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PoerioPress

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2/92

LinteracollezionedelletavoledellaPoerioPress,createtra

lafinedel2008elametadel2010.

Idisegnisonotu=operadegliar?s?dellaPoerioPress,ivi

compresoquelloispiratoallimmortaleAltan.

La riproduzione delle tavole e rigorosamente incoraggiata,

previoaccordoconlaPoerioPress.

Pievepelago,estate2010

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Thisisthefullcollec?onofthePoerioPresscartoonscreated

betweentheendof2008andmid2010.

Theartworkisen?relydonebyPoerioPressar?sts,included

oneconsis?nginadeliberateplagiariza?onoftheimmortalAltan.

Thereproduc?onofthesecartoonsisabsolutelyencouraged,

withtheagreementofPoerioPress.

Pievepelago,summer2010

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4/92

Epiphany

(6January2008)

Priest Johns saga is likely bepure fantasy, but the Father

Georg gossip may verywell

bebeaccurate.Atanyrate,it

isa fact that our two heroes

portrayedinthepicturenever

chasedaskirt,livealone,and

love garish and expensive

c lo th es . J us t t hi nk h ow

beauDful it would be be if

they both decided to come

outofthecloset,thusending

persecuDons against defacto

c o u p l e s ! A h , w h a t a

wonderfulepiphanyitwould

be.

4


5/92

Italiansand

Racism

(20April

2009)T w o d a n c e r s

d i s c u s s t h e

perennial naDonal

i s su e : a r e w e

racists,too?

The one on the

leL deplores that

Italy is not takingp a r t i n a U N

C o n fe r e n c e o n

r a c i s m . H i s

c o m p a n i o n

replies: I should

t h in k s o, w it h

everybody busy

b o o i n g b l a c k

p l a y e r s i n

stadiums.

5


6/92

PoerioPresson

Divorces

(6May2009)

Unfortunately,the

Supremo's

vicissitudeskeep

distracDngPoerio

Pressfromperformingits

missionof

ponderousand

equanimous

observer.

6


7/92

PoerioPressborrows

fromGrosz

(31May2010)

A new form of saDre, or

r a th e r s a ty r e i n t h i s

p arD cu l ar c as e, b orrow s

from the immortal Grosz

and,tocelebratethespiritof

his Dme ,offers capDons in

g o t h i c r e n d e r e d Germanesqueesperanto.

The excuse, of course, is

provided by press reports

a cc or di ng t o w hi ch o ur

ea de r h as b ee n u si ng

m il it ar y p la ne s t o f er r y

platoonsofhisyoungfemale

guests to and from his 130

hectareSardinianXanadu.

7


8/92

Altrochefes?cciolein

Sardegna

(2June2009)

AnelevaDngconversaDon

recordedbyPoerioPress.

The priest onthe leL remarks

thatBerlusconihasthehabitof

wearing high heels incognito.

Andthemonsignorreplies:My

God,thissurebeatsthestories

aboutwildparDesinSardinia.

8


9/92

Intercep?ngthe

WorkingClass

(2June2009)

In his inimitable style, Fausto

BerDno`, former leader of the

radicalchicleLandformerdarling

of cultural circles and TV show,

recentlylamentedthattheleLis

n ot c ap ab le o f i nt er ce pD ng

workers any more. Poerio Press

suggests that he would profit

f ro m p ra cD ci ng o ut o f t he

M e d i t e r r a n e a n i s l a n d o f

ampedusa, where workers in

s ea rc h o f w or k a re b ei ng

interceptedby the boatloadsand

m er ci le ss y d ep or te d t o t henorthernshoresoffriendlyibya.

9


10/92

LU?lizzatore

(18giugno2009)

Berlusconi's favouriteMP

a n d p e rs o na l l a wy e rclarified that if, and onlyif, he happened to makeuse of a hooker claimingtohavespentthenightinhis personal apartmentsc ou rt es y o f a c lo seassociate, this would notc o n s D t u t e a n ywrongdoing on his part,sincehewouldhavebeenamere"enduDlizer".

A slightly suspicious wifeasks a gentleman faintlyr e s e m b l i n gBurlesqueonis lawyer:Whatsthatredmarkon

yourneck?

Nothing, he answers IwasjustuDlizing.

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11/92

LesItaliens

24June2009)

Thosewhocannotbutfollowthesadstateofaffairsinthesepartsoftheworld willrecallthat thesocalled "odo Alfano" is a lawshieldingthefourhighestelected

officials in the country fromprosecuDon while in office. Onemightaddthatthecurrentprimeminister, who was not averse tot h i s p a r D c u l a r p i e c e o f

legislaDon, also tendsto beree le ct ed t o h is p os iD on w it hremarkableregularity.

In this parDcular instance, the

t wo Italian VIPs on the leLl a m e n t t h e c o n D n u i n gindiscreDons about their primem i ni s te r s s e n Dm e nt a l l i fe ,vowingtoputthingstorestsoonwithadequatelegislaDon.

T he other two react in ana m i ab l e a n d u n d er s ta n d in gfashion..

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12/92

Conversa?on

(2July2009)

In a quasimodernist se`ng, this

watercolour from one of Poerio

Presss celebrated arDsts displays a

dispirited couple carrying out a

pointless conversaDon. He recalls

fondly how safe and Dmely trains

were under fascism. In a sort of

languid agreement, she is quick topointout that this very fact proves

how preposterous it is to imagine

wearesinkingbackintoFascism.

Thereferenceistothelamentable

performanceoftherailwaysystem

intheyearofthelord2009.

ArtworkandtextcourtesyofPoerioPress.ReproducDonencouraged.

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13/92

TheWayOut

oftheCrisis

(24July2009)

The same experts

who led us into it

now say that the

financial/economic

crisishasreachedits

b o om , a nd t ha t

thereis no way but

up from now on.

e s p i t e t h i s ,m em be rs o f t hi s

p u b l i sh i n g h ou s e

remainskepDcaland

p la n to t ry a nd

a c c o m p l i s h t h e

climb by relying on

tradiDonal means

p i ck s, b o lt s a n d

ropes.

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14/92

FreedomofthePress

(27September2009)

Ifthe press payslile orno aenDon

toanaDonalprotestrallyindefenseof

the freedom of the press, there is

certainlynocausetoworry.Eitherthe

issueisgrosslyoverrated,orit'sfartoo

latetodoanythingaboutit.

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15/92

ProblemidelPaese

(28Se]embre2009)

M a s s i m o ' A le m a , s e l f appointed godfather of the

partythatsDllbelievestobethe

main opposiDon force in the

country, reiterated today his

s tr on g b el ie f t ha t a g re at

reformistmovementshouldnot

just devote itself to opposing

B e r l u s c o n i , b u t r a t h e r

endeavour to sort out the

c o u nt r y ' s p r o bl e m s . O n e

malicious Poerio Press reader

suggests that this is just one

moremegalomaniacployonhis

parttodrawaenDontooneof

the countrys great problems:

himself.

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16/92

Talibans1

(17October2009)

According to the ondon Times, Italian

troops in Afghanistan bought safety by

bribing the Talibans. Over here, word at

court is that Rupert Murdoch, owner of

that paper and fierce compeDtor of

Berlusconi'sovertheitalianTVmarket,is

simply aempDng to embarass his rival.

M ea nw hi le , B er lu sc on i i s t ry in g t o

undermine his own main domesDc rival,by predicDng that the stateowned and

governmentcontrolled public radio and

TV is so bad (meaning: inquisitve and

criDcal)thatItalianswillstoppaying their

subscripDons (read: less viewers; less

adverDsingmoneyforthepublicnetwork;

moreadverDsingmoneyforitscompeDtor

Berlusconiownedthreeandonlyprivatenetworks).

The first reader saysthatit appears that

the Italians paid off the Talibans. Her

companions replies: Hard to imagine

from people who do not even pay their

stateTVsubscripDons. 16


17/92

Talibans2

(17October2009)

PoerioPressoffersavarianton

the Taliban bribes theme. It is

b a s ed o n B u r le s qu e o ni ' s

Freudianslip,aptlyunderlined

byoneofourreaders,whenhe

l a me n t e d i n p u bl i c h i s

e n o r m o u s p e r s o n a ld is bu rs em en ts t o p ay o ff

consultants and judges. Even

when it com es to b ribes,

prioritesare prioriDes. Foreign

readers taking interest in the

nuancesoftheItalianlanguage

w il l no Dc e t he " mi ca ", a

p r i ce l es s a n d u b iq u it o us

adverb which funcDons as an

oddnegaDvereinforcement.

17

gli americani

sospettano che

berluscon abbia

pagato i talibani.

figuriamoci. non

sono micagiudici.

poerio press 2009


18/92

GaySocks

(22October2009)

One of Burlesqueoni'sTV channels airedon prime Dme a sneaky video of JudgeMesiano, revealing to all lawabidingciDzens that he wears turquoise socks.Some of the most acute commentatorslinkedthisnewsitemtothefactthatthes a m e j u d g e h a d c o n d e m n e dBurlesqueoni's firm to a fine of 750millioneurosforbribingtacDcsinwinningapublishinghousetakeoverdispute.Thetwo disDnguished MPs appearing in thisPoerio Press produced cartoon hold adignifieddiscussionovertheincident.Thefi rs t o ne re ma rks t hat t he co rr up t,pedophile,communistandcriminaljudgewears turquoise socks. His colleague,presumably from the same party, warnsthat one should not jump to unfairconclusions: wearing turquoise socksdoesnotautomaDcallyqualifyoneasgay.Thejoke,ifthereisone,isthatqualifyinga magistrate as corrupt, pedophile,

communistandcriminaldoesnotrequireanyburdenofproof.

Quelpedofilocorroocomunistadelgiudice

Misianoportacalzinicolorturchese.

Nonedeochedebbaesseregay.Andiamoci

pianoconleillazioni.

INPARAMENTOPoerioPressSeptember2009

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19/92

Rulings

(4November2009)

Yesterday'sEuropeanCourtofHuman

Right's ruling against crucifixes in

I t al i an c l as sr o om s c a us e d a n

immediateuproaronbothsidesofthe

Tiber. Two of Poerio Press's favourite

characters, probably idenDfiable as

MPsoftherulinggodfearingandlawnotsoabiding coaliDon,commenton

the preposterous pronouncement.

" Ho w fo ol is h " ,s ay s o ne o f t he

honourable member of parliament ;"

don't they know that students are

crowding inclassrooms just to admire

the crucifix?"(Recently, the current

M in ister of Edu caDon rul ed that

classrooms in elementary schoolsshouldhavenolessthan37students.

Yes:noless). aCorteEuropeaobieaaicrocifissinelleaule

italiane.

IgnoranD.Propriooracheglialunnisiaffollano

sempredipiuperammirarli.

INPARAMENTO

PoerioPressr2009

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20/92

Revela?ons

(8November2010)

A celebrated TV night show host andconfidant of powerful poliDcians, Mr.

Bruno Vespa, churns out at least a

bookayear.ThisDmeheleakedoutso

m a ny " r ev e la D on s " a h e a d o f

publicaDonthatinterestriskedwaning.

But the man had a phenomenal trick

uphissleeve,asusual.Thisonehasto

d o w it h t he e no rm ou s i nt er es t

as soc iaDon w ith tran se xu als h as

receivedof late inthis sad country of

ours.

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21/92

LostinDis?nc?on

(16November2009)

"Uolter"standsfor"WalterVeltroni,

theformermayorofRome,former

leaderofthecenterleLcoaliDonthat

wasfamouslydefeatedbyBerlusconi

atthelastnaDonalelecDon,former

secretaryoftheItalianemocraDc

Party,andformerpoliDcalhasbeen

sinceannouncinghewantsmoreofit.

Themoresuaveofthetwonewspaper

readers,bynowfrequentactorsonthe

PoerioPressstage,reportsthenews

that"Uolter"decidedtoforgetabout

engaginginthirdworldissuesandto

resumehispoliDcalfightinItaly.The

secondnewspaperreader,perfidious

asever,confessesnonchalantlyhisinabilitytograspthedifference

betweenthetwo.

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24/92

CrucialWeapons

(17December2009)

The generic enDty known as

"the press", as disDnguished

from the uniquely disDncDve

Poerio Press, reported that a

crucifixwasinthepossessionof

Mr. Berlusconi's aacker at the

moment of his onslaught. The

newsreachedallcornersofthe

globe, including the secluded

fo rt o f t he Fre nc h Fo re ig n

e gi o n w h ic h o c ca s io n a ll y

reports to Poerio Press. The

comment on the part of the

v er y w el l i nf or me d r ec ru it

responding to this news was

t ha t i n v iew o f th is t he

European Union was very welladvised, in a recent (and hotly

disputed) ruling of its Human

Rights Tribunal, towarn about

theuseofcrucifixesinpublic.

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25/92

EverybodyWinsin

Copenhagen

(20December2009)

Everybody won, reflects thedriver on a sunny Sundaymorning. The Chinese, forexample, managed not toh a ve t h e ir e m i s s i o nsmonitored against emissionstandards.His companiona gr ee s: " A nd t he o th er smanaged not to have ANYemissionstandards".

25

MAGISTRAECOMPROMESSOACOPENHAGEN

Hannovintotu`:Icinesihannosalvatolonoresconfiggendo

lideadegliamericanidicontrolliinternazionalisuilimiDdelle

emissionidigasserra.

Etu`glialtrisonoriusciDasconfiggerelideadiporredeilimiD

alleemissionidigasserra.configgerelideadiporredeilimiDaigas

serra.

Poerio

Press2009


26/92

LarondadiNatale

(23December2009)

A tough one for the nonindigenous PoerioPress readership. The three Kings of Orient

havethelikesofthethreemainleadersofthe

ega Party: Calderoli, Bossi, and Maroni. The

egazealotsareallforGodandcountry(hence

the Italian flag with the cross in the middle),

but they also have this problem with non

indigenous people, parDcularly Africans and

gypsies. To protect their women from these

threateningbarbarians,"aega"managedto

authorize volunteer vigilante patrols. Only six

of themhave been formed so far, apparently,

but one of them is certainly this one in

Bethlehem,rightlyconcernedaboutthe many

suspicious foreigners congregated in town

anddeterminedtoteachthemagoodlesson.

Presentscanwait.

See:hp://

poeriopressatchristmas.blogspot.com/

Andbytheway:MerryChristmas!!!! 26


27/92

FortyYearsandCoun?ng

(27December2009)

I due sposini si domandano

p e r c h e m a i , d o p o

quarantannidimatrimonio,rimediano solo la pagina del

giornaleconIcartonianimaD.

Macomemaiepossibileche

accada contemporaneamente

atu`edue?

al movimento delle labbra,

purtroppo, non si capisce

qualedeiduesilamenD.

FortyyearsandcounDng,andIonlygetthefunnies.

PoerioPress2009

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28/92

BarelyintotheNew

Year,PoerioPress

RespecullySuggests

(1January2010)

Infact,theSonofGod'sideato

incarnatehimselfintoaregular

humanbeingmighthavebeen

c on ce iv ed a s a d id ac Dc

admonishment to the romane m p e r o r s ' p r e p o s te r o u s

p r e t e n s e o f e l e v a D n g

themselves to godlike status.

G iv en t ha t o ne o f G od 's

recognizedqualiDesistoknow

the future, it is legiDmate to

i m a g i n e h e m a y h a v e

expressed some skepDcism at

t h e s u c c e s s o f t h einiDaDve.Nevertheless, we

plodon.HappyNewYear!!!!

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29/92

PierluigiaePierferdinando

(16January2010)

ALer the holiday goodism, PP reverts toits usual, nasty, parochial self. In ap re car io us b al an ce o n t he l an ce o fMinerva,theRomangoddessofwisdom,Pierlugi Bersani, newly elected head ofthe ever shakier emocraDc Party andperfidiously portrayed as a disciplinedlile daughter, asks her putaDve father/svengali Massimo 'Alema, ever theeminencegrise,whysheisnotallowedtoplay with Nicky (Nicky Vendola, thepopular governor of the Puglia region

seeking reelecDon). The former risingstar of the defunct communist Partyreplies: "It's not about the earing hewears.Thefactisthathe'sacommunist.Besides,ifweinvitehimtoplaywithyou,Pierferdinando, who is an excel lentp ro sp ec t, w il l s to p c om in g t o t hehouse." (Pierferdinando Casini, formerr is in g s tar o f t he d ef un ct C hr is Da ndemocrat party, is building a poliDcalp o we r ho u se b y p u `n g t o ge t he r

redoubtable veterans of his old poliDcalformaDon and selling his services to thetwomaincoaliDons).Foronce,thepunisItalian: "party" means both party in thepoliDcal sense and a marriage prospect.Pierferdinando is neither, although hiswifeis,since her daddyowns one ofthetwomainRomenewspapers.

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30/92

O]omilionidibaione]e

(16January2010)

Stop Poerio Press: we wish to make

ame nd s to Pie rl ui gi Persani , the

embaledleaderofItaly'semocraDc

Partywhohasmanyproblems,notall

ofwhichofhisownmakingandwhois

also the frequent object of our idle

saDre. So: we just learnt that on the

occasion of a visit of the CalabriaSaudita town of Rosarno, where ugly

confontaDons took place betweenthe

local populace and enslaved African

orange pickers, Bersani announced

that the country's 4 million migrants

areprobably not sufficient: Italy;s

economy probably needs four million

m o re . T h is p o li Dc a ll y s u ic i da l

s tate me nt req ui re s a g es tu re ofsympathy: regardless, Bersani's eight

million figure sounds beer than

Mussolini's sinister eight mill ion

bayonets.

30


31/92

Pagamen?

(20January20010)

"Il tempo e' galantuomo"; Dme is a

gentleman, says an old Italian proverb. It

seemstohaveworkedwellforMr.Be`no

Craxi, who fled the country before being

served a tenyear prison sentence for

corrupDonandillicitfinancinganddiedin

Tunisiain2000.Exactlytenyearslater,the

President of the Republic sent and

divulged a leer to the family, which

maintains that he should not only be

judged for his (penal) convicDons and

suggeststhatCraxiwasthescapegoatfora

whole poliDcal class, equally guilty of

briberyandcorrupDon,andactually"paid

for everybody". ALer being informed of

thisdevelopment,theroosterontheright,

who seems to remember somethingabout those events, objects: "Funny. I

thoughthewastheonebeingpaid".From

thePoerioPress"escoqParlantes"series,

courtesyofeRutapoeries.

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32/92

PierluigiaeTonino

(29January2010)Thingsarege`ngevermorearcaneforthePoerioPressnon

indigenousreadership.However,themostaenDvesubscribers

acrosstheoceanwillrecallthebeginningofthisparDcularsaga,

withthefather'Alemadissuading hisaffecDonate andwell

be ha ve d da ughte r, P i erl uigi a, from pl ayi ng w i th t he

transgressive Nichi, and announcing instead her future

marriagewiththegallantandwellbredPierferdinando.Outof

metaphor,'Alemaistherumouredplaymakerbehindthenew

secretary of the democraDc party, Pierluigi Bersani, who

imposedonhispartythebrilliantstrategyofselecDngaloser

forthe upcomingPugliagovernorshipelecDonsin lieuof the

highl y popul ar i nc um be nt , N ic hi Ve dola , w ho has fi ve

characterisDcs:heisacatholic,adeclaredgay,anunashamed

communist ,an excellent administrator anddoesnot givea

hootabout partydiscipline.The firstthingis OK,and in fact

highlypraised;thesecondoneisbad,buthardlyobjecDonable

within aparty that aspiresto capturethe gayvote; thelast

t hre e , t ota l a nat hem a .S ubs e que nt l y, N i chi c al l ed t he

emocrats' bluffand demandsthatthe candidate bepicked

according to the party's most cherished imitaDon of the

American poliDcal process: primary elecDons. And he wins

them handsomely. Of course, Pierferdinando's neocatholic

party refus es a n a ll ia nc e w it h s uc h a n obje cDonable

character.In comes Tonino di Pietro, the most fearsome

compeDtoroftheemocraDcpartybecauseofhisreputaDon

forhisfierceopposiDontoBurlesqueoni(mostdemocratsfindsuchan opposiDon objecDonable, mainly because theythink

theyshouldhaveamonopolyinthisarea).Uptonow,hewas

beingheldatsafedistance.Butnow,theconfusionissuchaLer

the Nichi tsunami that Bersani rushed to signing a formal

alliance pact with the aforesaid Tonino i Pietro.Our gentle

metaphor calls, therefore, for Pierluigia (see capDon) gently

complainingwithherfatherabouthisopposiDontoNichi,who

hasjustbeenelectedheadofhisclass;and'Alematryingto

pacifyhispaDentdaughterPierluigiabyannouncingherfuture

heartfriend:Tonino.

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33/92

MafiaandSoccer

(30January2010)

Oneofourtwosomber

impersonatorscomment

on a recent news item:

Italy's AssociaDon of

I n d u s t r i a l i s t s

announced that from

n o w o n , a l l

entrepreneurs who payextorDon money to the

mafia will be expelled.

T h e o t h e r o n e

comments: and for the

e n t r ep r e n eu r s w h o

p oc ke t the e xtorDon

m o ne y, a t l e a s t a

warning.

33


34/92

Bamboccioni

(3February2010)

Ona recent visit, a dearest friendand longDmesupporterofPoerioPress,RobertoT.,eruptedina

goodhearted laugh at the narraDon of a new

vigneebeinghatchedattheDme.Thisprovided

thesDmulusforitsrendiDonincartoonform.Non

indigenousreadersarenodoubtfamiliarwiththe

uniquely Italian sonstayat home phenomenon.

These youths, whose age can extend to 45 or

beyond and who, in our opinion, act in a

perfectly logical fashion in viewof mama's food,

other logisDcal advantages and the astronomicalcostsofrentalhousinghavebeenbapDzedwith

theendearing,althoughvaguelyderogatory,term

of "bamboccioni". The bamboccione depicted in

the cartoon is the mythical Alberto Sordi, who

acquired immortal fame w ith his film " Un

A mericano a Roma" .A lbertobamboccione,

devouring a bowl ofpasta late atnight upon his

return from one of his usual and meaningless

nightly prowls, announces to his mother that a

minister, Brunea ("minimistro" being short for"miniministro given Brunea's diminuDve size),

hasproposedamonthlysDpendof500eurosfor

all bamboccionis leaving their nest. The mother,

pracDcalasalways,informshimthattheresources

for the sDpend are to come from the naDonal

pensionfundthusensuringthattherewillbeno

morespaghe`freeloadingforhim. 34


35/92

Ilpapastraniero

17April2010

Gianfranco Fini, former chief of

I taly's p os asc is t p arty and

currently majority leader of the

ChamberofepuDes,hasshown

surprisingly liberal views of late,

t o ge th e r w it h a g ro wi n gl y

m a n i f e s t d i s t a s t e f o r

Burlesqueoni and his current

bestfrendBossolini,supremoof

thetriumphantNortherneague

xenophobic party. A few

desperate supporters of the

centerleLlookatFiniastheonly

salvaDon for what's leL of the

leL in the guise of the "foreign

p op e" th at coul d b ri ng n ew

authority and leadership. Butthe wise boyinthe photograph

objects: No way. They'll never

considerhim:Finiistoomuchof

aleList.

35


36/92

HealthCare

(21April2010)

CapirecosasiasuccessoveramenteconilpassaggionegliStaDUniDdelP..111148(ThePaDentProtecDonandAffordableCareAct)e'impresaDtanica.Parepero',danotegiornalisDche,chel'allargamentodell'accessoall'assicurazionesanitarianonscaera'primadel2014.Perscaramanzia,edinpienacoerenzaconilsuoinguaribilesce`cismo,PoerioPressmeeinboccaaquesteinnocenDemeravigliosegiovanicreatureparolediscanzonatohumour

nero.

U n d e r st a n d i n g w h a t a c t u a l l yhappened with the passage in theUnited States of P.. 111148 (ThePaDentProtecDonandAffordableCareAct) is probably a Dtanic task. Pressr e po r ts , h o we v er, i n di c at e t h atbroaderaccesstohealthinsurancewillnotactuallytakeplacebefore2014.Ina gesture of countersupersDDon, andcoherently w ith its inexhausDble

skepDcism, Poerio press put in them ou th s o f t he se t wo i nn oc en t,wonderful young creatures words ofunrestrainedblackhumour.

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37/92

Emergency

(21April2010)

Il.ahem.governoafganoha

decisodichiuderelospedaledi

Emergencycheoffrecure

gratuiteallevi`medella

guerra.

Noncedapreoccuparsi.Tu`I

pazienDsonostaDavvisaDche

possonosooscrivereuna

polizzadiassicurazionemedica

privata.

37


38/92

ErTrota

(28April2010)

ThislastpoetartopusofPoerioPressishardlycommunicabletothevastworld.ItisItisthetaleofRenzoBossi,egregioussonofthefamousUmbertoBossiwhosepoliDcalfootstepshedecidedtofollow.ThestorygoesthatdaddyUmberto,aLersomeonereferredtohissonasthe"delfino"("dolphin"inenglish=designatedheirtoapoliDcaldynasty),modestlycommentedthatatthemostyoungRenzocouldbereferredtoas"unatrota"(=atrout).Renzo'staleisimaginedasaselfpresentaDonpennedinRomedialect,tospitethecorruptandthievingnaDonalcapital,symbolofcorrupDonandparasiDsmandsynecdocheofthehorridSouthasawhole.Renzodoesnotmincewords:herevealsthat

theonlytwothingshedislikesaregaysanddrugs(heactallysaidthat),andthatnothavingaclueonwhattodowithhislifehechosetofollowhisfather'sfootstepsintheega,thexenophobic/secessionist"movementfortheindependenceofPadania".Weare,infact,confidentthatboththeegaandRenzowilldelightusfordecadestocome.WethanktwoaffecDonatereaders,ElisabeaS.edEugenioM.,fortheirsuperlaDveediDngoftheRomantextandtheiraccompanyingcommentinrhyme,whichweaddedasaproperappendixtothisPoerioPressissue:

Anvedim! Puro licispadani

s'empareno aparlcomei ro man i!

S i pro pio e r pe lo vo i tr ov n el l' ovo

un eroreoar igaseitescovo:

siprop io voi parltrasteverino

d evi d a di c hi amav en o er d er fin o.

38


39/92

39


40/92

KosovosentryintheEU

(29April2010)

Whilethefinancialworldhappilybets

onthedemiseoftheEuro,andwith

theEuropeanUniongivingonemore

exampleofdisarrayandindeciveness,

theItalianforeignministerisstrongly

engagedintheirresisDblemarchwhich

willleadtoKosovo'sentryintheEU.

Whichevent,nodoubt,willsignala

rebirthofthetroubledEuropean

edifice.

40


41/92

BurlesqueoniSavesLouisiana

fromBlackWave

(30April2010)

Asmanyofourreaderssadlyknow,the

Burlesqueoni navy has disDnguished

itselfinwagingvictoriouswarsagainst

African migrants' fleets of inflatable

boats threatening to land on our

shores. Concerned about the black

wave nearing theouisianacoast,our

leaderhaspromptlyofferedObamato

d ra L f or h i m t h e n e c e s s a r y

empoweringlegislaDon.

41


42/92

Ilpapastraniero

17April2010

ma se fini abbandonaberlusconi, potrebbediventare proprio lui

il papa straniero

del pd!!!!!

e figuratise il pdimbarca

uno di

sinistra

come fini.

il a a a i

poerio press 2010

Gianfranco Fini, former chief of

I ta l y' s p os a sc is t p a rt y a nd

currently majority leader of the

Chamber of epuDes, has shown

surprisingly liberal views of late,

togetherwithagrowingly manifest

distaste for Burlesqueoni and his

c u rr en t b e st f re nd B o ss ol i ni ,s u pr e mo o f t h e t r iu m ph a nt

Northern eague xenophobic party.

A few desperate supporters of the

centerleL look at Fini as the only

salvaDonforwhat'sleLoftheleLin

theguiseofthe"foreignpope"that

c ou ld b ri ng n ew authori ty and

leadership.Butthewiseboyinthe

photographobjects:Noway.They'll

neverconsiderhim:Finiistoomuch

ofaleList.

42


43/92

BurlesqueoniSaves

LouisianaformBlackWave

(30April2010)

As many of our readers sadly

know,theBurlesqueoninavyhas

disDnguished itself in waging

victorious wars against African

migrants' fleets of inflatable

boatsthreateningtolandonour

shores. Concerned about the

blackwavenearingtheouisiana

coast, our leader has promptly

offered Obama to draL for him

t h e n e ce s sa r y e m p ow e ri n g

legislaDon.

43


44/92

PoerioPressCounterfeits

Altan(ButfortheBenefit

ofMankind)

(6May2010)

PoerioPresssharestheviewthatFrancescoTullioAltanisthebestgraphichumoristthissideoftheAlps,andpossiblynorthofthemaswell.Sowetookthelibertyofborrowinghis style to create a cartoon about Mr.Scajola, the former minister for economicdevelopment who was forced to resigna Le r m ag is tra te s f ou nd o ut t hat ad e ve l op e r a l re a dy i n cr i mi n at e d a n ddetained for serious bribing scandals hadpitchedintherespectablesumof900,000Euros to help him buy his dream Romeapartment in front of the Colosseo. TheministerdeniedthisaccusaDon(supportedbyseveralwitnesses),butintheendhehadtoresign.Hisfinallinewillberememberedforever: "A minister cannot retain hisposiDon aLer finding out that somebodybought his house for him."The dialoguebetween the two forged characters in the

counterfeit Altan cartoon below goes asfollows:"TheHon.Ministerwasdeeplyhurtby the fact that somebody bought hishouseforhim"."Goodforhimhecanbe".T he l in e s ug ge st s t ha t m an y A lt ancharacters, usual ly depicDng notsowealthycommonworkers,wouldlovetobethe vicDms of such kind of treacherousbehavour.PoerioPress,2010 44


45/92

OnSpanishHeroism

(13May2010)

W e a r e i n S p a i n ,

unmistakeably. The guitarist

complains about the prime

minister, who just reduced

t he s al ar ie s o f a ll t he

country's public employees

by 5 per cent, including hisfather's, who works as a

school janitor. The flamenco

dancer tries to console him:

but surely, at the very least

theywillhonouryourfather

w i t h t h e s p e c i a l

InternaDonalMonetaryFund

Heromedal.

45


46/92

TheValueofSe=ngan

Example

(14May2010)

1 4 M ay 2 01 0: To d ay ' s

b an ne r h ea dl in e o n " a

R e pu b b li c a " r e po r t s a

Burlesqueoni quote: "Those

who enriched themselves

[illegally] must resign". Thereaderontherightobserves

t h a t t h i s w ou l d b e a

wonderful opportunity to

leadbyexample.

46


47/92

TheUrgencyofthe

Situa?on

(16May2010)

The two Poerio Press poliDco

w h iz k i ds d e ba t e r e ce n t

developments in Italy. The girl

n o t e s t h a t [ d u e t o t h e

mulDplicaDon of scandals] the

spoliaDon of public coffers maysoon come to an end, and that

the astute leader of the small

center party currently at the

opposiDon(?), Casini, asked to

join Berlusconi in a "technical

government". The boy observes

that Casini rightly seized the

senseofurgencyofthesituaDon.

47


48/92

OntheGlobalChild

AllowanceCrunch

(26May2010)

Itisobviousbynowthatthe"financial

crisis" has led to a joyous globalfest

whose main amusement is cu`ng

salaries. But we never suspected that

innocent and unsuspecDng children

couldbecomethedirectvicDmsofthisn ew fo rm o f e nt er ta in me nt , b y

suffering setbacks to their "paghea"

p ro sp ec ts ( "p ag he a " b ei ng a n

e n de a ri ng I ta l ia n d efi n iD on f or

"allowance").Thegirlasksherbrother:

"id you ask dad about raising our

paghea?"Andhereplies:"Thatsmart

aleck.Wanttoknowwhathereplied?

He fears a negaDvereacDonfrom the

markets".

48


49/92

OntheIrra?onalLack

ofExuberanceofthe

Poor

(26May2010)

The recently approved Italian

"manovra" hits precarious

w o r k e r s , w o u l d b e

pensioners,andgenerallylow

i n c o m e p u b l i c s e c t o r

employees as a sacrifice to

the Gods of the Markets, in

thehopeofearningtheir(the

Gods') benevolence. An

i m ag i na r y A n ge l a M er ke l

remarks: "The Italians are

raking money only from the

poor!" and her Groszesquian

Aidedecamp replies: "Thatwill teach them to insist on

being poor. Theyshould have

invested in Italian treasury

notesinstead."

49


50/92

PoerioPresson

Educa?onReform

(29May2010)abolito

l'isegnamento

del dirittonegli istitutiper geometri.

rimane pero'quello delROVESCIO E

DELLASMORZATA.

poerio press 2010

T he i nd ef aD gab le M in is te r of

EducaDoneliminatedlawfromthe

c ur ri cu lu m o f p ub li c t ra in in g

insDtutes for chartered surveyors.

Thisisnotsurprising,giventhefact

t h at s u r ve yo r s a r e e q ua l ly

indefaDgable in illegal housing

construcDon and that the same

Minister's government has been

raking in plenty of money by

regularizing postfacto this very

popular kind of real estate. Our

very wellinformed tennis players

discussthenews(theword"law"is

a lso refe rre d to i n Ita li an a s

" di r i o ", w hi ch a l so m ea n s

forehand"). The one to the rightobserves that at least they will

ke ep teach in g "rove sc io" and

"servizio"(backhandandserve).

50


51/92

PoerioPressonEconomic

Growth

(29May2010)

WhiletheGodsoftheMarketmay

beappeased bythe savage cuts

to public spendingbeing enacted

by theBurlesqueoni government,

m any l am en t t ha t t he sa me

government is comtemplaDng no

measures whatsoever to support

economic growth. The reader to

the right, in an aempt to be

sarcasDc, remarks that this will

teach [the opposiDon and the

press} not to get rid of the

M i n i s t e r f o r E c o n o m i c

evelopment .For more info onthecase,see6May,"PoerioPress

Counterfeits Altan (But for the

BenefitofMankind)".

51


52/92

Ge=ngRichwiththe

OlympicGames

(31May2010)

Mercifully, Italy saved a

bunch ofbillionsby losing

h er bid fo r the 2016

E u r o p e a n s o c c e rchampionships. And if we

lose our Olympic bid to

boot, we may get to be

nearlyrich.

52


53/92

WhatifITakemy

LifeandLosemyJob

(2June2010)

53

Thismayverywellbethemost

cynicalandpreposterousPoerio

Press to date. However, the

actual occurrence provides

ample jusDficaDon for it. The

owners of the Foxconn factory

in Shenzen, China, got worried

aboutworkers taking their ownlives on the factory premises.

C o n s eq u e n tl y, t h e y n o w

demandthatnewrecruitssigna

wrien clause pledging not to

commit suicide. The worker on

theleLcomplainsabouthaving

tosigntheIshallnotkillmyself

pledge ifhewantstogetajob

there. But his friend comes upwith a bril liant idea. "on't

worry", he says. "When you

decide toend itall,we'll make

sure it looks like a workplace

accident".


54/92

Salu?dallItalia

(6June2010)

"Cartolina"is"postcard"inItalian,and

"saluto" means "greeDng". The term

assumes a special meaning when the

"saluto" becomes a "saluto fascista.

T hi s p arDc ul ar c artoli na i s b ei ng

wrienbyaconcernedItalianfatherto

his son, who took the inexplicable

decisiontoemigratetoHolland,ofall

places. The father informs him about

the eader's last sDrring speech,

announcingtoallItaliansthattheywill

allbefreeandrichassoonastheyget

rid of their bolschevik magistrates.

ALerthis comforDng news, thefather

makesnomysteryofhisworriesabout

t h e s o n ' s c o n d i D o n s i n t h eNetherlands. oeshe have enough to

eat?otheyhavetelevisionthere?

54


55/92

Varia?onsonthe

Manovra(I)

(9June2010)

" M an o vr a" l i te r al l y m e an s

"manouver", i .e. changing a

vehicle's direcDon while at the

wheel. But in Italy's world of

exquisite poliDcal euphemisms,

"manovra"isusedtodescribea

horrendousraidtofillinagiantholeinpubliccoffers.Ofcourse,

whenhetalksaboutthecurrent

manovra, Burlesqueoni swears

that it does not touch at all

Italians' pockets.This isindeed

the case, if we talk about high

i nc o me s . S o, t h e s e co n d

newspaper reader offers the

suggesDon that while he hasboth hands at the wheel, it

mightnotbeabadideatodoa

lile search into HIS pockets.

Justincase.

55

i ? h


56/92

Varia?onsonthe

Manovra(II)

(9June2010)

( I " M a n o vr a " l i t e r al l y

means "manouver", i.e.

c h an g i ng a v e hi c le ' s

d ir ec Do n w hi le a t t he

wheel.ButinItaly'sworld

of exqu isi te po liD cal

euphemisms,"manovra"is

u s e d t o d e s c r i b e a

horrendousraidtofillina

giantholeinpubliccoffers.

This one is bas ed onfreezingpublicsalariesfor

fe w y ea rs . O f c ou rs e,

Burlesqueoni swears that

thecurrentmanovra does

nottakeANYmoneyfrom

I t al i an s ' p o ck et s . T h e

comment: "Sure it does

not touch our pockets. It

takesourmoneybeforeitgetsthere".

56


57/92

ChinasNewPolicy

onDelocaliza?on

(11June2010)

In China's Pearl River elta

workers'salariesarebeingmorethandoubled:fromthemonthlyequivalent of 100 dollars plusto 300 dollars a month. Thisbizarre(andsuicidal,asitwere)

generosity is obviously boundtoputtheChineseeconomyonits knees. The concernedWesternindustrialistontheleL

asks his Chinese counterpartfacing himwhat theyare goingtodo.Theanswerisquick:we'llmoveourfactoriestoItaly.

Nodoubt,theChineseindustrialistisawareofthefactthatsomeindustrialdistrictsinItalyarefullofclandesDne

ChinesefactoriesoperaDngwithimportedslavelabour.

57


58/92

TheMiracleoftheDivine

Intercep?on

(11June2010)

Poerio Press is having a terribleDmekeepingtrackofBurlesqueoni.J us t a Le r h is p ers on al S en at eadopted a law severely curtailingthescope,duraDonandpublicityofintercepDons legally enforced byinquiring magistrates, the ElevatedOneturnedupatajointconference

with the Prime Minister of Spain.ALer congratulaDng him for beinginaStateofGracebyvirtueofhise nc ou nt er w it h t he P op e a nddeclaringhisenvyforSpain'spublicdebt,whichhappenstobehalfthatofItaly's,heturnedaroundandleL.W hy ? P oe r io P r es s , t a ki n gadvantageofthefactthatthenewl aw i s n ot y e t i nt o e ffe ct ,intercepted a brilliant explanaDon.The second priest from the leLm ur mu rs i n r es po ns e t o t hequesDon whispered from his right:" I g ue ss h e wa s af ra id t ha tZapatero, exploiDng his temporaryS ta te o f G ra ce , m an ag ed t ointercept theaddiDonal idiocieshewasabouttosay".

58

Delocalizing Parliament (19 June 2010)


59/92

DelocalizingParliament(19June2010)Fiat is offering to reconvert itsail ing factory in P omiglianod'Arco, Italy, by transferringthereanautomobileproducDonlinecurrently locatedin Poland.But asAdamSmith wouldhavewarned us, this has nothing tod o w it h b en ev ol en ce . T herewardFiatexpectsoutofthisis

the enforcement of stringentnew rules in the workplace, arevoluDon in workerbusinessrelaDons,andafinalblowtotheu ni on m ov em en t, w it h t hemilitantFIOMthe only one leLtryingtodiscussthedeal.Takeito r eav e i t, t he a ut om ake rwarns. NegoDaDng by Fiat, onewouldadd.PoerioPress,viathisoriginal new pastel vigneeabandoning, this Dme, Altan's

charactersbutnothissituaDonalhumour,imaginestheexpansionof the Fiat strategy to othersituaDons. We are inside theidyllic renovated PomiglianoproducDon line, with workersconnected to the new liquidnourishment intake/diureDcevacuaDon system. The workertothe leLsays: "Is it true theya re a b ou t t o d e lo c al i zeParliamentinPoland?".Yes,sayshiscolleague."It'sadecisionbyBrunea[theMinisterforPublicAdministraDon and InnovaDon].Andhewillchangehismindonlyif parlamentarians adopt thePomiglianoregime:notoiletandlunchbreaks".

59


60/92

DoingAwayWith

Goalkeepers

(18June2010)

Americanreaderswillhavetoacceptthatthe world soccer championships aresimplyknownas"TheWorldCup".It'saninnocent retaliaDon against the slightlyfl i p p a n t u s a g e o f " W o r l d

Series".CompeDDonisfierceattheworldcup and the pressure intense, and nomoresothanforItaliansoccerfans,who,

aLer all, are cheering for the currentworld champions.The Italian team is notmuchtowritehomeabout,butwehaveasecretweapon.Yes,youguessed:it'stheEverpresent, Burlesqueoni. The first fancomplainsthattheteamcan'twakeuptothenoDonthatyouhavetoscoreinorderto win games. But his colleague replies:not to worry. I know for sure that thepresident of the soccer federaDon asked

Berlusconi to ask Qaddafi to ask ourfuture opponents, as an excepDonalm e a s u r e , t o p l a y w i t h o u t agoalkeeper.The salvific reference toQaddafi refersto the fact thatwheneverheisinserioustrouble,oureaderfliestoTripoli to seek support from his muchadmiredbuddy. 60


61/92

IlTri`codelGenerale(24June2010)

PoerioPressmanagedtointerceptsomeoftheinnerthoughtsfloaDngaroundduringthewearandtearinterviewwhichjustled

tothebooDngofthetoughbooted,interviewhappycommander.NoDcehow,inthethirdintercepDon,theeversoshrewd

commandermanagedtointerceptthethoughtsoftheenemyoops,ofthecommanderinchief.ThesecondthoughtintercepDon

isahandyintroducDontoasoontocomevigneeanarDst'sreconstrucDonofwhatREAYprecipitatedthetoughbooted

general'sbooDng.

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TheGucciGeneral

(24June2010)

One of the interesDng oddiDes of GeneralMcChrystal's personality ishis contempt ford e ca d en t m o re s, w h ic h h e f or c ef u ll yc on de ns es at l ea st j ud gi ng f or m h isinterview to Rolling Stone in the Gucciimagery. On the assumpDon that peopleten d to exo rc ise their own hi dd eno b se ss io n s b y e xp re ss i ng h a tr ed f orthem(closetgays on gays,forexample),PPsubmits that the dismissed general lovednothingmorethansecretlywearinghisown

covetedGuccishoes.WhyonearthheendedupwiththemonatthefatefulWhiteHousefaithfully reconstructed by oneof PP's bestarDsts,weshallneverknow.Washemockingt he w im pi sh l i fe st yl es o f Wa sh i ng to ncivilians?Orexpressingsomekindoftragicalcomingout(seeabove)?Orsimply,hewasinsuchastateofconfusionthatherushedoutof his hotel forge`ng to change into histrademark fighDng boots?At any rate, PPwelcomes the publicity received by Gucci,and through it, to Italy's flagging luxurygoodsexports.ALerall,moreItalianexportsmeanhigherGP,higherGPmeanshighernaDonalbudgetrevenue,andhighernaDonalbudget revenue means more money tosupportourowntroops'vitalcontribuDontothe fight for freedom and democracy inAfghanistan.(on't fail to scroll down andtakeapeepatthe GuccimodelthegeneralelectedforhisWhiteHouseinterview).

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BertolasoStepsin

(25June20010)

TheWorldCupistrulyagreatevent:for example, puny Slovakia canhappilybootoutthereigningworldchampions.Thepictureportraystwoperplexed Italian footballers aLerthe World Cup dbcle. The firstone says: "And now what?"But hiscompanionisquicktoconsolehim:"Not to worry. Now that we areclearly an emergency in a greatevent, the Football FederaDon willbe absorbed byBertolaso who will

take care of everything". AenDveobserversofthingsItalianareawarethatincohortwiththeeverpresentBurlesqueoni, the Civil ProtecDonA ge nc y a nd h is b os s, G ui doBertolaso,havemanagedto extendtheir pillaging ofpublic coffers byexpanding the agency's tradiDonalp o s t e m er g e nc y m a n da t e t oa ny th in g d ub be d a s " a m aj orevent" (papal visits to small Italiantowns are also included in this

category).How cananyone disputethatthe disgracednaDonal footballteam is now an ideal target forBertolaso?

63


64/92

LaFannulloneria

(26June2010)

We are in an enormous,spectral, empty ministry, int h e v er y h e a rt o f t h eFannulloneria directorate("fannullone" (loafer) is the

t e rm M r. B r un e a , t h eM i n i s t e r f o r P u b l i cA d m i n i s t r a D o n a n dInnovaDon, chose to refer top u b l ic e m p lo y e es ) . T h ef a nn u l lo n is ' v e nd e a i sgloriously displayed on the

Fannulloneria directorate'svesDbular wall: a giant blowup of the Minister himselfcaught napping at an officialf un cD on . U nd er i t, t woministryaendantsholdtheirfavourite newspaper anddiscuss the recent fiasco ofthe naDonal calcio squad atthe World Cup. The first one

says: "ippi (the manager)said he will take all theblame". And the other: "Everthemegalomaniac".

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65/92

TheG20

(29June2010)

PoerioPress'sdelighul

wunderkinden ponder

on the recently (and

mercifully concluded)

G 2 0. T he l i le g ir l

n ote s that th e G 20

boys ignored peace,

e m p l o y m e n t, a n d

environmental issues.

T he b oy, e ve r t he

darker ofthe lot, sadly

remarksthattheywere

f ar t oo b u s y N OT

dealingwithbanksandfinance.

65


66/92

ThePrevalenceofthe

South

(3July2010)

Giulio TremonD, the Minister of

Financeknowntoplaytonguein

cheek with the secessionist and

SouthhaDng ega Nord, rebuked

localgovernment protests about

budget cuts by saying that the

S o ut h er n r eg io n s h av e o n ly

m an ag ed t o s pe nd a D ny

percentageoftheEuropeanfunds

a ss ig ne d t o t he m. R eg io na l

g overnmen ts s ou th of Rome

retortedby blaming inefficiencies

at the central government level.

Giulio's younger sister reports

this.ButGiulioisquickasever:Of

course. Even the government isfullof southerners.Thiscartoonis

notpoliDcallycorrect.

66


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DefenseBudgets

(7July2010)

M as si mo 'A le ma , t he fo rm er i ta li an

communistpartywunderkind,formerheirof

the s ame, former c hi eLai n of s everal

incarnaDons of the postcommunist party,

former prime minister, former richelieu of

the present emocraDc Party and currently

f uture nobodykn ows, h as l on g b ee n a

favourite target of Poerio Press. Perhaps

because, in PP's view, he tends to be too

clever by half.In his metamorphosis fromtenured leader of the comfortable leL to

iconoclasDc signbearer of postmodern

poliDcal thinking, 'Alema has surpassed

himself.Yesterday,withthecountrytryingto

a bs or b a s av ag e s la sh in g o f s al ar ie s,

pensions, jobs, educaDon and research

budgets and social spending, 'Alema came

outsayingthat"thecountryisnotspending

enoughondefense".ThetwostreetciDzensin

t h e v i gn e e b e lo w c om me n t t h is

extraordinarydeclaraDon:"'Alemaisawise

person also because he studied for free

when the state was spending enough on

educaDon,too". 67


68/92

IPoteriFor?

(12July2010)

Another formidable and inquisiDvecouple of young poliDcal analysts fromPoerio Press wonder about a recurrentItalian obsession,the "poteri forD" (inaway,the"powersthatbe")whichschemein the shadows to frustrate the gallanteffortsofthegovernmentoftheday.Thew or se t hi ng s g et , t he l ou de r t hea cc u sa Do ns b ec om e a ga i ns t t he semysterious "poteri forD". The analyst totheleLrecallsanicedinnerpartygivenon an elegant roman terrace with the

parDcipaDonof the richest man in Italy,ownerof fournaDonalTV channels andprime minister, his daughter, owner ofthe main publishing house and bestselling magazine in the country, theSecretary of State of the VaDcan, theGovernor of the Bank of Italy andpresidentoftheFinancialStabilityBoard,the president of the country's maind i s c ou n t b a n k a n d i n s u ra n c ec o ng l o me r at e , a f o rm e r C h ri s D anemocratbossnowheadingapartyvery

close to the Church, and theanchor ofthemain poliDcal talk show of the firstchannel of the State TV network.Theanalysttotherightobservesthatsinceitappears they talked about everythingunder the sun, they may have alsowonderedwhothesemysterious"poteriforD"mightbe.

68


69/92

Preven?ngBuilding

Viola?ons

(20July2010)

The prevenDon of crime has always been akeen concern of the current government.Wary of condoning building violaDons, theBurlesqueoniparliamentisabouttolaunchan ic e l i le n ew p ro ce du re c al le d S CI A(Segnalazione cerDficata di inizio a`vita' literally,cerDfiedsignallingofbuildingstart).Tha nks to it , th e nee d to de al wit hunauthorized building will disappear, since

SCIAwillsimplyeliminatetherequirementtoobtain a building authorisaDon in the firstplace.Elementary,Watson

.The vignee below, sublimely penned byanotherPoerioPressarDstandcapDonedasalways in the official language of organisedc r i m e, i s n e a rl y i n c om p re h e ns i b le .Metaphorically stepping on topof an arDcledenouncing the SCIA gimmick, the tworoguesquebuilders arecongratulaDngeachother."Nowwecanfinallydowhatwewant,says the one to the leL". And his zealous

companion: "Ialways said that you have tosignalfirstbeforedoing a manouver. Hurrahfor TremonD!"TremonD is the ineffableBurlesqueoni minister of finance w hoconceived the segnalazione gimmick andstuckitinafoldofhis"Manovra"abouttobepassed by Parl iament ("Manovra" is aeuphemismformassivefiscaltsunami).

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70/92

CaligulaCaesar

(30July2010)

TheRomanemperorCaligula,notagreatfanof representaDve insDtuDons, iswell

known for having made his horse a

Senator. Approximately one thousand

years later, we may have a reverse

situaDon. Burlesqueoni, affecDonally

referredtobyhishenchmenas"Cesare",

and garbed accordingly in this Poerio

Press rendering, consults with his main

consigliori , t he c el eb ra te d l aw ye r

Ghedinus. "Ghedinus" he asks, "Can a

fourlegged animal be condemned for

collusion with the mafia ?" "Of course

not", Ghedinus promptly answers."Fine

t h e n" , c o nc l u de s C a li g u la Ca e s ar

Burlesqueoni: "I shall make Senator

ell'Utri a horse. ell'Utri is one of B.'s

closestconfidants,twicecondemned for

mafiaandwaiDngforthefinalverdicton

thesecharges.

ThePoerioPressarDstaddedtwodetails

worthyofnoDce.ThescrollinGhedinus's

handsreads"Meaex,Sedex";andB.'s

chaussures are forged in the fashion of

the riding boots that earned Caligulahis

name.70


71/92

DeficitANDdebt

(16September2010)

The reader on the leL

expresses her puzzlementa t h ow t he p er si st en tg lo ba l c ri si s i s b ei nga e n d e d t o b y i t sappointed medics somepushing for rigour (and

relatedstagnaDon),othersfor deficit spending (andrelated debt growth). The

second reader commentsthat our finance ministerGiulio TremonD, anxiousnot toerr, has decided todo both. (Italian publicdebt is skyrockeDng whilesocial spending is being

slashed savagely right andleL).

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72/92

Sarkozy,Berlusconi,Hitler

(16September2010)

berlusconi haentusiasticamente difeso

sarkozy e la sua politica diespulsione dei rom.

tutto qui da uno chevuole far rinascerehitler molto piu'cattivo di prima?

poerio press 2010

One of Burlesqueoni's worst jokes

recentlytouredtheworld:Hitleris

found living incognito in aDn

america, and his fans beg him to

return. Yes, he finally says, but at

o n e c on d iD on : m u ch m o re

toughnessthisDme.Inviewofthis,

thePoerioPressmaninthestreet

o n t he r ig ht m an ife st s h is

d i s a pp o i nt m e n t a b o u t t h e

enthusiasDcsupportourleaderjust

expressedforSarkozyandhismeek

policyofsimplyexpellingRoms.

72


73/92

CosiparloUolter

(18September2010)

The other dat Walter (Uolter for PP

r e a d e r s ) V e l t r o n i p e n n e d acumbersome manifesto which, alas,willsplittheopposiDon'smainpartyintwo warring facDons, but in the longrunwillinevitablycarryhisownfacDontovictorywithhimselfasthevictory'sselfsacrificing and reluctant leader.ThewundergirlontheleLquotesoneof the manifesto's key passages: "We

neednewlabourmarketrulescapableof eliminaDng the barrier betweenprotected and unprotected workers".The wunderkind on the right remarksthat this is exactly what the ruthlessFiatboss,Marchionnesaysdayinandday out. (on Fiat,see the 19June PP,"delocalizing Parliament").Minor

notaDon: the physical resemblancebetween Uolter and Marchionne isalsoremarkable.

73

As Long as Its Not in The


74/92

AsLongasIt sNotinThe

Family

(25September2010)

fini dice che seviene fuori cheil cognato e'

un poco dibuono sidimette.

gran sospiro disollievo di

berlusconi, che di

mangano, dell'utrie scajola non e'

nemmeno lontanoparente.

poerio press 2010

Readers who are lucky enough not to

reside in this republic increasinglyresemblinganexoDcfruitplantaDonmay

ignore that the issue that kept the

countryhostageoverthelasttwomonths

is the accusaDon from Burlesqueoni's

printedmedia roweilers that B.'s most

insidious poliDcal foe, Gianfranco Fini,

mayhavelethiscompanion'sbrotherrent

(or even purchase) a Dny apartment in

MontecarlosoldbythepartythatFiniledattheDme.Onthevergeofbeingburied

by this unheardof scandal (unheard of

becausethescandalsweareusedtoare

incommensurably more serious), Fini

pledgedhewillresignifitisprovedthat

h is " br ot he r in l aw " l ie d t o h im i n

p ro te sD ng h e d oe s n ot o wn t he

place.Burlesqueoni can now breath a

huge sigh of relief. If dirty deals withbrothersinlaw are the new standard of

ethical conduct, he has nothing to fear:

the scoundrels he has been associaDng

with are not even remotely part of his

family.

74


75/92

SomeofMyBestFriends

areNiggers

(25September2010)

do we

reallyhate

niggers?

nah, onlysocialist

ones.

poerio press 2010

PoliDcal incorrectness is one of

t h e d e l i c i ou s o p D o n s o f

underground publishing houses.

Here,aconversaDonamongtwo

tea party acDvists reveals that

their distaste about Obama has

nothingtodowithrace,butonly

with the fact that he heads an

odiouscollecDvistconspiracy.

75

Li t Wh T lki


76/92

ListenWhosTalking

(25September2010)

oh bella. eroconvinto che

l'impresa l'avessecompletata lui

stesso da tempo.

berlusconidice che nonsi fida piu' di

fini perche'ha

sputtanatol'italia

poerio press 2010

senti chi parla

Inagayandwellappointedbrothel,a

p ro sp ero us s ex wo rke r a nd h er

disDnguished client indulge in small

talk as they make their way to the

appointed chambers that will host

the ir b li ss fu l e mb race . S he s ays:

"Berlusconi says that he cannot trust

Fini any more because he ruined the

c o u n t r y ' s r e p u ta D o n " ( t h e

untranslatable Italian equivalent is

m o re r e mi n is c en t o f b o rd e ll o

language). The wellinformed client

quips: "Strange. I thought B. himselfhadalreadycompletedthistaskalong

Dmeago".

76


77/92

Fiducia

(30September2010)

ALe r obtain in g a "voto difi d u c i a " i n P a r li a m e nt ,

Burlesqueoni will have to rely

onthevotesofhisrunawayex

ally, Gianfranco Fini. For all

pracDcal purposes, from now

on B. will be on a drip

administereddailyby his ally/

f oe . But F in i, p erfid ious ly,

reassures his new paDent:"don't worry, cavaliere, this is

justanaddiDonalsidetherapy.

Today'slunchwillbetheusual:

toads and gall" ("ingoiare un

rospo" is Italospeak for being

f or ce d t o a cc ep t a v er y

unpleasantturnofevents).

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78/92

TheImminentNewRing

RoadinRome

(6October2010)

e adesso civoglionoanche farpagare i

viaggi sulraccordo.

e noi ce necostruimo unartro, e su

quello vecchioce famo la

formula uno, cefamo.

6 ottobre 2010: gli industrialiromani domandano a gran voceun secondo grande raccordoanulare.

poerio press 2010

The passenger expresses his worry

aboutthethreatofturningtheasphalt

freewaycirclingtheEternalCityintoa

toll road. Meanwhile, the Roman

industrialists (forgive the oxymoron)

are clamouring for a new, bigger,

wider one. But not to worry. Thec ar ef re e d ri ve r r es po nd s t o h is

companion:we'llbuildanewone,and

we'll use the old one for grand prix

r a c e s . ( O n e o f t h e p r e s e n t

administraDon's follies is, indeed, to

haveagrandprixraceinRome).Photo

courtesy of the immortal flick "Il

Sorpasso",byEoreScola.

78


79/92

Ro]enEggs

(10October2010)

lo sapevo cheprima o poiavrebberolanciato leuova contro

la cgil.

facciamo ilsolitotitolone diprima- "vileattaccosquadrista"?

sieteimpazziti?due righedopo losport,

caratteriminuscoli

.

titolo:

ingenua

ragazzata

goliardica.

poerio press 2010

novembre 2010: uova marce anche contro la cgil

Recently, a handful of youths hurled

roeneggs and redpaintagainsttheentrance of CIS, in protest againstthat union's accommodaDng standabout Fiat's uncompromising posiDononworkers'rights(seePoerioPress,19June2010).ThereacDonofthemainpress ha s been one of universa lcondemnaDonof theserepulsiveacts

of violence verging on terrorism andsmacking of fascist violence.PoerioPresstriestoimaginewhatkindofDtlewould be used if the same vileaggression were to be perpetratedagainsttheleLleaningCGI."Heinousfascist aack, l ike the last Dme?"proposes a naive young stringer. "Youmust be out of your mind", his more

experienced colleagues answer. "Twolines,smallestfont.Title:BoysWillBeBoys".Photo c ou rtesy of "Al l thePresident'sMen".

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80/92

BombsandTerrorism

(12October2010)

ma babbino,non eravamonoi che

dovevamoarginare ilterrorismo?

sai che lanato ci ha

dato il

permesso dimettere le

bombe sugliaerei?

poerio press 2010

A quick, albeit fairly strange,

responseby the government to

t he d ea th o f f ou r I ta li an

servicemen in Afghanistan has

been to ask Nato permission to

storebombsinthe(four)militaryp l a ne s s ta D on e d i n t h at

wretchedland.Theresponsehas

beenimmediateandaffirmaDve.

adproudlyannouncesthenews

to his son bent on surveying

possible Al Queda aacks from

the sea, who responds with a

c er ta in a mo un t o f c an di d

scepDcism."Bombsonplanes?hesaysbutad,weren'twethe

ones who were supposed to

containterroristacts?"

80

P i P Af h i t


81/92

PoerioPressonAfghanistan

(17October2010)with you inafganistanuntill the

victory

final.

hasta lavictoria,

siempre!

poerio press 2010

It did not take an awful lot of

persuading to convince the ItalianMinister of efense (the taliban

lookingchapontheleL)toremuster

total c ommi tmen t to the Afg han

mission, slightly shaken aLer four of

his countrymen were blown up in an

ambush. Poerio Press imagines a

gall an t Petraeu s, moved b y s uc h

devoDon, launching himself into theo n ly l a Dn o so un di ng p h ra se h e

remembers, confident it will sit well

w it h h is o bl ig in g u nd er li ng . T he

p hra se, o f co urse , is b y E rne sto

Guevara, and his last one before

l ea vi ng f or a n i ll fa te d m il it ar y

expediDon in a distant and hosDle

land.

81

SameTea,SameChair


82/92

(18October2010)OnlyolderpeopleindigenoustothePoerioPresshostcountrywillgetthisonerightaway.ButyoungerItaliansallknowEnglish,anyway,andmayalsolikethis

story.More thanfourscore years ago, a popularpoli?car?stnot very sympathe?c to thele drew a cartoon thatreally hitthe town. It portrayedEnrico

Berlinguer,the adoredleaderof theItalianCommunistParty,si=nginhisfavouritearmchairandsippingteaundera portraitof KarlMarx.Thecartoonwas

meanttochas?seBerlinguerfornota]endingamassivemetalworkers'rallythreateningahugena?onalstrike,thuscelebra?ngthe"bourgeoisiza?on"ofthe

biggestcommunistpartyoutsidetheSovietUnion.InPoerioPress'sview,33yearslaterhistoryrepeatsitself.On16OctoberofthisyearPierluigiBersani,the

headofthecenterlepartywhichincorporatestheremainsofwhatoncewastheItaliancommunistparty,alsorefusedtoa]endamassivemetalworkers'rally

threateningana?onalstrike.Thereasonisthesameas33yearsago:hispartyisnego?a?ngacoali?onwithmoderatepoli?calforceswhodonotlikerallies,militantandaggressiveunions,andredflags.TheonlymajorchangeisthatKarlMarx'sportraithasdisappeared,andthatBersani'sfaceiscompletelyblank.One

ofPoerioPress'srichre?nueofinhousear?stsdecidedtocapturethesceneandofferittoourreaders,sidebysidewiththeoriginal1977cartoon.

82

1977 2010


83/92

BungaBunga

(2November2010)

ALer the Wall Street Journal, e

Monde, the Guardian, the ondonT ime s a ll ca me o ut wi th t heBurlesqueoni & Mubarak niecestory, Poerio Press is forced toabandon its tradiDonal olympicrestraintanddealwiththecase.ThereaderontheleLmanifestsasenseofnauseaaboutallthoseB.scandalstories.Theoneontheright,always

more cynical, suggests that it is allpartofagrandplan:whatB.reallywants is to be forced to leave hisp re se nt p os iD on , g et e le ct edPresident of the Republic by afriendly parliament and move tothe secluded Quirinale palace inwhose ample cellars his loyal all

p ur po se d oe r, B er to la so , c anappoint a wonderful fun space,

p o s s ib l y w i t h e x t ra t e r ri t o r ia lprivileges.

83


84/92

GoingtotheQuirinale

(8November2010)

I t i s n o wo nde r, gi ve n

r e c e n t s c a n d a l o u srevelaDons, that many of

P o e r i o P r e s s ' s

wunderkinder are quite

worriedabouttheprospect

of Burlesqueoni "going to

the Quirinale", i.e. ge`ng

elected president of the

Republic. However, thelilechapontherighthasa

plan. He says: " et's do it

this way. He GOES to the

Quirinalejustthisonceto

r es ig n. A nd t ha t' s i t" .

(Graphics: Poerio Press.

S o L w a r e : S k e t c hb o o k

( i m a g e s ) ; C o m i c i f e

(cartoons)).

84


85/92

WinningTac?cs

(15November2010)

ho trovato lamaniera perfregare la

destra.

noiindichiamo uncandidato dipartito, e

poi

quell'altrovince allagrande.

primarie pd a milanopoeriopress 2010

E xa ct ly a s i t h ap pe ne d

previously in Puglia and in

F l o r e n c e , t h e I t a l i a n

emocraDc Party's official

candidate in Milan lostlocal

primaries to an unendorsed

opponent. Apparently, theparty's undisciplined rank

and file tend to vote for

somebody other than the

one the party tells them to

vote for. But never mind,

reasons the P secretary. "I

finally found a way to beat

theright;wepickaguy,andthentheotheronewinsbya

landslide".

85


86/92

Poli?calStabilityand

SteadfastMinisters

ALerthePompeicollapse,the

minister in charge, far from

considering resignaDon and

ke en o n a vo id in g s im il ar

occurrences in the future,o rd er ed u rg en t w or ks o f

c on so li da Do n fo r h is o wn

ministerialchair.

86


87/92

SellingAssetsinHardTimes

(18November2010)

O ne reade r remarks that

Burlesqueoni is not the only

one with problems. The Fiat

boss,forexample,lost33%of

its share of the d omesDc

marketinthislastyearalone.Hercompanionobserves:yes,

butatleasttheFiatbosscan

sell Alfa Romeo and Ferrari.

And what can the other one

selltheMinistroBondi?(See

previousPP)

87

The Italian Tea Party


88/92

TheItalianTeaParty

(20November2010)

Americanswhowanttoknowmoreabout

their future should take a beer look atthiscountry.Here,theTeaPartyhasbeeni n p owe r fo r ye ar s. I t i s ca ll edMovimento per lIndipendenza della

Padania. It's the only party in clearascendancy; its supporters are racistrednecksandblueneckswhodespisetheirownWashington(Rome),hatetheforeignworkerstheyimporttoworkforthemlikeslaves,thinkthatstatetaxaDonisrobbery

and love colorful shirts and banners,hunDng, guns, God and family. Its bossforlifeisanunbelievablecharactercalledUmbertoBossi(seeballoonsbelow),andhe cant wait for new elecDons. TheconversaDon between our Poerio Pressnewspaperreaders:BigDtle:Bossi warnsthat Italy will not stomach a transiDongovernment.Theproblemofthishonestandcatholiccountryisthatithangsfrom

the lips of a character who patronizeswhores,neverworkedin hislife,believesinthePoGodandinhisfreeDmegetshissonselectedtoregionalparliaments.

88

bossi ammonisceche l'italia nontollerera' ungoverno tecnico.

il problemadell'italia

cattolica chelavora e' che pendedalle labbra di uno

che va a puttane,non ha mai lavorato

in vita sua, credenel dio po e neltempo libero faeleggere i figli

consiglieriregionali.

poerio press 2010

my prob em s


89/92

AWhiteHousePredicament

my problem is

that i have

absolutely no

convictions.

i think.

the white house, november 2010

poerio press 2010

WilltheObamaweallsDlllovefindthe

innerstrengthtostanduptothebad

guys?

89


90/92

TheNewNightmare

Monsters

(21November2010)

i nuovi orchi

vedrai che quei brutti mercatinon li sognerai piu'. e adessocerca di riaddormentarti, da

bravo.

Giventhefactthat"themarkets"have

becomethemastersofindividualsand

enDrecountriesalike,itislikelythat

theywillbecomethenightmare

monstersofanewgeneraDonof

percepDveandsensiDvechildren.

Here'soneofthem,tryingtogetback

tosleepwiththehelpofarather

perplexedfather.Graphictools:

SketchbooksoLware.Balloons:Comic

ifesoLware.Atthedrawingboard:

PoerioPress.

90

MariastellaGelmini


91/92

(24November2010)

According to her contemporaries,

Mariastella Gelmini never stood outfor her scholarly achievements.However, her early and unshakeabledevoDontoBurlesqueoniwasenoughto gain her, in the end, a ministerialposiDon. Her predecessor, the oilmagnate spouse eDzia Mora`,managed to eliminate the "public"fromtheleerheadoftheMinistryofP u b li c E d uc a Do n . M a r ia s te l l alaunched herself in the mission offinishing the job, by eliminaDngeducaDon.Poerio Press suspects thisfuror may have drawn its inspiraDonf ro m M ar ia st el la 's d iffi cu ltrelaDonshipwithhereducators.Here,Mariastellaisdepictedatagetwelve,informingherfathershereceivedonem o r e f a i l i n g m a r k . B u td ad dy, im me rs ed i n t he t as k o freading his "Corriere della Sera"u ps id e d ow n, o ffe rs a p ro ph eD cc o n s o l a D o n . " o n ' t w o r r y,

Mariastella: one day you will be aM in is te r a nd y ou 'l l g et y ou rr e v en g e " .A n o t h er P o e r io P r e s sarDfact.SoLware:none.Tools:anA4sheet,afeltDppen.

91

MariastellaGelmini


92/92

(24November2010)

A c co rd i ng t o h er c o nt em p or ar i es ,

Mariastella Gelmini never stood out forherscholarlyachievements.However,here arly and u ns hake ab le d evoD on toBurlesqueoni wasenough to gain her, inthe end, a ministerial posiDon. Herpredecessor, the oilmagnate spouseeDziaMora`,managedtoeliminatethe"public" from the leerhead of theMinistry of Public EducaDon. Mariastella

l au nc he d h ers el f i n the mis si on of

fi ni sh in g t he j ob , b y e li mi na Dn geducaDon.PoerioPresssuspectsthisfurormay have drawn its inspiraDon fromMariastella's difficult relaDonship withher educators.Here , Mariastella isdepicted at age twelve, informing herfather she received one more failing

mark.Butdaddy,immersedinthetaskofreading his "Corriere della Sera" upside

down, offers a propheDc consolaDon."on't worry, Mariastella: one day youwill be a Minister and you'll get yourrevenge".Another Poerio Press arDfact.Tools: an A4 sheet, a felt Dp pen.

poerio press_fin.flickr_pdf

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