Inner Universe

Linda J. Edwards

Inner Universe

© Linda J. Edwards, 2012

This is a book about the things in my life.They each hold some value to me, whether they satisfy a daily need or are connected to a precious memory.

I always said coffee was the elixir of the Gods. I rarely drink it for the caffine, actually it has the opposite effect on me, but I drink a cup every morning. It was the only part of the morning, growing up, that I had time to spend with my parents in peace. We’d sit at the kitchen table, have a cup of coffee, and watch the animals in the back yard. This time was space I had to ask my mother or father questions about the world around me. Even now, I still enjoy it.

Coffee Mugs

This past year I came into a near obsession with my dental health. I like flossing, and findd a strange satisfaction whenever I fish out a piece of food that would get stuck in the spaces between my teeth. Sometimes I’ll floss or brush too hard, and my gums would bleed. That too, is strangely satisfying.Mom has said it’s one of my better nervous ticks.

Retainer, Night GuardEfferdent Retainer/Denture CleanerCrest Whitening Plus Scope Toothpaste (Travel Size)Crest Complete Plus Scope ToothpasteToothbrush

I inherited myopia (nearsightedness) from my parents, though thankfully the least severe of my two sibilings. I never liked wearing my glasses, because other students in middle school would make fun of me for them, but soft contact lenses were too irritating. I compromised by wearing CRT rigid lenses that are used at night.

Coach Marlie (533) Black GlassesCorneal Refractive Therapy Rigid Gas-Permeable Contact Lenses

Bare Minerals Liner Shadow (Black)Bare Minerals Flawless Definition MascaraBare Minerals Brow Color (Ash Blonde)Bare Minerals Pale Rose Eye ShadowCoverGirl Advanced Radiance Pressed Powder

I’ve worn make-up every day since eleventh grade in high school. It was after I gave up on the idea that I was beautiful without it and that the cosmetic industry was only around to make me feel inferior if I didn’t cake on some chemical onto my face every day.What happened to that idea?I feel like I’ve given up and played into the game they’ve wanted me to play.At least someone is winning.

Venlafaxine, 150 mgXanax, .25 mgMelatonin, 5 mgVitamin D, 2000 mg

I used to always gawk at the idea of needing medication to survive, to be able to even get out of bed in the morning. It confused me up until the moment I stepped into the psychiatrist’s office to be prescribed the chemicals that allow me to function and exist as a “normal” human being. I just wonder, is it possible to be addicted to these?

Band-Aids, in seven different sizes Neosporin Antibacterial CreamWaterproof Gauze Tape

I always carry around bandaids. Why? I never know what stupid things I’ll do to myself.

Languages always interested me, but none of the many I studied in schools held my attention like American Sign Language does. It is the only language I am comfortable speaking in public, as it does not require word of mouth, rather, word of hand. I was always afraid, with speaking languages, that my pronunciation was terrible, or I would mess up and say the wrong word.

HandsLearning American Sign Language

When I read stories, I become the main character, at least in my own head. I become so absorbed into the world of the novel that I forget everything around me. If the character is crying, so do I. If they’re hungry, I am as well. But I always love stories that have the main character go through an emotional struggle and work through it. I do this in hopes that it’ll cure me in some respect. It’s a strange posession that books have over me, so I read cautiously. I fear I’ll lose who I am if I read too much.

Handmade leather journal with acid-free paperDiary

Ever since I was little, I always kept a diary. They always held my most precious secrets and fears. It wasn’t until college when they lost their purpose of holding my innermost thoughts and became canvases for ideas and substitute notebooks for classes. I think growing up our priorities changed and learning to survive in the world ran to the forefront of our minds and our creative selves diminished. All of us are that way, even artists. I wonder what kind of art we would be making if we didn’t have the worries of modern adulthood.

Birthday CardsThank you Notes & LettersResidence Hall Dorm TagsNew York Comic Con PassesPAX East 2012 PassArtist Prints & Show CardsSilly BandsBusiness CardsTrading CardsHospital I.D. BandsCandlesFan from ChinaDollar Bill Bow-TieWristbandsCPW Volunteer Name TagNetherlands Stropwafel WrapperMetal Wire Smiley FaceAwardsMovie Ticket Stub

Blue Ridge Middle School YearbooksHarmony Intermediate YearbooksLoudoun Valley High Yearbooks

Graduation Cap & TassleSchool ID Cards

PhotographsConvention Booklets

Otakon 2006 PassAnimeUSA 2005 PassJournals/Sketchbooks

Virginia State Music AwardsMarching Band Drill Charts ‘05-’08

ProgramsBirthday & Holiday Cards ‘03-’12

Girl Scouts of America Junior SashMementos from Europe Trip 2008

LVHS Marching Vikings TShirtsLVHS Indoor Winter Guard TShirt

Alto Saxophone Section ShirtsRelay for Life ‘10 TShirt

S.T.A.R.S. Conference ShirtNEACURH Conference Shirt

My mother always scolded me for being a “pack-rat,” i.e. never throwing away seemingly unimportant items. But I love to keep them for memories’ sake, each item, each note, each card is a testiment to an experience I had- that for the most part, I won’t remember unless I see and touch the item again. I began collecting these items when my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and the possibility that I may have the disease when I am old. The thought of forgetting terrifies me.

I never understood my obsession with these dolls. When I was a toddler, you would never see me without one of these. They were my grandmothers’, and when she passed, they were given to me. Sometimes when I’m home alone, I take them out of their box from the basement and hold them for a few hours. It comforts me in ways I don’t think I’ll ever understand.

Porcelain Dolls

Dad told me this was a habit I must have inherited from his father. I never had the chance to meet my father’s parents, but I only learn of him from mementos Dad kept. Grandpa Leo collected pocketwatches, just as I do now. There is something so beautiful about the intricacies of the design of them, how tiny gears move the dials on the watches.

Pocket Watches

Growing up, my sister and I never got along. We absolutely hated each other, and I even at some points would say I wasn’t related to her. The only thing we could ever bond over was our love of Nancy Drew. Even in our twenties, we still collect and play the games together.

Nancy Drew: CD-ROM Interactive Games (Complete Collection)

Music has been part of my life since I was a child. My siblings and I were introduced to choir and to instruments in elementary school. I had dreams about being a concert pianist and pursued several instruments as a kid. Mom and Dad always supported these dreams, and I think that was the time they were most proud of me. The only thing I couldn’t get over was my fear of performing. I hated performing solos. I quit music altogether after high school. My director ruined the fire to create music for me.

Christofori Upright Piano

Twin XL Bed New Paltz, NY

Full BedPurcellville, VA

My favorite place in the world has to be my bed.I sleep too much and too often.Sleeping is safe. Sleep is where I cannot hurt nor feel judgement from others. Sleep is where I am free from the restraint of my own mental incapacity. I wish I could sleep forever.

Gilded TarotSquare Enix Guild Wars TarotEnchanted TarotMeditation Crystals - Amethyst, Clear Quartz, Rose QuartzChinese Ornamental Spheres

There is too much of this world that lies in the plane of the unknown. Tarot provided me with an option of seeing this, regardless if anything I read into the spreads I created was correct or not. They give me a space to at least believe there are other forces in the world that manipulate the lives of individuals. Even if it seems “silly,” there is always something that gives you comfort.I find nothing wrong with finding solice in a few decks of cards.

Technology is the only thing that drives us anymore. It is our biggest worry and our greatest joy. The internet is my connection to the people I care the most about.The best people in life live hundreds of miles away.

iPod 80GB ClassiciPhone 4S13” 2009 MacBook ProToshiba 500 GB External HarddriveSanDisc 16 GB Thumb-driveSanDisc 4 GB Thumb-drive

We all take comfort in the things we hold and the things we call our own. Our lives are influenced by the objects we surround ourselves with. And these seemingly meager items have shaped my existence.