Loudem

SleepÕrum

Emotionãtus

Mean

Criers

Happy

Chattum

HornÕnis

1

3

5-10

11

13

TABLE OF CONTENTS

This variety hovers close to its own colors. Do not be fooled, for some find it difficult to distinguish between the Chattum species. Loudems range in size. The most surprising are the small ones that cannot control their volume. Sometimes Loudems are incomprehensible. Volumes may increase without warning, most often due to excitement. In some situations, one can find Loudems screaming over each other or just over louder background noise that cause distraction to one.

MALES: It is common for excitement to spring around party competitions and general male squawking.Common calls: Extremely loud hollering range from “Holy shit!” to “GO, GO, GO!”

FEMALES: Relatively uncommon, since most females fall into species of Chattums.Common calls: Piercing and squawking. Range from “OH MY GOSH!” to “SHUT UP!”

Habitat: Prefer habits, outdoor for activities, usually on patios and porches. Depending on climate vchange, may be found indoors like garages.

1

also known as Blaring Mega-Phonerum.Loudem

Trying to be louderthan someone else.

1

This distinctive species have immobile eyes and often-tilted heads. Some are soundless, but other over-compensate by snoring.

MALES: Will often be harassed by others via permanent marker or any other instruments for humor.Common calls: Exceptionally loud on inhalation and exhalation. Sounds like a loud, deep, rough and scratchy buzzing.

FEMALES: Females of this breed are particularly vulnerable. A close friend, often a Soberm, commonly attends SleepÕrums. Many things can take a wrong turn for the females if left solo and unattended by Soberum. Sometimes females are even harassed by Hussy-Nymphoums (refer to page 13). It is uncommon to find female SleepÕrums to be harassed via permanent marker due to morphing into a Vicious-Temperatus (refer to page 9 & 10).Common calls: Often none. On some occasions, one can find a female with a hum-like breathing sound upon inhalation.

Habitat: May be found in many random places like couches, curbs, lawns, bathroom floors and bathtubs.

3

also known as Coma-Loudsnorum.Sleeporum

3

Mean is a very common variety amongst Emotionãtus. This species have a distinct brow furrow or crease lines across forehead. This powerful creature is often distinguished from other by fists and annoying repition of words and phrases. Found solo, pairs and flocks.

MALES: Larger than the females in this species, especially considering size of egos.Common calls: repeating of “YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?!”

FEMALES: May sometimes approach another male or female depending on personal situation.Common calls: Range from repeating of “BITCH!” to “ASSHOLE!” depending towards whom the anger is directed.

Habitat: Ironically, reside around fragile or dangerous locations like swimming pools, glass coffee tables, windows and picture frames.

5

also known as Vicious-Terperatus.Emotionatus, Mean

5

Criers have very defines expressions. Notice facial lines running downwards. Often times face will appear moist from tears.

MALES: Endangered species. Studies have shown that egos of this breed grow larger by the season and get in the way of the male expression of emotions. If found, males usually stand outdoors on porches in attempt to get fresh air. If asked, they will blame the wind for watery optics.Common calls: Often in denial while squawking “What!?! NO!!! I’m not crying!”

FEMALES: Often weeping. It is common to find this species in flocks. Features include black lining around eyes running down and along face like stripes.Common calls: Heavy breathing. After an elapsed period of time, hyper-ventilation.

Habitat: Females can often be found in bathrooms, closets or parked vehicles. Can be found solo or in pairs. Flocks are rare.

7

also known as Wailing-Bawlerum.Emotionatus, Criers

7

Happy ones are wide-eyed and make great company at any party. Can be found solo or in small numbered colonies—three to five. It is common to see small females in this breed. But may be found in both genders. May be seen singing, dancing, joking, laughing and lots of other types of “ings.”

MALES & FEMALES: If there is the occasional device of a video of digital camera, it is common to find images of people taking photos of themselves solo or up to groups of 6 others people crammed into a single shot. Drunk photos are often taken with one person in the photo extending an arm out and aiming at themselves. Happy ones almost often claim a new stranger as a best friend. Some even declare their love for others.Common calls: Vary from “I love you” to “I don’t really know you, but I feel like I’ve known you forever. You’re my new best friend!”

Habitat: Can be found almost anywhere. But most common around feeding areas.

9

also known as Chipper-Perkyonis.Emotionatus, Happy

9

This species is common in all regions. Some consider good company; others may find this group to be obnoxious. Both genders may even be spotted on a communication device. This is commonly known as “drunk dialing.” It is done to share a plethora of information for no apparent reason, but most often to express deep private emotions.

MALES: Squawking can be of random topics ranging from sports to information about significant others. There is also the occasional bad joke. Like really bad joke.Common calls: Range from “Kobe sucks and so do the Lakers!” to “A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar…”

FEMALES: Females will not just talk about random information and information regarding their significant other (if attached), but the squawking can lead to complaining and information on intimate detail that others do not usually want to know. Females will also tend to speak as if the one is in a relationship when not. Beware, because these types tend to squawk an ear off! Typical to migrate in small colonies and rarely found solo.Common calls: Personal issues.

Habitat: Found anywhere and amongst other species.

11

also known as Yapper-Rapidicus.Chattum

11

This species is very common amongst men and women. Beware of judging appearances. Frequent physical interaction. When the male and female species are together, beauty or compatibility is often not taken into consideration due to over-intoxication. The actions of reproduction often tend to take place after minuets or hours of romancing—even with lack of knowledge of the other persons background.

MALES: Often night-hunters and snare fliers. Most species are best distinct by their rehearsed mating calls. Often chasing after the opposite sex. However, depending on sexual orientation of male, they can even sometimes be seen chasing the same sex. Common calls: “How you dooin?” with females response often being a cold shoulder, eyes rolling or a sound of “ew!”

FEMALES: Minimal body coverage. Often found tail-shaking. Extremely open to others, especially physically. Female Nymphoums can also be seen chasing the same sex. Common calls: “Have we met before?” to “You’re tall!..”

Habitat: Most common around nesting areas like couches and bedrooms. Can even be found in closets, on counters and other random, yet surprising, locations.

13

also known as Hussy-Nymphoums.Hornonis

13

A display of wanting “some”but most likely not getting “any.”

Magazine Insert

Web

Radio Script

Background: Noise of a loud party/ “Next Door Party” sound loop.The Drunk Watcher: (excited whispering)

Welcome! Tonight we’re at a typical suburban house party, studying the natural behavior of the Yapper-Rapidicus. Known in party circles as the common drunk Chattum.

Drunk Chattums can be recognized by the noisy vocaliza...

OH LOOK! A cluster near the freezer!

Yapper-Rapidicus is usually found at parties that are not hosted responsibly.

We heard the party next door has a particularly large gaggle of Hussy Nymphoums. Let’s check that out!

Voice Over: If you host a party, your guests are your responsibility.

Please visit enjoyHeinekenresponsibly.com

Background: Noise fades out.