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Style In creative writing Style. ENGL 151L 1

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Page 1: Style lecture spring16

Style. ENGL 151L 1

StyleIn creative writing

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3 impressionist paintings

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of the same thing - boats

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But so very differentbecause of . . .

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The painters made different style choices: different brush strokes, colors, textures …

STYLE STYLE

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… different perspectives. These boats are seen from above.

And those different style choices create different feelings. This painting of boats feels summery, fun, upbeat, playful – right?

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But this painting uses a very different style that creates a heavier feeling. It might even be a different season of the year.

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In creative writing, style is the writer’s stamp. It gives the piece a voice readers can hear and relate to. It helps set the tone. And in fiction as in life, the style of someone’s speech reveals what kind of person they are (known as characterization).

I keep Raymond on the inside of me and he plays like he’s driving a stage coach which is OK by me so long as he doesn’t run me over or interrupt my breathing exercises, which I have to do on account of I’m serious about my running, and I don’t care who knows it.

Do you hear a voice? Can you guess the

age? Feel the attitude?

From Raymond’s Run by Toni Cade Bambara

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The choice of words:• casual vs formal (or colloquial vs “standard” English) • concrete vs abstract• usual vs unusual (or conversational vs poetic)

The order of the words: • casual vs formal • expected vs surprising• usual vs unusual

The Sentences: • short vs long (or simple vs complex)• mainly the same vs much variety

Style is based on the Words (diction),

the Word Order (syntax) and the Sentences

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Analyzing style in a short passage

I keep Raymond on the inside of me and he plays like he’s driving a stage coach which is OK by me so long as he doesn’t run me over or interrupt my breathing exercises, which I have to do on account of I’m serious about my running, and I don’t care who knows it.

The choice of words: Some dialect, “on account of.” Mostly plain language (fits her age). Poetic in spots, as when describing her feeling before & during races (p. 5). = believable quippy kid

The order of the words: Follows grammar rules. In spots is more unusual: “There is no track meet that I don’t win the first-place medal.” = Strong voice, confident.

The Sentences: One long sentence. Breathless, fast. The story has many long sentences, some short. Good variety. Changes up pace. = The feel of a real person thinking & figuring stuff out.

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More about WORD CHOICE (diction)

•casual vs formal •concrete vs abstract

•usual vs unusual (or prosaic vs poetic)

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As with colors, there is a range of word choices

HomeCribPadPlaceHouseResidenceDwelling Abode

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And each choice comes with a certain style and tone

Home – Warm feeling. Home is where the heart is. “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home..”House – Cold impersonal feeling. A new house on the block.Crib – Modern, hip, youthful. “Now this crib's about to kick off, this party looks wack.”Pad – Once modern, beatnik then hippie. “Let’s go back to my pad.”Place – Neutral feeling and casual. “Nice place you got here.” Residence – Neutral feeling and formal. Official language. “State your residence.” Abode – Fancy, poetic diction. Pretentious? “Welcome to my humble abode.” (But haha not a humble word choice)

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What’s up, hi, hey there, greetings, peace, peace be unto you

See ya, so long, bye, goodbye, live long & prosper

Walk, take a walk, stroll, meander, perambulate

Leave, split, take off, fly the coop, decamp, absquatulate (yes, that’s a word)

Writers choose words that fit their purpose, just as you choose clothes that fit the occasion . . .

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Word choices range between the

1) Casual and Formal

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Changing Updike’s Diction in “A & P”

from very casual to formalIn walks these three girls in bathing suits. The diction, or choice of words, adds to the casual feeling created by the syntax. More dressed-up would be: Three girls in bathing suits entered.

Changes the tone. But that “in” is still fairly casual. So how about: Three girls wearing bathing suits entered. Or we could go fully formal: Three young women wearing bathing attire entered.Now we have completely lost Sammy’s adolescent voice. Different story entirely.

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2) The Concrete and Abstract

The Gleaners by Jean Francois Millet Farmers At Work by Georges Seurat

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Concrete to Abstract WordsStory tellers tend to use concrete words to create a real-

feeling world

Concrete and specific

Red Honda with a dented bumperRhododendronRide the elliptical for 20 minutesSquare piece of old parchment

Abstract and vague

Damaged compact carBushExercise a whilePaper

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Good writing is often very specific and concrete.

I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all. From Ecclesiastes

To show how empty bad writing can be, George Orwell translated that beautiful Biblical passage into abstract, bureaucratic English:

Objective considerations of contemporary phenomena compel the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account.

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and 3) The Usual vs the Unusual (or Prosaic and Poetic)

Prosaic: Common speech, usual, every day, ordinary

Poetic: Elevated speech, special occasion, unusual, using metaphor, alliteration, images, rhythm and meter

Usual: The sun went down. A bit poetic: The sun dropped below the horizon.A tad more unusual: The golden orb of the sun sank from sight.Full on poetic: The fiery chariot achieved its destination at long last and moved beyond the grasp of human vision.

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Cormac McCarthy (author of No Country for Old Men) is know for unusual, poetic word choices

Schmoop has a brief analysis of McCarthy’s diction here. They quote this stunning passage from The Road. I’ve underlined unusual word choices. We see hard words and also common words used in uncommon ways:

He rose and stood tottering in that cold autistic dark with his arms outheld for balance while the vestibular calculations in his skull cranked out their reckonings. An old chronicle. To seek out the upright. No fall but preceded by a declination. [< 3 sentence fragments] He took great marching steps into the nothingness, counting them against his return. Eyes closed, arms oaring. Upright to what? Something nameless in the night, lode or matrix. To which he and the stars were common satellite. Like the great pendulum in its rotunda scribing through the long day movements of the universe of which you may say it knows nothing and yet know it must.

For up to 10 bonus points send an email explaining how the verbs “oaring” or “scribing” are used here. Hint: they are implied metaphors. See next week’s lecture about figures of speech for help with that.

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More about WORD ORDER (Syntax)•casual vs formal

•expected vs surprising•usual vs unusual

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Changing Updike’s Synyax in “A & P”from slightly unusual to usual

In walks these three girls in bathing suits. “In walks” is a very casual opening with a lot of voice. The voice is created by the unusual word order. More usual would be Three girls in bathing suits walked in. Right?

As with “Raymond’s Run,” the non-standard style choice helps us hear a real voice and get to know the character, Sammy. With a 1st person “I” story, style is more important. There is no 3rd person narrator to tell us what sort of person the main character is. We have to feel it by the way they talk.

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Another youthful main character speaks with style, from the classic To

Kill a MockingbirdStyle

Scout’s word choice and word order are distinct, creating a strong, real-sounding voice

Ain’t everybody’s daddy the deadest shot in Macomb County.

No style

“Standard” formal English loses that voice

Not everyone’s father is the best shot in Macomb County.

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Eloquent you have become: How changing word order adds emphasis and grace

Don’t ask what your country can do for you…I’ll go where you goThe sailor is homeHe who loves everything large and small prays better

You have become powerful. I sense the dark side in you.

Up to 20 Bonus Opp: Go to 3 links here from the right side, find a memorable quote in each, explain how the diction adds force. Email in quotes &

explanation.

Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you…

Where you go, I will go

Home is the sailor

He prayeth best, who loveth best All things both great and small

Powerful you have become, the dark side I sense in you.

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Syntax isn’t just about style. It’s about grammar too. Wrong word order results in wrong meaning. Keep related words together. Say what you meant

to say. I will call my mother in Costa Rica and tell her all about Marcel taking

me out to dinner for just two dollars. Oops. Will your mother like this cheap guy? Is that what you meant? Or did you mean: For just two dollars, I can call my mother in Costa Rica and tell her all about Marcel taking me out to dinner. Oh…cheap phone card.

He found only one good sale at the outlet. < fact, implying many good sales were expected. Not a great outlet.He only found one good sale… < same fact but possible critical tone (he’s not the best shopper)Only he found a good sale... < different fact: no one else found any good sales; he’s an amazing shopper!

Which did you mean?26

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SENTENCE STRUCTURE•short vs long (or simple vs complex)•mainly the same vs much variety

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Short sentences and stacked sentences

Short & Simple - One independent clause•I do not dance on my toes. I run. (Raymond’s Run)•In walks these three girls in bathing suits. (A & P)•It was in the main ballroom of the leading hotel. (Battle Royal)•The grandmother had the peculiar feeling that the bespectacled man was someone she

knew. (A Good Man is Hard to Find)

Compound – Two or more simples sentences stacked up (joined by and or but)• Then the second-graders line up and I don’t even bother to watch because Raphael

Perez always wins. (Raymond’s Run)• All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I looked someone tried to

tell me what it was. (Battle Royal)• His voice seemed about to crack and the grandmother’s head cleared for an instant. (A

Good Man is Hard to Find)

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A very compound sentence

Some authors like to stack three or more clauses into one sentence, all joined by and. Hemingway was known for this, and here Susan Minot stacks up simple clauses to create an effect in “Lust” (274).

We started off at the end of the couch and then our feet were squished against the armrest and then he went over and turned off the TV and came back after he had taken off his shirt and then we slid onto the floor and he got up again to close the door, then came back to me, a body waiting on the rug.

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Complex sentencesA complex sentence combines simple independent clauses with dependent clauses. A dependent clause is just a group of words that can’t stand alone, such as this.

Complex sentences need joining words to add on those dependent clauses: but, because, since, after, while, although, when, that, who, which. Some clauses interrupt the sentence and are separated by dashes – like this – or commas, in this way, or (sometimes) parenthesis.

• Although we went to the park, it wasn’t windy enough to fly our kites, which was disappointing – very disappointing – because we had to go back to the city the very next day.

•Although it was so brilliantly fine – the blue sky powdered with gold and great spots of light like white wine splashed over the Jardins Publiques – Miss Brill was glad that she had decided on her fur.

•Once, when my older sister, Sourdi, and I were working alone in our family restaurant, just the two of us and the elderly cook, some men got drunk and I stabbed one of them.

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Complex sentences create exciting action

They were yelling at us to break it up and Tatlock spun me half around with a blow, and as a joggled camera sweeps a reeling scene, I saw the howling red faces crouching tense beneath the cloud of blue-grey smoke. From “Battle Royal” by Ralph Ellison

For up to 10 bonus points, write a complex sentence about an intense physical experience you have had. Write in a style that recreates the intensity. And if you can fit in a simile like this one, “and as a joggled camera sweeps a reeling scene” all the better.

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Complex sentences can also paint a busy, cluttered scene. Is this a style

you like?They set forward; and, with a grandeur of air, a dignified step, which caught the eye, but could not shake the doubts of the well-read Catherine, he led the way across the hall, through the common drawing-room and one useless antechamber, into a room magnificent both in size and furniture -– the real drawing-room, used only with company of consequence. It was very noble -– very grand -– very charming! -– was all that Catherine had to say, for her indiscriminating eye scarcely discerned the colour of the satin; and all minuteness of praise, all praise that had much meaning, was supplied by the general: the costliness or elegance of any room’s fitting-up could be nothing to her; she cared for no furniture of a more modern date than the fifteenth century. From Jane Austen’s novel Northanger Abbey

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This is ONE long complex sentence with joining words underlined

So I’m strolling down Broadway breathing out and breathing in on counts of seven, which is my lucky number, and here comes Gretchen and her sidekicks: Mary Louise, who used to be a friend of mine when she first moved to Harlem from Baltimore and got beat up by everybody till I took up for her on account of her mother and my mother used to sing in the same choir when they were young girls, but people ain’t grateful, so now she hangs out with the new girl Gretchen and talks about me like a dog; and Rosie, who is as fat as I am skinny and has a big mouth where Raymond is concerned and is too stupid to know that there is not a big deal of difference between herself and Raymond and that she can’t afford to throw stones. (Bambara 2)

Bambara’s word choice and word order are fairly casual and expected, but her sentences are mad complex. They build momentum and convey thought, which is rapid and many layered.

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Short sentences right after long pack a punch

From the opening of “Saving Sourdi”

Once, when my older sister, Sourdi, and I were working alone in our family restaurant, just the two of us and the elderly cook, some men got drunk and I stabbed one of them. I was eleven.

!!! Wow, eleven. That fact hits hard.

From the end of “Miss Brill”

But Today she passed the baker’s by, climbed the stairs, went into the little dark room – her room like a cupboard – and sat down on the red eiderdown. She sat there for a long time.

Aw, how sad. The tone shifts with that short sentence, doesn’t it?

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Watch what the very short sentence does here in “Raymond’s Run”

I was once a strawberry in a Hansel and Gretel pageant when I was in nursery school and didn’t have no better sense than to dance on tiptoe with my arms in a circle over my head doing umbrella steps and being a perfect fool just so my mother and father could come dressed up and clap (57 words!) You’d think they’d know better than to encourage that kind of nonsense (12). I am not a strawberry (5). I do not dance on my toes (7). I run (2 words!). That is what I am all about (7).

Indeed! We see that, Ms. Hazel Elizabeth Deborah Parker. Running sure is what you are all about.

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Insert your favorite writer hereSend a passage by a writer whose style you like. Say what you like, using terms from this lecture, for up to 20 Bonus Points. That’s 1/5 of a whole essay! Julie from the Spring ‘16 class (WC) has already sent in some Stephen King. She notes the specific and concrete style. “You get more of a feel for what’s happening,” she says. Here it is, from The Shining:

Danny pushed the door open. It swung smoothly, without a creek. He was standing just outside a large combination bed/sitting room and although the snow had not reached up this far – the highest drifts were still a foot below the second floor windows, the room was dark because Daddy had closed all the shutters on the western exposure two weeks ago.

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You are a WriterWhat is your writing style? Are you aware of it? Or are you like a fashion-illiterate friend who shows up for a wedding in jeans and sneakers or a backyard BBQ in a business suit?

Can you change your style for different audiences – BFF vs grandma? And for different purposes – Cover letter applying for a position you really want vs a memo to a co-worker who never reads their memos?

Notice your style choices and take charge of your writing style. Then you can choose the best fit for every audience and purpose you encounter.

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Pieces used in this lecture

Raymond’s Run, Week 1A & P, Week 2The Road, not assigned Battle Royal, Week 3 (probably advanced optional)A Good Man is Hard to Find, Week 4Lust, assigned last semester, maybe this oneMiss Brill, Week 7Saving Sourdi Week 7Jane Austen’s Northanger Abbey not assigned