Introduction: As participants arrive, have the Parent Letter from Dr. Dave (Handout 1-A) for parents to read before the session begins (also in Parent Workbook).

Welcome (5 minutes): Introduce yourself and the Say Yes to No® Parenting Program. Ask participants to introduce themselves, share who their children are (or the children they care for), their children’s ages, and why they came. (If a larger group, ask participants to form groups of five or six and share introductions.)

Program Overview: The Say Yes to No Parenting Program helps parents learn the practical strategies of No, from the book by Dr. David Walsh: No, Why Kids — of All Ages — Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It and to help children gain the character traits they need for success in school and in life. Parents in earlier generations had an easier time saying no because they were supported by a culture that reinforced the messages of No —messages that reinforced the traits of self-discipline including patience, persistence, the ability to delay gratification, respect and others.

This program is divided into five sessions. Each session has two or three Big Ideas.

Materials in Leader’s Kit:

Handouts: • 1-A: Parent Letter

(also found in Parent Workbook)• 1-B: Taming the Drives

(one per small group)

• Parent Workbooks and pens for participants

Materials at SayYestoNo.org/Leader:

PowerPoint slides or overheads: • Ground Rules• Session 1’s three Big Ideas• More, Easy, Fast, Fun• Hard Wired Drives

Materials (needed):

• PowerPoint or overhead, whiteboard, etc.• Marshmallows (1 per participant)• Small cards titled either More, Easy, Fast

or Fun (1 card per small group)• 2 index cards per participant• Small prizes for Brain Quiz (e.g. snack)• Hard-Wired Drive cards (one per group)

SESSION 1 SAY YES TO NO® / GETTING FROM HERE TO THERE

In the first session we will learn: • The importance of self-discipline to children’s

happiness and success. • How difficult it is to develop self-discipline in a

media culture that doesn’t support it. • How self-discipline relates to children’s brain

development.

In the second session we will learn:• How to set limits and consequences.• The importance of consistency.• How to avoid power struggles.

In the third session we will learn:• The different styles of parenting.• The importance of building and maintaining a

secure connection with our children.

In the fourth session we will learn: • The difference between real self-esteem and

the myths that often distort its meaning.• Rules for helpful praise.

In the fifth session we will learn: • How to balance limits and consequences

with encouragement.• How to reverse Discipline Deficit Disorder

or DDD.• We’ll wrap it up with Big Idea #12.

5Session 1: Say Yes to No® / Getting from Here to There

BIG IDEA #1 Self Discipline = Success

Marshmallow Story (5 minutes):

Give each person a marshmallow to place on the

table in front of them.

Begin the Marshmallow Story: “Imagine that you are 4 years old and you are sitting at a table in a

room by yourself. A nice man comes in and puts a big marshmallow on the table in front of you.

(You love marshmallows.) He tells you that he’s going on an errand for a few minutes and when he

comes back — if the marshmallow is there, if you don’t eat it, he will give you a second one. But if

you’ve eaten it, then that’s it — you don’t get any more…”

Explain Ground Rules:• Respect opinions.

• Don’t talk while others are talking.

• You always have a right to pass.

• Give everyone a chance to talk.

• Everything that we say here is confi dential.*

• (Add your own ground rule.)

*The exception to confi dentiality is the mandated reporting of child abuse and neglect.

Ice Breaker (5 minutes): “Think back to when you were a child. What was one time a parent or other

adult in your life said no when you really wanted something. Then ask yourself the following questions:

• Why do you think that adult said no to you?”

• Did you agree with the no response at the time?

Turn to the person next to you and share your story and thoughts.”

More information on Self-Discipline is

found in Dr. Walsh’s

book No, Chapters 1,

14, and pages 137-139

Discussion:

• “What do you think happens?”

• “What would you have done?”

“This story did take place at Stanford University with a group of 4-year-olds. Some of the children ate

the marshmallow, while others were able to wait. They followed these children for eighteen years. Here’s

what they found: The kids who were able to wait for the second marshmallow (and ended up with 2

marshmallows) were more successful in school, relationships, and their early careers. That famous

experiment cleverly measured a critical success trait for children: self-discipline. A recent study showed

that self-discipline is twice as strong a predictor of school success as intelligence.”

“The goal of this program is not to say no. The goal is to help children learn how to say no for themselves. That’s what self-discipline is and it’s the key to their success and happiness.”

6 Session 1: Say Yes to No® / Getting from Here to There

ACTION (10 minutes):

• “Imagine some years into the future. Think of your child (or the children you care for) grown up and living on their own. What kind of adults do you hope they have become? Write down 5 character traits that you hope they will have.”

• Then ask: “How important do you think self-discipline is to acquiring or learning those character traits?”• “Share your list and your thoughts with others in your group.”

ACTION (20 minutes):

• Give each group a card with either MORE, FAST, EASY, or FUN written on it.

• Give the groups 5 minutes to come up with examples from media and advertising that children see or hear every day that give them this message.

• Have each group’s reporter share their list with the large group.

Discussion:

• “What do you think is the impact of this steady diet of More, Easy, Fast and Fun messages?”• “With the prevalence of these messages, will your children have an easier or harder time acquiring

the character traits you hope they will have?”

MORE FAST EASY FUN

BIG IDEA #2 Whoever Tells the Stories Defines the Culture“Being a parent today is much harder than ever before. And one of the reasons lies in our media-

driven culture pushing the Yes values of More, Easy, Fast and Fun. Let’s take a look at the messages found in abundance on the screens our children are spending more time with than anything else except sleeping. Think of the TV shows your children watch, the videogames they play. What examples of MORE, EASY, FAST and FUN do our children hear and see?” (Answer with Action and Discussion activity below.)

More information on the effects of our media culture is found in Dr. Walsh’s book No, Chapter 2

7Session 1: Say Yes to No® / Getting from Here to There