the free pressAPRIL 2013 | VOLUME 13, NO. 4 WWW.SECONDSUPPER.COM

A D i g e s t o f C o u l e e R e g i o n C u l t u r e

phot

o by

: Jac

quel

ine

Mar

cou

Trigger Happy

One man’s quest to pack

some heat[P. 3]

PLUS: SOCIAL NETWORKING [P. 2] | BEER REVIEW [P. 6] | THE ADVICE GODDESS [P. 7]

2// April 1, 2013 Second Supper | The Free PressFIRST THINGS FIRST

Social Networking

NAME AND AGE: Marcia Brendum, 24

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? La Crosse, WI

CURRENT JOB: Box o ce coordinator at Viterbo University

DREAM JOB: Sitcom star

LAST THING YOU GOOGLED: 100 Floors level 15 seasonal (It's a game app and now you all know I am a cheater, for shame.)

IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE? In my own apartment (Shout out to my mom for letting me live in her basement. Help me, I'm poor.)

WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: Conquer a food challenge (Man vs. Food realness)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? Calling me "hun" or

444 Main St., Suite 310La Crosse, WI 54601

Phone: (608) 782-7001Online: secondsupper.com

Publisher: Roger Bartelroger.bartel@secondsupper.com

Editor in Chief: Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com

Cover and Ad Design: Jenn BushmanSecond Supper is a monthly

alternative newspaper published by Bartanese Enterprises LLC,

444 Main St., Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601

the free press

Tickets available at beginning April 6.

EIGHT DAYS ONLY!

Pre-Sale Pricing atFestival Foods and OnlineAPRIL 6 - 13 ONLY*

+ tax

and at

FreedomFestLaCrosse.com

ALL PROCEEDS BENEFIT VETERANS CAUSES

Find Us...

Tickets Information

*General Admission tickets increase to $45 on 4/14/13

fFacebook.com/FreedomFestLaCrosse

Twitter.com/FreedomFestLAX

"dear" when you are clearly younger than me

WHAT IS YOUR BEVERAGE OF CHOICE? Bloody Mary (with pickle, sausage and cheese ... get that olive outta here!)

CELEBRITY CRUSH: Zac Efron (woof.)

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? "Fifty Shades of Grey" (I will take all dirty looks and judgment now.)

TELL US A JOKE: My love life.(Ha!)

TELL US YOUR GUILTIEST PLEASURE: Happy Hour anywhere (love me a cheap martini or beer)

IF A GENIE GRANTED YOU ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD YOU ASK FOR? I would wish for that genie to grant his own wish. Genies need love, too.

WHAT ONE PERSON ALIVE OR DEAD WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER WITH? Honey Boo Boo (I hope she tells me all her beauty secrets, and we can have a belching contest.)

FIRST CONCERT YOU WENT TO: Lady Gaga (a couple of weekends ago. I know, sheltered.)

WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? Caesar salad at Hooters (I go there for the chicken.)

WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT NOW?: No pockets! Holler!

— Compiled by Shuggypop Jackson,shuggypop.jackson@secondsupper.com

I Like to WatChBy Dean RobbinsSpecial to Second Supper

Defi anceMonday, April 15, 8 p.m. (Syfy) Syfy boasts that Defiance marks thefirstconversionofTVandonlinegaming.Thedramawillunfoldasbothaseriesanda multiplatform videogame, with connec-tionsbetweenthetwomediums.That’sanintriguing gimmick — but luckily there’snothinggimmickyabouttheTVpremiere,whichstandsonitsownasrichlyimaginedsciencefiction.We’rethrustintoanearfuturewheremultiplealienspecieshave landed, foughtwithEarthlingsand transformed theplan-et. Post-armistice, the various races main-tainanuneasypeaceinpost-apocalypseSt.Louis,whichlooklikeaMadMaxlandscapegraced by a still-standing Arch. Into thispowderkegcomearoguishformermarine(GrantBowler)andtheorange-hairedalien(Stephanie Leonidas) he’s adopted as hisdaughter.OurheroesdreamoftravelingtothepromisedlandofAntarctica,butfinan-cialproblemsdictatethattheyfirstnavigatethe tricky political and social dynamics ofthismultilayeredculture.Thepilotisafullyformedworld,withalargecastofstrangecharactersandavast,unfamiliar terrain. Every detail has beenthoughtthrough,fromthealiens’language(frequently subtitled) to the awful future-Earthmusic.Bestofall,therelationshipbe-tween the unconventional father-daughterpair has emotional resonance, despite thevideogametrappings.Defianceishighlyrecommendedformembersofallspecies.

Visit us online at www.secondsupper.com

Second Supper | The Free Press April 1, 2013 // 3COVER STORY

Gun shyBy Bob TreuContributing Editor

Ihadn’t thoughtmuchabout thegundebate until one night Wayne La Pierre,head of the NRA, changed my life with asinglesentence.Itwasn’thisstagepresencethatdidit,whichis,afterall,roughlyequiva-lent to the classroom manner of IchabodCrane.Norwasittheforceofhislogic-freediscourse. But one night, as I listened tohimdefendourGod-given,constitutionallyprotectedrighttocarryanyweaponwelike,whateveritssizeorkillingcapacity,hehitmelikeMosesreadingthetablets.“Ifyoudon’townagun,”hesaid,”You’repartoftheprob-lem.” Thatwashittingbelowthebelt,ablowto the already swollen and violently discol-ored organ where my Lutheran guilt re-sides.LaPierremade itclearIwasputtingmyneighborsandfellowcitizens inseriousdangerbyfailingtocarryagun.Iwasa2ndAmendment sycophant, livingoff the sacri-ficesofthepeoplewhocourageouslystoodreadytodefendmewhileIsippedcoffeeatthePeople’sFoodCo-op.Itwastimetomanupandsharetheload.Itwastimetogetmygunout. Therewasonlyoneproblem:Ididn’thaveany.Ihadneverownedone.Norhadmy fatherbeenparticularlyhelpful,havinglosthisappetiteforthesoundofgunfireattheRemagenBridgeandothersuchplaces.Nonethelesshetookmyolderbrotherandmetothewoodsonedaywithashotgun,a.22 rifle anda grocery bag of tin cans.Heshowedushowthegunsworked,hadusrapoff a few rounds at the cans, and that wasthat.Heevenquithuntingdeerwithagun,althoughhedideventuallytakeupstalkingthemwithabowandarrow.Irealizenowhecompletelyneglectedourweaponsprepara-tion,thoughneithermybrothernorIpro-tested. Actuallywedidhaveothergunsinthehouse:twosnazzyGermanLugersandanim-pressiveGermansubmachinegun.Wedidn’thavebulletsforanyoftheseweapons,somybrotherandIusedtheminourlivingroomwargames.Themachinegunwastooheavyforeitherofustoholdproperly,sooneofuswouldpropituponanoverturnedkitchenchair and make machine gun noises whiletheotherreturnedfirewiththeLugers. Then one night two FBI agents ap-pearedatourdoorwithaseriousinterestinthe submachine gun. My father wonderedaloudifhewasinsomekindoftrouble.“Notwithus,”oneoftheagentsexplained.“Butifweknowaboutthegunsodootherpeople,peoplewhowouldbehappytokillallofyoutogetit.”Thatgotmyfather’sattention.Themachine gun was not technically confiscat-ed,butitwasdisabledandplacedinaglasscaseonthewallofourlocalVFWwithDad’snameonalittlemetalplatebelowit. That left us pretty much defenseless.Theshotgunandtherifleweresomewhereinthebasement,butwehadusedalltheam-munitionshootingatcans.Afterthislooselystrung childhood I wandered around for

decadeswithoutthinkingmuchaboutgunsorthepossibilitythatImightneedone.ThetwowivesandfourchildrenIlivedwithovertheyearswentwithouttheprotectionIwassupposed to provide. None of them com-plained,butIsuspecttheyallthoughttheyweresaferifIdidn’thaveagun. But Iwasalone in theworldnowanddidn’tneedtoworryaboutprotectingfamily.Also, Iwasgettingolder,andthe irrationaloptimismabouthumannaturethatsupport-edmethroughmostofmylifehadjumpedship. At any moment, I felt, some hoody-wearing, Skittle-sucking monster could in-vademyneighborhood.SoIdecidedtogoshopping.A friendwhoworksat theco-opwarned me that guns were pricey, so I de-cidedtostartatWalmart,whereIthoughtImightscoreaSaturdayNightSpecialcheap.AlotofmyfriendsareboycottingWalmart,soIwaiteduntilthesupperhour,whenthechancesofrunningintoanyofthemwouldbeminimal.AsitturnsoutWalmartdoesn’tcarry handguns, or assault rifles either, be-causetheycatertohunters.Apparentlyit’salocaloptionthing,andotherWalmartsoffermorechoices. So I continued my search at GanderMountain, where I found a much largerselectionoffirearms. I askeda youngmanworkingtheretoshowmethehandsomeBe-rettaI spottednearthebackof thedisplaycase. It cost nearly $500, so I asked him ifhe had something in a .22. I wasn’t sure a.22wouldbemuchhelpinfacingdownthegangsoffourorfivebadguysarmedwithas-saultriflesLaPierrehadwarnedusabout,butwhatthehell,itwasbetterthannothing.The.22was$300,soratherthanlookfoolishIaskedhimifhehadanM-16,theassaultrifleAmericansusedinVietnam.Whenheshookhisheadtoindicateanegative,Iaskedifitwasstorepolicynottocarrysuchweapons.“Not at all,” he explained. “We can’t keepthem in stock. We’re months behind, andwecan’tkeepupwiththedemand.”Thatatleastwasgoodnews.Theideaofhundreds,perhaps thousands of assault rifles in thehandsofneighborswhohadnoexperiencewith themwould surely strike fear into theheartsofthebadguys.Ialsolearnedthattheaveragepriceofanassaultriflewasaround$1,500. Apparently gun security, like mostthingsinAmerica,wasbaseduponincome.Ifoundmyselfwonderingaboutyoungcou-pleswhowereputtingoffmarriageor thatfirst childuntil theycouldaffordadequatedefense. AsIrodethebusbackhomeIlookedaround at the eight other passengers andwondered which of them was carrying aweapon. I hoped it was the middle-aged,balding guy wearing a pea coat and rest-ing one arm on the gym bag next to him.If someone started something, we mightget lucky and he’d have an AR-15 hiddenin there. I considered taking out a secondmortgageonthehouseandgettingintothegame. Thenonenight, afterputtingdownaparticularlyindigestiblebitofbeefandquaff-ingamugofundistinguishedale(gunown-ershipwasevenchangingmyeatinghabits)andafterbarelyfallingintoatroubledsleep,Iwasrousedbyapalegreenlightemanatingfromthe imperfectlycloseddresserdrawerwhere I kept, or would keep, my putative

gun. It was still in its putative box, waitingfor theappearanceof thatSkittle-addicted,hoody-wearingintruder. Whether thiswasadreamornot, I’mcertain thegun spoke, ifnot inactual lan-guage,thenintoneandattitude,intheverygreennessofitsweirdlight.Itwantedmetoknow it wasn’t loaded. In a series of sleep-dazedmovementsIfoundtheboxofimagi-naryammunition,stuffedsomeroundsintothegun’smagazine,andwentbacktobed,but the green light persisted. Apparentlyhavingaloadedweaponafewfeetfrommyheadwasn’tsoporific.BymorningIconclud-edthatnomatterhowresponsibleIwasbe-ing,Iwastotallyinept,greenasgrass,andIwouldhavetogetbetterfast. Iwouldtakeaconcealedcarryclass.UptonowIhadbeen thinkingmainlyofpro-tectingmyself.Iwouldtamemynervousnessby carrying a gun everywhere and savingothers. Of course my favorite coffee housedoesn’tallowguns,butthenthat’sthepointof concealed carry, isn’t it? No one wouldknow.AndwhenpushcametoshoveandIputdownsomebadguys,Iwouldbeahero. Atthesametime,myactualattempttoarmmyselfwasgoingnowhere.Butthen,asfatewouldhaveit,IcameacrossanadforagunshowattheOnalaskaOmniCenterthefollowingweekend. Ihadbeentoasimilareventafewyearspreviously,whereIhaden-counteredamild-lookingbaldguyrunninga Nazi paraphernalia booth. He had tonsof the sameswastikaed junkmy fatherhadstuffedintoadeskdrawerandforgotaboutafterthewar,butDadneverdreamedthoserelicswouldquicklybeillegalintheirnativecountrywhilegainingvaluerapidlyinours. Theshowturnedouttoexceedmyex-pectations. For one thing, the turnout wasawesome. Cars lined the road in front ofthecenterasfarastheeyecouldsee.Inside,thecrowdwasmadeupofordinarypeopleincamouflagecoatsandbaseballcaps,qui-etly going about the business of buying ar-maments. Particularly interesting were theGungothgirls,abevyofyoungwomenwithhairdyedjetblackandwearingstuddeddogcollarnecklaces.JudgingfromtheirT-shirts,theirattractiontogunswasapiecewiththeirinterest in vampires and zombies. What Ihadn’texpectedwasasmallgroupofAmishmen.Weren’ttheypacifists?Ofcoursetheywere,buttheywerealsodeerhunters. ThenIspent15disappointingminutessearchingforausablehandgun.TherewereafewB.B.andpelletpistols,andevenafewancientcapandballduelingpistols.Butthatwas it.TheNazi guy Ihadencountered inmyearliergunshowexperiencewasn’tthereeither,althoughIdidfindavendorwhoof-fered,inadditiontoavarietyofrifles,photosofHitlerat$5acrack.Anotherboothofferedbumper stickers. One praised the presi-dentasthe#1gunsalesman,whileanothershowedHilaryClintonandadmonishedusthatsincelifeisabitch,weshouldn’tvoteforone.Iboughtoneofeach.Forfriends. I also picked up a brochure from agroupcalledtheAppleseedProject,claimingitwantstoturnAmericabackintoanationofriflemen.ItwilldothisbytrainingyoungboysandgirlstodefendAmericaagainstitsenemies,foreignanddomestic.Justbeinginthisatmosphereraisedmyspirits.WayneLaPierrehadexplained that the2ndAmend-

ment didn’t just give us the right to beararms,buttobearthemagainstatyrannicalgovernment,liketheObamaadministration,forexample.Nowonderassault riflesweresellinglikehotcakes.WemighthavetostandshoulderwiththoselittleAppleseedstofightoff a gun-grabbing national government.I felt sorry my father wasn’t around today,when he might have had the firepower tosendthoseFBIguyspacking. FinallyIgotaroundtoaskingavendorabout the dearth of handguns. “Can’t get‘em,”heexplained.“Everyone’ssoldoutbe-cause folks areafraidofwhatkindofbansaregoingtobepassed.”ThiswasessentiallythestoryIhadheardaboutassaultrifles.Theadministration’sill-conceivedplantofright-enpeopleaboutgunswasclearlybackfiring.Inspiteofthevendor’swarning,Ididfindasellerwithasupplyof50orsohandguns,buthispriceswereroughlythesameasGanderMountain’s. By the time you added in thecostofaconcealedcarryclass, thepriceofsecuritywasclimbingoutofreach. Liberals were making it difficult forpeople like me. Besides advocating restric-tions designed to make us feel guilty, theadministration was creating false scarcity,a phony gun shortage aimed directly atthemiddleclass. Inarrowedmyoptions tothree:1)Icouldtakeoutaloan;2)Icouldgetacopyofagunregistrationrecord,haveit laminatedinsomedurablematerial,anddisplayinonmyfrontdoor.Thiswouldbelikethosetownshipsthatcan’taffordradarbutdisplaythesignanyway.It’sprettyeffec-tiveandmuchlesscostly;or3)Icouldstealaweapon. IwasdefinitelymakingprogresssortingthingsoutandIwouldkeeptrying.WayneLaPierrewouldbeproudofme.

TheTop

Things that make us nervous1. Eurozone banking policy2. Kyle Lohse3. Monsanto4. Lil’ Wayne summer tour5. Minnesota Vikings spies6. Skrillex, soundtrack king7. Print media economyThings that could be awesome1. “Off Pitch”2. The Cavalier Theatre3. Daft Punk’s new album4. The Great Gatsby movie5. Jean Sugura6. President Biden7. The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon

4// April 1, 2013 Second Supper | The Free PressTHE PLANNER

AprilThe Month in Preview

music | entertainment | spring is herefine arts | april fools | wine | theater earth day | things to do | beer | cheese

April 6 & 7 ALL THE PRETTY GIFTS AND CRAFTS

@ Onalaska Omni Center

Oh the things people must do to raise money for good causes. Is it not enough to just hope that people will be generous and caring enough to donate without having to do ridiculous things such as tempting hypothermia? Of course not. It’s probably too late at this point to join the other plungers at this year’s Coulee Region Special Olympics Polar Plunge (you need to raise pledge money to actually plunge), but it’s not too late to be a spectator. There’s all kinds of stuff for those who stay away from the water. Other than watching costume clad crazy people get cold and wet, you can run/walk the 5k Polar Dash, participate in the Blazin’ Wing Eating Challenge, dance the Chicken Dance, or play kid games. There’ll also be a warm tent with concessions if you just can’t bear the cold. Be there at noon and stay till 3 p.m.

Tue., April 9WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THIS FRACKING SAND?

@ The Radisson

There’s quite a bit of fracking going on in this area, and it’s causing a lot of controversy. Frac sand is a natural resource that’s pretty abundant around here. It’s used elsewhere to help get oil out of the ground. The whole process is complicated, and there’s a lot of talking around town about getting this sand. It might have a little to do with pollution, environmental destruction, health issues, energy needs, and money — the old “can’t have one without the other” argument. La Crosse County Community Resource Agent and Geologist Karl Green will be at the

Radisson from noon to 1 p.m. to help us be more aware and informed about fracking-sand mining. Event is free and open to the public. Make reservations for the 11:30 pre-talk buffet before April 5. Cost for food is $12.

Sun., April 21FUN AT THE EARTH FAIR

@ Myrick Park

Just in time for Earth Day, the generous folks at the Coulee Partners for Sustainability, the YMCA, and the Earth Fair Committee are hosting another year of earth-friendly family fun. There’ll be plenty of stuff for you to do: check out the green vendor booths from all kinds of area organizations, learn how to be a better earth resident by listening to eco-presentations, and enjoy live music and other performances. There’ll also be lots of things for the kids to do such as the Earth Day Dash which starts at 10:30 a.m. (registration in advance necessary). The fair is free and runs from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. P.S. April 20th is Spring Clean Up Day at Myrick Park.

April 21, 27 & 28WALKS TO REMEMBER

@ Various places

How about walking for some good causes now that the threat of slipping on the ice and breaking all your bones is gone? Walk or run for cancer on the 21st at United Healthcare in Onalaska. Registration starts at 8:30 a.m. walk begins at 11. Pre-registration cost is $20 for walkers, $25 for runners ($25 and $30 day of). March for babies on the 27th

at Myrick Park at 8:30 a.m. Or participate in the 15th Annual Walk MS at the La Crosse Center at 9 a.m. These ones are free, but you’ll have to do some fundraising. On the 28th is the 2nd Annual Avery’s Wish 5k run/walk for juvenile diabetes at Old Hickory Park in La Crescent starting at 11 a.m. Register before April 19th for $20 or day of for $25.

Sat., April 27HELP OUR RIVER LOOK NICE

@ Various River Areas

We all know winter is cold, but did you know it’s also dirty? During the course of the winter, under all that snow, all kinds things like empty chip bags, beers cans, and Taco Bell wrappers seem to magically grow. When all the snow finally melts, and the spring blooms and spreads out all the greenery, this unsightly trash makes it hard for us to fully comprehend the beauty of the great river. Do your part on the 2013 Mississippi River Clean Up Day and rid the river of what winter left behind. Cleanup locations are the Upper Brice Prairie Landing, 7th Street Landing, Clinton Street Landing and the Goose Island Middle Landing. Be sure to check in before cleaning. Spring cleaning begins at 8 a.m.

and goes till noon. As a thank you, there will be free food and prizes at the Copeland Park Shelter starting at noon.

Sat., April 27BEER, GLORIOUS BEER (& Wine & Cheese)

@ Southside Oktoberfest Grounds

In Oliver Twist, the orphans at a workhouse in Mudfog, England receive their daily portion of gruel from a gruff and churlish overseer. The portions are generally much too small for the growing kids, and any attempt to ask for more is met with swift castigation. In an odd way bar patrons of La Crosse, Wisconsin aren’t much different. We wait in line to receive unfairly small portions of beer, and if we think to ask for more, we are commanded to cough up another handful of our cash. Such is not the case with the Between the Bluffs Beer, Wine, and Cheese Festival. You’ll only have to pay once ($30), then you’ll be free to sample more than 200 beers, 45+ wines, and plenty of cheeses, all of supreme quality. There will also be music and beanbag tournaments. The fest goes from 2 to 6 p.m. Get your tickets before they sell out like last year. Tell’em Oliver sent you.

April

Second Supper | The Free Press April 1, 2013 // 5

The Month in Preview

music | entertainment | spring is herefine arts | april fools | wine | theater earth day | things to do | beer | cheese

April 6 & 7 ALL THE PRETTY GIFTS AND CRAFTS

@ Onalaska Omni Center

Oh the things people must do to raise money for good causes. Is it not enough to just hope that people will be generous and caring enough to donate without having to do ridiculous things such as tempting hypothermia? Of course not. It’s probably too late at this point to join the other plungers at this year’s Coulee Region Special Olympics Polar Plunge (you need to raise pledge money to actually plunge), but it’s not too late to be a spectator. There’s all kinds of stuff for those who stay away from the water. Other than watching costume clad crazy people get cold and wet, you can run/walk the 5k Polar Dash, participate in the Blazin’ Wing Eating Challenge, dance the Chicken Dance, or play kid games. There’ll also be a warm tent with concessions if you just can’t bear the cold. Be there at noon and stay till 3 p.m.

Tue., April 9WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THIS FRACKING SAND?

@ The Radisson

There’s quite a bit of fracking going on in this area, and it’s causing a lot of controversy. Frac sand is a natural resource that’s pretty abundant around here. It’s used elsewhere to help get oil out of the ground. The whole process is complicated, and there’s a lot of talking around town about getting this sand. It might have a little to do with pollution, environmental destruction, health issues, energy needs, and money — the old “can’t have one without the other” argument. La Crosse County Community Resource Agent and Geologist Karl Green will be at the

Radisson from noon to 1 p.m. to help us be more aware and informed about fracking-sand mining. Event is free and open to the public. Make reservations for the 11:30 pre-talk buffet before April 5. Cost for food is $12.

Sun., April 21FUN AT THE EARTH FAIR

@ Myrick Park

Just in time for Earth Day, the generous folks at the Coulee Partners for Sustainability, the YMCA, and the Earth Fair Committee are hosting another year of earth-friendly family fun. There’ll be plenty of stuff for you to do: check out the green vendor booths from all kinds of area organizations, learn how to be a better earth resident by listening to eco-presentations, and enjoy live music and other performances. There’ll also be lots of things for the kids to do such as the Earth Day Dash which starts at 10:30 a.m. (registration in advance necessary). The fair is free and runs from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. P.S. April 20th is Spring Clean Up Day at Myrick Park.

April 21, 27 & 28WALKS TO REMEMBER

@ Various places

How about walking for some good causes now that the threat of slipping on the ice and breaking all your bones is gone? Walk or run for cancer on the 21st at United Healthcare in Onalaska. Registration starts at 8:30 a.m. walk begins at 11. Pre-registration cost is $20 for walkers, $25 for runners ($25 and $30 day of). March for babies on the 27th

at Myrick Park at 8:30 a.m. Or participate in the 15th Annual Walk MS at the La Crosse Center at 9 a.m. These ones are free, but you’ll have to do some fundraising. On the 28th is the 2nd Annual Avery’s Wish 5k run/walk for juvenile diabetes at Old Hickory Park in La Crescent starting at 11 a.m. Register before April 19th for $20 or day of for $25.

Sat., April 27HELP OUR RIVER LOOK NICE

@ Various River Areas

We all know winter is cold, but did you know it’s also dirty? During the course of the winter, under all that snow, all kinds things like empty chip bags, beers cans, and Taco Bell wrappers seem to magically grow. When all the snow finally melts, and the spring blooms and spreads out all the greenery, this unsightly trash makes it hard for us to fully comprehend the beauty of the great river. Do your part on the 2013 Mississippi River Clean Up Day and rid the river of what winter left behind. Cleanup locations are the Upper Brice Prairie Landing, 7th Street Landing, Clinton Street Landing and the Goose Island Middle Landing. Be sure to check in before cleaning. Spring cleaning begins at 8 a.m.

and goes till noon. As a thank you, there will be free food and prizes at the Copeland Park Shelter starting at noon.

Sat., April 27BEER, GLORIOUS BEER (& Wine & Cheese)

@ Southside Oktoberfest Grounds

In Oliver Twist, the orphans at a workhouse in Mudfog, England receive their daily portion of gruel from a gruff and churlish overseer. The portions are generally much too small for the growing kids, and any attempt to ask for more is met with swift castigation. In an odd way bar patrons of La Crosse, Wisconsin aren’t much different. We wait in line to receive unfairly small portions of beer, and if we think to ask for more, we are commanded to cough up another handful of our cash. Such is not the case with the Between the Bluffs Beer, Wine, and Cheese Festival. You’ll only have to pay once ($30), then you’ll be free to sample more than 200 beers, 45+ wines, and plenty of cheeses, all of supreme quality. There will also be music and beanbag tournaments. The fest goes from 2 to 6 p.m. Get your tickets before they sell out like last year. Tell’em Oliver sent you.

MUSICMuSiC DireCtorY

FEATURED SHOWS

Monday, April 1stDel’s Bar – Dave Armstrong

Wednesday, April 3rdDel’s Bar – Acoustic Vision

Friday, April 5thBoot Hill Pub – Luke Thering (Piano) • 6 p.m.

Freight House – Muddy Flats and the Hep Cats • 7 p.m.

Root Note – Pocket Vinyl • 8 p.m.

Saturday, April 6thFreight House – Muddy Flats and the Hep Cats • 7 p.m.

Warehouse – The Moms, Sweet Nothings, Day 42, Friend Zone • 7 p.m. ($9 cover)

Root Note – The Poor Nobodys • 8 p.m.

Monday, April 8thDel’s Bar – Erock

Tuesday, April 9thWarehouse – That1Guy, Captain Ahab’s Motorcycle Club • 7 p.m.

Wednesday, April 10thDel’s Bar – Mayfi eld Experiment

Friday, April 12thCavalier Theater – Spring Fling Open House (various entertainment) • 5 p.m.

Freight House – Paxico • 7 p.m.

Starlite Lounge – Third Charles • 8 p.m.

Root Note – Shivering Timbers w/ Mike Munson • 8 p.m.

Saturday, April 13thWarehouse – Broadway Calls, The Right Here, Anchor the World, Charlie Siren

Freight House – Paxico • 7 p.m.

Root Note – Ruben w/ Bon Bon Fire Fire (folk) • 8 p.m.

Cavalier Theater – Houses in Motion (Talk-ing Heads cover) • 10 p.m.

Sunday, April 14thWarehouse – Guardians, Valor Tracks

Monday, April 15thDel’s Bar – Colin Marshal

Wednesday, April 17thDel’s Bar – Andy Hughes

Thursday, April 18thWarehouse – Set It Off, For All I Am, I the Mighty, The Perfect Picture • 5:30 p.m. ($10-$12) open daily 7 am–10 pm

315 Fifth Ave. So.La Crosse, WI

tel. 784.5798www.pfc.coop

eat fresh!eat local!go co-op!

all are welcome

By Kevin SommerfeldSpecial to Second Supper

Soduku ANSwerS

Friday, April 19thWarehouse – Letter to the Exiles, Miss Au-gust, Erasi, Lasting Impression, Benevolence

Cavalier Theater – Deaf Ear Records 35 Year Celebration • 6 p.m.

Pump House – Lucy Kaplansky • 7:30 p.m.

Root Note – Savannah Smith w/ Ryan Hart-kopf • 8 p.m.

Bottoms Up – Hard Hat • 9 p.m.

Sunday, April 21stRoot Note – Kristy Larson Honky Tonk Trio • 8 p.m.

Monday, April 22ndDel’s Bar – Derek & Sam

Wednesday, April, 24thWarehouse – Late Night Reading, Farewell My Love, Catching Your Clouds

Del’s Bar – Bandsaw Brothers

Root Note – Thomas Hentges of Burlap Wolk King • 8 p.m.

Friday, April 26thRoot Note – In telescope • 8 p.m.

Warehouse – Of Virtue, After me the Flood (metal)

Saturday, April 27thBluff View Concerts (Holmen) – Carrie El-kins & Danny Schmidt • 7:30 p.m.

Root Note – We Are The Willows w/ Ade-lyn Rose • 8 p.m. ($5 cover)

Monday, April 29thDel’s Bar – Adam Palm

WEEKLY GIGS

SundayPopcorn – nnocuous Voodoo (funk) • 10 p.m.

MondayPopcorn – Grant’s Open Jam • 10 p.m.

Del’s – Cheech’s Open Jam • 10 p.m.

TuesdayJade Café – Open Mic Night • 7 p.m

Popcorn – Paulie • 10 p.m.

Root Note – 3rd Relation Jazz • 8 p.m.

ThursdayStarlight, Kies & Kompanie (jazz) • 5 p.m.

Root Note, Open Mic • 8 p.m.

Popcorn, Dave Orr’s Blues jam • 10 p.m.

Send your music schedule to editor@sec-ondsupper.com.

Here’s some good news: Spring willsoonfeel(andsound)alotmorelikesum-mer.TheperennialMidwestMusicFestivalwillbeinfullbloomforitsfourthyearandit promises to be bigger and better thanever.Getreadytoscrapanyplansyouhavetoloungearoundthisupcoming4/20week-end.TheMWMF,whichtakesplacerightuptheroadinWinona,runsfromthe18thallthewaythroughthe20thandofferssomanyperformancesgoingonsimultaneouslyandatall times that itmaycauseaminorboutofcognitivedissonance.Relax,thisisagoodkindofanxiety. This year’s MWMF will be gatheringwellover100musicalactsofallkindsfromallovertheMidwestregion.Everythingfromhip-hopandfolk,toindierockandelectron-ica will grace the many stages and venues.Minneapolis’ well renowned indie-rapperAstronautalis and Duluth’s big time indie-rockers Retribution Gospel Choir will betwooftheheadliningperformers,buttheyare just twodrops inahugepoolofmusi-caltalentthatwillbeondisplay.LaCrosse’s

Xword ANSwerS

ownindie-rocksensation,Porcupine,willbetherealongwithotherlocalnameslikeReedGrimm,64Squares,andClickTrack.Again,the acts just mentioned make up maybe5 percent of the festival’s total output, sopleasenotethatdiscoveringgreatnewmusicwillinevitablyhappen. Sohowdoesthiscolossalmassofmu-sicwork?Takeall theseperformances andspreadthemoutto13differentvenuesandstagesoverthethreedays.Thismakesforanexperience that might be similar to chan-nel surfingor traveling.Eitherplanaheadfor what you want to see, or be serendipi-tous and go to whatever feels right at thatmoment.Ofcourse,acombinationofbothmethodsmightbebest.Checkoutwww.mid-westmusicfest.org for an extremely helpful(and almost necessary) schedule of every-thinggoingon. There are a few options to considerwhen buying tickets: day passes are $20,three-daypassesare$49inadvance,$55atthegate(thereisalsoaspecial6ticketgrouprateof$35each). You can also sign up to volunteer,whichmeansyoutradefourhoursofworkatthefestivalforathree-daypassandaT-shirt.Prettynifty.

Spring's big Midwest fest

6// April 1, 2013 Second Supper | The Free PressDIVERSIONS

12 Like a rind13 Make pig noises18 "Bridesmaids" direc-tor Paul22 Diamond stat24 Word before created or elected26 Breakfast brand27 Street ___28 Useful, based on Haydn?30 Numerical suffix31 Diver's place33 Banana shell35 Weasel's cousin37 Plains language38 Contributes40 Driving force42 Did some farm work45 "The Pelvis"48 Rowboat mover50 Chicken ___ (dish on "The Sopranos")52 Make some money off those tickets53 "I just remembered..."54 Quotable Yogi55 Tries out57 "Moby Dick" captain58 "Pore Jud Is ___" (Rodgers and Hammer-stein song)60 It'll grow on you61 Tulsa's st.62 New age musician/former TV host John65 Alt-weekly workers, briefly

ACROSS1 Insult hurled at 30-across6 Mediterranean island nation11 Two for Juan?14 Block, as an Arctic ship15 Message sender SETI hopes to detect16 Hose problem17 Photography size, based on Elgar?19 Lance with a gavel20 Driver around Hol-lywood

21 Spectator23 "The Price Is Right" game25 Ernie's special friend26 Reverberate29 "Wowzers!"30 "South Park" pro-tagonist32 Understand fully34 Dropped a line36 Longtime Harry Bela-fonte label39 Polite41 Shakespeare nick-name43 Bizarre

44 Tahrir Square's coun-try46 Disturbed47 "If it feels right, do it"49 Public regard51 Caustic substances52 Scotch mixer54 Chew out56 Game where you tug on your ear59 Smokin'63 Rand of "Atlas Shrugged"64 2013 dance all over YouTube, based on Mahler?66 Was winning67 Went on the radio68 Toss option69 "Gangnam Style" rapper70 Times to eat cake, casually71 Dark-skinned wine grape

DOWN 1 Get on tape2 Berry in juices3 Sea bird4 Stake out by the road, perhaps5 Reporter April, friend of the Ninja Turtles6 Great Leap Forward name7 Jovial weatherman8 Pole dance?9 Loose-leaf selections10 Stud fee?11 Seriously irritate, based on Verdi?

"Classical remix"Recomposing composers

By Matt Jones Answers on Page 5

©2012 Jonesin' Crosswords

Southern Pecan Nut Brown AleLazy Magnolia Brewing CompanyKiln, Mississippi

The Beer Review

IrecentlyspentaweekinNewOrleans,whichisoneoftheworld’sfinestdrinkingcit-ies,butpossiblytheworstplaceIevervisitedforbeer.Thereareprobablymanysociologi-cal,geographicalandeconomicreasonswhytheMississippiDeltadoesn’tproducequalitycraftmicrobrews.ButmostlyitseemsliketheBig Easy prefers getting bombed on booze.Of course, they do have a thriving industryof walk-up bars serving blended rum drinksinfunplasticvessels,soIcan’treallyhateonthat.I’mmoreinclinedtoblamethewater.Se-riously,themightyMississippiRiverisafilthybeastdownthere,andtheaquifersdon’tex-actlyrundeep.Yetbetweenasolidweekofbarhoppingandevena jaunt toabeer festival,ItastedperhapsfournewbeersthatIwouldconsideraboveaverage.Therestweremostlymetallicpaleales,unevenwheatconcoctions,andlight-drinkinglagersthathewedclosertoBudLightthanBavaria.(Infairness,NewOr-leansdoeshavesome“beerbars”withlargishmenusofBelgianandGermanimports.) But one thing I did appreciate aboutmybayoubeertourwasthevarietyofsouth-ern flavorings that seeped into their brews.Strawberry and chicory beers were relativelycommon, and one brewery even produceda spring seasonal topairwithcrawfishboils.YetthebeerIbroughthomeforthismonth’sreviewseemedtobeaspecialpointofprideamong New Orleans beer enthusiasts. The

SouthernPecanNutBrownAle,Iwasrepeat-edly told, is thefirstbeer tobebrewedwithroasted pecans, a cash crop in neighboringMississippi. At the very least, it doesn’t tasteanythinglikeabeerfromWisconsin. Purchase:OnebottleofSouthernPecanNutBrownAle,fromacornerdeli. Style:Englishbrownale Strength: 4.5percentABV Packaging: LazyMagnoliabottlesthisinatwo-tonebrownlabel,moretastefullyunder-stated than other exports from Kiln, Missis-sippi. Appearance: This is the clearest brownaleI’veeverseen,akintoyesterday’sDr.Pep-per and melted ice, but at least the head isfoamyandtan. Aroma: The aroma has a heavy maltbackbonewithfainthopsandtoastedgrainswithaheavydoseofburntbrownsugar.Ithaslittlepecanaromabuta strong lactosepres-encelikeabananacreampie. Taste: Iwouldhavepreferredanearthybrewgroundwithgrittypecans,butLazyMag-noliaplaysup the sweetness to largelymasktheoriginalflavor.Instead,itcomesonlikeaPaydaycandybarthenmellowstobiscuitswithcocoapowderbeforesouringoncreamyfla-vorsatthelimpfinish. Mouthfeel:Incrediblythinbodied,evenforthestyle. Drinkability: This beer should be quitedrinkable,given thealcoholandmouthfeel,butI’mstrugglingtoevenfinishthisbottle. Ratings: BeerAdvocate gives this an83,whileRateBeerscoresita69.Eventhosegrades seem charitable, I think those hospi-tableSouthernbeerreviewersarejusttoonicetocriticize.

By Adam Bissenadam.bissen@secondsupper.com

Soduku

Art Rumba reporting on the newestand latest art shows and events happeningaroundtheregion. AtThe Root Note,115S.FourthSt.LaCrosse, Pocket Vinyl will be appearing Fri-day,April5,at8p.m.EricStevensonplayspiano and sings, and Elizabeth Jancewiczpaintstohismusic.Attheendoftheeveningherworkisauctionedofftothehighestbid-der.To learnmoreabout thisuniqueduo,checkoutwww.pocketvinyl.com. The Poor Nobody’s will be appearingSaturday, April 6, at 8 p.m. A film will beshowntowhichtheywillplaythesoundtracklive.Checkoutwww.thepoornobodys.com. Viva Gallery, inViroqua,willbeshow-ing the paintings of Jamie Heiden. Go towww.vivagallery.netformoreinfoandhours. The Lanesboro Art Center, 103 Park-way Ave. N., will be featuring the ceramicworkofLindaLewisinashowtitled“Moth-ersandTheirDreams”April6-June20,withanopeningreceptionApril13from6-8p.m.Gotowww.lansboroarts.orgformoreinfo.

The Pump House Regional Art Cen-ter,119KingSt.,LaCrosse,willbeshowing“Coming Into View,” a show of graduatingseniorartstudentsfromUW-L,ViterboandWTCfromApril12-May4.ReceptionApril265-7p.m.Formore info,checkoutwww.thepumphouse.org. AcrossthestreetfromthePumpHouse,The Wine Guyz is featuring the abstractpaintingsofChrisJohnsonthroughApril13. State Street Gallery,1804StateSt.,LaCrosse,continuestoshowamixoflocal,re-gionalandnationalartistscoveringallmedi-umsandstyles.Ifyoulikeanintimateenvi-ronmenttoexploreyourarttastes,thisisit. ContinuingattheGrand River Station Gallery, Third Street, is the show “SmallWorks.”.An opening reception will be heldApril5from6-8:30p.m.Formoreinfo,call608-782-0101. Enjoy the art, support the artists andRumbaon!

-- Art Rumba

The Rumba BeatOngoing and upcoming art events in the Coulee Region

Second Supper | The Free Press April 1, 2013 // 7THE LAST WORD

ADutchstudyconfirmedwhatyouandmostofusalreadyknow—thattalkingtoahotwomancanturnaman’sbrainintoapuddingcup.Theresearchers—ateamledbyDr.JohanC.Karremans—didthestudyafteroneofthemwaschattingupa“veryattractivegirl”he’djustmet,intentonimpressingher,butwhensheaskedhimwherehelived,hesuddenlycouldn’trememberhisstreetaddress. UniversityofChicagoresearcherDr.SianBeilock,authorof“Choke”—abookaboutovercomingperformanceanxietyinsports,business,andthearts—explainsthatwehavedifferenttypesofmemory.Thetypecrappingoutonyoueverytimeyourheadsays“Well,hello,beautiful!”is“workingmemory,”thecognitivehorsepowerthatallowsyoutoholdrelevantinformationinmind(andprotectthatinformationfromdisappearing)whileyou’retryingtodosomethingelse.Stressingaboutwhatawomanmightthinkofyouandoverthinkingthingsyounormallydowithoutmuchthought,liketossingaroundwittybanter,depletesworkingmemoryresourcesthatwouldotherwisebeavailable—maybetothepointwhereyoufindyourselfglancingaroundthebarforhelprecallingthesimplestfactsaboutyourself:“Myname?Uh…Bud.BudLight.” Youstoptheprettyladiesfrompullingthefirealarminyourheadandevacuating

Stammer time I can’t talk to really pretty girls. If I’m talking to a girl I’m not that interested in or a dude, I’m golden. But if I’m attracted to a girl, my thoughts get totally scrambled. After a party, I walked this sweet, gorgeous girl to her car. She said some funny or cute thing about me, and I meant to say something witty back. Instead, I just said, “Huh.” Somehow, it was all I had at that moment. It felt too awkward to keep standing there, so I just mumbled goodbye and walked to my car. Pathetic, huh?

—Kicking Myself

It’sgoodtokeepawomanguessing—butnotastowhetheryouwanthertogooutwithyouorgiveyoutheHeimlichmaneuver.

The AdviCe GoddeSSBy Amy Alkonamy.alkon@secondsupper.com

youreverythoughtthesamewayyou,haw-haw,gettoCarnegieHall—practice.Beilocklaysoutnumerousexamplesthatsuggestthatthemoreyoupracticeunderpressurethelesslikelyyou’llbetochokewhenthestressison.Forexample,golferswhohadtheirputtingpracticesessionsvideotapedandjudgedbycoachesdidmuchbetterincompetitionthanthosewhopracticedwithoutscrutiny.You,likewise,wouldprobablybehelpedbygoingoutandpracticinghittingonhotwomenwithyourfriendswatchinginthewingsor—betteryet,toraisethestakes—withthemwatchingandplacingbetswithyouonhowyou’lldo.Toavoidself-consciousoverthink,shiftyourfocusfromfrettingaboutwhatawomanthinksofyoutohavingagoodtimesayingthingsyoufindinterestingandfun.Withpractice,wordsshouldstopdesertingyouandyoushouldhavefewergrammaticalaccidents,makingyoufarlesslikelytocomplimentabeautifulwomanonhowsmashingshelookswith,“Dropdead,gorgeous.”

Speed mating This guy and I ended up having sex on the fi rst date. I asked him whether he’d done this before and still had a relationship, and he said yes, but it didn’t last. He said that for our next date, we should do something not involving sex and said we should meet for coffee on Friday. He

texted to say the sex was great, and I told him I hope he doesn’t feel different about me, and he said he doesn’t. But, now he’s texting me much less, and Friday came and went with no mention of getting together.

—Huge Mistake?

Therearetwosurefirewaystoseethataguysticksaroundaftersexonthefirstdate:handcuffinghimtotheheadboardordevelopingmagicalpowerstocontrolmenandsmallapplianceswithyourhair.Otherwise,youshouldassumethatsexonthefirstdatewillbesexonthelastdate.Thisisn’ttosayitnecessarilywillbe.Butnomatterhowgoodaman’sintentions,hecan’treprogrammalepsychology,whichevolvedtopushhimtoseeksexwithoutcommitmentwithasmanywomenashecan.(Allthebettertoleavelotsofoffspringtopassonhisgenes.)Whatkeepsamancomingbackaren’tgoodintentions;ittakesanemotionalconnectionthatoverwhelmshisurgetobeontothenext.So,wheneverit’spossibleyou’llwantaparticularguyinyourlifeformorethananafternoon,seethatyoutakethingsslowlyenoughforanemotionalbondtodevelop.Inotherwords,ifyouwinduponyourbackonthefirstdate,he’dbetterbestandingoveryouasking,“Oh,mygosh…youOK?”

(c) 2013, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved.

Our May edition of Second Supper | The Free Press publishes April 27. Our advertising deadline is April 22. For information, email roger.bartel@secondsupper.com.

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8// April 1, 2013 Second Supper | The Free Press