run hollywood summer

7/29/2019 Run Hollywood Summer

1/98

Run Hollywood Summer

By

Dan Finnen

Copright (c) 2008 by DanFinnen

REGISTERED WITH THE USCOPYRIGHT OFFICE

For permission to film oradapt to the stage, pleasecontact Dan Finnen [email protected]

Run Hollywood Summer wasproduced and released byImpaired Productions in 2009.You can watch it on the

Impaired Productions YouTubechannel.


2/98

FADE IN. 1

EXT. LIBRARY - DAY 2

BRYAN and HUGHES sit on opposite sides of a concrete picnic

table. Bryan has his head down on the table, covering hisface. Hughes stares at him.

They have been sitting like this for some time.

HUGHESBryan.

No response.

HUGHESSeriously, were one day away fromsummer, what could you possibly be

depressed about?

No response.

HUGHESBryan Berks.

No response.

HUGHESBryan Im going to count to ten...

Without looking up, Bryan slides a piece of paper over to

Hughes. Hughes picks it up and reads it.

HUGHESWow. Really? You actually managedto fail Directing One?

INT. BLACK BOX THEATER - DAY 3

Bryan stands in front of his class introducing his finalproject.

BRYANAs you all know, for our finalproject we were supposed to directa boring old scene from ChekhovsThe Seagull. Like the mindlesssheep they are, most studentsobeyed. However, I have decided totake it a step beyond normal. tomake it interesting. To make it

(MORE)


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2.

BRYAN (contd)beautiful. To make it art. I haveremoved all dialogue and replacedit with only the core essence ofthe story: the emotion. My lifechanging vision of The Seagull.

Enjoy.

Bryan steps aside and two actors, one female and one male,enter the stage.

They stare at each other for a moment, then abruptly startscreaming histerically. The woman falls to her kneesscreaming and crying while the man screams and kicks a chairacross the room. After a few seconds of this, suddenly theystop.

THE TWO ACTORSEnd scene.

EXT. LIBRARY - DAY 4

Bryans head is still down.

BRYANThey said I cant be a directingmajor in the theater anymore.

Bryans head suddenly pops up.

BRYAN

Wait a second. If I cant directtheater... they didnt say Icouldnt direct other things...

HUGHESBryan, I dont think...

BRYANNo! I dont even like theateranyways, Ive always loved movies!Any dope can talk and bend allweird like onstage! Stand upcomedians do it better anyway! Imgoing to direct film, and not onlythat, Im going to direct the bestfilm ever made! Theyre going to bebegging to have me back in theprogram after they see what I cando!


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3.

HUGHESWhy dont we go get something toeat. Maybe relax for a bit. Perhapsprevent you from making some sortof rash decision with far reachingimplications for both of our lives.

BRYANNot only am I going to direct film,Im going to direct film now. Imnot waiting for nobody. Weremaking a movie. This. Summer....Yes!

HUGHESThat sounds like a rash decision.But youre not listening toanything Im saying, right?

BRYANRight. This is going to be awesome!I cant wait for this summer!

Bryan goes to high five Hughes, who stares straight ahead.Bryan high fives Hughes head, then skips away.

TITLE SEQUENCE 5

INT. BRYANS KITCHEN - NIGHT 6

One month later.

BRYAN BERKS, CHARLES JERHOGANY, MINDY CHEEZAY, and HUGHESGENGHIS are all seated around Bryans dinner table playingBullshit and talking. The camera slowly revolves throughoutthe scene to look at each of them. They are all collegestudents, young men and women who all are just beginningtheir dive into the professional world.

Bryan is a relentlessly energetic idealist who is alwaysdressed up a bit too nice for the situation he finds himselfin. There is boyish sense about him, a fascination with aworld he doesnt quite understand.

Hughes, haggard and tired, is in a dress shirt and tie thatlooks like he just came out of a car wreck. There is aconstant intensity about Hughes, and even when he sitsstill, which isnt often, his mind is racing.


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4.

Mindy is a gentle, kind girl who has a fragile sadness abouther. She goes along with whatever she is told, as she doesnot want to upset others with her own misgivings andquestions.

Charles is a quiet, strangely imbalanced guy who is awkward

with everybody he interacts with and is in a constant stateof depression. He is easily steamrolled over by strongerpersonalities like Bryan and Hughes, and as a result, isintensely passive aggressive.

Opening credits roll throughout this scene.

BRYANI want to do something that willchange the way we look at moviesforever. Four Jacks.

HUGHES

Bullshit.

Bryan takes his cards back.

HUGHESWhat about equipment? Money? Wedont have anything to shoot amovie with. One queen.

BRYANThats the kind of thinking thatsreally holding us back Hughes.

MINDYWe should make a sweet movie. Likea romance. Two kings.

BRYANYoure such a girl Mindy. But Iwouldnt date you any other way!

CHARLESNo. Lets do something crazy.Something raw. Like that one time Isaw a murder. One ace.

HUGHESYou didnt...

BRYANNow were getting somewhere. Ahorror movie. We should do a horrormovie.


6/98

5.

HUGHESAre you serious...

BRYANAll the great filmmakers got theirstart with horror movies. Evil Dead

launched Sam Ramis career. BlairWitch Project started... thoseother people off. Star Wars madeGeorge Lucas a household name. Fourtwos.

HUGHESBullshit.

BRYAN(Taking the stack of cards.)

Darn it!

MINDYStar Wars isnt a horror movie.

BRYANI was scared.

HUGHESHorror movies require money,special effects... one three.

MINDYOne four.

BRYANThe Blair Witch Project. That movieinspired me. When I saw it, I waslike, wow, they did that with twobucks and a super four camera. Thatmeans we can do anything. We aregoing to film the next Blair WitchProject. A no budget film. We cando that. El Mariachi style.

HUGHESHas anybody seen the Blair WitchProject? Other than Bryan.

Everybody looks at each other. Nobody has actually watchedthe movie.

MINDYThats the movie where the girl isall breathy, right?


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6.

HUGHESBreathy?

MINDYYou know...

Mindy gets in Hughes face and starts breathing hard likethe girl does in the famed close-up in Blair Witch Project.

CHARLES(Worried.)

Is our movie going to scary? Twofives.

BRYANIts a horror movie, why not? Youknow Charles, since youve alwayswanted to be a writer and you cameup with the concept, why dont you

write the movie?

HUGHESUm...

CHARLESReally?

BRYANSure! Ill be the director andHughes can be the producer. Mindycan be the stupid girl who getskilled.

MINDYWhat?

BRYANDont worry about it Mindy, we knowwhat were doing.

MINDY...Okay.

BRYANGuys. This is going to be great. Weare going to make the best horrormovie this side of the HollywoodRiver.

HUGHESHollywood River?


8/98

7.

BRYANYou know, the one they namedHollywood after. Four sixes.

HUGHESBullshit.

BRYANDamn it Hughes!

INT. CHARLES HOUSE - DAY 7

Charles is on the computer typing away while Bryan is pacingaround the room. On occasion he drinks from a soda can.Hughes is laying on the bed with his arm over his head.There are posters of Ernest Chuck Thompson plastered allover the walls of the room.

BRYAN(Pointing to a poster.)

Who is this?

CHARLESThat is my hero Ernest ChuckThompson. He is my inspiration. Hefought in sis different wars, sleptwith over two hundred women and didevery drug known to man. He wroteabout what he survived until hecrashed his plane into a mountainin Peru.

BRYANSo hes your role model?

CHARLESYep.

BRYANBut you dont do any of that. Yousit by yourself in your room allday and watch internet videos. Youwont even go on a roller coasterbecause youre scared.

CHARLESRoller coasters are dangerous!

BRYANThats the point!


9/98

8.

CHARLES(Changing the subject.)

So what is this story about?

BRYANIm working on it.

CHARLESYouve been pacing behind me for anhour, Im running out of YouTubevideos to watch. Wait a second...man in bunny suit falls downstairs... keep pacing for a fewminutes Bryan.

BRYAN(Hit with inspiration.)

I know! It is going to be about agroup of young, attractive college

students out on a road trip...

HUGHESOo, that hasnt been done before.

BRYANAnd their car is going to breakdown... in a forest. A scaryforest.

CHARLESHow is a forest scary?

BRYANMusic. Shadowy figures. Ambientlighting.

CHARLESWhat was the Blair Witch Projectabout?

BRYANWell... it was about witches...from Blair. You know, like afterthe Salem Witch Trials that were inBlair county. And the witches fromBlair would steal babies from cribsand eat them at night.

CHARLESThats scary man.


10/98

9.

BRYANYeah, it was pretty intense.

HUGHESHow many pages are we into thescript now?

BRYAN(Overly annoyed by Hughes.)

Calm the hell down Hughes, youcant rush the creative process.

CHARLESSo a group of young attractivecollege students are trapped in aforested area that has lots ofambient lighting...

BRYAN

You know, I think were spendingtoo much time trying to come upwith a plot. We need to just startwriting. Stream of consciousness.Thats how all the great writers doit.

CHARLESReally?

HUGHESYou are so full of crap Bryan.

BRYANDo you want to write this?

HUGHESSure, give it here.

BRYANStop trying to take overeverything!

HUGHESIm...

BRYANIm so sick of you and yourbusiness tactics and deomgraphicaldatas and...

HUGHESWhat are you talking about?


11/98

10.

BRYANI need to take a break, I cantdeal with you right now Hughes.

Bryan storms out of the room. Hughes and Charles look ateach other. Bryan reenters.

BRYANForgot my soda.

Bryan grabs his soda and storms out of the room once more.

INT. JERRYS KITCHEN - DAY 8

Hughes and Bryan are in JERRYS kitchen looking around.Jerry enters with camera equipment. Jerry is a well dressed,cheerful guy in his thirties.

JERRY

Here you guys go. The camera is inthere plus some audio equipment andcables.

HUGHES(Too polite.)

I cannot thank you enough sir.

BRYAN(Not impressed.)

Is this it?

JERRYTheres about nine thousand dollarsworth of equipment in there so becareful.

BRYAN(Looking into the box.)

Whoa.

JERRYI trust you Hughes, thats why Imletting you use it. But if youbreak it...

HUGHESWe buy it, I know.

JERRYI got this from the studio I usedto work at, so its a few yearsold, but its still in pretty goodshape.


12/98

11.

BRYANWhat kind of studio did you used towork at? Warner Bros or one ofthose other big movie places?

JERRY

Kind of... Our studio produced morelike... porn. Basically.

BRYANOh, wow, okay.

HUGHESYou want this back on August third,correct?

JERRYYup.

BRYAN(Holding the camera.)

Man, the things you mustve seenthough this viewfinder...

HUGHESAll right, thanks again Jerry. Wehave to head out. Come on Bryan.

Hughes grabs the box full of equipment and nudges Bryan outof the room.

EXT. MICRO CENTER MALL - DAY 9

Bryan and Hughes are walking back to their car in theparking lot holding bags of tapes they just purchased.

HUGHESI cant believe this camera usesVHS tapes, who uses VHS tapes?

BRYANI dont think my grandma even usesVHS tapes anymore.

HUGHESI dont think Amish people even useVHS anymore.

CHIP HEY enters with her posse. CHIP HEY is an attractive,competitive young woman who is ready to destroy anybody onthe way to the top.


13/98

12.

CHIPHey look, its Uwe Boll and Ed Wood.What are you two clowns doing here?

BRYANFirst off, that was a really nerdy

insult that Im sure only onepercent of the population wouldunderstand. Second, Im buying tapemedia. Third, shut up.

CHIPOh, you guys are making a movie?Thats cute. By the way, last timeI checked, Chippy Productions lastshort has well over one hundredthousand views online. What didyour guys last sketch get, maybethree hundred views?

BRYANThats all fine and well, but wereactually in the process of making afeature length film, which is alittle bit of a bigger deal thansome stupid online sketch where avideo of a donkey pooping on aguys face would rack up a millionviews in two days.

CHIPInteresting, because right now we

are in the process of making ourown feature length movie. And itsgoing to win the Cincinnati FlyingMammal Film Festival.

BRYANHey, we were going to enter intothe Cincinnati Flying Mammal FilmFestival!

CHIPI suggest you just give up rightnow, because this film festival isonly big enough for one of us.Were better than you. And you wantto know something else?

BRYANSure.


14/98

13.

CHIPWe have a sex scene in our movie.With nudity.

BRYAN...No!

CHIPSee you at my premiere at theCincinnati Flying Mammal FilmFestival. Loser.

Chip hits the bag out of Hughes hands and walks away.Hughes and Bryan look at Chip then at each other.

HUGHESThat was intense.


Charles is typing away at his computer while Bryan pacesback and forth behind him. Hughes lies on the bed with hisarm over his head.

BRYAN(Panicking.)

They have a sex scene in theirmovie. With nudity.

HUGHESCalm down Bryan...

BRYANHow can we compete with that?

HUGHESWe can make a great movie thatdoesnt require nudity.

BRYANWe have no choice. Charles, writein a sex scene.

CHARLESWhere?

BRYANI dont care, anywhere!

Charles starts typing a scene. Bryan watches closely.


15/98

14.

BRYANNo! Not there! Here, I got this.

Bryan pushes Charles off his chair and begins typing.

INT. BRYANS KITCHEN - DAY 11

Hughes is sitting at the island while Bryan is making asandwich that consists of butter, sugar and peanut butter onbread.

HUGHES(Pointing at the sandwich.)

Are you serious?

BRYANWhat?

HUGHESNo wonder youre so high strung.

BRYANI like butter. I like sugar. I likepeanut butter. I like bread. I likeall those ingredients in oneconvenient package.

HUGHESI see. So when are we going to getthis script done?

BRYANIts coming along. We got the atitle. The Terror Within.

HUGHES...And what does that mean?

BRYANI dont know, its just the title.Cool isnt it?

HUGHESYou do realize that we need to becasting and getting locations nowif were even going to have aremote chance at shootingeverything before August? I mean,do we even have a basic plot set instone?


16/98

15.

BRYAN(Defensive.)

Yeah! A group of young, attractiveteenagers get lost in a forest. Anddie. I think. Maybe.

HUGHESWe dont have a plot yet.

BRYANWhy does the script have to bedone? Why cant we just go aheadand cast people, get locations,whatever, now?

HUGHESHow am I supposed to know whatlocations we need if we dont evenhave a rudimentary script?

BRYANWere going to do thingsdifferently here. We are going towrite the script and were going todo all those other produce-y thingsat the same time. Synergy.

HUGHESSomeday Im going to harm youBryan.

BRYAN

I know.

EXT. ICE CREAM STAND - DAY 12

Mindy and Bryan are sitting at a table outside an ice creamstand. They are on a date, but they sit on opposite sides ofthe table eating ice cream.

BRYANThe movie is going great. I thinkits going to revolutionize the waywe view film. As an industry. Yes.

MINDYThats nice.

BRYANAre you excited to be in it?


17/98

16.

MINDYOf course I am.

BRYANDo you want to be the star?

MINDY

What?

BRYANOf course you do!

MINDYWell, Ive been the star in allyour other movies, so maybe thistime you should let somebody elsedo it...

BRYANStop being so modest. A great

director needs a great actress ashis girlfriend.

MINDY...Yeah.

BRYANSo how do you feel about a sexscene?


Charles is typing at his computer. Bryan is pacing behindhim. With a flourish, Charles finishes the last few words ofa page.

CHARLESPage... four.

BRYANWhat have we got so far?

CHARLESA group of college students are in

a car driving. And theres a sexscene you wrote.

BRYANHughes is going to kill us if wedont get this together. Weve beenworking on this for two weeksstraight and we dont even have aplot.


18/98

17.

CHARLESMaybe we could do an art housefilm? Those dont have plots.

BRYANI got an idea. Lets outline this,stream of consciousness. We write

down anything that comes to mind,no holding back.

CHARLESOkay, so a group of collegestudents...

BRYANAttractive...

CHARLES...Attractive college students areon a road trip...

BRYAN...to Mount Rushmore...

CHARLESMount Rushmore?

BRYANDont interrupt my flow.

CHARLES...Theyre going to Mount Rushmorewhen...

BRYANThe car gets attacked by a bear...

CHARLESSo they pull over...

BRYANAnd all of them go into the woodsexcept for two of them...

CHARLES

And the two people in the car...

BRYANHave sex.

CHARLES...They have sex in the car andthen...


19/98

18.

BRYANThe Blair witch of the foreststraps a bomb to the car and blowsit up...

CHARLES

So the others are stranded in thewoods alone with the witch.

Pause. Bryan looks at the screen and nods his head.

BRYANThis is good. This is really good.

EXT. BARN - DAY 14

Hughes is standing on a wooden fence enclosing a pasture infront of the barn. He waves his hand and calls to the horse

that is eating. It does not pay any attention to Hughes.

JIM BOY, an incredibly dirty young farmer in overalls walksup beside Hughes.

HUGHESHey there, nice to meet you.

Hughes extends his hand to shake, but Jim Boy ignores himand spits on the ground. Hughes puts his hand back in hispocket.

JIM BOY

So you want to use my farm to filmyer movie.

HUGHESIt would make an excellentlocation. Yes.

JIM BOYIs yer movie gonna be one of themtalkin pictures? I remember thegood ol days when they were inblack and white and you could getin with only a nickel.

HUGHESYoure only like... what... twenty?I dont think youre old enough toremember that.


20/98

19.

JIM BOYSo how do I know this movie wontinterfere with my farming operationhere?

HUGHES

With all due respect, youre notgrowing anything here and you onlyhave one horse. Who seems to berather standoffish I might add.

JIM BOYAw, dont take any offense, hesjust been that way since I hit himwith my truck.


Charles and Bryan are continuing their conversation fromscene 9. Bryan paces behind Charles, who sits at thecomputer typing.

BRYANThe girl enters the lost cabin...

CHARLESAnd she finds...

BRYANA lost tiki torch with magicalpowers...

CHARLESThat causes the girl...

BRYANTo be eaten by a ravenous horde ofgerbils.

Pause. They admire their work.

BRYANI like it. Quirky, yet scary.

Hughes enters the room.

BRYANHey! Howd location scouting go?

HUGHESItd be a lot easier if I knew whatwe were actually looking for. So

(MORE)


21/98

20.

HUGHES (contd)far I got us a farm and a forest.Hows the script coming along?

Charles and Bryan look at each other.

BRYAN

We have a plot now.

CHARLES...Sort of.


Bryan is making a lettuce sandwich that consists entirely oflettuce and bread. Hughes sucks at an empty juice box. Aftera pause.

BRYAN

Its empty.

HUGHESLeave me alone Mr. LettuceSandwich.

BRYANIm just eating healthy!

HUGHESYoure eating lettuce and bread.Why dont you put some turkey onthere, mayo, anything?

BRYANAt least my lettuce sandwich...stop making that sucking noise!

HUGHES(Making louder sucking noiseswith his straw.)

Youd like me to stop, wouldntyou?

BRYAN

Stop it!

HUGHES(Louder.)

ILL MAKE SUCKY NOISES IF I WANTTO!

Pause.


22/98

21.

HUGHESThat was loud.

BRYAN...Are you okay?

HUGHESNo. What if this movie doesnt getmade?

BRYANWhat do you mean? Of course itsgonna get made.

HUGHESWe dont have any actors, we havetwo random locations, no equipment,no script... we only have twomonths to get this all together.

BRYANWhats the worst that could happen?We dont have a movie.

HUGHESExactly! All this work for nothing!

BRYANIts not for nothing! Were doingthis because we love it! Im havingfun. Arent you having fun?

HUGHESNo!

BRYANWhen this is finished youre goingto feel so great, like you justclimbed a mountain. Those peopleclimbing Everest dont have fundoing it until they get to the top.At least the ones who dont diebrutally freezing to death on theway up.

HUGHESIm just stressed out right now.Ill feel better once we get thescript done. And you said its onlya few pages away from finished,right?


23/98

22.

BRYAN...Yeah.

HUGHESBy now you know all the charactersin the movie, right?

BRYAN...Of course.

HUGHESWhy dont we go ahead and holdauditions? That gives us more timefor shooting if we get that out ofthe way now.

BRYANThat sounds great. Lets do it!


Charles is typing on the computer. Bryan bursts into theroom.

BRYANWe need to make up a character listfor the whole movie. Fast.

CHARLESHow can we do that? Weve onlywritten five pages of the whole

movie.

BRYANMake it up! Hughes is going to setup auditions tomorrow and he wantsa list today.

CHARLESDoesnt he know we arent evenclose to finishing the screenplayyet?

Silence.

CHARLESOh. I see.


24/98

23.

EXT. BRYANS BACKYARD - DAY 18

Bryan and Hughes sit behind a card table with a cardboardsign that has Auditions scrawled on it. Their papers keepblowing away.

We come in on the middle of CLARK MESHAYS audition. He isreenacting a scene from the Matrix Reloaded. He isportraying Neo as he fights the hundred agents, except he ispantomiming all the fighting. He makes punching and swishingnoises.

Clark is a dashing, athletic young man that retains a highlyboyish attitude about him.

At some point Clark says Mister Anderson to signal to theaudience he is doing the Matrix Reloaded.

Bryan is mesmerized by Clarks audition.

EXT. BRYANS DRIVEWAY - DAY 19

Charles is signing people in for auditions. After signing afew in CREEPY GUY is next in line. He wears a trench coatand is sweating profusely.

CHARLESOh. Hey there. What are youauditioning for?

CREEPY GUY

Is this the audition I heard abouton MySpace?

CHARLES...Yeah. Do we know you?

CREEPY GUYIm Hughes friend. You might knowme as Hotteenxxx3.

CHARLESOkay... what role are you going outfor?

CREEPY GUYOh, none, Im just going to watch.And take pictures.

Hughes enters.


25/98

24.

CHARLESHow are the auditions going?

HUGHESCould be better. I had to take abreak. Whos this guy?

CHARLESHotteenxx3.

HUGHES(Yelling out to the otherpeople milling about.)

Does anybody have the number forto catch a predator?

CREEPY GUYIm going, Im going!

Creepy Guy shuffles away.


Mindy is auditioning. She stands in front of them nervously,shifting her weight and looking around. Bryan is hunchedover the table while Hughes slouches in his chair inexasperation.

MINDYWhat do you want me to do Bryan?

BRYAN

(Trying to sound encouragingand not let his frustrationshow in his voice.)

Do your monologue! You know, theone we practiced!

MINDYOkay... um... So one day I was...walking... when I... saw... aperson... uh... So one day I waswalking when I... saw... a cat... Icant remember!

BRYANIts okay, dont worry about it.Why dont we just skip right to thecold readings, shall we? Here, readthis.

Bryan hands Mindy a script.


26/98

25.

MINDY(Reading in a monotone.)

The car pulls off to the side ofthe road. Camera pans from behindleft wheel to reveal...

BRYAN

Dont read that, read the dialogueon the bottom of the page.

MINDYOh. Sorry. Your feminine wilesfascinate me Mary.

HUGHESYou have got to be kidding me.

MINDYIm sorry! Im so bad at this!

BRYANHughes didnt mean that. Youredoing great. Now trying reading thegirls part.

MINDY(Reading in a monotone.)

I love you. You are handsome. Iwant to touch you.

BRYANWow! Great job!

MINDYReally?

BRYANOf course!

Bryan looks at the paper hes holding.

BRYANYoure willing to do a sex scene,right?

MINDYI...

BRYANExcellent! Tell Charles were readyfor the next person.

Mindy exits. Hughes gets up.


27/98

26.

HUGHESIm going to get something todrink.

Hughes exits. Charles walks up behind Bryan.

CHARLESHas he realized that were using adecoy script yet?

BRYANI dont think so.


Charles and Hughes are talking to a frustrated girl, LAURALARS. Laura is a stereotypical party girl who doesnt carrymuch in the brains category.

HUGHESOkay, you put down that youre onlyavailable from three to six a.m. onTuesdays. How do you expect us tobe able to use you in this film?

LAURAWhy not?

HUGHESWere not going to be filming fromthree to six a.m., were going to

be sleeping.

LAURAI dont want to film at three inthe morning, are you crazy?

HUGHESWait, what?

CHARLESYou wrote on your form that you canonly work from three to six...

LAURAOh. I thought that was when wecouldnt be available. Three to sixa.m. on Tuesdays I have my potteryclass.


28/98

27.

HUGHESWhat kind of pottery class are youtaking?

CHARLESIll fix your form, please waitover there.


Hughes is standing around by himself looking for Bryan. Hecalls over to Charles.

HUGHESCharles! Where the heck is Bryan?He said hed be on break for only afew minutes!

Bryan appears dragging a disheveled, dirty young man named

ANTONY OFILE behind him holding a flask. It is clear thathe is under the influence of alcohol and perhaps someadditional substances.

BRYANI got him! I got Antony!

HUGHESOh my god... why did you have tobring him?

ANTONYI will punch you in the teeth!

HUGHESBryan, you know hes impossible towork with, the mans an alcoholic!

BRYANI found him in the bushes, just lethim audition!

HUGHESFine.

BRYANAll right Antony, all you have todo is just go up there in front ofus and do a monologue. Okay?

ANTONYYou want me to dance? Dance for Mr.Pretty Boy over there?


29/98

28.

HUGHESSee what I mean?

ANTONY(To Hughes, sharp.)

Shut up! Im auditioning.

Antony stumbles in front of the card table and Bryan sitsdown. Antony stares them down for a second, then takes amassive swig from his flask. Suddenly, Antony twitches andgoes into a trance-like state and gives a brilliantmonologue from Shakespeares Loves Labours Lost.

ANTONYI can but say their protestationover. So much, dear liege, I havealready sworn, That is, to live andstudy here for three years. Butthere are other strict observances:As to not see a woman in that term,

Which I hope well is not enrolledthere; And one day in a week totouch no food, And but one meal onevery day besides, The which I hopeis not enrolled there. O, these arebarren tasks, too hard to keep, notto see ladies, study, fast, notsleep.

Antony pops out of his trance then takes another swig fromhis flask.

HUGHES

I have no idea what the hell thatwas about, but that was brilliant.Youre in.

BRYANTold you.

ANTONY(Raising his flask as hestumbles away.)

Audios, girls.


Hughes and Bryan are sitting behind the card table goingthrough some papers. CLAIRE SNIFE, an attractive girlwearing rather revealing clothing stands in front of them.Hughes awkwardly tries to not look at her directly, whileBryan just stares.


30/98

29.

HUGHESSo... Claire, lets hear yourmonologue.

CLAIREI wrote it myself.

BRYAN(Not breaking his stare.)

Thats so awesome.

CLAIRE(Her monologue.)

As I stepped out of the shower Ifelt a drop of water roll lazilydown the small of my supple, nudeback. Suddenly he burst into thebathroom, breathing heavily. I letmy towel drop to the floor, and I

stood bare before him, feeling thehot moisture of his breath fallupon my exposed chest. I felt hisstrong, manly hands grab me inmy...

HUGHES(Interrupting.)

Okay! Thank you! Thats enough!Youre in, thank you for your time.

BRYANThat was incredible. I need to go

to the bathroom.

CLAIREThank you boys.

Claire confidently strides away as Bryan rushes off to thebathroom.


Charles is arguing with STAR UMPLING, a girl holding anenormous amount of props. Star is an oddly dressed youngwoman with mismatched colors and massive earrings.

CHARLESIm sorry, but you arent allowedto use props in your audition.


31/98

30.

STARI dont need this, my characterdoes!

CHARLESCan you tell your character to do

the monologue without the props?

STARIll try. But she is in a very badmood today and I dont think shelllisten.


Bryan and Hughes are sitting behind their card table. HAROLDNIPSING enters. He is a well dressed, good looking young manwho presents himself courteously and professionally.

BRYANIt says here on your form that youwant to audition for the role ofJeb.

HAROLDYes, that is correct.

BRYANYou realize that Jeb is gay, right?

HAROLD

Yup. Im gay too.

BRYAN(Laughing.)

Sure, sure. Thats funny.

HAROLDNo, really, Im gay.

BRYANYou dont look gay though.

HAROLDWhat is a gay person supposed tolook like?

BRYANTight pants, lots of pink... youknow...


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31.

HUGHES(Interrupting Bryan.)

Why dont you take a look at thispage and read Jebs lines for us?

HAROLD

Okay.

Harold does a decent job of reading the following.

HAROLDNo, I wont let you go into thewoods alone, thats suicide! Do youknow whats happened in thosewoods? Terrible things, thatswhat! Lets just stay in the carand wait for our friends to pick usup, at least well be safe here.

HUGHESGood job, now can you...

BRYAN(Interrupting Hughes.)

What was that? That was awful! Thatdidnt sound gay at all!

HUGHESBryan, please...

BRYANNo! I want you to be all like Hey

girl, I don wanna go in the forestbecause its, like, all buggy andwill mess up my perfect hair and,and, a girl like me dont belongin no woods. Stuff like that! Imight as well play the role myself!

HUGHES(Ignoring Bryan.)

Thanks for coming, youre free togo, well call you within a fewdays.

BRYANThe best we can hope for now is toput some storyline in about a gayguy who reads the Bible and becomesstraight.


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32.

HUGHESHave a good day Harold, well seeyou later.

Harold leaves glaring at Bryan.

BRYAN

I wish people would be moreprogressive. He could at least beproud of his gayness.

Hughes sighs deeply and puts his face in his hands.


Bryan and Hughes are watching Star, who is doing aninterpretive dance and yelling a tribal chant. When shefinishes both Hughes and Bryan slowly clap.

HUGHESThat... that was very different.Now can you read from this page forus?

STARYou want me to just read from thatpage?

HUGHESYes. Exactly.

STARWheres the character? Wheres thesoul?

HUGHESIve been watching auditions forthe past four hours, just read thestupid script.

STARFine. What part?

HUGHES

The girl at the bottom of the page.

STAR(Severe overacting.)

Hey guys, lets go into the woods.Maybe somebody there can help usrepair our broken car. It does notlook scary in the woods. Lets goin the woods.


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33.

BRYANVery nice, okay. One more thing.Are you willing to do a nude scene?

STARA nude scene... like be naked oncamera?

BRYANYeah.

STARUh... Im not sure...

Antony stumbles in from behind Hughes and Bryan.

ANTONYIf you dont take your top offright now, youll never work inthis town! Hear me? TAKE IT OFF!

WOOOO! SPRING BREAK!

HUGHESDidnt he leave?

BRYAN(Getting up.)

I got him.

INT. BRYANS LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 27

Charles, Hughes, Claire, Mindy, Antony, Star, Clark, and

Harold are all sitting down in folding chairs in a circle.

Bryan passes out scripts to everybody. Each script is onlyfour pages long. The actors flip through it as they get thescript and look at each other, silently saying, is thisit?

BRYANEverybody got a script?

HAROLDI only got four pages.

BRYANAbout that... as you all knowfeature film scripts are notusually four pages, theyreusually... thirty or so pages. Whydo you think we gave you a fourpage script?


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34.

ANTONYBecause youre incompetent andcant write a script to save yourlife?

BRYAN

...Anybody else?

HUGHESNo, I think he was right.

BRYANHas anybody here heard ofimprovisation? Like on Whos Lineis it Anyway? Yeah? What weregoing to do is read the first fewpages here of the script, to sortof establish your characters, andthen youre going to use that to

improvise the rest of the script.Got it?

MINDYSo we have to make everything up?

BRYANDont think of it as making itup... improvising.

ANTONYIm not getting paid enough forthis.

HUGHESYoure not getting paid anythingfor this Antony.

ANTONYOh. Why did I sign up to do this?

BRYANLets get started. Remember, weredoing things differently in thismovie. We are going torevolutionize the craft of film.And this is our first step.

HAROLD(Looking through the script.)

Who wrote this?


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35.

BRYANI did.

CHARLESWell, actually I...

BRYANCharles helped a bit too. Now ifyoull look at the script youllnotice that weve changed all thecharacter names to your names toreduce confusion.

STARMy name isnt on here.

BRYANYour name is Star. We cant callthe Boor Witch the Star Witch,

thats retarded. Seriously, whonames their kid Star anyway? Now,Hughes can you read the action forus?

HUGHESIf I must.

Everybody shuffles in their chair and gets ready to read.

HUGHES(Reading.)

The Terror Within. Written by

Charles Jerhogany. Heavily revisedand rewritten by Bryan Berks.

BRYANI basically wrote it.

CHARLESI also...

BRYANI just want people to know who didwhat Charles.

HUGHES(Reading.)

The characters are...

BRYANYou dont have to read all that,start down there.


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36.

Bryan points out a spot on the lower half of the first pageon Hughes script.

HUGHES(Reading.)

Scene one. Five young, attractive

college students are riding in avan together. They are in theMidwest. The area is foresty. Thenames of the people in the car areMindy, Antony, Claire, Clark, andHarold. Harold is gay.

MINDY(Reading.)

Wow, weve been driving for a longtime.

CLARK

(Reading. Struggling with thewords.)

Yes. We. Have.

ANTONY(Reading.)

Are we there yet? I need to workout. My abs hurt from not workingout.

HAROLD(Reading. Very normal.)

We girls need to calm down. Does

anybody have any lipstick?

BRYANAre you serious?

HAROLDWhat?

BRYAN(Deep sigh.)

We have a lot of to work to do. Icant believe you were the only gayguy to audition.

HAROLDExcuse me?

HUGHESDoing good guys, lets keep going!


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37.

CLAIRE(Reading.)

I cannot wait until we arrive atMount Rushmore.

CLARK

(Reading, struggling.)This. Is. Going. To Be. The. Best.Spring break. Ever.

BRYANOkay, boring. Lets skip to Mindysline at the bottom of the page.

MINDY(Reading.)

The car is breaking down!

THE ACTORS

(With absolutely noenthusiasm.)

Aahhhhhhhhhh.

HUGHES(Reading.)

The van pulls off to the side ofthe road. There is lots of smoke.Everybody gets out of the van andlooks at the damage. It is bad.They are by the forest.

MINDY

(Reading.)Were stranded.

HAROLD(Reading.)

Oh my, I think I broke a nail.

CLARK(Reading, still strugglingwith words.)

It looks. Like. We. Need to. Go.Help. Because. The car is. Not.Going. To get. Start. Ed. Again.And.

BRYANDidnt anybody teach you how toread? Lets just skip thatmonologue.


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38.

ANTONY(Reading.)

Me, Claire, and Harold queer Bryanthis is offensive...

Antony pauses and looks at his script closer.

ANTONYWait, Im confused.

HAROLDWhat is this?

The cameraman walks up to Harold and looks at his script.Harold is crossed out with queer written next to it, thenCharles note next to it.

HAROLDThis is really inappropriate.

CHARLESTold you.

BRYANIts a script, okay? I was justtrying to add a little comicrelief. Jeez, am I the only onewith a sense of humor? Continue,Antony.

ANTONY(Reading.)

Me, Claire and... Harold will go

into the forest and search forhelp. You and Mindy stay here withthe car and protect it.

CLARK AND MINDY(Awkwardly trying to read atthe same time.)

Yes. We will do that.

HUGHES(Reading.)

Antony, Claire and Harold exit intothe forest.

MINDY(Reading.)

I want to have... I want... I wantto have... sex...

Mindy stops and looks at Bryan.


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39.

MINDYDo I have to read this right now?

CLAIRE(Jumping on her chance.)

Ill read it.

BRYANThank you Claire. Thats the kindof work ethic we need around here.Take it away.

CLAIRE(Reading.)

I want to have sex with you.

CLARK(Reading.)

Yes. We. Are.

CLAIRE(Reading.)

I am stripping.

HUGHES(Reading.)

Mindy is naked.

CLARK(Reading.)

You. Make. Me horny.

HUGHES(Reading.)

Mindy and Clark have sex.

CLAIRE(Reading and getting way toointo her lines. She makesincredibly graphic lovemakingsounds.)

Yes, yes, yes, yes, oh god, oh god,yes, yes, YES, YES OH MY GOD YES!!

While Claire goes overboard with her part everybody shiftsaround uncomfortably awkward.

CLARK(Reading, struggling.)

That was hot. Why dont. You. Go.Check on the. Tires.


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40.

HUGHES(Reading.)

Mindy walks outside the van wearingnothing but a towel. The vanexplodes.

CLAIRE(Reading.)

The van just exploded with Clarkinside. I am wearing nothing but atowel. I must find the others andtell them what happened. The BoorWitch mustve attached a bomb tothe van.

HUGHES(Reading.)

Mindy goes into the forest wearingnothing but a towel. Scene two.

Antony, Claire, and Harold.

Hughes stops and looks at Bryan.

HUGHESThats it.

BRYANTime to do some improvisation! Justlet out whatever comes to you,dont censor yourself.

ANTONY

Ill start.

BRYANThank you Antony.

Antony clears his throat.

ANTONYOh no, a giant spider is attackingus!

BRYANYes! Yes! Great!

STARI am the Boor witch, I have sentthis foul creature upon you!

CLAIREAhh!


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41.

MINDYWait, am I playing Mindy or Claire?

BRYANShh! Youll ruin the flow!

CLARKWe need to run away from thespider!

ANTONYOh no! Im being attacked by aliensfrom outer space now!

CLAIREWhat? That doesnt make sense!

BRYANNo! Dont deny! Go with it!

CLAIREOkay... oh no, space aliens.

ANTONYGood thing I brought my rocketlauncher! Claire get it out ofmy Hummer.

CLAIRE...Got it.

ANTONY

Bill Clinton, get off of me, I needto save the world from a giganticgrizzly bear! Claire! Oh no, youjust turned into a man! We must getthe crystal of summons to save theworld! Oh my god, a ferret isclawing its way out of my spleen!Run! RUN!

Everybody is staring at Antony. Antony stands up and tosseshis script on the floor and puts on his coat.

ANTONYWe better have a script by the timewe start shooting or Im not doingthis. Im out.

Antony exits. Everybody is silent.


43/98

42.

BRYANI dont know about you guys, but Ifeel like that went really well.Great job everybody!

Bryan claps enthusiastically as everybody else puts on their

coats and leave silently.

INT. BRYANS LIVING ROOM AND KITCHEN - DAY 28

Hughes is sitting at the couch flipping through excessiveamounts of random paper. DILL, a slightly heavyset buthealthy young man with a very professional demeanor sits onon the sofa waiting for Hughes to say something. In thekitchen Bryan is eating a sandwich.

Hughes and Dill are in an interview. After several secondsof flipping around papers meaninglessly Hughes speaks.

HUGHESSo youre interested in working asa cameraman.

DILLYes.

HUGHESHave you ever used a camera before?

DILLI have twenty-six short films on my

resume, and I have also worked onfive separate live shows at collegeas well as one professional newsshow. In my free time I filmweddings and other events formoney. Ive also worked as acameraman for three feature lengthfilms, one of which is currentlyshowing at Sundance.

HUGHES(Awe and fear.)

Wow. Um... I dont think we can useyou.

DILLWhy not?

HUGHESYou have...


44/98

43.

DILLToo much experience?

HUGHESYeah. You should be directing this.

DILLThats fine then, because I madeall that up.

HUGHES(Puzzled.)

You... lied?

DILLI padded my resume a bit. Iveactually never used a camerabefore.

HUGHESNever?

DILLNope. Whats a camera?

HUGHESThen I guess we cant use you, weneed somebody who knows whattheyre doing...

DILLI was lying again.

HUGHES(Perplexed.)

What? Who are you?

DILLI said I was Bob earlier, but Imactually named Dill.

HUGHES(Growing more confused.)

How do I know youre not lying tome?

DILLI guess youre going to just haveto trust me.

HUGHES...I see.


45/98

44.

DILLDid I get the job?

HUGHES...No...

DILLExcellent! Thank you sir! You willnot regret your choice!

HUGHESYou, you didnt get the job.

DILLWas there a better candidate forthe position?

HUGHESSadly no, but Im kind of a afraid

youre going to murder me.

DILLI see. I really didnt want thisjob anyway. I was just here for thefood.

HUGHESI didnt give you any food.

DILL(Suddenly angry.)

Damn right you will!

Dill storms over to Bryans kitchen, throws open therefrigerator, stuff handfuls of food into his shirt, mouthand pockets, and leaves. Hughes and Bryan stare after him.


Bryan is standing at the counter absentmindedly eating alettuce sandwich and staring straight ahead. Hughes issitting at the counter also staring straight ahead but in adifferent direction. He takes a drink from his juicebox.

HUGHESDid I tell you that I never foundus a cameraman?

BRYANReally?


46/98

45.

HUGHESYeah. Youre going to have to docamera duty and well use Charlesto hold the boom.

BRYANOkay.

Pause.

BRYANWere actually doing this.

HUGHESYup.

BRYANWere actually going to film amovie.

HUGHESSomething like that.

BRYANI think Im going to throw up.

HUGHESPrincipal shooting starts tomorrow.

BRYANHow are we going to do this? Wedont even have a script done!

HUGHESYou pick now to finally listen towhat Ive been saying all along?Charles will write the scenes as wefilm them.

BRYANHow am I going to check over andrevise the script then?

HUGHESCharles is the writer. You are the

director. Let him write.

BRYANBut...

HUGHESNo.

(Pause.)


47/98

46.

BRYANCould...

HUGHESNo.

BRYANTheres no way were going to beable to pull this off.

HUGHESYes we will. The movie probablywont look or sound like anythingclose to what we want and will beterrible, but were making thismovie no matter what. I dont careif the entire cast dies and thecamera blows up. This film is goingto be made.


Bryan is cluelessly trying to put a tape into the camerabackwards while the actors arrive and mill about bored.Bryan snaps a switch off the camera trying to force it openand swears to himself. Harold, who has been standing behindBryan and watching him struggle, speaks up.

HAROLDHey, if you push the...

BRYANI dont need any help!

HAROLDFine.

Harold walks away.

BRYAN(Muttering under his breath.)

Gay people dont know anythingabout cameras.

Hughes enters and walks up to Bryan.

HUGHESAll the actors are here, have youfigured out the camera yet?


48/98

47.

BRYANIm about ninety-five percentthere, just need to put the tape inand turn it on.

HUGHES

Do you know how to do that?

BRYANOf course I do.

HUGHES(Doesnt believe him.)

Show me.

BRYANIm not going to do it right now.

HUGHES

Why not?

BRYANIts bad for the tape.

HUGHESReally.

BRYANHumidity. In the tape deck. Itscomplicated.

HUGHES

I really wish you got the equipmentout and tested it before the firstday of shooting.

BRYANI...

HUGHESJust have it ready by the time westart.

BRYANSo did you get the van?

HUGHESWhat van?

BRYANWere shooting the van scene today.


49/98

48.

HUGHESYou didnt tell me you needed avan!

BRYANI thought you knew!

HUGHESWhat kind of van do you need? Likea mini van? We can get one ofthose.

BRYANNo, not a mini van, thats stupid.I want one of those huge hippievans, the VWs.

HUGHESWhere in the hell am I going to get

a working sixties era VW van?

BRYANDont ask me, thats your job!

HUGHESWere not going to be able to getone of those Bryan.

BRYANLooks like you just ruined themovie.

HUGHESTell you what, why dont you filmall the van interior scenes in yourcar, and then well get some shotsof a van from the outside that wecan use as an establishing shot.

BRYANYou think thatll work?

HUGHESThe audience will never know.

BRYAN(Yelling.)

Everybody, to places!

All the actors stare at Bryan. Nobody is quite sure what hemeans by places.


50/98

49.

BRYAN(Slightly deflated.)

Were going to start now.

EXT. BRYANS DRIVEWAY - FORTY MINUTES LATER 31

Clark, Mindy, Antony, Harold, and Claire are all crammedinto Bryans compact car. The doors are all open and theactors are about to pass out from the heat.

Bryan is sitting next to the car, still trying to load thetape into the camera. Charles is leaning on a boom mic,about to pass out.

The boom mic that Charles is holding is constructed out of abroomstick with a microphone duct taped to the end.

CHARLES

Can we just go in while you figurethat out?

BRYANNo! I almost got it!

HAROLDYou need...

BRYAN(On edge, finally snapping.)

SHUT UP! I GOT THIS!

Pause. Bryan knows hes overreacted.

BRYAN(Fake politeness.)

Sure Harold, why dont you givethis a try?

Harold gets out of the car, grabs the camera, pops open thetape deck and puts the tape in. Easy as pie. He hands itback to Bryan.

BRYANI... I mustve knocked somethingloose for you, I tried that beforeand it definitely did not work.

ANTONYCan we get on with this?


51/98

50.

BRYANYeah, okay. So were going to dothis kind of in the style of thatone car scene from Children ofMen so Im going to have to get inthe middle.

MINDYTheres no room!

Bryan ignores her and the other actors protestations andclimbs on top of the laps of Mindy, Claire, and Antony, allin the backseat of the car. After he gets in the car he hitsMindy in the face with the camera and grabs Claireinappropriately as he tries to shift his weight to get hislegs in far enough that he can close the door. After muchtussle, yelling, and struggling Bryan is finally in.

BRYAN

All right! Charles, now you get in!

The actors protest loudly and start yelling at Bryan.

BRYANFine! Fine! Charles, hand me theboom. Jeez, I have to do everythingaround here.

Bryan struggles to bring the three foot pole into the carand manages to hit both Harold and Antony in the face.

BRYAN

Maybe well just use the onboardmic for this one.

Bryan hands Charles the boom mic.

BRYANEverybody ready? Lets start fromthe beginning.

HAROLDArent we driving during thisscene?

BRYANDuh.

HAROLDBut were not moving. The audiencewill be able to tell that nothingis moving through the window.


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51.

BRYANWell green screen it.

CLARKDont we need to put up some greenfabric over the window to do that?

BRYANYoure an actor, leave the filmmaking to the pros. When I say go,start the scene. Ready... Action!

All the actors look confused.

BRYANI said go!

ANTONYActually you said action.

BRYANYou know what I mean! Start!

ANTONYYou just changed it again.

BRYANGo!

MINDY(Acting.)

Wow, weve been driving for a long

time.

Pause. Nobody knows the next line.

BRYANDamn it! Cut! Whats the next line?

CLARKDoes anybody have a script?

Nobody has a script.

BRYANGreat, nobody brought a script.

ANTONYYoure the director, why dont youhave a script?


53/98

52.

BRYANIve been busy with the camera,Hughes mustve taken my copy. Itdoesnt matter, just improvise thelines you dont know. Ready... go!

MINDY

(Acting.)Wow, weve been driving for a longtime.

CLARK(After a long pause as hetries to think of what to saynext.)

Yes.

ANTONY(Mocking the improvisation.)

Oh no! Im being attacked by rabid

wolverines!

MINDYWhat?

ANTONYDont deny.

BRYANCut! Charles, go get us a script.God, I hate actors.

Pause. Bryan realizes that he just insulted his actors totheir faces.

BRYAN(Forcing a smile.)

Break time!

EXT. BRYANS DRIVEWAY - AN HOUR LATER 32

All the actors are in the car in the same positions, exceptfor this time Bryan is halfway in the front seat with hislegs hanging out of the side window in an incredibly

uncomfortable position for all involved. They have justfinished up a take.

BRYAN(Struggling to get out of thecar.)

Cut! Great job everybody! We aredone with this scene!


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53.

ANTONYWere not done, what about the sexscene?

BRYAN(Trying not to betray his

nervousness.)Well do it later.

ANTONYWhy?

BRYANBecause I want to.

ANTONY(Enjoying Bryans discomfort.)

Were here, we might as well.

BRYANWere not doing it now!

ANTONYAre you scared?

BRYANGood work guys, get yourselves somedinner!

Bryan runs away as fast as he can from Antony into hishouse.

INT. CHARLES HOUSE - NIGHT 33

Bryan and Charles are both sitting side by side in front ofCharles computer intensely focused on the script. It islate in the night after the first day of shooting.

BRYANCharles... do you know how they dosex scenes in movies?

CHARLES(Stops typing.)

What do you mean?

BRYANDo they, you know, really do it?

CHARLESIn pornography they do.


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54.

BRYANIm not talking about porn! I meanregular movies, how do they do it?

CHARLESMaybe they have, like, clear

underwear or something.

BRYANNo, thats weird. Look it uponline.

CHARLESYou want me to search how they dosex scenes in movies?

BRYANYeah, type it in Google.

CHARLESOkay.

Charles searches for how to do sex scenes in movies.

BRYANClick on that one.

Both of them stare wide eyed at the pornographic site theyjust clicked on.

CHARLESIm not sure if this is the type of

film that we want to make.

BRYANNow I understand Jerry, now Iunderstand.

EXT. FOREST - NIGHT 34

The camera starts at the barn, where several cars areparked. There is an extension chord plugged into one of theoutlets and the camera follows it to the woods. It is aseries of ten continuous extension chords and is incrediblylong and unsafe. However, it does not quite reach the woods.Hughes and Bryan are setting down the lights.

HUGHESTold you there werent enoughextension chords.


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55.

BRYANWe have to have the creepy ambientlighting for the woods scene. Do wehave any more?

HUGHES

Nope.

BRYANWell, maybe we can shine thistowards the woods and itll give usa little light.

HUGHESI think its going to be way toodark for the camera to pick upanything.

BRYAN

Leave this to me Hughes.

EXT. FOREST - TEN MINUTES LATER 35

This scene is shot in night vision.

The actors stand around while Bryan fiddles with the camera.They are all terrified of the woods, with the exception ofAntony, who seems to enjoy watching the others discomfort.

MINDYCan we go in?

BRYANNo.

MINDYWhy not?

BRYANWe havent shot the scene yet!

MINDYIts scary out here.

CLARKIm getting bit by mosquitoes!

ANTONYI forgot my flask in the car.


57/98

56.

BRYANWere here to shoot a movie,remember?

HAROLDThen lets shoot it.

BRYANIm trying to!

HUGHESWheres Star?

MINDYShe said something about gettinginto character.

HUGHES(Groans.)

Not this again.

Hughes walks off into the woods.

EXT. DEEP FOREST - NIGHT 36

Five minutes later. Hughes is searching the forest for Starwith a flashlight. The camera sees Stars eyes up behindHughes in a tree through the night vision camera. SuddenlyStar launches out of the tree at Hughes and tackles him.Star squeals with glee as Hughes screams.

HUGHESSTAR WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

STARIM THE BOOR WITCH! EE HEE HEE!

EXT. FOREST - TWO MINUTES LATER 37

Hughes and Star stumble back to where Bryan and the actorsare. Both are mangled and dirty.

The camera remains in night vision.

ANTONYHey, next time why dont you twoget a room?

MINDYDid you get attacked by deer?


58/98

57.

ANTONYI wasnt aware that deer wereferocious, carnivorous creatures.

HUGHESAre you ready to shoot yet Bryan?

BRYANAlmost, just need to get the nightvision working.

HUGHESBryan, thats a VHS camera.

BRYANSo?

HUGHESThat doesnt have night vision.

BRYAN...Are you serious?

HUGHESYeah.

BRYANWhy didnt you tell me this before?

HUGHESYou said you had it taken care of!

BRYANYou... You... Producer!

Bryan storms off. Pause.

HUGHES(Clapping slowly.)

Good night of shooting everybody,go on home.

EXT. FOREST - DAY 38

Bryan is in the middle of shooting a scene in the forest.Harold, Claire, and Antony in front of the camera andCharles is on sound with the boom.

After a few seconds of filming, the sound of a lawnmowerstarts up. Charles is the first to notice.


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58.

CHARLES(Tugging on Bryans shirt.)

Bryan... Bryan...

BRYANWhat?

CHARLESThe audios bad.

ANTONYIs that a lawnmower?

BRYANHow can there be a lawnmower in themiddle of a forest?

Bryan and Charles walk deeper into the woods and quicklycome to the edge of the forest about twenty feet away from

where they were filming. At the edge of the forest is amassive subdivision.

BRYANYou got to be kidding me.

EXT. FOREST - TEN MINUTES LATER 39

Bryan, Charles, Antony, Claire, and Harold are all sittingaround, waiting for the lawnmower noise to end. Antony takesa swig from his flask. The lawnmower stops. Everybodyscrambles to get back to filming, setting up camera

equipment, getting back into place, etc.

As soon as everybody is ready, another lawnmower starts.

BRYANAre you freaking serious!

A second lawnmower begins on top of the other one. All theactors and Charles groan and sit back down.

ANTONYHave we gotten any actual filmingdone in the past two days?

BRYANWeve just had a few technicaldifficulties, were doing fine.

CHARLESI think Im getting a sun burn. Ihavent been in the sun for more

(MORE)


60/98

59.

CHARLES (contd)

than twenty minutes at a time sinceI was five.

Hughes enters.

HUGHESWhy arent you guys filming?

BRYANWere waiting for the lawnmower tostop.

HUGHESWe dont have time, were alreadytwo days behind schedule!

BRYANYou want me to just film with that

noise in the background?

HUGHESIf you have to, yes!

BRYANHughes, when the shark broke inJaws, Spielberg didnt just go onand do without it, he waited untilthey fixed it.

CHARLESActually Spielberg said that his

movie was more effective becausethey didnt use the shark as much.

BRYANNobody cares about the pastCharles!

HUGHESWell edit out the sound in post,just start filming!

BRYAN

I am, why dont you just get off myback?

HUGHESIf I did nothing would get done!


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60.

BRYAN(Mocking.)

Look at me, Im Hughes, I knoweverything, Im mister Smarty,mister Smarts-a-lot, Sir SmartyMcSmartenstien...

HUGHESIm going to be back in a half anhour, and I better see some workgetting done when I get back.

Hughes storms off. Bryan watches him leave.

BRYANEverybody, five minute break, Ineed to pee!

Bryan leaves the actors and walks deeper into the woods.

EXT. DEEP FOREST - DAY 40

Bryan walks farther into the woods finding a spot to pee,looking over his shoulder to make sure nobody is near.

When he thinks hes alone he gets ready to pee when suddenlyClaire emerges out of the bushes, exuding all the sexualityshe can muster up. Bryan is given quite a shock and tripsover a log trying to close his fly as fast as humanlypossible.

BRYANWhat are you doing?!

CLAIREDont pay attention to Hughes.

BRYANWhat?

CLAIREDont let him tell you what to do,hes not a real artist like you.

BRYANReally?

CLAIREHe doesnt understand what yourvision for this film is.


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61.

BRYANYeah. Thats what I said...

CLAIRE(Starting to get close toBryan.)

So dont let him push you around.We all got your back. Especiallyme.

BRYAN(Not sure what Claire is goingwith this.)

Which is good.

CLAIREYou know... its awfully hot outhere...

BRYANIts summer.

CLAIRE(Thrown off.)

...Yes it is.

Pause.

CLAIRESo I hear youre planning onfilming the sex scene tomorrow.

BRYANWith Mindy and Clark, yeah.

CLAIREYou seem a bit nervous.

BRYANIts just... that... as anartist... its... a big leap...into... art.

CLAIRE(Pretending to understand.)

Yeah.

BRYANDo you... know how they film thosescenes in Hollywood?

By now Claire is as close to Bryan as she can get.


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62.

CLAIRENo, but I know how they film thosescenes in Cincinnati...

BRYAN(Genuinely thinks she is

talking about a filmtechnique.)

Hows that?

Claire kisses Bryan. Bryan breaks away from her.

BRYANSo where would the camera go?

CLAIRE(This trips even a pro likeher up.)

Uh... over there?

BRYANInteresting. Would that be themaster shot?

CLAIREYeah, sure.

Claire kisses Bryan again. Bryan breaks away.

BRYANI have a girlfriend!

CLAIREReally now, who is it?

BRYANMindy!

CLAIRE(Pretending to be surprised.)

Mindy... you mean the shy one?Seriously?

BRYAN...Yes.

CLAIREDump her for me Bryan.

BRYANWhat about the movie?


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63.

CLAIREGive her role to me, Ill be ahundred times better than her.

BRYANYou are a really good kisser...

CLAIREYes...

BRYAN(Breaking away from Claire.)

I cant! This is wrong!

CLAIREBryan...

BRYAN(Hysterical, running away from

Claire.)Get away from me!

Claire watches Bryan run away then smiles to herself.

EXT. FOREST - FIVE MINUTES LATER 41

Bryan is curled up in the fetal position in the crotch of atree. The rest of the film crew and actors stand around thetree and stare at him.

CHARLES

Is break over yet?

Bryan looks at Charles.

CHARLESHughes is going to be here soon,you better get down and filmsomething.

Bryan nods his head and climbs down from the tree.

INT. BRYANS CAR - DAY 42

Hughes is driving with Bryan in the passengers seat fiddlingwith the camera. Charles is sitting in the backseat staringout the side window.

HUGHESWhere do you want me to go?


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64.

BRYANDrive around the mall, Im surethere will be VW vans there.

HUGHESIve never seen one of those at the

mall.

BRYANJust go, well find something.

HUGHESFine.

Pause.

HUGHESSo, uh...

BRYANWhat?

HUGHESClaires looking pretty good...

Bryan is silent.

HUGHESI think I might have a crush onher.

Bryan is still silent.

HUGHESBryan?

BRYANYou thinking about asking her out?

HUGHESYeah, maybe.

BRYANWell you cant.

HUGHESWhy not?

BRYANYou cant date cast members.


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65.

HUGHESYoure dating Mindy!

BRYAN(Bryan forgot about this.)

...Thats because we were dating

before the shoot started.

HUGHESWhat difference does that make?

BRYANAll the difference, thats what.

HUGHESIm still going to ask her.

BRYANFine. Shell say no.

HUGHESYou dont know that.

CHARLESHey guys, I kind of like Star.

BRYANNobody cares who you like Charles.

HUGHESIm not seeing any vans out here.

BRYANOo! Oo! Theres one!

HUGHESThats a heating and cooling repairservice van.

BRYANGood enough, Im going to get somefootage.

Bryan tapes the repair van through the window.

HUGHESDo you want me to roll down thewindow so you can get a clear shot?

BRYANNo its fine.


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66.


Bryan is pacing nervously, sighing repeatedly and wipingsweat off his brow.

Off to the side, watching him are Mindy, Clark, Charles, and

Hughes.

Bryans compact car sits behind them.

HUGHESYou want a glass of water orsomething?

BRYANIm fine. This is just part of theartistic process. Do you have yourlines memorized?

MINDYYouve asked me that five times,yes I do.

BRYANJust checking. Thats all.

CLARKSo... are we doing the scene?

BRYANYeah, lets start. First... letsstart with getting in the car.

MINDYOkay...

Mindy and Clark cram themselves in the backseat of Bryanscar.

BRYANLet me get set up...

Bryan gets the camera and positions himself to shoot.

BRYANWere going to start with theothers exiting into the woods.

CLARKSo what exactly are we supposed todo?


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67.

BRYANWere just going to... go with it.Whatever happens happens.

CLARKImprovise what we do?

BRYANExactly.

CLARKOkay. I guess.

BRYANReady... go.

MINDY(Deadpan acting.)

I want to have sex... with you.

CLARK(Channeling his inner KeanuReeves when acting.)

Yes we are.

MINDY(Saying the lines but doingnothing.)

I am stripping.

Pause. Mindy and Clark stare at each other.

BRYANCut! What are you doing Mindy?Strip!

MINDYYou want me to take my clothes off?

BRYANWhat else does strip mean? Werenot talking about strips of baconhere!

MINDYOkay, Ill try.

BRYANDont try, do! Lets take thisagain, from the I am strippingline. Ready... go!


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MINDY(Saying the lines and stilldoing nothing.)

I am stripping.

After an awkward pause, Mindy begins to try to take her

shirt off, but the backseat of Bryans car is so small thatshe cant get it off and ends up with her shirt stuck overher head. She struggles for a moment and Clark tries to helpher.

BRYANCut! Cut! This is not working! Thisis supposed to be sexy!

MINDY(With shirt still over herhead.)

What am I doing wrong?

BRYANIts not you, its, its the car.We cant do it here.

HUGHESWhere else do you think we can do acar scene?

BRYANWere going to do it in a bed.

HUGHES

...But the scene takes place in acar, how are they going to randomlybe in a house?

BRYANGreen screen.

HUGHESWhat?

BRYANYou put actors in front of a greenbackground...

HUGHESI know what a green screen isBryan. We dont have one.

BRYANYet.


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69.

INT. BRYANS PARENTS BEDROOM 44

Bryan is covering his parents queen size bed with a hugeroll of green tissue paper. Hughes, Charles, Clark and Mindywatch.

MINDY

This is so weird doing this in yourparents bedroom Bryan.

BRYANTheyre not going to get back fromwork until six, were fine.

HUGHESI dont think this tissue paper isthe right color of green.

BRYANIts green enough.

Bryan finishes covering the bed.

BRYANAll right, lets do this. Clark,Mindy, get on the bed.

Clark and Mindy get on the bed, awkwardly crawling over thetissue paper.

BRYANDont crinkle the green screen!

MINDYI cant help it!

BRYANI want you two to pretend thatyoure in the back seat of the car.

Clark and Mindy exchange confused glances, then adjustthemselves slightly on the bed. Bryan picks up the cameraand gets set.

BRYANGood, good. Were going to startfrom the beginning again. Ready...go!

MINDY(Acting. Still awfullydeadpan.)

I want to have... sex... with you.


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70.

CLARK(Acting.)

Yes we are.

MINDY(Acting.)

I am stripping.

Mindy quickly takes off her shirt and throws it off the bed.Clark and Mindy awkwardly stare at each other.

BRYANCut. ...Oh my god.

HUGHESWhat are you getting excited for,youve seen her naked plenty oftimes. Havent you?

BRYAN

(Lying.)...Yeah. Of course.

MINDYHes lying. This is the first timehes ever seen me with my shirtoff. Can I put my shirt back onnow?

BRYAN(Pretending he didnt hearher.)

Lets start this scene again.

Clark, you have to say your nextline. Mindy, you need to take allof your clothes off.

MINDYWhat?

BRYANBra. Everything. Gone.

MINDYIm not taking my bra off in frontof you all.

BRYANPanties?

CHARLES(To Bryan.)

Thats a funny word.


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71.

MINDYNo!

BRYANWell, you at least have to takeyour pants off too.

MINDYIm keeping my gym shorts on.

BRYANCmon, thats no worse than abikini!

MINDYI dont wear bikinis! When have youever seen me in a bikini?

BRYAN

Fine! Keep the shorts if it meansthat much to you!

CLARKDo I need to take my clothes off?

BRYANNo, why would anybody want to seeyou naked?

CLARKI have really good muscle tone.

BRYANThats nice, but no thanks.

MINDYI think he should take his shirtoff.

BRYANWhat is it with you people? Werestarting from the I am strippingline, camera rolling.... ready...go!

MINDY(Acting.)

I am stripping.

Mindy takes her shirt off, then stands up on the bed to takeher pants off.


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72.

BRYANWhat are you doing? You cant standup in a car!

MINDYI didnt want to tear the green

screen!

BRYANWhatever, keep going!

CLARK(Acting.)

You make me horny.

Clark and Mindy awkwardly stare at each other.

BRYAN(Yelling.)

Have sex! Do it!

MINDY(Getting up to leave.)

This is disgusting, Im out ofhere!

BRYANNo! Mindy! Mindy, I didnt meanactually do it, do it. Uh, here, Ishould have explained this morebefore. My fault, right? Silly me.This is what were going to do. You

and Clark are going to get underthe green screen, here, like ablanket.

Clark and Mindy lay down while Bryan puts the tissue paperon top of them.

BRYANNow, you arent actually doinganything, but since the audience isonly going to see your face,theyll think you are! Just pretendthat youre having sex and make thenoises, thats all! Can you dothat?

MINDYSure...


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73.

BRYANFrom where we left off... ready...go!

Mindy and Clark both stare straight up at the ceiling with afoot of space in between them.

CLARK AND MINDY(Awkward monotone.)

Yes, yes, oh god, yes, yes, yes, ohgod. Yes. ...Yes.

Pause.

CLARK(Acting.)

That was hot. Why dont you checkon the tires?

MINDY(Acting.)

Okay.

BRYAN(Tosses Mindy a towel.Whispering.)

Put this on and slowly leave thebed.

With quite a bit of crinkling from the tissue paper, Mindyputs the towel around her and gets out of the bed.

BRYANCut. Great job guys! Mindy, can wedo the exit from the car one moretime, but without the bra strapsshowing?

MINDYNo.

BRYANFair enough.

Bryan lets out a self satisfied sigh.

BRYANThat... that was really good.Excellent work everybody. I dontwant to sound conceited oranything, but not just any directorcan pull something like that off,whew! Heh!


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74.

Pause.

BRYAN(Quickly.)

I need to go to the bathroom.

Bryan rushes out the door just as Antony enters eating a bagof chips.

ANTONYDid I miss the show?

EXT. FOREST - DAY 45

Bryan and Hughes struggle with the camera while Charles ispicking grass out of the ground. Harold, Claire, Antony, andStar wander around bored.

HUGHES(Looking up from camera.)

Charles, did you give them thescript you wrote for todays shoot?

CHARLESNo.

Hughes stares down Charles.

CHARLESYes.

Charles unfolds a piece of mangled paper from his picket andhands it to Harold.

CHARLESI still need to find the secondpage. Sorry, theres only one copy.

Bryan and Hughes finish setting up the camera. Hughes exits.

BRYANAll right, lets do this. Harold,Antony, Claire, get in the tent!

The tent is revealed. It is a tiny, one person tent that isobviously from Bryans childhood.

HAROLDAre you serious?


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75.

BRYAN(Exploding.)

Do you know how much we have toshoot today? Do you know how behindschedule we are? GET IN THE TENT!

Antony, Claire and Harold all barely cram themselves intothe tent. After a moment of them all awkwardly anduncomfortably trying to adjust to the close quarters, Bryantries to squeeze himself in as well with the camera. Thetent cant handle the volume and tears to shreds andeverybody ends up in a heap on the ground.

EXT. BARN - DAY 46

Bryan, Antony, Claire and Harold all stand in a close clump.Hughes flaps a large piece of tarp and then drapes it overthem. From under the tarp we hear:

BRYANReady... go!

EXT. FOREST - HALF HOUR LATER THAT DAY 47

Bryan and Hughes are setting up the camera and props whileCharles hands Claire, Antony, Harold, and Star the next pageof the script.

CHARLES(Handing the wad of a page to

Star.)Here. I found the rest of thescript.

HAROLD(Grabbing the script out ofStars hand.)

Wait a second... whats this? I getkilled in this scene?

BRYANWhat? You didnt know that?

HAROLDThis is less than halfway throughthe movie! I cant believe it!

BRYANWhats wrong...


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76.

HAROLDYou told me that I was a lead role!

BRYANYou are a lead role. That getskilled early in the movie.

HAROLDI cant believe this... Imleaving.

BRYANAre you mad that you dont get asex scene?

HAROLDWhat?

HUGHES

(Trying to calm everybodydown.)

Harold, you see, you die in thispart, but that doesnt mean youreno longer in the film. Charles isstill working on the scene, where,uh, you become a zombie. You comeback to life. As the undead. Afteryou die. In this scene.

HAROLDOh... okay...

STAR(Holding a small note thatfell out of the script.)

Star your hair is blacker than theempty void of my soul, your eyesare like laser beams of light in myhopeless world, your breasts arelike the rolling hills of theEnglish countryside. Love,Charles.

A pause. Everybody stares at Charles, who stares at Starwhile still sitting on the ground holding a handful of grasshe just pulled out of the ground.


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77.

EXT. FOREST - MOMENTS LATER 48

Charles is curled up in the fetal position in the crotch ofa tree. Bryan, Antony, Star, Claire, and Harold all look atup Charles.

ANTONY(Throwing his arms in the airand turning to leave.)

Not this again!

EXT. FOREST - AN HOUR LATER 49

Hughes and Bryan are getting ready to attach a squib toHarold who is standing between them with a white t shirt on.

After a moment Clark walks up to Bryan wearing a torn up tshirt with mud on it and with his face painted bright green.

CLARKHows my zombie makeup look?

BRYAN(Horrified.)

...Green. Did you do that yourself?

CLARKYup! You like it?

BRYAN(Lying.)

Its great.

HUGHES(To Bryan.)

Here.

Hughes hands Bryan a box of condoms. Bryan is immediatelyflustered and completely distracted.

BRYANWhats... whats this?

HUGHESIts what were using for thesquibs. Were filling the condomswith cranberry juice so when Haroldgets shot he can slap them and theypop.


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78.

BRYANYeah, but, condoms? Seriously?

HUGHES(Not understanding why Bryanis flustered at the sight of

condoms.)...Yeah. Whats the difference?

BRYANTheyre... theyre condoms man!

HUGHES(Snatching a condom fromBryan.)

Give me that.

Hughes fills up a condom with cranberry juice and attachesit to Harold using duct tape. Bryan is preoccupied with the

condoms, opening packages and playing with them.

HUGHESBryan do you have the gun?

BRYANOh, yeah, here.

Bryan gets a super soaker that is spray painted black out ofhis bag.

HUGHESThats a squirt gun.

BRYANPainted black.

HUGHES(Sighs.)

Whatever. Ready for take one?

BRYAN(Picking up the camera andgetting ready.)

Sure, lets do this! Clark when Isay go I want you to shoot Haroldwith your gun and Harold I want youto hit the squib thing. Got it?

CLARK AND HAROLDYeah.


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79.

BRYANAlright... ready... go!

Clark shoots Harold by pumping up the squirt gun thenpressing the trigger to make a small hiss. Harold slaps thesquib, but it doesnt explode. Harold slaps it two more

times to no avail.

HUGHES(Looking at the condom box.)

Now they decide to work!

BRYANScrew the squibs. Thats not a pun.Hughes I got an idea.

Bryan whispers in Hughes ear.

HUGHES

That is a terrible idea.

BRYANDo it anyway.

HUGHES(Sighs.)

Fine.

BRYANGuys, do exactly the same thing,except this time dont worry aboutthe squib Harold.

HAROLDOkay.

BRYAN(Getting back into positionwith the camera.)

Ready... go!

Clark pumps the squirt gun again and triggers the hissingnoise again. Harold is just about to act like he got shotwhen Hughes dumps the entire bucket of cranberry juice onhim. Harold screams.

HAROLDWHAT THE HELL!?

BRYANCut! That was great!


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80.

HAROLDI have cranberry juice all over me!

BRYANYeah? So?

HAROLDYou didnt freaking tell me youwere going to pour that on me!

BRYANIt got the reaction I needed. Youshouldve seen the look on yourface!

HAROLDThats it, I cant take thisanymore, Im out of here.

BRYANWhat?

HAROLDYou are immature, unprofessional,and I dont like you. Im notgetting paid enough for this shit.

HUGHESYoure not getting paid at all.

BRYANYou dont like me?

HAROLDWith all your awful gay jokes? Youreally think I appreciate that?

BRYANTheyre funny!

HAROLD(Leaving.)

No. Im out of here. Screw you.

BRYANYou wish!

Pause. Bryan realizes he shouldnt have said that. Haroldstops.

HAROLDWhatd you say?


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81.

BRYANNothing.

Harold charges Bryan and tackles him.

HUGHESTHE CAMERA! WATCH OUT FOR THE

CAMERA!

Hughes tries to get the camera while Bryan and Haroldawkwardly wrestle on the ground yelling at each other.Harold tries to get as much cranberry juice as he can onBryans nice clothes.

EXT. FOREST - EVENING THAT DAY 50

Bryan stands holding the camera, splattered and stained withfake blood. Hughes stands next to him, with a bloody handprint on his face, and Charles sits on the ground picking

grass.

Mindy stands with a towel wrapped around her with herclothes that she is wearing underneath clearly visible. Starstands next to her in her boor witch costume.

It is getting towards evening and everybody is exhausted andat the end of their rope.

BRYANAre you even trying to look likeyoure naked?

MINDYNope.

Bryan sighs.

HUGHES(Trying to sound enthusiastic.Failing.)

Cmon guys, last shoot of the day.

BRYANMindy, just run through the woods

screaming and Star will follow you.

Star and Mindy get in position.

BRYANReady... go!

Mindy runs through the woods and lamely yells halfheartedly. Star chases after her but trips over a tree root.


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82.

BRYANCut! All right, I think thatllwork.

HUGHESWere done, lets get dinner.

Everybody starts to gather their belongings and leave when:

BRYANWait.

HUGHESWhat?

BRYANLets do one more take.

HUGHES

(Moaning.)Why?

BRYANI want to do another angle.Everybody get back into positions!

Mindy and Star get back into position while Bryan climbs atree holding the camera.

HUGHESWhat are you doing? You cant, giveme that!

BRYAN(Still climbing.)

I got this!

HUGHES(Panicking.)

Youre going to drop the camera!Get down!

BRYANEverybody in position?

HUGHESBryan!

BRYANIm not going to drop it.


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83.

HUGHESBryan...

Bryan situates himself in the tree and gets ready to shoot.

BRYAN

Ready... go!

Bryan promptly drops the camera from the top of the tree. Ithits the ground with a gut wrenching crunch.

Pause. Everybody stares at the ground in shock. After amoment:

HUGHESYOU ARE A DEAD MAN BRYAN BERKS!

EXT. BRYANS DRIVEWAY - LATE EVENING 51

Hughes, Bryan, Charles, Antony, Clark, Star, Mindy, andClaire all sit on Bryans car and on the concrete around theshattered camera. They stare in dejected silence. After amoment Bryan speaks.

BRYANIm not going to sugarcoat this.This sucks. We just had a brutalday of filming. Were hopelesslybehind schedule. Our severalthousand dollar camera that wereborrowing is destroyed. But fear

not my stalwart warriors, I havejust the thing for a situation likethis!

Hughes gets up and goes into the garage. He comes out with alarge cooler and sets it down.

BRYAN(Opening the cooler. Its fullof alcoholic beverages.)

Alcohol!

EVERYBODY ELSEYES!

They all run to the cooler.


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84.

EXT. BRYANS BACK DECK - FIVE MINUTES LATER 52

Optional: Text that says Five Minutes Later appears on thescreen.

Everybody is already roaring drunk and partying it up on the

back porch of Bryans house that connects to a pool.Discarded beer cans are everywhere.

A depressed Hughes is sitting next to the pool, the only onenot having a good time. He holds a beach ball. Bryan comesup to him.

BRYANNot having a good time?

HUGHESOur camera just got destroyed. Notonly do we have to find a new one

to complete our movie, now I haveto come up with a few thousanddollars to pay for the damagedequipment.

BRYAN(Mocking baby voice.)

Aw somebody sounds like hes nothaving a good time!

Bryan hits the beach ball out of Hughes hand and attemptsto push Hughes into the pool, but only manages to push himoff the chair onto the deck. Hughes looks at Bryan and then

tries to push him into the pool. They both wrestle with eachother until both of them fall into the pool.

The scene cuts to Mindy who is the complete opposite of herusual self, gleefully running around uninhibited. She runsup to Star who is gurgling pop and sill in her Boor Witchcostume.

MINDYI dont think Ive ever talked toyou before, but dont take itpersonally, Im just really afraidof you because youre creepy! Letsbe friends!

Mindy gives Star a big kiss on the cheek and bounds off. Thecamera notices Charles staring at Star from a bush heshiding behind.


86/98

85.


The camera walks through the door into Bryans kitchen,where Antony is passed out on the floor with Bryans doglicking his face.

Clark is re-enacting his favorite fight scenes in thekitchen, as he kicks and punches his way through the room.Not paying a whole lot of attention to where hes going hepunches a mess of food off the kitchen table and kicks achair across the room.

Bryan enters soaking wet and drying off with a towel. Hewatches Clark kick a picture off the wall.

BRYANClark! What are you doing?

CLARK

Im fighting off the ninjas!Theyre everywhere man!

Mindy enters the kitchen through the same door Bryan justcame through.

BRYANMindy! I want to talk to you.

MINDYWhats up!

BRYAN

Mindy, Ive done a lot of thinking,and Im thinking that maybe, maybewe should be together. Not. I meannot be together. Anymore. What Imtrying to say is that I want tobreak. Up with you. Yes. We shoulddo that. See other people. Likethat.

MINDY(Cheerfully.)

Okay!

BRYAN(In disbelief.)

...Really? Thats it?

MINDYYeah.


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86.

BRYAN(Suddenly angry.)

Thats it! If thats how much Imatter to you WERE FINISHED!

Bryan storms upstairs to his room and slams his door.

Mindy looks over to see Clark kick a glass bottle off theliving room coffee table. He sees her and she smiles at him.

MINDYHey handsome, I need a big, strong,brave warrior to save me from theninjas.

EXT. BRYANS BACK DECK - NIGHT 54

Hughes is floating in the pool by himself, dejectedly

playing with a noodle.

Claire enters and walks up to the side of the pool. Herphysicality is clearly seductive.

CLAIRETaking a swim?

HUGHESI guess.

CLAIREWant some company?

HUGHESI want a few thousand dollars toreplace all the equipment Bryandestroyed.

CLAIRERelax Hughes, enjoy yourself for abit.

HUGHESI cant. Bryan has destroyed myhappiness.

CLAIREWhat if I come in and help you?

HUGHESYoull get wet.


88/98

87.

CLAIREOh, I know.

Claire tries to seductively take off her jeans, but thezipper gets caught and she trips and falls into the pool.She surfaces and makes a graceful recovery.

She swims over to the Hughes and when she gets right in fromof him she feels something in the water.

CLAIREWhoa now...

The noodle Hughes was playing with floats to the surface.

HUGHESSorry.

CLAIRE

Shh...

Claire swims behind Hughes and begins to give him a massage.

HUGHESThat feels good.

CLAIREDoesnt it?

Pause.

CLAIRE

So you dont have any equipment toshoot the last half of the movie.

HUGHESDont remind me.

CLAIREAnd you have to come up with themoney to replaced the damagedequipment?

HUGHESThat Bryan destroyed.

CLAIREI have a deal for you thatll solveboth problems.

HUGHESWhats that?


89/98

88.

CLAIREMy dad just got a camera they usedto use at his work whey got rid ofall the old equipment. You can useit to shoot the rest

run hollywood summer

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