portia incredible dog

7/28/2019 Portia Incredible Dog

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PORTIAThe SmartestDog In The World!

Written and Illustrated by David Alan Smith

Chapter 1Con Artist

As house pets go, Portia was not your usual Toy Poodle. In fact, as Toy Poodles go, Portia was

probably the most unusual dog in its breed.

Of course, every dog owner claims to have the most special dog of its kind anyway, but in

Portias case I think it would be good to see exactly what I mean.

For example, when we were looking for a puppy, Pamela and I researched all the different kinds

of dogs and what their dispositions based on breeds. Because

it was a number of years since Zoe died, we didnt want to get

another Boxer even though she was one of the best dogs we

ever had. Pamela decided on a small breed, and off we went to

the Puppy Store to see what they had.

The Puppy Store was set up with a play area, so if you wanted

to experience how your prospective pet and you interacted, this

was one way to do it, and it seemed to work well. There were

about four or five such areas, all about four foot square with a

bench on one side to sit, all sides were about three foot high with a door to enter.


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Pamela liked the Yorky and the Toy Poodle of all the dogs available that day. The salesgirl

brought the two dogs out of their cages and handed them to Pamela who

was waiting in the play area. This is the first time we noticed something

was different about Portia.

Pamela placed both puppies down on the floor to see how they would reactto each other and to her. The little Yorky jumped up and down, and ran

circles all over the place, while Portia just curled up at Pamelas feet and

hardly moved. Because Pamela and I no longer have children around, we

were really looking for a more docile pet and werent interested in a

hyperactive dog. So it was an easy choice to see just which puppy would be coming home with

us right there and then.

I said we noticed something different about her, well you may find this hard

to believe, but Portia actually knew we wanted a calmer, less active dog and

had convinced the Yorky, who really wanted out of the Puppy Store havingbeen there for almost a month without being adopted, so Portia convinced

him that we wanted a puppy that was full of vigor and playfulness, and

clinched the deal for herself

Portia was no bigger than one of Pamelas shoes so taking her for a walk was

a bit like walking flea on the end of a rope. It wasnt long however that we

soon found that it was Portia taking us for a walk rather than the other way

around.

When we brought her home, we set up her collapsible wire kennel which became PortiasHouse from then on. The door is hinged and locks with a latch that slides and then secures with

a downward press on the lever. It seems unbelievable, but within a few months, Portia pulled a

Houdini and escapes on day and made it to the bathroom only to empty the waste paper basket

for us, something I guess she thought we wanted.

I couldnt believe she actually learned how to open the latch by herself, so I put her in her in the

kennel and left the room closing the door partially. I waited for not more than a few minutes,

watching as she thrust her nose at the down-positon of the latch

until it popped out a little. Then, as if she had read the instruction

manual on the kennel, she flipped the latch back with her frontpaw and thrust the door open with her nose! I should have made a

You Tube video of this, I couldnt imagine any puppy doing this

without being taught how to buy a human.

I had to add a tiny magnet to the metal latch to prevent her from

freeing herself in the future. Thankfully it worked. Now she

expects to be let in and out at our discretion, rather than her own.

Chapter 2


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Peddle To The Metal

It became readily apparent to us that we had a very intelligent little dog on our hands within a

very short time. Unfortunately for us, Portia had no intention of putting this to good use, as far as

we could tell. She loved to experiment and play, which is a nice way of saying she got bored

very easily and would get into everything!

Pamela has more than the occasional allergy, so that means lots of Kleenex. I mean, LOTS of

Kleenex! We both have little waste paper baskets on each side of our bed, mine is usually empty,

hers is always full of used Kleenex tissues, one of Portias favorite playthings!

Coming into a bedroom littered from one end to the other with snow-like clutter of shredded

Kleenex tissues is not something you really like to see. But to Portia it was just another way to

deal with the boredom suffered when we would go off and leave her alone in the house.

Portia is not a mean spirited dog; she just is self-motivated and loves to learn. But to live with

her means we had to make adjustments. Like the waste

basket. We got rid of them and replaced them with two

shiny new ones with a peddle on the bottom that opens

the lid, thinking she could neverget into these!

Wrong! We came back to the usual snow storm in the

bedroom, tissues all over the carpet, right in front of the

closed lid on the shiny new trash containers. You

guessed it. Portia had found that by pressing down onthe foot peddle, the top opened, snagged the plastic

liner, pulled and VOILA!... a virtual buffet!

When I think of how much we taxpayers spent on

training monkeys to go into space back in the 50s, we

could have saved millions of dollars if NASA just used

Portia instead.

It would take more training to keep our house neat from Portias craftiness, but the training

usually fell on us learning new means of coping and not on Portia unlearned what she had

already mastered.

So it went, each day a new discovery about this tiny little Toy Poodle with an over abundant

bundle of neurons. Our adapting to her remarkable way of finding out how to get whatever it is

she wants has managed to challenge our wits just to stay one up on her. Having to change waste

paper baskets to metal trash containers with closing lids with bricks on top to keep Portia out is

just an everyday occurrence for us now.


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Chapter 2Speed Trials

Like just how fast can a little Toy Poodle go anyway? Well, I can only tell you what I say when

we took Portia to the Doggie Park. If youve never been to the Doggie Park, you dont know

what youre missing.

It is a big play pen for dogs, one section for large dogs and another for smaller dogs. Scattered

around the play area are obstacle courses for jumping, climbing and running through to challenge

the dogs and just plain have fun.

This day Portia got treated to the small play area for dogs. Being that this was her first

experience as well as ours with other dogs, we were mindful of how she would react to the other

dogs, especially the ones a bit larger than she, at this time about one and a half pounds and a bit

larger than my hand.

We unclipped the leash and off she ran. Greeting her were a medium sized terrier, a Deskbound,

and a Whippet, which I have beentold is a very fast dog. Well, Portia

wasnt too excited to see the other

dogs at first and ran and hid under

a park bench, the other dogs

sniffing at her to check her out.

I guess she got her fill of that and

saw us across the park and made a

dash to get to us. The other dogs

took chase after her, but she easilyoutran the lot of them, including

the Whippet. Ive never seen a dog so small run that fast. If Id had a speed gun, I bet she would

have been clocked at over thirty miles an hour!

Every other time we would take her to the park she loved to run and run and run some more.

Now she is about two years old and none of the other dogs can touch her for speed.


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Chapter 3Food Critic

Im sure it is important to have your dog eat

well and health. Today, with dozens of

brands of food on the market, we thought

we would have a problem with finding a

particular brand that Portia would like to

eat. Some dogs are really finicky about this.

Without mentioning the brand, we settled on

a popular one, specifically designed for

puppies and a very good quality. She took to

it straight away. But within a week, we

noticed that she was not eating the entire

amount, which was about two ounces in the

bottom of her dish. So to make it more

palatable, I added some shredded cheddar

cheese sprinkles. That hit the spot.

Now we broke our original desire to give her just a diet of dog food and had now started down

the road to making her a food critic. We now noticed that the cheddar cheese would be totally

gone and the dog food remained mostly untouched.

Portia was definitely quick on the uptake. Whenever we were in the kitchen opening a plastic

bag, shed be there, whining like she hadnt eaten anything in a week, prompting us to let her try

a sample. Whod have thought a dog would like broccoli, onions, radishes, lettuce, carrots and

most other vegetables. Fruits of all varieties are her favorite treats, theres hardly a food she

wont try. She does have an aversion to beer though, something you really dont want your pet

developing a passion for.

The only problem with having a connoisseur for a pet is that they look down on you when you

want to go out for a pizza, instead of sharing a fine three course meal at home with them.However, left over pizza on top of her dog food never seemed to go untouched.

Im sure Im going to catch hell from the Humane Society for my bending the rules on what a

dog shouldnt eat, but theyre just going to have it out with Portia, because she just isnt going to

stop her dietary habits for the sake of conventional wisdom.


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Chapter 4Neighborhood Goodwill Ambassador

Ever since we house-trained Portia, going out for a walk is one of Portias favorite things to do.

Not just for the pooping but for the socialization she has with all the neighbors. While on the

leash, she likes to walk ahead of me, I really think she takes me for a walk and not the other way

around. But whenever we see a neighbor, she digs into low gear and thrusts herself forward like

a sled dog on the Iditarod, her tail wagging like a propeller until shes reached her neighbors

side.

Her outpouring of emotion to whomever she runs up to has made her a favorite goodwill

ambassador on our street. Her walk without running into neighbors takes about ten minutes.When we meet anyone at all, its usually twenty to forty minutes before I get back.

I say ambassador because most of my neighbors arent fluent in English. Most speak only

Spanish, and my fluency in their language leaves much to be desired. But with Portia around, she

breaks the language barriers and we all just hang out

together and laugh over how sweet Portia makes everyone

feel.

I have lived on my street for many years and never knew

too many people down the street; even my next doorneighbors were not more than acquaintances.

The people who have met Portia now feel like I am

included in their lives by extension, it seems that any

friend of Portias is a friend of mine.

It really is quite amazing how a little four legged puppy

could actually make such a real difference in human

relationships, and if I hadnt experienced it myself, I never

would have believed it possible.

Now since we got Portia, everything in the neighborhood

has changed, I know my neighbors and my neighbors

know me. And they especially know Portia.


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Chapter 5Tell Tale Signs of Relief

One of the main concerns I think most people face in

owning a house pet is house training, or to put it

bluntly poop training. Pamela and I would never have

invested in another dog unless we could have a pet that

did their business outside and not in the house. So

when we brought Portia home, this was a big priority.

It really is a matter of people training more than it is

potty training when you get down to it. Knowing the

dynamics of when your dog is ready to poop is then followed up with taking them outside to

complete the process. After a short while, they really are pleased with your assistance in their

pooping habits and wont even consider doing it in the house, unless of course, you dont do

your part!

There will always be a few accidents in the beginning, but this is a biological issue as well as a

habitual one, so it pays to have patience and understanding in this department. Fortunately for us,

due to the trim cut of Portias derriere, when she is in need of relieving herself with a big poop, a

little bulge in her butt is a clear sign that she needs out! Its a shame it wasnt as easy with

babies!

So if you have a short haired dog, now you know the secret to keeping your home safe from the

occasional present your puppy, just keep an eye out for the pop out and youll never miss the

opportunity to help your dog do what a dog needs to do when a dog needs to do it!

But when it comes right down to it, Portia knows when she has to go and that by not going until

she gets outside is the real accomplishment in our family. This takes a smart puppy, and we are

really fortunate to have one in Portia.


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Chapter 6Pit Bull in Pajamas

The one thing about having a small dog that Portia never understood is that she is one. It always

amazes me just how a brave, dreadnaught and incredibly fearless attitude can be wrapped up in

such a fuzzy little puppy in pajama-like exterior.

Portias favorite spot in the entire house is on the back of our living room leather couch. In spite

of the fact that she has her own designated chair by the old grandfathers clock, she prefers the

traditional militaristic advantage of the high ground, and therefore the sofa back provides this for

her.

To keep our fine leather couch in good condition, we have a large fleece throw covering the backso her little claws dont scratch or tear the leather. Once we did that, Portia must have thought

that was particularly nice of us to feather her nest on her most favorite spot.

From this position she can easily see just who is coming up to the front door or anyone walking

down the sidewalk. Satisfied that this is really her house and property, not just ours, she defends

her castle with the fiercest of Toy Poodle barks that would send any would-be intruder into a

state of abject fear, and turn and run lest they face the teeth that are waiting to meet them should

they step inside her domain.

Is there any doubt that such a tiny

little puppy is not imbued with

special talents and superior

qualities?

Its nice to know that Portia had

the intelligence and cunning to

play into our hands back in the

Puppy Store when we might have

chosen a little Yorky instead of

her, but she knew what she was

doing.

She had the foresight to know just what we needed in a friend, an entertainer, and an alarm

system all wrapped up into one.


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Chapter 7On The Road Again

Taking a vacation without Portia was

something we just couldnt do when it was

only a few months since we brought her home

to stay with us. So we decided on a road trip,

to a destination which would accept pets, just

to make it easier on us all.

Never having done this before, we were

uncertain how Portia would handle a long

drive in the car. We put her collapsible cottage

in the back seat with a few of her toys, and all

her necessities and headed up to North

Georgias mountains and a weeks vacation in a chalet on a lake.

For the first three hours Pamela and I thought we made the worst decision of our lives. Portia

whined the entire time, crying and jumping all over the place. After several comfort stops for all

three of us, things started to improve and we were glad to be on our way north instead of turning

around back to Miami.

Portia seemed to find her element after experiencing many different environments. I believe thisis due just how smart a dog she really is. Once she has gotten the sense of her bearings under her

belt, she is at home, no matter where she is.

Although she hasnt really mastered certain things in the car, like the GPS, voice commands, and

reaching the accelerator and brakes, she is quite at home on my lap, pads on the steering wheel

and enjoys every second of it.

portia incredible dog

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