spy magazine 1987

68
-r. uw e I- I' ': - :/w1:- hACKING -II«) JIITHE ,,-,.. / CELE RV1Y MOIR GLUL' . Ì f The Sex! The Drugs! . The Awkward Prose! . WALL STREET CROOKS: PICKTHJERIBHTPRISON FURYOLI THISPYMAPOF REAGAN'S BODY -- ' ___a

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Carrie Fischer cover, Jamie Malanowski on celeb biographies, Liz Embry on Canadian ambassador's wife, Nell Scovell on being too thin.

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Page 1: Spy Magazine 1987

-r. uw

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- :/w1:-hACKING -II«) JIITHE

,,-,..

/ CELE RV1Y MOIR GLUL'.

Ìf The Sex! The Drugs!

.

The Awkward Prose!

.

WALL STREET CROOKS:

PICKTHJERIBHTPRISON FURYOLI

THISPYMAPOFREAGAN'S BODY

-- ' ___a

Page 2: Spy Magazine 1987

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AO PAUL MARCIANO PHOTO WAYNE MASER

GUESS?. NC. 19S7

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Page 3: Spy Magazine 1987

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Page 4: Spy Magazine 1987

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GREAT EXPECTATIONS 5v' ,p '

NAKED CITY .,

, South African divestitue and unsafe restauant.; Iitcraiy pcnis ency and a Chinese dragon; j

Shelley winte,s; pieu, disajt.,'r ,noz'ie and an ¡,iide ¡oo4 at what Wody Allen is rca uy like.

own guidc to Loser Nightlfr and. ala, our "Dear Bob" leticis. (Gdbye, Mister Shaw,,.) iO

!. THESPYMAP -' I 'PIUL SL'IivsKYgive a guided tour of Rotiald l?caga: ,war-naked body 24

ev..á--,

PARTY Poor 60 4,

, NEw. IMPROVED NEW YORK

When the saints go marching in, the) ucc thc hjìh /l1/tultW pa-ade tunnel, by Divio DÎRcKS 64

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Go DIRECTLY TO JAIL 'W'.S% So 'Ot4 '?C going tO p?SiOfl? Plu ahead. K 'la /1xI)!Rsi-:4 tell5 you /30:1' to jizek i/u ?i&/21

cnhtcntiary j?» you. llus (;. GokIN LIIiV'c .

f t'i,'on lifer life-cty/e. i 8

- THE WALL STREET SHUFFLE ' -

:r"Après rnci. k déluge." IvaPi !3ocsky night have aid, :1 hc :v'c Fe,z h. 1 ti, PRIEN!)

considers, thc spectacle of ncvottc ill St,ecters scrambling to find ichite -collar lauye,s a ter Does JelL 22Ì ..

i. THE COVERTRUE STORIES: CELEBRITY BIOGRAPHIES-AT-A-GLANCE

Caric Fisher .V() OflC ¡valu ¡(J reati t/U.c' /)0043, but etc?yoP2c' ZVWZI.s fo ki,t' t('/ZUt'j ¡1)

NJ by/iIMJF MAí..ivoIK/ wadeti through volumes ofsaggy, .calacwt and ot/zcru'i.c 'lly celebri:

Pojomos and prosc and distillcdpwc t'old, prcsentcd hcrc as an c'J3y-to-rcad/iildout cha,t. 26slipper,; Encira. .

Feotherboo: THAT'S No LADYTHAT'S M WIFE! -

Jewelry: Kenneth Upctuirs. the :vijè oJthe Cawdian a,nbassador played I/ic pail oja c'/lal;ziflg and powerful 14'achingion how.is.

EIcnyrt:n. Dou'nstair.ç. her seìuanl., cowcrcd. Liz Emm' rcassesscs the social politics that made push OfliC to slap. 38

Makeup: BonnieMailer. Hair:

r Pascol 8oissicr. The Duchess of Wzndcor was wrong. NELL ScovFI.L ca'sva.5ed i/ic low-cal, high -priced .

.

.*s -. set andJòund an appalling tribc ofcelebrated 5tavelingJ.. 42

t ', AGAINST ALL ODDS

;!/'a?iPfl<flt;. /it/'a,u/ and .iuccessful /<id.c. Eue;yo,zc ai I/ic' city ivailli the,ì. CuR/s STI?RN and

W,,.!. ¡)ANI explain why you ca?:'t have them. 46

ILJl%lIP'' REVIEW OF REVIEWERS

1ICHELE BENNETT tu)p?( B?OIJdU'(Jl' slt14t/Z a:l £OIVCi ihc' ultimate whodunit. 48

i_

REVIEW OF EDITORS

Cit.esrt; ¡i BRL\/ioi:j: ,ez/iewS the reviewers' bosses andJinds that it'i lonely (und 5enubterate,) at thc top(Jirstoftu parts). 49

LUCSANT1 on dressing-to-stealfor the peijict Crame: Resident Alien flI'1'cF fRl/ING find.

New York in Tokyo; MiCHAEL. SoRt-aN on hornogenzcd bilking the Spielberg- Reagan

way, in ScIIing MoIR,-i Hoix;so1v on cooking and Eating ¡n the world's

largeit department store; OUR Si>IFFscoops the critics on upcoming Movies; A,y ENGFLLR

. .--- investigates squeakvclean entrails in Science and You; and Ei.,.is WlINERon How to Be o Grown-up about dum/' /uperstttion. 50

OUR UN-BRITISH CROSSWORD PUZZLEny ¡?()Y h'l.OUNijR. 62

SPY (ISSN 01190-3759) is published monthly. cxccp J.inury J1)(I July. by S1ry I'ubIthing I'aulbcrs, i hr I'iick Building, 295 Lafaveuc Sircc. Ncw York.

N.Y. IOOI2. 4.) 1987 by Spy I'uhlishing I'auncrs. I.t' Applicition to mail axond-dass x»ugc f.ites is pending it New York 3nd tddit,o,tiI miiItttg oftuccs.

Subscription rate in the U.S.. it .irnl (aruda: $25 . car. t'osTMisrER: &uìd addrv d*angts io SPY, N) Ilox 154, Farniingktk, N.Y. IIl7.9954.

Page 5: Spy Magazine 1987

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Page 7: Spy Magazine 1987

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THE I)EAL MEMO IS DUE BY MID-MARCH. ATPRESS TIME OUR PEOPLE ON THE COAST WERESTILL IN DISCUSSIONS WITH THEIR PEOPLE,but the basic programming concept has already been focus-grouped like crazy in the 12 major markets. It's a sort ofWackiest Ship in the Army/Pee-wee Herman spin-off: RonaldReagan's Playhouse, early fringe, barter strip, comedy

adventure. And ifour people can work out the-"1 details with their people, the shov will star the

PI F' '1 ..

of Gilliganc Mand: Bob Denver

- ., uI, .4, t:-' Colonel Oliver North, Jim Backus as George

Shultz. Alan Hale Ir. as CIA director William

memoCasey, Dawn ("Mary Ann") Wells as George Bush. Licensefees from the ancillary markets -alone (we're talking key-

nontalking Colonel 0111e ac- L i.iii!i!rishaped cakes, we're talking

tion figures) should become

'our principal profit center nolater than the third quarter of

;T2 ;éthis year. We'revery, very exci-

is due byted.Knowingyou, we bet youthink the president has become intellectually

L

.

Iincontinent. You probably find it baffling thatthe administration has been giving weapons to the ¡ranigovernment, weapons to people trying to overthrow the¡rani government, accurate intelligence information to Iran

m iJIiCI Iraq and deliberately inaccurate intelligence informationto Iran and Iraq. Okay, sure, it does seem contradictory, evenmad. But as a former Reagan Rough Rider explainedrecently, "You had to have been there." You had to haue beenthere. It's a great excuse, a deliciously eighties excuse, and

we're very, very excited about it. 1 Nebraska's

M 11:111

Edward Zorinsky, one ofthe few United States

a 1i::::

senators so politically goofy and so personallyunappealingsuch a dinkhead, moreover

. that strangers assume he's a state legislator (ora liar) when he announces himself as Senator

Zorinsky, has just invented the perfect 1987 governmentalentity. Starting immediately, Zorinsky will be chairman ofthe Senate Subcommittee on Terrorism, Narcotics andInternational Comtimuicationsin other words, a Sub-committee on the Fashionable. It took a special sort of sickPR genius to conjure up a connection between those threesubjects and per- suade the Senate togo along. In fact, -- we're envious. We'repetitioning the 100th

?, _ Congress to establish

MARCH 1987 SPY S

Page 8: Spy Magazine 1987

NAT SHOE GESUNDHEIT

CLOTHIERS 93 SPRING STREET 219-3005

f-I

(,SPY MARCh 19$7

¿I House Subcomrniitec on Mesquiu ( ;riIIIIIg,I nsi(Jer Trading, Surrogate MotherIxkI I1I(I

Tougher Educacional Standards.A year from now we will be in the sweaty,

delirious throes of a presidential race. So: iJack Ke,iip homosexual? Where's the beef-cake? ihat's hc rumor; we don't believe it,wcrc ust reporting il, as the First Amend-nient requires us to (Io. We'd rather reportonly gooi news, hut for us American news-IncH and women, it's a sacred trust. Anyway,Kemp may possibly be aberrant hut he is un-questionably (turni), and thus a sure loser in1988. After two terms ni a cIoLtisI guy-next-door. what we waiit now is an aberrant butbrainy candidate; Republicans can take their1)iCk from among a smart religious nut (PatRobertson), a smart handicapped person (Bobl)olc), a smart dwarf (Howard Baker) and asmart twit (Pierre S. du Pont IV). And Alex-an(lcr Haig. We're very, very cxcited.

Speaking of religious nuts (as we remaincager to do always), is the evangelist Oral Rob-cris dead yct Last March, God gave Robertsexactly ()flC year to raise $8 million. The year isnow up. Roberts said that if he fell short ofthat sum, he'd (lic. We knew about the wrath-ful God and we knew about the loving God,but until now we were unaware ofthe aveng-ing comptroller God.

According to a poll commissioned by theAnti-I)efamation League of B'nai B'rith, 30 to50 perceiit oíwhitc American Protestants ad-mit to views such as "Jews arc more loyal toIsrael than to the United States" and "Jewswant to remain different frotii other peopleand yet they arc touchy if people notice these(liffcrences." And IS percent have yet to beconvinced that the Holocaust occurred.

Which is just the kind ot thing apt to makeJews damned touchy. As the horrid John Car-(lina1 O'Connor discovered when he went toIsrael and announced that the Holocaust was"an enormous gill that Judaism has given theworld." A strangc notion, hut, well, we weretaught it's the thought that counts. (And welwt you (li(ln't even think to scn(l a thank-younoteDear Jcu's: Thanki co muchfor your su-

per. super gft. Etìcy time «t' seek redemption.u)r'I/ thin4 ofyou. ¡ku, Mc World.)

Rut the recent news hasn't been all bad forthe Chosen People. The first Jewish MissAmerica has just become the first Jewish cul-turaI affairs commissioner to (a) have an hai-ian-American tax evader in the constructionindustry for a boyfriend and (b) take the Fifth.Kudos, lkss. Stanley Friedman became thelirsi New York political official indicted, con-victed and in(lictcd again in a single 12-monthperiod. Kudos. And Robert Gottlich becamethe first Jewish editor of The New Yorker and

the first magazine c(IiLor in history whose em-ployccs have asked him to (hut before he start-C(l work. We're very, very excitcd. 4

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t 4'-.'.RJSVAUR4T

i_ FLORENTNOW OPEN .:

. . 24 HOURS.:.

'I

Page 9: Spy Magazine 1987

I )I .\K I.i )I t )KS gj y List t riti 1(1.1

IU' I ttK)k .doiig iIt firstIS'LI( (1 'I'' h i r(Jtl 4)11 11K Joug JIJtIc rI(Ir -theIS\1C %VIlh iI I'.it Btickkv ,iì.isk. I thebright idea (JI we;IrtItg ihr tiii.k when I gothoitit:. Nuihiitg tinath ever h.ìjwiì' the

Iiriii: iIicrr iII Norvcgi.in .ud kund 1)1 qui-(t . So I i tuiught t hcv'iI get .1 k itk oui of it . ( )t

flIt%(, fl()hIMI) III ItI.i)it, kI%I% ' \VtI() I.Lt

BLICkICV i. so tIit siirpr e k itul t it t(l I tl.ut

I rturiicil to ulkt the I )eccillicI isuu ut iutlLIIIh()X. Vfit .1 s(IrprIsc to luid itiv olietittleb()ss V()IflJiIIV Shirley I .orI. iii your IirtvI'(MJI) sttioii. ( I gilt". tIt.t \ )tv I live inNc' \'()rk Juil why I like siv. (1 )i1 you knowthat Shirley I .ord .is the Ino(kI toi Nus,.

NI4)I)eyfwnny in tite J.1I)1cs B4J1)(I Lx)()ks

I k)flCct!)Rob ii:s?/z;'

ìVr:' "k

I )I.K II )IT( )It 1U)IC ID hi I )vtetntwr issue("I)o Brats I Livt blOI(

Fuii I igii listeti s .1 "L)rJt g(xILtthcr. Is

tins in tfit JiIOIliCJI or tite org.iiiiiccl trimewmIse ( )r (loes it suiìijI iiìr.iti I .imn gettingokI I like tu knos%' sudi things.

( ;tjotl stufI so tir: keep it lively.

Ia?nc. !fradv

.\( te

I)I...K EI)FI( )k" i' is .i in;ig.s/inc ut grcit\1urit .n(I gusto. Flieres

¿I real place tor .iii UiisJ)Jrittg sii tricil edge .( iflJg.I i i nr mliat does Iu)t [iit(1C1 toSOIISC Situ I1U)i15- begot ten (IiflFkJsitC of vhteditors think the t'picil re.tder is I,tit. iiitcad.

tliii the reader is imitelligeni. iulthat wh.it interests the writers .iiitl editors sviliilsti interest the re.t(lers. Es-eli Llu)ugh I nolonger tise in New 'ork. I will keep .,hreast oftut s.ilitiit ouIrigrs of tl city tutl get mvI1$()IItIÌIV quell (>1 high-emtrgy gtifLisVS

Iliroilgii your mn.igJzïIIe.

!arbara iirghzl)envrs; (:/»k

I )i A I Ii (I I )KS I s been sjitl i h.it j strongJs'ersi('n is ,l(eii .1 sIgh (JI

Littiit .ittr.ictioii. lt v,ire 50 stormilul of theN&sv 'ork glltier.imi. then sltv do voit tksotet h ree qliJrtcrs (Pf each iscite to themu I lt.ise .ik-cling th.it S(JtItC of' ou folks wouki relIvlike io he L(JtiittC(l tiioiig tlu gli i i iour set buiV()1111. 11(11 (luit( sure lusv i get ins It((I iotheir p.irties.

I/,%e J. '%IUItWI

\'ei' »'k

I )iAK 1.i)II ( )u- lorgiveynmi "li ( .iIir( hicigo. I )t- ti lw

LJpah ¡IC/,uago. Ilimou

I )i- .\R EI)iIOK% %V*s (I1iit pletsed svuili%'(JLI r l)ecemnber issue nf

sl,.. I)UI I i»Ii SOli %%(,Iil(l let Jnit.itIiin I)elIheiuiì kits th.it I (11(1 fl(Jt like fliC ljst sculteilteof I .(IL itle ï Inluliv Supe i Rossi: ( :hristiisV,.. ( h.imn&k.ih." ihere .i ' ii IC (JI Lis JesVisli

}K()f)l( %Vh() lOVe elehr.ituii ( Iijmiukjli. .irel)fl)IUI to lx' Jevish .aiitl ins u r sv.imiied norv.iIIt to clehr.ite ( lLristiii.is. (I he resi of his

.iriiele %.*s gnou.)

I.,nda /U%?1 .»7,IOP,

!rw 'b,4

1 )i .' IL l.i )I .1 oU '. otigr.mi uLit ions on titenl.tg.u/iilc : it's svoiitierIil

.intI I look fòrsvard to us .irriv;ul every mnonih.Jut1 l.ellv's i I(uIiV%V()()(i (II) ml I ItkISOiI"

VJ5 i1U)Si efljoV.ibIc. I thouglLi ILl .uld (JiltNtsv \rk iiiu,s ft that lie oiiiutted: I7,c l'ii.on-ri ufSno,sd .-Iznuc'. ssitlt J.uk I .etnmnnn. w.is,.lut on StCOml(I :Vti)ttt Ixi %V('Cfl Muli .siuifl8tit Streets.

k. Rut:

.\: k

I )i..-st ii )lI u )I' i.iughcd like i third tornì-r Io reid Nttcitele lieti-

heLl's Res iess (JI Reviewers iii yourI)ctetitber issue. and I tliitìk shcc very Ifliki)(JI) the right iritk. I I lowever, whilc$ I .tgrccs.iilt Btnneii tit.ui John Simon is quite troni

culiy prouw to setn.tmìtIc luck ups . . . Simnoit's

tise (JI n,noc, mnl ,,s:go.s: Lo drstriiw ?luna-?;1r,a(ha?z? is reillv Itretty lI)t. lite other i'ìutttis I*'mtitCtt s stitCiflCi)t 'Sill) rcgurd to PtihiìeKiei\ (tditsitted1v aI)sursI ) s(Jtologital ori -tique of Peggy Suc (;, ?t!arr:cd. Brititettvritcs: "I Il(Iee(l. I Kirl ;inul ni lur enlies sentiIiscitited svit h co)rporc'Jl emit issions." I l.iv ingfirst eniinseicul Ikuneti to look bevomkl di noitary definitions. Itere I ativise her tomitore ctrntiilly ii what the (li(iu)Iìury h.is Iosjv. I'tt' worol (-o?pr)reul sitiiilv i1ìCIib "iii.iten.u." Perhaps Bennett uue.itit to svrite our/'oraI.whih means 'b(kliiy." liiemi Jgin. luLlYiteBeiìiwtt's usgc shotilti stiìd.

Uli*iìks tor .i delighilul third issue.J o/In /UUt(/iI/!J,

A'u' Wrk

I )i- .R Ii )It( )KS iR' .imi.uks 'oii keep f)t1l)lushiitg oit I )js id i'.(l('iSteImI

Lii Res mw ni Reviewet s .ire truisp.ireiitivJIn-.olt.I)lrIteoI 115(1 inisgLll(Ie(I. 'Ihev ought ioh III einhjrrassinemit tu) voit. ¿\liith of ihtI It;.Izimlc is IlitleetI Ireslt .itnl un ottJsion bru

I .i i i t . 1)111 t his (()itst.uilt h.0 rping (JI) 1.ulelsteiui

s' IOU 111051 Ise0PlC sceitì to think us .0

g 'u ii I critic. is nothing less ihin un tiiìi Ile.hru A/tr,ma,zH s/aii,:on. D.C.

t )I.ÀIt Fi )II( )KS s it 1tossihle sp sviii surtice others besides muysell

Who orc the underground following (it Flit'.\\riiInr I I h)w tO) lit' j ( ;rOWn-tIpI Ihe gul\ t-.itilty. ( ;IV( huit Ilemli of' roon. Nhuke hun dobore.

.Ia,1Ir%' P Friedman'iori«oeu'n IIcigh:. Xcii' irk

i )i \R EIwmuKs read spy bccuusc I want toIle svith-it. I lutist confess

t I . t I '.'. .ì s .i little surprised when I read in yourI ) tiiilcr isstic I"I'he si'v ( tiide to ( orrecmirtJlttIIR .otuon"I thit ¡ny List itanie is pro

-u--I--I- IVbuJunorci äii-'jcl (ain-Jh!.l_), shen ;iil muy lifel've henri pronouncing it 'an ju/i! (.1IN1thI)

.15 iI It Ili(i wings. thit is. Obviously. l'vcEteeit svruig )iI titis titile. uid SO Lus everybodyelse in muy Iitnuiy. 1'kìitks l'or straightening us(Jilt.

Rogrr .l'agcll

Veu' Yor/

sl\' i pleased io liare .aved Air. .4ngcII and #4:5

J ansi/V UPJ)' further e,nbarrassine,zr. .,#4 cd,:or.

,rgrCt. ho,gre'c, their error co:acrning Lronardlic,,,sic,n s:riianic, the Correct proFuncia::on is

.3:j,,c.

n/iea:ion of S. Christopher .%fe:g/aer III ("DoBrai; Hu:'e Afore Fun?") a 1/se publisher of Peo

islt'. I le used Io be. I le is now a Tinac ¡n. grouppubliihei In the sanie issue. a photograph of a$1.875 dress fions the Gallen' of iurabk Ivilisis positioned by coincidence beneath a s4oi aviii-le allcd "Window -Shopping: St'ven i'/aingsNo Onc I Ia Ever Bought." Tise juxiapo..:::on:(t ::,s:niended. auJ spy regrets aisy r;i,:sndcr-standing that muy haue resulted.

si'- u'rlto,nes letters j,ona ib readcr. .-lddrcsst os,c.pondemc to si'v. The Pink Bitt/ding. 295La/as-cite Stive:. .Vrw brk. ¿V. ¡0012. Pleasesuc/udc voga ilaynine phone n:,nbe,-.

Atlt has been reported to us (hot many SPY sub.

cribcrs were treated rudely by dim-witted.

meanspirited doormen at a Twelfth Avenue

nightclub coiled the Tunncl.

SPY sincerely regrets any inconvenience sut-

fered by ony of our readers, particularly of the

hands of dim-wifled, means pirited

nightclub hirelings

Indeed, we arc eager to mollify any aggrieved

subscriber with heartfelt apologies and valu.

able gifts For your apology and gift, please

call our Aggrieved Subscriber Hot Line:

(212)925-5385.

'-lF H - SPY

Page 10: Spy Magazine 1987

r

157 HUDSON STREET s N.Y.C. 212/226-8423

Page 11: Spy Magazine 1987

Kurt Aidsrsi.i E. Graydon CortcrFI >III R%

Thomas L. Phillips Jr.ri

Gcor9c Kalog.rokis Susan Morriion1*11 I II)IIR%

Akxandcr Isky.ki I}II.t IC )k

Joanne Gruber

Tod Frcnd Jomic MalonowskiNII Scorch Lynn Snowden

' IM-I WRIl IRs

Sondo Andevsson\'."( .4 \ I I \1 1)'.RlI('

Joe Mostrionni Amy StorkI I oRlAI. :SSIsI \\

1ko LompugnokKothIcn Adorns Jillion Byck

I

Suzanne Gerber Delio Morshollt 1)11 I.I)l1tK'

Eric Koplan( ,t l J' I \I

Drcnttcl Doyle PartnersI*.Sl(.N '. . :

MiIc Archcr. Jock Barth, Michele Bennett,Roy Blount Jr.. Holly Bruboch, Celeste de Brunhoff,

Chris Catis, David Dïrcks, David Doty,Marmo Garnie,, Joey Green,

Bruce Handy, Tony Hendra, Ann Hodgmon,Homard Kaplan, Melik Koylan, Mimi Kramer,

George Longe, T. S. Lord, Guy Martin,Patty Mora, Ann C. Mothers, Potrick McMullan,

Donid Michoclis, Lawrence O'Donnell Jr.,Mark O'Donnell, Danid Owen,

James T. Pcndergrast, Paul Rudnick.Luc Sante, Rodrigo Shopis, Richard Stengel,Told, Nicholas non Hoffman, Ellis Weiner

and Edord Zuckcrmon, among others, , ,\ I Kll{t.11\(. f.lfli( IRS

Anne Kreonserstivi . .. \: ' M;N.(EK

Holly Burnett Coidwell Davis Emmo JoIs,.%l )Vf,KI ISINI . s..lj'.% REPkE%E\IVI'IVIS

D«rid Longel'Ri 11>1 '1 l li )\ %I.\ ( .111

Liso AuslonderI a i i '. \ \(ll

Honk Rosenfeld11 lJ.lSl ll\C. .55515 . .,'.

Michael LeeI\rl R\

Sl.Y IISSN lsgt,.17S'.il i 1sNsslwil i)si,,uhI%çs(f'Jjnujiii ,aiiil July. ti S1ui ls.hkshiri I'jrsneis. liicI5iick ttuihli,ig. 21S Li.,euir Sticeu. New York.

oi pig? f, Sy Piil4jsIii,s Pjrtncis.I.,I. AIiIfkJuIi$I t OIIUII eai.I.rl ,*S1nis IJfc IjIcs Isjwiisliiig 4 NIls ..uil .,il.lituin.il tnili,.g .4

ficru. Sul,s,i1,ia,it IJIC Ill III. Itiiii'i I Suis. its'e'. .i.s .11,1 1 :j,,ila $Ì ,i .'jr. l( )S1M,S'llK:Sciil iil.l ii's'cl,;si. ges II. SI l'( I. tk.s I'4. Fa,u,i.iiig.I,alr, N.Y I 17t7.'PiSi

59th & Lexington a 87th & Broadway a 6th & Bleecker South Street Seaport . StamfordAmereana at Manhasset Westport . Greenwich (Open Mon.Sat.) . Danbury Fair Princeton Short Hills

Open 7 Days a Week Call 8002375777 for a Free Catalogue & InformationVisit our Travel Bookstores it Broadway 8leecker, and Princeton

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We're also one of New York's great Ballrooms.The perfect setting for your wedding, engagement party, '4

bar-mitzvah, banquet, corporate affair, luncheon,dinner-dance, anniversary celebration or charity ball.

Our elegantly appointed 24 Fifth Avenue Ballroomwill comfortably accommodate from 40 to several hundred

of your guests. And only here will they enjoy the renowned cuisineof Michel Fitoussi, featured on public television's

'Mt Chefs of New York' series. You'll also appreciate ourflawless service, incomparable presentation and legendary

'4 attention to the smallest of details.

For More Information: 254-1300For Restaurant Reservations: 475-08804

'4 , /M.'RCl I l9tl SPY 9

Page 12: Spy Magazine 1987

I'% tanne .tIu!at,v:k,

THE WONDERFUL WORLDOF FINE DINING!:;f(/, Sunda z,: :hr I,uii,..ti«kcd bçluu' a aoy aboutttwtei zur onrrn «,rnrwhcrc uiihr .Vosthcat. ihc wcck,,c,tawant /icalt/i t,dr z'idgt,o,,,ap/'eaI !Ioc uj'c rIat:tdy more(umpIcte explunausoni uJ.omezu,Itu,u that ìsat'c rentlapp.aed i': the .I'ttiws. (il JQk

iíie z':oIat,ons luted heir,cp,csr,:: conai:ioni at the timeoft/ic ¡7l/'(CI1Ofl$. flot tho'e that

d,nri :iiIl necessuailyfind noue)

ORLOFF'S1900 Broadway,:,,, :fl$,flÇctiOfl iez'cakd .'%

t.l(,latj(,fl, acirupcctw,: rr:'eakdTh. Among :h high/ighti: htr

J lu., and ,oa,he zh;uzigho:: theJICh fllOt4iC ezereta.

¡:tte, and dch,?% t,,,rd #,b,urnzrntflig,,,. :iisk; g',th ¡raki'j gtucCt. holc in Mr zvi1l andgira/e -ladra ,fIix,» I:ttc,'cd u'uh

oIganic lilatte,: !ilore? (:abs,,(t(.c/wlwç 1o,age lIiii. the

fllUrOftktt'( Oti"fl, tise ( rs/Jet. ¡4,73.

.Iur,6. an U/"CPJ(i.i. i'angcc and

j )'Cb I4i'e enrzutcd :'s:hO,gU,,,( ?flUttC, There ua, no

II.%.\ilsszgr: posted LU

c:thc', IahltoVi .Ve14'

thri monsrtrr ¡lot provided

¡U all ,eJr,gciatois. The duo, of

the irfugriazoi' rira, ¡1wdihuoihc, itu hroi,rn andvinuld,: : (ld.if. .S()fllC fluorernttube, ¡n ihr fiod prepaiationaira and 3OiiiC re/Jzgerator buIhtide Out. The hot pa.t,ai,u.,(M,t bcJ coined b/: and

,?Jati, bulb ILi,C /()Iifld to be

betiewc'n I!I) and 3f) dgicr and¡iru o,dered ,e:zo,wd ¿ithi, iotin' tug'c o to the iC/i'S'(Iat(fl.Temperaturr 43/ the old tU?keyand lia,» «rie ,eeortlrd zu i/u'53', (,I) degue und tineo,de,cd ,4rsqesated. Tho'e uric)/,t,, bait tat:oPz' in the ¡TOUt

k,tc'hen and 'pindc'd ti itcr"thio:qhocst /u. 1,ii(cniei:t

,j

(oni,iiurd)

Inspy MAI((:It I'fl17

MEMKERs ONLY.SdC(tlWb jroii (:(»ztc?;z/)r»(I;: J'jf(Jfl(fl Ç

Gerard Moines lived across the hail from a womannamed Benno, who four minutes into any conversationmanaged to say the word penis.opening linc of Anagrams, by Lorrie Moore

After I became a prostitute, I hod to deal with penisesof every imoginable shape and size. Some large, othersquite shriveled and pendulous of testicle. Some blue-veined and reeking of Stilton, some miserly.opening lines of "Modern Saint #271," by TamoJanowitz, from Slaves of New York

Tim 's was shaped like a banano, with a graceful curveto it. They're all different. Willie's like a bunch of wal-nuts when nothing was happening, another's os thin os

a thin hot dog.from "Lust," o short story by Susan Minot, author ofMonkeys

Her horror and fascination with his size. His power, hishands, feet, mouth, dick, all that stuff that carried heracross the door of that little frame house on T Streetand kept her there unti! her neck snapped.opening lines of "Memphis," by Ellen Gilchrist, fromDrunk With Love

\ 'e..

II_

THELIzSMITHTOTE BOARDLiz Smith /2115 been

on vacation.

DOING BUSINESS IN SOUTH. AFRICA MEANS ONLY

HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY

C's been i long, trying couple of years ol struggling

to niake profit while beitig barragcd l)y crank Icttcrs

anti pitoiw calls froni hystcrica) customers, invvstors,

politiciaiis ttitl those crerps in thc prcss on thcir latcst

l)aIUiWagOfl. LIW antta)artheicI iuovcnicnt. What's a

poor !flUItiflItiOflLI to (IO

Fakc it.

I Icre's how. 1.ct's say you're a bank. like Citi1xnk.

At'uìriu k) IIW world that you're honoring the Anti-

A1urthcid i\CI of 1986, and thus will iiiakc no new

cross-border IthIflS to South ¿frican horrowcr. But then

COflLitIttC to loan ihet IflOflC from your Irancli banks

u'ithi,, SOLItII iírtC1!

(.)r you couid lollow the lead ai ( ;ciicriI Motors ¡ud

announce the withdrawal or sale of all your assets in

South ifric;i (October 20, I 986), but continue to supply

services and I)r(xlucts through various ¡'ranchises and

licensing agreements.

Clever Carnation, on the other hami, proclaimncd

(Septeiiilwr 6. I 985) th.tt it tl() longer had ¡iii I)USIItCSS In

South Africa. having sou1 its subsidiaries there. Iii factS

the COtI1l)Ii1V liad sold all of its lorcign subsidiariesto

its own parent company. Nestlé in Switzcrhttid. so that

it went froni a tTIc)ther-(laughtcr relationship with its

South African operations to a sister-sister one.

Finally, there's the boLd initiative of outfits such as

Exxon. which declared defiantly (I)ecctnhcr 31), 1986)

that it had sold all its ¡diiliatcs in Soiatl Africa to an

itidepviidcnt trust, so thai it would make flO new service

or technical agrccnients with uit;' South ifrican Cumpa'

nyhut ()IiLiIIucs to honor all of its existing ones.

Simple. isn't it? We don't know why we didii't think

Of it 50011Cl. Joanne Grubes

THE ILLUSTRATED HISTORY OF NEW YORK, PART V

íIitiIY MWor,Ç'ePc r(â/ /do

A Sfond'eo NOhAùy Fesli'vc)/

7

I. '

t' c'f";y#ids/

(I.lFoRNlA

BEIN;

CAIJFoRNIAN

1 n Occasional I)ircctory of

1/ic Sun:,iwk, i/ic.

F.xcesiwely í3vlr/lou' and the

lPiS(t?tCIV

L The La Costa Hoteland Spa, in Carlsbad,

California, has recently

opened o Center for Life-

style Management.

2. At the New Aventine,

on office and resort de-

velopment in La Jolla,

which is designed to re-

semble an ancient Roman

piazza, there will be o fo-

cility called the Fitness

Rotunda.

Page 13: Spy Magazine 1987

MARCH DATEBOOKE,w/,ani,n' . i laiming Le'c'ní Upcoming

6-8 Ncw YorkIntcrnational StampExpo; at the JavitsCentcr. One hundredthirty-five (IcaIers, 16governments represented.buying Jfl(l selling,JUCtiOflS. And the linesare pr1)ahly shorter thanat your post office.lo Tama Janowitzlectures at the SinglesCoffeehouse series (forsingles under 40); at theSpanish- PortugueseSynagogue, 2 West7Uth Street; 7:00-9:30P ; $8. lt's come to this.12 "The Three Branchesof Government and theSeparation of Powers." Apanel (liscussion at the92nd Street Y; withWalter Mondale ailRuth Bader Ginsburg;8:00 p.m.; SII.15 Ides. Alternate-side-of-the-street parkingrules remain in effect.17 St. Ritrick's Day.Again? For a parade evenwe could love, turn topage 64.

20 "Different I)oorway:Adventures of aCaesarean Born"; at theNew York Open Center,83 Spring Street; 7:00lO:0() p.m.; $25. Aworkshop of "lecture,SIi(k illustrations,shamanic drumming and(liscussion." Did youknow that "nearly 20% ofall births arc nowcaesarean, and . . . thisdittcrent way of enteringthe WOrl(I is associatedIwithi a somewhat(Illkrent perspective onlife"?20 "Eggs on End:Standing on Ceremony."For the tenth year,)eO1)le will gather atthe exact moment ol thu

equinox (10:56 P" this

year) to stand eggs upstraight. For moreinformation, call theLower ManhattanCultural (uncil at(2 I 2) 269-0320.

21 Spring EquinoxCelebration; at the OpenCenter. "As the Earthsends forth new leaves tomeet the increasing forceof the sun"stay withthis"how do we enablethe renewed life of Earthto breathe through us?"This is the place to findout. Beginning at 8:00p.m., you can "celebratethe triumph overdarkness through group'sacred (lance,'accompanying music,guided meditation, and aclosing, warimith-filledparty."22 Greek IndependenceDay Parade; FifthAvenue. Or possibly the29ththe date wasuncertain at press time.Will the same sort ofprocrastination andorganizational chaos thathas apparently costGreece a shot at hostingthe 1996 Olympics keepthis parade from startingon time? We shall see.29 Last chance to see "OnThp: New York's WaterSupply," an exhibition atthe American Museum ofNatural History.29 "A Visit to the MatzahFactory." What could bemore to the paint? A pre-Passover field trip; meetat the 92nd Street Y.30 The AcademyAwards. People whoswear each year thatthey'll never watch againwill tune in, iîonly toobserve Warren Beattyturning 50. (Thebroadcast ShOUl(I endbefore he turns SI.) )

IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONEI/J( SI'V (;:ide to ¡O%Cï ¿V:g/it1ijc

t)II'vC seen tltccn un S;itiiril.iv itights, the losers, killing tune. vvaiting t'r it tu hclate enough tIit t liti r ilooriiieii 'iIl think they's u I i.I j real n Ii t uit i ,ti i iR

tO'.%'II. ( theni credit at lt';ist theyre not tuoping ai h,)Inc like its, t i , iti. to t iii Ii

()%lt i(lCI% for some upstart magazilic.\Vhile real nightlife nffcrs the illusion of potential sexual fullilirnent, I .oscr Night

uk siIuI)ly offers the illusion of nighthife. Losers won't go just anywhere, luwevr.. I hc'ir haunts IBUSt titeet tlwse exacting criteria: nonthreatening atmosphere'; free adtilission; stufi to brovsc through or sip slowly; aitil proximity to a newsstandif it ishot ¡ fle'/sSt.tIKl itsehftr that SuiIay i'inic.c nightcap.

In the SI)irit it-takes one-tu-ksuiv-one. here's a list UI tiflle-teSte(I Loser Night-lilè hangouts.

D( )WNTOWN

Sounds Jazz & ClassicolSounds Video (14 Stuyvesant Street). Records downstairs,ViIk() upstairs. Small I'' uit liner flott's on jazz records eau keep you occupied frIunirs. Extra Loser Nightlik credit k)r: showing gory iiiovies on the monitors upstairsto keep slumming "witiners" away. Open until 10:00 P.m.

French Kisses(144 Bleecker Street). The Bleecker Si. ( iimemna sanctions this perlumeyh,tscimìuiit hangout. Chc-k out: dozens of FremmcI adi'csiùcnsc,:ts for Pink Floyd- -'The

J-('11; hundrc(Is of han(Ibills announcing Antvcrp (lates br The Cure; jillions ofITè$tIttC postca rds. ofen ont I I :0() a.rn.

Steve's Ice Cream (Sixth Avenue and lUth Street). 'lhe point of Steve's isn't tite icetrc;mmn, It's the 45-mninute n'ait um lute, the ultimate in goal oriented titile vastiIgc. ihisCihtiH, originated in I)ston, is ppuIar with l'vlanh:mttan's nI;mmIy, mnmny I larvard losers,VltO spend the veek too wra))petl lip fl thcnisdvcs to i)IiIm) Saturday -night social

outings. ( )pen until I :01.) ;m.un.

Tower Classical Annex (l.aíiyette Street and East 4mb Street). It's possible to avoid allhimnian contact in this huge, cavernous space. Pete Scegeresque dads mint for Brand XBadi while kids shop next (I(x)r at the main store. 1erch:amuiise highlight: \'amiguardCUt-Omit SeCtiOn, featuring fc)lkie never-wercs amul (:hmrltn I lcston reading E.sodus.

( until nu(Inigllt.

Veselka (SJtl Street 111(I Second Avenue). Unlike typically frenetic colke situps. \'e-selka is a congenial spot for conspicuous reading. the I .oser Nightlifc version ofdressing to kill. 0ic11 until 2:1)0 a.mn.

NOT DOWN'I'OWN

Coliseum Books (57th Street and Broadway). The kind 0f1)lace where Ken;on Reviewi,titsdls this library-ss'iih-ttmnes is boume tuse to PerPetual grad stti(knts vithstrangely configured beards. ( )pn until I I :3(1 p.111.

The Compact Disc (Second Avenue and 62nd Street). 'l'itt' big attraction livre is a chairIla(r(I ill thu ideal-listeiiing "ihiarnond" I)et%Vet'tI ts'o s1x:ikers, %vhcre you C;II sit kiriiiiiiuteS 01) end preteiuhing to discern ust vhy it is that digital technology is bettertltmii ;ittalog. ( )ix'n until I 0:1)1) p.111.

Shakespeare & Co. (Rroadway and 81st Street). 'l'hi luH-price late- night 1100k boite'i)(ti.IIIM'? III 5IIlC(I 1)J1Wrh;R'k originals with back -cuver rc mews comparing saidIxk to I.c.'j Tizan ?r;o ;mnd !frighi Li'his. Big City. ( )vcrheard .\lc lncrimc)'sque coil-'-(-I s.itioil%. Not overh('ar(I: cash register ringing up sales. ( )pen until I 2: 3(1 a.iil.

Tower Video (Broadway ;mnd (i7thi Street). I Aiser's revenge: watching couples fiil to agree(Ill i sUital)k dunce for fast fidiiig Saturday night. Nice touch: electronic securitY gatesIore murait guar(Is to frisk Iicivily be;cvcicd illoiDS 1mm (,,)ucens. ()peii until mnidiiight.

Tower Records (Broadway ¡111(1 (i6th Street). Uptown has ;i VI I- i kd. is u19m05(l to(IUsViltOS%'fl' \I1'' Jilll)i('ii(('. \r"iiC like Ul)tOsVI1 for ils intiltiscrecii i,f() dIsII4V ii 1

I kscrted lRIseIflCIlt . I t 's h ike a uniur I ;i I Li I iuni, amid 'oti can have it .i I I t yoursel fI .osvr Nighttile Nirvana. ( )pen tinti1 mithiiight. /'ftk lIaith and B,,ic !Ia,,dy

M,'tR( i I I'157 SPY II

Page 14: Spy Magazine 1987

fl\ElkNT I'AR'F MAKING SENSE SEPARATED AT BIRTH?

(co,,i,,,zwd)

THE WINE BAR422 Wesi BroulwayThefii: inspection r.vcaIedeight violations. including J,cihand old niowc cxcsr:a in thebasement, liveflies in thebasement ki:then. aninadequately ve,,:ila:ed /,:chcn.and dus:- and grease-ladenkite/zen wa/Ic and ceiling. Therewere also paper violations; thelai inspection report uzsunavailable. there ntis no tsii

I IANI)Ssign in the employees'lswaíoiy and iherc «'as noalcohol-pregnancy poster im thpremises. Six tWC4s laterinspectors again found freshmouse excreta. among otherviolations, And there ure holesin the wallsholes, theimpectors figured. that might"pmwde mdent entry points."

E1 Wc P '

HARD ROCK CAFE221 West 57th StrctThefirst inspethon revealed adust-laden fan guard in thewalk-in refrigerator. a grease-laden dunibwaitei; holes in theiwlIs ofthcfood preparationarea, and live and dead roacheson the floor under the stepskai/ing to the dry-storage room.Generally. exterminationnieasure n'ere held to brinadequate. On secondinspection, ho/cs andfresh and

mouse excreta iverefound onthefloor ofthefoud storage area.

Also, there was uncoveredgarbage in the garbage storageaiea: remarkably. roaches and

fiirs werefound there as well.

THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLESCOURTCaseNo. 1415(i

Vic Milcs (aka Victor MilesLevy) y. Collectors Cars Inc.Ei AI.c», about Oaober 21, 1984.Miles, the Channel 2 repar:erbought a white ¡959 Mercedes-Benz convertiblefrom CollectorsCats Inc. ofFreeport, LongIsland. Assured that this was "aclassic automobile," Miles putdoua, $8.000 tou'ard a purchaseprice of$l5,000. Afterattempting to restore it, Mi/csdiscovered that the car had beenstuffed and reinforced with"rags. 2' x 4" pieces ofwood,

and assorted trash." Miles claimshe ions 7raudulen:ly induced to

12 SPY MARCH 1987

Woody Allen is notorious +or his attention to detail.During the shooting of Radio Days lost winter, extrasWore circo-l940s suspenders hidden beneath sweater,jacket and overcoat. And during the big USO dancescene in which Mia Farrow sings, the entire Savoy Man-or Ballroom, at the Grand Concourse and 149th Streetin the Bronx, was transformed. LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPSposters were on the walls, and more than 100 extras inshort haircuts and tight-fitting uniforms milled about.One group of ersatz Gis hung around the urinal in themen's room, spoiling for o brawl. Women in snoods satsipping orange sodo out of wartime bottles and re-marking, "Boys arc dying over there," and "Gosharen't these exciting times we're living in!" Admiralslooked likc admirals, Air Force officers like pilots. Ma-rincs, like idiots.

At one point the director stood playing with oneof Forrow's kids in the center of the ballroom, thensot down to take in her song. GIs from central cost-¡ng backed Forrow on piano and percussion. As thesong ended, the director approached the stage. The oc-tress, in o yellow dress, leaned forward. An extradecked out os o Navy seaman overheard some of theirconversation:

ACTREsS: Maybe you're right. IDIRECTOR: You think soACTRESS: I guess. I meanDIRECTOR: Yeah. I don't know. What do you think'ACTRESS: Well, Il1 don't know. I guess if you like the

orange, I couldI could try ¡t.DIRECTOR: Yeah, uh . .

ACTRESS: Do you think soDIRECTOR: Yeah, so why don't you

She disappeared and returned in an orange dress andsang the song. After four takes, the extras were dis-missed. Two weeks later everyone returned to shootthe scene again. Miss Farrow's dress was yellow.

Hank Rosenfeld

'. . s

Max Frankel . .

I...-íLeona Helmslcy . .

- - - and Tom Bosley'

. . . and Liberace

Clint Eostwood . . -

Carson McCullcrs .

and...?

- - - and Bob Geldof'

-

r

L L L £A& L L L L £1 L £ à L L &A £*A L L L L A& L L L L L aaaa

Page 15: Spy Magazine 1987

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR OFPRINTTHE NEW YORKER

DEAR Ros,

Berton Roueché begins his December 8 medical detec-tivc story by characterizing March 19, 1979, as Friday.As the world turned in 1979, the nineteenth of Marchwas in fact-checked fact a Monday. How am I to rely onyou for knowlcdge of calcium disodium ethylene-diaminctctraacetic acid if you can't tell mc what dayit is?

Stephen LandesNew York

The New Yorker acnowIedges the error. Bui you're prob-ably on solid ground with the calcium disodium ct/i lcnc-diamineietraacetic acid. By the giki) Robert Go::licb toíiin 'tedito, when this article wtz, published.

DEAR Bon,

One ofthe many things I respect about your magazine isthat it is one ofthe few that do not accept cigarette ad-vertising. lt takes a lot ofguts to decline that much ad-vcrtising revenue for the sake of integrity. lt was witldisappointment, then, that I found what is essentially atwo-page ad for Philip Morris in the December 29 issue(pages 56-57).

Albert NortonNew York

The ad isfor a 1ou?'tflg exhibition ofAmerican crafts, spon-sored by Philip Morris. The New Yorker hasfor sonte lin3eaccepted this type oftobacco company advertising but stilldoes not talcas this issue ofsPy ut'nt toprcss. at any ratecigarette adc. fly the ui Robert Goulieb warn 't editortoben the ad was ,un.

DEAR Bon,

What's the big idea? Since when does The New Yorcrprint cartoons depicting lascivious oggcrs with indis-crcct erections? I'm totally grossed out. Cancel mysubscription!

Sam Johnsonlrouklyn, New York

The cartoon. by George Price, appears on page 25 of theJuly 21, 1986, issue ofThe New Yorker.By the uwy Rob-cii Goulieb wasn 't editor when this cartoon wtzs published.

DEAR Bon,When my husband and I bought our house in Cape Codlast year, we found the bathroom walls had been pa-percd in old covers of your magazine. Can you tell ushow to remove them without damaging the pltsterufl(lcrflcath?

Mrs. W. McCabe IIISharon, Connecticut

The New Yorker uullpaper cxpert al Janovic Plaza rec-ommends l)I! wallpaper strippc; in two gallons of waterfor especially bug/a jobs. An alternative is to steam thethings off By the way, Robert Gottlieb wasn't editor when

covers were glued to I/sc walls.

SPY welcomes letters to the editor of The New Yorker.Address correspondence to "Dear Bob," e/o spy, The PuckBuilding. 295 Lafayette Street, New York, N.Y 10012. Weregret that correspondetice addressed to "Dear MisterS/zau'n cannot be forwarded. )

(continued)

pay for a vehicle which tiw no:tue 'classic' in the (ondu:o:irepresented." Miles further

clainu the car fikZS "dangerout.hazardous, wholly zntafc. andfra/7-Ii/(e" and says rags. t«odand plastic covered up rua and adeteriorated body. Mile; u suingf or actual and punitive damagesin the amount if $10,050.000.The defense has counicrcd byas/.ing Miles to be more specificabout his allegations. d4mningconditions and pecfying timesand places they ure noticed. Notrial date lias been se:.

Case No. 09755

E:iken Collins. Sus.,nne I)oris,(:Jfl)I tOfliaIl, JtI(IiIh Liulc,RC)?L AflflC Woolsey. l'aulineAchulas. Carol Bratty.(;athcrin Ikatt l'rudruice(;ray. t)t,iiie Relic. PamelaSiaccy. Kern l'carsail. lcrrySpano. and (ynth;i Hughes o.I )anci'r Fitzgerald Sample I nc.The pla:n:tfft a,i Rocket/cc. inScptcniber I 984 they signed aCOnfiNe! tint/i Dancer FitzgeraldSample ¡u appear in ads foi-

i. 'cís panty hwc. They cuy the(oltlinil (4k1(for one ycai butth,t the adt :re,s used ionqer,nubi i:itably tu au

advcit:e,nc,,t on display ¡n sheniutu cornoiur.'e of the ¡but

iluit/unu:y Bus Tc'r,n,,uul. 7rn,,

ai-c iutng for damages of $25,01X

cui-/I. (They ought to do better:spcndizg extra tinic ut Portil,thojit; even in effigy. oughtto be :w,th lois more.)

LA L L L L a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a L a a a a a A a a a a a a L A A a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a A a

I

Ii L:t :j1:'---

Page 16: Spy Magazine 1987

THE BLOTTER

SPECTATOR SPORTS

I'I(:K.-Hru iiu.i.s

T/Rpublic is g'cIcon,r to iticnd i/:efo/lou'ing t,ia1, g'/aic/zarc. Iikc/y to get tindcr way .ccwm. Thc eozit calcmlar andtrial pa1tuu/as arc (I/t('U)'S .ubjcti to change, of course. so

cull tite uppropriufr information nwnbcr fi» details.

Anthony "Fat Tony" Salerno. Salerno has alre;idy hcCncoI)v1cte(! (il rackctccring. .1his ncw trial involvcs hidrigging in thc constructu)n iiidustry and "illcgal influ-ence" in Tcainstcrs elections. Marcl .30. U.S. l)istrictCourt, 40 Folcy Squarc. Judgc Lowc prcsi(ling. For inlr,iation. (2 I 2) 7911 140.Bernhard Goetz. ( ;OcL/. charged with aucm)tcd mur-(lcr at1 asstiIt for s)u)oting tour youths in thc %Ub%V.ly inI)cccmhcr l984. I Ic ha% pka(k(I tu)t guilty. No (Lite setal prcss tune. Manhattan Suprenic Court, Roin H3(),I I I Centre Street. Judgc Crane prcsiding. For informa-tion, (21?) 553-9400.Robert Chambers. Chambers has plcacIc(l flot guilty tothe murder of Jennifer I.cvin last August in CentriIPark. May 4. Manhattan Criminal Court, Room 1317,loo Ccntrc Strcct. JLI(lgc HeIL presiding. For infornia-tion, (212) 553-9400.Revillon Inc. The Ñrricrs arc charge(l with tax eva-sionclunging records to make it look as if merehan-disc were being sent out of state. Marelì 23. ManhattanCriminal Court, Room 1306, lOO Centre Street. JudgeScott presiding. For iiilrmation, (2 I 2) 553-9400.

spy i unofficii/, high/v selective accou?it of incidents to¡d'/:iC/ i/u. iVcit' York (:ity Police I)cpartiìciit's speciallytrajited rescue hiltS responded dwing the five-week /c,idending January 20. Quotes are tise police dispatchc;:.

DEUS EX MACHINA. Quecnsuricrilicd report of a man sucked Uf) by atree-pruning machttw

EVERYONE'S A CRITIC'Caai anyone advise the code for rcpairing a vehicle onthe higIiva "Ycah Stupid

(WILD) LIFE IN RURAL NEW YORK. Quccns"anttnal coi1itioii. Ir11tc house". Quccns"largc snake in basement of private housc". Qticens"wild animals ruilning around parking loi". Quecns"Ioose cows"

LINE OF DUTYsI,Y stat'l'mcmber Amy Stark was recently dCtICCtCd in asouthwesterly direction by an emergency-bound three- I

wheel police scooter headed south on north-running I a-fayette Street (Stark was crossing witI the light). I lcrhip was bruisc(l there are no job O)CflIflS at SPY at thistinte. ilnn C. 1i4athers

4 sPY MARCh 19X7

:' I

I'\

,//(:;<t*

CHINATOWN S GODZILLA

-T t;- :../ ' DeepinthefishylabyrinthsofChina-CnA :-

" town is a video arcade with a famous:1 . twist. Here you con pit your wits

-4 7 o / against or dance with a chicken-

: I ,& V, ,,'V Just upstairs, though, is the dustyand arcane Chinese Museum, where you can learn stuff and meet a scary dragon.

Downstairs, amid the relentless video game cacophony, a lively tune prompts ochicken "humanely trained by the reward system" into o sposticjig when you dropin 50 cents. A defensive placard explains (as if spoken by the twirling chirper her-self): I LIKE MY WORK. I'M NOT BORED. BUT I'M NOT OVERWORKED EITHER. I wish I could say

that, you'll think to yourself. For another 50 cents, you can battle "Bird Brain," thesleepy hen who plays ticktacktoe. Who can resist Bird Brain's challenge: SHE'S NOTCHICKEN. ARE YOU?

Now that you've had a taste of Chinese culture, you're ready for full immersion atthe Chinese Museum. But first you have to pry the cashier from his Daily News andget him to take you upstairs and unlock the door. He'll try to dissuade you by charg.ing $1 .50; it's not like the Metropolitan, where you can pay what you wish. After hefinds someone to fill in for him, you're on your way. He'll sit down for a smoke andwatch you warily until you leave.

The faded exhibits troce dynastic history and celebrate Chinese contributions tothe world. Once you've taken it all in, face the electronic quizmaster:

"Every American boy loves to fly kites. Who invented them?a) Chinese b) Americans

"Of the thousands of juveniles arrested in New York City in 1970, how many wereChinese? a) 1100 b) 11O00

"Where is the capitol of the Republic of China located? a) Taiwan b) Peking"

To cap this riot of educational fun, wake the attendant and ask him to show you. . . the dragon. In a little side room, the creaky, 15-foot Godzilloid is revved up. Theplaster master of disaster roars, bobs his head, wiggles his toes and shoots out histongue . . . and his eyes light up. "Had enough?" the attendant's plaintive eyes seemto be saying, his hand poised on the plug. "You need quarter for Q*bert?

Jack Barth

Chinese Museum & Chinese Dragon, 8 Mott Street.

-

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Page 17: Spy Magazine 1987

n

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WEIT'2Y

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Page 18: Spy Magazine 1987

tt

Mfl1T1M r: i

As we go to prcss, lace-breaking dcvdopmentsat thc Tirncs make it imperative that I shelvemy exclusive interview with staff reporterVartinig G. Vanan. I feel especially baci aboutthis because Vartan, as you might imagine,would have been funny. Unfortunately, that ishot the case with the subject I must instead(leal with: it is my profound suspicion thatAbe Rosenthal is no longer with us. I am fur-cher convinced that he has died of you-know-what. His death went unreported in theTunes, of course, because of the newspaper'sl)1icy about not reporting you-know-what asa cause ofdeath. lt would appear that his long-time companion, Arthur Gelb, has workedvaliantly over the last several months to coverU}) this news, hut the strain PI111lY has been(DO imich. I deduced this news iì the course ofchcckiw. around with my sources about thehew Rosenthal column on the Op-Ed page ofthe lthzcs, entiticd On My Mind. Right fromthe start I could tell that this was not the proseoíthc Abc Rosenthal I knew.

The first clue that Mmething vas amisscame in a house ad in early January that re-ported that Rosenthal "was a Neu' York Timesreporter, Pulitzer-winni ng foreign correspon(ICUt aild editor for 40 years . . . landi expectsLo write a New York Times column for another40 years." This may just be an example of thewildly hyperbolic humor that has long been ahallmark ofthe Times. They're a nutty bunch,those guys in Times promotion, and I

wouldn't put anything past them. Because ifthis Rosenthal pian came true, he would bewriting his farewell column at the age of 105.That would make him thc second-oldest col-umnist in Times history, afier Washingtoncolumnist James Reston.

I was not at all prepared for how feebly Ro-senthal's posthumous ghostwriter would per-petuate the illusion that the franchise is stillalive. In the very first columnplaintivelyheadlined PLEASE READ THIS COLUMN!theGelb coconspirator faltered when he ex-¡)laifled why Rosenthal's byline was A. M.rather than Abraham. The reason given wasthat "long ago" an editor found his first name.' was not quite, or maybe too quite." This im-l)cnctrtllc circumlocution appeared to hint atwhat readers ol l'ue Kingdom and the Power

alrea(iy knew: in bygone days, Times editors

16 SPY MARCH 1987

regularly changed bylines that sounded tooJewish, the way studio heads once did thenamesoftheir stars. The restofthc REAI)THIS

COLUMN! C()IUiiifl wavered uneasily betweenfurther un-Abdike folksiness (his conversa-tion with the carpenter who was retrofittinghis officespace that used to be occupied, as ithappens, by Rosenthal victim Sydney Sclìan-berg) and the more characteristic A. M. An-glomania (as when he referred to Gorbachevas a smoother "chap" than his predecessors).

Subsequent columns have clone little to dis-pci my theory. Rosenthal was a great manwhose death was all too untimely, and I thinkit only fitting that Mr. Gelb allow the formerexecutive editor a proper SCIRl-Off. lt is clisqui-eting to see him being kept artificially "alive."

Au THE NEWS WE FIT,

THEY PRINTlu lieu ofexercising their own news judg-

ment, network news organizations afl(l news-weeklies routinely crib from what the Timesdeems important, but The Wall Street Journalcarries this parasitic behavior too far. lt is botha little sad and a little charming that eachweekday evening at around nine-thirty, aJournal minion dutifully hops in a taxi andmakes the trip uptown to the Times buildingon West 43rd Street, where he or she buys sev-eral of the earliest available copies of the nextmorning's paper, scans them for news con-cerning stories reported in the next day's Jour-aal and then, from a phone in the Times lobby,reports in to his or her l)ow Jones taskmasterswith any ncccssary "updates" from thecompetition.

MAX HEADBROOMIn last month's column I commented that

thc headlines seem to have grown larger un-der new executive edítor Max Frankel. One ofmy moles at the Times informs me that quitethe reverse is true. Headlines have gottensmaller, and in the new Metropolitan Newssection the type point sizes have even been re-(luCed. And speaking of reduction, have younoticed the incredible shrinking daily Agendacolumn? When he rcdcsigncd the old "new"Metropolitan News section, John Vinocur, theunpopular former Metro editor, assigned twoofhis top reportersSuzanne l)alcy and Jane

Grossto assemble Agenda. These days thesection is sometimes only one pathetic item. ltseems that Frankel is fixing to get rid of italtogether. (He has already broomed the twocolumns of wire service stories, Around theNation and Around the World.)

FAMILY TIFsDeirdre Carmody, wife of special assistant

to the executive editor and Irmer unpopularMetro editor Peter Millones, did some exhaus-tive reporting for a Mctro section story on theco-op conversion of Lincoln Towers. Car-mody, the only Metro reporter who works justhree days a week, includeci in her storyquotes from (and a photograph of) ShiraDicker, who is known around the Times asthe wife of a Metro religion reporter, Ari L.Goldman.

BLACK ANI) WHITE

AND RED ALL OVERMany of us who have friends at the Times

had to ring in the New Year without them.Mindful of Howard Beach (and the Times'sown flibbertigibbet coverage of thc resultingfallout), Arthur "Remember Watts!" Gelbhad close to a hundred reporters and editorson hand New Year's Eve, prepared to coverthe all-out race war that he imagined woulderupt in Times Square.

BUSCH LEAGUEOn the front page of Business Day, the

Times ran a story datelined Cape Cod and car-rying no byline. lt told the charming successstory ofthc small, locally owned company thatproduces Cape Cod Potato Chips the old-lash-ioned way. The reporter quoted several ex-perts on entrepreneurial ventures andconcluded that this potato chip maker had fig-ured out the perfect formula for making mon-ey and staying independent.

A couple ofweeks later, the Times's Correc-tions section (under the spirited guidance oiAllan Siegal, former news editor and a newassistant managing editor) offered the follow-ing: "In an earlier edition, it was incorrectlyinferred IskI that Cape Cod potato chips was aprivately-owned entrepreneurial company. Infact, the company is a wholly-owned subsid-iary of Anheuser-Busch Inc." In other words,never imud. Bye. Miks Archer

Page 19: Spy Magazine 1987

Cit

e

ortsMAGAZINE

Active New York.

Out of reach.

Until now.

City Sports

knows where

to find them.

In their a1th clubs. In the shops where

they gear up. And when we find them,

they find the active uiforrnation they

want. . S.

-

maga-

Ii ,

kmontÑv

whole tristate area.

And City Sports does more thaqøpoit

news,wemakeitW8vebeen

trends arid getting active

advertisers together for 12 years rxm

California. Aerobics, triath'ons and rac

quetball aren't the only great ideas that

have moved freni West Coast to East

hacomosLty Srts Magazine!

tise us to reach active New Yorkca!!

212 6277O4O.

Page 20: Spy Magazine 1987

sTheserdays, evcry-body who's anybody

}Ôzieis breaking the

1 law. As a potentialprison inmate, you

I

G should consider your

,oinrr options ahead of

time. KuRT ANDERSEN

t oshows you the ropes

A SPYConsumer Guide/or Inside Traders, IVue Guys, Wìhite

House franscam Operators, Parking Iñolations Bureau Officials,

Perjiirerc, Tax Cheats and Other Wy IrnportantPeople on the Go

q

IT USED TO BEthat your icrsonal chokcs had soute heft. Figuring oui whcre to go tocollcgc. how to cant a living or whon to marry wcrc Iargc (kcisIonsvith conequciiccs that rclIy ,nattcrc(l. But iio with the approach of

iniddic agc, ihe iniportant choiccs ltavt all been made already. Allthats lcft to you now arc few wtty prekrencc. 'ou (kci(lc krinats(VI-IS or 8mm). colors (rrgiilir toricilini or giccn). (luapurs (Patiipers orclotit) and publishers tr your icinoirs (.i .itiity prcss or Kuo1)O. ¡fl(lthen you (lic.

Unless along the way you commit i crune. Everyone seems to be(bing it. Considcr Dennis l.cvinc and Ivan lK%ky and Gcoufcy Lin-dcnaucr. Consider John ( ;otti. (onsikr the \Vhite I-louse NationalSecurity Council statt. Somc ofthcm. surely. will actually spend time in

IM SPY MARCI I 1957

prison. America haS 504,001) of its cItIzcns in lriso, and a kw tlR)u-SJIKI IflOR shuflic in cvcry vcck.

Icry i1111111( ought to (lcvotc ilic ainc kind of researchan(l planning U) )ris1 as he (k)CS to hisehoice otcolkgc, Sl)OUSC or IRAinvcstincifl (hiClC. But in all lIkclIIuHMl 1w (IOCS flot. ?wlost Ic()I)lC Sefltto prison just () 'hcrc ilieyrc (01(1. lucy (loII't consult rxlwrts orltLCfl(I the aiinual Atiiericati ( orrcct ional Associai iou congress. iheydon't irc over I)risr patuphicts with their wivcs. (Only 4 ofprisoners arc vomct1.) Morcovcr, the typical convict inakcs not even aperfunctory attemit to luid oui which of the country's In,ilrrils ofI)rists might Ixst suit his Incarceration life-style.

,Il prisons arc unpleasant. But soute arc just sad and have a (lisinkc-tant stench, while others arc grotesque. lt pays to know how to tellwhich is vhich L)cforc your tune comcs.

Page 21: Spy Magazine 1987

As you PAUSE TOCONTEM-

"JUST WHAT platc your well-behaved life

ARE MY the slow Jane, maybe thcprospect of spending time

CHANCES behind bars seems remote.OF GOING You don't think you need to

TO PRISON?" knowabout prisons. But it'sconceivable that one day, n

a cuckolded fury, you will bludgeon someone to death.Or you might turn no more rotten than John Dean. Andwhat ifthcy decided to lock up all agnostics? Or every-one who scored over 600 on their SATs? Those unau-thorized long-distance calls you've made from youroffice, just for starters, could get you thrce years.

In fact, the average American is much more likely to goto prison than to travel to South America, and likelier to bemurdered behind bars than to win a million dollars in alottery. Better to consider what's iii store right now than tocome to your senses too latecuffed to a guard in the hackoía Chevy van in South Carolina, heading for the ParrisIsland Marine Corps prisonwhen your crics ("Wait!Thercc been a terrible mistake!") will only make it worse.

Rudimentary prefelony planning can mean the dii-ference between a passable prison stint and a nightmare.Most criminals arc hotheads or dummies or both. This iswhere you haue an advantage'. Most criminals imaginc,with the blind faith of high-stakes gamblers, that theywill never be caught. The down-side risk of committinga crimeprisonhardly figures into their calculations.Instead, crimes tend to be impulsive fast breaks. Crimi-nal blueprints are seldom more detailed than "(1) Wavegun; (2) Take money; (3) Cet away quick." A pay, sinceit is in choosing his particular crime and where to corn-mit it that the perpetrator coul(I exercise the grcatcstcontrol over his prison future.

r--' -:..-Architecture .. ..' : -.. ... -

buffs thinkLeavenworthis topsthebig rotundaand polishedbrass arespiffy!

FOR ANY WOULD-BE IN-

mate, some fundamental"WHERE choices are obvious. MostS HOULD I states are softer on nonvio-

COMMIT MY lent thieves than on armed

CRIMES?»muggers. At last count inUtah and Arkansas, how-ever, almost two-thirds of

Iche inmates had been arrested for committing propertycrimes such as burglary and auto theft. With this in

mind, eliminate Salt Lake City and Little Rock fromyour short list of venues for a breaking-and-enteringcareer.

Canny corporations set up shop in Delaware for at-cane legal reasons. Cocaine dealers should move there,toothe first-offense sentence for possession of a halfounce or less is a 3,OOO fine. Why don't crooks convergeon Nevada, where the conviction rate is staggeringlylow ? As a matter of fact, they apparently do: despite thelow conviction rate, Nevada has a larger fraction of itspopulation behind bars than any other state. And il atwicc-convcted felon intended to forge some checks,why on earth would he choose to write them on theRepuhlicBank Dallas, when in Texas any third felony ataU can get him a life term '

picking cotton and building . . .

nson Is ii e . . . ,i:

culverts?

Minnesota, on the other summer camp:

hand, practically invites except thecriminals to plan ahead.

-

The state's system of "sen- governmenttencing guidelines," which picks up thewent into effect several b' ..years ago, reeks of Scan-dinavian reasonableness.

.

.

Before he ever saws off his.

:

shotgun or interviews get-away-driver applicants, a . -- :- ,... .

Minnesoti outhw cn con Ç '.suit a handy chart published -.

by state authorities and fig-ure out his likely sentence. 'i: '

The chart is a grid. Using it 'it .

S.-Y_..is hardly more complicated t.. .. '

tItan finding the distance between two cities on a mue-age chart. Along the vertical axis, crimes are lumpedinto ten categories according to seriousness, with mur-der at the bottom. The horizontal axis provides for acriminal-history score. Where the lines meet is the pris-on sentence. Lct your fingers do the litigating. A freshburglary after two earlier convictions: 18 months' pro-bation. Armed robbery but an otherwise clean recnrdtwoyearsinjail. Spending time

Minnesota also has a nice variety ofprisons. It is reas- behind bars maysuring to know that there are alternatives. Every crookin Mississippi, by contrast, faces the grim certainty that seem unlikely.he will wind up in the little town ofParchman, where

But that's whatthe state puts just about everybody, in one enormouspenitentiary. Up the river in genial Minnesota, you Dennis Levine andmight do that kind ofclassic hard time at the Stiilwatcrpenitentiary, hut with luck you will be checked into the Carl Andresleek, energy-efficient bunkers in Oak Park Heights, a and Oliver Northcluster of 52-man penal condos with automatic doors,interesting angles and lots ofvideodeviccs. And for just thought too. And60 lucky stiffs in Minnesota there is a minimum-securityglade called Willow River Camp. It costs the state about what if they$500 a week per prisoner, everything included. decided to lock up

So choose jurisdictions carefully. New York, for in-stance, has two bona fide icons (Attica and Sing Sing) all agnostics?and more than a score ofother full-fledged men's pris-

0 everyone whoons. But ifall you want is the widest possible range ofdestinations, the trick is to commit an unequivocally scored over 600federal crime, such as violating securities law or dentingan MX nose cone or selling mink-spit-based cancer On their SATs

M.\R1}1 ]'S2SPY

Page 22: Spy Magazine 1987

¿w

curcs through the mail. Thc fcdcral government oper-ates no fewer thaiì 43 prisons. from concrete-block bun-galows in the country io downwwn skyscrapers. (That'snot even counting the Air Force's 332Ot1 Correction andRehabilitation Squadronsuch a terrific premise for aBill Murray movieand che dozens of other brins and"confinement facilities" where servicemen arc kcpt.)You coutd do t lot worse than to l)U1l 18 months forctnbczzlcmcnt at one of the six federal prison camps.i'hcy resemble rural Biblccolkgcs,and huggery is oftenflot compulsory.

WnIIIN ANY ONE STATE.

and even within the orderly"WHICH federal system, prisons arc

PRISONS ARE idiosyncratic, each witlt its

THE MOST peculiar rites and special

F I I N ' ' ' emotional tenor. ( encral-'J . izations arc risky. Sure, all

pris1 otlicials seem to haveuncommonly wonderful names( ecil, Vi rgil . Vernon,Bud. And frown a distance. prison is reminiscent olsum-mer campj lonely and boring and overschcdulcd: swimat I I :00 a.m., cat potatoes at I 2:30 p.m., lights out at10:00 p.m. (Indeed, going to summer camsCOStS about the saine, generally Ectwcen $20() and $4(I(

weekonly with prison, of course, the governincutpicks up the tab.)

But the subtlest dilfcrcnccs between lrisos loomlarge once you're on the inside. So while it rnake senseto plan crimes by taking into account general factors,such as a state's sentencing severity and its diversity of

the really ambitious inmate will also aim to getinto a particular institution.

Which one 'ihat (lepends on you. 1-listone -preserva-tion buffs might find the federal peltitciltiary at Leaven-worth appealing: the 9()-year-old building has a

gorgeous Victorian-style row n(lathc Big i paiidpolished brass fittings everywhere. Yet Leavenworth isnever quiet. In Illinois, Stateville has intriguinground cellblocks based on a design by the philosopherJ crcmy Bentham, and what's iiiorc, the authorities therehave been great about granting tune ofi for good behav-tor. On the other hand, your chaitces of dying whileaccumulating all those bonus (lays are i'y high. InTexas the lod is fresh and plentiful, but that's becausetnost oit is raised by prior1ers on prison farms, asul newinmates are first assigned to hot, (lusty fieldwork. It all(k1)et)(l% on the trade-offs you're willing to accept. Flor-ida has a íicility that was called the Niccvillc Roa(l Pris-on; in Texas there is a prison itamed Jestcr and in bothstates tanning opportunities are great. But Florida ac-counts for more inrnatc ¿caths than any oilier state, andalmost noL)ody escapes from prison in Thxas.

FoKTt:NiII.Y, ii lEItE ARE

objective criteria that can

"HOW CAN help. Sincethe 1970s, theAmerican Correctional As-

I LEARN sociation (AC,), a tradeMORE" group for prison officials,

has published a I)aPr1)ackmanual ofprccisc stan(lar(ls

()r prisons. Unfortunately, adhcrence to the standards is

20 SPY MARCH 1987

voluntary. For instance, the ACA says that prison cellsshould all be singles and under no circumstances smallerthan 60 square feet, hut your chances ofsnagging such acell are uncertain. And it won't improve your lot if, inyour disappointment, you wave the AC, standardsmanual and threaten the warden and guards witI tiisci-pliiiary proceedings.

IN TEXAS. V1tIClI lIAS

3(,682 people in )risn, thel)epartment of Corrections "WILL Ihas had tO jam thousands of GET ALONGtT)Cfl into ratty can'as-and- W H MYplywood tents. l)espite theattraction of sharing confi- C ELLMATES "(ICflC('% with r(x)tnn)ates,ho'cvcr, OU will (lefluitely wahl assigniuclit to aot where (IOUI)k 1fl(l triple OCCUflC is not Part 01 thedeal. Ccli sizes can vary twofold within one prison.

You will 1robably not he allowed to select your (dl-mate; prisons have yet to iluplclnent questionnaires("Snwking o nonsmoking? Pic/èr show I:4ncs, hip-hop orhorridgru:ing wics?") as a means ofmaking congenialniatehes. I k will prol)aL)ly 1x young (the average age is28 in state prisons, in federal priso,$), and lie willprol)ztl)ly l)e %vhitc. In a(ldition to older inmates, federalII)S arc apt to have, in the words ofone lrtncr Leaven-worth warden, "a much higher class of criminal." Butagain, the demographics vary wildly from prison to pris-on, and in the few federal jointssuch as Manhattan'shigh-rise Metropolitan Correccional Center, convenientto Wall Street and the fashionable shops and restaurantsof TriBeCathere are lxth hit men and niereemhc7.zlers. I

Although federal facili- ]. . . Commutaties in getterai arc tess vto

lent, a corresl)on(ldnt ot federal crime,ours in protective custody at such asa North Carolina Irisotlhospital ("'lhere are very denting an MX(langerons hiers here who nose cone orwill kill anyone") disabused selling mink-us ol the notion that federalpris1ers have it easy. «III spit-basedwas stabbed seven times in . cancer cures.the IdI lung and stomach,"I1( writes Irom North Caro-I iiì:i, "via an unkno%%'n in-mate in Atlanta Fed. Pen1976. . . . In 1962 in a Penna.Fe(l. prison I was beat badlywith a i-foot I()?t :C tija ¡n-lizuic. In 1971 was beat bad - -

and knocked out via inmate Fed. . Kans.Most I)risOn guards do get their kicks from comrot.

With any luck, however, tite guards' scrutiny will cx-tend to that inmate who is itching to kill you becauseyou creased his Richie Rich comic book. 'huic prisiiisthat hop, such as San Quentin (where you can makeout with your visitors), or Stateville in Illinois (whereyou can paint murals on corridor walls). are usuallytiiorc dangerous. In 1984 in San Quentin, 9 out of3,500 inmates were murdered; the next year in Texas,where there are IO times as many inmates, there were

Page 23: Spy Magazine 1987

LIFE-STYLEBEHIND BARS:

FIVE HANDY PRISON TIPS

Author-lecturer-wiretapper G. Gordon Liddyspent over four years in prison for his Water-gate crimes. Incarceration is, he says, "an oc-cupational hazard." During those years, hespent time in nine facilities all over the coun-try. Liddy recently spoke to srr from Scotts-dale, Arizona, and offered would-be jailbirds

the following advice.

ON Su1vIvINt;Learn how to keep your mouth shut. Openingyour mouthor someone else opening hismouthprobably got you in trouble in the firstplace, so you should hove figured this one out

by now.

Learn how to fight, if you haven't already. Butbear in mind:There's no such thing os a fair fight in prison.Anything you can find handy to use as aweapon, use it on him before he uses it on you.For example, the ringer handle on top of awash bucket is an excellent weapon. If there'snothing ovailoble, try a backhand blow acrossthe windpipe, which couses it to swell and

choke the individual.

Never trust any guard, and that means every-one from the lowest rookie to the worden.

ON RELATIONSH Ii'sThere's no difference inside prison, except thefactor of confinement accelerates the develop-ment of interpersonal relations to a remark-able degreegood or bad. lt might take threemonths for a situation to reach flash point out-side of prison. Inside, that same situationmight reach flash point in one day. The prob-tern must also be resolved that day, or one of

you won't wake up in the morning.

ON ENrEI1A1Nl'Ii-:N'1You are allowed to purchase a small AMJFMradio from the commissary. You can have thaton, but my advice to you is to keep it low so youdon't disturb the others. They will not appreci-ate it if you don't If the fellow you annoy is alifer, he might ask you to turn it down the firsttime. The next time, he will throw the radio offthe tier. The third time, he will throw you off

the tier.

only two and i haII'tiincs as many homicidcs. You onghto try U) get mt() .1 prison that's run as much as possihk

by the hook.

Mosr PKISONSTI IFSE DAYS

let you write and phone

«WHAT IF whomever you want,though Florida officials

I GET read outgoing mail to ccn-LONELY. . ." sor "inaccurate statements

that arc ifltCfl(lCd for dcî-mation of character with-

out causc." At the Dwight womcns prison in Illinois.inmates can h.tvc visitors twice a wcck and chat with111(1 touch as many as six for six hours at a time. At

(Ile Ellis prison in Texasthere is no touching, cvcr.

The good news:An inmate in Florida is

routinely allowed just one ¡fl Texas therevisit a week, only on week-

¡ a prisonCfl(I5 and only by a familymember. Further, for named Jester.women visiting the Florida The bad news:Statc Prison, the rule sheet

almost nobodywarns that "cxtrcmcly shortskirts are not considered escapes.

,1

appropriate dress," afl(I if aguard tkcidcs a skirt is slat-ternly, the visitor will be of-fcrcd a gown to wear during

permitted, typicaily once orthe visit. Conjugal visits are

twice a year, in about a doz-en states.

EscAPI IS NOT S) FAR-

fetched as you probablyimagine. About I in 1(K)

'I. OR FEEL American inmates breaks

COOPED UP»every ycar. If that op-

. tion Is important to you,Tennessee and North Caro-lina arc go()(l bets in the

South, as arc Massachusetts, New l-lampshirc and Ver-mont LII) north. During OflC recent year, 30 of Vermont's579 prisoiicrs ¡nade it over the wall.

IN F.'RY l'RISON i.AKI)IR.

it seems, there's plenty ofwhite hoininy in cans (sixpounds nine ounces) the ", ORsize of artillery pieces. HUNGRY»Bowls aIUCI dishes are calledserving ware, a lot of itrna(le ofgrccn or Ian plasticreinforced with ClU)p)C(l cotton cloth. At best, irisnfood is extremely hearty. Texas prisons, with theirI(K),0(N) acres of farmland, may provide thi.- heartiesttiI(flUS ofall. ( )nc day not long ago you could have catenoatmeal with arm cane syrup, stewed fruit, ham an(leggs, Salisbury steak wiLli gravy, mashed potatoes, spin-ach, pinto beans, corn, beet salad, chccsc, cobbler, cornbread and hot rolls, soup, a cheeseburger, frics. mustardgreens, sauerkraut and cake.

MARCh 19$7 SPY 2!

Page 24: Spy Magazine 1987

You wiii. PROBABLY NOTbe abk Lo earn a good liv-¡ng in prison, but working

g,. OR is cncouragcd. Thc pay

BORED?» ranges from about $1.50 anhour to nothing. At Leav-cnworth, inmate computeroperators tackle data-pro-

cessing projects for the federal bureaucracy or make bu-rcaucrat's furniture. In Texas a particularly coveted jobin Huntsville is cleaning the corrections commissioner'sspittoon. Honest.

Or you can go to school. A large fraction of prisonshave arranged for local colleges to hold classes for in-mates. A favorite ofours was at Dwight in Illinois: Soci-ology 250, Criminology. There is, in fact, plenty to do inprison. StaccvilLc prisoners have performed Micter Rob-erts, with an almost all-black cast. There are libraries:Dwight's has No Escape From Love, by Barbara Cart-land, and Anthony Adt'crsc; Stateville's includes biogra-phies of Bing Crosby and Leon Trotsky. Prisons show alot of movies, mostly violent adventures. There are ea-ger-beaver prison chapters of the Junior Chamber ofCommerce, proving that even behind prison walls, theindomitable human spirit is undaunted in its hunger forgolf anecdotes and tips on being a toastmaster.

Where should you go to prison? Federal, minimum

security, is probably the only prudent all-purpose an-swer. Otherwise, a woman might do well to shoot forthe Purdy Correction Center in Gig Harbor, Washing-ton, on Puget Sound. For the sports-minded fellow whowould like to Spefl(l time outdoors getting in shape,California's small forestry camp near San Luis Obisposounds swell.

On the other hand, beating up a couple oftourists anddoing time on St. Croix, in the U.S. Virgin Islands, has ademented, dreamy allure. Serving the 18 months inGolden Grove prison? The marriagc ofheaven and hellmight be irresistible. )

TAKING THE FIFTH

£ Ç) y 'ir

k)

A Wallet-Size ReninderJòrWitnesses Appearing Before Congressional

Co,nmiztecs and Grand Juries

I- - - - - - - .-:3xI

ITHEYSAY:

u

I"Mr. North/Ms. Mycrsonl

YOUR NAME HCRC

I iust what do you know about improper arms

I sales to Iran I your boyfriend's iax evasion I

YOUR SCAHDAL HIRE

I I

IYou SAY:

I

I"° theadyjce'óî cou;el, I exercise my right

I

Iunder the Fifth Aincn4mcnt to the Constitution

I and (leclinc to answcrnthc grounds that my

I testimony might rendioiiicriminate me."

I_ _ _ _ _ _ - - - - - - - - - - I

22 SPY MARCH 1987

WHO'S

Represe ntingWHOM:

WallStreet'sPost-BoeskyScrambleforCriminalLawycrs

On Monday morning, November 17, the customary phalatìx ofinvcstmcnt bankers,traders, financiers and arbitrageurs funneled in to work. They were clothed in theirPaul Stuart gray flannel suits and lightly starched white shirts, braced by the favoredyellow suspendcrs, comforted by the familiar Hermès tic and cap-toe oxford shoes,shaved and after-shaved, their hair still damp from the morning shower. Or perhaps,on this I)articular (lay, with sweat.

lt was the first business day alter Ivan Boesky, betrayedby his former confidant Dennis Levine, had announced hewould plead guilty to one felony count of insider tradingand pay the SEC $100 million. Ifyou had known Boeskyand everyonc knew Bocskyyou had to worry that he'dimplicated you in return for such a trifling penalty. Whoknows what outlandish, unfounded allegations he mighthave made? lt was important to remain calm in the pres-ence olco-workers (that's what you're supposed to do when disaster strikesremaincalm), hut as soon as possible you called for help.

At the other end ofthe telephone lines were New York'sbest white-coLlar criminal-defense lawyers. A clannishgroup consisting largely of former federal prosecutors, theyare accustomed to representing the disgraced powerful: thesame (IOZCfl lawyers turn tiF) with all the big clients in im-broglios such as the Marc Rich tax scandal and the E. EHutton check-kiting snafu. These specialists refer to oneanother, with outworn irony, as "the usual suspects."

All the usual suspects and perhaps a dozen lesser lightsreceived phone calls, some within 48 hours of Bocsky's mea culpa. "It was a very headyatmosphere," says Charles Stiilman ofStillman, Friedman & Shaw. "lt was insanity,"says John Tiguc of Kostelanetz & Ritholz, who estimates that "50 important peoplecalled lawyers, as well as 100 others who didn't know what they were talking about."Between those who knew they were in trouble and those foolishly nervous becausethey once owned the same stock as Bocsky, there was a middle category of those whowanted to reserve a good lawyer in case the investigation wandered their way. (This isa practice skittish businessmen usually employ with takeover lawyers such as JosephFlom or Martin Lipton: Here's a lo: ofmoncy, be ready ¡fi ticed you.)

As Charles Stiliman, who is representing a possible insider-trading indictee, says,"The simple lesson is, when in doubtand I'm not trying to sell my services heregeta lawyer." Adds Don Buchwald of Buchwald & Kaufman, who will not say whetherhis firm is representing someone: "Ilyou get a subpoena, the only reason not to speakto a lawyer is ifyou can't afford one." At between $200 and 5450 an hour, fees mount,but as Stillman points out, "The people you're helping are n a position, fortunately, topay." Robert Morvillo ofObermaier, Morvillo & Ahramowitz, whose firm is waitinguntil the dust settles to decide which of a half dozen importunate businessmen torepresent, says, "If you really want to be crass about it, this is going to be a verylucrative time for people in the white-collar area."

But the callers found it wasn't so easy to find a lawyer to whom they could startanteing. First, there aren't many good white-collar attorneys. Second, white-collarsuspects aren't usually recidivists, so they don't know whom to call: the first lawyerthey try may already have a client, or a conflict of interest. Given all the ongoing SECinvestigations, conflicts are common. Solo practitioner Andrew Lawler says, "lt's hardto tell whether I was conflicted. . . . I wasn't sure what was connected with what, whatwas 'Yuppiescam' and what was Dennis Levine." Arthur Liman of Paul, Weiss, Rif-

Page 25: Spy Magazine 1987

kind, Wharton & Garrison, the dean ofwhite-collar dc-fcnsc lawyers, raised cycbrows when he became one ofat least three lawyers representing Michael Milken, thesubpoenaed Drexel Burnham Lambert unk bond king.Liman represented Levine, and if Levine fingered Mil-ken to the SEC, Liman would be representing both theaccuser and the accused. That would be your basic con-flict of interest. A lawyer in a position to know reportsthat Paul, Weiss called Grand & Ostrow to ask if theywould escort Levine into the prosecutor's office for ap-pearance' sake. Grand & Ostrow, says the lawyer, re-fused. (Liman and his partner, Martin Flumenbaum,did not return phone calls.)

Another difficulty in finding a lawyer is that some-times they don't want to be found. A lawyer at one of thefirms representing top l)rexel executives (althoughDrexel is being represented by Cahill Gordon & Rein-dcl, its regular counsel, Drexel employees have separate-ly engaged at least seven other firms) says, "You don'twant to end up representing a lower-level person who'sgoing to get immunity or get right out of the case. Youtose the action and the financial gain." In other words,the bigger the crook, the more attractive he is as a client.John Tigue says he knows one lawyer who turned downarbitrage broker Boyd Jefferies, whose firm was subpoc-naed, because "it appeared hc didn't have much of aproblem." Tigue says his own firm "turned away a cou-pIe ofsmall fry," "peanuts" who wouldn't have broughtin much more than a S5,000 retainer, before it agreed torepresent "someone related to the people who controlDrexel," the sort of client "who's going to put my kidsthrough medical school."

Artful phrases like a person related to the peopk whocontrol Drexel are part of a lawyer's lexicon, crafted todiscourage reporters and other busybodies. (They don'tsay, "Sheesh, I've never seen anyone in as much trouble asmy client Fred Mcrtz." And they always refer to crimesas "small problems.") The lawyers are paid to keep theirclients frccandout ofthe news: ifthcclicnt is not indict-ed, no one need ever know he came darn close.

Thus an elaborate dance began on November 14 andcontinues: the clients who don't want anyone to knowthey have a lawyer are still circling lawyers who don'tnecessarily want them. Add to these difficulties thc dc-lay in further indictments, and reports that Bocsky wastaping his conversations for the government, and youhave the necessary conditions for acute paranoia. "Theseguys aren't murderers and rapists," says Charles Still-man, "but they're in the worst situation oftheir lives,and they're distraught." What they want in a lawyer isnot a mouthpiece but an earpiece. 'Wc listen and wecomfort," Stillman says. A lot of what we do is he(lsidemanner"

In ad(lition to soothing words, clients want to hearwhether to sit tight or to meet with the SEC in hopes ofad(lressing their . . . small problem. Their lawyers needinformation before they can counsel, and they usuallyget it from other lawyers. "You can pool informationabout where the government is going and what it's look-ing for," says Andrew Lawler, "but it's got to be a two-way street. You have to be prepared to give as well asget." One lawyer says the professionals trust one another("these guys are best friends") and will try to present asolid front against the government. lione lawyer's client

One lawyer says is planning to "flip" (cooperate with the government in

he "turned awaya couple of

return for leniency), he'll tell the others, so they can fliptheir clients too.

It is curiously fitting that lawyers share information

smallfry" before to save the men who shared information to profit. The(liffcrcnces: the lawyers do it legally, and they don't be-

agreeing to tray one another. When betrayal comes, it will come

representsomeone i-elated

from their clients. "Sometimes Ithe clicntsj get all ex-cited to keep up with you after jthe trialj," says AndrewIawlcr, "but you usually go out to dinner once and then

to the people whocontrol Drexel"

it fades away." Another lawyer concludes wistfully,', During the time they fleed you, they need you quitebadly. But even if you stop the government cold and

the kind of avoidan indictmcnt,you're partofthebad memory, and

client "who's going they don't ever want to see you again."After the final act of absolution, paying the lawyer's

to put mykids through

medical school"

fees, the apostles of Wall Street ust want to return towork on a Monday morning, wearing the familiar PaulStuart gray flannel suit, their hair still (lamp from themorning shower. Tad Friend

MIRROR NEOPHILETEASET - PAGE/THORBECKCANDELABRA-JERRYKOTT

; VASE/CANDLEHOLDER THOMAS MARKUSEN

ALTERNATIVE BRIDAL REGISTRY

H:

HI9EI8'1UPE& ¡1G,

r AMERICAN CRAFTS FOR URBAN LIVING

4# 1351 THIRDAVENUE NEW YORK N Y 10021 212 249 8310

spy

Page 26: Spy Magazine 1987

Ears

Reagan claims ro have suffered a hearing loss during tizefilming ofa n?ovica gun. hc says. we,,, off:oo close to his head (bui then, hcalso clainic thai apartheid ¡n South Africa has been all bui ebminat-cd). Sonic doctors haue disrnised this gun sioiy as another prcíiden-tial tall tale. since failing heaiing i; norma/fur a man of 76. lIcbcgan wearing a hearing aid in his right car in 1983. lt uc into thiscui; one year later. that Nancyfrd him a line tofend offa rcporicrsqucstion about arms control. (Hc stood thcrc helpiesslyfor sccondc,shrugging and grunting, unii! she instructed him to sa "I)oingeverything we can.") When asked about his hearing. Reagan in-variably quips, "What?" The cars themselves arc unrcmar/abIc, if

a bit large.

Nose

The neu's that a basal-cell carcinoma had been rcmot'edfrom theright side ofihe presidential nose in July ¡985 ww withheld fronithe publicfor several days on order ofthefirst lady, who has beeneager to control thepublic's knowkdge ofkeagan 's health. He laterreftrred to the cancerous bump as "my littlefriend that I had playedwith," explaining that he had brought the trouble on himself 'ipic/«'d at it and I squoze it." More proboscis cancer us removed

ten wceis late,:

Cheeks

Despite his uncannily ruddy cheeks, Reagan claims that he neverwears makeup on TV. He even claims never to have u.rn it in anyofhis movies (but then, he also claims that submarine-launched

nuclear warheads can be calledback after they've been fired,).

This is often seen wide open, aspan ofa head-thrown-back expres-sion offr:gaed helpless laughter. 0:/icr familiar mouth positionsinclude the witless "Do I look like an idiot" grin and the stern "Imean busines" frown. This latter, macho pose is undercut by acertain comic prissiness, the result of the president's virtual

liplessness.

Chest and Shoulders

The cartoonish overdevelopment ofthis arca 'perhaps the result of abulletproof vest) makes the headsecmfar too smallexactly the op-

posite of Nancy's problem.

y .s

Hair

Ford, in his one recordeddiplay of wit, described this as. prcniaturely ora?igc. Reagandamit isot to dye it-but the:,. he

- also claims he uui; 't .cu'apping

armsfor hostages. Though the basichairstyle hasn 't changed for half accntuiy, the pompadow; which(,pice gave the head a violentlyasymmetrical shape, has been,nodfied over the years. Note the

unnaturally low hairline.

Eyes

These are often closed, since Rea-gan '5 aides frei no obligation toiiake him during major interna-tional ciises and hcfeels no need tostay awake during Cabine: meet-¡ng:. The eyes have been knou'i, to

.',..' shut without warning. as they did

. during his 1982 tête-a-tête with thepope, resulting in an unseemly jera-ing forward of the head. Whenopen, the eyes are carefully crinkledto convey the warmth that Amen-cansfind so comforting. When thatgrandfatherly crinkle goes away.like n'ben a reporter asks a toughquestion during a photo opportuni-'y' the president is revealed as an

angry old iguana.

' Neck

Though Reagan's fundamental

: persona is that of an enormousChild, each ofhis 76years/zasleft itsnzark clearly in this vast expanse of

wattles.

,.

---ç«j LJ

Left Lung

Even with a .22 caliber bulletlodged here, Reagan just couldn 't

stop telling those stupid jokes.

Page 27: Spy Magazine 1987

ETorso £;;( hf/h

T (PIUI1O?l (t ith ihc 1/abt;; pusc tier, Armsruics the vey ,cu1 Ms1b:l1rv that \ ,- .

¡he pteidr,: teu,s a gird/c.\ These gol a wor/o:a in Fcbua,y ¡984 u'hcn ¡he prci:dcn:, am,

. -.

I wrestling with a bodybuilder. posed for photographers while anenisI ..- -- - aide in ihr next room bricfed reporters about ihr withdrawal ofIle ha twice had a tubr :ncc,'wd upJ U.S. Marine, from Lebanon.h, urethra (a piorcdure' he r«cnth'/

Handsiefesred to ai "a b,ccze") so ,educr /the izr of his cnlargcd pi ouate / Theic arefrequrutly seen pointing at the ears n'bile Reagan wal/jsgland. IVhcn u ploslulr opelation / to orfron a hc/zcop:eragesturc that sayi. Gee. (dias. I'd love togtw' peiforrned in Junuar /w rc / answer your qucstlons, but I cant hear you causc oíthc noisc¡O?lCdI) purd h time ¡n the laos- /-ir from that darn chopper. The handc arc also usefulfor uvingpuai wiling "uo1og:caIjocí." / ;omcthing the prcsidcnt loves to doandfor holding the three-by-

_L___ . - five cue cards he wec even during one-on-one contiersanons with-

world leaders.

:

,'b -.-Thumb

.

According lo one ofhisfavorite anecdotes. Reagan - ._-. - f qUkif carving the Than4cgiving turkey _ one year \wile,, he noticed blood. Hefirsi thought that maybe -the bird ws undercooked, but then he realized thathe'd sliced open his own thumb with the knife. .

While addressing a groupof White I/once photog-raphers in 19tH. he ¡iuerted his thumbs into his ears : w

¡ and u'sggled his fingers. explaining that this washed "been i1'aiting years to do."

rr:: KeisterI ____-- ; '\*Wm

Colon-'r .-,

tSofar. twufeet of:t have been remog'ed, along with ,/' .

5rl .__d______v r;i_1 eresz really didn t have cancer. The polyp had -1:L '::'( w EREST'These :ixre cut offal the knees by an evil doctor in

the 1942 movie Kings Row. When Reagan's char-acter. !)ra/çe McHugh. woke up and noticed that

r:iì1thcyaircgonc,hçcreamed,'Whcrcitherest of f

\LO ethe delight of/tis detractors, he chose it ai the titleof

hs autobiography Reagan claims that Kings Row j.

often turni up on cillics all time ten best lisis (butthen _ he alio claini that Nazi __ ioldiers ivere vsaim _

,izedin World War/i ')ustassurclya/'Jea's).j: B)I)YBY I:UI. SL:\SKY

-:. . -- _

Page 28: Spy Magazine 1987

i

A SPY

FOLDOUT

FEATU RE

JOHN PHIWPS

1 VOLUNTEERED NY 800V AS

A HL/MAN TEST TUIS.'

26 SPY MARCH 1987

THE SEX'

.'-

THE SCANDALS!

*1THE AWKWARD PROSE!

STARS ARE ALL TOO WILLING TO SHARE

THEIR LIFE STORIES, BUT WHO REALLY WANTS

TO READ THEM? JAMIE MALANOWSKI

VOLUNTARILY WADED THROUGH A DOZEN

RECENT TELL-AILS TO PRODUCE

OUR FIRST CELEBRITY MEMOIR CHART

Page 29: Spy Magazine 1987

TIMESfit was drama that flourished. In the Victorian era, it was thef novel. In the Reagan decade, it is the celebrity tell-all book.

Make no mistake: we are living in a golden age.NO ONE KNOWS exactly who invented the celebrity auto-

biography. lt may have been Benjamin Franklin, in between devising bifocals anddiscovering electricity. His is not what we would consider a good celebrity autobiogra-phy by modern standards. He fails to mention, let alone rate, any ofhis sexual partners, nor does he tell us what substances he abusedand why he regrets it today. He doesn't discuss nude scenes, the studiosystem, the loneliness ofgoing on the road. He makes no mention ofthe late Lee Strasbcrg or the late Vince Lombardi. lt's merely arather tedious excursion into the mind of a Founding Father, andunfortunately for us, it set the pattcrn for the next 200 years.

THE MAN who's generally credited withturning everything around (unless you credit Adolf Hitler, whoseMein Kampf was certainly filled with thc requisite amount ofscrewy self-justification) is Jim Bouton, the former baseball player.His Ball Four (1970) showed that a man need not have done any-thing exceptional in order to write a best-selling autobiography. [nfact, Bouton proved that a man could be a washed-up reliefpitcher on an cxpansionteam, a genuine has-been, a real and true bum, and still write a best-seller, provided hewas willing to discuss sexual peccadilloes and drug usc and generally expose himselfand his colleagues to public derision. Billions of dollars had been spent teachingAmericans to read, yet many Citizens never used the skill for anything more compli-cated than CLOSE COVER BEFORE STRIKING. Now there was a book to fill the void.

ARE THERE ANY ground rules governing who can write acelebrity tell-all book? One rule oíthumh is that you have to be out ofyour teens. Ifyou are a teenager, however, take heart: you really don't havc to do anything butsurvive until you are 25, and then you can write about how your career was destroyedby unscrupulous managers. Ofcoursc, ifyou can't wait that long to put pen to paper,you can write a beauty book.

BEYOND THAT, there arc few rules. Malcolm Cowley, Leelacocca, Conway Twitty, it's all the same to us. If somehow you made the cover ofPeople magazine, so much the better. Don't worry ifit was for committing a crime. It'snice (but by no means necessary) if you've (lone something beneficial for mankind;and if along the way you haven't embarrassed or defeated some moderately wellknown person whom you can turn into the villain ofthe piece, you might try to do sobefore contacting a publisher. Or perhaps the book itself will take care of that.

DO YOU HAVE to be "hot" to get published? Not at all,although there is a relationship between how long you've been out ofthe limelight andhow much dirt you have to dish out. Ifyou're hot, all you have to do is talk in the mostgeneral terms about your divorce, how much you miss your kids, how much you like

working with famous people and what it all means. Ifyou're not so hot, you'd better tell whether it was you or

.,your spouse who cheated and with whom, how disappoint-cd you were when you had to put your kids in the BettyFord Center, how little you enjoyed working with famous

.r people, and that the only thing that matters is to triumph,.

4 with GOd'S help, n the end.DOES WRITING your own story guarantee you immortal-ity? Absolutely. Consider these examples: My Lfe as aSmall 8oy, by Wally Cox; Treasure in Clay: The Autobiogra-

. phy ofFulton J. Sheen ; Events Leading Up to the Comedy: An! Autobiography, by Elliott Nugent; and Ed Wynn's Son, by

Keenan Wynn. 'I'he problem with celebrity biographies is that there are so many. Noteven the most depraved reader can possibly keep up. Therefore, spy has developed adirectory of23 Fundamental Features ofcelebrity tell-all books. You will discover, aswe did, that it is in this highly distilled form that the lives of the renowned andinsignificant can be most clearly glimpsed. Our college-trained researchers have re-duced a dozen current offerings to these naked essentials.

YOU SAVE TIME, but also hard cash: A bookstore wouldask you to pay $2l2.40 plus tax for the l2 books condensed here. Cost ofspy: aninsignificant $2.50. Savings to you: an incredible $209.90.

GC&31Y KIRKLANO-.

"g HAD UY IARLOJIS

SNiPPED OFF.

*CHARLES MANSON:7H1 ICILL HiM' WAS

SAID 1P4 JfSE'

*

TINA TURNER:

¡Kf FORCED HOER TO EAT

POUND CAKE.

NIXON

\ If (

MARCH 1987 SPY 27

Page 30: Spy Magazine 1987

*:Telling

ItA li_

FAMILY

BACKGROUND

SCANDAL

Kl DS

FEELINGS ABOUT

NUDE SCENES

DREAMGIRL: MLIFE AS A SUPREME

by Ma;y Wilson;St. Martin's Press, $16.95;

292 pages

PAT NIXON:THE UNTOLD STORYby Julie Nixon EisenhoweiiSimon and Schuste,; $19. 95;

463 pages

RocK HUDSON:His STORY

by Rock Hudsonand Sara Davidson;

Morrow, $16.95;

311 pages

CoNFEssIoNs OFA PARISH PRIEST

by Andrew M. Greeley;Simon and Schuster, $18.95;

507 pages

Named after one of her fathcrs old Born Thetma Catherine Ryan. Nick- Born Roy Scherer Jr., but when his His nickname is Greets.girlfriends. Mary never changed her named Babe. She changed her name mother remarried, he was adopted byname, but Diane Ross became Diana in 1931 after her father died, because stepfather and renamed Roy Fitzger-in 1965. "Patricia was Ihisi favorite name. . . . I aid. His stage name was dreamed up

was his 'St. Patrick's Babe in the either by first agent Henry Wilison ormorning." Richard Nixonliked to call by a bunch ofguys he hungout with inherMissVagabondand his'lrishGypsy." Long Beach, California.

Dad did time in prison. After he garn-bled away the family's moncy in Chi-cago, Mary's aunt and uncle fromDetroit took her in.

One. Pedro Ferrer, now ex.

Her father was a sailor, a miner andfinally a farmer who became knownas "the cabbage king" because heraised the biggest and best cabbage formiles around.

One. Richard Nixon: "He felt in lovewith her that Ifirsti night. Althoughnot usually impulsive, he said . ..,'You may not believe this but I am go-ing to marry you someday.'"

Ile and his parents lived with grand-parents during the Depression: elevenpeople in a one-bedroom house.

Rock's stepfather beat him. A manhad sexual relations with Rock whenhe was nine.

One. Phyllis Gates, his agent's secre-tary; divorced within two years. Con-troversy still rages over whether it wasa marriage of convenience or affcc-tion, or both. Rumors of marriage toJim Nabors denied.

Four. Adopted son Willie, who is her Two. Patricia ("Tricia") and Julie. None. Seven dogs, however.cousin Christine's eldest child; daugh-ter Turkessa, sons Pedro Jr. and Rafael.

First (unconsummated) experiencewas in high school with Jimmy Abner."Sensing my unease, Jimmy slowlyundressed me. ..before I knew itJimmy's strong body was on top ofmine . . . where were the shooting starsI'd heard abouti' . . . We broke up soonafter."

In high school she became engagedto Ronnie Hammers. "We did 'what-ever' right away."

Aller the Suprernes became Sees

Working in the tubercular ward of aNew York hospital in the early l930s,Pat wrote to her brother, "My Auntsthink the doctors and some ofthe leI-lows t go with are grandbut I don'tcare so much about even going outwith them.They say l'il be a nun yet....

For their honeymoon the Nixonswent on a driving trip to Mexico. Byeating canned goods for breakfast andlunch, they kept the cost of the tripdown to $178.

When her hairdresser offered to helpPat undress, she said, '0h, no thankyou, Judy. I have to keep doing thingsfor myself."

Rock's steady lovers included radioprod1ucer Ken Hodge ("the essence of'sophistication"); Jack Navaar ("leanand fit with blond wavy hair"); ashort, paunchy, married studio execu-tive who helped Rock keep his firstbig role in Magn«Icent Obsession; TVextra Lee Garlington ("tall andblond," one of the only people Rocksays he truly loved); Jack Coates("tanned, blond, sun-washed"); TotaClark ; Jim Gagner See O

Rock admitted to a movie magazinethat he slept in the nude.

,. 'We lost everything in the Crash.'"His sister, Mary Jule, is called Juice,

"even by her husband, the incompara-bic Jack Durkin, one ofthe most 'fun'human beings I have ever been privi-

One. The Church.

'God, to use the language it took medecades to discover, is the only loverwho possesses the perfection of pas-sion and excitement of first love insummer."

"As Father Jaimie Keenan, priest inone of my short stories, remarks, '1fJesus did not admire the breasts ofwomen, he was singularly ungratefulto his Heavenly Father ......

Page 31: Spy Magazine 1987

FIRST BIG BREAK

MENTOR INSPIRATION

FIR ST

ED SULLIVAN

SHOW

CRIMES

PHILOSOPHY

OF LIFE

Audition w,th Motown Iii 1960. Looking good. WhenCardinal Meycrencouraged hiswriting.

"Though i felt thc brunt of her anger Aunt Kate, a nun. Though Kate wasmany times, I know that the values in her seventies, Pat found her "loadsImy aunti l.V. taught me have stood of fun."by mc throughout my life ......

"Our two most popular outfits were "I love to help othersand all day A friend speculates, "As big as he be- "1 survived the alternately painful andred sleeveless spaghetti-strap dresses long I'm always trying to be cheerful came, he was never nailed Ifor being exhilarating roller coaster of my mid-with tons offringe, and a silver span- to the unfortunates and to help them gay. . .. Rock had an angel on his life crisis decade mostly by work."dcx costume, complete with tight in every way possible." shoulder, or made a pact with thepants, halter tops, and high heels. We devil."looked hot."

I'he highlight of their first appear- Pat never went on the Sullivan show,ancc, in l964, came when Sullivan's but she did have a cousin named Nedmakeuperew,unaccustomcdtowork- Sullivan who figures prominently in¡ng with blacks, made them look "like this book.black-facedsingcrs ma minstrel show!"

Diana and Mary were into gambling; L)uring a 1959 visit to Moscow, Soviet Rock drank heavily in later ycars. l-le "Ill became an early addict of theFlo became an alcoholic. The leaders pressed Pat to drink shots of didn't like pot and thought cocaine soaps."Beatles expected the Supremes to be vodka. "Oh, no, I don't care for it," was terrible."hip" but found them "square." ¡n shesaid. But when thedeputy premier1969 turmoil in the group and break- suggested that they drink to peace, sheing up with 'bm Joncs caused Marys buckled: "For peace, I'll do anything."hair to fall out. SecO

Mary lied to Berry Gordy once about Possible coconspirator by association. Just after eloping with Phyllis, Rockwho was driving his Cadillac when it got a speeding ticket.hit a parked car. He nearly fired herwhen he found out the truth.

In 1967 the Supremes played nuns in Pat was "very sensitive to news stories Pat Boone and some friends prayed "My own image ofGod is that She is aan episode of Tarzan. They sang "Mi- that said she and her family were 'fall- over Rock on his deathbed. They laid Comedienneand an Irish one atchad Row the Boat Ashore." en-away' Catholics." Her father felt on hands and spoke in tongues. Rock that."

that "it's all right to live without reh- slept through tisis.gion, but it's not all right to dic with-out it." During Watergate Pat toldpeople to "pray for the press."

One (lay the Supremcs were told that "People can sense when another peç- "l'here arc many forms oflove . . . like "Life, if it is anything at all, is a questtwo friends had been in a car aecklent. son is friendly and genuinely interest- love for a child or a parent, love for for a Grail, an end of a rainbow, a lep-One was paralyzed, the other decapi- ed. A smile is the universal language." dogs or plants or fried chicken. I love rcchaun with a pot of gold, a Balitated. Though t1Pt, "that night . . . "The world is just what we make loving, but being in love with someone Ila'i in the South Pacific."WC pranced onstage, flashing our big- itso let's make ours a grand one. has been too romanticized." "The most fundamental, the mostgest, sweetest smiles .... The show Too, it's fun to work and then enjoy "Someone once asked me what my instinctual question that I can ask my-must go on." the fruits of the success." philosophy oflife was, and I said some self: is summer a delusion or is it a sac-

crazy thing. I should have said, how rament? My life is about the search forthe hell do I know?" an answer to that question." SceØ

"IWel could always count on a lively, "People arc my project," Pat says. Be-vocal contingent of kids and teens fore White House dinners, the Nixonswaiting for us wherever we went. I would psych themselves up by re-was touched by these shows of minding each other that this would beafiection." some guest's first and only evening in

the White House.

Endorsintt Surcmes White Bread. Scc (ettinC AIDS. "If I had it all to (IO

When singer Tabby West invited him' ---------- 1'57 .1...... 'ri. . r.._..L

Meeting Ike. Good genes for sports. Singing "John Foster Dulles" at the)1... A .__I . P,T..... J. I. .1. . u .1.

Page 32: Spy Magazine 1987

waiting tor us wherever we WCIfl. i

was touched by thcsc shows ofwould psycn themselves up ny re-minding each other thai this would be

affection." some guest's first and only evening inthc White House.

Endorsing Suprcmcs Wltitc Bread. Sees (kiting AIDS. "lt I hul it ll to do

REGRETS which was ,,old in Detroit inarkcts. overagain,I'd probably hea landscapearchitect."

An English teacher "told mc that I Pat cut short her career as a movie ac- Rock turned down Charlton Heston's

1I$.11' was exceptionally perceptive and sug- tress because she "did not want to sub- part in Ben Kw and Marion Brando's

gested that I consider becoming a ect herself to the iroñ control or the part in Sayonara, both hits, w do AI12iflltuJIÌll$ writer." whim ofany filin cxecuttvc or studio." Farewdi to Arms, a flop.

At first insulted that the English press See pages l-480. After Rock's diagnosis, he still kissed On the accusation that the covers

called them Negresses, the Supremes Linda Evans on ¡)ynaszy, but he kept of his novels are too sexy: " The

began to understand how the English his mouth closed. Also after diagnosis, gold cross in the mouth of the red-saw them: as "exotic darlings, sexy he (Iidfl't tell lover Marc Christian haired woman on the cover lof Thy

RATIONALIZATIONS and cute, and all the more interesting about his condition. "Fuck him. Be- flroihcr' Wqfel represents the oral in-

because we were black and hailed cause it goes with the territory." corporation of God in the Eucharist.from what the foreign press liked to SecOportray as a rat-infested ghetto."

"Tom would always sing songs just to "There was no doubt in lPat'sl mind "Raoul Walsh lwho directed Rock "I have never had a nuti as a closemc. In Las Vegas he once sang 'Green, that Watergate was a political witch- in his 61m dchutj did not use Rock in friend. I don't rule out the possibility,

(;reci (;rass of Home,' then segued hunt, and that my fiuher would with- any more (ums, but he asked him to but I continue to be wary of them."c!III]II1UjIIl into 'That Old Black Magic.' " stand it." paint his house and wash windows."

How badly Motown paid them. What happened to the 18 minutes of Explanation of why he can't go two

OBVIOUS OMISSIONS tape. pageswithout uotingfrom his ownbooks.

"They called mc 'the sexy one.' "IPati appears serene as IDickT pre- "l)ear RockSo good to have youparcs to explain his political cxpense here with us. With warmest regards,

:1*1 fund, but the unfairness ofthe charges Nancy & Ron."

:r.Ir.zw2lI.] changed her idealistic view of politicsforever."

"Then I repeated one ofFlo's favorite "i'oday, Patricia Ryan Nixon cher- 'He's on his way to Nirvana.' 'Ncvcrsay "no" to the Lord of thehues from our happy days: 'Honey, ishes the privacy ofhcr retirement years l)ance!'

LAST LINE we is terrific.' " and the family times that have beenamong (IR: happiest of her life.

O O O Osuccessful, Mary lived with Duke Fakir l)uring the l96() presidential cam- (ex-roommale of Armistead Maupin); "I'm an Aristotelian, or more pre-

ofthc Four Tops in her house (which paign, many in the entourage took and last live-in, Marc Christian cisely a transcendental ihomist à la

Berry Gordy didn't like because Mary "mild pep pills." ("flaxen-haired, tanne(l chest"), who, Bernard Lonergan and [)avid i racy,

had put mirrors over her bed). 0 in Rock's last days, was asked to leave with a strong (lash of Whitcheadian

Other affairs with a bodyguard In 1947 Congressman Nixon brought hut stayed an(l had boys over. process philosophy and amesian em-

from Puerto Rico, composer Brian Pat some expensive linen place mats Rock also had a lot offlings. Friend piricism/pragmatism thrown in."

Holland, Berry's cider brother Fuller from Italy. Knowing how expensive Mark Miller told him "just because it Oand Columbia Pictures executive Da- they must have been, she blurted out, wiggles, you don't have to luck it," a The Ascent Into Hell cover is an allu-

vid Puttnam. Soon, "I had a boyfriend "Oh, l)ick, why did you huy this . . ." piece ofadvice Rock disputed. In later sion to Michelangelo's Creation, ex-

in every town, all around the world." Pat's greatest regret in the after- years, he gave pool parties to which he cept that God, on this cover, wears

Mary then had a torrid affair with math of Watergate was that her hus- invitcd as many as 50 malc"beauties." fingernail polish and has breasts....

Tom Jones: "I felt like we were living hand "did not consult her about the He also had affairs with women, On the cover of Lord of the Dance

out a scene from a musical, with 'Some tapes hetore their existence became including I'hyllis Gates (rumored to the reclining (lancer, with her long red

Enchanted Evening' playing in the common knowledge." be bisexual) and actress Marilyn hair and a hint of enormous energy at

background." Discovering that he was Maxwell, who proposed to him. rest . . .symbolizes the Church."

married upset her but didn't keep herfrom flying around the world to spend Navy buddy: "We heard rumors about"just one night" with him. 'Fitz' for thirty years, but we dis-

Other affairs with Mike Warren, missed them. . . . lt must have been that

Flip Wilson and Steve McQueen. dang Hollywood. . . . It ruins people.....

Page 33: Spy Magazine 1987

* Telling

It1Jl*

MANSON IN HisOWN Woiws

as told to Nuel Ernmons;Grove Press, $16.95;

232 pages

Born "No Name Maddox"; later tookthc naine Mansoi from the man hismother evcntually marricd. "Hcy,CharIicc Angch on TV is even a takc-offon tue and my girls."

I)ANcIN; ON MGRAVE

by Gelsey Kirklandwith Greg Lawrence;

Doubleday, $1 7. 95; 286 pages

Whcn (;elsey was accepted into Bal-anchinc's Ncw York City Ballet at 15,she wanted to adopt a stage name, huthcr íatlwr said no.

PAPA JOHNby John Phillips

with Jim Jerome;Dolphin/Doubleday, $17.95,

444 pages

John Edmund Andrew Phillips.

MAYFLOWER MADAMby Sydney Biddle Barrows

with William Novak;Athor House, $1 7. 95;

291 pages

Her professional pseudonym wasSheila Devin, inspired by a characteron /111 My Children.

Father was a "young drugstore cow- Mother was an actress, titicr an em- His presumed fnhcr was an alcoholic ! came from a privileged familyboy" who didn't stick around, mothcr bittered alcoholic playwright. "His Marinc; his possible real father was a whose history was intertwined witl

FAMILY a whore. When Charlie was six, his first act of the (lay was to throw U) in Marine doctor. I lis mother was a that ofAmerica, , , , Even though somernothcr was arrested for trying to roh a the bathroom ...." Gelsey was a Chcrokcc who had affairs with ser- of my rclatives lived in grandeur, our

BACKGROUND! service station using a Cokc bottle as a chronic sleepwalkcr. vicemen. His brother was "messed p own circumstances were far moreSCANDAL weapon. His mother had lesbian expe- psychologically by combat" in World modest,"

riences; young Charlie was a bed War Il; his sister Rosie's father mightwetter. have been a rodeo rider,

KIDS

One and a hail. First (unnamed) was a One. Co-author Greg Lawrence, Three. Susie Adams ("I couldn't keep Noue.waitress and coal miner's (laughter: from keling trapped"); Michelle Gil-"She may not have been the most ham ("We had lived fast and hard . .

beautiful girl in the world, but to me we had simply bccn through tooshe was Marilyn Monroe, Mitzi much"); Genevieve Waite ("Drugs al-(;aytìor and Lana Turner all rolled towed us to sink deeper toward a stateinto one ,,,." She left him for a truck in which Gen was a slave, I was adriver. Manson got a marriage hccnse master").to marry Sandy, a prostitute for whomhe pimpcd, but they never wentthrough with it. She left him when shegot pregnant.

i'hree. One with each of his two"wives" and one with Mary Brunner,a son, Valentine Michael, whom Man-son delivered himself

At age I 3, he was raped repeatedly byfellow inmates at Indiana School forBoys, a correctional facility. The rapesStOppC(I after Charlie attacked one ofhis violators with an iron windowcrank.

"i'he first girl I ever made it with Iefl(le(l up marrying."

At 32, newly released from prison,he decided he had "some catching upto (lo." I-lad sex with: the whore healmost married; a 16-year-old girl hemet on the Street. who made him feellike an ina(lequatc lover; Mary Brun-ncr, with whom he attempted lore-ilay ("She was willing to try it all.And try it all we did"); Jane and Stella,two hitchhikers wlunn he slept withby the side ofthc road, in his van ("Itw:,,n't mi' whn rn:,,Ir h' trct

Ñ yet. "1'hc idea of maternity asboth alien and wondrously alluring. Itwas, of course, out of the question lkrmc.

"Unticrthe smricturesimpose(lhy Bal-anchine, sex was alx>tit the onlyweapon his dancers possessed." First( unconsumninated) dressing room en-counters with (lancer Fernando Bu-jones at IS. Then stole best friend'shusband 'Jules," a rock musician, and"at last the mystery of the rose hadbeen cracked, and I was anxious tospread the news, mnfkirniisg muy fellowdancers how sore my l)ody was fromwrestling with such ecstasy."

At 22 she began an affair withdancer (now City Ballet director) Pe-ter Martins: "Peter seemed to be a(.rcek god. Our love and sexualitysccmne(I to go hand in lmaml ...." Affairwiis disrupted whcn (lancer i leatherWatis publicly announced that Peterhad told her that makinir love to Gel-

Five. Jeffrey and Laura Mackenzic(Susie); Chynuia Gilliam (Michelle),flitncrlane and Bijou (Gencvicve).

First experience with 12-year-oldJeannie ("I loved every second of it").In high school, Maggie Lee ("She hada tongue that wouldn't quit and handsthat wouldn't start").

l'hen Susie Adams ("girlish,spunky exuberance"); Susie's formersecretary, Marcia ("I lost interest inMarcia after a few weeks"); Rita, aI lavana hooker ("an animal: tireless,uninhibited, and fiutI of tricks"); Ma-ria ("voluptuous. hot-blooded ball-room dance instructor from PuertoRico"); Michelle ( ;illiam ("My passionfor her was electric and powerful");Aiui Marshall ("stunning, well-edu-cated"); Anita Pallenbcrg ("built");Mia Farrow ("lots of hin"); (encvicvcWaite ("wonderfully unique");Rianca lacuer (Micic "w u,d

None.

Her first experience was in highschool, with Geoff "In tIse context of aclose relationship with a man I knowwell, I am warm, loving, and afIc-tionaic, an(l like many women, I lindit casier to give love than receive it.But to be blunt about it, recreationalsex has never appealed to une,"

Page 34: Spy Magazine 1987

FEELINGS ABOUT

NUDE SCENES

MENTOR INSPIRATION

ncr, with wIitii he attempted Iorc-play (She Was willing io uy it all.And try it .tll we (11(1"); Jane and Stella,two hitchliikcrs whom he slept withby the side of the road, in his van ("ltwasn't mc who made the firstadvance").

Lynnctte "Squeaky" Fromme (wholater tried to shoot (krakl Ford); Pa-irida Krenwinkel, who had a hang-Uf) about her body hair ("She had iohave ihc lights out"); Susan "Sadie"Atkins, one of Sharon Tate's killers(Charlie scduccjj her with his guitarplaying); Ruth Ann Moorchouse, the14-ycar.-old virgin daughter of apreacher ("I whispered, Forgct yourdaddy. I'm your daddy. Doesn't thiskcl too good to be %vrong" ").

One episode involved 12 girls and 5guys in his bus: "fhe balling, party-ing. oral-copulating, heterosexual , ho-mosexual, masturbating orgy thatoccurred in the bus that night was notinitiated or programmed by mc."

Had a homosexual experience withmajor Hollywood star (unnamed),who also liked to watch while Mansonhad sex with his wife.

Others: Sandra Good ('The walkresulted in some conversation, a lot ofsex an(l our getting to know each oth-er") an(l Stephanie Schram.

A trio: Linda Kasahian, Gypsy andBrenda. ("Linda was my kind of girl.Six months later, she became the pros-ecutor's kind of girl.")

At seven, (;harlie rounded up all the(hristrnas of neighborhoodchildren who had teased him andL)urllcd thei.

First nutrkr: he killed a blacktI()fx icalr in L.A. "I felt good!"

Vie, a pimp, told Charlie all about bigcars and pretty girls. Also, an inmate,Alvin "Creepy" Karpis of Ma Hark-er's gang, played guitar with him.

ter Martins: "Peter seemed to be aGreek god. Our love and sexualityseemed to go hand in hand ..... Affairwas disrupted when dancer HeatherWatts publicly announced that Peterhad told her that making love to Gel-sey was like masturbating.

Later that year she began a long butnone-too-sensual affair with MikhailBaryshnikov: i waited for him to bedonc. I felt no need to fake what hadnot taken place ......

Affairs with psychologist from SarahLawrence, (lancer Richard Schafer("ruggedly handsome") and dancerPatrick Bissell, who turned her on tocoke.

At a party a cocaine dealer namedDexter attempted unsuccessfully toprocure her for Henry Kissinger.

Unlikely aflair with "Mickey," ami(ldlc-agcd homosexual heroin ad-diet whom she met in a mental institu-tion. ("1 le looked like a cross betweenan Italiazi leprechaun and alightweight boxer.")

Then "Dwayne' a pianist. andothers: "Random promiscuity had ad-vantages which I found irresistible.Sex could be exchanged for coke; cokecould be exchanged for sex." Otherromances with a "respectable" restau-rant owner and "Ilugh," a cocainedealer: "At our first meeting he askedme, 'Have you ever had coke up yourass?' So began my sickest relationshipto date."

'l'hen Greg Lawrence (husbandand co-author), "a poet of sorts."

Embarrassed by nudity. When shewas ten, George Balanchinc asked herto change into her angel costume infront of a group of businessmen."There was something not altogetherright about the way those grown mengigjled."

Catching the eye of Balanchine, whochoreographed Firebird for her whenshe was 17. Also, when the newly dc-fcctcd Baryshnikov asked her to dancewith him.

First Balanchine, who alienated herby ignoring her injuries (" 'Youngpeople don't have injuries. Go homeand read fairytales' "). theiì dancc icach-er Stanley WiIIims ("He Inokctl like

sJack f.emmon"), ihen Ri.ryIinikw.

for her was electric and povrful");Ann Marshall ("stunning, well-edu-cated"); Anita Pallenberg ("built");Mia Farrow ("lots offun"); GenevieveWaite ("wonderfully unique");Bianca Jagger (Mick "was a total gen-tieman about it"); Jane, a University ofPennsylvania student ("She was in hersenior year and would fly up on week-ends. She was lucky enough to sched-ulc all her classes on Tuesday"); andothers.

One night tu one bed: John and Mi-chclle Phillips. Jane Fonda, Roger Va-dim, \V.urrutì Ikatty.

First guitar given to l'hiliips by brnthcr-in-law. John and Michelle andDenny l)ohcrty and Cass Elliot dropacid together, 1965.

.. I .00king back, I am absolutely ccr-(Jill i would not be alive now if I hadluit 1)C('n arre%ted. , , . The dealer whotUfifld informaiìt on me saved my

"I Lucyl turned on the V( R. I . iw st

had a heart attack, for there. un thescreen, was Robin, one of our newgirls. And she wasn't merely havingsex, either. . . . 'l've seen enough; isaid. . , . 'Wait a minute; said Lucy."Ihe scene with the goat is comingup!' S'OConvincing the bank to let her useVisa and Mastercharge.

Her father told her it was ali right ifshe became a ditchdiggcr, as long asshe was the best one she could be. Shelearned the business while working asa scheduler in the escort servicc oI jmiun named Eddie.

Page 35: Spy Magazine 1987

OF S U CCESS

SUICIDE ATTEMPTS

PHILOSOPHY

OF LIFE

-- ,-. --'ï---. .y--...,--.

"When z* guy wints ,.oincthing. he My anger was transformed into a(I(X%tII flhIOW all thr ruks." more complicated responsc Io balki

itself, but thc Iassion of my commat-mcnt can be traccd to th turmoil ofmy childood."

-

"For mc, ballet was suicidal." "I Not explicitly discussed.occasionally Iantasizcd about my fu-neral. . . . I was a dancing corpse."

First acid till), ;lg( 2, .t a ;rateftll1)cad cotccrt. "!'vc ncvcr ha(1 any uscfor licroin. 01)111111, CoCainc orthing else th;n rn;kcs you in .I(I(lIct..1 I t hough I vc Isviys IcL1 st rung ( uigrass. hishtsh, I S1 ). nìushroonìs andjust alxut evcrvthutìg thit givcs mindtr1I)s. ¼llflM)I JIRI hIS tuI1overs ron-tiîuIy tk I SI ) hcturc gui rig out u)

k ill cupIc.

As a teen with acne, she took antibiot-i and birth control pills and Butazo-lidio, "a dangerous anti-inflammatorydrug used on racehorses and (lancers."Always took emctics to induce vomit-ing and stay skinny. Balanchinc gavehcr amphetamines (" 'Take thus. Is vi-lamm' ").

"I starvcd by day. then hinged onunk food and threw up by night; I

took injections of pregnant cows'urine, reputed to be a miraculous dietaid; I stuffed myself with laxatives,thyroid pills, andcelery juice; I emptiedmyself with enemas and steam baths."On cokcwich Patrick Bissell:"No wor-rtcs, fears, anxieties. . . . I was voluble,cvcn fairly coherent. . . . I was hookedon him and on the coke. . . . My entirelife seemed to have relocated into thebathrooms ofMaiihattan."f'inallycom-mitted to a mental hospital. By 1984was a speed freak, a 'valium addict, acoke casualty, and a total wreck. Eveitmy teeth were falling out." Started torckrm when she realized "that bu-lions of illicit dollars were launderedannually through the banking systcmin the United States alone, that drugswere the most profitable commodityin the world."

Passini, drugs afl(l alcohol. AlcoholaI)t1SC flU)C prcs)1c1)t Lite in the book.l:mrst joint courtesy of R,t;m i n Eivana.I n StilT) : 'I voluntccrctl muy Ixdy as i

htimiiat test tube for anything I couldget muy hands on.

"Millions of Americans use and enjoyillegal drugs without abusing them. .

l)rug USC, in other words, is not thesame as drug abuse ......

See pages I -232. Suffering "menstrual blues" on tour First arrcst as a teenage gang member, Was expelled from Stonelcigh board-in Russia, G&'lsey silenced the irritat- for "rolling fgs." Arrested for 'kid- ¡ng school for a series of small of-ing radio in her hotel room by stuffing napping" his son Tamerlanc. Arrest- fcnscs, including helping a girl sneak acoffee-soakcd shredded Tampax into cd for drugs in lkrmnuda; a l)rJhc got boy into her room.the speakers. Paranoid cokchcad boy- him off. Major drug bust in 198() led,friend Bissell kept a hatchet under the cvcntually. to this lxxk.bed, a knife underthc pillowand mace.

At 12, Charlie had a vision of Jesus No witnesses at her wedding to Greg No. "111 ever had to pick a religion all over('l'lmundcr s(>LlIftk(I and a flash of Lawrence, except "the One, perhaps, again, I would seriously considerlightning l)rightcnc(l thc sky"), vhich who witnesses all of our actions." Judaism ......rccurrc(l later during an acid trip."Go(I IS III CVCOflC. Each person is hisor her OSVfl (;od. I'm CutI, yourc(;(Rl."

"Wipe your own ass, do your Owl) To her brother: "My success means 'My thilosophy about beitig a so- "In my view, every woman in Amer-thing hR1 cgo be (lanlnc(l.' nothing! I hate every minute of it! called 'star' was that if you wantcd ka ought to wear a slip."

"Nothing is wrong ii it feels good Ballet is a curse!" Also, she quotes one ochcrs iii treat you like I star, you had¿iiiil satishc.s you. I .ivc (or noW ...." of Misha's Russian sayings: "Love is to lirsi treat yourself like oiie."

not like a poiato--you can't throw it "Ircc(Iom is a douhle-cilgc(l sword

Page 36: Spy Magazine 1987

'iIothinjis wrong if it feels goodJ

Ballet acurse!" ALSA, she quotes one othcis to treat OU like a star, you hadPHILOSOPHY

arid satisfies you. Live for now....' of Mishas Russian sayings: Lovc is to first treat yourself like one."OF LIFE not like a potatoyou can't throw it "Freedom is a double-edged sword

otit the window." that can cut you loose or cut youdown."

"lt wasn't that I was trying to play "In Florida on one occasion, to After being in jail with streetwalk-íi:i Icader! had a feeling of re- avoidbcinghoundedbyamoboffans, ers: "These girls had been so nice tosponsibility." I ran a mile in my toe shoes through a mc, and so open and interesting, thatIÌIli]JU "To me a class whore is about as field of mud and hack to my hotel my brief experience in jail was far

:i.iviiir honest a person as there is on earth." room." more positive than I could haveimagined."

-.'l should have cleaned up my act." Obsession with changing her body. In Drug abuse undermined Phillips's

"One ofmy strongest regrets is that addition to various failed breast alter- plan to record a soloalbum that wouldthe world didn't get to hear our ations, "1 had my earlobes snipped off. have featured Mick Jagger, Keith

REGRETS .music. I had silicone injected into my ankles Richards and Mick Thylor. "I wasand lips." devastated."

RATIONALIZATIONS

OBVIOUS OMISSIONS

"In learning of the popularity and BecauseofKirkland'schronic anorex- Might have been murdered along "I was the only one inthe class whosewealth of the victims, I suddenly felt ia and bulimia, Herb Ross and his with Sharon Tate and others at the mother wouldn't let her watch Thecheated that the kids had come away wife, Nora Kayc, replaced her in the Polanski mansion, but for the fact that Man From U.N.C.L.E."from the scene with less than a hun- movie The Turning Point with another Marshall Brickman suggested thatdred dollars in cash." dancer. they skip the party and instead go to

the beach to look at phosphorescentplankton.

Manson claims that the murdersweren't his idea, I)ut the plait of hisfemale followers: "I winked at Susanand jokingly told her, 'Go kill him forme, Sadie.' 'l'lie 'go kill him' was saidin jest."

"Though I wasn't black, I picked upon what the Black Muslims werepracticing."

"Sure, the poi and pills we usedwere technically against the law,hut. . . . Other than nailing a few un-der-age broads who were already giv-ing their bodies to whoever theyfancied, I kimi of had the feeling ofbeing a good samaritan......

"These thoughts might sound likepure insanity, l)Ut . . .

"I was simply doing my own thing, liv-ing according to the modern code:'sex, drugs, and rock and roll .' . . . Mydownfall was not only a triumph ofthe monstrous side of my personality,but the seductive and vacuous side ofour culture."

"Perhaps my experience has alreadycontributed to change, at least for mygeneration."

"Maybe I had macle it too easily."

While living with Michelle (thoughstill married to first wif Susie), thisconversation took place: I love you,Susie." "You can't have it both ways.""But you lived in Europe. You shouldknow about mistresses."

On his nsonthlong stay in the Al-lenwood 'Country Club" prison: "l'uefood was a l)lcasant surprise, with adelicious kosher kitchen, an elaboratesalad bar, and a tasty brunch on Sun-days at ten forty-five...."

"Like their counterparts in the otherhelping professions, our girls broughttenderness and comfort into our cli-ents' lives. We were there fir them."

"I would give the girls a few point-ers on how w avoid swallowing it in away that was not obvious to the client.Recause it's a very visual lesson, I amunable to put it into words."

Tip to employees: "Once you're inthe bathroom, jump up and down alittle bit and let gravity do its work sothat you don't mess up your under-wcir. Otherwise, you'll be goingdown in the elevator, and all ofa sud-(lenWhOOSh!"

Clients' names.

"Only a body is in prison. At my will, I "Thedancegocionforever. Sos/ial!!. So "l'lt just have to cross that bridge "lt's not called the oldest professionwalk your streets and am right out shall we. Let that be my epitaph, my when it burns." for nothing."there among you." prayer, my final gesture."

oSydney once let a boyfriend take

snapshots of her nude. Eleven yearslater, some of them ran in the DailyNews and the Post. "I was devastated."

Page 37: Spy Magazine 1987

:

Telling

ItAll

FAMILY

BACKGROUND

SCANDAL

KIDS

THE CONWAYTWITTY STORY:AN AUTHORIZED

BIOGRAPHYby Wilbur Cross

and Michael Kosser;Dolphin/Doubleday, 14.95;

193 pages

Born Harold Jcnkins. Conway is atown in Arkansas; Twiuy is a town inTexas.

"How do you know you arc Spoor'whcn you don't know what it is tohave money? Sometimes I didn't catanything different for a whole monthat a timc."

Two. Ellen, "a supernice person," towhom he stayed married only untilthcir son was born. Mickey, whom hemarried in 1956, divorced in l970, re-married in 1971 and divorced in 1984."Being constantly reminded she wasmarriedtoa famousentertainer"causedMickey to lose "her own identity."

Four. Mike, Joni, Kathy, Jimmy.

"lEllen and II were good friendsoh-viously a little more than friends."

When singer Tabby West invited himto appear on a TV show, The OzarkJubilee.

When "It's Only Make Believe" wasinching up the charts,manager Don

I, TINA:

M LIFE STORYby Tina Turner

with Kurt Loder;Morrow, $16. 95;

236 pages

Anna Mae Bullock. Ike, then hermanager, had become fixated onSheena, the white ungle goddess ofthe movies. He chose Tina because itrhymed with Sheena.

"Were we poor? I (lofl't remember be-ing poor." Her "father" might nothave been her father. Also, "I wasraised on pork .....

One. Ike, now ex.

Two. Son Craig was born in 1958; fa-ther was a musician named Raymond1-lili. Son Ronald was born in l960; fa-ther was Ike, who was married tosomeone else at the time.

1-lcr first partner was Harry Taylor,captain of the high school basketballteam. With Ike: "He would beat mewith shoes, shoe trees, anything thatwas handy. And then he would havesex with me. lt was torture, plain andsimple." Tina had a crush on musicianJohnny Williams and once evensneaked into his room and lay in hisarms for five minutes. SeeQ

Meeting Ike.

Valerie Bishop, who turned Tina orito Buddhism, through which Tina.. -i _____ii ------ :.

ROSEY:

THE GENTLE GIANTby Roosevelt Grier;

Honor Books, $17.95;301 pages

"My parents named me Rooseveltafter the man who was running on theI )cmocratic ticket for President."During his briefsinging career, "Theycalled me the '300-pound Perry Como.''

"Poppa was a farmer, and life washard, but no harder than for manyAmericans in the thirties."

Roscy and Doris weren't marriedwhen their daughter, Sheryl, wasborn; Rosey isashamed "by my refusalto give her my last name."

Two. Bernice ("an attractive andwoman who. . . did drink

more than 1 would have liked"),whom hc married in l961 and di-vorced in 1968. Margie, whom hemarried in 1970, divorced in l975 andremarried in l98l.

Two. Sheryl, born l953 to girlfriendDoris, and Roosevelt Kennedy, bornto Margie in 1971.

While campaigning for RobertKennedy, Roscy met Jackie Onassis.Once "I told her, 'Jackie, you're areally nice lady. The only problem is,you can never know who likes you foryourself....To me, you're us an-other lady.' She laughed and said 'Ithink you're crazy.' But I wanted herto have that experience ofbcing caredabout as a person. SecO

Good genes for sports.

John Grossi, a seventh-grade class-got aU A'sHe said,

ONE MORE TIMEby Carol Burnett;

Random House, $18.95;359 pages

Named after Carok Lombard.Known as "the kid with the brick wallin her gut."

"We were on something called theWPA. It meant that we were poor ......Carol's grandmother was flatulent. IfCarol "really begged" her, her grand-mother would take out her teeth andsmile at her. They owned a sexuallyactive parakeet. Carol's haifsister wasborn out of wedlock.

l'wo. Don Saroyan and Joe Hamilton.Both Why she and Saroyar. split:'He was gentle and sweet, and we hadfun together. . . . So we don't have anymoney! So what? We're young. We'rehealthy. We're talented. And we're inlove! What'sso bad about that? . . . Andthen I started to get luckier than Don."

l'hrcc daughters. Carrie, Jody andErin.

"IMamal could . . . tell us all about how. "It" (the big i:) is so friggin' overrac-ed it's pitiful.'

"1 began to want more. No morepure. . . . I wanted to know what'it' was like. . . . I gave himevery chance. . . . But our involvementdidn't progress one bit. . . . One of myroommates took mc aside and told mcabout homosexuals."

Once, after a doctor gave Carol a shotofpenicilliri in the buttocks, she was soembarrassed she walked into a closet.

Singing "John Foster Duiles" at theBlUe Angel, a New York nightclub.

An unnamed rich man lent Carol$L,000 to come to Ncw York and-----

Page 38: Spy Magazine 1987

MENTOR INSPrÂTION

FIRST ED SULLIVAN SHOW

SUBSTANCE

ABUSE

FINDING GOD

"IT'S THE

LITTLE PEOPLE

WHO MATTER"

Lt) dPIA..*I I)u 4 1 .IIUW, ¡ ft tJhUI

Jubilee.muy rtiagcI, icw io, iiigsnt.uv.

When "It's Only Make Believe" was Valerie Bishop, who turncd Tina on John Grossi, a seventh-grade class- An unnamed rich man km Carolinching up the charts, manager L)on co Buddhism, through which Tina mate who got all A's. "Hc said, 'Well, $1,000 to come to New York andScat kept Conway hidden, so as not to discovered nonallergenic makeup at you'rc not as smart as I am, so you're launch her career.dispel the rumors that the song was by Bloomingdak's. going to have to study. . . .' I'll alwaysElvis using a false name. "From the owe him because he made mc realizeexperience I learned a valuable lesson that discipline and determination canabout the power of mystique." be more important than a high IQ."

The "little throaty growl" that distin- Leaving Ike. Height and weight. "Rain brought mc good luck."guishes him from Elvis.

January 1957.

Attempted suicide in 1968 by swal-lowing Valium.

In 1960 he took diet pills. They made Tried marijuana once and took Ben- After working all night at a summer Dad and mom were alcoholics.him "nervous and uptight." They also zedrinc for a while. "One time lIke! job, "1 would pick up a box of cornmade his mind "crystal clear." When made me eat a whole pound cake." flakes, a quart of milk, and about ahe realized the effect they were hay- dozen bananas. Then I would siting. "1 tOssC(1 out every onc of the down before I went to bed and eat itdamned things." all. one day I did this and got sick. ...

So I stopped eating bananas."

Stole marbles from a general store at He and Jackie O. poured coffee onage five. Got in trouble with the IRS people from her Fifth Avenueover investors who lost money in aparttncnt.Twiuy City.

Wanted tO bc a preacher, but was too Always religious, Rosey was born "I believed in God, or something."shy. again through the ministrations of TV

evangelist Dr. Fred Price. This newawareness prompted him to start dat-ing his ox-wife, whom he wooed byconfiding, "Babe, I'm a new creature

.......in Christ m a brand new manand you can't get any better thanbrand new."

"Just because you can sing songs "1 came to look at the man in my "Wherever I went with (Bobby Ken- As her mother said, "Life isn't just adoesn't make you any more talented life as my dessert . . . and my dessert is nedy I, thousands of people turned out bowl of cherries, baby, and the sooneror any different from a man who on the way." to hear Bobby speak. At some of the you learn that, the better."drives a truck "Sometimes you've got to let eve,y- places, he asked me to sing 'Spanish

"You get that cotton today because thing go. . . . If you are unhappy with Harlem.' I was amazed when peopletomorrow the weather might change anything. . . whatever is bringing you swooned! 'Things like that embold-and ruin the crop." down, get rid of it. Because you'll find ened mc to think that I could make a

that when you're free, your true cre- difference."ativity, your true self comes out."

"Twitty City is a tremendous invest- Ethel Kennedy chartered a plaise to "There werc times whets I was moremeist but . . . it's my way of showing take Rosey and other campaigners to at home in front of millions of peoplemy appreciation and giving back the fund-raiser. No less than Eddie than I was at home. If I have one re-something to the public Fisher, Connie Stevens, and a rock gret, it's that I didn't know then why

group were on that plane. . . . I also that was. The good news is I know itmet a lot of the stars See O now."

- - -- .-Being traded from the Giants to the

Page 39: Spy Magazine 1987

ESPECIALLY

GOOD QUOTES

-- --

Being traded from th Gians to tiwRains. This wa hardcr to take thanmy íathers death. At least I had hadtime to prepare for that.

He vas drafted by the Army ust after "With Ethel beside fl)C, I could seereceiving an offer to play for the Phila-over the crowd that Bobby was not fardeiphia Phillics. His first recordings,ahead of us. I was trying to catch up.for the Sun label, were never released.Then he turned a corner. That's whenHis Twitty Burger chain flopped.the shots rang out."

Though Conway has never won aCountry Music Association Award, hesays, "It doesn't mauer." Conway alsoavoids awards shows. 1f you're in-volved in the creative process the wayI am . . . you shouldn't let anything dis-tract you from your objective."

In 1979 Tina toured South Africa. "Ihad this new management, and norecord company, and I was kind ofcaught up in my own problems. . . . Atthat time, it was not such a big deal, asfar as I knew."

"When President Reagan visitedthe Biucnbcrg Isle! cemetery in WestGermany . . . outraged crics came fromaround the globe. Reagan's point inmaking the visit, alas, was missed.That point was not martyrdom, norits rights or wrongs. 1'he point wasreconciliation."

"Sometimes I feel like a whorelike "I wasn't as smart then as I am now. When he was eleven, his familythose nights when I'm on stage per- But who ever is?" moved from Georgia to New Jersey.forming and pretending to enjoy my- "I love it when the clothes are cx- "As the train kept pushing north-self so that everybody else can enjoy pensive. You know why? They look ward, I watched the fields rushingthemselves." right and they last." by. . . . The clackcty-clack of the train"How much is Conway l'witty "I love being a woman. I love every wheels seemcd to be saying, '[leadedworth today? Conway shakes his head ou . . . every bottle of perfume, any- for the Promised Land, headed for thewhen asked that questionnot be- thing made for women. And we need Promised Land."cause he does not know the answer, that stuff. lt really says somethingbut because he cannot, for the life of about us, and I think it's fantastic."him, understand why anybody wouldcare."

"Cuts. That's what Mama had allright."

"IGarry Moorel is loved by every-one who worked with him. Becausehe cares."

.' The down side of being named Con-Her daughteF's drug problems, which]:j[sflJJj'1J way Twitty.Carol says she will (liscuss in her nextbook.

"Although the subject ofthis conver- "Ike asleep in an airplane. Out ofthe "I'm not odd because sometimes I "Pulling my car with Nanny (1961)."BEST

Sation on the i)inah Shore Show' was photoon the right is Ann Thomas. Ike needlepoint. I know who I am. I)oclearly hilarious, Conway admits that

PHOTOCAPTION enjoyed lying across both of us when you?"

he cannot recall what was so funny ...," he slept on flights."

"I just don't want to give upever." "Many ofyou will listen, and some of "My address is 3005 South Grand, Los '1 love you so much."you will hear." Angeles, California 90007."

o oOtherwise, "When I was with Ike, the I would call her and say, look, I'mentire sixteen years, another man standing down here by the railroadnever touched me." Later, she had track, and I've got a dime on the track.affairs. "A 1)utchman, an Italian, anda I'm waiting for a train to come alongyoung Greek." and flatten it out. l)o you want to

come down and join me?' And shewould Laugh."oI admired: Shirley MacLame, AndyWilliams and his wife. . . . I kept say-ing to myself, '1 don't believe this!'...We went to Averell Harriman's homeand partied all night."

Page 40: Spy Magazine 1987

THE POLITICS OF BOORISHNESS ON PAPER,SONDRAGOTIJEI3SEEMED LIKE

s Washington and yet cífrcIcssIy successful at them. Shc

a find. Funny. bright and irrcvcrcnt; celebrated foodwritcr and (in Thc Wathiiigton Pos: and Vanity Fair) hu-inorist; refreshingly unschooled in the ways of social

TheRuewas thc steadfast wife ola successful man, and a womanolsome flote in her own right. Such a package!

I simply Cani tell you how disappointcd I was to 6ndOUI that Sondra (otlicb wasn't anything like that at all.

I had come into thc Gtliebs' l)Ck Creek l)rive homeexpecting to find !)aphne (lu Mauriers bewitching Re-becca; Sondra GtIicb had tOl(l me she kit like Mrs. de

.-J ì ,.I 1.117 ... 1/'Winter. I left with the impression that I had iustMrs. Danvcrs.

lhit It getting ahead oí myselL I'll tell you this,

nf'Wt½i4't'I though: right from the start, female intuition told me

that reality was at odds with the image. On the night ofOIIC of their big parties I arrived as requested, a littleearly. There seemed to be nobody on the ground door,

I

Wâshingtothand I thought it a good time to give the place the once-over. I was scouting (loors for the pow(ler room when Iaccidentally OflC that IC(l into a small anteroom,where a hairstylist was refurbishing Mrs. Gotlieb's 'do.1* had curled it arounl on topofher head as one mightdo to an exceptionally large blob of brown I)ream\Vhip. lt lOOke(l ghastly. My reaction must have shown

PushieflOit Ifl lice, beCaUse she shot mc a look that could havePIC(l a manhole cover at 5() feet. l'hank goodness we

had already had a number oí lengthy talks, because al-though I was a guest, offand on, at her home over thenext ten (lays, she never said another word to me.

Mrs. (;otlich came out of the anteroom 15 minutesbefore the guests vere to arrive. 1'he servants were mak-

' ing last-minute adjustments to tables and place settings,

Couple( tfl(l Mrs. (;otlieh, acting every inch the chatdaine ol theimanor, Ixgan pacing the center hail, peri(xlically hiking? °P her evening dress and checking her hair in the mirror.'t In the living room I found her husband, Ambassador Al-( Ian (;otlicb, gingerly fingering his hair into place and re-( Iwarsing the toast he was to give later that evening.IIn Washington. dinner at eight means just that, and

Ias the hour sounded, limousines began (lepositing theimportant and the celebrated at the Gotliebs' doorstep.

this crisp Friday night the couple had decided tothrow a black-tie dinner for 65, in honor of themselves.(I always thought that was the sor of thing otheri arc

I T H A D B E E N G O I N G S O W E L L ijt. . One by one, the arrivals filed into the rotunda to have

for the wife of the Canadian ambassador to thc U.S. the air near their cheeks kissed by Mrs. ( otlieh. It (li(lfl't

. . . take long before a fair sampling of Washington powerShe'd passed herself off as a comic writer and social and inlluencc vcre saying their hellos to one another

.over COCkijils in the living room. I was certainly im-

observer, and the famous and powerful were beating pressc(l. In various clusters scattered here and there. . al)oUt the living room were Ed Meese, Paul Vokkcr

a path to her \Vashington lair. But all that changed (who brought a weirdly corny gifi for the Gotliebsa. . Plexiglas cube full ofshredded currency) and Katharine

a year ago this month, when she publicly whacked Griham. Former talent agent Charles Wick was at the. I)iJflO. Mingling with the other guests were then Na-

her social secretary across the check. Our Liz EMI3RY tional Security Adviser John Poindcxtcr, Barbara Wal-

. . . . . ters, Sally Quinn and Gotlieb's two Washington Post

had a privileged peek inside the now crumbling txsscs executive clitor Ben Bradlee and editorial page

. . .editor Meg Grcenfìcld. Also working the room were

world of the Gothebs. She escaped with her life. foreigners (and Corulé Nast editors) harry Evans and

38 SPY MARCH 1987

Page 41: Spy Magazine 1987

The anti-apartheid

demonstrators at

the South African

embassy around

the corner have

given Sondra

Got/kb tons of

trouble. "They

pa) in front of

ou,. place and

THE HARRIDANS HAND

throw their

Colonel Sanders

chic/jen in our

yard. Ivery

demonstration

attracts iiffiaff of

some sort

Tina Brown and Canadian film dircctor Norman Jewi-sors; David Brinkley; Vernon Jordan; arms-controlschiump Kenneth Adelman; and AFL-CLO presidentLane Kirkland.

This, I had been told, was pretty much dinner as usu-al for the Gotliebsa heightened pitch ofsocial activitythat accrues to one naturally if, like the Gotliebs, you areWashington's compelling social couple of the moment.In a remarkably short time, they had elbowed their wayup alongside the enduring social powers of Washington:Evangelinc Bruce, the well-married Pamela Harriman,Mrs. Graham, Clare Boothe Luce (who even in hereighties still gives dinner dances at the Suigrave Club),Isabella Gardner Coolidge, George and Liz Stevens,Lady Marjorie Wright and Jack Kent Cooke.

For their scurry up the social ladder, it is said, Mrs.Gotliebcastherselfasa latter-day Alice Roosevelt Long-worth, Washington's legendary grande dame. UnlessMrs. Roosevelt was a tircsome snob and a social bullyand by most accounts she was notI'm afraid I usidon't buy the parallel. I hadheard, though, that like Mrs.Roosevelt, Mrs. Gotlieb had a tart tongucand she does.She uses it, though, not to amuse and engagingly abuseher rich and famous guests but to terrorize her hapless

underlings at the embassyand the embassy resi-dcncc. When I askedthem what Mrs. Gotliebwas really like, they rolledtheir eyes and, in the caseof two, actually shud-dcrcd in the knowledge ofpast and impending fears.I used the word harridanin reference to Mrs. Got-lieb a number of times,and no one ever stopped tocorrect mc.

The Gotliebs managednonetheless to fashion forthe cmbassy residence areputation as a salon ofsortsa gathering placefor powerful, interestingpeople and fast, interest-

ing talk. As the exception proving the rule, the Gotliebshad the Sunday before held a brunch for more than 60people in honor ofbookie's SOfl and TV Guide publisherWalter Annenbcrg (although in Washington be is for-ever referred to as Ambassador) and his wife, Lee. TheGotlicbs had met the Annenbcrgs the year before, inPalm Springs, on one of the jaunts for which they werelater criticized in their home country because they hadcharged the expenses for the trip to the government. Atany rate, the Sunday turnout for the Gotliebs' new bestfriends included Warren Burger, Donald Regan, Boband Dolores Hope, Jcane Kirkpatrick and Mrs. EdgarBergen.

Like many of the Gotlicbs' past parties, the Fridayand Sunday affairs were highly sociable, but Wash-ington being Washington, there was an underlying, un-smiling current of purpose about them. TheWashingtonians prent apparentlyfrlt festive, but cv-eryonc seemed wooden and formal. Nobody said any-

thing nasty about anyone. And nobody smoked! Howcan you possibly have a salon without cigarette smokeNobody drank much, either. (I was the veritable boozemonkey of both affairs, and I drink hardly at all.) Asever in Our Nation's Capital, all anyone talked aboutwas politicsnot sophisticated policy nuance, and noteven interesting gossip, but the dullest kinds of news-magazine verities. Even (he real estate talk that domi-nates New York dinner party conversation would havebeen refreshing by comparison.

My problem was that I had gone to the Gotliebs' ex-peeling to have a good time. And in the capital, that isprecisely not the point. As a general rule, Washingtonsocial affairs rarely are venues for frolic and gaiety andarc nothing ifnot work with a change ofclothcs. "Par-ties are part ofthe culture ofihe town, as are the muse-ums and as are the theaters," Allan Gotlieb told mesomberly. "The workplace and the social place are twodimensions of a single thingthe sense of purpose inpower towns, so to speak. In fact,party is an unfortunateword, because parties are serious business here."

"Party" an unfortunate word. To hear the Gotliebstell it, it's no lark planning and orchestrating an eve-fling's entertainment in Washington. On any givennight there are 20 or 30 major dinner parties, and corn-petition for big-name guests is fierce. Ridgewells, theold-line Washington caterer, handles upwards of 9,000parties a year, and big social draws such as Pamela Har-riman, Katharine Graham, Evangeline Bruce and high-level administration people often get 25 invitations for asingle evening. Connie Connor, Mrs. Gotlieb's sweet,American-born social secretary, will send out I 50 invita-tions just to snare two or three dozen guests for a sit-down dinner.

Into this alarming social fray the Gotliebs venturedand flourished. "[t was often said ofus that our place LinOttawaj was a crossroads for interesting people," AllanGotlieb told me. "SO in that sense, we continued here atradition. We like to reach out." (Word of honor, hereally said that.)

In a way, you've got to hand it to them. Neither playstennis, virtually a social necessity in Washington, andthe ambassador's $75,(XX)-a-year salary is probably equalto the annual clothing budgets of some of their guests.And the Gotliebs are, after all, Canadians, with all thepotential tedium that implies. But Allan Gotlicb can becharming, and his wife's habit ofhorning in on his con-versations was consideredin Washington, anywaysaucy and irreverent.

Allan Gotlieb, who will be 60 next year, was educatedalmost entirely outside his own country, taking his un-dergraduate degree at the University of California atBerkeley, a master's at Oxford (as a Rhodes scholar) andfinishing at Harvard Law School, where he made LawReview. He worked first as a barrister in London's In-ncr Temple, thengrab for that brass ring, Allan!be-came a career civil servant in canada.

He likes to collect ostentatiously civilized things(leatherbound books, antique chess sets) and has a valu-able collection ofprints by the minor nineteenth-centu-ry French artist James Tissot. Moon-faced and beetle-browed, Gotlieb had been a mere bureaucrat for most ofhis working life when by 1981 he had convinced thenPrime Minister Pierre Trudeau of the need for a new

MARCH 1987 SPY 39

Page 42: Spy Magazine 1987

public advocacy in Washington that would promoteCanadian intercsls in ongoing disputes with the U.S.over cncrgy, tradc, fishing rights and acid rain. Gotliebwas givcn thc Washington ambassadorship, his firstdiplomatic poSt. Working Congress and thc WhiteHouse more like a lobbyist than an ambassador, Gotliebprided himself on the access that came his way as hislocal socializing accelerated. But his extreme closenesswith Mike l)eavcr has proved embarrassing to bothmen. And lOt all his efforts at fostering an image of"Mr.I nsicie,' ( ;Otlieb only found out ZIIX)Ut recent imjx.)rtantU.S. decisions affecting Canada (when, for instance, theWhite House imposed a tarifion Canadian wood shin-gles) on the evening news, like CVCTOflC else.

Sondra Gotlieb, the author oíihrce books in Canada,two ofthcm about food, achieved something ola namefor herself in the capital once she began producing afortnightly l.ctter from \Washington column for TiicWashington Post. Written in the form ola letter home toa friend. the column depicte(l Mrs. (otlieh as a socialfree spirit, bemused by hut uninterested in worming herway into Washington society. It aspires to the little-world-of-our-own flavor oí Wodchouse, and it is peo-pled by characters named in a lame Pcrelmancsqucvein: socialite Popsic Tribble, famous columnist LionelPortant, diplomat Baron Spitte and lobbyist Joe Promis-all. I have heard that some people find the column fun-ny. I confess I never have. Carl Bernstein (01(1 mc oncethat the reporters at the Post find its presence in theirpaper humiliating. A year and a halfago a small Wash-ington l)ul)1il1cr l)Ut together a collection of these col-

AnI,,etjercnt Account ofLfe in Powe,iown, and for monthsafterward CO1)ieS ofthe book were displayedly on a table in the residciicc's vestibule. I asked AllaiiGotlich abotit his wife, and he said this: "Somebodyonce said, 'She's crazylike a lox.' I say, 'No one hasprogrammed her software.' " I think he thought thiswas funny. Such a Canadian.

Neither of the Gotliebs is shy about (liscussing theirdramatic social ascension. (Postslap, they wiselyclammed up.) At first, Mrs. Gotlicb says, they were in-Vite(l out only infrequently and spent many eveningssitting on the chesterfields in the residence study. "Andwe'd took at each othcr' she recalls, "and say, 'What areWC supposed to do?' And Allan would say, 'l)on't askme, l've never been an ambassador before.'"

That all changed when they decided to host a dinnerparty fr thc visiting Canadian external affairs minister,A flurry of invitations went out. "We didn't know any-body here," Mrs. Gotlieb told me, "so we just picked outfamous names." Names like then Secretary of StateAlexander Haig and Caspar Weinberger. "And they allput us on hoklthcy wouldn't say yes or no. Everybodysaid, 'Don't take it personally, it's just the way Washing-ton is.' And then Weinberger called about four (lays be-fore the party and said he was coming, anti 1-laig calledfive minutes later. Well, then we told the social secretaryto drop those iiaincs to the rest ofthc people, and they allaccepted that day." What happencd next is a story Son-(Ira (;tlieb has told quite literally hundreds of times,each time with the purposeolcasting herschas the thor-

I

oughly charming, guileless social naïfthat, ofcourse, sheisn't. I could (lescribe what happened next, but why not

40 SPY MARCH 1987

let thc lady tell it hcrsclt "Everybody carne early and Ewas standing at the door and the people sort of knockedme down as they came in and they all knew each otherand startc(i talking to each othcr and I realized, Hey, ¡'n,:hc hostess here, I'd better ge: control oft/icsituation. A nd Iwent UI) to one man and said, 'I'm Sondra Gotlieb, thewile of the Canadian ambassador and your hostess, andI wonder ifyou wouldn't mind intro(lucing me to someof my guests after you tell nie your namc.' And he said,'Well, I'm Ben Bradlcc and I'm the editor ofThc Wash-inglon Post,'"

'l'he (;otliel)s' next step was to pick opon an old socialgambit in the capital: you throw a party for someonethat everyone else wants to medeven il you (IO notknow the honoree yourselfand step back as Washing-ton clambers to your door. In the months just after theReagans moved into the White l-busc, the trick inWashington was to get near the people closest to them.Mrs. (;otlicb had attended a lunchcon with thc wife ofnewly apxnntetl Attorney (kneral William FrenchSmith, aiii at her husband's suggestion, she called an(isaid that the Gotliebs would like to throw a party forthem. The attorney general and his wife proved to be ahandsome draw, and on the night oftheir party the ( ot-liebs were rewarded with a half dozen senior adminis-tration P0PlC and a mummcration of senators andsocialites. In Washington society, as Sondra Gotliebquickly discovered, nominal inportance plus pushinessequals success.

Iloth ( otliel)S were eager to share their tips for socialsuccess with me. In drawing up their guest tistsa taskthat often occupies whole weekendstheme, they () for Naines first. Allan (otlkb 5CCIOS to have

the whole thing pretty well figured out. "The sitie quanon in a good Washington party is to have eop1e thatother people want to see. They (iOfl't I)artictllarlY wantto see foreigners, Ithosel outside ofthc people that playin the American l)'''CT system, in the American powergrid. Ofcoursc, a celebrity foreigner they are uey inter-ested in. Washingtonians also like to see people who aresocially protflinetit. They also want the spouses, the la-(lies. Bui in that sense, they want those that arc sociallyin the news, or socially important. You want adminis-tration. You want people who are interesting per se andcomc from maybe a social milieu. You want imlxrtantpeople." Iii other words, I guess he was saying, you wantpeople who are important. But there's more. Gotlicbsaid they also try for "lawycrs who are very prominentin the P"Y structures, 1)emocratic or Republican. Andtheir peisonality he/ps."

l'he ambassador likes to handle the wine selectionhimself. He tolti me, though, that his own highly at-tuned palate is at odds with the baser tastes ofhis guests."Washingtonians," he told mc, "are not all that interest-ed in g(x)d wine. They have flO nOSC. On the other hand,

they like to think they're drinking good wine, f some-body ¡cils them they're drinking good wine. But they arcflot really appreciative of' the wines."

Another essential ingredient of a really good Wash-ington l):lrtY, Allan Gotlieb instructs, is a clever seatingarrangement. "This," he says, "is the critical thing. It isby far the most Idifficult, becausel a party means basical-ly who is on your left and who is on your right." He saysthat when it comes to seating, guests, like real estate

Page 43: Spy Magazine 1987

"I Í/!i /i()./

f'ooiis/i t 1/C't

¿('('iC tu' flu u

/)(1(k(!. I/iCY ¿.Ot

il li/I/c (/11(114 (1/1(1

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(1CVC101X'rS. arc ntcrstcd n usi threc words: locution,lou-ation, location. 'And really. quite Of(CI1fl()( to tootOLI r h()rfl J (lo hcar that I)C(>})IC Vh() COIfl(' IO OLI r I)artIcs

say, \VcII, I was really (lcIIghtc(I to tïcct So-arI-SO. . .

\\'hat thc ( )tJ ichs lai! to rncnt on n tiici r list of rty

fliusts ; that for a ;ca/ly excitnig 1/nie thercs nothing(lLIitC Iikc i goo(l OId-fdShlOflCd catfight on thc IrontStC1)% IS thc gucsts are irriving. 'Fhis Mrs. ( ;OtIicL) glori-nusI): providcd when she whacked her social secretaryflOt OflCC hut tWICC across Lili f.ìcc, after tin secretarytÙI( I her i Iit I )ick 1)arrnan hzI canceled his iul.iiìs toC()iIi( tO I (I inner the ( ;OtI iehs were tu roving tIit nightk)r visiti ng (i,iuIii n I)11C minister Uriin 1vl ti1 ronry.

¡lie SIJj) flhiy Ii'e surprised the iotic VIÌ() 1)1(1 rca(I

.iI I t I)SC ptifiy inagiziiic ;in(I newspaper prtiIc's ot her.Utit to tI)C %Vh() kncvv I'r well. Sondra (otlich h.nI

jÏ L*I/MçI

si inpiv I)IO%'t) her cover. The iì.isty t rut h 'as ()tit : la r

I iOifl I)cing a t) Cisygoi ng and giftc(I social ii;itctir, hc%'.is, rat her, thc ;iiii il hcsisan ext r;i\igiiuIy PtiSlY highItt vIio vouI(1 f.ivn like an CXCILC(l ¡nippv 'In guestsvcrc around iOd St()iflI) aINRIt the hìouse 1)1 rk i ng out

orders IC) ScrV.intS .uid st.i 11 vlieii they \'crcii't. I t lxcatfl(. unavoidal)ly appJrciit thit her social climb as

aII-ii[)ort:ii1t, aII-dcinaiidiiig. She vas sho'n to Ix cv-(ry hit the sort of striving i)ilron site ri(Iicule(l in lierI(,:;t COlUiflti. Social \Vashington initnediately closedranks around her it'ter the slap. l'Iic\' knew they hadl)CCii taken in by lier, Fuit they weren't about to a(lflhit asiiuch in PUl)lic.

Ritt br Mrs. ( ;otlich, hic iii the cnbassy residencewas never without its hardships. 'Vc'vc h.d so niuchtroul)le. she says, rekrring to the South African cnhas-sy just around the corner. The dciiìonst rators arc prac-tically at our dooictcp. So s'hat happens is, they park infront of our P1 fl(l throw their Colonel Sanderschicken iii (itir yard. Every denionstration attracts riff-raíl of sonic sort."

l'vi rs. (otlich lutist also brave tite thoughdcssness of'thc lXOI)Ie she ati1 her hUSl)Jiid in y te into their Iunìc.., I guess the iflOst boorish guests were the nìcit packers,"

shc told iiìc. l'hey got .t little drunk aiul they (lidnt'aiit to leave.'' A lostcss is not vitliout lier t ricks, how-

ever. "So 't' turned oli the lights,'' Mrs. (otlich re-CdIIC(l, "and they were vai1(ler1ng aroiin&l in the (lark."

"I People willIconic an hour early. or something like

that,'' she a(l(led. 'Some group caine when :\llanj '.is

having a nceting, ;in(I hei asked them to leave. So oneVOIfl.iti vas iiisultC(l. luit tItis 'ould not be H'ïs/iuizgzon.

lIns would he P°P1 who are corning to stargaze. Youknov vt'lit I incjn"

Most annoying of all to Mrs. (otlicb are guests withacquisitive fingers. She fears cspccially fTor her collectionofsmall cigarette cases. "People think they're in i hotel,"she shrieks, 'dii(l thit they ciii take away things as sou-vcnirs!" lt's tacky and insulting to her guests and Mrs.(otlich really hates having to do it, hut she simply intist,she says, clear away all her cigarette cases for large l)1r-ties. Sure enough. it 1)0th the black-tie party on lri(layiiight iii&l the l)rtinch fr the AnnenLxrgs on Suilay,the cigarette cases vcre 1101 in evidence. Mrs. (otheh'ssecurity measures notwithstanding, a family l)rtrat(llsappcarc(I the evening ol tile blick -tic ìrty. I k now

t his l)ccause I got a phone call a couple of (lays laterli)(tiirii1g if' I had, ,)crIi.tl)s, 'l)()rrOWc(I" the photograph.Mrs. ( ;Oilicl) had one of the PC01)Ie at the embassy fian-dIe this unpleasant lisincsson account of' her beingtoo inticli of ,i Lidy, (lont you know.

As one of the C ;tlieh I atten(lC(I drevv to aclos, I rcall' couldn't recall ever having been in such ihurry to sec the hacks of two pcol)lc's hca(Is. All thatrcnhainc(l 'i i\llaii ( ;O1h('hs toist. (I vas horrifìcd tolearn troni him that lic dcl i'crs one .it almost every p;irtyt hey gi ve.) I was i n suc h a rush to leave that, to be frank,

I heard I it tie of svIti t t he anl)assa(lor said in his speech. Ia(ltnir('(l, lR,wcvcr, the scason('(l way he nianagcd topick tip his train of thought aller each ofhis vifTe's iiiiiyinterruptions, cacti of which drew successively less iicr-

OLiS laughter roui t he guests. I was about to bolt for thecoatrooii when Ed Miese stciùtl to oiler i toast to the(otlicbs. h lis reniarks alluded to how much Washing-toil SVOLil(I illiSS the couple once they vcr' gone .111(1

'hat their íins night be for the future. I k n.sv that anorigi iii I (ircsl;ii) lili n had it t liai i he Cou P1 svoul(I stay

iii Vv'ishingtoii thu I I, say, this year, svhcii i\llan ( ;otlicbwould leave g()s'crnici1t for h)riVatc l)usiness, h)r1)iI)lYin 'loronto, vherc their daughter hics. 'Ihis night liaselx:cn a cover for ss'h.it was reportedly his truc intenttojoin Mike I)eavcr's public relanons 6rn, a plan that was(jtiecrcd wlieii I )cavcr's entrepreneurial zeal was cx-P05C(l as being a trifle unscenily. Ask most people aboutthe' (otlicbs these days .iii(l they svill say that they have,in effect, already gone hack to Canada. Iogottcn but notgone, to borrow a ( ;eorgc Kauuinan line.

As Meese lifled his glass to the coul)le, the timetiC1 red I O:3() P'1 W it h i ii ii i iì u tcs clii ti t'feti rs had been

su ii i i iR )I)('d a 11(1 t he gticsts had hegti ii to depart. M rs.( otlich looked })le;ised svitli hersel f "I n \'asliiiigton,''ln' had told inc earlier. 'it (locsn't nLlttcr whether

you're i ifloVic star or whether you're in real estatc orwhether youR' in gos'criiiiic'rit. 'l'hcrc's always one mar-s'clous tu i ng to tal k mlnit , 1tRl that 's 1xlitics. I like\Vashm ugton for thi.it reason." IVIost of her guests hadleft, and I was about to do the SaiiC myself vvhcn Ipassed by the livuig room and paused to contemplate thefesv st rmgg k' rsnot (I ri ii k i ng, not sniok i ng, lost to theworld i ¡It I la nc i ng to t hr sou rid of il it mes.

M:RC}I I9(7 SPY 41

Page 44: Spy Magazine 1987

The Duchess of Windsor was wrong. Even when her weightdropped to 8 7 po unds, resulting in hemorrhaging ulcers, she

clung with bony hands to a pillow bearing herfamous motto.Some call this class. We call it extremism. As NELL SCOVELL

discovered, the evidence suggests that indeed, you can be

In New York there is an invcrsetionship bctwecn a woman's dress size and the sizc ofhcr apartmcnt. A sizc 2 gcts a 14-room apartment. Asize 14 gcts a two-room apartment. This phcnomcnon iscounterintuilive, since the larger woman would seem toneed more space. But need has nothing to do with it.

Rubcncsque heft on a woman USC(l to be a sure sign ofwealth, as only the rich could afford to cat well. At LeCirque these days, thc ladies who lunch play with their$28 prix fixe meals and rome out thinner than they wentin. Miraculously, even those who like to cat seem not togain weight. (In fact, one moneyed scarecrow donatesher soiled couture castoffs to the Metropolitan Musc-um's Costume Institute. Soiled, says an Institute source,not with sweat or champagne, but with vomit.)

Such emaciation is worth nothing ifit is not Haunted:diamond chokers clasp chicken necks, Chanci chainsbind boyish hips, emeralds droip from shriveled car-lobes. And doesn't it seem that the more the wife (licts,the more the husband balloons? (It's all those powerbreakfastsa necessary part of fulfilling the "too rich"halfofthc aphorism.) Evenings, the couples march off toblack-tie affairs looking like Olive OyI and Bluto.

Still, self-deprivation can pay off. Look at NancyReagan and Princess Diana. But the line between ele-gancc and anorexia is, welloh, all rightextremelythin. 'Which øfthesc women cross it? Decide for yourself.

4 SPY MARCH 19$?

t \\.jø'

.

ANNE BASSSmoking through dinnerand taking ballet classevery doy help keep f ive-foot-six-inch Anne Bassin o size 4. If she hodbeen stoying at 98pounds for her husband,oil millionaire Sid Bass,her labors were futile.Last fall he ron offwith another skinny,Mercedes Kellogg. But heneed never worry aboutconfusing them in thedark. "Mrs. Kellogg hasmore curve than Mrs.Bass," says Booz Mozor,of Oscar de la Renta."Mrs. Bass has very nicelegs and large shoulders,but she is very flot.Frankly, Mrs. Boss has nobust at all."

Still, Anne Bass mightwind up with as muchas $400 million fromher pending divorcesettlement (ond thecontinued company ofdancer turned walkerPeter Martins).

Page 45: Spy Magazine 1987

MERCEDES KELLOGG"You listen to your body and it tells you thethings you want,' says Mercedes Kellogg,Sid Bass's new squeeze and the estrangedwife of former ambassador Francis Kellogg."If you're craving meat, you need the blood."Though five feet six and three-quartersinches toll and 110 pounds, Kelloggmointains that she has never dieted. "Ismoke, I drink, I eat," she says. "I used toweigh 125 pounds, but it was puppy fat. I

Jost the weight by moving houses." A size 4or 6, Kellogg says, "J have tried everythingin exercise, but it does not agree with me."

Financially, Kellogg is a questionablestarter on this list, but partisans say she'sbound to make the move from Park to Fifthwith her new steady.

w- NAN KEMPNERAt five feet nine inches, Nan Kempner, wifeof Loeb Partners Corporation chairman TomKempner, is the tallest size 4 on the list.Still, she 5ays, "J am faux maigre I lookthinner than I am." Unlike most of therapaciously scrawny, Kempner does notweigh herself obsessively. "The last time Iweighed myself, I was under i i 5 but I waswearing a big fur coat and shoes at thetime." She claims she doesn't starve herself,either. "She eats like a horse," says GlennBernbaum, owner of Mortimer's. Kempnerdoes, however, have an aversion tosweetbreads and oysters. "The last time Iate an oyster, I was three years old they'reugly, slimy, icky-poo," she says. "Other thanthat, I'll eat anything and anyone,"

- _ - - BROOKE HAYWARDDespite Brooke Hoyward's efforts to affecto matronly look, enshrouding her thin hipsand flat chest in earth-mother draperies, herchicken neck tells all. The five-foot-seven-inch Braudwoy brat wears o size 6 andweighs between 108 and flO pounds. "Idon't like the look of very thin women,especially past the age of 45," she says.Hayward is 49 and attributes her weedyfigure to genetics, not willpower. "I don'tdiet at all. I eat three meals a day," she says."What's more, to be really hideous, I don'texercise at all." Hayward's best-selling1977 autobiography, Haywire, was turnedinto a miniseries, and husband Peter Duchinpulls in $5 million a year from his danceband business.

'1

'ii

Page 46: Spy Magazine 1987

HELEN GURLEY BROWN"I weigh 105 and I'm five feet fourinches tall," says Cosmopolitan editorHelen Gurley Brown. But sometimesfat people consumed with jealousy tryto thwart her dieting efforts. "Oneaggravated hostess put chocolatechips in my Sanka out in the kitchenone doy, then gleefully told me whatshe hod done after I drank. Bitch!"wrote Brown in Having If All. Thesesaboteurs "can't stand that you havethe discipline to do what you did. Ifyou weigh less than they do, theywant you to gain," she said recently.The wife of film producer David(Jaws) Brown and a resident of theBeresford, she admits that staying asize 2 is hard work. "I'm alwaysfeeling guilty or hungryone or theother."

MARY TYLER MOORERemember how cute 'n' curvyLaura Petrie looked in herstretch pants? Today thosepants would bìllow. At fivefeet seven inches, Mary TylerMoore wears o size 6,although her publicist saysshe "lost a lot of weight"filming her 1986 smash, JustBetween Friends. In the movieshe acrobicized maniacally,looking like a stick of beefjerky in a leotard (inset).Moore, a diabetic, avoidssugar and goes to ballet classevery doy. As part owner andchairman of MTMProductions, Moore is worthabout $30 million.

NANCY KISSINGER (left) Nearly six feet toll and o size 8,Nancy Kissinger looks as if she's been stretched on a rock, withspecial attention lavished on the arms (inset). Her secret? Alethal regimen of Coke and cigarettes. As for exercise,Kissinger has been known to go o few rounds at on airport nowand then. Henry's company, Kissinger Associates, reportedlygrosses $4 million o year enough to keep her in Coke, VirginiaSlims and a Riverhouse co-op.

ANNETTE REED (right) The wispy five-foot-five-and-a-half-inch, 98-pound Annette Reed slips easily into a size 2, but itwasn't always that way. "I used to be enormous," Reed says ofher teen years, when she bloated to 150 pounds. Strangely,though her waist now measures on ethereal 21.5 inches and herback is topographically indistinguishable from her chest (inset),old feeding habits endure. "No wheat germ for me," she says."I love candy bars and Coca-Cola." Reed lives in a suite at theCarlyle to be near her boyfriend, bald designer Oscar de loRenta, but she doesn't have to worry about the hotel bill (ratesstart at $10,700 per month). Forbes estimates that Reed, herfour sisters and her mother, Jane Engelhord, ore worth over$365 million, thanks to the late mineral magnate CharlesEngelhard Jr., the prototype for lan Fleming's Auric Goldfinger.

I=== $$$WALTH$$$

44 SPY MARCI I 1987

Page 47: Spy Magazine 1987

CA

RO

LYN

E R

OE

HM

Carolync R

ochm is all ongles:

nose, chin, shoulders and elbows

all jut like sharpened steel. And

yet Roehm

's chest is strangely flot.A

t five feet nine and a half inches,she w

eighs 120 pounds and wears

a size 6. Her husband, H

enryK

rovis, the leveraged-buyoutspecialist, is w

orth at least $180m

illion; they hove bought a $5.5m

illion Pork A

venue apartment

and o $ .43 million R

enoir.K

ravisperhaps threatened w

ith asharp hipbone

olso staked hisw

ife millions w

hen she launchedher ow

n couture line.

DIA

NA

RO

SS

Diana R

oss's hunger for fornehas clearly overw

helmed her

hunger for food. Her vital

statistics: five feet threeand a half inches tall;size 2/4; seven-year, $20m

illion RC

A recording

contract, which shc

supplements w

ith Motow

nroyalties and $300,000-a-w

eek appearances in LosV

egas and Atlantic C

ity.O

nstage, Ross w

earsskintight costum

esa m

ajorchange from

the 1960s, when

she used to pad her hips andbosom

. Her nose has also

gotten noticeably, surgicallythinner since then.

,,

i"

MA

RIS

A B

ER

EN

SO

NLarge (five feet eight inchestall) and leon (less than i i 5pounds), ex-m

odel Marisa

Berenson w

ears a size 4 andavoids sidew

alk grates. The

granddaughter of Elsa

Schiaparelli, grandniece of

Bernard B

erenson, daughterof R

obert L. Berenson and

estranged wife of T

rump

lawyer and publicity hound

Richard G

olub, she nowclaim

s to be pursuing a filmcareer in E

urope. Like Helen

Gurley B

rown and A

nnetteR

eed, Berenson nicely

exemplifies the super-svelte

"chicken wing syndrom

e."

JAC

QU

ELIN

E O

NA

SS

ISA

lthough five foot six and a size6, O

nossis has a penchant forlong-sleeved gow

ns that nearlyexcluded her from

this list. But

her bony hands give her away

(inset). Perhaps she should return

to wearing the little w

hite glovesthat she popularized as firstlady. A

slavish exerciser, Onassis

jogs every day and rides nearlyevery w

eekend. She lives on F

ifthA

venue and is estimated to be

worth $25 m

illion, despite hertiny salary os an editor atD

oubleday. Sister Lee R

odziwill,

who is even slim

mer than

Onassis, w

ould have made the

list had she not taken a publicrelations job at G

iorgio Arm

ani.A

pparently she needed them

oney.

Page 48: Spy Magazine 1987

(

You THINK IT'S TOUGH TO BEDuring any given

happy in New York? You don't know/14,/Ch hour. the averag'

how tough. We certainly didn't, untilTVet' Yorkerc chances of

we commissioned noted statisticiansunding a ojee, ,V(ICJt :1)Ce,

CHRIS STERN and WILL DANA./t:J(l/ tlf'U)'tflJ(flf 1)1

The grim reality: all urban dreamsAIa,,J,attan arc I in 992,051.

end in utter despair. When it comesi Iapf'v IZtflhlflL'

to finding happiness in New York,

the

ODDSare

So You'RE LOOKING FORAN APARTMENT IN THE CITY

TtwRi ARK 7,086,096 people in Ncw York City, and 70percent of them are apartment dwellers.THAT MEANS that 4,960,267 New Yorkers are corn-

peting for the 1,866,962 rentaL apartments in the city.EACh YEAR, though,

35,000 ofthose rentals arelost to co-op conversionsand another 25,000 primeapartments are ware-housed by landlords wait-ing to convcrt them intoCO-Ol)S.

Wiiici i I.EAVES just1,806,962 apartments.BUT I n 5 of those is

leased illegally, whichleaves just 1,445,570 lcgally leased apartments in thecity.

SAY, THOUGIl, you want to live in a decent buildingin a (Iccdilt area. Is that so much to ask?

ApI'ARINTIx, Yis. Precisely 20.5 percent ofthc rentalapartments are on blocks with hoarded-up buildings,and another 21.3 percent are in buildings with at least 3major maintenance problems. 'Tan percelìt of all NewYorkers kcl thcy live in bad neighborhoods, and 29 per-cent of all apartments are inkstcd with rodents.

Witicit I.FAVES just 277,549 nice New York Cityapartments.

BUr LETS FACE IT: you want to live in Manhattan.And the island is home to only 35 percent of all NewYork City rentals.

W}-irci-I LEAVES ust 97,142 nice apartments in

Manhattan.

THF.N YOU HAVE to factor in the vacancy rate, whichthis year is estimated at 2WHICH LEAVES just I 942 available, nice, rodent-free

and legal apartments in Manhattan.ANI SINCE there are 365 days a year, on any given

day there are only 5 available apartments. And remem-ber that 4,960,267 other peopie want those five apart-

ments. Remember too that for most of us, apartmenthunting is limited to lunch hour, a couple ofhours afterwork and weekends. Which means that in any givenhour free for apartment hunting, the average NewYorker's chances of finding a nice apartment are, oh,about I in 992,053.

SOMEDAYYOUR PRINCE WILL COME

YOURE A SINGLE WOMAN in your thirties and you want

AGAINSTto raise some kids and grow old with a man you love.THERE ARE approximately 543,194 single people be-

tween the ages of3O and 40 in New York City.VNI:OR1UNATELY, there arc only 7.7 men for every

lo women.Wiijci i MEANS there are 306,889 single women in

46 SPY MARCH 1987 Y minus those already irretrievably involved ¡n a romantic

New York City competing for 236,305 single men.BuT AT LEAST 13 percent of these bachelors are gay,

which leaves a possible pool of 205,585 available men

Page 49: Spy Magazine 1987

relationship (let's say about half). Also, 38,066 of themen in New York City are homeless.

FACTOR IN T(X) the 2 percent of American maleswho are in prison and another 2 percent who are inmental institutions. Another I I percent are sufferingfrom chronic erectile dysfunction. Then you have toeliminate the 14 percent who are alcoholics and the 24percent who abuse drugs. And don't forget that IO per-cent of American men don't get married before age 40.

THE FINAL NUMBER of sane, stable, law-abiding,available men whom a woman might want to marryis 23,949.

LET'S SAY you're over 30 years old and you heat the I-in-13 odds and land one ofthese prizes. (The recent, oft-cited Yale University "Marriage Patterns in the UnitedStates" study says that ifyou are over 35 and you do finda mate, you are in the lucky 3.9 percent.)

UNFORTUNATELY, about 50 percent ofall marriagesend in divorce.

AND IN THOS1 1IIAT SURVIVI, a recent and ratherfrightening study claims that 70 percent ofall male part-ners under the age of4O say they expect to have an affair.

WHAT IX)ES IT ALL MFAN? Simply this: for a womanin New York between the ages of3O and 40, thc chancesof finding and keeping a solvent, sane, stable and faith-ful husband are about I in 85. Happy hunting!

AND You WANT YOUR CHILDTO HAVE IT ALL

RAISING A CHILD in the city with thc hope that somedayhc or she will become a well-paid partner at, say, Shear-man & Sterling or Davis Polk & Wardwell presents youwith two options. You can take the high, expensive roador the low, inexpensive road. The high road has the bet-ter chance.

IN 1983, there were 17,565 births in Manhattan.Which means that this year there are about the samenumber ofaspiring 4-ycar-olds ready to begin the longtrek to Davis Polk.

THE FIRSTSTEP is to get your child into a prestigiouspreschool. Good ones, such as St. Bart's, cost $3,650 an-nually and accept only about 20 percent ofall applicants.

BUT LEVS REGENEROUS and assume our little candi-date is ofsuperior intellect and manner and is acceptedinto one of these prestigious preschools.

THE NEXT HURDLE is gaining entrance to a posh,nonboarding private school. (A school like Trinity, forexample, takes ust 13.7 percent ofthe applicants for itskindergarten class.)

54:) BY THE BEGINNING of first grade, the ficid hasshrunk to 481.

THEN YOUTHFUL VICES can tempt a budding barris-ter from the virtuous path: 46 percent of'New York highschool students smoke marijuana (13 percent smoke inthe morning, before school evcn starts); 16 percent ofhigh school students have used cocaine; and about 4 outof 10 high school girls get pregnant (35,469 pregnancieswere reported in the city in 1985). But let's forget allthat. Dropout rates, evenin private schools, can beas high as 32 percent. ' " T

Again, let's he kind. Let's 'halve this percentage.

So I.1TS SAY your kidis one of the 404 grindsan weenies who stay thecourseand g

such as Trinity, Colle- >'giate, Buckley and Dal-ton. What next?

NEXT IS I'IIE IvY LEAGUE. Unfortunately, schoolslike Harvard and Yale acceptjust I out of8 applicants.

WHICH SHAVES our field to 50. Approximately$75,000 later, let's just say 75 percent of our en-traifls graduate and all want to continuc on to HarvardLaw School. Their chances ofgetting into Harvard Laware I in IO.

ASSUME THAT yOUr aspirant is one of the 4 luckyoncs. To get a ob at a major New York firm such asDavis Polk, he or she had better make Law Review,which only 25 in a class of 500 manage to do. Let's say,itist for fun, that one of our candidates makes it andultimately graduates.

HE OR SItE is then thrown into the pool to get intoDavisPolk. The firm turns down 50 applicants for eachone it takes aboard as an associate.

Ti¡EN THE CHOSEN begin a 7-ycar ordeal of 80-hourweeks that is a prerequisite forbut no guarantee ofbecoming a partner. Out ofthat initial group of5O asso-ciates, only about 7, say, will be rewarded with fullpartnerships.You MAY NOT WANT to read any further. When it

comes down to it, the chances of your preschooler get-ting through preschool, prep school, an Ivy League col-lege, Harvard Law and Law Review and finally makingpartner at Davis Polk are about I in 33,103,266.

ONE FINAl. WARNING to those who foolishlydream of a secure and fulfilling life in the city: thechances of being a happily married female Davis Polkpartner in a nice Manhattan apartment are 1 in2,791,400,000,000,000.

TAKE HEEl), for alas, the numbers never lie. )

MARCH 1987SPY47

Page 50: Spy Magazine 1987

0

w

wz

o

J

i

i s

ii

UTCHEREDBROADWAY?

by Michèle Bennett

I-IELlA), EVERYONE!

_l*,1I*?_ As I was saying, when itcorncs to music criticism,

I TT s

anything can happcn.iii 11:U So John Rockwell of The

New York Times can corn-pare Paul Simon not only to a "scrious WoodyAllen" but to Mozart. As an innocent obscrv-cr, I would say that the only thing Paul Simon,Woody Allen and Mozart have in common isthat all three are rathcr small, but if Rockwellcompares Simon's talent to Mozart's, so be it."Mr. Simon has created an all)urn-length songcycle that far transcends the normal pop rec-ord for complexity and richnesswithout sac-rificing the immediaic appeal of any decentpop product (like, say, Mozarts 'Eine KleineNachtrnusik' 200 years ago) ......

In GQ, Stephen Fried compared Simon tosome P°P products closer to home: "WithGrace/and, Simon . . . joins the handful oípop-music standard-bearers who are similarly de-vote(l to synthesis: the Joe Jacksons, the ElvisCostellos, the Stings." The Stings?

Mcanwhik. Bernard Holland oî the Timewas so moved by the Yale Chamber Music Se-ries that he informcd US of his temptation togo hack to school, all things bcing equal. "Itwas an unusually instructive evening," his en-thusiastic review concluded. "And indced,had this writer been a tccn-agc StU(lCflt in

search of musical principlesseltlessness, thewillingness aiid ability to hear your col-leagues. ar(Ior that never loses controlSatur-(lay's concert would have scnt him scurryingto Yale's admission office."

0h, for the "ardor that never loses control"!On the other hand, I)onal Henahan of theTimes revealed a little social snoblry (and hispenchant for extremely creaky metaphors) inhis discovery ofa future diva in Susan l)unnof the Washington Opera's Trovatore: "MissDunn, whose talent may assay out as Vcrdiangold in spite of her origins in Bauxite, Ark.,sent hopes soaring Wednesday night .....

In The New Yorker, Andrew Porter soaredinto thin air like an undcrgra(luatc bluffing anessay question. 'Xenakis's latest work to ap-Iear is 'Keqrops' for piano and large orchestra(with quadruple winds)," droned Porter.

"The title, according to a note on the score,signifies a 'weaving togethcr of KREKOO'and 'OPSIS;' in the absence of further expIa-nation, one presumes that sorne blend ofstriking the lyre' (or 'striking the loom') andsight' is intended." Got that? "lt is hard towrite about music that is simply itself," Portera(l(Ied, and if that means what I think it

means, he proved his point nicely in his reviewof Keqrops.

How Sweet it is when someone, apart fromyour Reviewer ofReviewers, takes on the her-culean task of reviewing them. "David Denby'sreview of The Mosquito Coast is quite the sil-liest and sloppiest piece ofwriting I have seenin a very long time," wrote Paul Thcroux ofEast Sandwich, Massachusetts, in the Letterspage of New York magazine. Theroux is, ofcourse, the author ofthe novel on which PeterWeir's movie was based. Makes no differenceto his )u(lgment, naturally. He continued: "ltis absurd that Il)enbyl should take ofihis hatto mc and then talk through it. . . . It is morethan a good filmit is perhaps a great one."

"Peter Weir's film is gripping, powerful,brilliantly realized an(l true to the novel,"wrote the same Paul Theroux of East Sand-wich, Massachusetts, in the Mail page ofNcwsweck. "lt is a great pity that your readershave been misled that it is otherwise. That isfrom the horse's mouth."

And here is the horse again, in the Letterspage of Time: "In a welter of desperate corn-monplaccs, your critic claims that Peter Weirhas made a bad job ofthe movie The MosquitoCous:. . . . As the author of the novel, I think Ihave greater authority than your reviewer forsaying otherwise. The movie is triumphant,not only beautifully made but a great adven-turc, magnificently acted and directed."

'I'hc movie is nothingofthc kindbut whoneeds my humble opinion when you have thereviewers'? "T/ic Mosquito C'oast," Denhywrote in reply to the raving Theroux, "waspanned by both critics ofihe Times and by the g,

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critics of Newsweek, Time, The Village Voice,and New York, and ignored by the critic of TheNeu' Yorker. In the world oscrjous movie re-viewing, that's about as close to a COflSCflSUS asyou ever get."

So on to a most imlx)rtant question: is theTimes's Frank "the Iutchcr of Broadway"Rich to blame fbr the Broadway musical sea-son turning out to be yet another pisser? Manypeople believe so, particularly the producers ofmusicals. But consider the following reviewschaL appeared the morning after the Broad-way opcning of yet another British import,Stepping Out, directed by the eternally opti-mistic Tommy Tune.

"The play is openly manipulative. lt has apuppy-like need tO be liked, and to be thoughtfunny and touching by turn. Of course, it isnot. h is merely coarse, clumsy. and maudlin.Its yokes are signaled a mile oft Its charactershave the depth ofwaxworks in cartoon. Theirtroubles are agony-colum n conventional"(Clive Barnes, the New York l'osi).

"Only a few of the actors have made thecharacters full enough that we can believeLhcy have a hIc outside the church basement.In this production most oí them arc cartoonfigures . . . (Howard Kissel, the Daily News).

"lfyou tried to remake 'A Chorus Line' hutremoved the professionalism, dynamic char-acters, new music and pizzazz you mightcomc up with something like 'Stepping Out'"(Allan Wallach, New York Newsday).

"And Mr. Tune has invested so little energyin the dialogue scenes that he seems as unin-terested in them as we are. During one par-ticularly perfunctory exchange, an irrelevantyet prolonged discussion olthc perils of own-Ing a bicycle in contemporary I .ondon, 'Step-ping Out' itsclfsccms on the verge of noddingout. Mercifully, the show-stopping finale ar-rives soon after, but can a show-stopper still becalled a show-stopper when there isn't a showto stop?" (Frank Rich, The New York Times).

In the world of Broadway reviews, that'sabout as closc to a consensus as you can get. IsButcher ofBroadway Rich to blame? Look atthe reviews of the previous Broadway bomb,smile, by the multitalented Marvin Hamlisch:'Nothing to smile about" (The New Yorker).'No laughing matter" KNew Yo,k). "THEREISNT A WHOI.E LOT BEI lINE) THIS SMILE" (theUaily News). "AN EMPTY SMtLE' (IREETS

HROAI)WAY" (New York Newsday). "When ashow has more endings than it (10es numbersin its second act, that's a sure sign that it lackscreative vitality and an igniting point ofview. . . . Too many of the other smiles inSmile,' like those of its beauty-pageant con-tcstants, are forced" (Frank Rich, the Times).

Virtually alone in finding Smile "a plea-sure" was William A. Henry Ill, drama criticttTime. Henry 1H, as opposed to Henry 1V, is,Iowcvcr, a reviewer whose critical perspective

encourages him to compare Neil Simon favor-ably to Eugene O'Neill, 1ennessee Williams,Sam Shepard and Chekhov. At least he didn'tcompare him to Woody Allen and Mozart.Why, then, is the dread Frank Rich blamedfor the state of Broadway, when most otherreviewers are often in tune with him? lt is notthe personal PC)WC of Rich but the enormous

of the cultural section of the Times, orGod, that accounts for it. The Times couldhire Bozo the Clown as its drama critic and itwould make little or no difference. Bozowould still be the most influential drama critic¡n America, because the Times has the mostinfluential cultural sectionthe only influen-tial one, I am sometinies willing to believe.

What I say is, give Bozo a break. Broadwaytheater has lost its way and its nerve; it nolongcr launches serious drama (except for thc"Chekkovian" Neil Simon); it has bccome aBritish colony; it is bankrupt ofits greatest in-vention, the American musical. Don't shootthe criticshoot the l)rJucers. After all,Broadway reviewers, like vaudeville comics,can only l)C as good as their material. Spare athought for them as they search for signs oflife in "the fibulous invalid that is Broadway"They have in min(l, no doubt, the mysteriousshort story by Gabriel García Marquez inwhich a tcrrificd mother asks the (loctor howher ailing child is. "Madam," replies the doc-(or dryly, "your child has a grave illncss: hc isdead." I gotta go now.

THOSE WHO

EDIT

by Celeste de Brunhoff

SURELY RUNNING A_;*u * magazine is a lonely propo-

I5tiOfl. How else to explain

l]flu1;the insecurities publishersand editors so sedulouslydisplay in the "Notes" and

"Letters" they write to introduce their publi-Cations? Like children at their first sock hop,the authors alternate between bashfulness andfalse bravado, running a shy comb throughtheir hair while sneaking glances across thegym at their audience, thinking only this:Please like my magazine; please like me.

But for droit (lu seigneur, these bibelotswould never get into print. When staffers at

these otherwise laudable publications read thelatest mucilage from on high, they know whatit feels like to be a presidential aide when Ron-aid Reagan looks up from his carefully pre-pared text and begins, genially, to dither.fhese I .etters are the coffee-table book equiv-

aIent of George Stcinbrcnncr whacking thedirt froñi his Top-Sidcrs and stepping into thebatter's box to face a Roger Clemens f'sstball.Their writers should sport a Plimptonesqueappreciation olbeing literary lions out of theirleague. Sadly, these people arc serious.

Most serious ola11, at least oliate, is JudithDaniels, managing editor of l.qfc. All TimeInc. publications use their Notes to take thereaders behind the scencs, but Daniels's firstmissive, in June 1985, took us aitnost too farshe was revealed as a mousy hand-wringer, aJune (.leaver. Daniels's "Lct Mc Tell YouAbout My Week" confided, "I worry aboutChris Whipple and photographer Grey Villet,who are tracking a story in South Africa. (Isthis a gender difference? I wonder. Do maleeditors get as anxious as I do about sendingreporters and photographers into countrieswhere bombings and shootings are thenorm?)" Aw, gee whiz, Mom.

But Daniels seems to have been scarred byher ill-starred note in December 1985, whichgushed about the latest Lije space cover, "thisone heralding 1986 as NASA's busiest, boldestyear yet. . . . And by late '86, a journalist

the trip into orbit."Since then, Daniels's writing can't avoid

creaking like a dunning noticc, most notablyin fasten-your-seat-belt transitions (e.g., "Inthis issue are two other articles that deal withsubjects much in the news." Whcw, made it).

And when Daniels tries to connect, to sug-gest that Lift's stories have meaning, she dis-plays an impressively bleak myopia. In theJ uly issue she wrote, "A story on MIAs is in-CIU(IC(I to remind us of Vietnaisi and to raiseserious questions about our government's rolewhen the deep feelings of its citizens collidewith international issues." l,et us pray.

Speaking of humorless myopia (to crib aDaniels transition technique), the record forits sustained exhibition west of the Iron Cur-tain is held by Time. Following in the greatTime tra(lition, the magazine's current pub-lisher (in mid-January 1987 Robert L. Millerreplaced Richard B. Thomas)or, more pre-cisely, the staffdrone who ghostwrites A Let-ter From the Publishergoose-steps to themet ronome of relentless sel f-aggrandizement.

Time's two favorite conceits are its rapa-cious efficiency and its staffers' deep involve-ment with their subject matter. Back inOctober, for instance, we learned about thedifficulties posed by the Reykjavík summit: astory that ended on Sunday had to be on thenewsstands the next afternoon. "It was a big

MARCH 1987 SPY 49

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story. ofcoursc bigger than a hrvidhox? No.I)Ut . . .

I,big enough for TIME to scud cght

rcportcr% and fivc photographcrs to Icd;ind."Everyone worked ovcrimc. all wcckcnd,rush. rush, rush, and thcy madc ¡t out on timc."A Sunday-morning prcsidcntial mecting InIceland was a special tct, hut that goal is onethat 'I1Mt pursues each weck o thc ycarthe alleged Thomas conclu(kcI. (In the t'icc ofsuch pride, I almost hesitate to out thatucwspapers catiic out with the sarnc in horma-tion tittt ¡orning.)

Tirncs effort to tic its sLaf( somehow1 intothccovcrstory must pain the cmployees calledup()It to %Ul)l)IY the pointedly inane quotes thatimply they 9i.end aLl their free time musingabout that wceks subcct. 1hc publisher'st;te for January 12's cover story, ,uut 1RAVEL:I1O\V SAFE IS (T? (which arrived on news-StaiRis the day after the worst railroad disastertn recent memory), strung together a series ofblah quotes from five T1m correspondentswho spend a lot oítimc on airplanes, an(l lèa-turc(l a of dyspeptic-looking Chicagocorrcsport(len( Lee Grïggs awuiing takeoff.The point ofthe letter: even though these cor-rcSpOfl(kfltS are seasoned rcporwrs, they stilltake airplanes ust like you and me, ¿tiiti some-Limes they get nervous, just like you and me.But not too nervous, the supposed Thomas re-ported: "lt is noteworthy thai lew of these re-porters, many of whom log tens of thousandsof miles each year, express fears t'or thctr ownsafety while abOar(l an aircraft." Given thecover story. this means either that the foothar-d) reporters arc hell-bent on their own de-struction or, more likely, that the storyexaggerates the (langer in order to sell

magazi oes.Mix these two devices together, a(Jd a sea-

soiicd reporter or two, and you have the week-ly Hardy Boys adventure story: Sometimesonly the best will do. Last ue1 ten 111v/E re-fPO)IC)) aimed wily with s/sarpcncd pencils andnimble wit,c parachuted behind enemy lisic instrife-torn ilfghanistan. Ry the wa» ¡he)' tt'CC

wearing afghan coats. Dodging cncmv gunfire.they dug out a sophisticated TIME story. a ¡sor)'ofu cou,it,y ¡or?? by szrfe. Their copy was smug-gled into the hollowed-otis runners ofa dog.cled.and a team of TIME-traincd hu4ics raced ¡he.cIor)' oe'e'r the tundia into jo//y old Engluiid.where London Bureau Chief Barney Rubbletransmitted it to New Yoa4 Says Rubble, "Ofthim gehed anhasa." ("I too have an afghancoat.") TIME's crack :,anslato; turncdjolly oldEnglish into modern English. and our editorialsiaJ] wrote, edited and laid out s/ar magazine injust owr 16 minutes. &plaincd Fditor in ChiefThurston Houdi Ill. "We arc a good magazine,and you may quote me on that. Staff Writer (ruy

D. Garcia. Whoops! I mean, you may quote incon i/Jut, Publisher Robert L.. ¡Willc;fiir you real-'y do write this column."

silSPY MAR(:H 1957

After Rolling Stone editor/publisher JannWenncr bought U5 anl became its editor too.his chirpy, ghost%'rittcn Letter From the Edi-tor in the new Uss first issue promised happydays ahead. "In the issues to come, wcll beintroducing you to other writers, editors,and )hotogra)ltcrs COfltril)Lltiflg to US ......

But when V!eiiiter finally did trot out hisunderlings, the results were harrowing. "ForUS senior editor Cyndi Stivers, reporting andwriting a story about Sylvester Stahlone posedas many logistical difilcukics as one of Rain-bo's missions. Stivers had to fly out to Los An-geles in the evening. head for the Rocky It" setthe next day to interview Stallone, then flyback in tizne to write he story on deudhiucall in a(l(hitu)n to writing an(l e(liting ourFaces & l'laccs section." Combat veteransagree: taking two commercial-airline flightsand driving to a film set is just as logisticallydifficult as si nglc-liandedly rescuing prisonersfrom the trackless jiingks of' Vietnam.

Wenner. unlike his peers, wisely gave UI)

his editorial letters.lt must be 5.11(1 that there arc a few editors

who can whet the reader's appetite withoutcloying it. When Wendy Reid Crisp was atSavvy, she wrote with humor an(l dash, as doesthe maga'.inc's new editor in chief, AnnalynSwan.

And Betsy Carter, editor of New YvikWoman, is usually tolerablewith appallinglapses. l.ast October, Carter described the at-mosphere at the M'l'V Video Music Awards:"Ncedlcss to say, On stich an exciting eveningtensions ran high. One rather lugubriousyoung worker in black hair, a black shirt. andblack pants StOO(l sullenly by the bar holdingon to his broom. 'You could smile tonight,' anolder man, presumably his boss, whispered.'Gimme money.' shot l)aCk the unsmiling as-sistant." Ah yes. the crackle oftenson that at-tends watching someone whisper to a sullenemployee.

In the same column, Carter wrote, "TinaTurner (lOcs honor to words like cool, worn-an, and starnot to mention hair." I like theidea of those forlorn words loitering in thetwilight ofCOflhlOtatiOfl, waiting for the authorof!, Tina to fulfill them.

Speaking of Tinas (actually, Judy [):iuielsmay be onto something with these transi-tions), 1'ina Brown heralds Vanity Fair's arriv-al with Sacher torte proseher favorite wordsarc rich and ?ic/alyan(l soufflé sensibility.Brown's confections arc eagerly awaited atCondé Nast, where her monthly preeningprovokes hoots of laughter.

But perhaps further consideration of Tinashould waitI worry chat too long a litany ofe(hitorial sins will sadden, not delight.

Next month I'll take up Tina, Cosmnopoli-tan's I Jeten (;tirtey Brown and Esquire's for-mer owner, the dread Phillip Moffitt.

Is THE BEST

DISGUISE

by Luc Sante

IN TI-lE NINETEENTH_________________ century it was common to

- '1l'l see young adults staggeringqilliti ofthe forest where they

had been raised by wolves.If there has been a paucity

of stich incidents in our own day, it ¡s simplybecause we have been looking n the wrongj1;iees. Take the case of Stephen P Reynolds,whom we might call the Bus Hoy. Young Ste-pheiì was iii love with buses. I-Ic would gaze atthem longingly; climb aboar(I when he couldcome up with the fare; take jobs, when theywere available, at bus garages or in bus park-ing lots. Unable to live in a bus, he slept inabandoned ca rs, perhaps imagining eachcramped backseat as but one of a double ro01 O. ( )n the morilitig of October 27, aftermitch Cintasy, much nervous dcliI)eratiOfl andmuch planning, he dressed up as a driver andWi1)ed an Academy Bus Tours l)Us at thel7ltl Street Port Authority terminaI.

Ile drove it to Fort Lee, New Jersey. pickedup a load of passengers fur Manhattan, tookthem across the bridge, took on a new set ofJcrsey-b()un(l riders and repeated this shuttlefor two 1fl(l a half hours. Since he was doing itnot t'or money but for love, he charged psse1-gers a reduced rate of 50 cents. I-le was evenplanning to return the bus to its dock in timetr a scheduled afternoon run, but before hecould do that he was arrested on tIte New Jcr-scy side and charged with grand larceny.

l'bis tale has it all: nerve, danger, passion,color, sweep. Also, a breathtaking costumechange, transforming an ordinary youth intoan invisible functionary. This bit is essential:the white shirt, blue tic. coin changer hangingiron) the belt. One recalls G. K. Chestcrton's"Invisible Man," in which a vast countrymanse is the scene ofa murder. Family, guestsand servants all have airtight alibis. Finally,and with much (lifficulty, the culprit is discov-cred. It is the mailman. Mailmen. we are as-surcd by the author, arc invisible. In additionto getting a thrill from affixing that coinchanger, Stephen Reynolds subscribed to thisschool of disguise: always blend in.

There are, of course, other options avail-able. Some criminals go for the brazen ap-

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Page 54: Spy Magazine 1987

proach, such as Michael W. Jackson (norclacion) of Indianapolis, who painted his facesilver and black ¡n the course of an cncrgeticcrime spree last fall during which he slew twoand kidnapped five and stole seven vehicles. ltis not known whether he operated a siren aswell, or hired men to follow him with sand-wich hoards displaying a running tally.

Bank robbers ofthe over-the-counter vari-cty arc perhaps the most preoccupied with thequestion of disguise, since they arc prey tosnooping vidcams and the like. (Six years agothere occurred che wonderful case oí the prc-teen bandit who held up a midtown bank andwas never caught because, at less than fourand a halffeet tall, he was too small to L)e regis-tered by the security camera.) Paper bags withholes cut in them remain a perennial favorite,and it is even now difficult to find a ski maskfor saie in many ncighborhxxls of the city.

This past season's thievery highlights in-elude the Cincinnati pair who robbed theFifth Third Bank (the F/M Third Bank?)

wearing Carter and Reagan masks, which im-mediately made every tabloid in the country.There was also the genius in Chicago whodreamed up the eminently simple trick ofdressing as an armored-car employee, causingtellers to beg him co relieve them of $80,000.

Clever though these exercises may be,.theyrepresent a traditional heut. The criminalavant-garde is meanwhile busy experiment-ing with the headier challenges of minimal-ism. The reigning champion of this mode ofexpression is undoubtedly Rowena RiggsPowell, a con artist redoubtable even by thestandards of the trade. Impersonations,whether of military personnel, police officersor pretenders to the Russian imperial throne,have been going on forever, but most have de-pen(led on a gimmick, a uniform or an accent.Powell, late last year, took it upon herself topose as the sister ofAristotle Onassis and tern-porarily succeeded, while bearing no rescm-blanceofany kind to the late shipping magnate.

In every other respect, hers was a classic de-ccption: the preying on cupidity, the droppingof names. the phony million-dollar checks.

52 SPY MARCH 1987

The spree was even something ofa dud, con-sidering that she made off with mere goodsand services to the tune of less than $25,000.Nevertheless, she managed it with few or noprops and a physical demeanor that was, writ,big and fat and American as all hull. lii thc

slammer, she continues to insist on tirr kin-ship to Ari. Come to think of it, maybe Nhc'S

telling the truth.The logical minimalist extreme had been

attained not long before by one TrathonyGriffin of Bcllport, Long Island, who made asingle, unsuccessful attempt at a mugginginbroad daylight, while wearing a bandanna, apair of sneakers and nothing else. A typicalundergraduate of c rimeambitious, over-eager and not wildly astuteGriffin told ar-resting officers that he thought his Adarnicstate would make him (lilficult to identify. Hehad, however, neglcctcd to stash some cloth-¡ng nearby. He was nabbed when he asked touse a woman's phone, claiming to bea robberyvictim, and she overheard him calling some-OflC other than the police.

(;rilfin was an amateur, but he was certain-ly on the right track. This mode ofdisguisc iselegant in its concc})lion and disquieting in itseffect. lt holds much Promise. it is not, howev-er, foolproof. A simple appendectomy scarcould bring øne down. Or witness the unfor-tunatc case of Michael Moran, of Brooklyn.Moran, fully clothed, assaulted a cop, thentied. Alas, he was stocky, thick-necked andprobably had a cowlick and stubble. The copput out an all-points on a guy who "lookedjust like Fred Flintstone." Moran was pickedUP immediately. Would he have looked anydifferent in the l)Ufi The truth is, some peo-pic should just stick to a )1)C l)ag with holescut in it. )

THE FAR

EASTSIDE

by Bruce Irving

with Atsuko Hariguchi

AS EVERY SPY READERknows, Tokyo is one ofNew York's Sister Cities.And cicirly Japans infhi-ence has bren felt by herAmcriGIn sibling: 155e)' and

Yohji drape the groovesters, sushi dens prolif-crate in all their blackness and blond wood-itess, and Bloomingdale's, olcourse, has beena flack for kaykjaponais,as they surely call it.Rut what has New York given Tokyo?

In a word: w:nes.You don't notice them at first. Oh, they're

there, all right, hiding amid the visual chaos ofThkyo, but it takes a determined (or home-sick) eye to pick them out from among theflashing neon nebulas, (lense electric picto-graphs, characters that the eye passes over inhaste, bewildering building-high banners,tiny signs depicting a construction workerhappily urinating, and, our favorites, the bi-zarre admixtures of Englishsuch as "Spiri-tuai creation power: ust you." The onslaughtof commercial messages makes rnos of NewYork seem by comparison like some denudedcommunist city.

Soon enough, though, phrases familiar tothe New Yorker I)rcak through the clutter.There's the Big Apple l'ub and Lounge. TheRa(lio City disco. The Gulp Gasper CoffeeShoppe. And the Big-Apple Cafe Bar. You be-gin to feel as ifyou're in a dream New York,or maybe a (Iream Thkyo, where odd bits andpes ofthe former pop through the Technicol-or screen of the latter, recognizable hut queer.

Pull up to OflC of the city's numberlesssidewalk vending machines. Ignoring the oneoffering condoms, you deposit your 100 yenfor a can of iced coffee. It's called Manhattan.St. NYC Coffeethe St. stands for s:oy. Thecan's printed message exhorts you to "taste thehappiness of New York. . . . Where the streetsspeak to you, something good will probablyhappen." Funny, when the streets of NewYork spoke to you last, you lost your walletand your watch.

Across the street stands a larger-than-lifeilastic statue of a fat, jolly chef. The restau-rant behind him is identified on its awning asRagel Spikcdog Olive. Actually, it's just plain( )live now, but the place used to specialize inRagel Spikedogs, cylindrical bagels with hot(logs shovcd up inside them. These arc nolonger available, the waiter inside says, due toa lack of consumer interest. The Japanese, hesays, have a perception ola bagel as something"too tough on the teeth to eat." Nonetheless,the owner, Mrs. Hayashi, is determined toserve UI) the chewy doughnuts in some formand has chosen a soft and uniformly shapedproduct made by an expatriate Americannamed Mr. Fox. One of the items on themenu, perfectly reproduced in plastic in thedisplay case outside, is something that trans-lates as "the New York Jewish Person." Itseems that Mrs. Hayashi saw on a televisionprogram that a bagel with lox and creamcheese is a popular health fxxl among Jews inNew York, and she decided to serve it. Herversion comes with a small piece of smoked

Page 55: Spy Magazine 1987

SIIflOfl, .1 triangle of ct-earn cheese, shrc(IcIecIOUlOUS, lettuce, SIICC(l IR)IIC(I (gg, Ifl1yOflflIiSC

.I1)(I t WC) si tces of bain . I'lìc vaitcr docs notI)(ItC%'C It IS koshcr .iiI ovcr.iIl secins i liuk

shiky on dicary 1a's. 1'I risoti it is caIIc(Itiic Nev York Jcvish Ikrson is tItt nì.inyitems ( iii t he t tK ti Li 3rr I1i(( t a iR' r categoriesof I)Pk : t I A menean ( i ri's RI .'l', tor cx-ampie, or the i IcdIthy I_a(i)'. a yogurt-fruit-an(I-vcgctal)Ie sa tidwich. These can bevashc(I C h)VI) . t I turn u says, vit h "ginge-raie'' or "cot-au-Iait," spellings tihit call Lii)

()i)(I memories of a cerialli I i ickory Pit youUSC(i ((I trcqticrit . Fkit iust 'in OU begin toI)ciicvc y(>Ll're (,(t1411/V U? /VCI(' Yoik, you arci0It((I by thC restati rants n)tto: \Vc arc hereto serve you i t)( I VIthOUt you ve i re lint it t ng."

1i)c f()ik' it Fort Jefferson know their geogra})Iìy. \Vhcn tl r. ( )hno, tue presl(Iciit o alarge clothing CompanY. decided tu open astore for votitcii i n t heir t'tnties, he wanted anarrte tl'iat V()Lil(I SLlIfl tu) the image he etivi-Siofle(I. IhIIS. Soil lr.iclitionai MiliLl' i)C-

can.ic Part of the stores logo. This. accordingto the salesgirl, l)o1ls (Iovn to "elegance 'ithcutciiess" A ii i pick t hat pa rt icuii r I ongIsland tO\Vfl Nir. ( )hno vent to l)rt Jellerson011cc (ill J visit tu uts (laughter, a nd the placecapturr(I his lincy. I Stl)OSC they COLiI(l haveLUC(i LiS,' liC says, "br using their iianc 'ii h-out pernission."

/t M.ldiM)n :\venue, a restaurant with avaguely ( )dcon look, he sign inside says WFi.-

(:o1F lo NIW YORK. Prince belts out " 1999'over the speakers hilc tvo unha)py-look togteenagers sh:irc a Vs'al k i;i n a il look at thetnet)Li:

New Yorker (litnhiirgcr arul onu)!))Ricceker Street (pork Stroganoft)\'.ili Strect (ginger pork)

S/ela/ /.undz: I .adics Macy's (pork cutlet)

Spaghetti:

13.()StOii Ri ver (licon a iu I tniish roøniS withvliite sauce)

N1 u I ISO!) R i ( L )L1 r sP(CI.t I t i")

\Vt Side (club)South Suie (tuila)

YOU sit (h)Vil ncxt to i voti ng tn;in vho hasa shopping hag t lit reads, i ' >1 . :i.. vviii i

sit:( :i i iNI1:.kiSi1 It:( ; FL'i .1. ( )I INI1.I .t .F(

FUAI. ENI.l( ;i ii1.N.\IENi IS '1OW IN Y( )tJR

i iNI )S. tkeriiig inside, you sec a nc' shirtail(i J (()t)llC l'xx.k. I lcs I)CVCf l)CCti (C) New

he says. iIl(l IlU asks il New York is real-ly .is (langcrous is everyone says, especiallyI attic Italy. where many iicrto Ric.iiis live.I Ic lis no PliI)5 to visit. icc;itisc, he s;iy.s, hehas ileitlier t lic bra i ris iu ir the t)lOflC IlccCS-

s.iry. Stil I. he (oti1i(lcs, h voiili I I ike to take aliaI) lii (;(titril lirk. i\iul he ktìovs diat \';iii-

kee Stadiun is in the South Bronx, havinglearned it in .t geogra)hy/sociology class.

Aii(l speak ing ot athletics, hov al)out thatVertical (lub over there? Another dothiiìgstore for tcenagers. VL'l)y is il SO ilarned ? Well,(10h connotes .i k t 11(1 of "ci rcle fecli hg.'' thu!1)aihiger says, tllit appeals to high) school orcollege students. Ai.l ve,t,ca/? Surely there isi COflflCCtiOfl %Vit lì t lie chic aii ha px'ningNew York health cIiil) No the word wasCh'U)SCti for íi rely internal reasons: lIte tiian -

igeinent I/at)tcd to instill iii tIte st:ifï;i sense ofconnectc(li1es duLl iiitcr(Iepen(kncc. a tight'ertical Sta(k ing of organizational functions.Very Jap;inese. Rut. yo insist. tile Vertical( ;ltib is laiflOUsCal) this really he a oinci-(lcnce? ] he nl.lnagcr says IlL'S atrai(l so.

'l'hc Jul ks at I .iuiclight i i) ROj)pOi)gi hac a(liffercot k i nU of fear. \Vhcii asked .IlX)iit t luSOUCC of their 'cry liiniliar logo. tile staffclaims igiu)rance. afl(l you sense this is at ion i llcyve i)Cefl asked i)cforc. No. you .i rii)t i i) I\nherican livycr. You tell them aluitt lie I ifluligilt ii) Ncv York a 11(1 t hey PtiIlC1.'\f l)Lit 'v( are noi a disco! \k'c arc i barIou,zj'c r l lit'Ìve certainly got you there. iii(lyou retreat 'ithi a b()\v an(l a t irc(I sin ile.

( )ther scelningly vill -known night spotsleave you feeling cheated, teased. Area is iutanother chrome-and-mirror ilance hox cfeovners say it has iiotiiiig to svith its riatrsake. ¡iid V'l)at 501111(15 like lulladiiii torilsOut ti) l)cycsParadltinl.

11ie Uptovn i)incr is a more sUi)tic, ai)-Prxii11uLe itiiit;itioii of chic Ncv York COOl-

il)erci.ilisnl. A gleaming stainless-steel box5(fi t hug low by tile roa(lSi(le, it 1)eCkofls youwith art (ICCO i)r()tilises ofgreasy eggs and 1)otO)i)IICSS cups of coffee. iI)terttlg, you nod totIle v.iiLress, an ( )ccidcntal iflJZOi) with Ilairlx )l)l)C( I t n the (IOV/iitO%Vil laslinui, ;iiiI take iseat in an authentic leatlieretic lìoiith. Yourvaiter P° Lii). I le is Israel i . i le tells you t lutyour ( otley Island hiinLuirger (with a spi it hot(log Oil top) vill ix PrlP1 red by Jean -'v1arie,the Sorboit ne-e(lIlcatc(l ('/1cl de la ,naoz.

(heated again, scoffing home to yir tiny,Ncy' York -size a>a ri nient , IlaLIflted by farniltaritics tiiiife foreign. you sec Soho's Loft, aconvincingly high-ceilinged, exposed-brick.})Otte(l-1)laiit lul.iCC thiiis ji15t i bit 10(1 (leal).'I hey serve Sobo Natural Soda tor al)OUt $3.61).1 l)Ottle. ( )f' hie tV'() lligi) school gi ris sit t i rig atiii) Jd1iceI)t table. tIte one eating a si.itilknovs that Sol lo is a place in Ncv York ; theother (whose shopping bag reads, KANSAS(ti\ . i( ii'IK,\. U.S.A.: !l( )I)i.RN FASI ii( )N i .iii

i.( IR .\ I .1 . I'i.( )t't .i) has tiever Ilc;i rd of it,t Iloiigli Sill k t)VS t Ilat ) bR is a warehouse bytile sUi. I)ti) of thciii votiid like to go to NewYork l)CC;ILise it is glanl()roLis 1)0! a little dangerotis. They've COiflC to Soho's Loti becauseits glamorous l)tit sac.

l'hc COi)5Ci)SUS iS l)rettY itìticli ihe sii)l( at

Central Park, I ittic Italy and New York 2(restaurants), at Big-Apple and the Village

()iCC (bars) Jii(l at Ra(I IC) (ity, tile I .cxingtonQueen and New York, New York (discos).For Tokyoitcs. a simulated piece ofNew Yorkis oniy aS fir as the next Maiihattaii-derivcdsign, aiul tile walk there is ;t heck ofa lot safer.As they say. New York is a nice I)liee ti) mini-IC, l)iit %ve '.'Oiil(lfl't vant to li'c there.

CHEESEDOFF

by Michael Sorkin

ONE OF l'Ilh MORhscilIt illat ing artificts lately

'iiiii:í ChtiCkC(l lii) l)y the culturewas the Yule-slot Mcl)on-aId 's caipaigiì offeringk ¡dii ics free Christmas

stockings log()ed vtth I"ievcl, the JililIlateiltilOtiSC fron) An 4,ne,,aii, '.Gitl, ti1c StevenSpielberg of the I )on Blut h filml)ase(l Oli a "Concept purporte(lly origlilatc(Il)y 1)avid Kirschner. 1'hc feature-length car-tiSon (I('pictS the ilfltluigrant saga of tue I )is-noid ro(ient as it flees pogrom-wrackedMother Russia for America's golden shores.'l'ile cossacks, naturally, arc cats.

SOUIRI fLIiltIiar? i refer, ofcourse. to Maus,Art Spicgclnìari's illlproIXil)Iy I)rilli.int ac-count of his parents' experience of the i lolo-caust. Eerily drawn in comic book style. miceare Jews, pigs are l)leS atti1 cats arc Nazis.Now, inotise Jews oppressed iy cat ailti-Se-lllitCS is a fairly striking, let us say, conceit. Asso it seemingly struck SptcgeInan. who Col)-si(lcre(I suing Spielberg and Kirschner forwhat the art world calls a)propriat ion.Kirschncr, for Ills denies all knowledgeoÍ tue Spiegelman oeuvre, dCS1)ite Its notable

on the (counter-) cultural landscape5111CC 1972. iiìdeed, so cager were Kurschncr's

spokcspeople 1(1 assert his ignorance, they oldSpiegelman that Kirschncr h.i(l never ever soititich as read .10 "un(lergroun(l' newspaper.(Alaus was first 1)uhlishe(i in the undergroundnagaziic Funny il,ninaI..) By way ofcorroho-ratto!), it was explained that the pristitieKirschner hadn't even voted tititil 1 961, afl(ItheO fkr Nixon.

'I'here's an cngagtng notion: lricky f )ickas i Ile gua ra n t or )f nura I i n nocence. 'I hestratageni ilous IllLiiuiiilatC the difference be-tveen tile t'.VO Inigratu)ns: ?i,íazs to Jail dil(l.I;,I Lo stockiiig. l'he forner is clearly Nixo-i) ia n iii st 'lca rip-off, take 'hat you 'ant.

MARCI I 957 SPY 5.

Page 56: Spy Magazine 1987

It's disagreeable and prirnitivc the old way ofdoing things. Tail to stocking is rnorc convinc-ingly postmodern, the Reagan style. Here sci-zure ceases to be necessary, since everything'sfor sale and there's no business like show busi-ness and everything's already the same any-way. Is there another way to make sense oI alittle Jewish mous! on a Christmas stockingavailable only with the purchase ola Big Macand fries Consider the richness of this mash.Not togec too l)erridcan,but l'in reminded ofthe poke in which the Jewish man throws hisdrink at his Chinese barmate, explaining,"That was for Pearl Harbor." The Chineseman protests that it was the Japanese whobombed Pearl Harbor, but the Jew answers,'Japanese, Chinese, what's the difference?"Moments later the Jewish man is doused bythc Chinese, who cries, "That was for the Ti-tanic!"

"But the Titanic was sunk by an iceberg,"protests the Jew.

lceherg, Rosenberg, what's the difference?"Reagan and Spielberg arc two ofthe might-

icSt engines in the elision factory of postmodculture, sleight-of-brain artists for whomcomics are indistinguishable from life. As amoral exercise, the integration of the Hob-caust into this system of serial sameness, inwhich Biafran babies and Morris the finickycat occupy a single space, is not really very tax-ing. Maus, Fievel, what's the difference? Butallow me another example of the number of

angels currently able to tango on the Amen-can pinhead: there's to be a Holocaust musc-um built in downtown Manhattan. . As theHolocaust is absorbed into the routine ofpackaged memory, its' reality ebbs. Fievelstockings are just a beginning. (Perhaps AnneFrank Easter eggs will be next.) The museumhits new heights of homogenization. Thus, itis being financedjust bike MoMA's recentexpansionby the erection of an adjacentcondo tower. How else? The only question is,what will they call it? La Treblinka? BelsenParc? What's the difference?

[

COOKINGby Moira Hodgson

WHEN THE DOORSopen to the demonstrationkitchen on Macy's eighthfloor, the crowd makes forthe chairs nearest the fronton the left Si(le. If you sit

54 SPY M.R(;I I 1957

there, you get your plate filled first.Around two dozen chefs, including several

two-star luminaries and some of the flashiestyOUflg Americans, have been teaching atMacy's De Gustibus series. (The next seasonbegins on March 9.) Their audience (about 60men and women, mostly in their thirties andforties, who'vc paid $45 per class) knows itsfood. They know that CIA stands for Culi-nary Institute ofAmerica and that Chateau St.Jean rhymes with bean. They like pig's feet,sorrel and samphire. And they wouldn't havea bouillon cube in the house.

The chefs perform on a dais beneath a re-fleeting mirror that hangs over the counter sothat you can see what they are doing (it's nottite place to hide a bald spot). On the counter,bowls of the day's ingredients are set out. Inthe case of Jimmy Schmidt, the chefco-own-er of the Rattlesnake Club in Denver, thecombination was puzzling to palates schooledin the French or Italian tradition: chanterelles,coriander, goat cheese, tomatillo, onion,chayote, California chardonnay, poblano pep-pers and something that looked like a pibe ofblue clay. Puzzling, that is, in precisely theway that significant eighties cooking must be.

Instead of a chers toque, Schmidt wore abaseball hat embossed with the name of hisrestaurant. A cheerful young man from lIli-IH5, where he stu(lied chemistry and engi-neening, he taught the class as if it werecomposed of science students. "A saucel)reaks," "is built on emulsions," "has struc-turc," "is stable." "Sugar and salt are hydro-scopie Isicithey turn to liquid if there'smoisture." "The pockmarks on custard arcsyneresis." There was a steady scratching ofpens between sips of Alizé, a new yellow li-queur made with cognac and passion fruituice that was passed around when we sat down.

The menublue corn tortilla chips withchanterelles and goat cheese, salmon withachiote paste and ginger puree, passion fruitice cream with white-chocolate saucewas alittle much for some customers. "1 prefer theFrench or Italian chefs," muttered a lawyerunder his breath. "At least I can understand

their ingredients:'This opinion was not shared by an elegant

gray-haired matron surrounded by shoppingbags. "So refreshing to see these young menwith such innovative ideas," she said, (lippingher fork hungrily into a plate that containedgrilled beef with tomatilbos, garnished withcoriander and blue corn crepes. "Such achange from a CIA pron."

J can-Louis Palladin, chef-owner of theJean-Louis restaurant at the Watergate inWashington, presented anothur kind of the-atcr. His was a simple little meal that anyonemight whip UI) when they got home fromwork: lobster tart with zucchini and coral but-ter, rabbit loin with rosemary and marrowflan, coconut ice cream with banana frittersand maple syrup cream sauce.

Palladin looks like a cop in a policier movie:tall and skinny, with huge round glasses, adrooping mustache mn(l a thin, lined faceframed by thick, curly hair. Members of themeasuring-spoon se 10)01 of cooking lookedshocked as he threw sugar in with his hands,sprang a leak in the Cuisinart by filling it toofull, peeled the skin olla coconut as though itwere made of paper, flipped food in a fryingpan without sen(ling it onto the floor and, fi-nally, caught his towel on fire.

But the applause was unreserved for thelobster tart and the little quivering custards ofmarrow served with sad(bles of rabbit. Thispoor man is often obliged to cook in his res-taurant for that well-known gastronomeNaiwy Reagan, who has been known to eatthree entire leaves of lettuce at one sitting.

Anne Roscnzweig, chefco-owner of Arca-dia and recently appointed adviser to the new,improved "2 I ," is only five feet tall, with hugebrown eyes and a broad smile. She looked likea naughty child as she wielded a carving knifeas big as her arm to bone a rack of lamb andquails (the latter were marinated in molasses,sautéed and served with sweet potato gratinand arugula). The audience held its breath asshe hypnotized her lobster by stroking it be-hind the eyes for five minutes before she killedit (unlike the male chefs, who had flO hesita-tion about cutting theirs up alive and tossingthe flailing limbs into the pot). And when shetold us, "For medium rare, push the fatty partof your hand between thumb and forefinger,and that's what the meat should feel like," theaudience clasped their hands together andsighed with rapture.

The De Gustibus students certainly gottheir money's worth from Alain Sailhac, thenchelat Le Cirque, who, along with lashings of(;allic charm, served a sublime lobster ravioliwith fresh white truffles (a dish that costs $35as a main course in the restaurant), made seabass "carpaccio" and boned a rack of lamb.(Chefs must be frustrated surgeons; they en-joy boning meat more than anything.) For

Page 57: Spy Magazine 1987

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Page 58: Spy Magazine 1987

(I(s%crt, lic precIItc(I his famous crème hrûkc."\Vh:it do tI)S( )COpk onkr at I .c

(IrqLIc SOIT)COflC I5kC(1.

"I3roilcd chicken," hc answered wiiI a

shrug as liuk whitc plastic platcs offood wrrepasscd aroun(I and greetc(I with oohs and aahs.

11us was not a broikd-chickcn crowd. J

You SAW

IT HERE

FIRI FEW YEARS uGO WI

/U(/ 1/U' inclination and cws-

-y f-T j j :

gy Io scc wild! .ce,,,cd Ii4c ev-. . iii movie made. e:'en I/WSe

starling ¡%'Iichae/ Keaton ordirected by Jo/rn Bad/u:rn. In

ihese postpromisuous days, howeve'; ut sOfl3C-

tin.csJigo Jane Fonda or Sieve Martha vehicles,and even consider skipping a Martin Scorsesefilm. R:i iw still read the reviciw. (They'recheapc; and you don 't need to hire a baby -sitter.)

Trouble is, ¡t-e' only get Io read i/ten: after thel,ns have opened, and so u are denied the plea -

514?C5 ofone-upnaiship: Mc desire, as in nearlyall things contemporary, is to get the early hueto find out what to think before everyone else

know what to think.And so SPY hasfiuwhly developed a revolution -

auy new kind of criticism: movies ,-et'icwcd notjust before they a,e released, but bcfi,re they are

finishedrcvicws of movics still in produc-(ion. Hou' do u possibly manage it? Secretsources? Scanning the trades? Incognito visits tosowidctagcs and editing rooms? uVopc. Why do

ur do it? Ik'cause they're not there.

Is thcrc any limit R) the numbcr of tirncs wec.III laugh at the zany ¡nitation rics oía teen-age nerd? In Summer School director Carlkeiner follows In his son's footsteps with acrossbreed of Rob Reiner's most recelit movie(Stand By Me) and the one before that ('the

Sure Thing), with elements of'Real Genius andMeatballs thrown in. In this summer releasethe excruciating teen misfit (Richard Horvitz)improbably win(ls up in summer school, buthis mortification is relieved by a handsomefreelance mentor and gym coach (Mark Har-mon), a chummy male stripper (Ken Olaiidt)and girls (Courtney Thorne-Smith as a suricretin)girlc (Shawnee Smith as an ethnic situ)girls (Fabiana Udenio as the îòreign-cxcliangc

st, spy MARCH 1987

IxtnIshcIi). l(lru1uLuic? !Vaahhh.

Campus Man, the B version of this genre,also from Paramount, is due out this spring.Here the nerd is an entrepreneur (John Dye)who puts together a pinup calendar oî theget thiscollege hunks ! Hcrc the male stripperis a champion diver and maie model (MilesO'Kecffc). i Icre Morgan Fairchild ¡1ays theMark Harmon role. Here we have not CVCI)

the pleasures of smutted-up sitcom clarity.lhc rumors must be true: Paramount pro-

duction chicfi)awn Steel is a ucenmaniac. HotPursuit, yet another wacky summer adoles-cent .slwnanigans movie ircnn the studio, is anhour-an(l-a-half-long Love Boat segment withkids (John JSure ThinglCusack). Afeaturefllmstarring Shelley Fabares, Jerry Stiller andMonte Markham? Monte Markham? lint Pur-suit is disingenuous and hormonally high-spirited in precisely the style of the ¡-Vietnam 196()s. And you thoughtBeach Blanket

Bingo couldn't be remade without irony.

in fact, unwitting sixties revivalism is ram-1)atut this season. Where (IOCS xxr John I ,ith-go' find these scripts? l)id he know this onewould he called Harry & the Hendersons?1)id the roiuccrs think that Lithgow's too-normal WASPiness %'OUI(l s(nnchow be miti-gateci by casting feisty, vaguely rc.J)tlgnafltMcditerraneans (Lainie Kazan ¡md DonAmeche) as his costars? 'Why wasiu't i)eanJ ones in this April release? Why weren't theremore tlubbcry boinging sounds?

This summer's The Untouchables redeemsauud revives several filin careers in one spien-dici SWOOl). 'l'his is Hrian i )e Palma's bestmovie since Dressed to Kill and Robert 1kNiro's best since Raging Bull. lt is CharlesMartin Smith's and screenwriter I)avid Ma-met's best movie ever. Kevin Costner as EliotNess is every l)it as charming as he was in Sil-¿'erado; he's a sweet, stipple hybrid of UaryCooper and Chevy Chase. (Costncr is whatI larrison Ford has turned out not to be.) Thecinematography has a convincing Ixtti1a ofacrid thirties grime. and the sets are perfectly(not Ilollywood) Chicagoanhard-ass classi-cal.Wiih 1)eNiroas AI Capone,sleek an(l psy-cho, muttering Mamety gangstcrisms, one'slOIR] hopes for a Godfather III seem moot.

Ishtar, on the other hand, s simply verycurious, the The Fortune of this (leca(kanoverblown road -picture remake of Spies LikeUs (which was itself a remake of S*P*Y*S).Yes, really, one more timefun-lovingAmerican guys turned inadvertent secretagents in the MiddLe East. This tune the BobHope/Elliott Guit1/Ciuevy Chase role is

playc(l by l)ustin lioffunan, who is 1)t1reclwith Warren l3eatty as the Bing Crosby!1)onald Sutherland/I )an Ayk royd character.Elaine May directed this three-way midlifecrisis of a movie.

lt's refreshing to sec that (;knn Ciosc and

Jane Fonda have agreed to take turns starringi n the semiannual Iove-afiair-turns-to-tnur-der movie. First it was Closets turn, with Jag-ged Edge; then it was Fonda's turn, with TheMorning After; this summer it's Close onceagain. with Michael 1)ouglas in Fatal Attrac-tion. (Apparently I)ouglas and Jeff Bridgeshave worked out a similar deal: Bridges doestwo, l)ouglas (IOCS two, and so on.) Close andI)ouglas arc hard to watch in almost everymovie they make. of'coursc, and it's synergis-tically worse herehe patronizing and preen-ing, she wallowing in actressiness. Only FredCwynne, as a menacing mastermind, is en-tirely delightful.

SHOOTING THE

RAPIDSby Amy Enge/er

UP AND DOWN MAN-

' ltdttLfl, in shabby hack

,II iapartments or bright pro-

iIi'

iii fessional spaces, arescrubbed, u1si-me(11c;ul (.5-

tahlishments offering a

goo(l interior cleaning. Just like doctors' anddentists' olliccs, these places are clecoratcdwith references to the Ixxlily organ of concern:hold cha ris of t he intestinal tract, photographsof' icople on the toilet, cutout circles arrangedtO form a colon. l:or $35 to $ I (M), one can climi)aboard the padded table to bare the backsidefor what this pocket of medical philosophycalls a colonie irrigationperhaps better dc-scribeci as an enema cm a grand scale.

The ads arc in Nett' York magazine andfreebie publications in health stores. Call a co-Ionic therapist and an answering machine willmost likely deliver a breathy message with allthe assurance of a tarot card reader. In thehackgroun(I, Chinese chimes play. If you'relucky, the sign-off will he evangelical: "I lookforward to swaking with you. and in themeantime I wish you God's grace."

People ltave done stranger things to theirIxxlics than voluntarily flushing 15 to 20quarts ofwarm water (9O0980 F) through theentire live to eight feci of' the large intestine.which at un;uxiunum capacity holds a singlegallon. t rectal speculum carries the fluidi inat(i oUt through I'k-xiglas tubes. And it's notlrvcrsion that motivates this fad, but an hon-est belici tisai a regular colonit irrigation willrid the body of "toxins"drug residue, red-meat impurities, ircservativesanci contrib-

Page 59: Spy Magazine 1987

Ute to what insi(krs call "high-level weilness."Colonics arc popular among waiters, (lieters,followers of naturopathic medicinc and, ac-cording to one practitioner, "performance art-ists, people who consider their bodies theirinstruments." Medical hacking for the procc-dure is virtually nil. "In gcneral, physiciansignore iL," says gastrocntcrologist Dr. JohnBenson. "They dOn't think it's uscitil, andthey don't prescribe it."

Most people arc squeamish talking about"going to the reading room." Not cotonic dc-votees. They can talk bowel movements any-time, even over a meal, and they do, for nothinggratifies them more than recruitment.

"1 think people who arc colonic therapistsare saints," says Donna Givers, who became soenamored that she bought a water machinefor $300 to usc on hersclfand her husband athome. "There's nothing like a good coton-IC. . . . lt's Like going to the dentist to have theplaque cleanedI think a colonic (loes some-thing like that to your colon."

If the medical community has dismisse(lthe trend as hopeful voodoo, the ManhattanDistrict Attorney's office hasn't. Last March60-year-old Frank Van L)cusen, a tetephoneworker who lived on St. Marks Place, died atColonique, at 104 East 40th Street, from acuteperitonitis. The tubes altegedly jammed, caus-ing the water pressure to build until his intcs-tinal membrane burst. Last December a grandjury indicted the colonic therapist involved,known in the trade as Sophia, for second-de-grec manslaughter, criminally negligenthomicide and two counts of unauthorizedpractice ofmedicine. lfconvicted, she faces upto 15 years' imprisonment.

Since colonies are outside the aegis of medi-cat authority, there is no license required, nomandatory training. Anyone can set up shop."It's always such a gray area," laments a de-voted client. "lt's not legal, it's not illegal:'Not surprisingly, the approximately ten thera-pists in the city are angry at Sophia: Van Deu-sen's death-by-bursting may well shut thelocal industry down altogether.

Sophia, whose real name appears on courtpapers as Xenia Marie Green, is a small,dwnpy black woman in her mid-forties whocame to New York from, of all places, Cokn,Panama. "I was meant to do this:' she says."I've lived on Water Street for ten years. I'vehad l)owel trouble all my life." Sophia. whogives herself a daily colonie, services lawyers,stockbrokers and executives, she says, whocome by referral. (No mention of her ads inNc:' York.) I-Icr $lO() fee (which she raisedfrom $75 after the indictment) is the highest inthe trade. The money is not, she says, the rca-son she's in business; rather, it's because "Idon't like the experience of being a I

like to he in control. So I let my clients con-stantly manage and manipulate the whole sys-

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Page 60: Spy Magazine 1987

tern themselves. I learned by working onmyself. going to school, looking at my clients."When pressed for the school's name, she flus-tcrs. "In Gary, Indiana, an old man taught mcthe value and gift to be cleaned inside. ...Cleanliness is next to godliness."

For seven years, S1)l1ia has atlrninistcrcdcolonics, and she has even continued after themanslaughter charge. Though she refuses toanswer questions about the client who cx-ploded on her table, she pushes on with heruneducated barrage: "When I started I didn'teven know about what a colon was..."

As the trial approaches, Sophia's attorney,Charles Berkman, and Assistant D.A. Kris-tine Hamann arc increasingly absorbed by thecase's potential to set a legal precedent. Berk-man plans to defend Sophia mainly with theargument that the procedure, when })r(-

scribcd medically, is ordinarily done not bydoctors but by hospital personnel. Essential-ly, they claim she's been practicing medicine,"Bcrkman says. "We disagree." ibout themore serious felony charges: "They mustl)r0%C gross negligence. There's no kind ofgross negligence involved. She was just doingwhat she was supposed to be doing."

Other therapists disagree, calling Sophia"irresponsible," "esoteric," "a blight on theprofession." And Sophia herself, like the pros-titutes who don't understand they have All)Sbecausc they don't ice1 sick. seems untouchedby the rcding legal circus going on aroundher. Her business, Colonique, remains openand ready to clean you. )

CROSS

YOUR

FINGERSby Ellis Weiner

Ir y, DATELINE NEW YORK:II .(l Big hunks of new architcc-, turc continue u) metastasize

I:

i i: unchecked in and around

I 'the greater metropolitanarea ("greater"? The great-

est!), yet the briefest ride on any oí theirhushed, gleaming, digital-readout, I-wish-my-apartrnent-were-this-nicc elevators mightbring to some the dispiriting realization thatAmerica is still, like, tuwily irnma-cherr. Forregardless ofdesign, budget, tenants, decor orprestige address, practically all ofthese buildings pretend not to have a thirteenth floor.

58SPY MARCH 1987

What, one wonders, gives? Are we notmen? Are we not women? Are we not freemoderns, titteringly contemptuous ofthe irra-tional, prescientific ignorance of ageswhen whole communities feared the night,worshiped moss and believed that hail was saltbouncing off (;(l COrfl on the cob? Do wenot live in a Scientifically Happening Post-mod Moment of the Immediate Present,where Today is Nower than Now?

Where, then, are the tenantscorporate.commercial or residentialwho actually re-fuse to buy or lease space on a floor situatedbetween the twelfth and fourteenth that hasthe courage to speak its name? Where arc thelily-livered, yellow-bellied, sissy-boy (and-girl) real estate developers who cannot bringthemselves to use the number in question?Grown-upsacross the nation demand that thecowards step forward and suffer the public ridi-cule and general censure they so richly deserve.

Ofcourse, I'd love to be there to chip in myshare of ridicule and censure, but unfortu-nately t have to be in my office, where I'vebeen trying to toss the same balled-up trashinto the same wastebasket for three months.The rule is, if I miss, I must get up, go over,pick it UI), return tO the point of origin andshoot again. This prce(lUre continues until Imake the shot or give Up. And I mwz nolgiuc up.

Why do I do it? Oh . . . "For my character.""Out of habit." "It's a little game I play." Allnice, plausible-sounding reasons, and everyone a contemptible lic. The real reason is: if Idon't do itif I simply pick up the trash anddrop it inI'll get in some kind of troublewith a nameless, all-pervading It-force outthere that will he mad at me for being lazy. Itwill, somehow, for some implacable reason,punish mesal) my vigor, crick my neck, stopmy heart, shet ma mouth. So I shoot, and re-trieve, and shoot again.

It's not a practice ofwhich I'm proud. Howam I to demonstrate to the nation's, or myapartments, youth the attitu(les and behaviorappropriate to a grown-up if I'm busy tossingand stooping for the same crumpled-up ball ofpaper day in and (lay out like some giant wind-up toy? But no matter how free ofdelusion Iftncy myself, and no matter how self-sufficientI think it important to he, there is still that Itthat must bcappeascd. And nothing will satis-fy It, except my sinking the hook shot.

It wasn't always like this. As a proud teen-age American, I defiantly didn't believe inGod, thought science could figure out any-thing. True, L)ack then, I used to uw,t to be-lieve in omenseven had ones, since theirvalidity seemed (0 imply the validity of thegood ones. But almost every time I (leadedsomething boded ill or well, things turned outwell or ill. The stuff (li(lfl't correlate. Icouldn't make the case for supernatural inter-cession. Life ust drearily was what it was.

Praying, to an assimilo-Jewish young with-it like me, was absurd and out ofthe question.Even today, when team coverage of the latesthorrific disaster includes footage of an obvi-ously suffering man or woman saying, "Thenthe guns started shooting, and all we could dowas pray," I can't not think of an exchangefrom the movie Ruling Class: "Whatmakes you think you're God?" asks a normalcharacter. Because every time I pray," repliesthe insane hero, "I find I'm talking to myself."

Now I aspire to grown-uppitude. I sub-scribe to the God-is.on-sabbatical theory of(liVifle absenteeism (He exists, isn't at his desk,isn't expected back) and wouldn't trust scienceas far as I could throw it. Still, all is not un-a(lulterated a(lukhood. On the other hand, Ibelieve, with a great many fibers ofmy being,that it is wrong, weak, self-indulgent, igno-rant and uncool to go around looking for littlesigns and signals from the universe that say:Hey. l)on't worry. The true grovn-up is

above or beyond all that, and I join hun or hcrin disdaining all fourteenth floors and thu dc-vators that so shamefully stop at them.

On the other hand, I, and anyonc with a

harmless little ritual or superstitious fear, needreassurance. Science, the son of a bitch, hasdemonstrated that we reside in a throbbing,expanding, four-dimensional universe ofspace-time whose incessant background mi-crowave radiation hums with the unambig-uoUs message "Hey. Wony."

And we do. About you name itrapaciouscorporations, suicidal terrorists, communistrepression, Third World unrest, GeorgeBush, George Shultz, George Brett, GeorgeGobel. From upmarkets to I)owns syndrome.From the Me Decade of the past to the Mc MeMe Puck You Decade of today. We need hei1),we need reassurance, we need to know thatthere's a wastebasketball-loving I t-force outthere that asks only that we throw our trashlike Larry Bird or not at all, in return forwhich lt will allow us to retain a belief in Itsufficient to suggest that this is not all there is.

Because if this is all there is. then, youmean, this is it? )

Page 61: Spy Magazine 1987

ANSWERS TO ROY BLOUNT JR.'S CONTRAGATE SPECIAL CROSSWORD

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Page 62: Spy Magazine 1987

at the cattle cor nightclub,the Tunnel . . or Olcg Cas-smi examining Miami Vice.:": starlet Olivia Brown forVPL (right) of The Best

1magazine's party at the

:: Pierre.

spy \1\1( I$7

The skilled poporazzo canalso catch people off guardand record rare, beautifulmoments of intimacy, suchas rodio personality BarryFarber unburdcning him-self to a mannequin (left) dooj

'one cloim to despise theres provide the kind of voy-urant mania in New York's well dressed and ovcrso-at celebrities really dislikeJockie O. have sued Ronven more press attention?r. Shown on the cover ofmt of seeking out the cam-k James (left) being aimedtcrnoturally energetic PR

'oo, inevitably leaps in theIv now that she is reduced

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Other, lesser celebrities dohumiliating things in publicto make sure they get theirpictures token. Slashed butplucky modcl Marlo Han-son 1oined hock artist PeterMax (above) recently topromote the dreadful newMaxwotch. In honor of themerchandise, Max wrotesomething that looks dan-gcrously like a poem:"Kccping 'timepieces on

their wrists They call thesethings 'watches' But cananyone sec the time comeand go And . . . do theywear watches on UFO's?"

Page 63: Spy Magazine 1987

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THE MONEY SUPPLY At a din-ner honoring Federal Re-serve chairman PaulVoicker at the Waldorf,Volcker, Thomo Murphy(Cop Cities ABC chairman)and Leo Hausman (UnitedCerebral Palsy of New Yorkpresident) demonstrate theVolcker Curve (above).

LIFS Another disquieting moment (right):backstage, just minutes before he wascrowned Mr. Male America, Mr. Georgia(with fan) helped his buddy Mr. Michigan

-keep cool before the grueling swimsuit corn-petition. (No fluffheods these: in real life Mr.Georgia is a full professor of English at Yaleond Mr. Michigan is deputy secretary ofHousing and Urban Development.)

!7 .R ':.; BEFORE AND AFTER Look how unhappy; Cornelio Guest (above) was at her

23rd.birthday party (at Stringfellows,naturally) surrounded by former Na-tional Enquirer gossip columnist R.Couri Hoy and permanently ton cableTV queen Nikki Haskell. But look howhappy the World's Oldest Deb (right)become when the bluc.chip oddities

- showed up (left to right): FrancescoSavullo, Fabrice, Potty Hearst.

Right-wing bon vivant Toldspent a few minutes di'S-creetly conferring withfashion husband ReinaldoHerrera (right), therebygathering information forhis next 15 columns.

Helen Hayes wasmystified andvaguely disgustedwhen the ubiquitousF. Murray Abrahamknelt and kissed herhand (left).

Lt..

Two art boys dem.onstrotinq the ree-ommcndcd safe-sexmethod of kissing(above).

DECLINE OF THE WEST Above: our pho-tographer caught this happy crowd ofsuccessful professionals relaxing:(clockwise) deejay-for-life AnitaSarko, bold Dean Johnson, fat-party.thrower-for-life Vito Bruno, crass-eyedhanger-an Johnny Dynell, and HoouiMontaug, dean of the rude doormen.

DAMN LIES After Leonard Bern-stein went on The Love Con-nection recently, he broke ai1the rules and went Out with olithree bacheiorcttcs- ot once.Here they are at a party for sec-ondhand-Nobel winner Ehe

Wiesel: Lenny reciting Byronwith Kitty Carlisle Hart (top),then entertaining Betty Corn-den with his nutty Blues Broth-er', routine (middle), thenslapping a soul kiss on boche-lorette number three, LouiseNeveison (bottom).

,, \ Ii L'S SPY-

Page 64: Spy Magazine 1987

ACROSS1. F\' drew a gvflvrLIU)I)

of Americaii youths iflt()this bestial circk. startingwith (IangcroLls drink(5.4).8. Scrcwisig tern. !

Create prcsi(Itnts 1(1(1 ut

history (6.7).11. Icrrorists licadIk)St()Il uutkrgroundscheine (4).12. ¡n %vere tokivtì.it arms ¿sr for (5).i 3. Rrokvn Ckifl-Ikfl't41V( ( )IIit North DUC (4).

spy M.\R(I t

16. J(ais Off aítcr trick:Latin JcUcrsons? (7).17. Slickcst ot thc 9. orthc 6rst in Brooklyn (7).18. Rotilike ciwugh iomakC licarl of atfl;lca(IJII)ia 1)kCII (7).20. Bad Mr.. vurd uL1tt.

rsaiZ Italian ic crv.iiu(7).21. Boat of %1)II)( 01/1(1

-Hauls who W(I1( furfkccv (4).22. Not much in whatagcnts, or actors. can talkal)oiIt (5).

23. Nancys boys fullowl)(N)" (4).

26. Marinc paIrit goystoø íar-indudvs( anadians (5j4).27. Jolly (;rccn (;i:snt.I Lonard Nimoy. Sfl(I I

(It)fl1 CVCfl trustMd arthy (.310.

DOWN2. Sounds like )I1IcIlIi1Ig

to sniff at, tiiayh. in wccC011uflUflist '') (4).3. Sinatra McFarlanc (7).

4. Beguiling isle turnsyuppie margarita blue (7).5. Nlciiis to, or not t() (4).6. Funds of Ib itceticurrent tally (odd foreignitote nussing) (10,3).7. Whatever the 1)rcsi(Ientknows. we know ii is titis(answer to 5) (1 3).9. Intriguing sheiks coiw(leviotisly with CivilAeronatitics l3oar( I,1)';inat, (4.5).lo. Siijwrlativc prcsL(Icnt.t4)) IV stews team sharelink i)ctWCCfl French

beast, holy man (9).14. Bc around bone, towin frientis abroad (5).15. Float mismanagc(1high up (5).19. North itlaces chaos inembrace (7).20. ()lIic-N.-gatc. no lic:lfliXC(l fruit (7).24. Kr.iiits toot looped(4).

25. Jouit Stuart grindsexceetling tinc (4).TIw dfl,1CS3 10 1/IC lJfl-lIrUUh

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SCIENCE

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Page 66: Spy Magazine 1987

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c uOD JR.HiQ X

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ill OUF ¿Vc:« Inqnovcd iVc:' York, the sturdy Munidpal Parade TuineI debuts under Fifth Avenue. In this spacious narz'c'/, gt'hic/a comfortably acco,nrnodates a mi//io,, people, you can hear the sk rccgh ofa bagpipe

or t/wfamiliar tap-tas) (ja shillelagh ten blocks away; the acoustics (and the three-foot-thick soundproof- ing betwecz tz4nnel and Street) ezcouragc a growing gust ofsound and celebration. ilficr the tnerynaing.

good-natured sanitatio?i toorkers briçfly divert Wate, Tw,nel No. I to sluice away refuse and ai' Long Island teenageis left behind in the excitement. 'lll the aihile, New Yorkers can walk serenely u,thindered up above, now that annual revelries longer prevent the quiet pleasures ofa crosstown stroll.

Page 67: Spy Magazine 1987

Lincoin Center,the home of

the classics,now has one youcan call home.

The Alfred.

Aida, La Bohcme,Beethoven, Mozart, Pavarotti,

Scotto, Baryshnikov:for 25 years, the world's

:ognoscenti have congregatedat Lincoln Center to be

thrilled by the world's greatestartists interpreting the world's grandest music.

With the introduction ofThe Alfred, a newfree-standing 38-story condominium, those wholive for music can now practically live where it's

made: across the Street from Lincoln Center itself.From its mansard roof to its wood-and-leather

lobby, The Alfred elevates living to an art form.It provides kQth 24-hour doorman and conciergeservice. Its in-house recreational facilities include

a 75 ft. long pool and a racquetball court. Itswindow-walled residences are as spacious as

homes. And, for good measure, make dazzlingriver and park views part of your decor.

Best of all, pre-completion prices are now ineffect. Currently, you can buy a one-bedroomfrom $229,000, a duplex from $318,000, a two-bedroom from $331,000 and a three-bedroomfrom $452,000: Special financing is available, too.Call our sales office at (212) 956-3999 to schedulean appointment to see our furnished model.The Alfred, 161 W. 61 Street across fromL incoin Center. rrc subjca io ¿hang without

Dec1oped by the owners and managc of the ja,nous Dcaal Hotels. Sponsor CMC Cx»'npan 11. The cmptae of/eying tenns ave in an offevig plan at.ziIabte from Sponsor.

Page 68: Spy Magazine 1987

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