space 4 rent episode 1

8/9/2019 Space 4 Rent Episode 1

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Space 4 Rent Episode 1


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Oxalita Smith is standing on a stool and is in the kitchenfixing a control panel just out of view with a hydrospanner,sparks shoot out. Sockie is broken down in the TV. Reemus isjust inside the entryway and Zirmoses is near thereclimator. They are all staring up at her in wonderment. Afew seconds go bye.

ZIRMOSESThis is pleasant.

REEMUSLita, perhaps I should be doingthis.

LITAAlmost got it Reemus...

REEMUS(frustrated noise)

I am the Superintendent of VenusianGardens after all.

Lita is using a lot of effort and concentration on theobject.

LITAAnd far too important... To beconcerning yourself with...something... like this.

The sound of a metallic thud sound and electronics poweringup is heard as Sockie comes to life. Lita hops down from

stool. Music and flashing lights .

SOCKIEGood Morning! Good Morninggggggg!!Its time to say Good Morning!Wait- its not morning! How longwas I out this time?

LITAYouve been powered down for acouple of days, Sockie.

SOCKIEWhat? How did you survive withoutme?

ZIRMOSESWeve been opening and closing thedoors manually.


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2.

SOCKIEHow primitive!

LITAA girl this far from the sun hasgot to learn to take care of

herself.

REEMUSYou should really be more careful,Lita. you dont have the luxury ofbeing an expendable clone like Iam. Youre a real person.

SOCKIEYeah she is!

LITAAw, youre not expendable, Reemus.

Youre just...

ZIRMOSESNot relevant to the human genome.

LITAI was going to say somethingless...

SOCKIEHonest?

LITA

Reemus, youre just as important asanyone else.

Zirmoses reaches into the Reclimator.

REEMUSOh, thanks Lita I-

LITAZirmoses!

Zirmoses retrieves a handfull of astro-mashand shoves itinto zirs mouth while looking inquisitvely at Lita.

ZIRMOSESHmmm?

LITAYou need to ask me before you justtake food from my reclimator!


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3.

ZIRMOSESBut... when I ask, you say no.

LITAThats because I can never affordrent! Almost all my money ends upgoing to support your twelve

stomachs.

REEMUSSpeaking of the rent , Lita I-

ZIRMOSESYou humans fail to understand thatthe supply of food in the universeis infinite; while credits are ahypothetical concept... and I amhungry!

LITA

Cant you just eat from your ownreclimator, in your own pod, lessthan a hubble scuttle away.

Lita motions towards the doorway.

Slightly awkward moment, as Zirmoses blankly stares.

ZIRMOSESBut I want to eat now.

A red light flashes as siren is heard.

SOCKIEAttack! Were under attack!

REEMUSOh no! Whats happening?

SOCKIEWere all gonna die!

ZIRMOSESShame.

LITASockie! Whos attacking us?

Red flashing light and siren stop.

SOCKIENobody is attacking, I just wantedsome attention.


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4.

REEMUSFor the love of Spock, why wouldyou scare us like that?

SOCKIETo get your attention... So I couldtell Lita that her visitor is about

to arrive!

Zirmoses perks up from zirs food. Reemus lets out asquealish gasp.

REEMUS, ZIRMOSESVisitor?!

LITA(sheepishly)

Yeah, I told you guys about itcycles ago?

ZIRMOSESNo, you didnt.

LITADont you remember?

FLASHBACK TO OPENING SCENE

Oxalita Smith comes out of her room and sees that Sockie isbroken. Zirmoses is eating at the reclimator. Reemus islooking at Sockie with concern.

REEMUSLita! Sockie is down!

LITAOh zap, I forgot about him. Ishould fix him before Zev getshere.

ZIRMOSES, REEMUSZev?!

Lita climbs up the stool to fix the control panel with thehydrospanner as in the opening.

LITAMy old buddy Zevron Jones is comingto visit. He should arrive anycycle from now. Hey Reemus couldyou pass me that hydrospanner?

CUTS BACK TO PRESENT


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5.

REEMUS(Quick, agitated and alarmed.)

Well I dont remember that at all!You do know that any extended stayrequires rent!

LITAHe wont be staying long.

REEMUS(Repulsed)

Ewww, you havent started arelationship have you?

LITAYeah. And hes taking me far faraway from this jenky hole ofhumanity. Somewhere with naturalwarmth, double suns and endless

beaches. Its in the crab nebula.

REEMUS(Genuinely concerned.)

Lita, no, its a trap! Do you notknow how unclean and utterlydangerous an inter-humanrelationship can be? Not to mentionthe diseases on the Crab nebula...

Lita winks at Reemus. Reemus flinches, fidgets and gasps.

ZIRMOSES

(To Lita)I dont think he understands humansarcasm.

REEMUSI dont want to!

Zirmoses laughs to zirself in an alien manner, heads towardscouch, and sits down.

LITAZev is just an old friend, not myboyfriend. I havent seen him sincewe were scrawny little earth scabs.Hes just going to land here for aclick or two while we catch up andhe figures a couple things out.

REEMUSI just dont know about this.


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6.

ZIRMOSES(Matter of factly)

That is because you are a clone.

SOCKIEAnd clones dont have souls!

Zirmoses and Sockie look at each other and nod. Lita slapsSockie.

LITARude.

Reemus whimpers. Lita sighs

LITAHe just needs a place to park hispod and I owe him. He was like abrother back home.

ZIRMOSESSo you want to mate with him...

LITANo! My species has evolutionarytraps set up so that we wont matewith our siblings.

Lita shakes her head. She thinks to herself "I hate allthese fuckers". Zirmoses gets up and heads toward thereclimator again.

LITANah-uh, no way! Youre done,Zirmoses!

Zirmoses stops and looks towards Lita unabashed

ZIRMOSESBut I cannot possible meet yourvisitor with so many emptystomachs.

SOCKIEVisitor approaching! Human Male age22, with a six...

Lita cuts Sockie off.

LITA(Commanding tone)

Thats enough! Please guys!(Softer, sincere tone.)

(MORE)


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7.

LITA (contd)Help me for once. Hes going to behere any microcycle, please let himget settled in here before you allgo completely blasters. Hesprobably unnerved as it is, you

know what its like to go throughcustoms.

Zirmoses hmmmppfffs.

REEMUSI shall respect your request fornow, but I cannot say I am pleased.

Reemus and Zirmoses leave.

SOCKIELita, a reminder, you are needed at

work in 10 minutes.

LITACmon, Zev hurry up.

Airlock slides open on "Cmon". Zev hears "Zev hurry up".Lita whirls around to the airlock.

ZEVWell maybe if you would let me in.

LITAZev! Sockie, let him in!

Lita hurries towards airlock. Invisible field powers down toallow Zevron Jones entrance.

Zev enters the Room, and makes an oddly pitched grandoisethroat clicking, purring, chirping noise display to greetLita.

LITA(Playful)

Wow, impressive. Look at the bigshot Xenolinguist!

ZEVThat roughly means, "Hello" inOpollo.

LITAYou remember how we say hi, right?


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8.

On Cue, Lita and Zev initaite a long complex hand slapping/hand shake dance they obviously made up as kids. They bothare really happy and lightly laughing, giggling.

Lita then hugs Zev. Zev is awkward and then when the hug isending tries to reciprocate making the hug more awkward.

They both kinda laugh snicker and smirk at their awkwardnesslike its old times.

LITAGlad to see youre still you, Zev.

ZEVYup, my gift and my curse. How arethings out here? Those asteroidsdont get too close do they?

LITAAhh those, youll get used to that.

Its the locals you need to fear.

Zev looks quizzical.

SOCKIESorry for the interruption, folks!Lita your third shift starts in 7minutes!

LITAThanks, Sockie!

ZEV

Oh Zing! You have a Socklovian?!Super stellar!

Zev laughs to himself.

ZEV...And I thought these had all beenstrangled eons ago!

Sockie gasps.

SOCKIEThats not cool, college boy!

LITAYeah... its the only TV we can getway out here but he grows on you.Not literally. That would behorrible.


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9.

ZEVHa, thats great, a sockloavian.

SOCKIE(mockingly)

Ha, thats great, an obsolete waste

of oxygen.

LITA(scoldingly)

Sockie!

SOCKIEWell he started it! You heard hisstrangle talk.

(To Zev)And Im warning you, you lay onehand on me and the firsttransmission I send is to those

loan sharks your hiding from.

LITAWait, loan sharks?

Zev grabs Sockies mouth and holds it shut. Sockie makesmuffled noises.

LITAStop biffing around, Zev. What ishe talking about?

ZEV

Nothing, theres just a tiny littlestudent loan payment that Im alittle bit late on.

LITAOh no! Is it that bad?

Sockie gets free from Zevs grasp.

SOCKIETheyve sent Paddington and The Pugafter him!

LITAWhat? From that annoying realityshow?

ZEVWait, really. I love those guys!


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10.

SOCKIETheyre the baddest, the meanest,and the most entertaining debtcollectors on GBCs WednessdayNight Loank Shark Sunday Lineup.

LITATheyre coming here? Oh, no Zevwhy?

ZEVIm sorry, Lita! I meant to tellyou all about it before I left butI was in such a hurry. Dont worrythey wont find us here!

SOCKIEUnless someone calls them.

LITASo thats why you came all the wayto the other side of Neptune?

Zev nods yes.

ZEVYouve heard what happens to peoplelike me. Ever since the Rosettastone implant hit, all thetranslators have been rounded up,character wiped, and either thrownin the Hydrogen Mines of Saturn or

fed to the humanitarians.

LITA(Sighs)

Well, you can hide out here. OhZev, being clever was never yourstrong suit.

SOCKIE(interrupting Zevron)

Lita, forget about him! Your thirdshift starts in 5 minutes. Youstill have an income. Dont letthis loser drag you down!

LITAAhh sorry Zev, bare with me. I needmy work tunic.

Lita quickly scampers off screen.


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11.

ZEV(To Lita off screen)

So what about you? I havent seenyou on the intergalacticbestsellers list yet. When is thelong overdue great work of OxalitaSmith going to finally hit the

planetaries?

LITAThanks Zev, but Im bartending atThe Little Dipper now. I guess Ididnt tell you?

ZEVThey let humans bartend there?

LITAWell not all humans, and I donthandle anything that might vaporize

me. But the tips are prettygood..., I mean for a place likethe Lil Dip.

Zirmoses enters the frame and stops to check out Zev. All ofZevs attention is now on Zirmoses.

Zirmoses starts the reclimator.

Zev clears his throat, takes a deep breath, and attempts tocommunicate to Zirmoses in his native tongue. He extends hisarm towards Zirmoses like one would extend their hand to adog, to try and get zir to sniff it.

ZIRMOSESYoure not diseased are you?

ZEVWhat? No, I was just offering youmy hand...

ZIRMOSESNo thank you, Ive just eaten.

ZEV

Oh... we were taught in my aliencultural studies class that theBamoran ritual greeting is to offeryour hand for the other to smell.

ZIRMOSESYes, well, I am a Gelkin and ourritual is to consume and digestyou!


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ZEV(uncomfortable)

But you look just like a Bamoran...

ZIRMOSESIm sure all us aliens look the

same to you.

ZEVYour accent...that fur ...I thoughtfor sure that you were...

ZIRMOSESOf course Im a Bamoran. That wasan earth joke that I was playing onyou. I will smell your hand.

Zirmoses smells Zevs hand.

ZIRMOSESI smell delousing chemicals, and...desperation?

Zev has a "huh"? expression on his face. He smells his ownhand and Zirmosis slaps his hand, making him slap himself.

ZEVWhat the Favre!

ZIRMOSESLita led me to believe that youwere an intelligent human, but

having met you, I no longer acceptthis.

Zev makes an attempt to communicate with a weird alien noiseand movement with Zirmoses.

Zirmoses acts humored and perplexed.

ZIRMOSESI have the Rosetta stone implant.Theres no need to riskhemorrhaging your brain trying tospeak Bamoran.

ZEVOh, you have that... How is itworking for you? Any problemsupdating it.


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13.

ZIRMOSESNo major incidents. Much betterthan any translator.

ZEV(deflated)

Yeah, so Ive heard.

SOCKIEHA!

Lita enters and heads for the door.

LITAAlright, Zev I have to run. Ill beback in three macrocycles.

ZEVLita, what was it you were saying

about the locals?

LITAOh thats just Zirmoses. His podunfortunately neighbors this one.Hes... okay. Sort of. Sorry Zev, Ireally need to get to work beforemy boss supernovas.

Lita is in a hurry to get out the door. She hesitates andturns around to face Zev.

LITA

Just make sure he doesnt eat usout of the few credits that areleft.

(To Zirmoses)And Zirmoses, no puffing of yourerogenous glands around Zev! I meanit, leave this ones organ alone.Have fun Zev, make yourself athome.

Lita heads out of the airlock in a hurry. There is anawkward pause after she leaves.

ZIRMOSESYou are Zevron Jones, I amZirmoses. We are acquainted now.Would you like me to pleasure you?

ZEVNo...


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ZIRMOSESThat seems counter intuitive.

SOCKIEZap! Even by human standards thisis one stupid son of a bang, what

did you get too close to a solarflair or something?

ZEVLook, I think we got started offall wrong.

SOCKIEDont care, too late, already hateyou.

ZEVBut really Ive always been a huge

fan of Sockloavians.

SOCKIEHey Earth jerk. Someones at thedoor.

Zev whirls around to see Felia, a Gepettos Observantstanding at the doorway.

ZEV(To Sockie)

Uhh do I let her in?

Sockie is amusing himself.

Zev looks to Zirmoses for help.

ZIRMOSESI told you! Im Bamoran, notGelkin. I cant see the future!

Zev is very unsure of what to do. Felia looks very pitiful.

ZEVUmm, let her... in?

Invisible barrier powers down to let in Felia.

SOCKIEHa! Way to go, genius. You just letin a Petto!


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15.

ZEVA what?

Felia looks at Zev thankfully and earnestly.

FELIA

You. You let me in...., I havetraveled four thousand light years,knocked on countless pods, andyou... only you have let me in.

ZEVOh... Good.

FELIA(breaking into song)

YOU LEEET ME IIIN! AND NOOOW, IAAAAM INSIIIIDE!

Felia realizes what she is doing and stops herself.

FELIAForgive me, I am Sister Felia ofthe Planetary Corporation of theGeppettos Observants and you are?

ZEV(Apprehensively)

Ahh... Im ahh, Zevron...

FELIA(Giddily)

And have you accepted Gepettosinfinite wood?

Zev is confused.

FELIADo you seek salvation in theeffervescent plane of the bluefairy? Do you live in fear of thegreat whale?

ZEVNo... should I?

FELIAThose who live in search for thegreat blowhole never need to fearthe great whale, for they walk inthe footsteps of the real boy!


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16.

ZEVI dont really know what youretalking about. If youre trying tosell something, I dont have anymoney.

FELIA:There is no need to concernyourself with your worldly strings.we are all carved from Gepettoswood and sculpted just as the realboy! No strings brother! Nostrings...

ZEVIm confused, What do you want fromme?

FELIA

I only want to guide your escapefrom the unsanitary shores ofpleasure island. Let me be yourcricket, brother Zevron!

ZIRMOSESPleasure Island? That soundsexquisite.

FELIARestrain yourself! For it is aterrible place with dice, and loosewomen, and a pool!

ZEVWell that sounds like a lot of fun.I love swimming pools. Is itheated?

FELIA(Gravely)

Yes... to slightly higher than roomtemperature, and theres avolleyball net.

ZIRMOSESMmm... I love volleyball.

FELIA(Offended gasp)

Your ass-like ways will bring thewrath of the great whale upon you!Be warned!


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17.

ZIRMOSESIf I may... how exactly will agiant whale breach the astronomicalspacial gap between Earth andNeptune to punish us for ourtransgressions?

FELIAIt... Well ideally, circumstanceswould draw you to the earth, whereyou would traverse a great ocean ina wooden rowboat... Althoughperhaps the whale is a metaphor...

ZIRMOSESHow can the whale be both physicaland metaphorical?

Felia sighs...

FELIAWell the Blue Fairys magic is bothpowerful and mysterious...

TIME LAPSE. IN VERY FAST MOTION WE SEE FELIA SPEAKING TOTHEM WITH LARGE SWEEPING MOTIONS, THEN SINGING AND DANCING.

AS THE TIME LAPSE ENDS, SHE IS OUT OF BREATH.

ZEVSo Pleasure Island is actuallyinside the great whale?

FELIAYes!

ZEVAnd so are the salt mines?

FELIAI... think so.

ZEVAnd that doesnt sound strange toyou?

FELIANo, why should that sound strange?

TIME LAPSE. ZEV AND ZIRMOSES STAND UP TO TALK, AND DRAW ADIAGRAM OF A WHALES BIOLOGY, AND JUMP AROUND. TIME LAPSE

ENDS BOTH ZEVRON AND ZIRMOSES LOOK FRUSTRATED.


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ZEV...and thats because whales cannotfly through space.

FELIAThats not true! Youre trying to

make me splinter from the wood!Asses! Asses both of you!

ZEVThis just doesnt make any sense tous!

FELIAYou just have to understand thateveryone and everything was carvedfrom Geppettos wood.

ZEV

But what relevance does wood havein our futuristic space society.

SOCKIEWell let me tell you!

Music starts playing and images of the wood industry areshown on Sockies screen.

SOCKIEWood makes fire, and paper andpencils too..

(ect.)

After a few lines, Zirmoses walks over to the TV and mutesSockie. Sockie continues to sing and the images continue toplay on the screen.

ZIRMOSESRegardless of how useful wood stillis in our society, it can hardlymake up for the pleasure youdeprive yourself of.

FELIABut, Geppetto Observants livestrictly pleasureless lives. It isour way!

ZEVThats awful. Why would you want tolive a life without pleasure?Whats the point?


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19.

FELIABecause pleasure is horrible! Itleads to pain and suffering.

ZEVDo you understand what pleasuremeans?

ZIRMOSESPleasure feels good! That is thepoint!

FELIAYoure lying! Pleasure is painfuland horrible... but your noses donot grow... could this be true?

ZEVFelia, listen to your cricket.

FELIAI suppose that maybe... I could tryjust a little bit of pleaure. Justto make sure its so horrible.

ZIRMOSESGood, what is it you desire

FELIAI want water... with ice in it!

ZEVHow about I get you an Astro-Brew?

FELIAOkay, Ill have one of those!

Zev goes to the reclimator, Zirmoses makes Zor way over toFelia.

ZIRMOSESYour new found interest in pleasureinspires me. May I offer asuggestion?

She nods and Ze whispers in her ear. Zev is pulling a beeroff of a six pack.

FELIAOh yes, lets do that right now!

She jumps up and grabs Zirmoses hand and the remaining fivebeers and leads the way to Litas bedroom door which theyenter.


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20.

Zev is confused for a second then un mutes Sockie, sits downon the sofa and cracks open a cold one.

ZEVWhat just happened here?

SOCKIEPlease, like you had a chance!

Zev just glares at Sockie and holds his hands as if he werestrangling him.

SOCKIEThe people who are looking for youare just one transmissionaway. Dont ever forget thatcollege boy.

Zev drinks the beer. Reemus enters.

REEMUSLita! Lita?!

ZEVLitas at work, who are you.

REEMUSWho am I? Who are you?!? Andwheres Lita.

ZEVIm Zevron, and Litas still at

work.

REEMUSI dont care. Do you have rent?

ZEVIt cant be much, Ive only beenhere five cycles. Im sorry who areyou?

REEMUSReemus, and as superintendent ofVenusian Gardens, and let it beknown that I have complete andtotal authority over everything youdo!

ZEVOkay.


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21.

REEMUSSo you must be the visitor I haveheard about? Tell me, do you intendto have an inter-human relationshipwith Lita?

ZEVI... dont think I need to answerthat question.

SOCKIEYou got nothing to worry about,Reemy, hes got no game!

REEMUSIm afraid I must strictly forbidany sort of physical intimacy inthe complex! That sort of thingalmost always leads to suffering,

and I wont let it compromise thesimple and functional existenceLita enjoys here!

Zev glances back at the bedroom where strange sounds arecoming from.

ZEVRight

REEMUSIm watching you! Dont think for amicrocycle that I dont see through

your ruse!

SOCKIEYeah! Show him who runs this tank!

Lita enters, looking tired.

LITAWhat going on here?

Reemus is paralyzed with anxiety.

ZEVHe was explaining to me thatinter-human relationships areforbidden on this pod cluster.

REEMUSI was just... making sure he wasntsome kind of sexual fiend, Lita.You know I couldnt stand for

(MORE)


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22.

REEMUS (contd)

someone like that living inVenusian Gardens, right under myvery nose!

The door to the bedroom opens. Zirmoses and Felia walk outwith messy hair, etc.

LITAWhat the-

FELIA(In song)

I have brooooken free from mychains, and Im sooo happy nooow!Nooo one can hold me back! Zirmosesshowed me hoooow!

LITAZirmoses... oh no. Not in my room!

ZIRMOSESLita, this is sister Felia of theGeppettos Observants. She has cometo teach us of pleasure.

REEMUSWhat?

FELIAIm leaving my old life ofdiscipline and order, for adepraved existence of gambling,salt mining, and lots and lots ofthat!

Felia points to the points to the bedroom as she says"that".

REEMUSAh, you want to rent a pod here?

FELIACan I share a living space withZirmoses? My furry filth-cricket?

SOCKIEYuck!

REEMUSThis is fantastic! You can pay meto compensate for Litas financialnegligence! Come to my office andregister yourself!


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23.

Felia and Reemus leave.

LITAZirmoses, youre cleaning it up.

ZEV

Cleaning what up?

Lita gives Zev a grave look. Zirmoses grabs a bucket ofwater and a space-mop and goes into the bedroom.

LITAHow could you let that happen, Zev?

ZEVIm not sure exactly what happened!

SOCKIEHes not lying. He really is that

stupid.

LITAFirst of all, you let a Petto intomy pod! This is a dangerous part ofthe solar system, you shouldnt beletting strangers in here at all,let alone religous fanatics. Andsecondly, you should NEVER letZirmoses into my bedroom!

ZEVOh, Im sorry Lita... but I have

good news!

SOCKIEYou got a job?! Oh wait no, youreworthless.

LITAWhats the news?

ZEVWe were both carved from gepettosinfinte wood.

LITAThats great, Zev.

SOCKIEOh yeah, just thought you shouldknow. There is an vesselapproaching, jamming ourcommunication signals, and heading

(MORE)


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24.

SOCKIE (contd)for the loading dock... I may havecalled Paddington and The Pug onyou! Chump!

Dramatic music

ZEVI also spent the last of yourcredits on beer.

Dramatic music.

NARRWill Jojo and Poodles catch up withZevron Jones? Will Oxalita Smithget even with the customer who wasrude to her at work? What willZirmosis have for lunch? And who am

I? Find out next week on Space ForRent!

space 4 rent episode 1

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