MUTAKALO PFANO1

2MUTAKALO PFANO

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DEDICATIONS

To my late mom, Meiki and to my dad, Thomani.

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BLESSINGS AND PRAISES

I wrote this to someone—someone who once told us of ROSES. For the flowers, they are colorful and smells divine; many show their devotion to their loved ones by buying them and having they sent.---many times, many moments the devil and his associates thought you were done with, but you made it to your feet. You rose from ashes like a phoenix because you are a winning champion. You are not only the pretty face, you are a miracle from GOD……Thabelo Mamphodo

All blessings for it and may our Lord God anoint it for its words to be more powerful and touch hearts of many….ThabeloGanndini

Make history in a written material in Jesus name---Pedrito dos Santos Nhatave

Let all who read this rise in every aspect in JESUS name. proverbs 1:7---Dr. A Sikhosana

I bless it in the name of Jesus. I want to have an effect and change peoples lives---Dr. Vandu

God has given us different talents through His Spirit and this book is your GOD given talent and it is going to touch many hearts. 1 Corinthians 15:58---Dr DM Mphari

Your book will be read all over the world and you will be known in Jesus name.---Dr. S Ubisi

In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior I stand as a heavenly priest saying you shall be blessed going in and going out---Lennox Hlungwane

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Roses, the definition.

Before I thought of writing, I felt like I wasnt good enough. But then again, I realized that I have the privilege of receiving this wonderful revelation when I needed it most. And I am quite sure somebody will pick a few pointers, and will receive life out of these words. Amen, that’s my prayer.

I know most people will probably think about red thorny roses, they received on valentines. Or what they really expected on special occasions of love like valentines. But I beg to differ, roses for me, it’s not just the flowers but a figure of speech or rather a rape of English grammar. In simple English, rose is the past tense of rise; yet when it becomes roses I am trying to signify that I have rose so many times; and that it is not even appropriate to call that “rising” but roses coz I have done it before, again and again.

A simple testimony though, I have been scared of losing breath a thousand times; messed up countless times; earned so many names some good but some uncalled for; I have received much appreciation below my curses and mockery; been loved but hated more; been out there trying to find where I fit in; been dated and dated a few girls that had few dresses no wonder most of them lasted not that long…..; been hustling since the day I was born; been winning all along but so many times I lose and failed where most have succeeded.

I believe ROSES is not just this simple pdf file, it is something to inspire others to rise up whenever they are down.

It is a story which everybody had, and as such I would like to make it known to my sister or brother out there that “you are what you are because you refused to stay down”. As for those that are still struggling with low self-esteem, okay you may think you don’t look good enough, bad in academics, bad in public affairs but to tell you the truth if I had to testify in those lines. Everybody would just realize that all the greatest people in the world have that weakness that had tried to pull them

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down. I do struggle too, I am not even sure if people will receive my message but through faith which is the substance of things hoped for, I am hoping the message would reach out as far as it could-even beyond people I know.

Because after everything has been said and done, love, faith and hope, will always remain. This is the love story of rising….MUTA

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And when he was come in, he saith unto them, Why make ye this ado, and weep? the damsel is not dead, but sleepeth.And they laughed him to scorn. But when he had put them all out, he takeththe father and the mother of the damsel, and them that were with him, and entereth in where the damsel was lying. And he took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha cumi; which is, being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise.And straightway the damsel arose, and walked; for she was of the age of twelve years. And they were astonished with a great astonishment.

Mark 5:39-42, KJV BIBLE

You may shoot me with your words

You may cut me with your eyes

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise----Maya Angelou, Still I rise

QOUTES

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There are a lot of things going on me with me, and to be honest I have never felt so good about waking up every morning to do what I was born to be. I am not really into having specifics, I just do what I am doing right now. I am tired of talking about what I am doing but instead I'm doing what I am talking about. I am rising. Yesterday I rose, and all the times I have risen call it, ROSES.

I would like to continue from where I have left of, and surprisingly I am working on a novel which is almost done. And my best friend, Nnditsheni is very excited to read it. I just believe it would be received the same way as these poetic versions. I am stressed or let me rather say, I can sense of feeling of doubt trying to take control. Hard luck, not today or tomorrow, I fed my doubts yesterday. I am going through. The writer in me, want to pour it out all without remorse. I want to write like I am writing my last.

It is in my spirit that I stand so loud and proclaim, talitha comu-I say unto thee, arise. I say, arise and be what you are. You are nothing. you are a beggar, a cripple and dead but arise for the glory of the Lord is upon thee. You have been quite, are you dead? What's wrong?, that’s exactly the words from my mom, Caroline, if she realized that I am not sharing any jokes or making her laugh in any way.

The world is waiting, with cups and plates, to feast in your banquets. Heaven can’t wait to rejoice, the heavenly choirs and bands are ready to perform. And as a friend, I am waiting for a better you, I am tired of seeing the same failure, sluggard dreamless and boring friend you are. Wake up, and prepare your ways. Stand up and walk. Arise and shine. This is your time.

INTRODUCING TALITHA CUMI

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I wrote every little bit of word for you, even though I didn’t know you but I am realizing that we share the same struggles. I wrote this, even though I didn’t know what I am really doing, but I continued anyway because something in me, tells me. This is your shot. This is your spark for your light. This is your moment. This is your medicine, and I prophesy in Aramaic, Talitha Comu. I ROSE, and I need you to do the same….MUTA

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DEAR DEATH

Look what you have done, you played me like a guitar. Then

you made sure I danced to your rhythm. With my emotions, you

danced with me. You led me into the darkness, of my own

insecurities, fears and doubts. You brought me to my knees,

humbled me and me swore not to succeed even though I was

born to prosper. Rolled me like a roll-up as you smoke away

my dreams. I gave you my world, you gave me worries. I gave

you my words, you told your stories of those that died peaceful

without being anything. Like a shadow, which disappeared. So

that I give up, while others are doing something. And you give

me the drinks, so that I would drink and look opposite of who I

am. Be a coward and runaway from my life which you deemed

pathetic. I hid, did nothing and I am sure you were happy. But

listen now, I am speaking not in my accord, I stay no longer

with you. I refuse to be down, give up and frown. I rise up with

a face like of a sun, for GOD has redeemed me. Took me to his

right hand of glory with JESUS, all has been paid for. What

more do you want. I suggest you runway now, because I am

sure you cant stand me. I am not even fighting because there

isn’t any contest. I am alive, because Jesus gave me life. Don’t

tell me my past, before I embarrass you. Do you remember

when you thought you took my JESUS. I am sure you were even

boastful about it. Unfortunately he rose, from your bellies and

me too. So don’t come with your cheap tactics, before I

embarrass you. I am what god says, I am not what you wish I

could be. I refuse to die, for my lord is saying, Talita Comu-

ARISE. So I step out of my tomb like Lazarus, for my Lord has

a purpose for me…MUTA

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Every story is a legend

I roar like a lion after realizing that a few people have received other versions of Roses, and they are waiting for this one. I have personally shared the pdf file with more than 100 people, but to my surprise I have heard a lot of people asking me about it. To be fair, some of them have critics and all of those lousy comments which would definitely discourage one from writing and GIVING THIS LIFE. Some of the people are calling me, ROSES and some are calling me a “perverted mind”, “prince charming” and almost anything which came to their minds. I am glad for everything though, I cant stop anyone from commenting unless if I am willing to quit and never create anything, then they would stop.

Enough about my blabbers, back to the story here. The last compilation was called ROSES, A LEGEND or EVERY STORY, A LEGEND reminding myself of my childhood memories when I used to watch legendary stories like of ROBIN HOOD, HERCULES, TARZAN and many others. Fast forward 2016, all those stories still exist but with different storylines, actors, costume designs and so forth. But still, their legend never stopped. And all those legends, they have things in common like for example, in all of them, a hero struggles to defeat his/her adversary which is depicted in different figures, but at the end he emerge a hero. In my simple terms, all heroes in all legends, they have FAILED AND ROSE, again and again.

Unfortunately most of us, got no story to tell cause we have not done anything. LOL I am not talking about doing what your friends saw fit for you, I am talking about doing things which are weird in the eyes of a spectator of replays. I am referring to dancing, singing, writing and any other thing you can do, but this time add some little bit of love to it. And by the way, you might be ridiculed for being you but would you rather be praised for being a better someone you are not.

I am opening yet another page of my life, telling my story with an open mind to an open mind which would read through, and

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admire two things I am trying to display about me. MUTA as a writer, and MUTA as a dreamer. And this is more like me, stepping to the podium with the chance of being booed but anyway if I don’t write I will never know how to improve and be better at it LOL. I don’t want to write anymore, just that the concept of ROSES is a legend, I am willing to spread with the help of everybody who read through.

ROSES is a story which is going to be retold in different ways. That’s why I took poems that I have wrote a couple of years ago and hoping that they inspire me to feel like going on, and also keep the legend of ROSES spreading. I am not spreading my writings but I am spreading the resilient, fall and rise kind of spirit and I am hoping to look around and seeing friends that don’t quit, never give up no matter the circumstances.

I know this might be weird but it is the very words that gave me comfort, inspiration and without my intension, I thought I wouldn’t publish all these poems until I met this wonderful girl who is best writer, singer and guitarist in my whole life, had inspired me to publish. Beside that I had other people who had encourage me to publish but they were not that inspiring since they were not writers. At some point, most of the writings are replies to what she had sent to me, and a couple of self inspiring writings, but in all that I am trying to portray a story of a human being who knows how it feels like to struggle and succeed at some point. And how it feels like to be loved or to be appreciated for who you are.

From now onwards, you are my friend if you refuse failure as your last resort….MUTA

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AUTHOR NOTES

• In the Bible, the word “RISE” has been used more than four hundred times, with different variations like ARISE, ROSE, RISEN

• The name of my biological mother is Magret OR Meiki but I have referred to her as Rose, so many times. Caroline is my mother, or my loving mother.

• The first name of my dad is Thomani, which means BE THE FIRST and it can also be used to refer to a command, START in my mother tongue, Venda of South Africa. BE THE FIRST is dedicated to my dad.

• Poems and proses in this book, were written from 2010, and have been rewritten and edited to fit the concept of ROSES.

• This is my seventh compilation as a writer, all unpublished

Things we tell papers 2014

Women 2014

Got2say 2014

Roses, a love story of rising 2015

Roses, every story a legend 2015

Roses, I am talking to myself 2015

Roses, Talitha Comu 2016

• I am self publishing a novel in 2016, after 30 May. The name of the novel is not yet decided, but it is part of the series ROSES. 100% profit goes to my philanthropic projects

• I am 25 years old, from 30 May 2016, which is part of the references in the writing, like I am a twenty five year old version of my dad.

MUTA

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One day I was led to the gardens of roses, I heard them whispering unto my ears. And the exact words I was given by a messenger who never knew what she was doing,

White rose said: You are worthy of me. Very passionate , isn't it? But aren't all roses like that?

Yellow rose said: You are my star, light.

Black rose said: A rare gem, not known to many but just like the white rose you possess a passionate resemblance

Red rose said: Of course the very 'popular' I love you rose.

prologue

And my life, a garden of roses.

before they flower wearing into themselves

a plethora of proses.

people be buzzing bees;

busy buzzing with my busy business.

And My passion my golden gees,

easy gazing with my easy success.

fake compliments, fake gestures

on a fake smile never impressed me.

I looked through to breakthrough.

Even when roses are with thorns

pricked me with delicacy, gave me a valentine

that almost chased my cupid away.

My life, she asked for a love back

damn, I never refused

she asked for a lip kiss

I closed my eyes and kissed

she opened my little two eyes

and I saw a figment of nothing

just a long hurdleful road with no one

as I looked back, I saw beautiful roses

Roses 1

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six falls seven roses

A thousand picture poses

With shadows shattered on the floor

opportunities coming knocking at my door

my life a story of dusted robes

Dreams covered in microbes

bleeding scars and a torn heart

when I am loose, broken apart

in my dreams

she removed her purity ring Into a mess

I disliked it, I stepped out of that curse

I married myself to rising

gave birth to bars that I am raising

even when the ghost of my past tackle me

feeling like I am lost

I cant hangout with her on hangover

I pull-out of her like a pullover

I anticipate the rain of inspiration

For the seed I have planted out of desperation

Is the scent of success ahead

That drives the dogs of my impulse

To make me rise again

To live to tell my love story of rising

Roses 2

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Like a seed dried up by the sun

Jesus died on the cross

Buried for three days

Into the deep rocky ground

The seedling protruded

Like it had drills

Yet weak soft but pointy

I pray you keep that focus

After the heavenly showers

You will rise. Like Jesus,

Like joseph from pit, prison & Potiphar's wife

Yet he became the prime minister

Like job who lost everything

Yet god restored everything seven times

Like Lazarus

who had already died for so many days

Even bound and his body starting to stink

Jesus rose him, and unbound him

Like in the valley of skulls and bones

Dead bones came alive

And you will rise too

And whatever happened before

Will be a reason you praise and worship God

Roses 3

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A Story of my life,

a day in a minute.

while I’m counting with you;

how many times I fell,

went straight to hell with you.

but let me go on dreaming,

with beasts in the dark.

let me sleepwalk,

how I be the spark that sparkle;

how I rose like the sun in the morning.

let me do it with no warning.

when I rise again to the next level;

when I fly high like an eagle;

when I protrude my shells

with my weak empty punches

Throw away my crutches

coz I’m too big to be contained

And only my shadows can be down

to be trampled

as for me, I am not yet crippled

After a mile that knows my case

I praise after every raise

I rise, and I call it roses

Roses 4

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on my day, life came to me

She told me I could have her once

In my mom’s womb, I thought I was alive

But when I stepped out

I cried when I saw them glow in smiles

I tried to speak but they didn’t understand

I was about to tell them, my story

Then the doctor gave me to my mom

And my mom gave me her breast

And to her breast, I said nothing

I understood love. From that moment

Even though we spoke different languages

I had to learn her language

To write her poetry and be romantic

Roses are red, the sky is blue

And I am not trying to be romantic

I just want to say in life

You have to be willing to bleed sweat and blood

To make it and everything is possible

But along the way, she want me to be romantic

And when I look back at her curves and edges

When I wanted to give up

I realized I have been through a lot with her

Roses 5

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She has been loyal to me

So I gave her roses

Coz I believe in our love, it will never end

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This is a manifesto

Of a life without limit

About last night nightmares

Of wannabees and gimmicks

Their passions and flares

And their dying dreams

This is a poem

Of a life without limit

About legends and a myth

Of old times and new times

The people they were with

And their pardoned crimes

This is a strategy

Of a life without limit

About breaking legs and records

Of Messi’s and you

To the kings and the lords

Living above the sky blue

And their adversary with no teeth

Roses 6

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This is love

Of a life without limit

About skyscrapers and flying birds

Of shooting stars

Spectacles for nerds

And their bleeding scars

Before rising

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It were stairs, stairs and stares

We thanked the man from the upstairs

We were up, down, left, right and repeat

Like rehearsals, only that we had no scripts

Yet mutually, we never knew what we’re doing

Running and rushing in circles

With one goal: flying……….

So many things that one bares

The voice over that breathed toxic words

The kind that made ears run away

With speed that only found you

With nothing to understand

You hear but what you heard

Left with the left ear

Almost everybody got caught in our snares

It were green and grey

With smiles impossible

That looked like a rainbow in the sky

The kind that blasted like Indian spices

Call it, high end explosion feelings in a weekend.

Roses 7

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Everybody looked but nobody cares

Rushing hours

The day we called ours

Ours, hours that felt like not counting

We were what we saw in movies

What we never dreamt of

A huge blow when it took off.

We were airborne.

The day, with what it wears

Here, they got a switch and they turn you up

Maximum voltage, your impulses are racing

They got that food

They got those stockings and leggings

They turn you down times

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Though life at times might be tough

To make you feel like you have had enough

Sometimes throw you dirt

Expecting you to be hurt

It wont hurt if you take all the lemons it gave you

To make grape juice

Around you there might be strange clouds

Bearing into themselves hailstones and thunderstorms

And it would make you wonder, will it rain?

Or who will reign?

But gather yourself rain clouds

And bring it home

We are expected to cry or whine

To devout ourselves in beers and wine

Or atleast have it for a while

While our faces long to see a smile

For it didn’t turn out the way we expected

Cursed

Father’s daughters are his wife

Infants constantly beg for their life

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They live to die before they live

Baby’s babies who never had a chance

Gone too soon before they saw the sun

And their soulful melodies we will never dance

But you seek life

not by going to church

But by believing in Jesus Christ

Who wiped all our curses

And brought rain to wash away

All the memories of yesterday

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Women are roses

And I quote, my words in 2013, for those looking for a fiction, this ain't one but poems and proses in my heart, watch out I will write one. For those looking for fairy tales, this ain't one; find the story teller of the land to tell you the elephant and rabbit stories. For those in search of history, look no further I am making one or else go to the liars of this world. For those in search of politics, this ain't one, open a book of unfulfilled promises and console yourself.

In honor of women's month, in 2014, I compiled poems and proses about women, which are very instrumental in this piece of work. I wanted to tell everybody my struggles and triumph with women. The first, and foremost are my moms, they are the ones that keep up with me every day. I see them as a real source of inspiration. Why not? I owe them everything about me.

Then, I have had exes, I don't even know if they even call me 'ex' or just a guy they knew. Anyway I am glad that those cameos and caprice moments, taught me a lot. I am sorry for making your lives look so dull. I was not even perfect. I couldn't. I am glad I am out of that misery, or let me say your paradises. You are the best, only if I am the worst.

Then, there are those women that inspire me to be better. Like my sisters, aunts and a couple of wonderful ladies I know. I have a sincere heart towards them. I am sure as you read on, you will realise that women are our best inspiration. I call myself inspired because of those wonderful women in my life. If I had to mention names, it would be another book.

I would like also to acknowledge my future wife. I know this is a shock but I wrote this, with one girl in my mind. Sorry for not mentioning her name, I would love to but I am very scared. She is one those girls take my breath away. She is shy and never says much. Enough about the blabber, this book has parts which appreciate women. Women in my life, after all, I am of women…MUTA

I thought,

Love never loved me

Love never cared about me

Love never bothered in my case

Until I read about love

Which wasn’t selfish and not seeking my selfish desires

I thought,

Love songs were insipid, stupid and boring

Sometimes a waste

Until I heard John Legend

Who played both happy & sad love songs

I thought,

Love was just another word in the dictionary

Which has been redefined over the centuries

Until I saw a smile on my mom’s face

That gave me a warmth

A few girls would give me

I thought,

Love notes and quotes were useless and almost nonsense

‘coz no one knew my words

Roses 9

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Until I realized that people have been loving

And I felt like writing this note

To reveal how I felt about love

I thought,

Id never fall in love

Id never write love notes

Or even listen to love songs

Until I rose out of my thought

To fill up my empty heart

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There is

No sound without silence

No word without meaning

No story without ending

but I refuse to be the man without legends

I know out there is dangerous

And people there, are mysterious

They never take you serious

Unless you rise out of mediocrity

But they plot again, to pull you down

If you are to rise,

You are disturbing their peace

But I imitate the volcano that erupted

And my daily devotion is to all the man who rose heroes

Like superman, batman, zorro

And the God who walked with us, JESUS

Just because I am the light

That light lighter than the lighthouse

Whiter than the Whitehouse

I don’t chase the darkness

Roses 10

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coz when I appear, it runs away with its vampires

Who suck blood and dreams

Even my shadow cant face me

But it lies down for me to step on it

Coz I got the power

To trample on snakes and scorpions

The same power that rose JESUS

I live in the future, coz my present is my past

And my life, a garden of roses

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To yesterday and her friends,

the look in your eyes

that strips me naked and dissect through my morrow

I had already believed but I was still imitating God

When He created man out of dust

But I was looking at you with lust

Then the look in your eyes

Told me that you want me

and I smiled from the inside

But I was still hiding

When you open your lips, to tell me of whatever I failed

in my mind, I was holding your hips.

Came with a mix of June and December

A lot happened, but I don’t remember

I recall myself wanting to say words, to scream and shout my joy

But words wouldn’t come out, my mouth was dry

But in my mind, it was soaked, soaked with your deep kiss

And my boy was happy to see you

Made me fell in love but when I fell,

I hope you felt the same

Coz I love you, yesterday and your friends

I love you my roses

Coz you are my nightmares and dreams

Roses 11

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I sat down with myself,

looked afar from the top of the cliff.

Felt the breeze,

the scent of my sweat and the sounds of it all.

The cheers from the birds.

Then I looked afar, I saw nothing,

but they promised me it all.

Took me, kicked-to-give all the kingdoms

as far as I could stretch.

Yet it were a desolate, a barren and a burden.

Mixed it all in one cup, a holy grail,

and I humbly drank without knowing, gullible.

Told me, I'd amount to nothing.

My writing are as bad as spoiled cheese.

Stupidly, but now flustered....

I am going write my heart out,

put it on display like any grotesque.

Pour it out like a drink, fill every thirst.

For that cup I drank made me a cellar.

I will give the tree the leaves, the rivers the waters

and wash the sun clean.

With the pen, I made it green,

look like the paradise with flowers, roses

that will bless the day.

Roses 12

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At twenty five

the bullets of words slung out

of my decimating mouthpiece.

And the words I said were not mine

Made one wonder and ponder.

Who is this mouthpiece?, they asked.

What is his secret?, they never knew

if not from the son of celebrities.

The son of my mom and dad,

and they were never learned

Born and raised

trying to duck, escape poverty

and aiming to own a property

if not, wallpapers are newspapers in my house

then windows are covered in headlines

history it were, I had to be part of.

no one has to read through the life of struggling

and learn hustling,

it has to be my life, as a book

And I rose

Roses 13

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I want to put my lifetime in between the paper's line.

I am going to be a history, you are about to tell

A wonder you are about to name

A king who stepped down to serve

But for now, I search for words

Mimic the sounds of birds

I walk in different places

I talk to different people

Trying to get inspired to know what it feels like

To live beyond your limits, imaginations

Beyond your nightmares, setbacks

Trials and tribulations

And to find joy, in it all.

I want to tell the story of rising

With more than seventy five thousand words

Seventy five thousand ways

And let it resonate to that boy

Who was about to quit or give up,

That he may rise up to be something

To be a superhero if he must

For the rest of the world.

Roses 14

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Stories of rising

Wish you knew, at least

That I am not a writer

I am just an angry boy

Trying to speak his mind

To those that feel like giving up in life.

Do me but don't overdo me

Love me but don't over love me

it's all confusing to me

I feel like I owe myself a lot to the world

For I came for the world

And the world doesn't know me

They say I am a writer,

But the world never read my writings

I know one thing though

Today I am starting to write like my last

And I am not here to please

I am here to be humble and decrease

For I have always been,

To a house burning

I try to quench the fire instead

Roses 15

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Sometimes I cry to catch a dream

Because within me there is a burning desire

And I am here armed with myself to burn

That's why where I come from

Kids look at me, and make a wish

I guess I am a shooting star.

I am not afraid of the dark

Instead I run straight towards it with my closed eyes

Closed fists and a persisting heart.

I am not afraid anymore

I am not afraid of being wrong coz I can never be right

Except at being myself., I am right

Look, you see me shining

And you're thinking, I had it easy

Now you look at me smile

Now you think you know me

You think you know my praise

Yet you don't know my raise

You think you know what I tell

Yet you don't know my hell

Of all the story I will live to tell

None can be compared to my love story of rising

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Roses are beautiful

Beautiful but yet they are thorny

Thorny and hurtful.

They represent love yet hardship,

When I think of roses

I think about my mom

Rose was her name

She was beautiful

Yet strong like a rose

She represent a women

Beautiful yet thorny

But mostly beautiful and tender

In her, you find the essence of love

Yet of strength and hardship

She endured a lot

Just like roses

Even when the storms comes by

She endures

Through the storm

But when the sun glows

She glows too

Roses 16

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Before I wrote;

I went to Abraham and borrowed his faith

I went to Joseph and borrowed his coat

I went to Moses and borrowed his staff

I went Joshua and I asked if he could impart his knowledge

I went David, I asked for his lyrics

And to his son Solomon, I borrowed his wisdom

I went to Elijah, and I took his eyes

And I started to see a small cloud.

I smiled, and went to Elisha,

I asked for the double portion of his double portion

Then I went to Job, who felt I needed nothing

But I asked if I could share his pain

And I went to Jeremiah to lament

And when I was with Isaiah who said,

ARISE AND SHINE

Then I went to Jesus, and I said,

CAN I GO WITH YOU?

Roses 17

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And one day, I prayed to my Lord that I may honor my dad but he answered with a revelation on his name, and I was taken in the realms to testify of the deep secrets. And I saw, a dark black man who is me in the fifties. And the reason I say that, its because we look the same. And I later wrote, BE THE FIRST .

Be the first

Lord in your word, you said

"I am not the tail but the head not the last but the first"

And when I remember my biological dad

I hear a soft voice of his name

Reciting a poem of hope and he said, be the first.

You are the first in the family to be abroad

To be a doctor and to be everything great.

And I thought,

Oh lord can you tell me stories of interest

Make my bank interest interesting.

It is my heart, you judge OH Lord

But I shoot it to you that you make in me, a new one

So that when his name whispers

And his face reflect in the mirrors

I be him, of twenty five years and be the first.

I remember Lord, for my father.

You spoke with him in wonders and dreams

You revealed your secrets and you let him know my future

Before I could conceive it

For you have place a life in him

No wonder I was born of him

Took me twenty four years to reflect myself in his forehead

And every time I look at his picture,

It is written, be the first

Be the first 1

44

A voice said;

Be the first

To unwrap your petals in the morning

Bless the day with your smile

Make soulful melody as you walk

Greet with grace

And your face,

Out of nowhere let it glow with glory

And your life,

Flows with victory.

And everything you touch,

Turns into gold.

You feel forever young, you never get old

Cause you live for a moment

Forgetting yesterdays and tomorrows

For all of them are just setbacks to your present

Sometimes are thieves and daylight robbers

Sometimes are magicians

Who made happy moments disappear into fears,

Nightmares, wishful thinking, regrets and all their friends.

Be the first 2

45

My dad,

He'd draft me a lovely love poem

Yet he left school,

Before they taught him how to write poetry.

Yet he never told me that he loved me

But he told everyone around me.

And almost everyone said,

"He'd almost cry when he express concern about your life"

Melt down in his knees

And ask if there could something that could be done

"My son, my son, I just want to see him like other kids"

"I don't need a penny o cent, I want him to prosper"

Like Jesus in Gethsemane

He'd conclude, "But let your will be done"

And when I look at his wrinkled face,

His name whispers, Be the first

Like Christopher Columbus, Neil Armstrong,

Be the first 3

46

You can take a sip of my life

Marry yourself to my wife

Raise my kids, graduate

Fail my attempts(to fly) and be me again

You can be a story to my life, not a story of my life

Not the whole of it

Kids had to be feeling me

Instead everything I do, they'd be filming me

Posted, tweeted and said that much

More than a stammerer who never finished

Yet they said nothing about me rising.

I woke up yesterday

Only to find out it was tomorrow

Then I unwrapped the present,

mixed the good and the bad and I felt joy.

I got stuck in the mirror,

To my surprise I wasn't the man in the mirror

I looked again, until I saw a man who my dad is proud of.

I started to realize why they call me, dog

I pardoned their blurred eyes

I might be a god, they worship

But I worship God above all gods

Be the first 4

47

And my dad never ran away

He went to my mom

And told her that she was a girl of his dreams.

With the few, they became butterflies and rainbows

And she blushed of-course.

She had just met, one rare moment she never had.

The kind she wouldn't wait to tell her friends

And her friends would tell their friends.

I wonder if she had said no,

Then everything about me

would just be a dream never been realized

Two virginities were broken, I was born.

And the face of my dad, she never forgot

For it was her first love,

and I was the symbol Of their love.

He never ran away.

So about my dreams,

What do you expect?

I can't run away from my dreams

I can't run away from myself

Like my father.

I am a father to my dreams.

Be the first 5

48

Begin is three words

The first is the reason I started

The second

I realized that begin starts with BE to remind me to be myself

The third

a product of breaking it into two, beg and in

BEG-iN for me draw from my inner man

And that's the reason I am standing,

talking hoping that I remember

As I re member to put myself together

This image of this best friend of mine appears

As I look, he looks like my brother

And he is my dad, the reason I was born

And now, I want to tell you a story of his name

Be the first 6

49

50

And I heard a voice from a distance asking, “what if no one reads what you write? Then what?” I couldn’t reply at that moment, and the Lord led me to reread what I had wrote five years ago. I started reading, but it wasn’t the same as reading but it was as if I was drinking an apple juice, and as I was drinking, I smelled the roses. If no one reads, then I am talking to myself, and my spirit was made well. Like what was written by the prophet, you are well as your spirit-3John v2. And I wrote to you again, I am muta, I represent all the young dreamers, believers and believers.

Then this book became for ‘both of us. “You read it”, He said, “while I call other readers who are going to read. I want my brothers to rise, since I was the first born of the SPIRIT.”

I ask, but the title is my other name muta. And He replied, “Mutakalo is not your name. I gave it to you for its meaning.

“I am joy, then? I asked if I could change it.”

“No, I am muta. Those who read will know that I am the one speaking through you. Remember the book of Daniel or let me remind you of the verse in Songs of Solomon, “I am the rose of Sharon. Those are the words I gave to Solomon to pronounce my people of Joy. You are my prophet speak without fear, my sheeps will listen. Write, my readers will read.”

And I knew I had to write everything.

I am talking to myself

give me the sky,

as you look up high you will see me twinkle more than a star

I'm more like aurora borealis,

looking at me

Is like looking at a light from a lighthouse,

as I shine whiter than the Whitehouse.

I thought I had to give my own definition in style

as I'm doing that I'm keeping a good smile.

I know its a prose, or free verses

but I'm picking a rose

(writing to you is like that),

that's just something special from me

as I write I light up every face

and I wont be drought like river Nile.

its like being the light makes every word be a raylet

which throbs into the grey dark as it shine.

let it glow I must.

I AM THE LIGHT, my LORD said

I am muta 1

51

as the rain drops clashes before hitting the ground,

such that my mind keeps on vibrating

with unstable words

as the shivers take control of my heart

and when the wind open up to free my voice

as it utter sound. its like a rainy day,

and a stormy day

which sends pilots to be on a mayday.

as the waves of my voice transcends

to knock out eardrums and cerebrums,

them pilot of dreams are left with tantrums and crumbs of birth.

how can they survive the effect of a booming system

which is to be compared to a nuclear weapon.

class don't classify me in classes,

clauses never pause to cause an effect

I wish there could be another way,

but I am wisdom, my LORD said.

I SOUND LIKE SOUND ON THE SOUND MIND

I am muta 2

52

before the stage was set, and the drum roll,

I was already in the stage.

trying to say, before they gave me a chance,

I had already given myself a chance to blaze my trail.

my pace maybe of a snail

but I wouldn't chameleon into somebody I'm not.

I am a writer,

and that's what I'm trying to tell

As I write I will never be on a dry spell.

I have this touch I know which is English in a MUTA WAY.

I am overjoyed with you

Dankie for appreciating me as a writer

I felt I had to say, but I thank you for being in love

You are in love with the truth

And I AM THE TRUTH, my LORD said.

I am muta 3

53

54

And I was asked to open my eyes, and I saw a women who was praying without ceasing who was wearing a coat of different colours. And I ask, why is she always praying like this?”

“she is Rahab, but I tell you, she is Rosahn. And the colours that you see, are all the woman in your life that you may call your moms. I heard the prayer of your mom, and I made sure you had all the colours of Rosahn, I wanted you to write for you. I wanted you to write for ME, and I might as well, you are writing for us. You see Meiki, Caroline, Tendani, Diana and all of them, they pray for you day and night. They say, I should do something with your life. Even though I gave them you, the words in their lips, I manifest what they say. Since I gave them the power, I don’t want to do everything. I want to show love by giving you the power, to prophesy into your life as I have given them the power to prophesy your life. I love the way, they put in their prayers and I am giving you that joy, listen I will tell you more”

And when I listened more, there was just a sound of joy and in the face of all the women I call moms, I see roses, that I have to appreciate. And I asked if I could do something for them.

And HE said, “SPEAK THE WORD IN THEIR LIVES” but I was surprised for I had already written, then I had to read what was written. Again, I looked in my scribblers, I found a lot.

I see roses

She CARE, and she puts me in LINE.

And I am trying my best to make her proud.

With all my delinquencies,

she created in her faith, hope

and the reason I stand still.

I am never hideous,

she combs my hair

and fix my shirts

and make sure that I wear

in a way that sends a statement of class.

She has taught a lot of principles,

but all of them are woven in faith.

In every trial and tribulation, I win or lose.

I know I am the best

coz my mom always tell me so.

And her name is Caroline

Caroline

55

Humming birds got that melody,

the kind that slaps the soul

into interceding vibrations.

The sounds I hear in my sleep

are not from that humming bird,

but the ones deep in my soul.

I draw them unconscious,

and before I knew it.

I understand

This woman is like a humming bird.

She goes hmmm hmmmhmmmmhmmm

and a lot of confusing murmurs and bickering.

I overheard her,

praising God a few times yet this time,

she play a song in me telepathically.

I know this was war only her knew.

She looks at me and told me everything with a stare.

I felt it deep in my heart,

SHE KNITS

she has a crochet and wools, trying to keep us warm.

CROTCHET AND WOOLS

56

As she knits, and hums.

And tell me to be good, make her proud.

In her prayers,

she breaks into pieces and gushes with tears.

With the pieces, she knits herself back.

And with the tears, she baptize herself.

Her words are murmurs and bickering

like a crochet and a wool,

trying weave our lives with her lips.

57

Just because

Cockroaches came for fasting

And rats to commit suicide

At my place.

Doesn't mean I never ate

I drank water,

smelled stews from neighbours

And I ate the ambulance

Sometimes we eat like herbivores

We sleep and wake up

Smiling, share jokes

Promised each other a better day.

And loved.

No breakfast, No lunch.

All the same.

Dished up with pap.

My mom loves me

That's all that matters.

MY MOM LOVES ME

58

Some girls though,

But this one, I'd rather speak with the whole day

And the whole day is an hour with her

And there is no one like her

I am glad, she is my lovely little sister

Who got a life that only, living knows.

As for the rest, they live

When she smiled.

I swear I saw the sick get well,

Call it a prophesy but I saw it.

For once, I learned to smile

When she was with me.

I was sick, didn't have it

I am glad my sister is a medicine

Since they are looking for cures

I suggest you take my sister to them

She can cure AIDS, I saw it

She cured it before

And I can wait for you to know her

I am like, "can you be me"

She smiles, and I knew she could say, yes

VERONICA

59

For she is always available to care.

If this doesn't mean I care,

Then I would write a thousand more

For there is none like my beautiful lovely sister

Veronica

60

When I disappointed her

She always has

That look that flashed unto mine,

and those stagnant blinks

that gave me a search warrant.

That look of disappointment on her face,

and that way of taking a deep breath

felt like a needle throbs.

Each second,

I felt more guilty not as charged.

I look down and shoot straight to her eyes

Til she sees what I am hiding,

throw them back like I lost something on the floor.

She was like, I can see you.

Only the guilty of me coming home late, told me so.

And my mom never said a thing

When I disappoint her

61

This is one of those poem

That got nothing to do with the title

I am just reminded of the women that inspires

Lebo Mashile, Bessi Head and my moms

I know of women who inspires wisdom

Courage, love and knowledge

But poem got nothing to do with love

I am reminded of the women that never give up

Mistresses, nurses and my moms

Everything may seem impossible

But I know that women carry a baby

Delivered, raised and cared

But this poem is not about the baby.

It about wives, midwives and my moms.

This got nothing to do with talent

I wrote because I started to

Understand women, not as useless

But as the ones who inspires man to dream

And this is about, them.

Lebo mashile

62

This is my sister's dream

To wear stilettos and wedges

She said she want to look tall

Her face looking like new pages

As she stroll

Taller than the giraffe

With her chest and main

Sometimes posing for a selfie

Looking like a perfect design.

On top, even though it hurts

Wearing kgs of make ups

Doing the maths

Doing all the wrap ups

Like she owns everything.

She said, she looks so short

Making her so looked upon

Like her dreams so dwarf of some sort

She will live up, turned up on

Like she is ready to face every beast of man

And find a way, in this life of mazes

From inside she burn and amazes

Stilettos and wedges

63

A woman carried me

but women raised me

Long long ago,

a woman carried me for nine months

And she delivered me

Like a gift wrapped in white sheets

In that cold day, my mom recalls

She immediately gave me a name, Pfano

So that nobody will call me nobody

Taught me to read between the lines

And to never wet my mat

After 8 years, the tragic happened

She passed on and I was left

With these women that came like angels

Raised me, and loved me like their own

I am simply of women.

Of women

64

65

Then the Lord waited for me to sleep so that he could show me a vision. He said, “FEAR NOT”. I started to see myself standing in front of a dark black beast with a head of something like an eagle, and the body which resembled the snake, but it had legs but I could measure how big the beast was. Then when I looked back, I saw a lot of people who were cheering, “PFANO, dud it for us”. I was so troubled since I never understood what had happened. “you killed the beast” I kept on asking myself, how? And I wanted to write it down, I had a pen and paper to write it down. And the Lord said, “it is with the words I have placed in you, write them. Write them, he repeated. I knew I had to write more but I wasn’t yet fully convinced, then HE came back with two spirits from the devil and they were talking.

“We should take his pen away, he is getting intelligent again. He shouldn’t write what the Lord tells him. We should bring doubt in him that he may question if God would say such, blah blah blah,” they couldn’t say the word for it was too sharp that if they spoke it, they might be arrest or cut into pieces.

I continued to sleep since I knew what GOD wanted me to do. I overheard myself worshiping GOD, then I knew it was my spirit. I woke up to listen to his sweet songs.

This pen is the new staff

Once upon a line, there was a pen and a person. And the person said, "I want to let my words be known to the world". The pen smiled and said, "wow, you must be a writer". Then the person looked at the pen, felt compassion and said, "maybe". Then the pen said, we can go together through all those white lanes.

A writer, and a pen

66

Writing poems has,

Jet me through into the space of infinity

get me some sort of charity and affinity

yet forget not that I’m not yet full in totality

vet me out of my sanity and vanity

wet(ted) and dried, cold and warmed in the majority

met odds with sensuality and sentimentality

bet at sometimes with my own mentality

fret less about my ability and availability

regret(ted) nothing about my agility

magnet-pointed to the normality and anonymity

net(ted) in without endurability

let me to metamorphose from enmity and enormity

pet(ted) with lest my forgotten reasoning capacity

set and calibrate my capillarity and clarity

Writing poems has

67

Everybody has a story.

Trust me on this one.

If not, then we are all living corpse.

It is something we were born with,

it is a way we say what we had to say.

Before we could even hold the pencil,

believe me we were story tellers.

Started when we were fascinated by the world

And how we saw things

It’s a pity though,

what our stories meant

was just what we only understood..

Nobody knew our meaning

until we were standardized into the alphabets.

With me,

they became a source of healing, some sort of tablets.

Now that everybody can write,

everybody has something to say.

Now that everybody has Facebook,

everybody has something to say.

Every story is a legend

68

Some of us,

chose to tell scribblers, diaries and walls

I did that too.

But I would like to do it differently

I am drawing from my scribblers, walls what I had to say

With personal messages to my girlfriend, friends

and generally to everybody who stops

and listen to my stories.

69

I don't know who you are

What you have been

What you are going through

And what you are going to be

I don't know, what you have done

what you have not done

What you are about to do

What you have and what you don't have

I don't know how much

How high, or how low you are willing to go

And how exactly you will do it

But I know and I confess

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

I know

What came to destroy you made you

you know nothing about yourself

You don't know how strong you are

But adversity advertise "you"

It comes to you like a thief of time

And steals your moments of glory

Just when you think of success and victory

It comes and wipeout the idea of victory out of your memory

Adversity Advertise "you"

70

I suggest stop crying and start trying

The reason you were challenged

You were fit enough

And I said nothing

Because i know you better

And the adversity you face doesn't matter

Adversity advertise "you"

You are not measured with a ruler of failure

Or counted as coins and papers

You are better and the bibles says

"You are more than a conqueror"

More than any tyrant that ever lived in this world

Alexander, Goliath, Pharaoh and so forth

But your war is not canal but in spirit

Stop and imagine, you are more than Hitler

to the demons you face

To the Giants, walls, snakes and scorpions

Let them know who you are.

Let them know I am with you

71

I want to go to bed with two girls

The other on the right and the other on the left

The other would probably kiss me good night

While the other, I would tell her "honey, good night"

That would be my family, my lovely wife and my daughter Jezreel.

I want to be caught gossiping with almost neveryone.

I have a lot of gossip and I have a crush on a man, oh God.

Some will call it obsession yet I am in crazy in love.

But I won't be talking about others or even myself

I will talk about Jesus, the one I love

the one I know who talks about me better

I will gossip everything he had told me.

I wont be faithful to my friends, family,everyone, Him, and myself.

I will love my neighbours as I have loved myself

But I won't promise them the moon and the stars

Silver and gold, which I don't have

Or break a leg for them and limp into their dreams

But I give them what I have,

What I have is a command to the crippled

sleeping and dead dreams

RISE UP AND WALK in Jesus name

Don't Want To Be Faithful

72

I cant be faithful

And do what I am expected to do like a slave

Live my life within the "DOs" and the "DONTs"

Like Pharisee and Sadducees who lived through the laws

Yet they failed to see the Messiah, Himself

When He came 2015 years ago.

In their eyes they were holy but they failed to strengthen the weak.

I'd rather live freely out of the DOs and DONTs

Like a bird controlled by the winds

For me, it is the spirit of God which gave me life.

I don't want to be faithful

like those man blessed with talents

One of them being afraid of what the Lord might do,

he never invested his talent he kept it as it is

I want to be the man who multiply

For the first words directed to man says

"BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY"

I wont be like my friend who struggles with low self esteem

Do what he is expected, or what is considered normal.

I say, NO. God gave me the power

Instead of being faithful, I want to have faith

I can do anything with Christ who strengthens me

73

a story of two ladies who passed on

the other had high heels,

lovely dress, red lipstick,

bracelets, earrings, necklaces

and the ability to turn the men on.

but the other, no one looked at her

coz the other said

“she is dressed for sucksex

you can tell she suck in bed

and her sex was bad.”

yet the truth, everything she had

she worked for,

and that man she had

really loved her.

but the other who dressed for success,

bought everything by widening her legs

and received the whole world

together with HIV & AIDS

known to recite a rhythm as she walk

with her curves that turned heads.

Sucksex or success

74

her thighs that locked man

her eyes that smiled her face

shooting every man with her two breasts

and her voice of a summer rain

which was softer than jazz or blues

she succeeded but no one remembers her.

she was sucksexful,

as for the other, she was a mother of two

and she was successful too.

75

Tryin to escape

At war, smokes and gunpowder's everywhere

The bullets leave me wounded

Teargas left me blinded by Your beauty

And myself the villain with flesh and blood

Every time the stars tell their story of twinkle

Each day passing with minutes counting

Maybe the war will over soon

Your love is a sweet grenade

Thrown out or let free like a bird

I felt like dead in a moment

Only to wake up a better man

Your love is amazing

Makes me grow up

Like a dead seed into a plant

You are God who said to Meiki;

You are blessed and in you, there is a miracle.

Even though I could’ve been born in an instant

You chose that I fall in love, within nine months

your love is like a grenade 1

76

whenever I try to runaway

in this war of spirit,

and attention I try to pay

my mind is blasted off

heart into pieces

and my body left for dead

yet it felt like hypnosis

I woke up feeling sad

I am the villain

and You are armoured

with sweet love grenades like an Indian

pin removed goes ka-boom ferricle fervored

I die 100 times but rise up 101

but id choose to die in Your love

know that, there is a loving someone

looking beyond and above.

You are my God

Who told my Lord

To die for love

your love is like a grenade 2

77

Those lonely islands with no one.

Those mountain tops with everyone striving.

That got me thinking,

Will I make it?

Those potions and charms buried under my skin.

Swallowed with my mouth and spread on my lips.

Makes me wonder,

Will I make it?

Those words, sometimes I say them

Honestly to impress

And at times like any babble

I swore and I saw, but I am still asking

Will I make it?

That faith

My moms have

Maybe its surrogate or it diffused to me

With that umbilical cord.

"This is love, honey“, they said

Yet will I make it is what I wonder.

Will I?

Will I?

78

To all the times

All the crimes

Which were all jealous

And all the caprice of zealous

Time is too lazy

Might be crazy

Stole all the moments

Wasted our compliments

Time is a thief

Might be a chief

Only in the kingdom of desolate

So we would blame it on fate

Time is stupid

Might be cunning like cupid

Yet we felt its romance

Felt as if we knew the rhythm and dance

To all the times

All the crimes

Which were all jealous

And all the caprice of zealous

time

79

80

And I asked,”Lord, my friends are getting married, what about me?”

And HE said, “You are already married but you are too busy worried about what I had already set before. Rosahn has already prayed, most especially Caroline who is expecting a grandchild this year. She told me she would want to cook at your wedding. So how can I deny my daughter what she desires. I am preparing a wedding for you, and don’t interfere with my ways. I don’t want you to look for a girlfriend. You don’t need a girlfriend by the way. I have found you a wife, and have told her that, you are for her. Yet she doesn’t know your face yet, once she sees you. She will know you, now that she doesn’t understand the things of love. I am teaching her.

And HE looked at me, when He realised that my face was turning grey. He said, “Hey Pfano, I don’t like your face. Agree with me here, I love you.”

And I said, “I love you too”

Then He said without even thinking, “BIRDS HAVE NESTS, AND YOU, LIKE ADAM I MADE YOU A WIFE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

I started to understand the scriptures, and I started to reread my sad and love poems, which had a prophecy in them.

A wife

When you're with me

Don't be fantasying

About those two you saw in the park

Kissing and doing all those things

Which you wish I could do for you

Or don't be stuck

In that Romeo and Juliet love affair

And expect that I'd die for you

As much as I love you

Even though I am not that kind of person

Who mention those three words

Every time I have ran out of words

Or trying to get back to you

Forget movies,

I won't say them like they do

Cause I don't want them to lose their value

I want them to mean what I meant

And I won't have that public affair

Oh please, I can't breath in that

But I promise to love you

Dear next girlfriend

81

A light complexion,

from a distant,

she is a sun with the golden short hair.

She walks carelessly hoping that no one notices,

then all of sudden,

they all notice.

And now she pretends

she is not shy about it

and walks more carefully,

minding her steps

sharon

82

I tried. I failed.

I almost ran out of gastric juices,

cooking inside my livers and intestines.

And after all,

my digestion couldn't help me understand.

A real man will always stand up for what he believes.

I looked at you and smiled from the inside.

Talked to everybody else

but dodged to say a few with you.

I kept it zipped. Locked.

I have not stood like a man.

Maybe a mute this time.

Out of sight, I slapped myself to connect myself with reality.

Came back to my confidence,

and I realized I could have, I should have.

All that, don't matter anymore.

Like startled waves, I try to calm down.

Sighed. Took a breath.

Came back to square one.

I tell myself to talk to you,

but something keeps me back.

Some sort of cords made

out of past experience, fear and doubt.

Because, of that I remain a parted lips

Parted lips

83

As I try to listen as my eyes wont sleep,

feels like I'm rolling into the deep, singing along ADELE

As I think not to think about you, I end up in wishful thinking,

and this melodrama becomes more dramatically sewed.

Before my mind get scribbled as I get skewed,

I think about what I don't want to think about.

Nightmares, worries and fears of doubt

leave my brain drained after washing.

Beside that it's in the middle of the night,

it's like I'm trying to make things right.

Yet loneliness strikes

like a match to shine darkness as it gets nighty,

As I get lost as well as being found sleepless.

Writing to you feels like my refuge,

as music plays for nobody to listen

and this TV as it watches me snore wishing.

I get blank only to be sketched with the thoughts of you.

I'm trying to sleep out of it, to wake up in dreams

Coz this imaginations have painted

a beautiful portrait about you

that I admire so bad and shamelessly

Tonight, I want to sleep

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Look, but don’t look at me

‘cause I’d be trying to help you find the words ,

for the words will explain you.

Likes flowers for the day,

and my days filled and blossomed by those tunes.

With the guitar you tremble the heavens,

with the voice you uncrippled souls

and with the pen you draw the stars.

You are the best thing happening.

From the voice,

the messenger sent that I wont kill

and her messages that I will always keep,

you unchain those feelings untapped

and send them out like hunting dogs, and my heart beats carefully

but this times, it graduates with a feeling

only your song can explain.

I sleep to wake up from dreaming,

and I dream to make up my mind cause I am filled with misbelief.

As for my love, it longs but I run away

like mad in an opposite direction.

Only because of the music that came and visited me from the guitar,

travelling with those wise words.

I gotta see you

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Eyelids close for me

sleep for me coz if you don't

I might wakeup without dreams

I'm trying to fish out mystery into my bed

if I close my eyes would I happen to wakeup in sleep

want to see where I send my baits,

where I reel my dreams and nightmares

and please don't make dream about her

coz she is sleeping maybe dreaming about him...

Sleeping dilemma

86

It's game on

I blame you, and you blame me

I guess we're playing a blame game

And you might have called me a lame name

It ain't my fault, it's just your thought

The one that spends time thinking about me

Your face which opens up to me like a book

And the way you look if I noticed

I feel like giving up on you

But you always find a way to set me on overdrive

With my sex drive, I watch you jealous

And I am thinking, you're worried about us

Well I might be with them

but I am thinking about you

From your poker face I see through

And your fighting words I listen

As they punch me out of my reason

And I wonder why don't you give up

I don't want you to give up

OGEST

87

I want you to win

But I act like I don't want you

Because I love you

And I am scared that if I tell you

You'd stop playing our crazy game

Me the coward, who stirred your feelings

And you the coward,

who never told me how you felt

All the times we had

I must've looked at you in that look of love

Approached you bold with love

And you responded by laughing to my lousy jokes

Faked a few postures, smiled when I approached

Yet I told my friend that I loved you

And told your friend that I liked you

88

as my eyes had seen,

and the days that I have been

coupled to witness

of this moment

that sends a chill into my soul

and raise me out of my foul.

Still something knocks me down,

as I gasp.

Still in the fast lane

with nothing to grasp

before this bewilderment.

And these words that wont leave me;

its like a thunderstorm, tossing and turning

leave me with nothing to feel gaining..

As everything gets blown away

like the first day I talked to you,

I was blown away by your kindness.

Is it insanity or vanity,

I ponder and wonder.

I felt by writing this,

when I got knocked by the feelings

and I LOVE YOU

Knocks me down

89

DYNAMO

I am a bad boy

I told the girls that loved me

I got no feelings

They were mad, and said to their friends

“He is rude”

I became their enemy

They started to spit as I pass

And I remembered when I could've been their friends

I was glad I wasn’t their friends

Too scared that, all rivers end in the sea

I don’t fall in love

I just want to be used

Then I fulfill my dynamite purpose

Not with my heart, don’t

I am scared, it is with a dynamo

A girl that took my breath way, can beat me

And I believe she was made for me

And she exploded in my face, into a rose

That I only appreciate.

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91

Wake up

He said, “Pfano, Pfano”. And I asked, “Can you see that it is

late, my Lord?” And the Lord placed love upon me before He

said, “Aren't you troubled with your brothers and sisters when

they don’t succeed?”. I started to feel like crying and I said,

“Tell me, I am ready to serve You”. Then I was moved to South

Africa in the realm of the spirit, I found myself laying hands and

casting demons on most of my brothers. I wanted to ask why

send me, but He knew what was troubling me. Then He blew His

Spirit, and I knew, it was because He want me to understand

that He is interested in a relationship with His people. And He

had already blessed me with what belonged to His people.

two eyes of the sky,

one pale and one gale looking down,

they behold humorous sulking

with so much delinquency

to scope the light frequency

only if the sulking knew the eclipse of religion

not to be mistuned with the light rays from the sun

if the day wasn't scotching with anger

the night will pace up to wake up

the witches so to bewitch the cursed to die poor

yet the cursed is hanged on the tree

glory to God. Jesus died on the tree.

Parted lips and halted hips,

not to squirm and not to spell.

Thoughts so glaciated into the cold

mind so frozen.

Sun and the moon kissing,

the good and the bad marrying.

Oh Jesus where are you?

Why this?

Why now?

They cried and wept.

A complete vagary

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Liars lie luminously, living lies leverage.

Gospel prostituting the devil,

and illuminati is theirs.

Not to be messed with,

and not be contested with.

Eyes may be dazzled with amazement,

stifled by tears.

Or ears may be deceived by sound of fears.

Yet we know that the world has shifted from above

now that Jesus rule the world.

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Swallow that pride

Taste that sweetened bitter

Make that out of guide

Fickledlike strings of a guitar

As the teeth gnash

And the saliva ooze

Remember the dance as fresh

Like a strong percolated taste of juice

This life is a tongue

tongue

94

Looked to the left and right,

left again and right again,

then I'm sure nobody will see me

thinking about this thoughts,

this is how it goes...

Fly the skies

and umbrella the kites of dreams

look for the space

and rest your case

try grateful for its just dung creams

look for the trace

and test your pace

note :try to miss the ground

Believe not what they said mad

and drunk they are few

and they are like dew

relieve yourself for they are sad

and punk it is not new,

and it is not only you

note: forget the ground

How to fly

95

*Let me go, in vain and insane

live up to that peak, reach that

let them sore ,

in pain and in shame give up all to be meek, preach that

let them fall more,

in rain and in strain

note: wont hit the ground

*This verse, let me go, was inspired by my friend, Nnditsheni

96

To those who came all of a sudden

I pray for them all over Sunday

I say, "oh Lord bless them, for they see nothing"

Open their eyes, army of angels with me

Going back and forth, up and down the stairs

Ministering into my affairs.

You dare tell me, "Give up on this God of yours"

To day. When they blaze their trails

Point me fingers, talk about me

Oh Lord bless me now.

To day. I know today might not be

Can you stop the sun for me?

Give me a chance to win all my lost battles

Oh Lord you knew me

To day. Behave to my word

I am a prophet with God

Let it rain of blessing

And I be blessings

Oh Lord.

To day not today

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98

CAN I SPEAK TO DAVID

And one day in a prayer meeting, I was speaking in tongues and

the words could be translated as, ”Can I speak to David. I want

to join his music group”. And the Lord replied, “He is writing

you a poem” And I asked “where is it?”. His face glowed and I

knew, it was already in my spirit. And He said, “Can you

rewrite Psalm 23? Id love to hear you sing”

I asked, “But how come Psalm 23 was written a long time ago,

and now tell me that David is writing for me, and you want me

to rewrite it?”

“fair enough”, He said, “I don’t have time here. Everything

happens now, but you there, you look at the moon, sun and the

stars. Do you remember that day I stopped the sun, in the times

of Joshua?” And I said, “Yes, Lord”. Then He continued and

said, “Imagine that, there wont be time. And everything

happens at once. The Psalms written, or which are going to be

written or you are writing, are already written. Do you

understand?” “Not really”, “okay, David who you regard as

the greatest musician. He is a man after My heart, and I have

revealed to him all those spiritual songs. And since you want to

speak with him, I knew what you wanted. Since I placed that

desire to praise Me like David. Listen I am giving the words to

write for Psalm 23”

And I stopped speaking in tongues, I didn’t catch the words. I

wanted for them to reveal themselves. I was told to declare

more than seven days while David is rewriting. It was so

strange but I had to believe. “Can I call you David?”, He

asked.

I smiled and HE continued, “You are Mutakalo, You are Joy.

And even if you want Me to call you David. I love Mutakalo

more. Pfano, how are you?”. “I am blessed, my Lord”, I said.

The Lord is My writer;

The Author and Finisher of my faith;

The Word in my lips and with Him, I shall not want.

He makes me read through His sweet poems;

Renews and restores my soul in His garden of roses.

No wonder I quote from the Songs of Songs

For I am a rose of Sharon, a rose in his gardens

And He leads me in the path of righteousness

for His name sake.

Even when I talk in the middle of crowds against me,

I fear none, for He is with me;

His Pen and His paper, they comfort me.

And when He prepares a banquet in front of my enemies.

He anoint me before He plays me His favorite spiritual songs,

and my heart is filled with His Joy.

Surely goodness and mercy is following me,

Surely birds and animals are following me, for I am their lord

For I rule as a king in the house of the Lord.

For He is the Lord.

Psalm 23, remake

99

Comes alive in the movies

Life make us leave the truth

Scanned and barcoded like groovies

We are like Elizabeth and Ruth

In a pageant

Too less to know, yet schooled

“know this, know that”

You are spooned and fooled

You’re always aren't right in your heart

Yet you compete

Here comes the beast of your ignorance

It comes with a fake smile

So sweet yet compelling like romance

You’d wish it take you for a while

Watch out, your life is a pawn

This is a pageant, everybody is welcome

Pageantry

100

I was in love but my heart got broken,

and I am lying,

I am still alive.

I was in love with someone that I loved so bad,

I love so bad.

That kept me awake when I was supposed to be asleep,

the dates, the breaks, and all the roller coaster kept me awake.

I never thought there was life out there,

yet I was living in this dark twisted fantasy

and the world was my shell.

I was trapped, and I was in “love”.

Yet it wasn't love , for God is love but it was lust

no wonder it never dared to last.

However it is broken,

the chains that kept me tied,

like a women about to give birth,

the placenta of my days is broken loose.

I am screaming and shouting,

and you might be thinking out of pain

but I got joy in my heart.

Like Lazarus, dead and buried,

stinking and bound,

Jesus stepped to the scene and broke the chains

BROKEN

101

I just stood by

to talk to the man sitting at the corner,

about the train which was going where I was going.

The man never knew the train

but he was waiting for a train

to somewhere opposite to where I was going.

He said to me

"only the chosen one ride on that train

better ride with me where I was going“

he continued to say, "I think it passed

but I never dared to STOP THE TRAIN.

I met her and with the poems

I tried to pave a way into her heart,

But she told me that better I'm off

for the safety and welfare of the journey.

I yelled with anger, STOP THE TRAIN

and I want to catch another one.

I thought it was the one

I only want my friends to be better than me

anything less, I walk out to catch the next train

Stop the train

102

I cant stand for a moment without being impatient,

Impatiented by the train

yet I don't know the train but I know where I am going.

it seems to be impossi-CANT, and just because they cant

they told me its impossi-DONT.

Yet my God said everything is possible.

What about my imaginations! Id scream

If you imagine then you are mad,

they said it already more than I could count.

Dismissed me out of the train, while they preach to go to heaven.

Which I despised by preaching heaven coming to earth.

Yep I saw them, looking to the skys expecting an escalator to heaven

and they told me I have nothing in my pockets

as if what I have, fits into my pockets.

If only, they knew who am I.

I asked them about the train to where I am going,

none knew, for it was beyond the circumference of their reality.

To them, pilots where from heaven and them from earth.

Pilots of dreams. I saw a train passed by and most hustled to get in,

To where most have a chance in making it.

Another came, with few and few chances.

I screamed STOP THE TRAIN, I know it will take me there.

Stop the train 2

103

104

I AM WRITINGI want to write like

my stories to be

through text, motion pictures and sound effects.

Along the way, I am talking to different kinds of

people, writers, directors, different artists who are

helping me tell the stories of failing and rising.

like legends;

MY LAST.

105

106

107

I had a few words to remind you

That we are one, a human race

Where we win together, struggle together

And share stories of hope.

I am just the one standing

But I will be sitting down soon---for the man

As the true essence of life begins at the dawn,

as proportions of sunrays strike at the fore of that man.

Soon he will be capping

his fore with eyes completely shone to the light,

mysteriously as the sun rise up to usher a good day.

I believe when the sun rise up,

he will rise like dew to the clouds

while trying his hearts to sing psalms and hymns like birds

And that man, might remind me of this day

When I saidly bodly to the world, ROSES

Hoping he takes one to his loved ones

And let them rise too. I ROSE

I believe you are that man….MUTA

epilogue

I AM WRITINGI want to write like

my stories to be

through text, motion pictures and sound effects.

Along the way, I am talking to different kinds of

people, writers, directors, different artists who are

helping me tell the stories of failing and rising.

like legends;

MY LAST.

108

109