Startup Communication, July 2014

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A condensed version of the slides I used for a workshop with a startup team on communication, feedback, and group norms.

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StartupPhoto by Heisenberg Media [link]communicationEd BatistaJuly 11, 20141Executive coachInstructor @ Stanford GSBwww.edbatista.com

blogs.hbr.org/ed-batistaHBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees

Who am I?2Photo by Alex Eflon [link] Where are we1:1 communicationGroup normsYou & your colleaguesgoing?3 How will weConceptsExercises & debriefs1:1 feedbackget there?Photo by Chloe Fan [link]4 Startups ashuman systemsPhoto by Heisenberg Media [link]Complex group dynamicsCommunication = survivalFeedback = learningRelationships matterReadMore5 Startups ashuman systemsPhoto by Heisenberg Media [link]Think about this teamHow are you communicating?How would you like to communicate?6 Concepts #1Todays headlineThe simplest feedback modelFeelingsThe net

Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]700:43 5people avoid being direct because they equate it with being accusatory, which has gotten them in trouble in the past. Also, when people do things that bother us we impute negative motive and poor personality

Must enter into the exchange with a different orientation: the assumption that the other is well-intentioned, has goals with which you can align, but their behavior is somehow doing them in.. Listen to what they say- what are their concerns, desires, fears?

Its tough to get the other persons goals when we dont like them, are angry at them and have already made a bunch of attributions

Watch the language and speak in the others language: e.g. what are your goals vs. how do you want to be perceived would work better for an executive; also be careful with stoking the others ego (too transparent) speaking to the others best interest rather than their ego works better and is more authentic.

Subtlety tends to get us in trouble, but so can directness. How direct should you be? How far should you push? were simply shifting probabilities; no one thing is going to work every time for everyone. The headlineFeedback is stressfulSo criticize with skill& give more heartfelt praisePhoto by Garry Knight [link]ReadMore800:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

The simplestWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].feedback modelPhoto by Ed Yourdon [link]900:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

The simplestWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].feedback model1000:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

FeelingsDisclosing feelings = vulnerableBut feelings influenceAnd vulnerability closenessComfort with discomfortPhoto by Rebecca Krebs [link]1100:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

The netDavid BradfordHow to improve communication?How to create closeness and connection?ReadMorePhoto by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]12Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]My behavior Actions Statements Non-VerbalsNeeds Motives IntentionsFeelings Reactions Responses The net

Me and myYou and yourPhoto by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]13Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] The netStay on our side of the netFocus on observed behaviorDisclose our responseWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].

Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]14 Concepts #2Hierarchy of needsSafety, trust, intimacySocial threatSCARF modelPhoto by Lee Nachtigal [link]1500:43 5people avoid being direct because they equate it with being accusatory, which has gotten them in trouble in the past. Also, when people do things that bother us we impute negative motive and poor personality

Must enter into the exchange with a different orientation: the assumption that the other is well-intentioned, has goals with which you can align, but their behavior is somehow doing them in.. Listen to what they say- what are their concerns, desires, fears?

Its tough to get the other persons goals when we dont like them, are angry at them and have already made a bunch of attributions

Watch the language and speak in the others language: e.g. what are your goals vs. how do you want to be perceived would work better for an executive; also be careful with stoking the others ego (too transparent) speaking to the others best interest rather than their ego works better and is more authentic.

Subtlety tends to get us in trouble, but so can directness. How direct should you be? How far should you push? were simply shifting probabilities; no one thing is going to work every time for everyone. Hierarchy of needsPhoto by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Abraham MaslowWhat motivates us as human beings?1600:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

Hierarchy of needsPhoto by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link]PhysiologicalSafetyLove & belongingEsteemSelf-actualization 1700:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

Hierarchy of needsPhoto by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Some caveats* Maslow never used a pyramid** Not a strict hierarchy1800:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

Hierarchy of needsPhoto by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Parallels in groups & relationshipsPre-conditions for success1900:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

Hierarchy of needsPhoto by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Psychological safety, trust & intimacyExperiments, risk-taking & vulnerabilityLearning, self-awareness & change In groups & relationships2000:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

Hierarchy of needsPhoto by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Learning, self-awareness & change2100:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

Hierarchy of needsPhoto by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Psychological safety, trust & intimacy 2200:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

Startups ashuman systemsThink about your interactions in this groupWhat enhances safety, trust & intimacy?What undermines those qualities?Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]23 Safety, trust,Photo by Carly Lesser & Art Drauglis [link]intimacyReadMore2400:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

Safety, trust,intimacySafety = I wont get hurtTrust = I believe you & you believe meIntimacy = We can make the private public

2500:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

Safety, trust,intimacyFoundation for learningFeedback = learningBut theres a problem

2600:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

Can I give youPhoto by Robbie Grubbs [link] some feedback?2700:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

Feedback andPhoto by Mykl Roventine [link]social threat28 Threat responseaka Fight, flight or freezePhysiological signs?Emotional signs? Photo by William Warby [link]29 Social threat(Some) social situations Physical threatsMany times/dayMost common location?

30 Social threatPhysiological/emotional response plusCognitive impairmentDecision-makingProblem-solvingCollaborationPhoto by Heisenberg Media [link]31 Social threatResult?Massive communication failureWe give feedback ineffectivelyWe receive it poorly

Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]32Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] SCARF modelReadMoreDavid RockWhat social situationstrigger a threatresponse?33Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] SCARF modelDavid RockWhat social situations trigger a threat response?How can we minimize the risk of social threat?How can we increase feelings of safety?34 SCARF modelStatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairnessReadMore35Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] Use the modelWhen giving feedbackBe mindful of statusMinimize uncertaintyMaximize autonomyBuild the relationship*Play fair*36 Use the modelWhen getting feedbackRecognize our threat responseManage our emotions (Norms help*)37 To sum upBuild safety, trust & intimacyMinimize threat responseBetter conditions for communicationLess stressful feedbackMore effective learning Photo by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link]38 Concepts #3RelationshipsThe net (again)Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]3900:43 5people avoid being direct because they equate it with being accusatory, which has gotten them in trouble in the past. Also, when people do things that bother us we impute negative motive and poor personality

Must enter into the exchange with a different orientation: the assumption that the other is well-intentioned, has goals with which you can align, but their behavior is somehow doing them in.. Listen to what they say- what are their concerns, desires, fears?

Its tough to get the other persons goals when we dont like them, are angry at them and have already made a bunch of attributions

Watch the language and speak in the others language: e.g. what are your goals vs. how do you want to be perceived would work better for an executive; also be careful with stoking the others ego (too transparent) speaking to the others best interest rather than their ego works better and is more authentic.

Subtlety tends to get us in trouble, but so can directness. How direct should you be? How far should you push? were simply shifting probabilities; no one thing is going to work every time for everyone.Photo by Harsha KR [link] RelationshipsJohn GottmanWhat characterizes successful relationships?ReadMore40 RelationshipsFeeling known by the otherA culture of appreciationResponding to bidsMutual influence415:1 positive to negativeEmotional bank account Relationships& conflictPhoto by Connor Tartar [link]42 Startups ashuman systemsThink about your teammatesHows your emotional bank account?What are you doing to build the relationship?Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]43Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] The net (again)44 The netHow to be direct while avoiding defensiveness?How to increase sense of fairness?Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]45My behavior Actions Statements Non-VerbalsNeeds Motives IntentionsFeelings Reactions Responses The net

Me and myYou and yourPhoto by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]46 The netStay on our side of the netFocus on observed behaviorDisclose our responseDiminish social threat & defensivenessIncrease sense of fairnessPhoto by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]47 Startups ashuman systemsThink about your teammatesWhen do you cross their net?When do they cross yours?Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]48 Concepts #4Emotional intelligence & groupsTalking about feelingsGroup normsPhoto by Lee Nachtigal [link]4900:43 5people avoid being direct because they equate it with being accusatory, which has gotten them in trouble in the past. Also, when people do things that bother us we impute negative motive and poor personality

Must enter into the exchange with a different orientation: the assumption that the other is well-intentioned, has goals with which you can align, but their behavior is somehow doing them in.. Listen to what they say- what are their concerns, desires, fears?

Its tough to get the other persons goals when we dont like them, are angry at them and have already made a bunch of attributions

Watch the language and speak in the others language: e.g. what are your goals vs. how do you want to be perceived would work better for an executive; also be careful with stoking the others ego (too transparent) speaking to the others best interest rather than their ego works better and is more authentic.

Subtlety tends to get us in trouble, but so can directness. How direct should you be? How far should you push? were simply shifting probabilities; no one thing is going to work every time for everyone. EQ and groupsWhy care?Effective teamsParticipation, cooperation, collaborationCant mandate behaviorPhoto by Woodleywonderworks [link]ReadMore50 EQ and groupsEssential conditionsMutual trustGroup identity (feeling of belonging)Group efficacy (belief in value of the team)Strongly affected by group EQPhoto by Woodleywonderworks [link]51 EQ and groupsIndividual EQEmotional awarenessEmotion regulation ( suppression)Inward (ones own emotions)Outward (others emotions)Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]52 EQ and groupsHigh EQ individuals High EQ groupGroup norms determine group EQCreate awareness of emotionHelp regulate emotionPhoto by Woodleywonderworks [link]53 Startups ashuman systemsThink about how you show up on this teamHow aware are you of your emotions?How well do you regulate your emotions?Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]54 Talking aboutAffect labelingAmygdalaTalking disrupts negative emotionTalking about emotion > Thinking about emotionfeelingsPhoto by Andrew Yee [link]ReadMore55 Talking aboutGroup normsNorms define whats normativeCan we talk about feelings here?Overcome embarrassmentfeelingsPhoto by Andrew Yee [link]56 Our normsPhoto by jm3 [link]57 Our normsConsider company normsCreate awareness of emotionsHelp regulate emotionsReadMorePhoto by jm3 [link]58

We never We always1. Spend time getting to knowothers personally. Norms that createawareness59

We never We always2. Regularly ask how others are doing. Norms that createawareness60

We never We always3. Share thoughts and emotionswith others in the moment. Norms that createawareness61

We never We always4. Ask others who have been quiet in a discussion what they think. Norms that createawareness62

We never We always5. Fully explore others resistanceto our decisions. Norms that createawareness63

We never We always6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluateour own effectiveness. Norms that createawareness64

We never We always7. Acknowledge and discuss the feelingin the group in the moment. Norms that createawareness65

We never We always1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings. Norms that helpregulate66

We never We always2. Call out behavior that violatesthose ground rules. Norms that helpregulate67

We never We always3. Express acceptance ofothers emotions. Norms that helpregulate68

We never We always4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the teamand the emotions they generate. Norms that helpregulate69

We never We always5. Use playfulness to acknowledgeand relieve stress. Norms that helpregulate70

We never We always6. Express optimism aboutthe teams capabilities. Norms that helpregulate71

We never We always7. Provide others with positivefeedback in the moment. Norms that helpregulate72 Our normsWhat norms do we have?What norms do we need?

Photo by jm3 [link]73 Concepts #5Positive feedbackMindsetSoft start5 levelsPhoto by Lee Nachtigal [link]7400:43 5people avoid being direct because they equate it with being accusatory, which has gotten them in trouble in the past. Also, when people do things that bother us we impute negative motive and poor personality

Must enter into the exchange with a different orientation: the assumption that the other is well-intentioned, has goals with which you can align, but their behavior is somehow doing them in.. Listen to what they say- what are their concerns, desires, fears?

Its tough to get the other persons goals when we dont like them, are angry at them and have already made a bunch of attributions

Watch the language and speak in the others language: e.g. what are your goals vs. how do you want to be perceived would work better for an executive; also be careful with stoking the others ego (too transparent) speaking to the others best interest rather than their ego works better and is more authentic.

Subtlety tends to get us in trouble, but so can directness. How direct should you be? How far should you push? were simply shifting probabilities; no one thing is going to work every time for everyone. Positive feedbackA paradoxSo importantSo often ineffectiveWhats wrong?Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]75 Positive feedbackWe may not trust itWe may even resent itWe often praise the wrong thingsReadMore76 Positive feedbackDont praise to buffer criticismUse a soft start*77 Positive feedbackDont praise to overcome resistanceUse other means of influence78 Positive feedbackDont praise abilityPraise effort and persistence79Carol DweckHow do we feel about our abilities?How do we feel about our mistakes?

MindsetPhoto by Tuomas Puikkonen [link]ReadMore80Talent & intelligence are inherent traitsMistakes are failures or character flawsNegative emotional response to mistakes

Talent & intelligence can be developedMistakes are learning opportunitiesPay close attention to mistakes & learn moreFixedGrowth MindsetReadMore81 Soft startPhoto by Phil McElhinney [link]Not like this82Be empathetic and reassuring Im imagining this could be hard to hear I hope you can hear it as in invitation vs. rejection or criticism; if I were you I would be having a hard time

Reassuring is affective, reiterate intent is cognitive

How we receive feedback and handle our own defensiveness has a big impact on the willingness of others to give us feedback

Soft startPhoto by OakleyOriginals [link]Like this83Be empathetic and reassuring Im imagining this could be hard to hear I hope you can hear it as in invitation vs. rejection or criticism; if I were you I would be having a hard time

Reassuring is affective, reiterate intent is cognitive

How we receive feedback and handle our own defensiveness has a big impact on the willingness of others to give us feedback

Soft startBegin with positive intent(But dont bullshit)Emphasize mutual goalsBe mindful of your stressReadMore84 5 levelsPhoto by Rita Willaert [link]Richard FranciscoIncreasing levels of meaning, value and risk85Be empathetic and reassuring Im imagining this could be hard to hear I hope you can hear it as in invitation vs. rejection or criticism; if I were you I would be having a hard time

Reassuring is affective, reiterate intent is cognitive

How we receive feedback and handle our own defensiveness has a big impact on the willingness of others to give us feedback

5 levels1: Ritual2: Extended Ritual3: Content4: Feelings About Content5: Feelings About Each OtherPhoto by Rita Willaert [link]86Be empathetic and reassuring Im imagining this could be hard to hear I hope you can hear it as in invitation vs. rejection or criticism; if I were you I would be having a hard time

Reassuring is affective, reiterate intent is cognitive

How we receive feedback and handle our own defensiveness has a big impact on the willingness of others to give us feedback

5 levels5: Feelings About Each OtherHardestRiskiestMost meaningfulPhoto by Rita Willaert [link]87Be empathetic and reassuring Im imagining this could be hard to hear I hope you can hear it as in invitation vs. rejection or criticism; if I were you I would be having a hard time

Reassuring is affective, reiterate intent is cognitive

How we receive feedback and handle our own defensiveness has a big impact on the willingness of others to give us feedback

RememberChallenge yourselfPhoto by Daniel Oines [link]88 1:1 feedbackPhoto by Ana Karenina [link]ReadMore89Setting the Context for Feedback Groundrules Discussion (What groundrules would help me be an effective participant in giving and receiving feedback)Organize folks so that each person has two people they work with/know wellGive them time to plan feedback with eachBring them back and do speed dating format feedback two rounds so that every person has done it twiceFacilitator calls out time for switching"Second conversation" about feedback 1:1 feedbackWhen getting feedbackObserve your threat responseDo you want to ask for specific feedback?90Setting the Context for Feedback Groundrules Discussion (What groundrules would help me be an effective participant in giving and receiving feedback)Organize folks so that each person has two people they work with/know wellGive them time to plan feedback with eachBring them back and do speed dating format feedback two rounds so that every person has done it twiceFacilitator calls out time for switching"Second conversation" about feedback 1:1 feedbackWhen giving feedbackPositive feedback encouragedStay on your side of the netWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].Use the Vocabulary of Emotions91Setting the Context for Feedback Groundrules Discussion (What groundrules would help me be an effective participant in giving and receiving feedback)Organize folks so that each person has two people they work with/know wellGive them time to plan feedback with eachBring them back and do speed dating format feedback two rounds so that every person has done it twiceFacilitator calls out time for switching"Second conversation" about feedback Thank you!Photo by Brett Casadonte [link]92Setting the Context for Feedback Groundrules Discussion (What groundrules would help me be an effective participant in giving and receiving feedback)Organize folks so that each person has two people they work with/know wellGive them time to plan feedback with eachBring them back and do speed dating format feedback two rounds so that every person has done it twiceFacilitator calls out time for switching"Second conversation" about feedback