Parent and Child

Dedication

Published by:

Clayton Baptist Church

110 South Delsea Drive

Clayton, New Jersey 08312

(856)881-5454

YOU HAVE MADE A WISE DECISION!

Congratulations! You have made a wise decision to share in our parent/

child dedication. Just as Abraham offered his son and Hannah dedicated

hers, so you have committed yourself to dedicating your precious son or

daughter to the Lord.

Hopefully this little booklet will help you prepare your own heart to

make this serious commitment. This ceremony is called a Parent/Child

dedication because actually this will be a time of presenting your child

officially before the Lord and committing yourself to raising your little

one for the Lord.

I have never met a parent who wanted to be a failure as a parent, but I

have met many who wish with all their hearts they had it to do all over

again. If you put Jesus first in your own life, and help your child to do

the same, you can be a successful parent. The challenge before you,

however, is an awesome one. It will require everything you can bring to

it. A woman was visiting a friend who had two beautiful children. With

apparently no thought to the meaning of her words, the guest said, "I'd

give my life to have two such children." To which the mother replied

with earnestness, "That's exactly what it takes."

At this parent/child dedication, you will be saying you are prepared to

give the task your very best effort.

PARENT/CHILD DEDICATION: WHAT IT’S

NOT! Many people are confused about what a Parent/Child dedication is, so

we will begin with an explanation of what it isn’t.

Dedication is not baptism

A dedication service is not the same as an infant baptism or a

“Christening.” Some churches encourage parents in their membership to

NOTES

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Friends God has made us as social beings. We really need friends- especially

friends who will help us grow in the Lord. Some suggestions:

Always be ready to have friends visit with your child at your house

or at the home of a Christian friend of yours who you know has the

same standards as you. It may be less of a hassle to just let your

kids go somewhere else, but why not let your home be the one kids

like to come to? This way you get to know your children’s friends

and their parents firsthand.

It is especially helpful if your whole family can find another

Christian family you can begin to build friendships with. Then you

can even plan family trips together or alternate baby-sitting. Maybe

one day you can all go on a mission trip together! Who knows?

Pray seriously about whether you can somehow afford a Christian

school for your kids. Such a school will not guarantee Christian

friends, but it will go a long way toward encouraging the formation

of lifelong friendships with other kids who love God.

In Conclusion: Perhaps you thought a Parent/Child Dedication wasn’t such a big thing!

But like so much in life, your degree of success in raising children is

directly proportional to the amount of effort you put into it. Remember

that God has begun a good work in your life and in your home. What

He begins He sticks to.

Phil 1:6 … he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

May our Lord richly bless you as you present your children before him

in dedication and as seek to “raise them in the training and instruction

of the Lord.”

baptize their children. This is often done by sprinkling water on the

child or by some other means.

However, baptism is always portrayed throughout the New Testament

as something which someone who has already trusted in Christ receives

as an outward expression of an inward faith. Since many children are

dedicated as infants, this could never be the equivalent of baptism or

“Christening.”

Dedication is not salvation

The parent/child dedication cannot assure our children of salvation.

Neither can our faith guarantee that our little ones will go to heaven.

Bringing them to church will not get them to heaven. Having them

participate in a service such as a parent/child dedication will not assure

them of heaven.

At the youngest possible age we need to help our children understand

the gospel so they can trust in Christ the way you have. Each of the

following truths are foundational truths which your child needs to

understand. Please avoid unbiblical expressions like, “accept Jesus into

your heart.” These popular phrases actually confuse a child. Pray that

God will give you wisdom in communicating the following truths from

the earliest age.

We are all sinners.:

Rom 3:23 “… all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”

You and I have lived long enough to prove this statement. And

when your little is old enough he or she will prove it too. For the

small child explain that sinning is “doing bad things.”

Sin has a terrible result

Rom 6:23a “For the wages of sin is death

The Bible speaks of three different forms of death. The first is

physical death when the body is separated from the soul. This

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separation is only temporary for those who receive Christ by faith. The

second is spiritual death (Ephesians 2:1) which is separation from God.

We were all born like this but by trusting in Christ we are brought

back to Him. The third is eternal separation from God in Hell. This is

the terrible fate of all who do not respond to the gospel. Of course, a

small child cannot understand all of this, but he or she should certainly

understand that God must punish sin.

Jesus received our punishment so we wouldn’t have to:

Rom 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Christ died in our place to take the penalty for our sins so that we

would not receive that penalty of death, but rather the gift of eternal

life.

We receive eternal life by faith alone:

Ephesians 2:8-9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works, so that no one can boast.

Faith simply means to trust in God’s promise that He will save us by

believing that Jesus died in our place and for our sins.

No ceremony could ever accomplish the wonderful salvation which we

have through faith in Christ. Instead, in this ceremony we officially

commit ourselves to raising our children in such a way that at the earliest

possible age they will trust in Christ and live faithfully for Him always.

Dedication is not the decision of your child

This service is not the dedication of the child, rather it is the dedication of

the parents. When you stand in front of the congregation, your child will

Here are some suggestions:

Make Sunday morning worship a non-negotiable item in your

home.

Take your children to a Sunday School where there are some other

kids their age and where teachers obviously care about the students.

At the same time, attend Sunday School yourself.

Spend time reviewing any Sunday School and Junior Church papers

or crafts your child may bring home. Avoid an “I already know all

of this stuff” attitude and get excited about what excites your

children. Maybe you should “prime the pump” by saying, “We’ll

see you after Sunday School and you can show us what you’ve

learned.”

Do discuss with each other or with your children what you learned

in church today. Didn’t learn anything? Perhaps you need to

establish the habit of searching for one truth you can get a hold of

each week.

Give the Sunday evening service a try. In this way you begin

Sunday with church and end Sunday with church- what a great way

to start the new week!

Do not ever criticize another church member in your children’s

presence. Long after you have forgotten what bothered you, your

child is left with the impression that maybe he has missed how bad

these church people really are.

Please remember that club programs such as AWANA and

Stockade, youth programs, kid’s choirs are all things that help your

child find a place of fulfillment and friendship in the church. Many

would have trouble believing that my 8 year old daughter cries

bitterly when she can’t get to Kid’s Korner on Wednesday night.

Believe me, if you take the effort to interest your child in church

when she is little, by the time she is a pre-teen you’ll have to hold

her back.

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Have regular times of family devotions. At the very least, by praying

at every meal you establish the fact that as a family we look to God

for everything. Family devotions should be regular, brief and as

enjoyable as you can make them. Using a book such as Kenneth

Taylor's "Bible Pictures for Little Eyes" can help make a family Bible

time fun for a child. A friend of mine once sat in on a Senior Citizens

Sunday School class. Each member was asked what they would tell a

younger family was the thing they would put most emphasis on if

they had it to do over again. Almost every one of the 30+ members of

this class said having regular family devotions would be one thing

they would wish to have the opportunity to do over again. Some of

these dear saints said this through tears of sorrow as they reflected

upon children who no longer seemed to have any heart for God.

Listen and learn.

Church Life:

Heb 10:25 25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-- and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Many no longer appreciate how essential regular involvement in the local

church is for their families. Please note the use of the word “habit” in the

text above. Not all habits are bad, but the habit of missing church most

certainly is. Many modern Christians make a very big mistake by

deciding anew each week whether they will attend Sunday School and

church. A regular habit of church attendance makes this decision process

unnecessary and painless.

Parents sometimes say, “but I don’t want to force my children to go to

church. I was forced and didn’t like it.” Would you take a similar

approach to school attendance? Of course not! You wouldn’t argue the

matter because you would see a value which your children could not see.

That’s why God gave them parents.

have little idea of what is happening. But as you hold or stand beside

your child you are making a public statement of your intent to “train up

(your) child in the way he should go” (Prov. 22:6). Do not

underestimate the significant impact a sincere parent dedication will

have on your child.

TRAINING GODLY CHILDREN We have discussed what this dedication is not. Now we turn to what it

is. What is it that you will be dedicating yourself to when you stand

with your child before the congregation and the Lord in a ceremony of

dedication? The following verse gives us a brief summary statement of

what a truly dedicated parent does:

Eph 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

(please note that the word “fathers” can also translated

“parents.” This word indicates that when there is a father in the

home, he is ultimately responsible for the godly upbringing of

his children.)

Purposefully endeavor to have a home which encourages godliness:

Speaking to both parents, but especially to dads, God says, “do not

create such an atmosphere in your home that you produce exasperated

children.” This term “exasperate” means literally to “lose heart”. Let’s

be honest about this. Too many kids who grow up in “Christian” homes

have very little interest in the things of God. Though there can be many

reasons for this sad reality, this text suggests the primary one.

Too many church kids are simply exasperated with a “Christianity” that

has very little appeal for them. Often times they have just given up- on

their parents, on the church, on the Lord. By thinking about the reasons

for such “losing heart” you can be sure to create a home which will

encourage your precious child to live for the Lord.

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Parenting positive, happy and godly kids is most definitely within your

reach. “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will

not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

Following are some enduring Biblical principles of child training and

some tried-and-true practical suggestions which can help you be the

parent God wants and will help you to be.

Live the way you want your children to live

Some Christians are highly regarded by everyone in church except their

own children. Our kids notice when we look ever so spiritual in church

but can’t wait to get home to tear down the pastor, the music, the “poorly

dressed” people in church or whatever else they can find to criticize.

Think about it. Why would a kid want to sit still for a service with

people who he knows his mom and dad find intolerable? It’s utterly

exasperating!

One surefire, tested and true way to produce a child who will lose all

heart for God is to insist that she be respectful and courteous while Mom

and Dad are disrespectful and rude to one another or to her. Frequently

ask yourself, “How would I feel if someone treated me the way I treat

my children?”

It has been correctly said, “the greatest gift a man can give to his

children is to love his wife.” When the scripture says that the marriage is

a picture of the relationship between Christ and his church (Ephesians

5:25), we can easily see why marital disharmony makes it really difficult

for some kids to desire the things of God. The understanding your

children have about God will be strongly influenced by what kind of a

person you are. Will you help them to see a small picture of what a

loving and wise God would be like?

Further, if we would avoid exasperating our kids, we need to make sure

that they know they are our priority. Pastor Tony Evans tells of a former

major league baseball super-star. As a boy, he, his friends, and his father

were playing ball. They played regularly and the grass had really taken a

beating as a result. One day as he and the children were playing ball in

their yard, the boy's mother leaned out of the window and called, "Can't

24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

You and your spouse have a covenant relationship which is a

permanent bond. Your relationship with your children is a

temporary one which prepares them for independence. Your

children prosper best and feel most secure when they sense that

mom and dad are profoundly committed to each other

Consider whether it is in any way possible for Mom to stay at

home. We often sacrifice eternal things for temporary ones. Many

who “can’t afford to have Mom stay home” have new cars and nice

homes. Consider driving the old clunker, staying in a smaller home,

wearing clothes purchased at “Goodwill” or the “Salvation Army

Store.” By doing this, you can teach your kids to value what God

values and you may well be able to give them the great gift of a

Mom who is there for them. As with so many things in life, the

hardest and least appreciated tasks are often the most important.

How true this is of a mom who sacrifices career and nice things

because she puts her kids’ needs first. Being that kind of a mom is a

challenging assignment, but God has a wonderful promise for her:

Prov 31:28-31

28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and

he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who

fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring

her praise at the city gate.

Read to your children. Few practices have been more frequently shown

to help kids succeed in school and life than reading to them when they

are little. My daughter is totally excited about learning of missionaries

in China because my wife has read her the story of Gladys Ahlward.

Christian book stores and many church libraries are full of fun and

beneficial books to read to your children.

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consistently, diligently and early will head off endless headaches and

regrets later.

Effective discipline aims for the child’s best long term interests “Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.” (Hebrews 12:10) God disciplines His people for our good, not just for His. We should not

discipline a disrespectful child because her disrespect aggravates us.

Rather, we want to change her behavior so she will not grow up with

the curse of being a disrespectful person! This distinction may sound

like hair-splitting but, I assure you, it is infinitely important. To punish

a child because the child’s behavior is annoying you is wrong (though,

admittedly, this is better than not being disciplined at all!). We

discipline our kids because we have learned that an undisciplined child

will be an unhappy adult. One day our children will enter a world full of

people who really feel no special attachment to them. Instead, they will

evaluate them primarily on the basis of their character. Character

formation is the task to which all parents are called.

GUIDING YOUR CHILD IN THE WAYS OF

THE LORD By participating in a Parent/Child Dedication, you are committing

yourself to spiritual training. Here are some tried-and-true suggestions

that can help you.

Family Life:

Make sure your relationship with your spouse is more important to

you than your relationship with your child.

Gen 2:23-24 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."

you guys find somewhere else to play? You're killing the grass." The

man looked at his wife and answered, "Honey, we aren't raising grass,

we're raising kids!"

Your parent/child dedication says that you are committed to living a

lifestyle which is consistent with Christian values so that your child can

see in you the love, the integrity and the wisdom of God. Since you

have the Holy Spirit living in you through faith, not only is this possible

but, actually, our Lord expects it of you. You can do it!

Phil 4:13 13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Training requires discipline

Both training and instruction are necessary to raise godly kids. Training

can be defined as “teaching with teeth.” When I tell my three-year-old

not to talk back to her mother, I am instructing her to obey the 5th

Commandment. When I demonstrate a respectful attitude toward my

wife, explain to my daughter what is required and discipline her when

she disobeys, I am training her. Both aspects of child rearing are

absolutely essential. The more difficult of the two is training- but it’s

really not all that hard! Furthermore, though many can instruct your

child only you can really train your son or daughter. As you stand

before the Lord in a service of Parent/Child Dedication you are, in

effect, declaring that you want God’s help as you seriously go about the

task of training your little one to live in the ways of the Lord.

Discipline works

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11) Effective discipline has four basic characteristics. First, effective

discipline has the goal of reinforcing godly behavior. Second, effective

discipline is reasonable and age- adjusted. Third, effective discipline is

consistent and diligent. Fourth, effective discipline is for the sake of

your child, not yourself.

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Effective discipline reinforces Godly behavior

I hope your realize that your child is not at all inclined to naturally do what

pleases God. This is what David meant went he said, “Surely I was sinful

at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” (Psalm 51:6) You

will discover, if you have not already done so, that David was not a unique

case.

You and I were born sinners and so was your child. It is important to

remember this for at least three reasons.

First, please don’t be shocked when your child misbehaves. What else

would you expect that a sinner would do? Mary is not talking back and

disobeying because she ate too much candy! The real problem is

almost always far less mysterious and more serious. Our children are

sinners, just like us!

Second, please remember that the parenting task involves lovingly

turning a child from a naturally wayward direction towards one that

pleases God and, ultimately, the child as well. Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. (Prov 22:15)

Third, we are responsible before God to teach and train our children in

godly behavior. In order to do this properly, we need to know what

God says. In other words, we need to become experts in what God

requires of us and our children, so we can know what they must learn.

Effective discipline is reasonable and age- adjusted

An overabundance of rules and regulations is a grief to anyone. Some

parents seem determined to prove they are the boss by loading their kids

up with so many rules that are simply unreasonable or meaningless. There

is a certain type of leader who gives you rules just to remind you he is in

charge. Don’t do it. It will be totally frustrating to your child and a great

burden to you.

If you stick to disciplining for purposeful defiance of godly standards

you’ll be on the right track. We don’t discipline childish forgetfulness or

lack of understanding or for having difficulty learning arithmetic. When

your child starts school, always remember to be more concerned about the

right side of the report card than about the left. Left side generally

evaluates academic achievement but the right side tells us about

character.

Also, there are discipline methods which are appropriate for a four-year-

old, such as spanking, that are not appropriate to a teen. I believe it was

Dr. James Dobson who said about discipline, “Pick your battles carefully

and win decisively.” Excellent advice.

Effective discipline is consistent and diligent He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. (Prov 13:24) Correcting or punishing a child for disobedience can be a real hassle at

times. It is often easier to simply ignore a problem than to deal with it.

But experience indicates that small problems not dealt with now always

lead to bigger ones later. If you are diligent to discipline when your child

is young, he’ll be a joy as he grows. If you are lazy or unreasonable

regarding discipline both you and you child will come to regret it.

Suppose you were playing on a softball team, but the rules for the game

changed every time you went to play. What a frustration. That’s how

children feel when discipline is based upon the energy or mood of the

parent. Instead, your child will be greatly helped if he knows that the

rules are always the same and the punishment for breaking them is also

the same.

Your children are the most likely to succeed and be happy in life if you

will discipline them diligently. When our first child was born, many said,

“Oh, you’re excited now, but just wait until he reaches the ‘terrible

twos’.” When he was a greater joy at two than he had been before, many

said, “Just wait until he starts school- then you’ll see how bad it can get.”

When we were prouder and even happier when Stephen was in

elementary school, they pulled out the reliable, “Just wait until he’s a

teenager- they’re agony.” Wrong again! You know what? Linda and I

are imperfect parents who have now raised three children through high

school and into college. We also have a daughter in elementary school.

Our first is almost finished graduate school and is married and each of

these four has been a joy in every age. Do not allow the negativity of

our culture to discourage you from the task. Discipline applied

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