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TABLE OF CONTENTS PART I. INTRODUCTION............................................................. 3

PART II. FATHER OF THE BRIDE DUTIES ......................................... 4 Finances .............................................................................4 Organization ........................................................................4 The Fathers Role ..................................................................5 The Wedding Day ..................................................................6

PART III. WEDDING SPEECHES AND TOASTS...................................... 7 The Order of Speeches and Toasts.............................................7

The Traditional Order of Speeches................................................. 7 Toasts ................................................................................9

Time to Toast.......................................................................... 9 The Traditional Order of Toasts .................................................. 10

PART IV. WRITING THE SPEECH .................................................. 11 Writing Your Speech ............................................................ 11

Starting the Process ................................................................ 11 Ready to Write ...................................................................... 12

Prewrite ........................................................................... 13 The Draft .......................................................................... 16

The Opening ......................................................................... 17 Middle (Body) ........................................................................ 19 Closing ................................................................................ 20

Practice............................................................................ 21 Revision............................................................................... 23

Top Tips for a Seamless Speech .............................................. 24 PART V. WRITER’S BLOCK......................................................... 27

Overcoming Writers Block ..................................................... 27 Causes of Writers Block ............................................................ 27 Solutions for Writers Block ........................................................ 28

PART VI. PROFESSIONAL WRITERS ............................................... 31 Hiring a Pro ....................................................................... 31

PART VII. DELIVERING THE SPEECH............................................... 33 Top Tips for Delivering the Speech.......................................... 33 Using Your Voice and Body Language ....................................... 35

Effective Use of the Voice......................................................... 35 Body Language ...................................................................... 36

Battling Nerves................................................................... 38 Deliver with Pride ............................................................... 40

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TOP TEN TIPS .......................................................................... 41

PART VIII. THE ALL-IMPORTANT SPEECH......................................... 43 Speech One ....................................................................... 44 Speech Two....................................................................... 46 Speech Three..................................................................... 48 Speech Four ...................................................................... 49 Speech Five....................................................................... 51 Speech Six ........................................................................ 52 Speech Seven..................................................................... 54 Speech Eight...................................................................... 56 Speech Nine ...................................................................... 57 Speech Ten ....................................................................... 59 Speech Eleven.................................................................... 61 Speech Twelve ................................................................... 63 Speech Thirteen ................................................................. 64 Speech Fourteen ................................................................ 66 Speech Fifteen ................................................................... 68 Speech Sixteen................................................................... 70 Speech Seventeen............................................................... 72 Speech Eighteen ................................................................. 74 Speech Nineteen................................................................. 76 Speech Twenty................................................................... 78

PART IX. SUMMARY.................................................................. 81

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Copyright © 2005 by Dan Stevens, Jason Oxenham and Libros Media Limited.

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PART I. INTRODUCTION

For every Father of the Bride, the time when a daughter says she is getting married is one of pure joy and sheer terror. Typically, a father has an immense sense of protection over his daughter, wanting her to one-day grow up, and marry her Prince Charming. Therefore, when the day comes for a father to give his daughter’s hand to another man in marriage, emotions run high.

Even so, the Father of the Bride will be beaming with pride. His responsibilities over the next several months to a year or so will vary, although they usually have to do with money! Considering the cost of today’s weddings, the first thing a father needs to do is sit down with his daughter and future son-in-law to identify the things he will pay for and then come up with a good budget plan.

In this book, you will learn more about the responsibilities associated with being the Father of the Bride, with a primary focus on one of the most important aspects – the speech and toast at the reception.

Most fathers will tell you that they are apprehensive when it comes to this part of the wedding and would be much happier simply sitting in the background.

However, the speech and toast are very important for both the Bride and Groom, and the guests. Therefore, the speech should be carefully planned and not something merely created off the cuff. Instead, a good speech requires thought and preparation to make this day as special as it can be.

After all, this is a very important day for both the father and his daughter. His participation in the speech is just one aspect of what will make it the most memorable day of both their lives. If you are getting ready to give your own daughter away in marriage, then this is the book for you.

With this information, you will have a much better idea of what lies ahead so you can relax and enjoy the wedding planning rather than dreading it.

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PART II. FATHER OF THE BRIDE DUTIES

As mentioned in the Introduction, the Father of the Bride plays a number of important roles for his daughter’s wedding. Most importantly, he is her rock, the strong shoulder for her to lean on when things become a little disorganized, and her fortress when she needs a place to hide. The Father of the Bride is the person that keeps calm when it seems that total chaos is occurring.

Additionally, the Father of the Bride will play an important role when it comes to helping with various errands, giving the speech and toast for the reception, and handling several of the financial aspects. Although the primary focus of this book is on the speech, we do want to touch briefly on the financial aspect.

Finances Keep in mind that not everything in the wedding will be the responsibility of the Bride’s father – just the most expensive. No, just kidding, but there will be some things that are more expensive than other things. If the Bride and Groom were planning a traditional wedding, the following would be things paid for by the Father of the Bride:

□ Newspaper costs for the engagement and wedding announcements

□ Invitation and program printing costs

□ Wedding gown and bridal party gowns

□ Flowers for the church and reception

□ Photographer and/or videographer

□ Reception to include food, drink, and any entertainment

□ Wedding cake

□ Transportation (typically a limo) for the Bride’s trip to the church

Organization First, if you are the Father of the Bride, you will need to sit down with your daughter and/or future son-in-law to determine what they already have and what they need. This way, you will not be arbitrarily buying things that may not be needed.

For instance, it might be that one of them knows a wedding cake designer that has offered to make the cake as their wedding gift, or perhaps your future son-in-law has a close cousin who is a florist.

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By taking a few minutes to go over all the things that you would have the responsibility of paying, you could actually be saving yourself money. Remember, this wedding is an emotional time for you as the father and your gut instinct will be to give your beautiful angel whatever she wants.

However, by doing it this way, you will soon discover that you are way over budget. Sometimes, your daughter and future son-in-law may need to work with you in finding alternative solutions if the budget becomes too tight.

Finally, you will need to help get everyone on the same page so that the efforts of the wedding go smoothly as planned. Although the Bride, her mother, and usually the future mother-in-law will be the primary organizers, your job is to keep a level head and to try to keep emotions on an even keel.

The Fathers Role The following are some tips that will make your job as Father of the Bride easier and more enjoyable:

□ Never be afraid to ask where you can help. Often, a father will have no idea of where he would be the most helpful. Therefore, if you do not know, ask.

□ Instead of leaving all the responsibility of the wedding invitations to the Bride and her mother, offer to be the one that keeps track of the names of invitees along with acceptances/declines/waiting responses.

□ Remember to buy or rent your suit to coordinate with the Groom, keeping to the same level of formality and color

□ Help the Bride and Groom in choosing the wine or beer for the reception. Additionally, you might offer to hunt down the type chosen at the best price.

□ Be sure you attend the wedding rehearsal so you know exactly what to do.

□ Provide the Bride’s mother, Groom’s parents, and the Bride with updates on your responsibilities

□ Make yourself available for anything needed by the Bride.

□ Finally, research, write, and be prepared to give the most amazing and memorable speech ever!!

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The Wedding Day Although things are likely to be hectic prior to the ceremony, you of all people need to remain calm. Walk around to mingle with people, make sure everyone has what they need, be sure all the cars for the wedding and people in the wedding have arrived on time, and most of all, enjoy yourself.

This is the time to help your daughter remain calm. She is going to be excited but also a nervous wreck. Be sure you let her know just how beautiful she looks and remind her that everything will be fine. Again, be her stronghold, the one person she knows she can depend on.

The father’s responsibilities are not too difficult but very important. If you will be hosting the reception, then it is important that you arrive early to greet the guests. You also want to keep an eye on drinks as well as people consuming alcohol just to make sure no one gets out of line.

Finally, once the Bride and Groom have completed their first dance, it is your time to ask your daughter to dance.

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PART III. WEDDING SPEECHES AND TOASTS

Now, along with all the roles mentioned for the Father of the Bride, one of the most important is the time he will spend giving a speech and toast to the newly married couple.

As the father, you will be called upon by the toastmaster, asking for your speech. For about five to seven minutes, you will have the important task of welcoming your new son-in-law publicly, while leaving your daughter with words of love and wisdom. Of course, this is also your chance to share some of your favorite stories!

If like most fathers, you want to give the most amazing speech possible. However, it is common to have doubt, simply because you are not sure how or what to write. With the information provided in this book, you can put your worries aside, gaining confidence with your speech writing and presenting abilities.

The Order of Speeches and Toasts A number of people make a speech on the day of wedding. It is, therefore, good to have an order in which to make the speeches. Although a traditional order for speeches does exist, but there will be variations at every wedding.

The Traditional Order of Speeches Each speech should be between 3 to 5 minutes in length and they are often held prior to the reception meal. The speech session generally begins soon after the serving of champagne or some other specially chosen drink.

Here is the traditional order of speeches.

Father of the Brides Speech and Toast to the Newlyweds Traditionally, this is the first speech at the wedding. To take charge, ensuring your speech will create a special memory, you need to ensure it consists of specific components.

□ Offering congratulations to the new Bride and Groom

□ Thanking the bridal party for their support and assistance during the months of wedding preparation

□ Thanking the Groom’s mother and father for their love and support and welcoming them as part of the family

□ Publicly welcoming the Groom as a part of the family

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□ Taking time to talk about your daughter and the many wonderful years she has given you. You can include some funny stories, special memories, and other things near and dear to the heart. However, you want to avoid saying anything that would embarrass her or her new husband.

□ To propose a toast to the couple for their health, happiness and success.

Response and Toast to the Maid of Honor: The Groom's Speech Following the speech and toast of the Bride’s father, the Groom delivers a speech. This speech is to:

□ To express his gratitude to the Bride's parents for permitting him to take their daughter’s hand,

□ To express his gratitude to his own parents, for all the years he has spent with them,

□ To thank all those involved in the wedding and reception,

□ To compliment the Bride’s appearance,

□ To thank the Bridesmaids, the Best Man and Groomsmen,

□ To thank the page boys, flower girls, and ring bearers,

□ If there is no master of ceremonies, the Groom should introduce the Best Man during his speech,

□ To propose a toast to the Bridesmaids.

Response on Behalf of the Bridesmaids: The Best Man's Speech The third speech, following the Bride's father and Groom’s speech, is generally the Best Man’s speech. The Maid of Honor may do her speech together with Best Man. This speech is mainly to:

□ To praise the Bride and Groom and to wish them happiness in future together,

□ To thank the Groom for asking him to be his Best Man,

□ To narrate humorous stories about the Groom (but no mention of old girlfriends),

□ To compliment the Bride’s appearance,

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□ To express gratitude to the Bride on behalf of the Bridesmaids, flower girls, and ring bearers,

□ To read out cards or telegrams from relatives or friends who could not attend,

□ If there is no master of ceremonies, the Best Man may be required to introduce the next item, like cake cutting.

Maid of Honors Speech and Toast The Maid of Honors speech is usually held at the rehearsal dinner, but may also be during the wedding reception party if the Bride wishes. The Maid of Honor can speak along with or after the Best Man.

Any toast by the Maid of Honor is usually at the rehearsal dinner only, but again if the Bride wants the Maid of Honor to propose a toast at wedding as well, she can have one.

Toasts First, let us talk about the toasting aspect of the reception. During this time, various individuals take time to offer a short message to the Bride and Groom, generally no more than one minute. At the end of this brief statement, the individual will raise his or her glass, and then invite the guests to join in raising their glass, as a way of showing support to the couple and agreeing with the comments made.

Time to Toast Typically, the Bride and Groom will determine the individuals to offer a toast at their reception but if you were to ask 10 couples what this order should be, you would probably receive ten different responses. Depending on the level of formality, the people giving the toasts and the order in which the speeches are made will vary.

Regardless, the first toast and speech given would not begin until all of the guests were seated for dinner. However, there are exceptions to this rule:

□ If the only dessert being served were the wedding cake, then the toasts would be given after the cake is cut,

□ If other desserts will be served in addition to the wedding cake, the toasts can begin after the conclusion of the meal,

□ For less formal weddings, in most cases the toasts would be given after the Bride and Groom’s first dance,

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□ For a cocktail party or a reception where only dessert will be served, the first toast would begin after all of the guests have gone through the receiving line and have been seated in the reception hall,

□ If there is food served that will be blessed, then toasts will occur after the blessing,

The Traditional Order of Toasts If you want to keep to strict tradition or prefer not to drag the toasting out, you can limit the toast from the Best Man and it can then be offered first to the Bride and then the Groom. However, if you prefer to go the whole nine yards, then you want to make sure there is time open for the Father of the Bride and Groom to offer their toasts.

Others that would be expected to toast are the Maid of Honor, other members of the wedding party, and usually, the Groom will toast his new Bride and in-laws. After the formal toasts are complete, the Bride and Groom should then toast.

Keep in mind that the toast between the Bride and Groom can occur anytime throughout the reception and does not have to be done immediately following everyone else’s toast. During the time that toasts are being given to the Bride and Groom, the Best Man would remain seated. If someone offers only the Bride a toast, then it is appropriate for the Groom to stand in her honor.

If the toast is offered to either set of parents, then both Bride and Groom should stand. If the reception is setup without seating, then standing is fine. Finally, when toasts are offered to the Bride and Groom, they do not drink. The only time they would join in is when the toast is directed to someone else.

Traditional Order Although the following is the order in which the toasts would be given at a traditional wedding, many times, the Best Man will also come last, closing out the reception with the impacting speech.

□ Best Man will toast the Bride (again, he could be the first or last in line),

□ Maid of Honor will toast the Groom,

□ Father of the Bride will toast the newly married couple,

□ The Bride and Groom will toast both sets of parents and guests,

□ Bride’s step-father (if applicable) will toast the Bride and Groom.

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PART IV. WRITING THE SPEECH

Writing Your Speech For some fathers, men, the worst part of the speech is not the presentation but the writing. In many cases, it is not that you are not capable of writing but simply that you worry that the speech will come across as unpolished or senseless.

When it comes to the actual writing portion of the process, some people choose to do all the writing themselves while others are more comfortable with having a professional writer help. Both options are good so you would just choose the one that you are most comfortable with doing.

Starting the Process If you are going to write your own speech then you need to use the following tips as a guideline in getting started.

Know your audience Remember to know the audience – That means to have a good handle on the median age, whether the guests are conservative or liberal, if they have a good sense of humor or would be offended by a funny story, and so on. Your daughter and her soon-to-be husband can help you with this.

Research the Facts As the father, you will be the one person with most of the facts but when telling stories relating to something she might have done with friends, be sure you get the facts accurate.

Brainstorm During the months or weeks before the wedding, take time just to brainstorm. Keep a pad of paper and pencil with you at all times. This way, when you are having lunch at work, relaxing at home, working out at the gym, or whatever the case may be, you will be able to write down your thoughts immediately.

Organize Keep your information organized. This way, when it comes time to do the actual writing, you will have a much better idea of what you want to say and how you want to say it.

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Ready to Write Once you have all of your research organized, start by taking a pad of paper and pen (or better yet, a pencil just in case you need to make changes) to a quiet place where you can think clearly. Some people will visit a park, lake, or other place in nature for inspiration.

Remind yourself that writing the speech for your daughter’s wedding is not that different from any other type of writing. Once you get past that misnomer, then the rest is not too difficult. With any speech, you want the material to capture the guest’s attention, convey information to the guests supported by accurate data, and make the Bride and Groom smile!

Okay, so how can you write the perfect speech for the wedding? We will show you exactly how to do it so that you are pleased with the results, the guests are informed and entertained, and the Bride and Groom are even more in love!

When you write your Father of the Bride speech, keep it tucked in the back of your mind that the guests will not be able to rewind what you say to hear it again. In a regular conversation, a person can say, “I’m sorry but I didn’t hear what you said. Would you mind repeating it?” However, with a speech, the guests do not have this same luxury.

Think back to time you spent in the classroom when the teacher was telling the class something important and you missed it. Typically, rather than ask, you would go back to reference your books or other material. With your speech, especially if you do not capture the attention of the listeners from the beginning, people’s attention will begin to wander. When this happens, the things you are sharing about the Bride and Groom are not heard and cannot (or should not) be repeated.

To keep guests from staring off into space or simply not paying attention when you give your speech, it is imperative that the material is not complicated or mechanically focused. Although it might look great on paper to use big, fancy words, you will quickly lose your guests’ interest if the speech does not come across almost as conversational. Other valuable tips for capturing and keeping the guests’ attention include:

□ Avoid repetition, avoid repetition, avoid repetition (you get the point!),

□ Do not go overboard on the use of second-person,

□ Instead of placing too much and too early focus on stylistic concerns, start with the process of writing, which includes prewriting, drafting, practicing, editing or revision, and delivery.

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So that you can go through each of the writing steps correctly, which will ensure the final product is perfect, we have broken each one down. All you have to do is follow the steps and you will be amazed at just how easy writing the Father of the Bride’s speech can actually be.

Prewrite For this first stage, you need to begin by giving serious thought to why it is you are giving the speech in the first place. Obviously, this is your daughter and soon to be son-in-law, starting a new chapter in life.

You might think of this step as preparing for a big test in school, or playing in your first football game. You want to succeed, which requires you to change the mindset to one that is positive and focused. The same is true with the Father of the Bride speech.

You need to get into the right mindset first, which will help you prepare for the next steps of writing. Next, think about other purposes of this speech. What is it that you want the Bride and Groom’s family and friends to walk away learning? How can you give a speech that will benefit the guests? What do you hope to get out of the experience (and be honest)?

Reactions A good wedding speech will evoke three reactions from the guests – acting, feeling, and thinking. By providing the right information about the newly married couple, you can actually stimulate the guests to respond.

As an example, if you share a story about how your daughter and son-0in-law first met, many of the guests will reach over and hold the hand of their own spouse, feel a flutter of emotion for each other, and think back to the time when they fell in love and were married.

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Analysis Another aspect of the prewriting phase is to do an analysis of the guests. For instance, why are they even listening to you? Are they searching for something special from the speech? By performing a simple analysis, you can identify ways to connect everyone at the wedding.

You might encourage them to think back to their first love, or their own wedding day. As you make a connection with the wedding guests, not only will they pay more attention to the speech, but also, you have established a connection that will carry through the reception.

In other words, people will feel as though they have known each other for years. Therefore, as the festivities of the reception begin, people will mingle better, dance with strangers, and overall enjoy the reception much more.

Topic of Choice Next, you need to decide how you want to organize the material. For example, do you want to share many different things relating to your daughter’s life or do you prefer to keep your focus on specific occasions?

While sharing a lot of information is not a bad thing, keep in mind that what can happen is that you can throw too much information at the guests, which will create disinterest, present a speech that seems disjointed and confusing, or cause you to go over your allotted time, which can bore the guests.

A better option is to choose a theme or simply keep the focus on just a few specific things. This will keep the speech organized and clean, which means the guests will listen, the Bride and Groom will be touched, and you will not feel nearly as stressed. Even though your speech will probably consist of funny stories, this will help the speech to flow better.

To give you an idea of how you would keep the Father of the Bride speech directed to a theme, you might pull information together about the five funniest things your daughter did while growing up and then lead up to the engagement and ultimately, the wedding.

Research For the research aspect of the wedding speech, the more information you get and verify, the better you will feel when it comes time to give the speech. Having a variety of information and understanding it will actually boost your confidence level.

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There is no mistaking - preparing a speech requires time and dedication. In fact, if you were to ask most experts, they would tell you that that the Father of the Bride speech is all about research. To obtain information, you want to spend time talking to your daughter, her fiancé, their best friends, other family members, and so on.

Each person will be able to provide a little more insight into the couple’s lives, providing you with dreams and aspirations, funny stories, fears, and other valuable pieces of information that can be woven into your speech. Be sure you take a pad of paper and pencil with you so you can take good notes.

All of these things put together will help you know exactly how you need to address your daughter and her new husband to ensure the speech means something extraordinary to them. Remember, that a good deal of your speech will come from your personal experience with your daughter.

However, it is important to incorporate other information you gather. Because there will be so many questions to ask, you want to allow yourself several months so that you are not bombarding people with tons of questions.

Instead, you can break the time down in two or three sessions during which you can ask some, not all of the questions. For example, let us say you had 100 questions to ask. Instead of drilling people for hours on end, you could visit with them three or four times over several months.

In addition to the information you already have on your daughter and future son-in-law, you could also ask other family members and friends some of the following questions:

□ Were there other people responsible for setting them up (including yourself)?

□ What special interests do the Bride and Groom have?

□ How did the Groom propose to the Bride, when, where, and what was the reaction?

□ Does the couple belong to any special organizations or hobby groups (motorcycle clubs, guns clubs, and square dancing)?

□ How would the Groom describe his Bride and vice versa?

□ What is the funniest thing that happened while the couple dated?

□ What is the one thing that the Bride loves most about her Groom and vice versa?

□ What are the Bride and Grooms individual goals and their goals as a married couple?

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Obviously, you will know a lot of information. However, to find the best information for your speech, you actually need to use multiple resources. More than likely, you will learn something new about your daughter and future son-in-law that you did not know.

One thing to remember when nailing down information from close friends is that often, they will provide stories that would simply not be appropriate for the wedding speech.

Writing a speech requires time and dedication, especially when you are the Father of the Bride. Therefore, allowing the proper amount of time to get all the facts is crucial to the success of your speech. This will impress your daughter that you took the time and effort to find the information and make you feel great about sharing it.

For example, if you plan to share a college story, then schedule time with one of your daughter’s closest friends from school. If you want to share a funny story about your future son-in-law, then sit down with his parents and get their input.

The Draft You want the speech to run anywhere from three to five minutes. With practice, you will be able to meet this with no problem. However, a good way to help keep you on schedule with the speech is to type it out on paper, using double space, 12-point font.

For most individuals giving a speech, one page of double-spaced material will take about one to one and one-half minutes to give. Therefore, if you want the speech to be around five minutes, you would need three to five pages of double-spaced material. For a three-minute speech, you want two to three pages.

Remember, this will all depend on how fast you talk, how many thoughts you expect to interject, and what reaction you expect to get from the guests. You can at least start using this as a guide and then make adjustments as needed.

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When you write your speech, you can write various sections completely out of order if you like. In fact, many professional speakers will tell you that they find it easier to write in a non-sequential manner. Remember, the speech will have three parts – the opening, the body, and the closing.

Therefore, you might try writing the body of the Father of the Bride speech first. This way, you can create the focus or argument of the speech and then go back to create specific points that will be used in the opening and closing. The result is that you will find the process of writing will go much smoother.

The Opening When creating the opening of the Father of the Bride, you will need it to accomplish a number of things. First, it will establish you as the expert, which will work in your favor as far as capturing the guests’ attention.

Secondly, you want the opening to build the motive or theme of your speech. To do this, you will explain to the wedding guests why you are giving the speech and talking about a certain theme.

By doing this, the guests will know that you are not giving the speech merely because you have to but because you love your daughter very much and want to do this for her on her special day.

You also want the opening of your speech to give you credibility. Start by asking yourself why the guests should even listen to you in the first place. You can do this by reminding yourself that you are the Bride’s father and therefore, have the distinct honor of giving the speech.

Getting Attention

To get the attention of the guests, make sure the speech relates to them. Typically, with a wedding speech, this is not too difficult in that you are talking about love and relationships, along with funny stories that everyone loves to hear.

As long as you have the connection with the guests, then they will listen and understand what you are saying. Now something to remember is that you can get good or bad attention.

□ With bad attention, you would encourage too much or the wrong kind of participation or interjection from guests. This can cause things to get off track and out of control. Try to keep in mind that a part of your role as the Bride’s father is to keep things moving forward and seamlessly.

□ With good attention, you will obviously keep the guests interested, bring some humor and a sense of romance to the reception, and encourage the right type and level of participation.

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The way that you control the direction of attention is by the material you present in your speech and the way in which it is presented. For example, if your Father of the Bride speech were filled with stories from the couple’s past dating with other people, or inappropriate jokes, you can be sure the Bride and Groom, their parents, and other friends and family are not going to appreciate it.

Additionally, chances are that those people will come to the support of the couple, which could create a very awkward situation for you. Therefore, you set the tone and pace of the ENTIRE reception!

Good attention would be receiving laughter and applause from the guests from a funny story you told, or a teary eye, as you mention something sentimental about the newly married couple.

Preview The objective with your speech is to create a main point or theme, as mentioned, and then explain how you support it. Another point is that while building the speech to a climax with bits and pieces of information before reaching the real juicy stuff is not necessarily a good thing.

What happens many times when a speech is designed this way is that the guests will become impatient and bored. For instance, if you were to spend the first four minutes of the speech providing guests with “teasers” and then in the last 30 seconds tell how the couple met and why they decided to marry, by the time your reach that all-important point, you have lost your guests’ interest.

Therefore, even after you write the main body and then go back to work the opening and closing, preview your work to ensure your speech is dotted with interest from the beginning and throughout.

The first few words of any speech are the hardest. However, these are also the most memorable for you, your daughter, and all the guests. In the opener, you will introduce yourself, your spouse, and the Groom’s parents.

Then, if you want to say something funny and entertaining, this would be the time to do it. Just remember that if humor is not your natural style, you should skip it.

Stick with what you feel comfortable with and if you become stuck, just say something like, “Hi – I’m the Bride’s father and I’m as nervous as can be”. This will break the ice, making things much easier for the remainder of the speech.

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Middle (Body) With this part of the speech, you will take time to congratulate the couple and offer some fun stories as you reminisce about the past. During this time, you would share little tidbits about the Bride and Groom, and if any questions are asked, answer them.

The body of the Father of the Bride speech is what you want to write first. This is the main content that will cover your theme or topic in the more detail than what the guests would hear in the opening and closing.

With the body, there are very few rules to follow. The only real thing you will need to remember is that this portion of the speech should last longer than the opening and closing, and have more emphasis on it. In fact, experts will tell you that the body of the speech should consist of 80% of your overall speech.

With the body, you want the wedding guests to feel as though you are providing them with new, interesting, and valuable information about the couple, almost as if you were letting them in on several secrets.

Keep in mind that while you want to share actual stories specifically relating to something your daughter did in the past, you can also interject a funny story that happened to someone else but change it so it now applies to the Bride.

To accomplish this, you want to move from the opening into the body quickly and then from the body to the closing efficiently but only after your main points about your daughter and her new husband have been made. Since the Father of the Bride speech will contain all three important aspects of a speech – feel, think, and act, you should expect that it would take a little more preparation and thought process.

The reason is the “feel” factor. To accomplish feel this with your speech, you need to build an emotional connection with the wedding guests through the right words and presentation. With the thinking aspect, this depends more on the factual content of the speech while the acting aspect is typically a combination of the other two. Therefore, since you are including all three in the wedding speech, just remember to write logically to accomplish all three.

Let us talk about logic for a minute. Unless you ensure all the pieces of your speech fit together perfectly and flow smoothly, the guests will have a very difficult time following your thought logic. Therefore, you need to remain aware of how the body content or argument will progress throughout the speech.

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If the speech is written so that each page is its own thought or story, the speech will come out choppy and hard to follow. Instead, think of the body of your story as the hub of a bicycle wheel. All of the spokes come out of the body exact, connecting to an outer ring. Together, the wheel is balanced and flawless.

The Father of the Bride speech is much the same way. The hub is the center or body, the main part. However, for the entire wheel to remain stable and balanced, all the stories or topics (spokes) much branch out evenly and cleanly to the exterior rim (closing). Then, the closing (rim) encircles the entire process, holding it together.

As long as each part of the speech connects, balances, and supports, then you will have logic that the wedding guests can follow and appreciate. To help you keep your speech focused and sharp, consider the following tips:

□ Relate to the guests on a personal level - Since the wedding is a personal affair, this should not be difficult to do. From the moment you introduce yourself, you need to make the guests feel comfortable, almost as though they have known you for years.

□ Top writing and speech experts will tell you that if guests feel there is something in a speech that is there for them personally, they will pay attention immediately. For this reason, work individual experiences of you and your daughter, the wedding party, and even some of the family and guests into your speech, using appropriate and complementary content.

□ Quotations and statistics should be used VERY seldom - If you begin loading the speech up with too many quotes or statistics, you will quickly overload the wedding guests with useless information. While adding one or two in the entire speech would be fine, keep the speech on a personal level and not one that is boring and clinical.

Closing When writing the closing of your speech, just remember that the same strategies that you used for the opening can be used here. Again, your goal is to re-emphasize the theme and purpose of the speech.

What experts say is that a speech needs to tell guests what you are going to tell them, then actually tell them, and then tell them what you told them.

□ Restate, do not repeat - In the closing of your speech, you want to restate the primary points without just repeating them. This way, your guests will enjoy the speech and not become bored with hearing the same thing repeatedly.

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□ Be clear - You want the majority of wedding guests to feel as though they gained valuable insight and information from the five to seven minutes of time you spent talking to them. Therefore, leave them with an understanding about the Bride and Groom and their lives that they might not have had before, and most importantly, a chuckle or smile on their face.

Remember, in this section, you will be leaving your daughter and new son-in-law with words of wisdom. In addition, you will leave the wedding guests with a special thought or emotion. Sometimes, it might be words of endearment while other times, you could use a famous quote.

Second Opinion Once you have completed writing the draft of your speech, have your spouse, the Groom’s parents, or close friends of the couple listen to what you have written, asking for honest feedback. They can point out some areas needing to be polished, some things to be omitted, come up with new information to add, etc.

In addition to these individuals listening to the content of the speech, they can also listen to the tone in which you give the speech. In this case, emphasis might need to be changed, something toned down, something over exaggerated, and so on.

Practice When you have completed the “Drafting” portion of the writing, now comes the important phase of practicing. Now, you need to take this time to connect with a close mutual friend of the Bride and Groom so that you can read the speech aloud. Then, you need to be open and comfortable in receiving honest feedback.

As you sit down with this family member or friend, you want to be upfront and ask that they be completely honest with you, for the Bride and Groom’s sake. Make sure the room is quiet and void from television, radio, or small children noise and activity, and then read your speech.

Once you have gone through the entire speech, you will need to go over the following, asking what part, or parts of the speech:

□ Stand out in a positive manner,

□ Have the greatest potential to connect with the guests,

□ Have potential for losing the focus and attention of the guests,

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□ Might create boredom,

□ Come across as inappropriate,

□ Seem disjointed.

Something else the listener needs to pay close attention to is sections of the speech with which you seem to struggle. For instance, as you read your Father of the Bride speech, the words should flow smoothly and the sentences and pages transitioning with ease. Have the listener pay attention to sections where you hesitate or stumble, which will create the confusing or disjointed problem.

Edit After the speech has been written, if there are any names you are unsure of, write them out phonically. That way, when you talk about people or places, you will be saying them correctly, which will save embarrassment.

Audio Edit In addition to reading through the material for inaccuracies or inconsistencies, you need to read the speech aloud. An excellent idea is to record yourself giving the speech so you can hear it just as the wedding guests will. This excellent tool will help you clean the speech up in places, shorten things, add more emphasis on a certain subject, practice how to give the speech, etc.

Think Take some time to think of a line or sentence to use for the opening and closing of the speech. With the opening, you want the line to be alluring, grabbing the guest’s attention. For the closing, you want something that will make an impact and create a memory.

Cue Cards Again, we highly recommend that anyone giving a speech use cue cards, even if you have an excellent memory. Remind yourself that this if your daughter’s most special day of her life and you want it to be perfect.

Rehearse, Rehearse, Rehearse As mentioned, you can never put in too much practice or rehearsal time.

Once you get past that misnomer that speech writing is extremely difficult, you can relax a bit and begin putting your material together. What you want to do when writing the speech is try to remember that guests are not capable of rewinding everything you say to hear it again.

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Think about a normal conversation. If someone does not understand words spoken, then he or she can simply ask the other individual to repeat. However, at your daughter’s wedding, they do not have this same luxury.

Therefore, it is crucial that your speech capture the guests’ attention right from the beginning. If not, their minds begin to wander and they miss the important words being spoken.

Now, do not let that scare you into thinking your speech has to be something phenomenal, but it does mean the speech needs to be interesting and spoken so the guests will listen.

One way to do this is to keep the speech conversational so the guests are not straining to understand. Keep in mind that big or fancy words often look great on paper and sound good while practicing but that does not mean they will reach the majority of the guests.

Other things important to know when writing your speech include:

□ Do not keep repeating the same thing over and over

□ Keep reference to second person to a minimum

□ When you first start drafting the speech, at first do place too much emphasis on the outcome, instead, focus on getting the main points for the opening, middle, and closing down and then worry about the style later.

If you follow these simple steps, you will find that you have a great speech that does exactly what it is supposed to do – honor your daughter, welcome your son-in-law, and create a fun, festive atmosphere for the guests.

Revision After having practiced the speech several times over, you will be able to take the input from the listener along with things you have noticed and start making the revisions. Just remember that after each change, the speech should be re-read.

One thing that is often missed is the fact that even small changes can make dramatic differences. Therefore, do not assume the speech is fine when revisions have been made. Instead, read it over, and over to ensure it is perfect.

Revise and Edit Remember that when you first write the Father of the Bride speech, it does not need to be perfect, which is exactly why you have pre-write and drafting methods. You can always go back and clean things up, allowing you to keep your focus on the content rather than spelling and grammar, at least in the beginning.

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Top Tips for a Seamless Speech

Reverse Outline A reverse outline is a very popular tool used by many top writers. This will help you stay organized and end up with an outstanding, smooth flowing speech. To create a reverse outline, follow these steps:

□ On a piece of paper, write the number 1, followed by a six to ten-word summary that relates to the primary focus of the first paragraph already written.

□ Below this, write the number 2, again followed by a summary of six to ten words that relate specifically to the second paragraph of your draft speech.

□ Continue this method for every paragraph of your five to seven-minute speech.

□ When done, go back and read the summaries of the reverse outline. What you should see is that they all fit together, flow smoothly, and are in support of the overall speech. If you find that the summaries when read together seem out of place or confusing, then you know what and where to fix the speech.

Verbal Cues To help the wedding guests keep track of the information you are sharing and to follow the speech without having to put too much effort or thought into it, you want to use verbal cues in the opening portion.

In this case, you would say things such as, “Today, we are here to talk about the Bride and Groom, and to review their life together. First…, second…, third…, and so on,” or “Today, we are here to celebrate the lives of the Bride and Groom, sharing stories of their time dating that led to this special day.”

What you are doing with these two examples is reminding the guests the reason for coming together and helping them so they can follow the speech easily. When you insert verbal cues into the opening of your speech, you allow thinking room for the guests to focus on the body of the speech.

Transitions When writing a speech, writing a strong transition is crucial. This is what will help the guests hear and understand new information being provided while being able to connect it to information already heard.

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If you want to tell guests something that is new but want the main portion of your speech to be remembered, you could say something such as, “Something else I wanted to mention regarding my daughter’s first date with her husband…”

Crucial Points In this case, the goal is to reiterate key points of the material without going overboard. True, it is a challenge but it can be done. Similar to restating information, as you go through the revision and editing portion of preparing the speech, be creative, trying various means of keeping the material focused but without drilling it in too deep.

Familiar Language Make sure the language you use in your speech is simple. Remind yourself that chances are you will not know everyone attending the wedding, meaning you do not know them personally or have any clue to their receptive skills or educational background.

Therefore, while it might be tempting to use words that sound important and intellectual, you want to avoid making the wedding guests analyze everything being said.

You want the guests to understand every word, making the experience of the speech a relaxing and fun time, not a time spent deciphering your words.

Short and Simple As you go through your speech, make sure you avoid using too many subordinate clauses. You want your speech to flow with your normal thought process. In other words, the direction and flow of the words should not be interrupted with digression.

For example, avoid taking detours in your speech that take you backward to something you have already spoken about or forward to things you have not yet touched on. When you do this, your speech will sound choppy and as if you are jumping around from one thing to another without closing off your thoughts.

If you find that the speech needs modification, make sure the revisions are such that the subject and verb are close. By doing this, the guests will be able to follow your train of thought much easier.

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Remember, when you write your speech, guests will have to rely on your words to understand what you are saying. Therefore, the best thing is to write just as you speak.

Additionally, the wedding guests should not have to wait for long periods for a noun to perform an action. Keep the speech direct and conversational so that people can connect easily to what you are saying. If needed, you can try dividing your draft sentences into two sections.

Then break each sentence down using these guidelines. The result will be that specific points in the speech will be emphasized appropriately and thus, understood better.

Parallel Construction To emphasize the logic of connections within your speech best, use parallel constructions that are strong such as a list of actions, a subject with more than one parallel verb, and so on. This principle of writing is one that many unskilled writers miss.

The reason is that they believe forms of expression should constantly vary. While you do want to repeat things from your speech as a way of emphasizing points, you want to do it while writing a correct parallelism.

Pronoun Use When you write your speech, remember that you know what you are talking about when using pronouns but the guests might not. For this reason, you might find yourself referring to the couple as “them”, the first date as “it”, or the parents as “they”.

However, guests listening to the speech will have a difficult time trying to remember who “them” are, or what “it” is referencing if too overdone. To correct the problem, make sure your sentences support the subject first so the pronoun follows occasionally. While guests might eventually figure out what all the pronouns mean, they should not have to.

In other words, use pronouns sparingly and make sure the guests know what “this”, “that”, “they”, “them”, “it”, and so on means. Always try to imagine yourself as the listener and the way in which you would perceive each sentence spoken.

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PART V. WRITER’S BLOCK

Overcoming Writers Block If you begin writing the speech for your daughter’s wedding and all of the sudden lose all train of thought where words no longer come to mind, you have hit the dreaded wall of Writer’s Block. Do not feel bad since even writers with 40 years experience have this challenge.

When Writer’s Block occurs, the mind simply goes numb. In this case, regardless of how hard you try, the words simply will not come to mind. The challenge with Writer’s Block is that it can start from the beginning, in the middle of the speech, or toward the very end. Without doubt, this is frustrating but by knowing what causes it, you can take the appropriate steps to get beyond it.

Causes of Writers Block If you find yourself stuck when writing the Father of the Bride speech, just remind yourself that every person that has tried to put pen to paper experiences writer’s block at some time or another.

Sometimes, the problem is minor and easy to overcome while other times, it is serious and takes great effort to get beyond but again, with the right tools and mindset, you can overcome writer’s block.

For starters, you will need to determine why you are being faced with writer’s block in the first place. To do this, remember that this occurs for a number of reasons. Additionally, with writer’s block, the void of words might be based on one single thing or it could be a combination of several things.

The most common causes include the following although there are far too many to mention.

No Interest While you will definitely be interested in your daughter’s wedding and the speech that you are writing for her, this could still be a problem. It is not so much that you are not interested in the speech but that you might actually be feeling a bit overwhelmed, which can be perceived as a lack of interest.

The best way to combat this is to keep reminding yourself the purpose of the speech in the first place.

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Lack of Information If you have not done the proper research, you might be trying to write a speech with very little or inappropriate information. When this happens, the mind simply cannot be creative. Therefore, you might try going back to the drawing board and obtaining new and/or additional information for the speech.

Poor Concentration Writing a speech for such an important occasion needs a good level of concentration. If you were to try writing with the television on, kids running around, and any kind of noise, your mind will be distracted. Instead, find a place within the home, at work, a local park, and so on, where you can sit relaxed and in a quiet environment.

Then, you can keep your mind focused only on the speech. Another solution is to take a five to ten minute walk just to clear your mind before you return to the noisy environment.

Underdevelopment If like many fathers of the Bride, you feel excited about giving a speech on such an important occasion and simply overly eager to dive into the writing portion without having your ideas laid out first. This mistake is common but easily resolved. In this case, you will need to slow down, and allow yourself adequate time to develop your thoughts and ideas. Start by making sure you have things organized and have conducted all the research before you start writing. You will find that things run much smoother and you can still be excited about writing and presenting the speech!

Solutions for Writers Block While you can usually do several things to get over writer’s block, sometimes, it will not go away altogether. Writer’s block is something that is quite common so try not to become fearful that you will fail or frustrated because ideas will not develop.

Instead, we would recommend some of the following to help get past this challenge:

Outline Do not forget the importance of creating an outline. Try to go back to when you were in school, remembering how you were taught the benefit of working with outlines. For the Father of the Bride speech, the same principle would apply.

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As you reach the body of the speech, go ahead and create the outline as Idea 1, Idea 2, Idea 3, etc. Now keep in mind that the body of the speech will not necessarily have an actual outline but to overcome writer’s block, this one option does help many people.

Then, below each of your primary ideas, start listing two, three, or more things associated with that idea. Soon, you will have an entire paragraph written and be amazed at how easy that was!

Don’t Stop Writing When faced with writer’s block, you do not want to give in by not writing. In fact, you will benefit far more by doing the very opposite. Writing, even for a wedding speech is something that happens when the mind is stimulated.

If you stop feeding the mind, putting the thoughts down on paper, your mind will become stale. What you want to do is spend about 30 minutes every day, writing. Now this does not have to be the actual speech but if possible, make it about the Bride and Groom.

As an example, if you have tried everything to write a great speech but just cannot think of anything, rather than continue trying to write the speech, start by writing sentences about the couple. The result could be sentences such as the following:

□ Mike loves the outdoors,

□ Mike took Sara to a pro football game for their first official date,

□ Sara changed colleges so she could stay near Mike,

□ Sara loves the time her and Mike spend snow skiing,

The goal here is to think about each of them individually, writing statements that are positive in nature. You might spend 10 minutes at a time just writing. Typically, within days, you will start to see how your sentences can be used to create a great speech.

The key here is that you need to keep to a schedule, even if the 30 minutes are broken down into three segments. You will actually help train your mind to work, which then works in your favor to overcome writer’s block.

If you run out of things to write about the couple, start writing about things you enjoy or anything that comes to mind. This is called Free-writing and is a common method to help people beat writer’s block.

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Motivation One of the best methods for you to get past Writer’s Block is to remind yourself why you are writing the speech in the first place. If you have a favorite picture of you and your daughter, place it somewhere that it will be seen throughout the day. This will help you get past the block and put endearing words together for the daughter you love.

New Role Instead of trying to write the speech from the “Father of the Bride” approach, envision that you are a professional writer putting the speech together for a client and his daughter.

Disguise You might pretend that you are not the Bride’s father but a close friend or family member, writing the speech from their perspective. While this might sound odd, it works and you will probably be intrigued by what you come up with for your speech.

Inspiration / Stimulation Just as some people with writer’s block need complete peace and quiet, other people actually need inspiration and stimulation. Therefore, if the quiet technique does not work well for you, then go ahead and turn the television or radio on.

However, you also need to pay attention to the type of inspiration and/or stimulation being used. For example, rather than watching the soaps or listening to rock and roll, find one of the wedding or dating story type shows on TV or listen to soft jazz or romantic music.

You will find that many times, words spoken on these shows will trigger words or ideas to help get the ball rolling again. Another option, although you might not want to share it with your friends, is to read a romance novel!

Remember that when it comes to overcoming writer’s block, there is no one single cure. However, by thinking outside the box, putting your creativity to work for you, chances are the right solution will appear, helping you get back on track to finish the speech.

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PART VI. PROFESSIONAL WRITERS

Hiring a Pro If you are just uncertain of your writing skills, you can always hire a freelance writer to do the task for you. In no way should you feel like you are skimping on your responsibilities. If hiring a professional is what will produce the best speech for your daughter’s wedding, then you should do it.

Depending on the writer, his or her experience, and the length of the speech, the average cost will range anywhere from $50 to $300. When you begin looking for the perfect person, you need to ask specific questions, such as these:

□ How long have you been writing?

□ How many years have you been writing speeches for weddings?

□ How many speeches for weddings have you written?

□ How many fathers of the Bride speeches have you written?

□ Will you work with my idea to come up with the finished speech?

□ Will you guarantee to meet my deadline?

□ What type of refund or guarantee policy do you have?

□ Do you have references?

□ Do you have samples?

These questions are important but regardless, if you feel uncomfortable with any of the answers or the writer, then move on to the next interview. To get started, you can find a professional writer through a number of viable resources.

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First, you can visit any search engine such as Google.com, Yahoo.com, or DogPile.com, and in the search field, type in the words, “Freelance Writer” or “Wedding Speech Writer”. In return, you will find hundreds of possibilities.

Then, you need to go through an interview process, just as you would when buying a car. Do not be pushed into believing that someone is great without them answering all your questions satisfactorily and preferably, providing samples.

Remember, there are thousands of qualified writers so if you do not click with the first one, simply move on. A professional writer should spend time with you as a means of gaining a better understanding of the Groom, his Bride, and the stories that you want included.

Additionally, the writer should be able to provide you with a custom speech, not just something that he or she pulled from the internet and claimed as his or her own.

While some stories and jokes are used from one wedding to another, which is fine, you want to make sure the writer uses interesting stories to keep it real. The result you want is a quality speech that is easy to read and understand and created specifically for your daughter.

When you hire a professional writer, you are locking into a business transaction. Therefore, a contract should be offered or requested, consisting of all the relative information.

For instance, you want the contract to include pricing (initial speech price plus the price of any revisions), the name and contact information of the person doing the writing, information about the guarantee or refund policies, and a clause covering what would happen if the writer were unable to finish the speech on time.

Typically, a professional writer needs about one month, sometimes two to write the speech. This time will be used to work closely with you and writing drafts that require your input.

Remember, this speech cannot and should not be written without your research, so your input is vital. After supplying the writer with all the pertinent information, you should expect a draft no later than two weeks later.

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PART VII. DELIVERING THE SPEECH

Top Tips for Delivering the Speech Address the Bride and Groom directly, making sure that your speech has a balanced emphasis on both since, many times, the Best Man will inadvertently overlook the Bride.

Before you say anything, look around the room at the guests briefly, smiling as you do. This is actually an old trick used by many longtime speakers in that it gives the appearance of you being confident and relaxed.

Do not rush yourself but take a few seconds to glance at your notes, take in a slow breath, and then make eye contact with the guests.

Make yourself slow down. One of the main things that will ruin a speech quicker than anything else is a person that rushes through because they are nervous or eager to get through it. You will need to pause throughout the speech to allow the various points to sink in. If you talk too fast, moving from one point to another without giving the guests a chance to absorb what is being said, they will constantly be playing catch up. When this happens, any humor or serious points in the speech will be missed.

Allow your guests time to hear what is being said. Remember, that while you want to keep your speech to a certain time limit, you are not really on a deadline so take your time.

If you have places within the speech where the guests should laugh, make sure you pause so they can. Then, once the laughter has started, do not rush it. Provide the guests with adequate time to savor the moment.

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Sometimes, depending on the information being shared, a guest will interrupt or interject. If this happens, do not try to shush them but rather enjoy the comments being made. The only time this would not be appropriate is if the interruptions or interjections were rude and inappropriate at which time you should continue with the speech and encourage one of the Groomsmen to calm the individual down or escort them out.

If you make a statement about the Bride or Groom’s character, then you want it to be supported. As an example, if you were to say, “Sara and Joe love life and adventure” instead of just leaving this as a dangling statement, finish it. The new sentence would continue with, “For instance, on their first date, they decided to go bungee jumping instead of the standard dinner and a movie!”

As you begin speaking, start in one place, but as you progress through the speech, slowly make your way around the room, which will help the guests feel included. This method is very powerful for grabbing the attention of the guests, reassuring them that their participation in the wedding is valued.

Instead of talking “to” the guests, engage them in the speech. Again, this will make them feel important and give you a chance to relax.

Enjoy giving the speech. If you do not believe in the words you say and do not enjoy the process of sharing with the Bride, Groom, their family, and friends, then the speech will be a huge flop. Smile and have fun, knowing that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

You will need to decide if you want to memorize your speech or read it. Unless you have an unbelievable memory, our recommendation would be to write the speech on cue cards. This way, the speech can be broken into appropriate segments.

When walking around the room, you can take the cards with you, glancing to them as needed. Remember, your cue cards will be just that, “cues”. That means the speech does not have to be read word for word, just followed to keep you on track

To give the best speech possible, you need to be at your best, meaning to be well rested, practiced, and avoiding alcoholic drinks prior to giving your speech.

Avoid fidgeting or fumbling around with your hands. Not only is this distractive but it creates an uneasy mood throughout the entire room.

Finally, just be yourself. Every Father of the Bride has her own personality and now is the time to let yours shine through.

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Using Your Voice and Body Language Effective Use of the Voice The voice, along with facial expressions, is a vital tool in influencing other people.

Your voice, including your speech inflection, is indeed very crucial. Often, most of the audience judges the speaker based on their capability to pronounce the words properly and on their accent. If you are unable to pronounce the words correctly, it can weaken your presentation no matter how good the contents are. For instance, some people pronounce ‘actually’ as ‘axchually’ and ‘defect’ as ‘defek’. This has a lot more negative impact on your speech delivery than you may think.

Fortunately, you can do a couple of things to minimize the impact of poor pronunciation.

□ Limit the use of words that you think you are unable to properly pronounce,

□ Make an effort to pronounce the closing sound of a word, for instance the final ‘t’, ‘ing’ etc.

You might have good articulation and pronounce the words correctly, but there are other potential problems to consider, such as defective microphones, loud air-conditioning systems, people whispering in the room, catering staff rattling dishes etc.

Your job as a speaker is to keep the listeners interested and make your best impression on them. You want to sound intellectual, influential, articulate, elegant and confident.

You can do the following to help maintain the interest of audience:

□ Try to be as enthusiastic as possible without going over the top. A good level of enthusiasm reveals your awareness and interest towards your topic and generates the interest of the audience.

□ Try to exaggerate (not over-exaggerate!) your voice inflection. Most of the time, when speaking in pubic, inflection becomes difficult to detect. Hence, you must overstate inflection especially when pointing out towards something or revealing a certain emotion.

□ Keep varying the tone of your voice, taking into consideration the above 2 points.

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□ Another vital element of speeches is to pause. Sometimes pausing at the appropriate moment is more effective than anything that could be done with your voice and gestures. As an analogy, consider a symphony orchestra, which is very listenable because the sounds they make keep going high and low and loud and soft.

□ Finally, speak slowly and do not rush. If you speak fast, you will also have to refer to your cue cards more frequently, which would mean pausing at inappropriate times.

Here are a few voice tips from an expert to give you better vocal delivery;

□ The most frequent vocal problems in a presentation of any kind arise when the voice sounds aggressive, emotional, bored or unconvincing.

□ Prepare your speech well and rehearse it several times.

□ Take care of your voice!

o have plenty of water during the day,

o gargle with lukewarm water,

o avoid alcohol, caffeine products and cheese.

□ Before the speech, remember to breathe deeply.

□ Locate your balance -- keep your head up, unlock your knees, and release any shoulder tension.

□ Remember the acronym TBS -- think, breathe, and speak!

□ A good rule is “fresh notion, fresh pitch”, which means alter the pitch of your voice when expressing a new point.

Body Language It is not just the mouth, with which you communicate. Your whole body is a component of the communication process. There is a lot that you can communicate with your gestures and stance.

Even before you start speaking, you must understand that you can communicate with the audience by means other than speaking.

□ Stand balancing your weight equally on both feet,

□ Keep your head up,

□ Unlock your knees and release any shoulder tension.

Overall, your gestures and your body language are important in making a positive impact on your audience.

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Here are some more tips on effective body language to use while delivering the speech.

Eye Contact The eyes convey cognitive messages persuasively. Speakers should never underrate their skill to convince the listeners with their eyes.

Here are the tips for a better eye contact with your audience-

□ Try to make eye contact with as many guests as possible,

□ Mentally split up the room into 4-5 equal portions. Ensure that you make eye contact with each portion turn by turn,

□ Keep taking slow ‘sweeps’ on all the audience.

This is a great technique to win the attention and support of your audience.

If you are speaking from notes or cue cards, be sure to do the following so that the emphasis remains on the audience and not on the cue cards:

□ Have a quick look on your notes to absorb the idea/topic,

□ Make eye contact with the audience and speak about your idea/topic,

□ Follow the same pattern with the next point.

Facial Expressions Facial expressions convey cognitive messages as well as emotions. They improve the speaker’s verbal communication by generating the "feeling tone," the inkling that you really are concerned about the part of the speech that you are orating.

Here are some tips for using facial expressions effectively:

□ Smile prior to speaking,

□ Be as natural as possible,

□ Try to match your facial expression to the mood of your speech.

Hand Gestures Hand gestures are crucial to emphasize your words and sentiments. Sometimes they can be used to totally replace a verbal message.

Here are some tips on good use of hand gestures:

□ Let your hands stay by your side unless they need to be used to make a point.

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□ Never do the following:

o Put your hands behind your back or in front of you for more than a few seconds,

o Put your hands in the pockets,

o Do not use your hands to fidget.

□ Let all (or most) of your gestures be above chest level.

□ Try to match your hand gestures with the mood or point of the speech.

Posture Your posture is important to help convey your message with poise and confidence.

Here are tips for an effective posture:

□ Prior to your speech, sit or stand erect,

□ Walk with poise to the dais or stage, or wherever you are to do your speech,

□ When you speak, follow these tips:

o Have your feet 12-16” apart, slightly outwards,

o Lean your body slightly towards the audience,

o Distribute your weight evenly on your feet,

o Always keep your hands at your sides and elbows loose.

Battling Nerves One of the best ways that you can be prepared to overcome fears associated with the speech is by knowing what the most common fears are that other Father of the Brides face. The following are the aspects of giving the Father of the Bride speech that people say they worry about most:

Not being familiar with the room Arrive early, or do your homework so you will know exactly how the room is set up. This will help you feel more comfortable and plan the way in which you will work the room while giving the speech.

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Not knowing the type of guests Try to learn all you can about the type of guests that will be attending the wedding. For example, if the guests will be primarily older people, then you should adjust your speech accordingly. Perhaps the family and friends of the Bride and Groom are very spiritual. Therefore, they would not appreciate anything that might be even the slightest off-color.

Not knowing the speech material This is probably the one thing that stands out the most when it comes to a disastrous speech. You need to practice reading your speech time after time. While it may seem like a wasted effort, when the wedding day arrives and you are standing before a room full of people, you will be glad you took the time to learn your material thoroughly.

Not having good visualization Before you step up to give your speech, you should have spent months visualizing yourself in this position. In this case, you would picture yourself giving the speech, as well as the response it will evoke.

Not trusting the guests As mentioned below, people at the wedding will realize that you are just human and in a difficult and important position. Therefore, when a mistake is made, trust the guests that they will not start booing you or throwing tomatoes.

Not using fear and nervousness as an advantage Just as with adrenalin, you can actually take all the bottled up emotions that make you feel overwhelmed and turn them into something positive. Use them as power to make your speech incredible.

Not being honest If you are nervous about giving the speech, then admit that you are. You can literally stand up in front of a roomful of guests and begin your speech with, “Well, I’ll be perfectly honest by telling you that I’m scared to death!” If you and the people at the reception both know, you are nervous, things will go smoother, and everyone will be more forgiving.

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Not focusing on the current task Often when a person is in an awkward situation, the mind will begin to wander. When giving the Father of the Bride speech, you need to channel your energy into focusing on the material, the guests, the purpose of the day, and the job that needs to be done.

Not having confidence in your ability Although giving a speech at your daughter’s wedding is a very important day, it is not brain surgery! Just remember that you can do this and with complete success. All you need to do is fall back on all the tips you learned from this book and you will breeze through the speech, finding that you enjoyed every minute of it.

Deliver with Pride Standing up in front of the Bride and Groom’s entire family and close friends means that all eyes will be on you, with everyone waiting eagerly to hear what great words you have to say.

Even the bravest person will feel nervous and awkward so make sure that you use the aforementioned tips and techniques to help you through the speech process.

Now, have confidence in the research you have performed and the practice you have done. Be proud that you have been given this incredible opportunity, relax, and enjoy the honor!

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TOP TEN TIPS If you want to give yourself a boost, ensuring that you have the best opportunity of giving the perfect Father of the Bride speech, consider these tips:

1. Eat a banana about 20 to 30 minutes before you give your speech. Seriously, this will help calm your nerves and give you a much-needed energy lift.

2. Breathe in and breath out – Keep your breathing rhythmic, which helps balance the right level of oxygen in your bloodstream. The result is that you will be sharper and more alert.

3. Sometimes, envisioning that something is over before it began can help. For example, when a person is afraid of riding a roller coaster, they might close their eyes and see themselves gliding gently into the bay after the ride. This technique is called the Neuro Linguistic Programming method and works quite well. Simply take a moment when you stand up to envision that you have just finished giving the speech and that all of the guests are smiling and clapping.

4. Laugh – You might want to do this away from the guests or they might think you have totally lost it but go somewhere and make yourself have a good laugh. This helps loosen tight nerves and prepares you to have fun.

5. Always smile when giving the speech. First, it will make you feel and look better but it will also set the tone for the guests, making them feel warm and welcomed in being there.

6. Make sure you relax before and during the speech. This is when you need to depend on the practice that you did and have confidence in your abilities to deliver the speech without any problems.

7. Make eye contact with the guests, again, drawing them into the speech. What happens is that they feel as though you are talking to them, instead of feeling as though you were giving a speech and you will begin to feel as though you are simply having a conversation with friends.

8. Make sure you always speak slowly and clearly. Many times, a person will rush through a speech simply because they want to get it over with quickly or because the adrenalin is pumping. However, this does nothing for the Bride and Groom and makes you look bad.

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9. Even if you have just a small ego, let it go. This speech and your time in front of the wedding guests is not about you – it is about the newly married couple so be sure you do not take yourself too seriously.

10. Finally, have fun and enjoy yourself!

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PART VIII. THE ALL-IMPORTANT SPEECH

In this chapter, you will be provided with actual speeches to use for your daughter’s wedding or at least to give you some ideas when writing your own. For the sake of clarity, we will use the name “John and Jill Smith” as the father and mother, David and Debbie Jones, as the Groom’s parents, and Mike and Kathy, as the Bride and Groom.

As discussed earlier, if you are creative, you can always write your own speech or if not, hire a professional to create something magical for you. However, to help get those creative juices flowing, we wanted to provide you with twenty speeches as samples to help guide you in the right direction.

You can use these speeches as they are, or replace bits and pieces with actual data gathered to make them more personal. Also, keep in mind that a typical five-minute speech would consist of several pages of writing but the speeches we have provided below as samples are shorter. The goal here is to give you a feel for the flow of a Father of the Bride speech. When you write or have your speech written, you would add in much more information.

By allowing yourself the time needed, you will be able to make changes to come up with the perfect speech. As you write, just think back to weddings that you might have attended that were disastrous simply because of the speech given by the Father of the Bride.

Obviously, your goal is to do the very opposite by setting the stage for the couple by taking a perfect day of exchanging wedding vows and ending it with the perfect memory of words spoken about their love and commitment to one another. By having a wonderfully written speech, when you speak to the Bride, Groom, and guests, it will appear planned and effortless.

In fact, no one will be the wiser regarding all the time and effort that went into the speech. Offering the newlyweds a speech that will bring about a mix of laughter, tears, advice, and memories is considered the “perfect” Father of the Bride speech.

If the speech is written and prepared properly, it will serve as a natural and seamless transition from the formal wedding ceremony to the less formal reception. To give you an idea of the types of speeches presented at weddings today, we have provided you with 20 that are all considered excellent. What you will notice is that each speech is slightly different.

Therefore, you should be able to find one or more speeches among these that match the Bride and Groom’s personalities and lifestyles. You will see in the samples, that each consists of an opening, body and closing, exactly what you have learned throughout this book.

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Speech One I woke up this morning to find my head overflowing with great ideas. I had every intention to use plenty of adlibs in my speech along with impromptu comments. However, just in the few seconds I’ve been standing here, my head has completely gone blank.

As hard as I try, I can’t think of a thing to say. To make sure I don’t disappoint all of you here tonight, I’ll simply resort to what I had prepared before I got the crazy idea to just “go with the flow”.

As most of you already know, my name is John Smith and I am Kathy’s father. Over the past few months, I’ve done everything in my power to memorize my speech but you will need to forgive me if I resort to my cue cards every few seconds.

To help all of you follow, I had asked that a projector be set up in front of me but apparently, the wedding budget didn’t stretch that far but neither does my eyesight. (Laughter)

Kathy, or “Kathy Lynn” as she has always been known when she misbehaved, was born 25 years, three months, four days, seven hours, 11 minutes, and (look at watch)…35…36…37 seconds ago! As I look at her today, so beautiful and happy, it’s hard for me to even begin to imagine where all the time has gone.

Debbie, Kathy’s mother and I would like to first offer our sincere gratitude to every family member and friend of Mike and Kathy’s for attending this special occasion and we would like to extend a special welcome to David and Debbie Jones, Mike’s parents.

As you can imagine, today, we are so very proud of Kathy. She looks absolutely, beautiful much as you would picture an angel looking. Kathy has always been a bright light in our lives.

She is the type of person that can walk into any room and suddenly, there is life. Kathy has always been easy to talk to, making friends everywhere she goes, sometimes across the country. Unfortunately, I have the phone bill to prove it. (Laughter)

To Mike, our new son-in-law, we liked him the minute we found out he had season tickets to the Kansas City Chiefs! (Laughter)

Seriously, from the minute Kathy brought him to meet us, we knew that he possessed the type of character we had always wanted in a son-in-law. I remember we had gone through all the formalities and broken the ice. We started talking about all the things we had in common – such as football. (Laughter)

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We are sure that Mike likes us too. In fact, after our initial meeting, he would come to our house on a regular basis for meals, always insisting on having the last roast potato that used to be my treat! (Laughter)

Then about one year ago, Jill informed me that Kathy and Mike were coming to the house to talk about wedding plans. Although I was excited for them both, I was halfway expecting (or perhaps hoping for the budget) that they wanted a simple wedding or perhaps a weekend elopement. Well, not my sweet Kathy – she insisted on only the finest but as her father, of course I would oblige. (Laughter)

I asked Kathy and Mike what it was they were expecting in a marriage and without hesitation, Kathy answered, “Love, happiness, and companionship”. Then, Mike answered, “Someone to sit next to me at the Kansas City Chiefs’ game and a big screen television which of course, Kathy owned. (Laughter)

Although I was a little disappointed that he wasn’t talking about me sharing the seat, I also felt relieved in that I didn’t have to go out and buy them a television for a wedding gift. (Laughter)

Mike then asked me how much a wedding costs and I responded, “I don’t know for sure – I’m still paying for mine”. (Laughter) I remember being concerned about how Mike would afford to create a home for the two of them but I have to tell you that I’m very proud of the accomplishments Mike has made. In the past year, he has worked very hard to secure a great promotion and proven that he has goals and can meet them.

I’m told that a part of my speech is to offer some kind of worldly advice to my daughter and her new husband, offering them words of wisdom about marriage, so I wanted to offer this. The first is love, followed closely by friendship, tolerance, and communication – easy to say – hard to do. I believe in the two of you – I believe in what you share.

With great pleasure, I want to wish you two a life full of love and happiness. If everyone would please stand and raise their glass with me, I would like to propose a toast to the newly married couple. Here is to the past – for all you’ve learned. Here’s to the present – for all that you share. Here’s to the future – for all you have to look forward to in your enchanting life together.

Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in congratulating Kathy and Mike as they begin a new life together. Kitten, I love you!

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Speech Two Good afternoon and thank you all for coming to Kathy and Mike’s special day as they celebrate this most important day of their lives. Since I have the memory retention of a geriatric goldfish, you will have to excuse me as I depend on my notes. I was going to try to memorize the speech but then decided I wasn’t willing to make a complete fool of myself. (Laughter)

The most important people here include my wife, Jill, and Mike’s parents, Debbie and David Jones. Over the past (months/years), we have had the privilege of getting to know Debbie and David both as family-in-laws and as friends. To be honest, I can’t think of better people that I would like to be related to by marriage.

The thing that we find so wonderful is that Mike’s parents feel the same way about Kathy, as we do. Just as we have with Mike, Debbie and David have taken Kathy into their hearts and accepted her whole-heartedly as their daughter-in-law. From a father’s standpoint, I can’t thank you enough for that.

Now that Kathy and Mike are married, they have an official piece of paper deeming them husband and wife. This marriage license is similar to a blank lottery ticket in that it offers the hope and anticipation of achieving a bright and exciting future. However, just as with the lottery, marriage must have input. In other words, the outcome depends on the selections and decisions made.

With marriage, you cannot simply sit back and hope for the best, waiting to see how it all ends. Marriage consists of two people in love, each with the same level of commitment. Together, they participate in the game of life, constantly making necessary changes to make it fun, and full of love and happiness.

Speaking from a man with years of experience in marriage, I want to share with you Mike about some of the things that you will come up against being married to Kathy. (Turning to Mike) Have you ever heard words spoken by, Oscar Wilde?

He said, “Women are meant to be loved – not understood”. What this means to you Mike is that now that you and Kathy are married, she will probably always have the last word in any argument. Remember, any word you speak after is by default is an opening for a new argument.

Other things to help you in your married life Mike:

□ You will need to buy her flowers but never after a fight in that it will only PROVE your guilt

□ Be sure you always put the seat down

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□ Never forget the two most important words of your marriage – “Yes Dear”.

I honestly wish you both a wonderful marriage filled with an abundance of love. I also wish you both a fun and adventurous honeymoon, which is the period between the “I do” and the “You’d better!” (Laughter)

With all sincerity, I wish you both love and happiness. Would everyone please stand and join me in raising your glass to offer a toast. Kathy and Mike, I would like to offer this special toast to you:

□ May God abundantly bless you

□ May you live a long life together and have all you need throughout that lifetime

□ May the road you choose be smooth, and your burdens along the way be light

□ May your joys be everlasting and may all your pain be light

To a beautiful couple that we all love – Here’s to Kathy and Mike as they go forward in life – I pray that God blesses you both!

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Speech Three Welcome everyone! For those of you that didn’t recognize the song being played by the band, that was “Another one bites the dust”. Just kidding – actually, I’m thrilled to be standing here today! (Laughter)

First, in case some of you are not sure who I am, my name is David Smith and my wife Jill and I would like to thank you for sharing in this very special day – the marriage of Kathy and Mike Jones.

I would like to share a few things about my daughter such as her amazing talent for music, especially the violin. Her talent undoubtedly came from her mother.

I have a vivid memory of her as a young girl around the age of six when she was holding her violin in one hand and then in a loving, caring manner, decided to give some nutrition to the plant on the coffee table by feeding it her chocolate milk. Well, Kathy went on to be quite the violinist but I have to say the plant died! (Laughter)

Kathy is not only caring but also very responsible. Several years after the plant incident, we were with some friends and decided to take a boat ride. There were 12 of us - 8 adults and four children with Kathy being the eldest. We had not even pulled away from the dock when we heard a loud splash.

Quickly looking over the side, we saw that Kathy had fallen over the side. After pulling her out, we asked what happened – she merely stated she saw a fish she wanted to catch. As you can imagine, her mother and I gained most of our gray hair on that day! (Laughter)

Jill and I have always been extremely proud of our four children and as parents; we love all of them very much! In fact, we even like them! In truth, I have never been prouder of Kathy in all my life. She has had some wonderful accomplishments in her lift but her marriage to Mike beats them all.

Some of you here tonight have known Kathy since she was a very small child, some know her from college, and others through Mike. No matter how you know Kathy or Mike, you can all see what a perfect couple they make. We know this marriage is one made in heaven, destined to last a lifetime!

Today on March 9, we celebrate the union of two beautiful and deserving people. Okay Mike, there’s some free advice for you – for goodness sake, make sure you never forget that date! (Laughter)

Would everyone please join me in toasting Kathy and Mike Jones? Begin your life with love, never wavering throughout the years! WE love you and are very proud of the commitment you’ve made to one another.

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Speech Four (Walk to the podium or stand up with a cell phone in your hand). “Thank you Steve…well, it is a little inconvenient in that I’m getting ready to stand up to give a speech”. (Hanging phone up)

Well, I’m afraid there’s been a little problem with the proceedings. I just received a phone call from Saks Fifth Avenue and the person in charge of the registry signing, Steve, said there was a big mistake and that all the gift registrations had to be redone. Apparently, Mike’s pen wasn’t working so he borrowed Steve’s.

You see, Mike was having trouble while trying to write down Kathy’s name so Steve recommend Mike put his weight on it – somehow, Mike interpreted that a little strange. Kathy, honey, I’m afraid your registry has you listed as Mrs. 210 pounds! (Laughter)

For those that don’t know me, my name is David Smith and I’m Kathy’s father. I promise only to talk for a few minutes because of my throat – you see if I start rambling on and on, my lovely wife Jill threatened to cut it! (Laughter)

I wanted to memorize the speech but there are so many things I would love to share about Kathy that with my memory retention being so bad, I decided I had better use my cue cards so if you will all be a little patient with me, I would appreciate it.

When Kathy and Mike came to the house to let us know they were going to be married, I asked both of them what that entailed for me as the father. Kathy told me that I would be responsible for giving her away.

Those of you that know me can imagine how shocked I was in that I’m not one to just give things away – selling things maybe, but just giving them away? (Laughter)

What I did was make a deal with Mike – I said, “You give me your tickets to the Blue Jay’s basketball and I’ll give you my daughter. Well, as you can all see, Mike came out way ahead! (Laughter)

Jill also wants to welcome each of you here today – Debbie and David, Mike’s parents, all of Kathy and Mike’s friends, co-workers, and all other family members. Several people need to be thanked specially for their incredible work and dedication to this wedding.

First, to the Maid of Honor and Bridesmaids, thank you for taking such good care of my daughter over the past several months and for the beautiful job you did in the wedding.

I would also like to extend a heartfelt thank you to all the staff at the (church and hotel or reception hall) for putting together a lovely wedding and reception and to the caterers for the incredible food and service.

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Most importantly, I want to thank Jill and Debbie for their constant hard work, organization, and tireless hours of helping piece this wedding together. Without you ladies, things would not have been as beautiful.

Tradition has it that as the father, I am supposed to offer some insight into the people just married. We can all see that Kathy is a beautiful Bride.

However, I want to tell you exactly the type of person she is too. For one, Kathy is the person that has brightened up our lives – she never did learn how to turn the lights off when leaving a room. (Laughter)

Kathy was one person that never seemed to have the right thing to wear yet somehow, she had three closets and five dressers full of clothes with about 90% of it on the floor. The funny thing is that now that she has her own home with Mike, she takes great pride in keeping things picked up – or is that your influence Mike. (Laughter)

Even with the clothes strewn about, Kathy has always been dressed to kill. Unfortunately, she cooked the same way – (looking at the Bride) just kidding sweetheart, we’ve had some wonderful meals at your house, and we won’t even tell anyone that we saw take-out boxes in the trash. (Laughter)

When we went through the wedding rehearsal, it was a wonderful time. The minister noticed that Kathy was stressed out about something and asked her what was wrong. Very nervously, she told him that she was afraid she would not remember what she was supposed to do.

□ The minister told her that she only had to remember three things:

□ The aisle that you will be walking down

□ The altar where you will arrive and stand

□ The hymn that will be sung during the service

While Kathy was making her way toward the front of the church this evening, many of us were shocked to hear her mumbling to herself all the way – aisle, altar, and hymn (I’ll alter him). (Laugher) As you can imagine, we were all a little nervous for Mike at that moment.

Without doubt, Kathy is a beautiful person, deserving only the best husband. Mike is a great guy and the kind of person I respect, you know, a man’s man.

When he comes to my house, he turns on the sports, raids the refrigerator, and then plops down in the recliner, eating MY food. Even better yet Mike, you have a great male attribute – you’re deaf. (Laughter)

With all seriousness, Kathy and Mike, I love you both and I’m so happy with the choice of partner you made. Would everyone please join me in toasting the newly married couple, as they begin life together!

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Speech Five I began planning this speech more than one month ago – don’t worry, I promise it will not last equally long. First, thank you for joining us today as we celebrate Kathy and Mike’s marriage.

This day reminds me when Jill and I attended a wedding several months back. Two of the guests there were a minister and a priest. When the priest was offered a drink during the time to toast, I bluntly stated, “I would rather have a large whisky please!”

However, when the minister was offered a drink, his response was “I would rather be with a scarlet woman than touch demon alcohol”. With that, the priest placed his drink down and said, “I wasn’t aware that I had a choice!” (Laughter)

I really hope I didn’t offend anyone here so if there is a priest or minister here today, I offer my apologies. If there is a scarlet woman here, then I would suggest she be careful whom she talks to. Anyway, I do want to change direction and offer some words of advice to the newly married couple.

Be sure you never go to bed after an argument – instead, stay up and fight all night long. To you Mike, I know you love words of wisdom, remember the words from Oscar Wilde, “Women are meant to be loved – not understood”. (Laughter)

The two of you will find that marriage brings many things. For instance, you two will experience self-restraint, loyalty, obedience, fair play, and many other wonderful virtues that would not have been needed if you stayed single. (Laughter)

Mike, you also need to remember to put the seat down and never forget two very important words “Yes Dear!”

I would also like to offer some musical advice if I may. At one time, I played the first few verses of “Take Good Care of my Baby”. I looked around and didn’t see a dry eye in the house. Now, at last I stand here, having just given my daughter to her husband and to you Mike, I say, “take good care of my baby”.

My heart is overflowing with joy and it gives me immense pleasure to offer Kathy and Mike a toast to a long life of happiness, health, and love. Here’s to the Bride and Groom.

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Speech Six As the Father of the Bride - my heart is filled with pleasure of being able to offer the couple the first speech. I want to begin by saying what a true pleasure it is to welcome, on this extraordinary day, Debbie and David Jones, Mike’s parents. I would also like to extend a warm welcome to all of the other guests that have taken time to share in this mementos occasion.

Here we are today, surrounded by most of the friends and family members that have been important to us most of our lives. Some of the guests have traveled hundreds of miles just to rejoice with Mike and Kathy on their wedding day.

For this reason, on behalf of Kathy and Mike, Debbie and David, and Jill and I, thank you for sharing this special day with us. Your very presence shows us that you are indeed true friends.

We are very proud of Kathy. She has grown in to a wonderful woman and today, she looks stunning. Now, she is married to Mike. During the time we’ve know him, we have come to realize just how much he means to Kathy.

Mike is a likeable man, easy going, and Mike we would like to welcome you into our family formally – today and forever. For Debbie and David, we take this time to welcome you to the family as well. You are very special people, proven by the son you have raised.

I feel so fortunate that the eldest of my beautiful daughters has found her match. Now keep in mind that marriage is not just about finding the perfect partner but also about being a perfect partner.

Kathy has been successful in her life and career and I’m confident that as she moves forward in life with Mike, she will be even more successful, as will he.

When I handed Kathy over to Mike, it reminded me of words written about marriage:

□ If you love something, set it free

□ If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours

□ And if it never returns, it was never yours to begin with

□ And if all it does is – just sit in the house, make a mess, spend all the money, eat all the food, use the telephone until all hours of the night, take control over the television…then you either married it or gave birth to it. (Laughter)

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You know, marriage is a funny thing. For instance, a recent survey was conducted to determine if married men lived longer than bachelors did. Apparently, there’s no difference whatsoever – life just seems longer when you’re married. (Laughter)

Really, as a man with experience in marriage, I do want to give a warning to Mike so he’ll know what he’s up against. I didn’t think it would be wise to say anything prior to the wedding, just in case he changed his mind.

In truth Mike, you’ll need to learn to live with things on your own because no man has yet found a remedy for it – the female mind. (Laughter) (Wink at Kathy)

To sum it up, remember this story. A woman bought her husband two ties for his birthday. One of the ties was green and the other was yellow. Although undecided which tie to wear to a party the following week, he finally chose the green tie. When his wife saw him, she stated, “OH! You’re wearing the green tie - don’t you like the yellow one?” (Laughter)

To be serious here for a moment, this has been the most incredible day of my life. This day has been filled with love, laughter, tears, and friendship. Therefore, I would like to propose a toast to Kathy and Mike:

□ Here’s to the past, for all that you’ve learned

□ Here’s to the present, for all that you share

□ Here’s to the future, for all that you look forward to – together

Ladies and gentlemen, would you all stand and join me in raising your glass and congratulating the new – Mrs. and Mrs. Mike Jones

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Speech Seven Good evening – for those of you that don’t know who I am, my name is David Smith and this beautiful woman to my left is my wife Jill. We are Kathy’s parents, welcoming you here as we celebrate the union of Kathy and Mike.

The first wedding speech I ever gave was 28 years ago when I married Kathy’s mother. I was (still am) so much in love. I can remember very specifically the feeling of union and joy I felt.

I used to stay awake at night thinking about something Jill had said or done. Then after being married for so many years, and having three kids, I would fall asleep before she had a chance to say or do anything. (Laughter)

I also remember the birth of our only daughter, Kathy. Now that she’s married, she needs to realize that today is probably the last time in her life that she will be the center of attention. Kathy’s arrival on earth was very significant for us.

We had difficulty getting and staying pregnant, having experienced more than one disappointment. Her arrival was very much wanted and long awaited. Then following her birth, came the birth of our two sons, also loved and cherished.

When you raise children, you often wonder if you are doing things right. If I may boast just a little bit, when I look at how well my children turned out, every pain and heartache has been worth it.

Kathy got all of her mother’s fine qualities and some of my good characters. The result is a loyal, hard working, faithful, and compassionate human being and Mike, I’m sure she won’t let you down.

Both Jill and I are very proud of Kathy. She is mature and capable, carrying herself well. I see these same qualities in Mike, which is why I know they are in fact a match made in heaven.

To both of you, remember that marriage will teach you the qualities you are lacking. Believe me, there will be an abundance of opportunity to observe that. (Laughter)

The key is how you receive the opportunities. If you accept them and make the appropriate changes, you will share a long and fruitful life but if you choose to ignore the opportunities for change and compromise, the future will not be as bright.

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You also need to remember just how important communication is to the marriage. Learn to be diplomatic and fair in the morning following a fight, allowing each other to work it out in their own way. Kathy, if you want something from Mike, then you need to ask. Remember honey, he’s a man so hints simply won’t work. (Laughter)

Mike, you may like making all the major decisions in the marriage while Kathy prefers to make all the day-to-day decisions. Okay, that sounds fair.

However, if this is the setup the two of you agree on, Mike you will discover that all of the decisions are now of a small nature. (Laughter) Just be prepared to give and take, no matter what.

I’ll tell the two of you straight up – marriage is hard work. It requires commitment, organization, honesty, and compromise but if you always put each other’s feelings and considerations before your own, the choices will be right. Remember, make each day a day full of positive memories.

I wish for both Kathy and Mike to be each other’s best friend. One day, all of the flashing lights, warm fuzzies, and skyrockets will stop but as long as you have each other’s friendship, you will enjoy one of life’s greatest institutions.

Would everyone please stand and join me in wishing Kathy and Mike a wonderful life filled with opportunities and right decisions. I love you kitten.

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Speech Eight Family and friends, it is a huge honor and privilege to be standing here today, welcoming you to the wedding of Kathy and Mike. I especially thank those of you that have traveled from out of town to help us celebrate.

I’ve been put under strict order to keep this speech short and sweet so I promise I’ll do my best. Ever since Kathy was a little girl, she’s been telling Jill and I that she was going to one day have a fairytale wedding. She would tell us that she would meet a frog, kiss him (no offense Mike – laughter) and that he would turn into her prince.

Then the two of them would get up on a white horse and ride off into the sunset together. Kathy had all the usual dreams of a little girl and as her parents; we hoped right along with her that she was right. Little did we know that she would do just that – meet her prince!

Mike, as your new father-in-law, I would like to welcome you to the family. In truth, he’s been around so long that it feels as though he’s been family for a long time as it is.

Kathy and Mike had kind of a whirlwind romance, leaving us all gasping, not for breath mind you, but more on the lines of “will they” or “won’t they”. Well, as you can see, they finally came to their senses and did.

My understanding is that as the Bride’s father and new father-in-law, I’m supposed to offer some advice about now. Mike, most of the things you know was learned many years ago.

Remember that everything you know up to this point revolves around three small words – “All”, “Just”, and “Only”. Let me give you an example of what you will hear throughout your marriage:

□ “ALL you need to do is …”

□ It’s ONLY $100…”

□ It will JUST take five minutes…”

(Laughter)

To keep the peace in your marriage to my beautiful daughter, you need to accept these three words and remember that there is just one response for all three – “Yes Dear”. (Laughter)

All joking aside, I would like to ask each guest here tonight to join me in a toast to the new Bride and Groom. I can see that the Best Man is itching to get on with his speech so without waiting any further, here is to the most beautiful couple. We wish you a lifetime of love and happiness.

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Speech Nine At one time, Winston Churchill was asked if he would address a prep school. He agreed and when it came time for him to speak, he stood up, and stated, “Never, never, never give up”. With that, he sat back down.

Okay, now stop getting excited thinking you’re going to get off that easy… (Laughter) However, I do promise that I’ll make my speech as brief as possible.

I would like to start by welcoming on behalf of Jill and me, Debbie and David Jones, Mike’s parents, and the guests here to celebration this special day. I know that many of you traveled a long way to get here and we appreciate your efforts. With all sincerity – thank you!

I also want to extend a thank you to the bridal party. Not only did you all look stunning today but also you took great care of my little girl over the past few months.

Thank you to the church officials, the reception officials, the caterers, and other vendors for the incredible job you’ve done. Most of all, we want to thank the boss upstairs for the perfect weather.

The last time I gave a speech was at my own wedding 28 years ago. Then, Kathy was born exactly 14 months later. I was so full of pride at that time and in looking back, it seems as though life has passed in the blinking of an eye.

To imagine that so quickly I would be giving Kathy away to her husband just seems impossible. Kathy always did brighten our lives and our home…I still have the electric bills to prove it. (Laughter)

Mike is also very special to us. In the past five years that we’ve had the pleasure of knowing him, I have been able to see a strong character, warm heart, and his uncanny ability to make Kathy very happy. Just as Groucho Marx said, “Marriage is a wonderful institution but who wants to live in an institution?”

The thing is, with communication, compromise, love, laughter, and consideration, the institution is a beautiful place. Another saying is that “A man is not complete until he takes a Bride – then, he is really finished”. (Laughter)

In all seriousness, going back to Winston Churchill, never, never, never give up. Never stop loving, never stop working toward a common goal, never stop putting one another first, and never stop believing in this beautiful marriage that God has joined.

I believe that the two of you deserve each other and just as Jill and I are proud to call Kathy our daughter, we are proud to call Mike our son-in-law.

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It gives me great pleasure to toast this marriage, wishing the two of you a long life together and as much, if not more, happiness than Jill and I have shared. If all the guests would please join me in offering a toast to the newly married couple – To life – embrace it and make it yours!

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Speech Ten Kathy – we all knew you wanted a white wedding but this is ridiculous. With all the new snow, I wasn’t sure if anyone would show up but by all of you being here, I can see just how special Kathy and Mike mean to you. It’s very cold outside but because of the love shared in this room, it’s very warm inside.

Most of you here have known Kathy and/or Mike for a very long time. In fact, as I scan the room, I see people that were at Kathy’s first birthday party, her graduation party, people she went on ski trips with, ridden horses with, and more.

For those of you that have not known the couple that long or those who have and just want time to reminisce, we have put some posters together in the back, loaded with pictures of Kathy and Mike’s life before and after meeting.

There are so many people here that I would love to thank personally. For you that traveled a long way, thank you, and for the bridal party, you did an amazing job at taking care of Kathy over the past several months.

There are so many – I don’t want to miss anyone. Obviously, a special thank you goes out to Debbie and David, Mike’s parents. Not only did they pitch in to help create this lovely wedding but also, they raised a fine son.

We know that every parent thinks his or her child is special. I know the Smith and Jones families sure do. As an example, our son Jake was born on July 4th. Being such a great son a national holiday was named just for him. (Laughter)

The day that Kathy was born was one of the most memorable days of my life. She was just about born on the freeway, well not actually on the freeway but in a car on the freeway. (Laughter)

Jill and I weren’t sure that we would make it to the hospital but we did. As soon as we pulled in, Jill was rushed into the delivery room with me close behind. I was offered hospital greens and dressed as fast as I could, good thing because I had no more reached the delivery room when Kathy was born.

I’ll never forget the experience. Jill had a tough time and I held her hand to try to make the delivery easier. However, the thing I remember most about that day was not all the rushing around and pain but the overwhelming joy we felt the minute we had a screaming, pink, and wrinkly baby in our arms. She was and still is so beautiful and today, Kathy you look more beautiful than words could ever express.

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Kathy was a happy baby. As I look back, I can still see her sitting behind me on the bicycle, running to catch the school bus, playing softball, and playing with her friends. I can remember the time she started jumping horses. Every jump, Jill and I would hold our breath and then explode in cheer when she sailed over without any problem.

I also remember the trip Kathy took to Europe after high school, backpacking into the rough country, being so brave. In addition, I remember the empty feeling that settled deep in our hearts as we dropped her off at college.

We both thought the end of the world had come but it didn’t. However, we did realize that our little girl was no longer a child but a beautiful and responsible adult.

We knew Kathy was in love with Mike very early on. As most of you know, the two of them met in college and as I hear it, they fell in love at first sight. Actually, it had to be because Mike was leaving the following day while Kathy had another two weeks before she finished with school. (Laughter)

Jill and I had planned a trip to see her in about two weeks but Kathy called and asked if we could come early. When we asked her what was wrong, she lowered her voice to a whisper, stating she had “met someone”.

We knew just by the tone of her voice that this “someone” must have been extremely important. From the minute we met Mike, we knew that Kathy had indeed met “someone” extraordinary.

Today, Kathy, your mother and I are so very proud of you. You have accomplished so much in your short life and married the nicest man, someone perfect for you. As a father, letting go of a daughter is a tough thing to do but knowing that you will be in the arms and care of Mike makes it easier.

If everyone would please join us, Jill and I along with Debbie and David would like to offer the newly married couple a special toast. We wish you both all the happiness and joy in the world. We also wish you adventure, excitement, and success, wishing you every good thing.

Kathy and Mike, love hard, play hard, laugh hard, and work hard as a team. You have something very special – enjoy and rejoice in it. We love you very much!

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Speech Eleven Ladies, gentlemen, friends, and family – welcome! If there is anyone here that doesn’t know me, my name is David Smith and this beautiful woman to my right is my wife Jill – we are Kathy’s parents

As you can imagine, today has been quite the day for us both but as her father, man, this is tough – yet very exciting. Before I become too carried away with my speech, I want to take a moment to welcome everyone here, especially those of you that have driven or flown in for this joyous occasion.

I was just thinking that the last time I walked down the aisle, it was to marry Jill, and I’m here to tell the Bridesmaids of today’s wedding, Janice and Cindy, after 28 years of marriage, your role is still important. Each of you did a beautiful job!

My next pleasure comes in offering Mike a sincere and public welcome to the family, which I hope he always feels is his family too. When Kathy first brought Mike over to our house for dinner, he probably felt as though he had stumbled into an episode of “Father Knows Best”. (Laughter) My wife was always cooking, baking, making fresh coffee…what a life!

However, that’s just the way we are…in fact, you can probably see some of this in the things from today. Jill, along with Debbie, Mike’s mother, worked very hard to make the invitations, the centerpieces, the programs, and more. I would ask that you all give them applaud for their incredible work!

I know there are so many people that have worked hard to make this wedding a success, all of the vendors, the minister, the musicians, and so on, so thank you from the bottom of my heart for making my little girl’s wedding the perfect event.

On the request of my precious angel and her mother, I’ve removed all of the embarrassing stores out of my speech. Actually, I was just more worried that she would retaliate against me… (Laughter)

I could tell that she was a little apprehensive about asking me to give this speech, not being sure what I would say about my “baby”. Honey, don’t panic, I can’t sing, I can’t dance, and I would never say anything wrong. (Wink)

Most of you here probably already know that Kathy and Mike met at the university. They hit it off immediately and since Mike graduated a year earlier, they remained in contact via phone (I have the bills to prove it) (Laughter) emails, instant messaging, and letters.

Finally, the separation was too much so Kathy moved, taking a job close to the school so she could be near Mike. We knew it would happen some day but talk about ripping a heart out.

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However, I have to say that Debbie and David took great effort to make Kathy a part of their family so I knew she was in excellent hands. Anyway, the rest is history, as the saying goes. That Christmas, Kathy and Mike became engaged and we were all very happy, knowing they were in deed made for each other.

Kathy and Mike received tons of advice from both sides of the family, primarily about her heritage of being Irish, cutting the cake, dancing, and toasting, and so on.

To keep up with the Irish tradition, she will in fact be using her great-grandfather’s sword to cut the cake. He great-grandfather served in World War I, but unfortunately, is no longer with us. Therefore, this will be a nice tribute to him and his wonderful character.

I would like all of you to stand with me as we offer a toast to this beautiful couple, as they get ready to embark on a new life, together.

Here is to the past, the present, and the future – I pray your lives are as rich as ours have been and that you will have a home filled with the fragrance of baking bread and freshly brewed coffee, a home full of love and tenderness. We wish you a long life of only good.

Now, I ask that you give your attention to my new son-in-law who is chomping at the bit to respond! (Laughter)

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Speech Twelve As the father of the Bride, it is my deepest honor and privilege to make the first speech at my daughter’s wedding. I would like to begin by saying what a pleasure it is for me to welcome on this very special day, Debbie and David Jones, Mike’s parents, along with their family and friends.

We are all so proud today to see Kathy looking so incredibly beautiful, finally married to the man of her dreams. During the time that we’ve come to know Mike, we agree that they were made for each other.

Mike is a very likeable man and easy going. Mike – we want to welcome you into our family and let you know that we are thrilled you are now also a part of the Smith clan! The great thing for us is that we know Debbie and David feel the same about Kathy, having taken her into their home and hearts!

Jill and I are very fortunate that the second of our wonderful daughters has finally met her match – Mr. Right. Of course, it is important to remember that marriage is not about finding the perfect partner, but making the effort to be the perfect partner.

Although there are many different pieces of advice that I could offer you Mike, I will just provide you with a few. Valentine cards are designed to stress a burning love, and ministers stress to unmarried people the importance of fidelity. However, old married couples like Jill and I know the true secrets of marriage.

Marriage takes persistence, patience, tolerance, forbearance, tenacity, stoicism, stamina, forgiveness, and most importantly, a defective memory. (Laughter) Of course, to make it even better, the husband should always be ready to take the blame. Sorry Mike, my wife insisted I add that last point. (Laughter)

To be serious for just a minute, I know the two of you had suggested you elope, having your wedding on a beach in the Caribbean. However, we’re so glad that you decided to have a traditional wedding – this day has turned out so perfect, and it’s not over yet.

It’s only right that we toast the Bride and Groom, but that we also toast each of the guests here tonight. Each of you has come here specially to share in this celebration, enjoying this day with people you love. Your very presence shows us that you are true friends and we thank you for that.

We are all God’s children and I would like to extend to everyone here – love and friendship. Now, it is my great pleasure to toast the happy couple – Kathy and Mike. Please raise your glass with me as we wish Kathy and Mike a life full of adventure and love. Here’s to a new beginning.

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Speech Thirteen Good evening everyone – I would like to start my speech tonight by welcoming all of the guests here. This evening, we are surrounded by most of the close friends and family members, people that have played an important role in our lives.

Some of you have come from very far and on behalf of me and my wife Jill, and Debbie and David Jones; we thank you with all sincerity for joining us on this special day.

As many of you know, this is my second father of the Bride speech in the past 10 months. As Oscar Wilde once stated, “To lose one daughter may be considered unlucky but to lose two, is careless.”

Well, instead of feeling careless, I feel very blessed to have gained two incredible son-in-laws. Mike has been the perfect man for Kathy and I would like to welcome him into our family publicly.

Standing here making the father of the Bride speech makes me fell a little like a Sheik walking into his harem for the first time. I know what I have to do but I just don’t know where to begin. (Laughter)

For those of you that attended my other daughter’s wedding, you are in for good news – this speech is every bit as good as that one. In fact, many of my family members will probably recognize chunks of it. No, not really, I am following the same format though. (Laughter)

What that means for those of you not at the other wedding, the speech will start badly, begin to sag in the middle, be riddled with long pauses, and then trail off into some type of incoherent rambling toward the end. (Laughter)

Honestly, I tried my best to memorize this speech but I have to ask that you forgive me if I resort to reading my notes every few seconds. Mike, by now, you might be wondering what you have gotten yourself in for but I want you to know that Jill and I took to you immediately.

As a parent, there is nothing more wonderful than seeing your daughter meet her match. Kathy was a beautiful baby, in every aspect of the words. She continues to fill our lives with pride and happiness and we’re thrilled beyond words that you are the one to have snatched her.

Since Kathy left home and began her adventures at the university where she met Mike, she has made many firm friends, some decidedly odd, but still good friends. I personally am very happy that Kathy chose a man with such character, integrity, focus, charm, and good looks – in fact, he reminds me of me! (Laughter)

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When Kathy was a little girl, she was very strong willed and had a real problem with the word “Yes”. For some reason, she just wouldn’t say it no matter what the cost.

I can remember one Saturday when we had friends over and one of them put some quarters on the table. He said, “Kathy”, if you will say ‘yes’, you can keep these quarters”. She looked at the money with intent and blurted out – “NO!”

Then, someone put a five-dollar bill on the table but got the same result – “NO!” Soon, it became a challenge for our friends and before long about $20 was on the table. Still, Kathy would not say the word yes. As you can imagine, Jill was practically crying, screaming out “YES, YES, YES in the background”. (Laughter)

Now here Kathy is today, looking stunning, and married to Mike, a very fine young man. I guess she’s finally worked out her little problem with the word “Yes”.

Traditionally, the father of the Bride is supposed to offer the newly married couple some words of advice on marriage, so here goes…

Kathy – A perfect wife is one that helps her husband do dishes (Laughter) and Mike, remember that a man is incomplete until he takes a wife – the he’s finished. (Laughter)

I have some more advice in these four things you both need to remember – Love, friendship, tolerance, and communication. These are all easy to say but can be hard to do.

If everyone would please stand with me and raise your glasses, I would like to offer a toast to Kathy and Mike – to your new life. Be all you can be to each other, appreciate each other, love each other, and never take one another for granted.

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Speech Fourteen Good evening – I would like to start by telling everyone that my name is David Smith and I am the father of the Bride. To prepare for giving this all-important speech, I have done quite a bit of research. However, I have a feeling it is going to start badly, sag in the middle, and ramble on in the end, much like the old man giving it. (Laughter)

It’s so hard to believe that the first of my three daughters is now married – one down, two to go. I’m very proud to have three beautiful daughters, such as Kathy, the blushing Bride. Before I ask you to join me in offering the new couple a toast, I would like to offer a few words of advice.

I’ll try to keep this short as I know Mike’s Best Man, Kevin is antsy to get his speech started – right Kevin? (Laughter)

Last night as we sat down to a nice meal, all I could think about was getting up to make the father of the Bride speech. It’s amazing what you think about when you’re nervous. I stared at the lines in the middle of the road on the way home, wondering how they got so straight.

I then started thinking about the war and streaks of lights as they screamed through the sky, and then the next thing I knew I was thinking about pencil sharpeners. I wasn’t nervous – right! (Laughter)

Okay, hold on, as I haven’t quite finished because I still need to offer a toast to the Bride and Groom. I do want to take a few minutes to thank Debbie and David for raising such a fine young son. We love him and we’re thrilled that he and Kathy found each other.

Before I got up here to give this speech, I was given some very strict instructions. I was told no telling jokes, keep it short, and then I was reminded about the ABC and XYZ of public speaking. ABC – Always Be Confident and XYZ – eXamine Your Fly. (Laughter)

I remember when Kathy told me that she was going to be getting married in New England – as her father I was worried that no one would come. However, as I look out over all of you, I am so blessed and honored that you made this day an occasion not to miss. For that, I thank you.

A few months ago, Kathy told me jokingly that men think wedding arrangements just take care of themselves. I read on the internet that men are always excluded from getting involved in the arrangements. The reason is that men tend to ask stupid questions – like how much. (Laughter)

I am told that for a traditional father of the Bride speech, funny or embarrassing stories would be told about Kathy and/or Mike…and since I wasn’t included in the wedding arrangements… (Laughter)

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No, I won’t do that to my daughter but for those of you wanting the real scoop, se me after the reception… (Laughter)

I am truly honored to be standing here and I want offer a toast to Kathy and Mike. I am so proud of both of you and excited to see what adventures life brings. Please join me in raising a toast to a life of happiness and love to the couple.

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Speech Fifteen Good afternoon family and friends – my name is David and I’m the father of the Bride. First, let me offer congratulations to the bridal party for being such a huge support to Kathy over the past several months. You ladies looked beautiful and performed perfectly.

I also want to thank each of you here today for coming to spend your time, sharing in the marriage of my daughter to Mike. Finally, to Debbie and David, Mike’s parents, not only have you raised a fine son for but for loving and accepting my daughter.

This wedding reminds me of the last time I was called upon to say a few words at a wedding. It was 28 years ago this October when I married Kathy’s mom, Jill and I knew I would be asked to say the all-important vows. I remember being completely overwhelmed, as words became stuck in my throat.

A feeling of inadequacy came over me but I had to remember this experience was new and I was young. Now that I have experience and am just a few years older, I suppose there is no excuse for messing this speech up. (Laughter)

Let me talk about the marriage certificate for a minute. This is not a qualification and it doesn’t mean that you have achieved anything. In fact, on its own, the marriage certificate has no value at all.

The marriage certificate does not come with any guarantee of quality and has no mention of longevity for the marriage. In fact, many couples today have no use for marriage at all. However, I can say that for Jill and I, marriage has been a wonderful experience of love and friendship. Today, that’s considered a qualification!

I personally believe that marriage will teach Mike loyalty, self-restraint, control, and develop in him a sense of fair play, many other excellent qualities that he wouldn’t have needed as a bachelor.

Some time ago, Mike asked me how much it cost to get married. I had to admit that I wasn’t sure because I was still paying. (Laughter) When Jill and I were married, it was in 1974, the year of the three-day week. During that time, you could find disposable razors invented by Gillette. There was also free family planning available on NHS!

At that time, I was working eight nights a week to make ends meet. I had an electric razor and Jill was pregnant with James, our son. Somehow, some of those significant events passed me by. I also had no idea that just one year later, I would have my daughter, Kathy.

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Then in 1977, the US space shuttle prototype, Enterprise, flew for the first time. Red Rum was the Grand National champion for the third time in a row, and Elvis Presley died. That one is quite coincidental since Mike was born that very year and much like Elvis, he too collapses in bathrooms. (Laughter)

Now that I have defined what you do not get from having a marriage license, let me tell you what you do get. Think of a marriage certificate much like a blank lottery ticket.

It has the anticipation of an exciting future, everything forward being perfect, but also like a lottery ticket, sometimes things are just not handed to you, but have to be worked for, which is usually the case with marriage.

Marriage requires input from both parties and the outcome depends on the decisions made. Unlike the lottery, you cannot just sit back in marriage to hope that you win a price. You have to anticipate things, make constant changes, and always be fine-tuning.

When I married Jill 28 years ago, I began the most beautiful journey, which is exactly what I know Kathy and Mike will have. Together, we have raised a wonderful family and even though we’ve had our ups and downs, I wouldn’t change one day with her for anything - this attitude is the same that I want to see in Kathy and Mike.

Just remember that in a successful marriage, a person sometimes has to indulge their partner with an abundance of tolerance. Consider this one of the numbers on your lottery ticket. Would everyone please stand and join me in wishing Kathy and Mike their own successful marriage filled with magnificent love and adventure.

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Speech Sixteen I want to thank everyone for taking time out of your life to join us in celebrating Kathy and Mike’s wedding day. Today, things are very different from when I was married. For instance, Jill and I married in Las Vegas. At that time, it had not even been discovered yet. (Laughter)

I remember clearly the first time I saw Jill – I knew right away that she was “the one”. However, it was not for another six months that I discovered what her first name was. I also remember our own wedding reception. Here we are now, with me at my own daughter’s reception and my understanding is that as her father, full of wisdom, I am supposed to offer some type of worldly wisdom. (Laughter)

Seriously, I’m told that I need to offer advice, and I can tell you that in the past 140 years, I’ve learned a few things…okay Mike. (Laughter)

First, Mike you are welcomed into our family but I’m sure you’re asking yourself what on earth you have gotten into. I want you to know that Jill and I took to you immediately. We both found you to be a kind and considerate man, deserving of the finest wife and thank goodness Kathy snatched you up before you found one – just kidding darling. (Laughter)

In many ways, Mike has become just like a son to me and he’s always helping Kathy around the house. When Mike asked for Kathy’s hand in marriage, I told him I agreed but with one stipulation – that he took the hand that was always in my wallet. (Laughter)

Kathy you know I love you but Mike you need to accept the fact that that she will win the last word in every argument. I also want you to remember that when you buy flowers for her, make sure they are for your anniversary or her birthday and NEVER after an argument. Otherwise, the flowers will be your admission to guilt. (Laughter)

From the moment Kathy was born, she has made us very proud. It doesn’t seem like 10 minutes since she was playing in our backyard in Georgia, running around barefoot with little blonde pigtails and eating mud pies. Thankfully, her diet has improved and in fact, Mike I hope you have a good paying job to keep up with her champagne taste. (Laughter)

Fortunately, Kathy now dresses very stylish but her cooking still leaves much to be desired. In fact, she is the only person I know that uses the smoke alarm as the kitchen timer. I’m serious, just the other day, she cooked dinner so bad even the tin lid was burnt. (Laughter)

No, I’m just kidding. Mike you are actually in for a treat since Kathy is an excellent gourmet cook, so good that Mike will probably be buying a larger waist trouser in the next six months.

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I want to add a serious note here…I have seen many couples in love but not as wonderful as these two. They are the perfect gift to each other and both Jill and I, along with Mike’s parents, Debbie and David, are very happy and proud of them.

Would you please stand with me, raise your glasses, and wish the happily married couple a lifetime of adventure, change, love, and honesty. We love you!

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Speech Seventeen I stand before you tonight as Kathy’s father to thank each of you for sharing with us today. I know that some of you have traveled great distances and to you, I offer special thanks.

Each of you being here is what makes this day complete. Without you, the wedding would not have been the same – so thank you so much for coming to help Kathy and Mike celebrate their new life together as husband and wife.

Kathy, as parents, only two bequests exist that we could ever hope for you and Mike, since he is now family. The first is roots and the second is wings. You both have very deep roots to our family, never to be broken. Secondly, you now have wings to fly away, creating a life of your own. I am happy to say that you both did an excellent job in both!

Remember, many things go into a marriage to make it successful. There has to be love, innate trust, security, communication, and of course, fidelity. One of the most important aspects of marriage is to know you have the security of sharing things with someone who will always listen.

Additionally, the majority of us know the secrets of tenacity, forgiveness, and stamina in a marriage. For you Mike, it always helps just to take the blame. (Laughter)

With all sincerity, I have to say that Kathy and Mike are extremely well suited for each other, don’t you all agree? They are happy as you can see, and very much in love, the perfect combination for seeing them through life.

It’s been said many times that marriage is a 50/50 partnership but I say, whoever made that up didn’t have a clue about women, and even less about mathematics. (Laughter)

I began writing this speech more than a month ago and more than likely, many of you here probably think I’ve been standing here giving the speech just as long. (Laughter)

Well, I can see Jill motioning that I’ve said enough so I suppose it’s time for me to sit down. However, before I finish and turn this over to the Best Man, I do want to offer the two of you some genuine advice. It’s very obvious that you too have found something wonderful in each other. When you look into each other’s eyes, you light up that we can all see.

Kathy and Mike, always remember that there is no challenge in marriage that cannot be overcome. All you have to do is remember three sentences – “I was wrong”, “You were right”, and “I love you”. When said with sincerity, these words are very powerful.

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Approaching the toast, would everyone please stand with me, raise your glasses, and join me in toasting the new, Mr. and Mrs. Mike Jones. We wish for you two, to have everything good thing in life. Always love, forgive, and enjoy the adventure that awaits you.

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Speech Eighteen Ladies and gentlemen, I’m only going to speak for a few minutes because of my throat – Jill has threatened to slit it if I started rambling on and on. (Laughter)

As the father of the Bride, I am honored and privileged to stand before you, making the first speech. Now, if someone would just tell my knees that, I would be doing much better. I may be a big man, but this is scary! (Laughter)

Let me first apologize for Kathy and Mike being so late – it only took them, eight years to get here! Their “lightening fast” romance reminds me of a story about a couple engaged for 30 years.

Eventually, the future wife set up a very romantic dinner, beautiful glowing candles, wonderful dinner, champagne, the whole nine yards. When they were eating, she softly said, “Don’t you think it’s time that we got married?” “Good heavens” he replied, “what people would have us now?” (Laughter)

Of course, Mike’s not like that. In fact, let me tell you the story of when I first met him. It was about a year before the two of them started officially dating. He showed up at the country club with some friends for dinner and as he drank more and more, he became very loud and obnoxious.

The good news is that he did calm down but the bad news is that he lost his dinner on the dining table. I remember saying to Jill, “Thank goodness Kathy doesn’t date boys like that”. (Laughter)

Many of you know that Kathy was just 17 when Mike first asked her out. Of course, we had no idea yet that her new “most wonderful man I’ve ever met” was the young boy from the country club.

If we had, well, things might have turned out differently. However, as time progressed and we heard wonderful stories about Mike and saw how happy he made her, when we did meet him, the little incident no longer mattered.

Before I get to the official father of the Bride toast, I would like to say a few words about Kathy’s mother, the real hero of the family. I know most of you think she is a very quiet, thinking person – the philosophical type.

Just the other day, I was having a conversation with her about marriage. Thinking I was being clever, I tried a few definitions out on her.

□ “Marriage is like a steaming, hot bath – once your in it, it’s not so hot”

□ “Marriage is the difference between painting the town and painting the porch”

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Well, as you can imagine, Jill wasn’t as amused as I was. (Laughter)

Think about the word “marriage” for a minute – is it a word or an institution? She must have misunderstood me because her comment was, “Marriage is more like a sentence”. I then asked her if she had every thought of divorce while being married to me. She responded, “No, just murder”. (Laughter)

With all honestly, Jill and I are thrilled to welcome Mike publicly to our family. He is a fine man, raised by respected parents – Debbie and David Jones. Kathy and Mike, you are the perfect couple and we are all so incredibly happy for the two of you and the new life you are about to begin.

Seeing the two of them happy together is what makes a father’s heart overflow with joy and pride. Would everyone please stand and raise your glasses with me as we show our love for the newly married couple. Here’s to a beautiful life together!

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Speech Nineteen Welcome everyone to Kathy and Mike Jones’s wedding. As the father of the Bride, I believe it is my dubious privilege to make the first speech, so here I go.

On behalf of Jill and myself, Debbie and David, I would like to start by saying what a pleasure it is to welcome Kathy’s Granny and Grandpa, Sara and Henry. Additionally, I would like to welcome the other relatives and friends of both families that have come to share in this special day.

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank especially, Jill, not just for being a tolerant wife but more importantly, an outstanding mother and the guiding influence in the upbringing of Kathy.

Additionally, to Reverend Brewster, who unfortunately had to leave, but we want to say that he did a beautiful job officiating at the ceremony. Finally, thank you to the minister’s boss for allowing us to have a perfect day.

Before I ask you to join me in a toast to the Bride and Groom, I’d like to bore you with a few words. I’ll try to keep them short, as I know the Best Man is eager to be standing here, giving his speech. (Laughter)

Ten months ago, Kathy phoned me to ask what I was doing on this Saturday. Since she knows that I ALWAYS golf on Saturday, I thought she had taken up the game and wanted to join me at the golf club. You must therefore realize that I’m here under duress as I had to give up my usual Saturday round of golf in order to be here today – but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world! (Laughter)

Speaking of golf, I wonder if you’ve heard the story about the golfer who hit the golf ball wrong, causing it to bumble along the fairway until it eventually reached the green. At that time, his partner turned to him and said “That’s what I’d call a bad shot.” I would like to describe the same shot in another way, “As a son-in-law shot - it turned out much better than we could ever have hoped for!” (Laughter)

Jill and I are very proud to see Kathy looking so radiant on her wedding day. Now married to Mike, it all seems so surreal. I will say that during the time, we've known Mike, we have learned just how special he is to Kathy. The best part is that Kathy is special to Debbie and David, Mike’s parents.

For those of you who don’t know, Kathy is our only daughter. She was a PERFECT daughter … she IS a perfect daughter. What I’m really trying to say is that, as a child, she was SO PERFECT a daughter we vowed never to have another. (Laughter)

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When it comes to men, Kathy is very choosy and with Mike, she took her time. She could have married someone else but she took her time and found a wonderful husband, the love of her life.

Being that it's tradition for the Bride's father to offer some worldly thoughts and advice about marriage, here goes. During the last 28 years, I’ve learned a few things about it, so here goes. To Kathy, the definition of a perfect wife is one who helps her husband with the dishes. To Mike, remember that man is incomplete until he finds a wife - then he's finished! (Laughter)

Mike, never go to sleep with an unfinished argument hanging over you. Be a man! Stay awake and fight to the end! Keep in mind that you’re going to lose anyway, so you might as well get it over and done with so you can get a decent night’s rest. (Laughter)

I also want to tell you that what you two share is love, closely followed by friendship, then tolerance, and then communication. Easy to say – but they can be quite hard to carry out.

Remember, marriage is not easy but it’s also not impossible. What you put into the marriage is generally, what you will get back from it. Every married person would tell you that they have ups and downs. There are no magical secrets on how to have a happy, successful marriage. The key is to work at it together, as a loving team.

Kathy and Mike – we all love you and wish you a happy future. Would everyone please stand and raise your glass with me, wishing Kathy and Mike an amazing journey together. Stay friends, trust each other, and never be afraid to say, “I’m sorry”.

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Speech Twenty Ladies and gentlemen, I want to first thank everyone for attending my daughter’s wedding, making this a perfect occasion. Second, I want to apologize in advance for any misdemeanors that might occur today.

It’s not that I’ve said or done anything wrong (yet), but my apology will at least give you some idea of where we’re going with this speech. (Laughter)

First, it is my distinct pleasant to welcome you all here today – Debbie and David, Mike’s parents, thank you for your help and support. To all the relatives and friends, thank you for being here at this very special and happy occasion to help us celebrate the marriage of Kathy and Mike.

There are also some people we wish could have been here but we hope they are keeping an eye on proceedings from afar. I would also like to thank the minister for the beautiful service. Additionally, I want to thank the people at the reception hall for putting together a magnificent wedding reception.

One of the best things about being a man, is that weddings seem to organize themselves. (Laughter) Clearly, events like today’s don’t just happen. They take a considerable amount of hard work and organization.

On the way over here from the church, while you were all looking forward to a few drinks and a good meal, all I could think about was getting up to make this speech. It’s amazing what you think about when you are worried!

I want to say that we are very proud to have such a beautiful daughter as Kathy, the blushing Bride. I also want to thank Mike for his obvious perception. He has been a part of the family for some time now but I would like to welcome him to the clan formally

While the Best Man has the privilege of revealing some 'facts' about the Groom, I would like to make some comments him too.

It seems only five minutes since Kathy was born, and being a modern dad, I was present at the birth. I remember that day very well. We had a very shortsighted midwife and soon after the birth, she picked Kathy up and held her saying, “Oh, you look just like your dad!” (Laughter)

Unfortunately, I had to point out quickly that she was holding Kathy upside down and back to front! (Laughter)

Doesn’t time fly! When she was a toddler, Kathy was concerned that she was not learning to speak very quickly. I think there are occasions now when Mike wishes she hadn’t learned. I’m only joking of course! (Laughter)

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Kathy is a unique character and always tries her best to accomplish every task set before her. She did ask Jill to give her some cooking tips and some time ago, she made dinner for Mike. Unfortunately, the cat got it first and she was quite upset, but Mike said it would be okay that they could get another cat! (Laughter)

We love both Mike and Kathy and have confidence in their future together. We have observed them and they are well matched, working together as a team. In fact, what one of them says something wrong, the other corrects it. (Laughter)

The occasion of a wedding presents itself as a great temptation for us older folk to pass on some advice to the happy couple and I can’t resist the temptation.

I did some serious research into the subject of marital advice and I asked a significant selection of people for their advice to a couple just starting out. The answers were surprising but very helpful.

To a man, they said “Don’t do it!” However, with any statistics there must be informed interpretation. My own interpretation is that this doesn’t so much reflect on the institute of marriage as much as it does on the characteristics of the clientele of the pub on a Friday night. (Laughter)

To Mike, the advice is to “Never go to bed in the middle of an argument, stay up and fight, but be diplomatic and magnanimous when you let Kathy have her own way.

To Kathy, if you want something from Mike, ask for it. Remember he is a man so hints simply don’t work.

Kathy, from now on you will find that you make all the minor decisions while Mike makes all the major ones. Mike, you will find that all future decisions turn out to be of a minor nature. (Laughter)

Marriage will bring you many things – loyalty, self-restraint, obedience, and a whole host of other virtues that you wouldn’t need if you remained single.

Now that you are married, Kathy will have the last word in any argument – any word that you come out with afterwards is, by default, the start of a new argument! (Laughter)

We all wish you a wonderful marriage and hope you have a great honeymoon, which, Mike, you will find is the period between “I Do” and “You’d better”. (Laughter

I can see Kathy is eyeing the knife in front of her rather ominously, so I think it is time I sat down. Before I do, it gives me great pleasure to propose a toast to you both!

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Would everyone please stand and raise your glass with me as we wish you a long life of happiness. We believe in the two of you and know that you will share a wonderful life together.

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PART IX. SUMMARY

As you have seen in this book, giving a speech at your daughter’s wedding is the most wonderful experience of a lifetime but also one that should be taken seriously. If you think about it, you have been given an incredible opportunity to give your daughter to the man she will share life with, a true honor.

The speech that you will give is one that she and her new husband will remember forever so it too should be taken serious. Although you might have some feelings of apprehension, knowing what is expected of you and how to approach it will help make the process enjoyable and not something to dread.

Giving a good speech is not difficult, as long as you follow the simple rules provided in this book. When you have finished, you will probably have received a few laughs, a few tears, and have created some wonderful memories.

To be successful in your speech, all you need to do is remember some very basic rules:

□ Remind yourself why you are giving the speech in the first place

□ Conduct research so you have the right information

□ Practice your speech and use cue cards for support

□ Stand up straight and proud, smiling to make the guests feel welcomed

□ Do not stress if you mess up – it happens

□ Always keep the speech clean and content appropriate

By following these guidelines, you will have no problem in presenting a wonderful “father of the Bride” speech. Enjoy this occasion, just as you have enjoyed the years raising the daughter you just gave away. Remember the old saying, “You have not lost a daughter, but gained a son”.