saki - reginald in russia

8/2/2019 Saki - Reginald in Russia

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ThisetextwaspreparedbyJaneDuff;proofedbyDavidPrice,[email protected].

REGINALDINRUSSIAANDOTHERSKETCHES

Contents:

REGINALDINRUSSIATHERETICENCEOFLADYANNETHELOSTSANJAK

THESEXTHATDOESN'TSHOPTHEBLOOD-FEUDOFTOAD-WATERAYOUNGTURKISHCATASTROPHEJUDKINOFTHEPARCELSGABRIEL-ERNESTTHESAINTANDTHEGOBLINTHESOULOFLAPLOSHKATHEBAGTHESTRATEGISTCROSSCURRENTSTHEBAKER'SDOZENTHEMOUSE

REGINALDINRUSSIA

ReginaldsatinacornerofthePrincess'ssalonandtriedtoforgivethefurniture,whichstartedoutwithanobviousintentionofbeingLouisQuinze,butrelapsedatfrequentintervalsintoWilhelmII.

HeclassifiedthePrincesswiththatdistincttypeofwomanthatlooksasifithabituallywentouttofeedhensintherain.

HernamewasOlga;shekeptwhatshehopedandbelievedtobeafox-terrier,andprofessedwhatshethoughtwereSocialistopinions.ItisnotnecessarytobecalledOlgaifyouareaRussianPrincess;infact,ReginaldknewquiteanumberwhowerecalledVera;butthefox-terrierandtheSocialismareessential.

"TheCountessLomshenkeepsabull-dog,"saidthePrincesssuddenly."InEnglandisitmorechictohaveabull-dogthanafox-terrier?"



Reginaldthrewhismindbackoverthecaninefashionsofthelasttenyearsandgaveanevasiveanswer.

"Doyouthinkherhandsome,theCountessLomshen?"askedthePrincess.

ReginaldthoughttheCountess'scomplexionsuggestedanexclusivedietofmacaroonsandpalesherry.Hesaidso.

"Butthatcannotbepossible,"saidthePrincesstriumphantly;"I'veseenhereatingfish-soupatDonon's."

ThePrincessalwaysdefendedafriend'scomplexionifitwasreallybad.Withher,aswithagreatmanyofhersex,charitybeganathomelinessanddidnotgenerallyprogressmuchfarther.

Reginaldwithdrewhismacaroonandsherrytheory,andbecameinterestedinacaseofminiatures.

"That?"saidthePrincess;"thatistheoldPrincessLorikoff.ShelivedinMillionayaStreet,neartheWinterPalace,andwasoneoftheCourtladiesoftheoldRussianschool.Herknowledgeofpeopleandeventswasextremelylimited;butsheusedtopatroniseeveryonewhocameincontactwithher.Therewasastorythatwhenshe

diedandlefttheMillionayaforHeavensheaddressedSt.PeterinherformalstaccatoFrench:'JesuislaPrincesseLor-i-koff.Ilmedonnegrandplaisirafairevotreconnaissance.JevousenpriemepresenterauBonDieu.'St.Petermadethedesiredintroduction,andthePrincessaddressedleBonDieu:'JesuislaPrincesseLor-i-koff.Ilmedonnegrandplaisirafairevotreconnaissance.Onasouventparledevousal'eglisedelarueMillion.'"

"OnlytheoldandtheclergyofEstablishedchurchesknowhowtobeflippantgracefully,"commentedReginald;"whichremindsmethatintheAnglicanChurchinacertainforeigncapital,whichshallbenameless,Iwaspresenttheotherdaywhenoneofthejuniorchaplainswaspreachinginaidofdistressedsomethingsorother,

andhebroughtareallyeloquentpassagetoaclosewiththeremark,'Thetearsoftheafflicted,towhatshallIlikenthem--todiamonds?'Theotherjuniorchaplain,whohadbeendozingoutofprofessionaljealousy,awokewithastartandaskedhurriedly,'ShallIplaytodiamonds,partner?'Itdidn'timprovematterswhentheseniorchaplainremarkeddreamilybutwithpainfuldistinctness,'Doublediamonds.'Everyonelookedatthepreacher,halfexpectinghimtoredouble,buthecontentedhimselfwithscoringwhatpointshecouldunderthecircumstances."

"YouEnglisharealwayssofrivolous,"saidthePrincess."InRussiawehavetoomanytroublestopermitofourbeinglighthearted."

Reginaldgaveadelicateshiver,suchasanItaliangreyhoundmightgiveincontemplatingtheapproachofaniceageofwhichhepersonallydisapproved,andresignedhimselftotheinevitablepoliticaldiscussion.

"NothingthatyouhearaboutusinEnglandistrue,"wasthePrincess'shopefulbeginning.

"IalwaysrefusedtolearnRussiangeographyatschool,"observed



Reginald;"Iwascertainsomeofthenamesmustbewrong."

"Everythingiswrongwithoursystemofgovernment,"continuedthePrincessplacidly."TheBureaucratsthinkonlyoftheirpockets,andthepeopleareexploitedandplunderedineverydirection,andeverythingismismanaged."

"Withus,"saidReginald,"aCabinetusuallygetsthecreditofbeingdepravedandworthlessbeyondtheboundsofhumanconceptionbythetimeithasbeeninofficeaboutfouryears."

"ButifitisabadGovernmentyoucanturnitoutattheelections,"arguedthePrincess.

"AsfarasIremember,wegenerallydo,"saidReginald.

"Buthereitisdreadful,everyonegoestosuchextremes.InEnglandyounevergotoextremes."

"WegototheAlbertHall,"explainedReginald.

"Thereisalwaysasee-sawwithusbetweenrepressionandviolence,"continuedthePrincess;"andthepityofitisthepeoplearereallynotintheleastinclinedtobeanythingbutpeaceable.Nowhere

willyoufindpeoplemoregood-natured,orfamilycircleswherethereismoreaffection."

"ThereIagreewithyou,"saidReginald."IknowaboywholivessomewhereontheFrenchQuaywhoisacaseinpoint.Hishaircurlsnaturally,especiallyonSundays,andheplaysbridgewell,evenforaRussian,whichissayingmuch.Idon'tthinkhehasanyotheraccomplishments,buthisfamilyaffectionisreallyofaveryhighorder.Whenhismaternalgrandmotherdiedhedidn'tgoasfarastogiveupbridgealtogether,buthedeclaredonnothingbutblacksuitsforthenextthreemonths.That,Ithink,wasreallybeautiful."

ThePrincesswasnotimpressed.

"Ithinkyoumustbeveryself-indulgentandliveonlyforamusement,"shesaid,"alifeofpleasure-seekingandcard-playinganddissipationbringsonlydissatisfaction.Youwillfindthatoutsomeday."

"Oh,Iknowitturnsoutthatwaysometimes,"assentedReginald."Forbiddenfizzisoftenthesweetest."

ButtheremarkwaswastedonthePrincess,whopreferredchampagnethathadatleastasuggestionofdissolvedbarley-sugar.

"Ihopeyouwillcomeandseemeagain,"shesaid,inatonethatpreventedthehopefrombecomingtooinfectious;addingasahappyafterthought,"youmustcometostaywithusinthecountry."

HerparticularpartofthecountrywasafewhundredverststheothersideofTamboff,withsomefifteenmilesofagrariandisturbancebetweenherandthenearestneighbour.Reginaldfeltthatthereissomeprivacywhichshouldbesacredfromintrusion.



THERETICENCEOFLADYANNE

Egbertcameintothelarge,dimlylitdrawing-roomwiththeairofamanwhoisnotcertainwhetherheisenteringadovecoteorabombfactory,andispreparedforeithereventuality.Thelittledomesticquarrelovertheluncheon-tablehadnotbeenfoughttoadefinitefinish,andthequestionwashowfarLadyAnnewasinamoodtoreneworforgohostilities.Herposeinthearm-chairbythetea-tablewasratherelaboratelyrigid;inthegloomofaDecemberafternoonEgbert'spince-nezdidnotmateriallyhelphimtodiscerntheexpressionofherface.

Bywayofbreakingwhatevericemightbefloatingonthesurfacehemadearemarkaboutadimreligiouslight.HeorLadyAnnewereaccustomedtomakethatremarkbetween4.30and6onwinterandlateautumnevenings;itwasapartoftheirmarriedlife.Therewasnorecognisedrejoindertoit,andLadyAnnemadenone.

DonTarquiniolayastretchonthePersianrug,baskinginthefirelightwithsuperbindifferencetothepossibleill-humourofLadyAnne.HispedigreewasasflawlesslyPersianastherug,and

hisruffwascomingintothegloryofitssecondwinter.Thepage-boy,whohadRenaissancetendencies,hadchristenedhimDonTarquinio.Lefttothemselves,EgbertandLadyAnnewouldunfailinglyhavecalledhimFluff,buttheywerenotobstinate.

Egbertpouredhimselfoutsometea.AsthesilencegavenosignofbreakingonLadyAnne'sinitiative,hebracedhimselfforanotherYermakeffort.

"Myremarkatlunchhadapurelyacademicapplication,"heannounced;"youseemtoputanunnecessarilypersonalsignificanceintoit."

LadyAnnemaintainedherdefensivebarrierofsilence.ThebullfinchlazilyfilledintheintervalwithanairfromIphigenieenTauride.Egbertrecogniseditimmediately,becauseitwastheonlyairthebullfinchwhistled,andhehadcometothemwiththereputationforwhistlingit.BothEgbertandLadyAnnewouldhavepreferredsomethingfromTheYeomenoftheGuard,whichwastheirfavouriteopera.Inmattersartistictheyhadasimilarityoftaste.Theyleanedtowardsthehonestandexplicitinart,apicture,forinstance,thattolditsownstory,withgenerousassistancefromitstitle.Ariderlesswarhorsewithharnessinobviousdisarray,staggeringintoacourtyardfullofpaleswooningwomen,andmarginallynoted"BadNews",suggestedtotheirmindsadistinctinterpretationofsomemilitarycatastrophe.Theycould

seewhatitwasmeanttoconvey,andexplainittofriendsofdullerintelligence.

Thesilencecontinued.AsaruleLadyAnne'sdispleasurebecamearticulateandmarkedlyvolubleafterfourminutesofintroductorymuteness.EgbertseizedthemilkjugandpouredsomeofitscontentsintoDonTarquinio'ssaucer;asthesaucerwasalreadyfulltothebrimanunsightlyoverflowwastheresult.DonTarquiniolookedonwithasurprisedinterestthatevanescedintoelaborateunconsciousnesswhenhewasappealedtobyEgberttocomeanddrink



upsomeofthespiltmatter.DonTarquiniowaspreparedtoplaymanyrolesinlife,butavacuumcarpet-cleanerwasnotoneofthem.

"Don'tyouthinkwe'rebeingratherfoolish?"saidEgbertcheerfully.

IfLadyAnnethoughtsoshedidn'tsayso.

"Idaresaythefaulthasbeenpartlyonmyside,"continuedEgbert,withevaporatingcheerfulness."Afterall,I'monlyhuman,youknow.YouseemtoforgetthatI'monlyhuman."

Heinsistedonthepoint,asiftherehadbeenunfoundedsuggestionsthathewasbuiltonSatyrlines,withgoatcontinuationswherethehumanleftoff.

ThebullfinchrecommenceditsairfromIphigenieenTauride.Egbertbegantofeeldepressed.LadyAnnewasnotdrinkinghertea.Perhapsshewasfeelingunwell.ButwhenLadyAnnefeltunwellshewasnotwonttobereticentonthesubject."NooneknowswhatIsufferfromindigestion"wasoneofherfavouritestatements;butthelackofknowledgecanonlyhavebeencausedbydefectivelistening;theamountofinformationavailableonthesubjectwouldhavesuppliedmaterialforamonograph.

EvidentlyLadyAnnewasnotfeelingunwell.

Egbertbegantothinkhewasbeingunreasonablydealtwith;naturallyhebegantomakeconcessions.

"Idaresay,"heobserved,takingascentralapositiononthehearth-rugasDonTarquiniocouldbepersuadedtoconcedehim,"Imayhavebeentoblame.Iamwilling,ifIcantherebyrestorethingstoahappierstandpoint,toundertaketoleadabetterlife."

Hewonderedvaguelyhowitwouldbepossible.Temptationscametohim,inmiddleage,tentativelyandwithoutinsistence,likea

neglectedbutcher-boywhoasksforaChristmasboxinFebruaryfornomorehopefulreasonthatthanhedidn'tgetoneinDecember.Hehadnomoreideaofsuccumbingtothemthanhehadofpurchasingthefish-knivesandfurboasthatladiesareimpelledtosacrificethroughthemediumofadvertisementcolumnsduringtwelvemonthsoftheyear.Still,therewassomethingimpressiveinthisunasked-forrenunciationofpossiblylatentenormities.

LadyAnneshowednosignofbeingimpressed.

Egbertlookedathernervouslythroughhisglasses.Togettheworstofanargumentwithherwasnonewexperience.Togettheworstofamonologuewasahumiliatingnovelty.

"Ishallgoanddressfordiner,"heannouncedinavoiceintowhichheintendedsomeshadeofsternnesstocreep.

Atthedoorafinalaccessofweaknessimpelledhimtomakeafurtherappeal.

"Aren'twebeingverysilly?"

"Afool"wasDonTarquinio'smentalcommentasthedoorclosedon



Egbert'sretreat.Thenheliftedhisvelvetforepawsintheairandleaptlightlyontoabookshelfimmediatelyunderthebullfinch'scage.Itwasthefirsttimehehadseemedtonoticethebird'sexistence,buthewascarryingoutalong-formedtheoryofactionwiththeprecisionofmaturedeliberation.Thebullfinch,whohadfanciedhimselfsomethingofadespot,depressedhimselfofasuddenintoathirdofhisnormaldisplacement;thenhefelltoahelplesswing-beatingandshrillcheeping.Hehadcosttwenty-sevenshillingswithoutthecage,butLadyAnnemadenosignofinterfering.Shehadbeendeadfortwohours.

THELOSTSANJAK

TheprisonChaplainenteredthecondemned'scellforthelasttime,togivesuchconsolationashemight.

"TheonlyconsolationIcravefor,"saidthecondemned,"istotellmystoryinitsentiretytosomeonewhowillatleastgiveitarespectfulhearing."

"Wemustnotbetoolongoverit,"saidtheChaplain,lookingathiswatch.

Thecondemnedrepressedashiverandcommenced.

"MostpeoplewillbeofopinionthatIampayingthepenaltyofmyownviolentdeeds.InrealityIamavictimtoalackofspecialisationinmyeducationandcharacter."

"Lackofspecialisation!"saidtheChaplain.

"Yes.IfIhadbeenknownasoneofthefewmeninEnglandfamiliarwiththefaunaoftheOuterHebrides,orabletorepeatstanzasof

Camoens'poetryintheoriginal,Ishouldhavehadnodifficultyinprovingmyidentityinthecrisiswhenmyidentitybecameamatteroflifeanddeathforme.Butmyeducationwasmerelyamoderatelygoodone,andmytemperamentwasofthegeneralorderthatavoidsspecialisation.Iknowalittleinageneralwayaboutgardeningandhistoryandoldmasters,butIcouldnevertellyouoff-handwhether'StellavanderLoopen'wasachrysanthemumoraheroineoftheAmericanWarofIndependence,orsomethingbyRomneyintheLouvre."

TheChaplainshifteduneasilyinhisseat.Nowthatthealternativeshadbeensuggestedtheyallseemeddreadfullypossible.

"Ifellinlove,orthoughtIdid,withthelocaldoctor'swife,"continuedthecondemned."WhyIshouldhavedoneso,Icannotsay,forIdonotrememberthatshepossessedanyparticularattractionsofmindorbody.Onlookingbackatpasteventsifseemstomethatshemusthavebeendistinctlyordinary,butIsupposethedoctorhadfalleninlovewithheronce,andwhatmanhaddonemancando.SheappearedtobepleasedwiththeattentionswhichIpaidher,andtothatextentIsupposeImightsaysheencouragedme,butIthinkshewashonestlyunawarethatImeantanythingmorethanalittleneighbourlyinterest.WhenoneisfacetofacewithDeathone



wishestobejust."

TheChaplainmurmuredapproval."Atanyrate,shewasgenuinelyhorrifiedwhenItookadvantageofthedoctor'sabsenceoneeveningtodeclarewhatIbelievedtobemypassion.Shebeggedmetopassoutofherlife,andIcouldscarcelydootherwisethanagree,thoughIhadn'tthedimmestideaofhowitwastobedone.InnovelsandplaysIknewitwasaregularoccurrence,andifyoumistookalady'ssentimentsorintentionsyouwentofftoIndiaanddidthingsonthefrontierasamatterofcourse.AsIstumbledalongthedoctor'scarriagedriveIhadnoveryclearideaastowhatmylineofactionwastobe,butIhadavaguefeelingthatImustlookattheTimesAtlasbeforegoingtobed.Then,onthedarkandlonelyhighway,Icamesuddenlyonadeadbody."

TheChaplain'sinterestinthestoryvisiblyquickened.

"Judgingbytheclothesitwore,thecorpsewasthatofaSalvationArmycaptain.Someshockingaccidentseemedtohavestruckhimdown,andtheheadwascrushedandbatteredoutofallhumansemblance.Probably,Ithought,amotor-carfatality;andthen,withasuddenovermasteringinsistence,cameanotherthought,thatherewasaremarkableopportunityforlosingmyidentityandpassingoutofthelifeofthedoctor'swifeforever.Notiresomeand

riskyvoyagetodistantlands,butamereexchangeofclothesandidentitywiththeunknownvictimofanunwitnessedaccident.WithconsiderabledifficultyIundressedthecorpse,andclotheditanewinmyowngarments.AnyonewhohasvaletedadeadSalvationArmycaptaininanuncertainlightwillappreciatethedifficulty.Withtheidea,presumably,ofinducingthedoctor'swifetoleaveherhusband'sroof-treeforsomehabitationwhichwouldberunatmyexpense,Ihadcrammedmypocketswithastoreofbanknotes,whichrepresentedagooddealofmyimmediateworldlywealth.When,therefore,IstoleawayintotheworldintheguiseofanamelessSalvationist,Iwasnotwithoutresourceswhichwouldeasilysupportsohumblearoleforaconsiderableperiod.Itrampedtoaneighbouringmarket-town,and,lateasthehourwas,theproduction

ofafewshillingsprocuredmesupperandanight'slodginginacheapcoffee-house.ThenextdayIstartedforthonanaimlesscourseofwanderingfromonesmalltowntoanother.Iwasalreadysomewhatdisgustedwiththeupshotofmysuddenfreak;inafewhours'timeIwasconsiderablymoreso.Inthecontents-billofalocalnewssheetIreadtheannouncementofmyownmurderatthehandsofsomepersonunknown;onbuyingacopyofthepaperforadetailedaccountofthetragedy,whichatfirsthadarousedinmeacertaingrimamusement,IfoundthatthedeedascribedtoawanderingSalvationistofdoubtfulantecedents,whohadbeenseenlurkingintheroadwaynearthesceneofthecrime.Iwasnolongeramused.Thematterpromisedtobeembarrassing.WhatIhadmistakenforamotoraccidentwasevidentlyacaseofsavageassault

andmurder,and,untiltherealculpritwasfound,Ishouldhavemuchdifficultyinexplainingmyintrusionintotheaffair.OfcourseIcouldestablishmyownidentity;buthow,withoutdisagreeablyinvolvingthedoctor'swife,couldIgiveanyadequatereasonforchangingclotheswiththemurderedman?Whilemybrainworkedfeverishlyatthisproblem,Isubconsciouslyobeyedasecondaryinstinct--togetasfarawayaspossiblefromthesceneofthecrime,andtogetridatallcostsofmyincriminatinguniform.ThereIfoundadifficulty.Itriedtwoorthreeobscureclothesshops,butmyentranceinvariablyarousedanattitudeofhostile



suspicionintheproprietors,andononeexcuseoranothertheyavoidedservingmewiththenowardentlydesiredchangeofclothing.TheuniformthatIhadsothoughtlesslydonnedseemedasdifficulttogetoutofasthefatalshirtof--Youknow,Iforgetthecreature'sname."

"Yes,yes,"saidtheChaplainhurriedly."Goonwithyourstory."

"Somehow,untilIcouldgetoutofthosecompromisinggarments,Ifeltitwouldnotbesafetosurrendermyselftothepolice.Thethingthatpuzzledmewaswhynoattemptwasmadetoarrestme,sincetherewasnoquestionastothesuspicionwhichfollowedme,likeaninseparableshadow,whereverIwent.Stares,nudgings,whisperings,andevenloud-spokenremarksof'that's'im'greetedmyeveryappearance,andthemeanestandmostdesertedeating-housethatIpatronisedsoonbecamefilledwithacrowdoffurtivelywatchingcustomers.IbegantosympathisewiththefeelingofRoyalpersonagestryingtodoalittleprivateshoppingundertheunsparingscrutinyofanirrepressiblepublic.Andstill,withallthisinarticulateshadowing,whichweighedonmynervesalmostworsethanopenhostilitywouldhavedone,noattemptwasmadetointerferewithmyliberty.LateronIdiscoveredthereason.Atthetimeofthemurderonthelonelyhighwayaseriesofimportantbloodhoundtrialshadbeentakingplaceinthenearneighbourhood,

andsomedozenandahalfcouplesoftrainedanimalshadbeenputonthetrackofthesupposedmurderer--onmytrack.Oneofourmostpublic-spiritedLondondailieshadofferedaprincelyprizetotheownerofthepairthatshouldfirsttrackmedown,andbettingonthechancesoftherespectivecompetitorsbecamerifethroughouttheland.Thedogsrangedfarandwideoveraboutthirteencounties,andthoughmyownmovementshadbecomebythistimeperfectlywell-knowntopoliceandpublicalike,thesportinginstinctsofthenationsteppedintopreventmyprematurearrest."Givethedogsachance,"wastheprevailingsentiment,wheneversomeambitiouslocalconstablewishedtoputanendtomydrawn-outevasionofjustice.Myfinalcapturebythewinningpairwasnotaverydramaticepisode,infact,I'mnotsurethattheywouldhavetakenanynotice

ofmeifIhadn'tspokentothemandpattedthem,buttheeventgaverisetoanextraordinaryamountofpartisanexcitement.TheownerofthepairwhowerenextnearestupatthefinishwasanAmerican,andhelodgedaprotestonthegroundthatanotterhoundhadmarriedintothefamilyofthewinningpairsixgenerationsago,andthattheprizehadbeenofferedtothefirstpairofbloodhoundstocapturethemurderer,andthatadogthathad1/64thpartofotterhoundbloodinitcouldn'ttechnicallybeconsideredabloodhound.Iforgethowthematterwasultimatelysettled,butitarousedatremendousamountofacrimoniousdiscussiononbothsidesoftheAtlantic.Myowncontributiontothecontroversyconsistedinpointingoutthatthewholedisputewasbesidethemark,astheactualmurdererhadnotyetbeencaptured;butIsoondiscovered

thatonthispointtherewasnottheleastdivergenceofpublicorexpertopinion.Ihadlookedforwardapprehensivelytotheprovingofmyidentityandtheestablishmentofmymotivesasadisagreeablenecessity;Ispeedilyfoundoutthatthemostdisagreeablepartofthebusinesswasthatitcouldn'tbedone.WhenIsawintheglassthehaggardandhuntedexpressionwhichtheexperiencesofthepastfewweekshadstampedonmyerstwhileplacidcountenance,IcouldscarcelyfeelsurprisedthatthefewfriendsandrelationsIpossessedrefusedtorecognisemeinmyalteredguise,andpersistedintheirobstinatebutwidelysharedbeliefthatitwasIwhohad



beendonetodeathonthehighway.Tomakemattersworse,infinitelyworse,anauntofthereallymurderedman,anappallingfemaleofanobviouslyloworderofintelligence,identifiedmeashernephew,andgavetheauthoritiesaluridaccountofmydepravedyouthandofherlaudablebutunavailingeffortstospankmeintoabetterway.Ibelieveitwasevenproposedtosearchmeforfingerprints."

"But,"saidtheChaplain,"surelyyoureducationalattainments--"

"Thatwasjustthecrucialpoint,"saidthecondemned;"thatwaswheremylackofspecialisationtoldsofatallyagainstme.ThedeadSalvationist,whoseidentityIhadsolightlyandsodisastrouslyadopted,hadpossessedaveneerofcheapmoderneducation.Itshouldhavebeeneasytodemonstratethatmylearningwasonaltogetheranotherplanetohis,butinmynervousnessIbungledmiserablyovertestaftertestthatwasputtome.ThelittleFrenchIhadeverknowndesertedme;Icouldnotrenderasimplephraseaboutthegooseberryofthegardenerintothatlanguage,becauseIhadforgottentheFrenchforgooseberry."

TheChaplainagainwriggleduneasilyinhisseat."Andthen,"resumedthecondemned,"camethefinaldiscomfiture.Inourvillagewehadamodestlittledebatingclub,andIrememberedhaving

promised,chiefly,Isuppose,topleaseandimpressthedoctor'swife,togiveasketchykindoflectureontheBalkanCrisis.Ihadreliedonbeingabletogetupmyfactsfromoneortwostandardworks,andtheback-numbersofcertainperiodicals.TheprosecutionhadmadeacarefulnoteofthecircumstancethatthemanwhomIclaimedtobe--andactuallywas--hadposedlocallyassomesortofsecond-handauthorityonBalkanaffairs,and,inthemidstofastringofquestionsonindifferenttopics,theexaminingcounselaskedmewithadiabolicalsuddennessifIcouldtelltheCourtthewhereaboutsofNovibazar.Ifeltthequestiontobeacrucialone;somethingtoldmethattheanswerwasSt.PetersburgorBakerStreet.Ihesitated,lookedhelplesslyroundattheseaoftenselyexpectantfaces,pulledmyselftogether,andchoseBakerStreet.

AndthenIknewthateverythingwaslost.Theprosecutionhadnodifficultyindemonstratingthatanindividual,evenmoderatelyversedintheaffairsoftheNearEast,couldneverhavesounceremoniouslydislocatedNovibazarfromitsaccustomedcornerofthemap.ItwasananswerwhichtheSalvationArmycaptainmightconceivablyhavemade--andImadeit.ThecircumstantialevidenceconnectingtheSalvationistwiththecrimewasoverwhelminglyconvincing,andIhadinextricablyidentifiedmyselfwiththeSalvationist.Andthusitcomestopassthatintenminutes'timeIshallbehangedbytheneckuntilIamdeadinexpiationofthemurderofmyself,whichmurdernevertookplace,andofwhich,inanycase,Iaminnocent."

***

WhentheChaplainreturnedtohisquarterssomefifteenminuteslater,theblackflagwasfloatingovertheprisontower.Breakfastwaswaitingforhiminthedining-room,buthefirstpassedintohislibrary,and,takinguptheTimesAtlas,consultedamapoftheBalkanPeninsula."Athinglikethat,"heobserved,closingthevolumewithasnap,"mighthappentoanyone."



THESEXTHATDOESN'TSHOP

TheopeningofalargenewcentreforWestEndshopping,particularlyfeminineshopping,suggeststhereflection,Dowomeneverreallyshop?Ofcourse,itisawell-attestedfactthattheygoforthshoppingasassiduouslyasabeegoesflower-visiting,butdotheyshopinthepracticalsenseoftheword?Grantedthemoney,time,andenergy,aresolutecourseofshoppingtransactionswouldnaturallyresultinhavingone'sordinarydomesticneedsunfailinglysupplied,whereasitisnotoriousthatwomenservants(andhousewivesofallclasses)makeitalmostapointofhonournottobesuppliedwitheverydaynecessities."WeshallbeoutofstarchbyThursday,"theysaywithfatalisticforeboding,andbyThursdaytheyareoutofstarch.TheyhavepredictedalmosttoaminutethemomentwhentheirsupplywouldgiveoutandifThursdayhappenstobeearlyclosingdaytheirtriumphiscomplete.Ashopwherestarchisstoredforretailpurposespossiblystandsattheirverydoor,butthefemininemindhasrejectedsuchanobvioussourceforreplenishingadwindlingstock."Wedon'tdealthere"placesitatoncebeyondthepaleofhumanresort.Anditisnoteworthythat,justasasheep-worryingdogseldommoleststheflocksinhisnear

neighbourhood,soawomanrarelydealswithshopsinherimmediatevicinity.Themoreremotethesourceofsupplythemorefixedseemstobetheresolvetorunshortofthecommodity.TheArkhadprobablynotquitteditslastmooringsfiveminutesbeforesomefemininevoicegloatinglyrecordedashortageofbird-seed.Afewdaysagotwoladyacquaintancesofminewereconfessingtosomementaluneasinessbecauseafriendhadcalledjustbeforelunch-time,andtheyhadbeenunabletoaskhertostopandsharetheirmeal,as(withatouchoflegitimatepride)"therewasnothinginthehouse."Ipointedoutthattheylivedinastreetthatbristledwithprovisionshopsandthatitwouldhavebeeneasytomobiliseaverypassableluncheoninlessthanfiveminutes."That,"theysaidwithquietdignity,"wouldnothaveoccurredtous,"andIfeltthat

Ihadsuggestedsomethingborderingontheindecent.

Butitisincateringforherliterarywantsthatawoman'sshoppingcapacitybreaksdownmostcompletely.Ifyouhaveperchanceproducedabookwhichhasmetwithsomelittlemeasureofsuccess,youarecertaintogetaletterfromsomeladywhomyouscarcelyknowntobowto,askingyou"howitcanbegot."Sheknowsthenameofthebook,itsauthor,andwhopublishedit,buthowtogetintoactualcontactwithitisstillanunsolvedproblemtoher.Youwritebackpointingoutthattohaverecoursetoanironmongeroracorn-dealerwillonlyentaildelayanddisappointment,andsuggestanapplicationtoabooksellerasthemosthopefulthingyoucanthinkof.Inadayortwoshewritesagain:"Itisallright;I

haveborroweditfromyouraunt."Here,ofcourse,wehaveanexampleoftheBeyond-Shopper,onewhohaslearnedtheBetterWay,butthehelplessnessexistsevenwhensuchbypathsofreliefareclosed.AladywholivesintheWestEndwasexpressingtometheotherdayherinterestinWestHighlandterriers,andherdesiretoknowmoreaboutthebreed,sowhen,afewdayslater,Icameacrossanexhaustivearticleonthatsubjectinthecurrentnumberofoneofourbestknownoutdoor-lifeweeklies,Imentionedthatcircumstanceinaletter,givingthedateofthatnumber."Icannotgetthepaper,"washertelephonedresponse.Andshecouldn't.She



livedinacitywherenewsagentsarenumbered,Isuppose,bythethousand,andshemusthavepasseddozensofsuchshopsinherdailyshoppingexcursions,butasfarasshewasconcernedthatarticleonWestHighlandterriersmightaswellhavebeenwritteninamissalstoredawayinsomeBuddhistmonasteryinEasternThibet.

Thebrutaldirectnessofthemasculineshopperarousesacertaincombativederisioninthefeminineonlooker.Acatthatspreadsoneshrew-mouseoverthegreaterpartofalongsummerafternoon,andthenpossiblyloseshim,doubtlessfeelsthesamecontemptfortheterrierwhocompresseshisratintotensecondsofthestrenuouslife.IwasfinishingoffashortlistofpurchasesafewafternoonsagowhenIwasdiscoveredbyaladyofmyacquaintancewhom,swervingasidefromtheleadgivenusbyhergodparentsthirtyyearsago,wewillcallAgatha.

"You'resurelynotbuyingblotting-paperHERE?"sheexclaimedinanagitatedwhisper,andsheseemedsogenuinelyconcernedthatIstayedmyhand.

"LetmetakeyoutoWinksandPinks,"shesaidassoonaswewereoutofthebuilding:"they'vegotsuchlovelyshadesofblotting-paper--pearlandheliotropeandmomieandcrushed--"

"ButIwantordinarywhiteblotting-paper,"Isaid.

"Nevermind.TheyknowmeatWinksandPinks,"sherepliedinconsequently.Agathaapparentlyhasanideathatblotting-paperisonlysoldinsmallquantitiestopersonsofknownreputation,whomaybetrustednottoputittodangerousorimproperuses.Afterwalkingsometwohundredyardsshebegantofeelthatherteawasofmoreimmediateimportancethanmyblotting-paper.

"Whatdoyouwantblotting-paperfor?"sheaskedsuddenly.Iexplainedpatiently.

"Iuseittodryuptheinkofwetmanuscriptwithoutsmudgingthe

writing.ProbablyaChineseinventionofthesecondcenturybeforeChrist,butI'mnotsure.TheonlyotheruseforitthatIcanthinkofistorollitintoaballforakittentoplaywith."

"Butyouhaven'tgotakitten,"saidAgatha,withafemininedesireforstatingtheentiretruthonmostoccasions.

"Astrayonemightcomeinatanymoment,"Ireplied.

Anyway,Ididn'tgettheblotting-paper.

THEBLOOD-FEUDOFTOAD-WATERAWEST-COUNTRYEPIC

TheCrickslivedatToad-Water;andinthesamelonelyuplandspotFatehadpitchedthehomeoftheSaunderses,andformilesaroundthesetwodwellingstherewasneveraneighbourorachimneyorevenaburying-groundtobringasenseofcheerfulcommunionorsocialintercourse.Nothingbutfieldsandspinneysandbarns,lanesand



waste-lands.SuchwasToad-Water;and,evenso,Toad-Waterhaditshistory.

Thrustawayinthebenightedhinterlandofascatteredmarketdistrict,itmighthavebeensupposedthatthesetwodetacheditemsoftheGreatHumanFamilywouldhaveleanedtowardsoneanotherinafellowshipbegottenofkindredcircumstancesandacommonisolationfromtheouterworld.Andperhapsithadbeensoonce,butthewayofthingshadbroughtitotherwise.Indeed,otherwise.Fate,whichhadlinkedthetwofamiliesinsuchunavoidableassociationofhabitat,hadordainedthattheCrickhouseholdshouldnourishandmaintainamongitsearthlypossessionssundryheadofdomesticfowls,whiletotheSaunderseswasgivenadispositiontowardsthecultivationofgardencrops.Hereinlaythematerial,readytohand,forthecomingoffeudandill-blood.Forthegrudgebetweenthemanofherbsandthemanoflivestockisnonewthing;youwillfindtracesofitinthefourthchapterofGenesis.Andonesunnyafternooninlatespring-timethefeudcame--came,assuchthingsmostlydocome,withseemingaimlessnessandtriviality.OneoftheCrickhens,inobediencetothenomadicinstinctsofherkind,weariedofherlegitimatescatching-ground,andflewoverthelowwallthatdividedtheholdingsoftheneighbours.Andthere,ontheyonderside,withahurriedconsciousnessthathertimeandopportunitiesmightbelimited,themisguidedbirdscratchedand

scrapedandbeakedanddelvedinthesoftyieldingbedthathadbeenpreparedforthesolaceandwell-beingofacolonyofseedlingonions.Littleshowersofearth-mouldandroot-fibreswentsprayingbeforethehenandbehindher,andeveryminutetheareaofheroperationswidened.Theonionssufferedconsiderably.Mrs.Saunders,saunteringatthislucklessmomentdownthegardenpath,inordertofillhersoulwithreproachesattheiniquityoftheweeds,whichgrewfasterthansheorhergoodmancaredtoremovethem,stoppedinmutediscomfiturebeforethepresenceofamoremagnificentgrievance.Andthen,inthehourofhercalamity,sheturnedinstinctivelytotheGreatMother,andgatheredinhercapacioushandslargeclodsofthehardbrownsoilthatlayatherfeet.Withaterriblesincerityofpurpose,thoughwitha

contemptibleinadequacyofaim,sherainedherearthboltsatthemarauder,andtheburstingpelletscalledforthafloodofcacklingprotestandpanicfromthehastilydepartingfowl.Calmnessundermisfortuneisnotanattributeofeitherhen-folkorwomenkind,andwhileMrs.SaundersdeclaimedoverheronionbedsuchportionsoftheslangdictionaryasarepermittedbytheNonconformistconsciencetobesaidorsung,theVascodaGamafowlwaswakingtheechoesofToad-Waterwithcrescendoburstsofthroatmusicwhichcompelledattentiontohergriefs.Mrs.Crickhadalongfamily,andwasthereforelicensed,intheeyesofherworld,tohaveashorttemper,andwhensomeofherubiquitousoffspringhadinformedher,withtheauthorityofeye-witnesses,thatherneighbourhadsofarforgottenherselfastoheavestonesatherhen--herbesthen,

thebestlayerinthecountryside--herthoughtsclothedthemselvesinlanguage"unbecomingtoaChristianwoman"--soatleastsaidMrs.Saunders,towhommostofthelanguagewasapplied.Norwasshe,onherpart,surprisedatMrs.Crick'sconductinlettingherhensstrayintootherbody'sgardens,andthenabusingofthem,seeingashowsherememberedthingsagainstMrs.Crick--andthelattersimultaneouslyhadrecollectionsoflurkingepisodesinthepastofSusanSaundersthatwerenothingtohercredit."Fondmemory,whenallthingsfadeweflytothee,"andinthepalinglightofanAprilafternoonthetwowomenconfrontedeachotherfromtheirrespective



AYOUNGTURKISHCATASTROPHEINTWOSCENES

TheMinisterforFineArts(towhoseDepartmenthadbeenlatelyaddedthenewsub-sectionofElectoralEngineering)paidabusinessvisittotheGrandVizier.AccordingtoEasternetiquettetheydiscoursedforawhileonindifferentsubjects.TheministeronlycheckedhimselfintimefrommakingapassingreferencetotheMarathonRace,rememberingthattheVizierhadaPersiangrandmotherandmightconsideranyallusiontoMarathonassomewhattactless.PresentlytheMinisterbroachedthesubjectofhisinterview.

"UnderthenewConstitutionarewomentohavevotes?"heaskedsuddenly.

"Tohavevotes?Women?"exclaimedtheVizierinsomeastonishment."MydearPasha,theNewDeparturehasaflavouroftheabsurdasitis;don'tlet'stryandmakeitaltogetherridiculous.Womenhavenosoulsandnointelligence;whyonearthshouldtheyhavevotes?"

"Iknowitsoundsabsurd,"saidtheMinister,"buttheyareseriouslyconsideringtheideaintheWest."

"ThentheymusthavealargerequipmentofseriousnessthanIgavethemcreditfor.AfteralifetimeofspecialisedeffortinmaintainingmygravityIcanscarcelyrestrainaninclinationtosmileatthesuggestion.Why,outwomenfolkinmostcasesdon'tknowhowtoreadorwrite.Howcouldtheyperformtheoperationofvoting?"

"Theycouldbeshownthenamesofthecandidatesandwheretomaketheircross."

"Ibegyourpardon?"interruptedtheVizier.

"Theircrescent,Imean,"correctedtheMinister."ItwouldbetothelikingoftheYoungTurkishParty,"headded.

"Oh,well,"saidtheVizier,"ifwearetodothethingatallwemayaswellgothewholeh-"hepulledupjustashewasutteringthenameofanuncleananimal,andcontinued,"thecompletecamel.Iwillissueinstructionsthatwomenfolkaretohavevotes."

***

ThepollwasdrawingtoacloseintheLakoumistandivision.ThecandidateoftheYoungTurkishPartywasknowntobethreeorfourhundredvotesahead,andhewasalreadydraftinghisaddress,

returningthankstotheelectors.Hisvictoryhadbeenalmostaforegoneconclusion,forhehadsetinmotionalltheapprovedelectioneeringmachineryoftheWest.Hehadevenemployedmotorcars.Fewofhissupportershadgonetothepollinthesevehicles,but,thankstotheintelligentdrivingofhischauffeurs,manyofhisopponentshadgonetotheirgravesortothelocalhospitals,orotherwiseabstainedfromvoting.Andthensomethingunlooked-forhappened.Therivalcandidate,AlitheBlest,arrivedonthescenewithhiswivesandwomenfolk,whonumbered,roughly,sixhundred.Alihadwastedlittleeffortonelectionliterature,



buthadbeenheardtoremarkthateveryvotegiventohisopponentmeantanothersackthrownintotheBosphorus.TheYoungTurkishcandidate,whohadconformedtotheWesterncustomofonewifeandhardlyanymistresses,stoodbyhelplesslywhilehisadversary'spollswelledtoatriumphantmajority.

"CristabelColumbus!"heexclaimed,invokinginsomeconfusionthenameofadistinguishedpioneer;"whowouldhavethoughtit?"

"Strange,"musedAli,"thatonewhoharanguedsoclamorouslyabouttheSecretBallotshouldhaveoverlookedtheVeiledVote."

And,walkinghomewardwithhisconstituents,hemurmuredinhisbeardanimprovisationonthehereticpoetofPersia:

"One,richinmetaphors,hisCausecontrivesTourgewithedgedwords,likeKabulknives;AndI,whoworsthiminthissorrygame,Wasneverrichinanythingbut--wives."

JUDKINOFTHEPARCELS

Afigureinanindefinitetweedsuit,carryingbrown-paperparcels.Thatiswhatwemetsuddenly,atthebendofamuddyDorsetshirelane,andtheroanmarestaredandobviouslythoughtofacurtsey.Themareisroad-shy,withintervalsofstolidity,andthereisnotellingwhatshewillpassandwhatshewon't.WecallherRedford.ThatwasmyfirstmeetingwithJudkin,andthenexttimethecircumstanceswerethesame;thesamemuddylane,thesameratherapologeticfigureinthetweedsuit,thesame--orverysimilar--parcels.Onlythistimetheroanlookedstraightinfrontofher.

WhetherIaskedthegroomorwhetherheadvancedtheinformation,Iforget;butsomewayIgraduallyreconstructedthelife-historyofthistrudgerofthelanes.Itwasmuchthesame,nodoubt,asthatofmanyotherswhoarefromtimetotimepointedouttooneashavingbeenaforetimeincrackcavalryregimentsandnotedperformersinthesaddle;menwhohavebreathedintotheirlungsthewonderoftheEast,haverompedthroughlifeasthroughacotillon,havehadathrustperhapsattheViceroy'sCup,anddonefantastichorsefleshythingsaroundtheGulfofAden.Andthenagoldenstreamhasdriedup,thesunlighthasfadedsuddenlyoutofthings,andthegodshavenodded"Go."Andtheyhavenotgone.Theyhaveturnedinsteadtothemuddylanesandcheapvillasandthemarked-downillsoflife,towatchpeartreesgrowingandtoencouragehens

fortheireggs.AndJudkinwasevenastheseothers;thewinehadbeensuddenlyspiltfromhiscupoflife,andhehadstayedtosuckatthedregswhichthewisethrowaway.Inthedaysofhisscornformostthingshewouldhavestaredtheroanmareandherturn-outoutofallpretensiontosmartness,ashewouldhavefrozenacheapclaretbehinditscork,oraplainwomanbehindherveil;andnowhewaswalkingstoicallythroughthemud,inatweedsuitthatwouldeventuallygoontothegardener'sboy,andwouldperhapsfithim.Thedeargods,whoknowtheendbeforethebeginning,wereperhapsgrowingagardener'sboysomewheretofitthegarments,andJudkin



wasonlyacaretaker,inhabitingaportionofthem.ThatiswhatIliketothink,andIamprobablywrong.AndJudkin,whoseclotheshadbeentohimoncemorethanareligion,scarcelylesssacredthanafamilyquarrel,wouldcarrythoseparcelsbacktohisvillaandtothewifewhoawaitedhimandthem--awifewhomay,forallweknowtothecontrary,havehadafigureonce,andperhapshasyetaheartofgold--ofnine-caratgold,letussayattheleast--butassuredlyasouloftape.Andhethathasfetchedandcarriedwillexplainhowithasfaredwithhiminhisdealings,andifhehasbroughtthewrongsortofsugarorthreadhewillwheedleawaythedispleasurefromthatleadenfaceasapastrycookgirlwilldrivebluebottlesoffastalebun.Andthatmanhasknownwhatitwastocoaxthefretofathoroughbred,tosootheitstossandsweatasitdancedbeneathhiminthegleeandchafeofitspulsesandthegloryofitsthews.Hehasbeenintherawplacesoftheearth,wherethedesertbeastshavewhimperedtheirunthinkablepsalmody,andtheireyeshaveshonebackthereflexofthemidnightstars--andhecanimmersehimselfinthetendingofanincubator.Itishorribleandwrong,andyetwhenIhavemethiminthelaneshisfacehaswornalookoftediouscheerfulnessthatmightpassforhappiness.HasJudkinoftheParcelsfoundsomethingintheleesoflifethatIhavemissedingoingtoandfroovermanywaters?Istheremorewisdominhisperversenessthaninthemadnessofthewise?Thedeargodsknow.

Idon'tthinkIsawJudkinmorethanthreetimesalltold,andalwaysthelanewasourpointofcontact;butastheroanmarewastakingmetothestationoneheavy,cloud-smearedday,Ipassedadull-lookingvillathatthegroom,orinstinct,toldmewasJudkin'shome.Frombeyondahedgeofraggedelder-bushescouldbeheardthethud,thudofaspade,withanoccasionalclinkandpause,asifsomeonehadpickedoutastoneandthrownittoadistance,andIknewthatHEwasdoingnamelessthingstotherootsofapeartree.Nearbyhim,Ifeltsure,wouldbelyingalargeandlatevegetablemarrow,anditslargenessandlatenesswouldbeathemeofconversationatluncheon.Itwouldbesuggestedthatitshouldgracetheharvestthanksgivingservice;theharvesthavingbeensogenerallyunsatisfactory,itwouldbeunfairtoletthefarmers

supplyallthematerialforrejoicing.

AndwhileIwasspeedingtownwardsalongtherailsJudkinwouldbeploddinghiswaytothevicaragebearingavegetablemarrowandabasketfulofdahlias.Thebaskettobereturned.

GABRIEL-ERNEST

"Thereisawildbeastinyourwoods,"saidtheartistCunningham,

ashewasbeingdriventothestation.Itwastheonlyremarkhehadmadeduringthedrive,butasVanCheelehadtalkedincessantlyhiscompanion'ssilencehadnotbeennoticeable.

"Astrayfoxortwoandsomeresidentweasels.Nothingmoreformidable,"saidVanCheele.Theartistsaidnothing.

"Whatdidyoumeanaboutawildbeast?"saidVanCheelelater,whentheywereontheplatform.



"Nothing.Myimagination.Hereisthetrain,"saidCunningham.

ThatafternoonVanCheelewentforoneofhisfrequentramblesthroughhiswoodlandproperty.Hehadastuffedbitterninhisstudy,andknewthenamesofquiteanumberofwildflowers,sohisaunthadpossiblysomejustificationindescribinghimasagreatnaturalist.Atanyrate,hewasagreatwalker.Itwashiscustomtotakementalnotesofeverythinghesawduringhiswalks,notsomuchforthepurposeofassistingcontemporaryscienceastoprovidetopicsforconversationafterwards.Whenthebluebellsbegantoshowthemselvesinflowerhemadeapointofinformingeveryoneofthefact;theseasonoftheyearmighthavewarnedhishearersofthelikelihoodofsuchanoccurrence,butatleasttheyfeltthathewasbeingabsolutelyfrankwiththem.

WhatVanCheelesawonthisparticularafternoonwas,however,somethingfarremovedfromhisordinaryrangeofexperience.Onashelfofsmoothstoneoverhangingadeeppoolinthehollowofanoakcoppiceaboyofaboutsixteenlayasprawl,dryinghiswetbrownlimbsluxuriouslyinthesun.Hiswethair,partedbyarecentdive,layclosetohishead,andhislight-browneyes,solightthattherewasanalmosttigerishgleaminthem,wereturnedtowardsVanCheelewithacertainlazywatchfulness.Itwasanunexpectedapparition,andVanCheelefoundhimselfengagedinthenovel

processofthinkingbeforehespoke.Whereonearthcouldthiswild-lookingboyhailfrom?Themiller'swifehadlostachildsometwomonthsago,supposedtohavebeensweptawaybythemill-race,butthathadbeenamerebaby,notahalf-grownlad.

"Whatareyoudoingthere?"hedemanded.

"Obviously,sunningmyself,"repliedtheboy.

"Wheredoyoulive?"

"Here,inthesewoods."

"Youcan'tliveinthewoods,"saidVanCheele.

"Theyareverynicewoods,"saidtheboy,withatouchofpatronageinhisvoice.

"Butwheredoyousleepatnight?"

"Idon'tsleepatnight;that'smybusiesttime."

VanCheelebegantohaveanirritatedfeelingthathewasgrapplingwithaproblemthatwaseludinghim.

"Whatdoyoufeedon?"heasked.

"Flesh,"saidtheboy,andhepronouncedthewordwithslowrelish,asthoughheweretastingit.

"Flesh!WhatFlesh?"

"Sinceitinterestsyou,rabbits,wild-fowl,hares,poultry,lambsintheirseason,childrenwhenIcangetany;they'reusuallytoowelllockedinatnight,whenIdomostofmyhunting.It'squitetwomonthssinceItastedchild-flesh."



IgnoringthechaffingnatureofthelastremarkVanCheeletriedtodrawtheboyonthesubjectofpossiblepoachingoperations.

"You'retalkingratherthroughyourhatwhenyouspeakoffeedingonhares."(Consideringthenatureoftheboy'stoiletthesimilewashardlyanaptone.)"Ourhillsideharesaren'teasilycaught."

"AtnightIhuntonfourfeet,"wasthesomewhatcrypticresponse.

"Isupposeyoumeanthatyouhuntwithadog?"hazardedVanCheele.

Theboyrolledslowlyoverontohisback,andlaughedaweirdlowlaugh,thatwaspleasantlylikeachuckleanddisagreeablylikeasnarl.

"Idon'tfancyanydogwouldbeveryanxiousformycompany,especiallyatnight."

VanCheelebegantofeelthattherewassomethingpositivelyuncannyaboutthestrange-eyed,strange-tonguedyoungster.

"Ican'thaveyoustayinginthesewoods,"hedeclaredauthoritatively.

"Ifancyyou'dratherhavemeherethaninyourhouse,"saidtheboy.

Theprospectofthiswild,nudeanimalinVanCheele'sprimlyorderedhousewascertainlyanalarmingone.

"Ifyoudon'tgo.Ishallhavetomakeyou,"saidVanCheele.

Theboyturnedlikeaflash,plungedintothepool,andinamomenthadflunghiswetandglisteningbodyhalf-wayupthebankwhereVanCheelewasstanding.Inanotterthemovementwouldnothavebeenremarkable;inaboyVanCheelefounditsufficientlystartling.

Hisfootslippedashemadeaninvoluntarilybackwardmovement,andhefoundhimselfalmostprostrateontheslipperyweed-grownbank,withthosetigerishyelloweyesnotveryfarfromhisown.Almostinstinctivelyhehalfraisedhishandtohisthroat.Theyboylaughedagain,alaughinwhichthesnarlhadnearlydrivenoutthechuckle,andthen,withanotherofhisastonishinglightningmovements,plungedoutofviewintoayieldingtangleofweedandfern.

"Whatanextraordinarywildanimal!"saidVanCheeleashepickedhimselfup.AndthenherecalledCunningham'sremark"Thereisawildbeastinyourwoods."

Walkingslowlyhomeward,VanCheelebegantoturnoverinhismindvariouslocaloccurrenceswhichmightbetraceabletotheexistenceofthisastonishingyoungsavage.

Somethinghadbeenthinningthegameinthewoodslately,poultryhadbeenmissingfromthefarms,haresweregrowingunaccountablyscarcer,andcomplaintshadreachedhimoflambsbeingcarriedoffbodilyfromthehills.Wasitpossiblethatthiswildboywasreallyhuntingthecountrysideincompanywithsomecleverpoacherdogs?Hehadspokenofhunting"four-footed"bynight,butthen,



again,hehadhintedstrangelyatnodogcaringtocomenearhim,"especiallyatnight."Itwascertainlypuzzling.Andthen,asVanCheeleranhismindoverthevariousdepredationsthathadbeencommittedduringthelastmonthortwo,hecamesuddenlytoadeadstop,alikeinhiswalkandhisspeculations.Thechildmissingfromthemilltwomonthsago--theacceptedtheorywasthatithadtumbledintothemill-raceandbeensweptaway;butthemotherhadalwaysdeclaredshehadheardashriekonthehillsideofthehouse,intheoppositedirectionfromthewater.Itwasunthinkable,ofcourse,buthewishedthattheboyhadnotmadethatuncannyremarkaboutchild-flesheatentwomonthsago.Suchdreadfulthingsshouldnotbesaideveninfun.

VanCheele,contrarytohisusualwont,didnotfeeldisposedtobecommunicativeabouthisdiscoveryinthewood.Hispositionasaparishcouncillorandjusticeofthepeaceseemedsomehowcompromisedbythefactthathewasharbouringapersonalityofsuchdoubtfulreputeonhisproperty;therewasevenapossibilitythataheavybillofdamagesforraidedlambsandpoultrymightbelaidathisdoor.Atdinnerthatnighthewasquiteunusuallysilent.

"Where'syourvoicegoneto?"saidhisaunt."Onewouldthinkyouhadseenawolf."

VanCheele,whowasnotfamiliarwiththeoldsaying,thoughttheremarkratherfoolish;ifheHADseenawolfonhispropertyhistonguewouldhavebeenextraordinarilybusywiththesubject.

AtbreakfastnextmorningVanCheelewasconsciousthathisfeelingofuneasinessregardingyesterday'sepisodehadnotwhollydisappeared,andheresolvedtogobytraintotheneighbouringcathedraltown,huntupCunningham,andlearnfromhimwhathehadreallyseenthathadpromptedtheremarkaboutawildbeastinthewoods.Withthisresolutiontaken,hisusualcheerfulnesspartiallyreturned,andhehummedabrightlittlemelodyashesaunteredtothemorning-roomforhiscustomarycigarette.Asheenteredtheroomthemelodymadewayabruptlyforapiousinvocation.

Gracefullyasprawlontheottoman,inanattitudeofalmostexaggeratedrepose,wastheboyofthewoods.HewasdrierthanwhenVanCheelehadlastseenhim,butnootheralterationwasnoticeableinhistoilet.

"Howdareyoucomehere?"askedVanCheelefuriously.

"YoutoldmeIwasnottostayinthewoods,"saidtheboycalmly.

"Butnottocomehere.Supposingmyauntshouldseeyou!"

Andwithaviewtominimisingthatcatastrophe,VanCheelehastilyobscuredasmuchofhisunwelcomeguestaspossibleunderthefolds

ofaMorningPost.Atthatmomenthisauntenteredtheroom.

"Thisisapoorboywhohaslosthisway--andlosthismemory.Hedoesn'tknowwhoheisorwherehecomesfrom,"explainedVanCheeledesperately,glancingapprehensivelyatthewaif'sfacetoseewhetherhewasgoingtoaddinconvenientcandourtohisothersavagepropensities.

MissVanCheelewasenormouslyinterested.



"Perhapshisunderlinenismarked,"shesuggested.

"Heseemstohavelostmostofthat,too,"saidVanCheele,makingfranticlittlegrabsattheMorningPosttokeepitinitsplace.

AnakedhomelesschildappealedtoMissVanCheeleaswarmlyasastraykittenorderelictpuppywouldhavedone.

"Wemustdoallwecanforhim,"shedecided,andinaveryshorttimeamessenger,dispatchedtotherectory,whereapage-boywaskept,hadreturnedwithasuitofpantryclothes,andthenecessaryaccessoriesofshirt,shoes,collar,etc.Clothed,clean,andgroomed,theboylostnoneofhisuncanninessinVanCheele'seyes,buthisauntfoundhimsweet.

"Wemustcallhimsomethingtillweknowwhohereallyis,"shesaid."Gabriel-Ernest,Ithink;thosearenicesuitablenames."

VanCheeleagreed,butheprivatelydoubtedwhethertheywerebeinggraftedontoanicesuitablechild.Hismisgivingswerenotdiminishedbythefactthathisstaidandelderlyspanielhadboltedoutofthehouseatthefirstincomingoftheboy,andnowobstinatelyremainedshiveringandyappingatthefartherendoftheorchard,whilethecanary,usuallyasvocallyindustriousasVan

Cheelehimself,hadputitselfonanallowanceoffrightenedcheeps.MorethaneverhewasresolvedtoconsultCunninghamwithoutlossoftime.

AshedroveofftothestationhisauntwasarrangingthatGabriel-ErnestshouldhelphertoentertaintheinfantmembersofherSunday-schoolclassatteathatafternoon.

Cunninghamwasnotatfirstdisposedtobecommunicative.

"Mymotherdiedofsomebraintrouble,"heexplained,"soyouwillunderstandwhyIamaversetodwellingonanythingofanimpossiblyfantasticnaturethatImayseeorthinkthatIhaveseen."

"ButwhatDIDyousee?"persistedVanCheele.

"WhatIthoughtIsawwassomethingsoextraordinarythatnoreallysanemancoulddignifyitwiththecreditofhavingactuallyhappened.Iwasstanding,thelasteveningIwaswithyou,half-hiddeninthehedgegrowthbytheorchardgate,watchingthedyingglowofthesunset.SuddenlyIbecameawareofanakedboy,abatherfromsomeneighbouringpool,Itookhimtobe,whowasstandingoutonthebarehillsidealsowatchingthesunset.HisposewassosuggestiveofsomewildfaunofPaganmyththatIinstantlywantedtoengagehimasamodel,andinanothermomentIthinkIshouldhavehailedhim.Butjustthenthesundippedoutof

view,andalltheorangeandpinkslidoutofthelandscape,leavingitcoldandgrey.Andatthesamemomentanastoundingthinghappened--theboyvanishedtoo!"

"What!vanishedawayintonothing?"askedVanCheeleexcitedly.

"No;thatisthedreadfulpartofit,"answeredtheartist;"ontheopenhillsidewheretheboyhadbeenstandingasecondago,stoodalargewolf,blackishincolour,withgleamingfangsandcruel,yelloweyes.Youmaythink--"



ButVanCheeledidnotstopforanythingasfutileasthought.Alreadyhewastearingattopspeedtowardsthestation.Hedismissedtheideaofatelegram."Gabriel-Ernestisawerewolf"wasahopelesslyinadequateeffortatconveyingthesituation,andhisauntwouldthinkitwasacodemessagetowhichhehadomittedtogiveherthekey.Hisonehopewasthathemightreachhomebeforesundown.Thecabwhichhecharteredattheotherendoftherailwayjourneyborehimwithwhatseemedexasperatingslownessalongthecountryroads,whichwerepinkandmauvewiththeflushofthesinkingsun.Hisauntwasputtingawaysomeunfinishedjamsandcakewhenhearrived.

"WhereisGabriel-Ernest?"healmostscreamed.

"HeistakingthelittleToopchildhome,"saidhisaunt."Itwasgettingsolate,Ithoughtitwasn'tsafetoletitgobackalone.Whatalovelysunset,isn'tit?"

ButVanCheele,althoughnotobliviousoftheglowinthewesternsky,didnotstaytodiscussitsbeauties.AtaspeedforwhichhewasscarcelygearedheracedalongthenarrowlanethatledtothehomeoftheToops.Ononesiderantheswiftcurrentofthemill-stream,ontheotherrosethestretchofbarehillside.Adwindling

rimofredsunshowedstillontheskyline,andthenextturningmustbringhiminviewoftheill-assortedcouplehewaspursuing.Thenthecolourwentsuddenlyoutofthings,andagreylightsettleditselfwithaquickshiveroverthelandscape.VanCheeleheardashrillwailoffear,andstoppedrunning.

NothingwaseverseenagainoftheToopchildorGabriel-Ernest,butthelatter'sdiscardedgarmentswerefoundlyingintheroadsoitwasassumedthatthechildhadfallenintothewater,andthattheboyhadstrippedandjumpedin,inavainendeavourtosaveit.VanCheeleandsomeworkmenwhowerenearbyatthetimetestifiedtohavingheardachildscreamloudlyjustnearthespotwheretheclotheswerefound.Mrs.Toop,whohadelevenotherchildren,was

decentlyresignedtoherbereavement,butMissVanCheelesincerelymournedherlostfoundling.Itwasonherinitiativethatamemorialbrasswasputupintheparishchurchto"Gabriel-Ernest,anunknownboy,whobravelysacrificedhislifeforanother."

VanCheelegavewaytohisauntinmostthings,butheflatlyrefusedtosubscribetotheGabriel-Ernestmemorial.

THESAINTANDTHEGOBLIN

ThelittlestoneSaintoccupiedaretirednicheinasideaisleoftheoldcathedral.Noonequiterememberedwhohehadbeen,butthatinawaywasaguaranteeofrespectability.AtleastsotheGoblinsaid.TheGoblinwasaveryfinespecimenofquaintstonecarving,andlivedupinthecorbelonthewalloppositethenicheofthelittleSaint.Hewasconnectedwithsomeofthebestcathedralfolk,suchasthequeercarvingsinthechoirstallsandchancelscreen,andeventhegargoyleshighupontheroof.Allthefantasticbeastsandmanikinsthatsprawledandtwistedinwoodor



stoneorleadoverheadinthearchesorawaydowninthecryptwereinsomewayakintohim;consequentlyhewasapersonofrecognisedimportanceinthecathedralworld.

ThelittlestoneSaintandtheGoblingotonverywelltogether,thoughtheylookedatmostthingsfromdifferentpointsofview.TheSaintwasaphilanthropistinanoldfashionedway;hethoughttheworld,ashesawit,wasgood,butmightbeimproved.Inparticularhepitiedthechurchmice,whoweremiserablypoor.TheGoblin,ontheotherhand,wasofopinionthattheworld,asheknewit,wasbad,buthadbetterbeletalone.Itwasthefunctionofthechurchmicetobepoor.

"Allthesame,"saidtheSaint,"Ifeelverysorryforthem."

"Ofcourseyoudo,"saidtheGoblin;"it'sYOURfunctiontofeelsorryforthem.Iftheyweretoleaveoffbeingpooryoucouldn'tfulfilyourfunctions.You'dbeasinecure."

HeratherhopedthattheSaintwouldaskhimwhatasinecuremeant,butthelattertookrefugeinastonysilence.TheGoblinmightberight,butstill,hethought,hewouldliketodosomethingforthechurchmicebeforewintercameon;theyweresoverypoor.

Whilsthewasthinkingthematteroverhewasstartledbysomethingfallingbetweenhisfeetwithahardmetallicclatter.Itwasabrightnewthaler;oneofthecathedraljackdaws,whocollectedsuchthings,hadflowninwithittoastonecornicejustabovehisniche,andthebangingofthesacristydoorhadstartledhimintodroppingit.Sincetheinventionofgunpowderthefamilynerveswerenotwhattheyhadbeen.

"Whathaveyougotthere?"askedtheGoblin.

"Asilverthaler,"saidtheSaint."Really,"hecontinued,"itismostfortunate;nowIcandosomethingforthechurchmice."

"Howwillyoumanageit?"askedtheGoblin.

TheSaintconsidered.

"Iwillappearinavisiontothevergeresswhosweepsthefloors.Iwilltellherthatshewillfindasilverthalerbetweenmyfeet,andthatshemusttakeitandbuyameasureofcornandputitonmyshrine.Whenshefindsthemoneyshewillknowthatitwasatruedream,andshewilltakecaretofollowmydirections.Thenthemicewillhavefoodallthewinter."

"OfcourseYOUcandothat,"observedtheGoblin."Now,Icanonlyappeartopeopleaftertheyhavehadaheavysupperofindigestible

things.Myopportunitieswiththevergeresswouldbelimited.Thereissomeadvantageinbeingasaintafterall."

AllthiswhilethecoinwaslyingattheSaint'sfeet.ItwascleanandglitteringandhadtheElector'sarmsbeautifullystampeduponit.TheSaintbegantoreflectthatsuchanopportunitywastooraretobehastilydisposedof.Perhapsindiscriminatecharitymightbeharmfultothechurchmice.Afterall,itwastheirfunctiontobepoor;theGoblinhadsaidso,andtheGoblinwasgenerallyright.



"I'vebeenthinking,"hesaidtothatpersonage,"thatperhapsitwouldbereallybetterifIorderedathaler'sworthofcandlestobeplacedonmyshrineinsteadofthecorn."

Heoftenwished,forthelookofthething,thatpeoplewouldsometimesburncandlesathisshrine;butastheyhadforgottenwhohewasitwasnotconsideredaprofitablespeculationtopayhimthatattention.

"Candleswouldbemoreorthodox,"saidtheGoblin.

"Moreorthodox,certainly,"agreedtheSaint,"andthemicecouldhavetheendstoeat;candle-endsaremostfattening."

TheGoblinwastoowellbredtowink;besides,beingastonegoblin,itwasoutofthequestion.

***

"Well,ifitain'tthere,sureenough!"saidthevergeressnextmorning.Shetooktheshiningcoindownfromthedustynicheandturneditoverandoverinhergrimyhands.Thensheputittohermouthandbitit.

"Shecan'tbegoingtoeatit,"thoughttheSaint,andfixedherwithhisstonieststare.

"Well,"saidthewoman,inasomewhatshrillerkey,"who'dhavethoughtit!Asaint,too!"

Thenshedidanunaccountablething.Shehuntedanoldpieceoftapeoutofherpocket,andtiedtocrosswise,withabigloop,roundthethaler,andhungitroundtheneckofthelittleSaint.

Thenshewentaway.

"Theonlypossibleexplanation,"saidtheGoblin,"isthatit'sabadone."

***

"Whatisthatdecorationyourneighbouriswearing?"askedawyvernthatwaswroughtintothecapitalofanadjacentpillar.

TheSaintwasreadytocrywithmortification,only,beingofstone,hecouldn't.

"It'sacoinof--ahem!--fabulousvalue,"repliedtheGoblintactfully.

AndthenewswentroundtheCathedralthattheshrineofthelittlestoneSainthadbeenenrichedbyapricelessoffering.

"Afterall,it'ssomethingtohavetheconscienceofagoblin,"saidtheSainttohimself.

Thechurchmicewereaspoorasever.Butthatwastheirfunction.



THESOULOFLAPLOSHKA

LaploshkawasoneofthemeanestmenIhaveevermet,andquiteoneofthemostentertaining.Hesaidhorridthingsaboutotherpeopleinsuchacharmingwaythatoneforgavehimfortheequallyhorridthingshesaidaboutoneselfbehindone'sback.Hatinganythinginthewayofill-naturedgossipourselves,wearealwaysgratefultothosewhodoitforusanddoitwell.AndLaploshkadiditreallywell.

NaturallyLaploshkahadalargecircleofacquaintances,andasheexercisedsomecareintheirselectionitfollowedthatanappreciableproportionweremenwhosebankbalancesenabledthemtoacquiesceindulgentlyinhisratherone-sidedviewsonhospitality.Thus,althoughpossessedofonlymoderatemeans,hewasabletolivecomfortablywithinhisincome,andstillmorecomfortablywithinthoseofvarioustolerantlydisposedassociates.

Buttowardsthepoorortothoseofthesamelimitedresourcesashimselfhisattitudewasoneofwatchfulanxiety;heseemedtobehauntedbyabesettingfearlestsomefractionofashillingor

franc,orwhatevertheprevailingcoinagemightbe,shouldbedivertedfromhispocketorserviceintothatofahard-upcompanion.Atwo-franccigarwouldbecheerfullyofferedtoawealthypatron,ontheprincipleofdoingevilthatgoodmaycome,butIhaveknownhimindulgeinagoniesofperjuryratherthanadmittheincriminatingpossessionofacoppercoinwhenchangewasneededtotipawaiter.Thecoinwouldhavebeendulyreturnedattheearliestopportunity--hewouldhavetakenmeanstoinsureagainstforgetfulnessonthepartoftheborrower--butaccidentsmighthappen,andeventhetemporaryestrangementfromhispennyorsouwasacalamitytobeavoided.

Theknowledgeofthisamiableweaknessofferedaperpetual

temptationtoplayuponLaploshka'sfearsofinvoluntarygenerosity.Toofferhimaliftinacabandpretendnottohaveenoughmoneytopaythefair,toflusterhimwitharequestforasixpencewhenhishandwasfullofsilverjustreceivedinchange,thesewereafewofthepettytormentsthatingenuitypromptedasoccasionafforded.TodojusticetoLaploshka'sresourcefulnessitmustbeadmittedthathealwaysemergedsomehoworotherfromthemostembarrassingdilemmawithoutinanywaycompromisinghisreputationforsaying"No."Butthegodssendopportunitiesatsometimetomostmen,andminecameoneeveningwhenLaploshkaandIweresuppingtogetherinacheapboulevardrestaurant.(Exceptwhenhewasthebiddenguestofsomeonewithanirreproachableincome,Laploshkawaswonttocurbhisappetiteforhighliving;onsuchfortunateoccasionshe

letitgoonaneasysnaffle.)Attheconclusionofthemealasomewhaturgentmessagecalledmeaway,andwithoutheedingmycompanion'sagitatedprotest,Icalledbackcruelly,"Paymyshare;I'llsettlewithyouto-morrow."EarlyonthemorrowLaploshkahuntedmedownbyinstinctasIwalkedalongasidestreetthatIhardlyeverfrequented.Hehadtheairofamanwhohadnotslept.

"Youowemetwofrancsfromlastnight,"washisbreathlessgreeting.



IspokeevasivelyofthesituationinPortugal,wheremoretroubleseemedbrewing.ButLaploshkalistenedwiththeabstractionofthedeafadder,andquicklyreturnedtothesubjectofthetwofrancs.

"I'mafraidImustoweittoyou,"Isaidlightlyandbrutally."Ihaven'tasouintheworld,"andIaddedmendaciously,"I'mgoingawayforsixmonthsorperhapslonger."

Laploshkasaidnothing,buthiseyesbulgedalittleandhischeekstookonthemottledhuesofanethnographicalmapoftheBalkanPeninsula.Thatsameday,atsundown,hedied."Failureoftheheart'saction,"wasthedoctor'sverdict;butI,whoknewbetter,knewthathediedofgrief.

Therearosetheproblemofwhattodowithhistwofrancs.TohavekilledLaploshkawasonething;tohavekepthisbelovedmoneywouldhavearguedacallousnessoffeelingofwhichIamnotcapable.Theordinarysolution,ofgivingittothepoor,wouldbynomeansfitthepresentsituation,fornothingwouldhavedistressedthedeadmanmorethansuchamisuseofhisproperty.Ontheotherhand,thebestowaloftwofrancsontherichwasanoperationwhichcalledforsometact.Aneasywayoutofthedifficultyseemed,however,topresentitselfthefollowingSunday,asIwaswedgedintothecosmopolitancrowdwhichfilledtheside-aisleofoneofthemost

popularParischurches.Acollecting-bag,for"thepoorofMonsieurleCure,"wasbuffetingitstortuouswayacrosstheseeminglyimpenetrablehumansea,andaGermaninfrontofme,whoevidentlydidnotwishhisappreciationofthemagnificentmusictobemarredbyasuggestionofpayment,madeaudiblecriticismstohiscompanionontheclaimsofthesaidcharity.

"Theydonotwantmoney,"hesaid;"theyhavetoomuchmoney.Theyhavenopoor.Theyareallpampered."

Ifthatwerereallythecasemywayseemedclear.IdroppedLaploshka'stwofrancsintothebagwithamurmuredblessingontherichofMonsieurleCure.

SomethreeweekslaterchancehadtakenmetoVienna,andIsatoneeveningregalingmyselfinahumblebutexcellentlittleGasthausupintheWahringerquarter.Theappointmentswereprimitive,buttheSchnitzel,thebeer,andthecheesecouldnothavebeenimprovedon.Goodcheerbroughtgoodcustom,andwiththeexceptionofonesmalltablenearthedooreveryplacewasoccupied.Half-waythroughmymealIhappenedtoglanceinthedirectionofthatemptyseat,andsawthatitwasnolongerempty.PoringoverthebilloffarewiththeabsorbedscrutinyofonewhoseeksthecheapestamongthecheapwasLaploshka.Oncehelookedacrossatme,withacomprehensiveglanceatmyrepast,asthoughtosay,"Itismytwofrancsyouareeating,"andthenlookedswiftlyaway.Evidentlythepoorof

MonsieurleCurehadbeengenuinepoor.TheSchnitzelturnedtoleatherinmymouth,thebeerseemedtepid;IlefttheEmmenthaleruntasted.Myoneideawastogetawayfromtheroom,awayfromthetablewhereTHATwasseated;andasIfledIfeltLaploshka'sreproachfuleyeswatchingtheamountthatIgavetothepiccolo--outofhistwofrancs.IlunchednextdayatanexpensiverestaurantwhichIfeltsurethatthelivingLaploshkawouldneverhaveenteredonhisownaccount,andIhopedthatthedeadLaploshkawouldobservethesamebarriers.Iwasnotmistaken,butasIcameoutIfoundhimmiserablystudyingthebilloffarestuckuponthe



portals.Thenheslowlymadehiswayovertoamilk-hall.ForthefirsttimeinmyexperienceImissedthecharmandgaietyofViennalife.

Afterthat,inParisorLondonorwhereverIhappenedtobe,IcontinuedtoseeagooddealofLaploshka.IfIhadaseatinaboxatatheatreIwasalwaysconsciousofhiseyesfurtivelywatchingmefromthedimrecessesofthegallery.AsIturnedintomyclubonarainyafternoonIwouldseehimtakinginadequateshelterinadoorwayopposite.EvenifIindulgedinthemodestluxuryofapennychairintheParkhegenerallyconfrontedmefromoneofthefreebenches,neverstaringatme,butalwayselaboratelyconsciousofmypresence.Myfriendsbegantocommentonmychangedlooks,andadvisedmetoleaveoffheapsofthings.IshouldhavelikedtohaveleftoffLaploshka.

OnacertainSunday--itwasprobablyEaster,forthecrushwasworsethanever--IwasagainwedgedintothecrowdlisteningtothemusicinthefashionableParischurch,andagainthecollection-bagwasbuffetingitswayacrossthehumansea.AnEnglishladybehindmewasmakingineffectualeffortstoconveyacoinintothestilldistantbag,soItookthemoneyatherrequestandhelpeditforwardtoitsdestination.Itwasatwo-francpiece.Aswiftinspirationcametome,andImerelydroppedmyownsouintothebag

andslidthesilvercoinintomypocket.IhadwithdrawnLaploshka'stwofrancsfromthepoor,whoshouldneverhavehadthelegacy.AsIbackedawayfromthecrowdIheardawoman'svoicesay,"Idon'tbelieveheputmymoneyinthebag.ThereareswarmsofpeopleinParislikethat!"Butmymindwaslighterthatithadbeenforalongtime.

Thedelicatemissionofbestowingtheretrievedsumonthedeservingrichstillconfrontedme.AgainItrustedtotheinspirationofaccident,andagainfortunefavouredme.Ashowerdroveme,twodayslater,intooneofthehistoricchurchesontheleftbankoftheSeine,andthereIfound,peeringattheoldwood-carvings,theBaronR.,oneofthewealthiestandmostshabbilydressedmenin

Paris.Itwasnowornever.PuttingastrongAmericaninflectionintotheFrenchwhichIusuallytalkedwithanunmistakableBritishaccent,IcatechisedtheBaronastothedateofthechurch'sbuilding,itsdimensions,andotherdetailswhichanAmericantouristwouldbecertaintowanttoknow.HavingacquiredsuchinformationastheBaronwasabletoimpartonshortnotice,Isolemnlyplacedthetwo-francpieceinhishand,withtheheartyassurancethatitwas"pourvous,"andturnedtogo.TheBaronwasslightlytakenaback,butacceptedthesituationwithagoodgrace.Walkingovertoasmallboxfixedinthewall,hedroppedLaploshka'stwofrancsintotheslot.Overtheboxwastheinscription,"PourlespauvresdeM.leCure."

Thatevening,atthecrowdedcornerbytheCafedelaPaix,IcaughtafleetingglimpseofLaploshka.Hesmiled,slightlyraisedhishat,andvanished.Ineversawhimagain.Afterall,themoneyhadbeenGIVENtothedeservingrich,andthesoulofLaploshkawasatpeace.

THEBAG



"TheMajoriscomingintotea,"saidMrs.Hoopingtontoherniece."He'sjustgoneroundtothestableswithhishorse.Beasbrightandlivelyasyoucan;thepoorman'sgotafitoftheglooms."

MajorPallabywasavictimofcircumstances,overwhichhehadnocontrol,andofhistemper,overwhichhehadverylittle.HehadtakenontheMastershipofthePexdaleHoundsinsuccessiontoahighlypopularmanwhohadfallenfoulofhiscommittee,andtheMajorfoundhimselfconfrontedwiththeoverthostilityofatleasthalfthehunt,whilehislackoftactandamiabilityhaddonemuchtoalienatetheremainder.Hencesubscriptionswerebeginningtofalloff,foxesgrewprovokinglyscarcer,andwireobtrudeditselfwithincreasingfrequency.TheMajorcouldpleadreasonableexcuseforhisfitoftheglooms.

InrangingherselfasapartisanonthesideofMajorPallabyMrs.Hoopingtonhadbeenlargelyinfluencedbythefactthatshehadmadeuphermindtomarryhimatanearlydate.Againsthisnotoriousbadtempershesethisthreethousandayear,andhisprospectivesuccessiontoabaronetcygaveacastingvoteinhisfavour.TheMajor'splansonthesubjectofmatrimonywerenotatpresentinsuchanadvancedstageasMrs.Hoopington's,buthewasbeginningto

findhiswayovertoHoopingtonHallwithafrequencythatwasalreadybeingcommentedon.

"Hehadawretchedlythinfieldoutagainyesterday,"saidMrs.Hoopington."Whyyoudidn'tbringoneortwohuntingmendownwithyou,insteadofthatstupidRussianboy,Ican'tthink."

"Vladimirisn'tstupid,"protestedherniece;"he'soneofthemostamusingboysIevermet.Justcomparehimforamomentwithsomeofyourheavyhuntingmen--"

"Anyhow,mydearNorah,hecan'tride."

"Russiansnevercan;butheshoots."

"Yes;andwhatdoesheshoot?Yesterdayhebroughthomeawoodpeckerinhisgame-bag."

"Buthe'dshotthreepheasantsandsomerabbitsaswell."

"That'snoexcuseforincludingawoodpeckerinhisgame-bag."

"Foreignersgoinformixedbagsmorethanwedo.AGrandDukepotsavulturejustasseriouslyasweshouldstalkabustard.Anyhow,I'veexplainedtoVladimirthatcertainbirdsarebeneathhisdignityasasportsman.Andashe'sonlynineteen,ofcourse,his

dignityisasurethingtoappealto."

Mrs.Hoopingtonsniffed.MostpeoplewithwhomVladimircameincontactfoundhishighspiritsinfectious,buthispresenthostesswasguaranteedimmuneagainstinfectionofthatsort.

"Ihearhimcominginnow,"sheobserved."Ishallgoandgetreadyfortea.We'regoingtohaveithereinthehall.EntertaintheMajorifhecomesinbeforeI'mdown,and,aboveall,bebright."



shrift,"saidMrs.Hoopington.

Norahfoundherwaymechanicallytothetea-tableandmadeherfingersfranticallybusyinrearrangingtheparsleyroundthesandwichdish.OnonesideofherloomedthemorosecountenanceoftheMajor,ontheothershewasconsciousofthescared,miserableeyesofVladimir.AndaboveitallhungTHAT.Shedarednotraisehereyesabovethelevelofthetea-table,andshealmostexpectedtoseeaspotofaccusingvulpineblooddripdownandstainthewhitenessofthecloth.Heraunt'smannersignalledtohertherepeatedmessageto"bebright";forthepresentshewasfullyoccupiedinkeepingherteethfromchattering.

"Whatdidyoushootto-day?"askedMrs.HoopingtonsuddenlyoftheunusuallysilentVladimir.

"Nothing--nothingworthspeakingof,"saidtheboy.

Norah'sheart,whichhadstoodstillforaspace,madeupforlosttimewithamostdisturbingbound.

"Iwishyou'dfindsomethingthatwasworthspeakingabout,"saidthehostess;"everyoneseemstohavelosttheirtongues."

"WhendidSmitherslastseethatfox?"saidtheMajor.

"Yesterdaymorning;afinedog-fox,withadarkbrush,"confidedMrs.Hoopington.

"Aha,we'llhaveagoodgallopafterthatbrushto-morrow,"saidtheMajor,withatransientgleamofgoodhumour.Andthengloomysilencesettledagainroundtheteatable,asilencebrokenonlybydespondentmunchingsandtheoccasionalfeverishrattleofateaspooninitssaucer.AdiversionwasatlastaffordedbyMrs.Hoopington'sfox-terrier,whichhadjumpedontoavacantchair,thebettertosurveythedelicaciesofthetable,andwasnowsniffinginanupwarddirectionatsomethingapparentlymoreinterestingthan

coldtea-cake.

"Whatisexcitinghim?"askedhismistress,asthedogsuddenlybrokeintoshortangrybarks,witharunningaccompanimentoftremulouswhines.

"Why,"shecontinued,"it'syourgamebag,Vladimir!WhatHAVEyougotinit?"

"ByGad,"saidtheMajor,whowasnowstandingup;"there'saprettywarmscent!"

AndthenasimultaneousideaflashedonhimselfandMrs.Hoopington.

Theirfacesflushedtodistinctbutharmonioustonesofpurple,andwithoneaccusingvoicetheyscreamed,"You'veshotthefox!"

NorahtriedhastilytopalliateVladimir'smisdeedintheireyes,butitisdoubtfulwhethertheyheardher.TheMajor'sfuryclothedandreclotheditselfinwordsasfranticallyasawomanupintownforoneday'sshoppingtriesonasuccessionofgarments.Hereviledandrailedatfateandthegeneralschemeofthings,hepitiedhimselfwithastrong,deeppitytoopoignentfortears,hecondemnedeveryonewithwhomhehadevercomeincontacttoendless



andabnormalpunishments.Infact,heconveyedtheimpressionthatifadestroyingangelhadbeenlenttohimforaweekitwouldhavehadverylittletimeforprivatestudy.InthelullsofhisoutcrycouldbeheardthequerulousmonotoneofMrs.Hoopingtonandthesharpstaccatobarkingofthefox-terrier.Vladimir,whodidnotunderstandatitheofwhatwasbeingsaid,satfondlingacigaretteandrepeatingunderhisbreathfromtimetotimeavigorousEnglishadjectivewhichhehadlongagotakenaffectionatelyintohisvocabulary.HismindstrayedbacktotheyouthintheoldRussianfolk-talewhoshotanenchantedbirdwithdramaticresults.Meanwhile,theMajor,roamingroundthehalllikeanimprisonedcyclone,hadcaughtsightofandjoyfullypouncedonthetelephoneapparatus,andlostnotimeinringingupthehuntsecretaryandannouncinghisresignationoftheMastership.Aservanthadbythistimebroughthishorseroundtothedoor,andinafewsecondsMrs.Hoopington'sshrillmonotonehadthefieldtoitself.ButaftertheMajor'sdisplayherbesteffortsatvocalviolencemissedtheirfulleffect;itwasasthoughonehadcomestraightoutfromaWagneroperaintoarathertamethunderstorm.Realising,perhaps,thathertiradesweresomethingofananticlimax,Mrs.Hoopingtonbrokesuddenlyintosomerathernecessarytearsandmarchedoutoftheroom,leavingbehindherasilencealmostasterribleastheturmoilwhichhadprecededit.

"WhatshallIdowith--THAT?"askedVladimiratlast.

"Buryit,"saidNorah.

"Justplainburial?"saidVladimir,ratherrelieved.Hehadalmostexpectedthatsomeofthelocalclergywouldhaveinsistedonbeingpresent,orthatasalutemighthavetobefiredoverthegrave.

AndthusitcametopassthatintheduskofaNovembereveningtheRussianboy,murmuringafewoftheprayersofhisChurchforluck,gavehastybutdecentburialtoalargepolecatunderthelilactreesatHoopington.

THESTRATEGIST

Mrs.Jallatt'syoungpeople'spartieswereseverelyexclusive;itcamecheaperthatway,becauseyoucouldaskfewertothem.Mrs.Jallattdidn'tstudycheapness,butsomehowshegenerallyattainedit.

"There'llbeabouttengirls,"speculatedRollo,ashedrovetothefunction,"andIsupposefourfellows,unlesstheWrotsleysbring

theircousin,whichHeavenforbid.ThatwouldmeanJackandmeagainstthreeofthem."

RolloandtheWrotsleybrethrenhadmaintainedanundyingfeudalmostfromnurserydays.Theyonlymetnowandthenintheholidays,andthemeetingwasusuallytragicforwhicheverhappenedtohavethefewestbackersonhand.Rollowascountingto-nightonthepresenceofadevotedandmuscularpartisantoholdanevenbalance.Ashearrivedheheardhisprospectivechampion'ssisterapologisingtothehostessfortheunavoidableabsenceofher



brother;amomentlaterhenotedthattheWrotsleysHADbroughttheircousin.

Twoagainstthreewouldhavebeenexcitingandpossiblyunpleasant;oneagainstthreepromisedtobeaboutasamusingasavisittothedentist.Rolloorderedhiscarriageforasearlyaswasdecentlypossible,andfacedthecompanywithasmilethatheimaginedthebettersortofaristocratwouldhavewornwhenmountingtotheguillotine.

"Sogladyouwereabletocome,"saidtheelderWrotsleyheartily.

"Now,youchildrenwillliketoplaygames,Isuppose,"saidMrs.Jallatt,bywayofgivingthingsastart,andastheyweretoowell-bredtocontradictherthereonlyremainedthequestionofwhattheyweretoplayat.

"Iknowofagoodgame,"saidtheelderWrotsleyinnocently."Thefellowsleavetheroomandthinkofaword;thentheycomebackagain,andthegirlshavetofindoutwhatthewordis."

Rolloknewthegame.Hewouldhavesuggestedithimselfifhisfactionhadbeeninthemajority.

"Itdoesn'tpromisetobeveryexciting,"sniffedthesuperiorDoloresSneepastheboysfiledoutoftheroom.Rollothoughtdifferently.HetrustedtoProvidencethatWrotsleyhadnothingworsethanknottedhandkerchiefsathisdisposal.

Theword-chooserslockedthemselvesinthelibrarytoensurethattheirdeliberationsshouldnotbeinterrupted.Providenceturnedouttobenotevendecentlyneutral;onarackonthelibrarywallwereadog-whipandawhaleboneriding-switch.Rollothoughtitcriminalnegligencetoleavesuchweaponsofprecisionlyingabout.Hewasgivenachoiceofevils,andchosethedog-whip;thenextminuteorsohespentinwonderinghowhecouldhavemadesuchastupidselection.Thentheywentbacktothelanguidlyexpectant

females.

"Theword's'camel,'"announcedtheWrotsleycousinblunderingly.

"Youstupid!"screamedthegirls,"we'vegottoGUESStheword.Nowyou'llhavetogobackandthinkofanother."

"Notforworlds,"saidRollo;"Imean,thewordisn'treallycamel;wewererotting.Pretendit'sdromedary!"hewhisperedtotheothers.

"Iheardthemsay'dromedary'!Iheardthem.Idon'tcarewhatyousay;Iheardthem,"squealedtheodiousDolores."Withearsaslong

ashersonewouldhearanything,"thoughtRollosavagely.

"Weshallhavetogoback,Isuppose,"saidtheelderWrotsleyresignedly.

Theconclavelockeditselfoncemoreintothelibrary."Lookhere,I'mnotgoingthroughthatdog-whipbusinessagain,"protestedRollo.

"Certainlynot,dear,"saidtheelderWrotsley;"we'lltrythe



whaleboneswitchthistime,andyou'llknowwhichhurtsmost.It'sonlybypersonalexperiencethatonefindsoutthesethings."

ItwasswiftlyborneinuponRollothathisearlierselectionofthedog-whiphadbeenareallysoundone.Theconclavegavehisunder-liptimetosteadyitselfwhileitdebatedthechoiceofthenecessaryword."Mustang"wasnogood,ashalfthegirlswouldn'tknowwhatitmeant;finally"quagga"waspitchedon.

"Youmustcomeandsitdownoverhere,"chorusedtheinvestigatingcommitteeontheirreturn;butRollowasobdurateininsistingthatthequestionedpersonalwaysstoodup.Onthewhole,itwasareliefwhenthegamewasendedandsupperwasannounced.

Mrs.Jallattdidnotstintheryoungguests,butthemoreexpensivedelicaciesofhersupper-tablewereneverunnecessarilyduplicated,anditwasusuallygoodpolicytotakewhatyouwantedwhileitwasstillthere.Onthisoccasionshehadprovidedsixteenpeachesto"goround"amongfourteenchildren;itwasreallynotherfaultthatthetwoWrotsleysandtheircousin,foreseeingthelongfoodlessdrivehome,hadeachquietlypocketedanextrapeach,butitwasdistinctlytryingforDoloresandthefatandgood-naturedAgnesBlaiktobeleftwithonepeachbetweenthem.

"Isupposewehadbetterhalveit,"saidDoloressourly.

ButAgneswasfatfirstandgood-naturedafterwards;thosewereherguidingprinciplesinlife.ShewasprofuseinhersympathyforDolores,butshehastilydevouredthepeach,explainingthatitwouldspoilittodivideit;thejuiceranoutso.

"Nowwhatwouldyouallliketodo?"demandedMrs.Jallattbywayofdiversion."TheprofessionalconjurerwhomIhadengagedhasfailedmeatthelastmoment.Cananyofyourecite?"

Thereweresymptomsofageneralpanic.Doloreswasknowntorecite"LocksleyHall"ontheleastprovocation.Therehadbeenoccasions

whenheropeningline,"Comrades,leavemeherealittle,"hadbeentakenasaliteralinjunctionbyalargesectionofherhearers.TherewasamurmurofreliefwhenRollohastilydeclaredthathecoulddoafewconjuringtricks.Hehadneverdoneoneinhislife,butthosetwovisitstothelibraryhadgoadedhimtounusualrecklessness.

"You'veseenconjuringchapstakecoinsandcardsoutofpeople,"heannounced;"well,I'mgoingtotakemoreinterestingthingsoutofsomeofyou.Mice,forinstance."

"Notmice!"

Ashrillprotestrose,ashehadforeseen,fromthemajorityofhisaudience.

"Well,fruit,them."

Theamendedproposalwasreceivedwithapproval.Agnespositivelybeamed.

WithoutmoreadoRollomadestraightforhistrioofenemies,plungedhishandsuccessivelyintotheirbreast-pockets,and



producedthreepeaches.Therewasnoapplause,butnoamountofhand-clappingwouldhavegiventheperformerasmuchpleasureasthesilencewhichgreetedhiscoup.

"Ofcourse,wewereintheknow,"saidtheWrotsleycousinlamely.

"That'sdoneit,"chuckledRollotohimself.

"IftheyHADbeenconfederatestheywouldhavesworntheyknewnothingaboutit,"saidDolores,withpiercingconviction.

"Doyouknowanymoretricks?"askedMrs.Jallatthurriedly.

Rollodidnot.Hehintedthathemighthavechangedthethreepeachesintosomethingelse,butAgneshadalreadyconvertedoneintogirl-food,sonothingmorecouldbedoneinthatdirection.

"Iknowagame,"saidtheelderWrotsleyheavily,"wherethefellowsgooutoftheroom,andthinkofsomecharacterinhistory;thentheycomebackandacthim,andthegirlshavetoguesswhoit'smeantfor."

"I'mafraidImustbegoing,"saidRollotohishostess.

"Yourcarriagewon'tbehereforanothertwentyminutes,"saidMrs.Jallatt.

"It'ssuchafineeveningIthinkI'llwalkandmeetit."

"It'srainingrathersteadilyatpresent.You'vejusttimetoplaythathistoricalgame."

"Wehaven'theardDoloresrecite,"saidRollodesperately;assoonashehadsaiditherealisedhismistake.Confrontedwiththealternativeof"LocksleyHall,"publicopiniondeclaredunanimouslyforthehistorygame.

Rolloplayedhislastcard.InanundertonemeantapparentlyfortheWrotsleyboy,butcarefullypitchedtoreachAgnes,heobserved-

"Allright,oldman;we'llgoandfinishthosechocolatesweleftinthelibrary."

"Ithinkit'sonlyfairthatthegirlsshouldtaketheirturningoingout,"exclaimedAgnesbriskly.Shewasgreatonfairness.

"Nonsense,"saidtheothers;"therearetoomanyofus."

"Well,fourofuscango.I'llbeoneofthem."

AndAgnesdartedofftowardsthelibrary,followedbythreelesseagerdamsels.

RollosankintoachairandsmiledeversofaintlyattheWrotsleys,justamomentarybaringoftheteeth;anotter,escapingfromthefangsofthehoundsintothesafetyofadeeppool,mighthavegivenasimilardemonstrationoffeelings.

Fromthelibrarycamethesoundofmovingfurniture.Agneswas



leavingnothingunturnedinherquestforthemythicalchocolates.Andthencameamoreblessedsound,wheelscrunchingwetgravel.

"Ithasbeenamostenjoyableevening,"saidRollotohishostess.

CROSSCURRENTS

VanessaPenningtonhadahusbandwhowaspoor,withfewextenuatingcircumstances,andanadmirerwho,thoughcomfortablyrich,wascumberedwithasenseofhonour.HiswealthmadehimwelcomeinVanessa'seyes,buthiscodeofwhatwasrightimpelledhimtogoawayandforgether,oratthemosttothinkofherintheintervalsofdoingagreatmanyotherthings.AndalthoughAlaricClydelovedVanessa,andthoughtheshouldalwaysgoonlovingher,hegraduallyandunconsciouslyallowedhimselftobewooedandwonbyamorealluringmistress;hefanciedthathiscontinuedshunningofthehauntsofmenwasaself-imposedexile,buthisheartwascaughtinthespelloftheWilderness,andtheWildernesswaskindandbeautifultohim.Whenoneisyoungandstrongandunfetteredthewildearthcanbeverykindandverybeautiful.Witnessthelegion

ofmenwhowereonceyoungandunfetteredandnoweatouttheirsoulsindustbins,because,havingerstwhileknownandlovedtheWilderness,theybrokefromherthrallandturnedasideintobeatenpaths.

InthehighwasteplacesoftheworldClyderoamedandhuntedanddreamed,death-dealingandgraciousassomegodofHellas,movingwithhishorsesandservantsandfour-footedcampfollowersfromonedwellinggroundtoanother,awelcomeguestamongwildprimitivevillagefolkandnomads,afriendandslayerofthefleet,shybeastsaroundhim.Bytheshoresofmistyuplandlakesheshotthewildfowlthathadwingedtheirwaytohimacrosshalftheoldworld;beyondBokharahewatchedthewildAryanhorsemenattheir

gambols;watched,too,insomedim-littea-houseoneofthosebeautifuluncouthdancesthatonecanneverwhollyforget;or,makingawidecastdowntothevalleyoftheTigris,swamandrolledinitssnow-cooledracingwaters.Vanessa,meanwhile,inaBayswaterbackstreet,wasmakingouttheweeklylaundrylist,attendingbargainsales,and,inhermoreadventurousmoments,tryingnewwaysofcookingwhiting.Occasionallyshewenttobridgeparties,where,iftheplaywasnotilluminating,atleastonelearnedagreatdealabouttheprivatelifeofsomeoftheRoyalandImperialHouses.Vanessa,inaway,wasgladthatClydehaddonetheproperthing.Shehadastrongnaturalbiastowardsrespectability,thoughshewouldhavepreferredtohavebeenrespectableinsmartersurroundings,whereherexamplewouldhave

donemoregood.Tobebeyondreproachwasonething,butitwouldhavebeennicertohavebeennearertothePark.

AndthenofasuddenherregardforrespectabilityandClyde'ssenseofwhatwasrightwerethrownonthescrap-heapofunnecessarythings.Theyhadbeenusefulandhighlyimportantintheirtime,butthedeathofVanessa'shusbandmadethemofnoimmediatemoment.

ThenewsofthealteredconditionofthingsfollowedClydewithleisurelypersistencefromoneplaceofcalltoanother,andatlast



ranhimtoastandstillsomewhereintheOrenburgSteppe.Hewouldhavefounditexceedinglydifficulttoanalysehisfeelingsonreceiptofthetidings.TheFateshadunexpectedly(andperhapsjustalittleofficiously)removedanobstaclefromhispath.Hesupposedhewasoverjoyed,buthemissedthefeelingofelationwhichhehadexperiencedsomefourmonthsagowhenhehadbaggedasnow-leopardwithaluckyshotafteraday'sfruitlessstalking.OfcoursehewouldgobackandaskVanessatomarryhim,buthewasdeterminedonenforcingacondition;onnoaccountwouldhedeserthisnewerlove.VanessawouldhavetoagreetocomeoutintotheWildernesswithhim.

Theladyhailedthereturnofherloverwithevenmorereliefthanhadbeenoccasionedbyhisdeparture.ThedeathofJohnPenningtonhadlefthiswidowincircumstanceswhichweremorestraitenedthanever,andtheParkhadrecededevenfromhernotepaper,whereithadlongbeenretainedasacourtesytitleontheprinciplethataddressesaregiventoustoconcealourwhereabouts.Certainlyshewasmoreindependentnowthanheretofore,butindependence,whichmeanssomuchtomanywomen,wasoflittleaccounttoVanessa,whocameundertheheadingofthemerefemale.ShemadelittleadoaboutacceptingClyde'scondition,andannouncedherselfreadytofollowhimtotheendoftheworld;astheworldwasroundshenourishedacomplacentideathatintheordinarycourseofthings

onewouldfindoneselfintheneighbourhoodofHydeParkCornersoonerorlaternomatterhowfarafieldonewandered.

EastofBudapesthercomplacencybegantofilteraway,andwhenshesawherhusbandtreatingtheBlackSeawithafamiliaritywhichshehadneverbeenabletoassumetowardstheEnglishChannel,misgivingsbegantocrowdinuponher.Adventureswhichwouldhavepresentedanamusingandenticingaspecttoabetter-bredwomanarousedinVanessaonlythetwinsensationsoffrightanddiscomfort.Fliesbither,andshewaspersuadedthatitwasonlysheerboredomthatpreventedcamelsfromdoingthesame.Clydedidhisbest,andaverygoodbestitwas,toinfusesomethingofthebanquetintotheirprolongeddesertpicnics,butevensnow-cooled

Heidsiecklostitsflavourwhenyouwereconvincedthattheduskycupbearerwhoserveditwithsuchreverentelegancewasonlywaitingaconvenientopportunitytocutyourthroat.ItwasuselessforClydetogiveYussufacharacterfordevotionsuchasisrarelyfoundinanyWesternservant.Vanessawaswellenougheducatedtoknowthatalldusky-skinnedpeopletakehumanlifeasunconcernedlyasBayswaterfolktakesinginglessons.

Andwithagrowingirritationandquerulousnessonherpartcameafurtherdisenchantment,bornoftheinabilityofhusbandandwifetofindacommongroundofinterest.Thehabitsandmigrationsofthesandgrouse,thefolkloreandcustomsofTartarsandTurkomans,thepointsofaCossackpony--thesewerematterwhichevokedonlya

boredindifferenceinVanessa.Ontheotherhand,ClydewasnotthrilledonbeinginformedthattheQueenofSpaindetestedmauve,orthatacertainRoyalduchess,forwhosetasteshewasneverlikelytobecalledontocater,nursedaviolentbutperfectlyrespectablepassionforbeefolives.

Vanessabegantoarriveattheconclusionthatahusbandwhoaddedarovingdispositiontoasettledincomewasamixedblessing.Itwasonethingtogototheendoftheworld;itwasquiteanotherthingtomakeoneselfathomethere.Evenrespectabilityseemedtolose



someofitsvirtuewhenonepractiseditinatent.

Boredanddisillusionedwiththedriftofhernewlife,VanessawasundisguisedlygladwhendistractionoffereditselfinthepersonofMr.Dobrinton,achanceacquaintancewhomtheyhadfirstrunagainstintheprimitivehostelryofabenightedCaucasiantown.DobrintonwaselaboratelyBritish,indeferenceperhapstothememoryofhismother,whowassaidtohavederivedpartofheroriginfromanEnglishgovernesswhohadcometoLembergalongwaybackinthelastcentury.IfyouhadcalledhimDobrinskiwhenoffhisguardhewouldprobablyhaverespondedreadilyenough;holding,nodoubt,thattheendcrownsall,hehadtakenaslightlibertywiththefamilypatronymic.Tolookat,Mr.Dobrintonwasnotaveryattractivespecimenofmasculinehumanity,butinVanessa'seyeshewasalinkwiththatcivilisationwhichClydeseemedsoreadytoignoreandforgo.Hecouldsing"Yip-I-Addy"andspokeofseveralduchessesasifheknewthem--inhismoreinspiredmomentsalmostasiftheyknewhim.HeevenpointedoutblemishesinthecuisineorcellardepartmentsofsomeofthemoreaugustLondonrestaurants,aspeciesofHigherCriticismwhichwaslistenedtobyVanessainawe-strickenadmiration.And,aboveall,hesympathised,atfirstdiscreetly,afterwardswithmorelatitude,withherfretfuldiscontentatClyde'snomadicinstincts.Businessconnectedwithoil-wellshadbroughtDobrintontotheneighbourhoodofBaku;the

pleasureofappealingtoanappreciativefemaleaudienceinducedhimtodeflecthisreturnjourneysoastocoincideagooddealwithhisnewaquaintances'lineofmarch.AndwhileClydetraffickedwithPersianhorse-dealersorhuntedthewildgreypigsintheirlairsandaddedtohisnotesonCentralAsiangame-fowl,Dobrintonandtheladydiscussedtheethicsofdesertrespectabilityfrompointsofviewthatshowedadailytendencytoconverge.AndoneeveningClydedinedalone,readingbetweenthecoursesalongletterfromVanessa,justifyingheractioninflittingtomorecivilisedlandswithamorecongenialcompanion.

ItwasdistinctlyevilluckforVanessa,whoreallywasthoroughlyrespectableatheart,thatsheandherlovershouldrunintothe

handsofKurdishbrigandsonthefirstdayoftheirflight.TobemewedupinasqualidKurdishvillageinclosecompanionshipwithamanwhowasonlyyourhusbandbyadoption,andtohavetheattentionofallEuropedrawntoyourplight,wasabouttheleastrespectablethingthatcouldhappen.Andtherewereinternationalcomplications,whichmadethingsworse."Englishladyandherhusband,offoreignnationality,heldbyKurdishbrigandswhodemandransom"hadbeenthereportofthenearestConsul.AlthoughDobrintonwasBritishatheart,theotherportionsofhimbelongedtotheHabsburgs,andthoughtheHabsburgstooknogreatprideorpleasureinthisparticularunitoftheirwideandvariedpossessions,andwouldgladlyhaveexchangedhimforsomeinterestingbirdormammalfortheSchoenbrunnPark,thecodeof

internationaldignitydemandedthattheyshoulddisplayadecentsolicitudeforhisrestoration.AndwhiletheForeignOfficesofthetwocountriesweretakingtheusualstepstosecurethereleaseoftheirrespectivesubjectsafurtherhorriblecomplicationensued.Clyde,followingonthetrackofthefugitives,notwithanyspecialdesiretoovertakethem,butwithadimfeelingthatitwasexpectedofhim,fellintothehandsofthesamecommunityofbrigands.Diplomacy,whileanxioustodoitsbestforaladyinmisfortune,showedsignsofbecomingrestiveatthisexpansionofitstask;asafrivolousyounggentlemaninDowningStreetremarked,"Anyhusband



ofMrs.Dobrinton'sweshallbegladtoextricate,butletusknowhowmanythereareofthem."ForawomanwhovaluedrespectabilityVanessareallyhadnoluck.

Meanwhilethesituationofthecaptiveswasnotfreefromembarrassment.WhenClydeexplainedtotheKurdishheadmenthenatureofhisrelationshipwiththerunawaycoupletheyweregravelysympathetic,butvetoedanyideaofsummaryvengeance,sincetheHabsburgswouldbesuretoinsistonthedeliveryofDobrintonalive,andinareasonablyundamagedcondition.TheydidnotobjecttoClydeadministeringabeatingtohisrivalforhalfanhoureveryMondayandThursday,butDobrintonturnedsuchasicklygreenwhenheheardofthisarrangementthatthechiefwasobligedtowithdrawtheconcession.

Andso,inthecrampedquartersofamountainhut,theill-assortedtriowatchedtheinsufferablehourscrawlslowlyby.Dobrintonwastoofrightenedtobeconversational,Vanessawastoomortifiedtoopenherlips,andClydewasmoodilysilent.ThelittleLimbergnegociantpluckedupheartoncetogiveaquaveringrenderingof"Yip-I-Addy,"butwhenhereachedthestatement"homewasneverlikethis"Vanessatearfullybeggedhimtostop.Andsilencefasteneditselfwithgrowinginsistenceonthethreecaptiveswhoweresotragicallyherdedtogether;thriceadaytheydrewneartoone

anothertoswallowthemealthathadbeenpreparedforthem,likedesertbeastsmeetinginmutesuspendedhostilityatthedrinkingpool,andthendrewbacktoresumethevigilofwaiting.

Clydewaslesscarefullywatchedthantheothers."Jealousywillkeephimtothewoman'sside,"thoughthisKurdishcaptors.Theydidnotknowthathiswilder,truerlovewascallingtohimwithahundredvoicesfrombeyondthevillagebounds.Andoneevening,findingthathewasnotgettingtheattentiontowhichhewasentitled,ClydeslippedawaydownthemountainsideandresumedhisstudyofCentralAsiangame-fowl.Theremainingcaptiveswereguardedhenceforthwithgreaterrigour,butDobrintonatanyratescarcelyregrettedClyde'sdeparture.

Thelongarm,orperhapsonemightbettersaythelongpurse,ofdiplomacyatlasteffectedthereleaseoftheprisoners,buttheHabsburgswerenevertoenjoytheguerdonoftheiroutlay.OnthequayofthelittleBlackSeaport,wheretherescuedpaircameoncemoreintocontactwithcivilisation,Dobrintonwasbittenbyadogwhichwasassumedtobemad,thoughitmayonlyhavebeenindiscriminating.Thevictimdidnotwaitforsymptomsofrabiestodeclarethemselves,butdiedforthwithoffright,andVanessamadethehomewardjourneyalone,conscioussomehowofasenseofslightlyrestoredrespectability.Clyde,intheintervalsofcorrectingtheproofsofhisbookonthegame-fowlofCentralAsia,foundtimetopressadivorcesuitthroughtheCourts,andassoonaspossible

hiedhimawaytothecongenialsolitudesoftheGobiDeserttocollectmaterialforaworkonthefaunaofthatregion.Vanessa,byvirtueperhapsofherearlierintimacywiththecookingritesofthewhiting,obtainedaplaceonthekitchenstaffofaWestEndclub.Itwasnotbrilliant,butatleastitwaswithintwominutesofthePark.

THEBAKER'SDOZEN



Characters-

MAJORRICHARDDUMBARTONMRS.CAREWEMRS.PALY-PAGET

Scene--Deckofeastward-boundsteamer.MajorDumbartonseatedondeck-chair,anotherchairbyhisside,withthename"Mrs.Carewe"paintedonit,athirdnearby.

(EnterR.Mrs.Carewe,seatsherselfleisurelyinherdeck-chair,theMajoraffectingtoignoreherpresence.)

Major(turningsuddenly):Emily!Afteralltheseyears!Thisisfate!

Em.:Fate!Nothingofthesort;it'sonlyme.Youmenarealwayssuchfatalists.Ideferredmydeparturethreewholeweeks,inordertocomeoutinthesameboatthatIsawyouweretravellingby.Ibribedthestewardtoputoutchairssidebysideinanunfrequentedcorner,andItookenormouspainstobelookingparticularly

attractivethismorning,andthenyousay"Thisisfate."IAMlookingparticularlyattractive,amInot?

Maj.:Morethanever.Timehasonlyaddedaripenesstoyourcharms.

Em.:Iknewyou'dputitexactlyinthosewords.Thephraseologyoflove-makingisawfullylimited,isn'tit?Afterall,thechiefcharmisinthefactofbeingmadeloveto.YouAREmakinglovetome,aren'tyou?

Maj.:Emilydearest,Ihadalreadybegunmakingadvances,evenbeforeyousatdownhere.Ialsobribedthestewardtoputour

seatstogetherinasecludedcorner."Youmayconsideritdone,sir,"washisreply.Thatwasimmediatelyafterbreakfast.

Em.:Howlikeamantohavehisbreakfastfirst.IattendedtotheseatbusinessassoonasIleftmycabin.

Maj.:Don'tbeunreasonable.ItwasonlyatbreakfastthatIdiscoveredyourblessedpresenceontheboat.Ipaidviolentandunusualattentiontoaflapperallthroughthemealinordertomakeyoujealous.She'sprobablyinhercabinwritingreamsaboutmetoafellow-flapperatthisverymoment.

Em.:Youneedn'thavetakenallthattroubletomakemejealous,

Dickie.Youdidthatyearsago,whenyoumarriedanotherwoman.

Maj.:Well,youhadgoneandmarriedanotherman--awidower,too,atthat.

Em.:Well,there'snoparticularharminmarryingawidower,Isuppose.I'mreadytodoitagain,ifImeetareallyniceone.

Maj.:Lookhere,Emily,it'snotfairtogoatthatrate.You'realapaheadofmethewholetime.It'smyplacetoproposetoyou;



allyou'vegottodoistosay"Yes."

Em.:Well,I'vepracticallysaiditalready,soweneedn'tdawdleoverthatpart.

Maj.:Oh,well-

(Theylookateachother,thensuddenlyembracewithconsiderableenergy.)

Maj.:Wedead-heateditthattime.(Suddenlyjumpingtohisfeet)Oh,d---I'dforgotten!

Em.:Forgottenwhat?

Maj.:Thechildren.Ioughttohavetoldyou.Doyoumindchildren?

Em.:Notinmoderatequantities.Howmanyhaveyougot?

Maj.(countinghurriedlyonhisfingers):Five.

Em.:Five!

Maj.(anxiously):Isthattoomany?

Em.:It'sratheranumber.Theworstofitis,I'vesomemyself.

Maj.:Many?

Em.:Eight.

Maj.:Eightinsixyears!Oh,Emily!

Em.:Onlyfourweremyown.Theotherfourwerebymyhusband'sfirstmarriage.Still,thatpracticallymakeseight.

Maj.:Andeightandfivemakethirteen.Wecan'tstartourmarriedlifewiththirteenchildren;itwouldbemostunlucky.(Walksupanddowninagitation.)Somewaymustbefoundoutofthis.Ifwecouldonlybringthemdowntotwelve.Thirteenissohorriblyunlucky.

Em.:Isn'ttheresomewaybywhichwecouldpartwithoneortwo?Don'ttheFrenchwantmorechildren?I'veoftenseenarticlesaboutitintheFIGARO.

Maj.:IfancytheywantFrenchchildren.Minddon'tevenspeakFrench.

Em.:There'salwaysachancethatoneofthemmightturnoutdepravedandvicious,andthenyoucoulddisownhim.I'veheardofthatbeingdone.

Maj.:But,goodgracious,you'vegottoeducatehimfirst.Youcan'texpectaboytobevicioustillhe'sbeentoagoodschool.

Em.:Whycouldn'thebenaturallydepraved.Lotsofboysare.

Maj.:Onlywhentheyinherititfromdepravedparents.Youdon't



supposethere'sanydepravityinme,doyou?

Em.:Itsometimesskipsageneration,youknow.Weren'tanyofyourfamilybad?

Maj.:Therewasanauntwhowasneverspokenof.

Em.:Thereyouare!

Maj.:Butonecan'tbuildtoomuchonthat.Inmid-Victoriandaystheylabelledallsortsofthingsasunspeakablethatweshouldspeakaboutquitetolerantly.IdaresaythisparticularaunthadonlymarriedaUnitarian,orrodetohoundsonbothsidesofherhorse,orsomethingofthatsort.Anyhow,wecan'twaitindefinitelyforoneofthechildrentotakeafteradoubtfullydepravedgreat-aunt.Somethingelsemustbethoughtof.

Em.:Don'tpeopleeveradoptchildrenfromotherfamilies?

Maj.:I'veheardofitbeingdonebychildlesscouples,andthosesortofpeople-

Em.:Hush!Someone'scoming.Whoisit?

Maj.:Mrs.Paly-Paget.

Em.:Theveryperson!

Maj.:What,toadoptachild?Hasn'tshegotany?

Em.:Onlyonemiserablehen-baby.

Maj.:Let'ssoundheronthesubject.

(EnterMrs.Paly-Paget,R.)

Ah,goodmorning.Mrs.Paly-Paget.Iwasjustwonderingat

breakfastwheredidwemeetlast?

Mrs.P.-P.:AttheCriterion,wasn'tit?

(Dropsintovacantchair.)

Maj.:AttheCriterion,ofcourse.

Mrs.P.-P.:IwasdiningwithLordandLadySlugford.Charmingpeople,butsomean.TheytookusafterwardstotheVelodrome,toseesomedancerinterpretingMendelssohn's"songwithoutclothes."Wewereallpackedupinalittleboxneartheroof,andyoumayimaginehowhotitwas.ItwaslikeaTurkishbath.And,of

course,onecouldn'tseeanything.

Maj.:ThenitwasnotlikeaTurkishbath.

Mrs.P.-P.:Major!

Em.:Wewerejusttalkingofyouwhenyoujoinedus.

Mrs.P.-P.:Really!Nothingverydreadful,Ihope.



Em.:Ohdear,no!It'stooearlyonthevoyageforthatsortofthing.Wewerefeelingrathersorryforyou.

Mrs.P.-P.:Sorryforme?Whateverfor?

Maj.:Yourchildlesshearthandallthat,youknow.Nolittlepatteringfeet.

Mrs.P.-P.:Major!Howdareyou?I'vegotmylittlegirl,Isupposeyouknow.Herfeetcanpatteraswellasotherchildren's.

Maj.:Onlyonepairoffeet.

Mrs.P.-P.:Certainly.Mychildisn'tacentipede.Consideringthewaytheymoveusaboutinthosehorridjunglestations,withoutadecentbungalowtosetone'sfootin,IconsiderI'vegotahearthlesschild,ratherthanachildlesshearth.Thankyouforyoursympathyallthesame.Idaresayitwaswellmeant.Impertinenceoftenis.

Em.:DearMrs.Paly-Paget,wewereonlyfeelingsorryforyoursweetlittlegirlwhenshegrowsolder,youknow.Nolittlebrothersandsisterstoplaywith.

Mrs.P.-P.:Mrs.Carewe,thisconversationstrikesmeasbeingindelicate,tosaytheleastofit.I'veonlybeenmarriedtwoandahalfyears,andmyfamilyisnaturallyasmallone.

Maj.:Isn'titratheranexaggerationtotalkofonelittlefemalechildasafamily?Afamilysuggestsnumbers.

Mrs.P.-P.:Really,Major,youlanguageisextraordinary.IdaresayI'veonlygotalittlefemalechild,asyoucallit,atpresent-

Maj.:Oh,itwon'tchangeintoaboylateron,ifthat'swhatyou'recountingon.Takeourwordforit;we'vehadsomuchmore

experienceintheseaffairsthanyouhave.Onceafemale,alwaysafemale.Natureisnotinfallible,butshealwaysabidesbyhermistakes.

Mrs.P.-P.(rising):MajorDumbarton,theseboatsareuncomfortablysmall,butItrustweshallfindampleaccommodationforavoidingeachother'ssocietyduringtherestofthevoyage.Thesamewishappliestoyou,Mrs.Carewe.

(ExitMrs.Paly-Paget,L.)

Maj.:Whatanunnaturalmother!(Sinksintochair.)

Em.:Iwouldn'ttrustachildwithanyonewhohadatemperlikehers.Oh,Dickie,whydidyougoandhavesuchalargefamily?Youalwayssaidyouwantedmetobethemotherofyourchildren.

Maj.:Iwasn'tgoingtowaitwhileyouwerefoundingandfosteringdynastiesinotherdirections.Whyyoucouldn'tbecontenttohavechildrenofyourown,withoutcollectingthemlikebatchesofpostagestampsIcan'tthink.Theideaofmarryingamanwithfourchildren!



Em.:Well,you'reaskingmetomarryonewithfive.

Maj.:Five!(Springingtohisfeet)DidIsayfive?

Em.:Youcertainlysaidfive.

Maj.:Oh,Emily,supposingI'vemiscountedthem!Listennow,keepcountwithme.Richard--that'safterme,ofcourse.

Em.:One.

Maj.:Albert-Victor--thatmusthavebeeninCoronationyear.

Em.:Two!

Maj.:Maud.She'scalledafter-

Em.:Nevermindwho'sshe'scalledafter.Three!

Maj.:AndGerald.

Em.:Four!

Maj.:That'sthelot.

Em.:Areyousure?

Maj.:Iswearthat'sthelot.ImusthavecountedAlbert-Victorastwo.

Em.:Richard!

Maj.:Emily!

(Theyembrace.)

THEMOUSE

TheodoricVolerhadbeenbroughtup,frominfancytotheconfinesofmiddleage,byafondmotherwhosechiefsolicitudehadbeentokeephimscreenedfromwhatshecalledthecoarserrealitiesoflife.WhenshediedsheleftTheodoricaloneinaworldthatwasasrealasever,andagooddealcoarserthanheconsideredithadanyneedtobe.Toamanofhistemperamentandupbringingevenasimplerailwayjourneywascrammedwithpettyannoyancesandminordiscords,andashesettledhimselfdowninasecondclass

compartmentoneSeptembermorninghewasconsciousofruffledfeelingsandgeneralmentaldiscomposure.Hehadbeenstayingatacountryvicarage,theinmatesofwhichhadbeencertainlyneitherbrutalnorbacchanalian,buttheirsupervisionofthedomesticestablishmenthadbeenofthatlaxorderwhichinvitesdisaster.Theponycarriagethatwastotakehimtothestationhadneverbeenproperlyordered,andwhenthemomentforhisdeparturedrewnearthehandy-manwhoshouldhaveproducedtherequiredarticlewasnowheretobefound.InthisemergencyTheodoric,tohismutebutveryintensedisgust,foundhimselfobligedtocollaboratewiththe



vicar'sdaughterinthetaskofharnessingthepony,whichnecessitatedgropingaboutinanill-lightedouthousecalledastable,andsmellingverylikeone--exceptinpatcheswhereitsmeltofmice.Withoutbeingactuallyafraidofmice,Theodoricclassedthemamongthecoarserincidentsoflife,andconsideredthatProvidence,withalittleexerciseofmoralcourage,mightlongagohaverecognisedthattheywerenotindispensable,andhavewithdrawnthemfromcirculation.AsthetrainglidedoutofthestationTheodoric'snervousimaginationaccusedhimselfofexhalingaweakodourofstable-yard,andpossiblyofdisplayingamouldystrawortwoonhisusuallywell-brushedgarments.Fortunatelytheonlyotheroccupantofthecompartment,aladyofaboutthesameageashimself,seemedinclinedforslumberratherthanscrutiny;thetrainwasnotduetostoptilltheterminuswasreached,inaboutanhour'stime,andthecarriagewasoftheold-fashionedsort,thatheldnocommunicationwithacorridor,thereforenofurthertravellingcompanionswerelikelytointrudeonTheodoric'ssemi-privacy.Andyetthetrainhadscarcelyattaineditsnormalspeedbeforehebecamereluctantlybutvividlyawarethathewasnotalonewiththeslumberinglady;hewasnotevenaloneinhisownclothes.Awarm,creepingmovementoverhisfleshbetrayedtheunwelcomeandhighlyresentedpresence,unseenbutpoignant,ofastrayedmouse,thathadevidentlydashedintoitspresentretreatduringtheepisodeoftheponyharnessing.Furtivestampsandshakesand

wildlydirectedpinchesfailedtodislodgetheintruder,whosemotto,indeed,seemedtobeExcelsior;andthelawfuloccupantoftheclotheslaybackagainstthecushionsandendeavouredrapidlytoevolvesomemeansforputtinganendtothedualownership.ItwasunthinkablethatheshouldcontinueforthespaceofawholehourinthehorriblepositionofaRowtonHouseforvagrantmice(alreadyhisimaginationhadatleastdoubledthenumbersofthealieninvasion).Ontheotherhand,nothinglessdrasticthanpartialdisrobingwouldeasehimofhistormentor,andtoundressinthepresenceofalady,evenforsolaudableapurpose,wasanideathatmadehiseartipstingleinablushofabjectshame.Hehadneverbeenabletobringhimselfeventothemildexposureofopen-worksocksinthepresenceofthefairsex.Andyet--theladyinthis

casewastoallappearancessoundlyandsecurelyasleep;themouse,ontheotherhand,seemedtobetryingtocrowdaWanderjahrintoafewstrenuousminutes.Ifthereisanytruthinthetheoryoftransmigration,thisparticularmousemustcertainlyhavebeeninaformerstateamemberoftheAlpineClub.Sometimesinitseagernessitlostitsfootingandslippedforhalfaninchorso;andthen,infright,ormoreprobablytemper,itbit.Theodoricwasgoadedintothemostaudaciousundertakingofhislife.Crimsoningtothehueofabeetrootandkeepinganagonisedwatchonhisslumberingfellow-traveller,heswiftlyandnoiselesslysecuredtheendsofhisrailway-rugtotheracksoneithersideofthecarriage,sothatasubstantialcurtainhungathwartthecompartment.Inthenarrowdressing-roomthathehadthusimprovisedheproceededwith

violenthastetoextricatehimselfpartiallyandthemouseentirelyfromthesurroundingcasingsoftweedandhalfwool.Astheunravelledmousegaveawildleaptothefloor,therug,slippingitsfasteningateitherend,alsocamedownwithaheart-curdlingflop,andalmostsimultaneouslytheawakenedsleeperopenedhereyes.Withamovementalmostquickerthanthemouse's,Theodoricpouncedontherug,andhauleditsamplefoldschin-highoverhisdismantledpersonashecollapsedintothefurthercornerofthecarriage.Thebloodracedandbeatintheveinsofhisneckandforehead,whilehewaiteddumblyforthecommunication-cordtobe



pulled.Thelady,however,contentedherselfwithasilentstareatherstrangelymuffledcompanion.Howmuchhadsheseen,Theodoricqueriedtohimself,andinanycasewhatonearthmustshethinkofhispresentposture?

"IthinkIhavecaughtachill,"heventureddesperately.

"Really,I'msorry,"shereplied."Iwasjustgoingtoaskyouifyouwouldopenthiswindow."

"Ifancyit'smalaria,"headded,histeethchatteringslightly,asmuchfromfrightasfromadesiretosupporthistheory.

"I'vegotsomebrandyinmyhold-all,ifyou'llkindlyreachitdownforme,"saidhiscompanion.

"Notforworlds--Imean,Inevertakeanythingforit,"heassuredherearnestly.

"IsupposeyoucaughtitintheTropics?"

Theodoric,whoseacquaintancewiththeTropicswaslimitedtoanannualpresentofachestofteafromanuncleinCeylon,feltthateventhemalariawasslippingfromhim.Woulditbepossible,he

wondered,todisclosetherealstateofaffairstoherinsmallinstalments?

"Areyouafraidofmice?"heventured,growing,ifpossible,morescarletintheface.

"Notunlesstheycameinquantities,likethosethatateupBishopHatto.Whydoyouask?"

"Ihadonecrawlinginsidemyclothesjustnow,"saidTheodoricinavoicethathardlyseemedhisown."Itwasamostawkwardsituation."

"Itmusthavebeen,ifyouwearyourclothesatalltight,"sheobserved;"butmicehavestrangeideasofcomfort."

"Ihadtogetridofitwhileyouwereasleep,"hecontinued;then,withagulp,headded,"itwasgettingridofitthatbroughtmeto--tothis."

"Surelyleavingoffonesmallmousewouldn'tbringonachill,"sheexclaimed,withalevitythatTheodoricaccountedabominable.

Evidentlyshehaddetectedsomethingofhispredicament,andwasenjoyinghisconfusion.Allthebloodinhisbodyseemedtohavemobilisedinoneconcentratedblush,andanagonyofabasement,

worsethanamyriadmice,creptupanddownoverhissoul.Andthe,asreflectionbegantoassertitself,sheerterrortooktheplaceofhumiliation.Witheveryminutethatpassedthetrainwasrushingnearertothecrowdedandbustlingterminuswheredozensofpryingeyeswouldbeexchangedfortheoneparalysingpairthatwatchedhimfromthefurthercornerofthecarriage.Therewasoneslenderdespairingchance,whichthenextfewminutesmustdecide.Hisfellow-travellermightrelapseintoablessedslumber.Butastheminutesthrobbedbythatchanceebbedaway.ThefurtiveglancewhichTheodoricstoleatherfromtimetotimedisclosedonlyan



unwinkingwakefulness.

"Ithinkwemustbegettingnearnow,"shepresentlyobserved.

Theodorichadalreadynotedwithgrowingterrortherecurringstacksofsmall,uglydwellingsthatheraldedthejourney'send.Thewordsactedasasignal.Likeahuntedbeastbreakingcoveranddashingmadlytowardssomeotherhavenofmomentarysafetyhethrewasidehisrug,andstruggledfranticallyintohisdishevelledgarments.Hewasconsciousofdullsurburbanstationsracingpastthewindow,ofachoking,hammeringsensationinhisthroatandheart,andofanicysilenceinthatcornertowardswhichhedarednotlook.Thenashesankbackinhisseat,clothedandalmostdelirious,thetrainsloweddowntoafinalcrawl,andthewomanspoke.

"Wouldyoubesokind,"sheasked,"astogetmeaportertoputmeintoacab?It'sashametotroubleyouwhenyou'refeelingunwell,butbeingblindmakesonesohelplessatarailwaystation."

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saki - reginald in russia

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