space 4 rent - episode 2

8/9/2019 Space 4 Rent - Episode 2

1/21

Space 4 Rent - Episode 2


2/21

EXT. POD CLUSTER

V.O.Last week! On Space For Rent!

A RECAP OF EPISODE ONES EVENTS PLAYS.

V.O.And now! Space For Rent! Episodetwo. Attack Of The Clone

INT. LITAS POD

ZEV IS PACING AROUND THE POD, EXCITEDLY. LITA IS SITTING ONTHE COUCH.

ZEVOh man! Theyre going to be here

any mircocycle! Paddington and ThePug are coming here! Were going toget to meet Paddington and the Pug!

LITAZev, this isnt a good thing! Youhave two of the most dangerous loansharks in the galaxy hunting youdown. Who knows what theyre gonnado!

ZEVHey, did you see the episode where

a guy tried to pay them incounterfeit credits, so they waiteda couple of Gigacycles and towedthe dumb blarts space pod into ablack hole while he was sleeping?!

LITAYes! That was horrible!

ZEVI thought it was pretty cool.

LITAWe need a plan... Maybe we canfight them off! Zirmoses candistract them while we sneak up onthem up with Ion Blasters!

ZEVHavent you ever watched theirshow? The debt criminals always

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


3/21

CONTINUED: 2.

ZEV (contd)freak out try to fight them or runaway and end up looking stupid. Butnot me, Im gonna play it realcool!

THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. ZEV SCREAMS IN S HIGH PITCHEDTONE.

ZEVNo! Dont let them get me!

ZEV RUNS AND HIDES IN THE BATHROOM. THE AIRLOCK OPENS.ZIRMOSES ENTERS. ZIRMOSES WALKS DIRECTLY TO THE RECLIMATORAND STARTS TO RECLIMATE A BURGER AND SODA.

LITANo! Nuuh-uh! Go back to your ownpod and use your own credits if

youre hungry.

ZIRMOSES MAKES A CHEESEBURGER AND A DRINK FROM THERECLIMATOR.

ZIRMOSESI must get away from that human!She keeps singing at me and callingme her Prince Charming. I dontthink she understands Bamorangender or biology.

LITA

(sarcastically)I thought that you were tutoringher on that subject all night.

ZIRMOSES(not getting the sarcasm)

I have been trying, but shedoesnt seem to be picking any ofit up.

SOCKIEHeads up, here comes your littlesong bird now.

ZIRMOSESHide me!

ZIRMOSES HIDES BEHIND THE KITCHEN COUNTER. SOCKIE OPENS THEDOOR AND FELIA COMES IN.

(CONTINUED)


4/21

CONTINUED: 3.

FELIAOh Lita, I must beg your charity tolet me use your bathroom. Zirmosesonly has a Bamoran Toilet andits... very painful to use.

LITAWell, we have a Kevorkian toilet.Its not much better.

SHE LOOKS OVER AND SEES ZIRMOSES TRYING TO HIDE IN THEKITCHEN

FELIA(singing)

Oh sweet prince at last Ive foundyou!

LITA

Alright, thats enough. Everybodyout, I have a real issue that needsto be dealt with.

ZIRMOSESBut I just made a burger...

FELIAAnd I really need to use yourbathroom. I cant figure out thewipe-spike in ours.

LITA

The toilets in there... Just dontmake any sudden movements, and wearthe safety mittens if youre goingto flush.

FELIA SCAMPERS OFF TO THE RESTROOM. SHE OPENS THE DOOR,CAUSING ZEV TO SCREAM, WHICH CAUSES FELIA TO SCREAM AS WELL.ZEV RUNS OUT OF THE BATHROOM AND FELIA RUNS IN.

LITAZirmoses, consider this a headstart.

ZIRMOSESA head start on what?

ZIR DOESNT UNDERSTAND AT FIRST, WE HEAR FELIA SING AGAIN,ZIR REALIZES AND TURNS AND EXITS THROUGH THE AIRLOCK,FORGETTING ABOUT THE BURGER ENTIRELY.

(CONTINUED)


5/21

CONTINUED: 4.

ZEVYou know what? Youre right Lita.Im just gonna relax. Show them Imnot afraid.

SOCKIE

You... will... be!

ZEV PICKS UP THE BURGER AND DRINK AND SITS DOWN AT THEKITCHEN COUNTER.

SOCKIEGuys wait a minute... Paddingtonand The Pug... Their space ship ispreparing to depart from the podcluster! Theyre leaving! Zev,youre gonna be okay!

ZEV

What! Yes! Oh, sweet Spock, yes!

THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE AIRLOCK. SOCKIE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY.

SOCKIEZap, you just make it too easy,Zev!

SOCKIE OPENS THE DOOR TO REVEAL PADDINGON AND THE PUG. THEYARE ACCOMPANIED BY A SMALL FILM CREW WITH MINISCULE HANDHELD CAMERAS (OR MAYBE JUST THE CAMERAS ON THEIR SPACEPHONES). PADDINGTON AND THE PUG TAKE IN THE PLACE, WITHTHEIR HANDS IN THEIR POCKETS.

PUGHow you all doin?

NO ANSWER.

PADDINGTONAm I trippin, or did my friend justask you a question?

ZEVWere doin okay.

SOCKIEGreat!

LITALook guys, I know you-

(CONTINUED)


6/21

CONTINUED: 5.

PADDINGTONWhy dont you two have a seat onthe couch over there.

LITAHey, you cant-

PADDINGTONIts alright, just sit down.

LITABut-

PUG(More forceful.)

Sit.

LITA AND ZEV SIT DOWN ON THE COUCH. PUG STARTS SNIFFINGAROUND IN THE KITCHEN.

PADDINGTONDo you know who we are?

ZEVRON NODS.

SOCKIEWere huge fans!

PUGYes, most people are. Viewership iscompulsory in some parts of theGalaxy.

PADDINGTON(To Sockie)

Now Im gonna take a wild guesshere: youre Zevron, right?

SOCKIENo! Im a sock puppet! You want themeat puppet.

PADDINGTONWell forgive my foolishness!

(To Lita)Then I suppose youre Zevron.

SOCKIEWrong meat puppet!

PADDINGTON(To Pug)

So youre Zevron!

(CONTINUED)


7/21

CONTINUED: 6.

PUGPaddington... Are you okay?

PADDINGTON LOOKS BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN ZEVRON AND THE PUG.HE FINALLY SETTLES ON ZEVRON. THE DOOR TO THE BATHROOM OPENSAND FELIA RUNS OUT, SCREAMING, WITH HER HANDS COVERED IN

BLOOD. SHE EXITS THROUGH THE AIRLOCK. PADDINGTON AND THE PUGEXCHANGE GLANCES, AND SHRUG.

PADDINGTONZevron Jones, were associates ofyour loan provider Earth Bank. Youdo remember your loan providerdont ya?

ZEVYeah.

PADDINGTON

I thought so. Well, you rememberyour loan provider, Earth Bank,dont ya?

ZEV...Yes. I remember it.

PADDINGTONGood for you. Looks like me andThe Pug caught you just about toeat, sorry bout that. Whatchaeatin?

ZEVA cheeseburger-

PADDINGTON-I DONT REMEMBER ASKING YOU A GODDAMN THING!

LITAYou just asked him what he waseating.

PADDINGTONOh...

PUGHey Paddy, do you need me to takeover?

PADDINGTONIm fine!

(CONTINUED)


8/21

CONTINUED: 7.

PUGWell Im here if you need me.

PADDINGTONYoure messing up my flow. Imtrying to get into a good speechhere.

PUGOkay.

PADDINGTONSo what are you eating?

ZEVUh... a cheeseburger-

PADDINGTON-A cheeseburger! The cornerstone ofany nutritious breakfast. Where did

you get it, MacDonalds, Wendys,Jack-in-the-Box?

LITANo... we dont have those in thefuture. Its from my reclimator.

PADDINGTONA reclimated burger. I heard thosecan be mighty tasty. I aint neverhad one myself, how is it?

ZEVI havent even taken a bite yet.

PADDINGTONMind if I try a bite of yours?

ZEVGo ahead.

PADDINGTON GRABS THE BURGER AND TAKES A BITE OF IT. HE ISOBVIOUSLY REPULSED. HE SPITS IT OUT

PADDINGTON

Oh gawd! Thats one disgustingcheeseburger! Do you mind if I havea sip of your beverage to wash thatfilth down?

ZEV MOTIONS THAT ITS OKAY. PADDINGTON THEN TAKES A LONG SIPOF THE SODA WHILE STARING ZEVRON DOWN. HE IS DISGUSTED ANDHE SPITS IT OUT.

(CONTINUED)


9/21

CONTINUED: 8.

PADDINGTONWhat in the name of Akbar did Ijust drink?!

ZEVI dont know...

LITAIts recycled food waste.

PADDINGTON SPINS AROUND IN A COMPLETE CIRCLE TO DRAMATICALLYFACE ZEV.

PADDINGTONZevron Jones allow me to recite aparticularly favorite section fromyour student loan agreement:Section 25 page 17 paragraph 3...The path of the righteous investor

is beset on all sides by theiniquities of the poor, and thetyranny, of unemployed men. Blessedis he, who in the name of profitand good business will shepard thestockholders through the fiscalperiod of darkness, for he is trulyhis clients keeper. And I willstrike down upon thee with massivepenalties and unusual punishment,for those who attempt to shirkresponsibility and default onpayments, and you will know my name

is the lord when I lay my vengeanceupon thee.

ZEVI did not read the fine print onthat!

THE PUG STANDS UP.

PUGZevron, as a Xenolinguistics majoryou have no feasible means ofrepaying your student loans.

PADDINGTONWait, Pug. I want to talk somemore. I still have some cool thingsto say!

(CONTINUED)


10/21

CONTINUED: 9.

SOCKIEYeah, let him talk some more!

CAMERA CREWYeah!

PADDINGTON

I have a really cool speech aboutthe nature of violence.

PUGWhy dont you save it. This is apretty cut and dry case. The kidcant pay us, so theres no sensewasting our time on him.

ZEVWait, no! I can pay you!

PUG

How?

ZEVI... are you hiring?

Paddington produces an Efficiatizer injector from his bag.

PADDINGTONNow, youre going to feel anintense pain in your head for thenext few days.

LITA STANDS UP.

LITAStop! Dont hurt him!

PUGCan you pay off his debt of6.253700 million credits to theEarth Bank?

LITANo

PUGThen sit!

LITAWhat are you going to do to him?

Paddington moves closer to Zev with the Efficiatizerinjector.

(CONTINUED)


11/21

CONTINUED: 10.

PADDINGTON(To camera crew)

Make sure you get a good shot ofhim screaming here. This should begood.

Cut to commercial.

SCENE 2 INT. LITAS POD

Cut back. Zevron has the Efficiatizer antennae coming out ofhis head. Paddington and Pug are facing the camera, and Litais by Zevrons side.

PUGLet that be a lesson to you.

SOCKIE

Wait! I thought you were gonna killhim! Harvest his brain stem! Sellhim as Gelkin food! Whats wrongwith you guys!

PUGThe offender has been fitted withthe Efficiatizer implant. Which issyncing his brainwaves up with ourworker beacon.

PADDINGTONBasically that means working to pay

off his loan is gonna give this guyintense feelings of euphoria, andlaziness is gonna cause him theworst psychological torment hesever known.

PUGLooks like this is another job welldone, Paddington.

PADDINGTONLooks like it Pug.

They both high five. And strike poses for the camera.

LITAWait, guys. If he can pay you backthe money, will you take theimplant out of his brain?

(CONTINUED)


12/21

CONTINUED: 11.

PUGOf course we will, those things areexpensive.

PADDINGTONWell be back in one week. And if

he doesnt have the money bythen... Were gonna blow thisentire pod to stardust.

LITAWhat? Thats not fair, this isnteven his pod.

PUGIts what the viewers like. Werecompeting for ratings with GemlingsGone Wild.

CAMERA CREWWe done here?

PUGYes. Paddington, lets go.

PADDINGTONFirst allow me to recite myfavorite section from your loanagreement.

LITAWhat? You already did that.

PADDINGTONSay what again! I dare you! Saywhat again!

LITAWhat?

PADDINGTONSay what again! Say what one morefarving time!

LITAWhat!

PUGPaddington, lets go. You need somerest.

Pug leads Paddington out the door.

(CONTINUED)


13/21

CONTINUED: 12.

PADDINGTONDid you hear what that littleneutron said to me?

PUGYou gotta lay off the space crackman.

PADDINGTONMmm, sweet marmalade.

They exit.

LITAZev, are you okay.

ZEVLita! How much will you pay me toclean up this apartment?

LITAZev...

ZEVOr to degrease the reclimator?Wait, how much do you think wecould sell Sockie for?

SOCKIEMore than youre worth.

LITAZev, were not selling Sockie. Whydont you just look for a jobsomewhere.

SOCKIETheres an opening for someone tode-fibrillate the gravity coilsdown on the J level.

ZEVReally! Stellar!

LITA

Wait!

Zev runs out the airlock. Lita turns to Sockie.

LITASockie! You know Zev isntqualified for something like that.He could hurt himself.

(CONTINUED)


14/21

CONTINUED: 13.

SOCKIEThats the point, sister! If thatspace trash croaks, we dont haveto worry about those bad-ass motherfarvers blowing up our home!

LITAHes my friend.

SOCKIEHes a liability. And hes gettingin the way of our alone time.Things havent been the samebetween us since he moved in here.

LITAWhat are you talking about?

SOCKIE

Im just saying if you keepsticking your neck out for thatflea picker, youre gonna end upexactly like him.

LITAPut a sock in it. None of thiswould be happening if you hadntcalled the loan company. This isyour fault.

Felia appears at the airlock. Looking depressed and singing.

SOCKIEOh, this doesnt look good.

LITAJust let her in.

The airlock opens and Felia shuffles in. She has bandages onher hands.

FELIA(Singing)

Nobody cares about little old me.My hands are stinging, but heartsstill singing. I wish the whalewould take me now and dive into thesea. Poor me, poor little old me.

LITAUh... Felia, is everything okay?

(CONTINUED)


15/21

CONTINUED: 14.

FELIA(Breakig into tears.)

NOOOOO! Zirmoses kicked me out! AndIt said It didnt want me aroundall day, and didnt even tell mewhy.

(Singing)Whyyyy does Zirmoses find meannoying?

Lita sighs.

LITAJust sit down, Felia. Let me getyou some space tea.

Felia sits down.

SOCKIE

You deserve better than that slimytentacle bag anyway, sweetheart.

FELIAI do?

SOCKIEUh... yeah. With a voice like that,are you kidding me.

FELIAOh, thank you! Thats the sweetest,most nicest, and caringest thing

anyones ever said-

SOCKIEShut your singhole, we got company.

Reemus enters.

REEMUSLita! I come bearing an importantmessage from our landlord, theoriginal source of my genetic code,Emus!

Lita hands Felia the tea. Felia takes a huge gulp of it, notrealizing its hot, freaks out and spits/throws it onReemus.

FELIAOh! Its hot!

(CONTINUED)


16/21

CONTINUED: 15.

LITAThats what tea is.

FELIAI am sorry!

REEMUSFortunately I have no nerveendings!

LITAWhats your message, Reemus?

REEMUSMy important message is as follows.Oxalita Smith, tenant of 78114295B,dash PLL97, Venutian Gardens, hasfailed on multiple accounts to makerent payments on time, if paid at

all, and therefore will be evictedwithin one Gigacylcle of thisannouncement, by method of cuttingoff life support to your pod.

SOCKIEWhat?

LITAOh no! Reemus please! Dont dothis, not now!

REEMUS

Sorry, Lita but Im afraid I mustdo the originals bidding.

LITABut I dont have anywhere to go,youll kill me!

REEMUSEmus does not concern himself withmatters as trivial as the survivalof his tenants. Bring the rentmoney to my office by tomorrow or Iwill have no choice but to cut offoxygen, gravity, and heat to yourspace pod. Im... sorry Lita!

Reemus runs out on the verge of tears. Lita collapses on thefloor.

(CONTINUED)


17/21

CONTINUED: 16.

SOCKIEWell this has been a fun morning.

Cut to commercial. Cut back. Lita and Felia are sitting onthe couch.

FELIA...and Zirmoses doesnt even listento me when I sing about the BlueFairy. All it ever wants to talkabout is getting food from yourreclimator!

LITALook, Felia. I wish we could dothis all day, but I have realproblems. Id like to have sometime to myself to think, if thatsalright.

FELIABut, where do I go.

Zev enters, looking haggard, covered in soot, or shavingcream, or soaking wet, or something.

LITAZev!

ZEVLita! I had a great day! I almostdied! But I paid back .003 percent

of my loan! I want to celebrate!Lets all sell our bodies toexperimental science!

LITAZev, why dont you sit down andrelax for cycle.

Zev grabs his head, in extreme pain.

ZEVAAAAH! A whole cycle! So muchproductivity would be lost!

LITAZev, Reemus is cutting off our lifesupport if we dont pay off all ofour back rent today!

(CONTINUED)


18/21

CONTINUED: 17.

ZEVOkay. Ill get started on that assoon as I pay off the rest of mystudent loan.

LITAThis is a little more urgent than

that.

Zirmoses enters.

ZIRMOSESPay me no mind, I am merely seekingfood from your reclimator. Oh...Hello Felia.

FELIAZirmoses! I dont want to see youanymore.

ZIRMOSESGood. Now, to continue with myintentions to use the recimator...

FELIAI dont love you anymore...

ZIRMOSESThat is a relief.

FELIAIve fallen in love with, Sockie!

SOCKIEHuh?

Felia goes over to Sockie and puts her arm around him.

FELIAHe understands me like you nevercould.

Felia starts making out with Sockie.

SOCKIE

Holey Sock hop! Alright!

ZIRMOSESAlright. Well Ill just use Litasreclimator and leave.

Lita gets up, goes over to Zirmoses and pushes her out theairlock.

(CONTINUED)


19/21

CONTINUED: 18.

LITAYouve done enough harm alreadyZirmoses just get out!

Zirmoses exits. Felia and Sockie are swaying back and forthtogether.

FELIAA whole new loooove! A whole newreason for living!

ZEVFelia, how much money would you payto spend all your time with Sockie?

FELIAOh, anything in the world! Theresnothing I want more than to spendall my time with my big sexy sock!

Isnt it the most beautiful sockyouve ever laid your eyes on?

SOCKIENow were talking!

LITAYou have money?

FELIAOh yes, all Geppettos Observantscarry their pouch of space goldwith them at all times!

ZEV/LITASpace gold?!

Felia reveals a pouch from her pocket and fuckin tosses itat Lita.

FELIAHere! Is this enough for me to stayhere with Sockie?

LITAI beleive it is... You know Zev,maybe this Efficiatizer isnt sucha bad thing after all.

ZEVYeah its great! Now give me thespace gold.

(CONTINUED)


20/21

CONTINUED: 19.

LITANo, Zev we need to pay off Reemus,or you wont even be alive to payyour student loan.

ZEV

Lita, give me the space gold.

LITAZev, we need to-

ZEV(screaming)

-Give me the space gold!!! Give itto me!!!

LITAZev youre scaring me!

ZEVAll you have to do is give me thegold! Give it to me!

Zev lunges toward Lita. Lita picks something off the floorand cracks Zevron over the head. Zevron falls down and Litaexits through the airlock. Zevron tries to follow, butSockie will not open the airlock.

ZEVLet me out! She has my gold!

SOCKIE

I gotta admit I think the new youis a huge improvement on the oldZevron, but... uh... you reallyneed to calm the farve down, buddy.Relax!

Zev grabs his head in pain and screams.

FELIASing with us, Brother Zev! Singyour anger away!

ZEVIll kill you all if I have to! Allof you!

V.O.Will Zevron Jones kill all of hisnew friends? Will Sockie reveal thehorrifying secret of his past lifeas a mercenary from Jupiter? Will

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


21/21

CONTINUED: 20.

V.O. (contd)Gemlings Gone Wild return for asecond season? And where will Isleep tonight? Anyone? I just needa couch for one night? Please?...Find out all the answers and

more next week, on SPACE FOR RENT!

space 4 rent - episode 2

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