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The Illustration Essay It’s important to know how to write an Illustration Essay because an Illustration Essay models the organization you’ll use to write all kinds of essays in college, work, and in life. The organization behind an Illustration Essay is simple: it’s writing that proves its point (The Thesis) by examples. Everything about essays covered in this text applies exactly to the Illustration Essay. That’s why it’s a great way to practice and improve your writing. The Illustration Essay is often defined as “writing by example,” and that’s exactly what you’re doing: You’re giving examples – examples with details – to support your Thesis Statement. Practice 1. “Writing by example” – Take a look at the following drafts

of one essay and decide which uses Examples to give you a better idea of what the writer is trying to prove about the Topic.

“Effects of Lack of Sleep”

Essay 1

I’m a student taking a full load of classes, and I work twenty hours a week so I can pay the tuition for college. With this busy schedule, I’ve realized there are many bad effects when I do not get enough sleep at night. The first effect is I tend to fall asleep in class. Falling asleep means I miss everything. Another effect of not getting enough sleep is that I lack energy. My body will not have much energy if I don’t get enough sleep because sleeping allows my body to rest and recharge. The third effect is the quality of my work won’t be very good. If I am tired, I don’t focus well and I won’t do well in college, at my job, or wherever I am. These are some of the bad results I have experienced from getting enough sleep. Don’t you think that after a while I would figure out that if I want to do well in life, I should get more sleep?

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Essay 2

I’m a student taking a full load of classes, and I work twenty

hours a week so I can pay the tuition for college. With this busy

schedule, I’ve realized there are many bad effects when I do not

get enough sleep at night. The first effect is I tend to fall asleep

in class. Falling asleep means I miss everything. Another effect

of not getting enough sleep is that I lack energy. My body will

not have much energy if I don’t get enough sleep because

sleeping allows my body to rest and recharge. The third effect is

the quality of my work won’t be very good. If I am tired, I don’t

focus well and I won’t do well in college, at my job, or

wherever I am. These are some of the bad results I have

experienced from getting enough sleep. Don’t you think that

after a while I would figure out that if I want to do well in life, I

should get more sleep?

I’m a student taking a full load of classes, and I work twenty hours a week so I can pay the tuition for college. With this busy schedule, I’ve realized there are many bad effects when I do not get enough sleep at night. The first effect is I tend to fall asleep in class. Falling asleep means I miss everything. For example, last Sunday night I only got three hours of sleep because I stayed up late talking with a friend. That next day in my English class I was listening and the next thing I knew my professor was shaking me awake! I was definitely embarrassed, and I remembered none of what was covered including what we were assigned for homework and what our essay was on and when it was due. Another effect of not getting enough sleep is that I lack energy. My body will not have much energy if I don’t get enough sleep because sleeping allows my body to rest and recharge. I have to wake up early to go to class. I have three classes on Mondays and Wednesdays, and two classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, all in the morning. After class, I have to go to work at Target. I’m at the cash register from 2:00 until 6:00, five days a week. Then when I finish work, I go back to the apartment, cook some dinner, and then I need to do homework for at least two hours a night. I cannot keep up with everything I have to do if I don’t get a good night sleep. I just don’t have the energy. Last week, for example, I ended up missing my classes on Wednesday, did not make it to work on Thursday, and failed to do my homework all week! The third effect is the quality of my work won’t be very good. Without enough sleep, I make stupid mistakes at work, and I am not able to concentrate on my homework at night. As for that essay that was due in English, the best I could do was a “D,” which does not “cut it.” These are some of the bad results I have experienced from getting enough sleep. Don’t you think that after a while I would figure out that if I want to do well in life, I should get more sleep?

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Which Essay uses Specific Examples to help the reader understand each Support Point? ___ Essay 1 ___ Essay 2

“Not getting enough sleep?” http://media.collegepublisher.com/media/paper949/stills/436b1d3b197be-23-1.jpg

The following Chart shows how the concept of Examples fits into the organizational structure of the Illustration Essay (see Support Paragraphs). -

1. Introductory Paragraph a. Gets the readers interest b. Sets the context for the paragraph/essay

(provides background)

c. Thesis Statement (Topic + Main Idea)

2. Support Paragraph 1: Topic Sentence a. Example 1 – General Support b. Example 1 – Specific support –

Example with details

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- In the following Illustration Essay, the student writer models the organizational structure outlined above. (We’ll use this essay as a model throughout the chapter.)

Brooke with her College Algebra textbook, and her son Josh

holding his long-flying paper airplane! http://www.usu.edu/ust/img/large/KirstenChild.JPG

3. Support Paragraph 2: Topic Sentence a. Example 2 – General Support b. Example 2 – Specific support –

Example with details

4. Support Paragraph 3: Topic Sentence (The third reason your reader should believe your Thesis.)

a. General Support 3 b. Specific support 3 – quotes, statistics, and

examples that back up your argument.

5. Conclusion a. Restates the Main Idea (what you have

proved in the essay in different words) b. Takes the reader a step further.

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-

Brooke Stillman ENG 090-501 3/10/09 Illustration Essay Informal Outline Thesis Statement: My three obstacles in returning to college are time, lack of focus, and working two full time jobs. Support 1: Time Support 2: Lack of focus Support 3: Energy

Obstacles to Being in School Again [Introductory Paragraph]I have been working as a teller in the banking industry for the past several years and have recently come to realize that I want to do more with my life. To be able to succeed in the area that I want to, I must get my accounting degree. Now that I have finally started taking classes, there are three major obstacles that I’m encountering along the way. [Thesis Statement]Those three obstacles are time, lack of focus, and working two full time jobs while being a good mom to my son. [Support Paragraph 1]The first and foremost obstacle that is holding me back from pursuing my accounting degree is time. There never seems to be enough time in the day to finish everything. I wake up every morning at 6 am at the latest to get myself and my son Josh ready for the day. I get my son dropped off at daycare and get to work. When I’m off work at 5 pm, I pick Josh up and drive home. By the time we’re home and we’ve eaten dinner, it’s time to get him in the bathtub and then ready for bed. Once I get him to bed, I need at least twenty minutes to relax before I can begin focusing on doing homework. I find myself at the end of every day struggling to stay awake to complete all of my homework in time.

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[Support Paragraph 2]A second important obstacle is that I seem to have a very hard time focusing on my schoolwork. That lack of focus comes from being a single mom, working full time, becoming engaged and trying to plan a wedding, buying a new house, and going through a custody battle of my child. I just have so much going on, it’s a challenge to give my complete attention to my school work. For example, yesterday, after I got my son to bed and started reading the chapter on the Civil War for my history class, a half hour went by before I realized that I was thinking of the custody battle with my husband and had not read a single line of the history chapter. I guess you could say it was the wrong war! [Support Paragraph 3]Last, having two jobs and taking care of m four-year old son seems to drain me from all the energy that I have. My four-year old is a constant spit fire of energy that never seems to slow down. Josh can play all day and not get tired! Last weekend, he was going strong for all morning and most of the afternoon. I only knew he was tired because he started crying when I told him that the book he wanted me to read to him had been returned to the library, and no other book would substitute, not even the book he had been so excited about the day before when we checked it out from the library! I also work as a teller at a credit union and find it to be a stressful job as I constantly have to be in a good mood and talking to people. I get home at the end of the day and after putting my son to bed, the last thing that I want to do is get on my computer and work on school. [Conclusion]Although there are a number of obstacles that get in my way of completing my classes, it is worth my time, focus, and energy. I know that one day I will be proud of myself for sacrificing these things in order to better myself and to better provide for my family. Until then, I will put forth one hundred percent into these classes so I can have the job that I desire.

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Using the above essay, let’s review the steps you’ll need to use to organize and write an Illustration Essay.

Steps in Writing an Illustration Essay

Step 1. The Thesis Statement A. The Topic The first step in organizing your Illustration Essay is to develop a Thesis Statement. All Thesis Statements have two important parts: A Topic (what you are writing about) and the Main Idea (what you’ll prove about the Topic). As we mentioned in Chapter …, the Topic – or what you’re writing about – is usually given by your professor. In fact, in most college classes you’ll receive a list of Topics to choose from. Here’s an important point: You’ll want to choose a Topic that you know something about, and as importantly, are interested in. Remember, “when you care about the topic, you’ll do a better job with your writing!” Here’s a typical list of Topics that you could receive in a writing class:

1. Traffic

2. Crime

3. Inflation

4. Child care

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“A Cool College Child Care Center!” http://www.hallmarkinfrastructure.co.in/images/daycare.jpg

If you have children and are trying to figure out how you can go to classes and take care of your kids at the same time, the Topic of “Daycare service for student-parents” might be a good choice for you. Or, here’s a different example: if you drive I25 to Denver each day for a job, the Topic of “Traffic” might be worth considering. The same is true of the Topics “Crime” and “Inflation.” In deciding on a Topic, it’s a good idea to ask the following questions:

What is your experience with the Topic?

How much do you care about the Topic?

Your answers are the keys to making the best decision about which Topic to choose for your essay. Remember, if you care about the Topic, the writing will be much easier, and you’ll do a better job!

B. The Main Idea Once you have the Topic, the next step is to develop a Thesis Statement. The Thesis Statement not only has the Topic, but also the Main Idea (what you will prove about the Topic). Remember, you need both for a Thesis Statement. It’s not enough to announce that “you’ll be writing about crime.” You also have to prove something about crime. For example: “The effects of crime go beyond the

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individuals involved”; or “crime has not been reduced by mandatory sentencing.” It’s up to you to choose what you will prove about the Topic. (see Chapter … for a full discussion of how the Main Idea is used in the Thesis Statement). Given the list of Topics outlined above, we might come up with the following Thesis Statements:1

1. Day care is critical to non-traditional students staying in college.

2. Traffic in metro Denver is becoming intolerable.

3. The effects of crime go beyond the individuals involved.

4. Inflation affects the ability of working families to pay basic expenses.

1To help you identify the Topic and Main Idea for each Thesis Statement we present in this and other chapters, the Topics are underlined and the Main Ideas are in bold type.

Practice 2. Crafting your own Thesis Statement – Using the

following list of Topics develop a Thesis Statement by adding a Main Idea.

Topic: Trains Topic Main Idea Example Thesis Statement: Trains are a much more relaxed way to

travel. Topic + Main Idea = Thesis Statement

1. The Internet

2. Gas prices

3. A college degree

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4. Stress

5. Teen pregnancy

Introduction to a Time magazine article on teen pregnancy and foster care: “What's tougher than being a pregnant teenager? Try being a pregnant teenager in foster care. Miranda Sheffield had pinballed in and out of more than 10 foster homes in Southern California by the time she became pregnant with her daughter at the age of 17. "I was close to aging out [of the system]," she says of the program that in most states finds temporary homes for children until they are 18. "And when I got pregnant, I found there was no support for me. It was like, 'We need to get you out of foster care because we won't be able to handle you and a baby.' " “Teen Pregnancy: An Epidemic in Foster Care” Time Magazine Amy Sullivan July 28, 2009 http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1911854,00.html

Practice 3. Choose one of the Thesis Statements you developed

above (see Practice 2) to be the Thesis Statement for an Illustration Essay that you’ll be assigned at the end of the chapter.

Thesis Statement for the Illustration Essay you’ll write at the end of this chapter (Practice 7 …).

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Topic + Main Idea = Thesis Statement

Step 2. The Informal Outline After writing down your Thesis Statement, the next step in the writing process is to outline three Support Points that will prove your Thesis. The Thesis Statement and three Support Points make up the Informal Outline that will guide your writing like a roadmap guides you on the road (see Chapter … for a full discussion of the Informal Outline). Here’s the Informal Outline that served as the basis for the Illustration Essay that we presented earlier in the chapter (see page …). Informal Outline Thesis Statement: My three obstacles in returning to college are time, lack of focus, and working two full time jobs.

Support Point 1: not enough time Support Point 2: not enough focus Support Point 3: not enough energy

Practice 4. Developing an Informal Outline – For each of the Topics

listed below, write a Thesis Statement and three Support Points.

1. The Internet

2. Teen pregnancy

3. A college degree

4. Stress

5. Gas prices

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“High gas prices, Summer 2008”

“Lines form at gas stations during oil embargo, 1973”

http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photo_StoryLevel/080624/080624-gaslines-hmed-4p.h2.jpg

Informal Outline 1. Topic: “Gas prices” Thesis Statement:

Support Point 1: Support Point 2: Support Point 3:

Informal Outline 2. Topic: “The Internet” Thesis Statement:

Support Point 1: Support Point 2: Support Point 3:

Informal Outline 3. Topic: “Teen pregnancy” Thesis Statement:

Support Point 1: Support Point 2: Support Point 3:

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Informal Outline 4. Topic: “Exercise” Thesis Statement:

Support Point 1: Support Point 2: Support Point 3:

Informal Outline 5. Topic: “A college degree” Thesis Statement:

Support Point 1: Support Point 2: Support Point 3:

“A new college graduate!” http://blog.mlive.com/kzgazette/2008/04/kalamazoo_valley_community_col.html

Step 3: The first draft Once you have an Informal Outline with a Thesis Statement and three Support Points, you’re ready to write the first draft of your essay.

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A short Illustration Essay usually has five paragraphs, each with a different purpose. Let’s review: A. The Introductory Paragraph There are many ways to write the Introduction. Chapter … reviews the methods you can use to get a reader’s interest and set background to be included in the Introduction to your essay. And, remember, the Introductory Paragraph ends with the Thesis Statement. Here’s the Introductory Paragraph from the student writer’s Illustration Essay that we presented at the beginning of this chapter (see page …) on “obstacles to returning to college”: Notice that the writer gets her reader’s interest and sets the background for the essay by telling a story of how she worked as a bank teller before realizing she wanted more from life, and so made the decision to return to college. Her Introductory Paragraph ends with the Thesis Statement (“three obstacles to returning to college”).

1. Introductory Paragraph c. Gets the readers interest d. Sets the context for the paragraph/essay

(provides background) c. Thesis Statement (Topic + Main Idea)

[Introduction] I have been working as a teller in the banking industry for the past several years and have recently come to realize that I want to do more with my life. To be able to succeed in the area that I want to, I must get my accounting degree. Now that I have finally started taking classes, there are three major obstacles that I’m encountering along the way. [Thesis Statement] Those three obstacles are time, lack of focus, and working two full time jobs while being a good mom to my daughter.

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B. The Support Paragraphs The Support Paragraphs in the Illustration Essay have three parts: An Illustration Essay gives Examples for each of the Support Points listed in the Informal Outline. Each Support Point becomes the basis for the Topic Sentence of the Support Paragraph, and the Examples you use are the Specific Support Sentences in each Support Paragraph. Let’s use the student essay about the “obstacles to returning to college” to illustrate the point. Support Paragraph 1: The Topic Sentence of the first Support Paragraph is: “The first obstacle that is holding me back from pursuing my accounting degree is time.” Notice that there are two kinds of Support in this paragraph: 1) General Support: (“There never seems to be enough time in the day to finish everything.”). This sentence focuses the reader’s attention on her support, but does not give the detail. 2) Specific Support or Examples: (“I wake up every morning at 6 am at the latest

[Topic Sentence] The first and foremost obstacle that is holding me back from pursuing my accounting degree is time. [General Support]There never seems to be enough time in the day to finish everything. [Specific Support – The Example] I wake up every morning at 6 am at the latest to get myself and my son Josh ready for the day. I get my son dropped off at daycare and get to work. When I’m off work at 1 pm, I attend two classes until 4:00 pm. Then I pick Josh up and drive home. By the time we’re home and we’ve eaten dinner, it’s time to get him in the bathtub and then ready for bed. Once I get him to bed, I need at least twenty minutes to relax before I can begin focusing on doing homework. I find myself at the end of every day struggling to stay awake to complete all of my homework in time.

Support Paragraphs: 1. Topic Sentence 2. General Support 3. Specific support – Example with details

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to get myself and my son Josh ready….”). It’s the examples that make for an Illustration Essay! Support Paragraph 2: In Support Paragraph 2, the Topic Sentence (the second Support Point in the Informal Outline) is that she has so much going on in returning to school that her focus gets scattered, and she gives a Specific Example: (“after I got my daughter to bed and started reading the chapter on the Civil War for my history class, a half hour went by before I realized that I was thinking of the custody battle with my husband and had not read a single line of the history chapter….”) Support Paragraph 3: - -

[Topic Sentence] A second important obstacle is that I seem to have a very hard time focusing on my schoolwork. [General Support] That lack of focus comes from being a single mom, working full time, becoming engaged and trying to plan a wedding, buying a new house, and going through a custody battle of my child. I just have so much going on it’s a challenge to give my complete attention to my school work. [Specific Support – The Example] For example, yesterday, after I got my daughter to bed and started reading the chapter on the Civil War for my history class, a half hour went by before I realized that I was thinking of the custody battle with my husband and had not read a single line of the history chapter. I guess you could say it was the wrong war!

[Topic Sentence] Last, having two jobs and taking care of my four-year old son seems to drain me from all the energy that I have. [General Support] My four-year old is a constant spit fire of energy that never seems to slow down. Josh can play all day and not get tired! [Specific Support – The Example 1] Last weekend, he was going strong for all morning and most of the afternoon. I only knew he was tired because he started crying when I told him that the book he wanted me to read to him had been returned to the library, and no other book would substitute,

not even the book he had been so excited about the day before when we checked it out from the library! [Specific Support – The Example 2] I also work as a teller at a credit union and on weekends I do secretarial work for a real estate company. I do a good job with both, but I put out a lot of energy to get through

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In Support Paragraph 3, the Topic Sentence (the third Support Point in the Informal Outline) is not having enough energy to do everything, which is followed by a Specific Example of how much energy she had to put into taking care of her son last weekend. Notice that she also has a second example (how much energy she has to put out working two jobs). You’ll find that the longer the essay, the more examples the writer gives, and the more detail is added to each example.

Transitions Notice how the student writer uses transition words and phrases to help the reader follow her essay. Notice also that one kind of transition is used for the Topic Sentences at the beginning of each Support Paragraph and a different kind of transition is used for each of the Specific Examples. (see Chapter … for a more detailed discussion of the Transition Words and Phrases.) The Transitions for the Topic Sentence are words and phrases like:

First, second, third,

Next, finally, last,

Most important, The Transitions for Specific Examples are words and phrases like:

For example, for instance,

Specifically,

In fact,

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Practice 5. Focusing your support –The defining characteristic of an

Illustration Essay is the Example that supports the Thesis Statement. In the essay below, each of the Support Paragraphs fails in some way to be consistent in its support for the Thesis Statement. See if you can identify the mistakes the writer makes in her first draft of an Illustration Essay.

Renae Adams 2.9.2009 ENG 090 Illustration Essay Informal Outline Thesis Statement: The recession has affected many aspects of society including the working environment, tourism, and the ability to provide basic everyday needs.

1. Many people are losing their jobs. 2. With tourism down it is affecting many businesses. 3. People are struggling to provide basic needs for their family.

The Impact of the Recession

[Introduction]As most Americans are aware, the United States has been having problems managing its money. Our free spending, big debt binge has caused the United States to go into a deep recession. The recession has affected almost everyone including employment, tourism, and the ability to provide basic everyday needs. [Support Paragraph 1]The recession has caused many people in the country to lose their jobs. With so many businesses closing and so many of jobs being outsourced to other countries, it is hard for the unemployed to find jobs. It has impacted our workforce across the board, from blue collar to corporate.

Support Paragraph 1 is missing a Specific Example. Add your own Example in the space below. (Remember a Specific Example has detail including “who, when, and where”). The

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example should be about unemployment that is happening in your own life and experience.

Your Specific Example:

[Support Paragraph 2]We are seeing the number of tourists going down in Leadville. With one of Leadville’s main source of income coming from tourism, the recession has hit hard in Leadville. These areas thrive off of the retail, construction, real estate, and recreation. With tourism down, layoffs and business closings have increased. Unable to find local employment, many have been forced to move out of the area.

Support Paragraph 2 brings in a narrower focus than is mentioned in the Thesis Statement. Can you find it? Put the word or phrase that is overly narrow in blue type.

[Support Paragraph 3]The recession is making it difficult for families to provide for the basic needs. With unemployment on the rise, many are struggling to provide for the basic needs of their family including housing, food, transportation, health care, and other living expenses. We have seen people start carpooling, riding city transportation such as the bus, and walking/riding their bikes to various locations. We have also seen a decrease in the number of people dining out at expensive restaurants.

Support Paragraph 3 introduces Support that does not provide evidence for the Topic Sentence of the paragraph: “The recession is also making it difficult for families to provide for basic needs.” Put the sentence that does not support the Topic Sentence in blue type.

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“Unemployment Line Great Depression, 1933”

“Unemployment line, Great Recession, 2009”

http://sum2llc.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/unemployment-line-nyc-depression.jpg http://bossip.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/unemployment-line.jpg

C. The Conclusion The last paragraph in the Illustration Essay is the Conclusion. The Conclusion has two goals. Chapter … reviews the methods you can use to write the Conclusion. Here is the method chosen by our student writer in her essay on the “obstacles to returning to college”: Conclusion -

Conclusion a. Restates the Main Idea (what you have proved in the

paragraph) in different words. b. Takes the reader a step further.

[Restate the Thesis in different words]Although there are a number of obstacles that get in my way of completing my classes, it is worth my time, focus, and energy. [Take the reader a step further]I know that one day I will be proud of myself for sacrificing these things in order to better myself and to better provide for my family. Until then, I will put forth one hundred percent into these classes so I can have the job that I desire.

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Notice how the student writer changes the wording but repeats the Thesis (“there are a number of obstacles that get in my way of completing my classes, it is worth my time, focus, and energy”). She then “takes the reader a step further” by writing that she’ll be proud of herself one day for the sacrifices she made to reach her goal. Practice 6. In the Illustration Essay below titled “Determined to Open

a New Chapter in my Life,” identify the Organizational Structure using the following pattern:

Put the Introduction designed to give background to the essay in Italics Underline and put in bold print the Thesis Statement for the essay Put the Topic Sentence for each Support Paragraph in blue type. Put the Supporting Detail in red type for each Topic Sentence of that paragraph. Put the Conclusion that restates the Thesis in different words in Green type. Put the Conclusion that takes the reader a step further in Underlined Green type. Jon Paris Eng 090-501 3/30/2009 Illustration Essay

Informal Outline Thesis Statement: There have been multiple obstacles that have impeded me from furthering my education. Support Point 1: Cost of tuition and course related books Support Point 2: Not enough time Support Point 3: Finding out the steps needed for enrollment seemed daunting.

Determined to Open a New Chapter in my Life

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Throughout my youth, I recall my father’s longing to see me further my education. I remember the long hours he would work to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, and clothes on our backs. Although he was reasonably successful within his career, he often lamented about how he could have provided for the family better had he completed college. After I had graduated from high school, I saw the hurt in his eyes when I chose to follow in his footsteps by choosing military service instead of enrolling in college. I told both him and myself that it was only a temporary delay towards higher education, although I was always looking for excuses to put off the enrollment process. I was always citing long work hours and family matters as justification for my procrastination. Now as an assistant engineer working amongst engineers that all have completed their college education, I feel that if I don’t enroll quickly I will soon add “being too old” to my list of excuses. I fear that I will share the same fate as my father, telling my children how I wish I had done things differently. Much to my dismay, I have encountered several obstacles that have impeded me from furthering my education. Being able to budget in the cost of tuition, course related books, and other costs of college always seems to be an uphill struggle. I have tried to put money aside for tuition costs, but the needs of my family and unexpected cost expenditures would deplete these funds in short order. Three years ago, for example, I had planned to enroll at Front Range Community College. I had even taken my placement assessment and talked with an advisor about what classes to take. I was ready to enroll in Calculus 1, ENG 090, Computer Science, and Accounting. Then two months before the start of the semester, my wife was diagnosed with a tumor. Fortunately, it was not cancer, but she still needed an operation, and since my company had dropped our health insurance, the operation was not covered. My wife and I found ourselves with a $25,000 bill! I was forced to put college off, as we used every available dollar to pay off the debt. Time always seems to be in short supply, and for years I would comment that I just don’t have the time to invest in schoolwork.

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Working a full time job that often requires large amounts of overtime and raising two young children has left little time in a day for study and course work. What I was really missing was the discipline to adequately manage my time throughout the day. My wife was the sensible one and helped me map out a plan that would allocate two hours a night for course study without the loss of family time and a good night’s sleep. With her help, I was able to enroll part-time and am taking two classes a semester. Two classes a semester is doable where a full load of five classes can be overwhelming. It may take longer, but I can achieve my goals. As I read through the course catalogs, the sheer number of course codes and degree requirements were bewildering to me and finding out the steps needed for enrollment seemed to be a daunting challenge. Truly, I could not have been more mistaken. Advisors were on hand at the campus to help me through the enrollment process, and I found the experience to be quite enjoyable in the end. One of the counselors, Nancy West, has been especially helpful. I first met her when I first tried to enroll three years ago. I quickly realized that she understood the needs of returning students. In fact, she has kept up with me as I had to put off college for my wife’s operation, and she was the first person I spoke with when I returned. It was Ms. West who helped me to realize that I could enroll in two classes a semester instead of four or five so that I could meet my job and family responsibilities while still achieving my academic goals. There have been road blocks to returning to college, but I have never before felt such a sense of urgency as I do now. I have squandered too much time by not bettering myself through education. I will not allow myself to become a man that regrets where my life could have led. The words of Andrew Carnegie ring true: “People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents.” It may take longer than other students, but I plan on completing my degree from Front Range Community College in three years, and three years later I’ll be walking down the aisle of Colorado State University with a degree in

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Engineering with the promise of a substantial raise from my company. I’ll be a senior engineer; my father would be proud.

“Returning to college” http://conted.colorado.edu/career/

Practice 7. Writing your own Illustration Essay

Graded Essay Assignment: Write a 1-2 page

Illustration/Example essay, using the topic you developed in the Progressive Writing Assignments in this Chapter (see below). You can use the drafts you put together for these assignments for your essay! First Draft due date: one week from today Your essay must be organized according to the principles of organization covered in this chapter. 1. Topics you can choose from for your Illustration Essay (If you

like, you can use the Thesis Statement and Informal Outline you completed earlier in the chapter (see page …):

Topic + Main Idea = Thesis Statement

1. The Internet

2. Teen pregnancy

3. Gas prices

4. A college degree

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5. Stress

6. Exercise

2. Complete an Informal Outline to plan your essay. The Informal Outline should have the following parts:

Thesis Statement: Support Point 1: Support Point 2: Support Point 3: 3. Write an Illustration Essay from 1-2 pages long on the topic

you chose that follows your Informal Outline.

A. Organization (Check when you are certain you have included the following:

Introductory Paragraph ____ Introduction to get reader’s interest and set background ____ Thesis Statement 3 Support Paragraphs ____ Topic sentence for each Support Point in your Informal Outline

that should appear at the beginning of each Support Paragraph

____ General support sentences ____ Specific support sentences – Examples with details; Conclusion Paragraph ____ Conclusion that restates the main idea, and ____ Takes the reader one step further. 4. Place the Informal Outline and Organization Checklist directly

above your essay. (You will receive 3 points added to your

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grade for completing the Outline and the Organization Checklist.)

5. Make sure to include with your name, date, course

information, and assignment in the upper left corner of the essay!

Here’s how to format your essays: At the opening of your essay, single space your name, the course, date and something that identifies which assignment it is (Illustration Essay for example) in the upper left hand corner. You will need a title. Capitalize the first letter in each word of your title (except for a, the, at, of, in and to unless one of these words begins the title). Center the title above the essay. Also, make sure to double-space the text of the essay (Use ctrl-A then ctrl-2). Also, make sure your essay is in 12 point type with 1 inch margins. 6. Complete the following Grammar Checklist, by checking

carefully for each type of error in your essay. Correct the errors and place an “X” by each type of error you checked for. Turn in the completed Grammar Checklist with your final exam paragraph. (You will receive 3 points added to your grade for completing the Grammar Checklist.)

Attach the Grammar Checklist along with your essay. 1. ____ Spelling (Use the Spellcheck! on your computer) ____ Spelled as one word instead of two!

Anyone Anything Someone Everybody Anybody Whenever Somebody Cannot

2. Fragments

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_____ Make sure you have a Subject and a Verb in all your sentences; otherwise the word group is a fragment. Here are some examples:

Fragment: Getting to class on time. Sentence: Getting to class on time has been a problem for me. Fragment: When I knew he was there. Sentence: When I knew he was there, I dropped off the contract. Fragment: Such as the games that are on-line. Sentence: There are many video games that I play, such as the

games that are on-line. Fragment: When she arrived at class after the bus had dropped her

off. Sentence: She arrived at class after the bus had dropped her off. 3. Run-ons _____ Run-ons are caused by combining two full sentences, each

with a subject and verb and no conjunction, into one sentence using a comma or no punctuation. You can correct a run-on by:

Run-on: She arrived at class, the bus had dropped her off. Sentence: She arrived at class after the bus had dropped her off. Run-on: You know the answer, it’s on the board. Sentence: You know the answer because it’s on the board. 4. Comma Errors: _____ Commas with Coordinate Conjunctions -- Notice the need

for a comma in compound sentences with a coordinating conjunction (and, but, or), where there are two equal ideas (see page … in the text).

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Examples: I walked to class, and I carried my books. I walked to class and carried my books. Notice that you do have a comma when there is a second subject but do not have a comma when the second subject is left out.

_____ Commas with Subordinate Conjunctions – Use commas

after subordinate clauses that introduce sentences. A subordinate clause is less important than the main sentence and is signaled with a key word (see page … in the text).

Examples: When I got to class, the fire alarm rang After I got to class, the fire alarm rang The fire alarm rang after I got to class I like apples because they are sweet. Notice that you need a comma when the Subordinate Clause starts the sentence but do not use a comma when the Subordinate Clause does not start the sentence. _____ Commas in opening phrases introductory phrases – Use

a comma after opening phrases (see page … in the text).

Example: “In fact, I did it my way.” Example: “In early morning light, I saw the battle.” Example: “I saw the battle in the early morning light.” (no comma because the prepositional phrase comes at the end of the sentence)

_____ Commas in Series – Put a comma after the last item in a

series before the conjunction.

Example: “I like apples, oranges, and bananas.” Example: “She read the chapter on Monday, visited the Writing Center on Tuesday, and took the exam on Wednesday.”

_____ Commas with Which but not That -- It is almost always

true that “which” takes a comma and “that” does not (see page … in the text).

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Example: “I am taking the umbrella, which is in the closet.” Example: “I am taking the umbrella that is in the closet.”

_____ No Comma after a Subordinate Conjunction -- You never

have a Comma after a Subordinate Conjunction (see page … in the text).

Never like this!: “Although, it was raining, we played the soccer match to the end.” Always like this: “Although it was raining, we played the soccer match to the end.”

5. Correct Wording _____ Its/it’s This is an exception to the possessive rule. “Its” is the

possessive as in “The cat cleaned its fur.” “It’s” is the contraction as in “It is,” as in, “It’s time to go.”

_____ Then/Than These two words are tricky. “Then” is used to

show a change in time. For example: “First, I washed my clothes; then I did my assignment.” “Then” is also used with cause-effect sentences. For example: “If you want to leave on time, then you better start packing.” “Than” is used for comparisons. For example: “I like your choice better than mine.”

_____ The words “there, their, and they’re” are pronounced the

same but have different meanings. Here’s what they mean: 1. “There” is a direction like: “over there.” 2. “Their” shows possession like: “their car.” 3. “They’re” is a contraction meaning: “They are.”

Make sure to use the right form in your essay! _____ The words “to, too, and two” are pronounced the same but

have different meanings. You have “to” as in “to the store”; “too” as in “too many assignments”; and “two” as in “two pencils.” Make sure to use the right form in your essay!

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_____ In formal writing, avoid using “and” or “but” to start a sentence. Usually you can just take the “and” or “but” out, and it will fix the problem, or you can combine the word group that begins with “and” or “but” with the sentence that comes before.

Incorrect: I walked to class. And I took the quiz. Correct: I walked to class, and I took the quiz.

_____ Slang – In a formal paper, try to avoid using an slang words

like “Got” “Lot of” “thing” “stuff” or “bunch.” See if you can find another word to do the job.

_____ I believe/I think/in my opinion -- In a formal paper, avoid

writing “I believe” “I think” “in my opinion” and so on. Readers will assume that you would not write it if you didn’t believe it, so you also write “I believe.”

Extra wording: I believe sixteen year olds should have the

right to vote. Revised: Sixteen year olds should have the right to vote.

_____ Numbers -- In a formal paper, write out your numbers unless

they are triple digits (100 or greater), or a paper where you are presenting data.

Incorrect: There were 8 stores in the city. Correct: There were eight stores in the city.

_____ Second Person “you” -- In a formal paper, try to avoid the

second person “you” unless you’re giving instructions or directions. Stick to the third person (“it” “he” “she” “they”) and so on. Or in personal essays, use the first person “I.”

The exception are process essays where you are explaining how to do something (like how to change the oil on a car, or how to write an essay!)