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Searchlight Pilgrim’s Progress

Scene 1

(We are in a kitchen. We can hear the distant explosion of bombs and the occasional flash of light through the windows. These noises slowly recede and we hear an air-raid siren signalling the all clear. Christian and Grace, his Wife, climb out from their homemade shelter in the basement.)

Christian: Drink?

Grace: Thank you.

(He pours two glasses of whisky and gives one to her, there is a brief pause during which he takes a long sip of his drink, only then does he speak)

Christian: That was foolish.

Grace: I’m not spending tonight in a shelter.

Christian: When I’m not here you have to promise me you’ll go.

Grace: Yes.

Christian: You promise?

Grace: Of course. I always do, just not tonight.

(Pause, during which Christian downs his drink)

When will you actually sail?

Christian: Depends on the weather. Another?

(She shakes her head, he gets up and refills his)

It won’t be long. I’ll – I’ll be back before you know it. Really, I’ll –

Grace: Please! Please let’s not do this.

Christian: Let’s not do what?

Grace: Pretend! Let’s not pretend everything is all right, that you’ll be back the day after tomorrow, you won’t be!

Christian: No –

Grace: You can’t tell me when you’re coming back.

Christian: It’s alright.

Grace: It isn’t alright, it isn’t ‘alright’ at all - it’s awful!

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Christian: Grace, It isn’t that bad, it’ll -

Grace: We don’t know when you’re coming back –

Christian: I know that but –

Grace: We don’t know if you’re coming back, Christian!

(Silence – they’re both stunned by what she’s said)

Christian: That is a terrible thing to say.

(He downs his drink, takes the glass to the sink then turns to exit and go to bed)

Grace: Don’t go!

Christian: A terrible thing! Do you think I haven’t – do you really think I haven’t -?

Grace: I know, I know, please, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, don’t go.

Christian: All right....it’s all right.

(They embrace, she pulls him back to the table and they sit down)

I am coming back. You hear me? I’m coming back.

Grace: I know. I’m sorry, I know, I just got scared.

Christian: I know.

Grace: I am scared.

Christian: It – it’ll be...I’m scared too but I’ll be home...soon.

(Pause)

(Indicating her unfinished whisky) Are you going to drink that?

(She laughs and pushes it across to him)

I wish you’d get out of London.

Grace: They need me at the embassy.

Christian: They’d cope without you.

Grace: Because my job isn’t important.

Christian: No.

Grace: You don’t think what I do makes a difference.

Christian: I didn’t say that and I don’t think it.

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Grace: And what if everyone just left; went to the country, what then?

Christian: I just... don’t know how much more London can take. How much explosive, how many bombs can be dropped, how many fires can burn before the city is gone and everything is dust and ash?... It’s a city of death and I just wish you’d leave.

Grace: And I wish you’d stay.

Christian: Well, I can’t.

Grace: Nor can I - It’s where I work and it’s where I live.

(Pause)

Christian: Well then we’re quite the pair aren’t we?

Grace: We are.

Christian: I will miss you...every day.

Grace: Me too. We’re not really going to spend tonight arguing are we?

Christian: What did you have in mind?

Grace: Well... there must be something you’d rather do?

(There is a pause then they kiss, they get up from the table and start to exit but two soldiers enter from the wings grab Christian under the arms and drag him away. The table is struck and two benches are brought on. There is a brief burst of Vera Lynn singing ‘We’ll meet again’ and a radio excerpt of a Churchill speech pre-D-day. We transition to the troop ship and we hear the drone of the engines. )

Scene 2

(Cpl Hightower is sat on one of the benches/bunks cleaning his rifle. Quarter Master Stubbs has a hip flask that he is surreptitiously swigging from at fairly regular intervals. Sergeant Major Wise enters)

Wise: Up and at ‘em, rise and shine, boys and girls it’s a beautiful day on the good ship ‘Suicidal Enterprise’.

Stubbs: Knock it off, Wise.

Wise: We trust you’ve enjoyed the cruise so far, and had a chance to enjoy the onboard facilities. What’ll it be, boys? Swimming with U boats? Shuffle board up by the heavy machine guns? Or, and this is my personal favourite, storming a heavily defended beach in Normandy?!

Stubbs: Don’t you ever shut up?

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Wise: Sure, when I’m with your wife.

Stubbs: Hey!

Wise: I’m sorry. I meant your mother.

Stubbs: My dead mother?

Wise: Oh, I guess I was right the first time. What’s in the hip flask there?

Stubbs: Water.

Wise: Sure, smells like water. I tell you what, give me the flask.

Stubbs: Screw you.

Wise: That’s funny, you sound…

Stubbs: Hey!

(Stubbs gets up and there is about to be a fight when Hightower speaks)

Hightower: You know...I hear things. People die all the time ‘cos they’re cleaning a rifle. Yeah, they’re just cleaning a gun, but they haven’t checked there’s no round in the chamber.

(As he says this he waves the rifle, one-handed, vaguely between Wise and Stubbs)

They think they have. They could swear they checked but then the gun just...goes off. ‘s how people get killed...all the time. I’m just saying.

(Wise and Stubbs back away from each other)

Wise: Could you be creepier Hightower, is that possible?

(Hightower shrugs)

What do you call it again?

Hightower: Faithful.

Wise: ‘Cos you never miss.

Hightower: Everyone misses, I just don’t miss often.

Wise: Faithful eh? That’s beautiful. Hey Stubbs, what’s your wife’s name again?

(Stubbs leaps up, just as Christian and the Chaplain Fred Carrington enter. The boys stand to attention. Christian looks at them quizzically for a moment, sensing he’s interrupted something, before speaking)

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Christian: I’ve asked the Padre to talk to us, lead us in a prayer. It’s all yours.

Padre: Thank you. Take a seat, gentlemen.

(They sit. There is silence for a moment as they all contemplate what’s ahead.)

So...today’s the day. You’re trained, you’re prepared...you’re ready. Now -

(Stubbs suddenly pukes, Wise bursts out laughing.)

Wise: It’s all that water you’ve been drinking Stubbs.

Christian: Shut up, Wise.

Wise: Yes sir, shutting up, sir.

Padre: No shame in being scared today... If you aren’t scared today there’s something wrong with you. But remember the basics and do them right. You have rehearsed this situation a thousand times.

Wise: ‘cept for the real bullets.

Christian: What did I just say, Sergeant Major?

Wise: Sorry sir.

Padre: (Ignoring him) The weather is bad, the visibility is poor, this is good for us, They won’t see us until it’s too late. Our enemy has been deceived, they think we’re attacking further south; we will catch them by surprise. Our cause is righteous and good. God is with us. We will not fail. Put on the full armour of God, the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit. The night is nearly over, gentlemen, the day is almost here. Lieutenant?

Christian: Keep moving forward. If you can’t see, you advance, if you are in doubt you advance, if you lose sight of your unit, you advance and you kill anything in a grey uniform. Clear the bunkers and the murder holes. God be with us all.

Padre: Psalm 23 gentlemen. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

All: He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me besides the still waters, He restores my soul, He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake, Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no Evil for thou art with me, Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me,

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Thou preparest a table for me in the presence of mine enemies, Thou annointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over, Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen.

Padre: God be with you.

Christian: Dismissed.

(The troops exit, grabbing their kit as they do so. Christian stays behind. As Stubbs passes, Christian takes the flask from him.)

Christian: You okay Stubbs?

Stubbs: I’m okay sir.

Christian: Good man.

(Stubbs exits)

You got a second, Fred?

(Padre sits next to him. Christian sniffs the flask, takes a swig and passes it to Padre who sniffs it and takes a small swig too)

Padre: That’s not bad at all.

Christian: Always have an alcoholic as your quarter master.

(They laugh)

I’m – I’m struggling a bit here, Fred. I feel like I’m not going to come home...Like I’m not going to see my wife again. I try and remember the training. I try to believe in God, I do. But...I’m just struggling.

Padre: Okay, it’s okay, I’m glad you said. I didn’t always believe. It’s tough to have faith, you feel scared, you see a lot of things. In the last war, I couldn’t see Him there - just a lot of death.

Christian: Yeah, exactly.

Padre: Let me tell you though, if there’s no God we’re gonna push this whole world through a meat-grinder. ‘Cos that’s what we do and I’ve seen it happen. I’ve seen what men do without God.

Christian: Fred, it’s not that I don’t want to believe, I do...I just...I dunno.

Padre: I’ll tell you how it was for me. I was at Ypres, I was in the mud, and I couldn’t see God there, I was attacking at night, but I couldn’t see, I couldn’t see much of anything with the smoke and the mist and the flares and my hearing was all messed up from the guns and I was running and my heart was pounding and before I knew what was

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happening I was stuck, I got stuck on these loops of barbed wire between the lines, and I was tangled in it, it just coiled round me like a snake unbelievably fast and the wire stuck me through the hands and I was bleeding everywhere and I was panicking and screaming and I knew, I knew as surely as I’ve ever known anything in my life that a bullet was going to find me and just end me and I was going to die on that wire and I was so scared Christian, I was so scared. And then in that moment I saw Jesus, clear as day, in my mind. Think I’m crazy if you want but there was Jesus with his pierced hands, staring at me and these words started going over and over through my brain, ‘God...God...God...God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life’ and I don’t even know when I learnt those words but they were just going over and over through my head. And I wasn’t scared anymore and I got off that wire and I crawled back to our lines and I gave my heart to Jesus ‘cos there is a God and He loves us.

Christian: But Fred... just because we need Him...it doesn’t mean He’s there.

Padre: He’s not there because we need Him. We need Him because He’s there. You don’t believe me, talk to Him.

Christian: How?

Padre: Well, what do you think prayer is?

Christian: ...I can’t. I’d like to...I would. I can’t.

(Padre takes out his revolver)

Padre: I carried this all the way through the last war. Take it.

Christian: I can’t –

Padre: Take it! It’s a good gun and I want you to have it.

(Christian does. Padre takes a cross from round his neck)

Now this isn’t magic, it’s just a symbol. I can’t give you faith, but if you want me to, I’ll put this cross round your neck and it will be a token of what faith you do have and your desire to have more.

Christian: Yes. Please.

(Padre puts the cross on him)

Padre: Find me when this is over we’ll talk more.

Christian: I will. Thank you.

Padre: And Christian...I’ll pray for you.

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(Exit. There is the sound of fighting, machine gun fire, explosions etc.)

Scene 3

(As the explosions and gunfire recede, Christian sprints on and throws himself down, breathing heavily. He takes out the hip flask and takes a large swig. Wise enters, he saunters on and lights a cigarette.)

Christian: You want to get killed?! Get down!

(Wise slowly crouches down)

What a mess! I mean what a...did you see what happened to Hightower?

Wise: Not really, I saw a lot of smoke that was about it.

Christian: And Harris?

Wise: Shot in the head.

Christian: God - God – God rest his soul.

Wise: Mmm? Oh, yeah.

Christian: And Stubbs?

Wise: Couldn’t tell you.

(Wise stands up)

Christian: What are you doing?

Wise: I don’t think there’s too many snipers round here sir.

(Christian glares at him but then stands up too)

Christian: Oh God...God help us all.

(Christian takes another swig from the flask)

Wise: (Looking round) Beautiful country.

Christian: What did you say?

Wise: Nothing...beautiful country.

(Christian glares at him again)

Just making conversation.

Christian: Are you?! Tell you what don’t talk to me for a second I just need a second, okay?

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(This time he finishes the flask)

Wise: You okay sir?

Christian: Listen to me, I’m not okay. I’ve just lost half my unit, including my corporal, my quarter master our Padre and who knows who else? I came within inches of having my head blown off so no I’m pretty far from okay. How the hell are you so cool about it?

Wise: I try not to take things too seriously.

Christian: No kidding?! Where were you in that attack Wise? I don’t remember seeing you.

Wise: I was right behind you sir, I was clearing fox holes and kicking ass.

Christian: Is that right?

Wise: That’s right, sir and frankly I’m offended –

Christian: Okay, just shut up, just shut up now.

(Christian takes a deep breath, takes his map and compass out)

Of all the people, I might have known you’d make it!

(He beckons Wise to see the map, Wise does, stubbing out the cigarette as he does so)

Christian: Okay now look at this. We’re here, I think. We’re trying to get here, Elm. If we follow this ridgeline it’ll take us to that wood, we go through there and Elm is on the other side.

Wise: I guess we could do that. Except that we’re not there, we’re here. And those woods are gonna be crawling with SS and panzers all mad ‘cos of the beating they took on the beach. So if you don’t mind me suggesting it, sir, I say we go through here. Look over there, cornfield, no enemy, lots of cover - we’ll be there in no time. Or... how about this?

(Wise points off in the opposite direction to where he can see a house)

French villa, wine cellar, nice family all grateful to be liberated. We could hole up there wait it out.

Christian: Is that a joke?

(There’s a pause while Wise weighs up Christian’s demeanour)

Wise: Of course it’s a joke sir.

Christian: Well do me a favour Wise, no more jokes, you got me?

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Wise: Absolutely sir.

Christian: All right. Let’s go.

(They set off, perhaps through the audience?)

Wise: I don’t know why you’re mad at me, sir.

Christian: Do you remember when I told you to shut up?

Wise: Look, sir, it was bad at the beach I get it, but it’s over. We move on, we’ll be in Elm, with a glass of wine by nightfall.

Christian: Just like that eh? All your friends gone, your unit.

Wise: Tell you the truth I wasn’t that close to ‘em.

Christian: Just shut up, Wise, that’s an order.

Wise: Shutting up sir.

(They are about to move on when Padre enters)

Padre: What are you doing? Don’t move a muscle!

Christian: Fred!

Wise: Padre – you survived, it’s a miracle!

Padre: Don’t move for goodness sake, you are standing in a mine field!

Christian: We’re what?

Wise: Pardon me?

Padre: The cornfield - it’s mined, it’s marked on your map.

Wise: It is?

Padre: You’re gonna have to try to walk back in your own footprints. Just take it slow, you’ll be okay.

(They do, they walk very gingerly and make it back to Padre)

Christian: Thank God, you came along.

Padre: Thank God is right. You okay?

Christian: I’m fine.

Wise: I apologise sir, I guess I read the map wrong.

(Pause while Christian decides how to respond, in the end his better nature prevails)

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Christian: No. No, it was my call. But now we do it right, follow the ridgeline and through the woods.

Wise: Yes sir.

Christian: Let’s move out. Sergeant Major, you’re on point.

(They set off, Wise whistles a tune and leads the way. Christian and Padre hang back. Throughout the following we hear Wise’s whistling receding into the distance)

Christian: Thank you, Fred.

Padre: You’re very welcome. So...?

Christian: So?

Padre: Well, you’re still with us aren’t you? You thought you wouldn’t make it, but here you are.

Christian: That’s true.

Padre: So how’s your faith?

(Pause)

Christian: I don’t know...I want to believe something...I think maybe I do...I’m alive it’s true but so many aren’t, that beach was a slaughterhouse...

Padre: I know.

Christian: It could be dumb luck that I made it.

Padre: It could. So I’m asking you – is that what you really believe?

Christian: No.

Padre: So what are you going to do about it?

(Pause while Christian thinks)

Christian: I don’t know. Look, (indicating Wise) we better catch him up, I don’t want him off on his own. Can we talk later?

Padre: We can talk as often as you like but just so you know - you can’t be half a believer- there’s going to come a point when you have to make a decision.

Christian: I know...I know.

(They exit. The tune Wise was whistling becomes a song played through the speakers and helps to transition the scene to Elm.)

Scene 4

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(Padre has tinplate with some stew in it.)

Padre For what we are about to try and eat may the Lord enable us to be as thankful as we can be. Amen. On finishing your culinary delights, we will be I am very pleased to announce have some top quality after dinner entertainment. Including a couple who have recently joined us and I am sure need little introduction. They have played in front of The Prince Of Wales, King George, and the Duke of Kent, and indeed in front many other pubs across London. They have a huge following in their native Canada, and one day no doubt that following will catch them. But for now we have them. Their comedy brings people together, their singing drives people away. Please welcome “A Couple of Steaks”

(Mr and Mrs Steak come on with a flourish, bowing and waving)

Good to have you both with us thank you so much for being here. The guys are just finishing off their grub and then you’re on. Help yourself to some food if you fancy it, and are brave enough it’s not exactly French cuisine. Thanks again Mr Steak, Enchante’ Mrs Steak.

Mrs Steak Enchante’ indeed. Listen to the bishop! He speaks French as well as rubbish.

Mr Steak Don’t you be so quick to criticise. Might be useful to stick close to a French speaker if we get separated.

Mrs Steak There is no “If we get separated “about it. We are not staying around here to get fried. Listen this old map belonged to my grandfather he was French and proud of it. He he kept all sorts of stuff relating to his childhood. Including this old thing, he gave it to me years ago.

Mr Steak Things have changed, this is over 50 years old, and besides the road signs are all gone, we will never find our way. We are safer together Mrs Steak, what you suggest is nothing less than desertion.

Mrs Steak What I suggest is survival, our only sure way out Mr Steak. Trust me my love I got you this far, I can get you home.

Mr Steak Together?

Mrs Steak At first yes, of course, but it may be necessary to go our separate ways for a while, but I will provide detailed instructions to the coast. According to this there are number of roads, they are all wide my love and amply covered by lofty trees. Impossible to miss and all these roads lead to the coast. It can’t go wrong my love. It can’t go wrong.

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Mr Steak We came here to entertain as well as bringing the food and mail, we can’t just disappear, they’ll miss us, track us down. I don’t want us branded as deserters.

Mrs Steak I don’t want us killed. Look we do our first number, get our things, slip away one at a time and meet by that wide avenue by the remains of the town hall. They’ll be all be too busy enjoying the next act we’ll be well away by the time they miss us.

(Christian has joined them)

Christian Course we’ll miss you. Where you going?

Mrs Steak {quickly} Nowhere, just going through a new song.

Christian Good. That’s good. We are better together, you know that don’t you. We stand a better chance. Out there on your own, you’ll be picked off before you know it. Keep looking ahead.

Mr Steak Yes I was just saying that to my wife now wasn’t I.

Mrs Steak Course you were my love. Mr and Mrs Showbusiness us, we never look back, too scared, always someone chasing us for money.

Christian Can’t wait to get home I guess?

Mr Steak Too right, we’ve got a major tour waiting for us, coast to coast.

Mrs Steak It’ll wait. This is where we want to be right now, entertaining you guys.

Christian Glad you said that, Padre wants you up first, and then a little something later.

(Christian leaves them)

Mr Steak A little something later? That scuppers all our plans.

Mrs Steak Nothing to worry about. We will be well gone. You know what the Padre is like with his introductions, just like his sermons he goes on and on.

Padre Well now please all do gather round. Another meal another stew satisfactorily partaken of. Our thanks of course to our friends Mr and Mrs Steak for their extensive menu and for agreeing to open our little Troop Show. Show your appreciation please for some “rare “talent from the steaks. At the end you are sure to say “well done “ Steaks. Please welcome A Couple of Steaks…

(Applause)

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(Music starts Mr and Mrs Steak sing, they get everyone joining in at some point)

Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye Cheerio, here I go, on my way Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye Not a tear, but a cheer, make it gay Give me a smile I can keep all the while In my heart while I'm away Till we meet once again, you and I Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye

Mrs. Steak Come on now, all together…..

Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye Cheerio, here I go on my way Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye Not a tear, but a cheer, make it gay Give me a smile I can keep all the while In my heart while I'm away Till we meet once again, you and I Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye...

(As the music continues they come back and make a big thing of bowing and waving to everyone before exiting)

Padre Thank you once again to the Couple of Steaks. Never fear they are back on the menu a little bit later. We are of course indebted to folk like the Steaks giving up their time to be with us, their natural habitat is the Music Hall and the various palaces of varieties that they ply their trade in week by week. They and many others aim to sprinkle a bit of goodness and smiles in this dark and desperate environment. And there are many others like them, others like the matchless George Formby.

(Audible groans are heard from the troops)

Padre It seems I may have mentioned him before.

Christian Every show so far. (quietly) “ I remember when I first came across him on board the HMS Ambitious…..”

Padre I remember when I first came across him on board the HMS Ambitious in the docks at Portsmouth, and then later in North Africa. He knew he could spread happiness, and he knew who needed it most and he was determined to spread the joy.

Stubbs Don’t suppose there is any wild possibility that you could be persuaded to give us a little George is there Padre?

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Padre Why I thought you’d never ask Quarter Master. Nice to have you back with us by the way.

Now I go cleanin' windows to earn an honest bob For a nosy parker it's an interestin' job Now it's a job that just suits me A window cleaner you would be If you can When I'm cleanin' windows see what I can see When I'm cleanin' windows Honeymoonin' couples too You should see them bill 'n coo You'd be surprised at things they do when I’m cleaning windows

In my profession I'll work hard But I'll never stop I'll climb this blinkin' ladder Till I get right to the top The blushin' bride, she looks divine The bridegroom he is doin' fine I'd rather have his job than mine When I'm cleanin' windows The chambermaids' sweet names I call It's a wonder I don't fall My mind's not on my work at all When I'm cleanin' windows I know a fella, such a swell He has a thirst, that's plain to tell I've seen him drink his bath as well When I'm cleanin' windows Oh, in my profession I'll work hard But I'll never stop I'll climb this blinkin' ladder Till I get right to the top Pyjamas lyin' side by side Ladies nighties I have spied I've often seen what goes inside When I'm cleaning windows!

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(Applause - Christian after applauding approaches Padre, whispers something to him and then addresses the crowd)

Christian Thank you Padre, the founding father of the George Formby Appreciation Society, right before our very eyes. Good to see us all together, doing our best to enjoy ourselves.

And when I say together that includes Corporal Hightower and Quarter Master Stubbs, what was lost is found, good to have you back my friends. They as you know got separated from the main section but found their way back to us after some time with our comrades in the other valley. You are back on the right path, let’s all keep look out for one another, our goal is what unites us. Our self-centered outlook is what will divide us.

Padre Here, here! Now, how about a song from you Lieutenant?

Christian I’m not sure Padre…

Padre I suppose I could do another then…

Wise No we want you Luitenant…

Stubbs Do it sir…

Hightower And quickly…

Christian Well if you’re going to twist my arm…

(Sings)

Long long ago, in a country far away Lived a King in a castle made of Gold He was wise and fair and his fame stretched for miles The people said that justice ruled his throne The time came about after the wars It was said that the King should take a bride So they made a decree and the people agreed That a King should have a Queen by his side They brought to the King the most beautiful maids From the corners of the land But none seemed right in the King’s wise sight He did something that they didn’t understand The King road out to a lonely town And chose a lady of the night He knew she’d break his heart but he swore they’d never The lady of the night became his bride The years went by, the King played the fool

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The only faithful lover of her Queen She finally came back pitiful and frail The most retched thing you’ve ever seem Then the King brought out his most beautiful crown And showered her with diamonds and gold And her beauty returned by a magic loved that burned Older than all stories ever told.

(Music and lights slowly fade down)

Scene 4B

(The troops have gathered round for a church service, the musicians are finishing off a hymn, maybe with singers….”When the Roll is called up yonder I’ll be there)

Padre And in conclusion, before I bring this short service to an end, let me read again from the gospels. Saint John Chapter 14 beginning at verse one…

Let not your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in me. In my father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know. Thomas said unto him, Lord, we know not where you go; and how can we know the way. And then Jesus said unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes unto the father unless they come unto me.

May God add his blessing to his word, let if find a home in our hearts and dwell there, and as a consequence give us his peace now and always.

I may have shared with one or two of you before that my father was also a clergyman; he was for very many years a rural dean in the Anglican Church in a beautiful and picturesque part of England called The Lake District, eventually climbing the ladder of success to reach the lofty plains and becoming the Bishop of Carlisle. That somewhat rural upbringing was ideal for me and my sister who loved the outdoors, but for my dear and long suffering mother it was more of a challenge often a daily one. She adored our family times together and guarded them fastidiously; she was as equally fastidious over the cleanliness of our house. Regretfully the agricultural nature of the outdoors and our love of the fields and the lakes were often at odds with her desire for us not to mess or dirty the immaculate interior she had created inside the house. She loved her house, and she loved to see us in it, enjoying ourselves. Something had to give, hence the

18    

 

creation by my father of the “outhouse” The place of storage for all those things that would stain the immaculate interior that was waiting. Boots, raincoats, walking sticks, and all things muddy would be deposited there before entering the house. And then and only then would my mother welcome us with open arms. She couldn’t wait to have us home.

Many of you here unsurprisingly have talked to me about the concept of heaven and my thoughts on what it could be like. I understand your curiosity of course I do, my thoughts are these, the welcome will be amazing, the house will be immaculate, the outhouse is here, is now, and some things you will need to leave in there for good, what those things are? Well that is a question for you to answer not me. What is heaven? I believe it is home. Jesus can’t wait to have you home.

In the name of the father the son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

(Bit of music is played, one or two help to tidy up)

Padre Your bag Lieutenant?

Christian Yours now…I’m finished with it.

Padre Don’t think I’m quite following you. It’s awfully decent of you old chap but I do have my own knapsack over there, not sure this really my style.

Christian Not sure you understand me Fred.

(Pause, they look at each other)

Padre Enlighten me

Christian I want you to leave it in the outhouse.

Padre (he begins to look into the bag and takes some bottles out) I see….yes, seems you had quite a party planned Lieutenant.

Christian Party’s over Padre, it’s been going on too long, and I was the only one invited.

Padre Are you sure?

Christian Never been more certain.

Padre Then we shall mark this spot, and when we move on tomorrow, leave it here….in the outhouse.

Christian Thank you.

19    

 

Padre Thank you Lieutenant, no doubt your wife will be equally appreciative. And grateful.

Christian If I see her.

Padre You will.

Christian You seem certain.

Padre Because I am, one day you will be together again.

Christian Now you are back talking about heaven.

Padre I’m talking about you being together.

Christian (pause, he is emotional.) I don’t want to fall on foreign soil Fred. I want to get home, I want to get home.

Padre I know, I know, and you will, I promise you. (They embrace briefly)

Christian You’re sure about heaven though aren’t you? I mean really sure.

Padre My dear mother passed away shortly before I got my call up papers, thank God. She wouldn’t have been able to cope bless her. At the funeral service in Carlisle Cathedral at her request we sang the hymn we sang here earlier. Both I and my younger sister had tears rolling down our cheeks in rivers as we sang at the top of our voices. The thing is Lieutenant we could both visualize the same extraordinary picture. Dozens of incredibly active angels’ spring cleaning heaven, polishing the brass, cleaning the windows and finally ensuring that the most unimaginably and marvelous welcome was waiting for my mother. I laughed about it, I cried about it, I conjured up the picture, and I believed in what I saw. My mother was home. So yes Lieutenant I’m sure about heaven, just as I’m sure you will see your wife again, just as I am sure one day you will see heaven and people will be laughing and crying in equal measure as they picture you there. And never fear I will be in the celestial choir stalls welcoming you home.

Christian You are not going anywhere for some time. We need you.

Padre Just imagine me singing you’ll soon change your view.

Christian George Formby?

Padre “Turned out nice again”. Well he will do of course, but I was thinking more a favorite hymn. Hymns of Faith number 283.

Christian Thank you Fred, very much. I need to get on.

Padre Of course, of course. And listen, for when I’m not around, keep this verse with you please. (He hands him a bit of paper) You heard it

20    

 

earlier St John 14 verse 2 “in my father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you”

(Christian slowly walks off reading the verse. Padre finishes tidying up and quietly sings to himself, he watches Christian)

When the roll is called up yonder, When the roll is called up yonder, When the roll is called up yonder, When the roll is called up yonder, I’ll be there

(Lights slowly fade)

Scene 5a

(Christian, Hightower and Wise enter)

Christian: Is everyone accounted for?

Hightower: Sir, yes sir.

Christian: One sir is enough Corporal, we’re not Americans.

Hightower: Yes Sir.

Christian: Seargent Major Wise what can you see?

Wise: A bombsite sir, we’re liberating a bomb site

Christian: Sergeant, we’re liberating the only deep water harbour between here and Calais.

Wise: Well I’m just glad the boys in bomber command were able to lay out the red carpet bombs for us sir.

Christian: Gentlemen, we have our objective – we need to clear this house to house. Don’t be fooled by what you can see – Jerry’s had a whole week to dig in to these ruins. Look out for mines and booby traps.

Hightower: Permission to speak sir? Should we be going door to door as a squad? If any place is wired to blow - we’re just asking to all go down to together.

Christian: We’re going to pair off Corporal –

Wise: (incredulously) We’re using the Buddy System?

Christian: No, I said we’re going to pair off.

Wise: Sir, I’d prefer to work alone then having just one guy watching my back…

21    

 

Christian: And I prefer to have my orders respected Sergeant, but I can understand that it may be difficult for you to find someone to watch your back without putting a bullet in it but do try. Get to it – call for the Padre for me.

Wise: Yes sir (He exits)

Christian: Corporal, you’re with me. Is Faithful ready?

Hightower: (Checking his rifle) Yes sir.

Christian: Glad to hear it

Hightower: You got a smoke sir?

Christian: I used up my last packet in Renne. I never really liked smoking in the field anyway – it always felt like I was tempting fate, like she’d make it my last one.

Hightower: Who would have thought that smoking could kill you?

Christian: Just me apparently

(Padre enters)

Padre: How are we going Lieutenant?

Christian: Not too bad Padre.

Padre: How can I help?

Christian: I have the men in pairs going house to house

Padre: Have they got their Watchtower leaflets?

Christian: I beg your pardon?

Padre: (Laughing at his joke) It’s what Jehovah’s Witnesses – never mind. How many have experience in close combat?

Christian: I don’t think many. Most of them only shipped in last week.

Padre: Then I have a busy time ahead. Killing at distance is easy – killing someone when you can see if they shaved this morning is quite different.

Hightower: Any advice sir?

Padre: I always tried to look away when I could. You never forget their faces otherwise. Are you ready Lieutenant?

Christian: I hope so.

22    

 

Padre: Look out for lions.

Christian: What?

Padre: De Löwe Scharschütze – The Lion Snipers, it’s what they call themselves. They prowl around, seeking those whom they can devour with their .28 calibre teeth.

Hightower: Why only a .28?

Padre: They used to use a 303’ but they switched to the lower calibre because it lets them maim. Why fire a large bullet and make a corpse when you could have nice small one bounce around in your enemies’ rib cage and make them a casualty.

Hightower: That’s sugar coated.

Padre: Indeed

(Bang. Hightower has been shot in the arm by a sniper rifle and drops like a stone. Christian and Hightower end up stage left and Padre stage right – this dialogue is delivered with urgency)

Christian: (Dragging Hightower across the ground with him) Down, down. Everybody down. Hightower is hit Padre!

Hightower: How bad is it sir?

Christian: Looks like it’s just grazed your arm Corporal. We need you to get you a medic.

Padre: Bring him here.

Christian: I can’t do it. Keep your head down. (Helping Hightower) Keep the pressure on the wound.... should I call in the Air Force to their location?

Padre: There’s no point, snipers worth their salt will move around too quickly.

(Christian applies pressure to the wound and Hightower lets out a yelp)

Christian: Don’t worry Corporal – you’ve been lucky, they could have hit your head.

Hightower: Thanks

Padre: No, that’s not how they are trained. You see, a wild lion will claw and cuff at their prey - they like to play with it – but death doesn’t come quickly. These lions are the same…

23    

 

Christian: What do we do?

(Padre gets out some sandwiches from his pocket and uses his jacket as a picnic blanket)

Padre: Not a lot. Their aims here are simple: steal, kill and destroy – and short of that, keep you walking with your head down.

Christian: Well we can’t stay pinned down here and (noticing the picnic) what are you doing?

Padre: Elevensees. Do feel free to come on over.

Christian: Tempting as it is, I think I’ll stay here.

Padre: Suit yourself. Corporal Hightower are you interested in joining me for elevensees?

Hightower: I’ve just been shot. What the heck is elevensees sir?

Padre: Come, come Corporal, it’s the third meal of the day. You have breakfast, 2nd breakfast then elevensees….

Christian: This really isn’t the time Padre. And what the heck is second breakfast about?

Padre: Oh dear, the commonwealth really isn’t what it was. Look, I’ll explain if you come over.

Hightower: Maybe us coming over for a picnic isn’t what’s needed sir…

Padre: On the contrary; (smiling with pride) I prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies, what could be better?

Christian: Not having a sniper use my wedding ring for target practice!

Padre: Lieutenant! When I said their aims are to steal, kill and destroy - what exactly did you think they were going to rob you of at 400 yards? Have you checked to see you’ve got all your valuables?

(He lets it sink in)

They want your mind Christian, they want to win the battle for your mind – because if they control that, death is never far away.

Christian: So your suggestion is to eat? That’s our counter offensive.

Padre: Look at them. Look at them! They have been left behind by their commanders, cut off and told to do their worst. They are a defeated foe. The sooner you treat them as such, the sooner you start to win.

Hightower: With respect sir, you haven’t had a bullet through your arm…

24    

 

Padre: It will heal Corporal. Now are you two coming or not?

Christian: This is foolish Padre.

Padre: This is faith Lieutenant.

(Christian looks at Hightower and decides to go for it – dragging Hightower with him we hear a bullet ricochet before they join Padre)

Padre: You see, not that bad after all.

Christian: Get him to a medic Padre, Hightower get yourself patched up and rejoin me when you can.

Padre: Oh, before I go - anyone for a drop scone?

Christian: Go!

(Lights fade down)

Scene 5b

(On stage there is a woman, tied and gagged, with her hair all over her face, she’s been there for days and is drifting in and out of consciousness. On the back wall of the room is a window and in the corner is a gramophone playing a recording of a speech by Hitler the atmosphere is extremely oppressive. Christian enters through the stage right door, with his gun drawn. He checks the room, which appears to be empty but for the woman, he checks the other door but it too appears to be clear. He goes to the woman, unsure if she is alive, and checks her pulse. The woman suddenly moves and looks at Christian, startling him. He removes the gag and gives her water from his canteen, she tries to speak to him but her voice is wrecked from dehydration and he can’t hear her.)

Christian: Okay, you’re all right, just hang on a second.

(He goes to turn the gramophone off, leaving his gun by it, and then returns to her)

Marie: (too quietly) C'est un piège.

Christian: (Not hearing and starting to work on freeing her) It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re safe now.

Marie: (Starting to get agitated) C'est un piège... C'est un piège...

(Apollyon enters the room, dressed in the uniform of the Gestapo/SS. Christian is pre-occupied with trying to help Marie and doesn’t hear or see him enter. Apollyon has a gun trained on Christian)

Christian: (To Marie) I don’t know what you’re saying.

25    

 

(The lights go out. Apollyon moves quickly to the gramophone and picks up Christian’s gun, there is an explosion and a flash which briefly illuminates the room. The searchlight also occasionally shines through the window throughout the following)

Apollyon: She’s trying to tell you it’s a trap. Now... let me see you.

(Apollyon takes out a lighter and strikes it, using the light of the flame to see Christian more clearly. He holds the lighter in one hand and the gun in the other. We take the opportunity to bring the lights up part-way)

Ah, there you are. Let’s reason together, you and I.

Christian: I am a lieutenant with the King’s Rifles my name is Christian...

Apollyon: Yes, yes, yes, your name your rank your number. I’m not here to interrogate you friend, you have no information that I could possibly desire. I have other interests.

Christian: Who are you?

Apollyon: Who, who, who? Don’t you know me, you child? I’m the one who’s been watching you...I’ve been watching you...for a long, long time. I saw you with your wife on your last night together, when you drank and shook with fear... when you failed to get her out of London and left her to the bombs. I saw you on the ship, drowning in doubt. I was there on the beach as your men were slaughtered and you cried with despair–

Christian: How can you possibly -?

Apollyon: I heard you listen to that fool and give in to him and take the wrong path.

Christian: Who are you?

Apollyon: And long before that, when you were a boy...I was there and I was watching you.

Christian: You’re out of your mind -

Apollyon: That was me; don’t you recognise me, my voice? All those nights, when your father drank and beat you – I was there, whispering to him, driving him on, it was so easy! I have been watching you all your life I’ve been there for every failure and defeat you have ever known, that was me laughing every time you fell. And all those failures made you what you are – my pitiful little creature and my slave.

Christian: Who are you?

26    

 

Apollyon: Even now? You don’t remember? I’m the devil, Christian - and you have always been mine.

Christian: You’re -?

Apollyon: Of course, it doesn’t matter if you don’t believe me.

Christian: You look like a – a soldier.

Apollyon: Different times call for different forms and right now your belief in me is immaterial. Your other beliefs however, they concern me a great deal. Is it true you pray to the Christ and call him your saviour and your Lord?

Christian: Yes, it’s true.

Apollyon: Oh no, no, no, no...I don’t think so. I don’t believe you at all. I don’t believe in your faith. You don’t get to have faith Christian you get to have failure, that’s your future – I have watched you all your life and that’s who you are, a failure and the son of a failure. And I’m here to take your faith from you, and then I’m going to kill this girl as she begs you to save her, and then I’m going to send you to hell and... it isn’t going to be quick.

(He puts down the gun and draws a knife)

I am going to bleed you and then I’m going to take your eyes, one at a time. And you will listen as I violate her and gut her like a sow and then I’ll take this blade and open your throat and you’ll choke on your blood, but before I do, I will hear you cursing your Christ and renouncing his name!

Marie: (Praying) Oh Notre Père, qui es aux cieux –Que ton nom soit sanctifié –

Christian: Everything you’ve said about me...it may all be true, I have been plagued with doubts and despair. I have been and I am a sinner but I am not yours and I am not alone...

Apollyon: I don’t believe you.

Christian: I have a saviour whose spirit is within me and who loves me and who forgives me, and I am not alone.

Apollyon: Then where is he? You’re going to die, where is he?

Marie: (Getting louder as she recites the Lord’s prayer in French) Que ton règne vienne, que ta volonté soit faite sur la terre comme au ciel –

Christian: I am not alone and I am not unarmed.

27    

 

(He draws a previously concealed knife)

The word of the Lord is sharper than a two edged sword. And whether you really are the devil or just another man, I don’t really care but I will fight you to my last breath and I will kill you if I can.

(They fight, during the fight Marie continues to pray the Lord’s prayer.)

Marie: Donne-nous aujourd'hui notre pain de ce jour, pardonne-nous nos offences, Comme nous pardonnons aussi à ceux qui nous ont offenses, et ne nous soumets pas à la tentation, mais délivre-nous du mal, car c'est à toi qu'appartiennent le règne, la puissance et la gloire, aux siècles des siècles. Amen.

(As the fight draws to an end Apollyon has his blade to Christian’s throat, Marie continues to mutter her prayer underneath this)

Apollyon: Now where’s your God, you little fool? Where’s your snivelling Christ? I was there when he died, alone and afraid. Where is he? He’s a cold corpse Christian, he’s bones and a shroud, he’s dead and he never loved you, you worthless child and you know it in your heart! Admit you don’t believe, confess your doubts and I’ll end you fast, I swear it.

Christian: No...

Apollyon: I’m killing you Christian, I’m murdering you, I’m going to take your eyes with this blade. Can’t you just taste it? Oh savour it Christian, it’s the last thing you’ll feel –

Christian: The name of the Lord –

Apollyon: Where is he?

Christian: The name of the Lord is a strong tower...

Apollyon: Bones and dust!

Christian: Jesus!

(Christian manages to push Apollyon away, he staggers back towards the window, there’s a gunshot and Apollyon reels backwards clutching the side of his head. Christian snatches up his fallen knife and turns on Apollyon who looks at him in shock and horror)

Apollyon: No, no, no you’re mine! Mine!

Christian: Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

(We hear footsteps racing up the stairs. Apollyon runs out the other side of the stage. Christian falls to his knees and Hightower bursts in through the door his rifle at the ready)

Hightower: You okay, sir?

28    

 

Christian: (Pointing up the stairs) Get after him!

(Hightower runs through and exits, Christian goes to release Marie)

You okay?

Marie: Oui...yes, okay.

(She tries to stand but her legs have gone to sleep and she has to sit down again)

Merci, monsieur, merci, merci.

Christian: How long did he have you here?

(Marie looks at him, uncomprehendingly)

Um, how long?

(He taps his watch and points at the chair)

Marie: Oh (she holds up three fingers)

Christian: Three days?

(She nods. He gives her the canteen again and she starts to gulp from it.)

Easy, easy, not too much.

(She coughs and splutters. Hightower enters)

Christian: Did you get him?

Hightower: No sign of him, I don’t get it.

Christian: I had a feeling about that. Okay Corporal, I’m glad you came when you did. How’s the arm?

Hightower: I can still shoot.

Christian: Good to hear.

Hightower: What was that, sir? It was a headshot and I got him clean, I know I did, I don’t -

Christian: Let’s just regroup with the unit, we can talk about it later and Corporal?

Hightower: Sir?

Christian: Maybe keep this to ourselves, understood?

29    

 

Hightower: I hear you, sir.

Christian: (To Marie) Can you walk?

(He mimes the question, Marie shakes her head)

Okay, I’m gonna carry you, okay?

(He mimes this as well, she nods and he scoops her up and they all exit)

Scene 6

(This is a gear shift down from the last scene. Padre is sat drinking a cup of tea from a canteen. He listens to the sound of distant shots being fired off – he remembers the horrors he encountered. After a while he prays. Wise enters. He had been shot in the chest twice and used his last strength to get back. Padre rushes to him – he falls into his arm)

Padre: Medic!

Wise: Don’t! Don’t call em’. I’m done.

Padre: Come, come Seargeant you don’t need to speak like that (Shouting over his shoulder) Medic!

Wise: (Grabbing Padre’s lapel roughly) I said to leave it Padre. We both know how this ends so lets not have some spec wearing band-aid come in and ruin the end of the film.

Padre: (He pauses. Knowing Wise is right) I’ll forgive you for not standing when they play God Save the King.

There was always something special about hearing the national anthem at the end of a picture, don’t you think?

Wise: Yeah.

Padre: I liked that Humprey Bogart. He was smashing – The Maltese Falcon, Casablanca. Then again, you can’t bit of Chaplin can you? I must have gone to see City Lights 20 times when it came out.

Wise: I always liked Mae West and that, Joan Blondell…

Padre: I bet you did.

(They laugh briefly and Padre thinks about what to do next)

Wise, how do you want to do this?

Wise: You mean, do I want this the easy way or the hard way?

Padre: Something like that.

30    

 

Wise: Hmm. I’m feeling unusually open minded, why don’t you talk me through my options.

Padre: Well. Easy way: you bleed out here in my arms and I’ll let you die without giving a second thought to how you’ve lived and what awaits you.

Hard way: I’ll ask you if you want to repent – to acknowledge all the bad choices you’ve ever made and turn from them. It would mean humbling yourself to God and accepting that he made you, that he loves you, that he’s forgiven you and that he wants to spend eternity with you.

Wise: Any other alternatives?

Padre: Well, I’ve probably got a limerick I could do for you…

Wise: (Wise spends some time weighing up his options. He thinks through what Padre has offered him and wrestles with it before eventually succumbing) Do it. Do it.

Padre: Alright.

The was a young girl from St Ives, who liked to…

Wise: No. No, I want to go the hard way.

Padre: A wise choice Sergeant Major, a wise choice.

Wise: But we do this my way, I’m not going to do some stupid…

Padre: Sergeant please, you can come to God just as you are, not just as you like. What’s your Christian name?

Wise: Eric.

(Music plays underneath)

Padre: God, Eric here would like to say sorry to you for his sin.

(Padre motions him to say sorry)

Wise: I’m sorry.

Padre: Jesus, Eric would like to say thank you for forgiving him.

Wise: Thanks. (Correcting himself) Thank you.

Padre: Holy Spirit, Eric would like to accept God’s invitation to life eternal in his soul.

31    

 

Wise: I accept.

Padre: Then Eric, upon confession of your sin and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, it is my pleasure to welcome you to the family of God - in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Wise: Amen. So how about that limerick now?

Padre: What about a poem instead?

Wise: Sure…

Padre : When there is no girl to kiss you, And the postman seems to miss you, And the smokes have skipped an issue, Carry on. When the broken battered trenches, Are like the bloody butchers' benches, And the air is thick with stenches, Carry on. When the world is red and reeking, And the shrapnel shells are shrieking, And your blood is slowly leaking, Carry on. Carry on, T’wards the city of delight, By the river sparkling bright, Where your faith is lost in sight, Carry on. (Wise dies) And in the palace of the King Where the harps of angels ring And the blessed forever sing Carry on.

(Christian still carrying Marie and Hightower enter)

Christian: Padre, what’s happened to Wise?

Padre: He’d dead…

Christian: How did it happen?

Padre: He didn’t say…

32    

 

Christian: But he should have paired off with someone – who was he with and how did he get here….

Padre: Christian, he’s gone home. He died well. He died well Christian and he’s gone home.

Hightower: Padre, we have a situation here. We need your help - how’s your French?

Padre: Rusty.

Christian: Well that’s better than ours. Her name is Marie, she’s been through hell. Help her. Corporal.

Hightower: Sir

(Hightower takes Marie off Christian and exits with Padre, Takes some time to pay his respects to Wise. Stubbs enters)

Stubbs: You ok sir?

Christian: I’m fine Stubbs.

Stubbs: He was a good man.

Christian: No. No, Stubbs we both know he wasn’t.

Stubbs: You’re right sir, he was a son of a’.

Christian: Yeah. Even now, I can’t help but think this is some big charade to get himself out of Monday’s offensive.

Stubbs: I wouldn’t put it past him sir.

Christian: Padre said he died well. I want to write a telegram to his family and let them know that.

Stubbs: Yes sir

Christian Can you make sure he looks it over before you send it?

Stubbs: Yes sir. I have a telegram for you though - it’s from Command.

Christian: Read it to me.

Stubbs: It’s eyes only.

Christian: I trust you. Read it.

Stubbs: To Lt Christian The Kings Own Rifles. Stop. Your valour and bravery has been mentioned many times in dispatches. Stop. I have a

33    

 

mission for you and a team of your choosing in occupied Paris. Stop. I cannot stress greatly enough the strategic importance of this assignment, nor the danger it would place you and your men in. Stop. Upon accepting this mission, I cannot guarantee your safe return. Stop. But I know this will not dampen your desire to serve your King. Stop. General Soloman, Commander in Chief, The Kings Own Rifles. Stop.

Christian: Anything else Stubbs

Stubbs: No sir.

(Hightower re enters)

Hightower: They have sedated her sir. Doc says she’s gonna be ok once they get some fluids in her.

Christian: Good work Corporal. Now pack up your things, we’re going to HQ.

Hightower: What for?

Christian: To get briefed on a mission to Paris.

Hightower: Paris?

Christian: Stubbs can fill you in.

(Padre enters as Hightower goes to Stubbs and reads the telegram)

Padre: My goodness me Luitenant, I haven’t seen someone in that state for some considerable time.

Christian: Padre when you said you’re French was rusty was that you being humble or honest?

Padre: Well, I picked up quite a bit here last time around. But that was 25 years ago.

Christian: Any German?

Padre: That’s even rustier

Christian: Well, mine is alright. So pack up your things - I may well need you too.

Padre: Where are we going?

Christian: HQ, then Paris.

Padre: A mission?

34    

 

Christian: Yes. Top secret by the sounds of it.

Padre: Do you know what that means?

Christian: Yes. It means that after it’s finished, you get to go home.

Padre: Indeed. One way or the other Christian, you’ll get to go home.

(Lights fade as music ends the half)

Act 2

Scene 1

(We are in a Parisian Hotel room (if you can imagine such a thing) Padre enters dressed in a fine suit, he is undercover as William Joyce aka Lord Haw Haw – Christian enters dressed as his butler/manservant. This is West Wing speed dialogue)

Padre I mean, really! This is ridiculous.

Christian Do you have a better plan?

Padre He is never going to believe it.

Christian Well, that’s not going to be my fault is it? Now, Hightower’s idea was sugar based and your plan was equally bad but this has a chance of working.

Padre This has no chance of working

Christian Come on! People only know him from the radio – nobody knows what he looks like.

Padre But people know what he sounds like!

Christian But you Brits all sound the same, it’s perfect

Padre If we get out of this alive I’m going pray everyday that you get VD Luitentant!

Christian Please I am your butler - call me Hans…

Padre I’m not calling you Hans.

Christian Then call me Herr Jurgen.

Padre Hans! Jurgen! We are going to get ourselves killed

35    

 

Christian Look, nothing has gone to plan thus far; missing our drop zone, our rendevous with the Resistance. But we are still alive which means we still have our objective.

Padre But assassinations need watertight plans.

Christian Lord Haw Haw is a great plan…

Padre It’s Lord William Joyce – Lord Haw Haw is a derisory name…

Christian Meine Entschuldigung Herr Joyce.

Padre We will not fool General Cholitz!

Christian I’ll have you know my grandfather was from Hamburg. Which, I believe is sie leben Herr Joyce.

Padre He has been put in charge of Paris by Hitler himself. He is not an idiot - he will see through us in 20seconds.

Christian And 20 seconds is all Hightower needs to let Faithful loose from across the street and fill him with lead.

Padre And then we run?!

Christian Yes! We run for our lives and hope to God to see another sunrise.

Padre This is foolish Christian

Christian This is faith Padre.

Come on Fred, he is under orders to turn Paris into a city of destruction. If we can stop him, Hitler might not have time to send another General who will do that sort of bidding.

Do you want this to become another Stalingrad or Malta – another siege where the people who starve to death are considered the lucky ones? If there is one thing you have taught me it’s to find the right path and stick to it – and I believe this is the right way to go.

(We hear a knocking at the door)

Now are you with me?

Padre Yes.

Christian Then go through to your room so I can announce you.

(Padre exits. Christian comes to the door. 2 Parisian courtisans (or indeed prostitutes as they are more commonly known) Madame Courture and Mademoiselle Covette enter)

36    

 

Christian Guten tag mein dame

Courture (In French) We come with compliments of General Cholitz.

Christian Oh. Meric Beacuoump. Mein. Excuse moi. Desole, je na parle Francais, par le vou Deutchen?

Courture Ya…

Christian Und Anglaix?

Courture We speak English yes.

Christian Then for the benefit of my master’s native tongue. Would you mind if we switch to English?

Covette (To Couture) So long as he does not make love like an Englishman…

Christian I am Hans Jurgen, butler to his Lordship William Joyce. The only voice speaking the truth to those in England, eager to hear what is really happening in this war.

Courture Well I am Madame Courture, this is Mademoiselle Covette and we come from Vanity Fair.

Christian Vanity Fair?

Courture (Producing a business card) Vanity Fair, 82nd Boulevard de Clichy – flexible prices, flexible girls. We come with compliments of the General, he is running late and has requested that we keep his Lordship, comfortable.

Christian Can I take your coats?

Covette What do you think we’re wearing under them butler?

Christian I don’t know

Covette Use your imagination

Christian I sense I won’t have to for long…would you both stay here for a moment and I will see if my master is ready.

(Christian cross over to stage right – Courture and Covette stay where they are)

Mein Herr. Mein Herr.

(Padre enters)

Padre Ya, Herr Jurgen.

37    

 

(This next dialogue is delivered at an urgent whisper – or a West Wing whisper)

Christian There has been a change of plan…

Padre Lieutenant, you’d only just got me to sign off the last ruddy plan and now you’re telling me it’s kaput

Christian Keep your voice down. The general is running late and so he has sent you a couple of women to keep you comfortable.

Padre Comfortable? What are they, masseuses?

Christian Kinda…I’d think they tend to work nights though.

Padre Well that’s a ridiculous time of day to be working….(suddenly realising) No! Not a chance – not a chance! I have not signed up for chitty bang bangs Lieutenant…

Christian Would you relax! We are this close to our objective – we are this close to getting home - so you can put on your game face and do your duty…

Padre Of course, I’ll just sit back and think of England.

Christian Look, I don’t like this either but when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

Padre Well that’s an apt phrase for you Christian, the Romans fed you to the lions.

Christian What do you suggest then?

Padre That we don’t conform to the patterns of this world. Compromise is a smooth road that is difficult to stop on….

Christian What are we going to do then?

Padre We stand.

Christian But that won’t work for long.

Padre Just stand. The general can’t be too far away, so lets just keep…Vera and Agnes occupied.

Christian Madame Courture and Mademoiselle Covette

Padre Don’t be smart. Deal?

Christian Deal!

(They cross over to the ladies)

38    

 

Madame and Mademoiselle, this is Lord William Joyce.

(Attempting some Terry Thomas characterisation – he is swave and sophisticated throughout enjoying the James Bondian role)

Padre Well hello ladies. Ding dong! You do look like a fine pair of fillies

Courture Fillies?

Padre My apologies, in my native England, it’s what we would call a horse…(Christian gives him a look) but in a good way.

Courture (To Covette) Looks like you’ll be earning our money with this one. (Moving to Padre and beginning the seduction) Sir, why not sit down and let us make you feel more at home…

Padre No, no, I prefer standing.

Courture Well, we can accommodate that, can’t we…

Covette (She joins in) Oh yes, we can do anything you want Sir

Padre In that case. (Looking over to Christian) I have a few questions for you, you saucy mares.

Courture What sort of questions?

Padre Well, before I begin these sorts of…frolicks. I always like to get a bit of background about my….harlots (correcting himself incorrectly) Tarts….(Christian looks again) err lady companions.

Christian (Stepping in) My apologies ladies, usually I personally vet all of his Lordship’s private acquaintances. With so many diseases around you can never be too careful. (Taking the ladies with him)

Padre (To Christian) You wouldn’t want to get VD would you…

Courture Oh, he does not need to worry about that - Vanity Fair prides itself on it’s…purity.

Christian Purity?

Courture Well not in the Biblical sense.

Christian But his Lordship would also insist that you both tell me a little bit…about yourselves.

Covette Well, I am Covette and I have been a bad girl and I need to be punished

Couture And I am Couture and will punish her for you if you like.

39    

 

Christian No, that isn’t what I meant.

Covette But I am a bad girl…

Christian Well why are you bad girl?

Couture (Seeing it isn’t working) She doesn’t have to be…she can be a good girl. Sweet and innocent…

Covette I’ve never been naughty before…

Christian You expect me to believe that?

Covette (Upset, melodramatically) You doubt my virtue? He doubts my virtue…

Courture Poor little Covette…(To Christian) Now, she’s all upset.

Christian But why?

Covette Because I was saving myself for you…

Christian You can’t do it. You can’t do it can you?

Courture Oh, we can do anything you want

Christian No you can’t. You can’t give me the truth.

Couture The truth? (Both are taken aback)

Sir…the truth is whatever you want it to be.

Christian No. A lie is whatever you want it to be. The truth is rarely that compliant.

Couture But why don’t we let his Lordship see what he would be missing out on, if he lets the truth get in his way….

Covette Yes, we can take his mind off it I’m sure…(They move over to him)

Padre So Hans, how did my fabulous fillies get on?

(There is a knock at the door)

Oh no, that will be the General. Hans, if you would be so kind. It looks like we wouldn’t have had time anyway ladies.

(Christian gets to the door as Hightower enters beaten and bleeding and hands cuffed behind his back)

Christian What happened?

40    

 

Hightower I’m sorry sir.

Christian What happened?

(General Cholitz enters – Couture and Covette pull open their coats revealing their uniforms – they draw their guns and train them on Christian and Padre)

Cholitz He was let down most horribly by you, that is what is happened. I take it you are his superior?

Christian Luitenant Christian, the Kings Own Rifles this is…

Cholitz (Completely ignoring him) Yes, I am afraid to say that he was in over his head by some way – his card was marked from the moment he checked in across the street. The St Louis Hotel’s location has long since made it ideally placed for an assassin to have a clear line of sight to this one. You should have booked him into 232, it’s a much easier shot.

Are they armed?

Couture We didn’t get that far…

Cholitz (Tutting) You’re slipping Madame.

Couture They were….shy.

Cholitz Shy? (He gives them a look)

Gentlemen, I shall keep this is simple. Your are spies, so you will be killed. The manner in which you enter the next life is entirely at my discretion…

Hightower Permission to speak sir?

Christian No Hightower, let me do the talking…

Cholitz Lieutenant, you are no longer in command here. Speak freely ‘Hightower’

Hightower General, I have a rifle – had it since I was 12 years old. I call it ‘Faithful’. People always ask me why it’s called that – I never tell why. It’s not because I’m ashamed of the answer or anything – I’ve just never felt like it’s their business.

Would you like me to tell you why I called it Faithful?

Cholitz Oblige me.

41    

 

Hightower The first time that my Daddy and I took it out hunting, we saw a bear attacking a cougar and her cub. The mother was hurt bad, but despite the size of the bear, the cub stood it’s ground and growled and clawed at him. The bear eventually got smart and used his weight to pin it down - crushing it. But the cougar kept on at him, trying to get free to protect it’s Mom. It could have run, but it was faithful. And because it was, that bear got a bullet through it’s head.

Cholitz (Going over to Hightower) So…am I that bear?

Hightower Nope. But I am that cougar – and I will mess you up you son of a…

(He headbutts the General, who is knocked back – he tries to wrestle him to the ground but is outwitted by the General – standing over him he draws his gun. Composing himself)

Cholitz Story time is over.

(He shoots Hightower dead. BLACKOUT- BANG)

Act 2 Scene 2 – Doubting Castle

(Christian and Padre are in a cell)

Christian: I’m sorry Fred, this is my fault.

Padre: Nonsense old boy, it was no-one’s fault, but it does put us in a spot of bother.

Christian: I’m so sorry. They’ll be coming for us soon. They’ll separate us.

Padre: Christian, I’d like you to remember something for me if you would.

Christian: Sure.

Padre: They’re going to try to break us here, make us forget who we are and what we’re fighting for. They’ll try to make you doubt everything. Hold fast, you hear me?

Christian: I hear you. But Fred -

(The door opens and the Interrogator and a couple of soldiers enter)

Interrogator: (Points to Padre) Take him, and prepare to work on him.

(They put a bag on his head and take Padre away.)

Christian: No! Leave him alone! Leave him alone! Take me! Take me!

Interrogator: Relax, relax. Calm down. Try to breathe.

42    

 

(Christian settles down a little)

You’re scared it’s only natural, but breathe and focus on my voice. Focus on that. Are you calm? Can you understand me? Good. Now let me tell you what will happen to your friend. They will take him to a room. He will not be able to see. They will strip him and they will beat him with a cane. Because he cannot see, he will not anticipate the blows and this will frighten him. When at last they remove the bag from his head...they will speak for the first time. They will tell him that he cannot escape, that no-one knows where he is; that no-one can save him...and then they will ask him to curse something or someone that he loves – to renounce that thing, to spit upon it, to wish that he had never seen it. If he refuses... the pain continues and gets worse. If he accepts...then the pain will stop. This is the option he will choose. He will give up something he loves, something trivial at first, a favourite food, a song, something he believes he can live without. When he does, two things will happen – a part of his soul will die, and the same treatment will begin happening to you. And so it will continue, each of you breaks and the other is tortured. In the end you will curse your mother, your father, your God, your wedding day and the day of your birth and when that happens I will offer you a gun and a single bullet...and then you will thank me and pull the trigger.

Christian: That will never happen.

Negotiator: It will - each time you give in, you get a little more numb, in the end you’ll take that gun and not feel a thing.

Christian: I have nothing to say.

Interrogator: Everybody breaks. The only question is how much you suffer first. Give up now, save yourself much pain.

Christian: I can’t do it.

Interrogator: Very well. It will be your turn soon. So...

(she pulls up a chair opposite him)

It was your plan wasn’t it – that landed you here? You will be the first one he curses. He’ll bellow it out the first chance we give him, I hope you hear it. I hope you hear your friend cursing you.

(A flicker from Christian)

Not long now. He’s too old for this. He should be at home with his wife but that will never happen – your clever plan. You’ve made his wife a widow, she will curse your name as well. And what was the name of the other one? The rifleman? Hightower was it? How old was he? Twenty?

43    

 

Christian: Twenty-two.

Interrogator: Twenty-two...a boy. Was he married? Did he have a girlfriend? Did you think of his parents?

Christian: Can I ask you something?

Interrogator: Oh, by all means.

Christian: Do you ever shut up? I mean ever? Or do you just keep jabbering away? Is that how you break people? You just keep talking and talking and talking till they’re ready to blow their brains out, tell you what, give me the gun I’m ready.

Interrogator: Bravo. Oh, that’s very good. I would like you to remember this moment. I will remind you of it when you beg me for that gun.

(There’s a knock on the door)

Ein moment, bitte. A visitor for you. Were you expecting someone? Perhaps they have come to save you? What do you think? Perhaps not?

(She opens the door. Apollyon enters, Christian reacts to seeing him.)

Christian: What’s he doing here?

Interrogator: Ah, you two have met, I see. He runs this establishment – we do the devil’s work here.

Christian: Get him out of here! Get out!

(Apollyon whispers in the interrogator’s ear)

Interrogator: Ah...thank you.

(Apollyon sits a little behind the interrogator)

I have news from home. Your wife...she works in the Canadian embassy in London?

Christian: How do you know that? What’s happened?

Interrogator: I’m so sorry, it was hit. The whole area - firebombed.

Apollyon: She burned alive.

Christian: You’re a liar.

Apollyon: Generally, yes I am, but this happens to be the truth.

44    

 

Christian: It’s a lie! It’s a lie.

Interrogator: No, it isn’t...I’m so sorry Christian, truly. It’s so painful, loving things, isn’t it? In the end they always leave you.

(There is another knock on the door)

Ja?

(Two guards come in)

Ah...your turn I’m afraid.

(They advance on him)

Christian: No! No!

(Blackout. When lights come up Christian has been tortured for days, he’s topless and soaked in sweat. Lights come up to reveal Grace standing behind him with Apollyon)

Apollyon: I brought someone to see you.

Grace: Where were you? You promised to come back to me, where were you?

Christian: Grace? Gracie is that you? Where are you? I can’t see you!

Grace: I needed you Christian! I was so scared when the bombs fell...the fire got closer and closer...

Christian: Stop it! You’re not here! You’re not here!

Apollyon: You let her burn.

Grace: I needed you, I needed you...

Christian: Gracie I tried, I’ve been trying to get back to you.

Grace: You weren’t there, you weren’t there!

Apollyon: And now she’s with me.

Christian: That’s a lie. She would never be yours. She belongs to God.

Apollyon: She’s food for worms.

Christian: She’s a daughter of God! Grace, wherever you are - I love you, I’m coming to you. I’ll be home soon.

Apollyon: She is...she is –

45    

 

Christian: You be silent now devil, you’re a liar and you won’t speak to me again.

(Blackout. When lights come up Christian is back in his chair, very weak now with sleep deprivation and dehydration. We hear Padre from off stage in the distance)

Padre OFF: Now I go cleanin' windows to earn an honest bob, For a nosy parker it's an interestin' job…

(Christian laughs)

Christian: Please Fred, the torture’s bad enough.

Padre OFF: Well that’s charming. Hang in there, you hear me? You promised me you would.

Interrogator OFF: Silence!

(She enters) Are you thirsty?

(He can hardly believe it as she gives him the water, he gulps it down)

Hungry?

(She gives him the bread too which he wolfs)

It’s over now. No more torture. We have everything we needed from you.

(Christian looks at her, confused)

We found the rest of your unit. We found your contacts in the resistance. The allies are in retreat. You were a great help to us Christian.

Christian: I don’t...I don’t understand...

Interrogator: Try not to worry. When you don’t sleep your mind plays tricks on you. In view of the help you’ve been to us, I was able to make a deal.

Christian: What -?

Interrogator: You can’t go home now; they would shoot you as a traitor. But you may be able to continue working with us, we would look after you, give you food, somewhere to live. What do you think?

Christian: Where’s... my friend?

Interrogator: He is...very weak. He will die soon, I’m sorry.

Christian: No...no...

46    

 

Interrogator: So sad - if only you’d talked sooner.

(She starts to exit)

Christian: What did I tell you?

(She turns)

What did I tell you?

Interrogator: There’s plenty of time for all that.

Christian: Tell me now!

(Pause)

I didn’t tell you anything did I?...It was never about that. This was just another lie...

You didn’t break me...I haven’t broken. I do not curse my friends...my wife... I do not curse my God or the day of my birth -even here I love them...I am glad to be alive...life is a miracle I treasure...out of the depths have I cried unto you O Lord...

Interrogator: He can’t hear you.

(From off there comes the sound of explosions and gunfire)

Interrogator: (Calling Off) What’s going on out there?

Christian: Open wide the ancient doors and let the King of glory in…

(Private Hope enters. He steadies his aim on the Interrogator)

Hope: Down! Get your filty hun face on the floor and stay there. (Goes over to Christian) It’s all right sir, we’re gonna get you out of here.

Christian: You’re name? What’s your name?

Hope: Hope sir, my name is Private John Hope.

(They exit. Blackout)

Scene 3

(Solo violin music is heard as lights come up on the hospital ward. Padre is discovered in either a hospital bed or propped up in a chair. He is close to death.

47    

 

The atmosphere is broken by the arrival of Mr. and Mrs. Steak, who enter carrying post and food parcels)

Steaks (singing) Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye, cheerio, here I go on my way!

(They look at the slumped figure of the Padre)

Mrs. Steak Small audience Mr. Steak. But a captive one.

Mr. Steak Love letters from home, food parcels, and a one way ticket to Toronto! Yours to the highest bidder. Women and children first. (Does a child’s voice) How about it Mother?

Mrs. Steak You are six foot one my boy. Do you play basketball sonny?

Mr. Steak No, ma’am, do you play miniature golf?

Mrs. Steak Your mum is so tall, she tripped up in Manitoba and hit her head in Alberta.

Mr. Steak Your mum is so small she could walk under the bed with her high heels on. And a hat.

(They look round the ward)

Mrs. Steak Tough crowd Mr. Steak.

Mr. Steak Dead, Mrs. Steak.

Mrs. Steak Well pretty close, by the look of some of them.

Voice Hey pipe down through there, the Padre is very unwell.

Mr. Steak He never laughed at our gags when he was in good health, so how would we know?

Padre (weakly) If you had ever achieved a level of humour that warranted laughter then believe me I would have obliged. Sadly you didn’t.

Mrs. Steak If he mentions George Formby, I swear I will put him out of misery right now.

Padre He went behind the lines with Monty you know.

Mr. Steak Was that his horse?

Padre Field marshal Bernard Law Montgomery, the Spartan General. Our greatest war time General and strategist. And who does he want entertaining his troops….George Formby from Wigan.

48    

 

Mrs. Steak He hasn’t hit the big time in Canada Padre I’m afraid. Well if he has he passed us by.

Padre Talking of hitting the big time. What happened to you two? I thought you’d be on your North American coast to coast tour by now.

Mrs. Steak We never made the French coast never mind Nova Scotia.

Mr. Steak Seems our grasp of the old French language was not what we thought it was. We got hopelessly lost after about two hours, took the wrong road, and finished up heading in completely the wrong direction. We were so grateful to finally come across some Americans.

Mrs. Steak That’s not something I’ve said very often I can assure you.

Padre Toujours etre sur de la destination avant de commencer votre voyage.

Mr. Steak Excuse me.

Padre Always be sure of your destination before you set out on your voyage. Be sure of your destination Mr. and Mrs. Steak that’s what I’m telling you, nothing could be more important. Nothing. You’ll excuse me now, I need to rest.

(The Steaks move away from Padre, Christian enters)

Christian So the Steaks didn’t” go off” after all.

Mrs. Steak Everyone’s a comedian it seems.

Christian Not everyone Mrs. Steak, I can assure you, I was not amused. Leaving the camp without permission from a senior officer is a very serious offence and one you can expect severe repercussions from when we report it to the entertainments service association. If nothing else you put yourselves and possibly others in severe danger. You were lucky to survive.

Mr. Steak Are you threatening my wife Lieutenant?

Christian No I’m threatening both of you. Just don’t expect a call from Hollywood any day soon. You wanted in the orderly office, and quick.

(They begin to exit)

Mrs. Steak You can tell he’s given up the liquor for lent, he needs a lie down in a dark room.

49    

 

Mr. Steak Preferably a locked one with no key. After you my sweet onion.

Mrs. Steak Why thank you my well-formed and winsome cherub.

Together Cheerio here we go on our way.

(They exit. Christian goes over to Padre carrying a glass of water)

Christian (whispering) Fred, hey Fred. Some water for you, sorry my friend that’s all you allowed. I checked.

Padre That’s all you’ve got I hope.

Christian Still on the wagon, I promise you. Never been quite sure of the origin of the expression, but anyway I’m on it.

Padre From memory, I think your friends in the USA are to be thanked for it. In the late nineteenth century the temperance movement was strong in the US, particularly in the dust bowl of the west. They had water wagons going round the streets spraying water to keep the dust down. The ex-drunks would be insistent to the temperance group, “We’d rather take the water wagon than another drink” Hence on the wagon. Always fancied being a cowboy…maybe the Sherriff...Destry Rides Again with Jimmy Stewart and Marlene Dietrich… (He starts coughing)

Christian Have some water Fred. And then you need to be resting.

Padre I will be, I will be. How are you…you are looking stronger.

Christian Good news and bad news.

Padre Go on.

Christian I’ll be ok, don’t worry, I came out ok I promise you. Some of the guys will never see again, a couple more I just talked to are having frightening flashbacks and nightmares. It was painful to watch. Very painful.

Padre And the bad?

Christian I don’t get sent home. When I’m fit enough I go back to the front. I don’t….get home, not yet.

Padre You will Christian, you will.

Christian I’ll come back to you in a minute; I just want a word with the new doctor, Captain Silver.

50    

 

Padre Be wary of him Lieutenant, he talks covertly in corners, and never looks at me in the eye. Never trust anyone who avoids your eye line. Be warned.

Christian He’s probably equally wary of you and your reputation for incredible perception. Rest a moment my friend.

(Christian crosses to Captain Silver)

Christian Do you have a moment Captain Silver?

Silver Lieutenant, good to meet up with you at last, I’ve heard a lot about you. (Hushed tones) Listen come over dear boy, I don’t want everyone in the know. I managed to pick up a tiny bit of fresh fruit from a very good friend of mine in the village,(he produces an apple) together with a little bottle of medicine, if you know what I mean, it’s French and just slips down the throat, liquid velvet my dear chap, you simply must try some. I hear from Mrs. Steak you used be something of a connoisseur.

Christian I’d rather not thank you Captain, I’d rather you kept them for somebody whose needs were considerably greater than mine. Thank you all the same sir.

Silver As you say old chap, as you say. But listen no need to stand on ceremony with me, we both belong in the officers mess after all, feel free to call me Patrick, it’s what I’m used to, to be honest I’m more medical than military, always have been. How about you Lieutenant?

Christian Military….Captain Silver sir.

Silver Of course, I could have guessed. And a much credited one as well so I hear. Commendable soldier, very commendable, time for that to be recognized I would say…..Captain Christian eh? How about it? Overlooked and overdue I would say. What do you say soldier?

Christian Right now Captain, my rank is not my priority. I’m more concerned about my comrades and my friends, like Fred Carrington over there.

Silver Now listen to me a moment, oh by the way I forgot to mention, if you need some chocolate I can get my hands on some for you very easily, Belgian as well, just give me the word. But now listen, getting back to your much deserved promotion….I happen to know Alistair Laughton in the National Defence Office, a very good family friend, and very influential, he knows all the right people back home, so what about I have a quiet word with him, see about getting an extra pip for your old jacket here, or a desk job for you in London or Ottawa.

51    

 

Christian I said my priorities are my friends’ sir.

Silver Of course they are, that’s just my point dear chap, the higher the rank you have, and the greater influence you can have on your friends back here in the field. Including Father Fred over there, wouldn’t you like to see him in a nice little cottage overlooking his beloved Lake District?

Christian You can arrange that?

Silver Didn’t I just say so? Or you can arrange it of course, another pip on your shoulder and an office with a dozen staff around you in London; you can make all things become a reality. I can start the ball rolling tomorrow.

Christian You can really get Fred home?

Silver You first Lieutenant, the Padre will have to follow when he’s strong enough.

Christian I hope I can trust you on this Captain.

Silver (He puts out his hand to shake) You have my word on that Lieutenant Christian.

Christian Look me in the eye and give me that assurance again Captain.

(There is a pause Silver is unable to turn and look at Christian, he tries to turn slowly and then the silence is broken by Padre calling)

Christian Are you ok Fred? Anything I can get for you?

Padre Destry Rides again, bring me Marlene Dietrich singing Boys in the Backroom accompanied by George Formby on the ukulele and I can die happy.

Christian Listen you can see Formby at the London Palladium, when all of this is over, I talked to Captain Silver he thinks he can get you home.

Padre I’m sure he does, and I’m sure he promised you all sorts of things to go with it.

Christian (anxiously) He can get you home Fred.

Padre He can’t. He just can’t. Besides I don’t need his help Lieutenant.

(Pause)

Christian Have you seen it Fred. (Padre nods). What’s it like, can you tell me?

52    

 

Padre Many mansions, many mansions Lieutenant. My room is ready the bed is turned down, I can feel the warm blankets, the soft pillows, smell of fresh roses, my mother’s Sunday cooking, strawberries, there is laughter spilling out of every window, old friends are reminiscing, there is a bright warm enveloping sunshine all the time, and there is a choir Lieutenant singing beautifully and melodiously all my favourite hymns just for me.

Christian Just your favourites Padre?

Padre How else do I know it’s my time? Can you hear them my friend, (he holds Christian’s hand, after a moment he starts singing)

When the roll is called up yonder When the roll is called up yonder When the roll is called up yonder When the roll is called up yonder I’ll be there.

(Christian steps forward into a spot. Hope comes on)

Christian What is it Hope?

Hope New instructions just come in from HQ for you Sir, immediate response required.

Christian Give me the headlines.

Hope Subject to the ok from the doc, you are required to rejoin your men and prepare for the final push on Berlin.

Christian Thank you.

Hope Your response sir?

Christian Prepare yourself Private, we leave in the morning at first light.

Hope How’s the Padre Sir?

Christian He won’t be joining us for this one Private, the Padre has gone home.

Hope I’m sorry Christian, we all will be.

Christian Yeah, yeah, I know, you’re sorry, I’m sorry, everyone is sorry. But you know something, the Padre, he didn’t look sorry at all. (Pause) Not at all. (Pause) Let’s go Private.

(They exit, as lights fade)

Act 2 Scene 4 – The final river

53    

 

(Christian and Hope and perhaps a few extras are on the outskirts of Berlin. They are positioned behind a wall of sandbags readying themselves for the final push. There is the rumble of heavy artillery. Hope is looking at the ruins of the city through a pair of binoculars)

Christian: Well here we are and this is it.

Hope: Looks like hell sir.

Christian: It might look that way. But it’s the end of the war, that’s what you’re looking at.

Hope: Then the end of the war looks like a ruined city.

Christian: I guess that’s how wars end. So when that artillery stops then it’s over to us. We’ve got to get across that river and into the city. It’ll be street to street work then.

Hope: Sounds like fun.

Christian: Yes it does.

Hope: Aren’t you scared sir?

Christian: You know the crazy thing? I feel kind of happy.

Hope: Yeah, you look kind of happy. What’s wrong with you sir?

Christian: It’s a ticket home...one way or another we cross that river and we go home.

Hope: I hope it’s everything they said it was.

Christian: It will be, John.

Hope: That river’s gonna be pretty well defended sir.

Christian: Yes it is.

(Matyushenko, a shambling, drunken figure in a large great coat enters. Christian addresses all his men)

I’m gonna say a prayer boys, anyone who wants to join me take a knee.

(Christian, Hope and maybe an extra or two do so. Matyushenko watches)

Father, here we are. We commit our lives, we commit our souls into your hands and we pray that if we fall here that you will take us home. Keep us strong to the end. Keep us faithful and pure. Though, we go into battle, let us remember that we fight not against flesh and blood, but against the powers of this world...

54    

 

(Matyushenko bursts out laughing, Christian looks up)

Can I help you there friend?

Matyushenko: Me? No. But I can help you maybe.

Christian: Yeah, how?

Matyushenko: I heard you praying.

Hope: Yeah, so what?

(Matyushenko shrugs and smiles)

What?!

Matyushenko: You know who Karl Marx is?

Hope: Sure, played first base for the Yankees.

Matyushenko: ‘Religion is the opium of the people’ that’s what Marx said.

Hope: I guess he never went to New York: opium is the opium of the people there.

Matyushenko: Religion -that’s what he said. You know what that means?

Christian: Friend, I’m gonna save you a little time here. See, in the last few weeks I’ve been threatened, shot at, imprisoned, tortured and seen my best friend die in my arms and I’ve had someone in my ear telling me there’s no God, pretty much that entire time: that he’s some fantasy ‘cos we’re weak and we need hope. Now is that more or less what you’re gonna tell me? ‘Cos if it is -

Matyushenko: No...not at all – I don’t believe you are weak.

Christian: No?

Matyushenko: No...I believe you are strong, very strong. If only you knew how strong you are –that is what scares them – your teachers, your priests, your generals. Die for your God and your king boys! And heaven shall be your reward! Religion is the lie that keeps you asleep. You work like dogs to make others rich, you bleed and you die for bankers and politicians and you do it all for a dream of heaven. Don’t you know we could build heaven right here? Let the workers of this world only realise their power. Down with kings and -

Christian: You remember when I said I was gonna save you some time?

Matyushenko: Yes.

55    

 

Christian: Here’s how - I’m not interested, friend. Everything you say about religion may be true but I don’t got religion, I got faith. The only priest I ever listened to was my padre and he was the best man I ever knew – I got faith in him. I got faith in a God and a saviour who hears my prayers, who loves me enough to die for me and I feel the same way about him.

Matyushenko: I’m just trying to help you.

Christian: And I appreciate that, I do. What’s your name?

Matyushenko: Fedor Matyushenko, I’m from Belarus.

Christian: I’m Christian from Canada by way of London.

(They shake hands)

I gotta tell you something friend, that saviour I was talking about – he feels the same way ‘bout you – he loves you.

Matyushenko: I wish I could believe that – alas, I cannot. My old mother was a believer, like you. She died without a penny to her name.

Christian: I’m sorry to hear that.

(Matyushenko sways a little unsteadily)

You been doing a little drinking there Fedor?

Matyushenko: We attack when the guns stop...I’m scared.

Christian: Yeah, so do we.

Hope: We’re scared too...most of us.

Matyushenko: (Producing a flask) Would you like?

Hope: No thanks, I’m fine.

Christian: I would have once, but not now. I’ll pray for you in the attack.

Matyushenko: I’m sorry I can’t do the same –

(The guns stop)

Hope: The guns...

Christian: No time to get back to your lines now. I guess you’re with us Fedor.

Matyushenko: It looks that way.

56    

 

(Everyone starts shaking hands hurriedly and saying ‘good luck’ and ‘God be with you’)

Christian: This is us boys. One last push and we’re going home. Forwards!

(The launch themselves forwards over the sandbags towards the back of the stage, there is a tremendous explosion and a flash of light and then everything goes to black.)

Act 2 Scene 5

(We hear Act 1 Scene 1 dialogue – play with music underneath – we are going to mirror the ending of Scene 1 as best we can)

Christian I am coming back. You hear me? I’m coming back.

Grace: I know. I’m sorry, I know, I just got scared.

Christian: I know.

Grace: I am scared.

Christian: It – it’ll be...I’m scared too but I’ll be home...soon.

(Lights come up on Christian and Grace as he takes over from the recorded track)

I just... don’t know how much more London can take. How much explosive, how many bombs can be dropped, how many fires can burn before the city is gone and everything is dust and ash?...It’s a city of death and I just wish you’d leave.

Grace: And I wish you’d stay.

Christian: Well, I can’t.

Grace: Nor can I - It’s where I work and it’s where I live.

Christian: Well then we’re quite the pair aren’t we?

Grace: We are.

Christian: I will miss you...every day.

Grace: Me too. We’re not really going to spend tonight arguing are we?

Christian: What did you have in mind?

Grace: Well... there must be something you’d rather do?

(There is a pause then they kiss, they get up from the table and start to exit but two soldiers enter from the wings to grab Christian. Suspenseful music plays underneath a drum beat plays Christian’s pulse becoming more erratic)

57    

 

Christian Wait! Stop! (To the soldiers) Who are you?

Grace Don’t fight it Christian

Christian I said who are you – what do you want with me? If you touch wife I swear I will…

Grace Don’t be afraid, let them take you. Let them take you…

Christian No! I don’t understand this Grace. Where are they taking me?

Grace They are taking you home…

Christian What? How can this…

Grace You’re going home Christian…we’re going home…

(Christian is held by the two soldiers)

Christian We’re going home…? Home…Home….this can’t be happening…I don’t understand…Home….Home…

(The drum begins to slow then stop. Delirious, he collapses into their arms they lay him down and then strike the table, the music and lights transitions to a beautiful melody and golden light as Grace kneels down beside him)

Grace Oh my love, you’re finally here. How long I’ve waited. Waiting here for you has felt like a thousand years – like an eternity of longing to hold you once more and tell you I love you. (With tears welling up) I love you. I love you. I love you.

Oh Christian, I know it was hard, it was so hard for you. I wish you could have seen me when you cried out in pain, I wept for you. I cried out for you too. I went to God – but he’d already heard your cries. He is so just Christian; justice rules his throne - you can see it, you can actually see it. It’s beautiful. And it’s ours forever. You’re home my love (She kisses him on the forehead and he wakes)

Christian Grace? Grace! Oh my darling…Grace I love you.

Grace I love you too

(He embraces her and tries to get up but is too weak)

Woh, steady on soldier, you haven’t got your new body yet so give your old one a minute – it’s pretty beat up.

Christian I’ve had worse scrapes…

Grace Well, looks like this was certainly your last.

Christian (Slowly sitting up) I can’t believe I’m here.

58    

 

Grace Neither can I.

Christian It’s because of you, you know that? It’s because of you Grace. I knew, the only sure way of ever seeing you again was to listen to what Padre was saying

Grace I’m glad that someone was finally able to get through -

Christian Well, he managed to make it sound more inviting than your parents did…

Grace Mother will be glad

Christian What, she’s here?

Grace (Smiling) Knock it off.

Christian Promise me I’m good enough for her daughter now

Grace No, you’ll never be good enough (Christian pulls back)

But that’s just how grace works.

(They embrace once more – Padre enters)

Padre I’m not sure that behaviour is becoming of an officer in the Kings Own Rifles!

Christian Padre, I believe I was relieved of my duties just outside Berlin.

Padre Well, in that case carry on Lieutenant! This must be Grace…

Grace (Standing with Christian) I owe you everything sir.

Padre Please call me Fred.

Grace Thank you so much Fred

(She embraces Padre)

Padre Not at all. Not at all.

Christian So, how does it all compare to the ‘outhouse’ Fred?

Padre Rather well my friend, rather well indeed. (She continues to hug) Come on now, you’re almost bad as Sergeant Major Wise was…

Christian How is he?

Padre Transformed – he really is! You might not even recognise him… such a wonderful difference to his face -

(Wise enters)

59    

 

Wise Fred you’re making it sound like I was ugly!

Christian He speaks the truth in love Sergeant Major…

Wise You’re telling me! (Hugs Christian) I just wish I’d listened to him earlier…

Christian Yes, I heard you got on the ticket a little late.

Wise Tell me about it – (To Padre) I dread what would have happened if you hadn’t been there for me…

Padre It my pleasure Eric

Wise But I still want my limerick Fred!

Padre All in good time Sergeant Major…

(Padre starts to tell him it as Hightower enters)

Christian Well – if it isn’t the Bear Killing Cougar Cub himself!

Hightower I knew you’d like that story…(Hugs Christian)

Christian Hey! Was it true or were you making it up?

Hightower Sure it was true

Christian Nice! But that guy was not expecting your ending ‘I will mess you up!’ (They mime the headbutt!)

Hightower I’m just sorry they caught me – they hurt me pretty bad when I wouldn’t tell em’ anything. That general though, worked out the whole plan himself - I told you we should have gone for mine…

Padre Or mine Corporal!

Christian Look I did not have the legs for that dress…(They laugh)

Padre But you saved our lives that day, you truly were faithful.

Hightower I’m just glad to have made it here.

Christian So where do we go now Fred?

Padre To the Golden City itself of course.

Christian What’s it really like?

Padre It’s probably best to see it for yourself. But it certainly doesn’t disappoint…

60    

 

Wise You realise what your life was worth, what it really meant. You think about all you could have done and you cry – but then God wipes away all your tears…

Hightower You know in your heart that the journey has finally ended, your race is run – that you kept the faith and your reward is great.

Padre No more crying, pain or death - just life in all it’s fullness. You are welcomed into the home of gladness by the saints – my mother is on the greeting team

Grace There’s no more night – only light. Trials cease – all is peace. And you are together with the one who loved you more than life itself forever. And ever. And ever.

Christian Amen.

God will wipe away all tears, now the journey’s ended, No more pain or bitterness, in that home of gladness So at the gates of glory here, where all the saints now stand The song of victory fills the air, this bright and golden morning No more night, only light, now we see his face Trials cease, all is peace, now we see his face Endless days and endless praise, now we see his face Endless days and endless praise, now we see his face