self-actualize australia to stop family and domestic violence · boyfriends versus empowerment to...
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DVinFaith/spiritualbasedMulticulturalCommunitiesSymposium,UniversityofSouthAustralia23rd October,2017Presentedby
NinaTradAzam,AASWRegistered,AccreditedMentalHealthSocialWorker,Director/FounderSelfActualizeAustraliaLtd.
Self-ActualizeAustraliatostopFamilyandDomesticViolence
Self-ActualizeAustraliatostopFamilyandDomesticViolence
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OVERVIEWFamily&DVinfluencedbyPoliticalandEnvironmentalStressors.• Caseexamples:ChildhoodEmotionalNeglectascontributorstoFamilyandDV1. DVthroughmisuseofPolygamyconditions,childmarriage&sexualassaultin
marriages.2. Intergenerationaltraumaandviolence3. RefugeeTraumaandsexualviolence
• Recommendations
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“Thebestofyouishewhoiskindesttotheirfamily.”ProphetMohamadPBUH
DVisthecontinuedhistoric,political,economic,structural,&personalpowerinequalitybetweenthegendersinsociety.Emotional.Financial.Psychological.Physical.Sexual.Intimidation
Examplesoffinancialloss,emotional&familyviolence:“Emotionalblackmailtokillwife’sfamilyoverseasinIraqifshepursuedherlegalrighttoa divorcesettlementintheAustraliancourts.”reportedbyDVvictim
Confessionsofaperpetrator“Sheforcedmetohither,becausesheisstubborn….……...but,Iknowthatitswrongtohitawoman”.ReportedbyaDVperpetrator
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ViolentexternalsystemsaremirroredinViolentfamilysystems
• Socially,Institutionally,Schools,Work,Politics,Media,TV,Radio• Humanrelationshipsalwaysreflectenvironmentalconditions“NoevidenceexiststosupportthatwomeninMuslimcommunities– ofwhichtherearemanydiversegroupsinAustralia- experiencedomesticviolenceatahigherrate”
• 1in4Australianwomenexperienceintimatepartnerviolenceintheirlifetimewithonewomenkilledperweekbyacurrentorformerpartnerina12monthperiod.WhiteRibbon.org.au
‘Womenareexpectedtobepatient’MusimWomanDVSurvivor
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EducatebothspousestoExpectRespect• Islamwasthefirstreligiontoemancipatewomenbygivinginheritancerights,thenwhydomenthinkthatwomenmustbefinanciallysubordinatetothem?
• Intimaterelationshipsmanners&boundaries• Men’sobligationstotreatwomenwithdignityandprovidefinanciallyforherneeds.• Sexisnotarightbutaprivilege,afterhehasfulfilledherneeds,andshe’sconsented–otherwise,itssexualassault
• Polygamy- emotionalandpsychologicalabuseforwomanandchildren,illegalinAustralia,soWHYaremenobsessedwithit.
• IfaMuslimmustobeythelawsofthelandwheretheyliveandpolygamyisillegal,then,theyarebreakingtheLAW.
• EMPOWERMOTHERStoEMPOWERTHEIR DAUGHTERS• Psycho-educationalmentoringforbothpartnersforthefirsttwoyearsofmarriageinalldomainsoflifedomains;financial,health,social,parenting,educationandworkbypositiverolemodels.
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Religion,Culture,Shame &Blame• ChildrenwhowitnessDVaretraumatisedforlife,developinglearningandrelationshipdifficultiesandasmallpercentageofboysgoontouseviolence.
• ChildmarriageofdaughtersduetofearsofpromiscuitybecausenonMuslimgirlfriendshaveboyfriendsVersusempowermenttohaveeducationalaspirations
• RepresentsintergenerationalPatriarchyandsexism&leadstopooremotionalregulation,lowself-esteem,poorboundaries&higherdivorcerates.• Girlsareexpectedtobemothersonlyanddiscouragedtoworkorstudybuttomarrywell,especiallyifsheispretty.
• Equal,ethical,HealthyRelationshipsMUSTbepromotedandgirlstaughttobeassertiveandfightfortheirdignityifmistreated.
Parentswhoplacedaughtersatriskbyemotionallymanipulatingthemtoreturntoviolentrelationshipsusingreligiousreferencesaredoingmoreemotional&psychologicalharm.TheyneedtobeEDUCATEDTOSTOP&LEARNTOLOVETHEIRDAUGHTERS!
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Secretmarriages:emotional&psychologicalabuse‘Ifuniversally,theessenceofmarriageissociallyaccepted&agreed tobepubliclycelebrated,thenasecretmarriageisaformofemotional&psychologicalabuse.’
Iestablished&conveneOmarMosque,WomenofWisdom- WOWCommittee forthepreventionofFamily&DomesticViolence,after10yrs ofstruggle:Thepurposeisto:- Developasupportgroupforwomen&families- AdviseImamonallpsycho-socialmattersrelatingtowomen&families- Educationaboutfamily,DV,SexualAssault,Polygamy,childmarriage- Premaritalmentoringconversations- Referral&advocacy- SupportImamresolvedisputeslocallyinsteadofreferringtoSydney- ThemosquechairmanwantstobeincontrolofWOW
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Case1:13yr oldRefugeeboyviolenttowardsmother• HistoryofFamilyviolencemodelledbyfatherinSyria• Mother(divorceeclinicallydepressed,wishingtoremarry)-metaEgyptianmanonFB,exjealous,instructingsontohitmother&bringhimtoAustraliainstead,13yr oldsontold“yourthemanofthehouseintheabsenceofthefather&shouldnotallowmumtobringastrangemanintothehouse.”- (psychologicalmanipulation,abuse&oppressionofmother)
• Psychological&emotionalimpactonsiblings,angrysonremotelycontrolledbyfathertohitmother&sisters,troubled,usingdrugs,truanting,motherunabletocontrolhim.
• Police,school,difficultyengaginghim.Angry&dangerousasachildsittingonthenoseofthistank
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Case2:ComplexcaseDV(VAN)• Allegedhistoryofchildsexualassaultof2daughtersaged6,and7byfatherpriortoarrivinginAustralia2.5yearsagofromIraq,andsonage3yrs,motheralertedhisfamilywithnosupport.HistoryofDV,filed2complaintsinIraqcourtfordivorce,fatherdiscouragedherfromproceeding.
• AVOinplace,Jirt &Policeinvestigationsveryslow,seriousallegations,2breachesofAVO,stillnotcharged,unlikelyPoliceproceedingduetolackofevidence.
• Motherlivinginfearandwantsdivorce;ImamsrefusaltograntdivorceuntiltheAustralianlegaloneisfinalized“incaseheisfoundinnocentoftheallegations” -SoundFamiliar?patriarchalvictimblamingoffemalevictim.
• WhyisthereanABSENCEofqualifiedfemaleImam’s?
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ProposedInterventions
• PriortoVisa,iftheAustralianEmbassy,performedacomprehensivePsycho-socialassessmentitmayhavepre-emptedtheseissuesinBOTHCASESandavoidedtheproblemsofknownseriousDVperpetrators.
• SafeinterviewingwithoutjeopardizingtheVisaapplicationofthefamilywhilstensuringthefamily’ssafety&riskminimizationoffurtherfamily&DV.ThisinterventionshouldbeonlyperformedbyanotherbilingualfemaleSocialWorkerofthesamefaith&cultureoverstagestobuildtrustandarelationship,includingvisitstothepersonintheirownlivingenvironment.
• Participatinginmandatory,culturallyappropriatePsycho-socialeducationcourses/workshopsonDVPrevention,childwelfare,relationships,dealingwithgrief&loss,trauma&parentingwhilstawaitingrefugeeapplicationbyallmembersofthefamily.
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CostsofNOTtreatingDVTrauma• Perpetuallifelongmentalhealthissues,socialisolation&dysfunction• Chronicdiseaseburdenfromaccumulatedemotionalselfneglect,psychologicalstressors&on-goinginterpersonalconflict,grief&loss.
• Inabilitytounderstandboundaries,regulateemotionsincludingpoorparentingskillsandrisktakingbehaviourorpoordecisionmaking.
• Vulnerabletoexploitationbymorepowerful,usedastoolsforsocialengineeringduetounmetneedsofpeoplepleasing&seekingacceptance;ie gangs,‘socialviolence’(aka;terrorism)
• Safetyrisktothemselvesandothersinsociety• HighriskofintergenerationaltraumacycleofDVEmotional+$$$$$$$+Psychological+PHYSICAL=Accumulativeandintergenerational.OnlySTOPSthroughSELFACTUALIZATIONofindividualSTRENGTHS&potential.
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Recommendations:MOSQUESasCOMMUNITY,CULTURAL&MEDIATIONCENTRES• PROACTIVEGovernmentFunded Programs:• Relationshipandpsychosocialskillsbuilding.• TraumaHealingtopromote resilience,EmotionalRegulation,Restorying, Stressmanagement.• ConflictResolution training.• Premaritalpsycho-socialeducationworkshops (focusingon relationshipEthics,Valuesclarification)• StructuredProblemSolvingskillsforpartners, families• Youthresiliencecoaching- understanding acculturation&identity• TwomandatorycriteriaforMosqueAccreditation&Funding;• 1.AllImamstohaverecognisedUniversityqualifications inSocialWork,mediation&conflictresolutionskills&bepaidagovernmentsalary.
• 2.MinimumquotaofwomenonmosqueexecutivemanagementcommitteeswithUniversitySocialWorkqualifications.• Mandatorycoursesonemotional,physical,spiritual&mentalresilience&emotional intelligence, someImamslackbothandneedtolearntheartofpublicspeaking.
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Wedon’tchooseourdestiny,butwecanchoosehowtoreact&gainthestrength tolearntoswim.FundingAMHSWiscriticalforcommunitydevelopmentprojectswiththeAustralianMuslimcommunitytohelpthemselfactualizeandstopfamily&DomesticViolence.Thankyou