social health unit 16. bell activity what is a healthful relationship? –a. a relationship between...

Social HealthSocial Health

Unit 16Unit 16

Bell ActivityBell Activity

What is a healthful relationship?What is a healthful relationship?– A. A relationship between two people who eat A. A relationship between two people who eat

healthy.healthy.– B. A relationship between two people who B. A relationship between two people who

care about each other and respect each care about each other and respect each other.other.

– C. A relationship between two people who C. A relationship between two people who exercise together.exercise together.

– D. A relationship between two people who D. A relationship between two people who study together.study together.

Health Goal # 40Health Goal # 40

I will develop healthful friendships.I will develop healthful friendships.

FamilyEducation.comFamilyEducation.com

A Typical 6A Typical 6thth Grader: Grader:– Where They AreWhere They Are

The average eleven-year-old is heading towards The average eleven-year-old is heading towards adolescence. He: adolescence. He:

Shows more self-assertion and curiosity. Shows more self-assertion and curiosity. Is socially expansive and aware. Is socially expansive and aware. Is physically exuberant, restless, wiggly, and talks a lot. Is physically exuberant, restless, wiggly, and talks a lot. Has a range and intensity of emotions. Has a range and intensity of emotions. Is moody and easily frustrated. Is moody and easily frustrated. Can relate feelings. Can relate feelings. Is competitive, wants to excel, and may put down the "out Is competitive, wants to excel, and may put down the "out group." group." Exhibits "off-color" humor and silliness. Exhibits "off-color" humor and silliness. Teases and tussles. Teases and tussles.

A Typical 6A Typical 6thth Grader Grader

Where they’re going: At eleven years old, the Where they’re going: At eleven years old, the child is making the transition to adolescence. child is making the transition to adolescence. Help by encouraging her as she: Help by encouraging her as she: – Copes with changes. Copes with changes. – Transitions to adolescence. Transitions to adolescence. – Works on her interpersonal skills. Works on her interpersonal skills. – Handles peer groups and pressure. Handles peer groups and pressure. – Develops personal interests and abilities. Develops personal interests and abilities. – Takes on greater responsibility for her behavior and Takes on greater responsibility for her behavior and

decisions. decisions.


Where They AreWhere They Are : The average twelve-year-old : The average twelve-year-old is entering the stage in between childish and is entering the stage in between childish and mature behavior. He: mature behavior. He: – Is spirited and enthusiastic. Is spirited and enthusiastic. – Can "stay put" longer and exercise self-control. Can "stay put" longer and exercise self-control. – Develops a growing sense of intuition and insight into Develops a growing sense of intuition and insight into

self and others. self and others. – Becomes less moody and may become good-natured Becomes less moody and may become good-natured

around adults. around adults. – Becomes increasingly self-reliant and self-centered. Becomes increasingly self-reliant and self-centered. – Is curious but not ready for long-term planning. Is curious but not ready for long-term planning. – Has strong desire to be like peers. Has strong desire to be like peers.


At this age the child is learning how to be At this age the child is learning how to be independent as she undergoes many changes. independent as she undergoes many changes. Help by encouraging her as she: Help by encouraging her as she: – Learns to cope with changes. Learns to cope with changes. – Makes the transition to adolescence. Makes the transition to adolescence. – Works on interpersonal skills. Works on interpersonal skills. – Adjusts to peer groups and pressure. Adjusts to peer groups and pressure. – Develops her personal interests and abilities. Develops her personal interests and abilities. – Gains a greater sense of responsibility for her Gains a greater sense of responsibility for her

behavior and decisions. behavior and decisions.

A Typical 8A Typical 8thth Grader GraderSocialSocial – Neatness is a key issue with personal appearance, but not with personal Neatness is a key issue with personal appearance, but not with personal

environment. environment. – The mirror is their best friend and worst enemy. The mirror is their best friend and worst enemy. – Kids this age are often quieter than 12- or 14-year-olds. Kids this age are often quieter than 12- or 14-year-olds. – They like to be left alone at home. They like to be left alone at home. – Their feelings are easily hurt and they can easily hurt other's feelings. Their feelings are easily hurt and they can easily hurt other's feelings. – Kids this age are often mean when they're scared. Kids this age are often mean when they're scared. – Close friendships are often more important to girls. Close friendships are often more important to girls. – Boys hang out in groups. Boys hang out in groups. – Girls are more interested in older boys. Girls are more interested in older boys. – Both genders have a strong interest in sports. Both genders have a strong interest in sports. – Telephone, computer, video games, and other electronic diversions are a major Telephone, computer, video games, and other electronic diversions are a major

time factor. time factor. – Music is becoming a major preoccupation. Music is becoming a major preoccupation. – Peer pressure increases regarding dress, language, music, in-out, being cool. Peer pressure increases regarding dress, language, music, in-out, being cool. – Kids this age worry about school work. Kids this age worry about school work. – Their humor is highlighted by increasing sarcasm. Their humor is highlighted by increasing sarcasm. – Horseplay and practical jokes are still popular with boys. Horseplay and practical jokes are still popular with boys. – Girls enjoy collecting things (jewelry, make-up, CDs).Girls enjoy collecting things (jewelry, make-up, CDs).

What is Social Health? P. 5What is Social Health? P. 5

Maintaining (keeping) social health means Maintaining (keeping) social health means taking care of the ways in which you get taking care of the ways in which you get along with other people.along with other people.

You can do this in the following ways:You can do this in the following ways:– Have a friendly, open attitude toward other Have a friendly, open attitude toward other

peoplepeople– Learn to communicate effectivelyLearn to communicate effectively– Respect and care for family membersRespect and care for family members

Ways to get along with others…Ways to get along with others…

Be a loyal, truthful, and dependable friendBe a loyal, truthful, and dependable friend

Honor other people’s feelingsHonor other people’s feelings

Respect other people’s propertyRespect other people’s property

Learn to disagree without arguingLearn to disagree without arguing

Learn to resolve conflicts effectivelyLearn to resolve conflicts effectively

Give support and help when it is neededGive support and help when it is needed

A Healthful Friendship (CSHE p. A Healthful Friendship (CSHE p. 154)154)

A healthful friendship is a balanced A healthful friendship is a balanced relationship that promotes mutual respect relationship that promotes mutual respect and healthful behavior. and healthful behavior. Having healthful friendships improves the Having healthful friendships improves the quality of life.quality of life.Friends take a personal interest in each Friends take a personal interest in each other.other.They support each other in their They support each other in their successes and encourage each other successes and encourage each other during difficult times.during difficult times.

““A friend is a gift you give yourself.”A friend is a gift you give yourself.”

Good friends share interests, help each Good friends share interests, help each other solve problems, teach each other other solve problems, teach each other new things and help each other feel good new things and help each other feel good about themselves.about themselves.

““To have a friend, you must be a friend.”To have a friend, you must be a friend.”– Making new friends takes time and effort, but Making new friends takes time and effort, but

it is worth it.it is worth it.

Initiating FriendshipsInitiating Friendships

Before initiating a friendship, it is smart to Before initiating a friendship, it is smart to make a background check on the person. make a background check on the person. There are questions young people should There are questions young people should ask themselves about a prospective friend.ask themselves about a prospective friend.– What do I know about this person?What do I know about this person?– Does this person have good character?Does this person have good character?– Do my parents or guardians know this Do my parents or guardians know this

person?person?– Will my parents or guardians approve of my Will my parents or guardians approve of my

spending time with this person?spending time with this person?

Carrying on a ConversationCarrying on a Conversation

Many young people worry about how to Many young people worry about how to talk with another person.talk with another person.

Success in developing new friendships Success in developing new friendships often depends on having the ability to often depends on having the ability to carry on a conversation. carry on a conversation.

Conversation KeepersConversation Keepers

Asking questionsAsking questionsShowing interest in Showing interest in what someone else is what someone else is sayingsayingListening carefully Listening carefully Responding to othersResponding to othersConsidering other Considering other ideasideasUsing correct Using correct grammargrammar

Encouraging another Encouraging another personpersonBeing positiveBeing positiveSharing your ideas Sharing your ideas and feelingsand feelingsEncouraging Encouraging someone to talksomeone to talkMaking eye contactMaking eye contact

Conversation KillersConversation Killers

Talking about yourselfTalking about yourself

Appearing Appearing disinterested in what disinterested in what someone else is someone else is sayingsaying

Interrupting someoneInterrupting someone

Changing the topicChanging the topic

Being a know-it-allBeing a know-it-all

Using slang wordsUsing slang words

BraggingBragging

ComplainingComplaining

Talking about othersTalking about others

Dominating the Dominating the conversationconversation

Avoiding eye contactAvoiding eye contact

Handling RejectionHandling RejectionEveryone experiences rejection at times.Everyone experiences rejection at times.

Rejection is the feeling of being unwelcome or Rejection is the feeling of being unwelcome or unwanted.unwanted.

How should a person respond to rejection?How should a person respond to rejection?– Hurt, anger, or disappointment should be expressed Hurt, anger, or disappointment should be expressed

in a healthful way:in a healthful way:Use I-messages to share your feelings with the person who Use I-messages to share your feelings with the person who rejected your gestures of friendshiprejected your gestures of friendship

Share your feelings with a trusted adult if you are unable t Share your feelings with a trusted adult if you are unable t share them with the person who rejected your friendship share them with the person who rejected your friendship gesturesgestures

Reaffirm your high self-worth even when a person rejects Reaffirm your high self-worth even when a person rejects your friendshipyour friendship

Balanced FriendshipsBalanced Friendships

A friendship requires the commitment of A friendship requires the commitment of two people.two people.

A balanced friendship is a friendship in A balanced friendship is a friendship in which two people give to and receive from which two people give to and receive from each other acts of kindness.each other acts of kindness.

Giving and receiving are valuable to a Giving and receiving are valuable to a friendship.friendship.

Ways to Give Ways to Give

Listening when a friend is discouragedListening when a friend is discouraged

Helping a friend celebrate a successHelping a friend celebrate a success

Buying a friend a special gift on a special Buying a friend a special gift on a special occasionoccasion

Can anyone think of any more?Can anyone think of any more?

Ways to ReceiveWays to Receive

Listening to a friend’s complimentsListening to a friend’s compliments

Accepting a friend’s giftsAccepting a friend’s gifts

Accepting a friend’s helpAccepting a friend’s help

When a friend goes the extra mile, a When a friend goes the extra mile, a person should express gratitude.person should express gratitude.

One-Sided FriendshipsOne-Sided Friendships

A one-sided friendship is a friendship in A one-sided friendship is a friendship in which one person does most of the giving which one person does most of the giving and the other person does most of the and the other person does most of the receiving.receiving.There are at least 2 reasons why a person There are at least 2 reasons why a person might choose to do most of the giving in a might choose to do most of the giving in a friendship.friendship.– First, people who do most of the giving in a First, people who do most of the giving in a

friendship may be people pleasers.friendship may be people pleasers.A people pleaser is a person who constantly seeks A people pleaser is a person who constantly seeks the approval of others.the approval of others.

Second ReasonSecond Reason

They do not know how to receive acts of They do not know how to receive acts of kindness from others.kindness from others.

They are uncomfortable accepting gifts of They are uncomfortable accepting gifts of time or support from others.time or support from others.

They have never learned to rely on others They have never learned to rely on others to meet any of their needs.to meet any of their needs.

So they play the role of the giver in most of So they play the role of the giver in most of their relationships.their relationships.

AssignmentAssignment

Get into a group of 3.Get into a group of 3.You will perform a skit on one of the You will perform a skit on one of the following:following:– One-sided friendshipOne-sided friendship– Giver role in the friendshipGiver role in the friendship– Receiver role in the friendshipReceiver role in the friendship– A balanced friendshipA balanced friendship– A people pleaserA people pleaser** DO NOT tell the class which skit you are ** DO NOT tell the class which skit you are

doing.doing.

Lesson 2 Lesson 2 BELL ACTIVITYBELL ACTIVITY

A people pleaser is someone who:A people pleaser is someone who:A. Speaks at events.A. Speaks at events.B. Likes to please people.B. Likes to please people.C. Seeks the approval of othersC. Seeks the approval of othersD. Wants to be liked and noticed by D. Wants to be liked and noticed by others.others.E. All of the above.E. All of the above.F. All of the above, except A.F. All of the above, except A.


I will develop skills to communicate I will develop skills to communicate appropriately with others.appropriately with others.

Ending Friendships p. 156 CSHEEnding Friendships p. 156 CSHE

Changing friends is a part of growing up.Changing friends is a part of growing up.

Friendships change for many reasons. Friendships change for many reasons.

A friend may move away and not keep in A friend may move away and not keep in touch.touch.

A friend may break confidence and the A friend may break confidence and the relationship is never the same again.relationship is never the same again.

Sometimes interests change, and new Sometimes interests change, and new friends replace old ones.friends replace old ones.

Ending FriendshipsEnding Friendships

However, there are times when a person However, there are times when a person needs to be objective about a friend and needs to be objective about a friend and decide if that person truly is a friend.decide if that person truly is a friend.

For example, if a friend regularly For example, if a friend regularly encourages wrong actions or actions encourages wrong actions or actions contrary to one’s own values, it might be contrary to one’s own values, it might be time to end the friendship.time to end the friendship.

Dating Skills 101Dating Skills 101

1. DO NOT base your self-worth on your ability 1. DO NOT base your self-worth on your ability to get a date.to get a date.

2. Ask questions and get the facts before 2. Ask questions and get the facts before accepting a date.accepting a date.

3. Decline a date when there will be pressure to 3. Decline a date when there will be pressure to do things against your own values.do things against your own values.

4. Honor your dating commitments and don’t 4. Honor your dating commitments and don’t change your plans if someone “better” comes change your plans if someone “better” comes along.along.

Dating 101Dating 101

5. Recognize the advantages of dating a 5. Recognize the advantages of dating a variety of people rather than going steady.variety of people rather than going steady.– The teen years provide an opportunity to The teen years provide an opportunity to

practice dating skills.practice dating skills.

6. Make a fast exit from a date when you 6. Make a fast exit from a date when you find yourself in a situation that violates your find yourself in a situation that violates your parents’ or guardian’s guidelines.parents’ or guardian’s guidelines.– The faster you leave a bad situation, the better!The faster you leave a bad situation, the better!


7. Don’t hesitate to call your parents or 7. Don’t hesitate to call your parents or guardian if you’re on a date and need guardian if you’re on a date and need help.help.

8. Feel comfortable about staying home 8. Feel comfortable about staying home when you don’t want to date.when you don’t want to date.

9. Be clear about your expectations when 9. Be clear about your expectations when you give or receive a gift in a dating you give or receive a gift in a dating situation.situation.


10. Be honest and kind when you turn 10. Be honest and kind when you turn someone down for a date.someone down for a date.– This situation should be handled with lass and This situation should be handled with lass and

is an opportunity for you to practice social is an opportunity for you to practice social graces.graces.

– Thank the person for the invitation.Thank the person for the invitation.– The best policy is to avoid dishonesty.The best policy is to avoid dishonesty.

Relationships (Friend)Relationships (Friend)

A relationship is a connection a person A relationship is a connection a person has with another person.has with another person.A person’s health status is affected by the A person’s health status is affected by the quality of the relationships he/she has with quality of the relationships he/she has with others.others.A healthful relationship is a relationship A healthful relationship is a relationship that promotes self-respect, encourages that promotes self-respect, encourages productivity and health, and is free of productivity and health, and is free of violence or drug misuse and abuse.violence or drug misuse and abuse.

Harmful RelationshipsHarmful Relationships

A harmful relationship is a relationship that A harmful relationship is a relationship that harms self-respect, interferes with harms self-respect, interferes with productivity and health, and includes productivity and health, and includes violence or drug misuse and abuse.violence or drug misuse and abuse.

The people pleaser.The people pleaser.– The people pleaser constantly seeks the The people pleaser constantly seeks the

approval of others. A people pleaser will do approval of others. A people pleaser will do almost anything to be liked, including harmful almost anything to be liked, including harmful behavior such as using alcohol or other drugs.behavior such as using alcohol or other drugs.

The People PleaserThe People Pleaser

Other people describe people pleasers as Other people describe people pleasers as “doormats” because others can walk all “doormats” because others can walk all over them with no consequences.over them with no consequences.

People pleasers sabotage their chances to People pleasers sabotage their chances to have healthful relationships because have healthful relationships because others do not respect them.others do not respect them.

The EnablerThe Enabler

The enabler supports others’ harmful The enabler supports others’ harmful behavior.behavior.

The enabler might deny or overlook The enabler might deny or overlook another person’s harmful behavior, such another person’s harmful behavior, such as drinking, gambling or cheating, and as drinking, gambling or cheating, and make excuses or cover up for that person.make excuses or cover up for that person.

The enabler might contribute to another The enabler might contribute to another person’s harmful behavior.person’s harmful behavior.

The ClingerThe Clinger

The clinger is needy and dependent.The clinger is needy and dependent.

The clinger feels empty inside and constantly The clinger feels empty inside and constantly turns to another person to feel better.turns to another person to feel better.

When the clinger has this person’s attention or When the clinger has this person’s attention or affection, the clinger feels better.affection, the clinger feels better.

Clingers sabotage their chances to have Clingers sabotage their chances to have healthful relationships by not giving other people healthful relationships by not giving other people space.space.

The FixerThe Fixer

The fixer tries to fix other people’s problems.The fixer tries to fix other people’s problems.Fixers take on problems that are not their Fixers take on problems that are not their responsibility but are the responsibility of responsibility but are the responsibility of another person.another person.Fixers are quick to give advice. They will identify Fixers are quick to give advice. They will identify different possible solutions to the other person’s different possible solutions to the other person’s problems and try them for the person.problems and try them for the person.In the process of getting involved with other In the process of getting involved with other people’s problems, fixers avoid their own people’s problems, fixers avoid their own feelings and problems.feelings and problems.

The DistancerThe Distancer

The distancer is emotionally unavailable to The distancer is emotionally unavailable to others.others.The distancer keeps other people from getting The distancer keeps other people from getting too close in a number of ways, such as being too too close in a number of ways, such as being too busy to spend time with other people and busy to spend time with other people and avoiding sharing feelings.avoiding sharing feelings.Distancers keep other people at a distance to Distancers keep other people at a distance to avoid getting hurt.avoid getting hurt.Distancers sabotage their chances to have a Distancers sabotage their chances to have a healthy relationship by not risking emotional healthy relationship by not risking emotional involvement.involvement.

The ControllerThe Controller

The controller is possessive, jealous, and The controller is possessive, jealous, and domineering.domineering.The controller seeks power.The controller seeks power.Controllers might tell another person what to do, Controllers might tell another person what to do, what to wear, and what to believe, and they do what to wear, and what to believe, and they do not like to share the object of their attention with not like to share the object of their attention with anyone else.anyone else.Controllers sabotage their chances to have Controllers sabotage their chances to have healthful relationships by not respecting the healthful relationships by not respecting the interests or opinions of others and trying to interests or opinions of others and trying to dominate them.dominate them.

The CenterThe Center

The center is self-centered.The center is self-centered.

It is almost as if the center is wearing a It is almost as if the center is wearing a badge that says, “ME, ME, ME.”badge that says, “ME, ME, ME.”

Centers sabotage their chances to have Centers sabotage their chances to have healthful relationships by focusing on healthful relationships by focusing on being the center of attention and ignoring being the center of attention and ignoring others’ needs.others’ needs.

The AbuserThe Abuser

The abuser is a person who is abusive.The abuser is a person who is abusive.

The abuser might constantly put others down or The abuser might constantly put others down or harm others.harm others.

The abuser might threaten, begin fights, and act The abuser might threaten, begin fights, and act in other violent ways, such as forcing another in other violent ways, such as forcing another person to do something they don’t want to.person to do something they don’t want to.

Abusers sabotage their chances of having Abusers sabotage their chances of having healthful relationships by threatening or harming healthful relationships by threatening or harming others.others.

The LiarThe LiarThe liar does not tell the truth.The liar does not tell the truth.Honesty is a foundation in any healthful Honesty is a foundation in any healthful relationship – people base many of their relationship – people base many of their responses to others o what others tell them in responses to others o what others tell them in conversation and actions. conversation and actions. When a liar does not tell the truth, other people When a liar does not tell the truth, other people respond based on false information, doing and respond based on false information, doing and saying things they might not have done or said saying things they might not have done or said had they known the truth.had they known the truth.This is exactly what the liar wants!This is exactly what the liar wants!Liars sabotage their chances at having a Liars sabotage their chances at having a healthful relationship by lying to others to get the healthful relationship by lying to others to get the response they want.response they want.

The Promise BreakerThe Promise Breaker

The promise breaker is not reliable.The promise breaker is not reliable.

The promise breaker will make pans with The promise breaker will make pans with another person and then be a “no show,” another person and then be a “no show,” opting instead to do something better than opting instead to do something better than has come along.has come along.

Promise breakers sabotage their chances Promise breakers sabotage their chances at having healthful relationships by not at having healthful relationships by not keeping their word.keeping their word.

ActivityActivity

EXAMPLE: A Promise Breaker & A People PleaserEXAMPLE: A Promise Breaker & A People Pleaser- The promise breaker makes plans to go to a movie - The promise breaker makes plans to go to a movie

with a people pleaser. What happens?with a people pleaser. What happens?

Get into a group of 2.Get into a group of 2.You will EACH choose a “profile” of a harmful You will EACH choose a “profile” of a harmful relationship.relationship.Ex: People pleaser, enabler, clinger, fixer, Ex: People pleaser, enabler, clinger, fixer, distancer, controller, center, abuser, liar, distancer, controller, center, abuser, liar, promise breaker.promise breaker.Then, you will act out a “MATCH UP”Then, you will act out a “MATCH UP”

Lesson 3 Lesson 3 BELL ACTIVITYBELL ACTIVITY

Which of the following profiles is that of a Which of the following profiles is that of a person who is needy and dependent?person who is needy and dependent?– A. FixerA. Fixer– B. DistancerB. Distancer– C. ClingerC. Clinger– D. LiarD. Liar


I will develop skills to adequately listen to I will develop skills to adequately listen to others before jumping to conclusions.others before jumping to conclusions.

A Group of Friends vs. A CliqueA Group of Friends vs. A Clique

Figuring out friendship is part of growing Figuring out friendship is part of growing up.up. It can be great to have a BFF or a group It can be great to have a BFF or a group of pals to hang out with. of pals to hang out with. Being part of a group can help make your Being part of a group can help make your day easier to deal with — and you can day easier to deal with — and you can learn some great life skills like being a learn some great life skills like being a good listener, sharing experiences, and good listener, sharing experiences, and respecting people.respecting people.

Groups can form around things people have in Groups can form around things people have in common. common.

So jocks, goths, preps, skaters, and even the So jocks, goths, preps, skaters, and even the math club are naturally drawn together because math club are naturally drawn together because they share similar interests.they share similar interests.

The people in these groups feel they have a The people in these groups feel they have a place where they are welcome and supported, place where they are welcome and supported, and where they can be themselves, quirks and and where they can be themselves, quirks and all.all.

Some people form groups from being in drama Some people form groups from being in drama club, or liking the same music or movies, or even club, or liking the same music or movies, or even just because they like to hang out at the mall.just because they like to hang out at the mall.

Some groups stick together for a long Some groups stick together for a long time. time. Others drift apart after a while as people Others drift apart after a while as people develop new interests, make different develop new interests, make different friends, or just find they have less in friends, or just find they have less in common. common. People can move in and out of different People can move in and out of different groups and can even be part of several at groups and can even be part of several at the same time. the same time. Even within a group, people often have Even within a group, people often have one or two friends they feel closest to and one or two friends they feel closest to and enjoy the most.enjoy the most.

Some friendship groups seem pretty Some friendship groups seem pretty flexible and welcome people to join in. flexible and welcome people to join in.

Others seem much more restricted, Others seem much more restricted, though. though.

People in these groups make it clear that People in these groups make it clear that not just anyone can be part of their crowd. not just anyone can be part of their crowd.

That type of restricted group is sometimes That type of restricted group is sometimes called a clique.called a clique.

What’s the deal with cliques?What’s the deal with cliques?

Cliques are tight groups that usually have a strict Cliques are tight groups that usually have a strict code of membership and ways to act. code of membership and ways to act.

Instead of being centered on shared values and Instead of being centered on shared values and beliefs, many cliques tend to focus on beliefs, many cliques tend to focus on maintaining their status and popularity. maintaining their status and popularity.

For instance, a certain clique may try to make it For instance, a certain clique may try to make it seem like the people in the clique are "better" seem like the people in the clique are "better" than those outside, or that their clique is higher than those outside, or that their clique is higher status than another clique.status than another clique.

People in cliques sometimes use their People in cliques sometimes use their power to hurt others on purpose, either by power to hurt others on purpose, either by excluding them, being mean, or both. excluding them, being mean, or both.

Sometimes they might insult people by Sometimes they might insult people by trying to "fix" them or give them trying to "fix" them or give them "makeovers." "makeovers."

Sometimes it becomes more serious and Sometimes it becomes more serious and someone outside the group is targeted or someone outside the group is targeted or victimized for being, looking, or acting victimized for being, looking, or acting different.different.

Unlike regular groups of friends, where Unlike regular groups of friends, where members are free to socialize with others members are free to socialize with others outside the group, people in cliques do outside the group, people in cliques do everything together. everything together.

They sit together in class, go to the mall They sit together in class, go to the mall together after school — and they only do together after school — and they only do stuff with other clique members or people stuff with other clique members or people they decide are "cool."they decide are "cool."

Although people might think it's better to Although people might think it's better to belong to a clique than to be excluded, belong to a clique than to be excluded, many times people in cliques end up many times people in cliques end up dealing with lots of pressures and rules. dealing with lots of pressures and rules.

They soon start to worry about whether They soon start to worry about whether they'll continue to be popular or whether they'll continue to be popular or whether they'll be dropped. they'll be dropped.

After a while, they may begin to realize After a while, they may begin to realize that true friends wouldn't be so bossy or that true friends wouldn't be so bossy or demanding.demanding.

The View from the InsideThe View from the Inside

It's not all roses inside a clique either. A It's not all roses inside a clique either. A person's standing within the group can person's standing within the group can always be under threat. always be under threat.

Most of the followers cling to the leader Most of the followers cling to the leader not out of true friendship but because they not out of true friendship but because they want to keep their position in the group. want to keep their position in the group.

But even the leader can lose her power. But even the leader can lose her power.

Falling in a clique…Falling in a clique…

In fact, the queen bee in a strong girl In fact, the queen bee in a strong girl clique probably worries as much — or clique probably worries as much — or even more — about being popular and even more — about being popular and accepted as the outsiders do. accepted as the outsiders do.

Because no one feels secure, clique Because no one feels secure, clique members often use the tools of flattery, members often use the tools of flattery, humiliation, or rumors to manipulate humiliation, or rumors to manipulate situations and preserve their status.situations and preserve their status.

Be ConfidentBe Confident

A few girls manage to stay friends with A few girls manage to stay friends with people both inside and outside the clique. people both inside and outside the clique. But that can be hard to do because there's But that can be hard to do because there's often intense pressure from the group to often intense pressure from the group to be friends only with people on the be friends only with people on the approved list. approved list. It takes a lot of self-confidence to dare to It takes a lot of self-confidence to dare to be friends with someone outside the be friends with someone outside the clique.clique.

Surviving CliquesSurviving Cliques

Know yourself — and your reputation.Know yourself — and your reputation.– Now is a time for getting in touch with your Now is a time for getting in touch with your

values, interests, and beliefs. values, interests, and beliefs. – If you're encountering cliques, it's a good If you're encountering cliques, it's a good

opportunity to ask yourself some self-opportunity to ask yourself some self-discovery questions about what you and your discovery questions about what you and your true friends give each other. true friends give each other.


Stay involved in activities that make you feel Stay involved in activities that make you feel good about yourself.good about yourself.– If you're in a clique, don't let the group pressure you If you're in a clique, don't let the group pressure you

into giving up things you love or spending time and into giving up things you love or spending time and money on things that aren't important to you. money on things that aren't important to you.

– If you're on the outside and feeling left out, getting If you're on the outside and feeling left out, getting involved in things that interest you is a great way to involved in things that interest you is a great way to find a sense of belonging, help you feel valued, and find a sense of belonging, help you feel valued, and take your mind off a group that's not welcoming. take your mind off a group that's not welcoming.


Keep your social circles open and Keep your social circles open and diverse.diverse. – Cliques can be very limiting in the way they Cliques can be very limiting in the way they

control how members look, think, dress, and control how members look, think, dress, and behave. behave.

– Don't let them make you miss out on getting Don't let them make you miss out on getting to know people who may become close to know people who may become close friends. friends.

– If you're on the outside, it can help to find a If you're on the outside, it can help to find a close friend or group of friends whose values, close friend or group of friends whose values, goals, and behaviors fit in with yours. goals, and behaviors fit in with yours.


Speak out.Speak out.– If you feel your group of friends is turning into If you feel your group of friends is turning into

a clique, take a stand for your beliefs. a clique, take a stand for your beliefs. – Be prepared that the clique might go on Be prepared that the clique might go on

without you (remember those girls who feel without you (remember those girls who feel threatened by someone else's strength).threatened by someone else's strength).

– But there's also a chance that others might But there's also a chance that others might follow your lead and stop acting so clique-y. follow your lead and stop acting so clique-y.


Have a mind of your own.Have a mind of your own.– Be sensitive to others and don't go along with Be sensitive to others and don't go along with

what you don't believe is right — even if what you don't believe is right — even if others are doing it. others are doing it.

– You are the only one responsible for how you You are the only one responsible for how you act. True friends will respect your mind, your act. True friends will respect your mind, your rights, and your independent choices. rights, and your independent choices.

– Even if someone tells you to do something Even if someone tells you to do something that is "just a joke," say no if you know it's not that is "just a joke," say no if you know it's not right. Try not to be intimidated. right. Try not to be intimidated.

The Real SecretThe Real Secret

Be a good friend yourself. Be a good friend yourself. People who enjoy true and lasting People who enjoy true and lasting popularity are those who have good popularity are those who have good friendship skills. friendship skills. Being a friend means being respectful, Being a friend means being respectful, fair, interested, trustworthy, honest, caring, fair, interested, trustworthy, honest, caring, and kind. and kind. So if you want to have friends, be just the So if you want to have friends, be just the kind of friend you'd like to have and stay kind of friend you'd like to have and stay true to who you are true to who you are

ClosingClosing

Write a one page paper on the type of Write a one page paper on the type of friend you want to be. friend you want to be.

Turn in when finished.Turn in when finished.

Have a good day! Have a good day!

social health unit 16. bell activity what is a healthful relationship? –a. a relationship between...

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