surgo halloween edition 2012
TRANSCRIPT
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The Surgo Team
Editor in Chief:
Josh NielsenAssistant Editor:
James
Tadjkarimi
Arts editor extraordinaire:
Tom Baddeley
Finance editor:
Lucy Waite
Production editor:
Katie Lunn
The Surgo Contents
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NB All photos are genuine Facebook profile pictures (though some less than current), apart from James, who doesnt have
Facebook, and is therefore a squid.
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Name: Mr. Jacob Ee
Age: Undisclosed
Presenting Complaint: Confused, found wandering in Kelvingrove Park
Past Medical History:Notes show treated for large animal bite 1/12 ago
Family History:
Drug History:
Social History:
Examination:Signs of neglect - hair overgrown, abnormally long nails and teeth
Diagnosis: ?Homeless alcoholic
Management:Referal to social services. Non-urgent patient has been playing
with a chew toy someone gave him in A&E and seems pretty happy.
Date: 31/10/12
Time: 20:07
Name: Mr. Hydimeanjekyll
Age: 42
Presenting Complaint: Injuries following violent assault
Past Medical History:Nil of note
Family History: Nil of note
Drug History: Patient admits to self-medication but refuses to state what with
Social History:History of trouble with police. Former doctor. Now claims to work in aLeague for some Extraordinary Gentleman - ? male prostitute
Examination:Tremor, sweating, signs of withdrawal
Diagnosis: Severe bipolar disorder
Management:Confiscate medication, urgent psychiatric referral
Date: 31/10/12
Time: 22:14
Unable to establish proper history - accent so strong justsounds like growling
Name: Mr. Drake Yula
Age:
128
Presenting Complaint: Dizziness + collapse
Past Medical History:Patient notes unavailable
Family History:Looks shifty and says Theyre all fine.
Drug History: Garlic allergy. Repeat presciption factor 90 sunblock.
Social History:Former addict, but claims to be reformed since finding steady workat Red Cross
Examination:Skin pallour, unable to locate pulse. Numerous scars from repeatedtrauma to precordium.
Diagnosis: Chronic anaemia secondary to porphyria (Stokers Syndrome)
Management:Stake through the heart, this patient is clearly a vampire.
Date: 31/10/12
Time: 23:59
Signed: Dr. Josh Nielsen
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DEATH INWe all learn about keeping patients alive, but how much do we know about when they die? Josh Nielsen
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THE NHS
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Glasgow lays claim to the title of most haunted place in Scotland, which Im sure is exactly why you all chose it to live
and work in. Here is a collection of a few well known encounters to make walking home from HIVE a bit more exciting.
Haunted Hospitals
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The Case ForJames Tadjkarimi
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The Case AgainstJosh Nielsen
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A Secret History
Of The Pub by James Tadjkarimi
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Today, Britain isnt short of pubs by any stretch,but the institutions existence is currently under
threat. There are an estimated 60,000 knocking
about but roughly 50 go out of business every week. Some are bought up by Chains like Weatherspoons and Yates;
destined to become uninspiring rebranded bars with sticky floors and flat beers. But most just get demolished or turned into
housing. Of course the smoking ban and economic downturn have obviously had a major hand in the decline of the pub, but
a lot of it stems from folks just choosing to pick up as much cheap larger as is possible to carry from any well-to-dosupermarket for discount pricing. Theres very little a pub landlord can do about this other than weep into their pint and
raise their prices partly due to government taxation and partly just to break even on income.
Ifyou ask the average Joe on the street why they think so many pubs are closing down, chances are that theyllquote one of these reasons, but another thats often overlooked, or not even known about is due to Pubcos (Pub
companies). I wonder how many of you have heard of Punch Taverns? Punch Taverns is a Pubco that owns 5000 pubs
across the UK. They lease the pub to potential landlords in exchange for a contractual obligation to buy all beer, wine &
spirits solely from that Pubco. A company like Punch can then set the price on alcohol as high as they would like ultimately
forcing you & I to pay astronomical prices for our favourite tipple. This leaves the landlord in quite a bind, as it tends to
make their booze dens unfavourable to the average punter. Declining sales leads to landlords not able to pay the rent to the
Pubcos and causes many of them to declare themselves bankrupt. As if that wasnt dastardly enough, these companies even
have a way of closely monitoring how much alcohol you sell in your pub in the form of Brewline boxes- a computerizedsystem that measures how much beer and cider passes through the beertaps. This acts as a deterrent to stop landlords from
selling anything that isnt bought from their respective Pubco. Sounds like quite a corrupt system if you ask me; which is
why you should either sign a petition on CAMRA (Campaign for real ale) asking the Coalition to put pressure on these
Pubcos or start going to Freehouses instead (independently owned pubs not leased by Pubcos) as they set their own prices
and have a far higher degree of ownership.
The Eagle and Child,Oxford- It was here that C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien met as a discussion group known as TheInklings and talked at great depth about fantasy fiction. Theres some discrepancy in source material but at one time or
another Tolkien was said to be reading aloud from a draft of one of his manuscripts only to have Lewis cry out Oh no, not
another fucking elf! My thoughts exactly C.S., those books go on for far too long and feature far too much walking.
The Old Forge,Inverie this pub, dubbed the most remote in mainland Britain, is inaccessible by road prospectivedrinkers must take either an 18-mile walk over mountains or a 7 mile sea crossing
The Oldest Thirteenth Chesire Astley Volunteer Rifleman Corps Inn,Stalybridgefamous simply for having thelongest name of any pub in Britain
Ye Olde Fighting Cocks, St. Albans though the title of Oldest Pub in Britain is a hotly contested one, with severalplaces vying for the honour, the Guinness World Records folks currently recognise this place as the most ancient watering
hole, whose building dates back to the 9thcentury.
The Ancient Order Of Froth Blowers
One pub whose claim to fame is more eccentric than most is the
Swan Inn in Fittleworth. In the early 20s & 30s this became the
headquarters of The Ancient Order of Froth Blowers - a
philanthropic society set up by a Mr. Bert Temple following a
stomach operation by the famed surgeon Sir Alfred Fripp. As a
gesture of gratitude, Temple decided to raise funds for Fripps
chosen charity- The Invalid Childrens Aid Association by creatingthe Order of Froth Blowers. Each member received a silver set of
silver cufflinks, a membership booklet, and card entitling them to
blow froth off any member's beer "and occasionally off non-
members' beer provided they are not looking or are of a peaceful
disposition". Their motto soon became "Lubrication in Moderation".
The idea was to meet regularly in pubs to enjoy "beer, beef and
baccy", and there to be fined for heinous sins, such as not wearing
the cuff-links (dinners opened with the highest ranking member, the
"Senior Blower", giving the command "Gentlemen, shoot your linen"
at which point all members showed their cuffs. All fines and residual
membership fees were then sent to Sir Alfred and Lady Fripp fortheir "Wee Waifs" of the East End of London. At its peak the Order
had up to 700,000 members and at least one monkey who appeared
to be partial to a tall pint of Whitbread stout.
The order was unfortunately disbanded following the deaths of
Temple & Fripp and due to mounting pressure from the Temperance
movement that sought to outlaw alcohol.
-
8/12/2019 Surgo Halloween Edition 2012
20/20
Halloween Horoscope!
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` Z & l N " Q p I H 3 l Q
Aries - If you have been reluctant to make a move,
Aries, consider why? Is it that you are too lazy to stand
up and do something? Or is it that sofa just really
comfortable?
Taurus- The carrot and the stick can both be yourfriends today. But beware there is trouble afoot and you
have to be prepared. I can feel it coming in the airtonight, hold on.
Gemini- Venus is aligned in your path so this month isabout trying to make ends meet. But dont worry; you
can get through it by not being a slave to money.
Cancer- You are feeling sexy and free and life now is
like a shot of pure gold. Allow yourself to experience
this elixir, because next month, the stars are not aligned
for you.
Virgo - Here you go again; you say you want yourfreedom. Well who am I to keep you down? You need to
play the way you feel it, but when the rain washes you
down, you will know the truth.
Libra- Is there that person who has a way of lifting you
up instead of bringing you down? Well youve got love in
store! Neptune has passed over the horizon so this is
the time to make your move!
Scorpio- Mercury is coming for you, you might find
that your laid back attitude can save you in times likethis. Lay low and let someone else take the lead now.
Sagittarius - The bad moon rises and your plans willmeet harsh opposition. When its raining, the faster you
run, the wetter you get so take shelter and let it all blow
over.
Capricorn- Jupiter is not visible so this month will beemotionally unsettling. Choose your path carefully and
blue is an important colour for you.
Do you have an interest in journalism or writing in general?
Are you curious about the influence of the wider world on medicine, and vice versa?
Do you have an opinion or perspective you think should be heard?
Join the writing team at Surgo!
If youre interested or want to know more, e-mail Josh at [email protected].
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AND TERRIFyING
WORD SEARCH
Halloween
Zombie
Hive
Witch
Ghost
Trick
Treat
Goblin
Pumpkin
Haunted
Aquarius- This is the month for composure and
serenity. Watch all the disputes from a distance and
do not get involved, it will make you uncomfortable.
Pisces- Uranus is not alone this month so neither
should you be! Just remember to watch your back;
others might not like your new-found optimism.
Leo - Mars is in Scorpio until the end of the month so
now is the time for teamwork. Make new social events
and spend time with people who share interests.