Pause andPause andGive WiserGive WiserResponsesResponses

By Stephen R. Covey

Secrets to building a happy family

Stephen Covey husband, father, grandfather and author of the

number-one best-seller The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,

shares secrets to building a strong, close family.

It is so easy to be reactive! You get caught Lip in the

moment.You say things you dot*

mean. Youdo things you later regret.

And youthink, "If only I had stopped

to think about it, I never would

have reacted that way!"

Family life would be a whole lot better if people acted according to their

values instead of reacting to the emotion or circumstance of the moment.

It's possible to develop a habit of learning to pause and give wiser

responses. Proactively is the ability to act rather than react.

I have a friend who makes a powerful proactive choice every day.

When she comes home from work, she sits in her car in the driveway

and pauses. She takes a minute to think about the members of her

family and what they are doing inside the house.

She considers what kind of feeling she wants to

helpcreate when she goes,

inside.She says to herself, "my

family is the most enjoyable,

the most pleasant, the most

important part of my life.

I'm going to go into my home

and feel and communicate

my love for them."

Just think of the difference

this makes in her family.

While my wife was out of the room, my three-year-old son Brenton emptied a one-and-a-half-gallon jug of water from the fridge-most of it onto the kitchen floor. My wife's initial reaction had been to yell at him. Instead, she stopped herself and said patiently,

And another friend told me this story :

Brenton, what

were you tryingto do?

"I was trying to be a helping man, Mom," he replied proudly."What do you mean?" she asked.

I washed the dishes for you.

Sure enough, there on the kitchen table were all the dishes he had washed with

the water from the jug. "Well, honey, why did you use the water from the fridge?”

"I couldn't reach the

waterfrom the

sink."

"Oh!" my wife said. Then she looked around. "Well, what do you think

you could do next time that would make less of a mess?"

I could do it in the

bathroom!

"The dishes might break in the bathroom," she replied. "But how about this?

What if you came and got me and I helped you move a chair in front of the

kitchen sink so you could do the work there?”

Good idea!

As my wife was telling me what had happened, I realized how important

it was that she had been able to catch herself between stimulus

and response. She had made a proactive choice.

The balance in the account determines

howwell you can communicate

and solve problems with

another person.

One useful way to communicate the idea of pro-activity is through an analogy

I call the "emotional bank account." This account is like a financial one in

that you can make "deposits"-things that build trust in the relationship-

or "withdrawals" - things that decrease the level of trust.

One of the great benefits of being proactive is that you can choose to make

deposits instead of withdrawals. No matter what the situation, there are

always things you can choose to do that will make relationships better.

Little kindnesses go a long way toward building relationships of trust and

unconditional love. Just think about the impact in your own family

of saying "thank you," "please" or "you go first."

Or performing unexpected acts of service such as phoning to see if there's anything you

can pick up at the store on your way home. Twelve hugs a day-that's what people need.

Hugs can be physical, verbal, visual or environmental. And each one is a deposit in the emotional bank account.

You would be hard pressed to come up with a deposit that has more

impact than making and keeping promises. just think about it! How

much excitement, anticipation and hope is created by a promise.

Our daughter Cynthia shared this memory: When I was twelve, Dad promised

to take me with him on a business trip to San Francisco. I was so excited! After

Dad's meetings, we planned to go to Chinatown for dinner, see a movie, take

a ride on a trolley car, then go back to our hotel room for hot fudge sundaes

from room service. I was dying with anticipation.

The day finally arrived. The hours dragged by as I waited at the hotel. Finally, at 6:30

p.m., Dad returned with a dear friend and influential business acquaintance. My heart sank as this man said, "I'm so delighted to have

you here, Stephen. Tonight, Lois and I would like to take you to the wharf for a seafood dinner, and then you

must see theview from our house." I could see my hopes and plans going down the

drain.

I will never forget the feeling I had when Dad said,

Gosh, Bill, I'd love to,

but this is a special time

with my daughter. We've

already got it planned

to the minute.

We did absolutely everything we had planned. I don't think any young

girl ever loved her father as much as I loved mine that night.

"The most important

thing you’ll ever do is

in the four walls of your own home."- Stephen Covey

Thank You Very MuchSompong Yusoontorn

This is a presentation dedicated to pay tribute

to Stephen Covey(1932 -

2012),author of the best-selling book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. A

bigThank You to you. You

are ourinvisible mentor, though

wenever met, you helped us

andmany friends in the world

to be more effective people

andchanged our lives for the better. We will miss you.

Rest In Peace.