RASCAL RANVEER

Written by

Manan Maheshwari

Based on

Californication

274 Tagore Nagar, JaipurPhone Number- 8740853131

FADE IN:

EXT. OUTSIDE A TEMPLE - MORNING

A car drives down to the edge of the stairs of a temple. A man in his 40’s comes out of the car in a T-shirt and a jeans. Fastens his shades to his round neck and walks up the stairs in a really casual manner. It was completely deserted. On the last stair he stopped as if he forgot something. He looks down to his feet and finds that he was still wearing his sneakers. He walks down a couple stairs and lands his footgear. And again starts walking towards the main temple area. After walking a few step towards it, the man comes around a temple bell. He looks at it as if seen for the first time. He bends down a little and takes baby steps as if a ticking bomb was hanging above. After clearing the danger zone, he stands straight, takes a breath and looks back at the bell mockingly. He walks towards the structure where a godly figure statue was sitting.

RANVEERHi there. Pehele kabhi kiya nahi ye.

He moves both his index fingers to and fro one pointing the statue and other himself.

RANVEER (CONT’D)To mei keh raha tha ki...

And a priest enters from the back door of the chamber. Ranveer knew that he was not alone there after all.

RANVEER (CONT’D)(waving)

Hi.

PRIEST(happily)

Namaskaar.

Priest looks at Ranveer very thoroughly and starts talking again.

PRIEST (CONT’D)Beta, koi kasth hai kya aapko?

RANVEER(suprised)

Aapko kaise pata?

PRIEST(relaxed)

You know, first timers are usually the disputed ones.

Ranveer was not expecting a brown coloured pie. He engulfs all the English just barfed by the priest and starts again.

RANVEER(cheerlessly)

Sir, aap bilkul thik keh rahe hai. Mujhe ek problem hai.

Ranveer hints the priest to lean closer even after the fact that there was no one in the vicinity.

RANVEER (CONT’D)Wo kya hai mere paas Gandhi ki kamihai.

Priests looks at him ununderstandingly. Ranveer looks at the priest and senses that he didn’t get his utterance. So he moves his fingers and thumb so as to resemble “Money”.

PRIESTOh! Paisa waisa. Hmm...

Ranveer nods.

PRIEST (CONT’D)(disappointed)

Lekin aap galat jagah aa gaye hai. Ye paise wale bhagawan nahi hai. Iss vishaya ke sandarbh mei aapkoinki missis se milna padega.

Ranveer is confused now.

PRIEST (CONT’D)(pointing to the statue)

Mr. Vishnu. Inki daram patni Mrs. Laxmi. Money women.

Ranveer understands the priest but still didn’t looks satisfied.

RANVEERLekin sir, mujhe ye Laxmi jimilengi kaha?

PRIESTKoi problem nahi. Agle nukkad pe. Are bhai ye India he. Yaha to nukkad nukkad pe bhagwaan hai.

Ranveer is all satisfied now.

RANVEER(humbly)

Thank you sir.

Ranveer starts walking back towards the stairs. Ranveer hears someone behind him.

2

PRIESTBeta.

Ranveer looks behind to face the priest again.

PRIEST (CONT’D)Agar sirf paise ke liye he bhagwank paas aaye the to thik hai lekinagar...

And then the nice looking priest has a Satan’s smile on his face.

PRIEST (CONT’D)Pooja ke liye aaye ho to...

And a smoking hot girl appears out of thin air. Ranveer was panic stricken at first but it changes as he admires the beautifulness of “Pooja”.

PRIEST (CONT’D)Ya fir Archana ke liye.

Another girl appears who is as beautiful as “Pooja”.

PRIEST (CONT’D)Ya fir Aradhana, Prarthana, Vandana.

The last girl looked familiar to Ranveer.

RANVEERSimran?

After hearing this, expression on all the girls’ faces changes. They all repeat the name one by one. Even the one whom he referred to as “Simran”.

POOJAHam sab iske saamne khade hai aurisko kisi Simran ki padi hai.

(looks at all the girls)Nari shakti, hamala.

After hearing this, all the girls starts walking towards Ranveer. Ranveer is scared and starts screaming.

RANVEERBaaaachaaaoooooooo!

3

INT. RANVEER’S BEDROOM - MORNING

Ranveer wakes up in his bed with a deep sigh. A girl is lying beside him. He moves out of his bed and closes the bedroom door after he is out. He walks to the kitchen under a heavy hangover. Makes a batch of coffee in his machine.

RANVEER(whispering)

Kon, kon?? Okay,okay, okay yaadkarta hu, beach, bar aur??

GIRL(yawing)

Good morning.

Ranveer startles. The girl looks a lot like “Pooja” from his dream.

RANVEER(confused)

Morning. Coffee??

GIRLZaroor.

Ranveer takes out two mugs and fills them with the freshly prepared coffee.

GIRL (CONT’D)Kal raat was raid. Meine itna mazakia.

The girl takes a sip. Ranveer takes a gulp.

RANVEER(trying to fake a smile)

Kal raat hmmm.

GIRLThanks. Again.

RANVEER(suspiciously)

Kyu?

GIRL(laughing)

You are funny. Arre baba iss k liye.

The girl shows the diamond ring to Ranveer who is as motionless as that rock.

RANVEER(scared)

That's awesome. Waise kitne ki thi?

4

GIRL(confused)

Tum thik to ho. Aisa lag raha ho jaise tumhari tabet kharab ho.

RANVEER(wispering)

Tabet ka to pata nahi meri kismatzaroor kharab hai.

GIRLKya?

RANVEERNahi nahi mei bilkul theek hu.

Ranveer puts his mug down and pukes in the sink.

GIRL(helpfully)

Tum theek nahi ho. Chalo doctor k paas chale.

RANVEERUss ki zaroorat nahi padegi. Kalraat roz se zada pee lee thi. Bas issliye.

Ranveer waves his hand over the puked sink.

GIRLMujhe to laga tha tumhara perfume h. Fir bhi itni kitni pee lee thi?

RANVEERYaad nahi h?

GIRL(trying to make sense of it all)

Tum to mujhse milne se pehele he peye hue the. Aur tumhe pata nahi h ki tumne kitni pee hui h. Isskamatlab...

Girl reached a conclusion which could be seen on her face.

GIRL (CONT’D)(in a shock)

Isska matlab tumne wo sab kuchnashe mei kia tha. Aur ye...

Girl raises her hand and shows her the ring. Ranveer shakes his head in a no.

RANVEERTotal blur.

5

GIRL(furious)

And I thought you were in love with me. Bhagwan mere saath he aisa kyuhota h?

The girl puts her mug on the counter and runs to the bedroom to get her things. Ranveer smells his coffee and starts sipping again.

GIRL (O.S.) (CONT’D)(screaming)

OH MY GOD! Koi kisi k saath aisakaise kar sakta h. Mujhe laga thayou were THE ONE. But no, you were the last one. Koi aur ladka nahi.

RANVEER(whispering)

Happy lesbian.

Girl comes out of the bedroom all dressed up and starts walking towards the entrance.

RANVEER (CONT’D)(nervously)

Hey!

Girl turns around frowningly and gives a “What” expression. Ranveer nervously points towards the ring. Girl takes it out full of rage and clips it in her thumb and finger.

GIRLSirf ek aakhri question. Mera naamkya hai?

Ranveer tries to remember and answers without a clue.

RANVEER(small eyed)

Cha.......m......pa.

The girl filled with anger more than ever throws the ring at Ranveer and it hits him near the eyebrow.

RANVEER (CONT’D)Fair enough. Should do it again sometime.

The girl looks at Ranveer with utter disgust and jets for the door. Ranveer hears the door open and overhears indiscreet but familiar voices. He quickly opens the refrigerator to find the ice bag and puts it above a bit swollen head bump to hide it.

Two fairer sexed humans, one tall and beautiful aged 35 and another a little girl of 15 enters the kitchen cum dining room hall.

6

Ranveer bows in front of them misplacing the ice bag from the wound which is fully visible to them. The woman points out the wound and asks with her hand. Ranveer moves his hand in “Nothing” and again puts the bag on the wound.

RANVEER (CONT’D)So good morning ladies. Aaj subha k naaste mei aap kya pasand karengi, biscuit with...

Ranveer turns to coffee machine and checks the level of coffee.

RANVEER (CONT’D)Thodi si coffee with some...

He then turns to the counter.

RANVEER (CONT’D)Chane.

He moves around in kitchen a little then finally settles for an empty bowl..

RANVEER (CONT’D)Khaali bowl.

SIMRAN(mockingly)

Do kahli bowl please.

Ranveer makes a sad face.

SIMRAN (CONT’D)(explaining)

Ham log kha k aaye h.

Sad face lengthens. The child giggles. Simran faces the child.

SIMRAN (CONT’D)Bacche, acche se rehna. Zadashaitaani nahi karna.

RANVEER(childishly)

Mummi, Sara bohot hoshiyaar hai.(Ranveer like)

Jaao bacche apna saamaan apne room mei rakh do.

Sara goes into her room to keep her belongings. Simran walks past Ranveer with a bagful of vegetables. While keeping the bag in the refrigerator.

SIMRANKuch sabjiya layi hu. Mujhe lagatumhare kami hogi.

7

RANVEER(animated)

Tumhe aaj bhi meri parvah hai. Mujhse aaj bhi pyaar karti ho na.

SIMRAN(frowning)

Ye meine tumhare liye nahi, Sara k liye kiya hai. Usse saptah mei ekdin milta hai tumhare saat aur tumaisa kuch na kuch kar he dete ho jotumhe uss ki nigha mei gira detahai. Bhale he hum mei kitni bhiproblems ho par tum hamesha ekacche pita the. Usse haath se mat jane do.

RANVEER(apologetically)

I’ll try my best. Issi baat pe ekhi-five.

And Ranveer raises his free hand up in the air. No reaction from Simran.

RANVEER (CONT’D)Isse khaali haat nahi choda karte. You know, upshagun and all. Mei mar bhi sakta hu.

Simran without wasting any moment turns away. Ranveer disappointed puts his hand back where it came from. As Simran was walking, she steps on the ring.

SIMRAN(clueless)

Ye kya hai?

Ranveer completely forgets about the ring and starts to think of an explanation while she bends down to pick it.

RANVEEROh, tumhe meri ring mil gayi. Thankyou so much.

Ranveer quickly puts the ice bag down and snatches the ring from Simran, struggling to wear it but finally does.

RANVEER (CONT’D)Ati sunder.

SIMRANYe tumhari ring hai.

RANVEERKyu? Ye meri ring nahi ho sakti.

8

SIMRANDuh-ah. Nahi, kyuki ye ladies ring hai.

RANVEERAisa kis ne kaha? Issne.

Ranveer puts his wrist up.

RANVEER (CONT’D)Aur agar ho bhi to kya? Isse kyapata aadmi hai ya aurat. Isse to insaan ki shobha badhani hai, aurye meri utchya koti ki shobha koutchyatam koti tak badha raha hai.

SIMRAN(fed up)

Mei tumse behes bhi nahi karnachahati. Aur mujhe kya tum sari pehen k bazaar jao. I don’t care!

RANVEER(thoughtfully)

That’s right. So tum ye keha rahiho ki tumhe koi problem nahi hogiagar mei sari pehen k bazaar jau.

Simran gestures “Whatever”.

RANVEER (CONT’D)(imagining)

Gotta try it sometime.

Simran hits him on the arm and sees the wound on Ranveer’s forehead.

SIMRAN(rudely)

AAO, band-aid laga du.

RANVEERYou still love me. YES!

Simran denies and walks to the bathroom and Ranveer follows. He sits on the commode while she band-aids his wound.

SIMRANPlease Ranveer, iss bar koi drama nahi. Tum uske dad ho. Grow up.

Simran lightly slaps Ranveer after mending the wound and walks out.

RANVEER(to himself)

Ab mei yaha aa he gaya hu to kuchkar he dikhau.

9

Ranveer takes a piss and comes out after flushing the toilet. Simran is talking to Sara.

SIMRANMei shaam ko lene aa jaungi. Thikhai.

SARABye Mom. Aap chinta mat karo, ham acche se rehenge.

Simran smiles at Sara.

RANVEER(baby like)

Itni jaldi jaa rahi ho.

SIMRANJana padega. Zaroori kaam hai.

RANVEER(sarcastically)

Naye boyfriend DON se saathshopping hmm aur uske baad parlor bhi jana hoga, nails and all.

Simran ignores the comment.

SIMRAN(to Ranveer)

Mujhe pata hai ye kehne ka koimatlab he nahi hai k Sara ka khayalrakhna jabki mujhe bohot acche se pata hai k ye tumhara khayal zadaacchi tarah rakhegi.

Simran takes her bag.

SIMRAN (CONT’D)Aur ha ghar mei he kuch khane kabana lena. BAHAR KHANE MAT JANA. Got it.

Ranveer gives a thumbs up. Simran faces Sara.

SIMRAN (CONT’D)Bye baby.

Simran kisses Sara. Ranveer leans forward with his face turned laterally.

RANVEERMeri kiss.

Simran walks out without looking back. Sara pulls down Ranveer by his neck and kiss him on the cheek.

10

RANVEER (CONT’D)Arre arre itna meetha nahi, mujhediabetes ho gayi to.

EXT. ROADSIDE - AFTERNOON

RANVEERBhaiya, do burger.

The vendor hands over two burgers and takes the money. Ranveer walks to Sara and hands over her share of the burger.

SARAFather.

RANVEERDaughter.

SARAAapko yaad hai na mom ne kya kahatha.

RANVEERKya, k mei kitna awesome hu. Baby ye to sabko pata hai.

SARAAapko pata hai mei kis cheez kibaat kar rahi hu.

RANVEERHa, mujhe pata hai. Meine aisaissliye kia kyuki abhi to mei tumhekam se kam week mei ek baar to milta hu. Mujhe dar lagta hai k agar mere haat ka khana kha liya to shayad pure saal na mil pau. Wodikh raha h...

Ranveer points towards a rock.

SARAKya, wo patthar.

RANVEERHa, mere khane ka taste bilkulwaisa he hota hai. Lekin agar fir bhi tumhe mere haath ka khana khaneka mann hai to kal mei tumhe bhataroti aur mitti ki sabji khila saktahu. I don’t mind.

SARADad kabhi to serious ho jao.

RANVEEROK, serious mode on.

11

SARASo aaj subha aapki nayi girlfriend se mili. Kafi gusse mei thi.

RANVEER(surprised)

Kon Champa, acchi ladki hai lekingirlfriend nahi. We're friends. Mere baare mei bohot hua. Tumharischool kaise chal rahi hai?

SARA(exhausted)

You know school. Same old, same old.

RANVEERWaise Miss Malini kaise hai?

SARAAapko unko kaise jaaante ho?

RANVEER(winking)

We're friends. Parents meeting aurunsabki wajah se.

SARA(bluntly)

Is she going to be your new girlfriend?

RANVEERNo. Ham utne bhi acche friends nahi hai.

SARARight. To aap kitne acche friends ho?

Ranveer finds it a little fishy all these interrogative questions and reaches the deepest, darkest wish of every student.

RANVEERItni to hai ki wo tumhare saathsaath tumhare friends ke bhi number bada de.

Sara giggles and takes a bite from her burger.

INT. RANVEER’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Ranveer is sleeping on the couch. As Sara is blanketing his sleeping father, Simran comes in.

12

SARAPlease, dad ko zada mat daatna.

SIMRANThik hai, zada nahi. Baby, apnasaaman le aao.

Sara goes inside her room to get her things. Simran takes off the blanket of Ranveer and wakes him up with a furious face.

RANVEERMujhe ye look pata hai. Ab meinekya kia?

SIMRANMeine jab bola tha k bahar khanamat kilana fir tumne usse kyukhilaya?

RANVEERUsne batadiya.

Simran nods with her eyebrows up.

RANVEER (CONT’D)Kya ho gaya. Bas ek burger he to tha.

SIMRAN(raging)

Mei uski sehat ka itna dhyan rakhtihu aur tum ek he din mei... Don sahi he kehta hai. Mujhe bachi huicustody bhi le leni chahia.

They both starts walking towards the kitchen a little away so Sara couldn’t hear them fight.

RANVEEROh! Ab meri khud ki beti se milne k liye mujhe tumhare naye boyfriend Don ki permission leni padegi. Hmm...

SIMRANShh... Don’t start.

RANVEERYe tum he ne chalu kia tha jab tumne mujh pe cheat kia apne nayeboyfriend DON se saath.

SIMRANHey, hey meine tumpe kabhi cheat nahi kia. OK. Mei tab tak Don k saat nahi thi jab tak tumhare aurmere beech sab khatam nahi ho gayatha.

13

RANVEERJaise ye sunke mujhe bohot acchalaga ho.

Both are silent for a couple of seconds.

SIMRAN(disappointed)

In sab mei sabse bura ye hai k tumlikh nahi rahe ho. Tumhare paas ye itna rare gift hai jo sabke paasnahi hota aur tum kya kar rahe ho, flushing it down the toilet.

RANVEER(ashamed)

Tum sahi ho. Tum ek dum sahi ho. Mei abhi apne life mei sabse low point pe hu aur mujhe madad kizaroorat hai. Mujhe tumharizaroorat hai.

Ranveer leans forward to hug Simran who resists his advance.

SIMRAN(speedily)

Ranveer, Ranveer, Don ne mujhepropose kia aur meine ha kar de.

Ranveer stands still straight.

RANVEERWhat?

SIMRAN(steadily)

Don ne poocha aur meine ha kar di.

RANVEER(shocked)

Kyu? Tum aisa kyu karogi? Kyu? Kyu?

SIMRANKyuki mei usse pyaar karti hu.

RANVEERNahi.

SIMRANHa.

RANVEERNahi.

SIMRANHa. Aur tumhe kya pata?

14

RANVEERMujhe pata hai kyuki mei tumhejaanta hu. Wo aadmi tumhare liyenahi hai. Mei bhale he abhi kaisibhi halat mei hu lekin mei hameshaye baat aankh band kar k keh saktahu ki wo aadmi tumhare liye nahi hai.

(taking his breath back)Mei tumhari ye rai badalne k liyekya kar sakta hu?

SIMRANKuch nahi. Kuch bhi nahi.

RANVEERPlease kuch to hoga. Ha yaad aaya. Wo to Christian hai na. Tumhareghar wale nahi maanenge.

Ranveer moves his fist in a win.

SIMRANMere ghar walo ne bina apni shaadik Sara ko apnaya tha. Ye to uskesaamne kuch bhi nahi hai.

Ranveer opens his mouth to counter her solid argument but no words come out. Meanwhile, Sara comes in the kitchen with a bag on her shoulder.

RANVEER(to Sara)

Ready.

Sara nods.

RANVEER (CONT’D)Maharani ji, Rani ji ready hai. Apni ghoda gadi par baith rajmahalki ore prasthan ki jiye.

Simran walks to Sara. Takes the bag from her.

SIMRANDad ko bye kar do.

SARABye Dad. Bohot maza aaya aaj.

RANVEER(walking towards Sara)

Ditto baby.

Ranveer kisses Sara on the forehead and then both the ladies walk out of Ranveer’s house. Ranveer is all alone in his house with a sadness dripping from his face.

15

EXT. FRONT OF THEATER - NIGHT

Ranveer is standing in front of the theater thinking if he should go watch the movie that was adapted from a book which also he wrote. He finally buys a ticket and enters the premises.

INT. THEATER HALL NIGHT

The theater hall is lightly packed. Ranveer is sitting, watching the movie when a phone rings and the guy sitting two rows ahead of him answers it.

GUY(on the phone)

What’s up baby. Aur kya chal rahahai? Kya naya purana?

RANVEERBhai, yaar baad mei he baat karlena.

The guy show Ranveer to wait and keeps on talking.

GUY(surprised)

Kya, fir kya hua? Nahi.

Angry Ranveer stands up and takes the phone from the guy.

RANVEER(on the phone)

Hey girl. Jis jaahil aadmi ko tumphone kari ho, wo JAAHIL aadmitumse movie k baad baat karega. Love you.

Ranveer makes smooches and hangs up the phone and returns it to the guy.

GUY(angrily)

Phone ko haath nahi lagana.

As soon as the guy sits back in his seat the phone rings again.

RANVEER(warning)

Mat uthana.

The guy picks the phone again.

GUYKuch nahi baby, koi aadmi apneaapko Salman Khan samajh raha hai.

16

Ranveer again takes the phone. He provokes the guy to take it back but when he does Ranveer smashes it on the wall. People in the back giggles a little and the wrestling starts between the two. After a few hits Ranveer comes on top. Lights of the theater turns on. Ranveer bows to the audience. The audience applauds.

EXT. SOMEWHERE IN THE MARKET - NIGHT

Ranveer was walking in the market alone when he came across a book shop. He enters the shop and starts wandering through the store. After a few minutes of exploring with no purpose, he come across Chetan Bhagat’s “TWO STATES”.

RANVEER(disgustedly)

YUCK!

Ranveer puts the book down and starts again to find himself standing next to his photograph.

RANVEER (CONT’D)(to his photograph)

Ab ye hui na koi baat. Finally koiaccha writer.

A bunch of his book “HELP ME HELP YOU” lay near his photograph. He takes a book from the bunch and starts flipping through the pages. As he turns the first few pages, Ranveer hears a girl giggle. He looks at her and finds that she was reading his book. For a second she look up at Ranveer. She doesn’t recognizes him at once but after turning to the last page of the book she realizes who he is. She stands and walks up to Ranveer.

ROSE(mockingly)

Meine aapko kahi dekha hai?

RANVEER(gloating)

Ho sakta hai. Mei kafi famous hu.

As Ranveer is pointing towards his photograph, Rose starts speaking.

ROSE(big eyed)

Oh! Yaad aaya, pagal khane se bhagne wale aap he the na. Paper mei kafi badi photo aayi thi.

RANVEER(retard like)

My name is Khan. And I’m not a terrorist.

17

Rose laughs really hard.

RANVEER (CONT’D)Hamare poorvajo ne sahi kaha hai.

ROSEKya?

RANVEERHasi matlab phasi.

Now both are smiling at each other. Rose smiles a bit shyly but Ranveer is confident.

EXT. OUTSIDE SIMRAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Ranveer’s car turns the corner of the street and stops in front of a huge looking house and honks his horn. Simran comes out of the house furiously with a tiny bit watery eyes. She steps in the car.

RANVEERKya zaroori kaam aa gaya ke mujheitni important meeting chod ke aanipadi.

(mockingly)Well, meeting ka sabse important part to khatam ho he gaya tha.

SIMRANSara.

RANVEER(concerned)

Sara kya?

SIMRANSara apne dosto ke saath iss party mei gai thi. Uske dost ne phone kiya ke wo kisi problem mei hai.

Without listening another word Ranveer drives the car.

EXT. OUTSIDE PARTY HOUSE - NIGHT

They reach another rich house with loud noise of death metal coming from inside. They both run inside and find a lot of drunk kids dancing and walking and talking, mostly in couples. They walk up to the backyard and see Sara standing by the pool with to a boy. He hands her a filled glass of “YOU KNOW WHAT”. Ranveer quickly run towards them and gives the glass a push to the ground. The drink spills on the earth. Ranveer grabs Sara’s hand and forcefully drags her out of the party.

18

EXT. OUTSIDE SIMRAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Sara gets out of the car, smashes the car door very hard. Walks raging towards the house door and does the same to it. Simran walks out of the car and turns to Ranveer.

SIMRANThanks Ranveer. Agar tum nahi hoteto aaj mei kuch nahi kar pati.

RANVEER(winking)

Anytime bro. Waise, tumne mujhe kyuphone kiya? Don?

SIMRANOffice ke kaam se Hyderabad gayahai.

RANVEERPerfect timing.

SIMRANMei ander invite karti lekin Sara abhi bohot gusse mei hai.

RANVEERI understand. Kal?

Simran nods. Ranveer smiles and then leaves.

INT. RANVEER’S HOME - MIDNIGHT

Keys clatter and door opens. Ranveer enters the house and switch on the lights and slowly walks to the dining area. He spots the red box lying still on the table. Pulls out the nearest chair and sits. He slowly drags the box to himself and opens it to find the misfortune ring. A dull smile cracks from the side of his mouth. Closes the box, stands up and walks to the bedroom wardrobe. Hoping to use again, Ranveer keeps it in a safe place. Tired from a long day, he falls in the bed without even changing.

INT. RANVEER’S HOME BEDROOM - MORNING

Ranveer wakes up with a phone call.

RANVEER(disturbingly)

Hello!

Inaudible sounds comes from the phone. Ranveer responds with just the Hmm’s and OKs very sleepily. Then he hangs up the phone and go back to bed. He forces himself up on his hands and instead of getting out of the bed, he falls out of bed.

19

INT. CLASSROOM - NOON

Ranveer is sitting in one of the classrooms which is empty except for one familiar face, Simran. Ranveer didn’t even took a bath. That can clearly be seen just by looking at him once.

SIMRAN(angerily)

Ghar mei pani khatam ho gaya tha?

RANVEER(carelessly)

Kya? Mera naya look hai.

The teacher enters the class.

RANVEER (CONT’D)(whispering)

Kabhi to meri kisi nayi cheez koappreciate kar diya karo.

TEACHER(walking)

Good Afternoon.

The teacher puts her book on the table and stands in front of the two. She gives a weird look when she sees Ranveer’s “NEW LOOK”.

RANVEER(trying to convince)

Naya look miss.

Teacher copes up and get to the point.

TEACHERDo you know why you were called here today?

SIMRAN(confused)

Phone pe aap ne kaha ke it was something about Sara.

RANVEER(interfering)

Mere ko bhi.

TEACHERYou know she is one of the best students of the class. Lekinpichale kuch dino se usme kafichange aaya hai. Wo class mei dhyannahi deti. She’s falling down.

20

SIMRANI totally understand. Kal raat he mei aur Sara ke papa usse ekBollywood party se utha ke layethe. She was about to drink.

TEACHERI think mujhe uski problem samajhaa rahi hai.

Simran is dead serious at this point whereas Ranveer is still not there yet.

TEACHER (CONT’D)I think wo apni family ko miss karrahi hai. Are you together?

Simran shakes her head in no while Ranveer nods. The teacher is baffled. Simran sees the look on teacher’s face and turns to find Ranveer’s new act.

SIMRAN(confirming)

No miss, we are not together.

Ranveer is disappointed.

TEACHERMei yahi keh rahi thi ki wo apnifamily miss kar rahi hai. She wants you both together.

RANVEERPata nahi meine ye baat isse kitnibaar kahi hai. Hame saath mei rehnachahia par nahi...

(mimicking)Mei to apne naye boyfriend DON kesaath he rahungi.

TEACHERI get it why you two are not together.

And gives Ranveer a grim look. Ranveer settles down his emotions.

TEACHER (CONT’D)Wo aap dono ko saath mei miss kartihai. Agar aap dono ikhate uskesaath time spend karoge to shayadkuch ho jaye.

SIMRANI’ll try my best miss. Thank you.

21

Teacher stands and so does Simran. Ranveer is still sitting wondering. After two fake coughs by Simran, Ranveer comes to his senses.

RANVEERThank you miss.

They start walking towards the door.

RANVEER (CONT’D)To miss ki baat ka dhayn rakhna. OK. Mei aaj raat Sara se milneaunga. Mission Sara ko thik karoaaj se lagu.

INT. BAR - NIGHT

Ranveer and a bald man are sitting on a bar counter having their drinks. They both are talking a bit loudly as a mild volumed song is being played in the background. The bald man laughs.

VINODKya? Champa. Aaj kal to koi ‘ho bhiapna naam Champa nahi rakhti. Pagalhe hai tu.

RANVEERTo mei kya karta yaar. Mujhe usskaat ka kuch bhi yaad he nahi tha. Ab kuch to kehna he tha.

They both laugh a bit and Ranveer starts again.

RANVEER (CONT’D)(in tone)

Agent Vinod.

VINODYaar, ye naam kabhi purana nahi hoga kya? Mujhe tujhse ye umeednahi thi. Tu to nayepan ka devtahai.

RANVEERKuch naya chahia tujhe. OK, to VINOD KHOD kaisa rahega.

VINOD(chuckling)

Vinod Khod, bhai kya khodu, terikabra.

RANVEERNahi nahi, meri nahi. Teri khud ki. Mei itne din se bina kaam baita hu. Bhai, mujhe kaam chahia.

22

(MORE)

Bina kaam mei pagalo ki tarah rozkisi nayi Champa se milunga, rozbefaltu he apni khoon pasine kikamai un pe lutaunga. Kis kaam kaAgent hai tu.

VINODBas bas, nikal gayi bhadaas saari. Meine issilye tujhe yaha bulaya haikyuki tere liye mere paas ekshandaar bemisaal OFFER aaya hai.

RANVEERAb kari na agento wali baat. Ab bata bhi de.

VINODMumbai Masala naam ki magazine kebaare mei suna hai tune?

Ranveer denies.

VINOD (CONT’D)Well, ye Mumbai ki sabse famous gossip magazine hai. Iski websitepe tujhe ek blog diya jayega.

Vinod is expecting a load of excitement from Ranveer and Ranveer lets him down harshly.

RANVEERLagta hai mere kaan kharab ho gayehai. Tune abhi abhi kya bola? Blog?

VINODMujhe pata hai ye kaam tere normal kaam se thoda neeche hai. Bas.

RANVEER(bitterly)

Thoda neeche. Thoda neeche. Mei 400 page ki novel likhta hu aur tu mujhe 100 words ka “blog” pakadaraha hai.

VINOD(trying to hold it in)

OK, OK. Ab mere paas kuch nahi bacha hai tera iss ego ko hurt karne ke sivya. Tu abhi kisi novel pe kaam kar raha hai kya?

Ranveer was not expecting a blow back here. He shyly picks up his drink and turn his head in a negative from behind his glass.

VINOD (CONT’D)Kisi short story pe?

23

RANVEER (CONT'D)

Same response from Ranveer.

VINOD (CONT’D)Kisi poem pe.

Ranveer feels humiliated.

RANVEER(trying to end this abasement)

I get your point. Thik hai. Mei karlunga ye kaam.

VINODMei ye sab karna nahi chahata thalekin sirf teri wajah se mujhe ye karna pad gaya.

Vinod digs into his coat pocket and comes out with a visiting card in his fist.

VINOD (CONT’D)Mrs. Kapoor. OK. Mrs. not miss, not mr. But Mrs. OK. Hame ek aurBollywood kaand nahi chahie hamresar. Okay. Koi bhi problem ho kaamko leke, issi se contact karna. Ekbaar kal isse in person mil lena.

RANVEERThik hai mere ujade chaman.

And pats his bald head.

VINODAur ek suprise hai tere liye.

RANVEER(mockingly)

Aaj mera birthday hai kya? Mei isssaal bhi apna birthday bhool gaya. I’m so selfless.

VINODSab ko pata hai tu kitna “Selfless” hai. Surprise janana hai?

Ranveer nods vigorously.

VINOD (CONT’D)Tu hamesha apne liye galat ladkichunta hai issliye meine aurKaamini ne milke tere liye ladkidhoondi hai.

24

RANVEERBlind Date? Ye surprise nahi nightmare hai. Kab hai ye blind date.

VINODAbhi.

And Vinod puts his waving hand in the air. Ranveer turns to see two women coming towards them. Vinod stands and hugs the shorter one.

VINOD (CONT’D)Hi babe.

Vinod introduces the left ones.

VINOD (CONT’D)Ranveer, Laxmi. Laxmi, Ranveer.

Ranveer replies with a smile and a nod.

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

The two couples are sitting at a table for four. Eating some food with a glass of red wine for each one. Kaamini starts the conversation trying to break the ice.

KAAMINILaxmi lawyer hai. She’s good too. Ran, agar kabhi bhi jail chale jaoto Laxmi bohot kaam ki cheez hai.

LAXMIMei thik thak hu. Zada kuch khaasnahi.

KAAMINIBullshit.

LAXMIMere baare mei bohot hua. Ranveer, big fan. HELP ME HELP YOU, thumb’s up.

VINODYe he nahi, iss book pe movie banayi gayi, “TUM AUR MEIN”.

Laxmi seems really excited to hear this.

LAXMISharukh, Katrina. Kise pasand nahi aayegi wo movie. You must be proud.

25

RANVEER(dryly)

Bohot zada.

And drags a mouthful of wine in his piehole. Everything settles down after a few moments. Kaamini kicks Ranveer under the table and gives him a look.

RANVEER (CONT’D)So, Laxmi. Apne baare mei kuchbatao.

LAXMIIssme maza kaha hai. Tum writer ho. Right? Mere baare mei kuch tum he kyu nahi batate.

RANVEERSure. OK. Tum paida hui U.P.? Right U.P. mei. Typical Indian family, papa hard working, mummi housewife. Paiso ki kami. Tum padne mei kafiacchi thi, tumhe acchi college mili. College mei ek boyfriend thajisne tumse breakup kiya kyuki tumshaadi karna chahati thi aur wonahi. Tab se tumhari problems chaluhui. Tumhara pyaar se vishwaas uthgaya. Tumhara naya pyaar paisa ban gaya. Tum puri tarah se kaam meilag gayi. You became mean. Log tumhe pasand nahi karte hai. Issiliye tumhare kafi breakup bhihuye. You are a workaholic and a mean woman. Worst kind of woman.

Laxmi is all red. She is bursting up inside and it comes out with her glass of wine on Ranveer. She splashes her drink on Ranveer’s face and walks away.

VINOD(curiously)

Kaise karta hai tu ye? Matlab, ekse badkar ek bekaar ladki ko tu duniya bhar ghuma sakta hai lekinek acchi ladki tujhse bardasth nahi hui.

KAAMINIKitna waqt laga hame ye ladkidhoondane mei aur tumne pehele 15 minute mei sab khichadi kar ki.

Ranveer looks at his watch.

26

RANVEEROh, perfect timing. Mere paas ab bhi meri beti se milne ka time hai. Yes.

Vinod and Kaamini both are confused. They are staring at Ranveer like he has just bombed the restaurant table.

RANVEER (CONT’D)Or bill tumhara hai. Thanks for the night guys.

And just walk out the restaurant.

EXT. OUTSIDE SIMRAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Ranveer parks his car outside Simran’s mammoth house. He gets out of the car, walks to the door and rings the bell. Simran answers the door.

SIMRANWo bas abhi abhi soyi hai.

RANVEERMei usse utha du. Please.

SIMRANKal school hai aur usse ekpresentation bhi dena hai. Mei to kahungi usse sone do.

RANVEERTumne kaha to mei kon hota hu kuchkarne wala.

SIMRANAnder aana chahoge.

Ranveer dashes inside the house.

INT. SIMRAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Both Ranveer and Simran are sitting at the bar of the house. She pours out two glass of drink, gives one to Ranveer and takes the other.

RANVEERMeine galat to nahi kiya na?

SIMRANKya?

RANVEERUsse iss tarah se party se khich kelana.

27

SIMRANNa. Ye bhi hona he tha. Teenager in Bollywood town hmm... Apna kaambadh jata hai.

RANVEERMujhe khushi hui ki tumne mujhephone kiya.

SIMRANSara tumhari bhi beti hai. Tumharahaq banta hai. Sara ko kuch nahi ho ye apni responsibility hai. Akalemeri nahi. Tum hamesha uske dad rahoge chahe ham saath rahe narahe.

RANVEERAur kya ham kabhi saath rahenge?

SIMRAN(refusing)

Mei Don aur uski beti se bohotpyaar karti hu.

RANVEERDon ki beti?

SIMRANMeine bataya nahi kya? Don ki betihai. 17 saal ki. Good kid.

RANVEERDon ki beti hmmm... Ye kehte hue mujhe accha to nahi lag raha lekinkafi hamdardi ho rahi hai mujhe Don se.

At that moment, the door opens and a girl walks in. Ranveer stands up really quickly as if hit but thunderbolt. He is frozen. Can’t even move a muscle. Its the girl from the bookstore.

ROSEHey!

SIMRAN(to Ranveer)

Ye hai Rose, Don ki beti.

RANVEER(stammering)

Ye Don ki beti hai.

His insides are boiling and gonna burst out anytime.

SIMRANTum dono ek dusre ko jaante ho?

28

RANVEER(nervously)

Nah! Nahi.....nahi.

ROSEMeine shayad aapko pehele kahidekha hai.

Ranveer denies it.

ROSE (CONT’D)Oh ha...aapki book se. Last page peaapki photo hai.

RANVEEROh!

Ranveer takes a breath in after a lifetime.

ROSEMujhe kafi homework karna hai. Mujhe chalna chahia. Bye.

Rose leaves torn up Ranveer with Simran.

RANVEER(trying to sound casual)

Waise Rose kitne saal ki hogi?

SIMRAN17 ki hogi. Kyu?

RANVEERBas yuhi. Mujhe lagta hai mujhechalna chahia. Bye.

EXT. OUTSIDE SIMRAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Ranveer was out of breath and drunk on his life. He couldn’t think of what just happened in there. He stood there, leaning on his car wanting for his life to end right there.

FADE OUT:

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