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Parenting StylesBy Nong ChrangJenny SmithMelissa Wright

Welcome to PARENTHOOD!

•Whether you are new parents, experienced parents, adoptive, foster or soon-to-be parents…

parenthood is a journey.

•“Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on.” Maria Shriver

•As your primary care provider, we would like to support you in your parenthood journey.

•Today, we would like to give some simple tips for you to use for based on parenting research.

•Our recommendations begin with younger children, and expand to pre-teen and teenage years.

•Please view the following videos, and imagine yourself as the parent

•Ask yourself, what would you do?

Consider this Scene...

•Child sitting with tablet in messy room. Parent asks “did you clean up your room?” Child, without looking up says “yes”, camera sweeps piles and clutter.

•What words would you choose to describe your feeling after watching?

•Irritated? Frustrated? Impatient?

Knee-Jerk Reactions• Avoid negative reflexive responses when

possible. “Knee-jerk” angry responses have been shown to produce more bad behavior in children, not less.

•More bad behavior can lead parents to escalate angry responses, producing a negative cycle.

Laukkanen, et al, 2014, Mence, et al, 2014

The Knee-Jerk Cycle

•That cycle can can lead parents to expect and over-react to bad behavior before it happens.

•Over-reactions can include being demanding, shutting down child discussion, and being overly-controlling, which can produce hostility going forward on both sides.

Laukkanen, et al, 2014, Mence, et al, 2014

Think back to the video, you may have responded like this:

Demanding/Controlling Discipline

•Demanding or controlling forms of discipline have been associated with more temperamental child behaviors such as outbursts and inflexibility in new situations, especially in younger children… Bahr & Hoffman,

2010 Mence, et al, 2014

Demanding/Controlling Discipline

•…increased risky behaviors such as underage drinking in older children.

Bahr & Hoffman, 2010

also connected with

Teenage Drinking

•Those with parents warm, open and communicative had the least risk of heavy drinking

•Teens with demanding/controlling parents were twice as likely to drink heavily

Bahr & Hoffman, 2010

However…

•Overly indulgent/permissive parenting is no better. There is evidence that this “hands-off” style is associated with even more discipline problems in the future.

Bahr & Hoffman, 2010Laukkanen, et al, 2014

Giving-in

•For example, giving in to the whining child or being inconsistent with rules has also been associated with temperamental children and risk-seeking behaviors in teens.

•Teens with “indulgent parents” had three times the risk of heaving drinking as compared to supportive, consistent parents.

Bahr & Hoffman, 2010, Laukkanen, et al, 2014

Bad outcomes, the example...

•Vid clip continues with parent commenting “I don’ t see that you’ve done anything.” Child: “I’m on-line playing with Tommy. I’ll do it later.” Parent: “That’s what you said yesterday, but, whatever.”

Bahr & Hoffman, 2010, Laukkanen, et al, 2014

Opposing views

•One researcher found “indulgent parenting” connected to teen girls and:▫Lower stress levels▫Higher life satisfaction▫However, increased unhealthy eating

habits

There are good and bad things about ALL parenting styles. Coccia, Darling, Rehm, Cui, & Sathe, 2012

However, most research shows better results…

•…when parents are both warm and involved as well as highly expectant and consistent

Maccoby & Martin, 1983

Bright Ideas

•When a bad behavior seems like the • same old cycle, consider other ways• of tackling the problem.

•Get ahead of bad behavior by acknowledging triggers...

Dowling, Slep & O’Leary, 2009

Triggers

•Triggers can include boredom, fatigue, physical discomfort, hunger and fear.

•Thinking about triggers should also include the child’s physical, emotional and developmental status. A small child is easily distracted. A teen is inwardly focused.

Dowling, Slep & O’Leary, 2009

Parenting Tools

•Set clear rules/standards

•Avoid problems by thinking of child’s needs, avoiding triggers

•Listen and understand children’s feelings

Consider this scene:

•Clip: Parent: “Anthony, please go up to your room, make your bed, and bring down the dirty laundry. And leave your iPad here until you’re done. Gram is coming over in an hour and you wanted to make her a card.” Child: “Oh yeah, I forgot. Okay, Mom.”

Parenting Tools

•Be consistent with discipline/punishment but always with an explanation- tell them why

•Avoid reflexive “knee-jerk” responses based on past behaviors.

For the future…

•We have seen that supportive, involved and warm parenting reduces teenage underage drinking…

• Did you know good parenting can also reduce other teenage risky behaviors such as smoking and unsafe sex?

Communication and smoking•Teens with parents who openly

communicate with them have a 50% reduction in risk of smoking risk

Castrucci & Gerlach, 2006

Communication and Teen Safe Sex•When mothers openly communicate with

teen daughters about sex….

•There is delay in sexual intercourse•Increased contraception use•Increased condom use. •Less dependent on peers opinions.

Askelson, Campo & Smith, 2012

Parenting Tools

•Openly communicate…even if subject is

uncomfortable

American Academy of Pediatrics•This national organization also

recommends open communication between parents and children/teens.

•Their website gives clear, simple tips for communication with your children and teens.

AAP, 2013

American Academy of Pediatrics

Tips for Communication•Listen Actively•Make and keep eye contact.•Look for the underlying messages 

in what your child is saying.•Show respect for their  ideas and feelings. 

AAP, 2013

American Academy of Pediatrics

Tips for Communication•Stay away from sarcasm•No hurtful teasing •No blaming•Be honest•Be aware of time and places that are good

for talking

AAP, 2013

Helpful Websites

 Parenting NH

If you wish to spend some extra time, here are some great websites…

Parents of Young Children

Parents of Teens

Final Thought

•“We may not be able to prepare the future for our children…

…but we can at least prepare our children for the future”

• –Franklin Roosevelt

On your own- Ted Talk:

•If you wish to spend some more time….•On the next slide is a hysterical 17 minute

ted talk about parenting taboos.•It’s worth watching!

•Thank you!!

References• American Academy of Pediatrics [AAP]. (2013) Communication

dos and don’ts. Available from http://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Communication-Dos-and-Donts.aspx

• Askelson, N.M., Campo, S. & Smith, S. (2012) Mother-Daughter Communication About Sex: The Influence of Authoritative Parenting Style. Health Communication, 27: 439-448; 2012

• Bahr, S. J., & Hoffmann, J. P. (2010). Parenting Style, Religiosity, Peers, and Adolescent Heavy Drinking. Journal Of Studies On Alcohol & Drugs, 71(4), 539-543.

• Castrucci, B.C. & Gerlach, K.K. (2006) Understanding the Association Between Authoritative Parenting and Adolescent Smoking. Maternal and Child Health Journal, Vol. 10, No. 2.

References• Coccia, C., Darling, C. A., Rehm, M., Cui, M., & Sathe, S.

K. (2012). Adolescent Health, Stress and Life Satisfaction: The Paradox of Indulgent Parenting. Stress & Health: Journal Of The International Society For The Investigation Of Stress, 28(3), 211-221. doi:10.1002/smi.1426

• Dowling, C., Smith, A. & O'Leary, S. (2009). Understanding preemptive parenting: relations with toddlers' misbehavior, overreactive and lax discipline, and praise. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 38(6), pp. 850-857. DOI: 10.108015374410903258983. personality, and social development, chapter 1, pages 1–101. New York: Wiley, 4th edition ISBN 978-0-471-09065-6

References• Laukkanen, J., Ojansuu, U., Tolvanen, A., Alatupa, S. &

Aunola, K. (2014). Child’s difficulty temperament and mother’s parenting styles. Journal of Children and Family Studies, 23, p. 312-323.

• Maccoby, E. E and Martin, J. A. (1983). Socialization in the context of the family: Parent–child interaction. In P. Mussen and EM Hetherington, editors, Handbook of Child Psychology, volume IV: Socialization, personality, and social development, chapter 1, pages 1–101. New York: Wiley, 4th edition ISBN 978-0-471-09065-6

• Mence, M., Hawes, D. Morgan, S., Barnatt, B., Kohlhoff, K., & Hunt, C. (2014). Emotional flooding and hostile discipline in families of toddlers with disruptive behavior problems. Journal of Family Psychology, 28(1), pp. 12-21. DOI: 10.1037/a0035352.