SUSTAINING YOUR

MARRIAGE

In order to sustain the marriage institution,

both spouses must work on their marriage.

Yes, one can work more than the other, but

both must participate.

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Many marriages are in trouble. Of

course there are healthy, happy

marriages. But every

relationship has its challenges and

struggles.

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Some couples deal with those

challenges by calling it quits and

getting out of their marriage. Others

call it quits but decide to stay IN

their loveless marriage - they’re

divorced emotionally and physically

but are still married.

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Even if it’s just you, YOU

can decide to do whatever it takes

to save your relationship.

You can decide that your

relationship will have more love,

forgiveness and affection because

you, from this day forward, will be

more loving, forgiving and

affectionate.

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You are more powerful than you

realize and can do much more than

you know.

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Demonstrate a willingness to do

whatever it takes to regain trust and

sustain the marriage if problems

have arisen.

Be true to your word by keeping

your promise because regaining

trust won’t be easy. It requires your

deepest commitment and fullest

cooperation.

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If you are the spouse who has been

hurt and your spouse is seeking

your forgiveness, then I urge you to

do so. Your spouse knows they will

have to regain your trust.

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There are characteristics that are

important in the marriage. No matter

what marriage problems might

present themselves, when these

characteristics are present, problems

can be overcome. When even one

characteristic does not quickly

appear, the marriage is in great

danger.

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THE NEEDED CHARACTERISTICS

1.Be Humble

There is really only one enemy of

marriage and that is pride. When pride

goes unchecked, a healthy marriage

cannot exist. Humility gives us the

ability to recognize

our mistakes, admit our faults, seek

help from others, forgive and seek

forgiveness.

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Humility is the foundation upon

which every healthy marriage is

built. It is the most important quality

to sustain your marriage.

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2. Be Respectful

It is difficult to respect someone who

has hurt you. Normally when a

marriage struggles, some aspect of

respect has been lost. However, there

is a vast difference between not being

able to respect what a person has

done versus not being able to respect

any part of the person.

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Even if you don’t respect something

your spouse has done, they still

deserve some level of basic human

dignity. Even if you don’t respect

them as a husband or wife, being

able to find some area in which you

do respect them can go a long way

in rebuilding respect for them as a

spouse.

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Respect is always easier to expand

rather to create. When it is totally

lost, it is very difficult to rebuild. If

you can salvage respect, you

sustain your marriage.

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3. Be Merciful

Mercy is directly tied to humility. As

pride grows, our understanding of

our need for mercy diminishes. The

less we think we need mercy, the less

mercy we give to others. Problems in

a marriage cannot be solved without

the giving and receiving of mercy.

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4. Deal with disagreements productively

If you can see that endless

disagreements are driving you and your

spouse apart and are creating a wall of

separation, find a way to call a truce so

you can break through and be intimate

again.

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Identify the primary triggers that

have been leading to the arguments

and disagreements so you can

address the situation before it

explodes.

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5. Be willing to Communicate

Marriages cannot be saved without

communication. While ignoring

problems might give the

appearance of peace, true peace is

only found when we talk through

the serious issues.

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Open the lines of communication.

Share your feelings, thoughts and

concerns – especially about the status

of your marriage.

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If communication stops, the

marriage suffocates because

communication is the oxygen of

marriage. A key to marriage is not

agreeing on every issue, but it is

communicating about every issue.

Where communication is present,

problems can be solved.

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As you start communicating in a

spirit of love and understanding,

you will become more like caring

friends and less like dreaded

enemies.

You will eventually start growing

closer and closer.

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6.Be available to work together.

This is the most heartbreaking of

the requirements for a marriage to

work. It always takes two people to

make it work, but just one spouse

can end a marriage.

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No matter how much effort is put

into the marriage, if one of the

spouse’s chooses to end the

marriage, the marriage will end. It is

impossible for one spouse to take

up the burden and do the work for

another spouse. Each must be fully

involved to sustain your marriage.

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There is great hope for hurting

marriages. If both parties are willing

to do the work necessary,

communicate, give and receive

mercy, respect one another, and

have humility, you can sustain your

marriage.

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It’s always more work than

expected. But I’ve never known a

single couple who did the work

necessary who later regretted it.

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Finally

I thank God for my beloved wife in my

prayers on a regular and consistent

basis. I know that our spouses are a gift

from God, just as our children are, and

we should be thankful to God for them

and try to love and serve them and seek

ways in which to grow closer to them.

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We must do all that it takes to sustain

our marriages. You cannot run away

from the marriage simply because

there are disagreements. You must

work to sustain it.

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