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Be You, Be Well Be You, Be Well © 2017 Ellouise Heather www.ellouiseheather.com All rights reserved. © 2017 Ellouise Heather www.ellouiseheather.com All rights reserved. Hi, I'm Ellouise Heather. I help women recovering from chronic illness who dread returning to a J.O.B. to find their calling, reveal their true selves and alleviate lingering symptoms, so that they may have a fulfilling career that honours their well-being. I'm a Well-being & Mindset Coach and published writer who loves hanging out with her dog and Facebook community. (In that order ;) I've a new Facebook group called, 'Be You, Be Well: For Heart-Centred Women, which I'd love to welcome you to here: bit.ly/BUBwell SELF-ACCEPTANCE FOR INNER CONFIDENCE Chances are, if you've been dealing with a physical (such as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) or mental (such as Depression) chronic illness, your confidence has taken quite a knock. This was certainly true for me. But when we become ill we learn a lot about ourselves and our priorities change. However, a lack of confidence may mean that we don't speak up for ourselves or honour what we value all of the time. In order to be true to ourselves, we need to have the confidence to act on it. What underpins lasting confidence is a high level of self-worth and a healthy amount of self-esteem. In addition, a higher sense of self-worth will cause you to value your own truth and feel worthy of living it. If it is to be lasting, resilient, inner confidence, one of the essential keys to improving your levesl of self-worth and self-esteem is cultivating self-acceptance. Without self-acceptance, we might subconsciously seek the acceptance and approval of others. It gives your power away if you become reliant on the praise and compliments offered by other people. It also means you're more likely to lose confidence easily if someone is critical of you. I refer to praise and compliments as the ‘fast food’ of confidence, because it tastes really good at the time but it’s gone quickly and so we’re hungry for more pretty soon afterwards. If you already accept yourself, you don’t need other people’s approval to know your worth. It's lovely to be acknowledged with compliments and praise, but it doesn't need to be the only form of nourishment. The thing is it is, in fact, quite natural to seek acceptance and approval (even though it's usually on a subconscious level). Here's why:

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Page 1: Self-acceptance for inner confidence - ellouiseheather.comellouiseheather.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Self-acceptance-for...1. What does self-acceptance mean to you? 2. What does

Be You, Be WellBe You, Be Well

© 2017 Ellouise Heatherwww.ellouiseheather.com All rights reserved.

© 2017 Ellouise Heatherwww.ellouiseheather.com All rights reserved.

Hi, I'm Ellouise Heather. I help women recovering from chronic illness who dreadreturning to a J.O.B. to find their calling, reveal their true selves and alleviatelingering symptoms, so that they may have a fulfilling career that honours theirwell-being. I'm a Well-being & Mindset Coach and published writer who loveshanging out with her dog and Facebook community. (In that order ;) I've a newFacebook group called, 'Be You, Be Well: For Heart-Centred Women, which I'd love towelcome you to here: bit.ly/BUBwell

SELF-ACCEPTANCE FOR INNER CONFIDENCE

Chances are, if you've been dealing with a physical (such as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) or mental(such as Depression) chronic illness, your confidence has taken quite a knock. This was certainlytrue for me. But when we become ill we learn a lot about ourselves and our priorities change. However, a lack of confidence may mean that we don't speak up for ourselves or honour what wevalue all of the time.

In order to be true to ourselves, we need to have the confidence to act on it. What underpins lastingconfidence is a high level of self-worth and a healthy amount of self-esteem. In addition, a highersense of self-worth will cause you to value your own truth and feel worthy of living it. If it is to belasting, resilient, inner confidence, one of the essential keys to improving your levesl of self-worthand self-esteem is cultivating self-acceptance.

Without self-acceptance, we might subconsciously seek the acceptance and approval of others. Itgives your power away if you become reliant on the praise and compliments offered by otherpeople. It also means you're more likely to lose confidence easily if someone is critical of you.

I refer to praise and compliments as the ‘fast food’ of confidence, because it tastes really good atthe time but it’s gone quickly and so we’re hungry for more pretty soon afterwards. If you alreadyaccept yourself, you don’t need other people’s approval to know your worth. It's lovely to beacknowledged with compliments and praise, but it doesn't need to be the only form of nourishment.

The thing is it is, in fact, quite natural to seek acceptance and approval (even though it's usually ona subconscious level). Here's why:

Page 2: Self-acceptance for inner confidence - ellouiseheather.comellouiseheather.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Self-acceptance-for...1. What does self-acceptance mean to you? 2. What does

Be You, Be WellBe You, Be Well

© 2017 Ellouise Heatherwww.ellouiseheather.com All rights reserved.

© 2017 Ellouise Heatherwww.ellouiseheather.com All rights reserved.

At some point in your past you learnt what was ‘socially acceptable’. For the majority of peoplemost of this learning happens in childhood. When we’re very young our brains operate on adifferent wavelength, which is purely absorbing what happens in the world around us withoutassessing it. It is believed that up until age 7 or 8, we don’t have the capacity to make judgmentsabout what we learn from the world so we perceive it to be true.

In addition to this, we’re hardwired for survival. If we do something that isn’t deemed acceptable byour family or other 'tribe' we belonged to, we risk rejection. If we’re rejected when we can’t evenlook after ourselves we might be neglected and die. So we adjust our behaviour accordingly. Because this tactic of survival seems to be working (you’re still here, aren’t you?) it stays with usthrough school, where it may be further cemented by our peer group or teachers. By the time you'rean adult, this programming is happening on autopilot in the background unless you bring it intoyour awareness and actively change it.

Why we seek approval and acceptance

There are lots of things that you can do out there! Here though, I've included two exercises aimed atassisting you with self-acceptance, that are a series of simple questions which lead to powerfulanswers. Please note that the questions involve some reflection on your past, so if you're not OKwith that this might not be for you.

The following questions are phrased in a way that will cause your mind to search for the answers, soeven if you're not sure about a question you may be surprised when you ask yourself it what comesup. Even if it's not right away, your mind will find an answer. It could be the next day or thefollowing week, possibly when you're doing the laundry or driving to work.

Before we get started, give yourself permission to accept yourself. It might seem like a strangething to do, but that's probably why most people don't think to do it! It's possible that a restrictivebelief is operating in the background, though, such as accepting yourself isn't what you 'should' do. I'm here to tell you that you can!

One more thing: When asking these questions, please be compassionate with yourself. Speak toyourself as though you were speaking to a close friend. If you do notice self-criticism, that's OK; it'sa wonderful awareness to have. Just bring yourself back to compassion.

What to do about it

Page 3: Self-acceptance for inner confidence - ellouiseheather.comellouiseheather.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Self-acceptance-for...1. What does self-acceptance mean to you? 2. What does

Be You, Be WellBe You, Be Well

© 2017 Ellouise Heatherwww.ellouiseheather.com All rights reserved.

© 2017 Ellouise Heatherwww.ellouiseheather.com All rights reserved.

Exercise 1

Grab a piece of paper and a pen, and answer the following:1. What does self-acceptance mean to you?2. What does receiving praise and compliments give you?3. How can you give this to yourself? ('This' meaning the answer(s) you gave for #2.)

Exercise 2

Grab yourself 2 pieces of paper and a pen. On the first sheet, answer the following:1. What do I struggle to accept about myself? List, if more than one. For each, ask:2. What is the belief (or are the beliefs) I hold that causes this struggle?3. When did I start believing that?4. Which experience taught me that?5. As you picture that experience now, what are you noticing about you that you haven't noticed before? 6. As you notice your energy, what word, colour or emotion best describes it?7. What are you now realising about you and your belief?

If the answer don't come to you right away, that's fine. You can always come back to the exercise. (Just set a reminder in your phone so you remember to come back to it!) You might find that yourealise an answer during your time away from the exercise.

Once you've completed the first part of this exercise (above), take your second piece of paper andanswer the following:1. What new empowering belief do I want to to replace this old belief with? (For example, if your old belief was "I'm not good enough" your new belief might be, "I am enough exactly as I am!" or "I am worthy.")2. What evidence do I already have that this new belief is true? (You might think that you don't have any evidence, otherwise you'd already believe it, but that's not true. Your mind will have been filtering out this evidence up until now because it didn't align with your old belief. So ask the question and trust that the answer will emerge.)

Final step: Rip up the first piece of paper with your answers regarding the old belief! Surroundyourself with memos of your new belief(s).

I'd love to hear how you got on with this in the Facebook group. Join HERE.