relationship rewind

RELATIONSHIPREWIND

Rewind Your Relationship Back To Bliss

Mens Edition

Ryan Rivers

CONTENTS

Dedication 5

Forward 6

Introduction 8 WhatIsRelationshipRewind? 9

UnderstandingtheDynamicsofaRelationship 10

WhyRelationshipRewindWorks 11

WheretoStartYourRelationshipJourney 14

TheStagesofRelationshipRewind 16

ReasonsforaRelationshipBreakdown 18

OvercomingtheFinalObjection 19

MyRelationshipRewindJourney21

1:MyRelationshipRewindJourney 22 MyStory:HowItAllEnded,MuchtoMySurprise 23

TheInsidersPerspective:WhatIDiscovered 26

TheConceptofGettingYourExBack 27

WhyIBelieveSheWillTakeYouBack 28

MyRelationshipRewindExperience 30

HowRelationshipRewindWorks 32

TheBigRelationshipRewindReveal 34

Keynotes 35

2:TheRelationshipBreakdown 36 LoveStory:TheRelationshipBreakdown 37

WhatIstheRelationshipBreakdown? 38

WhatHappensAftertheRelationshipBreakdown? 40

MovingOnFromaRelationshipBreakdown 41

IdentifyingtheChoicesYouWanttoMake 46

Keynotes 48

3:RelationshipDecay 49 LoveStory:RelationshipDecay 50

WhatIsRelationshipDecay? 51

RelationshipDecay:CaseStudy 52

ThePhasesofPost-RelationshipDecay 55

HowtoFeelBetterAboutRelationshipDecay 57

WhyRelationshipDecayOccurs 59

TheSignsforRecognizingRelationshipDecay 61

WhyYouMustStopChasingIndifference 63

Keynotes 65

4:DeathsDoor 66 WhatIsDeathsDoor? 68

MovingAwayFromDeathsDoor 70

IntroducingtheFalseFriendship 72

CriticalKnowledge:TheFalseFriendshipFailureRate 73

WhattheFalseFriendshipisNot:TheFriendZone 75

InitiatingtheFalseFriendshipDuringDeathsDoor 76

Keynotes 79

5:TheMagicLetter 80 WARNING 81

WhatistheMagicLetter? 82

InitiatingtheMagicLetterDuringIndifference 83

AnExampleoftheMagicLetterinAction 85

TheMagicLetterBreakdown 87

WhytheMagicLetterIsSoEffective 92

Keynotes 94

6:Drift 95 WhatIsDrift? 97

HowSheWillApproachtheFinalStagesofDrift 100

HowDriftCanLeadtoIndifference 101

AvoidingaNegativeBondingExperience 103

AlwaysApproachwithaPositiveBondingExperience 105

Keynotes 107

7:Switch 108 WhatIsSwitch? 110

HowtoTellWhenSheIsInSwitch 111

HowtoChallengetheSwitch 113

ThingstoAvoidDoinginSwitch 116

CaseStudyPart1:SwitchinAction 117

CaseStudyPart2:TheProblemwithSwitch 119

Keynotes 121

8:Bliss 122 WhatIsBliss? 124

RealLifeExamplesofBliss 125

EmotionFirst,LoveLater(EF,LL) 127

DetonatingtheBacktoBlissBomb 129

IntroducingtheILoveYouLadder 131

HowtoUsetheILoveYouLadder 132

Keynotes 135

Conclusion 136 TrulyBenefitingfromtheRelationshipRewind 137

TrulyBenefitingfromtheRelationshipRewind 138

YourRelationshipRewindUsersGuide: 139

LivingandLovingwithBliss 140

WillSheLoveYouAsYouLoveHer? 141

GoodLuck! 142

Glossary 146-149

Bibliography 150

5To my loving wife, best friend, and shining star, Thank you for teaching me how to love, for proofreading into the early hours,

and for giving us a second chance.

To my friends, who, when convinced I had lost my mind, did not turn their backs on me, and saw me through the nights

when I couldnt stand to be around myself.

To my Mom and Dad, who constantly showed me what true love can be, and for reminding me never to let love go if you

are blessed enough to find it too.

Dedication

6Forward

Sometimesyoufindabook,andsometimesabookfindsyou.Forme,

RelationshipRewindwasthelatter.

Ihavereaddozensofrun-of-the-milldatingbooks,allfilledwiththesame

clichdsuggestions.Rightoffthebat,Iwassurprisedtofindthiswasnot

thesameBS.Then,asIputthesuggestedtechniquesintoaction(admittedly

somewhatskeptical),Iwasamazedtofindmyrelationshipwithmyex

changing.

Ididnthavetochasehertowinherback.

Ididnthavetokeepcallingandtryingtobreakdownherbarriers.

Instead,afterusingtheRelationshipRewind,sheunexpectedlyaskedmeto

meetupforadrinkoneday.Fromthere,everythingclickedintoplace.We

starteddatingafewweekslater,andnow,afteralmostayear,wesetadateto

makeitallofficial.NotonlydidIwinherback,butalsosomewherealongthe

waywediscoveredwhatlovecouldbe.Whatitcouldhavebeenallalong

ForthosestartingtheirRelationshipRewindjourney,Irecommendtaking

actiononthetipsinthisbook.Icallitajourneybecauseittrulyisaneye-

openingadventure.MyonlyregretiswaitingtostartuntilafterIhadfinished

reading.Lookingback,Irealizedhowmuchprecioustimehadpassed.Now,

insteadofworryingaboutfailing,IembracethewomanIloveandknowthat

nomatterwhathappenswewontbecomeanotherfailedrelationshipstatistic.

Ifyouarelookingfortruthful,directadviceabouthowtogetyourexback,

youvefoundit.Imnotsayingthisisaninstantaneouscure,becauseitisnot.

7Theauthorunderstandswhatyouarefacingandofferspracticaladvicetohelp

youovercomeeachchallenge.Onceyouprogressthroughthecustomizable

phases,youarerewardedwithasecondchanceandsomuchmorethanthat.

RelationshipRewindtaughtmethatitispossibletogobackandchangethings,

butitonlyworksifyoureallywantitto.Ifyouarecommittedtowinning

herback,thenthisbookwillhelpyou.Ifyouarejustlookingforwaysto

fillthevoidinyourheartorspaceinyourbed,thisisnotthebookforyou.

RelationshipRewinddoesntworkthatway.Itsallabouttakingwhatwas

there,andbringingitbacktolifesothatitsstrongerthanever.

Myadviceistobehonestaboutthechangesyouwantandappreciateyour

journey.Itsanincredibleopportunitytobecomethemanyouhavealways

wantedtobe,andtheoneshewillalwayslove.

AnthonyP.Relationship Rewind Member

8Introduction

9INTRODUCTION

RelationshipRewindisauniquemethodofrestoringeventhe

mostbrokenrelationships.Itoffersyouanopportunitytocorrect

experienceswhereyouorshemayhavedonesomethingwrong,

soyoucanrestoretherelationshiptoaplaceoflove,affection,

andintimacy.Insteadoffeelingrejectedandabandoned,

youcanuseRelationshipRewindtoundoanydamage.Itsso

effectiveitsasifthedamageneverevenhappened!

Itchangeshowyouandyourpartnerrespondtooneanother,

removingthefrictionthatoccursduringtheRelationship

Breakdownphase(you will learn about this in Chapter 2).No

matterhowtraumaticthatexperience,itispossibletogoback

intimetoaplacewhereyouarethecenterofherworld.Italso

givesyoutheskillstoidentifyproblemsastheyarise,soyoucan

dealwiththemproductively.

Thisalsopreventstherelationshipbreakdownfromhappening

again.

ThebestthingaboutRelationshipRewindisthatyoulearnto

usepositivereinforcementtorewardherforreturningtoBliss.

Insteadofdrivingheraway,youencouragehertocomebackto

astateofBlissonherown.Itteachesherthatyouaresomeone

What Is Relationship Rewind?

The act of rewinding a relationship to a time of complete happiness. Furthermore, this act prevents conflict from occurring.

RelationshipRewind:

10

INTRODUCTION

sheenjoysbeingaround,andbuildsanaturalyetdurable

attraction.Whenyoulearnthecorrecttechniquestorewardher,

shewillbelievesheisinstigatingthereturnofyourrelationship.

Thisisacriticalobservation,asmostmentrytoconvincetheir

extogetbacktogether,butendupmakingthingsworse.They

driveheraway,andneverwinheraffectionback.

Understanding the Dynamics of a Relationship

Arelationshipisthesocialbondwedefinewithapromiseora

vow.Itdemonstratesthatyouandshearesomethingmorethan

individualsare.

Inarelationship,youfeelownershiptowardsyourpartner.

Shefeelsthesameforyou.Whenyourenotinarelationship,

youstillshareexperiences,memories,thoughts,andfeelings

foreachother.Ifsheisnotexpressingthesefeelings,theyare

inactiveordormant,buttheyarestillthere.Thesearethetrue

essenceofarelationship.Youwillreceiveactionabletechniques

throughoutthisbooktohelpyoureactivatethispotential.

Afterarelationshipends,womenmoveasfaraspossible

fromtheemotionaltrauma.Thisiswhyyoumaybelievethat

reversingarelationshipisimpossible.Youcanprobablyfeelher

detachment.Manymenwronglybelievethisistheworstthing

thatcanhappen,asitfeelsirreversible,butyoullbesurprised

tofindthisisnottrue.Evenifshewontansweryourcallstoday,

thereishopefortomorrow.

11

INTRODUCTION

Howyoureacttoherneedfordistanceisthedecidingfactor.

ThisiswhatRelationshipRewindseekstoexplore.Itsallabout

returningtothesameemotionalpage.

RelationshipRewindignitestheblissfulfeelingsfeltwhenfalling

inlove.Theseemotionsrewardherforpursuinganactive

relationshipwithyou.Ifshelovedyouonce,shestilldoesorcan

learntoloveyouagain.Itdoesnotmatterhowlongyouwere

togetherorhowmuchtimeyouhavebeenapart.Thebeautyof

theRelationshipRewindisthateventhemostheartwrenching

ofbreakupsbecomepossibletoreconnect.

Itdoesntmatterifsheisfilledwithangerandhate,orifyou

haventspokeninyears.Everyrelationshipcanberewound.Im

abouttoshowyouwhy.

Why Relationship Rewind Works

Whilemanyofthesetipscansustainarelationship,thisis

notyourtypicaldatingadvice.Theinformationyouareabout

toreadiscontroversialandfrowneduponbyotherso-called

datingexperts.ThisisbecausethepurposeofRelationship

Rewindistogetyourexback,notsomethingallexpertsagree

on.Manywilltellyouthatsomethingsarebestleftinthepast,

orthereareplentymorefishinthesea.

Webothknowotherwise.

12

INTRODUCTION

However,Iwillgiveyouthiscautionaryadvice:

Inordertobesuccessful,youmustbe100%sureyourrelationship

isworthsaving.Icannotemphasizethisenough.Theseradical

techniquesonlyrewindahealthyrelationshipfoundedinlove.If

therewasnolove,youhavelittletoleverage.Itisnotimpossible,

buttheresultswillnotbeasstellar.Thisisbecausethetechniques

thatyouwillbeusingawakentheemotionsthatshehasalready

felt,andbringthembackintoaction.

Itisalsowisetonote:

ARelationshipBreakdownisatraumaticexperience,nomatter

howlongyourconnection.Thefresherthoseexperiencesare,the

lessaccurateyourabilitywillbetodecideifshewastrulyThe

One.Icannottellyouifshewasorifyourrelationshipisworth

saving,butneithercananyoneelse.Youaretheonlypersonwho

canmakethisdecision.Nowisthetimetobeginlookingatyour

relationshipobjectively.

Askyourself:

Areyouunconditionallycommittedtowinningherback?

Doyouknowwithoutadoubtthatyourlifeismuchbetterwhensheisaround?

Iftheanswertoboththesequestionsisyes,thengreat!Youare

alreadyonyourwaytoseekingRelationshipResolve.Thisiswhen

youstoplookingattheRelationshipBreakdownasanimpossible

task.Instead,youdiscoveranopportunitytomakethingsbetter

thanever.Itisthisnecessarymindsetyouwillneedingoing

13

INTRODUCTION

forward,andonethatwillbegintosparkherattractiontoyouonce

more.

Thesetechniqueshavehelpedtransformhundredsofrelationships

andcanhelpyoutoo.Wewillbelookingateachin-depthin

thecomingchapters.Fornow,acknowledgetheirexistence

andembraceknowingthatyouhaveanarsenaloftoolsatyour

disposal!

Thetechniquesthatwillrewardherforchasingyouandembracing

heremotions:

1.EmotionFirst,LoveLater2.TheFalseFriendship3.TheBlissBomb

Inthisbook,youwillalsoexploretheRelationshipMechanismsI

call:

1. Drift

2. Switch

3. Bliss

Inaddition,IwillteachyouwhatDeathsDooris,andhowyoucan

moveawayfromtheseescalatingRelationshipKillers:

1.RelationshipDecay2.RelationshipBreakdown3.DeathsDoor

14

INTRODUCTION

RelationshipKillersaresilentbutdeadlyfeelingsthatoccurunder

thesurface.Theyonlyshowtheirfacewhenitsatthefinalhour,or

aftertherelationshiphasended.Knowinghowtospotthesebefore

thatmonumentaltime,andlearninghowtosettherelationship

backoncoursetoBlissmeansneverhavingtofacetheendagain.

ThesearewhatmaketheRelationshipRewindsoeffective,andwe

willbeexploringtheseconceptsfirst.

Inthisbook,youwilllearnhowtotransportyourrelationshipback

toabettertime,whereconversationandsexhappenedfreelyand

passionately.Whereargumentswererare,andwhenshelooked

atyouwithasparkleinhereyethattoldyouwithoutdoubt,you

aretheonlymanforher.Thesetechniquesencouragehertocome

backtotherelationshiponherownterms.Shefeelscompelledand

thatitstherightthingtodo.

UnderstandingtheseRelationshipMechanismsandknowingwhen

toactarethesecrettowinningheraffectionandadorationfora

lifetime.

Where to Start Your Relationship Journey

AsmostRelationshipBreakdownsinvolvegivingeachother

space,gettingbackonspeakingtermsisthebestwaytobeginthe

RelationshipRewind.

Thetechniquesmostguysusedriveheraway,nomatterhow

goodtheirintentions.LearningtocreateaFalseFriendship

ensuresyoudonotmakethesemistakes.Ifthissoundsimpossible

orstrange,youwillbepleasantlysurprised.Thisisnotonly

remarkablyeasytodo,butalsoverypowerful.CreatingaFalse

15

INTRODUCTION

Note:Withoutthisunderstand-

ing,creatinga

FalseFriendship

becomes

impossible.

Friendshipgivesyouacommunicationchannelsoyoucanusethe

stepsinthisbookeffectively.

Thefirststepwearegoingtotakeisoneyoucandoonyourown.It

willhelpbringclarityintoyourlife.

Whetheryoubrokeupyesterdayorlastyear,youarehanging

ontoemotionsthatcauseallsortsofsideeffectsinyourlife.Your

anger,jealousy,resentment,andotheremotionsaredrivingher

away(possiblywithoutyouevenrealizingit).Bylettingthesego,

youcreateadeepsenseofRelationshipResolve.Youwanttoreach

thiscriticalpointofacceptanceofwhathashappened,withthe

confidencetomoveforward.

ThisRelationshipResolveisalsorequiredtousethetechniquesin

thisbookactionably,andoffersaclearmindsettomakethecorrect

judgmentcalls.

Icannotsaythisenough:

Winningherbackbecomesonethousandtimeseasierwhenyou

areemotionallyresolved,andabletoseetherelationshipina

positivelight.

Thisispreciselythetimetobeexcitedandevencurious,because

youareabouttojumpofftheledge.Gettingherbackwillbequite

anadventure!

16

INTRODUCTION

The Stages of Relationship Rewind

ThestagesoftheRelationshipRewindareeasytoimplement.They

aredesignedtohelpyoustartfromthemomenttherelationship

ends,tothemomentyouarebacktogether,andcanbeusedat

everypointin-between.Allyouhavetodoispinpointwhichphase

youareinandreadthatsection.Eachsectionwillleadyouback

intoBliss.Thisiswhyshefeelscompelledtomovetherelationship

backintoanactivestatusonherterms.

Beforewecanfullyunderstandthat,Iwanttohelpyouseekyour

RelationshipResolve.ByunderstandingwhytheRelationship

Breakdownoccurred,youwilleachbemoreresponsivetothe

followingtechniques.Ihopethatbybeginningtounderstandwhy

therelationshipbrokedown,orwhereintheprocessyouare,you

willfeelempowered.Considerthesenextpointsclosely,andaimto

findoutwhereyourrelationshipended.

17

INTRODUCTION

HereAreTheThreeMajorStagesOfTheRelationshipBreakdown:

1. RelationshipDecay:

Thisphaseiswhereyoumaybegintofeeltherelationshipis

notashappyorasblissfulasoncewas.Itisoftendifficultto

pinpointwhythatis,butthefeelingsofitsnotquiteright

becomeincreasinglytangible.Allrelationshipsthatarenot

inastateofBlissexperiencesomedegreeofRelationship

Decay.

2. RelationshipBreakdown:

WhentheRelationshipDecaybecomesnoticeable,you

moveintotheawarenessphasecalledtheRelationship

Breakdown.Thisiswhenyouorshemaytakeconsiderable

actionsbasedonthosenegativeemotions.Youmaybe

arguingfrequentlyorgenerallymovingfurtherapart.This

canleadtoanofficialbreakup.

3. DeathsDoor:

DeathsDooroccursafterthebreakup,andisanintense

phaseofsheerfrustrationandconfusion.Thehopeof

reconciliationfeelssmall(thoughthisisfarfromimpossible

tochange).Shemayormaynottalktoyou,butsheisset

inherresolve.YouareonDeathsDoorwhenyousheseeks

completeindependencefromtherelationship.

Itisimportanttopointoutthatwhilethesesoundserious,and

theyabsolutelyare,theyarenotimpossibletoovercome.Youhave

thetoolsyouneedtoovercometheseeasily.

18

INTRODUCTION

Whileitcanbedifficulttothinkbacktothattime,itiscriticalforthehealing

process.Thinkobjectivelywhereinthisseriesyouare,andhowyouarenow

interactingcomparedtowhenyouwereinyourrelationship.Nowthatyou

knowthesephasesexist,itshouldinspirecuriosityintowhytheyhappened.

Wewillbecomingbacktotheseinmoredepthregularly,butfornow,accept

them.Studythem.Findpeacewiththem.

Reasons for a Relationship Breakdown

Itdoesntmatterhowrich,attractive,orsuccessfulyouare,orhow

longyouweretogether,breakingupisanunpleasantexperience.

Ithasthepotentialtomakeyoufeeldifferentnegativeemotions,

whichcanmakethesituationfeelworsethanitappears.Youmay

feelangry,feelingsoffailure,orhelplessness.Thesevaryfrom

persontoperson,andnoneiswrong,buttheymustbeovercome.

Imabouttoshowyouhowthatispossible.

Whatmightsurpriseyouisthatinalmosteverycase,humansonly

breakupfortworeasons.

TheTwoMajorReasonsBreakupsOccurAre:

Youwereinadifferentphaseoftherelationshipthanher

Therelationshipwasntemotionallyrewarding.

Whenyouareintwodifferentphases,communicationand

compromisearedifficulttoreachasyoueachhavedifferentgoals.

Thiscanleadtothesecondreason,whichoccurswhenoneorboth

peoplefeelthattherelationshipisnotmeetingthedesiredgoals.

Youmayexperienceoneorbothofthese,butthefactremainsthe

same.Youweremovinginadifferentdirection,anditcausedan

19

INTRODUCTION

emotionalresponsethatputtherelationshipinjeopardy.

Asthesetwopointshaveinfiniteoutcomes,howyouapproach

themwillbedifferent.ThisiswhytheRelationshipRewindoffersa

customizableplan.

Onlyyouknowwhyyourrelationshipended,andwhichhighsand

lowsitexperienced.Theseanswersunlockthesecretsonwhether

youareinSwitch,Drift,orBliss,andhowtorespondaccordingto

thisbook.Perhapsyouwereunhappy,andDriftedonyourown

withouttalkingtoheraboutthosefeelings.Maybeshemade

adecisionwithoutyouthatleftyoustranded.Eitherway,the

outcomeremainsthesame.

Appreciatethesefeelingsofawareness,theywillbringyouclosure.

Onceyoufindthereasonwhy,youcanfollowthestepsprovided.

Overcoming the Final Objection

Ifyoustillfeelyourrelationshipisdoomedorhopeless,youmust

learntoventureonwithpositivegoalsinmind.Youwillnotbeable

tousethestepsinthisbookifyourdoubtandanxietyovershadow

yourloveforher.Forthisreason,Ihaveincludedabonus,which

givesyouinstantaccesstomyMindCalmtechniques.Thesewill

improvehowyouarefeeling,soyoucanstartonasuccessfulpath

torelationshipsuccess.

20

INTRODUCTION

ToaccessMindCalm,pleasevisittheRelationshipRewind

MembersAreaandclickonMindCalm.Alternatively,youcan

clickthelinkbelowandloginfromhere:

https://member.dicarlocoaching.com/

Oneofthebiggestpiecesofadviceistoaccepttimepassingand

useittocreatehealingandunderstanding.Youbothneedtime

toprocessyouremotions.Thereisonlysomuchyoucando

withoutpushingheraway.Ifyouchargeinnowwithoutthecorrect

mindset,orwithoutfullyunderstandingthetechniquesoffered,

yourisklosingherforgood.Therestyoumustleavetotimes

capablehands.

Youwillbeuncoveringthemagicbehindthesetechniquessoon.

RyanRiversCreator of The Relationship Rewind System

Remember:TheRelationship

Rewindisnot

amethodto

winherback

overnight,butto

winherbackfor

good.

21

My Relationship Rewind Journey

1

22

CHAPTER 1: MY RELATIONSHIP REWIND JOURNEY

WelcometotheRelationshipRewind!

Beforewejumpintothegoodstuff,Iwanttotakeamoment

tointroducemyself,andtellyouabitaboutmyRelationship

Rewindjourney.Ihopethatbyreadingaboutmyexperiences

andthoseofmyRelationshipRewindclients,youwillbehopeful.

Youwillseewhyeventhemostdevastatingrelationshipswere

healedusingpositiveactions.Youwilldiscoverwhytheseactions

inturnweresoremarkable,andwherethoserelationshipsnow

are.

Thiscanbearewardingtime,butonlyifyougointoitwiththe

rightmindset.

Attheendoftheday,loveshouldbepleasurable.Enjoythese

storiesattheirfacevalue.Weallmakemistakes,buthowwe

confrontspeaksloudly.Norelationshipisperfect,butitcanbe

closewhenyouknowhowtorewardthepositives.Youshould

alwaysbemovingtowardsapositivegoal;otherwise,youare

justsettingyourselfupforarelationshipdisaster.Thisiswhywe

talkaboutmovingforwardtoBlissusingpositivereinforcement.

Sowiththatsaid,Iwanttotellyouaboutthenightitallwent

wrongforme.Thisisntaneasystorytoshare,butonethatis

necessarytounderstand.

Chapter 1: My Relationship Rewind Journey

23


One night, home from work late and exhausted, I arrived to discover the living room torn apart and in its place, an assortment of boxes and suitcases scattered across the floor. There, above the

chaos and confusion was my childhood sweetheart. She was

teary eyed and moving around with a phone secured to one

shoulder as she threw her stuff into various containers.

Had it been any other night, my amusement at her ability to hit

every shot would have made both of us laugh. She wasnt the

most agile creature, often tripping and falling. She called me

her savior, and joked that I should paint a red cross on my white

horse.

As she set the phone down, she jumped, now realizing that I had

entered. Her usual carefree smile and welcoming arms were

replaced with a stern, How much did you hear? I shrugged,

and playfully asked if she was hiding something from me. Her

expression was one that I will never forget, and as she stared

vacantly into the wall behind, it finally dawned on me.

What she said next was unbelievable, Im going to stay with

friends; Ill come back for the rest soon.

Memories flashed before my eyes, retracing the steps back as if

somehow, my brain could work out what went wrong and figure

out how to fix it. I couldnt find any answers. She explained she

had wanted to leave before I came home. She didnt mean to

hurt me, and apologized for the mess, but as fast as she said it,

she was gone.

My Story: How It All Ended, Much to My Surprise

24


In the weeks that followed, I never could understand what went

wrong.

I started avoiding others in a hopeless attempt to hide my pain.

It wasnt right that she should be free, leaving me behind. We

swore that we would be together forever. Nevertheless, as

the ring I intended to give her sat mockingly in my pocket, I

wondered what forever even meant.

It was all gone she was gone.

When I saw my friends, they said I had to get a grip; I had to get

over her.

For the first time, I knew they were wrong. I had to win her back.

It was as if the decision sprang forth and was so obvious and

crystal clear. I felt free. Instead of falling into a sullen slumber,

I cleared off a desk and began to rush around looking for clues,

ideas, anything that would help me win her back. Unknowingly, I

had found my Relationship Resolve.

Over the following months, I did everything I could to make

contact with her. Her friends were kind, but I knew they were

screening her calls and hiding her from me. If we could just sit

down and talk, I knew she would see how big a mistake she had

made, but it was futile. In trying to contact her, it felt like I was

only driving her away.

I still had no idea why she left; the unanswered questions were

driving me crazy

25


One night, as I was looking back through old photos, wondering

how she came to be mine, it finally dawned on me.

She had chosen me.

I had been shy in high school, something that despite my best

efforts remained true to this day. She had had many suitors, all

promising her the world, and when she sat by me in class, she

smiled easily when I accepted her offer of help; it was as if she

didnt need saving, she wanted to save the world. When she

wanted to be with me, thats when the real magic happened.

Suddenly, everything changed in that moment

I realized if I wanted to win her affection, I had to use that same

method.

One that would make her want me back. It was no use trying to

chase her down. I would end up rejected like those other guys.

She would put up her defense and become leery (something

I couldnt stomach thinking about). When I thought back to

that fateful day, I was reminded of how simple and easy the

conversation flowed

It was then that Relationship Rewind was born.

26


Irealizednomatterhowmuchyoulovesomeonethereare

certainstipulationsthatmustbemet.Especiallyifyouwantto

hertoloveyouinreturn.

Sheisnotgoingtotakeyoubackbecauseyoufeelacertainway.

Shewilltakeyoubackthoughifshefeelscompelledtobewith

youagain.ManyRelationshipBreakdownsleavetwopeopletorn

apart.Itsnotbecausethelovedied,butbecauseoftheway

theywereinteracting.Also,itispossiblethatsheleftbecause

shefelttherelationshipwouldneverwork,andashardasthat

maybetohear,shemayberight.

Adecisiontoendyourrelationshiphasbeenmade,butideas,

opinions,andfeelingschange.Ispentmonths,almostyears

figuringoutwhatmakesastrong,groundedrelationship,

andIamlearningallthetime.WhatIdoknow,isthatwhen

somethingchallengingappears,theRelationshipMechanismsin

thisbookcanhelpyoureactinapositiveway,andgettheresults

youwant.Itgivesyouthatfreshperspective,andnewwayto

approach.

Thatsthebeautyofwhatyouaregoingtoread.Youwillseethat

everythingaboutyourrelationshipisopentochange.

The Insiders Perspective: What I Discovered

27


Whatyoumustrealize,isthatgettingyourexbackisan

inaccuratephrase.Whatyouwanttodoismakeyourexwant

youback.Thereisamassivedifferenceincoercingsomeone,

andthemtakingactionontheirown;andtheresultsareequally

different.Ifyouconvincehertocomebackintotherelationship,

sureitmightwork,butonlyforashortwhile.Thecrackswill

soonbegintoemerge.

Instead,whenyoulearntomakeherwantyoubackwithout

feelingguilt,regret,oranyothernegativeemotions,Iam

confidentyouwillseethesameresponsivenessthatIdid.

FindingoutwhytheRelationshipBreakdownoccurredisone

offirstquestionsyoumustanswer.Then,discoverhowto

igniteattraction,passion,andemotionalbonding.Theseareall

amazingwaystosharehowyoufeelwithoutpushingherway.

Also,indoingso,youwillbeputonapedestalaboveallother

men.

Womenareborntonurtureandprotect;itcallstothemona

biologicallevel.Thatisnottosaywomenwanttodatesomeone

weak,farfromit.Nevertheless,ifyoucanmakeherfocustime

andenergy,thenyourebuildabondthatisalmostimpossible

tobreak.Thesetechniqueshavepassedrigoroustestingand

arethebackboneofRelationshipRewind.Moreover,theyhave

helpedcountlesscouplesreunite.

Ifoundthatbyrewindingtherelationshipbacktothetimewhen

youwerebothenamoredwithoneanother,yougettheBliss

The Concept of Getting Your Ex Back

28


back.MeaningyouwillalsobypasstheRelationshipBreakdown,

whichenablesyoutostartfreshwiththeworryofitallgoing

wrong.

Manydatingexpertswoulddisagreewiththeseideas,but

forus,ithasproventobethemostsuccessfulandrewarding

method.

Shelovedyouonce,andthereisthestrongestpossibilityshe

stilldoes.Herlove,inspiredfrommonthsoryearstogether,did

notsuddenlyvanish.Itisntpossibletowakeuponemorning

andfalloutoflove,nomatterhowmanytimesyouwishitso.

Thesamegoesforher.Theeffortrequiredtogetoverthose

emotionscantakeastaggeringlylongtime.Infact,Iwas

surprisedtofindthiscantakeyearstohappen.

Thentherearesomepeoplewhoneverfalloutoflove.For

them,thosefeelingsareasstrongforalifetime.Whyisthat?

Thisisbecauseloveisnotamereemotion,butaconnectionwe

buildwithsomeoneandisdependentonbiology.Thehormones

OxytocinandVasopressin,createafeelingoflove,aretwoof

themostpotentchemicalsinexistence.Thesechemicalsbond

amothertoherchild,andyoutoamiserableexistencewithout

herbyyourside(BBC2009).Whenyoucreatetheintoxicating

passionhormones,Dopamine,Serotonin,andNorepinephrine;

youproduceaBlissBombthatfeelslikeanexplosioninher

brain.

Why I Believe She Will Take You Back

29


Thesechemicalscreatethefeelingthateverythingismagical.

Theseincredibleemotionsthrowussorecklesslyintolove;we

oftenoverlookthefactthatthereisanartandascienceto

fallinginlove.TherealbeautyisthatdespitetheseRelationship

Mechanisms,itfeelsremarkablyeasyandnatural.Allthese

emotionsandfeelingscanbefoundoncemore.Ithappenswhen

youlearnhowtomakeherheartandbodysurrenderfirst.

Whatisevenmorestaggeringisthatthereisnocureforlove.

Theonlyknownwaytocrackapairbond(afeelingofoneness

betweentwosubjects),isbyremovingonehormone.When

scientistsattheUniversityofIllinoisremovedVasopressin

fromtestvoles,theywantedtoseeifvolescouldbondwithout

hormonalinfluence(Velasquez2013).Thesurprisingresults

concludedthatonlyinthisextremecircumstancewasitpossible

toremovelovecompletely.Thismeansthatthetruedesireto

runfromBlissismissing.

AsitisimpossiblethatsheremovedtheVasopressinfromher

body,shecannottrulyfalloutoflovefromyou.Sheisstill

bondedonanemotionallevel,evenifshedoesntwanttobe.

However,therewasasecondshockingrevelationfromthis

study.Whentheoncematedvoleswerereintroducedto

Vasopressin,theyfellinlove.Itwasinstantandtheresults

happenedasiftheyhadneverparted.Thebondthatwas

therewasestablishedatabreakneckspeed,andlastedforthe

durationoftheirlives.Scientistsbelievethathumansworkinthe

samewayastheyconnectusingthesamehormones(Perlman

2013).

Voles:Asmallrodent

resemblinga

mousebutwith

astouterbody;

alsoknownas

afieldmouse.

Theyarea

notableanimal

modelforits

monogamous

sexualfidelity,

sincethemaleis

usuallyfaithful

tothefemale.

Vasopressin:Ahoromonethat

afterintercourse

isreleasedinto

thebodythat

createsthe

desiretostay

withhismate

30


Whenmentoringmen,whocouldntunderstandwhytheir

relationshipended,somethingextraordinarydawnedonme.

Womenarepatient,butnotimpossiblyso.Ifyoudonotrealize

whatisgoingwronginyourrelationshiporwanttomake

amends,thenyouriskherwalkingoutwithoutsomuchasa

glanceback.Itisyourresponsibilitytomakesureyoudonotgive

herunnecessaryreasonstoleave.

Thisiswhythatburningdesiretoknowwhatwentwrongisso

important.Itisnatureswayofsendinguparedflagthatyouare

missingsomethingcritical.

Yes,relationshipsworkonmutualattraction,trustandrespect.

However,youneedtoknowhoweachofthesexesisdifferent

too.Thesedifferencesgiveyouthekeyingredientstohelpguide

therelationshipbackontothetracksofsuccess.Justas,you

canleadahorsetowater,butyoucannotmakeitdrink;you

canprovideanOasisintheharshdesertthatbegshertotake

advantageofherdesireforyou.Itshumaninstinctatitsfinest

andmostauthentic.

WeallhaveVasopressin,andyes,weallhavethispotentialto

reconnect.However,menandwomenignitethesechemical

explosionsincompletelydifferentways.

My Relationship Rewind Experience

Thismeans,ifyoutriggerheremotionalconnectionandflood

herbodywithVasopressin,shewillbebondedagaintoyouand

onlyyou.

31


Noonefollowsaspecificformulatofallinlove;thatsthemagic.

However,justlikeamagician,therearetriggersthatoccur

behindthescenesforthetrickoflovetohappen.Youmight

thinkthatknowinghowtoconcealatrickwillmakeyourmagic

successful,butatrueshowmanisabletotakeitastepfurther.

Hemakessomeonebelieveinmagic.Whenyouunderstandhow

womenuniquelyfeelthismagic,everythingclicksintoplace.

Itsnosecretthatwomenrespondonadeeplyemotionallevel,

buthereiswhythisobservationissosignificant.

Menarevisualcreatures,whichmeantheytrytoshowtheir

affection.Womenneedtobetoldandaffirmedofthisdesireto

feelandunderstanditspower.Whenyoulearnhowtouseher

languageanddesire,youunlockthemysterythatplaguesmost

men.Ifyoufollowthesesuggestions,shewillbehookedonyou.

Youwilluselanguageandactionsthatresonatewithherona

uniquelybiologicallevel,activatingheremotionalresponse.

Inotherwords,nowisyouropportunitytocreatethesameawe

asthemagician.

Whenshefallsforyou,aBlissBombwillexplodeinhermind.

Thispowerfuldevicewillsetaseriesofeventsintomotionthat

willbondyoutogetherforalifetime.Itcallstoherbiological

mechanismsandmakesyouirresistible.WhatIfailedtomention

though,isthattheBlissBombisalsohighlyaddictive.Infact,

ithasshownthesameneurologicalresponselevelsasdrug

addiction,hencewhywecallloveintoxicating.

Thatmeans,anytimetheBlissbeginstodwindle,youcan

32


RelationshipRewindisaneffectiveprocessthatteachesyou

howtorewind,rekindle,andrestartyourrelationshipinaway

thatdoesntholdontothepast.Itgivesyouacleanslateandthe

opportunitytofindloveagain.Itdoesntdiminishwhatyouhad,

butshowsyounewwaystofeeltheemotionsyoualreadyhave,

andturnthemintoasolidfoundationforanewrelationship.

IwillintroduceyoutoRelationshipDecay.Thisisthe

subconsciousstageoftheRelationshipBreakdown,which

createsemotionaldamageandunrestwhenBlissisnotpresent.

ThisisthefacilitatorforaRelationshipBreakdown.

TheRelationshipBreakdowniswhereconsciousawareness

ofRelationshipDecaymanifestsasargumentsoranofficial

breakup.Theseactionscanlandyouinthehigh-riskzonecalled

DeathsDoor.

DeathsDooristhemomentwhenyourealizeyouwant

yourrelationshipback(afteranofficialbreakup),butshe

hasaresolvetoremaindetached.Youfeellikeyouareatan

impossiblestandstill.

IwillteachyouaboutmyRelationshipMechanismscalled

Drift,Switch,andBlissandshowyouhowtoavoidcommon

RelationshipKillers.

How Relationship Rewind Works

Note:DeathsDooris

astagewhere

youcouldlose

herforeverif

youdonottake

considerable

care.Thats

nottosay

overcoming

thesehurdlesis

impossible,but

itdoesrequire

mastery.

reactiveyourBlissBombandrevealyournextsliceofmagnetic

attraction.

33


Thesetechniques,whenusedcorrectly,preventRelationship

Decay.

Iwillteachyouhowtoturnthosefeelsofdetachmentand

unrestintodesireandBliss.Thisisremarkable,asitalsoreduces

therisksoftherelationshipfailingagain.

Turningyourdatingstatusbackonisaboutmakingherfeel

compelledtorestorethefoundationsofyourrelationship.

Otherdatingadviceonlyhelpsyouchaseherdownandwin

herbackover.WhenyouknowhowtoSwitchherperspective,

youwillrewardherforchasingyou.Thenshewillrealizeallthe

incrediblethingsshehasbeenmissingandyearningfor.Itstops

youfromfeelingthingsareimpossible,replacingtheminstead

withjoy.

Finally,IwillteachyouhowtoinitiateBliss.Whileitisimportant

toletnatureworkitsmagicandallowthesefeelingstotranspire,

therearewaystokick-starttheprocess.

ThiswillalsobecomeatalkingpointinChapter3,whereIwill

showyouhowtoreversetheeffectsofthemostimpossible

feelingsofRelationshipBreakdown,DeathsDoor.

Thesearethefeelingsofabsolutejoythatyouoncehadforeach

other,whichmanybelievetobeatemporaryHoneymoon

phase.Thesefeelingswillmakeherfallforyouagain,andIwill

teachyouhowtokeepthepassionaliveforaslongasyouwant

it.Blissisincredible,necessary,andthemostpotentdatingtool

youwilleverown.Itisalsoincrediblyeasytoactivate,nomatter

howdoomedyourrelationshipfeels.

34


Whenyouapplythesestepstogether,somethingremarkable

happens.Ittookmebysurprise,yetIseeithappeneveryday.

Peoplecometomeandtellmethattheirrelationshipsare

stronger,morepassionate,andbetterthanever.Myclients

aregratefulforasecondchance,andarefortunatetohavean

opportunitytoputtheirrelationshipbacktogether.

Thesestepsalsousepositivereinforcement,whichseemsto

workonadifferentlevelthananyotherdatingadviceIhaveever

seen.

WhenyouactivatetheRelationshipRewind,youmakeitfeel

likeitisherideaandthatsheisgoingtotakeyouback.Iknow

thissoundsridiculous,butwhenyoustopchasingherandstart

rewardingherforinstigatingarelationship,youwillbeamazed

athowresponsivesheis.Allshewantstodoiscall,thinkabout

gettingbacktogether,andhowbreakingupwasamassive

mistake;nomatterhowangrysheis,trustme.

Whatyouhaveinyourpossessionisapowerfultoolspecifically

designedtowinherbackandkeepherthistime.Inorderforyou

togetthemostfromthistool,Iwantyoutogointothesesteps

withapositiveattitude.Nowisthetimetoleaveyouremotional

baggageatthedoorandstepintoaworldofopportunity.This

canbeanextremelyrewardingtimeandImreallyhappyyouare

joiningus.

The Big Relationship Rewind Reveal

35


Attheendofeachchapter,Iwillincludekeynotes.Whileyoucan

getthroughthisbookinafewdays,understandingthenecessary

stepswilltakelonger.Noonebecomesamasterofanythingina

fewdays.

Comebackandreviewtheselessonsoftentogetthemostoutof

them.

UnderstandingwhatcausedtheRelationshipBreakdown

isimportant,butwillnotstandinthewayofpositive

reconciliation.

Withoutunderstandingwhereyouareemotionally,thesteps

youtakewillonlydriveheraway.

AlwaysgointotheRelationshipRewindwithapositive

mindset.

Ifyouareunabletothinkclearlyandobjectively,thenclick

ontheMindCalmlinkbelowforfurtherassistance

TheRelationshipRewindwillteachyouhowtoactivate

dormantorinactivefeelingsinher,soherdesiretocome

backtoyouwillbenatural.

RelationshipRewindwillprovideyouwiththenecessary

stepstosparkherattraction,whilepreventingRelationship

Decayfromoccurring.

Keynotes

35

36

The Relationship Breakdown

2

37

CHAPTER 2: THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN

AaronandEmmagottogethertwosummersago.Hewas

attendingaconferencewithsomebigshotcompany,and

washopingtolandtheperfectdeal.Hehaditallinfrontof

him,andwasanambitiousgo-getterwhoquicklyoutgrew

hissmallruraltown.

Oneofthegirlshemetattheconference,Emma,kept

intouch,andasthingscontinuedtogohisway,their

connectiongrew.Itwasntlongbeforetheyweredating,

andAaronwascallinghometosayhewouldntbebackfor

awhile.

Astheweeksturnedintomonths,Aaronwouldcalland

sharealltheawesomethingshewasdoing,whileEmma

wasrighttherewithhim.Theysoundedincrediblyhappy.

Likeanyyoungcoupleinlove,frequentFacebookposts

showedphotosoftwohappypeopleenjoyingtheirlife.

Afterawhile,theupdatescamelessandpeoplerarely

heardfromAaron.Theythoughtitwashisdemanding

careeranddidntthinkanythingofit.Asthemonthsturned

intoayear,peoplebegantalkingagain.Theyallassumed

Aaronwaslivingthegoodlife.

WhattheydidntrealizewasthatheandEmmahadbroken

up.TheRelationshipBreakdownhadtakenatollonhim.

Love Story: The Relationship Breakdown

IntroducingAaronandEmma:

38


Aaronwasworkinglonghoursandturneddownthe

opportunitytomovetothenextbranch.Hehopedthatby

stayingintown,heandEmmawouldfigurethingsout.

Thatswhenanunexpectedphonecallarrived;onethat

madeitapparentwhatAaronhadreallybeendoingforso

long.

To be continued

TheRelationshipBreakdownisnotthetimewhenyoudecideto

endtherelationship,butthetimebeforeanimpendingbreakup

whenthingsareadmittedlydifficultandtense.TheRelationship

Breakdownisalsothenoticeabletimeduringorafterthe

RelationshipDecayhassetin.Thisphasehappenswhenthe

cracksinyourbondbecomeobvious.Althoughthelengthof

thisphasevariesbetweencouples,feelinglostiscommon.

WhatisweirdabouttheRelationshipBreakdownismostcouples

lookbackandcaneasilyseethatthistimewasthemomentthe

What Is the Relationship Breakdown?

The sensitive time when you acknowledge the end of your relationship is near. Often, this phase leads to an official break-up.

RelationshipBreakdown:

39


relationshipstartedending.Yetitisusuallyoverlookedatthe

time.ThisisbecauseduringtheRelationshipBreakdownyoufeel

happyonsomedaysandworseonothers.Itisntusuallyuntil

aftereverythingissaidanddonethatmostmenlookbackand

wonderhowdifferentitcouldhavebeen.

Youmightrealizethatthingsshesaidwerenotonlytrue,but

alsodrenchedwithemotionalturmoil.Youmightseehowyou

reactedinwhatappearedaperfectlynormalway,couldhave

beentakeninadifferentcontextwiththisnewlight.Thatsthe

powerofhindsight,andwhyIalwaysadviceallowingasmuch

timeaspossibletopass.Itcanbethemostrevealingwhen

lookingbackontheRelationshipBreakdown.

ThegoodnewsistheRelationshipRewindgivesyouaunique

opportunitytocorrectthosecracks,bysimplybeingawarethey

exist.

However,itisimportantnottokickyourselfabouthowobvious

theyarenow.Yourfeelingsarealwaysfluctuating.

Theopportunitiesnowopentoyouareessentiallytheopposite

oftheRelationshipBreakdown,whereyoubegintofeelbetter

everyday.

40


ManymenactquicklyafteraRelationshipBreakdown,without

realizingthateveryaction(nomatterhowgoodyourintention)

canhaveadevastatingeffect.Ifshestartsseeingsomeoneelse,

yourinabilitytosupportherdecisioncandriveawedgebetween

you.Itmakesyoulookasifyouareunabletomoveforward

fromtherelationship.Italsosolidifiesherresolveinendingit

asyouappearneedyorclingy,andisall-roundunattractive

behavior.

Similarly,ifyoutrytokeepafriendshipgoingwithaglaring

intenttogetbacktogether,youmightfeelperplexedather

suddenSwitchasshedistancesherselffromyou.

Thisisbecauseyoueachneedtotimereachemotionalstability.

Withoutstability,youwillnotbeabletotaketherightsteps

torewindyourrelationship.Youwillfallintoemotionaltraps,

whichpushesherfurtheraway.Asyouunderstandthestages,

youwilllearncriticalmilestoneswhenshewillbemostreceptive

toyou.Youbegintoshowherthechangesyouaremakingand

approachherwithattractive,desirablequalities.

However,theseonlyworkifyoucanrestoreconfidencein

yourself,andinyourabilitytocreateahealthyrelationship.

Equallynecessarytoconsiderishowyoufeelaboutyour

relationship.

Yourmemoriesandemotionschangeovertime,andgaining

clarityabouthowyoufeelabouttheRelationshipBreakdown.

What Happens After the Relationship Breakdown?

41


Thiswillshapethechoicesyoumake.Fornow,youmustrestore

yourclarityandobjectivity;otherwise,youremotionswillcloud

yourjudgment.Thegreatnewsisyouareabouttolearnhow

torecoverfromtheRelationshipBreakdown,andyouwilllearn

howtobecomeclearagain.

WewilllookathowtopreparefortheRelationshipRewind

beforeyoumakeyourfirstmove(toreducetheriskoffalling

victimtomistakes).Ittakesastrongmantomakeamends,and

thefactyouarehereshowsagreatdealaboutyourcharacter.

Whatyoudonotrealize,isthatshewillalsobereceptiveto

thesechanges.Youaremakinggreatadvancementsinlearning

howtoapproachherwiththosepositiveattributesshewillfeel

compelledby.

Asyouunravelthesetechniques,youwilllearntorewardherfor

initiatingtheRelationshipRewind.Donotworry;Ihaveevery

faithyouwillsucceed!

Asyoumoveintounderstanding,Iwantyoutobeperfectly

truthfulwithyourself.Thefactremainsthatyourrelationship

didend.Ifyouunderstandwhyandwhereyouarenow,anew

opportunitytomoveforwardwillpresentitself.Lookpast

anyanimosityyoufeelandask,WhydidtheRelationship

Breakdownoccur?Isthereanythingyoucanpinpointasatheme

ofyourBreakdown?

Thiswillgiveyouanideaofwhereyoucanstartimproving.

Moving On From a Relationship Breakdown

42


Below,Iwantyoutowritedownfivethingsthatcouldhave

causedyourrelationshiptobreakdown.

Thesecouldbethingsshesaidorhowyoufelt.Thereisnoright

orwronganswerandanythingyoudisclosewillbeonlybeseen

byyou.Themoreobjectiveandhonestyoucanbe,thebetter

yourchancesofrewindingtherelationship.Whenyoustart

toseetheanswersinfrontofyou,itismucheasiertoremain

objective.Ifitisimpossibletothinkobjectively,thentrythe

MindCalmbonussectionfirst.

https://member.dicarlocoaching.com/

Youmaybeamazedathowquicklyyourdoubtsandfrustrations

surface.Thiswillhelpyoucometotermswiththosefeelings.

Remember,thesewillnotpreventyoufrommovingforward.

Instead,eachonewillbecomeanactionablestepthatyou

cantaketowinherback.Thinkofthislikeplanningatrip.You

alreadyknowwhereyouwanttogo,nowyouknowwhichroute

totakeandwhatroadblockstoavoid.Thismeansyoucanplan

differentroutesanddetours,whichwillhelpyougetherback

faster.

43


FiveThingsThatCausedYourRelationshiptoEnd:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Theabovereasonsmightbeonethemeortheymightbea

varietyoffactors;eitherisnormalandhappensallthetime.

Itshouldgiveyoumoreofanideaofwhy.Althoughnoneof

thesereasonsareasimportantaswhatImabouttoreveal.The

realreasonyourrelationshipendedisthatsomewheredeep

inside,yourrelationshipstoppedbeingrewardingandfun.It

wasntwhatitstartedoutbeing...

YourBlissfactorburnedout.

Thinkbacktothetwoquestionsthatwespokeabout;thetwo

onlytruereasonsforaRelationshipBreakdown.Ibetyoumeet

oneorbothofthosepoints.

Infrontofyouistheanswertothosetwoimportantquestions.

Nowyoucandiscoverifyouweremovingintwodifferent

directions,andfurthermorewhytheBlissburntout.

Thisisanincrediblyrevealingexercise.Seeifyoucanpinpoint

44


anyunhappinessoremotionaldistressinthereasonsabove.I

betyouwillfindunhappinessinallofthem.

Again,donotbeatyourselfup.

Younowhaveaclearerideaofwhereyourrelationshipwent

wrong,andhavespecificareastoimprove.Thesearespecific

toyourrelationshipandwillofferyoucriticalinsightintoareas

whereshewillbemostsensitiveinapproaching.Thisalsomeans

implementingthecoretechniquesinthisbookwillbesuper

simple.Taketimetocongratulateandacknowledgethechanges

youaremaking.

RebuildingtheFoundationsofaStrongerRelationship

Thenextexercisewillhelpyoudecidewhereyouwantyour

relationshiptogo.

Therearereasonswhyyouwantherbackandobjectifying

thosewillguideyoubackintotherelationshipwithclarity.

Also,concretereasonsreduceyourriskoffallingbackintoold

routines.Itisnotenoughtowantherback.Askyourself,What

itisaboutherthatmakeshermoreremarkablethananyother

womanintheworld?Youcouldjustaseasilydatesomeone

else,butyouhavemadeadecisiontostickbyher.

Whyisthat?

Writedownfivethingsaboutherthatisunique,sothatyou

havesomethingtofallbackonintimeswhenyouarefeeling

uncertain.

45


FiveThingsThatMakeThistheRightRelationshipforYou:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Byacknowledgingthereasonswhytherelationshipwas

significant,youshouldfeelmoremotivated.

Byunderstandinghowsheshines,youcanusethisinformation

towinherbackinawaythatnoothermancan.Seeingher

strongpointsmightalsoberefreshing,asaRelationship

Breakdowncanmakeusfocusonthenegatives.

Takesometimetoenjoythesefeelingstoo,youdeservethem.

Nowthatyouhaveagreaterunderstandingofwhereyouhave

been,whereyouare,andwhereyouwanttomoveforwardto

andwhy;youshouldbefeelingreliefandevenconfidencein

yourabilitytowinherback.

RelationshipBreakdownsaredistressingbecauseofthe

unknown,andmuchlikefear,arecanbeovercomebyfacing

themwithhonestyandclarity.Whilethisisntaneasyprocess,it

isworthwhileandimportant.

46


Moreover,youhavealreadybeensuccessfulinstarting,sofor

that,Isaluteyou!

Thenextsteptotakeistoobjectifywhatyouwantfromthe

relationship.

Youhavealltheinformationatyourdisposaltomakeinformed

goals,whichwillprovideasolidfoundationforahealthy

relationship.Byunderstandingwhatyouwantbeforegetting

backtogether,youwontbecomeblindsidedbytheincredible

feelingsthatcomeatyou.

Nowisagreattimetobeperfectlyhonestaboutthethings

thatyouwereunhappywithlasttime,andthenseektomake

amends.

Writedownwhatitwasthatcausedtherelationshiptoend,

orthatmadeyoufeellessthangreatinit.Donotbescaredto

writedownthingsthatyouorshedid,asthesewillbecomea

templateofthingstoavoidinthefuture.

Identifying the Choices You Want to Make

47


FiveMistakesYouDoNotWanttoRepeat:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Whileyoumightthinkitissillytowritedownwhatyouwant

inyourrelationship,theseareimportant.Byhavingthis

information,youbuildalevelofconfidenceandawarenessthat

isirresistibletowomen.

Youwillshowheryouareamanofaction.

Sokeepthisinformationlockedaway,untilyoureachthefinal

stageofBliss,whereyouwillactivatethesechangesfora

lifetime.

Iwillletyouknowwhenthetimeisright!

48


UnderstandingwhytheRelationshipBreakdownoccurred

offersinsightintothechoicesyoumustmake.

Italsoanswerstheoneamazinglyfrustratingquestion,why

therelationended.

HowyoureacttotheRelationshipBreakdownwillshapethe

choicesshemakesandeithermoveherawayfromyouor

drawhertowardsyou.

Creatingspaceiscritical.Thiswillhelpyouthinkclearly.

Spacealsogivesyoutimetoheal.Usethistimewiselyto

respectherspace,andencourageyourownhealing.

Youmustbeemotionallystable;otherwise,youwillpushher

awayandsendoutthewrongsignals.

Onceyouhaveallowedthenecessarytimetopass,starting

thefirststagewillbecomeobviousandnatural

Keynotes

48

49

Relationship Decay3

50

CHAPTER 3: THE RELATIONSHIP DECAY

Aaroncalledhomelateonenightandseemedoutofsorts.

Nothinghesaidmademuchsenseandhisusualcarefree

attitudewasreplacedwithatangibleworry.Hebumbled

throughtheconversation,asifwaitingtobeaskedwhat

waswrong.

Then,thedamburstopen.Itwasasifmonthsoffrustration

cametumblingout,andwhatwasevenmoresurprising

washiscompleteshockateverythinghewassaying.

Itwasasifhewaslivingsomeoneelseslife.

HewasworriedEmmamightbeseeingsomeoneelse.He

didntsaywhy,justthathecouldfeelsomethingwasnt

right,andnothinghesaidmadeanysense.Hespokeabout

howthingshadntfeltrightforawhile,howshewasdistant

andcomplacent.

Anytimehetriedtoaskherwhatwaswrong,shewould

stormofftoanotherroom.Theneventually,shewould

justleavethehouseandshewouldntcomebackforlong

periodsoftimes,statingshewaswithfriends.

WhenAaronfinallythoughtthingswerechanging,itseems

thosechangeswerenotforthereasonsheoncethought.

To be continued

Love Story: Relationship Decay

AaronandEmma:

51


What Is Relationship Decay?

Initsmostsimplisticform,RelationshipDecayiswhentwo

peopleslowlystopcommunicatingandembracingoneanother

romantically.

Overthedurationofweeks,months,orevenyears,theybegin

todistancefromtheirlover.Inthistime,thefeelingsofunrest

maysurfaceoccasionally.RelationshipDecayforthemostpart

isundetectable,asourmoodsandemotionschangeconstantly.

Whatcouldjustbeanargumenttoyoumaybethesignsofa

muchdeeperconcernforher.InRelationshipdecay,neither

personiswillingtoexploreofexpresstheseconcerns.

AfterprolongedexposuretoRelationshipDecay,aShift

inconsciousnessmovesthecoupleintotheRelationship

Breakdownphase.Thismayormaynotendinanofficialbreak

up.

Forthesereasons,itcanbehardtopinpointexactlywhatwent

wrongwithoutunderstandingwhatRelationshipDecayis.

RelationshipDecayissimilartoanOaktree.Theoutsidemay

lookhealthy,butinsideaninfectioncanrotandwhittledowna

The time when a relationship begins to break down without either partner realizing it. This can happen over a long period with no more than a feeling of emotional unrest.

RelationshipDecay:

52


treesintegrity.Thedamagemayevengounseenformanyyears

untilastorm(anactivemoment)uprootsthetree,muchtothe

surpriseofthosearound.RelationshipDecaytakestimetotake

toseepintothestructureofarelationship,buttheeffectsareas

devastatingandlonglasting.

ThepotentialforRelationshipDecayisalwayspresentand

ishappeningtoallcouplesatalltimes.Unawarenessofthis

negativeprocesscanleadtoanemotionaltriggermoment,

wheretheRelationshipDecaybecomesaRelationship

Breakdown.ThisSwitcheffectivelypushesthekillbuttononan

otherwiselovingrelationship,resultinginanemotionalcrisis

response.Thisiswhycompletesurprisecanhappenwhenthe

RelationshipBreakdownoccurs.

Formany,itgenuinelyisamassivesurprise.Totheotherparty,it

hasbeenwaitingtohappenoverthelongesttime.Thereinlays

thepowerofbeingintwoemotionallydifferentplaceswithyour

lover.

Manyrelationshipsendwithoutanyonerealizingthereisacure.

Relationship Decay: Case Study

53


TakeJackandLucyforexample:

JackandLucyweremarriedforseveraldecades,when

surprisingly,aged70;theydecidedtofilefordivorceand

calltherelationshipquits(Weisinger2010).Mostpeople

wouldassumethathavingsharedtheirlifetogetheror

thatafterreachingamilestone;theywouldautomatically

qualifyforalifetimeachievementaward,butnotthis

couple.

Whatismoresurprisingisthatwhenasked,theybothsaid

theywerehappy.

Sowhatwentwrong?

Overaseriesofmeetings,JackandLucyeachadmittedthey

recognizedtraitsoftheirparentsintheother(withwhom

neitherhadapositiverelationship)andwereholdinginfeelings

ofresentment.Astheotherpersondidntnecessarilydo

anythingwrong,neitherfeltitsignificantenoughtoaddress.

Then,overthedecades,RelationshipDecaysetinandthey

divorced.

54


Alternatively,takeMaryandJohn:

EvenmorebizarreisMaryandJohn,whonever

consummatedtheirmarriagein1934(Weisinger2010).

MaryandJohnmarriedasamatterofconvenience,but

neverfeltasexualconnection,thoughhadastrongbond

offriendship.MaryandJohnneverseparated,andwhen

askedhowtheycouldliveinsuchawayrepliedthat

forthem,itwaseffortlessastheyfelthappyandwere

committedtoeachothershappiness.

Thismightsoundcrazy,butwhenyoubreaktherelationship

downtoasubconsciouslevel,youunderstandhowdifferent

methodsofcommunicationinterferewithahealthyrelationship.

Ofcourse,understandingcommunicationisnotonlywhatyou

sayanddoaroundeachother,butalsohoweachpartnerthinks

andfeels.

Alloftheseareequallysignificant,whenlookingtosustaina

lifelongcommitment.

55


Immediatelyafterthebreakup,thefullextentofthe

RelationshipDecaycausesoverwhelmingemotionsduringthe

aftermathoftheRelationshipBreakdown.Thisisnatural,but

makesitverydifficulttomakeworthwhiledecisions.When

yourheadandheartarefocusingontwodifferentgoals,itis

impossibletomoveforward.Thisiswhyyoumustallowtimeto

healandtakeactivemeasurestomoveawayfromtrauma.

Thecrucialthingisthatyourecognizewhereyouareinthe

relationshipcycle.

Areyouhealthyandclearofmind?

Ontheotherhand,areyouinthepost-breakupphaseandstill

emotionallyunstable?

ThelastthingyouwanttodoisgothroughtheRelationship

RewindandrealizesheisnotTheOne.

Whenyouunderstandwhereyouare,thenyoucanworkout

wheretogonext,soyoureducetheriskoffailure.

Formany,itgenuinelyisamassivesurprise.Totheotherparty,it

hasbeenwaitingtohappenoverthelongesttime.Thereinlays

thepowerofbeingintwoemotionallydifferentplaceswithyour

lover.

Manyrelationshipsendwithoutanyonerealizingthereisacure.

The Phases of Post-Relationship Decay

56


Post-breakup:Thetimeimmediatelyafterwhenithasnt

sunkinthattherelationshiphasended.Thisiswhenyou

begintoanalyzepotentialRelationshipDecay,andlookfor

signsofwhatwentwrong.

Recovery:Afterthebreakup,everythingcrashesintoan

emotionalmess.Yourealizetherelationshipisover,but

begintoseethenowobvioussignsofRelationshipDecay.

Thisisanextendedperiodofresolveandrecovery.

Grieving:Ifrecoveryseemsimpossible,thenyourisk

enteringintoagrievingphase.ThisiswhereDeaths

Dooroccurs.Itispromptedbyyourdesiretoremedythe

RelationshipDecay,andherinabilitytomatchyouonthat

choice.

Inthesestages,youshouldstopcontactimmediately.

Evenif,youhaveagoodfriendship,nowisnotthetimetobe

involved.Thiscancauselastingdamagetobothofyou.Any

contactintheaftermathofaRelationshipBreakdownwillbe

perceivedaschasing.Therecoverystageistheoneyouwant

toembrace.Althoughitdoestaketimeandvariesfrommanto

man,butknowingthatitcantakeweeksormonthsisagood

placetostart.Iwillletyouknowwhentoresumecontact.

Thisisimportantbecause:

ThemoretimeyoucanspendunderstandingwhatRelationship

Decayoccurred,thelessriskyouhaveoffallingintothegrieving

process.Duringgrieving,yourbodyisnotsuitedtowardsmaking

57


informeddecisions.ItwelcomesDeathsDoor,andmakesthe

processofrecoverymuchharderonyou.Ifyouareinthe

post-breakup,acceptthetimetohealandthenmoveintothe

recoveryposition.Thisiswhereyoushouldbewhilereading.

Youmustallowyourbodyandmindtimetorecover.Acceptthis

spacesoyouwillberevitalizedandreadytotakeactionwhen

youmoveintothefirststageofRelationshipRewind.Ifyouare

inthegrievingstage,thisisgoingtotakelongerbecauseyou

havetoacceptthatyoumaybeonDeathsDoororareabout

tolandinthatzone.Youwillneedtoallowadditionaltimeand

followthestepsthatareabouttobeprescribed.

Nowisthetimetobeginmovingawayfromthesestageswhen

possible.WewilllookathowtodothisworkingfromDeaths

DoortoBlissfromChapter4.

Remember:TheRelationship

Rewindisnotan

instantcure.

Starttodaybytakingsmallstepstobringmoresatisfaction

andjoyintoyourlife.Gooutwithyourfriends.Ifyouarestuck

inthemourningphaseoftherelationship,thisisevenmore

crucial.Iknowitseemsimpossible,butlifedoesexistwithout

her.Thefasteryougetonwithitandstarttoenjoyitagain,the

fasteryourrewindingwillbecomeanaturalprogressionofthis

transformativetime.

Justaslovesicknessfeelslikeadisease,thepositivephysical

effectsoflovearejustasintoxicating(butforfantasticreasons).

Didyouknowmostdoctorsprescribelightactivities,suchas

How to Feel Better About Relationship Decay

58


walkingforafewminutesaday,asthefirstcure?Thisis

becausedoubtsandanxieties(causedbybreakingupwith

someoneorbeingbrokenupwith)canmakeyoufeelhelpless.

Bytakingaction,younotonlyproveyourbrainwrong,butyou

releaseendorphins,whicharethefeel-goodhormonesthat

arealsopresentduringahealthyrelationship(Griffin2013).

Thegoodnewsisyoucanregainthoseamazinglypowerful

hormonalandemotionalhighs.Youcantriggertheminheralso,

sothatwhenshewantsyouback,itisonabiologicallevel.The

stepsthatyouwilltakearemedicinal;meaningtheyhelpyou

healandrecoverfromthebreakup.Ifthatisntenoughofa

motivatingfactor,thenconsiderthatshewontfindalovesick

manattractive.Youmustbeginre-buildingyoursenseof

confidence.

Withoutacknowledgingthatreasonandtakingtimeto

changeyourenvironment,allyoustandtogainisanon-off

relationship.Youmustfixthecausesofyourproblems,before

youstartarelationshipagain.

Takeconfidenceinthehealingprocessyouaregoingthrough

nowwillhelpherhealtoo.

Withoutacknowledgingthatreasonandtakingtimeto

changeyourenvironment,allyoustandtogainisanon-off

relationship.Youmustfixthecausesofyourproblems,before

youstartarelationshipagain.

Takeconfidenceinthehealingprocessyouaregoingthrough

nowwillhelpherhealtoo.

Remember:Evenifshetook

youbacktoday,

therelationship

stillendedfora

reason.

59


Whenyoufeelhappy,yourthoughtsandactionsprevent

RelationshipDecay.Thisisbecauseyoursubconsciousmind

sendsoutpositiveenergyandengagesinhealthyactionsto

prolongyourrelationship.IfyouareinDrift(Chapter5)orSwitch

(Chapter6),thesymptomsofRelationshipDecayaccelerate

duetofeelingsofemotionaldetachment.Thisiswhyyoumay

suddenlyfindyourselfonDeathsDoor(Chapter4)andasking

whathappened.

Infact,theresearchersattheUniversityofRochesterfoundthat

people,whofeellikeanactiveparticipantintheirrelationship,

aremorelikelytostaytogetherthancoupleswhoareequally

happy,butareunabletounderstandtheirnegativeinteractions

(SoonheeLee2010).

Anotherwaytothinkofthiswouldbetolookathowyoudrive.

Drivingissomethingmostpeopledowithoutmuchthought,

yetthereareseveralcomplexprocessesgoingon.Yourfeetand

handscarryouttwodifferentactionssimultaneously,activating

thegaspedalandthesteeringwheel.Then,asyoudrive,you

alsowillactivatethewindshieldwipersifitrainsorturnthe

radioupwhenyourfavoritesongcomeson.

Essentially,youhaveagoalofgettingtoadestination,buthow

youarriveisdeterminedbythesmaller,lessobvioustasksyou

taketoensureyourdriveissafe.

Oftenthesearemoreinfluentialthanhowfastyougo.Ifyoudo

notpayattentiontotheotherdistractions,youwillfindyourself

Why Relationship Decay Occurs

60


quicklyofftheroadandunabletomoveforward.Youcould

alsogetlostifyouarenotpayingattention.Ontheotherhand,

youmightevenfacecollisionsorangerotherdrivers.Thisalso

meanstheopportunitytogettoyourfinaldestinationbecomes

impossible.

Whilethestepsinthisbookcanhelpyoumanageyour

relationshipinahealthyandenjoyableway,theyonlyworkif

youacknowledgethesignsofRelationshipDecay.

Youmustlearntoacknowledgethedifferentwaysyouboth

communicateandhowthatrelatestogettingbacktogether.

Otherwise,itwouldbelikesteppingintoacarblindfolded.Sure,

youmightbeabletoworkouthowtogoforward,butwithout

payingattention,youcouldquickderailtherelationshipandend

upbackintheditch.Ifyougointotherelationshipthinkingyou

knoweverycurve,youwilllikelymakeawrongjudgmentcall

thatriskseverything.

Thisnexttechniquewillteachyouhowtosustainalong-term

relationshipandhelpyoupreventtheproblemsthatoccurred

thefirsttimearound.

61


IfyouhaveexperiencedandacknowledgedRelationshipDecay,

thenyoumayconsideryourselfaseasonedexpert.Thisisa

fantasticskilltopossess,andonethatcanbelearned.The

reasonwhyIamsharingthisinformationissothatyouhavea

clearunderstandingofwhatitisandwhatyouareexperiencing.

IfyouareunabletopinpointRelationshipDecay,itisimpossible

rewindtherelationshipasyouwontknowwhattolookfor.

YouneedtoknowthatRelationshipDecayismorethan

somethingthatjusthappens,itissomethingthatmustbe

addressedinaspecificway.

ThereiseverychanceyouwillfaceRelationshipDecayagain,no

matterwhoyouaredating,solistenclosely.

The Signs for Recognizing Relationship Decay

Sheislessempathetic.Shedoesnotrelatetoyourpointof

vieworemotionalpainsduringarguments,orrespondto

yourmemoriesandexperiencesofBliss.

Sheshowslessremorse.Sheisroboticinherdecisions.

Shemayleaveafteranargumentandgosomewhereelse

tocooloff,refusingtohelpyouassisther.

Sheignoresyourexistence.Younolongeraffecther

emotions.Sheismovingintoparttimeorfulltime

Indifference.

62


Whileeveryonerequiresdifferentamountsoftimetomove

pastarelationship,jumpingintotheIndifferentphasetypically

takesalongtime(prolongedbytheintensityanddurationof

yourrelationship).Whileshemayhavetimeswhensheasks

forspace,ortakesitwithoutasking,itdoesnotmeansheis

automaticallyIndifferenttoyou.Infact,itcouldbeagood

signthatsheisoverwhelmedwithemotion:theoppositeof

Indifference.

Onethingyoucancountonthoughisthatifyoulovedone

another,thisperiodofIndifferencewhetherfleetingorlasting

(Iwilldescribethismoreinthenextsection)cantakeyearsto

reach,ifsheeverwill.Thisgivesyouplentyoftimetowinher

heartbackoncemore.Thinkbacktoyourfirstloveandyouwill

quicklyseewhatImean.Mostpeople,nomatterhowyourfirst

relationshipended,havethepowertoholdontoloveformany

years.

Itisimportanttoknowthatyouhavethetoolsnecessaryto

avoidfallingintoRelationshipDecayorifyoudo,youcanheal

yourrelationship.Bybeingabletoidentifyit,youremove

99.9%oftheworkinvolved,soyoucandisarmitbeforeitsets

inforgood.RelationshipDecayisonlypowerfulwhenyouare

ignorantaboutit.Inmanycases,menwronglybelievetheyare

inDeathsDoor,whenwhattheyhaveexperiencedinthefallout

ofRelationshipDecay.

Formany,timewillhealthesewoundsandallowyoutonaturally

bridgethegaponcemoreandinalastingway.Mostwomen

neverbecomeIndifferent,itgoesagainsttheirdesiretonurture

andprotect,sotakefaithinherloveforyou.Itsstillthere,Iam

sureofit!

63


IfshehasaconsciousunderstandingofRelationshipDecay,

thingsdobecometrickierasshewillnowbeactivelytaking

stepstomaximizeherspace.Shecouldbedoingthistohelpyou

bothmoveon,orshecouldbedoingthistogiveherselftime

todecideifherSwitchofheartwascorrect.Essentiallythisisa

protectivephasewhereshetriestomoveintoIndifference,what

shebelievestobehealing.

Thisiswhymanypeoplesuggestspaceafterabreakup.

Chasingherduringthistimecancausemassiveandirreversible

problems.Ifyoubackadogintoacorner,itbites.Thesamegoes

forher.Ifyouchasehertoosoon,shewillfeelthreatenedand

biteyou.Thisisespeciallytrueduringanintenseargument,

asouremotionsandadrenalinearerunninghigh.Whilehurtful,

thereisagoodchancethatheractionsarenottheretohurtyou,

nomatterhowbadlytheymay.

Thefantasticnewsisthatjustbecausesheistakingmoresevere

actionstoremoveyoufromherlife,doesnotmeansheis

Indifferent.Ifshefeelsitisnecessarytoplaceabarrierbetween

youboth,shestillfeelsemotional.Ifshehasgonetogreat

lengthstoremoveyoufromherlifethenyoumustbeagreat

threatforher.Sheknowsthatkeepingyouaroundwillmean

thatshemaycaveinonherRelationshipresolveanddecisionto

leave.

Bynotchasing,youcreatespacethatshedidnotexpect,forcing

hertoquestionthedecisiontoendtherelationship.Whenyou

Why You Must Stop Chasing Indifference

64


chase,allyouaredoingisconfirmingherdoubtsandgivingher

reasontopullaway.Thisisawonderfullycaringwaytolether

cometotheconclusionsonherownterms.Whensherealizes

thatyouareasupportivepartner,shewillalsorealizethather

choicemighthavebeenharshorrashlymade.Itslogicalto

comeback.

However,asyoumayhavealreadyguessed,withoutfollowing

uponthespacecreatedwithsomeformofcommunication,

youruntheriskofturningthatrespectedspaceintoemotional

distance.Instead,youneedtounderstandhowtocommunicate

withherwithoutchasingherduringthistime.Whenyoudecide

toreachoutisjustaspowerfulashowyoureachout.Iwillbe

showingyouhowtodothisinthenextchapter.

Thekeyisrewardingherwhenshebeginstochaseyou.This

willhelpyouremainincontrolandshewillseekoutexperiences

thataremorepositivewithyou.

Remember:Sheisina

healingplace

also.Thistime

willshapehow

sheseesyou,

andforthisto

bepositive,

youmustbe

supportive.

65


UnderstandingtheessenceofRelationshipDecayeffectively

reducesthechancesofitoccurringagain,justasyour

awarenessofapotholehelpsyouavoidit.

Whetheryourealizeitornot,youaresendingsignalsto

herthateitherattractherorrepelher.Thisiswhyhealingis

necessary.

TakingtimetohealfromtheRelationshipBreakdownwill

allowyoutounderstandRelationshipDecaypersonallyand

moreaccurately.

Understandingwhichpost-breakupstageyouareinmeans

youcantakethecorrectstepstorepairthedamage.

Onceyouunderstandtheredflags,youcanmoveon

confidentlyknowingthatyouwillnotcausefurther

RelationshipDecay.

Keynotes

65

66

Deaths Door4

67

CHAPTER 4: DEATHS DOOR

Aaronarrivedbackhomelateonenightandsurprised

everyonewithhisvisit.Hehadlostafewpoundsand

corporatelifelookedlikeitwasgettingthebestofhim.

Overthenextfewweeks,peoplebegantotalkabouthow

hefailedathisbigmoveandgossipwascirculatingthathis

fiancehadranoffwithanotherman.Itwashardtoknow

forsurewhatwasgoingonandAaronseemedguardedat

everyturn.

Overthenextfewweeks,itwasbecomingclearthat

Aarondidnotintendtogobackandhefinallyturnedinan

applicationtoalocallawfirm.

Hebrushedoffthequestionsaboutthereasonsbehind

hisreturn.Eventhoughhewasback,itwasasifhismind

wassomewhereelse.Hekeptaclosewatchonhisphone

atalltimes,asifitwouldsuddenlyanswerhisprayers,and

anytimeitranghedsmilethengobacktohisusual,aloof

self.

Emmabecameawordthatwasntused,andforweeks

afterhisarrival,Aarontriedtofooleveryoneintothinking

shehadntexisted.

Smalltowngossipwasjustthat,butitdidntmeanthey

werewrong.Insteadofbeinganoutgoing,confidentman,

Aaronturneddownnightsoutandwasntinterested

AaronandEmma:

68


inmeetingotherwomen.Heseemedtobepiningfor

somethingthatwasntthere.

To be continued.

What Is Deaths Door?

DeathsDooristhepointwhenyourexhastakensignificant

actiontobecomeIndifferenttoyou.Indifferenceiswhenshe

feelsnopositiveornegativeemotionorattachment.Shemay

befeelingIndifferent,orattemptingtomakethishappen.Either

way,youarenotonDeathsDoor,asshedoesnotintendto

restarttherelationship.Thiscanbeaparticularlydevastating

time,andonethattakestimetoheal.

Oftenthisoccursbecauseshehasreceivedpositivesupport

inherdecisiontomoveon.Thesemaybefromherfriendsor

family,orachoiceshemakesonherown.Eitherway,thereare

nowglaringmotivesdrivingawedgebetweenyou.Mostlikely,

sheconcludedthatyouarenotrightforherandshehastomove

ontobehappy.Thisstagecantakeabigemotionaltollonyou

both.Ifyouwanttorewindyourrelationship,endingthisstage

isnecessary.

The time after a Relationship Breakdown where she has taken significant action(s) to distance herself from you emotionally and physically.

DeathsDoor

69


Anotherpossibilityisthatsomethinghappenedinyour

relationship.

Thesituationcontinuedtoescalate,andshemovedfaster

towardsIndifference.ThelikelyscenarioisthatsheDrifted,and

youkeptchasing,untilshemadeaconsciousefforttoavoidyou.

Shebelievesthiswillhelpherfindclarityandemotionalstability,

becausesheknowsthathavingyouaroundisemotionally

dangerous(moreonthisinamoment).Shemaytellyouthat

sheneedsspace,orshemayjusttakeitwithoutasking(asoften

happens).

Itisalsobeneficialtonote:

ThepurposeofbecomingIndifferentisacopingmechanism

andistheonlytrueRelationshipKiller.Relationshipsare

durable.TheycansurviveRelationshipDecay,andprolonged

exposuretostressors,butIndifferenceisnoteasilyfixed.The

Indifferentpersonnolongerhasthelevelofdesireneededto

continuetherelationshipandeffectivelystopsanyprogressinits

tracks(Bowers2013).

70


IfyouareatDeathsDoorandmadeanearnestefforttochase

herinthehopesofwinningheraffection,itiscommonto

seethisbackfire.Sheorherfriendsmightcommentthatthis

behaviorisstalker-likeorthatyouareactingcreepy,and

needtostepback.Foronce,listentoherfriendsandtaketheir

advice.Theseareallredflagsthatarelettingyouknowthatyour

actionsaretooforceful.

Again,youbothneedtimetoletyouremotionssettle,before

makingtherightmove.

Justwaitingfortimetogobyisnotgoingtofixyourbehaviors

though.Youneedtoshowherthatyouhavemovedon.When

youareintheDeathsDoorstage,youhavesomeworktodoto

gettherelationshipbackontrack.Otherwise,allsheisgoingto

doisusethislackofprogressasammoagainstyouandcontinue

tojustifyherneedforspace.Thiscanbeaconfusingtimeto

balance,butonethatIwillshowyouhowtojudgebasedonher

actions.

Thesewarningflagswillalsoshowyouwhennottobringup

howyoufeelabouther.Nowisnotthetimeforgrandgestures,

thosedontactuallyworkinreallife.

Itisalsoimportanttoconsider:

Justas,differentpeopletakedifferenttimetorecover;youwill

eachbeindifferentphasesofthepost-breakupprocess(think

backtothetwoRelationshipBreakdownfactors).Inorderto

Moving Away From Deaths Door

71


reversethissituation,youwillhavetogivehertonsofroomto

breathe.Youhavetowaitforhertocomearoundtoherown

positivelychargedRelationshipResolve.Thiswillgiveyouthe

opportunitytodrawherclosertoyou.

Althoughyouarenotgettingresponsesdoesnotmeanyouare

atDeathsDoororthatshehasgivenup.Shesaskingforspace

becausesheknowsonsomelevelthatyoueachneedit.

Youmightrememberthatwespokeabouttheimportanceofnot

chasing.

Well,thisisthefirstofseveraltechniquesthatteachyouhow

toapproachwithoutpushingheraway.Infact,shewillbecome

soresponsivethatshewillbegintochaseyou.Onceyouhave

initiatedtherecommendedspace,youcanbegintoengagein

whatIcalltheFalseFriendship(thistechniquewillhelpyou

movebacktothesameemotionalpage,butonlyafter,she

hasfoundherMindCalm).Itwillalsohelppreventherfrom

becomingIndifferent.

Thisisthefirststagewhereyouwillbeengagingwithheragain,

somakeitcount.Donotrushonaheadbelievingittobean

instantcure.Letheradaptfirst!

72


TheFalseFriendshipisthemostvaluableadviceIamgoingto

offer.ItwillbecomethebackbonetoyourRelationshipRewind.

Fornow,itdoesnotmatterwhichofthephasesyouarein,

asestablishingasolidfriendshipiswhatmattersmost.How

yougettoastateofFalseFriendshipwillvarywiththestages

(allrequiredifferentlengthsofhealingtimebeforeactingthis

techniqueout),butnoneareimpossibletorecoverfrom,and

Imabouttoshowyouwhy.Thisisalsooneofthestrangest

techniques,butitworkseverytime.

Ifyouhavebrokenup,orevenifyouarenotonspeakingterms,

theFalseFriendshipisthebestwaytoearnhertrustback.It

givesyouaninwhereyoudidntthinkpossible.Establishinga

FalseFriendshipalsomeansyoucantalkeasilyandthatshewill

notgorunningintheotherdirectionwhensheseesyourname

onherphonesscreen.Itisallaboutbuildingupthelinesof

communicationagainandmakingherfeelsecure.

Youhavenotenteredthedatingarena.YourFalseFriendship

isgoingtoletyougetbackintohermind,whereyoucanbegin

toplanttheBlissBombsandothertechniquesthatIwillteach

youastimemovesforward.Iknowitsoundscunning,butthis

techniqueworksbecauseshewillfeelcomfortableandrelaxed

aroundyou.Inorderforthosemilestonestobereached,you

mustbewillingtogostep-by-stepandnotrush.

Next,youmustgointothistechniqueknowingitisnotthetime

toromance.Irepeatthisisnotthetimetoindicateromance!

Introducing the False Friendship

Note:Nowisnotthe

timetojumpin

withouttaking

thenecessary

healingtime

first.Learning

thistechnique

willprepareyou

forwhenthe

timeisright.

73


OnlyonceshefeelscomfortablewithyourFalseFriendshipwill

shestarttoaskyououtandbegintoinitiateBondingMoments

withyou.Otherwise,thisisastrictlyNoFlyzone.Duringthis

technique,youwillbewaitingonhertoreachoutandaskfor

more;thatmustalwaysbeyourqueueofwhentoadvance

(especiallywhenconsideringromanticintent).Thisiswhereyou

willberewardingherwiththenextapplicationtoencourageher

tomoveclosertoyou.

Lateron,Iwillshowyouhowtorewardthisbehavior,soyoucan

fliptheFalseFriendshipbecauseshewantstogetbacktogether.

Thismeansshewontfeelregretandwontbetemptedtoback

outofyourrelationship.Assheistheonechasing,youcan

encourageher,insteadofherrejectingyou.

TheFalseFriendshipwillnotworkifyoutrytoinitiatecontact

becauseyouwanttohavesexwithher.Theriskoffailureis

almostguaranteedifyougoinwithanagenda!

Thisiswhyweplacedimportanceonlettinghertellyouwhen

sheisreadyforyoutoescalatethenextlevel.Whatyouare

abouttodorequiresyoutobecompelling,withoutatraceof

hesitation.Ifshethinksthatyouaregettingbackintouchwith

her,justtogetherbackintoyourbed,shesgoingtorunoutthe

nearestRelationshipExit.Moreover,youcanbelieveshewont

somuchasalookbackintheotherdirection.

Critical Knowledge:The False Friendship Failure Rate

74


Ifyouviolatehertrust,shewillthrowbarriersupsohighthat

evenanOlympicathletecouldntjumpoverthetop.Shewill

alwaysbecautiousaroundyou,shouldshechoosetokeep

youaround,andwillquestioneverymoveyoumake.Youwill

becometheexshetalksabouttofriendsandfamily,andruin

yourchances.Then,evenifshefeelscompelledtotakeyou

back,itbecomesmoredifficulttoconvincethosearoundher.

AnothermajorproblemwithstartingaFalseFriendshipwithan

agendaisthatshecouldmakeyoulooklikethefool.Shemay

stringyoualong,setyouup,orjustflatoutrejectyou.Ifthis

happens,yourchancesofinitiatingaFalseFriendshipbecome

acool0%.Assadasitistosay,manywomenwillfeelinsecure

afteraRelationshipBreakdownalso,andmaycometodepend

ontheaffectionasacopingmechanism.

Essentially,youwillplantyourselfintheFriendZonevoluntarily,

nottheFalseFriendship,andthechanceofrecoveryisminimal.

Soplease,putanythingsexualtothebackofyourmind.This

isonlyfortheshort-term.Ifyoutrustme,andarewillingto

lettimeheal,youcanbuildaFalseFriendship.Thistechnique

willreestablishtheemotionalbond,soherfeelingsoflovefor

youunconsciouslysurface.Whenshetakesyouback,itwillbe

becausethatiswhatyoubothwant.Arewardingandengaging

experiencebondsyoutogether.

75


Letsbehonest,noguywantstobefriendswithagirlthey

areattractedto.NeverthelessheresthethingabouttheFalse

Friendship,itisnottheFriendZone.Itisnotapermanent

fixture.Itissomewhereyoucanexpressyourdesiresand

potentiallyreceivethemback.Thedifferenceisallinhowyou

approachtheFalseFriendship.Whenyoufollowmydirections,

youwillrewardherforcomingbacktoyou,whichwillremove

theriskofitbackfiring.

Thisiswhy:

WhenyouinitiatetheFalseFriendship,shedoesnotseeyour

requestsforcommunicationaschasing.Youhavegivenherthe

necessarytimetofeelindependent.Shedoesnotsuspectthat

youhaveanagenda,astimehashealedheremotionalmind,

andisfarmorereceptivetotheactoffriendship.Timehas

allowedhertobecomerational,thoughtful,andmorecompelled

tobecommunicativewithyouoncemore.

StarttorecognizethattheFalseFriendshipisagreatplacetobe.

Whenyouaredating,beingstuckintheFriendZonecanbeone

oftheworstthingstohappen.Youarediscardedintothelets

justbefriendszone.Thisisauniqueblessinginthiscase,Iam

abouttorevealwhy.WhenyouinitiatetheFalseFriendship,you

willstartwhatshebelievestobeaFriendZone.YouusethatNo

Flycardtoyouradvantage.

Thisisanincrediblerelieftoherassheisstillhopingtogain

independence.Byfulfillingherrequest,yougainhertrust.Then,

What the False Friendship is Not: The Friend Zone

Note:Ifsheisnot

rational,

thoughtful,and

morecompelled

tobecommuni-

cativewithyou

oncemorethen

youhaveacted

toosoon.Simply

pullback,and

allowhertimeto

heal.Thenreach

outagainuntil

sheiscompelled

tocommunicate.

76


sheismuchmorelikelytocomplywithyourrequeststohang

outortalkmoreoften.Evenif,shehasnodesiretotalkwithyou

today,shewillfeelcompelledbythissimpleactiononeday.All

youhavetodoismoveforwardandbegenuineinyourmotives

aboutestablishingafriendship.

Shedoesnotneedtoknowthatthiswillblossomintoromance

yet.Thinkbacktohowthingsfirstbegan,youwerejustfriends

hangingout.Shehadnoideaitwouldbecomemore.

Theeasiestwayistoletthishappennaturally.Thisisalso

specificadviceforapproachingaFalseFriendshipfromthe

perspectiveofbeingrejected.

IfyouarestillintheRelationshipBreakdownphase,thenyou

canusethistechniquetoyouradvantage.Ifshesaysthatshe

wantstostayfriends,asmanywomenwilloftensay,tellheryou

thinkthatisanexcellentidea,butletherknowthatfriendship

iswhereyoudrawtheline.Sheisgoingtothinkthatyouhave

givenupwiththechaseandwillbehappy.Givehertimeto

acceptthis.

Wewillbecomingbackfullcircletotheadvancedpartofthis

techniqueinChapter5.Thisiswhereyoupickupthepiecesand

carryonwardstoBliss.

WhenyouareatDeathsDoor,extendingagrantoffriendship

letsherknowthatyouonlywantcivility.Forthemostpart,you

Initiating the False Friendship During Deaths Door

77


willnotbemakingcontactwithherduringthisspecificprocess,

becauseitisconsideredchasing(whichpushesheraway).She

hasntreachedalevelofspacewhereshefeelscomfortable(or

possiblyevenmovedawayfromIndifference).Youareonlygoing

toapproachthesuggestionofbeingfriends,notbestfriends.

WaitforhertoreachoutandthendroptheFalseFriendshipon

her.Thisisimportant,asyouofferingwithouthersuggestion

willpushheraway.

Itcouldbeassimpleassaying,Imreallygladwecanstay

friends.Shewilllikelyagreetothis,buthereisthetrickypart.

Leaveitatthat.Thisconversationshouldnotgoanyfurther.

WhenestablishingtheFalseFriendshipduringtheFalse

Friendship,youwanttoplanttheideaandwalkaway.Likeseeds,

ittakestimetogrowanddevelopintosomethingvaluable.Ifshe

startstocallfrequently,besuretokeepthingslightandbreezy,

andusedifferenttermsofendearmentthatfocusonfriendship.

Youwillbetakingnoteofhowoftenshecontactsyouandfor

whatreasonstodetermineherleveloffriendshipandopenness.

Again,atthisstage,youarenotinstigatingabestfriendstatus,

merelyfriends.

Ifsheiscallingforspecificreasons,suchasdissolvingassets,give

herfurthertime.Simplyallowherspace,andplugbackintothis

firststageoftheFalseFriendshipandtryagain.

78


Thanksman,thatsawesome!

Noproblem,thatswhatfriendsdo!

Ithinkitsgreatwecanstillbefriends.

Youvealwaysbeenafantasticfriend.

Isntitrefreshingwecanjustbefriends?

Obviously,youwillwanttochangetheseintosomethingyouare

comfortablesayingandthatyoualreadyusearoundyourother

friends.

Ifyoucomeacrosscondescendingorsarcastic,youwillmakeher

doanemotionalU-turn.Justkeepitnatural,whenshereaches

outtoyou,rewardherbylettingherknowthatyourespect

andvalueherspace.Itwillnotbelongbeforeshefeelsmore

confident,knowingthatyouareafantastic,supportivefriend.

WhenyouareatDeathsDoor,youneedtoapplyadditional

patienceduringthistime(possiblyevenreadupontheEFLL

techniqueinChapter7).

Onlythencanyoutriggerthenexttechnique,whichIwillshow

youwhenthetimeisright.Inthemeantime,startforgingan

easygoingFalseFriendship.Youwillneedthislater!

IfSheIsReceptiveAlwaysUsePositive,Friendly

ReinforcementsSuchAs:

Tip:Youwantto

ensurethatthe

FalseFriendship

abidesby

genuine

friendshiprules

andthatyou

donotusethis

stagetogetback

ather.

79


DeathsDoorisatimethatfeelsimpossibletoreverse,butis

simplyasymptomofasevereRelationshipBreakdown.

ItispossibletomoveawayfromDeathsDoor,nomatter

howdirethesituation,solongasyouunderstandthathow

youapproachthisphaseiscritical.

Youcannotchangehowshefeelsaboutyouwithoutfirst

initiatingaFalseFriendship.

ThisisnotaFriendZone,butanopportunitytoopenthe

linesofcommunication.

TheFalseFriendshipisonlyeffectivewhenyouusethis

techniquewithouttakingromanticstepstogettingherback.

MovingintotheFalseFriendshipwithanagendawillplace

youinDeathsDoorforanextendedperiod,ifnotforever,

becauseshelosesalltrustandrespectforyou.

Keynotes

79

80

The Magic Letter5

81

THE MAGIC LETTER

You are likely to evoke unexpected and turbulent emotions with the Magic Letter, but you will be learning how to leverage her frustrations and turn them into fantastic Bliss by utilizing this techniques with the other techniques in this book. Only use this technique if you have correctly determined she is Indifferent or on the verge of total emotional detachment from you and the relationship (and that you are prepared to reward her emotional journey with Bliss).

If she is currently going through an emotionally turbulent stage, then move onto establishing a positively charged False Friendship instead. This will give you a better advantage to achieve the best results, because she is not yet at the Indifferent stage, which is where she needs to be for the Magic Letter to work its magic.

WARNING

82

THE MAGIC LETTER

What is the Magic Letter?

TheMagicLetter,asyoumaysuspect,isanactualletteryou

willbesendingtoher.Thecontentofthisletterwillneedtobe

customizedtoyourexactsituation,butifdonecorrectlyitwill

becomeapowerfultoolinyourmissionofloveandsomething

thatshewillbeunabletoignore..

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