ne(t fo"r days ,harlemagne tried to get in to"ch !ith )imone. He calledher% b"t she co"ld not be reached. He s!"ng by her place everyday and even!aited for ho"rs on her doorstep% b"t she !as never there and she never sho!ed

"p. )he !as gone% and so !as her 0ac-ass brother. Hec-% at that point,harlemagne !o"ld be glad to see Deith. 'hat !o"ld be better than !aiting invain. $t !o"ld be better than the nothing he had. His girl friend !as gone% and hehad no idea !here she co"ld be. He !as angry and desperate.

He e(perienced the longest days of his life. )o many fears and an(ieties. Hismind !as tormented !ith !hat ifs and !ith #"estions he did not !ant ans!ers to.'he ne(t !ee- came in a drag. He !as gro!ing !eary of it% b"t he !ent over to)imone&s place. >aybe she !o"ld be there. >aybe she&d tell him !hat !as on hermind. >aybe she&d e(plain the tric- behind her disappearing act. He -noc-ed onthe door. Predictably% no ans!er. He leaned his head on the door and began to

cry. He !ept. 'he tears 0"st fell from his eyes li-e tap !ater. He started to sha-eas he cried harder and lo"der. ,harlemagne co"ld no longer bottle "p hisfeelings. ight then and there he vented o"t. He screamed and c"rsed andpo"nded on the door. He p"nched on the !ood till his fists !ere scraped andbloody. He felt a tinge of relief. He&d been restraining himself for days% andletting all the r"bbish o"t made him feel m"ch lighter.


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gave "p. He !as tired and his hands !ere dirty from pic-ing thro"gh the trash%and he !as cantan-ero"s. ;ith vigor he !ashed his hands in the bathroom sin-%all the !hile m"ttering and c"rsing "nder his breath. ;hat did he e(pect to findany!ayF He finished scr"bbing and loo-ed aro"nd the place for a dry to!el b"the fo"nd none. 'his fr"strated him even more. He lashed o"t by -ic-ing the trashcan ne(t to the toilet. $t fell over% spilling it&s contents on the floor. ,harlemagne

leaned on the sin- and loo-ed at himself in the mirror. His eyes !ere red and hasface !as tear stained. 'he bags aro"nd his eyes !ere almost blac-. His fists !eresore and the scrapes st"ng. He !as hopeless. )omething on the floor ca"ght hiseye. Amongst the trash !ere t!o bo(es of pregnancy testers. 'hey !ere bothopen. ,harlemagne got on the floor and spread o"t the trash. Again% his heartraced. Bnderneath a pile of "sed tiss"es !as a pregnancy tester. He pic-ed it "p%and loo-ed for the other one. ;here !as itF 'here !ere t!o bo(es open% b"t oneof the testers !as missing. >aybe )imone had it. >aybe she -ept it.,harlemagne too- a loo- at the tester. He stared at it for an ho"r. 'here he !ason his -nees% still and staring at the tester for an ho"r. He !as s"re )imone hadthe other one. ;hy !o"ldn&t sheF 'he pregnancy tester read positive.

,harlemagne !as bac- in his flat. He sat on the co"ch !ith the tester in his hand.He !as s"re )imone had the other one. He !as holding the first one% and she hadthe second one% the one that made her s"re she !as pregnant. f co"rse she!o"ld -eep the second one. ,harlemagne had so many #"estions. ;hy didn&t shetell himF ;hy !as she avoiding himF ;here !as sheF ;hat !as the matter*aside from her being pregnant of co"rse+F He !anted ans!ers% b"t he had afeeling he !o"ldn&t be getting them soon. His girlfriend !as t!o !ee-s pregnant!ith his child. 'echnically he !as a father. He co"ldn&t believe it. He !as terrifiedof it% of the f"t"re% b"t a small part of him !as happy. 'hat little part gre! biggerand bigger each passing moment. 'he #"estions did not matter. 'he ans!ers did

not matter. 'he reasons behind the #"estions did not matter. He !as going tohave a child !ith the !oman he loved. He !as going to be a h"sband% a father.;hat else co"ld possibly matterF 'hin-ing abo"t it% he fo"nd peace of mind.,harlemagne fo"nd himself smiling. His phone rang and he ans!ered. $t !as afriend from "niversity. He as-ed ,harlemagne if he and )imone !ere stilltogether. He ans!ered yes and as-ed !hy. 'he friend 0"st left a cl"b% and stillinside !as )imone. )he !as !ith a b"ff d"de. 'hat m"st have been Deith.,harlemagne than-ed her and h"ng "p. inally he -ne! !here )imone !as.

'he cl"b !asn&t hard to find. He paid the entrance fee and !ent inside. $t !ashard to foc"s on anything. 'he m"sic !as too lo"d% neon lights flashed

every!here% it !as hot and ,harlemagne co"ld hardly breathe. 'his place !asdefinitely not his scene. $n only a fe! min"tes he !as diy. 'he constantlyblin-ing lights made him feel li-e conv"lsing% and the cro!d made him feelcla"strophobic. He !as very "ncomfortable and he -ept !ondering !hy peopleeven !ent to cl"bs% and !hat -ind of people en0oyed them. He !ent aro"nd thecl"b and -ept an eye open for )imone. A lot of scantily clad girls stopped him andflirted !ith him% b"t he p"shed them all aside. People started to loo- at him. Hedid not appreciate the attention. 'he place felt e(tra hot. inally he spotted)imone. )he !as on the dance floor. $nstantly ,harlemagne&s blood boiled.


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)imone !as dressed in micro shorts and a tiny shirt. )he !as dancing !ith somegangster loo-ing g"y% going do!n lo! and grinding !ith him. 'he g"y !o"ld havehis hands on her ass and !o"ld s#"eee% biting on his lip and loo-ing l"stily at)imone. Li-e she !as nothing more than a piece of ass. )imone% !ho !as hisfiancKe. )imone% !ho !as to be his !ife. )imone% !ho !as the mother of his childand f"t"re children. 'his mother f"c-er loo-ed at her li-e she !as nothing more

than a piece of fine ass.

,harlemagne made his !ay thro"gh the dancing cro!d. He p"shed and shovedand didn&t give a damn abo"t the angry people. He -ept his eye on )imone andthe little f"c-er. ;hen he finally reached them he too- )imone by the arm andtold her they !ere leaving. 'he gangster g"y of co"rse !as not pleased to beinterr"pted. He as-ed !hat the f"c- ,harlemagne !as doing% b"t !as ignored.,harlemagne told )imone a second time that they !ere leaving. )he !asn&tlistening to him. )he co"ld not even foc"s on him. ,harlemagne c"pped her facein his hands and loo-ed at her. @o" have got to be -idding me. He said.)imone&s eyes !ere dilated% she had a blan- loo- on her face% an empty smile

and empty la"ghter. )imone !as stoned. 8angster g"y shoved ,harlemagne andgrabbed )imone. ,a"ght off g"ard% he fell on the floor. 8angster g"y saidsomething coc-y% and this pissed the hell o"t of ,harlemagne. As 8angster g"ystarted to drag )imone a!ay% he stood "p. He sp"n 8angster g"y aro"nd andgave him a head b"tt that landed right on his nose. ,harlemagne act"ally heardbone crac-. 8angster g"y !as on the dance floor !ith a bloody% bro-en nose. $nan instant ,harlemagne had his -nee on the g"y&s chest and his collar in hisclenched hand. ,harlemagne slapped him across the face. 'hro"gh clenchedteeth he threatened him. @o" stay a!ay from my !oman% yo" little bitchI $ asm"ch as see yo" glance at her% mar- my !ords. $. ;ill. Dill. @o".

,harlemagne fo"nd o"t !here )imone&s st"ff !as from the people !ho had seenher earlier. Her bag !as in a booth at the far end of the cl"b% close to the bar.,harlemagne too- it% along !ith her 0ac-et. Deith !as no!here to be fo"nd. Hedidn&t care. He too- )imone o"tside !here he chec-ed "p on her. At a gas stationhe sat her do!n and bo"ght her a bottle of !ater. )he started to tal-% as-ing if he!as ,harlemagne. @es% baby it&s me. $t&s gonna be o-ay. /verything is going tobe o-ay. he told her% and he someho! believed it. )imone !as pregnant and she!as high% b"t he believed that things !o"ld !or- themselves o"t. 'hey !o"ld beo-ay. )imone fell asleep on the table so ,harlemagne too- the chance to openher bag. $t !as a mess. 'ons of garbage !ere in it. He !ent thro"gh it. He fo"ndthe second

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